It's Family and Friends Friday!

One of the things we talk about a lot at Family and Friends meetings is the unhelpful messages we send to ourselves:

1. If we try to have a conversation with our Loved One (LO) using PIUS, and that conversation stalls, we might find ourselves thinking "I failed again."
2. If our LO slips, we might think "I should have taken them to rehab."
3. We might also catch ourselves thinking "If they loved me, they wouldn't engage in their addictive behavior."

These thoughts are not helpful and might prevent us from moving on with our SMART work. In order to challenge our thoughts, we can first identify them as being unhelpful. Then we can go to this tool (fillable on your device).

Using this tool, we can ask ourselves if our thoughts are true/logical/helpful. We can work on replacing our thoughts. So for the examples above, we might replace our original thoughts with:

1. The PIUS conversation didn't go too well that one time. I did manage to use an "I" statement, though, and can try again soon.
2. It isn't in my hula hoop to take my LO to rehab. My LO is in charge of their own recovery. I will work on providing positive experiences when my LO is not in their behavior/drug of choice.
3. My LO does not engage in their addictive behavior because they don't love me. It's not personal. I will try to understand what benefits they see in their behavior/drug of choice, so that I am better able to help them.

What changes do you think you might see if you decide to challenge your unhelpful thoughts? Have you used this tool in the past? Was it helpful?

Hey friends. Confidence and shame are something else. Between the two, I hid multiple near relapses from my partner thinking, “Hey, look at me walking away from it” and worrying about hurting my partner should they find out.

Friends, of course they found out.

I completely understand their shattered trust and I’m terrified because I know what I would do in this situation. I can promise that I’ll take all the steps to avoid this again, because I know in my heart that I will, but I can also feel in my heart how cheap as hell my words are to them right now.

Has anyone made it to the other side of something like this with their partner? Obviously everyone’s partner/spouse/family is different, but holy hell could I use some encouragement atm.

Greetings fellow SMARTies

Just wondering if anyone on here knows when the new workbook will be available?

Hi r/SMARTRecovery community members!

You may have noticed that we recently surpassed 15k members, which is worth celebrating if you ask me. So in honor of this milestone, I've created some commemorative user flair (see below). The upward-pointing arrow represents SMART Recovery's commitment to positivity and life improvement. If you want to get this user flair next to your username, please leave a comment down below. All community members who comment in the next 14 days will be awarded the flair.

15k member celebration flair

This is just a small, silly way to thank you all for making our community welcoming, supportive, and informational. I especially want to thank all you facilitators and seasoned participants who welcome those who are discovering the SMART Recovery program for the first time through this subreddit. It takes a village and I absolutely couldn't do it without you.

Warmly,
Carolyn

I attended my first SMART Recovery meeting online yesterday. I think it is going to be more effective for me than 12 step programs. I plan on attending a meeting tomorrow and continue going forward. I've also ordered the workbook and will get it in a day or two.

I am currently not sober yet. I've reduced my drinking by about half but am still drinking a lot. My doctor was very explicit that I needed to stop but she didn't want me to go cold turkey on my own. But I came away not really knowing how to get supervised help. I have an appointment with her in 2 weeks and that will certainly be a topic. I am eager to get sober but agree with her that it could be risky on my own due to how much I drink and other health problems.

I tend to be impatient and spontaneous. Riding the breaks and taking things slowly is not my forte.

Have any of you had to phase out of substance use or use supervised detox on your SMART Recovery journey? Any words of wisdom for a person that wants to get on with their life and ensure that they actually have a life to get on to?

Since most of the meetings are online, I'm confused why the meeting page is location-based. Most of the time, the next meeting is a day away and at inconvenient times. I can surf around the continent looking for meetings 1000km at a time, but this is inefficient.

Is there a master meeting list somewhere that lists all online meetings scheduled?

Does anyone here have like 10+ years of sobriety without the help of 12 steps? I have recently given up on the 12 steps as I am not willing or capable of doing what they ask. I am desperate trying to find a shred of hope that I might not die like AA says I’m going to. I am frightened to even live right now.

Hi there. I have never attended a SMART recovery meeting but I am interested in learning more about the program. I am currently working AA. I work with a sponsor, I attend and chair meetings, and I have 22 months of sobriety. I have always had issues with the AA program and it is again starting to tip toe the line of “religious” to me, and that is an issue for me. I feel like I am constantly being pressured to do things and there’s a level of superstition/mysticism that messes with my head.

SMART recovery seems appealing to me, but I honestly don’t know anything about it or how it works, so just looking to hear your experiences. Thanks.

Hi all! I’m very new to this. I have never attended any sort of recovery meeting and was curious as what to expect.

I’m making the choice to go to one today and was wondering if I needed to get ahold of the facilitator or if I just show up.

What can I expect during my first meeting?

Will I be required to engage in a lot of discussion? I suppose I’m just nervous.

I think I have an alcohol problem but I feel like it isn’t as serious as opposed to some issues others go through. It’s most definitely an issue to me and I want to squash it and begin good habits for myself while I’m relatively young.

Any tips or information would be helpful! Thanks!

On Tool Tuesdays, we take the opportunity to learn new tools from the Handbook together (or refresh our memory). Today we are focusing on the Vital Absorbing Creative Interest (VACI) tool.

A VACI can help bring back the simple pleasure of living a life free of substances and unhelpful behaviors. When we get overly involved in any one activity, be it helpful or not so helpful, we cut a lot out of our lives that we used to enjoy. Finding a balance can restore the fun and enjoyment that life has to offer. So how can we get back to those simple pleasures of life?

What were some of the benefits you were getting from your unhelpful behavior or drug of choice before the costs became too high? Did you enjoy the buzz? Did you like being able to just check out for a bit? Did you like the taste? Maybe it was the social aspect? Mention a healthy activity that gives you one of the benefits of your addictive behavior in the comments below!

Dear Friends,

I am new to SMART. One of the areas I am working on is reducing/eliminating my overeating

I have a plan for my eating

Evenings are generally when I experience my urges

I overate tonight

I have the 3rd edition of the handbook, and after I overate I reviewed the first 2 points

I would like to identify the benefits I get from overeating, then choose healthful substitute activities that can give me the same benefits

I would like to fill out a CBA

I would also like to identify/track my triggers and urges

I would like to identify distractions, including calling supportive people and attending meetings

I feel that identifying and tracking patterns in my triggers and urges will help me take evasive action. If I can consciously recognize the loop I am in more clearly, I think that will help me step out of it

I can’t do this alone

Thank You for listening 🙏

Know of any good tool-focused meetings?

I'm really in dire need of getting back to work on this. But there's only one meeting a week in my area (online, even) and I definitely need more than that right now.

I'm hanging out in the ER -- for my husband, not for me. It looks like it's a kidney stone. So, I'm reading posts here. Not because I'm afraid I'm going to drink, but just because I know this subreddit is a safe place for me.

Thank you for being here.

Why isn’t smart recovery more known and recognized more by doctors and addiction specialists?

Why isn’t it the very first thing offered as a solution instead of AA/NA, which has been slightly above useless for the millions who have gone through it In the last 100 years?

I went to treatment centre here in Canada and it was a 12 step program even though nowhere was it advertised as such. They told me that 12 step groups have an 88% success rate and that there are many ways to recover but 12 steps is the right one. Long story short, I got asked to leave quickly. I had to ask for and faced opposition to in person SMART meetings in the same city as the treatment centre. Why is that?

Rehabilitation in Canada is an absolute joke and it will continue to stay that way until two things happen:

One, addiction is no longer seen as a “disease” because a) it isn’t one and B) the only reason it is seen as a disease is because of money

And two, any and all aspects of religion are removed from all forms of rehabilitation. If you want faith based treatment? You can specifically request it but SMART is where it should begin

Rant over

It's Family & Friends Friday!

Do you ever feel guilty about your Loved One's situation ("I should have...", "If I hadn't...")? The Family and Friends handbook tells us that these guilty feelings are not helpful because they might lead us to tolerate unacceptable behavior, or we might act in ways that prevent our LO from being responsible for their own behavior. (See page 27 of the handbook for more ways in which our guilty feelings do not help us.)

So how do we deal with our guilty feelings? We can work on the questions here (fillable on your device).

We can also challenge our guilty thoughts, asking ourselves if our thoughts are true/helpful/logical: "Is it true that it's my fault?" "Is it logical to think that I am the only one who has influenced my LO's choices?" "Is it helpful to give myself such a hard time?" (See page 28 for more ideas on how to let go of guilt).

Do you ever experience guilt about your Loved One's addictive behavior? How do you deal with your guilty feelings?

Hi all, I came here from a ChatGPT response after I asked it whether there were any non-abstinence based recovery programs for sex and love addiction 😂

I've been in SLAA for about 10 months and have been struggling with maintaining sobriety longer than 2 months, establishing a higher power, and feeling like the steps are never ending (only on step 2 still). I also struggle with the language: "disease", "character defects", etc.

I would like to continue recovery because SLAA helped me see that I don't HAVE to live in the throes of my compulsive sexual, romantic, intriguing behaviors. But I'm struggling to know if it's for me.

Does anyone have experience with sex and love addiction in SMART? Thank you.

I've been apart of a 12 step group the past 4 years and have had a hard time connecting with it. A lot of it is based around God and religion and I'm not a religious person. And I've not found much success or sustained sobriety in it. I heard about smart recovery through a podcast about autism and addiction) yes I'm an autistic adult, newly diagnosed at the age of 30. It sparked my interest and I like the idea that it's science based and an alternative to 12 step. Anyone else find that this group worked for them? What about it do you like that maybe a 12 step didn't provide? I am thinking about going to my first meeting here soon. I ordered the booklet online. Just wanted to get some feedback.

Looking for a meeting recommendation for a Wednesday or Thursday meeting to attend regularly in the afternoon or early evening. Must be done by 7:30 pm EST.

I know where to find meetings and realize that links cannot be shared. Just looking for something like, "Jamie out of Kansas leads a great meeting at 5 pm on Thursdays."

Not new to SMART. Thanks! Have a great day, everyone.

Today is my 4 year anniversary of quitting smoking. It was far from my first attempt but it's been my most successful to date.

After 50 years of smoking, I quit using the patch and lozenges to taper off the nicotine for the first 3 months, then used Smart's CBT to deal with the triggers and cravings.

Between drugs, alcohol and tobacco, I think I ran out of things to quit. Lol

James 😄

I’m planning on using either the urge log, or a straight CBT tool which is similar, called a thought log. I think I could then do an ABC later on each row in my log.

Anyone else have experience or suggestions? How did it work out?

I really hope so!

Aloha y'all,

I am new to this subreddit and the SMARTrecovery app today. I practiced with a local meeting for a few months a while back and I am looking to connect more deeply with the community and the materials and resources of the practice now. From subreddits of other communities of practice that I enjoy (Quaker, Plum Village Community of Engaged Buddhism) I have been invited into corresponding Discords and checking in to see if there is such a Discord group corresponding with SMARTrecovery.

May all be well with you and yours.

On Tool Tuesdays, we take the opportunity to learn new tools from the Handbook together (or refresh our memory). Today we are focusing on the Lifestyle Balance Pie tool.

Living a balanced life…has a nice sound to it, doesn’t it? A meaningful life is one that is in balance, one in which adequate time is given to the activities that express your values and priorities. No matter what those values may be, many of us do not live our life in balance, or in a manner that consistently sustains the things we value most. We can use the Lifestyle Balance Pie tool to understand each of the important areas of our life and change our perspective in the areas where we're stuck. Use the pdf form here and follow the process below:

1. Label each slice with an area of your life that is important to you.
2. Think of the pie’s outer edge as being completely satisfied (10) and the center as being very dissatisfied (0).
3. Rate your level of satisfaction in each of the areas
4. Connect the dots to create the outside perimeter of your pie. What does it look like? Is it round and full or does it look like some areas are not as filled out as others?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now that you've completed the exercise, look to see if your true values and priorities reflected in your Lifestyle Balance Pie. Based on what you see, are you living a balanced life? Perhaps the exercise showed you that you're involved in too many activities, or that you have a dream or desire that you’d like to focus on more. Comment below on what changes you want to make (if any) to “round out” your life.

Happy new year all.

I'm looking to get more support/involved from/with SMART. I'm based in Leicester UK I've attended a few in person AA meetings but don't find them particularly helpful or productive I have no sponsor and I'm not particularly religious.

How does SMART work in terms of meeting or is it more remote/online where do I find them is there like a "fellowship" or is it more individual ?

Basically as a newbie where does one start to get most out of it?

Goodmorning everyone!

I recently went back to drinking after over four years of sobriety. I originally attended AA meetings to "get" sober but mostly was just on my own not drinking.

The past few months started with drinking about once a week, but the past week got into daily drinking. Nothing too crazy but enough to have a bit of a hangover every day and know I need to get sober again and realizing i could use some support.

I explored an "executive coaching" program that seemed great but was very expensive and so I'd like to look into smart recovery first.

Last night I had half a bottle of wine and I'm hoping I can pull off today being my first day of continual total sobriety.

Looking for sober friends, support, accountability and information on what the SMART recovery program is all about.

Thank you!