It’s been 9 weeks since my ex of 3.5 years left me for another woman. I’m still not near over him, and still miss him. how long does this take to go away?

I still think about him, wonder what’s he’s up to, and how he doesn’t miss me and doesn’t want to talk to me when I’m not the one that did wrong. I have however come to terms that I didn’t deserve to be treated how he treated me.

but that doesn’t stop the fact that I miss him. when will I stop missing him? I just can’t believe he gets to be happy with another girl and forget I ever existed and I’m still miserable, mourning someone that treated me like shit because I actually cared.

He was so mean to me. But I miss him. I really wish it could’ve worked.

My ex cheated on me nearly 2 months ago now and I’ve just seen a new picture oh her with someone else yet she has also re followed every lad she cheated on me with last time when I had this happen as soon as I saw this picture the second I saw it I broke down completely but after being disrespected through five years of her cheating and seeing messages I’ve seen this I felt a little bit sick and now I don’t feel anything and I’m to be honest confused and scared on why I don’t cause I don’t think I’d be over it this quick or if my brain is telling me that I’ve been disrespected and it doesn’t matter?

My ex and I have been broken up for about 6 months. I (27M) found out that she (26F) was talking to other guys on Snapchat and found out that she was having sex with multiple of her exes before and during our first break. I found all this out during our first ever trip together when I went through her phone. I was in my motherland in Mexico lol and something told me to look through her phone. I confronted her about this and decided to continue the relationship because I was madly in love with her and we had planned out a future together. She said I was her dream man and she wanted to marry me and have my kids, but the only excuse she had was “idk” and “sorry I have wondering eyes”. I decided to stay in this relationship 3 months after this. Until one night we had a little too much to drink and I started telling her I was just useless to her and that she never treated me right. That night was my lowest as I was about to kill myself because of the things that happened and her support during my dad’s cancer diagnosis. With all this being said idk why I miss her so much like I just miss the good things about her before all this that I found out. I was relived at first when it ended. Then angry. Now I’m just sad and confused. I have been working on myself by going to the gym and seeing a therapist. It hurts knowing that I probably didn’t mean as much to her as she meant to me.

i was dumped in october due to long distance. we had the most loving and healthy relationship i’ve ever been in. the distance was something i accepted. i also thought they were worth it, i was used to seeing them a few days every month since we dated for 2 years at this point. i feel like they begged me to stay friends with them and i agreed to it for their own feelings but it’s really starting to affect me. i saw a future with this person and i don’t know how to go back to being friends, even if we were best friends before dating. i don’t know if i should call them about it or just silently remove them from social media. idk, i feel so empty knowing all the love we once had is just going to fade away. i’d like to think in a few years we could try again to be friends but i don’t know how long it’s going to take me to get over this heart ache. just sucks feeling like i wasn’t worth fighting for even if the distance was only 2 hours

I have a bag of what I assume to be family heirlooms from my ex.

I'm conflicted if I should message her to drop them off or not.

Part of me just wants to throw them away.

It’s been a little over 3 months since my ex of 2 years broke things off. The past few weeks I’ve been feeling a little bit better.

Today everything just hit me again.

This really sucks.

dm me if you're going through a break up and want a free reading !

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My ex mid twenties 27M and myself also mid twenties 25F dated for around 7 months until he broke up with me. It was never really about losing feelings or not seeing a future but more of so because of his very challenging issues. We didn’t speak for around 6 months until we ran into each other couple times. The last time I ran into him his family members were there too and were actively trying to get me to go out with him again and just see how it is and how we feel. ( i guess they all spoke about it?) He then invites me to go out , which his family members knew about and that’s what they were sort of pushing me to go to. He kept on texting how excited he is and that he’s looking forward to seeing me. Everything went fine and he told me couple times that he had a good time. Nothing related to reconciliation was brought up. Couple days later i was in his area so I asked him to get tea to which he gladly agreed. He then however proceeded to ask as to why did I ask him to meet up and that he was surprised to receive my text. I guess my question is why is he acting surprised to hear from me when we literally met up a couple days ago , it’s not that it was out of the blue. I also feel like whenever someone asks “Why did you want to meet up?” they have some sort of an answer that they are expecting. This is the second time he asks me that question, and I have a feeling he’s looking for me to say that I want to get back or something like that, since I feel like ( might be wrong ) that’s what he wants and this whole inviting out thing and asking me why I wanted to meet up is a way to test the waters and see where I stand. But funny enough, he has never explicitly said it himself. can someone please shed some light on this situation and his behavior?

I got blindsided 3 weeks ago. I want her back. We have been in and out of contact during NC. I don’t look at her Instagram though she does look at mine.

She is amazing, though she does have her flaws. We were together for 3 months or so, and the breakup came after a really overwhelming weekend for her. I really want her to come back. How can I make this happen?

My breakup was 2 days ago and I got over it today! If you need advice or support I’m here for you.

A little context, I lived with this man and supported him in ways I cannot imagine. Tolerated shit I now wouldn’t and went to therapy to help him with his addiction and finally he cheats on me and blamed that action on me.

Anyways, I moved back to my own town. I am still very much crying, thinking of him, feeling restlessness.

However now I have recently reconnected with an old friend of mine, I was transparent and told him about my break up. He is long distance but supportive and talking to him and calling.

I don’t know it feels like cheating, I mean he moved on and told me mean stuff. All I am doing is talking, I find myself crying so I know I am not ready for date and this friendship, with transparency with call i don’t know why it feels like cheating.

Is this wrong?

Basically from what I understand and was told is that she broke up with me due to a couple of reasons the main reason was that she comes from a highly religious family where I was not raised that way it was something we talked about months beforehand I always said i was open to learning and going to church with her family and that i was entirely open to it.

The other reason was that I had some insecurities that I started to drag out for over a month because more and more questions i had would pop up. I went into the relationship knowing that i needed to be more honest about my feelings and stuff that bothered me and I tried hard to do that without creating more issues than necessary.

Anyways she spaced from me for three days texting me and didn’t want to hangout for a few days since she was overwhelmed reassuring me the entire time that we were not going to break up she wanted to work through what was going on.

From what I understand her mom ended up having a conversation with her the night before we broke up and asked her if I checked all of the boxes that she was looking for (I don’t know all the details of this conversation). But that was what knocked her over the line she came over acted like we were gonna spend time and then hit me with the “we need to talk” I of course cried and asked if there was any other way we could work through this since I feel both issues could easily be worked through. She didn’t want to and she left.

Now we were still texting back and forth for the last three days and keeping contact all day. she wants to still give me christmas presents she bought for me because she is excited for them. and from what i’ve heard from her best friend she misses me a lot but doesn’t think she could get back together with me for at least a decent bit of time.

I really want to continue this relationship since it’s the only one where a bridge wasn’t burned and i feel like there was more to our relationship before it was supposed to end.

I need advice on how to proceed should I ask her to clarify what she wants by still texting me (there hasn’t been any explanation of what she wants or what i want) all i have heard is that she thinks the space will be good and that with time she thinks we could get back together.

Everyone is telling me to focus on me but I feel like her texting me is just confusing me and I need to ask the clarifying questions. But I don’t want to just drop contact cause I do see more of a future with her than what is left.

What should i do?

As much as I want to be fine with everything, I’m not. I try very hard to stay strong and hopeful and portray myself as a happy funny girl, but I’m not. Deep down I’m not okay. I miss my ex with a passion, so much that it actually hurts my heart. I’m left with a heavy feeling almost everyday. I thought the crying phase was over but sometimes I still feel myself tearing up about the situation I’m in. I can’t help but think he’s going to talk to other girls, going to have sex with other people, and going to forget all about me. I wonder if he plans on waiting for me or not. A part of me wants to keep all hope and pray that the future brings us back together and that we’re meant to be. But the other part of me is telling me to move on, he’s a boy who will just fool around and that we are done forever. I don’t know which part of me to go with. Even though he said that we aren’t fully over and we’ll be back together in the future, I can’t help but think of it as unrealistic and not happening. I just want my happiness back. My ex was my good in life he distracted me from all the bad that was going on in my life. He made everything bad that was going on in my life seem okay as long as I had him. Now that my good is gone all I can focus on is the bad and I don’t know what to do about that. All of this made me realize something, I’m not excited for any personal goals in the future. I’m only excited for things that revolve around relationships and family. I just really want him back. (Btw it’s only been a week since he’s broken up with me)

hello! it has been basically two months since my ex decided to break up with me after being together for a year and a month. the intial breakup blindsided me completely, i had my suspicions (and still do) that he may have caught the attention of a female coworker and had broken up with me out of guilt. he said it was because he was generally unhappy but also admitted he could’ve communicated this but didn’t. He kept it very vague besides my one question which he answered that he had thought this through for about a month before following through. That was the first crack that broke me. The second was seeing him do a complete 180 fresh out the breakup killed me (posting on social media when he never did or listening to sexual music when he would never openly do that when he was with me) but I felt like it was necessary to solidify the thought I had.

The thought was telling me to let this go, and that this was necessary for me. I knew i loved him and i would be heartbroken for weeks coming, maybe even months, but i have been able to stand my ground and I’ve been super proud on that. I let myself grieve him when he stays prevalent on my mind, and these are one of those days.

I’m pretty sure he ended up attempting to contact me on a burner account on Instagram (I had him blocked on everything, down to the EMAIL) but I couldn’t find it in myself to entertain a guy who didn’t know what he had until he lost it.

So, I just want to put this out there and say thank you to me for being able to walk away from a guy who couldn’t appreciate me when he had me.

F (32) Ex M (34), My ex and I were together for almost ten years. And it was a pretty traumatic relationship through out that time but there also was some really great parts of the relationship. I suppose we just went through all our growing pains together and through out our adolescent years. I ended up walking away from the relationship in the end as I feel like I was out growing that time in my life. Now we have been split for nearly 6 years we have made contact here and there through out this time. We have always had a close bond and as much as it frustrates me he is someone that knows me better than anyone else. I ended up moving on with someone else and we have been together for about two years. And I have never openly told my Ex and tend to hide my new relationship out of fear he will do anything and everything to sabotage it. Anywho recently he had been trying to get my attention through various social media platforms. I finally caved and spoke to him and in this moment he decided to tell me about his new relationship and generally I don’t care. But this new relationship is with some that was/is an enemy of mine and he knows that we just aren’t friends we never will be and never want to be. He was letting me know how that he is with her now and that she is this and that. And it has got to me frustratingly! I did not react in an angry manner I simply just said politely he could probably do better. Can you give me advice on why he did this? And how do I not let it bother me as much as it does?

We were only together for 3 months. I cannot even comprehend how such little time together can cause me this much pain. Before today I hadn't cried for over 3 years but today I've cried like a baby multiple times.

We ended on good terms with no bad blood, but it wasn't mutual. This is the last thing I wanted, and it feels so unfair especially considering I don't fully understand or agree with her reasonings. We even tried to continue as friends but after the first meeting it was clear to me I need no contact, even though I really don't want it.

Where do I even go from here? All I want to do is reach out, I can't stop thinking about her. I can't see how I continue my life as normal without her. I can't imagine going to work tomorrow like everything is normal. I feel completely broken.

I hope this is not against subreddit rules, but I thought some people here might relate. And I'm not in the slightest excusing abusive (in any way) behaviour or romanticizing it. But yeah. My first serious relationship, my first love ended recently and it ended in me having to file a police report against him because I went no-contact with him after some shitty behaviour from his side (after we were already rocky and basically broken up) and he came to my house and started pushing me around and being physically aggressive with me and ringing my doorbell repeatedly in the middle of the night.

Fact of the matter is, despite the abuse (there was no physical abuse during the relationship but some emotional abuse was definitely there), what devastates me isn't just that this was done to me, that he made me feel unsafe in my own home; but that the person who did this was someone who was the first person that felt like family in a long time. I could tell him anything, it felt like he was the first person (almost ever) who saw me for me, and nothing else, who I had a "soul" connection with. Felt like my soulmate. I still find myself secretly fantasizing about being away from my roommates, friends, family, so I could go back to him without feeling the shame of going back to an abuser (even though I'm actually obviously glad I have them in my life to give it to me straight, because otherwise all I still feel is love and affection towards this man). I still find myself rationalizing his behaviour, telling myself he did this because he loves me so much and couldn't stand to be without me and to look negative in my eyes. The thing that hurts is not being able to be with this person not because you don't want to, but because it would be an absolute insult to your self-respect to go back to him. I'm still wondering what happened there, if he's a narcissist (and if he is, how I haven't noticed it for so long, when I was sitting there thinking I was so intelligent and insightful). After being by myself for 20ish years, the thought of going back to life without having a soulmate by your side feels unbearable. And yet, how could someone who physically attacks you be your soulmate? I find myself wondering if I'll ever feel the same again towards someone. I find myself wondering if I'll ever again meet someone who will make me feel like I just took a hit of MDMA every time I kiss him, even a few years into the relationship. If sex will ever be this hot with anyone again. I find myself wondering something really stupid, which is, if it's actually possible to feel this way towards someone normal, or if I'm just always going to end up with abusive guys. Because right now, as stupid as it sounds, all that makes sense to me is that the only reason he was such a good and pure and loving individual, is because there was also a dark and hurting side to him, and the two equal out. And I have a mom with BPD, so I'm familiar with a personality like this and with having a relationship with a personality like this. And I just need someone to convince me otherwise, and tell me that it's possible for me to feel a spark again with a non-abusive individual. And I guess I also am worrying that because of my predisposition to get attached to charismatic, abusive people, I will just keep doing the same. I already know that this is based on me not having proper family around, which leads to me getting attached to individuals who turn out bad for me; because despite having friends by my side, no one truly felt like family and like another piece of me, the way he did.

I guess my main pain right now, is craving him being back in my life. But also not wanting him anywhere near me. And getting too clingy with other people (friends but also others), asking for too much (because I'm used to a certain level of connection that was now stripped away from me), placing others on a pedestal (because I'm trying to subconsciously fill the gap that was remained after him).

When I confronted him ab the cheating, and told him I’m leaving, he dared me to find another guy, that will love and marry me and not use me he literally said “ I date u to find a husband, I bet on my arm, I’ll cut it off, that you find someone who will actually love you “,” no one will marry you”. What the actual fuck

I (m21) got broken up with recently by my gf (f19). We met in person and fell for each other but two weeks later I had to move to a different state. We started LDR and for the first year and a half I thought she was the one I wanted to marry. I visited her for a week and it was amazing, but after that trip I started to have a tiny doubt in the back of my mind. At first, I dismissed it, but over the next couple months the doubt started to increase. She came to see me and after that trip, it’s like it snowballed. I was dealing with a lot of stress at college and our relationship started adding to the stress, which made me slowly and unintentionally pull away. I have a friend group that hangs out at least once a week and it’s mixed company. I realized I started to get interested in someone in the friend group and got even more stressed. I never talked to or hung out with this other girl outside of the group hang outs, and I never cheated. Whenever I thought about this other person, it made me think “why am I feeling this way” instead of fantasizing about her. My gf and I were both getting tired of long distance and we couldn’t close the gap for at least another two years. There came a day when I thought I needed to break up with her, but I had some friends from out of town come visit so I decided to wait until they left. My gf had an emotional breakdown while they were here, basically wanting to know what was going on with me emotionally and why I was distant. I told her what was going on and broke up with her. I regretted that decision so we texted a few times and called, and I asked if we could just take a step back until I see her again (which was a month later). She agreed, and we talked some during that month, not our usual amount but we still talked, and when I saw her again I made the decision to stay and fight for us, she was the one I wanted. She was so excited and happy, and the rest of the visit was great. Two weeks later, however, she broke up with me.

Now, I want to mention that I know I messed up. I know I should’ve told her what was going on as soon as I started to have the doubts. I know I should’ve told her I got interested in someone else. I understand it’s my fault. But I am torn. I want her back so badly. It’s been 3 months and I am a wreck. We haven’t had any contact since, but I found out she started seeing someone very shortly after we broke up. Exactly 3 months after we broke up, I see she posts him and is saying “I love you.” I don’t understand that. I’m not going to lie, I’ve tried to see someone else since we broke up. I heard a quote that describes how I feel perfectly, “no matter how many girls I’ve liked, my heart has only ever belonged to one.” Anytime I try to hang out with someone else, it feels so wrong. I feel awful after and can’t get my ex out of my head. I want to reach out and apologize for what I did, not trying to get her back but I really miss her and am so sorry for what I did. What do I do?

TL;DR I dated a girl LDR for 2 years and I messed it up by not communicating my doubts and feelings, but I want her back even though she’s already loving someone else after only 3 months. What do I do?

Everyones saying it gets easier with time but I’ve found the opposite, the longer I go without seeing or hearing her the harder it is- distance makes the heart grow fonder so I don’t know how time is meant to heal. I think you need to look at other ways.

I (29F) was dumped a couple weeks ago by my partner of almost one year due to some ongoing struggles with anxiety on their end. This is someone I truly thought I was going to spend my entire life with. I didn't know it was possible to feel such a deep connection until I met him, and we complemented one another so beautifully. People keep telling me that I'll bounce back, and that I'll forget, but I can't see the former happening and I don't want the latter to happen - how could I ever forget someone I love so deeply? I feel like I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to get past this grief and pain that I'm feeling.

Before I get any backlash let me tell you something honestly. You probably ask yourself "why I was dumped?" The answer is simple. You were not good enough for this person. For whatever reason. Money, looks, character was shit, too anxious, low self esteem, other issues, etc. Your ex thought they can do better than you. There's plenty of fish in the sea. That's why you got dumped. It's the real answer. Not the bullshit you are telling yourself to feel better.

Sorry , I feel stupid tonight i've been trying to get the mother of my child for the past 2 months (5 years relationship stopped by an SMS ). We are doing 50/50 custody right Now. She left me and we went trough every stages possible , hating eachothers / her wanting to be Friends / hating again . My doctor gave me 1 months medical leave ans I took it even if I cant afford it. Im Now alone on my appartment and feeling like shit . Started medication , therapy and everything but I cant get over the fact that someone Who I loved that Much just left me. I had issue with people abandonning me since my mother did it to me when I was 14 but God damn I dont know how to cope from this. Feel like I just created more problems by taking the medical leave , I dont have a car right Now and I have to be There for my daughter Its so hard these Days I dont know what to Do anymore.

I hate that despite us being together so long ago - almost 6 years now - I still have these feelings for a person who abused me so terribly. I've been in a long-term relationship since then and have been treated nicely, but now I've turned into the rotten one, and I want to crawl into a ball and hide away forever. I hate that now my ex is in a new relationship with a friend's friend, and she posts about how happy he makes her and, how he treats her with love and respect, how he treats her healthy....why was the treatment and care that I fought so hard for not given to me and given to another instead. Why was I not good enough, but she is, and why is it messing me up so bad??? Why was I the lesson on how to treat others with love and respect...

advice appreciated!

for context: i (F22) broke up with my ex (M25) earlier this year because being around him made me scared and nervous. this was because he was really emotionally manipulative, although i didn't exactly know it at the time. after attending therapy i realised how shitty it was. when i initially left him, i couldn't give him a reason. whenever i was with him my mind was cloudy and i couldn't put 2 + 2 together. i just knew it wasn't right, it was like an intuition thing. for this reason, he blamed me for everything without realising how manipulative he had been.

for further context, we went on a break at one point, and after reconciling, he told me "oh by the way i've been texting (a mutual girl friend) for the past week but i stopped because i didn't think you'd be comfortable with it". basically a girl he told me not to worry about. there were also multiple, small instances we had with this girl beforehand, but i always told myself i was being too jealous and i had nothing to worry about. lo and behold, they're dating a few months after i left him, which i found through a mutual's socials. we haven't spoken since i left him.

at present: i was kindly gifted an old steam deck (game console). i had a steam account for ages but never was able to play because i only have a macbook. i had him as a friend on here but i hadn't realised. i was been playing games for most of this evening, then i see a notification of a message from him saying "LOL" then he swiftly unadds me.

so, i know this was just a little interaction that can obviously easily be ignored and is not a big deal. BUT i'm honestly interpreting it as him being indirectly petty and condescending, since i know what he's like. hear me out. i kinda hate it and it doesn't sit right with me - i don't think we'll interact again after this, but i don't want him to just think he can be so condescending, even if just a little? basically, i don't wanna give him the satisfaction he probably got from doing this.

i don't want to make it seem like im overreacting. i wouldn't have cared if he didn't send a message. i feel like he sent it with purpose. and, i honestly wouldn't have cared at all if he didn't have such a bad impact on my life and my mental health. when i broke up with him, i was sensitive and tried to be kind to avoid any conflict, but since reflecting on the whole situation, i wish i could've told him to fuck off to his face. i feel like i'm lingering on this message so much because it's my last chance to say something to him via text before i ultimately block him. tell him something like to leave me alone, along those line - idk. i was planning on just blocking before he could respond (LOL)

i know the logical answer may be "taking the high road" and leaving it, not getting riled up by his comment. but i'm not getting the satisfaction i want out of that. if you think i should then plz convince me because it's not working lol. i think it might just be all the anger and resentment i have, and i kinda just wanna end it on my own terms. i know that was his way of making me feel shitty from afar.

i just don't know if i'll regret saying something, or if there's something better i could send, if at all. any thoughts? 🥲🥲🥲

I’m in a deep hole after my ex and I split and I lost myself mentally and physically but an opportunity has come up that i declined and started to ask myself this. I am feeling a little guilty because I started talking to someone within this last month and she’s cool but while we first started talking I was hooking up with my ex for a few days and now my feelings for her are back. Today I decided to let go of my ex since we have been talking on and off since the hook ups but also I wonder if it’s too soon to start thinking about a relationship with someone new. I have not done anything sexual with her and have not planned to but also i questioned if 4 months is too soon to do it or maybe I should take more time.

Dated this girl for 5 years and have been separated for the past 2.5, she treated me like shit sometimes and i was the one who broke things off, yet here i am unable to think of anyone else but her. In the past 6-7 months i have been going on dates but it hasn’t worked anywhere and my chain of thought keeps ending thinking about her. As much as it hurts, being with her again is neither an option nor a choice. I don’t know how to get rid of this constant thought of her.

Hey yall. I haven't been in this community in a long time and probably won't be here long. I just wanted to complain about my crazy ex and shed some light for yall

I went through a tough break up probably almost 4 years ago now. I struggled with this for a good year and a half definitely. Did the things you always see on here. Isolated myself. Got upset. It was truly a waste of time.

Anyway over that time as well I gained ALOT of confidence. I got a great career. I got in better shape. Gained new friends. And even had a few wild hook ups along the way. I don't think of her much these days and ive had relationships since.

So also in that time. She texts me. At first all the time. Like first few months constant. It dies down after awhile. But it has never gone away. Every few months like clock work sometimes sad sometimes wants to hang out. It's strange because I've had many break ups and usually people don't really talk much or interact much.

The kicker is every time she texts me she'll say. Hey can you help me with x. Or hey can you come over I want to see you. Almost immediately followed by actually thats not a good idea.

I've now gotten used to it and mostly ignore these. But there was a time I considered this a sign. It felt like wow no one else keeps coming back this must be meant to be

IT IS NOT!!!!

That's my warning to all of you. That's the lesson. It's been four years. Ive been telling her to leave me alone for 3. Today I finally just blocked her because I'm so at peace and deserve to have my own life. You do too. Don't ruin your life sitting here thinking about someone who only sees you as an ego boost or a fun game.

Stay blessed yall and I hope you guys find peace