I went back to a different AA meeting today and the guy who grabbed my arm with both hands and bruised it was there... (see previous post)

He said hi to me in front of everyone. I ignored him. He didn't attempt to apologise. I read what everyone said to me in my last post and I really appreciate the advice and support. I wasn't sure till I'd slept on the situation what I'd do or say exactly.

I decided it was important to me to continue to go because if I didn't then he wins. I won't drink over that pathetic man, I'm so done with being afraid.

I shared about some of my professional background in humanities work and also talked about some of my animal hunting experience with pest control among other things. I didn't direct it at him per se'.

It was innocent enough and true... he visibly squirmed.

I am satisfied with that result.

If he ever does try to approach me one on one again and touch me like that... I will be flying off the damn handle and making a much bigger scene demanding he be dealt with there and then. But, my gut tells me he won't.

Edit: context.

Well I tried to stop drinking on my own. Second day was literally hell and third day… yeah no. Here I am a bottle and a half of wine deep. I think this is the realization that I can’t do this alone. I had a good two days of shaking and sweating feeling so anxious. And the stomach pains! Daily by 5pm I have stomach pains, I drink and the pain goes away.

It’s like an internal alarm clock that tells me HEY time to drink. And I drink and it goes away. But not drinking for almost three days - literally thought I had the flu and wanted to vomit the stomach pains were so bad.

The closest aa meeting is 8 miles away, across a toll bridge, in a bad part of the city, way the hell away from me. I don’t know if I can rely on myself showing up. I think I need it, I can’t do this shit alone, but the fact that aa is so damn far in a rough neighborhood.. idk man. I want to stop drinking so damn bad. I don’t have support outside of this reddit group of strangers which is fucking wild. Not sure what to do.

I celebrated 2 months sober last Friday and I’ve been hesitant to hang out with my “normie” friends outside of our typical recreational soccer leagues. Our usual routine would be to play and then go drinking at a local pub nearby.

Tonight I went to a Halloween party one of my friends was hosting and I felt normal! She had NA beer, which I had never even had before, and I felt included in the atmosphere. Drinking them didn’t give me the urge to drink the real thing either, which I know a lot of people struggle with in the program. No one batted an eye at the fact I wasn’t drinking any seltzers or grabbing beers from the “Alcohol” fridge. Overall, my friends were supportive the whole time!

I am noticing that my cigarette/nicotine/vaping use is starting to go up and I’m not sure if it’s because I’m having a sense of boredom or if it’s really doing anything to me psychologically. This is obviously another beast I need to concur, but think I need to continue conquering the alcohol part and the nicotine usage will follow suit with time.

Hi. Doing a set after coming back. I am considering my resentments against myself, and I'm curious if others have worked a step 4 around that. What did it look like for you? Was it helpful?

I'm pretty fearful of opening this up but I don't want relapse again.

No I don't have a sole sponsor currently, but I'm in a step group and I have lots of support.

Thanks

After many attempts to get sober, with many relapses, I (26M) finally hit the point of desperation again to where I understand now where my problem lies.

I attempted to be sober for the first time in my life in December of last year. Went to rehab, got out, relapsed, went to AA and stayed sober for 4 months before I started taking kratom.

Eventually led to doing more recreational drugs and more drinking.

I just came out of a 2 week relapse yesterday and I went to a meeting again today. It felt like home, it felt where I needed to be, and I got a glimmer of hope.

I also read somewhere today about how AA is more effective than psychotherapy for most people. I kept trying to convince myself my pain and past is special. There’s something wrong in my head.

Now I know that something is wrong with my spirit. And I finally understand the solution! GETTING A SPONSOR AND WORKING THE STEPS.

I had a sponsor that I became really good friends with and it never felt like sponsor/sponsee work. I told myself I was still making progress but I was slipping away from the program. Everyone in my home group was my friend. It became something else.

Today I went to a meeting I normally don’t go to and it lit a spark in me and I understood I stoped working the steps a long time ago and this is where it all went down hill.

I kept numbing out in kratom to eventually doing drugs and then drinking in order to stop.

I don’t think I have another relapse in me, I can’t handle it. My psyche will break. Luckily I feel like the next right thing for me, I’m going to a meeting at 9am in the morning, hopefully finding a new sponsor and start working on the steps right away.

I don’t want to fuck up my life anymore. I want to be spiritual fit. I want to help others. I’m desperate enough. I can do this. Thank you AA for giving me another shot at life.

Title says it all. Trying hard not to drink. I'm a functioning alcoholic. I only drink during weekends, and I really want to drink right now. My days off are Friday, sat and sun, and I was able to not drink last night.. but I'm really having a hard time right now.

I tried reaching out to my friend who is in the program, he responded with "You're going to go drink, just do it" and hung up. He was getting ready for bed and he's heard me go through this numerous times so I understand him being cold.

I frigging hate this...

Hi everyone. I’m the Saturday night secretary for my home group (Babes in recovery) here in California. Our meetings are on Zoom at 5:30pm pacific time. We are an all women’s group and in desperate need of speakers. If you’re willing and have over a year of sobriety, please message me. We love to here how you did it 😊

I said before on a post that my GF, the woman I was planning to marry left me because of my drinking. We are trying to figure things out and it’s hard. I can tell she’s really worried about getting back together and I don’t blame her. We’re going to couples therapy next week. I pray I can change, I believe I can but she doesn’t believe in me and says she has little hope, which also hurts but I get it. I didn’t know my drinking was hurting her this much and I feel far worse about how she feels than the thought of losing her for good. Just venting really I don’t have many other people to talk to.

Hi all! I've posted on here before and happy to say that I'm at 83 days sober today from alcohol - I've been feeling great and excited to continue on the journey. I struggled a lot with the concepts of AA in the first few weeks and certain things have definitely improved, and I've also started implementing journaling into my nightly routine which has been a great help in helping me understand and process the concept behind a "higher power." However, for whatever reason I still experience extreme social anxiety when it comes to meetings and interacting with others. I've been able to go without issue and definitely see the value in attending in person vs. Zooms for myself, but I often can't bring myself to share and the thought of asking around for someone to sponsor me feels incredibly daunting and next to impossible. Even tonight when I attended a meeting and was fully convincing myself I wanted to integrate and attend the fellowship gathering afterwards, my social anxiety acted up and I ended up leaving after it concluded (even when I had a few folks talking to me afterwards). Is there some kind of resource for temporary sponsorship online to get over the initial ask period - I do well with information so I think once I have a clearer understanding of what that relationship looks like maybe it won't feel so daunting? It's especially weird to feel this way as generally outside of AA and issues surrounding my addiction I don't have these same social fears. Any help or advice or even people going through the same thing would be appreciated. This community has been a great resource!

😂 can you do the steps without doing the steps? I know thats not what we're about here but like step 8 and 9 i for suuure dont wana do that shit 😂 ive definitely done step 1. Also i kinda dont wana do all the higher power stuff. Also i dont wana like have a sponsor and go to meetings 😂 im like a few weeks sober and i realized after like my hundredth withdreezy that im over feeling like this shit. Im not gona try and make any super strong commitments but my tentative plan is to be sober all of november and take it from there. My main factor is basically i withdraw a lot and its just become fuckin unbearable like each one feels a step closer to death 😂 like curled up in a ball and cant eat for 3 days in pain. So basically im like look the withdrawals easily outweigh the fun at this point. So like very not 12 steps but i feel like the ingredients are there. 🤷🏼

This is excruciating to admit but I need advice. Hopefully someone can relate. but I started a new job due to a recent move. And I have no one to talk to because I am so embarrassed. But I started a new job and I always feel the need to drink because it helps me speak better and also to make a good impression for the job and coworkers when meeting them. I have severe social anxiety. I started a month ago and drank the first two weeks… and got really sick the third week. I wasn’t able to drink and found out I have fatty liver disease. So i had no intentions of drinking anymore because I don’t want to end up with cirrhosis. I was finally able to get sober, the realization of my health finally kicked in and I was happy to get sober. But then I noticed my managers complaining how I am not making as much sales now. So I went right back to drinking this week to make my sales go up. And it does work, which makes it suck even more. I am a way better speaker when I am buzzed. I can only succeed at work when I am drinking, which proves I am not good enough. I have thoughts to quit this job because obviously I cannot handle the pressure and neither can my liver. Its just so heartbreaking to realize I am better at everything when I am buzzed but I am just killing myself in the end. Has anyone gone through this before? Starting new jobs is a huge trigger for me to drink. I preform so much better I have no idea what to do.

At 46 grateful days I’ve started to remember how My lifestyle truly faded from my own hands so quickly and so violently I’ve been unable to share this with another God Fearing Soul. Can’t even put into words how regretful and ashamed I should be for the rest of my life, let alone today. This minute. Many details shall forever remain unspoken by myself.

I’m working on getting out of both SW and homelessness, but it’s taking some time. I’ve been trying to get sober for a few years now. I can string together three months max when in sober housing or on someone’s couch and not working/ doing something else, but I’ve never had this much time in this situation. Not even close.

I like my sponsor. I think he’s a fine fit. He knows how I make money and abt my housing… but sometimes I feel like I can’t talk to him without having to explain a lot or be so vague that I’m not really saying anything. I know I’m not alone in this experience, just maybe not one that people want to or feel moved to share about in meetings. Maybe I can find ppl through Reddit’s anonymity?

I’ve been real struggling hard with craving lately and just want to talk to someone that knows where I’m at.

I'm only 2 days done with drinking and been dealing with withdraws so I haven't been well enough to go to my 1st meeting. Do I try to get one my first time or should I wait to become more acquainted with the people and get one I'm sure I like?

I can’t stop thinking about so many different things just running through my head constantly. It NEVER stops. Everything i do reminds me of some shitty thing that i’ve done. I can’t remember the last time woken up/gone to bed without a heavy chest. Especially when I’m around family or even simply just messaging them. The only thing that slows it down is drinking. Maybe half of the things that run through my head are as a result of doing something dumb while drinking. But, the other half is just things i’ve done even before i started drinking all the way back to when i was a kid. I’m currently starting the process to get sober but i have 0 hope that stopping drinking will help with my ruminating mind.

(I posted this in another sub and comments got turned off because it wasn't enough about sobriety apparently. I do want to drink because of this happening and it's put me off going back to meetings).

I (34f) am livid, I've gone to a few meetings knowing this sort of thing can and does happen.

A man in his 60's made a bee-line for me last night to introduce himself. I noted it. Introductions are fine. It was the first time I'd seen him. It sounded like he's been there for many years.

During the meeting he discloses beating his wife and kids while in active addiction. I'm a survivor and I haven't gone to AA till now because I knew hearing these stories would trigger me too much. But, I'm much stronger now.

After the meeting I was sitting about to get up to leave and he comes over to me again and grabs my forearm with both of his hands hard enough I have faint bruises today. (Someone in the other sub couldn't understand the context of this. I'll explain. I was on the far side of the room and the other people were blocked by his body. He didn't say anything. He just did it. I think he was hoping I'd have a freeze response and nobody else would have been the wiser if I'd not reacted differently).

I growled "DONT. Touch. Me!" Ripping me arm back... the look I gave him was the feral assertive variety. I think he was attempting to pull me into a very forced hug. It took all my self control to not swear at him.

He turned away and two people standing nearby kind of saw what he did and heard what I said. I left and a lady ran after me to see if I was okay... my response "THAT guy...", her "I thought you knew him or something", me... "nope..." Her, dawning realistion of how wildly inappropriate that was.

I could tell she was worried I wouldn't come back. Or drink. But I didn't drink. I was too angry. I took it out on a punching bag and drove around prior to that for a bit fantasising about being able to do exactly that to him.

He picked the wrong damn person for that shit. I spent the best part of my sober years as a youth worker advocating fiercely for others and I will do and have done the same for myself.

I am no delicate, flowery and vulnerable mess.

The thing is, I didn't see his eyes after I told him off so I'm unsure if it was shame, embarrassment or rage he was feeling after I defended my bodily autonomy.

Best case scenario I go back and he completely ignores me. Worst I've bruised his ego and he's the vengeful type...

There's no women only meetings where I live and I don't wish this experience to ruin my efforts to connect with others and feel accountable about stopping drinking.

Hello everyone I’m new here and just had to get this off my chest since I’m now sober for almost a year now. Before I begin I just want to say I’m probably going to come off as an huge a-hole. I started drinking when I was 16 and then moved on to drugs such as marijuana, cocaine, and methamphetamine by the time I was 19. Quit everything except alcohol by the time I was 22. I then began working in the medical field and gained an intimate knowledge of the human body and its mechanisms and how different substances are metabolized. For reference I started working in the medical field in 2015 and am still in the field currently working in the Emergency Department, I won’t disclose what position. Unfortunately throughout my drinking career it almost cost me various jobs, relationships, and financial opportunities. I would drink to the point I would black out every single day, but somehow stayed employed. My rock bottom was when my pancreas was totally burnt out from the drinking and is basically useless now and partly necrotized. After being discharged from the hospital I was told to go an AA meeting. I went to a meeting and heard some people speak and it annoyed the crap out of me, I mean to the point I was getting angry. So I just walked out in the middle of someone speaking, which in hindsight seems very rude. I couldn’t stop thinking about those people and my disdain for them just kept growing and growing. So I decided I didn’t want to be like them and swore I wouldn’t drink again, especially for my healths sake, and with the help of my PCP he prescribed me medication to help with the cravings. Again haven’t had a drink in almost a year now and physically and mentally feel great. I just find it odd that irrational anger at others going through alcoholism made me want to quit.

I did it! I made to one year sober and got my very first heavy metal coin. If you’re new to the program, keep with it. It get so much better. The promises are real and if you work your program they will come true.

Found out my friend I’m staying with is going to a meeting tomorrow morning, and without even thinking about it I asked if I could come.

It’s open, but I’m going as someone ready to talk about my need to stop drinking. I’m damaging others now. And it’s long overdue.

I’m talking about it with him later, to ask if he has any boundaries about me joining, but before I do, I suppose I just have one question.

Is it okay to go all in on everything at your first meeting? Or is it something to just intro, listen, learn and then build into?

All advice welcome and heard.

And this group has helped me be ready for it, so thanks to everyone who is here and posts here.

Looking for recs for meetings in Boston, any day but especially Thursday evenings. Especially interested in young people’s groups and/or LGBT meetings. Thank you!

Hi guys, was at this community Halloween party at a beach restaurant. My friend’s dad bought us a round of coronas. Felt disrespectful to say no so I drank it.

Messed up my streak of 7 days…. I feel guilty. Should I be worried?

I need to find a sponsor ASAP and while NA and other support groups are in my city, AA meetings are far more accessible and abundant. However the few meetings I have been to it seems like it’s taboo to mention anything besides alcohol use. While I have definitely been an alcoholic at various times in my life it has never been my drug of choice.

Also have felt really out of place at the few meetings I have attended as it was mostly old religious white dudes. I’m not particularly religious. Not a church person. I get the higher power thing is your own concept of whatever that is but it always feels like there is a heavy emphasis on religion in the meetings I have been to.

If I attend AA and get a sponsor will it be considered taboo if I mention my opiate and benzo addiction?

Any advice is appreciated.

I'll be speaking w my own Sponsor about this, but I thought I'd ask for experience here also.

I'm working with my first Sponsee, and he asked me "If work with you for a while, and I relapse, do we just start over again at step one and do the same thing?"

In the moment, I told him not to plan his relapse in advance and just worry about not drinking today, and doing the next right thing.

But... I don't really know what to do in that situation. Thank god I haven't relapsed since I took my white chip. But that also means that if that occasion occurs with a sponsee of mine, I have no frame of reference of how a good sponsor would handle working the steps after a relapse.

I'm thinking a re-emphasis on step 1, and having them walk through what happened leading up to the relapse - and any choices or thoughts they may have that got them to the point where drinking again felt like something they had power to control.

Any experience or advice would be appreciated.

How do yall if you know in your sell will or Gods will?

I suck as a humanbeing . Most of the problems ive ever dealt with are alcohol related.

No life changing consequences have occurred but my values are horrendous. For fucks sake I live in Hawaii and I prioritize drinking.

Tonight I’m with my best friend who’s expecting twins and her man. I tell them I’d love to baby sit so I can learn.

He drunkenly says “well you know you need to be sober for that”. I’ve never felt something like that hit me so hard. I pulled him aside and told him I’d never drink with his kids and I’ve been debating on quitting my career in drinking. I’ve been flirting with the idea of going to AA and ending it all.

He back pedals and says it was a joke. But I know it was serious. If I was him I wouldn’t trust me.

I’ve resented the person my dad was and I’ve become his mirror image without the success.

I’m only 3 days sober but have done a meeting everyday other than today cause it’s at 3:30 this afternoon and it’s 7am rn. They have all been online meetings and I enjoy them. Do you guys find anything wrong with online meetings? Or should I try and go in person.

Hi everyone, I am 146 days sober and currently going through the steps with my sponsor. We both are women and I believe we have also developed a friendship. Some of us go for dinner before our Friday meetings and it is quite a lovely way to have friendships in the group and hang out with sober people. At dinner tonight my sponsor was sharing how annoying it was that she had a “small bust” earlier in the year and hated that she had to share about it at meetings when it happened. The way she said it was funny because it was like a rant and we were all laughing about it and i jokingly said “oh wow, step 4 right there, lots of resentment!” And again, we all laughed. Few minutes later she just went off saying that I had no idea how hard it has been for her in her journey and that if I want to make a joke about it it’s fine but that I’m very dismissive of what she has been through and how horrible people have been to her (I had no idea and it is not something she had ever told me before). It made the rest of the dinner very awkward and honestly made me quite sad/angry. I said “I did not say anything meaning to make you upset, I’m sorry” and she kept going off about how insensitive I am. We sat down far from each other at the meeting and I was just very absent the whole time to be honest. At the end I was talking to someone else and she just touched my shoulder and said bye in passing. I was meant to go to her house tomorrow to work on step 8 but I don’t think I even want to anymore… I don’t want to be childish about this but, I also don’t want to be sponsored by someone who would go off at me over a joke? I know we’re human but isn’t she supposed to help me learn how to deal with this situations differently? I don’t know I’m just frustrated and confused still. I would appreciate some advice. Thank you

I’m really embarrassed. I’m seeing how bad I have gotten again. I’ve been talking to this guy for over a month, seen him a few times. The last time I saw him at his house a situation happened, hard to explain but it was something I saw and I thought he was actually being rude to me and felt disgusted for even have talked to him. Anyway, I just made myself scroll through the texts, was dreading it. I didn’t even know how long we were talking, how nice he was in every message, even doing sweet things when I didn’t even ask or if I asked never a hesitation. I feel like an asshole because of course I left rude. Now I’m also scared about other aspects in my life I can’t remember…. Eveytime I’ve been drinking recently I’ve been black out, every single time. I feel in a fog and I’ve been sober again for almost a week.

I relapsed two weeks ago. I’d like to say it was after 20 months of sobriety, but that’s not true. To be honest, my real relapse started about six months ago when I had a beer out with work. Nothing happened (I thought) and I didn’t drink again for about four months when I did the same. Except after that beer came another, and then a few cocktails.

I was out twice afterwards with a new friend and drank “normally” during that time. Normally for me was still five or six drinks, but then I stopped. I mean, I only stopped because we left the bar, but it was still a stop. I knew I was on a slippery slope - I knew it. But I figured, if it’s all going to come crashing down soon, let’s enjoy the now. But I knew if I ever brought alcohol home I’d be right back to the start. Because, inside, I didn’t really want to drink normally. But I could mostly forget about that.

Then two weeks ago it all came to a head. I went out and partied and drank a lot. Nothing happened, right!?, but the next day I was very shakey and had two glasses of wine at a bar alone before travelling for a work thing, and two vodkas at a bar that night. But I still hadn’t brought drink home so I wasn’t totally screwed yet, right!?!! I was praying though, because I knew I was almost there.

Two days later I’m buying drink to bring home. I had two nights and one full day of drinking, and I felt so at peace. But my prayers worked too because I reached out to some aa friends and one outside good friend, and I poured everything away last Sunday and I’ve been sober since.

But God it’s hard! This is my second relapse after I got sober from 20+ years of daily alcoholic drinking. The first one was longer, and worse, and I was so grateful to be out of it that I didn’t ever want to go back. This time, my alcoholic mind is messing with me so badly. Who cares. One more weekend. Stop fighting, you won’t win. And worst - nothing bad happened. As if I need to sink lower before I can really want sobriety again.

I’m talking to people and going to meetings and I’m going to think positively - I haven’t picked up. But it’s a struggle right now.