Quit all antipsychotics, benzodiazepines(was addicted to them for 11 years) but i got into a fight with the women in the AA, lost my sponsor due to my temper. (Wasn’t violent, was just pretty spiteful through text) I was always more of a benzo addict + bipolar (mentally ill) than an alcoholic. My bipolar disorder has died down so i’m off all the psychotics but i eventually went back to drinking, i really can’t handle social anxiety/feelings of rejection. People warned me that when someone quits meds you usually replace it with alcohol and vice versa. I don’t want to quit alcohol yet, it still works for me. i still have too many problems dealing with heavy emotion/rejection from people and feelings of low self-worth.

It helps with the way i handle situations and i can function. I’m an immigrant and i feel nervous when i go out in public, because im use to my country. I moved when i was 11 with my mum to america and im scared to leave the house. I went to school, graduated but since graduation i don’t go out. i started drinking and smoking weed everyday now everytime i tell myself im going to stop, i can’t. i just can’t go without it. i’m in therapy but it’s not working . I’m also drunk and high while typing this. Also idk what to tag this as so it’s just “am i an alcoholic”

I use alcohol to loosen up and helps my social anxiety, now I’m not drinking what does everyone do to cope with this?

I understand how specific of a question this is so just tell me to kick rocks if it cant be answered. I used the Meeting Guide app to try and go to my first meeting this morning. Found one close to me that seemed to fit the criteria i was looking for (Gender specific, not a step meeting, etc.) I got there about a half hour early as I heard that was a good thing for new timers to do and found the room it was held in (literature , posters on the wall , etc.) Waited about 10 minutes after the meeting should’ve started and didn’t see anyone so I left. Anyone encounter this or know what it could be from?

I never thought I had a drinking problem until today, before I had my baby who is now nearly 5 months I rarely drank anymore, but a few months previously if I drank I would black out nearly every time. Last week I realised that I think I took it too far because I had a narcissistic mother and subconsciously I took it too far to gain back control as I never had it with my own life. As ironic as it is as we all know you get out of control if you drink too much but in my head it was gaining it back and I didn’t want to be controlled. Anyway long story short I went out last night with one of my friends, for the first time since being married without my husband. I said I would drink much and put an effort into not wanting to black out/being normal. I failed. Drastically. Now granted the girl I was with was also black out drunk but that’s not the point. I proved to myself I don’t have control over taking it too far and have now decided I can’t drink anymore. My poor husband had to come with my baby to the nightclub and dragged the two of us out. I’ve been crying all day with how bad I feel. Please someone make me feel better. I signed back up to therapy to help with me understanding why I’m like this and to get to the root of my control issues.

Basically just telling you all this to get some advice, reassurance and understanding

Just wondering if anyone had seen pupils dialate when drinking. My partner should not be drinking as he has chronic pancreatitis. His personality also turns from one extreme to the next, its polarising (gentle/aggressive, smart/repeating the same sentence all night, calm/psychotic, happy and responsible/completely reckless and suicidal). Obviously I'm trying to navigate said behaviours and get him help but I've started to notice that anytime he drinks, his eyes are completely dialated. 1mm of colour. It's really freaky. Am I overthrowing it or is the drink cooking his brain after 25 years of solid drink?

I am currently going through it lmao I can laugh at it but ik it’s bad 😭

I've had it with these mother fuckin drinks in my mother fuckin body. I'm beginning my journey to sobriety starting once I finish what beer I have left only 6. I know I should properly stop (not quit from what I read) but I'll try and slowly drink them until gone so as to help with the struggle if sleep at a pace. I'm going to take edibles until I can get into a detox program. I'm going to use the links provided for resources. I'm really going try this time rather than just say I will "quit" for a day or two then say fuck it and go back. My brother is trying to sober up from his addictions. (Not alcohol or illegal drugs) And he said he'd support me. I wish we could detox together but I'm unable to until I get it situated with work and home.

I'm super appreciative of this group because I'm so introverted I don't feel like going to AA meetings physically (for now). Until then I really want to be anonymous.

Main reason I drink is very hard to sleep, depression and I'm so introverted I'm bored and have nothing better to do.

Good things though I'm really going to focus on is I wasn't so introverted or depressed. Still had urges but drinking has further gotten me down that hole to w point where no matter what I think nothing will get me out. Even thinking about AA. I'm so down I can't even function as an adult properly. All I do is go to work, come home and drink. Groundhog day for years. So it's all I know.

I'm really hoping that I can actually get through this do what I'm saying and not just saying it this time because I want to truly be happier again and not so introverted but I don't want to relapse and feel like I'll sink even lower making it harder to stop the next time.

Thank you all for taking the time to read this. I'm enjoying the amount of help just 1 hour has helped on here. Feel free to tell me your journey or any advice on my struggles with drinking and stopping.

So for context I'm a 23yo male, severe alcoholic. Everyone in my family is an alcoholic. No if or shits. But I so badly want to just be sober and free, happy. Without it. I can't keep drinking pints and 5ths to fall asleep. The day before yesterday I said I was gonna go straight home and not buy any liquor. And I did. I was a bit proud. That was after work yesterday and I haven't slept since I woke up to get ready for work at 11am on the 30th. I just went outside and shoveled snow for a couple hours, ran a whole bucket of errands like washed my car, went to the bank, store, fixed my car a bit, and bought a pint. Then went and worked my shift without any sleep. Right now I am drinking that pint and I haven't had any sleep for 39 hours give or take. And the funny thing is that I feel fine. Tomorrow I'm going to therapy for the first time in years to talk about it

I wasn’t a saint this week. I didn’t feel great emotionally or spiritually every day. But I didn’t pick up a drink. I prayed every day, and made a conscious effort to treat other people better. I went to a meeting every night. I read our literature a little each day. I spent valuable time with family, and bonded with my AA group of people. I picked up a service position at my home group. Thanks for all of the support from each and every one of you. I am grateful to be sober & alive today.

I'm not going to drink tomorrow, and I'm going to try to stay sober for as long as I can The first few days are extremely hard for me. Would anyone be willing to message me here and there for the next day or two? I just need motivation. I only have 1 friend and he's in the same boat as me. I'm just extremely lonely and want to talk to someone who's been through this too that can maybe be here for me for a little. I'm also going to look for zoom AA meetings tomorrow as well.

I’ve been sober for about 2 months now, since then I’ve done nothing. Ive been processing some trauma see a therapist and am on antidepressants. Im in bed all day and have been giving my body time to rest but im starting to feel really guilty about not being productive. I feel like im stuck, drained and dry, and have the will but lack the motivation to move forward. Any help is appreciated.

I went to my second ever AA meeting just before the new year. I went one month completely free of Alcohol until we hit bout day 29ish in which the progress and passion does off I guess. I haven't a clue

I'm 100 days sober as of tomorrow, and the mood swings are outrageous. Half of the time I wake up feeling kinda shitty, then as the day goes on I spiral to the point of being an itchy, pissy, angry irritable mess who can barley form a complete sentence without getting frustrated. Sometimes I feel light as a feather and just wonderful. Either way my mind contorts it into a good reason to have a drink. "I'm so pissed I don't care about being sober anymore," or "I feel so good just one couldn't hurt." It wasn't like this earlier in sobreity, and the mood swings seem to be getting worse as the days stack up. I know it takes months or even a year or so for my body's chemistry to really adjust, so I'm doing my fucking best to be patient and weather the storm. Today was a day, and I made it through. Here's to tomorrow.

Sorry I don't even know if I'm supposed to post on here as I'm not technically an alcoholic. But I was raised by two parents who now have over 30 years in the program. And my sister recently got her two years, so the gene is definitely strong in my family. And although I haven't drank before I have noticed a tendency to get addicted/obsessed with things. Most recent example I can think of is a video game and social media addiction. I could easily play a video game for 10+ hours in a sitting. And it was almost like I would lose myself and my sense of identity, I had no problem giving whole days to this fake reality just because my mind was so fixated on it. I was telling my sister this and she was warning me about how this and other hyper-fixations will probably translate to alcoholism.

All this considered a large part of me doesn't even want to start drinking. And even if I don't end up being an alcoholic I will probably want to be sober because I'm a bit of a health freak. So I'm kind of asking myself "why even start." But I am also going to college next fall, and I suspect I will drink while I'm there. So I think I probably should get some experience with alcohol sometime soonish. Alcohol also kind of feels like something I have to experience at some point. Also Ik this might be one of the dumber reasons to start drinking, but my family always told me about the wisdom and sense of community in AA. And it is something I think I want to be apart of. (sorry if this comes off as insensitive, I realize alcoholism sucks, and a lot of people have their life ruined because of addiction. I think I just feel attached to the idea of AA because it has massively improved the lives of some people I'm close to.)

I suppose one thing I have going for me is that I'm kind of expecting to be an alcoholic, so I probably won't find myself in a period of denial. But even if I recognize I have an issue, I probably wouldn't seek help immediately, because I'd probably feel like an imposter going to an AA meeting if I haven't drank for very long. But I'm probably getting ahead of myself.

I guess what I'm looking for is advice on what I should do next. What would you do if you were in my shoes? Should I drink? also I was thinking about either going to Al-Anon or an open AA meeting. Is that something I could benefit from? Also if I do start drinking and notice I have a problem early, should I feel bad about going to AA meetings? I think I'd probably feel pretty out of place if I stopped early enough to where it hadn't even negatively impacted my life. (Especially surrounded by people who were so hurt by it.) But I also recognize this line of thinking would probably cause me to run into some trouble, as I'd essentially be drinking just because it'd feel to early to quit.

Sorry for the long post, I just have a lot on my mind. I'd appreciate any guidance, thanks.

I went to AA today, I was pretty nervous and ended up speaking at the front it was scary but good. Everyone was super welcoming, I had no idea what to expect and while I knew about AA meetings I was not aware of the big book or that AA is a program, not just a place where people talk to each other. I’m anxious and excited to see what sobriety has in store for me, it’s not my first time realising I needed help or getting sober (my longest time without a drink was 4 months) but it is the first time I’ve truly thought, “I don’t want to drink again, ever”. My past attempts at sobriety I did alone but still I knew I would drink again, this nagging feeling of knowing I won’t be sober forever, especially being in my 20’s, it felt crazy to think I’ll never drink again, but this time feels different and I’m hoping it is different. I am okay (and happy even) to think I will never drink again (if all goes well, lol). Anyway, I just wanted to share I guess hahah hope everyone is having a good day

Yah it's gossip, but affects my direct circle of "normie" friends.

i have an AA buddy whose rehab roomate is "back out" and he's sleeping w tons of women.

apparently he is still w my friend's long term GF on the side, secretly. HE's in & out of town as he lost child custody but has visitation in our town about 2x/mo

This weekend in fact, my buddy's GF is going to spend wknd w this guy. She's fully cheating.

My friend is a normie but his GF just gravitates to "bad boys", low bottom drunks.

should i tell my friend his GF is definitely hooking up w this notoriously promiscuous drunk?

I only know because of AA fellowship.

Should I live and let live, or tell my normie friend?

My second time ever hitting a year. First time was in November of 2020 at the ripe old age of 34 (lol) when I had next to nothing going for me, but a man came into the county jail where I was doing five days for my second DUI. His name is Kar Woo and he is the founder of a non-profit here in northeast Kansas and KCMO area called Artists Helping the Homeless. You can find all their details on the website and social media, so all I will say about them is that it is such a great program and has helped so many young men find their lives and make them manageable once again.

I spent four months with AHH before moving into an Oxford House in my hometown of Lawrence, KS, where I stayed for about 16 months (March 2021- July 2022). I then moved in with my fiancée and her kids, having told her that I was going to start drinking again, but only on the weekends or nights off etc. If you're the kind of alcoholic I am, you know what happened after that - drinking every night, during the day, having to switch cars bc theres still alcohol in your system and your ignition interlock won't let you drive your Kia.

Basically, like the last 15 years of my life had proven time and time again, my drinking had become a problem.

The first time I actually tried recovery, I had intrinsic support, both thru AHH and subsequently thru Oxford, as meetings were mandatory for inclusion in the programs. I was thriving, independent, and, for the most part, I was happy.

My second crack at it, however, has been a little different. I was attending Zoom meetings and had found a group online that I really liked and would attend daily at noon when work permitted, and evenings at 7 if I could. I work in restaurants and when I started getting more hours I eventually stopped showing up (maybe 2-3 months after having started) and just started staying sober on my own.

It has been and always will be a struggle dealing with addiction, especially alone (my wife isnt wired the same and doesn't understand what addiction is like in first person, only thru experiences with the kids' real dad and I). She has been super supportive of me staying sober and always there for me to talk to when things are tough for me, but will never truly know what its like on this side of things.

TL;DR I got sober again one year ago today basically without meetings, it's been difficult but #wedorecover

Like the title says. Two members of a group who have a personal beef outside of AA got into it at a meeting the other day. They were shouting and yelling personal stuff at each other and about each other that 100% breaks anonymity. It was getting so heated that I was sure they were going to come to blows, but one of them stormed out. We all settled down and started sharing again, when another member of the group started pushing buttons on the guy who was still there. To the point where he got pissed off all over again, started yelling shit at other people who weren't even involved and stormed out himself. Pretty much killed the meeting. When I was younger, I bounced at clubs. When someone required "assistance"out the door I was obligated to provide it. You can't do that at AA meetings, except maybe in very extreme cases. And you can't tell them not to come back until they have their shit together. Many people DON'T have their shit together. That's why they're at AA. It's frustrating. Not entirely sure what to do in that case. In rehab or sober living, that would never be tolerated. I felt like a scene like that could actually jeopardize a newcomer's sobriety. What have some of you done in the same situation?

EDIT: Thanks to those you of you who suggested group conscience and the safety card. I found the card and guidelines for the conscience meeting. I'm still fairly newly sober and it hadn't occurred to me that a meeting could get like this. I supposed I was being unrealistic. Glad I asked.

Sorry if this isn’t allowed but I know 2 people in AA. I want to protect their identity as much as possible so I’ll refer to them as Person A and Person B to make it less confusing. Person A has been concerned about Person B so Person A reached out to Person B’s sponsor and asked the sponsor to check in on Person B. (They used to date but broke up recently so that’s why they know each others sponsors)

This was almost a week ago and now we found out that the sponsor never reached out to Person B.

Was it ok for Person A to do this? Should the sponsor have reached out to Person B? I’m unsure if the sponsor was wrong or if Person A shouldn’t have interfered like that

Also I have no idea when Person B last went to a meeting but I think it’s been a while

Hi everyone! I (24f) and my fiance (27m) have a very healthy relationship life. Though, we are and have both been prone to substance abuse. When we first met it was anything, but nowadays it's just alcohol. I've got a lot of pent up, unresolved trauma that I'm pretty good at managing in day to day life. But as soon as alcohol makes me black out, I hear from my fiance the awful awful shit I've done and said to him, things I would never do/say sober. So, I'm putting my foot down. I've tried "slowing down," I've tried less strong liquor, I've tried quitting during the work week (which I've found makes weekends worse since my tolerance is down), everything but cold turkey (don't worry I'm not in a place where it's medically dangerous to do so).

Here's my problem. It's been since Monday morning since my last drink (1/27). The super bowl is coming up, and every year we go to his uncles to watch it. Every time we go to his uncles, we all drink exponentially. My fiance and I uber home, and I begin my emotional rampage.

I DONT want to go to his uncles this year, but I'd be very sad if I spent the super bowl alone. I don't mind if my fiance drinks at home, I just don't wanna be around that much liquor. Plus, I'm also ashamed to be around his uncle considering I drunkenly called him in a black out our last argument.

Would I be asking too much for my fiance to stay home this year? Aita for not wanting to go to his uncles?

Edit: my plan is to go cold turkey since Monday, and our last argument was also Monday morning (like 3am) when I called his uncle, so still pretty fresh shame

Been to a few meetings now. Find it very hard to open up and share well. I see other people get up and give amazing shares they share wisdom on topic. I hope I can get there someday.

Going to my first meeting tonight and I’m kinda nervous on what people are gonna think. Any advice. Thanks.

Okay quick run down, I was addicted to alcohol * as a child * thanks to alcoholic dad. I quit on my own but it was really messed up, I tried to unalive myself. No one ever found out. As an adult I’ve been a nondrinker except for the very occasional glass of wine or something. Until I met my current spouse, who at the time I considered a casual drinker and wasn’t worried. (Red flags ignored.) I got back into it a bit, to the point I recognized the addictive pattern and I quit. My long-held fear of DYING made it “easy” in the sense that I knew on a gut level I had no choice but to stop entirely.

So. I have no fear of relapse. I tried it out again as an adult, saw the edge of the cliff, and know never to go near it again.

Meanwhile I’ve been attending Al-Anon meetings because spouse is struggling.

A couple weeks ago I had an alcohol dream. In the dream I drank more than I intended and felt, completely, how amazing it was to be drunk again. Almost seems worth dying for, you know. But not really. I haven’t had these dreams in many years.

So my “rock bottom” as it were happened when I was a kid, and I feel completely safe from relapse as an adult. But attending Al-Anon has me thinking about how deeply my relationship with alcohol has affected my whole life, and how deeply I relate to alcoholics. But I kinda feel like a fake at the same time? Because I was a kid?

Can I attend AA as an alcoholic or should I just stick with Al-Anon and open meetings?

I'm 60 days sober, working the steps with my sponsor, and going to meetings every day. I knew this process would help me stay sober but I was not prepared for how incredibly healing it is, for several reasons:

1. seeing people with kids getting help and even bringing their kids to meetings. My parents were alcoholics and never admitted they had a problem, so it's healing to me to see kids who are getting what I never did
2. hearing other people have the same thoughts I do. I felt broken, like an intrinsically bad person who could never be forgiven or loved. Seeing people who feel the same way be loved is healing to me
3. doing something for myself - reading my big book every night, going to meetings - just the process of self-care is incredibly healing to me
4. the kindness of others, especially my sponsor but everyone really. I don't have a whole lot of people who are really kind to me in my life, so I see that as I receive the kindness from others, I'm changing into a kinder person myself.

Sorry for the mushy post. I just wanted to share this.

Just as the title says, do you ever feel guilty for not being "willing" enough? For example: not doing the steps fast enough, not going to enough meetings, not saying yes to anything someone in the program asks you to do?

For context I'm a year and 7 months sober, have a sponsor, currently on step 9, attend multiple meetings a week, read the big book, and have a home group.

If I don't hit a meeting everyday or call my sponsor everyday I have so much guilt. Also I declined to speak at a large speaker meeting this Saturday, and my sponsor said because I said no I'm not willing to do whatever it takes to stay sober..

Just looking for general opinions on the matter and I like hearing all different kinds of perspectives!

I’m wondering if anyone has any experience being a sober lawyer — especially anyone who has worked in biglaw.

I’ll be summering at a biglaw firm this year in a new city and will potentially be moving there to practice once I take the bar. I have 8 years sober but I’ve never left my little sobriety network for more than 4 months at a time. I won’t be totally alone — I have close friends/family in the city and I have a partner. Also, I’ll be able to feel everything out this summer to see what it’s like.

I’m overall optimistic about it all, but wondering if anyone has had a similar experience.

So first my higher power is the “The Force” a connecting force between all etc etc. I believe and do my spiritual journey that way. Friend of mine is pure atheist. I have no problem with that and nothing against atheists in AA, I am not a “ you need to find god or a spiritual power” person. Now during the lead he stopped and lead a prayer to “The Great Spaghetti Monster” in a very condescending tone. After the meeting I confronted him saying I was upset about that part. He said he can say whatever he wants up there. I said it was disingenuous and was covertly mocking spirituality. He said no he was openly mocking spirituality. Am I wrong to be upset or is it a difference of opinions that I’m acting on character defects.

I mean that title makes it sound like I’ve been sober for years but it’s only been 92 days. Our beautiful, wonderful kitten is 86 days old.

I’m posting because everyday I see his silly face and it reminds me of the joy of being sober. If I was still in the madness I would be killing myself slowly. I’d be selfish. Completely unable to even think about another living thing.

But now I get to watch my husband snuggle our amazing kitten- safe and sober.

Thank you AA x