My ex and I were together for 4 years. He is a great guy, but he made a lot of mistakes that cumulated and led to my anxiety just getting absolutely out of control. He worked on himself and changed for the better, and was amazing at the end of the relationship, but unfortunately my anxiety issues had actually gotten worse. I pushed him away when he tried to work on us, I drained him, and he just felt like he was done.

I know the breakup was my fault (had a bad breakdown and he couldn’t handle it anymore). I’ve made appointments for myself to get it under control now that we’re no contact and it’s really done, but how the fuck do I get over the guilt of knowing I was the one that caused things to end? He would give me so many chances too before. I really love him and I know he did love me too at least before things ended, and it kills me that I ruined it to the point of no return :(

I was dating this girl who initially expressed that she didn’t want a committed relationship, which I was fine with. Fast forward a couple of months, she asked me if I’d been with anyone else since we started hooking up, and I was honest with her, saying yes. She got instantly mad, saying she hadn’t been with anyone else since we’d been together. I explained that didn’t really make sense, given our original understanding.

She then claimed that my dating other people was the reason I never brought up commitment again. I told her I hadn’t felt it was my place to bring it up and thought she would if she was ready. We’d also dated years ago, so this was a bit of old ground for us. In the end, she broke up with me and blocked me on everything. She even accused me of giving her an STD, but I recently got tested, and my results came back negative across the board. Now, I’m left confused by the whole situation.

I know it's over but I just finished in a matter of days. I didn't get any closure so I had to giovedì closure myself but that shit hits really bad still. Also I am very lonely. Basically I just workout and go to work. I have no friends and shit. How the fuck I escape this situation?

Iam remembering a lot of memories with my ex From last year exactly,as if dates are making me remember a lot of moments and details.The weird thing is that i feel like we are together sometimes,the memories are just so powerful that they feel like reality.

This is a quick reminder that you deserve someone better than your ex.
No matter how much you love your ex, or how much they hurt you, or how insecure you may feel, it's all fear that's talking. Fear is a liar.

You deserve someone that will appreciate you and everything you do for them.

You deserve someone who's loyal and honest with you.

You deserve someone who will not try to compete with you, but rather will support you and comfort you when the world hurts you or tires you.

You deserve someone who will not abandon you in your times of greatest need.

That's the definition of what a relationship or a marriage is supposed to be.
Many people seem to forget this.

I helped and supported my ex girlfriend, or rather my ex fiancé in countless ways.

I stayed awake all night every night for over one year to help her study for her exams. Thanks to me she went from being one of the worst students to making the Dean's List (for those who are not familiar with American universities, it's basically a list of the university's best students). She graduated thanks to me.

I comforted her whenever she had problems with her parents, supporting her desires to choose a career they did not approve of.

I taught her everything she wanted to learn and asked me to learn, helping her fix her insecurities. She was insecure because of her looks and lack of knowledge on certain topics, thinking she wasn't pretty enough or knowledgeable enough. Of course I always told her that I loved her just the way she was, that to me she was perfect, and that things such as beauty or knowledge are just a matter of self-care, they are not defining traits of one's personality. Many models were once insecure about their looks, and have had times when they were more conventionally attractive and times when they were less conventionally attractive, we're all humans at the end of the day. I'm a former model myself so I know what I'm talking about. Anyhow, since she kept insisting I taught her everything I knew about Italian cuisine, fashion and hair styling (I used to work for some of the biggest brands so I know a lot about this field). I also taught her everything she wanted to learn about art, history and geography (I'm a a huge history buff. After our breakup I focused even more on my studies and researches, earning a doctorate).

She improved her life, became more beautiful than ever, became a great student and was finally on a path to make her dreams come true. You'd think everything was perfect.

I asked her to marry me, she said yes. I was the happiest man in the world.

We started planning the wedding (and even the names of the kids we wanted to have after the wedding) but the moment she didn't need me anymore, the moment I started to have some temporary financial difficulties due to the pandemic (and I knew it would take me only a few months to get back on my feet, I even told her) what did she do? She cheated on me behind my back, then insulted me, made fun of me and blocked me.

And for what? All I ever did was give her my heart and help her. But I guess that's why. The moment I couldn't, she no longer needed me, and so she treated me like trash.

You'd think that would've been the worst part but no, the worst part is that she stole my wedding plan ideas to plan her wedding with the guy she cheated on me with. They are already married now.

Do I miss her? Yes. But do I deserve someone who treats me so horribly? Absolutely not. In spite of how much I miss her, in spite of the fact a part of me still loves her despite how she treated me, I wouldn't wish someone like her upon my worst enemy. Heck, it turns out she was my worst enemy.

So, to sum things up, you deserve someone who loves you and supports you the way I loved and supported her, not someone who treats you the way she treated me. Don't make my same mistake, don't chase someone who hurts you.

How much I miss you. How much I wish you were here with me, ease the stress of my exams a little. Last year, I came to your dms for support during my exams, because it was all a little too stressful for me and I thought I could use some support. Now here I am, facing an even harder challenge, and this time, I'm on my own feet. I think something that makes me the most upset is that I won't be able to share my achievement with you, because you won't be there. Every day, I pray that you come back, and leave a message talking about how we could maybe start over and all. It's hard to tell whether you've actually done that or not, because I'm logged out for an uncertain amount of time, but even then, you probably haven't done that.

I miss you.. please come back. There is no one like you. I still love you.

During the entire 2+ years this ex caused issues. We broke up in February but had contact (stupid idea on my part) until mid-August when someone messaged me saying they had slept with him the night before. I went no contact the same day but the past few days it’s really been weighing on me

I went to check his insta (also stupid idea on my part) and he posted his ex girlfriend, the girlfriend before me He never posted me once People didn’t even know he was in a relationship with me He didn’t let me follow his Instagram throughout the relationship and deleted his account instead This is the first time since before February that I checked his social media

I feel so fucking stupid and I can’t get this craving for revenge out of my brain. I don’t know. He was abusive and put me through so much, I hate seeing him happy and especially with someone he told me not to worry about

I can’t accept it. I feel like I’ll never accept it that it’s really over. Anyone else struggle with this?

I don’t know about you, but the most repetitive thought I have is ‘what can I do to change his mind?’

Truthfully, we’re not in control. There’s absolutely nothing we can do

He chose to walk away when I loved him unconditionally. I would have done anything for him. I already did do so much for him. I only ever wanted to make him feel loved and happy and secure. I wanted to be his peace and make his life as easy as possible

I can’t do anything to change his mind or make him regret his decision. The only thing I can do is surrender to this new reality and focus on healing and bettering myself

I lost my relationship of 2+years because of me casting my first ballot, the relationship was great, I loved every moment that we spent together and I was actively thinking about a future together (buying a house, kids, etc) we did have different perspectives on a lot of things but that made things interesting, some good talking points, and some really good experiences because I enjoy being able to hear/understand other people’s beliefs and opinions. After I had told them, about me voting, they asked who I was voting for and I told them and it spiraled from there, they tried to send me money as “payback” for gifts and stuff like that I got them over the years, I refunded it because I got those things for them out of love, not monetary value… we had some final words later on in the day and well the final words they said well kinda screamed at me were “I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU” which you know really hurt in the moment, I did my best to maintain my emotions, and my final words were “goodbye, I hope the world treats you well and to drive safe” before I went back inside to seclude and let my emotions go, but after that day and talking to some really great friends of mine and getting helpful perspectives. After a while of processing, the fact that my opinion on a ballot was enough to ruin an entire 2 year relationship, like I kid you not, I was dropped like a rock, and then proceeding to say that they don’t know me, they shred majority of the respect I had for them, thus here I am.

I’ll try and keep this as brief as possible while touching on the crucial details, but could really use some advice!!

I, 25F, just ended a 4.5 yr relationship with my ex, 27, M. Our relationship had a little rocky start, where I caught him snapping an ex (saying NSFW things, missing her, etc) but she wasn’t engaging bc she has a bf.

Time went on, I guess we “got through” that but I’ve always struggled with trust issues. Overall I’d say he’s generally a negative person, and towards the end of our relationship it got a lot worse and I never felt confident in the relationship and felt like I could never speak my mind.

He definitely struggles with mental health issues and I tried really hard to be there for him, but sometimes it was coming at a cost to me and I just feel like we spent a lot of time not doing much bc he was in a rut/funk. (I’m not doing a good job selling the staying together part, am I?)

We have some things in common, and generally have built a lot of lore together over the years (as any relationship does) but we have enough in common but enough differences to make it interesting. We align in our core values which is important, but we both differ on where we want to live long term.

We went on a vacation and I did the thing you should never do, went through his phone bc things had just been really dry and awkward lately. I saw him texting some random girls, nothing too crazy and had their numbers saved, but there was one in particular that he had the convo muted and didn’t save the #. Obviously I found this suspicious , so I read through a lot of the texts. She seemed really strange and immature, I’m guessing she’s a lot younger by the way she talks but she seems to struggle with mental health too. Their texting dated back about 4 months, but I think they’ve known each other longer. He said he’s always there for her and he can call her whenever (real rich considering he was being distant from me) and she said it was inappropriate he was texting her anyways, and I’m still not sure what to make of that.

Also shit hit the fan on vacation, he got in my face and called me fat and out of shape and said I’m embarrassing to be around bc of the way I look. He also proceeded to scream in the car and call his mom a C word.

I ended things about 2 weeks after we got home, and it’s been almost 2 months now. We still keep contact, and I still really love him despite these things and I’m just really struggling. I never really vented my feelings or concerns in the relationship which I guess wasn’t fair to him, and I never told him I went though his phone, I just ended it and said I’m not happy and he doesn’t treat me right.

He’s begging for the chance to change but idk just how much someone can change and actually maintain those changes ya know? I really truly miss him, and I can’t tell if I’m holding onto the good or the comfort of having someone, or if there’s something drawing me to give it another shot.

I know this is only some of the detail, but I would really appreciate some advice. Can people change, and have you ever given an ex a second chance and it went well? Or do I need to get it over with and cut contact?

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and appreciate any advice y’all can give 🫶🏻

my ex from my home town broke up with me around 3 months ago, shortly before we both moved into college in the same city. i haven’t spoken to him since but i see him online a lot because we have all the same best friends. the breakup was a total shock to me and im still very heartbroken. i am seeing him in a few weeks when all our friends come back together. is it a good idea to meet with him before hand so the shock isn’t so severe? i know the grief will take time, but i would like the anger and confusion to be cleared up a little since i know he’ll still be in my life.

I’m doing all the things: journaling, no social media, the gym, therapy every week, spending time with girlfriends, doing the self care, you name it!

I’m in the phase of the breakup where my mind keeps going to playing out us running in together at Target and then bumping into him and how that would feel. Especially if a girl was with him.

Then thinking of him seeing his friends to which they’d say “I missed seeing this version of you bro I’m so glad you’re back”, him going out and bringing a girl home, him not missing me or experiencing the same thing I am which is “I’m glad we ended things, I feel much more at peace now” or “this was for the best”. Thinking of how it’s probably a lot easier for him than it is on me even though I know that’s not a guarantee.

Thinking of him with another woman is driving me crazy. I keep allowing myself to feel it as I’m working on being more vulnerable, but I also don’t want to take any energy from myself and continue giving it to him or the situation that is now in the past.

Any advice or tips? TIA

I recently revisited my journal that got me through my entire relationship and through a big part of the breakup. I was shattered and had no self esteem whatsoever for months. I worked so hard to try find reasons to live. I teared up rereading it all.

"The final page. This notebook has gotten me through a lot. It'll be good to retire it. There really was so much pain over these couple years. I've never felt more worthless or less like myself. So unloved.

I'm not cured, but I do feel like I've started to recover real love. My friends really do love me and would literally do anything for me. They push and support me in beautiful ways. My family loves me and will always be there for me. It'll be nice to ease their souls, and let them know that they can worry less. And for the first time ever, I feel like I'm discovering self-love. Not 'confidence', but self-love.

Realizing that things will feel better and that there are incredible parts of you that deserve to be nurtured. Trusting the process. You know the things in your life that soothe your life-force.

Despite all the pain, and the collapse of a fearful, cold, fake love, you feel like you can finally see and feel the real love that is literally all around you. Try love the real ones in your life and you will get back ten-fold. I'm really proud of your journey."

Anyone going through the awfulness. Try look back at what you've been through, and be proud that you're still here ♥️

It’s my exes birthday tomorrow, we had been together through so much hardship and our breakup came super suddenly when she started ghosting me. We weren’t right for each other and we ended up agreeing to breakup, though she was unable to tell me many specific reasons.

Anyways, it’s been like a month and a half since we broke up and I’ve built new relationships and made lots of new friends to help me heal (on top of using psychedelics and meditation), I’ve had a message out to her that she never responded too. I’ll give a slightly redacted version here:

“Hi blank, I’ve wanted to have my last thoughts out there and not end things on such a negative note. I just wanted to say I understand why you felt that the relationship didn’t work, we had so many issues that went unsaid or unaddressed for that I’m sorry. I will still cherish the good memories we made together. Thanks for everything blank, I hope you are doing well”

She never replied to this message, I never expected her too. Do you think it would be weird to send her a simple happy birthday tomorrow? It just feels like the right thing to do but I don’t want to do something super weird without realising, I also don’t think it’ll make me upset when she inevitably doesn’t respond lol.

Hope everyone here has an amazing day :)

My ex boyfriend and me had a relationship for 3 years. We are 26 and 28 years old and were in a long distance relationship. We saw each other in real life around every 5 weeks. And we spend a lot of time together each day online.

Last tuesday the mother of my boyfriend died, she had cancer for over a year. Tuesday morning I supported him a lot, he seemed to go okay still despite some tears. He said it was also a relief in a way, because he knew it was coming for a long time and that she was in peace now.

After he said goodbye to his mom who had passed away he went to his grandma, and we spoke again some hours later. I said very nice words to him, but he send me screenshots of a conversation he had with someone in the meantime. He was talking to a woman we agreed on he wouldn't have contact with.

The last 3 weeks were very rocky between us, because he had a new online friend group he spend a lot of time with. For a year the only true contact he had besides his family was me, and now the dynamic changed a lot. He spend a lot of time with them and started to behave differently. I didn't seem so important to him anymore now he had them.

To be clear, we had an agreement that he wouldn't speak to women in private online. That came to be because he emotionally cheated on me by flirting with an ex in may 2023. That was obviously a very big blow to our relationship. He really tried to make it up to me, but i ofcourse felt very betrayed and developed trust issues. I had to be reassured way more often and it was/is a very long process.

But because i loved him so ultra much and he showed so much guilt and trying to make it better, i decided to give him a new chance.

But back to this month, more than a year later, he had friends again for the first time since then. But that also meant female friends. We made a big fight over that he contacted a woman in private DM, and that I really couldn't handle that. I said the cheating really is too fresh and it hurt me how he sought comfort with another woman instead of me, and that she helped him with his dying mother and depression.

When we had discussions he also repeatedly said how his new friends (also that woman) did everything better than me and helped him more.

He later then said sorry again and we had nice times. He indeed never contacted that woman anymore. But then another woman came into his DM, who clearly flirted with him. He said to her that they couldn't have contact because his girlfriend didn't allow that. That woman started to say pretty mean things about me and how i had unhealthy trust issues. Instead of showing me that and defending me, he deleted the whole conversation and only showed me that part where she was mean, to use in a discussion AGAINST me, how i was being unhealthy. I was very sad about that.

Later he did acknowledge he should have explained to her that it was his own doing that its not possible, and he wants to protect his relationship. He also cut contact off with this second woman. They all still spoke in groupchat but not anymore in private which i was fine with.

Now it has to be noted my boyfriend does have severe depression, i've been trying to get him to therapy sessions for years but he didn't start yet. He did get antidepressants since this month, and things seemed to go better, but this month he had two almost suicide attempts, which he never had before. 2 weeks ago he even said to me he was going to jump in front of a train, but instead went to the police to say he was suicidal, they called the ambulance. The ambulance said he should go to emergency therapy next week and they could also bring him to an emergency mental health hospital, but he still didn't went. Those two almost suicide attempts were both because of discussions we had. I've always had problems with his quick temper and that he often wanted to push against boundaries. (These times that we agreed he could only use weed once a week and he really couldnt accept that anymore, and about that private woman contact)

Besides all this chaos he was still there for me and we still had nice times as well. Last monday we watched a movie together and after he was very emotional and crying for 30 minutes how he loved me so much, missed me a lot, wanted to marry me, live together, and grow old with me. I also got emotional and it was a heartfelt moment. As always i kept hope in us and was determined we would get out of this difficult time, with the new friends dynamic, the difficult time with his mom, and my new university stress and that it would also be okay with his mental health again when he finally would do therapy sessions besides his anti depressants. (he did promise that now finally)

But yeah back to that tuesday where he spoke to that woman in that new friend group, where we agreed on he wouldnt have contact with. Only 20 hours after he had that emotional chat with me how much he loved me, and only a couple of hours after his mom died.

He showed me screenshots of how he was to be trusted, but on these screenshots he was talking sexual with her. She was clearly flirting with him, saying how lucky his girlfriend (me) was, and how she wished she also had such a partner and all.

He told me he enjoyed feeling desired by others while they couldn't reach him because he already was in a relationship with me.

But i was really not happy how he talked about these sexual topics with the woman we just agreed on he wouldn't spend private contact with anymore. So besides breaking that boundary AGAIN, he also made it sexual, even if it may not have been clear flirting.

I talked to him calmly, I knew he was mourning his mom and i didnt want to make this day even more awful, but he didn't seem the harm. Eventually he threw me in a groupchat with me, her and him

But he went to sleep, and so that woman and me were left to talk it out

I tried to talk calm but sternly to her how its not appropriate to flirt with someone in a relationship and all that and if she please could stay away from him, but she didn't seem to truly understand.

At this point i was talking for many hours about this subject i felt betrayed over, while my boyfriend was sleeping

I was so overwhelmed that i was angry towards him in chat why he would do something to me like this, that he defended the other woman, and why he keeps pushing boundaries, and yes i was speaking in capitals and i shouldnt have been so angry, but he sure made it all into a mess again...

He woke up and said at first that he understood and really broke it off with her this time, but then he truly read my messages he was so pissed he broke up with me...
He was extremely coldhearted afterwards, he has always had a temper and i've been called many things, but this time it was different

he truly seemed to mean them, and really was done with me

He said extremely painful things to me while i only could cry

He didnt want to speak with me

Eventually he called me up, said he will truly break up with me

Without a single tear or sad expression in his face, I was so in shock

The days from tuesday to today were a mix of angry, sweet, sad and pleading messages I send him

But he never reacted to any of them truly

It always took him many hours to reply and when he did it was short and always the same

He said he had become a new person now, he didn't want to bond with anyone ever again, and he wants to be a free person (while he always was so devoted to me, truly wanted to marry me, and made sooo many sweet promises and said so many reassuring and sweet things to me)

He said he felt relieved now to be rid of me

And that he has enough of his new friends and wanted to try sexual things with them (while this wednesday he even said he never would do sexual with anyone ever again)

I don't know him like this because he was always a very emotional and dedicated partner still, who loved very deeply and said he could never do something sexual with someone he doesn't truly love

I don't know if its trauma coping, or if he truly was like this all along, I really don't know but it confuses me so much..

He said he is a new version of himself now and that i want his ''depressed'' self back, but I was always okay with him having new friends, just not the female ones in private, and it's clear now why I didn't want that..

He never seemed to be someone who values superficial sexual acts and attention over a deep connection at all, he always reassured that wasn't the case

How could he switch from monday to a loving devoting partner who wanted nothing more than to grow old with me, to a day later in a cold hearted person who is even relieved to be rid of me?

He even insulted me today, called me obsessed with him and to leave him alone, even when I said I could go to his mom's funeral still.. He even blocked me now

First he wanted to be friends with me, saying we could be friends +, but I know he does that because he can't truly say goodbye to me, but couldn't cope with these boundaries apparently

I'm so heartbroken and I feel so betrayed...

All his words were empty for all these years, our future is gone, all the love and devotion i showed him, gone...

I feel extremely lonely and sad and I don't know how to cope with this

He was so important to me, I was the only one there for all these years he was so depressed, and i forgave him so many times

He drops me now the moment he gets new friends and Im not needed anymore, and i suddenly have too many mental problems myself..

I don't know why this person I loved and knew so well, changed so much so suddenly

He's so stone cold and suddenly wants such different things in life, and it doesnt seem to care that the relationship is over..

I thought we truly would have a great life together and it would all be fine again

And now it's all gone.. I have extreme heartpain and grief...

I know it's a very long message, I would appreciate it a lot if even one person would read and reply, thank you very much

My cat disappeared 2 weeks ago and has been missing ever since. Small area, no sightings, no idea what happened to my baby. My ex broke up with me 3 days ago. She said she needs time to work out her trauma and emotions in a psych ward and has to focus on herself to do it, and isn’t capable of having a healthy relationship rn. We agreed she would let me know when she gets out and feels better; and if I feel like it go on dates, see how it feels, and maybe start over. I’m not a mentally stable person either and I get what she means, but I’m so heartbroken. I wish I could take her pain away.

I feel like I need to get my ass up and be a better woman for when she comes back. I want to try new hobbies, work out, or do literally anything but I can’t. I keep crying. We were together for 1 year and 5 months. My first relationship ever. We hadn’t been seeing each other for 1+ months because of her mental/physical health, but I still miss her so much. I can’t get myself to call her my ex, it feels like we never broke up. I got my cat with her, she was everything to me. I miss my little boy and my gorgeous girl. I’m so lost and I feel like shit.

she is a good person and i know she isn’t the type to jump into another relationship so fast because she acknowledges there are unhealed wounds that she doesn’t want to bleed on someone innocent. we broke up mutually and it’s been almost 2 months. i have gotten a lot better but sometimes i catch myself having dreams of her and get triggered by the fact that she will find someone else. i have not healed completely and i still have feelings for her, and i know when i have completely moved on, it wouldn’t bother me anymore. how can i cope with this for now? what are some things you tell yourself?

I just want to talk to her again, I can't keep it in anymore. I want to tell her how much i miss her and still love her FUCKK I FUCKINH CANT

I texted her last night after not talking for like a week because she said she thought she was done last week and that she was just gonna work on herself. I said something like “I know I said I wouldn’t reach out but I just wanted to let you know that even though we’re not talking right now not a day goes by that I’m not thinking about how you’re doing and if your happy.” And got a response “sorry bro she busy right now”. Still in a state of shock any advice on how to move on from that 😂

Hello!

I (21f) am considering breakup up with my (28m) boyfriend. To begin, I want to put out the notion that I think my boyfriend is in love with an ideal of me he holds in his head. Young, smart, beautiful, driven and clean. Which, to be completely honest is who I want to be and who I am working towards being however, I find myself falling short often.

Most of my adult life I have struggled with cleanliness. Hygiene and sanitation are quite important to me but I find myself “letting go” at times. For context, I have depression and adhd which do play into this quite heavily. I have a similar relationship with school. I consider myself driven and smart as well as academically inclined. Most times I do well, however there are times when I “let go” and end up doing poorly due to mental health.

I feel my boyfriend holds me to these perfect “ideals” of me as the standard. Which is fair; most people might not understand the dichotomy I struggle with. He himself is a very clean person. To the point where he initiated a fight with me because I always leave his hand towel scrunched up rather than place it flat beside the sink the way he keeps it.

The tipping point for me that’s leading me to considering a breakup is his anger and tone with me. I find that he often intiates fights and gets quite angry over seemingly small things. Maybe they are small to me but big to him. For example, according to him, I slam doors. For context, I don’t think I do, I just close doors the way I always have. But he felt the need to sit me down and tell me I must not have grown up with parents who cared enough to discipline me.

A few nights ago, I took 45 minutes in the shower which I know is long, it was an everything shower for me that day. When I got out he was very upset saying I wasted his time and that he suspected I was doing something else in there like texting someone else. Further, he has these “suspicions” of me quite often. For example, the other night, as I have adhd and can find crowded social settings overwhelming, I zoned out in the direction of his friend. The friend and I were both aware I had zoned out and wasn’t staring at him. My boyfriend however got really upset later and told me I must have feelings for his friend because I was gawking at him.

His tone and his anger toward me are starting to make my relationship with myself worse. I have told him numerous times that I don’t mind communication, I encourage open communication. However, I don’t like the way he speaks to me. His response to that has always been that I’m not any better that I shut down and get defensive. He is not wrong, I do. I just can’t help shutting down when someone is yelling at me and I also can’t help standing up for myself when I’m feeling attacked. I have told him that I wouldn’t get defensive if I felt safe in the conversation but he says thats childish of me.

For now, I have told him that our “fights” are getting out of control and I need the weekend to myself. I’m leaning towards a breakup. However, I take breakups really hard and I find that I often end up regretting my decisions later on. Further, my bf is very good at shifting narratives to make himself look blameless to others and we have a bunch of mutual friends. I’m torn as of right now. What do I do? Do I slowly detach, do I wait until the semester is over in December? Do I do it at the end of the weekend. I’m really conflicted. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

this has to be the hardest breakup i’ve ever been through. because i love him so much and i know he loves me deeply and we both want a life together, but there is so much unhealed trauma that just keeps causing problems and resentments. i ended it, but all i want to do now is beg him to let us keep trying. therapy, anything. but i don’t think it’s the right thing to do and i think he hates me now for leaving him like i did. i hate this so much.

I just was dumped by my boyfriend for what I think is the final time. We have been together for 4 years and I feel that he just dumps me when things get uncomfortable instead of working on them. He has broken up with me few times now. he quickly goes and dates other woman and then eventually comes back to me. it is the worst emotional rollercoster.

I love him so much and I would never just walk away from him. He felt that I was not attracted to him, I did't love him, and I didn't respect him. None of this was true in my heart. While I have gone through a LOT this year and he knew I was struggling, I often reassured him that this will not always be this way and Im working hard with therapy and changing my job. I reassured him that I was for sure attracted to him and wouldn't be in a relationship if I felt different.

It has been 7 weeks and I have done the whole begging, writting letters. We have hung out multiple times, he fills me with words that I think he would take me back, " you're so amazing, you look incredible, you always have, I wanted to marry you" buys me things and then we are intimate. then the days Im not with him im depressed and anxious wondering what is on his mind, he just says "I dont want a relationship with you, I don't trust it, you will go back to the way you were, you are just acting this way to win me back". I just feel like I was being used and kind of exploded my emotions of what are we doing and now I am blocked. It is the most gut wrenching feeling, confusing and painful life event I have been through.

if I didn't love him or wanted to make it work I would never be fighting for us to work. I would have said OK and walked away. I guess Im just wondering if anybody has been in this position and what I should do :(

Hi everyone, I'm feeling lost and hurt and just need a place to express what I'm going through. My boyfriend left me after I had a miscarriage. He's been blaming me, saying it happened because I don't take care of myself, and now he's told me he doesn't want to be with me anymore and has blocked me. The grief and the breakup are overwhelming, and I'm struggling to understand how to cope with this. Has anyone been through something similar? Any advice on how to process these feelings or what to do next would be greatly appreciated.

I've been in a relationship from the past 5 years. It would've been 6 in January. I met him while we were very young and it was a first relationship for the both of us. He was my first in everything as I was his. Things have always been rocky as one month into the relationship the pandemic started. At first it was so beautiful, it was so pure, my first love but then it started deteriorating. He dealt with a lot of mental health issues and I am not proud to say this but I wasn't a good partner. Not even a good friend. At that time we were both preparing for our college entrance exam so there was a lot of pressure from our families also. I come from a very conservative family and eventually they found out and it was a whole thing. I don't know how but we still survived through all of that. I got into a college but he couldn't so he took a gap year. Things remained rocky but I thought that's what made us strong. An year passed and he also got an admission. Around July 2023 he confessed that he cheated on me. He had gone on online sex forums and also talked thrice to some girl of his previous school. I thought I could forgive him because my love for him was so strong but I became bitter. I became so so bitter. I had been betrayed by someone I thought I was fighting the world for. I cried I screamed I hurt myself just for him to realise what he had done. It went on for months. Things eventually died down but I remained bitter. Every conversation, every sentence. I just couldn't accept that fact he would betray me like this.

Now, after almost a year, he gave me his Gmail Id to do some work on his behalf. I don't know what happened but I secretly put my fingerprint as his passkey, downloaded the backup codes and started monitoring his activity. He then went on a lad trips with some of his friends. To see what was happening (we don't follow each other on socials), I created a fake id and sent friend requests to all his friends (again, I know it's so toxic but I just couldn't stop). Some of them accepted. On the last day, while he was returning, I saw that one his friends had reposted a girl's story. I also saw that he had downloaded Hinge dating app on his phone. I went total batshit crazy. I messaged him more than a hundred times, called him fifty times or so. Long story short, he blocked me but I eventually asked him to talk to me. After that I've been talking normally to him. But I could see all the datings apps he had been downloading.

There's this one app that didn't require the phone number and accepted login through gmail so I downloaded the app on my phone and opened his ID. I saw that he has began talking to some girl. At first I was giving myself so many excuses but then I saw he has texted her that he was open for a serious relationship. I couldn't control myself. I just couldn't. I started bawling my eyes out and calling him. He eventually picked up and we started talking. He suspected from my tone that I had his account. Right then and there he deleted all the backup codes, passkeys and changed the password. I was crying like crazy but I didn't accept that I had his account or his dating app id. And then I saw while he was on call with me he was texting her his Instagram id

He was on a call with me and texting someone else. And this is just from one app. I don't know how many there are from the other IDs he has. 5 years, almost 6. Gone. I don't know what to do now. I have a life changing exam in 15 days for my master's program. Here I am crying from the past 3 hours. How could this happen in my life. I was crying on the phone and he was texting someone else how he's looking for a serious relationship. I'm so lost. All I can think about is how I've failed my parents. My broken dreams. All I can think of is what ifs. I just don't know where to go from here. I've been trying so hard.

I apologise for the long post. I don't know if anyone will even read this. I just can't. I couldn't see any other option other than this. I am so sorry.

For those of you hurting,

Man, I’ve been there. Woman of my dreams, everything was perfect, we were inseparable, and then life happened (mainly, covid and jobs that took us different directions in the county). When we broke up my world shattered, it took months and months for my heart to feel normal. The good news?

Met up for coffee today, 5 years later, she’s getting married, found a great person, the best part - I walked away with a smile on my face. She’s a wonderful person, it didn’t work out between us but that is okay, life happens. All the heartache and countless nights waking up with her in my dreams, it all melted away when I saw her realized how happy she was and, perhaps more importantly, realized how happy I had become growing into myself since we broke up.

It gets better. Every day it gets a little better, until one day you look back with a smile on your face that it happened, and not regret that it ended. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to accept that there is a journey to it. It’s hard, but once you get there, you will be happy you got through it.

i don’t want to find someone else. i want him. that’s all i want. it’s not fair. why does it have to be this way? every where i look, he’s there. taunting me, daring me to beg for him back. im so close to actually doing it. but i have to prove to myself that im gonna keep myself safe. i just only want him. every interaction with other people feel so hollow and empty compared to him. am i doomed to never love again? i still love him, so so much. my heart is tearing itself apart.

i wish i had been good enough for him to love me. i was probably just a game. it hurts so much. maybe i just dont deserve anyone. i’ve felt heartbreak, but not nearly this painful. my world is back to being colorless.

I'm 23. He is 22. We had been together for a little under a year. He is on a student visa which is expiring soon. His home country situation is terrible, and I was willing to marry him so that he could get a green card and be safe.

I realized recently I couldn't do it. I am too young to get married. I'm not ready. He proposed, and I said yes. I was sick to my stomach when I realized I should've told him sooner I wasn't ready. I told him a few days later and it broke his heart. After talking, I told him I had to think about it more and I would let him know. I broke him.

Last weekend I ended up in the hospital after a suicide attempt. The day after I was released, he asked me again when I would tell him my decision.

I snapped. I cried and cried on the phone with him telling him I wasn't ready.

A few days ago we broke up. Everything hurts. He hates me. He is so angry with me, and I understand why. He told me I was lying to him and leading him on, but I swear I wasn't. I was sure I wanted to marry him, until I wasn't.

I now am going to intensive outpatient therapy, for all my other issues (there are a lot lol). Everything hurts, I feel like this will be good for me and I will heal, but it all hurts so bad.

Hey all. In a nutshell, my gf broke up with me after 3 years 2 months ago. We were both pretty miserable at the end and I think it’s the right call. I’ve hand ups and downs but I’m really struggling with the sex part. My ex and I haven’t spoken at all since the day after the break up. I feel like this is a bad idea but honestly I’m craving it and not sure how to do deal with the loneliness. Anyone help?

TLDR; Things were trending negatively in the relationship, and I’d complained deeply once after a big fight, but I strongly regret not exhausting all options and giving her multiple chances to prove that she could be a good partner for me. She was devastated after the breakup and implying that she really would’ve worked towards being better if I’d given her the chance to. And I regret not giving her that chance.

My relationship wasn’t all bad. In fact, it was very good in a lot of ways. But only when we agreed. The moment we had a different opinion on anything (from small things like what to do on the weekend, to bigger things like plans for the future, to even things about ME, like whether or not to buy a bigger couch for my apartment, shave/keep my beard, etc) she’d basically withhold her love until she got her way. Or it’d become a huge argument. And I’m not very confrontational (even when playing sports, I’m not competitive) so it led to me continuously feeling backed against the wall.

I couldn’t articulate these feelings at the time, I just felt so suffocated. It even got to the point that I didn’t bring up my problems to her anymore because it’d somehow turn to an argument (e.g

Me: “I am feeling exhausted from all this driving”

Her: (not even acknowledging my feelings/comforting me) “Does that mean you won’t be able to drive me to X place?”

So basically I just felt like I had to bottle everything up and put on a perfect show.

Again, I want to stress that we did have several good times together. Like, really good times. Her family loved me. Which I know is hard to come by. But like, they really did. Everything seemed nice and dandy. But that feeling of being trapped… I really can’t explain it. It just felt like I had no voice. To be fair I’m not the best at being assertive, which I’m working on. But the one time I felt like I stood up to her, it ballooned into a huge fight and I was the one that had to do damage control to fix it.

Basically in our relationship I felt like I was the only one really wanting things to work out by all means, like I was the only one putting in effort to keep her. I didn’t feel valued at all. She did say that some things felt non negotiable to her due to her being autistic, but I felt like she just never tried to make me feel valued in other ways to make up for it.

And then we had the thing where I wasn’t sure if I wanted kids, and she was sure she wasn’t. Though I was leaning child free as well. But I always had this little idea of “what if I did have a kid”, which I was unable to even talk about with her at all. Like, we were both leaning child free but for different reasons, she just couldn’t stand children. Nothing against her for that. But I couldn’t even bring up the topic with her at all because she’d shut it down almost immediately (as with most things she disagreed with me on).

I brought up these issues to her after a fight, and she said she’d work on it, but almost two weeks later, I barely saw any change, not even that initial “bounce”. Coupled with the stress of work and my bank account getting depleted due to some stressful life stuff, I just basically felt like I was spiraling, and worst of all she didn’t even see it.

A week before the breakup, I had a really bad day at work but still took her out to dinner + a movie as promised, because I knew canceling/rescheduling would come with it’s whole host of problems from her. But I was visibly falling asleep during the movie. Nonetheless, I still had to put up a strong face for her and be pleasant, blah blah. And that night she texted me that I was the best boyfriend she’d ever had and she felt lucky to be with me. But that same night, I didn’t feel that reciprocated at all. I felt stressed, trapped, and completely unseen.

And so I broke up with her. She was devastated, but I was relieved. She mentioned how I was the perfect boyfriend, the best she’d ever had, and how much it hurt that I decided I was through with her. That it meant I didn’t believe she could change. And I will say that at some points here and there, she made little efforts. But even the efforts showed that she didn’t really know/listen to me (e.g, I’d always talked about a brand of donuts that I liked, but how I only liked their plain glazed ones and wasn’t really a fan of the others. And the day after I told her the issues I was having with her, she bought one of the others I kinda hated, and was like “your favorite”. I ate them and thanked her, because of the effort, but for me that was just proof she didn’t even listen to me. And I didn’t want her efforts to do a nice thing to turn into another fight).

Lastly, early on she told me her last relationship ended because her ex complained about her all the time (which should’ve been a red flag) and so when they broke up her ex came with a written list of things she’d done wrong and then they decided to call it. But I now get why he probably needed a list, because a lot of the things she’d do were things you couldn’t quite put a finger on.

My feelings of relief lasted just 4 days. Then I started contacting her to give her an even deeper piece of my mind (but in the nicest way possible) for all the further issues I had (with no threat of her breaking up with me like she did to her ex), but she completely ignored me. Completely. And then one day she finally replied and told me to go away and stop trying to find ways to contact her, that what is done is done.

My regret is that I didn’t communicate further as well as I could’ve, and only did it after the breakup. Yes, based on this whole writeup it was trending negatively, but I didn’t exhaust all options, I extrapolated from current events and didn’t give her the chance to see if she’d change. I feel like if she’d broken up with me, I wouldn’t be feeling this regret.