I don’t consider myself an alcoholic as I wasn’t to the level of needing a drink everyday or going through any withdrawals, but I was just a toxic drunk and it made me a worse person, so I quit. However, now I have dreams all the time that I “relapsed”. I also have this with other things I’ve quit like caffeine and sugar. I’ll have dreams that I’m drinking a 4loko that’s also a Mountain Dew 😂 scares me so bad in the dream and then I’ll wake up so happy it wasn’t real lol. Anybody else get this? I’ve heard it’s common

I'm praying they keep me in. I can't face the hallucinating at home and my of course it's wrecked. Not ready to face that yet. I've been here since yesterday and they are giving me valium which is a big help. I had nearly 30 days before I fucked it. I never want to be in this position again. It's just so bad. I also have infection an infection in my chest and being treated for paracetamol OD but I think I just heard them saying I'm gonna be discharged. It's bad when you are hoping the chest x ray shows pneumonia

“once i’m done with the snacks in the pantry i’ll stop eating” “once my phone battery runs out i’ll stop using it”

it seems i’m just generally an addictive person. things have been really difficult in my life and relationship as of late, in large part due to some stupid decisions i made while drunk. i promised my girlfriend i wouldn’t go out drinking without her anymore, and have since just resorted to getting shitfaced at home and crying. my dad and both my grandfathers were violent alcoholics. but that’s no excuse, i’m 21 and i know better especially after my father traumatized my mom, my brother and i nine years ago, and again just last thanksgiving. i personally haven’t physically hurt anyone while drunk. but i’m so scared it will reach that point and i’m so scared i’ll be too weak to even resist it if/when the time comes. i have five hard ciders, one can of seltzer, and a liter of vodka left in my house at the moment. i pray it vanishes and never comes back.

i think alcohol is evil for ruining my family and my life. i think i’m evil for letting it.

Hi. At the beginning of the year I attempted to quit. For the most part, January was decent, only drank 10 days, but I had a 3 day bender this week and I really want to quit for good.

I was triggered a bit emotionally in January which led me to slipping up occasionally, but I got anxious again today and my last anxious moment due to alcohol was a month ago. I never want to feel like this again.

Currently at 22 hours since my last drink, and this day has been rough. Couldn't really eat anything, terrible indigestion, trying to hydrate, waves of anxiety, and of course lots of random pains everywhere that are feeding my anxiety, and of course i'm googling all the sensations and thinking of the worst. My chest made a couple of really weird sensations, and 1 of them really scared me, and I even had a "brain zap". But thankfully I didn't have a full on panic attack like I did a month ago.

Anyways, thanks for reading, I just needed to get that off my chest. Hopefully I make it through the week in one piece.

2024 was bad for my drinking habits. Or good for it? I guess it depends if the alcohol is "self aware" or not.

Anyway,

As the end of December creeped up, I started tapering back to a few drinks a day, then a few beers, then one beer and then finally on new years eve I had some champagne at the ball drop and that was it.

Surprisingly easy so far. I'm not going to put a lot of pressure on myself, but I have no desire to drink.
I was at my father in-law's birthday dinner with my my wife and we were given given shots of rumchata with some spices etc. Not all of you will agree with me on this one, but I took and I'm not counting it. No further desire to drink more.
I think it's buried pretty deep in my post history, l but I had quite a lot of shit go down in the last decade+ resulting in me not being sober for the majority of it.

Anyhow, I'm here now. Feels good. Exercise feels like it's "working" now, brain fog is clear and I am interested in things again.

I relapsed recently and the anxiety and shame was killing me. I was making excuses for myself and got beer. I threw them away and went to my recovery meeting and am posting here. That is all :)

I have never been able to do that before.

Grrr, kinda annoying

Tough thing is, I’m tapering benzos at the same time and quitting both of these things is a real fuckery. Got scared of seizures as my weekly supply was running low and thought I’d rather be safe than sorry.

Still higher than my last streak of 7 days though.

Just venting, I’ll be back on the wagon tomorrow or when my script gets refilled on Tuesday.

Stay strong guys 👍

Completed dry January and I feel accomplished but also nervous. I’ve achieved my goal but I don’t feel ready to drink. Doesn’t keep my brain from coming up with excuses to do so though.

I completed 'Dry January' 1 month alcohol free. What a milestone because when I got the notification from my phone that I was 1 month sober, I was excited because I was not expecting it.

Typically if I am doing bad in my sobriety I am very aware of my sober days so for one month to take me by surprise like that is a huge accomplishment. I think I finally accepted the mindset of alcohol just does not mix well with me and even though its hard I like myself better when I am sober and overall have less stress.

Heres to 'Dry February'

I was a problem drinker/weekend warrior for a long time. I had no consistent urge to drink Sunday-Thursday, but Fridays and Saturdays were usually filled with social, long, heavy drinking sessions to the point of blackout. It became a problem and overlapped into my personal life - you know how this goes.

I’m not completely dry, but over the 2 years I’ve managed to curb my drinking from every weekend, 8-12 hour binges to when it is an occasion (eg a wedding or a big birthday) and much more controlled and managed with an overall goal of stopping completely - I know moderation/gradual reduction of alcohol doesn’t work for everyone, but it does for me.

A large part of my personality was my drinking. I was the party boy - I knew where all the parties were, always had a bottle, life and soul of every party. And like many here, had regular drinking buddies. As I’ve stepped back from this lifestyle, I’ve become fully aware that I’ve outgrown these friends, I’ve no interest in drinking, and actually, it may have been one of few things we had in common. I have other closer, more intimate friendships and another goal this year is to build on them and create a sense of community. I know that I can’t take my drinking buddies with me.

All sounds well when written down, but my god, this realisation is painful. It feels sad to close this chapter, even if it wasn’t the healthiest. Perhaps it subconsciously feels like I’m closing a chapter on my own life too.

For those who have walked away from those friends, does it get easier? Would love to hear your experiences and stories.

One of the main reasons I’ve stopped drinking (as silly as it sounds) is as soon as I pick up the vodka bottle, my cat runs away.

I’ve never abused or harmed him on it of course. I feel like he just knows I’m harming myself

Weird but- you know how the alcohol sweats smell?

I didn’t understand until I had the problem myself. Now that I sweat the same- I recognize the smell that I noticed but didn’t understand on my mom. I didn’t know she had a problem until she passed at 60.

It’s heartbreaking.

I'm not going to drink tomorrow, and I'm going to try to stay sober for as long as I can The first few days are extremely hard for me. Would anyone be willing to message me here and there for the next day or two? I just need motivation. I only have 1 friend and he's in the same boat as me. I'm just extremely lonely and want to talk to someone who's been through this too that can maybe be here for me for a little. I'm also going to look for zoom AA meetings tomorrow as well.

And I'm still sober. Don't go out like that yall. Fight it.

I even had sleep paralysis-_-

Can’t close my eyes without starting a nightmare. I even get afraid going back to sleep haha

I am on Day 2, so I am just hoping tonight is the last day of these nightmares man. Haven’t been terrified of nightmares in a damn minute lol

Just wanted to share in case somewhere in the world someone is going through it too.

She is actively dying of cirrhosis. Diagnosed about six months ago after a severe decompensation episode. She spent three weeks in the icu. Today she went into cardiac arrest at home. She's been drinking, and so has her husband. Which is a whole other codependent shit show. They performed cpr and were able to get a pulse after several minutes, but it looks like she's cooked. My sister is 42 years old, and alcohol has killed her. My father was an alcoholic who died of suicide. What is this awful thing inside me that is craving a drink so badly I could scream? I haven't even thought about it for over a week. Faced with the proof of the poison, fucking why brain? What is WRONG with us????

I'm not going to have a drink. It wouldn't change anything and would just piss me off more. I'm feeling awful enough without piling that shit on top.

I don't like to spew out blame but I just can't help to think. At the age of 31 my parents are very aware, because I told them. Told them straight up I was an alcoholic. Now I'm trying to figure that out and I realize I've probably been depressed all my life. I have mental issues which seem so obvious now, idk it just irks me, why didn't they get me some help earlier. Fuck I dropped out of university because I was too depressed to attend classes, no red flags apparently. Only when I moved back i and continued drinking things became concerning. Well they threw me out and I still drink.

I want to put this all on myself, it's what I've done for years. I've tried to open up and talk but I was always shut down. Only when I drank an ungodly amount of alcohol did they try to see the problem, and at this point I don't really want to talk.

Love this community … has saved my ass countless times. I’m coming off about 12 days of drinking at night and am lucky enough to have an Rx for Ativan to help with the withdrawal symptoms. Day One today (again). Any recommendations for other ways of coping with the absolutely crazy anxiety of the first 24-48 hours?

195 days AF today . . . Think this is the longest I’ve ever gone concurrently since deciding to stop back in 2019

Been struggling recently though, don’t see the point of staying sober

Overwhelmed by anxiety, specifically everyone I’ve ever harmed is out there coming to get me! Got no factual evidence to support this but constantly thinking that they are! No triggers, no reason, just overwhelmed

Anyone relate to this, or is it just me??

TIA

Can’t believe I’ve made it a week. I’m a sweaty-tooth, smelly mad man when I’m on the sauce. I’m a 5th a day alcoholic, or if I’m feeling fancy and like I’m in control, a good ol’ box of wine. I’ll take my box wine with my Mediterranean black bean salad, thank you very much. You know, the Mediterraneans drink wine all day, but they eat olives and fresh goats milk, so I can do that as well along with a gallon of vino. It’s heart healthy!

Just sitting here thinking, the last time I was a week sober, it was prior to Covid. I remember binge watching Stranger Things. Little did I know how much our lives were about to be upended. Whatever the hell happened the last 5 years, I’ll never understand. At any rate, here is to sobriety! Just for today.

Nearing the end of my “Dry January” that’s what I’ve been telling ppl that I’m doing anyway…now want to try for dry Q1. I feel great but sometimes I have these drinks that have THC in them (5mg). I do get a buzz bc I’m not usually a gardener. My question is…do you guys think this is ok? Or will I just be trading one addiction for another? Ty’

Obviously this is a loaded question. Its funny to me I picked up smoking a half pack to a pack of cigarettes a day. Smoked them plenty long to get addicted then I just quit one day. I never viewed myself as a smoker. Some cravings the first 3 days but it was easy for the most part.

I think this is partly due to my subconscious mind just being like gross man you aren't a smoker why would you even keep smoking now that you have a baby.

Why can't it be this easy with Alcohol? I definitely can see myself as a non drinker for life and it sounds incredible. I just go on these alcohol free streaks and then right back to my old ways.

Just felt like writing something maybe we could discuss. I think all addiction can be solved from the mind and if it works for you (a higher power). Anyways good luck to everyone fighting the good fight.

Hi all! First time posting here. Have been having a real hard time quitting the booze. On New Year's, made the decision to do Dry January but renegaded within days, instead developed a bad cycle where twice a week I get super drunk after being good for like 2 days, drunkenly eat a lot of food, hate myself the next morning because of tbe hangover and weight gain, and promise myself to actually stop drinking this time and be good to myself. But then something happens to trigger me, whether it be a bad day, a social gathering, or thinking "but it's fine if I have just one drink" but then it never is. Started the year wanting to get better but got worse instead. Trying to be compassionate with myself but struggling with self hatred. Thinking about posting here daily for accountability because I obviously need to be kept accountable someway and while I have a couple people in my life who know my struggles, I don't want them to know how bad things have gotten.

Long story short. I’ve been making excuses about my alcohol use for years that I’ve lived with my roommate. That I can’t NOT drink because it’s always in the house. We made an agreement to do dry January, he did it. Tomorrow will be 31 days for him. I’m so proud of him. But I didn’t do it, instead, I drank during the day, I drank after he went to bed, at least three nights a week throughout the whole month. I’m so ashamed. I know what needs to happen, I know that I need help, now. Just don’t know how to navigate the three jobs that I work, one full-time and two part-time. I don’t know how to be honest with everyone. I’m just venting please don’t be mean.

I'm happy I did. I felt sick all day and still have a hangover. Just keep swimming friends.

Last august I went to hospital after one too many seven day benders. Initially it was because of my irregular heart rate. The doctor came back to me and said my heart was all good and it was likely a panic attack.

However my liver came back with slightly elevated enzymes. I left the hospital and stopped drinking for four months. In that time is had another blood test and my enzymes started to return to normal slowly. The fact they were still elevated prompted my doctor to send me for a scan on my liver. It came back as fatty liver.

After that I broke my sobriety for multiple reasons and since I’ve struggled completely quitting the booze. I’m curious as to whether I can go back to drinking after my blood tests show normal levels or is it the case that I have to look at long term sobriety ?

I’ve been dry 22 days. All the crazy life treating symptoms are gone.. I think lol my main symptom problem is this tension headache that will not go away! It’s in my neck my shoulders and my HEAD Ofcourse. Back of my head wrapping around to my jaws and forehead. Went to the doc today Blood pressure was elevated but no cause for crisis, head upped my meds blood pressure is at a steady 125/75 now. He gave me a muscle relaxer (Baclofen) to try to help with all this tension, I’m taking cbd drops under the tongue to help with the anxiety. I’m eating decent 2 meals a day quite big. Blood sugar is staying around 85-100 so no concern there. My health anxiety is making me insane in thinking everything possible under the sun that this headache will kill me lol. It’s not so bad that I can’t turn my head and walk and talk and function. It’s just annoying in a sense cause the neck pain will be sharp at times! Have any of you had this headache as a symptom of withdrawal I’m thinking it’s PAWS and maybe lack of sleep lol I eat good and relax most of the day because I was fired this past week for missing work for my withdrawal. But the insomnia is pretty bad I stay up later than I should and wake up earlier than I should. I’ve averaged maybe 4-6 hours of sleep a night. When I was a teenager or before I drank I could easily sleep 10-12 hours at a time lol. So I’m thinking that’s got soemthing to do with my stress and tension. This headache sucks I think I would be almost 90% good health if the headache went away. Any advice?

I’m going to try not to make this too long, but my husband and I were apart of a friend group. It’s where I got to know him better actually, but we’ve been friends with all of them since 2018-2019. Since then we have been pretty close group. Going on friends trips and vacations together. Having text groups, etc. we were all HEAVY drinkers and drank at every event.

Over the last year or so a lot of people have been added to the group. Like 10 plus people, but not much changed. In the last 6 months it started to feel like some of them were becoming closer friends and we were kind of pushed to the outer edge. It wasn’t a big deal. Him and I were busy renovating a house, and other busy things. We were still invited to the big events, Friendsgiving, big holiday party etc.

Well him and I decided to be sober for awhile(2.5 months at the moment) and since then things have become more and more distant. It gets to me sometimes, but most of the times it’s okay. Some of the girls have formed a book club that I’m not apart of because I don’t read often and haven’t asked if I can be apart of it.

It’s beginning to seem that the fact we aren’t drinking has pushed us further from closeness with our good friends. Even though we are completely fine to come and have a good time at parties when everyone else is drinking. We did all through the holidays with no issues.

We found out this weekend they are having a friend group trip without inviting us and I’m having a weird time processing how I feel about it.

One side of me is hurt we didn’t get invited and wish I understood more why.

The other part thinks I really wouldn’t have even wanted to go because I have things I want to do here. Also we all have to go to the same place to eat and then everyone would be getting shitty drunk three nights in a row. (Even though parties don’t bother me. I’d like to not have to deal with the drama, throwing up, babysitting every day)

Has anyone dealt with a similar situation? I’m just trying to figure out my mind better.