I'm a very wordy person and when I have feelings in our relationship that I need to talk about, I really think it out and explain myself in long winded ways to give full clarity. Like a lot of guys my boyfriend doesn't often talk about his feelings besides sending sweet messages every few days like he misses me, wishes he could hold me etc.

But words mean the most for me and I just opened up in a big way about how I've been struggling more with the distance lately and lack of physical touch makes it hard to feel loved when we're apart so quality time and mutual effort into that is important to me. We're both busier than ever right now and have had little to no quality time together, and he doesn't initiate it anymore. Not because he doesn't want to spend time with me or lost interest but because he feels secure and fine even if we only talked every few days, but I'm not fine with that level of communication so that never happens. To help this, I said that I would like to prioritize watching a show together some nights.

But I felt regret and uneasiness after stating my needs and feelings because he was just like "I feel like you said a whole lot of I miss you, yes we can start watching the show tonight" and I started thinking he doesn't miss me as much as I miss him and since he doesn't express his feelings in the clear way I do, I felt unheard even though he validated my request. I think I feel weird because normally after opening up about feelings with someone there would be like a big hug at the end, or comforting words.

I realized I was feeling like the conversation wasn't over for me while it was for him and I was getting frustrated. But it's just because I need some reassurance and affection after I talk about my feelings to feel validated & heard since it's scary for me and I lack his physical presence and nonverbal cues which would normally tell me things are ok. I explained my need for reassurance and he said some nice words. The bad feeling is gone but now I am worried we are incompatible because of this and it freaks me out that I have to ask for more from him while he's comfortable with the way things are. I worry it isn't genuine if I have to ask for it and that he will feel like the relationship requires unnatural efforts for me to be happy. I am really just struggling to feel like I did a good thing by advocating for my needs because the lack of his presence means I have to explicitly ask for what I want to feel secure and I feel like things like that should be effortless or else it's a bad sign.

I (20m) was with my boyfriend (24m) for 2 years before coming to Germany a year ago. Being here without him has been torture but a gay couple cannot live life in our home country. All we dream of is a kiss in the park, a Walk in the street on cold night holding each other's hands. But for that we have to suffer this excruciating long distance relationship. When he was kicked out of his home I couldn't be there to open my door to him, when he was beaten up by his dad I couldn't be there to protect him. I thought I could at least offer emotional support. But I don't know what to do. All my tricks and charms don't work anymore with every passing month every joke I tell is less funny and every topic I ramble about is less enchanting in the face of the growing despair. I don't know what to do I am also an emotional wreck dealing with all the requirements by the German government for his visa is bankrupting me. I have lost touch with my only friend. And the only thing that's keeping me from constant crying is how I make him laugh, how I see that twinkle in his eyes when I am rambling about the 16th century. But they don't work anymore. I can't keep the black monster of despair away and I am lost.

We've been counting down the days since 55 days. Can't believe tomorrow is the day. Wish us luck!!! We have so much planned for the next 11 days.

Hey does anyone know how long it usually takes? And you just need the global forever stamp that costs $1.55? I’m sure someone here has sent letters from the USA to Europe!

Truly wondering if most LD couples know, what their SOs are up to all day every day. Probably it depends on how often you talk or chat and overall communication. Im a chatty person and my SO likes to babble, too. Often I stil don't know, what they are up to. Work in the morning but then evening plans - no idea. Something comes up spontaneously - I'll know about it weeks later, if I ask a question that leads up to it or when SO tells a story involving said experience. Concerts, work outs, dinner with friends, could really be anything. Me on the other hand an oversharer, I'd like to tell SO every detail of my day and listen to theirs. How about everyone else? How do you go about knowing where your Person is and what they are doing? And do you need to get texts or calls from them regularly, to feel that they are safe?

I have a partner who I've been seeing since early 2024. We have a wonderful relationship, they are funny, caring, and have the best personality. After a history of toxic and unfriendly relationships, I want to hold on to this person. Unfortunately for me, they are moving to another state, around a 12-hour drive away in September. This move would be good for their career, and I want nothing more than for them to succeed, so I would never think of talking them out of it.

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This move has a high potential to be permanent, as in they would rather not move back to their home state, and it's terrifying because I have a great life in my current state, although I never meant to settle down here. We have not seen each other long enough to discuss a move together, and they are moving with their best childhood friend. If an LDR works, I would be very open, and excited to move out there eventually.

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Could anyone on this sub provide advice on how not to panic about this move, to enjoy our remaining time in person, and how(if you relate) you managed an LDR after spending a lot of in-person time?

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Thank you all.

For context, we lived together for a year before I had to move abroad for personal reasons. During that time we had used a vibrator on me, which turned him on in the beginning but I’m not sure what changed. He started to despise it, getting upset when I asked to use it or when he saw it plugged in. I occasionally used it when he was at work and we’d sometimes use it in bed when the mood was right. I ended up throwing it away since we had argued over it. He didn’t explicitly say why it bothered him but I still respect that it bothered him and didn’t want us to use it in bed. We kind of just forgot about it. That is until I moved away and was talking about how I was thinking of getting a sex you because honestly sometimes I’m a little lazy and if I’m in the mood I’d like to get it over with in 5 minutes. He got mad/ annoyed that I brought it up. Again, I respected his feelings and did not purchase one. It’s not super important but it’s something that still sits in the depths of my mind. I would like to talk it out with him and really understand what it is about it that bothers him. I will respect his boundaries and what he’s comfortable with either way. I just don’t don’t know how to put it into words. Honestly, I’m a little nervous. I love him, we want the same things and I want it to be with him. Which is why I want to bring up this issue with him later tonight because I know it’s something we’d have to talk about months/ years from now if not now. It’s something that I feel would be brought up one way or another so I don’t want it to be something I walk on eggshells over.

Instant connection as usual, he sent me flowers to my home, called everyday. We decided to travel together. He paid for my trip.

I was falling for him, while him turns out wasn't feeling it. We were too different, and for me those differences were something that balances us out.

It's so heart breaking. But yeah.. Just tired of this all. Definitely not doing okay. Need support and friends

currently waking up (jet lagged as hell) 8pm, got home last night after travelling for nearly a day from usa, now back in the uk.

was with my partner for 39 days, this is the second time i’ve returned to the uk and this feeling i am currently feeling is the worst feeling in the world, i feel empty, dizzy, don’t want to eat anything or do anything. I miss her so much and adapting to my life over here feels ridiculously hard, it was the same as last time, and it got easier to function again, i just don’t want there to be distance anymore.

we filed for a fiance visa when i was out there, so hopefully in time, the gap doesn’t have to exist, i really love her and would do anything to be with her right now.

She is flying to me for the first time in June for my birthday then i’m returning back with her for her birthday.

We are both on countdown.

LDR for 2 and half years, met twice in the last 5 and half months, first trip was 49 days, 2 months apart then 39 days.

I am the luckiest person alive 💜

I’ve never posted on here so I’m sorry if it’s messy but I’ll try my best. Me (24f) and my LD bf (30) have been having issues and I really want to make it work because I love him but I don’t know if we can.

We met in person almost a year ago and we’ve been speaking every day since, I’ve gone to visit him a few times and every time it’s literally amazing, he treats me like a queen and I’ve never felt love this way before. But when we are both home in our respective states things start to get a little rough, I really think if we were closer we wouldn’t have these issues.

He’s always been a little irrationally jealous and will accuse me of things that make no sense to me especially because I don’t think I’ve ever given him a reason to doubt me, his accusations eventually got me worried that maybe he’s only accusing me because he is doing something disloyal but I tried to ignore these feelings. Eventually I received the dreaded message saying he cheated on me. The woman provided screenshots of their messages and he did admit to it. It happened a week before I flew to see him the first time. When I confronted him he said at the time he wasn’t sure if we would work because of this distance but after seeing me in person again he knew our love was pure and he felt awful for cheating and he has apologized many times and has even helped me on days where I’m very insecure and get scared he’s cheating again.

But other than that, there are times where he thinks I’m trying to attack or control him when I ask things like “where are you, what are you up to today” he says “I know you’re only asking because you think I’m cheating on you and you want to fight” but that’s not the case I think this image of me has just been warped and I don’t know if I can fix that.

The last few weeks anytime we argue for any reason (it’s usually because he says something that hurts my feelings or I spend too much time at my sisters and we don’t give to have our nightly FaceTime) but when we argue he starts saying he is bored and he is tired of this. This really hurts my feelings and he doesn’t seem to understand why.

This morning we were on the phone and I asked him what he was reading but he was very focused and didn’t hear me so I asked again and immediately noticed I made him angry. He snapped an answer at me and I apologized for breaking his concentration. He immediately started yelling at me over and over again “I’m not allowed to read? It’s bad? I have to ask your permission? Okay if you want to fight I’ll stop reading. Now tell me what’s the problem” I was very surprised and told him I have to go. We hung up and I texted him and apologized for any confusion. I said I’m happy he was reading and I told him I expect an apology for the way he yelled at me. Usually when he yells at me and I ask for an apology he starts an argument so I just let it go. Today I don’t want to let it go, so once again he is saying he is bored of this and tired of this.

I don’t want to leave him but part of me feels like he wants the relationship to end but doesn’t want to be the one to end it.

There’s a lot more to this but I think I’ve rambled enough and I’ll answer any questions anyone has.

Do you think I should leave him? What do I do?

Me and my girlfriend are seeing each other again after 6 months of being back to long distance! I have a 5 hour journey to see her and we’re away for 10 days and want some recommendations on what films to watch!!! Both like true crime, romance, animations, basically the lot!!

Hi all, I am hoping for some outside perspective on this because I am genuinely lost in life. I am currently studying in the Netherlands as an international student and my fiance is back in his home country. Originally we were planning on marrying in his country during the summer so that after a while we can apply for an EU spousal visa type document, however I am very nervous as with me being a student and with him being out of a job for a few months now, both of our funds are low and I don't think our chances of succeeding are high. I however still have 2 additional years to finish here and I am not sure how I will survive this.

To speak plainly: I really dislike living here. I have friends and a place to live in but my mental health is really suffering especially being without my boyfriend. I came back from visiting him less than a week ago and I haven't been able to stop breaking down at all. (I cannot transfer because my subject is a bit obscure and I really do not want to start over and waste more time, plus my govt would stop lending me money if keep switching degrees lol).

As he has been job hunting he mentioned a position in his city to me that I could easily do without a degree. Out of curiosity I looked around and applied to a few of them in the surrounding areas - as of writing this I don't know if it would even work out especially due to non european visa stuff, but I definitely felt relieved after getting a call back for an interview. I mentioned this to my fiance but he wasn't happy saying that I should stop thinking about it entirely as he really wants me to finish university and he basically did not take it seriously at all. It kind of hurts considering that I whine to him everyday about how damn unhappy I am living like this.

To make matters worse, the last time I spoke to my father I mentioned the idea of moving to my fiances home country without even mentioning quitting university. He absolutely lost it and started yelling at me and we haven't talked since. The only ones who are understanding are my friends, but early 20 year olds aren't known for good decision making.

I know no one can take the decision for me but I specifically want to ask you guys because honestly..I don't feel like anyone really gets it. No one knows just how much I cry over missing him when I am alone, no one understands how hard it can be in my day to day life. I miss him so intensely that I sometimes feel like I am burdening with my feelings and I have no one else to talk to about it.

I have a lot on my plate for my circumstances as I am juggling my full time studies with a job just to constantly be thinking about visa related issues and dreaming about a future I am not even sure I can have. I am burnt out and I have a potential easy fix at hand but no one seems to really be on board with me even though it's my life and I am really sick of letting others interfere with my decisions. Am I being unreasonable?

I (M29) and girlfriend (F29) having only been doing LDR for a month but I’m already trying to think of ways I can close the gap. She works on a cruise ship so even if I moved to Europe (where all her cruises are) I still wouldn’t be able to see her. Would it be it still be worth it? Would this even be considered closing the gap? For example if I moved to spain it really makes no difference when her ship isn’t docked there. Even when she is docked there is no guarantee for how long. Would it be crazy for me to move there ?

I worked in the same office with my boyfriend for over a year and we started dating after I left the job. While working there we were a good squad of 3 people, me, my bf and another friend (let’s call her Emily), who always hung out during office and everyday after office. We became really close friends and Emily’s boyfriend also became a part of our daily hangout. Soon we were going on double dates every other day. Beginning of this year I decided to move from the city life and live at my dream destination, by the beach for a few years. My bf and I had spoken it out and we were okay with it since it was not more than an hour’s flight and I have moved to his go to vacation place he visits with his boys every other month. Emily did not take this well. I told the2 weeks before moving because it was a sudden plan. Emily slowly started drifting apart. Chilling more with her ex best friend (let’s call her Haley) and hung out with her everyday. I already felt like I got left out and replaced. Once I moved I tried staying in touch with Emily but Emily had no place for me in her life. She was with Haley everyday and honestly I did get a little jealous in the beginning but understood that Emily’s friendship is more on convenience rather than actually bonding. I let it go after trying for a month. Soon my boyfriend started hanging out with Emily, Haley and Emily’s ex (she apparently dumped her bf and started hanging out with her ex more often now). I did not like this and had already mentioned to my bf that I’m uncomfortable when he’s around Haley. I also mentioned to him that Haley has already replaced my place in Emily’s life and I couldn’t handle to take that happen with him. (This is also from the trauma of my previous relationship where I had a very similar situation and it went the worst way possible). I mentioned to him that I have no problem with him hanging out with Emily, considering they still work together, but Haley is a complete no. My bf slowly started drifting, stopped calling more often and it was almost like I don’t exist until he remembers me at night. He visited my new city within a week of me moving. And the next month I went to his city for work, so we always met each other once a month. My bf started hanging out with his boys everyday which he did before as well and on days he doesn’t, he hangs out with Haley and Emily. Sunday was my last string and I found him reposting stories with Haley and all of them hanging out, which I had no idea about. He hasn’t reposted a single story of mine and has never posted my pictures ever either. I completely lost it and broke up with him on Monday and told Emily about the whole Haley thing and she was apolegetic and mentioned she had no idea. She even mentioned she would stop making Haley and my bf meet if it makes me uncomfortable. My bf was not even bothered after the break up. He was so okay in accepting it. He called me that very night and talks to me normally and says “can’t we be friends? I don’t want to lose you” everytime I ask him. Today is just Tuesday and I find out that my bf is again hanging out with Haley and Emily and her ex rn. It’s not even been a day and it deeply hurts me. Am I in the wrong here? I don’t know what to do!

I would like to add on: My bf always chilled with his boys when I lived back there. Him hanging out with me Emily and her BF was always limited. Everyday but short time. He always mentioned to me “I need to hangout with my boys when they’re free, but I can hangout with you anytime”. So him hanging out more often with Emily since Haley showed up is concerning for me, because back when I was in her place, he didn’t hangout as much as he does after I left. The break up happened after 1 month of long messages and paragraphs of my feelings that were sent to him. None of which was even acknowledged. When I met him, we just fit perfectly with each other. We barely even fought for a year into our relationship. We always respected each other and had an amazing time. After I met him I wasn’t planning on dating anyone else and it was the same for him. I think over time he also started taking the relationship for granted, knowing I’ll be here no matter what he does.

I lived in a long distance relationship for a year and 2 months, it's been 8 months since I was with this person, she hurt me. I blocked him on my networks. Today I saw the current photo from his Instagram account again. It still hurts me. Who has had a similar relationship?

How do I know if my boyfriend is serious about our future together, moving in with each other, etc?

Hey guys! I am an American man who moved to England in 2020 & have been living there since (have a UK passport bc my parent is English).

Have been dating my girlfriend for a long time, we want to explore a new experience together!

Don’t know how the visas work in UK, can anyone tell me how it works for my girlfriend? 😄

Thanks!

I don't know who to talk that can understand me.. I'm in my late 20s I met these man who I swear that I wasn't going to fall for. I self sabotage seeing other people to avoid falling for him, but everything brings me back to him. I even left the state I ended coming back because I would still talk to him everyday. I've caught him in so many lies that hurt me..fast forward we aren't in a relationship - however we are still intimate and I still love him (anyone asks i don't but i cry almost everyday that i can'tbe with him ) we try remain as friends but obviously with benefits. I know I'm at wrong I know that I should stop talking to him I've forced myself not to talk to him. But again he became my boss.

I have a long distance relationship with my boyfriend and our sex life is basically this: I am doing at least 30 minutes of dancing(pole dance, belly dance etc) And then we are getting off and finishing. I have naturally low sex drive and he has high sex drive. If I stop my dance in 15 mins, he wears his clothes on again and not getting off ever. And sitting angry all night. I personally don't wanna have anything sexual at all. I have low sex drive. Plus, I am dealing with severe depression. I usually don't even wanna comb my hair. And that +30 mins of physical activity (dancing) is something I really don't want. But I am trying to do my best because I love my boyfriend and I need this relationship. When it comes to +18 stuff, what are you guys doing on long distance relationship?

So

They had a massive breakdown and she was not in the right mind. She apologized a lot and she has a doctor's appointment in 2 days.

They realised how bad it got, and were actually infact already putting some stuff in practice but it was too late.

Things aren't exactly normal between us but I know it wasn't from a bad place, just someone deeply hurt.

Told them that the only reason I'm talking to them right now is because of what we had and out of the fact that they are infact actively trying to fix it.

Thank you all for your support.

So we are together for 2 years now.. We have met multiple times and it was the most amazing time of my life. Lately my bf (to be more specific since January) he started to care more about money so he is trying some internet business and is searching for a job. Since then he started acting even more weirder towards me. Whenever I tell him about any of my problems in the relationship that bother me he answers like if he wouldn't care. When I confronted him about this he said "Dumb question dumb answer".. Then the problem got really serious, which is that he isn't doing anything with me. When he has free time he is playing with his friends, when he doesn't have it takes him hours to answer and when we would do something together he only does it for 5 minutes and then goes to sleep or does something else instead. I told him this really hurts me and we had a serious talk about this. First he said "If I'm really hurting you, you have to decide now if you want to stay with me", then he went away for a few hours bc he had to and also bc he wanted to give me time to think. Then after some time he sends me a voice message saying "You know what, you stay with me, I'm not letting you go. We do something tonight and we gonna be up all night." Thats how it went, for ONE DAY. Then everything turned to how it was before. Now he plays all night with friends, when he could have time for me he works on his business and when we could really have our "couple" time he does something concerning his "business". I tried to accept his behaviour, and I'm really glad he is doing something for himself but why does he not care about me at all? When I confront him about stuff he takes it as a joke and says "I hope you know your words really hurt me" ...?????? While I'm just telling him how he makes me feel like he doesn't even care about us anymore. What should I do? I really love him, he is my first love and I am his first also. I really want to stay with him because he is amazing but what he does is really going on my nerves now and hurts, especially the fact that he doesn't even take it seriously.

My ex (28 M) and I (27 F) met through Hinge in my country and hometown when he was visiting his family here last December. Both of us did not expect to like each other as much as we did in our first date but we hit it right off.

As he neared the end of his trip last January (so we had spent a month with each other physically at this point), it was clear to the both of us that we both wanted to keep it going and enter a long distance relationship even as he was leaving. We also thought it possible to work bc he often visits my country as he is also a citizen of where I live (he is a dual citizen). But here’s the catch: he leaves for work in the UK for 2 years.

We broke up a couple weeks ago. It was amicable and probably the most mature breakup I’ve ever been in. We both decided that though we liked each other so much, we both didn’t think long distance was doing us any good anymore. Also, I believe he is an avoidant because any talk of the future prior to the break up, he just didn’t want to discuss. Like he wanted to keep us in this bubble for as long as he could but I was having none of that. This was probably the only red flag I saw of him. But anyway after the break up, we still talked a few days as friends and naturally went into NC but this was never discussed/planned.

He leaves in 2 days, is it alright if I wish him well for his flight? Thoughts? Do avoidants prefer that you just leave them be? I don't want to look like I'm pining over him or give any wrong impressions. I just can't shake off this strong inclination to wish him well just as a sincere parting message.

Hi, My name is Kevin. I am a Student at Avans University in the Netherlands, who is soon graduating with a Bachelor degree Communications and Multimedia Design.

For my Thesis/Capstone project I am researching, and designing for couples in a Long Distance Relationship. For this study, I would like to ask for help with my research.

If you could spare 5 minutes of your time, I would greatly appreciate it if you could fill in this Questionnaire.
https://forms.gle/ww7HYr62CUdDgoNY8
Your help is greatly valued.

The Questionnaire is completely anonymous. Data will not be distributed, and insights will not be linked to individual responses. The Questionnaire is complyiant to IRB rules and guidelines.

So there is this bunch of 6 people who live in the same apartment different floor of my boyfriends apartment. He is friends with these 2 guys the most out of it and then there are other two guys living with them . These 2 guys have their girls living w them too One of the couple is cool and chill and has boundaries But the other one is shitty the girl is too much trying to contact my bf and the guy prolly wants to get rid of the girl and doesn’t care . They call my bf downstairs at their house a lot I feel scared that if he stays hours and hours with these people he will forget me or replace me with them being around Which I do not want . They always just call him all the time when it’s free . Am I being paranoid ? They do not even care that he has a gf so they should leave some time letting him have some personal space . The girl just calls him anytime or texts him about snap streaks . She even has a grimace emoji w me meaning she snaps my guy the most out of all her snap people which I find weird . If I try to tell my guy to stay a bit distant from them he gets angry bcz he thinks the guys r great frnds to him nd doesn’t wanna ruin it . I just am scared I don’t want them to replace my need . What do I do ?

I live in Canada while my other half resides in the UK. we decided to do old school love letters once a month to fire up the romance for our long distance relationship. I also want to send him postcards since I travel quite a lot from Canada and US.

However, Im looking for an effective and heartfelt way to do this, since going to post office whenever I am in a different state is kind of difficult.

I love personalizing postcards or adding personal touches to it.

Does anyone do the same old love letters? And how do you guys go over it?

I (22f) met my partner (25m) around 4 years ago on a game. We started seeing each other a little over a year ago but haven’t been able to meet in person yet. The ldr situation didn’t bother me much since I was pretty busy with classes and work, however the last few months I’ve been getting impatient. Whenever I bring up meeting he usually shuts it down saying how hard it is to get vacation days or some other reason usually to do with work. Recently he took two vacation days just to relax or whatever and hearing that hurt my feelings. My friend wants me to end things but I keep hesitating for some reason. I don’t know if I should keep trying or not.

I dated someone personally for 4 months (she’s from the other side of the world) and I am in USA now. I really love her but she told me she don’t want to be in a long distance relationship and she don’t want to pursue this. But I am willing to do long distance for her. My heart is really broken by this. She said she love me and it also hurts her. I’ve decided to cut our connection and move on.

Any thoughts? 😔

I feel like me and my SO are hanging by a thread right now and the problems feel insurmountable. We are having issues communicating without bits of animosity, both getting upset over the smallest of inconveniences, have trust issues from past relationships.

The trouble here is I can’t just let go and neither can he. I KNOW I love him and I KNOW he loves me too. Just can’t seem to get back on the same page anymore.

Has anyone else gone through this? Something similar? How do you make it through when things get really tough.

I don’t want to lose him but mentally I’m on the edge and I can’t take much more of the instability.

I’m moving to the UK for a job as a skilled worker (for the NHS) but the perks are finally being WAY closer to this guy! Not 4500 miles apart anymore! Took a job about 80 miles from him. So still some distance, but we’ll be spending every other weekend together at this point. Collecting my BRP card today- unpacked a lot of my clothes and keepsakes at his place so it’s less to take when I move in a few weeks. Currently looking at houses and putting in offers, it’s been a nightmare with the UK housing market honestly! But if worst comes to worst, I’ll stay with him until I can find a rental. I start my new job 3 June and SO looking forward to being here!