I broke up with my him 2 months ago. He randomly showed up to my house on thanksgiving, I was shocked af. He starts begging me to get back to him with big gestures and made me feel so special like he’s completely changed. I fell for that shit only to find out he was on hinge the entire time he was with me. When I confronted him, he said this is what you deserve lol It fucking hurts so much !

This is just me trying to find some support because I feel so much pain and there's nothing I can do about it. I am 23M and was dating a girl 23F, It wasn't the perfect relationship. But we navigated through everything. I loved her to death. We went from being in college to doing long distance, to me moving to the city for her, to living together for months, and to helping her settle in her own house. I believe I was the happiest I had ever been. I had bad days with her. But I thought there was nothing we couldn't get through. Unfortunately, she broke up with me 8 months ago but kept living with me for the next few months because she loved me till she decided to move on but I felt I could still make it up to her. But that never happened. Right now I'm at a stage where she's put me on no contact for a month and a half. I get up every day with so much anxiety and pain which I think is the cost for love. What I am struggling with is the fact that, while I'm here struggling every day and jumping on therapy. I see her on dating apps living her life. What made me seek out help on this forum is that I saw her boom into a social media influencer. She has millions of views and went from a thousand followers to 20k followers in two months after she dumped me. I feel very stuck. There is an immense amount of grief because I lost her and at the same time there is a huge amount of pressure to perform and do well in life, But I feel as if I'm failing at everything I do. I don't know what to do, can someone help me?

How embarrassing

I am stunned, shocked, in shock. I just got off a very short, brutal phone call. 

Half way through leaving a long, thoughtful, reconciliatory voice note, I was cut off by the network. I called back to finish my thought as voice note. To my surprise, my call was answered. 

Her tone was almost jovial, with an air of superiority, as she baited me into a threat of legal action. I was stunned. I could not even respond. She hung up. I did respond by email, again, in kind. 

I then had to call my son. I had to ask him for 5 minutes, as I was so stunned, hurt, upset, I could not talk to him. I tried, I really did. I was so hurt, so upset, I could not reveal this, and as the call went on, I felt like I was busy dying. It was like a slow motion train wreck was happening in my heart, whilst I was trying to converse like normal. Perhaps this is what a mental breakdown feels like in the moment the mind fractures.

I stood in the queue to board my flight, tears streaming by now. I am hurt, insulted, stunned, and in a state of shock. It is embarrassing, in spite of it, I just could not hold it back. I felt abused, traumatised, insulted, like an intellectual-emotional rape.

Could I have handled things differently? Sure. Could I have heeded her requests to fuck off. Sure. But I am who I am, an idealist, a misguided lover, a gentle soul. Yet here I am, with a shirt sleeve full of tears, 

My food tastes like cardboard, at least the braised beef tastes like something. I am numb, I really do think I am in shock, an anaphalactic shock. Like a poison, words, delivery and intonation swirling through my body.

In my mind, I am making excuses for her, to accommodate, to understand, to explain it away. In my mind, I try to see it as a symptom of a damaged person. Maybe I am the damaged person. I don’t think I have ever been assaulted like this in my life. Is it not messed up that I am displaying Stockholm Syndrome even in the apex of my distress? How did I even end up here? 

I am sitting in my seat on the plane, feel defeated, feeling sad, alone, utterly alone. I am consoled by my friendships. I am thinking back about the last month, and all my friends I did meet along the way.  Friends that made an effort, good times shared. Colleagues that opened doors, there is so much potential out there. 

I had a good time with my son, with reconnection efforts under way. I told him I loved him and I don’t want to go 18 months without him again. He told me he loved me too, and that it will not happen again.

I left a thing in the sun

Now it is burnt, it is sad, it is done

It is a thing I can tell anyone

Its the death of the words of the sound

And the end isn’t far isn’t long

And the this play, its too bright, it is wrong

Its a cage in the mouth of the flame

I will burn all the words again

(This will end in fire; A swarm to the sun)

Perhaps this is what I came to this country for: A death.

I came with presents for her. I came to see her. I came for her birthday. I made arrangements to celebrate and spend time together. And then, when I dare ask when I get to see her, she swears at me, threatens me, and simply stonewalls me.  How is this fair? I did not deserve to be treated in this way.

I could say, “fuck her too”, and meet her in the gutter. But I won’t. I could dare her to proceed with her precious legal threats. But I won’t. Her legal comforts mean nothing to me. I could threaten her, like she threatened me. But I won’t.  I could try to fuck her up as she did me. But I won’t. 

I brought this over myself. I need to accept that. My choices brought me here. My actions played their part, If I could go back, I would do it all over again, such a fucked up train smash. My train smash. 

Now, I do have to muster up my courage to say “I wish her well.” I have to muster up the courage to say “I think of her kindly”. I have to muster up the courage to say “It is over”.  I hope she finds peace, love, and happiness.

I have to bite back the bile of what I would like to say when the devil churns my guts, just thinking back about her challenging, jovial threat. I wonder where she learnt this aggressive tone, too blind to even see her manic emulation of role models gone by.  Dismiss. Avoid. Enforce. I did not deserve to be treated like this. No one deserves to be treated like this. Does she even care? Probably not. 

But what do I know? I am just the guy with tears in his sleeve, a broken heart, feeling utterly alone.

In writing this, in sharing these very deep wounds for words, I now release her. My hope is that, somehow, this perspective might help her to learn about the paradoxes of love, loyalty and imperfect relationships. Perhaps, she might grow from this, as should I. 

She is amazing, and she can do anything she sets her mind to. She deserves happiness. She is worthy of love, all she has to do is believe it, allow it, and not expect it to be perfect. And be kind.

I wrote my story about a phone call, an airport, tears, and a flight, for sanity, dignity, love and closure. I wrote my story in the hope that it might be meaningful on some level to her. I hope it is meaningful. I hope she reads it. But I have little hope for anything other than picking up the pieces.

 I release her. 

We have done truly awful things to each other and I know she is over everything but that doesn’t change the fact that all I want is for her to show up to my house, or call me on the phone. I don’t understand why we made things so hard for each other. We both loved each other but neither of us would just be together. Our relationship became a power struggle because we couldn’t trust each other, and were both so insecure. Sorry for the rant but it’s 2:30am and I can’t stop looking at photos of her.

So my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me last week. We’ve been having a rough patch as he had a lot of personal things going on and while had all these personal things going on, I asked for some love and affection but he just got angry and defensive saying that he gives me hugs every night but I say that I don’t feel these hugs because he’s always up late gaming while I sleep alone.

That weekend, I went out with friends and always woke up in a bad mood because I haven’t gotten any hugs (I was also on my period), and then on Sunday I completely broke down because he asked for space and I said we should break up since it seems like he just doesn’t want to be with me.

Then we went no contact for 2 nights and then when I reached out, he said that he’s done and doesn’t want to be with me anymore and blocked me on everything and is so rude and cold and treats me like a stranger.

For context: I am also a very bad communicator as we are still both very young (just turned 21, together since 18) and navigating this relationship as we grow older. During our first months together, he’s done quite a bit of stuff that most people consider dealbreakers (e.g., having other girls’ nudes, texting exes and talking bad about me). But even if we moved past that, it’s sometimes still in the back of my mind. He also likes to game more at night than spend time with/fall asleep with me and he also wants to have downtime after his work which is at night and I have a 9-5 so I tend to forget about his downtime and fill him in about my day coz we barely spend time together as is (this was a reason for the breakup). However, I am also not a saint as I shut down during arguments and every time we have huge arguments, I always say we should just break up.

Now that we are actually broken up and he’s ignoring me completely when I have begged the past week, I’m in so much pain. Will he come back? If he does, should we get back together? I offered to him that maybe we should let ourselves grow and learn to not make the same stupid mistakes and then try again, but he’s completely against the idea. He’s told me he would rather be with anyone else, but me because I’m toxic.

But this is my first boyfriend and I’ve given him everything - I cannot just let him go this easily. What do I do?

Okay, I know the obvious answer is no but this isn't for some personal reason, so I really need some advice.

My ex has been ghosting all our friends, not picking up calls and not responding to texts. The problem is that they need her presence or at least, a confirmation of whether or not she'll be attending an event happening in a few days. No one's been able to get through to her, should I also try to contact her?

I miss the laughter, the inside jokes and the random noises we would make to each other. I miss telling you about my day no matter how boring and random it was, I miss the way you'd tell me all of the funny or interesting things that happened to you while we were apart. I miss your laugh, your smile, the way your eyes lit up when you talked about something you loved. I miss hugging you but having to wait until after your shower because of your job. I miss watching funny videos and the remarks you would always make to make me laugh even harder. I miss staring into your eyes any chance I got because they were my favorite part of you. I hate what we became, the constant battles to be right and the constant guilt and stress we both felt. I understand why you left, I just wish I could take all of it away. I wish more than anything that I could lay beside you and hear you laugh one last time, before things ended for good.

This sounds terrible and it’s almost embarrassing for me (idk why?) but someone I had been in a relationship with for almost a year (it was an ldr for the last couple of months) ghosted me. We were dealing with a few issues, he’d say things like I’m not emotionally open and don’t share everything with him, when in reality that was the case because I was given the impression that he doesn’t care about me or our relationship. As we dealt with similar issues of bad communication in the ldr a couple of months ago. His efforts weren’t consistent, at times he did a great job at communicating with me and taking the time out to speak to me, which I really appreciated but other times we’d only speak on text which is okay, I was understanding enough, but other times he’d go MIA on both calls and text. We had a 13.5 hours time difference so we only spoke during mornings and night times.

I feel I made a lot of adjustments and was really understanding and sacrificing, but I didn’t see enough reciprocity from his end. Few weeks ago I flagged the issue of communication, his response to it was very dry. I was told by him that he was extremely caught up with work, which was true to an extent, but I feel he was being an avoidant after a point. While I mentioned that I was willing to work through our issues since I love him and care deeply for him and our relationship. He didn’t respond to that for a week. That week was hell for me. After that I finally decided to stand my ground and sent that break up text (imagine having such pivotal conversations on text when the other person cannot take the time out to call) it’s been 2 weeks now and he still hasn’t responded. I don’t think I’m expecting a response, cause he doesn’t seem to care as he was out at a party the time I sent him a text, so much for being ‘busy with work’ lol.

I’m now in a situation where I need to give closure to myself, I often reminisce the sweet moments we had in the beginning of our relationship when we’d spend time together, what he planned for my birthday, how our foundational thought processes matched. My feelings and headspace is oscillating so much right now. I think I still love him but I don’t like him as a person and that hurts even more. If he ever does reach out and breaks NC (which I hope he does, as I want to know what happened and why it happened. Might come off as a little fiendish as well- but I want to hear from him just so I can tell him not to come here and we’re done) though if at all he wants to work things out, a part of my heart will want to get back but the other part that acknowledges and respects my feelings and everything I went through wouldn’t do the disservice to get back with him, ever. That is one thing I’m proud of and certain of, as much as it would hurt a little.

Hearing your thoughts, any pearls of wisdom, advice, navigating through similar experiences, experiences on their karma, them coming back etc. would be really appreciated. Thank you!

I haven’t yet broken up with my girlfriend, and I don’t even think I will. I just need some advice or outside perspective on some things. For starters, I wanna say, I love my girlfriend to death. We’ve been together for about a year now, and we were involved romantically for lack of a better word for eight months before that. So it’s been a long time. Lately I’ve just found myself kind of checked out of the relationship? I just find myself needing more time alone and getting frustrated a lot more with her. (I do my very best to not let this show, and as far as I know it works). I never want to hurt her or be cruel, but sometimes I just get so annoyed. I feel like my individuality/independence just isn’t respected. Anytime I want to be alone it really upsets her. At first it was cute, even endearing but now it’s just too much. I have to be texting her 24/7, and when i’m not in class, I need to be on the phone with her. I have never been the type of person to need/want this. I love alone time and thrive in it, but I also understand that I have to make time for her, and I’m not at all mad about that. It’s just too much time that she asks for. That sounds awful but I hope my point is understood. There’s so many things that are like that, fun and cute at first, but now too much to handle. Like she doesn’t want me to have friends, at all. She gets extremely upset whenever i hangout with the ones I do have, and this is a direct quote from her, “It makes me genuinely really angry when you have fun or a good time without me, i can’t stand it” I remember when she said this alarm bells started going off in my head but i just laughed and changed the subject. She made me a list of rules when I started college, basically saying I am not allowed to have girl friends (i’m a lesbian). I’m not allowed to have anyone in my room, and I can’t attend any parties. The last part doesn’t really bother me much but still felt worth mentioning. I really just don’t know what to do, and would like some advice and feedback. Am I the issue?

I understand that we can’t know what someone is thinking and / or feeling, but my situation has me so confused.

I don’t doubt this girl loved me, I don’t doubt it at all, I can’t even explain how bad things ended and the timing of everything, honestly the timing of even starting a relationship during what was going on in both of our lives.

I sometimes gaslight myself by telling myself that nothing was real, that maybe those feelings seemed intense because she was my ever serious relationship, that she probably never gave a fuck, and that’s why it was easy not to talk to me, but

2 years later after the break up, and you’re sharing my songs with the new person?

He made a playlist of our song included.

It’s not very popular, too, and it’s one of the band’s less heard songs, but MAN!

It wasn’t a slap in the face, it was concern that I felt.

She acts like I never existed, never reaches out, never responded to everything I’d say (to be frank, I wasn’t communicating healthy when I did reach out post break up, I was still really hurt and thankfully have recovered & learned from how I acted.)

The girl who wanted us to get married, the girl who used to cry listening to that band with me because it reminded her of me (her words.)

But that specific song? Really? That was from me to her.

God, we even named our plushies to that song playing in the background.

I mean, I’m happy she likes the band, don’t get me wrong, but then there’s the OTHER band, too!

It’s too tender, it’s too fragile, it’s so soft, it’s us, it has us written all over it.

I can’t help but think to myself:

Do you really just not care that much?

You sent me love letters, you bathed them in kisses, you couldn’t fall asleep without me there, I used to think the love I felt for you wasn’t one sided, but god, seeing that had me rethinking everything I ever thought I knew.

I know the last year we were together was absolute hell, we were constantly fighting, but I can’t get the good moments out.

I can’t forget the way she’d grin when I’d talk about food! Oh my gosh, she LOVED eating out!

I can’t forget how adorable she’d look in her onesie when she’s tired and on the verge of falling asleep,

I can’t forget how she heartbreaking used to look when she’d cry and how soft her eyes would look, I’d just wanna pick her up and pepper kisses all over her face with soft words of reassuring her,

I can’t forget how her lips would turn downwards when I’d play our songs for her, and she’d cry all over again, she was my little crybaby.

I can’t forget how her voice would sound when she’d be on the verge of cussing someone out, too 😂

I can’t forget the looks we’d exchange when we’d clock someone doing something embarrassing, she had this really goofy smile she’d give me, it was like her way of letting me know that she’s trying to avoid acknowledging the embarrassing situation otherwise she’d burst out laughing, and my GOD, her laugh!

She’d laugh with her entire body! She had such a strong laugh, she’d let out little screams in between, and idk why but those little screams in between are what would get ME to laugh

and donuts, good god, she LOVED experimenting with donuts, I personally hated them but I’d tag along on the phone when she’d feel adventurous because she always wanted me to tag along to her endeavors (and as much I’d complain about how donuts taste, I was just looking for a way to get her to go on a yapping sessions about how tasty they are, I loved the sound of her voice so much)

She’s such a beauty, no matter what she does, I was always enamored by her, even when she’d brush her teeth, she’d make this face: 😬 LMAO

She had this gorgeous beauty mark, I never understood how any piece of shit could have ever made her feel bad about it, but it IS SO PRETTY!!!!!!

When we met in person (we were LDR) I kissed it so many times because it was such a unique feature to only her :( I saw it as a signature <3 like awwwwwww this is YOU! A part of you! So beautiful

Anything that has to do with her, I loved! I cherished, I adored, I was absolutely enamored by.

I can’t listen to the songs she dedicated to me because it would just make me cry, I can’t do it. I haven’t even been able to talk to anyone, I’ve tried, but they’re just not her.

I don’t want to compare everyone to her, and I honestly don’t, but I just feel nothing.

Yet somehow, I find her everywhere.

I can’t hate the woman! I’ve tried! I know people tend to demonize their exes for how they treated them, and god, that woman made me so angry so many times in the relationship because of her tendency to name call, belittle, and say hurtful things when she’s upset, but all I could find is my own tendency to understand where it was coming from because I love her.

God, I do. I still do.

I love her.

It’s so odd to admit that, let alone on a Reddit forum of all places.

It’s been 2 fucking years, I want to move on, but my heart won’t.

And yet, seeing that playlist he made for her, I can’t help but think: maybe he’ll give you what I couldn’t.

Maybe he’s better for you, isn’t it?

I don’t know if I was a good partner, sure I always wanted to know what she wanted to eat so I’d get her that, I loved showering her with gifts and clothes and trinkets, I loved getting her plushies that reminded me of her, I loved buying her coffee at any given chance, I loved when she’d take a day off from working because I’d send her money, it was my way of letting her know I’m here, you don’t need to tire yourself out,

I had a plan to save up money to get her to med school, man it’s so sad, she really wanted to get into med school but it’s so competitive in her country, and her parents didn’t wanna fly her out to study medicine elsewhere.

I had a place I was eyeing to buy, I wanted to ensure all of her needs were met in the 3D, and yet I neglected the emotional safety aspect, with how often we’d argue, it was no surprise. I should have just shut the fuck up instead of constantly trying to communicate and ask her why she’s withdrawing.

But I felt it, with every argument, she was emotionally detaching.

I was always anxious, worried about losing her, worried about her finding someone else, I self sabotaged often, it got to the point where I’d yell and panic when she’d hang up the phone, I’d spam her knowing she had work and needed to sleep, it was bad, my anxiety and fear of abandonment got the worst of me.

In the 3D I had it all figured out, till I didn’t. It felt like everything was crumbling. Turns out my dad was terminally ill, he passed about a year later, but we broke a day after my birthday, me and her. We argued because I told her why she didn’t say anything on my birthday, and she said she didn’t know how to approach me because we fought the day prior.

It hurt, I don’t know, I felt forgotten about, that wound was reopened. My fear of abandonment stems from feeling unworthy.

I was often times shut down as a kid, I’m learning to go inwards with these wounds and be more gentle with them.

I couldn’t give her the emotional safety I’ve never felt, and I feel such anger towards myself because it’s something I should have worked on.

I was already regretful about this and even communicated that during & after our relationship, but something about that playlist kind of reaffirmed it for me.

Kind of like a “I see” moment. I don’t know if it’s clarity, but I do know it hurts.

All I can remember is the good, and all she can remember is the bad. It’s probably because I was the more conflict-oriented partner because of how confrontational I was about our issues, and how urgent the need to communicate felt.

But yeah, has anyone had anything similar?

I don’t know what to think. She was so emotionally raw with me at some point, those songs meant everything to her because they were from me, and yet, seeing her relive that with someone other than me, who dedicated those songs to her just shocks me.

Like I’m not as important to her as I’d assumed, no wonder she never reached out, or even said anything about my father’s passing.

It’s like none of it was real.

It almost would feel like she let someone taint that which was special and sacred to only us, but honestly, it’s already tainted to begin with.

How do you listen to my songs without thinking of me? I don’t get it. I’m not claiming to know, but it’s more of placing myself in her position. I don’t want to assume myself onto her, but I also have a hard time understanding it,

With the way I feel when I listen to our songs, all I could think of is how much I miss her, and it makes me want to reach out.

How does one just shut you out and it’s like you never existed to them?

Do you guys think maybe she just liked the songs so much and not me? Like maybe I have a really good taste in music, I have been told this several times.

Like she stayed up so present when I’d play these songs for her, she would cry, and say they’re so beautiful, she’d tell me how much she loves me and how special the songs are to her, but I’m so confused because she showed them to this guy, so maybe the songs were special and I wasn’t ?

Maybe that’s why to her I never existed??

What do you guys think?

Is breakup brain a real thing? Can anyone relate to this irrational behavior….

I hate to admit this but I blew up my ex’s phone when he wouldn’t answer any of my texts which led to him blocking me and then I proceeded to call him repeatedly using no caller id….

Absolutely humiliating when he sent me the screenshots of me blowing up his phone.

So uh yeah. I got broken up with and did not take it well. Said some hurtful things to this person during the actual event. We spoke a week later to sort of clear the air and I apologized for saying things from a hurtful place. We had agreed to talk again after they got back from school on the other side of the country (LDR).

Then another week later, I asked for some money back that I spent being out there the week prior and told them what they did was really messed up.

Needless to say, I got blocked. I also am just utterly embarrassed that I did that and regret it heavily.

Find a friend and get advice before really being a petty a**hole.

I’m struggling. A year ago on December 20th, my boyfriend of nearly 7 years broke up with me. I thought he was going to propose Christmas Day…

I’ve moved on. I have a new boyfriend and I’m currently 5 months pregnant. I’m so happy but I am also mourning who I used to be and the life I used to have. The relationship I had before was full of so much love and happiness. We rarely fought and we did everything together. The breakup was completely random. I wanted to still be friends but we no longer speak, which is for the best.

While I was happy before, I am very happy now, just in different ways. I knew this time of year would be hard, but I didn’t expect it to be this hard. I’ve always been very into the holidays, and I go all out for my loved ones when it comes to personalized gifts. I always bought my ex and his family personalized presents that would take me days to pick out. Now, as I do the same thing for my new boyfriend and his family, I feel anxious and sad and worried. This sounds so dramatic but I feel like I have PTSD. Being broken up with 5 days before Christmas after I had already bought and wrapped gifts for his entire family was one of the cruelest experiences I have ever gone through. So was being broken up with on the drive home from work and watching him leave the entire apartment with all of his items left behind for me to pack up. Filling his stocking to give to him the next day was even harder.

I’m still hurting from this experience and I wish I wasn’t. I cry for the girl I was last year and how much that breakup destroyed her. Maybe it’s the pregnancy hormones or maybe it really is a mild form of trauma but I can’t allow myself to fully enjoy this holiday season. I look at my tree and feel sad. I wrap gifts and feel sad. I shop for gifts and feel sad. It’s so stupid and dumb. Why does healing have to take so long? I doubt anyone will read this, but I just have to vent. I feel so guilty and dumb for sitting around and crying about the past when I’ve been blessed with a new loving and caring partner, and a perfect baby on the way

I finally see clearly and understand that deciding to break free from us was in the moment a painful act of love for yourself and for me. That you weren’t abandoning me but finally choosing to not longer abandon yourself. I understand it in a way that doesn’t hurt or cause pain. But instead brings me joy to know that you choose the most important person in life, yourself. It’s not a joy I can really explain, but that’s the word that closest embodies the feeling.

I let my inner wound, the one that feared abandonment, make me believe we had the 8,000 layers of Inyun to be forever, that we would weather any storm that rolled in and still find a way to be the best versions of ourselves, somehow. But that thought pattern was a trap, it was my unconscious self trying to change the outcome of a familiar pattern, a pattern I’ve replicated over and over in relationships. To prove to myself I’m worthy and that the story could end differently than in abandonment.

So maybe I’m saying this is more for me than for you but I release you, N. I release you with so much love, warmth, and hope for you to find and experience everything in this life that little N ever wanted. You have always deserved to fully loved, embraced, protected and cherished just as you are.

Always, Me

It wouldn’t hurt that bad

“when i see you im reminded im a monster”

all i ever wanted to do was love her. support her. work hard for our future. i got my life together and grinded for her. she thought girls would hit on me and id leave her. i cut out friends and people in my life for her. some were even lesbian. all bc she was scared. i wanted to reassure her. i let her hang around people we knew liked her. bc i fully trusted her. i never ever entertained other girls. and in the end, she left me and ran to other guys. she broke my trust my heart and my soul. i tried to tell her. please stop hurting me. u hurt me. u betrayed me. and she responded with “when i see you im reminded im a monster”. so me existing hurts you. so why should i keep existing. when me trying my best hurts u .

My ex was truly one of my best friends.

It sucks because ill text my friends and they take forever to reply or just wont reply/not care. Its not the same texting my friends about everyday mundane things like it was to my ex.

I felt like i could text my ex anything and everything, especially all the tmi stuff.

I guess it’ll take a while to get used to not having him around. We were in each other’s life’s for 8 years, I really wish someone could hit me with the neuralyzer from men in black right now.

didn't get to explain my side of things or say goodbye, we had a regular argument on Sunday you could say and she just flipped and told me to stay away and wanted space, gave it to her, checked into today as we had plans and with no warning came home to my clothes and a letter on my doorstep. I call once to try and just say my goodbye and show my appreciation but she declined instantly. Just sent her a text thanking her and wishing her the best for the future. Yet I cant cry, nor I do I hope she comes back.. I guess you could say it hurts less as it was considered a short term relationship of six months. So nowhere near the pain levels of my longest relationship breakup which was 2.5 years. But she was the best to me out of them all, Most caring, Most loving and that's what I'm afraid will hit me like a ton of bricks when the numbness (guessing its a defence mechanism ATM) wears off due to just having been through this a couple times now. So fkn over this man.... opening my heart just for it too be torn out repeatedly, my career is literally at its most important too in terms of exams and I just cant handle it all ATM. Stay safe guys and thanks for reading all the way to the end if you made it here.

Its one of those nights I cant sleep...Thinking about her again and I need to just write.

A little background, my ex and I separated about 7 months back at this point, not a messy breakup but a surprising one. We were on vacation and I thought I was going to marry her. I never have loved or felt loved like this before but we found ourselves going two separate directions. I myself was not in a good place mentally pre-break up and that evidently put a lot of unneeded stress on her: something I have thankfully gotten a chance to work on via therapy. We have seen each-other a handful of times since we broke up but the last time we did was over the summer and it didn't end well.

We went to go grab a drink cause we agreed we wanted to see each-other and thought we were in a good place, but as the night went on the pain set in for me...I got emotional and I had to leave when she brought up a friend of hers who I tended to have disagreements with. The details of that arent important but I realized I was not ready to see her as a friend. Every move she made, smile, laugh, talking about family...I was falling again.

Not long after maybe a day or two I told her it would be best if we no longer spoke. At all. I knew I couldn't handle it, and now its happening again months later.

I have kept busy in the interim: I joined a tennis league, gotten closer with new friends, and I have poured myself into creative endeavors. These things have helped immensely, but anytime Ive attempted to be single with flirting with people while out, or even attempting to go on a date...I feel like Im cheating on her. I cant find it in me to even feel sexual for someone else...obviously Im still too tied to her mentally to the point where I have left bars with friends early cause something reminds me of her. So I don't engage with that and I focus on my friends and hobbies.

In maybe the last month or so contact has started back up...I cant even remember who started it, just like the other times just one of us did cause we cant seem to help ourselves and this time its really getting to me. We're almost texting like we used to, sending music back and forth (and the songs are all emotional or love songs), talking about family, movies. I ran into one of her friends a few weeks back and I wanted to avoid her cause if she asked me how I was I would have to lie and say I was ok... Its all leading up to this feeling of confusion and pain.

On top of it all Im in a wedding this weekend for my best friend where she was supposed to be my plus one and we (both photographers) shot all the couples engagement photos together as a team...I am so scared I will be distracted during my friends most important day.

All in all...I love talking to her again, because I truly still love her, but I have no idea how she feels. I am just confused and honestly scared to ask cause I dont wanna lose her again, even this little bit. I feel like an idiot for breaking my no contact rule but shes like a drug I can't put down...

My boyfriend dumped me out of the blue in February of this year. He had just bought a house (September the previous year) and I helped him renovate, paint and personally paid for all the new furniture.

Suddenly in February he decided the relationship wasn’t for him and told me to move out without discussion. I knew we weren’t on the same page (lack of communication) but I at least expected a conversation after the two years we put into the relationship and all the time/money I personally invested (maybe I was wrong).

He asked me to move out and it took months for me to finally get the money back on the furniture I paid for. I had to provide receipts because he refused to give it back to me. I eventually got maybe 60% of what I paid back.

Now I’m just stuck with this feeling like I have done something that is unforgivable, like I don’t know why he broke up with me or why he decided to end the relationship.

I still (after 10 months) feel like I don’t know what I did to make him kick me out of the house like that, and obviously he’s just blocked and refused to talk to me. I’ve even messaged his mum to get the story but she didn’t answer.

I feel like he used me to get a house and he excluded me from all my friends along the way.

I met someone special in post secondary school. I didn’t realize we had classes together. In our final year of school, I noticed her and couldn’t stop thinking about her. This was 2021.

We went on an amazing date and after that we were inseparable. I was going through a lot of mental turmoil and unfortunately ended it that fall. She told me a few times during that period that she was still in love with me. She was taking it really hard. Between then to June of this year, we remained best friends. Constantly texting and seeing each other weekly. I knew she was still in love with me. I couldn’t feel anything at the time about anything.

In June of this year it hit me so hard how much I love with person and never want to spend a day without them. She took me back and it started great. About a month or 2 ago I could tell something changed.

She has really bad depression too. I know this but I wanted to be there for her. She broke up with me almost 2 weeks ago today. She was bawling and said she still loves me but can’t give anything to anyone right now. Which I believe, because I had been feeling really neglected. She asked if she could take me on a date when she’s ready and told me she won’t see anyone else while getting better. I mentioned this to her the other day and she goes “I didn’t say that, that would be crazy.”

Because of that, I cut contact. I don’t know how she was my friend for 2 years because I certainly can’t do it. But at the end of the day we really are best friends.

I miss her so much. Everything about her. We’re approaching 30 and both want the same things in a relationship. It’s fresh so I’m still in pain. I took about 4 days off of work to grieve and then picked myself up. I’m still anxious as hell, but if she is really meant for me she will come back.

I know I’ll be okay regardless if she comes back or not. But literally everything reminds me of her right now. I feel like I’m grieving a death. I can’t believe she was able to just be my friend all that time, because idk if I can do it. But she wants to stay best friends right now. I’m not ready and don’t know if I will ever be.

I broke up with my girlfriend last week due to the fact that my mental state is declining. I didn't want her to have to take care of me as the doctor said in the next 5 years I could be non-verbal. Am I a jerk for that?

Yes , yes ik that they have detached . But my case was different , I was led on for 10 months and even then she ended things on text (coward POS) .

I just can't seem to accept that , why do they become emotionally unavailable ? Like what did I do ? All i wanted was to be loved and love you , I was there for you when u were at your lowest in your life , I was there when u were going thru grief for not getting a job . And u left as soon as you got a job . Like wth ? I remember those last few months before breakup. It felt like I was talking to stranger , that even asking for simple meet and greet was to much for them . She lives pretty close to my house, like 10 mins away almost . Anyway , i remember ( I didn't meet her in 1.5 months) , after 1.5 months I only met her for 10 mins and when I asked when can I meet you again ? She said , we just met few days ago . Like dude , u literally live 10 mins away from my house .

It hurts so much , the rejection , the betrayal , them being a coward/selfish .

Is it seriously that f*cking hard to love me ? Is this what I get for my efforts , loyalty , commitment for those 4 years ?

If u were losing feelings for me , then u should have told me . Instead u chose to detach/distance yourself , and I was loosing my mind why you were behaving like this ....

Why the f*ck can't u commit ? Is this how all relationships ends? One person getting bored of another and not commited enough and checking out while still in relationship ?

If someone who is therapist in this subreddit , can u please tell me why they did what they did ?

Thank you so much

PS: English is not my native language , there might be grammatical errors .

I am healing but I am also devastated that my life used to be more interesting with him. He had direct family and extended members that cared about him and spent time with him. I have a small direct family and my extended family are all over the place and don't talk due to arguments. He had friends that would hang around with him whenever. All my friends don't live near me.

I know I need to take accountability for myself, but this is hard. My ex made is easy to be surrounded by people that cared. Now that I am alone, no one cares

Just as the title says, It’s extremely hard for me to get in the dating pool after my break up.

Not to be dramatic or exaggerating but every single guy i’ve tried to start easy and slow with ( talking wise ) it always turns into a freak horny fest. For example, This guy asked me for my number and not even 1 minute in the conversation. I’m hit with a picture of his print.

I wish i could make this up but i’m so serious. This is not the first time this happened to me. Just yesterday a guy gave me his number and everything was going ok. He asked me to send pictures of myself ( face pictures ) and he sent some back along with complimenting me. The next minute i’m sent 7 attachments of him playing with his 🍆. With the message “this for you”.

I sighed so loud and just powered my phone off. I’m not understanding WHY this energy is coming to me. I don’t give off sexual vibes or a quick hook up vibe. I’m a very kept to myself person that will talk your head off about topics i like.

As bad as it sounds, if my dating life is going to consist of these situations happening REGULARLY. I rather would just try to fix things with my ex. He is the guy that took my virginity so he will have a place in my heart regardless.

7 years of knowing each other, 4 years of relationship, it's over 5 months since the definite breakup and ober 6 since he said he thinks we should split. Around 3 months of NC. I still can't get him out of my head and all the advice on subs like this are not working. I keep thinking about him, actually lately more than before, dreaming about him, I just want him back even though he dumped me.

I have tried being busy, but still thoughts about him manage to find a way into my head. I gave myself time and space to grieve and feel the feelings. I went through kind of journaling sessions (in my head as I think faster than I write, but still). I have talked to people to the point I can't mention it anymore without being irritating. I have tried thinking all the logical things. Listing the incompatibilities, the bad moments, ways he has hurt me doesn't help, because I'm painfully aware of these, but I love him despite that. I really, trully love him deeply. I can't hate him, there is no reason to, he was not abusive, toxic nor cheating. And it's not about the life I had with him, or who I was, or about being alone (I mean, I do believe I won't find anyone else, but it really isn't about that). Dating is out of the question, I would not be interested in anyone else than him, even if the world's most handsome billionare proposed to me. I just absolutely love and admire this person, with all the flaws, I'm proud of him, it's just the deepest kind of love you can have.

I guess part of my problem is that at the beginning when we started dating, it suddenly stopped with no explanation. We were not official (not even officialy dating) so I couldn't be upset, and so we kept talking as friends for two years, me secretly in love with him and crying at night, until one day we met and decided to be together. Even though logically I know it won't happen, I can't get rid of hope that he will come back again. Today I woke up from a dream in which he got back to me after I arrived at his doorstep and now I can't stop thinking if I shouldn't reach out. When we broke up he wanted to remain friends and to talk, I decided not to because I knew I won't stop loving him. But it turns out that I can't stop loving him even without contact, and what if I made the wrong choice? What if he would change his mind after a month or two and I prevented this? He also said that it is not impossible that we would be together in the future as life is crazy (but not now and he doesn't plan or intend to). And I have proven to be very patient.

At this point, I wish I could get lobotomy or some kind of amnesia, otherwise I most likely will keep loving him for years.

i heard a lot of things about how me treat breakups differently from women. we women process things by taking to our friends and fave our emotions. but apparently men don’t?

im very curious about how dumper avoidant men process the break up if you still have feelings for the person but had to break up?

I don’t ever think I’ll stop loving you .. I just know you aren’t right for me or maybe I’m Not right for you it’s been a year since we last spoke and I’ve learned to live with the pain. I wish you the best I’ve learned to let go.

My ex treated me worse than garbage toward the end. He broke up with me over text, didn’t have the patience to talk to me like a mature adult when I called him after, said he wouldn’t block me yet proceeded to block me everywhere (probably on Gmail too, that psychopath). He basically just wanted to get rid of me ASAP and as conveniently to him as possible. I’m still unable to wrap my head around this.

How could someone flip like that suddenly? How does someone wake up one day and suddenly become such a jerk..especially when they’re the one who initiated everything, lead you on, said they loved you, wanted a future with you, gave you so much hope. How do they become such a polar opposite? He didn’t even bother to check on me, ask how I’m doing, he didn’t even wish me on my birthday. How does he sleep at night knowing that he treated someone this way, do these people even have a conscience? Idk how I’ll ever be able to accept this and what to believe about everything we ever had, it feels like such a big lie and idk how I can ever trust someone again.

Did he cheat, did he never love me, was he just a player, if he was so unsure about what he wanted why did he lead me on for so long and say all those things, was it just a fun game for him? How is someone in their mid 20s so fucking immature that they can’t even be decent about how they treat another human - especially someone they claimed to have LOVED. How can they put someone in so much pain and go on with their life like nothing ever happened?

I was in a five-year relationship with someone I loved deeply, but due to my inability to express emotions and her putting in most of the effort, we eventually broke up. She moved on, citing her parents’ disapproval and the strain of the relationship. Recently, she has been reaching out occasionally—calling and texting to check on me. I explained my feelings to her, told her I still love her, and asked her to think rationally about her parents’ decision. I also set a boundary, telling her I can’t stay in contact unless she decides to reconsider the relationship.

I’m struggling to move on and find it hard not to think about her. I’ve expressed my love and feelings, but I also know I need to prioritize my emotional well-being. Do you think she’s holding onto some feelings, or has she truly moved on? How should I handle this situation while focusing on my healing?