DEDICATED HELP SUBREDDITS

I’ve fallen for a girl at my dorm and it’s tearing my heart to shreds. I’ve channeled my romantic energy into creating a collage of my favorite as well as her favorite hymns, a poem of sorts. It’s very romantic and an obvious attempt at her hand.

Unfortunately she’s already with someone. It’s not my understanding that they’re inseparably in love since they broke up once before to avoid long distance but it’s not for me to say.

Is it unacceptable to gift her the poem I’ve written without revealing who it is from? There are several implicit indicators that it is I who wrote it but nothing definitive. As I see it I’d be intervening in her emotional integrity with regards to her current relationship, but is that for her to defend or for me to respect?

I need some rationale, my heart is killing me.

Hi, this my first post on Reddit...so fun! So, about falling for our besties? Is it worth it telling them? Risking the friendship? I'll share my story and please, share yours. I would be so happy to read them! At the time i was 22 from a small town in Argentina. During the pandemic i moved back to my parents house to take care of them, at the time i thought "oh 2 weeks of college, sounds fun" how foolish of me right? Lol. So ive packed my little blue Hyundai and went home. As we know, that girl Covid came to world for a longer time than we tought, so i've spent a year and a half at my parents. Months later when bussiness started to opening up, ive started going to my old gym. Ive been doing crossfit there during summer break so i was comfortable there. One day i opened Tinder and i saw this, cute, tall and sweet looking guy (looked like the love child between Liam Payne and Asthon Kutcher) lets call him Freddie, we matched! Funny enough, i look up and he was right there in front of me (i swear my life is a movie sometimes.) So i tried to be cool and smiled at him and he smiled back, i continued with my day. Same night, he unmatched me and never heard from him, until a moths later. A friend at the time (who i will post about her sometime) managed to get him to meet me at the gym, ive been doing Crossfit for 3 years at the time and i was pretty good at it (im retired now) and Freddie wanted to try it out, so she walked me to him and introduce us and we made the classic akward i'll shake your hand meanwhile i'll kiss you on the cheek greeting. I was speachless, he was so cute and sweet and sexy at once, i immediatly fell for him that day. We started to hang out more and more, talked about our past, Taylor Swift, the gym, evend joked around having se, we really bonded honestly, later on he started and still calls me "my baby", so i fell for him so easily. One day, we went to the gym together, i went my bike and shorts...and then it got cold, really cold, and walking out he gave me his jacket all cute and worried for me...and i thought "oh this is real", i was convinced he liked me back. That night went straight to my friend's house to tell her everything that happened and we both genuinely thought he had a thing. The next two weeks i was on the clouds, happy thinking ive found the one, we hanged out all the time, he reacted to my ig stories, everything....until one day he said he met this "guy"(lets call him Christian). He was older and taller than me, and he was hooked for him!. He started dating him and telling me all the details, meanwhile i was falling apart. I remember one night i went to the last class of crossfit as we agreed at 9pm. Ive got there, and when i got out of my car i saw him walking out with this dude holding hands, my heart shattered. I called my friend crying and went to her house (such a good movie scene, right? lol). Fast forward in time, i've acted normal and ignored the guy he was dating while i saw them every week. Once Freddie's bday came up, ive decided to dress up nicely for him and for me, i guess to feel better about myself in some way, plus he always saw me wearing gym clothes and being sweaty. So, i've grabbed a light grey suit and a white basic shirt, i came late on purpose to the party just to make an entrance, desperate to get him to look at me (damn looked fine) At the time, our friends already knew i had a crush on him and the folks who didnt assumed we where together, so they were expecting me. So i get to the party, made my entrance and greeted everyone, came up to Freddie, hugged him and kissed him on the cheek, wishing him a happy birthday a gave him his present (my plan worker, ive thought). And sitdown next to him, guess who was right in front of me, yeah that guy. I had a feeling he already knew what was i doing but, i kept doing my thing during the party until i went out for a smoke and this guy came up to smoke with me and talked about Freddie and how amazing he is (i basically said he is an angel and deserves to be treated right) and went back to the party. Around 6 am, the party ended and i took Freddie to his house, when we got there, he thanked me for the lyft...and being nice to the guy he was dating (he saw us talking). He said they were going for a serious relation ship and swear my heart broke that night. I went home and cried the whole weekend, then i accepted he only saw me as his best friend and nothing else. 3 years later, we live in different towns and still close, we both dated different people but for some reason, i still have feelings for him. Thanks for reading my little long story, have a nice day boysa!

My sister who is three years older than me is known around our town as being a slut and very promiscuous. I used to get shit from guys in my school all the time because of her. She would very often sneak boys in our house when my parents left for work early in the morning. One summer, it was nearly 2 new guys a week. I could hear everything and once she even fucked a dude while I was in the room (she thought I was sleeping). I even started my first job in high school and to no one's surprise, one of my new coworkers was one of her past hookups.

This all caused me to develop a porn addiction, more specifically a sorta cuck porn addiction where the vids are centered on watching the sister get railed while the brother/father sit back helplessly. I feel gross but it's the only thing that turns me on now. I have a ton of memories of her being promiscuous and I can only really get off thinking about them and I hate it.

This is probably random and it's probably not that big of a deal, but it is to me.

I went to the anime NYC, which is a anime convention that took place in August.

I was taking the subway train home and I was wearing my cosplay. As I was entering, this group of women laughed and started clapping and cheering.

It was such a a funny and memorable interaction. They were a group of very attractive white women. I'm latino/Hispanic and I find white women extremely attractive. I dont know why but white ladies are just so hot. I think the skin color is very pretty and stuff. I guess I'm just into lighter skin.

I started talking to them and I said that I wanted to take uber instead because people look at me like I'm crazy and stare and they started laughing loudly.

When they left, one of them looked at me said they were very proud of me for making such a cool cosplay. They all got off together at the same time.

It's also a compliment I got from a hot woman.

They were probably coworkers or something. They seemed like good friends. Me and my friends joke that they were probably coworkers who go out and drink together and have ladies nights or something.

I still feel a sense of joy from that interaction. I wish I could see them again. I enjoyed the attention I got from that group and I genuinely liked their energy. They seem really nice and fun to be around. I usually don't even talk to people on trains because I don't like the environment and people on the subway trains are weird and miserable.

I actually recorded myself on the train. You guys can DM me and I'll even show you the video.

I can't talk to women, not just ones I find attractive but all of them that are around my age. Every time I strike up a conversation with a woman I freeze, my mind goes blank and my anxiety goes up. I have tried dating but my inability to carry conversation makes it super hard.

Any time I talk to a woman I get this irational feeling in the back of my mind that I am either going to accidentally piss her off and get slapped, say something really stupid and embarrass myself or I will just be a nuisance in general. I hate being a problem, it's literally my number one most disliked thing.

The moment I realized this might be an actual phobia is when it dawned on me I hadn't had a genuine conversation with my only female coworker. She is super nice, I don't have anything against her at all, I just physically can't speak to her without the above happening

I'm not blaming women at all it's just my stupid brain and I don't know what to do.

i love ducks so much. ducks are delicious, cute and fluffy. i want to own a pet duck once i get my own place. i want to have so many ducks. i want to cuddle my ducks. hell, i love ducks so much.

I feel like my life is far from normal

TW: Abuse

I feel like my life isn’t normal, I have so many problems in my life that I feel like it’s just not normal and no one can relate to me.

Some background, I’m an engineer, I graduated in 2023 from a relatively good school and I currently live with my parents and work as an engineer in a small mom and pop type shop. Here’s a lost of all my traumas/problems (in chronological order).

1. My dad was abusive to my older sister, my mom and I growing up. Like beating us for no reason.

2. My dad neglected us when we got older. No first phone no first car no bus money no nothing. I started working at 13 to afford shoes and food and other necessities.

3. We have always been poor. My mom and dad both work seasonal jobs and make minimum wage. Winters are hard since there’s practically zero income at our home. We just eat up any tiny savings we have during winters. I’m so anxious about money now because of it. And my parents make no effort to better themselves, even though we struggle so much. We rent a super cheap apartment that’s falling apart, and no me has the initiative to try to make some extra income to at least fix it up (broken windows, missing carpet, ripped up sofas). What bothers me most is my parents don’t care and will continue to live this way no matter what.

4. My goal after graduating from college was to save up a good amount of money in order for me to move out. It’s hard to get a good paying job without some prior experience, so my goal is to live at home for 1.5 years. During that time I plan to save enough money in case anything happens, while also building experience to find a better job. I’ve been very frugal during this time, because I want to be in a good spot when I move out and never come back. That’s why I don’t want to spend money fixing up our shitty apartment, since I feel like that’s not my responsibility. I saved my parents tens of thousands of dollars by working since I was 13 and taking care of myself, so they should have it fixed right?

5. My sister developed schizophrenia 2 years ago making her drop out of an Ivy League school. She won’t accept her illness no matter what, she won’t take any meds and insists she’s possessed. She’s not dangerous or anything, but it’s tough living with someone that’s praying 24/7 and blessing everything she touches and every room she goes into. I’ve tried to help her a million different ways but she never listens, no one can get through to her. I feel like no one cares what I have to say.

I’m probably coming across as entitled, maybe I could help out more but no one helped me. And in my mind, the more money I spend on my family the longer it’ll take me to move out. I’d rather save up as much as possible so I can afford to leave an never look back. I feel like all the people in my life make such stupid choices and their lives (and my life too) would be so much better if they just listened to me. I feel like no one cares about what I have to say.

Typing this post to state the title: it feels like just that. For the past 10-11 months, I've been speaking to this brilliant woman. Absolutely amazing. And...well, just yesterday we finally got together. I'm both ecstatic and almost lacking belief at the event. She's been so very positively receptive to my insecurities, appreciative of my effort, and as friends, we had previously been able to comfort and guide/support each other theough our traumas and issues. It feels quite surreal to have met someone who so intuitively understands me; I thought it'd never happen. I thought I'd never allow myself to love, or that I was even worthy of love. But she made me think otherwise. So...yeah, thank you for reading. I just kind of typed this cause I felt the need to outlet it somewhere.

And for anyone who may be reading this who doesn't believe in that hope:

I hope you find this happiness someday. I, personally, know all too well how the world refuses to discriminate in it's bid to make us suffer. But...I think it's worth putting the effort it for whatever it may amount to. I hope you'll stay with us.

So, I am 28 female and when I was around 8 or so had the husband of one of my aunts try to touch me, thankfully it didn't go far, he once showed me his member and another time tried to touch my parts, as young as I was I didn't know what to do and just stopped visiting my aunt's house, I have always been shy so my parents just thought it was me preferring to be at home, I never said anything to anyone, I felt like if I told, my dad would do something that would get him arrested even if it was on my defense, shortly after I stopped visiting my aunt's house her husband had a stroke and it was really bad, for a while he couldn't even walk or talk, it's been a long time and he never fully recovered, part of his body is still partially paralized, while growing up I felt like he was getting his punishment, but at the same time tried not to think about it too much, he has recently become quite ill and is in hospital, when I got the news just in passing I just didn't feel much of anything, but my mind sometimes gets some stray thoughts: like do you really not care, it's been too long, your aunt and cousins will suffer if he dies.. so I don't really know if I'm wrong from just not really caring what happens to him.

Ps: I'm not really sure if this was the right place to post, I was just looking where I could write it so I could get it out of my head, if it shouldn't be here let me know and I'll delete

I’m so confused. I don’t know what to do. My mental state is at an all time low and has been since 4-5 years. I’m having trouble studying and I have to repeat exams as I scored so less before. The thing is I’m not even interested in doing the course but the college is the best one out there and I don’t wanna lose that opportunity but at the same time I’m so uninterested. I don’t know. I cry every single day. I can’t focus. I constantly compare myself. It’s just hard idk. I failed one of my class. Now I’ll miss more of my classes. It’s as if things are good for me but are going downhill cause of fucking stupid and sad I am all the time. Not to mention lazy as well.

I’ve never been someone who is cozy with showing off any amount of cleavage, I’m a lover of crew necks and hoodies. It’s not that I have anything against it, I don’t see anything wrong with others doing it, but when I do, I feel so exposed.

To challenge myself, I chose a more revealing dress for a night out with some friends recently. I bought some inserts for the dress to make the ladies look more pronounced, took a deep breath, and left the house with no second outfit option in my bag so I was stuck with my decision all night.

Let me tell you… I thought I might experience some differences in how men treated me, no surprise there. But what I found was the majority of the women I came across looking below my eyes! Even double taking shamelessly at my rack, not giving a hoot if I noticed. DOUBLE TAKING! I could just chalk it up to there being an energy where I live, but we went out a few cities away from home and it only progressed! 😂

I was genuinely flattered. I didn’t get a single nasty look and surprisingly, men had their eyes trained most of the evening, though a large proportion of them were painfully sweet to me. Now I’m wondering… have women always been this bold? And are men just getting better at maintaining composure in the wild?

I’m a M25. I’ve been overweight my whole life, and it’s greatly affected my love life. By that I mean, I’ve never had one. I’ve never had a girlfriend and I’ve never been romantically intimate with anyone, including kissing. I know that overweight people can have dating success, but I’ve tried and I’m just not seen as a serious option. It’s only ever platonic. There are women in my life who tell me that I’m a catch and I’m going to make someone happy someday, but it’s hard to believe them when I’ve never been seen in a romantic light.

I desperately want to lose this weight. Desperately. I’m going to do everything I can to get this weight off in the next 6-12 months. I just need the motivation of a love life. It’s probably not the best motivation, but holy shit I don’t want anything more. I don’t care about being healthy, I honestly don’t. I just want to look better so I can find a significant other. I want to feel like a desired being, someone that is actually attractive to another human. I’ve never had that and I want it so badly.

Am I being naive or will losing weight significantly help?

the charge is a check fraud charge and it is a six month sentence. My daughter she seems to be handling it fine. I told her right away about it and she reacted pretty calmly. I told her mom did the wrong thing and is rightfully serving her punishment. They have a good relationship. The main problem I have is she will see her mom in a jail jumpsuit and see guards and other inmates that could be intimidating. Is that ok for a 15 year old to see? Actually my daughter does not seem scared but instead seems excited and enthusiastic to visit. I’ve talked to some people and they actually say it is actually a good idea. That is surprising. Is this true?

I don’t know how it happened really. I remember when I was a child, the love I felt towards my parents, friends, just life in general. Even in my last relationship, I felt like I was so deeply in love with this girl that I would do anything to keep her. That ended about a year ago unfortunately. I turned 20 earlier this year and It feels like now I have a very hard time connecting with other people. It feels like I have no emotional connection to anyone in my life. I find it very difficult to attach strong feelings to people. I can’t remember the last time I ever even had a crush on someone. I have no desire for a romantic relationship but not because I explicitly don’t want one. It’s more so the fact that I can’t feel romantic feelings for anyone I interact with. Even when a girl is showing full interest, I just feel nothing towards her. Even my own parents I feel hardly anything towards, even though they’ve always treated me well. I don’t really know what to do. I feel like I’m losing my mind honestly because I have no idea why my brain works this way. I’m scared that I’ll be like this forever.

I’m 17F. About to turn 18 actually. I grew up the youngest of 7. Not having anyone to play with. No one showing me how I am supposed to react to things. How I’m supposed to feel about things. How to talk about my emotions. I grew up with an absent father. Emotionally unavailable mother. Parents who have never loved each other. A brother who only ever yelled, threw things and got angry. Sisters who chose to isolate themselves and only talk to each other about problems. I was never included in such things. Maybe because they thought I was too young. A year ago I guess now, my family kinda disowned my brother. He was too much and didn’t want help. I stayed. I wanted him to know he was loved by even just one person. He turned his back on me the second I expressed my feelings. Calling me names, brining awful things up about me. Even texted my mom who he hates, to try and get me in trouble. Because I voiced my feelings. Last month, my mom and dad had a falling out. They barely speak anymore. Even though they live in the same house. He was messaging his ex-wife for two months behind her back. They argue, that’s the only time they talk. Feels like I’m stuck in a home with strangers who just don’t get along. I moved from my favourite, most comfortable place to be closer to my other family. I had so many friends, felt so loved and cared for. Was always out. My grades were amazing too. I connected with family I didn’t before. Then we moved again. Two years here, not one new friend. I have an old friend I see about once a month. I’m not even upset about the no friends thing. I’m fine with it. My mom makes me feel so alone tho. Always making sure I know I have zero friends and no boyfriend. That I’m wasting my life. I don’t even go to in person school. Last year of high school, excited. I’ll be going to college next fall hopefully. I hope to make friends there. Sometimes I get all in my head tho. Thinking about how alone I am. How much I don’t have. How much I’m missing out. I wanna see a therapist. Talk about the things I’ve experienced. How I feel so much yet can’t express a single thing without crying. How I rather get hit by a car than tell my parents how I feel. Because if I did show any emotion, they would turn away. Say I’m dramatic. Say it’s my fault. That I’m fine. I don’t need a therapist or to feel alone, sad, angry or anything because I’ve done it to myself. So I guess this is really just me venting. Because I literally have no one. I couldn’t have anyone to help even if I wanted. Because I would be called a liar, dramatic and over exaggerating.

I hope to not mess my kid up. I hope to be the mom I needed. Show that emotion is ok. That talking about feelings is ok. Because I grew up hiding it all. To keep myself from showing any “weakness”.

A few weeks ago I made a reddit post that I have since deleted:

https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/1g0oh1w/a_girl_that_i_like_asked_me_for_my_number_today/

I will try to retype the body of the original post to the best of my memory with some added details that I found out after the fact:

For quite a while, I've been going to this coffee shop nearby, and oftentimes, there'd be the same girl taking my order and making my coffee. I am overall a pretty friendly person, so I'd often strike up a conversation with her about whatever. Well, today, after getting my usual coffee order, we were chatting for a bit longer than usual. (Later, I found out the reason why we were talking a bit longer than usual was because she'd mess up my coffee on purpose and then offer to remake it so we could chat longer.) At the end of our conversation, she very smoothly goes, "I hope it's not weird, but can I get your number?"

I am happy as hell. I thought this only happens in movies. I happily gave her my number and went to call my friend to talk about this right afterward. Didn't even finish my coffee, lol.

The initial post blew up in the way that I didn't expect, and knowing that she used reddit I deleted the post to not sell my game of over-excitement (on the odd chance she'd see it).

A lot of people on that post have been asking me for an update, and I figured I should finally give one. Well, we are dating! We've gone on multiple dates since then (with the first one being the day of her asking me for my number, actually), and now we are officially together. Feels really cool, turns out we share quite a bit of mutual interests and we are doing pretty well. Now whenever she works I come in and we pass each other cute notes/drawing. Kinda feels like I am in high school again, lol.

My husband and I spent a long time planning our wedding. I was always on the fence about a big wedding but ended up doing it anyway. The whole process became extremely stressful for us. I fell out with multiple friends, had a lot of pressure from family and there was lots of drama on the day. I honestly feel like the day was ruined on me. I have been to therapy to process it but it still lingers there in the back of my mind. Whenever I see someone’s happy wedding on TikTok I feel upset that I didn’t have that experience. We have a wonderful marriage which is the most important thing but I can’t shake this feeling that I was hard done by.

A couple days ago I posted about my hatred for Halloween.. and I figured that the holiday has passed and things will get a little more normal. But my annoyance and irrational disgust towards people just feels like it’s exasperated. I had to park my car a little further than usual.. and as I’m walking back I’m listening to people having parties and gatherings in their homes and it makes me nauseated.. the sounds of their laughter and beat of their music is like knives in my gut… my head constantly swirling with how much I hate everybody around me (That frankly, I don’t even know) it just makes me feel sick. I seriously do not want to feel this way.. I do what I can to ignore it… put in headphones, listen to my music or an audiobook, think about things that I love and care about… but this bitter disgust just keeps bubbling in the background… I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

I'm already 23 years old and my mom still won't let me go out without permission even though I tell her it's not okay to let me go out. My boyfriend says that I'm older and I shouldn't have to ask for permission, since that's why we're having conflicts over this issue since I don't see him often. He tells me to go live with him, that it's time for you to live your life too. My boyfriend is a good kid, he works hard and is very attentive to me, we have been there for a year and a half and he has shown me how much he loves me. But I don't know what to do, it's something very complicated for me.

It happened in Jan 2017.

I was 13, a 7th std student, someone who was actively going through puberty.

In Indian societies, we don't talk about sex Ed, what bad touch means and stuff like that.

So, I used to surf the internet about sex and all. The only elder who I could ask about these was my Uncle, mother's own youngest brother. He had been a frequent face in our house since childhood. So, I trusted him. Asked all about sexual stuff. And also, about porn.

It was fine in the beginning. One day, I asked him about what porn is, why the boys of my class were so giggly about that. I wanted him to show what it was.

So, when we went to a marriage ceremony in Jan, 2015. After insisting, he took me and my twin brother to the rooftop, put up a porn video on his phone. He was sitting in the middle, I on his right and my brother on his left.

As the video continued playing, his hand reached over my shoulder and started touching my breasts. I was shocked, didn't know what was happening, why it was happening. Tried to remove his hand, but he didn't. I confronted him about that later, he said, holding my shoulder, "you won't understand right now."

That night, I woke up in the middle and found him sleeping right beside me, that scared me.

Next morning, he comes up to me and showed me how many porn he had on his phone. I didn't even know what he was doing was wrong, what he did was wrong.

At home, my whole family was sleeping on one bed. All his brothers, my mother and his mother, my grandma, all on one bed. He slept beside me. I asked for his phone and saw the amount of porn it had.

He turned my way, started roaming his hand. First my breasts and then I begged him not to go down but he did. Not a single body part that he left. I yanked my hand and ran away when he grabbed my hand to touch his penis.

He kept consuming porn and eyeing me with lust. I almost cried when I said "Don't look or think about doing that to me again". "What will you do?" He said.

Even when I returned to my own house, he called and asked me "You didn't feel bad right?". I don't know why I laughed and said "ofcourse I'll feel bad."

Even after that, when he came to my house, he'll search for me, one night his hand somehow touched my breasts no matter how far I went on bed, my mom, his sister was just a few steps away in the kitchen. Ended up leaving the room.

It was not until 2017 that I knew what happened was wrong, inhumane. I despise that man but couldn't say a word. I've had man fear since then. At one point, I felt uncomfortable even with the slightest touch of my father.

I'm 21, a final year bachelor's student. Haven't overcome man fear yet. I hate that man and want to tell my parents about him. But I'm scared of what my parents will think. Will they understand that I had no idea what porn is out of curiosity, because of my age and so I asked and not because I was going down the wrong path? What if I am blamed? And if I leave that man be...

What should I do? How am I supposed to tell even if I decide to tell my family?

Long story as short as possible - my dad died a few years ago. Around the same time, I started drifting apart from my old best friend, but i was never the type to ever cut someone out of my life so we remained cordial in our friend group. She fucks with voodoo and other metaphysical shit which I don’t really subscribe to but I also don’t fuck with or knock.

Anyways, when my dad died, she got real weird. Never once asked how I was, and as my best friend of over 20 years at that point, it sucked, but I made peace with it knowing that death is hard and gave her grace to not have the space to hold for me. I started distancing myself from her further in our group, but what broke me was one day she sent a screenshot of her IG in our group chat with my dad’s ig as a suggested friend in the frame. It felt intentional, and maybe it wasn’t but it fucked me up, and I immediately felt unsafe with her. It’s one thing to not hold space, it’s another entirely to set off my grief (this was like a month after my dad passed).

I removed myself from the group chats and told my other friends I just had to separate from her for a bit. She never reached out, but apparently this infuriated her to the point of calling me a “master manipulator” and accusing me of trying to turn everyone against her in our group (once again, I was GRIEVING THE LOSS OF MY FATHER… I needed space from anything and anyone that wasn’t helping me process and nothing more than that).

Fast forward, we’ve never spoken. I still feel hurt by all of it, but true fucking colors, man. I wish her well but no part of me wants her back in my life.

To the point of this post… I used to post and share my life and thoughts publicly. I’m a writer, and sharing my writing has always helped me process all the different chapters of my life. When this happened, I felt extremely guarded and stopped sharing so openly online, and years later, I feel like I STILL can’t share my writing the way I used to. In the back of my head, I have this perhaps irrational fear that she’s watching, reading, and will use any information or knowledge in some twisted way. Like voodoo, hex, curse, witchcraft shit. I don’t share about trips I go on, or things I’m working on, I don’t share much about my kids, my relationship, my life. What I do share is brief, and very tight lipped.

I miss sharing my writing. I spoke to a mutual friend recently and told her my concerns hoping she would ease my mind, but instead, she validated my concerns and told me some extremely weird shit this girl did recently involving throwing her period blood over her ex’s fence in some weird trying to get him back attempt. Ya’ll… I don’t know dude. The girl is in it.

All of this said - I’m writing here to vent, and ask for advice. Again, I don’t really fuck with the shit she fucks with, but I’m open to hearing from those who do fuck with this shit on how to protect myself from it. And also, just general advice on how to not give this person the power to silence me and rob me of my ability to share my writing anymore.

Thanks for reading this far. You’re a real one if you made it here 💗

I don't know why, but occasionally I still have nightmares about being in college. In those nightmares, either of the following will happen:

• I'm enrolled in a class that I didn't know about. I then find out about it at the end of the year and realized I missed so many exams, assignments, etc. which will tank my GPA
• Either I'm late to my exam time, or I'm trying to find the room to take it but couldn't. I eventually fail the exam

Neither of these scenarios happened to me in real life, yet for some reason I have these nightmares, which is really strange. Anyone here experience something similar?

I feel like I am an unlucky person who just takes stupid decisions, and attracts or choose wrong people to be in my life.

When i was in school, i had 2 friends Lily and Susan, we used to do everything together. Starting from pranks, to even going to toilet together, we were this close. Then slowly as we grew older Lily went away and i grew close to Susan.

Then, came another girl in my life Sam. Sam was so alike like me, she was literally my carbon copy. We had same interests, same thinking and she also became my really close friend. BUT, Susan didn't like that, and I noticed that, Susan was becoming jealous of Sam. Whenever, i talked to Sam infront of Susan, Susan would be quiet and taunt me with stuff like, "Yeah, Now I am not a good friend anymore!"

So i did the most stupidest thing.. I started ignoring Sam and talked to Susan, Susan and her mother started making fun of Sam behind her back infront lf me. I said nothing and fake laughed infront of them.

I regret it, BECAUSE NOW Susan is not my friend anymore after 10 years..10 freaking years of friendship broken in 2 days, and Sam supported me on my lowest times....

I wish I could just stop existing like if I flicked a switch it would mean I ceased to exist. Idk what im doing I have no real purpose I feel directionless and have a severe lack of social skills . I remember being so afraid of a meteor hitting Earth as a little kid who didn't know better that they are extremely rare to hit Earth ,but now I wish that meteor could just come and hit me, ig you only fear death when you are truly happy.

There’s a sense here that the need for the belief outweighs external evidence. The key word being "external." There’s a reason someone believes the message so strongly, commits oneself irrevocably to the idea. And this idea will lead one to put all else aside. To sacrifice everything. But there is still the concomitant need for rationality, to not believe that one is deceiving oneself. Even if one is. So a number of strategies are available to help one through trying times. "... a continued need for a source of hope . . . and the human and social demand for survival."

• An act of commitment: Quite obvious. Small acts of commitment, and large, irreversible actions. Leaps of faith. 

"Man possesses certain psychological exigencies which, in turn, must receive social support so that he may continue to function effectively. These necessitate even greater approval if they are dealt a CRUSHING BLOW (emphasis mine)" (p. 115).

The dull sword being the word (no s[hit -1 -1 -1]), dividing asunder FLESH and MARROW. And so perhaps one moves on, but one may be scarred and marred unto the ages, until the very kingdom of gOD. And so one may continue to sacrifice oneself. But what is a sacrifice when there is no capital O Object? It may, be simply, NEEDLESS SUFFERING... but perhaps this is the way of the wORLD.

There are 4 patterns of action: expressional, agitational, preparatory, and interventional. There are 3 modes of adaptation: acknowledgment/recycling, assignment of blame/redirection, or assertion of truth/transformation. There are 2 wolves inside of you: one wants to live forever, the other wants to die right now. There is 1 way out. There are 0 ways forward. There is -1 can of beer in front of me. There are -2 cans of beer in front of me. There are.........

• An interesting point about social support. We always did approach pastors, but for the most part our philosophy was, let the people come to us. Most people won’t be interested in our message. And there will be enemies. Narrow is the gate and there are few who find it. God will draw in those who are ready. And our message was mostly received positively. Most of the antagonism we received was theologically based, XXXXXXXX’s contention against the church or our teachings about the XXXXXX. People loved hearing the stories about how God had moved through the ministry though. And now that I’m really thinking about it, proselytization was of course a huge part of what we did. I’m just not thinking of it in terms of a response to a failed prophecy. Because the message was never really “Join our group,” as much as it was, “Believe this message,” which is mostly separate from the leaps of faith we took. Those were personal. Those had to do with our small, insular group’s existing path, our chosen path. That wasn’t for those other people. Even those who were particularly drawn. Like the XXXXXXX’s for that brief stint. We weren’t interested in gaining new devotees. Knowing that if it was meant to be, God would draw them in irresistibly.
• "In fact, interacting with others who had survived the same disconfirmation and who had emerged with their beliefs unshaken would be the best sort of support an individual could have. On the other hand, talking to the skeptical would be very likely to introduce new dissonance, since the person approached would probably reject one’s attempts at influence and counter with arguments of his own." (p. 61) Very strong social connection. Very strong sense of who’s here and who’s not. Who has left. The world. And us. Chosen, set apart, sanctified. To do God’s work. And the more different you are from everyone else, the closer the bond is with your in-group. So you XXXXXXXXX and any differences are now reified in deed. 
• When I think back, the breaking point was during the move from XXXXXX to XXXXXXX. Processes were already in motion, of course, but that move is where I finally shifted. Sitting in that hotel again, only to move to another apartment right down the block, completely contrary to any of our expectations, with no satisfying reinterpretation from XXXXXX. But there’s always an explanation. But I remember in this transitional period, asking God to show XXXXXXX something about my doubts to directly address these concerns. With the ambivalence one has in testing God, knowing that God is under no obligation to prove anything, but that they might. The very act of testing meaning doubt has reached a peak. Anyway.

And so here begins my descent. What remains of knowledge? God has turned the wisdom of the world to foolishness. Once you have watched your god die in front of you, what is left? Once you have seen human frailty, true weakness, once you have known it and tasted the fullness of it, how can one believe in anything anymore? An endless chain of futility.

Meeting Cioran in Barnes and Noble. An unexpected coincidence. Like an old friend at a funeral. Like a crow peering through your window. Like betraying yourself today and every day for the rest of your life. And a new kind of bibliomancy. TBB 11.6. Does it fit? What do we know of this? Is it binary? Does it speak to the current situation? Is it merely self-delusion? Are you pulling it out of the air? Justify yourself. JUSTIFY YOURSELF. The spirit confirms it. The Lord has confirmed it. You have spoken the true word. You have been a vessel. You have emptied yourself. You have been a vessel. The spirit flows through you. You have been a vessel.

You have failed.

I (22M) think it's laughable whenever people act as if relationships are a cure to depression or mental illness. If anything, your partner is more likely to leave you if you show any signs of mental illness rather than support you. In fact, mental illness is a dealbreaker for most people. They're too selfish and wrapped up in their own problems to "love" someone who has mental issues. You can see it in how quick they are to complain because their partner is depressed.

I hid my severe OCD from my parents throughout high school until they eventually found out. And it wasn't pretty. They were ashamed of me and treated me as if I were damaged goods. They shut the water off in my bathroom so that I couldn't wash my hands and nearly gave me a concussion with some of their beatings. They often attacked me whenever I performed compulsions and accused me of faking my mental illness just to ruin their marriage.

In addition to that, my younger sister has autism, and they're ashamed of her too.

It's also possible that I have undiagnosed schizotypal personality disorder, since one therapist that I saw once told me I showed symptoms of it.

I've never bothered to look for a partner because my parents already taught me what to expect. If my own parents abused me because I was mentally ill, then who's to say a partner won't abuse me for the same reason? Or by the very least, abandon me. They'll always see me as "damaged" or "defective" regardless of how much I've improved and leave me for someone else who's neurotypical. I know how that shit works.

My mother fell out of love for me just like how she fell out of love for her husband. I don't believe in this supposed "unconditional love" that parents are supposed to have. If their love was unconditional, then they wouldn't have beaten me and thrown me out of the house for having panic attacks and psychotic breaks.

I've known people who have stolen from their parents and never been beaten like I was. They treated me as if I were some kind of juvenile delinquent when I never even did anything to them.

I don't want a partner for various other reasons, but one of them is because I have mental problems. Even though I've gotten treatment for them, the disorder doesn't leave. It stays with me like any other illness would. Why would I want to subject a partner to that? It would be selfish of me.

And no, it's not my "insecurity" talking. I know for a fact that if my own parents practically abandoned me because I was defective, then a boyfriend or a girlfriend would as well, because everybody's only out for themselves.

People only tolerate mental illness from far away. When someone actually suffers from it up close, then their true character gets revealed.

For context I am 27M and as I grow older I am finding it much harder to be a genuinely nice person to be around. I get easily annoyed with things and people, and it’s something I want to improve on and hopefully fix. I notice it’s hard for me to have genuine relationships with people, I can’t seem to pass anything other than an acquaintance or a coworker to others and this makes me sad but mostly angry, then turns to bitterness, rinse and repeat.

I try my best to be thankful for my everyday life which is true, I would say I love and am very grateful for the life I live, I have a loving wife and cat at home, I eat good food everyday, have a roof on my head and a shower every day, it’s the little things I like to remind myself to be thankful for, but this mental block I have, I really don’t know how to describe it. I’m an introvert, but I can talk well to people if I need to, maybe I come across as fake nice to people? Maybe I’m trying too hard I don’t know really.

I just want to genuinely be a nice person in general without it coming across as fake but if it does then am I just truly not that good of a person? If I have to force myself everyday to try and act nice and carefree but deep down am not am I just fake? I truly want to improve on this…

Thing is I want to dye my hair and have a small cute tat like my sister does and my mom and sister have brown dyed hair. I can’t have either or both. I am literally past the voting age…

Hey f18, so i recently turned 18 last month and for the past 4 years ive been living with my father in Puerto Rico, prior to that i used to live with my mother in Florida where i was born and raised, we had a heated argument which caused me to move out and we basically didn't speak for 3 years.Recently we spoke and did a lot of catching up. I don't know what to do with my life im depressed to the point where my father has told me i need to figure out what to do with my life by the next few months because my depression is leeching onto him. I don't enjoy living in Puerto Rico I feel isolated anyways, so realistically my only two options are either joining the military which I was thinking the air force or moving back with my mom and buying a used car once I get there with the little bit of money I have saved up, getting a job over there and enrolling in community college. I'm pretty lost and don't know what to do life is hard, any advice would help!

Me and my best friend are nearly completely the same person. He lives a 12 minute bike ride away. Gets jealous when I talk about another friend or so it seems. If I mention moving from my house one day he makes an excuse for me not to or live by each other or together in apartments. We are both guys. I fell in love with him first but I don’t know if he knows or doesn’t. Ps I haven’t kissed anyone before.