Realizing I cannot live the way I am anymore. Drink- blackout- shame- sober for a few days. Repeat. My drinking has caused problems for about 3 years now, but have crossed all my boundaries the past couple of months. I take my work very seriously, but got black out drunk on a work trip and got into it with a coworker. My relationship recently ended and I know my drinking ruined intimacy and trust in the relationship. My ex was constantly having to coax my blackout rage and clean up my mess. In the past week, my mom and I took a very nice beach vacation which I ruined at the end. Long story short, she called the cops on me because I was going to go out with locals that I just met and she did not want me to go because I was blackout drunk. It became very ugly. We are not on speaking terms. I don’t know where to start to change. AA has very mixed reviews. I’m afraid no one will take me seriously as a (23 F) and drinking is so normalized in early twenties. How do I get over the guilt and shame of relationships lost and terrible things i have done. Any advice appreciated

Anyone here in the DFW area? Trying to distance myself from old social habits and meet like minded people.

Also interested in some kind of AA like meetup focused on younger people. It’s not that there weren’t other people in their 20s at meetings but it’s just easier to relate with others that have a lot more life ahead of them and consequently a lot more to gain from quitting drinking and a lot more to lose if not.

Finally got a year at 21 after many years of failed efforts. A year ago today I was detoxing and now I spent tonight going to a play w my gf and hanging w my dog and that’s crazy cool to me

I'm 26 and am about 3 years and 3 months alcohol-free! I knew I had a problem well before I could legally drink and my first couple attempts at stopping were before I was even 21. I tried AA and counseling but nothing stuck and I'm not really sure why my latest attempt worked. Reading "This Naked Mind" and more about the biological facts of addiction helped me a lot in the early stages and support groups like stopdrinking made me feel less alone.

One thing I'm trying to work on is finally getting back into the dating scene. I followed the "don't get into a relationship during your first year of recovery" and then covid hit and I've just been basically a hermit ever since. Any advice is welcome looking forward to contributing here!

Just wanted to know if this page is still active or not. Idk. I am currently drunk to be honest but also I’m 23 and I know I have a problem

I posted here a few weeks ago before school started (I’m a junior in high school) because I’d gotten used to Drinking an 18 pack or so a day during the summer at home and was worried about not being able to drink at school. My parents have lots of company and I pretty much have a limitless supply. About 3 weeks after school started, I posted again because I got suspended from school after getting caught with a flask of vodka. I tried drinking a couple of shower beers and one on the way to school but I just needed more than that to get my work done and be half way social, which ended up in me starting to take flask with me every day. I pretty much stayed drunk the whole time I was kicked out of school. Dad beat my ass but he still let me drink at least. Got laid some while I was off so it wasn’t all bad.

Fast forward another week til today. No problems when I went back to school. I had been managing to keep some vodka in my car and only partake at lunch and when I got out of school. Was leaving today and got pulled over. Got a DUI. Luckily was off school property. Got handcuffed at the first intersection leaving school. Got my car towed. I’m 17 and that’s the last thing I needed. I’m at home, done with my parents bitching and finally drunk enough after an hour to myself to hopefully pass out for 12 hours.

FML

I'm R and I've Always been fine drinking on my own since i was 19 (i'm european so it's easy to buy alcohol past 18) and since then i've getting along with it. Some rough mornings, severe hangovers, but pretty much okay. No worsening regarding my depression, no one noticing, i was used to binge drink while watching tvshows or movies and i honestly loved it. Until some day when i woke up and something was off. I had just turned 20 and i had a really tough anxiety attack (first time ever), i almost collapsed in a mall, covering my ears, absolutely terrified. Since then, my consumption worsened and i'm getting more and more anxiety and derealisation after drinking. I feel like i'm in a dream, like something is always off, feeling oppressed by nothing. Fear of immensity (i'm often terrified by irrational things, like falling in the sky so i force myself not to look at it), social phobia, etc. The problem is, these symptoms are not worsening, but expanding in time. The first was the worst, but it lasted only a few hours. As of now (i'm 22), it lasts several days. Last time i drank was 6 days ago and i still feel very weird. My alcoholism is not casual, it's completely excessive and festive : i can easily manage a whole week without drinking, but when i start i usually spend the two days after drinking on my own, barely eating and sipping again as soon as i wake up from a brief nap. Regarding these habits, am I an alcoholic yet or do i just like alcohol too much and should closely watch my drinking before it turns into something worse? Anyways, that's just a guilty confession, i'm lost, if someone experienced could enlighten me i would be very much thankful

I posted about 20 days ago on here. Over the summer, I got used to drinking between a 12 and 18 pack a day. I was nervous about how I’d make it through the day at school without drinking this year. I’m a junior in high school.

It really sucked the first week. I was able to drink two or three shower beers before I brushed my teeth, but by 3:00 PM I really wanted a drink. As bad as I wanted a cigarette after the day. I managed to go home and finally drink some and feel so much better.

The second week I couldn’t take it anymore and asked dad for some vodka. I found a little plastic flask. I could sip on it all day and actually make really good grades and be very social. I’m pretty much an A student all the time anyway.

Fast forward another week or so to today…and I got caught. It was a big deal. I guess I’m suspended for a week and have to goto court. I am really pissed. I came home and after listening to my parents scream at me until they went to bed, I’m on beer number 16 or so snd have a half of fifth of bourbon and half a fifth of vodka to drink. I just wanna forget today ever happened. I don’t know what I’ll do when I go back, except try not to get caught again I guess.

Just wanted to catch up and vent some.

So i don’t know if I’m just in denial? Or if I truly have a problem. I have a gut wrenching feeling that I chose to have a problem with drinking… I’ll explain and share my story. The first time I ever even had a sip of alcohol (besides on accident when I was 5 when I thought my grandmas wine was apple juice) was when I was 14 in 8th grade. My parents were both on the program so I had very little experience being around alcohol. A year before this my mom did relapse and I learned quickly what being drunk was. Anyways my friend had tried alcohol and was raving about it so my friend group was like okay so we all stole alcohol from our parents and got together at one friends house. Pretty typical. That night I took 8 shots. Right away I noticed how different it made me feel. It seemed like I was finally able to be myself. Looking back it now I have no idea if any of my friends were on the even close to being on the same level as me. The morning after I decided to let my dad know that I drank and to cushion the blow I told him I just had 3 beers. He asked me if I felt the need to drink more and more and I said “yes?” Not knowing that even a red flag. When he told me I backtracked and said “oh well no I wanted to be drunk so it’s okay” but I could tell he was still concerned. Then I started to feel extremely guilty about getting drunk and my friends did not seem to care as much. In fact the next time an opportunity came for us to drink I did not partake because I still felt so shameful from the first time. We’ll then it’s freshman year of highschool and time has passed and I was like “eh it’s normal to drink highschool” so we drank and I remember getting way more drunk this time then last time. I quickly became know as the the “DAB” friend. Always way more drunk then anyone else in the group. And I always did feel guilty about this. People joked and said I was lightweight but what they didn’t know was that I was actually just consuming way more way quicker. It just almost came as instinct. And through the years it seemed like I almost romanticized being the drunk ass bitch. I romatosized the idea of being a sad alcoholic in my late 20s and even back then thought it was pretty much inevitable. I always did some awful regrettable thing while drunk and spent a lot of time mulling over my alcohol related regrets. I was SA’d while blacked out junior year of highschool. It was the second time I blacked out for multiple straight hours. The first time I blacked out I stole a giant bottle of gin from the grocery store because I think my friends knew I would do it (because I was the drunkest) and I remember when I succeeded stealing that bottle I thought “I am fucking amazing. I really did this.” And then proceeded to chug half of it, throw up and later wet the bed. Then senior year of highschool comes and I’m actually not getting as drunk as I used too. I’m like hm maybe I have a handle on this dope. But still fantasizing about being an alcoholic. Weirdly. Got to college in one of the biggest party towns in California. The culture was binge drinking evrey weekend and it was absolutely encouraged to blackout for three nights in a row. And that’s exactly what I did. But the thing I noticed was that people were using the term “blacked out” when they just wanted an excuse for something that did (that they remember doing) and I truly was not remembering anything I was doing. First semester is fine. Second semester I see a flip in me where I am always always in a bad mood when I drink. I’m stumbling. I’m cussing my best friend out. I don’t remember slapping my best friend but I did when she tried to cut me off from alcohol. I get SA’d again while fully blacked out. But I continue to drink. Quarantine hits and I move home with my parents. I don’t drink till summer when I start to see my highschool friends. I slip back into the role of drunkest one at the function always. And drunk me was annoying as fuck. Emotional, stumbling, lying, selfish but also quiet. Move back to college and stuck in our apartment. Just me and three other roommates. With no parties to go to we start to drink while doing nothing in our apartment and evrey time I would get uncomfortably drunk. And evrey morning I would wake up with the worst guilt and anxiety even I didn’t even do anything that awful. I was self aware and I accepted the fact that yeah I was fully binge drinking. But agin weirdly was fascinated with the idea of being an alcoholic. Hated drunk me but romanticized her at the same time, thought it was inevitable that I would go through a rough patch then get sober… just like parents always told me they had. Anyways second semester this year. I had a pattern of being in my own apartment drinking with my roommates then blacking out really bad one night and doing something embarrassing so escaping to my parents house for two weeks and that continued until about may. I was drunk texting specific people constantly and waking up wanting to literally kill my self which sound dramatic? But the shame was just intense. My friends 20th birthday rolls around and I remember being overly confident that I would need a shit ton of alcohol to get drunk that day. I remember I wanted to pace myself and be cool around these friends and I was so excited. The day comes and I love and behold blackout embarrass the fuck out of myself break my friends seat and end the night by getting into a fight with my best friend because I couldn’t find any blow. She ended up screaming at me and pushing me over so overall a very toxic friendship but anyways I left our apartment and wandered around the streets alone until I crashed at my other friends house. I woke up with so many bruises and scratched as usual but I had one on my forehead and my roommates told me that I hit my head on concrete. That scared me very bad. I also was scared to see my best friend that I fought with and I was feeling extremely overwhelmed at the fact that I had blacked out for so long. So I called my parents. I told them that I was concerned with my drinking. They obviously suggested that they come down and pick me up from school so I can go home for a few weeks and regroup. I get home and the next day is my cousins graduation party. This made me regret telling my parents that I was worried about myself because I knew that there would be alcohol at this party and I would want to drink without them having to worry about me. So we get to the party, my cousin offers me a drink, I pull my mon to the side and pretty much say “never mind I’m fine I’m gonna try to pace myself today and I think I can” well I end up blacking out. In front of my entire family. I don’t think I did anything too bad probably just said some weird shit and stumbled a bit. That night I went to a friends house and did more cringe shit like posting things and drunk texting people. The next day I was like wtfff dude seriously that was pathetic. I decide to go to my first AA meeting. And I actually was sober for around 34 days. It was easy because I was at home and not in the environment where I could easily access alcohol. Towards the end though I did start to doubt that I actually had a problem. “Maybe I’m making it up maybe I’m being dramatic, I’m not getting cravings I don’t drink evrey day, I probably could limit myself if I really wanted to i don’t drink other day other people have it way worse” and of course “it’s my fault I literally spoke this into existence . I chose to be an alcoholic” I get back to my own apartment and about a week later decide to start drinking again. This summer it seemed that sometimes yea I would brown out/ black out but other times I did truly just have a couple casually. I mean of course I did blackout on 4th of July because it’s a holiday right and I wanted to! And on my 21st birthday of course I was going to blackout (even though I previously stated I didn’t want to be uncomfortably drunk on my birthday) and of course it was normal to spend the week after my birthday sleeping because evrey time I was awake I was regretting what I did on bday night. And it was normal that I wanted to drink after that because of how embarrassed I was right? Even if I didn’t really have any plans they come up so I might as well pregame alone? So then I don’t drink for a few weeks because I’m traveling until about three weeks ago. Me and my Roomate get into a car accident. I decide I want to get fucked up because that’s the only way to calm my adrenaline rush. I brown out and do exactly what I told myself not to do (next these two people) hate myself for it and decide to wait to read what I said till I was drunk again. Moved into a new apartment where I had my own bedroom. Spent the last two weeks pretty much drinking with friends then coming back to my room and drinking more until I passed out. Obviously I did the same regrettable shit I always do and hated myself for it. The last time I drank was when I went to my friends with half a bottle of wine and really only wanted that and maybe another beer that night. But then people started doing shots and I was bored so I started doing them. Then we went to a different persons house and I was drunk but someone offered me a beer so of course I took it and proceeded to find two more somehow, blackout, apparently my friends friend drove me home because I was falling evreywhere, and when I got home I drank more. Then I couldn’t sleep so at 6 am I decided to walk to the ocean and I thought to sober me up I would swim in it. The rest of the day I was shaking. I was so exhausted and couldn’t sleep. My heart felt like it was gonna explode which I don’t know if it was just all the caffeine I consumed or actually withdrawals. So I decided to go to a meeting. And now we’re here. And I don’t know what to think. This was extremely long so kuddos to you if you read it this far. I still have the same doubts. I still wonder if I’m just being dramatic. I still wonder if me romanticizing alcoholism has anything to do with it? Who the fuck romanticizes addiction while actively may have one? I feel like it’s all my fault. I feel like if anyone in my real life or groups knew that I daydream about being an addict that they would think I’m literally psycho. This shit is not fun. Spending most of my time thinking of all my regrets is not fucking fun. Being looked at as the girl who is always wayy to drunk is not fun and how hard it is to control my drinking is not fun so then wtf am I thinking when I idealize this shit? Why do I want this? Is it a fucking coping mechanism? I have taken quizzes and evrey single one has said I have a “severe alcohol use disorder” and when I tell my story and thoughts to people most of the time they are like “….yeah”. I was shocked to learn that most of my friends have not actually blacked out from alcohol. Anyways. What’s new I think I’m a bad person and I’m so confused and lost and ugh just needed to vent.

Last year I started a league for sober drunks/addicts on sleeper and it created an awesome little community of competition and support. So I decided to start another!

10 team SuperFlex PPR +TE Premium

$50 buy in through LeagueSafe

Redraft

Dr. Bob’s League

Feel free to join and check out the format and scoring, my only request is that only people who have some good sober time under their belt or a real desire to stop drinking or drugging joking this league.

Thanks for looking!

Hi! 27M here from Spain. Not a lot to say. I've been an active user of r/StopDrinking for some time but discovered this sub today. Been having some ups and downs throughout the years realizing i had a problem and subsequently trying to quit but this time something clicked inside of me. After two years of therapy i have enough "skills" to deal with this. I keep struggling some days. 100 days sober and years of therapy and i keep struggling so yeah don't worry if you are a week into sobriety and feeling fucked. This is the first time I've told my family and friends about this. It was extra difficult with my mom because my father was an abusive alcoholic and you know the drill... So yes, just wanted to say hi around here and hope you all doing your best tonight.

IWNDWYT!

My last physical/emotional relationship ended when I was still drinking, so I wasn't really there mentally, but being almost 9 months sober I am back on planet earth but still learning how these sober alcoholics live happy, and free lives. That being said, if I subtract the number of years that I drank, from my current age, I'm still a teenager.

Being a teenager, and alcoholic, I'm extra hard headed, and ego-centric, but I also think I'm less than shit sometimes, or I think I have everything figured out-until someone gives me some rigorous honesty, and I'm impatient in the sense that I'm almost willing to go to any length to get what I want, when I want it. I'm probably leaving some things out, but that's some of me. Makes sense as to why I'm single lol.

Sure, I've gotten a raise, I lost over 25% of my previous weight, cleaned my car out, brushing my teeth twice a day, making my own food, making my bed every morning, and haven't had sex in over 20 months but (unfortunately)that does not mean I am ready for a relationship. Lol... Thinking about it now, I've been sober from sexual relationships longer than I've been sober from anything else.

At first when my ego was checked by a friend who was practicing brutal honesty, I realized I have to wait a while, and I started freaking out like "how am I going to make it without a partner?!" I was literally crying to someone who's like 3 times my age but got sober in his 20's and he said, "this too shall pass". I have to remind myself of that sometimes, and that just because I want something, and I want it now, does not mean it's a good idea. Plus, when I am looking for something, I tend to walk right past it, and end up picking up something I shouldn't be picking up.

As much as I want "just one more", all I need is One when it comes to relationships and that is a relationship with God as I understand Him because when I place God at the top of my priorities, everyone feels like they're at the top of my priorities. *Note: I'm not religious, just spiritual

someone came to my house while i was sleeping last night and smashed my back window in.. really stressed out right now and want a drink so badly.

im a 20 year old female and just decided today that i need to put an end to drinking. it’s starting to affect my relationship and that’s what pushed me to begin my journey of quitting. just wanted to talk to some people around my age going through the same stuff. any support helps :)

Most of the time I can stop drinking for about 4-9 days (roughly). But I would like to stop. Does anyone have any tips for fighting the urge to get drunk? Especially when you have some in the house that you know you could drink but don’t want to?? There has been a lot of times when I’ve not wanted to get drunk all day but as soon as I think about it i just want to get drunk to feel idk maybe a bit more emotion or just feel some happy emotions via escapism. I’m not sure what to do and I need a little help. Thanks.

Hi. This is my first post here. My mother has suffered from alcohol abuse for about 13 years now. I’m 17. I think she’s trying to make me more like her. She buys me alcohol even if I don’t ask her to and when I ask her specifically not to she still does. I am aware of how much I drink and that it’s not good for my age but I can’t resist the temptation of the alcohol when she buys me it. When it’s there I will find a personal excuse to drink it even if I don’t particularly want to. I would like to stop relying on alcohol and weed to go about my daily life but I’m finding it progressively harder not to. I’m not sure what do and I feel weak and stupid relying on my friends.

Idk if it’s just me but do you guys get interactions too where the term alcoholic is thrown around in such a negative way offhand and you’re kind of there like....ur talking to one.... Had it multiple times in the past few weeks and sometimes I have the energy to be like ahahah I’m in recovery, you’re talking to one but other times I’m just like,,,oof :/ Shit hurts, especially when alcohol ruined our lives and then we have this uphill battle, or at least that’s the way I think about it

Hey y’all, My name’s Chris and I started this page after the first time I had to go to the hospital after a binge, and I haven’t really been that active recently. My goal for this page was really just to open the conversation surrounding alcoholism since every meeting I went to I was always the youngest and couldn’t really relate to their experiences. Hope you find some kind of solace in our community, God knows I need it now. I’ve been doing great at my job, top 3 in sales this year, but still want to do stand up, working on open mics

Anyone going?

Any suggestion for agnostic or atheist meetings for newbies to sobriety?? Helpppppp

Posted this in r/DA too, figured I should put it up here as well.

Backstory: Been addicted to various things for a long time, been a daily drinker since the end of 2019 (22M). Slowly increased to 10-12 drinks a day but I never switched to hard alcohol so I kind of leveled out here. I have no problem tapering down to 5-7 a night, but always end up back around the 10 drink mark rather than ceasing consumption.

Now my question to you fine folks: what have your inpatient rehab experiences been like?

Sobriety scares me, I’ve been 2-3 weeks sober before (not in the past 12 months though) and it’s around that time i start to feel glimmers of hope/positivity, but that’s also the time I jump right back into whatever substance I’m using. I’m growing tired of living in a constant fog and centering my days around getting my fix at night.

I haven’t taken any breaks since starting daily drinking because my mindset is all or nothing; quitting without some serious resolve to not return just feels like half-assing it to me. I don’t feel fully ready to quit drinking forever, but I feel like going into a rehab stint with an open mind could push me towards that mindset.

TLDR: Would love to hear your thoughts and any feedback you can provide to a 22yo who doesn’t quite 100% want to get sober, but who is considering rehab since he really wishes he wanted to get sober.

Someone recommended this thread to me so I thought I’d just write what is in my head. I’ve been drinking since 16 and went to rehab last year. I went to inpatient in March 2020 two weeks then got covid and did everything virtually the rest of the year. I’ve lost so many friends and am excluded from hanging out because my friends I do have like to drink. Almost this entire quarantine I’ve been alone. No one wants to do anything with me. Last Friday I wanted to drink because I felt so left out and I ended up blacking out since my tolerance is nothing now because I don’t drink. My sister suggested going to some wellness retreat to get away from everyone and focus on myself but I just don’t know how to feel. I know not everyone drinks but I never got to live a college experience because I was so depressed and making bad decisions at my university. I should start AA again but in my head I’m like I don’t care about any of these peoples problems I just want to live my life like a normal person. I’m just being ignorant. Basically I don’t know what to do. I know I need to get out this environment with my dad and friends but I have no license due to extreme driving anxiety and I’m so depressed I don’t know if I could ever hold a job or live on my own. I’m just so over all of this. I cant keep feeling bad for myself though but at this point I don’t care. Thanks if anyone read this far

Growing up I went to church every now and then. I called myself a Christian but I never really believed in much if any of the New or Old Testament. I considered practicing other religions but never got serous about it because I thought they were trying to trick me or take advantage of me. I was diagnosed with a brain tumor and blamed God. Parents got divorced and I blamed God. I crashed a few cars, got arrested a few times, taken to a few mental/detox hospitals, lost all of my "friends", jobs, money, and almost my life a few times. I continuously blamed God for everything, and finally I was sick and tired of being constantly sick, and tired so I came into AA, and was ready to do ANYTHING to stay sober. My sponsor told me to get on my knees every morning and night and say a prayer. Anything I want. It could be as simple as "God, please help me to stay sober today", and "God, thank You for helping me to stay sober today".

Today instead of trying to blame God for my own problems, I thank God for Ebby Thacher who introduced Bill Wilson(AA founder) to the Christian Oxford Group which helped Bill get and stay sober, and where the founders got many of the steps from. If Jesus weren't a thing, that group wouldn't have existed, and Bills story wouldn't have existed and I might not be alive today if it weren't for those Christians, Jesus, Ebby, Bill and God. Today I am thankful and no longer angry at God.

I’ve always been hesitant to go to AA bc for whatever reason it’s always felt sort of cult, or like a form of religion. If anyone has an AA meeting they could recommend in the LA area that doesn’t feel like a cult, I’d love to attend lol! I’m newly sober and could really use some support. Added bonus if it’s a bunch of young people close in my age range (i’m 25)

thank you!