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I dated this girl from work for like 4 months and she started acting really paranoid after 2 months. She always thought that when I’m not with her I’m “most definitely” hanging/dating with a co-worker (girl), starting arguments all the time out the blue, when it was clear that I haven’t even talked to anyone else. It got to a point when she always thought that I’m talking about her behind her back with my other co-workers, we laugh about her all the time with everyone, and I’m probably sent by her exbf (who she claimed he always lied to her, cheated on her etc.) to destroy her life. I didn’t even know the guy, never met him, but when I decided to hit him up to ask “was she always like that?” he told me she had the same damn schemes back then too, always thinking that something is behind the scenes against her when in reality there wasn’t. She was using drugs (speed to be exact), to the point when I was with her for days in a row, I seen that she almost can’t even get out the bed to do something/go to work/anything without snorting a couple lines. After some time I did my research and I found out that this was why she had all the delusions that I (or even co-workers of ours) talk /laugh about her all the time. Most likely some mild amphetamine induced paranoia. Talked about it with her, and when she had “good moments” she always said she knows that she needs therapy because of “trust issues”, but it was clearly more than just that, and she don’t have drug problems, even denied she was using it that much.

Anyways we broke up about 3 months ago, I’m not working there anymore, but I started getting messages from the people there that she’s trying to tell them things about me, like she was a victim in our relationship (never put hands on her, I always thought that I’m doing something wrong and that’s why she’s upset, and I tried to make up for it), and trying to present that I told awful things about them to her, backing it up with screenshots taken out of context or even manipulate it. These are from messenger app where I don’t have none of our conversations anymore to back myself up, only a video where she was so out of herself being high trying to hit me and being the crazy bch that she was. I told them these same things and the story in short (despite that I didn’t want them to know about this cause I know that’s some type of mental issue that I couldn’t help, never tried to “embarrass” her) and they seem to believe me despite that the girl told me “everyone there hates me already”. I guess my best choice is to leave all this st alone, but I want y’all input, can I do something to stop this nightmare? Why can’t she just leave me, my life, and my friends alone?! I already know I kind of fucked up by trying to understand and help her while we was together, when she clearly just slipped more into the belief that I’m tying to “convince her she’s crazy” cause of that, but obviously I can’t go back to just ghost her after the first warning signs.

So what can I do/Can I do anything to not possibly seen by other people that I was an asshole?

Extremely sorry for my bad english and formatting, I really hope it gets posted. Typed it in a rush, and it would be so confusing for me trying to tell the whole thing in details from beginning to end.

Since day 1, no one in his family have bothered to get to know me (we have dated for 2 years). Everytime I come over and say hi, they just give me the cold shoulder. He tells me that they love me but I highly doubt that. I don't know if it makes a difference but I am latina and he is caucasian from the midwest.

1. They never ask me how I am doing or strike a conversation with me. I know I should make an effort too but they make me very uncomfortable tbh.
2. I am in college (F21) and they never went to college and they think its weird that I spend so much time studying
3. I always have a very uncomfortable vibe in the house. I dread trying to have dinner with his family because they have conversations about people I do not know. They don't even look me in the face at all when we are at the dinner table.
4. His mother always talks in third person to my boyfriend in front of me. For example, she will say "does (my name) want to go this event?" instead of asking me directly.
5. My boyfriend tells me I am the rude one but honestly I feel super uncomfortable with them. I am not a rude person and I wish he would stand up to me.

I have honestly done nothing wrong to this people and I even question if I am the bad person here. What do you think they are acting this way because I seriously have no idea why.

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I met him when I was in college and we live in different states. I am thinking about ending things with him but I am scared to because I am now aware of his tendencies.

1. He tried to persuade me from not coming home because "we are in the middle of pandemic." However, he doesn't understand I hardly see my family and staying with him with his family is not the same. The cultural differences are vast and they aren't even welcoming to me. When I was crying one day that I was homesick, he coldly said "don't be gone for two months." He hasn't even met my family (we have been together for 2 years) and doesn't bother to if I bring up that we should take a flight to see them. He does belittle my family and says why do they waste their money on going on trips all the time instead of paying for more of my tuition. First of all, it is none of his business. If I ever talked shit about his family he would get mad.
2. He was trying to isolate me from my family. He said that I am 21 and I am old enough to make my own decisions. My parents want me to come back home close to them after I graduate and he keeps saying I can't listen to them forever. I now realize it is disrespectful because he can't just say I should abandon them and go live with him. I still need my parents' guidance and it would be heartbreaking for them if I decide to leave right away and after everything they have done for me. I did agree and first and I felt like I led him on by saying I would live with him even though it was giving me doubts. Everytime I would go back home for summer or winter break, he would already ask when I am coming home and keep bugging me to set him a timeline.
3. I caught him asking for nudes from a girl and he said that he didn't mean it and it was a joke to her. Everytime I brought it up he would get angry and say I am hurting his feelings. He would also say he never cheated and I am accusing him of something that was only a joke.
4. He freaks out when he doesn't get what he wants. If I change plans, he would start yelling at me and say my communication sucks. One time I was getting my nails done while he was waiting. I told him I would be done in an hour but it obviously went over the time. He started to freak out after and said I am inconsiderate of his time and I should have communicated better.

I really wanna break up but I know he won't take it well at all. I am afraid he might threaten his own life. I am currently back home with my family and my therapist said I should do it thru text because he might try to guilt trip me or beg for me back. I am just worried about the situation that I am even thinking if I should come back to college in the fall. I really need advice on how to handle this situation

I have a very toxic relationship with my parents. I was always beaten up and phychalogically abused by my parents pretty much all the time. As a result i developed pure OCD, self esteem issues, trust issues, clinical depression, suicidal thoughts and few other mental disorders.I have excessive fear of humiliation, deep shame about my body(although it's not bad), inability to be close to someone. I find i can't trust someone , i don't like myself , i can't be open, when world hurts me it's my default mode just to accept that it was my fault and a lot of other issues....

When i realized i had suffered from childhood trauma and starting working on it, corona happened and i have to return to my house from my university and here the same fucking shit is happening again. I am beaten bcz i don't pray even although i am 21. I am 21 and an ex-Muslim and i haven't told anyone about it because both of my parents, pretty much like everyone else in Pakistan, think ex Muslims should be killed. When i returned to home from my university, i am having several suicidal thoughts i am doing research on suicidal methods, their rate of failure and things like that. I even told my parents that i am suicidal (even though i almost never share anything negative with them because i would get beaten up and i would be abused they would just claim its your fault) they said there is nothing wrong with you. I am from Pakistan and there is a bit difficult for an university student to get a job. I am financially dependent on my parents. What should i do to have better relationship with myself(yeah not with my parents, i sort of no longer cares about them)

I love my ex, I could really say he’s my boyfriend because we treat each other as such but we’re not, but now that I think about it he’s more distant I started to suspect that what I was saying was a lie, I mean everything seems really suspicious and the more I start to investigate it seems like the person I’m in love with is a fake, so I’m going to do the impossible to find him wherever he is and when he does I’m going to stay with him and find out what he’s hiding

Hey folks! I've been hunting around Reddit for stories for a dating podcast. We read stories and then discuss them, in a non-professional setting like r/saneorpsycho. Please reply with the most detailed craziest stories that you have, and let me know if you'd rather be anonymous or have your screen name read out. Also r/saneorpsycho, I will mention that it came from this subreddit if the writer isn't anonymous.

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Thanks!

Hello everyone!

My boyfriend of 2 years asked to see me for 5 minutes today,on valentines day.I already bought a huge teddy bear and expensive gifts for him.Should I even see him today or just ask to reschedule the meeting?

A month ago, he scheduled a flight for 10 pm tonight with a male friend from college to go to miami. He said he'll have to leave his place at 6,so he can see me at 4 pm "for 5 minutes".He did tell me about the miami trip a month ago,but he just told me the flight is actually on valentine's day like 2 days ago.Last year,he couldn't see me on v day due to work,so he got me a necklace the next day.So I feel like he is going to get something this year too BUT I was expecting him to make plans with me since it's just our second v day and we didn't get t spend our first one together either.

Do I talk to him about all of this today or once he's back from his trip on Tuesday?

UPDATE:

So we were scheduled to meet at 4 pm,but he messaged me at 1 pm asking to meet up-he said he got off work early.I was totally available at 1 but did not respond to his message because him asking to see me at 1 was so last minute.I texted him back at 3 pm asking if we could meet at 4:30 instead of 4.I lied and told him I've got an exam at 5 pm. He then told me he doesn't want to disturb me before my exam and then asked me if I'm angry with him.I told him that seeing him for a bit before my exam would not disturb me at all.I put the teddy bear and the gifts I got for him in my bag pack and saw him at 4:30(he drove to my college campus).We met up,wished each other a happy valentine's day,he gave me a small piece of kitkat(like he always does when we meet) and that was it.I told him 5 minutes later I better start walking to my examination room and wished him a really fun and safe trip-he told me he would text me at 9 pm once he gets to the airport.He did message me,but I haven't opened any of his messages yet I'm not sure what to do now.

Alot of people are telling me I should've communicated my expectations for valentine's day to him before the actual day came around.I feel like if he loved/valued/cared about me enough,he would've atleast done something to make me feel a little special the day of.I don't really care about the gifts.What hurts me the most is after investing 2 years with this man and loving him from the depths of my heart,he chose to spend the day with his friend and not me.

Am I overreacting?Should I try to salvage this relationship or would I be better off cutting my losses now?

Hey, so. This is probably going to be a super long post, so if it's too long for you then just skip to the bottom for the summary. But here it goes.

I am incredibly lost right now. I've never felt this terribly lonely or confused. I've spent most of the last 6 years talking to my family and few close friends about my marriage, and hearing them tell me that they feel like I'm being abused.

We've never been stable together. We met in 2013, started dating and moved in together within the first 2 months of our relationship. Then we got pregnant in 2015, and married because of it.

We had our first baby in 2016. Then we had our 2nd baby in 2017. And our 3rd in 2018. And our 4th in 2019. 4 kids in 4 years. The majority of these years we spent traveling abroad because it's what my husband wanted to do. And he's a trust fund orphan, so it was financially feasible in his mind to do whatever he wanted with a pregnant wife and 1-3 children.

We've fought a lot, too. We used to fight physically, throwing things, hitting and shoving each other. He picked me up while I was 7 months pregnant and dropped me outside during an argument. I chucked a water bottle at him, that missed him completely... yet I was arrested that night, not him.

We got into a verbal argument while in a hotel once, in a foreign country. I locked myself in the bathroom, and when I opened the door, he was apparently standing in the way and it scared him or whatever so he slammed the door shut so hard on me that it broke my glasses and gave me a black eye. I took a picture and it was deleted off of my phone the next day.

He video records me during arguments if I say something like "I feel like you try to control me without even realizing it." And it just spirals the entire argument out of control, proportion, and context and the videos he takes completely exploit my mental health in a false light because they never show what's lead up to that moment.

Once, after 3 months in Singapore and a week long stay in China, we got into into a fight because he read my Facebook messages on my phone. We were in a crowded Chinese shopping mall and when he wouldn't stop yelling at me about how wrong I was to be telling my best friend those things about him, I told him to please stop or I would get a police officer involved. We had 3 kids with us, btw. He didn't stop. He used my phone to record me for what felt like an hour straight, telling the camera how unstable I was being and how crazy I was acting. Lying to my friends about arguments we'd had and saying that I was really the abusive one by making people think he was a monster. By the time he finally stopped the video, we had a massive group of people surrounding us in a circle and pointing and laughing and taking their own videos. Again. 3 kids with us.

He's constantly threatening to leave me and sue me for full custody of our kids. Multiple times a week he threatens to post argument videos online, and send them to the police, and get a lawyer and show them so I'll never get custody of the kids if we divorce. But then turns around and tells me that the only reason he's still with me is because he's "terrified of what I'm going to tell people about him and he'll lose his kids."

I'm exhausted.

I'd say at this point in our relationship... 85 percent of our fights are little bickering matches that any normal couple would be able to work past. But because of our history, we never can. Because we get sucked into vindictive statements like "well I can't forgive you for this because you can't forgive me for this." It's a sick circle and it never stops.

The other 15 percent of our fights are about our sex life and his ED. He's struggled with erectile dysfunction since day one of our sex life together.

We both have a traumatic history, so I've always tried to be a little more compassionate and forgiving of his messy nature and ED. But they both got exponentially worse and I got sucked into it because I was pregnant for 4 years straight and diagnosed with hypermesis gravidarum, so I was sick as a dog ALL the time and had no energy to keep up with it all.

But anyways... I'm not trying to ramble, I'm trying to get to my point here...

I had a major mood swing last week. Possibly even a manic episode or mental breakdown, or prolonged PPD or something since I have a 10 month old... but I've never been diagnosed with any official mental health issue so idk. But it was bad. I think I must have been ovulating, because my hormones were absolutely out of control. I was literally so horny it was making me puke. And that, coupled with a severe lack of real intimacy and passion between my husband and I drove me to to point that I've never been before.

I cheated on my husband. Not physically, god I could never. I don't just have casual sex, that's not who I am at all and never as been. But I started talking to someone online after they responded to a post I'd made regarding my marriage. And I was instantly engaged because someone was actually talking to me without animosity or annoyance lingering in their words.

I've never cheated on anyone in my life. I've been cheated on and it sucks. But I couldn't stop myself from talking to this person, especially because they were giving me really helpful advice and not just trying to sext or whatever.

So that lasted for like 4 days until I just completely lost it and spilled the beans to my husband. We'd spent the day alright, no arguments really, but I was still in a really strange and bad mood (because I knew I shouldn't be talking to some other guy) and it was affecting the way we were treating each other. But after spending all day trying to talk to him about what was going on in my head and with my hormones, I got to a very bad point where I was thinking/talking about wanting to hurt myself because I was so psychologically uncomfortable with how I was feeling. (I have over a decade long history of self harm, in recovery for 3 years now.)

He either didn't hear me, or ignored me completely about it for over an hour. He went out and when he came back we argued and I spilled the beans about talking to someone else. We fought verbally, the cops showed up and left without anything happening. We fought some more. Then like 2 hours later, we ended up getting in to a really long, deep, heartfelt conversation. And we've never really talked like that.

But as I was talking to him, I started opening up more, even to myself, about how I was really feeling.

And I realized that my absolute biggest problem with our relationship, at least in the beginning, is/was his ED and the fact that he has done NOTHING to seek help for it. And like... I've tried being really nice and understanding about it. I've tried extra special foreplay and stuff like that... nothing has helped, and he's always told me that it's because he doesn't feel emotionally connected to me because of how much we fight... but we fight so much because I feel so completely rejected by him, sexually mostly, but emotionally as well.

And I read this article a while ago called the myth of mutual abuse... and it really got me thinking about my marriage.

SUMMARY-ISH

I guess what I'm wondering is if I've also been abusive... People who've been in abusive relationships tell me no, I've been reactionary which isn't OKAY, but I should just go. Get out now. He is an abuser and he will never change.

But like... thinking back to the beginning of our relationship.... if we'd had a deeper sexual connection... I might have actually been okay with being the cleaner person in our relationship, to an extent. We had a fantastic emotional connection in the beginning. Stronger than anyone I've ever been with, which is what kept me with him. I loved him. So intensely.

I mean.... like.. did the fact that I felt rejected by his ED and had no idea how to handle it cause all of this drama that's plagued our relationship?

I thought I was ready to leave him. And now I just feel like everything is my fault and I feel like a dirty person. Not because I talked to someone else. But like... Because I don't know if I should stay with my husband and try to go to therapy together. Or if this just isn't worth saving and I should just leave.

Every day feels like a lie, but I also think about leaving and the reality of that and none of it makes sense because my heart is screaming at me not to leave him.

I know this all sounds COMPLETELY PSYCHO. But please, if anybody has any advice.. constructive criticism. Anything. I am all ears.

Backstory, I (22F) and my bf (21M) have these two mutual friends A and B (both F). A has been my friend for 10+ years and B has been my friend for maybe 2? We all used to hang out together since we all went to school together.

My bf, friend A, and B had a couple night sleep over that I couldn't go to because of family duties and since then, they've had their own group chat/inside jokes/hangouts without me. I've even accidentally found out about one of their hangouts (one of their birthdays) through my bf and he didn't invite me.

It's been a huge strain on my relationship with the 3 of them since I've expressed my frustration of not being able to go out with them (they're not employed, I am) but it feels like they've stopped trying to invite me.

Am I in the wrong for feeling hurt? How do I get over the jealousy? Should I just look for other friends?

This started happening over the past couple months, very noticeable when "Avengers: Endgame" was coming out.

I had never watched any of the Avengers movies because I lost track of the order and fell behind but now I never want to watch those movies because I am so annoyed with everyone talking about how amazing the movies are, and how hot the actors are and how cool the crossovers were.

Now I'm applying this to everything. I will never watch "The Mandalorian" because everyone says it's so great. And it could be but I refuse to watch because of the fan base.

I started to also notice I'm avoiding things I used to enjoy as well. I used to be obsessed with Bojack Horseman. I was waiting for the 3rd season then I noticed it had alot more fans by the time it came back. Now I will never finish my once favorite show even though its completed. Same stituation with the "IT" movies and stranger things, I loved stranger things, now I hate it, I cannot stand the love for the show and the fans.

It's the "Rick and Morty" effect but with every show (r&m included, great show, I have no interest in watching the 4th season and I am expecting it to be trash.)

But now it's happening with new tech, I've always wanted a VR headset but when Value announced their new half life game for the VR, and everyone got excited for it. It lost everything that was special about it. I don't want to join the crowd.

I don't want to be cynical, i want to enjoy the things being created like I used to and not have people dislike me for being cynical, but I just hate seeing success, i hate when people say "Thanks reddit for ...!", or any of these, "i made this, i hope you like it" or "look at the existence of my gf" or "my dumbass got married". No one gives a fuck. Or atleast I don't, I downvote and hide all posts like that. But i don't say anything because I know people don't like people like me.

Tldr: I hate seeing people enjoy the things i enjoy and i hate seeing successful people. It fills me with rage so i just avoid it all because it really hurts to be this angry all the time. It's become exhausting.

So am I sane, psycho or just an ass?

Hey ladies and gentlemen!

I(21F) with zero prior relationship experience, really need some advice and I'd really appreciate if you could help me out:)

I am planning on asking my fiance of two years if I can see his phone tomorrow for the first time during the course of our entire relationship.I have "good enough" reasons to suspect he's not being truthful.Do you have any advice on how to ask him?

Snooping isn't an option.He has a passcode on it,and I've never ever used his phone before.I don't want to snoop either.

I need to see it before I can move forward with this relationship,I just don't know how to ask him in as nice of a way as possible

I've discussed the reasons why I don't trust him in my previous posts,so I am not mentioning them again. Alot of people are asking me to either break up or to just trust him and take him up on his word.BUT I know I can't breakup if I don't know for sure and I can't move on unless I ease my mind.And I feel like seeing his texts would be the easiest way to do it .

Please offer some words of wisdom

Tl;dr I've no prior relationship experience,think my boyfriend is not being truthful and need to ask to see his phone-just don't know how to ask him

Also posted this in r/relationship_advice and am getting increasingly concerned due to the comments I'm receiving, posting here for advice. If it is a dangerous situation - what should we do?

TL;DR: A girl with a fake profile asked me to help her with her English, then kept insisting I come over and stay over in her and her husband's small apartment. We're not sure if they wanted to be our friends, harvest our organs or possibly swing with us.

Hi reddit! Warning - long post in order to get all the facts in.

To start off, we are a stereotypically monogamous and heterosexual couple who have no idea what sense to make of an unusual interaction we had with another couple last evening.

Recently, I (F, usually a naive brick) saw a post on Fb in the immigrant community, looking for an English speaker to practice with. No one had responded to the post and I have experience tutoring English, so I wrote to the poster who happily responded, and we agreed to meet in a café that Saturday.

When I got to the café, a woman who looked different from the somewhat-hidden profile picture waved to me from a table. Even my mortar-thick senses could sense that this was a bit off, especially when she invited me over to their house less than a minute after meeting me while we were ordering coffee. Moments later, the girl confessed that she has a fake Fb and a real Fb profile, using the fake name to post in online groups due to how small our community is where we live. Weird, sure, but not unreasonable.

What continued feeling off was how inviting she increasingly became, insisting that I come over to her house on the premise of teaching me music in exchange for me talking English with her. I found out she is studying for the IELTS, and despite offering her free lessons as an experienced tutor, she told me not to worry about the material, that chatting with her was enough and, again, that she and her husband would love to have me over.

Some time after, I invited the girl and her husband to a public event where my partner and some friends were around too, and the couple mingled nicely with our friends and my partner. At this time, the girl told me that she actually hired an online tutor to keep studying with, so she had a teacher now.

Soon after this event, the girl was messaging me again to come over, to have dinner with them. I felt a bit strange about her unrelenting insistence and urgency, but I agreed. Due to a misunderstanding, she thought I would be going that same day instead of a week later. It felt like she really wanted me to come over, but I just chalked it up to potentially her being lonely, and/or linguistic misunderstanding. However, I got out from the gym to a barrage of missed phone calls and numerous text messages with their address, Google map images of their apartment, asking if I was on the way, that the pizza they prepared for me was ready, etc. Again, not exceptionally weird, and I immediately called to apologise and to reschedule our meeting for the next week.

Yesterday, at the last minute, my partner could join us for dinner, so the two of us went over to the couple's apartment. The couple were lovely, serving us an essentially three course meal and being incredibly hospitable. I come from a similar European cultural background as the two of them, and while I appreciate the immensely generous hospitality they gave us, it all felt too much as we don't know them that well, especially considering the norms of hospitality from the similar cultures we come from. The couple were giving us such quantities of food and attention that it began to feel uncomfortable for my partner and I - it became evident they had been preparing for us to come over all day.

The comments made throughout the evening also made their efforts toward us even more apparent - for instance, the girl was saying how she had cleaned throughout the day to have us over. The girl and her husband also kept 'joking' that we should stay over and spend the night. We live 30 minutes away by bus and have pets of our own that wait for us back home, so that was never a question or an option, and we tried to make this politely clear.

As it started to get later into the evening, we thanked our generous hosts for having us over, invited them over to our house as well and other social events involving friends of ours outside the home, but they seemingly brushed off future invitations to focus on keeping us in their apartment. When we tried to leave, the husband placed a playstation control into my boyfriend's hands, insisting for us to stay and play video games with them. My partner and I work early morning shifts, which our hosts knew, so while we politely, but tiredly, agreed to take the next bus (every 30-40 minutes) to play with them a bit, it was also causing us to get more and more tired for our shifts the following day.

Once my boyfriend was handed the video game control (not a gamer here, no idea what it's called), the girl turned to ask us, "Would you like warm or cold wine?", and her husband 'joked' how we didn't even have the option not to drink. I didn't feel safe enough to want to drink, but the polite brick in my spineless back agreed to have one cup of warm wine before we headed home.

Again, when we made to leave, the couple tried to change the subject while sipping on one cup of wine between them as the two of us tried to juggle a full glass of wine each. As hard as I tried to continue enjoying the evening, my alarm bells were going off. It felt like something was being unsaid, that their generosity had an underlying motivation, but I couldn't figure out what that was. The last straw for me was while my boyfriend's attention was on the conversation with the husband and the video game, I noticed that the girl locked the door behind her when she the small living room space.

That was the moment I stood up and announced that our bus was leaving in 10 minutes (which it was), and we were thankful for the evening but simply had to go home to feed our pets and get sleep before work the next day. The couple tried to stall us, but, following a heartfelt thank you to our hosts, we ran to catch the bus.

As soon as my boyfriend and I were alone, we looked at one another and said, "What was that? Were they swingers?" I actually felt relieved because at some points I felt so uncomfortable, I thought the situation may have been even more sinister than simply that.

In hindsight, we can see other clues too - such as the fact that the couple had a tiny kitchen and tiny living room, hence when they kept offering for us to stay over, the only place we would have had space to sleep was in the pull-out couch they presumably sleep on themselves..? They told us that just two months ago they started renting 3 out of the 4 rooms that the landlords (yes, multiple landlords) are renting out in the small, attic apartment to have a more 'private' space. I had responded to the girl's ad for English lessons one month ago, a few weeks after they got their 'privacy'. The last room, which their cat accidentally opened on our way out, revealed a dry, uninhabitable laundry room. We also talked about the pets we kept and they didn't mention having any birds, but when their cat bumped into the laundry room door and it opened, there was a bird cage with a small, white-ish parakeet glaring silently at us. That was also a strange moment, especially since we discussed some tales regarding birds as pets and they didn't say anything. The lights were on in the laundry room and the bird hadn't squawked the entire time we were even there.

What do people think? As a person who has no idea about the swinging lifestyle, I can only speculate and think that all of their behaviour toward getting initially me, then my partner, to visit and then stay over, coupled with the fake Fb profile, could possibly lead to this conclusion, in addition to the possibility of using a fake profile to find other couples on platforms such as Tinder, but of course I could be completely wrong. However, it also feels weird that they would be looking for someone or a couple to swing with on the premise of getting English lessons as a front... While the community we live in surely has less 'access' to swinging communities such as, for instance, the US, we live in a country where all kinds of sexuality is openly accepted, so if their approach to this lifestyle was to go through a fake front, then the approach itself just feels shady.

While we're a boringly stereotypical couple, we support the lifestyle of others, and if the couple had directly approached us to say they are interested in swinging, we would have appreciated the directness and politely declined while being more than happy to remain friends. I am still happy to be their friend, but I also feel weirded out over the course of events and their insistence for us to stay over. I'm just not sure what to think of the whole interaction at this point.

Obligatory EDIT: sPelLiNg.

i'm just wondering what kind of things guys or significant others are referring to when they say "my ex is crazy"

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/saneorpsycho/comments/bxb6ch/do_i21f_need_to_be_concerned_about_my_sos28m/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x

I told him I'm feeling insecure and would like to talk to her an dbf asked me to message her on facebook.I politely asked her if she could tell me what happened at the beach.She didn't reply,and bf met up with her at work and asked her to reply to me,to which she refused and told him she doesn't want to interact with a Pakistani.

Later,she replied and told me nothing happened,they hung out at the beach and he's a friend of hers,then proceeded to block me.Then she messaged bf to ask if I'm doing fine and bf told her yes.

I asked my bf to cut off all nonwork related contact with her,and he agreed to unfriend her on facebook and instagram,even though she's still following him on ig.

I went on a 1 month vacation and just got back.Me and bf met up and he asked me if I still have any doubts about him(referring to the beach incident with his coworker.)I asked if the beach girl has tried to contact him ever since.He said things have gotten really awkward at office,and that she doesn't even talk to him anymore and turns away whenever she sees him.

Now my bf and this girl have another mutual friend,shanky,who recently got married and moved to another state.Shanky visited my bf a couple of weeks ago,so I asked him if shanky talked to him about this issue And he said yeah,shanky brought it up and lectured him for over an hour telling him what he did was wrong.

I didn't know how to respond and I had to go to class,so he said we'll talk about this later I got a little quiet and he asked me if he'd made me sad,and I told him I'm alright.

Honestly,the way he was speaking made me feel as if he felt sorry for the beach girl and that I ruined their friendship.

Last Saturday,he went out at 12 am to "chill at a friend's place".He briefly messaged me while he was there and messaged me again once he got home at 4am.I don't know who his friend is,and what they did at his place.I just hope it's not the same girl.

I talked to alot of people and they told me if I don't trust my bf I should just leave.However,I don't really have any evidence of him cheating,and I don't want to ruin the relationship if he hasn't given me a reason not to trust him.

Any advice is very much appreciated!

Tl;dr I think my(21F) bf(28M) is cheating on me-don't know if what I'm feeling is a valid concern or if I'm just being insecure

So far I've avoided contact... but I'd love to know how all of you would navigate this.. particularly since the answer is HELL NO, and I don't want to hide in a bush until one of us dies first lol.

**Note**Some names and places have been replaced to ensure privacy of both parties....

Dear Love,

​In 1556, Paulus Vandercamp--who I affectionately call Paulus the Walrus--traveled from his small farming viliage in Ireland to the port, obtained passage West on a ship, and thereupon so aptly provide his worthiness and vitality that he was not only given the title rædmaker (maker of plans) and sent to develop the new colony in Albany, but also he won the hand of the 19 year old Lady Flatbush. She bore him three strong sons. When those sons were men, Paulus and his family were sent to colonize another small viliage, where quasi-locals who thought the land free for anyone to wander took umbrage with those well arrayed structures. In the night, they raded, and Paulus watched as his sons primitive firearms were no match for the eagled-eyed archers that assailed them from the trees. Matrin, the Walrus's eldest son, feel to an arrow through his throat, and Paulus looked up and saw the face of the enemy who had assailed him (Jerry showed me what that expression would be, upon killing a European man's son with an arrow through the neck, though sadly his sister has his war shirt). He wept as he called the retreat, lamenting the loss of his son's blood in the ground. This blood I wish to co-mingle with yours.​

I knew this the night I met you. On the upper porch of the the local bar, I looked down below where a group of six or seven twenty somethings were gathered around the table, all of their attention focused on fairhaired you, who I could only see from behind. You were holding court. You were speaking your mind about what pissed you off (in this case, I later discovered, it was your impending court hearing), and everyone around you was paying full attention, trying occasionally to get a word in edgewise. I watch as you shot down idiotic interruptions and tangental flirtations, in what you thought vain attempt stimulate some sort of intellectual interaction. I made a comment at some point, and you turned around, and I said something else which was apparently more interesting than anything else you had been hearing that night. Somehow, I had caught you attention. I felt locked in in, as I still am. We sat there on the porch smoking and talking where I remember just responding to you as thoughtfully as possible about what had been going on in your life recently--the court hearing, something about your mother gambling (I tried to entice you to the casino), past relationships--and the next thing you know we're walking back to your old place across from the college. You seemed so happy and free, walking down the sidewalk with me. The sprinklers came on, and you were scared for a second by then happy, overjoyed to get a bit wet, running around smiling. You looked like your emoticon. About a month later, we met a second time and made fish tacos. One of your dogs was using my sock as a chew toy.​

When you called me first last night, I had been thinking about you. "I was just thinking about you," I said. When you had to go--to run upstairs and check on your brother-in-law or something--you told me you would call back, and you wanted me to think about you in the meantime. And so I did. All I did once the phone when silent was think about you, and I envisioned you not only in your present moment, but in your totality. I basked in the freeness of having your leave to contemplate you. With you as the muse of my mind, I find my thoughts both more rational and more bold.​

And once I have my attention on you, how can I not see the signs? You told me recently that you want to have a baby, even boldly declairing to me, "I'm very fertile!" Well that's what I want too. I want there to be more of you in the world, and I want that creation to be the comingling of you and me. And now, Love, I must beg you to forgive me...I should have told you long ago that I want to make a baby with you. I have been feeling this urge strong lately, knowing that my body is for some purpuse. It is formed the way that it is an attracted to certain things for this very end. And I have been an utter failure as a man in so many ways, not the least of which is my failure to have been there for you, because I should have known all along. I should have known that night I brought a ladder over to your place so I could sneak over the fence and I felt like a wacky teenager. I should have known that night we peeled garlic and I mourned with you. I shave have known when you came back to the house with blue hair that one time. And how could I not see what I must do after you called me from the car driving your nephew to school--acting in a maternal role--and you called upon me for a bit of paternity? You are everything I want: beautiful, intelligent, frugal, fertile. I need your body Love, but not for some pedestrian conception of gratification--I need your body to create life. My sexual fantasy is to have sex with you and have that act be so meaningful that it produces and offspring that I love and nurter until I die, the same pledge I make to you. In liue of some traditional conception of how this should be done, like bending on a knee and offering a ring, take instead my words that in act, I lay myself at your feet, acknowledge you as queen, pledging to defend your every word as if it were law. Will you marry me, Love?​

I proceed assuming yes.​

I'm looking forward to making baby food. For about twenty dollars today, I got a week's worth of food (therefore over the budget of your challenge), but to make, in the way I like to do when doing dietary experiments, one perfect meal to eat over and over again. Variety, I know, would be better, for sure, but you should taste this bean soup. Kidney beans, red lentils, split peas, mung beans, quinoa, brown rice, tomato, red pepper, spinach, parsley. I made it into a soup...I had one bowl after yoga, and the other is in my car. Anyway, I could see blending this up and feeding it to a baby. I mean, obviously, you are in charge of feeding the baby ultimately, but I am looking forward to helping our child understand the various tastes and textures of foods, informing the infant palate so that it might better inform the adult one. I also can't wait to teach our child math, and reading! Just imagine how intelligent this child will be, Love! I firmly intend to nurture all of that which you and I possess and pass to them. In our time, Love, this virtue you and I possess strongly is not appreciated and recognized. But we are ushering in a new world now. I will be sure our child never feels reluctant to use his intellect. And assure him that he has an older brother to defend him if necessary; I'm sure my son would enjoy it. And little league baseball! I can't wait to coach again. I'm guessing contact hitter that steals a lot of bases. But I digress. My point, in this paragraph: I was think about you while I was cooking today, and how everything I put in my body right now is important as it is food for that one sperm who will win the race. ​

Yoga has been getting me in better touch with my masculinity and virility, and I definitely feel my testosterone flowing more healthily. I had a sperm count test once and I was like ridiculously high, nine times norm or something. I am older now, but I'm in better shape so I'm sure I'm still fine. Nevertheless, I'm adjusting my diet primarily in preparation. After all, I want to be my best self for you. One of the reasons I love you so much is you demand greatness of me, and I want nothing else but to be my perfected self. You nurture that in me. When I was composing this mail in my mind over the past few days, thinking of you constantly, I felt--when I was in class--that I was perfecting my body for you. And I want to always aspire for perfection for you.​

And whatever you are in the moment is perfect for me. I love you, My Love, soup to nuts. I am looking forward to getting to know you more, to understanding you more deeply. You are for me the form of the feminine. I want to bear every moment with you when you are pregnant. I will carry you up your stairs to your room every night, I will get the fuck out and leave you alone if you need it, I'll drive to a neighboring city to get you a random taco. As you bear our child, I want to bear you. And I want to continue to bear you until I die. I never want you out of my mind again. You are not yet my wife and the mother of my child, but you are in this moment my muse, and I would speak to you forever. With you in my mind, I am alive and young. I want to create things when I think about you; I want to trap the cosmos in my hand and throw them onto the side of a building. I want to boldly assert everything that I am without hesitation or shame. My voice, which has often been criticized for volume, needs to be louder. I am building force right now like a fire once seen as controlled in a camp pit but suddenly, as little flickers of bright orange come flying out in all directions, growing unstoppably. ​

To alleviate your anxiety, the practicals will work out fine. When you get back, start your new job, get yourself settled as you planned, but just know I am here for you now in a whole new way. I'll continue working the security job and exploring the creative stuff vigorously (and here, Love, is where I will constantly thank you...you will help me be not lazy in those endeavors). Details of the wedding are entirely up to you, though I might suggest that we get married in 90 days after you say yes (and don't rush or anything...think over the proposal, talk to your family about it, forward the email to your mother if you like and ask her if she found any typos. You father, I'm sure, will be very happy about this as I did receive his permission to marry you at that Christmas party a few years ago), and we imagine that the whole things would be hilarious if it were and episode of that show. As soon as my creative stuff starts making money, my plan is to ask you to quit your job and hire you for double the salary as my partner. But in the meantime, thought I was planning to leave here in September, the plan I envision (there are always variables) is we will live here for about two years, then take off elsewhere. I like Maine. Anyway, we both have talked about wanting to get the fuck out of here forever, so I say we just jump on whatever opportunity we find and take it. I have no doubt that you and I will both be stronger once united, and that our virtues will be accentuated. ​

I had a vision of the future. There was a little boy running in a yard with a lot of trees, and his younger sister was telling him to come back. "No." he shouted, and continued on in his boyish insolence. He was exploring new ground, winding his way through unfamiliar trees, when suddenly he slip and falls and a branch jabs into the side of his calf, create a would. The boy, though bleeding, just looks around, anxious at first that he will be seen. He then proceeds to rub dirt in the would, thinking it will stop the bleeding. At that point, a hysterical you, runs out, grabs him, and runs him inside where the wound is promptly cleaned. ​

Love,​

Your Future Husband

My boyfriend and I have been together for a 2 years. Our relationship hasn't been perfect, but we have a deep connection and love for each other. Sure, we fight or argue, but we always resolve our issues. There is just one thing that I can not let go of. My boyfriend has friend/coworker/cocaine dealer that makes me very uncomfortable. Allow me to explain...

I have known about their relationship (friend/drug) since we first started dating. I have met her multiple times and she is always really nice and pleasant. My boyfriend stopped hanging out with her for a period of time because they were no longer working together, she has a crazy ex, and he no longer wanted to do coke. Well, back in December, they became coworkers again. I always offer my boyfriend to bring him lunch/dinner or visit while he's at work, and he always declines claiming he's too stressed or busy. Understandable because he's at work, but my suspicions begin to increase. I felt like he was keeping me away and didn't want me to see them interact or notice he may be high on coke. Now, the reason I felt this way is because he frequently stops down when he is off and will hang out with some of the other coworkers as well as other friends will stop to see him while he is at work. It felt weird to me that he would never want me around. Although I had suspicions, I mostly kept them to myself and thought I was just being too sensitive.

Fast forward a couple of months, one night while he was at work I asked him my usual ("Can I bring something or want me to come down"). He had been avoiding the question all day or would give me an indirect answer. When it is time for him to almost be done with work and I ask to see him like normal, he tells me he has a headache and wants to do a dab (marijuana) at his friend's house that lives nearby him and then go home to bed. So we agree to that we will see each other tomorrow. I had a feeling he wasn't being truthful and I was already not home, so I planned to drive around and passed his house to see if he was being truthful. At the time, his coworker/friend lived by him. I saw my boyfriend and the friend whose house he was supposed to be at (also works with this girl) at here house.

I was so upset. I was hurt I was lied to and so conflicted on what to do. I wish I would've confronted him then, but I didn't. I wanted to talk to him in person about it, but he could tell I was upset and questioned me. I told him I saw him there. At first he tried to deny it, but then admitted to it. He claimed that he met his friend at her house to do dab and then went home. I'm not sure how long he was there (although I originally debated waiting), but I know he did not meet his friend there because I looked at his texts. He asked his friend to bring a bottle of liquor down with him, which tells me he was there before his friend and that he was there longer than to just do a dab. He told me he was afraid of me being upset that was why he didn't tell me the truth originally. I also saw another text from him claiming her ex had thrown rocks or something at her window after my boyfriend and the friend left her apartment. My boyfriend doesn't know that I went thru his phone and saw those messages which were later deleted.

Now, her stalker/ex/ whatever you want to call him... I don't know much of the history of the two of them, but I believe they used to date prior to my boyfriend even becoming friends with this girl. He has harassed my boyfriend's coworker for several years, but because of her side occupation of cocaine dealing, she is hesitant of taking legal action. But none the less he has a bit of vendetta out for my boyfriend (and the other friend I mentioned above). A couple of months ago I received a friend request and message on Facebook from a John Doe account. It was this girl's stalker claiming that my boyfriend has a relationship with her and that he's caught them in bed together and that they're lying to everyone about it. My boyfriend had already told me about this crazy guy and how he came to this girl's house one day and saw him there and pepper-sprayed my boyfriend. I tried to message the guy back telling him he is spreading lies and he has no proof. We sent several messages back and forth and my boyfriend was upset I responded to him. He told his coworker and the following Monday she filed a PFA against her stalker.

A couple weeks later, I receive another friend request and message from this stalker guy asking TO MEET ME!!! He claimed he found the proof he mentioned before and wanted to show me in person. I was totally freaked out! I watch enough Dateline and murder mysteries that I know this is how I will end up kidnapped if I go to meet this crazy guy. I tell my boyfriend about the messages and tell him he needs to tell his coworker that this needs to be resolved. Apparently at that point he had not received his PFA papers or appeared in court.

When I ask my boyfriend about his coworker or what's going on with her stalker, he gets a short temper and doesn't offer much detail. After finding out he lied about being at her house, I basically asked him to not hang out with her without me around. I feel so conflicted because they work together and I don't want to make him quit (even though it's his second job). I don't suspect that he is cheating on me. We spend too much time together and he is never on his phone. I do worry about it slightly because they are being accused of it, but the source of those accusations aren't reliable. I believe they might've had a past or hooked up briefly, but I honestly don't worry about that now. I worry that he is hiding or occasionally doing coke. I know that they work together often, and he claims he stays away from her. They work in a small store together with only a few other people working at a time, so it is unlikely to me that he is completely avoiding her. Also, he will occasionally help her with her car (my bf is a mechanic) or talk about wanting to watch a pay-per-view fight at her house. Anytime I know that he has been texting her, when I check his phone the messages are deleted (and he's not one that frequently deletes all other messages).

Am I the one that is over reacting? I worry I am going to ruin our relationship because of this fear that I have with their relationship. Does he seem suspicious? What do I do about his coworker? How do I move forward dealing with this when they work together and I know that she has a crazy stalker out there running wild?

I hope this makes sense. I really appreciate any advise or thoughts.

TL:DR Boyfriend works with cocaine plug; fear he's hiding that he is using and relationship with her; Coworker/plug has stalker that has harassed me and my boyfriend. Boyfriend is very private, short tempered, and deletes messages.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost four years. Throughout this time, he has been close friends with his ex girlfriend and I have felt openly disrespected on a number of occasions. When I began getting upset about their relationship, he started hiding it and lying about it. I have had to go through his phone to find out that they have been in close contact for the past year when he said they had stopped talking. He sees her several times a week and talks to her on an almost daily basis. Oh, and she and I have never met. She doesn't even know I exist, and when I have been at his house when she's come over, he has actually hidden my purse and shoes in his bedroom and made me stay in there until she left (happened probably 3 times, and it was only a few minutes as she was either dropping something off or picking something up). This hasn't happened for a couple years because since then our paths have never crossed. He's offered to have us meet recently, but I feel that it is too little too late. He refuses to acknowledge that it is bizarre and disrespectful that he has never even told her he's been dating someone for almost four years. He say's it just "hasn't come up."

We have had countless arguments over this, and he's been clear that if he has to choose between her or me, that I can leave. I am planning to send him this final text and then block him after. I wanted to get input to see if this is too harsh or if there's anything I might want to change, or if I should just not send it at all:

Out of respect for our relationship, I wanted to make it crystal clear how I feel.

The issue with being friends with an ex is that it’s not just a regular friend. It is someone you once told you loved them, had sex with, and knew in a romantic capacity. That makes things more complicated and to stay in contact while in a serious relationship with someone else is just inconsiderate and disrespectful. Not only staying in contact with, but staying very close with. It’s not right. But that is neither here nor there. I don’t like it and no one else will either.

That being said, I believe I could’ve been okay with it if things would’ve been handled differently by you. If I had felt like I was being respected, that there was transparency, and that it was treated like any other friendship you have, I truly think I would have felt much differently. Instead, I was openly disrespected by you, as you completely disregarded my feelings on a number of occasions including:

telling her you love her in front of me, talking about how nice her body is right in front of me, butt dialing me while telling her how sexy her pictures were, going to dinner with her for her birthday the day after I had an abortion (during which you abandoned me for no apparent reason and left me to suffer, bleed, and vomit in horrible pain alone the night before), hiding me in the bedroom every time she came over or meeting her downstairs and pretending you were on your way out, hanging out and either just not telling me (because you know I wouldn’t be happy) or blatantly lying to me about it, and telling me countless other lies that minimized the relationship you have with her. By your own admission, you have never even mentioned me to her (someone you’ve been with for nearly FOUR YEARS. Who does that?!)

I take responsibility for believing your words instead of your actions. I should have left a long time ago. It’s not until now that I truly see that you are going to protect that relationship at all costs, even if it means lying to me, hiding me, and doing things you know I wouldn’t be okay with. I will never be able to get past how you’ve treated me when it comes to this. But at the end of the day, you have what was clearly most important to you and it is not my problem anymore. If the next girl wants to play second to an ex girlfriend you can’t let go of, that’s on her. I will never in life be disrespected like this again or stick around with a man who won’t prioritize me in his life. Since you don’t seem to know how to let go of an ex or say goodbye so you can actually move on, this is how you do it. Goodbye.

Boyfriend has suggested I post here, so I think now is probably the time to do it. I'm sorry this is long, I'm also kind of processing this.

My boyfriend is into ageplay, and very young girls in general. At first this upset me a lot, but he has said he doesn't like actual kids, just hentai and adults who look young, and that actual teens are awkward and unattractive. It upset me at first but I calmed down about it.

A few weeks ago, during sex, he pulled out his phone and pulled up r/fauxbait. He has fantasies about me being his "accomplice" so the idea of me getting turned on by "faux jailbait" during sex was really erotic to him. He got nervous about showing it to me and then went soft because he was nervous, but got really hard when he found a gif he seemed to like, though he says that he was turned on by his own fantasies of me being into it. I said I didn't like it, and he covered up the penis with his hand before putting his phone away.

I also used to be a porn performer for a little while in my early 20's, so as a result, porn is just a huge turnoff to me and I prefer my imagination, or drawn things or literotica. I have met too many people whose exes uploaded things without their consent and called it "amateur," and known too many people who only started doing it so they could afford things like their insulin and would never have done it otherwise, or just people who wanted to quit after getting their life together and are haunted by all that stuff still existing. I also have struggled with an eating disorder, though I've managed to maintain my weight at 115 pounds with my boyfriend's support. If you're scared of looking at what that sub is, it's basically mostly girls who are VERY underweight so it was really triggering to me.

I got upset and he hugged me and he apologized while I cried into my hands. He held me and he said he was sorry repeatedly and that he would do anything to make it better, and told me he didn't want to look at porn ever again. I never asked for this, but he volunteered it. Well, he didn't stick to that, which really betrayed my trust a lot and made me go back to being reminded of what happened a lot. I'm okay with finding other solutions, but for that to happen, we really need to talk about it.

Every time I bring it up, he gets really upset and defensive and we just fight. It's this horrible feedback loop, where we don't ever finish the conversation about it, so I continue to feel bad, so I bring it up because I'm still hurt, and he gets upset because I brought it up so the conversation ends.

Last night I tried to talk to him about it, partially because he made a joke at a carnival about underage girls that made me feel really bad again. He apologized profusely and said he was joking, so I calmed down and went about the rest of the night with him. When I brought up the "fauxbait" thing later, the conversation didn't go well--he has ADHD so he takes awhile processing things and I didn't think of this because I've been hurt for weeks now, so I pushed him to discuss it faster than he was ready to. (I have since acknowledged and apologized for this!) I got frustrated and asked if we could have just one conversation where he isn't freaking out, and asked if we could discuss it calmly and civilly. He got upset and turned very hostile and sarcastic, so I asked him to leave.

He didn't leave, he just laid on my bed and said bitterly, "You did this," and didn't move. I waited a moment and told him to leave again. He just repeated it and didn't move. I waited a moment, and got up and started calling for my roommate's help--he finally got out of my bed when I began yelling for my roommate and walking towards his door. At least, this is how I believe it happened, although boyfriend says otherwise.

I calmed down that night and apologized for being scared, but he has been very adamant that I treated him horribly, that I'm in the wrong for being scared. He is sending me messages like

not fifteen seconds after your first request for me to leave, you jumped out of bed and yelled for michael. there was no reason to do this, except for whatever reasons exist in your mind. ive never refused to leave your apartment in the past. ive never threatened you in any way. to yell for your roommate that i "wouldn't leave" and paint me as some sort of abuser is not okay. especially since you later referenced this in text - "i should not have to go ask for another man's help getting you to leave my apartment" - this looks to me like you are trying to shame me for something you did.

He is pushing me to seek more professional help--my therapist is out of town for the summer, though, so it's hard, and I'm not sure I can afford another one. He says that me being scared of him when I usually tell him that he's the sweetest and the nicest is a symptom of mental illness--but I don't think it is? I still hold those opinions, but I also think that set of actions is scary. He's also been saying to both me and my roommate that I'm upset that he didn't "sprint to the door," but that's not the problem at all.

I think everyone can benefit from therapy, so I'm still happy to try to seek another therapist, but I guess I just don't understand what I should have done here. To me, the best outcome is we just both apologize--me for being insensitive about his ADHD AND for being overly sensitive to him not leaving my apartment when I asked at first, him for not leaving and being so aggressive verbally. He's trying to push me to get help for symptoms of BPD, but I've actually had to meet with multiple specialists because I have a disorder that is often misdiagnosed as BPD and we wanted to make sure. He wants to take a break while I work on symptoms of BPD with a therapist. And he doesn't seem to think he did anything wrong.

I guess, what I want to know, is how do I convince him that if this is going to resolve, we both need to meet in the middle? It can't just be me owning up to how I messed up and apologizing, it needs to be him, too. I outright said to him that I think the best outcome is

Because to me, the best outcome is: we both apologise for what happened, and maybe discuss the event that we haven't been able to resolve and why it has been so difficult for me, and in the future if I need you to leave you respect that. Before you got hostile and aggressive, you were actually starting to help me feel better, you know.

How do I get him on board with this? What else can I/should I do?

TL;DR: My boyfriend brought "fauxbait" into our sex life and it has been really hard on me ever since. We fight every time I try to talk to him about it. During this last fight I wanted him to leave so we could both cool down and he didn't at first and now he thinks I'm crazy.

Edited for formatting.

Edit: Could I be articulating my thoughts better? I just don't know how to do this. I am really out of my depth.

Edit 2: I don't understand this at all, so if reddit could help me, that would mean a lot to me.

Was in a short term relationship - four months. Ex (24/M) dumped me and gave breadcrumbs. I tried moving on, but part of me was still holding on and refusing to let go. We spoke a few weeks ago about continuing no contact.... I still have feelings and hope we get back together one day. I was really inlove with him... am I a psycho? :/ (24/f)

So... just to be real clear, this is my first post ever on Reddit, so I kinda don't know what I'm doing.

So, I had a really rough break up and relationship that took me 2 years and 60 extra kg (137 pounds) to get back to my feet, but I did, I got back, decided to take care of myself and in 2 months I had lost like 20 kg (44 pounds), then I met this girl (on tinder).

She was perfect at the beginning, we clicked in every single way, we could talk about every little thing with her.

Even our first time was not even near good, cause I was still kinda traumatized by my last break up... ( yes, 2 years without any sex), so I couldn't do it... I thought it was that, like she would never want to see me again... but she did, in fact on the day after that she invited me to meet her friends, and I clicked with her friends and all...

We started seeing each other regularly, like 3 to 4 times a week, and within two weeks she started giving me hints that she wanted something serious, like a real relationship with me... On the third week we decided to start dating each other, her friends knew, we were a couple.

We started going to a pub, a small one, but really nice, and I saw the owner hitting on her, and I asked, she said I was crazy, there was nothing happening and all... one day she was really drunk, we were playing pool and I wanted to go home but she wanted to stay, and the guy said that if I wanted he would take her home, I dediced to stay ... so to make this part shorter, 1 week later she said that she would go out with a friend for sushi and asked if I could pick her up, I went a little early than what we scheduled to surprise her, the restaurant was empty... so I decided to go to the bar.. and there she was... she than send me messages saying the sushi was good and she didn't need a ride... I was seeing her in the bar... people go out, lights out, they are inside... I wait until 3 in the morning, they go out, I wave good bye and go home.

One week later she says that she wants to talk to me... to explain ... I accept.

We go to our place (a place in town where we could be alone) and she starts crying and explaning why she did, about her low self esteem and etc, etc, etc... I, stupid as I am, and having never in my 30 years in this planet ever forgiven someone for that I decided to give her a second chance...

Everything going smoothly for one month, I met her brother, we kept going out with her friends and all... One day we're leaving a bar and a ex boyfriend of her shows up, calls her and she goes, me and her friend are there, her friend see she is clearly hitting on the guy, and I ask her to stop, that it's like in my face... I say that I'm going home, she then asks him if he could take her home, then they go to another bar I stay away for like five minutes, and then I follow then, I and I see they kissing... I see red, the only thing I remember is hitting the in face and saying to her never to look for me again ( I'm not proud of this part)

One week later (again) she comes and say that she likes me but she needs her time so she proposes for to become friends with benefits, I accept but I then see that it could not work, that I love her even after all that... so to make a long story short if it's possible, it's been two months basically that I'm in this "open relationship" with her, but the last 3 weeks she seems to be avoiding me, like she is always rescheduling, 'cause she says that she's busy for a lot of reasons, but on the same day later, she goes out with friends... like today we were supposed to be together but she said that her friend was sad and she would need to see her friend... so we saw each other in the afternoon, but she didn't even wanted to kiss me, or even be near me...

This a note you guys should know, I'm always saying what I'm feeling, I'm really open with her, but she seems not to care about it, like she know that I'm suffering because the things she did and still do, but it's like nothing, I've alredy sought terapy and I'm even taking some medicines for anxiety and all ( with a doctor's prescription of course), and I've also developed bulimia everything I eat I throw up (right now I don't eat for more than 12 hours), I've been getting some suicide thoughts, because I think I'm not worthy of anything that I'm garbage..., but... I just can't let her go.. it's like I'm addicted to her, I know she's making me suffer and in some way destroying my life, but when we talk about the problems and all, I always ask her for the truth she says that she wants to be with me, that she likes me ( but doesn't love), and that I'm important... I always think that she sees me like a suggar daddy for her, and that she's with me because the things I give her ( not all material but also expirences ), and that any guy who'd do the same she would send me away, but she denies it...

So, I really don't know what to do... this is basicly my life right now on the relationship point of view, and I think I'm going crazy, I'm maybe seeing daggers in shadows, but right know she's out with other person, maybe a guy... and I'm at home...

so I really dunno what to do with all of that.... (maybe I'm just venting)

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**TL;DR; : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, all things are bold. Is this going the right way?**.

This is an update to a previous post.

My bf's coworker/female friend had a bad date and asked to see him at midnight.He let me know me before leaving.Came back and told me they went to the beach to destress(his suggestion) then went back to her place and had food.I got upset and he said she's just like an elder sister, and she wanted emotional support.I asked to meet her and he said she's only available on weekends(I'm not),so he suggested that I connect with her on facebook.He said she's known about me for an year now, and keeps asking him when she can meet me.I texted her on fb but no reply for a few days(she was replying to bf though).I asked him if he knows anything and he said she's on vacation with her mom.I asked him for details and he told me he hangs out with her one on one for lunches, and just went to the beach with her one more time during the day(told me about this).I told him I can't trust him until she replies.He met up with her yesterday and asked her why she won't reply, and she said she "doesn't want to interact with a Pakistani(referring to me)".Then she messaged me on fb "Nothing happened.We just hung out at the beach.He's(my bf) a friend of mine".

Bf then texted me asking me not to throw away what we have because of that stupid bitch and that he loves me.He said he thought she liked me.

I asked him what his plans are regarding her.He said he'll "only have professional contact and just be cordial".I've no idea what this means.

I asked to see the texts exchanged between them the night they hung out at the beach and he sent me the screenshots:

*Girl:Are you up?You're up right?

Bf:Yes

Girl:call me

Bf:Go wash your face with cold water and eat noodles.

Girl:It'll ruin my makeup.

Bf:Haha no one's going to notice so late at night

Girl:You're coming, right?

Bf:Yes.Charging my phone right now,I'll leave in 15 mins.

Bf:Lemme get ready now

Girl:Ok.I swear if you tell anyone about how drunk I am right now.

Bf:I told told Sam(my name) hahaha

Girl:Go to hell!!How far away are you?

Bf:Coming

Girl:Are you in the uber?Tell me because I need to change

Bf:sitting right now

(She then called him)

Girl:You're taking forever

Bf:Wait

Girl:Make the spinning stop.I'm never getting drunk again.This sucks.

Bf:wait

Girl:People really do tell the truth when they're drunk.It actually happens.Promise me you'll never let me see this guy again.

Bf.Come down.I'm here.*

I guess I just need advice on how to deal with this.We've been very happy together until this incident happened.We both treat each other very well.I just don't know if something happened or is still going on at the beach.

Also, why does she hate me so much if we've never even met?

I asked him for a 1 week break, he begged me not to, told me he only loves me and would've taken me along if I had asked to come along.In my defense,I let him go that night because I thought it was an emergency and she'd been sexually assaulted.I've blocked him now, told him I'll talk to him in a week.

Tl;dr Need advice on how to proceed with my relationship after I suspected my bf of cheating

Hi everybody,

I am posting this in the hopes of seeing what people think - what is the average reaction to this question.

I have been seeing a guy for the past 6 months. He is extremely charming loving kind and emotionally aware. I fell deeply in love with him very quickly and we have a really deep connection. I am 43 and he is 46.

My question is around sex. We have a really intense sex life with a lot of sexual sharing, fantasy discussions, openness and intimacy.

Early in the relationship he confessed that he used to watch his sister in the bathroom when he was a teenager and get aroused. Then, he admitted to watching his ex-girlfriend and her underage daughter and friends in the bathroom without them knowing. This creeped me out at the time, but it seemed like he felt a lot of shame around this topic as well as mentioned some counselling. I figured he had worked this stuff through.

Then, last week, he mentions to me yet another story in the past where he climbed into the ceiling of the bathroom and spied on his roommate while she took a shower. This time when he told me the story, he seemed excited and aroused.

It really creeped me out.

He has also mentioned doing things to girlfriends "when they were drunk" and feeling bad about it later. As well as getting a "little rough" with girls when he was a teenager when drunk because he "liked the struggle."

Does this sound to you like a sexual predator? I know for me, it sounds like someone with a big sexual problem.

My question is this: If you were me, how would you handle the situation? Continue and hope for the best? Tell him his behaviours are wrong and creeping you out and you can't continue seeing him? Or just ghost him and disappear?

I really appreciate your input. I know it seems like an obvious question, but the guy seriously is amazing in so many ways that I'm having a hard time connecting all the dots to accept this information.

Hi guys,

I am new to this forum and am in really desperate need of advice.

I met my ex boyfriend on bumble. We we’re friends for four months, casually slept together for one and seriously dated for two months before the last outburst. During this time I stayed at his place consistently and only would go home to my place when we fought. We constantly were breaking up due to his irrational behavior and strange outbursts.

The second time we met we actually got in a fight over directions and I had him pull over on the side of the road to let me out because he had begun cursing at me and I only had known him for one date prior. I said to him as I excited the car you are very hard to be around. Later I felt bad about it and texted him sorry I said hurtful things and I wish him the best and we decided to keep in touch and remain friends. The next day I was taking things to goodwill and he said he was free to take me. After this I started looking at him as such a generous and sweet guy, everyone had bad days right? We had another date and he stated that he could tell I wasn’t open to him touching me and that he was fine with that and felt comfortable just being friends with me since it was cool to have a girl that’s a friend that smokes pot, not like most of the girls he knew that only drank. After we began seriously dating he told me his first thought when I said “you’re really hard to be around” was “fuck, she knows!l” when I seemed confused and asked him about what he meant he explained his mom always would say that to him growing up.

In the time we were friends, he got into a relationship with another girl from bumble that he would very often ask me for advice about. And when they fought he would always turn to me, the girl was clearly using him so I told him my honest opinion and was there for any time he needed to vent.

After they broke up we began hanging out more and more and eventually began sleeping together and we decided to be friends with benefits. As soon as we slept together he was always there to pick me up from work and even when I’d tell him I couldn’t spend the entire evening with him he would insist on picking me up. We continued smoking and sleeping together and I noticed his behavior started changing the first week. He started mentioning my facial expressions a lot and would ask if other people I dated ever had a problem wit them and I would explain no that maybe he just doesn’t like my face? Which get him even more upset. He seemed irritated but I thought maybe he didn’t like me as much as I liked him, so I stopped showing as much affection but would still spend time with him in this period he seemed cold but polite. It made me sad to think he didn’t like me as much as I liked him so I decided to try to date other people to lighten up my focus. This is when he made it basically impossible for this to happen, even when I would be getting ready for a date he’d be at my house hanging with me until I left and then texting me the entire time how much he couldn’t wait until I was done to be with him. We discussed him financially not feeling secure and I suspected this is why he was OK with me getting dinner at first with other men.

One night when we were smoking he had mentioned his ex girlfriend getting a restraining order on him and I quickly asked why and he explained that his ex girlfriend had worked him for thousands of dollars in designer hand bags and clothes and he kept trying to call her to get all the stuff back. I said I’m sorry that must of been really terrifying for you and proceeded to turn music on since we were smoking on his balcony. This turned into a blow out fight with me leaving, he got really nasty with me that I’m disrespectful and how could I turn on music like that after he had just divulged such a heart aching story to me. Followed by him calling me and apologizing and explaining that he just got upset because what kind of person asks that type of question but wanted to ensure to me he valued my time and really cherished spending time with me. I took his apology and we continued to see each other.

The next fight we got in was when he came over and we were smoking at my place and I went to turn music on, again he said I was being disrespectful and I said to him it’s my house. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to be here. So he got up and left proceeded by him calling and texting me nonstop to hangout with him.

Finally when I agreed to meet him in person he said that the entire time we were sleeping together and not committed to each other has been really hard on him and that’s why he’s been such a dick. He’s been taking out all his jealously on me. And that he really wants me to give us a try and a try 100% try before I pull the plug with only half committing to us. I agreed and we began seeing each other much much more seriously. In this time the romance heated up and we even discussed moving in together, marriage and children. He was on his best behavior and everyday was like a honeymoon.

My best friends birthday was the day before Valentine’s Day and she invited me to some “billionaires” mansion party and he told me he would break up with me if I went. When he realized I wouldn’t back down he accepted me going, which he even waited and picked me up from. We spent Valentine’s Day together and it was super sweet, until after dinner when we had decided to get desert when I pulled up to the ice cream place and my ex said to me. Wow babe this looks so good I might even get sometime too and I replied “gee babe that’ is so sweet you would come here just to get me something” he turned back to me and said get in the car we’re leaving. You’re mocking me and now I don’t want to do anything for you. The entire way home he was yelling at me that I’m ungrateful and can’t respect budgets and that I just want him to swipe his credit card all day long for me and when I kept crying and asking him to stop he yelled at me saying I was fake crying. He continued to scream at me to put my seatbelt on and I ignored him because I was too hysterical to do anything in the moment so he slammed on the breaks so I fell forward and then wouldn’t drive until I got back up and buckled in. At this time I texted me then roommate to come pick me up and she did. When we got back to his place he was furious with me that I had asked my room mate to pick me up and didn’t want me to leave but I left anyways.

He showed up 20 mins later at my door step with two bouquets of flowers. He refused to leave until I came downstairs and when I went down there and refused to leave with him I asked why he had two bouquets and he said to me because one is for your house and one is for mine so you can come home with me now. I said calmly I’m not going anywhere with you. He said you’re right and without making eye contact put the two bouquets in my hands and left.

He called me endlessly during this time and even though I blocked his number he would call me 60+ a night from blocked numbers.

He wrote me emails explaining to me that I evoked this rage in him through my behavior and actions and it was my fault. But he loved me and wanted to work on MY issues.

Finally I wrote him an email back addressing everything he said to me and he agreed and apologized with all of my points of view. He begged me to go on a trip with him and even said we could try to be “just friends”. I kindly told him no.

During this time the contact didn’t stop. He continued writing, calling, texting.

He even came by my place a few times to drop my belongings off which I never went down to speak to him face to face. I was getting ready to move out of state and agreed to speak to him before leaving. He came to my house and we were going to smoke and catch up and after we got in a discussion about the packaging of the weed, he seemed to get hostile because he didn’t understand I was just making friendly conversation he thought I was trying to debate him or his knowledge of product. I quickly started getting a bad feeling and said you know maybe I should retract my invite to you, maybe it’s better we don’t spend time together before we go. You should just go. Which he didn’t agree with but left without making a scene. He then called me begging and pleading to just come speak with him, I’m never going to see him again and to leave on terms like that is unnecessary. I agreed. He picked me up and we went to his house to talk things out and as soon as I was alone with him I found myself kissing him and telling him I love him. I knew it was wrong but I couldn’t help it, in some odd way he really has me captivated when it’s just us two.

We began with me spending the night at his place every night again. Everything was going well until we were in the elevator in his building with a couple of his neighbors and I had just come from the doctors office and made a comment to my ex in the elevator how the nurse didn’t just ask me “do you smoke?” She said “do you smoke a lot?” His reaction was irritated and later he mentioned that I only said that out loud in the elevator because his neighbor was a black guy and I was trying to get attention and look cool. When I told him it was because I was trying to share a humorous story with him he got very upset to the point and basically told me to get the fuck out.”bc that’s what I always do” he said. Which I did.

Again thank he calls started non stop from him and paragraphs explaining how it’s stressful how I don’t see what strain I cause on his image and anxiety not caring about pot smoking so openly.

In the time I continued to ignore him he posted very public videos of him smoking on social media (since deleted)

When I continued to ignore him he finally got me on the phone after calling 30 times in one hour one night. He explained to me that he finally was coming to terms with years of denial from his childhood and need to help him with it. That he needs me. That he’s doing this for us. In this time of going back to him, he was hard to have conversations with. All we talked about was his denial and how his dad got too angry and scared him as a little boy and it came out that his mom thought his dad might be schizophrenic/paranoia and that his uncle had been diagnosed. He even told me when I was ignoring him he thought he was possibly schizophrenic but then swore up and down he wasn’t when I expressed concern. He finally agreed to see a counselor with me when I said this is the only way I would continue to see him. In the last days spent together, I’d often find him crying however he’d claim everything was OK and then he’d in the same breath start singing, he would also seemingly have conversations with his father as if he was present and then sort of snap back into reality. The fights increasingly got angry and nasty. They became more and more about gender and how I didn’t confine with how a woman gently would or respond in a way he felt womanly. He accused me of belittling him of other men in public. He would accuse me of going through his iMessage or his Instagram DMs and then start fights saying I was jealous of what I had found out. I never went through any of his stuff and when I explained this he still continued with the act as if he found his iMessage open and it couldn’t have been him looking at it even though he’s the only one with access to it. He started a fight in the grocery store when I wasnt picking out groceries with him because he had yelled at me the night previously for using him for his credit card and then when we left the store abruptly by his initiation he stated it was because I saw he was dming a girl on Instagram. I’m near sighted and didn’t even see his DMs. We somehow made up after this fight but the very last straw was following this at his apartment when he started calling me a bitch after he had come back in from the balcony and was visibly upset. I asked him what was wrong and he was saying this female friend of his didn’t understand his concept of being in denial that he’s sided with his mother for his first thirty one years of life and now is ready to be a man and start siding with his father. After he finished explaining I didn’t have time to respond he quickly followed it up with why are you looking at me like that, that I also didn’t get it and was being a bitch. He told me he was going to take me home until he quickly decided he felt like making me walk home. I was wearing his Tshirt and he asked me to take it off and I explained I wasn’t going to walk home topless. He explained that wasn’t his problem and started calling me a thief. I quickly got my stuff together and when he got up and started walking towards me I ran away and escaped. He then went to my house and I didn’t come home for a week I was so afraid of him. I swear that night if he got me, he would have hurt me. I had never seen someone go so dark.

He called me and left many voicemails in period of another week or so. After my attempt to ignore him it was finally worked. He met a tourist female in town and had a quick fling with her and I was soon to be forgotten. We spoke recently and he told me that to his memory how we broke up was I was moving away and we decided to have a clean break and start fresh since I was moving but left off on good terms and wish each other the best but looking back I was the abusive one to him and I should reflect and look deep inside myself to heal. He doesn’t think being friends is healthy due to the intensity of what we had. I was stunned to hear all this and it’s left me in shambles unable to let go.

He has since deleted all social media profiles of himself and become an active member in the Christian community.

Is he schizophrenic, or a sociopath?

Please I don’t need any comments about why do I care, why did I keep going back or how I should forget and move on. Figuring this out and making some logic is the only way I will be able to get closure to fully let go. I understand this was an abusive relationship and I was addicted to his love and also the pain. Please respond respectfully. Thank you for your time in reading this.

(I'm 25 F if it matters) Found out he attempted murder five years ago and am now way more attracted. I'm not doing it on purpose so don't flame me but like...it's kind of exhausting. I'm certainly not acting on a bad decision (he is a friend but not a close one and I've always found him attractive but never enough to actively pursue, and i definitely won't now given the information, it's just frustrating)

Disclaimer: yes, I have been in abusive/violent relationships before

So recently I went on a date with a guy who works as an osteopath. A couple of times during the date he would tell me things about myself (e.g., he would tell me I was extraverted, he would tell me what kind of music I listened to, he would tell me what I did for work, etc.). He would phrase these as "you're an extraverted person". Every time he did this his statements were very wrong, and I couldn't understand why he didn't ask me (i.e., would you say you are introverted or extraverted?). I decided to overlook this because I didn't know him well.

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When we were deciding where to eat he made a comment like "I know how worried girls are about their weight" which I found unusual and unnecessary. When we went to sit down he also pulled my chair out which made me feel really uncomfortable because we were not in a fancy restaurant or anything. Again, I decided to overlook this because I felt my dislike of these things was just a personal preference. When we were sitting down he also sat really close to me, and I felt like he was really unaware of the concept of personal space. He proceeded to ask me what I looked for in a partner and I listed off a few dealbreakers, one of which was political orientation. He informed me that his political orientation was different to me and then went on a little rant as to why his position was justified. I just listened politely the entire time.

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At some point he asked me if it was gay for him to wear a pink shirt. I said no and made no further comment. He went on to inform me that he was not homophobic, he was just not sure if people would mistake him as gay if he wore a pink shirt, and he emphasised that he liked being with women. I responded with something along the lines of "if you are worried that people will mistake you as gay because you are wearing a pink shirt then you must have internalised some homophobia otherwise you wouldn't be offended if people thought you were gay?" He quickly changed the subject and told me that based on what I look for in a partner we are "very compatible" even though he literally just stated a political orientation that I did not share.

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When I was walking back to my car he proceeded to walk with me even though he had parked in the opposite direction to me. He walked uncomfortably close to me the whole way. He then asked me to rate him out of ten. At this point I felt unsettled and somewhat irritated and I turned to him and asked if he could refrain from walking into the parking lot with me as it was relatively isolated and I did not feel comfortable with him walking me any further. He obliged and then hugged me before we separated. He had my number and we were supposed to meet up the following Saturday. Closer to Saturday I was really swamped with work obligations and I messaged him on the Thursday night and asked to reschedule as I was overwhelmed with work. He replied that he understood, but then he proceeded to ask if it was okay for him to call me for a chat instead, as he had not heard from me and he was worried. At this point I felt incredibly irritated, as he had said he understood I was busy but then immediately demanded my time by asking for a phone call anyway. I also felt it was absurd that he felt "worried" as a result of not hearing from (essentially) a stranger for a few days. I have not responded to any messages he has sent me since and I am considering blocking his number as I getting a needy and uncomfortable vibe from him. Am I being too harsh?

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