Day 1. Went to AA with tears flowing, immense sadness, regret, and gratitude. I needed to be there. Not gonna lie i truly feel rock bottom here. I am filled with such dark feelings and sadness. I am angry at who I’ve become. I dug this hole myself, and i want so badly to get out. So I’ll try each second. I cannot depend on even the minutes or hours. But I will give it my all each second. I will not drink, this second. And pray the time keeps going.

It was only making me feel worse.

I knew tapering wasn’t going to be pleasant by any means but I guess I thought it would lessen the blow.

Man kudos to those who can taper successfully because I sure as hell couldn’t do it.

So now I am just going to ride it out and hope for the best.

Thankfully my only symptoms are anxiety, slight shakes, and brain fog, and some nausea…So just hoping these are the only symptoms but I know it is still early. Just hit 5hrs since my last drink, so I know it is still early and can get more withdrawals still.

If you’re in the same boat as me, I feel you.

This shit sucks…

Sighhhh…. Here’s to day 1 again.

think i have kindled my shite brain pretty good over the years so my last little drinking episode ended me up in detox after only 2-3 weeks. had been sober for maybee 3 months prior to that and now back at 2 weeks.

oh for the record was pretty drunk(~0.3) when i enterd so they took an ecg among other things that showed something was a bit off also read patient showd some wernicke encefalopati symptoms. patient dosnt seam to respond that much the lower dosage of benzo so up it. damn it dont think i have many more if any good heavier drinking episodes left in me but at the same time life sorta sucks since i dont really see a good path forward to get it in some kinda track at the moment.

hope you all have a good day/night and maybee my ramblings is decent for something.

Hey Reddit-

Burner because my main is tied to me.

I love red wine. Pinot noir in particular. It’s comforting to me like my coffee in the morning- I love the room temperature drink and the robust flavors. But over the last few years I’ve consumed more and more- to the point I am drinking 1-2 bottles a night and getting drunk.

Understanding this is a hand to mouth habit comfort habit. and I can give or take any other drink (wine is literally all I consume for alcohol) I’m trying to change this behavior.

This week I’ve decided I’m ready. I’ve swapped to white claws at 5% alcohol. Because I don’t love them (in fact it’s jarring to even drink them compared to wine) I’m drinking way less and not getting drunk. But the thing is I’m not craving wine like I used to.

I’m consuming on average 4 white claws a night spaced over 4-5 hours. My goal is to cut the alcohol % and end the association with the habit that gets me drunk. Then I plan to cut the white claws after a few weeks of replacing the wine. One week going strong.

I don’t have concerns about withdrawal- I’m ready to quit- I’m more concerned with creating new behaviors to break the habit.

I am concerned about the amount of alcohol and converting compared to wine, it and making sure I’m not replacing one habit with another. So far I think it’s working and I have not got drunk unintentionally- hardly even buzzed. It’s been an amazing week. I also am not craving the wine like I used to.

So can someone please let me know if I’m on the right path here as far as % of alcohol between the two and if this is the right path to be taking, thank you so much.

32M. I've experienced difficult moments in the past few months that had triggered some benders, but I'd find my way out of them. Finding a HIIT focused gym was a life saver, and I'll go 5-6 times a week because it keeps me sober. I'm still an alcoholic though, so difficult moments will sometimes get the better of me and I'll go into this kind of automatic self destructive mode. Going through another one now. Been drunk every night since last Thursday. No HIIT since then, cancelled the monday session 2 hours before because I knew deep inside I just wanted to get drunk. I don't want to cancel tuesday because 1 i'll hate myself 2 it's a heavy day front squats and the part of me that wants to do better wants to improve their form.

So I looked deep down into myself, looked at what was bothering me, and decided to rid myself of it.

Long story short, I had a verbal agreement with someone I trusted. That person, for whatever reason, wasn't being truthful and it bothered me enough that I lost control of myself. I decided to forgive that person because I am not okay with having been drunk every night since last thursday and having missed workouts. Tomorrow is going to be a bit difficult but nothing patience, proper eating, and hydration can't help.

thank you for reading.

I truly cannot recommend this thing enough. It has saved my ass so many times when I had an interlock device. Even if you don’t have one, it’s really eye opening to see just how high of a BAC most of us are operating at throughout the day:

https://www.drinkfox.com/

Easily the best one I’ve found. I think it was actually recommended to me by someone in this sub a few months back.

Just over two years without alcohol (whoot whoot) and I’m about to get a physical. Wondering what blood tests I should ask for? Or any other tests to check out any past done damage from alcohol. I’m also a vegan if anyone knows anything bout that too. Thanks in advance.

-the drs I see do not actually care about patients, and you need to ask for stuff like blood tests, etc or they just send you on your way after taking your blood pressure. Otherwise I’d just ask the dr themselves what they’d recommend. Someday maybe I’ll have a dr like that. One can dream.

Well… I am back.

I’ve been drinking day to night since Thanksgiving. I thought I could have a “few” drinks on Thanksgiving but clearly those “few” drinks turned to a shit ton of drinks that led me to a 4 day bender.

Now I am in bed feeling awful, wishing I was sober.

I am going to attempt to taper off hard liquor with hard liquor. I know beer or something light is the best option but I don’t have anything else besides tequila.

So my plan is to take a shot every other hour or take a shot once the withdrawals hit and mix it with some vitamin water or just plain water, and just sleep as much as can and eat whatever I can stomach.

Ehhh I just hope tomorrow I feel slightly better as I need return to work.

Wish me luck. I can’t wait to be sober again.

Am about to go into sobriety again after a short stint of craziness and overconsumption.

I know the drill by now, its always the same. Gotta come down slowly, having a shot every few hours to avoid withdrawals.

Then it will be weeks of finding myself in various torturous mental states until my prescribed meds start somewhat helping again.

By helping I mean turning my mind into a vegetable, that can only function to survive by not feeling any emotion whatsoever and just carrying on with life as usual.

Yes, it's quiet and safe and lovely to not have to worry about pancreatritis and liver failure. And I'm really trying to appreciate the many beautiful things I have in my life and should feel thankful for.

But sometimes I just crave to have some excitement in my life, some passion... and that's usually when I relapse and drink again.

Why don't I have an ounce of creativity, interest in things and the ability to connect with other people unless I drink?

I so wish with modern medicine they could come up with a drug, that makes you feel like alcohol does, while being non addictive and not ruin your health lol.

This will probably be my last post for a while, cause once I'm in sober territory again I won't have the urge or motivation to talk to anyone, in real life and online.

If you could share a message before I return to sober life again, I would really appreciate it. What's your story, how are you feeling?

I am a daily heavy drinker. Have been for a years on end. I think the last day I’ve had off has been well over a year ago. When I say heavy, I mean around 15 standard drinks a day (not units). I never morning drink and generally wait until late afternoon/evening to start again. Although I don’t know, I’m assuming my BAC hits zero around 10 or 11 each morning and stays that way until 4 or 5 in the afternoon. I have mild WDs each day. Minor shaking, anxiety, sometimes mild headaches, etc. But that’s about it.

Due to a financial situation I am faced with, I am going to attempt to stop drinking during the weekdays. I think this will help both with money and health. I will be replacing the booze with low THC weed, which soothes me at lower doses. It’s a slippery slope though because it does the opposite at high doses lol.

My question to you that have been in my shoes (daily heavy drinking at ~15/day), but not drinking around the clock, how did you deal with WDs? Since my BAC returns to zero every day prior to starting again, this should help ward off the worst of WDs, right?

I would prefer not to seek medical help with this and do it myself. Any advice would be great!

Yeah… supposed to be dead.

Yesterday was the rock bottom I needed to really seriously give sobriety a go this time around. Saturday I drank 7 drinks and Sunday I woke up with an unbearable hangover/anxiety. Drinking water seemed like a chore. Laying down seemed energy draining. When I could drink water no matter how much I drank my mouth was dry and I still seemed thirsty. I had pins and needles type feeling in my hands. I could not sleep well at all.

This morning I woke up which would be a full 30 hours without alcohol, and I still feel hungover better than yesterday but I still don't feel like myself. Which is insane I have drank 7 drinks before and have not had this reaction.

I removed all the alcohol from the house does anyone else have any tips on starting out quitting? On my own when I had no want to drink I made it three months. Over the summer when the want to drink was still present I made it 56 days. I really want it to stick this time.

Hi all. 26 yr old female here. After some crazy fucked up trauma I developed a drinking problem for a little over a year. This past March I went through detox with no issue. Had been sober since then but got drunk on 4th of July. I woke up SO SICK. Pounding heart, palpitations, anxiety, bangin headache, dry heaves. Told myself to remember this feeling next time I wanted to drink.

When I drank, my DOC was mini bottles of flavored vodka. 6-14 daily, sometimes I drank at the bar. I’d buy my bottles in groups of 2-4 so I could keep track of consumption.

Last night, I start really missing a loved one who passed a few years ago. I was crying in my car, listening to sad music. I came upon the liquor store on the way to my destination. I went into autopilot. Went inside, bought 3 mini bottles.

Got to my destination for the night, took the drinks out. I drank half of a mini bottle and stopped myself. “Wtf am I doing?!” Dumped the rest in the trash. Guzzled water worried even the tiny amount would affect me (it didn’t). I reminded myself of the way my chest felt last time I drank and it stopped me in my tracks. Yes I ended up drinking that sip, but throwing out alcohol is a huge win for me. 3 drinks would’ve led to another liquor store or bar trip and the avalanche would begin.

Feelin real proud of myself.

I have failed me taper last week (dumb I know, I got to 3 drinks). Now, I’m back to 12-16 and I’m throwing up each day. Have not been able to keep food down. I do have to be at work tomorrow and can’t leave me my house due to pets. It does hurt when I walk and I’ve been mostly not been able to get out of bed. I can keep water down mostly after some drinks. The withdrawal does show with sweat, high heartbeat and some auditory disturbances. 40F, not great physical condition, okay diet before this. Had about 2 years sober before I had started relapsing for about 6 months. Didn’t get sick until recent, it was very sporadic before. I was a really bad alcoholic before like handle a day person but my WD was not this bad. I guess I kept up with my eating. I’m still trying to take my vitamins the best I can, puking minded and drink as much water as I can, but the stomach seems to not be budging.

I am no good drunk. I am no good drunk. I am no good drunk. I am an alcoholic who has continued to choose a drink over healing my shitty ways. Last night was the final straw for my partner and I’m accountable for all of it. I am sad, angry, and fully ashamed. There is no reconciliation which is fully understandable, but this hurts. I love this person. I hate this intoxicated version of myself. Now more than ever i truly need to prioritize my healing and recovery. For me, i will do better in hopes the joy will find its way back in. Day 1. AA in the morning. I’d love support from anyone wants to chat. Thank you for holding the space.

This time 2 years ago I remember staring at my ceiling shaking thinking I wouldn’t last 24 hours. I silently lurked through subreddits trying to find hope and accountability and found a lot of it here. Thank you.

If anyone needs an ear I am here for you. You can do this.

Really I hate to say this, but I have never found anything that has made me feel as motivated as alcohol. Nothing else gives me the same sense of energy and determination. I'm not looking to just replace alcohol with some other drug, but I am curious if it's a universal effect for alcoholics that depressants or "downers" cause the opposite effect than what is intended? I have tried adderal and vyvanse before, both typical stimulants and can't say I felt like I had more energy or was more awake just less hungry. Also I believe I have some kind of immunity to caffeine as I have been experimenting lately and don't notice a difference between mornings with 0 caffeine and mornings with 600 mg caffeine. Modafinil as well just gave me headaches. Weed has a stimulating effect of sorts but in a really BAD way. I am wondering if, for alcoholics, something like a benzo gives the same effect of increased motivation as alcohol does? Again this is just a question out of curiosity. I have been seeing a psychiatrist for anxiety for over 2 years now and benzos have never ever been brought up as a potential option, and don't intend to.

I used to be a severe alcoholic from 21-22 I was drinking a bottle of vodka a day, 3 bottles of wine, or 24 beers. It caught up to me so then from 22-23 I was drinking everyday still but 3 drinks a day, then twice a week getting drunk. I was able to get 8 months sober at 23 due to rehab I do not count that as my longest sobriety stint as I had outside forces (rehab) keeping me sober. From there I would drink 3-4 times a year (one time every 3 months) for 2 years. I felt in control of my drinking because I did NOT have a WANT to drink.

Then my husband died and I remember thinking to myself I drink after this I am not coming back. I was able to last 2 months after that happened without alcohol but I snapped and drank and the longest I have had since that event was 56 days. Fast forward a few years, I got a boyfriend I broke up with him 2 months ago and have been out of control with my drinking since the break up.

It wasn't until this morning that I felt like the alcoholic in me came back. I drank the usual amount it takes me to get drunk 7-8 drinks and woke up feeling awful. Usually I can sleep in, watch drama videos on youtube, tune out, and start my day around 2pm. But today is different. It's not working I have super bad hangxiety, phyiscally I feel like I can't even lay down or drink water without it feeling liek a chore. I trauamadumped to people who are on my absolutely do not trauma dump to list.

These past two months I have been getting drunk at least twice a week the only time I was able to have a normal day was when I threw out all the alcohol in my house (Only to rebuy it) I feel like instead of having control over the alcohol it has control over me. I drank the last of my supply last night and I really want to change.

Last night was a wakeup call I went OUT of my way to drink. Woke up feeling terrible still feel terrible. Trauamdumped to people I was not supposed to and only time will heal the embarassment/consequences of that.

It’ll be 14 days tonight. I started developing alcoholic neuropathy in my left leg and foot, it was especially pronounced on my heavy drinking days. I actually have an appointment to get it checked for nerve issues and may cancel it because it’s already gotten so much better. I was even checked for clots because of the pain. Just nice having some reinforcement as to why I quit.

I am 3 weeks in, been going to daily meetings and such. It has been going well, and I am happy to have some fellowship and productive days.

But every once in awhile I catch myself thinking about how I'd like to go on a bender. I'm not even lying to myself in these thoughts, I literally think about how I'd be locking inside, not working, and out and about vomiting on the side walk during my multiple daily trips to the liquor store. I'll feel good physically at time, but I'll know its not good emotionally/introspectively.

So clearly my brain is wired up all wrong, because I look back on this and feel warmth and fondness and seemingly have forgot already all the pain and agony that proceeded the weeks afterwards. How long did it take for this to pass for some of you?

To quit drinking would be for others, not for myself. I think that drinking is a coping mechanism to deal with what’s going on internally but I explode externally. So me not drinking is protecting the ones i care about, and doesn’t change the things I experience. alcohol or not, it is what it is… now I just have to face everything and feel everything all the time. i hope everyone is happy and proud of me not drinking, but im still miserable

Update: Thank you all for the overwhelming amount of support and advice. I am hanging in there with you guys

Everytime I go sober cold turkey, Day1 consists of me walking around in circles around my house, aware that I’m not going to get any sleep for the next 24 hours, thank you hypnic jerks and such. By Day 2 I’m dealing with health anxiety, and I become fearful of seizures and such and that’s what leads me to have a beer or two…. Then three…then four. I find myself forcing myself to drink, by the second beer I find myself throwing away the 6 pack cause I simply don’t want to drink. It’s only the health anxiety that leads to me drinking. I went sober 3 months cold turkey and didn’t feel any withdrawals other than muscle cramps and anxiety, hoping I can do it again.

I understand only a medical professional can give me accurate advice, but I’d like to hear successful taper stories :)

I’m not the kind of alcoholic who gets black out drunk, maybe once a year, but I do drink everyday and I’m aware of my dependence on it. I’m a friendly drunk and realizing I can be bitchy with no drinks in my system when I’m cutting down a lot. Had a mild fight with my bf today, still don’t like the way he behaved but I could have been more emphatic and probably caused a lot of the argument. He also used to drink and smoke more but drives now so we’re both probably a little on edge. Feeling pathetic that I need to self medicate, I want to be able to have fun sober too

I just got out of the ER where they were administered me with Benzos. After I was discharged I got a script for some Ativan. How do I properly take these without building an addiction to it?

i nearly made a week before drinking again. my partner’s parents dogs (who my partner grew up with) passed on wednesday. we didn’t drink that day, but did yesterday. did today. not worth it. he’s a psycho when he drinks and i’m also Not Great. tomorrow is another day 1.