Tldr: got injected with decapeptyl and it might have gone intravenous, causing some shitty reactions.

So yesterday i got my decapeptyl injection and it might have gone intravenous.. yesterday at 3pm i got injected an shortly thereafter I started feeling kinda feverish. Around 9pm i went to bed and played some game until 10pm when i decided to check my temperature 🙃

Nothing really out of the ordinary in terms of my temperature but when i got back into bed shit hit the fan. I started shivering like crazy en soon thereafter i became delirious. I couldn't relax my body for hours and started mumbling to myself and wall and i was hearing stuff. Can't remember most of it but yeah crazy stuff..

I've been having these injection for about 1.5 years and this is the first time something like this happened so im still not sure it actually was the decapeptyl. I have to mention i already wasn't feeling so well that day so maybe the injection just kickstarted these bad reactions?

Hello community! I wanted to explain a situation a little and ask you to tell me your thoughts, your own or known experiences, and give me some advice. I have a boyfriend (male 23, me f21)we have talked a lot about ourselves and we talk about our gender identity and what we think of ourselves now, I mentioned him that between the ages of 12/16 I considered myself non-binary or I had desires to transition but then at some point they stopped and I accepted myself as a cisgender woman although sometimes I think I have that little thought in the back of my head, but the point is I don't came to talk about my experience but about the fact that my boyfriend told me that he has also wanted to transition, he doesn't know if necessarily from man to woman but he wants to take estrogen and represent himself more as feminine, which seems good to me, I really support him, he has given me his main reasons and he tells me that it is that he wants to look more like a woman in physical appearance and yet he believes that internally (mentally) it would do him good to try for the same reason sometimes he has doubts about his gender or feels a little out of his masculine gender, I talked to him about that I think he may be non-binary or genderfluid or that it really doesn't matter to have label to feel good, but now comes the following, he has told me many times that he considers himself straight, he likes women (because he still identifies as a man) but that at one point since he is svbmissive he thought that no woman would want him like that but a man, that perhaps his way of feeling sexually happy was to be gay but that when he tried it didn't work for him and that he definitely doesn't like men, but he confessed to me that in previous relationships with women he felt exhausted of acting like a man and that he believed that he didn't like women at one point because they expected to him to be "more of a male". In my case I don't want anything from him other than his happiness and for us to love each other, I don't really care a bout roles,, so if tomomorrow he tells me definitively that he is trans and wants to take estrogen, I will support him. My fear is the following: I have read and from the knowledge that I had when I went through my stage of doubts about gender and sexuality is that taking hormones also affects our feelings a little, so I am a little afraid that he will start taking hormones or start transitioning, that he will change his desire for me, I am not talking exactly about love but about the sexual drive towards me, hormones are incredible, so I wonder if he does this and it is not enough for him to be with me as a woman? Sometimes I feel a little body dysmorphia even, because of this, because tmy "trans thoughts" come out again at the moment of having intimacy, we handle a D0minant / svbmisive dynamic, he likes that I feminize him and I love it, it really increases my sex drive a lot but it scares me and it can be silly to think that the hormones make his desire towards me decrease or change and think that he needs a man instead of a woman. My point is the insecurity with this does not come from any prejudice, I genuinely want to hear the experiences of other trans women who suddenly have a female partner or the experiences when transitioning, if they liked women before, those feeling decreased or changed due to hormones? I hope not to bore you with so much text, love y'all

I’m 19mtf, pre HRT. I haven’t been able to start for quite a few reasons: not enough money, transphobic family, and extreme trypanophobia.

I need to start transitioning before puberty can ruin my body any more. I hate my body, everything about it. My face is disgusting, I’ve got more hair than the average Wookiee, I have the textbook dad bod, my voice sounds like Winston from fucking Overwatch. I won’t survive another year without HRT.

But I live in the US… I don’t have anywhere near enough money to leave and things look grim to say the least. Even if I’m not dragged into a field and killed for my identity I’m scared that HRT won’t be available anymore. I don’t have any hope to afford it through DiY/without insurance, and I can’t keep living like this. I’m scared, I’m scared that I won’t get to be myself, I’m scared that it’s all over, I’m scared to die, but I’m more scared to live in this disgusting male body.

Please, whatever god made this universe, please, PLEASE just let it all turn out okay.

So I finally started HRT, yay, after a couple of years of knowing I was trans. I got injected yesterday with my EC and MPA (I had to Google it I don't know the exact name of the injection in English) and a friend of mine told me that it was a hormone bomb which felt like having a period... Thing is I don't feel that different, of course I feel in a good mood and I am excited, but I expected the moodswings to be somewhat drastic. Is this normal? Anyways I wanted to share this part of my journey. I'm very happy and excited and I feel like such a baby trans right now. I'm just happy that my trans birthday is on Día de Muertos (my favourite holiday) and everything couldn't better rn. I've had a pretty tough year and it finally looks like it's getting better and brighter.

Hi! I’m a 24y/o AMAB person who can’t figure things out so I’ll break it down for anyone who can help: it’s like I wanna be both a Man and a Woman equally, I want predominantly feminine features most times and male features other times and I dress how I dress according to how I’m feeling (most times it’s male leaning because of the state I live in but also it’s a comfortability thing) name-wise I can’t quite figure out what works, I’ve tried Dillon, Valerie (or Val for short), Jennifer (or Jenny for short), Greg and Gabriel (the current placeholder name I’m going with because my deadname has trauma attached to it) so basically I’m not sure what’s going on, I was previously transitioning MTF, I started when I was 16 on and off until last year I started to take my HRT consistently and then after this summer I think something changed and I thought detransitioning was the answer but I just woke up early this morning feeling this overwhelming sense of displacement like I’m trying too hard to be a man again and I’m not sure if it’s because of internalized transphobia, shame, maybe it’s my MDD (Major Depressive Disorder) or my Autism I really don’t know but all I know is I miss the makeup I miss the clothes, not entirely sure about bottom surgery or anything like that, any advice would help a lot I just need some help guiding my boat on these violent waves because I don’t want to crash and end up in an ocean of regret or self hatred, thanks to anyone who is willing to give me a hand🥺🫶🏼🖤✨

I know I’m an amab woman but I don’t feel like I’m trans. I have dysphoria and everything but I feel more like a cis woman who was deformed by testosterone. I don’t feel “queer” even though I’m a trans bisexual. Even the trans label doesn’t feel right to me. I find that the only thing I have in common with other trans people is gender dysphoria, which is why I mostly interact with 4tran adjacent communities. I don’t fit in with the more mainstream trans spaces because they tend to talk about gender euphoria which is something I rarely experience. And my interests tend to vastly differ from other trans people. I must be cisbrained or something because I don’t feel trans at all. I just wanted to vent about this. I hope you can understand.

I'm so scared I know I'm going to have trouble socializing with people. Hopefully the shelter has a room setup

(https://www.reddit.com/r/germantrans/s/zU8iKcxagW original)

For those who are not German:

Help with outfit searches and open questions

Hey friends 👋 :D I've usually avoided writing here, but it finally has to come out.

I'd like to go out wearing a combination of leggings and a long sweater/jacket. Unfortunately, I don't feel confident enough and I keep asking myself whether it might come across as too provocative or make me more vulnerable if I wear something like that. (I have often been mistaken for a girl and have been wrongly catcalled 1-2 times. I think it's very nice when strangers make this mistake and actually always take it as a compliment, but that's why I don't know whether wearing leggings is more dangerous than not wearing them)

I've seen a very similar thread on Reddit here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Beichtstuhl/comments/14u7ulr/leggings_tragen_als_junger_mann/

I would possibly even wear leggings in such a way that I don't always need a really long sweater, but to do that I would need to know how to tuck properly.

Hence my questions: is it reprehensible to go out like this? Does wearing leggings possibly make me a target for people who don't like them? Are there other ways to put on leggings without just wearing them underneath? How can I make sure that I don't embarrass myself and end up regretting it? And how could you tuck if you wear them like that?

Thank you in advance, I have read a lot here. You are a very nice community <3

TW for transphobia & vague references abuse, toxic father-child relationship

Hi. Claire, she/her, AMAB here. Started HRT & social transition almost 2 years ago. My dad has always been a fundamentalist, highly conservative muslim and has never has always used religion as an excuse to punish and suppress things he does not agree with. It is a perverted and corrupt type of spirituality, not what more progressive things including like progressive Islam are like for example.

But long story short, he flat out refuses to even hear about my experiences or reasons for transitioning. He insists that his religion is the absolute truth, that I know this (and everyone who isn't lying to themselves or researches it enough will know this), and being trans is wrong for religious and nature-related reasons.

As you can probably tell he's been very abusive father over the 18 years I was living with him. So I have a lot of anger and hatred built up that I haven't processed. Our relationship had culminated a few months ago in him utterly refusing to empathize, listen, or make any effort to change his feelings towards transness; in him refusing to call me by my name or pronouns; and in me telling him I would not talk to him until he stopped using male-gendered terms to refer to me (I allow them to use ungendered or unisex ones).

He's always said that I was making a big deal out of things, bringing up issues that didn't need to be brought up, that we could talk about literally anything else. Obviously I wasn't cool with him completely ignoring who I am and referring to me as a guy while we talked about this 'anything else' and refused. But now he's trying to get me back, saying he misses me, he hopes I have a kid so I understand the love a father has for his child, etc without making any effort whatsoever with regards to the whole reason I cut him off in the first place 💀

Like bro. What. Point is, I've been holding this back for almost 21 years but I finally called him out on his bullshit. Unfortunately it came out with more cruelty than necessary. Said:

You are extremely emotionally stunted I hope you know that

You are incapable of accepting and holding space for emotions as long as you hold this view

Like even <grandma> was able to listen to me and empathize, even if she isn't happy about it

But you are the cause of the fracture in our relationship, your refusal to empathize

Is the reason you give himself the license to invalidate my feelings without remorse because I'm your offspring? You are How would you react if it was a trans girl in the US? What if she looked indistinguishable from a cis woman to you?

[In hindsight I don't think this was that bad but I've just never said anything like this to him, I've grown up revering and obeying him in everything. Out of fear, ofc. Anyways]

Unfortunately his reaction was that he's trying his best never to be in such a situation and it was why he left the US; as well as that everyone has things they cannot do 💀 like empathize with their fucking child, apparently. I said:

Yes. Hence why I do not talk to you When I become capable of holding conversations with people who do not empathize with me I might reconsider

Which, I can't entirely blame him, he has a very significant amount of trauma and I'm not sure he actually can change this about himself. He's an extremely rigid thinker and pretty f'ed up as a person. He's taken a fuckton of abuse from his father and filtered through most of it so that the next generation could grow up how we are, rather than how he is. The rigid thinking heavily contributes and as an autistic myself I can understand how that can cause trouble. Doesn't justify it, nor does being autistic make you an asshole, but with his blind adherence to his religion (he is 1000% brainwashed) and his severe abuse, the results of which he is not entirely aware of, idk

I just I don't know. I don't want to lose my father. Besides his shortcomings, he is a kind-hearted, intelligent, fun, playful, and open-minded man. He is extremely open given the culture and background he comes from, it's a marvel tbh. But he's really fucked up too. Idek what to do. He can support me in so many ways and still wants to, with everything besides transition. He's happy to just ignore it and talk as a father and 🤮 son 🤢. But like whatever

Am I doing the right thing in cutting him off? I don't know if he'll change, ever. He may, I hope he does. It seems unlikely. He really does miss me a ton, and yet, stupidly, believes he can't change this about himself. He would die a million times over for his religion btw that's the kind of person he is. He thinks he's being moral which is the suckiest part. I don't know how to think of him, how to treat him, etc

I don't want to hurt him but I need him to realize what he's doing as well. I guess I'm looking for feedback on whether he deserves my empathy or if I should put up with him. I really don't have anyone else, besides my mom who's a bit more accepting but generally in the same boat, and my uncle and aunts here who I'm not really close to. I'm living on the other side of the world from my parents, transitioning, being an adult for the first time, supporting myself all on my own. It's nice to be able to connect with them, with my childhood through them, have them as friends, get help from them and help them... Idk what I should do

Im transmasc, my family is EXTREMELY transphobic. They say it’s a mental illness and we even didn’t go to Burger King for a while since they were funding gender conforming surgery's. Recently my dysphoria has been an all time high. I’ve thought about telling my therapist but what if they tell my parents? Or what if they don’t support me? I’ve always had extreme problems with trust so things like this terrify me more than the normal human. I need to tell someone but I don’t know how to safely. I’ll take any advice I’m desperate at this point.

I have a friend and we were great friends, but at one of our sleepovers I was talking about my stepdads transfem sister and she begged me 'please don't be a man's and I reassured her even tho I'm closeted transmasc and during Halloween we went with her ex (her mum made her bring him) and they started talking about his ex and how they think she wants to be a man and my friend said 'why can't people stick with their original gender' and her mum said tr@nny in the car and I'm thinking about telling her in highschool since we have 5 or 4 weeks left till year 6 ends

I realized I was trans this year. I think there were some signs I had picked up on, like how if there was a button that would magically turn me into a girl, I would push it. I was always aware of trans people, I've had trans friends since middle school, but never once did I ever consider that perhaps I was also trans. I had read articles, listened to personal stories, and watched videos that analyzed and dissected the trans experience. I felt comfortable with my masculinity, affirmed I was a boy, wore masculine clothing all the time, and went through high school with little pretty much zero question of what my gender was.

This all changed in about May. I was playing a video game and I was playing as a woman. I've always preferred to play women in video games, but this one was different. It is the only game I've played that allows you to select your genitalia, regardless of body type. I thought this was cool! And as I played, I realized that I actually wouldn't mind if I were a woman with a penis. "Not minding" the thought of being a woman turned into going to bed begging to wake up as one.

Constant weighing of my options and choices I had led me to conclude that, in some form or another, I was "not cis." In the game, the character's full name was Valerie. It's only said a few times in the game itself (the protag goes by V regardless of gender), but Valerie just sounded like such a nice name...so I picked it, and it's my name now.

At first, everything was pretty okay! I came out to my close friends, who were all incredibly supportive, and I started researching what my next steps should be as the months passed. As time has gone on, however, my mental state towards my transness has depleted itself of all its positivity. Where I was once comfortable with being assigned a different gender at birth and separating who I was then from who I am now, this is no longer true. Things that didn't bother me before have started to affect me more than I thought they ever could. My hands are massive, my torso is generically male, my hips are rigid and not pronounced, my face is a big jaw with a decent-sized nose and itty bitty eyes, and I have hair in more places than I can count. I am no longer comfortable with most of this (the nose I can honestly live with, I think it will look good on Girl Me).

While I am bisexual and have a boyfriend, I have a pretty strong preference towards women, especially as I've gotten older. The unfortunate truth is that positive cis WLW posts that end up on my feed make me extremely jealous. I've read endless adorable stories about young WLW relationships or loving one another's cis bodies as women, knowing I've missed that, and will never have that.

I feel like a kidnapping victim who has realized their whole life was a lie. All these positive memories from my childhood are fraught with a lack of femininity, and it brings me to tears. I love my boyfriend more than anything else in the world, I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but it hurts so deeply that I never got to be a young queer cis woman. I don't care how more challenging my life would have been. I want to hit reset.

What I am experiencing, and what many late-bloomer trans women experience, is this strange kind of body horror. Where once you were at least kind of okay with having a man's body, now this body feels increasingly wrong. Surely this can't be the same body I have had for the last 19 years of my life...

As my brain was swirling with memories of childhood and transness, I remembered something my mom said to me in 6th grade as she dropped me off at a friend's house. She was always supportive of my queerness and is queer herself. (She was a lesbian for decades, and learned she was bisexual when she met my father) She told me then that if I did not feel I was the right gender, if I felt they got it wrong and I was in reality a girl, she would get me puberty blockers and the time to get them was now. At the time, I was a clueless kid. I thought I knew perfectly well who I was and what my gender was going to be for the rest of my life. I turned back to her and smiled, saying "No, it's okay! I'm a boy!"

I will never get to go back and tell Little Me to say yes.

I know, in the end, I will be okay. And if you read this far, you will be okay too! Besides this bullshit, I am doing very well mentally, and everything is looking up for me! (I start HRT later this month) I plan to continue to write about my trans experience and overcome my haunting feelings surrounding my identity. I hope one day I can look back on this and cringe, or at least reflect. I hope I feel different. I hope I am different. I hope I'm happy.

Notes:

Thank you for reading!!!! Hopefully, this doesn't get flagged or auto-deleted cause that would SUCKKKKKK!!!!! I spent a lot of time writing this out.

Also, I can't speak to trans men, so when I say "trans women" go through something, I am talking about what I have seen written about in transfem articles or forums I am a part of. I know my boyfriend is trans but he is not comfortable dissecting his transness in the same way I do so I don't want to ask him about it and his experience.

If there is anything similar to what I wrote about here that already exists, let me know! I am very interested in discovering more trans-centric analytical content!

I have been making small changes, being honest and real with more and more people, and it feels so good. My immediate family was supportive as I suspected they’d be, and my girlfriend has been amazing and understanding of this since day 1, years ago! I am beginning to see the woman I was meant to become already, and I haven’t even started Estrogen yet! So, so excited for the future:,)

No more fivehead 😊 Pre-HRT

I'm 24 amab transfem enby. i think labels are ever changing and nothing is fixed, we do what we can, we be what we are in the moment. i like being fem, presenting fem. but not always. i have an afab gender fluid partner who has really REALLY helped me explore this side of myself. coming from India it's very difficult to come across people who would be supportive. i have issues in my relationship, there's underlying emotional attachment issues which are difficult to deal with. but talking with some queer friends, they told me it's hard to create a healthy relationship as it is, but being queer just adds to it as there is no model for them. currently I'm struggling with my mental health as well, but I'm way better than i was 5 years ago, things have been gradually getting better. I'm happy to be who i am for the most part. speaking with my therapist about hrt and transitioning, having supportive friends and a supportive partner. I'm ok. i wish i could hug my younger self and let him know he is going to be at a better place soon!

I thought I looked kinda pretty here :)