Title.

I have a tendency to get into debates on the internet when I probably could have just minded my business. I’d love to hear from others who spent too much time online.

Do y’all get into internet arguments? What kinds of things do you argue about?

What do you do if you realize you’re wrong? Double down, apologize, delete your posts?

How long are you willing to argue with an internet stranger before giving up?

I know this post is dumb I’m just in an argument with someone on Instagram and regretting it LMAO and wondering if others have the same problem.

When you are criticized and told about your mistakes now and shamed for it as an adult by your caregiver? They could have told when you were young and you could have corrected them then itself. Now them being indifferent to me and keeping the distance between us is hurting. How to overcome the shame?

Going forward, how do I know that if I am doing a mistake ? Whether it is a mistake or not? Depressed and unable to come to terms.

I used to be a very extroverted person, getting stimulated by other people and needing social activity on a weekly - nay, daily basis. I used to throw parties and invite everyone I knew from acquaintances to close friends. I know a big part of that is because in early years like school and college, you're constantly around friends so being extroverted is more common. As we get older we naturally drift from our friends, but I wonder how many of us still manage to stay extroverted and continue maintaining a social life?

I feel like now being around even one close friend drains me so much. Going to a social gathering feels draining, not energizing. Even though I need socialization it still feels like a lot of times I turn down invites and find myself choosing to stay home in my pjs doing nothing over going out. I know this is again pretty common as you get older, but do you think people who are true extroverts stay extroverts their entire lives? Or was I actually just an introvert all along?

I applied for this job. She got back to me and a bunch of others bcc-ed in an email, congratulating us on passing the first step of the hiring process. She then gave us a long-ass assignment. I wanted to know what I'd be getting at the end if I was successful, so I asked her to tell me the pay band (which I'd also asked in the interview) and it was lower than I was expecting. It would fall between $16 - 25 an hour. I was making $28 at my last job.

I finished the assignments anyway but I don't know whether to send them to her or not. I'm not going to work for less than $30 an hour. I was speaking to a recruiter and he said I should be charging $50 for what I do, so I've already been underselling myself. I am also turned off by the fact that she asked us to do this in the first place. And that she wasn't clear about the hours. Only that it was "part-time" and "flexible". I'm also concerned that she might use my work/labour, even if I don't end up working for her. So here are my options:

1. Send her the stuff, and if she chooses me, tell her that she can hire me for $30.

2. Email her right now saying that the range does not match what I'm looking for, and if she can meet me there I can share my work with her.

3. Just outright not do it, since it's already left a bad taste in my mouth.

Thanks!

Maybe it’s too much alcohol, social media, over-eating, under-eating, binging, exercising, porn, gossip… I don’t know.

What is something you do that you enjoy but at the same time may be hurting you from reaching goals. And what are those goals? Like self-sabotage?

So I have realized I (33F) with a (38M) spends a lot more time at his work but still have a full schedule myself…

I just cleaned our house for the last 4 hrs and he always acts like it’s and front to him…

I no longer ask him for help in anything but if I can’t be on the drop of a dime ready to hangout cause I’m cleaning he gets mad.

To clarify we have a golden and a very hairy cat plus I take care of much more of the household then he does…

To be honest I’d don’t know what I’m looking for… I’m sad and disappointed

Do I leave him?!!

Honestly just looking for what you other woman expect from your men in straight relationships after busy jobs?!

I’m a 28F and I moved to Chicago in the middle of COVID and pretty much had to start over. I was stuck in a rut for a while until 2023 when I really committed to going out and meeting people. It takes me a long time to warm up to people but I’ve been trying to initiate plans with people I’ve met. I’ve met a lot of nice people but I still have met “my people” by which I mean the friends I really click with. I haven’t had a group of friends since college and even that group dissipated after college ended and we lost touch. I haven’t had a best friend probably since I was in elementary school. I’m really trying to meet people who I click with. I am looking for friendships and a romantic partner as well but I feel lonely. I don’t really have a go to person I can talk to who is my age and ask for advice. I’ve always been used to doing things by myself that I’ve gotten used to it but I know I don’t want to be lonely for the rest of my life. I feel like as an adult it’s so hard to find and maintain friendships.

My boss is generally moody. He doesn't shout but is short and often sarcastic with me when he's unhappy with my progress or overwhelmed with his workload. I've noticed that he's a lot more patient and even warm towards me on days when I've dressed up (makeup, form fitting clothing, hair done, etc.). I'm more likely to end up on his bad side when i'm wearing comfortable business casual attire with simple hairstyles. I hate that I'm so sensitive to the shifts in his behaviour and attitude towards me.

My job is exhausting enough. Lately I find myself being obsessed with and strategic about my appearance in ways I never have before because people at work, especially male colleagues and managers, are more respectful and polite when I've put considerable effort into looking more feminine and put-together in the morning. It's making me wonder if I'm using pretty privilege to overcompensate for performance issues my boss is communicating indirectly by being cold.

I need to hold onto this job for a little while longer. I'd appreciate any tips on how to survive with my sanity intact until then.

Hi. I (black female 30s) usually don't post, so bare with me. I'm getting divorced after being with a white male (40s) for 10 years and I feel like complete horse shit about it. I stand by my decision as I know I need to do this for my happiness. I haven't felt heard, seen, and understood in far too long, plus, there was some emotionally abusive behavior. Not saying I was a perfect partner either.

Reflecting on life made me realize I don't want to keep this relationship as is anymore. We were in and out of couple's therapy before we even were married. Now, making this decision - the one I know I need for my own mental and emotional well-being - is leaving me feeling absolutely full of guilt. I know he is broken up. He probably feels blindsided even though I have been expressing a need for change for quite some time.

Not sure what I'm looking for here. I guess, some words of support or encouragement that we will both be ok. I know time will heal these wounds. The divorce will hopefully leave us both in a better place in time.

Just feeling really sad right now.

Hi everyone, I need some advice on how I can resolve my constant indecision about having kids. In my 20s, I had a strong desire for children, but now in my mid-30s, I'm not sure anymore. My feelings fluctuate - sometimes I really want a child, but that desire quickly fades when I consider how much energy it requires.

My partner is in the same boat, making it hard for us to reach a firm decision. I thought taking it one step at a time might help, so I started doing some prep work like talking to my doctor and taking prenatal vitamins. But then I find myself questioning what am I doing.

We recently got a puppy after two years of postponing, and we're doing remarkably well with training, caring for, and meeting her needs. Sometimes I wonder if our fence-sitting about kids might resolve itself similarly - that once we take the plunge, we'll rise to the occasion.

But I can't help but torture myself over this decision. Why am I unable to make up my mind on something so significant? This has been consuming my thoughts for the past two months. I went to therapy and initially decided to move forward with having a child, but now I'm backtracking again.

I'm also scared about the lack of family support. We would have to do everything ourselves, from childcare to household responsibilities. It feels overwhelming.

I'm struggling with this constant indecision and could really use some advice on how to gain clarity and confidence in whichever path I ultimately choose. (Don't suggest therapy please. )

For a bit of context, I went off of birth control last fall because frankly I’ve been on it for over 10 years and I wanted to see what life was like off of it. Dumb. I was put on it after being diagnosed with endometriosis in my mid-twenties and having surgery. I haven’t had issues with endometriosis since.

I’m getting married in the fall and my partner and I are thinking about kids in the next few years, so going off of it seemed like a perfectly logical thing to do. I regret it now!

For the last 6 months, my acne has been BAD. My skin was always pretty okay with a little bit of effort and the only thing I can think of is it must be hormonal from going off of birth control. I’ve been working with an esthetician to navigate a better routine but I’ll be honest, if the issue is hormones then how much can a good routine really help?

I spoke with my GP about getting my hormones checked and she just brushed me off. So my question is: what type of doctor should I see about this? Endocrinologist? Dermatologist?

Curious if anyone here has navigated this before. I’m upset that I’m dealing with this before my wedding but more than anything it’s painful and I’d like to improve things.

I apologize in advance if this posts end up being quite long, I'm not used to writing this kind of things, I also am sorry if there may be some mistakes, English is not my first language.

Hi, I (M19) lost my mom when I was 6, just a couple months after she gave birth to my brother (born deaf as a result of her cancer at the pancreas). I always blamed myself for the fact that I asked her directly to give me a brother, and while I've been confirmed that she would very rarely have survived the cancer, I still think that her chances got to 0 because of her pregnancy, after which she got a lot weaker from what I can remember, I simply blame myself because I keep believing that if she wasn't pregnant she would've survived.

As a result of me keeping to blame myself, I still haven't coped with her loss, in the years this brought a lot of insecurities, and while physically I look pretty tough I actually just keep most of the stuff I think inside my head, from social anxiety to being very lazy/depressed to do well in school.

I started seeing a therapist in October, that is coincidentally the same therapist that helped my mom in the months before her death. She helped a lot with motivation stuff and such, but I still think that I got a long way to go before considering myself at peace, and worst thing is that I'm too stubborn to get the thought of her death being my fault out of my head anyways.

My Aunt (mom sister) also helped a lot, overall I've known a couple wonderful women that helped me with my anxiety and insecureness, friends, and even my girlfriend that is very supportive even if we live distant to each other.

I would like to ask for some advices, opinions, I thought that asking for strangers that doesn't know me in person would help me a little, what would you tell me if you were my mom and such...

Thank you all for reading this and I appreciate every comment <3

Scroll to end for TLDR!

I’m single, 26 and soon going back to college. I have the opportunity to move to my hometown and basically “keep the lights on” for the homeowner. They no longer use the property and are just looking for someone to pay the heat and lights in it so it doesn’t get moldy basically. The cost of living has been consistently going up where I live and moving to my hometown with this arrangement would allow me to save about $500-$700 per month. Currently, I’m slowly going into debt and can barely make ends meet just to survive. I can’t buy anything outside of necessary food and gas for transportation (my small city doesn’t have a reliable public transit unfortunately) and there’s no money left over for me to save. My health insurance payment is building up on my visa because I can’t pay it out of pocket. Having this extra $700 would allow me to save some for my future and also just take care of myself better in general. I used to enjoy getting my hair cut, getting a little treat, or even a facial every now and again to help myself feel confident but I can’t do any of those things anymore because I frightfully can barely afford to keep food in my fridge now. I don’t mean lavish facials and haircuts or treats, I’m just talking like at home facials and hair trims and literally just some chips or something to make my weekend solo movie night better. On top of that I want to save some money for my future when I graduate and hopefully have enough for a down payment on a house.

Here’s the thing.. I left my hometown because I didn’t have a genuine friend, I got bullied a lot growing up, been in two abusive relationships there and the place makes me feel sort of unsafe in a way because one of them is still there. My friends and mother say that enough time has passed that I shouldn’t have to worry about any of those things anymore but I honestly am still a little frightened. I moved out of that town when I was 17 and only visited periodically. I think that now I could just stay to myself and not be affected too much for the simple fact that it isn’t high-school anymore.

My hometown has a gym and pool and I could also pick up a hobby like quilting or knitting to sell at the market for extra cash. My sister and her kids are still there and I like the idea of being around them and watching them grow up over the next few years and being involved in their childhoods. I don’t see them for months at a time right now which kind of hurts the heart.

I’m looking for advice from anyone that has made this transition or has been in a similar situation… what did you do? And if you haven’t been in a similar situation, what would you do? Please help!

TLDR: I’m 26, soon going back to school, going into debt living alone currently and I have a chance to move to my hometown and save money by paying considerably less rent.

Edit: just a little more detail!

36/straight F, no kids. How to start dating again?

Have you tried meeting new partners by going on trips -- like bookimg trips through a local tour operator, potentiall meeting someone from the local area? LOL sounds funny/shallow even(?) but my idea is that ppl who seek those types of experience would be a great way to develop shares interests & good way to screen that they have enough security to spend & value these things.

Thought?

You know the type. They speak to you like you're stupid and inept or a sex doll, or both. If you talk back or question them they act like you're the problem. They think women are there to serve, smile and look pretty.

In my personal life, my usual way to deal with these men is to not deal with them at all - walk off in the other direction. Complete disengagement. If I see them in a bar, shop or restaurant I stay as far away from them as physically possible, won't even entertain a conversation with them. There is no reasoning with the unreasonable and I don't have the energy for these men.

However, occasionally at work I have to deal with these types (I work with the public but won't share details here). So I am forced to engage with men who talk down to me. I have retorted curtly with "don't be so rude" a couple of times. I've also said "I'm not going to work with you if you patronise me", but of course this ends up with it escalating and them being even worse to me. I don't want to just stand there and take it - I also don't want to fake a smile and be nice to these assholes.

I need a coping mechanism. I'm hoping to get out of this job soon... Meantime, I need a way to cope while keeping my dignity intact.

My cat steals cherry tomatoes from the counter and puts them in the shower with a bite taken out of them sometimes, sometimes no bites.

My boyfriend (37) and I (35f) had plans to hang out last night, he was going to come over and help me do an errand then cook dinner together and spend the night at mine. I was not working so I got a lot of work done in my garden during the day.

After work he called and said he would still come help with the errand but he wanted to do more work on his own garden at home and asked if I could go stay at his instead. He came over and helped with the errand and then we kissed (relevant to the story) and then decided I would drive over to his in about 3 hours so he could do some things he needed to and work in his garden before we hung out.

An hour later he called and said that since his coworker has been sick recently , maybe I shouldn’t come over. He said his nose was stuffed and although it is always stuffed, it could be a sign of him getting sick too. I told him I would come anyways since they work outside together I don’t think he was really exposed because they don’t even share a vehicle at work. He seemed disappointed but agreed I would still come.

I thought about it after and I realized that he had already “exposed “ me by kissing me and that his coworker had been sick since Sunday and we had hung out already since then . I realized he was trying to make me not want to come because he didn’t want me to come over. Not sure why though .

I called him and asked him and he said he just really wanted to do his gardening and I wasn’t going to help so he didn’t think I should come. I ended up not going over.

The thing that is bothering me is that I think he was trying to manipulate me into not coming instead of just telling me he was canceling our plans .. it feels so childish but he has lied in the past so it’s not something he wouldn’t do.

Should I make a big deal out of it or let it go? At the beginning of our relationship he lied to me about being exclusive with me. He was seeing other women but told me we were exclusive since he knew I wouldn’t date him if he was sleeping with others. He confessed that after we became official. He begged for a second chance.

He has also lied about his drinking. In the past he quit drinking for 2 months but when started drinking again he was secretive about it because he knows I don’t like it, especially because he drinks and drives. Recently he almost got a second DUI (a close call) which was a massive wake up call for him and has quit drinking again as of about a week ago. He seems to be serious about it and also has made it clear he will try to be totally honest with me going forward.

We have so much fun together and have so much in common, I love him and all that .
Help me lol .

Sorry the title should say ‘friend’ not ‘from’

I’m starting to think she’s doing this on purpose in the hopes I’ll give up.

We can never meet for lunch, for an afternoon walk or coffee by the beach, never dinner. It is always a 7am exercise class or something.

I’m tired of this. I don’t know what to think. I know she’s busy and trying to keep in touch and I’m not a super early morning person (she’s up at 5am).

It’s been such a disappointment to finally make a friend after years of loneliness only to have to fit into her schedule like a job.

How do I respond? I acknowledge I’m the one who’s not as busy but at the same time I can’t be wrong in wanting a friend I can meet for brunch or lunch or see a movie with?

I kind of want to to be honest and just ask if she thinks there will ever be a chance of meeting at other times that isn’t morning?

Please I need some help. I feel like Its one sided.

But for real. I am SO over matching with men only to say 1-2 things or have them never say anything at all! What's the point?!? It's so disheartening. Is it just the unfortunate way our culture is right now? I've gone back and forth between Hinge and Bumble but wondering if any of the others are worth trying. I'm in the LA area if that helps.

My arms have always been quite meaty. This has always made me a bit wary about wearing sleeveless tops, but sometimes I have to because there aren’t that many long sleeve or quarter sleeve tops or dresses that are that cute.

I’m 35, Asian, weigh 180, and am 5’8”. By no means am I unhealthy or overweight, even though I’m above the BMI index for my height. I walk 2-4 miles on a daily basis, hike on the weekends, eat two solid healthy meals a day, and always cook at home.

I’ve seen great progress when I started doing more cardio in terms of how my clothes fit. I know I can’t spot reduce, but my arms have pretty much stayed the same size even though the rest of my body has slimmed down.

I’ve recently started doing weights for my arms. I figured - if I’m gonna have big arms, might as well make them toned. But I still can’t get over how thick they look in photos and in sleeveless clothes.

Anyone have the same problem?

Hi ladies,

I am 35f and after years of toxic relationships and behaviors, have spent the last year+ working on myself, FOR ME.

During this year, I have "cleared my roster" (no more randomly texting guys/having "backup" guys around to entertain me), stopped drinking almost 100% (3-4 times in a year), taken up yoga 5x a week, deepened friendships that made me feel good, cut friends that made me feel bad, learned to meditate, started eating healthier, etc.

I have never been happier or more confident in myself. My career is going great, I love my friends, my family, my life, and myself.

One of the thing I did this year was journal extensively about my love life, relationships, what I want in a partner, etc.

I determined that casual sex is not good for me. It makes me feel terrible about myself. I vowed to never have casual, uncommitted, "what are we" sex ever again.

The problem is, I ONLY know how to have casual sex. I spent 15 years doing it that way. Sometimes it turned into a relationship, sometimes it didn't.

I am ready to start dating again and am curious how to most gracefully have this conversation with a man. If I were going to be extremely blunt, here is what I would say:

"I am at a point in my life where I know exactly what I want in a partner and what I offer as a partner. One of my non-negotiables is casual sex. The next person I have sex with, I intend to marry them. I realize that it takes time to get know each other. I am really excited about you/to get to know you/I find you very attractive, but physically, I need to take things slow. I want to form a trusting bond where we can talk openly about how we're feeling without the complications of a sexually intimate relationship. I am okay getting gradually more physical as we both feel comfortable. I am looking for a partner I can fully trust to keep my heart and body safe, and I want to be that person to someone else. What are your thoughts?"

This feels so "anti-cool girl" (which I used to be, and which made me miserable). But I know this is my boundary.

Have any of you ladies had similar conversations with men? In the past I've been totally go with the flow, spontaneous, etc. I don't know how to be more serious and intentional!

Women in your 30s-40s who are thin, yet don’t exercise a lot, what do you eat? I have such an unhealthy relationship with food…and am so curious how some people just eat a salad, a handful of nuts, and some chicken all day. Do you count calories? Or do you sincerely not have an appetite? Or do you often get really hungry, but your body image makes you not want to eat? I’m genuinely curious.

I’ve been on a dating site and started talking to this man today. He was pushing for a hookup, saying dating is too hard and it’s a waste of time. I told him I’m not interested in the hook up and he replies “Well if I end up actually liking you, then I’ll keep hanging out with you.” 💀💀💀

I'm in my mid 30's (single, no kids) and I'm so sad that I've lost every one in my social circle. I'm introverted but those I have built close relationship, I'm very outgoing. I love building friendships with those I may feel comfortable with.

Last year has been the low of low's: getting out a decade long narcissist relationship, getting excluded by cousins who were my peers all my life, plus other 4 family members who I had to cut out cause they were so emotionally immature & always excluding of me & all the trauma that came from it.

I feel so strange b/c I feel like I did everything accordingly when building a relationship (initiate, engage, follow-up, be there for someone financially, emotionally) but i always feel like ppl have forgotten about me & in life in general.

I make a lot of effort in my friendships: send friends well wishes all the time, send gifts for their milestones but nothing in return. I get 0 texts from anyone in general, forget getting inviting to any social events. Its such a pathetic life. LOL. I assure you I have not done anything toxic to anyone in my circle bc I have questioned in my head million times.

I tried to meet via social groups but no one follows up or attempt to meetup.

Sometimes, I wonder how my life ended up here. Anyone relate to this? How did you build your social relationship again?

PS: i cant join a sports club bc im not great at any sports & im bad any skills like painting or crotecging. LOL.

I’m looking for some updated recommendations as products are always coming & going, or changing formulations.

I have an event coming up with a lot of photography and videography, and need something that photographs beautifully while keeping my makeup in place (especially through heat and humidity—am I asking for too much? LOL)

Thank you!

If you’ve had it (transcranial magnetic stimulation) can you share your experience?

I’m leaning towards having it done.

So I've been trying Bumble BFF with varying degrees of success. Matched with several people, chatted with some, and hung out with one yesterday (a small success!). However, I usually take a day to respond, with long and thoughtful, asking open questions and all. Somehow, opening an app and responding can get overwhelming, and I usually reply during my bus commute. In real life, except maybe for my mom, I don't reply to texts immediately either. I prefer to text ahead and call my friends during the weekend.

I realized today that I was unmatched by a pretty cool girl. It's my fault, so it's a bit disappointing but I don't blame her. The thing is that I knew who she was, she works close by in my department and goes rock climbing in the neighborhood gym, so there is a potential chance I will run into her. Do I try to amend this by emailing her, or would that be weird?

And just to have an open discussion here, how long does it take for you to reply to text messages? Does it bother you if someone takes a day to reply? How do you communicate that you prefer in-person or phone to catch up?

Hello Redditors!

I have a 45 year old best friend who I am significantly younger than. We have been friends for 5 years. We are very close best friends and talk daily for hours. She has dealt with heavy addiction and alcoholism for the past few years. Over all I was still able to communicate with her fine and she actually remembered conversations we had better than I. As my best friend of course I told her everything personal. She would make negative comments that she would try to pass off as constructive criticism, eventually it got so direct in her drunkenness there was no denying she was talking shit. I used to let it slide thinking she was a drunk mess.

A few weeks ago she drunkenly made a negative comment out of the blue completely unrelated to what we were talking about. I had a conversation with her the next day and told her it seems these days as if she’s in competition with me and jealous, given her severe state of addiction and having to be home bound because of it she cannot compete where she does not compare. I told her I do not respond back to her comments because she’s in such a low position in life already. I told her her behavior indicates that she is a jealous hater and does not dare have this behavior with anyone but me. She said she might be jealous and does not know why she treats me that way.

She began hysterically crying apologized and asked that I don’t leave her. We moved forward and she continued to do it again anyways.

I have decided to cut her out of my life. Should I even tell her that I am or blocking her number and never contact her again? Any advice?