I had dinner with a group of women last night. We were all in our 30s and 40s. The topic of our relationships came up and I realized that we were basically all in different stages of the same type of relationship.

Several of us were considering leaving our partners because we are simply not fulfilled anymore, but we are all having a hard time leaving.

We are all pretty career oriented and none of our partners are ambitious in their own life. Every single one of us talked about regularly being belittled or attacked by our partners for wanting to advance in our careers and spending more time at work. But then when you dig a bit deeper you find out that all these women are the breadwinners. The houses we have? The nice cars? The renovations? The vacations? All thanks to the women bankrolling the men because we’re the ones with the money.

The women who have children all reported similar experiences of doing most if not all of the child rearing. The men “aren’t bad dads but they’re just kind of there”.

We all get regularly called selfish, self centered, not invested in the relationships. And several of us are considering leaving but our partners are basically guilting us into staying or making it difficult for us to just leave. And we are also afraid of the unknown so taking that step is so daunting.

At the dinner table, the ones who are happy in their relationships and not considering leaving are the ones that have already been divorced once, because of similar reasons.

My overall impression is that a lot of women get into relationships very young, and then we hit an age where we realize we have grown and evolved but our partners have not.

We technically hold the power because we’re already doing everything on our own, but we still find ourselves stuck because of guilt or fear. And “he’s not a bad guy” so we don’t really feel like we are justified in leaving.

I’ve been feeling a bit stuck in life after a bad break up, and finding myself itching for a bit of an adventure.

I’m nearly 35 and NZ, where I live, is small and very family-oriented. Most of my friends are settled down and starting to or have had kids.

I love my friends but I feel increasingly out of sync with everyone.

I can get a visa for the UK or Canada and I’m seriously considering moving and seeing what happens - I’d like an adventure, and I am financially stable enough to make it happen (though would need to find a job).

I just wondered what other peoples experiences have been with moving overseas at this stage of life - especially to either of these countries. Was it fun? Was it a slog? Was making friends easy or was everyone still settling down, but now you didn’t have any mates lol.

My hope is that I might meet a partner in one place or the other as well. Realistic?!

Would love to hear about whether you ended up regretting or loving it.

Xx

I’ve heard that pick mes are problematic recently

My male partner and I are long distance. We’ve been together for almost three years now and have been through a lot. Earlier in the relationship I cheated, but we have been working through it and for the most part are making progress. I am committed to him and I love him. I’m not sure if that bit of information will affect how you respond to my post.

A few months ago my partner met a woman out in a public establishment. I don’t remember how they ended up talking (I think she was at the next table over) but they share a unique background and they exchanged numbers. A month or so later, she was in the area and she called him to get coffee. Since that point they have met again for coffee and she has invited him to lunch (he didn’t go). She’s not always in his area but she has seen him or has tried to see him in some way at least 5 times since the first met. They text at least a few days a week (I think more often) about politics and also about the personal. They talk on the phone and have met up to swap a certain kind of belonging. She offered to bring him food when his power went out.

This is really bothering me. I don’t know how much they actually talk, how much they really get along, and what her feelings are. I do trust him but I feel like this crosses a boundary - it might be different if she were an old friend. And something that really bothers me is that he won’t tell me her last name.

What are your thoughts on this? Am I overreacting to feel super preoccupied and concerned about their blossoming friendship? I wish he would stop this contact but I don’t want to be controlling.

First of all sorry for my English its not my first language:)so.. im 34F alone since 1 year and didn’t really date. Im on a dating app but casually speaking to one guy on and off, he looked pretty awesome, live in another town.. my last relationship was so damaging and i take my time to meet people. So we spoke for about 2-3 weeks.

This week i’ve been to a show for the birthday of my really good friend( two feet, for those who knows). As we arrive in the crowd i bump into a guy next to me and excuse myself, it was all black with a little bit of light. I find he was really cute, he start speaking to me and we laugh for about 15-20 minutes. His face was telling me something. After that we realise he was the guy of the app i was talking too. We were in shock and there was a lot of attraction and chemistry’s between us. We spoke all night. He told me that he just have a date with a girl and he saw her 2 times but that he can’t pass beside me because of the chemistry we had and how it happens. He took my number and since he talk to me everyday and seems really interested. Im a bit lost because i am a girl girls, never cheat on someone, never sleep with someone in couple or seeing someone else, i have a lot of respect for people starting or beeing in a relationship. Am i a bad person if i continue in that direction, my mind and my heart tell me to try! Help😂

I am taking care of little girls around this age and I feel like they need help figuring out things in life and I want to be a positive influence for them. That's basically why I need your answers. Anything related to Streetmart ,academics or just anything that could be helpful to girls that age

I noticed that my two “friends” do this all the time. It’s fine if they’re by themselves but why text/talk on the phone when driving with others (both have ADHD). It can literally wait until you reach your destination. The same day my friend told me to grow up and that I am an adult because so and so (I’m more shy and reserved than most of my friends are). Yet she texts/talks on the phone and drive, lives in a dirty home and drives a dirty car. I’m talking old food in the car for days to weeks. I’m considering distancing myself from this friend group because all they do is drink, smoke, play games and watch anime; I have not much in common with them. I currently don’t have many friends and if I stop talking to them, I’d have only one friend. What do you think I should do? How do I make friends in my 30s?

I just turned 39 and my little one turns 5 early next year. I have struggled a lot with anxiety and depression postpartum. I have waited patiently and have been trying to work on myself when I get sudden bursts of motivation. I used to be a vivacious, good looking and intelligent girl. I am just bland now. I don't know how else to describe it. It's been almost 5 years since I gave birth and I really don't know if this is my "self" now. Please share your personal experiences. Thank you!

I'm working out, eating well, etc. but I'm not quite where I want to be and having a dead bedroom in my marriage has pretty much eviscerated my self esteem from being rejected so many times.

I think most days I'm pretty body-neutral - I don't have negative thoughts about my body or positive thoughts. My brain is really focused on everything else going on, and aside from whether or not I like my outfit, hair etc. that day I really don't think about how I look, and I don't really look in mirrors during the day.

However, sometimes I have really bad self-image days, and I get into a funk that is really hard to get out of. I do have ADHD, so when I have the bad self-image days, it becomes a hyperfixation for me and I literally can't get my brain to move on/focus on something else. I also have some seasonal depression going on and am working with my doctor on my meds, but I would love any other ideas on how to manage that because I'm really struggling and can't troubleshoot on my own right now.

Ladies, after the results of the election and current phrase going around “her body,his choice” implying rape. What are things you are doing to make yourself feel safe especially if you live alone?

I’m looking at getting a taser. They seem to be expensive. Do you have one you recommend?

I currently have a security system with camera doorbell , an alarm on my car key keychain, and a German Shepherd.

Other than a taser, I’m changing my locks as well as adding a few locks with longer screws so it’s harder to break in. Also upgrading my security system to include more cameras and flood lights.

I don’t want a gun but might end up getting one.

I ordered plan b, I’ve been celibate for a decade and have no plans on changing it but this would be for SA purposes especially since I hear that is on the chopping block next.

Okay so when I was about 21 in a half, I had my first relationship, but it only lasted three months and I. My best friend warned me and after trying to get me to break up with him and others were worried about me. He wasn’t a bad guy or anything or abusive. He was a jerk to me and…. that’s all I have to say.

I’ve talked to guys one of my closest friends introduced me too before I got into a relationship with my ex boyfriend. I guess I just wasn’t mature enough to have a relationship. I took myself out of the dating world for a while. Now looking back, I wish I could have dated more in my 20s but I chose to remain single because I liked it, plus to work on myself.

Anyways moving on to 34 going on 35, after 13 years I’ll have to get a fresh start. I don't want to wait until I’m older or like 50 something. I know everyone is different and finds their soul mate at different times. When I feel ready, how can I get a fresh start in the dating world again. I don’t care about rich guys, or the perfect man and all that unrealistic crap. I don’t care about that. I want someone that is real, honest, trustworthy and will treat me right, but I hear nowadays sucks. I do keep myself busy. Thanks

Does anyone else feel a subtle, lingering sense of disappointment most days? Not an intense frustration or sadness, but a quiet letdown that stays with you for a while.

For instance:

• You notice your manager acts inconsistently, saying one thing but doing another. It’s disappointing to see them engaging in the usual corporate games, even though you still respect them as a person.

• Or, perhaps a younger sibling isn’t looking after themselves as well as they could. You offer gentle encouragement, and while you’re proud of the small steps they’re taking, it’s disheartening to see them backslide now and then, or spend time with someone who doesn’t seem to support their growth.

• Or maybe, you’re set on arriving at work early, but the express train runs late. It’s a small setback, but the disappointment of missing that goal lingers longer than expected.

It’s not overwhelming, but it’s there—just enough to feel like you’re regularly let down. I have therapist and we talk over these things but I try not to hold people to standards they themselves have not expressed having. Is this just adult life?

I like to think most people are doing their best and when things aren’t perfect it’s like the ✨ spice of life ✨. That everyday there are some good and bad surprises but idk lately been feeling less optimistic. End of year blues anyone?

I’ve struggled keeping conversations my whole life, I don’t ever know what to say or ask or how to keep talking to someone even if I really want to be friends and hold conversations. This was a problem for me in school, I was shy and had a few friends that I was comfortable around. I find myself struggling once again because my kids are starting school and I’ve been helping with the school trying to make friends with my kids friend’s parents, but it’s so hard 😭. I feel like parents almost pity me for not being able to jump in their conversations and talk like they do. I don’t consider myself shy anymore I just don’t always have a lot to say… I’ve had a woman ask me ‘what is wrong’ and if I’m okay at a school meeting In front of everyone, and it was actually embarrassing because nothing is wrong it’s just me and my personality 😞. I see all these women having little cliches and talking and I can’t help but want to be apart of it, but I literally just don’t know how! Does anyone else struggle with this?? Any advice on how I can train myself to be less awkward??

Side note: I do have plenty of friends and I have no problems with talking to them… I’m happily married and have never had an issue with keeping conversations with my husband, even when we were dating (I don’t consider myself as a loner)… this is an old insecurity/flaw of mine that I feel like is being pried out once again while trying to feel normal. I’m positive people notice that I’m quiet and awkward and it’s literally because I just don’t know what to say.

So the time has come! I was approved and picked for an apartment in a lottery because of my income! I am so excited but I am nervous about living alone. This is my first time not living with someone else. I have no pets, not even a gold fish & not dating anyone & have no children.

I’m scared for many reasons (i.e. paying rent myself, sleeping alone, scared of being followed or attacked)

I don’t know what to expect. Please tell me some of your struggles and success stories of living alone. TIA! 🥰

TLTR: moving into my own place. Scared of this change. Asking for struggles and success stories of living alone.

I had a close relative pass away from ovarian cancer at a young age. Since then I've been terrified that I could have it too. She went to multiple doctors that dismissed her symptoms until it was too late.

I called to make a genetics appointment January 2024 and the earliest they could see me is Jan 2025. I'm scare now that it's too late or something could happen where I couldn't get my tubes removed (from my basic research that can greatly reduce risk) or my ovaries if that's what the tests/doctor suggest.

With Trump being elected I'm so afraid no matter what my results are, I'll struggle to find someone to do the surgery.

Since my main concern is ovarian cancer, I'd like a Salpingectomy but my PC told me that it's unlikely to happen since I'm only 30 and don't have children.

I'm just scared and stressed and wanted to vent. Also anyone who had a Salpingectomy, I would love to hear your experience. I haven't found as much on that vs Tubal ligation.

I know me personally I tend to stay away but if we are in the same setting I act cordial and keep my distance as well as have very to little contact with the person if we have to be in the same room.

I ask this because a friend of mine and her husband keep contact with an ex boyfriend of mine. Well her husband and my ex are very close friends, they grew up together and have been there for each other. Which I of course don't expect them to stop talking because we didn't work out and it shouldn't be that way, however my best friend is married to his best friend. They both have seen our relationship play out and ended and my best friend has witness me at my worst when it came to this relationship.

What bothers me is that she claimed that she "lost respect" for him (my ex), yet when there's a get together with mutual friends she interacts him, alongside her husband. I don't expect her to be disrespectful or be rude but to sit there chit chatting, laughing, and taking pictures and posting them on social networks just doesn't sit right with me. It almost feels fake or she's just saying this to make me happy? I don't care if any of my girlfriends talk to this man especially since they're husbands are close with him as well but they never felt the need to stick by their husbands and just mingle with him and his friends only, or ever mentioned anything about my ex boyfriend let alone "losing respect" for the guy. They simple just don't interact with him or have very little communication.

I almost feel as if she's playing two face with me, saying one thing and doing a completely different thing. I never once cared for her to talk to him because I know she can't avoid him at all due to the friendship that her husband has with him...but I feel like why claim you dislike him or that you have no respect for him yet you interact with him the way you do with me and other friends? I never expect my girlfriends to bash an ex or to be mean with him, I don't expect anything at all but what gets me is when the actions don't correlate with the words.

A few times she has gone out with her husband when ever he is out with his friends and of course though my ex is there for some reason she always feels the need to tell me what happened or what they talked about or how she was "poking fun" at him as if I cared to know and I always end the conversation or change the subject all together.

Am I being dramatic or overthinking this situation?

All comments, stores, etc welcome. Thank you in advance!

Hey guys so I started seeing this guy and he keeps making some side comments about how quiet I am. I am a very quiet person and need some amount of down and alone time every day but is this not how most people operate? I am so content being alone and it’s partly why I’ve abstained from dating cuz I can’t do the constant entertainment thing. Can anyone else relate?

I find myself wanting to embrace my femininity more than I did in my younger days. I am more or a wash and go, jeans and t-shirt kind of gal (always have been) but I’d like to venture out. It’s a little intimidating, not going to lie. I think part of the reason I shied away from some of it for so long was due to insecurity and laziness.

I went to Ulta today and asked the sales girl to help me find a blush. When she handed me sample to put it on I looked like a clown and almost treared up…..I was so embarrassed that I didn’t know how to do this. She asked me if I liked it and just said yes and bought it.

Any others who went through this in their 30s?? What did you change? What prompted you to do this?

35F. I completely changed a lot of things about my life two years ago, going from overwork/burnout into a more balanced lifestyle. I also lost a significant amount of weight and I’m starting to feel a bit more confident in myself. No partner, no kids. I feel like there’s something missing, but I don’t know what it is. I’m questioning everything about myself, from fundamental how did I get here to who am I really? My life feels like it is too small and some days I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin. What’s next? How do I figure out? Unfortunately, quitting my job and travelling the world is not in the financial cards. What have you done when you don’t have a clear vision of the future?

I got broken up with recently. I got a cold this week and had to cancel all my social plans for the weekend. And now I'm feeling the weight of all that silence.

I know it's mostly a pity party on my part. But it might be nice to know that at least I'm not alone in feeling this way. Maybe we can keep each other company?

It pisses me off. This guy knocked and rang my doorbell and didn’t leave for a good few minutes. I just waited for him to take the photo and watched him finally leave. Are they really just oblivious to how much danger a woman a faces with strangers?? I’m guessing it doesn’t even occur to them. But I don’t get why they don’t follow the instructions on the app.

I’m by no means best friends nor do I have a good relationship with my father. He often made fun of me for my appearance but I don’t share that with friends, it’s something that therapy is for. Anyway this friend I have since childhood randomly does this. She recently got her hair done at the salon I go to. I don’t know why but she said “your dad is like bald”. So my dad had no bald spot but he has a high forehead. His hair is most def there. Also I have a high forehead too, and one time my friend also said something when I had bleached my eyebrows, “you don’t have to do that if you are your dad. He has none haha” and Idek the last time she saw him. I look a lot like my dad, my mom not so much. She says all the time how I look like my mom, and I don’t get why it’s even a point of conversation. I asked her once why she says this and she looked down. But every so often it comes up. My dad is in his 60s but my friend said “he has not many wrinkles because he’s a bit chunky”. I really don’t get why she’s going hard for this. When I don’t bring him up nor has she seen him since maybe we were teens or something

Edit: while I am not my fathers number 1 defender, I can’t help but to wonder why go for his appearance when I’ve never heard such things..

I seemed to have had this in my early twenties where my relationship with my mother was on the rocks for no apparent reason.

As I grew older I realised some of it was projecting and others was something she has little to no control over.

Mental health checkpoint! I’ve avoided talking to any humans I don’t know and looked at the sun dappling fall leaves. I’m off to see a sad movie and then I’ll hang out with my dog the rest of the night.

I’m allowing myself this weekend of mourning before I get myself back out there and get back to volunteering with orgs I love. May never look at another dating app again. So, how’s it’s going for you?

EDIT: so many inspiring comments here and you’ve each made me feel a little less alone. I’m stunned by the courage and bravery of some of you, doing such hard things in already hard times. Sending each of you strength ❤️

Tldr at the bottom.

He moved in with her and her dad about 6 months ago and the few times I try, it is hard to get in contact with him. And I haven't seem him in person since until about a month ago. I said hi to both of them and we were talking about life and how he got let go from his job and what's next. He was saying something like he lost his job because he was late, but it was justified and because of that he is getting unemployment. Anyways at some point his gf went inside the house and then he started telling me everything outside.

His gf looks at all his text messages, she has access to his bank account, and gets upset anytime he is not with her which is why he hasn't looked for a new job (at one of his previous jobs she would always be hanging around his work until he got out, he lost that job too). She gets upset that he just talks to other people. She gets upset if he hangs out with other people. He asked me if my partner and I ever get in fights and I was like "yeah all relationships have arguments, you just gotta work together with the mindset of 'it's us vs the problem not us vs eachother' "and he told me that in their relationship she is always cursing at him and not trying to look at the problem together, she is just blaming him. That shocked me, because in my relationship of three years my partner only ever cursed at me once and it was completely unintentional and she's never done it since and we don't have fights like that, but to my brother this is a regular occurence. And even more so he clarified his question further and asked "does she hit you?"

My face dropped. I didn't know what to do. I looked at him and told him that is not normal and that he is a victim and he should leave.

He told me he wants to leave but he feels obligated to stick around until he finishes fixing her car because he accidentally crashed it. And she is also diagnosed bipolar and not taking her meds and excusing her terrible deeds with that disorder.

I was at a loss for what to say, but i could see in his eyes that he needed help. I told i will plan something to just hang out the two of us and figure a plan out.

when i got home I told my partner about this and she told her mom. They suggested to me that he should just take it as a loss and not worry about that car and that he should just leave. Because the longer you stay in an abusive relationship the worse it gets. They believe she is using being bipolar as an excuse to be terrible to him. And when the car gets fixed there's going to be some other dumb reason why he can't leave.

so now I am trying to message him to just hang out one on one, but i cannot mention anything about her in the text messages because she reads all of them.

so I finally reached out and was like "hey let's hang out just you and me on [this weekday]" and he said he will be free in the morning because she will be working. But then the next day I got a reply roughly saying "Why can't my gf come though?" with like a crying emoji, and at that moment I knew... That's the girlfriend replying to my messages. I said something like "if she wants to hang out i'd rather do it as a double date with my gf as well on a different date or different time, but i still wanna hang out with just you one on one first" and he (she) literally replied "well sorry no can do on the day you asked because we have plans already" so I just replied saying "you said you would be free in the morning? Call me when you have a chance." Nothing since then and it's already been almost a whole day.

His abusive partner is trying to keep him from seeing his own friends and family and I feel like i need to get him out of this situation. she is mentally and physically abusing him and is making it difficult for anybody to contact him.

if he does call me I will have to assume that she is standing next to him listening in even if she doesn't say anything. I have a gut feeling that she knows i am trying to get him out and she is trying to prevent thst from happening.

what can I do?

TLDR: My brother's girlfriend who he is living with is mentally and physically abusing my brother and making it hard for anybody to contact him. she made him lose his job, she is reading all his messages and controlling his bank account. She is isolating him from everybody. She might be onto me trying to get him out of that situation too. What can I do?

Hey everyone, I’m a 38-year-old guy looking to smell good, but I’d like to go a more natural route instead of buying cologne. What are your favorite essential oils for a man to wear? Thanks in advance!"

Edit: I don’t know why I’m getting downvoted lol I have never tried them and not sponsored I just struggle with adhd/agoraphobia and sometimes can’t get groceries reliably

30+ yo woman, looking into a pre made food delivery service that is tasty and healthy! I haven’t tried any yet and factor is the only one I’ve heard of.

Has anyone ever tried it? Good bad? Any other recs?

I (33F)misspelt my friends (32F) boyfriend (37M) name by one letter while messaging her about weekend plans and she overreacted and couldn't let it go. We had a concert to go to yesterday but we didn't speak before then. While the concert was fun it was definitely awkward on the way there. I want to send a message to call it out because I've noticed the pattern with this friend and her inability to let things go pisses me of (it's definitely a pattern)

Because usually I let stuff like this go but I feel like I'm the only one who's always backing off, being expected to be the bigger person all the time is exhausting. She should give grace as much as I do and one thing I've learnt about myself is I can forgive a once off but not a pattern and I'm definitely seeing a pattern here.

So ladies, help me out please, do I call her out?

A guy I met at a party has been sending me super long text messages for about seven weeks now (average message length 350-450 words). He never asked me out or called, but in the last week or so, he’s joked about us meeting in the Canary Islands for a winter break. Am I right to find this weird? How can you go on a vacation with someone you’ve only met once at a party?

For context, I met him in London about a year ago, but shortly after we started chatting, we ended up living in different countries—he’s in Scandinavia, and I’m in UK. Last year, he was messaging me, but I didn’t really respond because he had a girlfriend at the time. Eventually, I asked him directly if he was still with her, and he told me he’s no longer in that relationship. Still, I didn’t love that he was sending slightly suggestive texts, even though we never even kissed. For example, when I asked him if he was single, he replied, “Yes, I’m single; I wouldn’t put you in that position, although I’d like to put you in other positions.” That kind of gave me the ick. (For added context, he’s 44.)

When he resurfaced seven weeks ago, he seemed nicer and didn’t make any sexually charged comments, but his messages are still so long. Recently, he had surgery on his leg and joked a couple of times that I should come over to look after him (which, again, kind of gave me the ick, especially since he and his ex still run a business together—or at least they were a few months ago). Due to his recent surgery, he also made a joke about nerve damage in his leg but added he’s “glad the nerve in his middle leg is well and intact.”

Am I overthinking this? I didn’t respond to the last super long message because I can’t be bothered, and I thought a man his age (44) would at least call and directly ask me out if he were genuinely interested. He used to live with his ex, but I think they’ve stopped living together now.

Should I continue the conversation and entertain the idea of a Canary Islands trip (even though it wasn’t a concrete offer, just a joke), or does this sound like a situation to walk away from?