Hi, soI've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now, and e plan on having our first time together soon and im compleely nervous, what does an orgasm even entirely feel like? ive never felt one ive just "shot blanks" i had liquid leave, but there ws no big feeling am i doing something wrong? im also insecure about how mine looks, is he gonna judge me is that a thing?

If you’re easily triggered or upset by hearing descriptions of or discussions about gender dysphoria, painful feelings a person has about their own body, including private areas of their body, sexuality, mental illnesses, or physical pain, don’t read this post.

I’m in my early twenties, and have sometimes tried to finish at least since I was 15. I first felt sexual arousal years before that. I have anxiety, but the main issue with my mental health is my long-term depression. I was first put on antidepressants (at least two different SSRIs) for it before age 12. Due to various stressful, upsetting events in my life, my depression seems to have worsened over the past year or so, especially over the last 6 months, which haven’t been good in terms of my mental health.

Another piece of this puzzle that may be relevant: Although I’ve never been diagnosed, one of my parents strongly suspects that I have ASD (autism spectrum disorder). I used to stim, so I most likely do have ASD.

I first touched myself when I was very young (not a teen yet). I knew what orgasm was and wanted to finish at (if not before) age 15. I don’t think I’ve ever finished, and I don’t think I’ve even got “close” like people talk about. The reason why I don’t think I’ve ever gotten close is that I’ve never felt intense sexual pleasure, or a buildup of pleasure, or a release, or a building of anything. I’m 99% certain that I’ve never finished. It was depressing when I was 16, but it’s very upsetting and depressing even more now that this has been a problem for so long in my life.

I know that in my case, never finishing isn’t caused by lack of knowledge about my body. I know where my clitoris is. It’s just that stimulating it doesn’t do what it’s supposed to do. Sometimes it’s felt so sensitive that it’s almost painful to touch, and other times touching it just feels boring so I stop because I’m not getting anywhere. I’ve never been able to comfortably insert and wear tampons, ever. I’ve tried using my finger (and later, vaginal dilators) to penetrate myself. Something being inside usually hurts; it doesn’t feel good like it should and like I wish it would. It’s very upsetting to me that I first got dilators several years ago, and my body is still so defective and broken. My body still can’t tolerate penetration. It still hurts for something to be in me. According to the physical therapist I have seen several times, she suspects I have a hypertonic pelvic floor. I most likely have vaginismus.

Because I exist in such a defective body, the worthlessness of my vagina and my body’s inability to respond sexually (or finish at all) has caused me to question my gender identity. I’ve wondered if I never developed a sense of sexuality like I should’ve (most older teenage girls can easily have orgasms at the same ages that I was feeling horrible about my body and unable to finish at all at), or if I’m not a real woman. I still struggle with painful feelings about being a woman and the body I have. Could my painful feelings around being a woman, feeling like I’m not good enough, not feminine enough, and not like other women, be caused by having vaginismus, sexual dysfunction, and never experiencing sexual pleasure and orgasm like other women do? It’s painful.

I didn’t have a great body image before I started experiencing these problems, but I now have a very poor body image. I don’t like my body and I feel like I hate my body. I feel like my body isn’t good enough, is inadequate, and will be disappointing to and let a man down. My body is my worst enemy, and it’s the biggest reason why I don’t think any man would or could ever like me, let alone love me. Not with how much men value and care about PIV. Not with my worthless vagina that I hate so much. It’s the part of me that makes me think I’ll be alone forever and die alone because it’s so defective and broken 😞 I would do anything to be a woman with a vagina that could be entered and used without severe pain. I would do anything to be a lovable woman with a good enough body. It hurts so much that this is the body I have to live in while other women can easily orgasm, have multiple orgasms, and can let a partner shove themselves in and move as fast or hard as they want, whereas I’ve felt pain with dilators, some of which have been pretty small. I have a defective vagina; how am I a real woman?

When I saw and then read the LGBTQIA+ section of this sub’s FAQ page, I felt kind of sad. I think I’m straight because I’ve only ever felt attraction to men, but I strongly believe that I’m experiencing painful gender dysphoria. I’ve never felt attraction to other women so I can’t be a lesbian or bisexual. I don’t want to look like a man; the idea that I look less feminine than other women is upsetting to me. So I don’t think I’m trans either. Maybe I’m questioning? I’ve wondered if I’m r/asexual or if I’ve just only seen a few men who I’ve felt any attraction toward. The only people I’ve felt attraction to have been men.

I’ve cried and sobbed from pain when I’ve felt like I wasn’t meant to be a woman. I feel like I’m not a normal woman and like I’m not good enough. I’ve never had success with things that other women usually do (making female friends, attracting guys). It’s like I identify as a woman but I don’t feel like I “fit in” or “belong” among other women.

One example I’ll give for the purpose of trying to determine if I’m experiencing gender dysphoria is this: This happened within the last month or so. I was thinking about how if I had friends who were women or had a group of “girlfriends” and we were going out somewhere, we might take a group photo together. For some reason, I just felt upset at the idea. I think the idea upsets me because I feel like I stand out from and am somehow fundamentally different or flawed from other women. I feel like if I was out with a group of four other women and someone took a picture of all of us, I would stand out as the “ugly one” and look so different from the others in a bad way. I feel like an alien in my own body, and it’s upsetting. It’s like I’m different from all other human beings in so many different, profoundly upsetting ways: I can’t make friends with others, I can’t control my upsetting and painful emotions like other people do, I don’t mentally function the way other people do, and I hurt so much more than most other people seem to. Even my sexuality itself is a perpetual reminder of how different, defective, and flawed I am. I feel like being a woman and having the defective body I have has hurt my self-esteem and self-image but I didn’t have any self-esteem or a positive self-image as a young kid before I struggled with these feelings about my sexuality. I think it’s hurt my sense of self even more.

A very upsetting fear I sometimes feel afraid of is that due to going through continual stress and problems, what if I didn’t develop a sense of self? I can’t remember the last time I felt happy and hopeful about my life and future. It was probably as a kid, not as an older teen or adult. I don’t want to be a negative person. What if going through so many years of depression, pain, and problems has changed me? Have the years of mental illness broken me?

I apologize for how long this post is; I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so tired of the body I have.

How much fear of PIV is normal for women? Why can’t I understand women? I wish so much I had a vagina good enough for a partner to enter that could tolerate them moving as fast as they wanted to. Even if I can’t finish myself, I want my body to be good enough for a partner. I want a partner to be able to love my body instead of hate it or be disappointed with it. I’ve never been able to be accepted and I hate that my body seems to be so unlovable.

Hi, so im going to be having my first time with my boyfriend and im compleely nervous, what does an orgasm even entirely feel like? ive never felt one ive just "shot blanks" i had liquid leave, but there ws no big feeling am i doing something wrong? im also insecure about how mine looks, is he gonna judge me is that a thing?

I'm a late bloomer lesbian in my late 20s. I had my first sexual experience with a woman a year ago. That was my first time I had given oral to or received it from a woman. I found that I was very turned on by the smell and taste of her vulva area (especially the smell). This includes the clitoris, labia, pubic area and vagina itself. I've been with a few more women since and it's confirmed to me how much I like it. I get very aroused by the thought of it and then during the act itself. I prefer it when she practices basic hygiene (haven't been with anyone who doesn't) but doesn't shower right before, or spend a bunch of time cleaning up right before we get intimate. I haven't told any partners about it and it's not something I would expect to come up in conversations outside of the bedroom. I'm not sure if it's a kink or it's just a normal thing to enjoy when you are giving oral to a partner.

I know that it's pretty common for women to only experience an orgasm through clitoral stimulation and that has definitely been my experience so far in life. And while penetration feels good during actual PIV sex I really only focus on clit stimulation when I'm alone.

So I guess I have two questions. Is it possible to have other types of orgasms if you've only experienced one throughout your life? And for those who experience other kinds, what are the rest of us missing out on?

I know it's kind of hard to miss something you've never experienced but when I hear a story of someone having these intense world-shaking orgasms I can't help but feel a little jealous and curious.

Am I weird for wanting to ask my doctor to video record my Pap smear? And hear me out… I just want to know what it looks like inside. 🤣🤣🤣 I know I can’t be the only one. Will they even do this? I doubt it.

Other than just wanting to know what it looks like, I also want to know where my cervix is. I use the menstrual disc and on day 2, I will leak, quite a bit, to where I have to change clothes midday. So I feel like I’m not getting the disc to fully cover my cervix on day 2. All the other days I am perfectly okay.

Hi all! I recently started seeing a great guy and come to find out, we are both very inexperienced (he’s had one brief sexual partner and I’ve had zero). We’re both late bloomers in our mid to later 20s.

We fooled around a little bit the other night but he had some performance anxiety. What’s the best way to navigate sex as two partners who don’t really know what they’re doing? Feels like the blind leading the blind a little lol anyway TIA :)

Hello all - when I masturbate, I always have the same type of erotica stories "playing" in my head. It is the only thing that gets me off, but even though it still does the job, I'm getting bored with it.

I've tried thinking of myself and my SO but that doesn't move the needle the same because I don't think of myself as sexually attractive. Any suggestions for getting some new fulfilling fantasies? If anyone else has encountered this and made a change, what did it for you? TIA

I've been with my boyfriend for about a year now. We are both in our 20s, both work, I have my own place and he visits atleast once a week. I love my boyfriend so so much. He's kind, funny, tries to take care of me, but the physical intimacy has been so disappointing lately. We have sex 2 times a month max and neither of us come most of the time. NOT FOR LACK OF TRYING EITHER! Wearing skimpy underwear, flirting, ASKING for sex is usually met with rejection. I'd assume this was just because of stress but he follows those onlyfans type girls on social media and admitted to having a previous porn addiction. (Said he prefers sex with clothes on too, if that's relevant). I feel like he just isn't attracted to me? This isn't looking great. Maybe there's a way to go about this but I'm just so upset rn.

Specifically thinking about masturbation... I've been actively and consciously not doing it for about a week now because I started to feel guilty for watching porn (the only way I can actually finish -- I think in large part because I'm ADHD and I need the extra focus and stimulation). And also stopped doing it because I started to convince myself that I should do it less, because I'm also trying to get a handle on a self diagnosed dopamine addiction.

What are your thoughts, what are your recommendations, and do you think I'm stressing myself out for no reason :D Thank you!

So I, 23F, have a 25M partner for the better part of 3 months now. I've always struggled with the sexual aspect of relationships because of medications I'm on. With my current partner everything seems to be SO different. All of the times I've struggled in the past to achieve orgasm no longer happen. It's as if he lit the flame inside me. Most recently, he offered to eat me out and I sheepishly accepted. I'm very much a giver and rarely the reciever in all of my past relationships so this took me by surprise. As soon as I laid down in front of him and put my hands in his hair it was like my brain shut down. He kissed the outer lips, before giving wetter kisses just on top of my lips before sliding his tongue down my labia, and right back up, hitting my clitoris and the hood directly. My eyes roll back, and my breath accelerates at all of the intense feeling. Sometimes I like to imagine my clitoris as a clock with 4 quadrants so this is described like that. He points just the tip of his tongue on my clit and gives a counter clockwise swirl a few times over, steadily hitting the upper left quadrant of my clit that just so happened to be the right type of sensitive to get me to orgasm. Electric shocks pulsate through my body as he swirls his tongue around over that specific spot. Fuck fuck fuck, I'm losing my thought process as my mind fills with dirty fantasies I want to do with him. "Fuck don't fucking stop that motion!" I half heartedly scream. I buck my hips into his face and grind down as he keeps at the motion adding just enough suction in the mix to send me over the edge. Fuck I'm coming! Time seems to slow down as I can feel each lick getting more and more pleasurable! Holy fucking fuck I've never felt anything like this before! My body convulses, my breath hitches, my thighs tighten so hard around his neck I worry I'll hurt him, but the feeling of his beard scrapping my thighs is enough to keep me in post orgasmic bliss. I groan and gasp a few more times before letting go of him. He stands back up giggling, that he never would have believed I could be so feral. I don't know what came over me, but it's the first time I've ever enjoyed oral My question is, what has caused this sort of change in me? I'm on the same medication and I've had absolutely no life style changes? Could it just be he's better at what he does than most other men?

Hey everyone!

I know that air going out of vagina during sex, especially in some positions, is quite normal and there is nothing wrong with it going outside, with the sound and etc But I had two nice orgasms and after each I heard and felt air going out of me. In that moment nothing was inside, I came with clit stimulation only. Why could it happen? Did anyone had the same? I’m just a little surprised, it never happened to me before.

I want to lie next to him, to make out and have sex. But we live in dormitory right, so staying over is not allowed (even though we’ve done it twice hehe…). He is busy with school, technically, I am too. The only time we can spend time together is the weekend, maybe. But today was so nice with him, and I felt horny as fuck. But nope, he is busy tomorrow, so I could not stay and I respect that. I just had to head back and cry to myself.

I don’t really pleasure myself, I want it to be him. I don’t know. We are moving out of dorms in January so I can stay over at his place more often then, but I really want to be intimate with him now.

What can I do to cope? I am just sad now, he sent me back to my dorm. I love him but I hate myself for being like this.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve lost so much hope this year. For context, I have suspected vaginismus that I’ve had for years. I believe it’s given me some sort of complex related to my gender identity or womanhood due to having had vaginismus for so long.

People say to have confidence, and the thing is: They’re correct. It’s good to have confidence. But it’s very hard to be able to do that when all your social experiences have been unsuccessful. It’s harder to do that when you feel as if you have no hope of being loved. It’s hard when you can’t understand other women, and have never been able to have them as friends.

People say to know your worth, but it’s hard to know your worth when your body and vagina lack worth because there’s something wrong with them.

I feel so different from other women. It’s painful.

I’ve coped with pain in my life. I’ve coped with being alone. I’ve coped with feeling alone. I’ve coped with chronic physical pain. This is what really hurts me emotionally; my own body is against me. My body is making me less lovable. I’m different from other women and not in a good way.

In the past year and a half of my life, I moved, was diagnosed with a chronic pain condition, watched a love one worsen from a terminal illness, experienced the loss of this loved one, and experienced worsening of my mental health. It really feels like I can’t sink any lower. I almost feel like I’m on the edge of something. My ability to function is already not great, but I feel like one more major stressful life event away from not being able to stop crying.

I’m trying to be strong emotionally. I should be stronger than this. Maybe I’m not. I’ve really been reflecting on my life a lot lately. The past decade hasn’t been good at all. I was a child a decade ago. I wish I could go back to being a child.

I think I’ve been able to become aroused from the time I was a young teenager onward. It’s never went past that. It’s like something is preventing my body from doing anything more than becoming wet and aroused. I’m not getting to the physical sexual pleasure in my body that people talk about. It makes me feel so bad about myself and my body to have to acknowledge that I tried two vibes (one bullet and another different type) and haven’t finished. It’s like my body gets nowhere.

I know people say you should accept your body. What about when it feels like your body is failing you, disappointing you, and just letting you down by making you feel so much less lovable?

It hurts. It just hurts. I’ve already had to accept that I’ll never have a bunch of female friends. Girls didn’t accept me even when I was a kid and was friendly to them. But it hurts more to feel like I’ll never be able to be loved by a man. I’m straight. The thought of being alone and unwanted is distressing. Maybe I should be strong enough to be able to just “accept” that my body is this way, that other women have so much more to offer to men than me and my worthless vagina do, and “get over it.”

I hate that I feel so damaged by life. I should be able to be stronger and not feel this way. But I feel inadequate. I can’t love myself because of my vagina. What is wrong with me as a woman?

Last night, I was getting ready to go out with my (male) partner. The kids were downstairs with the babysitter, and he started to undress me. I told him no, that I wasn’t comfortable and we could have sex after the date, when the babysitter had gone home. He wouldn’t take no for an answer. I told him no again and again and he wouldn’t stop, until finally he hissed at me to STFU. This made me stop dead and start to cry, which finally made him stop. I have felt so dead inside since. I tried talking to him today and he just questioned me on why I would say I felt unsafe in that moment, « its not like he was going to beat me up. » I know all of the technicalities, but I don’t feel like I was raped, I have been raped before and I don’t feel like that, I just feel broken a bit inside and I’m not sure even what I’m asking here, except maybe someone with advice that isn’t just « leave him now» because it’s not that simple.

Any regrets?

I have the womanizer starlet 2 and a black satisfyer vibrator (forgot the name but bullet style)

The orgasams I get from the womanizer are great (when I finally get there) it makes me feel like I’m about to orgasam for like 5-10 minutes before I actually do. It’s hard to get the right spot. I need a setting between 2 and 3. 2 isn’t strong enough but 3 is too strong.

The satisfyer vibrator feels to strong even on the lowest setting.

I need something to help me orgasam during sex with my boyfriend. It takes a long time for me too with just my hand. I feel like these vibrators desensitized me.

Hi this is my first time really talking about this but I masturbate a lot but I have never really got that “finish” or whatever you call it. I usually just rub my clit with my left pointer finger and it makes me really horny it when I get close I just stop and nothing really ‘comes out’ (if that’s the word idk 😭) I need help. Is this because I do it so often??? I don’t do it everyday but probably every other day or every couple days. Can I get some advice plz?

My boyfriend used the wand on my clit for a long time last Sunday with no lubrication and now after five days my left inner labia (top part close to my clit) is still swollen (maybe 4 times the original size) and it’s very painful like my skin is over-stretching. I have no discharge or itching or anything so I don’t think I have an infection. It’s just really uncomfortable and doesn’t seem to go away after almost a week. Has something similar happened to anyone before? How long is normal for this to heal on its own?

Update- apparently I had a giant cyst in my left labia😅 which erupted worthy of a dr pimple popper video… now it’s slowly draining and I hope to recover in a day or so…

I feel sad making this post. I wish I wasn’t so pathetic. I have no friends, no family besides parents, and no partner. I have no social support system. It makes me feel really sad to say this, but I’ve never had a guy interested in me. My mom is the opposite; she’s never had any problem attracting men. At over 55, she’s had 35 year old guys interested in her.

She’s been using online dating to try to find a partner after divorcing my dad. She’s told me how several men have said she’s beautiful or gorgeous and that they can’t believe she’s the age she is. Right now she’s talking to a guy who is the second guy she’s talked to who has said he wants to move states to be with her.

Am I wrong to feel like it’s cruel that other women easily attract men and are accepted and liked by men while I never get any attention from guys?

She knows I have vaginal pain and am struggling with this issue. She told me (about the guy she saw before and the guy she’s talking to now) that they hadn’t when they would have sex but said that she was thinking of them checking into a motel and said she considered sleeping with them the first time she saw them. When I’ve asked her why she would want to have sex the first time she meets a guy and how she would feel comfortable doing that, she’s gotten mad at me, said she’s a grown woman and can do what she wants (I never said she wasn’t or couldn’t) and then accuses me of being judgy/judgmental. I asked her how I was being judgy and she said “that’s what you do.” She has never called me judgmental before this.

We’ve talked and she has said she has wondered if she is rushing to get into a relationship. I’ve wondered if she is but what’s so saddening and upsetting to me about witnessing her romantic relationships is seeing how she she thinks jumping in bed is no big deal and how sex to her is PIV. Maybe this is why men are attracted to her; they can tell that she is good enough and can have PIV. I’m starting to wonder if men can literally sense that I’m not good enough. Me not being good enough is on my mind throughout the day everyday. I can’t get away from my body; I’m with it all day everyday.

I feel like seeing her relationships have confirmed a lot of my suspicions and fears regarding relationships between men and women. Yesterday I walked into a room where her phone was and saw texts between her and the guy she’s been talking to (for about a week). A text from him said something about her v. Women who are lovable and have working vaginas can literally have a guy ask about their vagina and feel like that’s not all the guy is after. Meanwhile, I cry and sob about how defective mine is.

This is what really hurts me: I feel like she knows I’m defective and have no chance of ever being loved by a man. She herself seems to only consider a guy shoving his dick in sex, so I don’t know why she even tells me I’m not worthless. By her own definition, I have a worthless body and a worthless vagina. I’m never going to be enough. I have a broken mind and a broken body.

What makes no sense is this: When I’ve asked her if what she bases her worth in a relationship on, she says it’s not just based on her body. But she doesn’t actually act that way. One night when she was talking to him on the phone she was talking about what she was going to wear to an event in the future and she said “I hope it’s not going to be cold because I’m not going to have much on.”

I don’t understand and feel different from all other women. I don’t even understand my mom anymore. It makes no sense to say she doesn’t base her worth in a relationship on her body or her vagina when it seems like she does.

What am I lacking that other women naturally have? Am I not feminine enough? What’s wrong with me?

I feel bad that I look at relationships the way I do. I feel like she just views me as judgmental. I feel like women with good enough bodies live in a different fucking universe than women like me do. I wish I had a good enough body. I wish I was good enough.

I’ve had (undiagnosed) vaginismus for years now. Could having vaginismus and never being able to finish from clitoral stimulation have resulted in my sexuality not developing normally? I’ve never had an orgasm. I don’t think I’ve ever felt intense sexual pleasure. I don’t even try to masturbate anymore because I don’t have a clitoris that works like all women’s are supposed to.

I feel so disappointed and let down by my body. I’ve had this problem for years now. I’ve tried two vibrators. I’m just not feeling what other women feel. I feel a deep sense of lacking, but I don’t know what I’m lacking. Could my sexuality have never developed?

Having had vaginismus has made me question everything. I question how women cope with being women and having the bodies we have. I question why I have a body most men could never love and other women just effortlessly have sex a few days into a relationship and have bodies men love.

I question if men only are in relationships with women for sex. This condition has darkened my view of relationships and changed how I see other women because I feel like some women have bodies that work in a way that allows them to be loved (i.e., their vaginas let their partners enter them) and mine doesn’t.

Also, I’ve never been accepted by other women (or girls as a kid), so experiencing this has made me question my gender identity. Am I not feminine enough? Are me being so inadequate, never fitting in with other girls, and having the body I do signs that I should’ve been a different sex? I don’t want to live life as a man. I don’t think I’m trans. I feel like I’m not feminine and like something is lacking. It’s unbearable.

I will never be good enough for a man because of my body. I may be neurodivergent. I don’t think I can understand other women. I used to think that even though I couldn’t make friends, maybe, I could or would have a boyfriend one day. I will never be good enough for a man with this body. I feel like a total failure in every way.

I feel very alone; other women don’t understand me, I don’t understand them, and I’m trapped in a body that almost all straight men would consider worthless. My vagina is worthless. I feel so distressed by the fact that the part of me that is supposed to make me good enough for a man is so pathetic and worthless.

I was so depressed about this the day before yesterday I sobbed about it multiple times. Society’s definition of sex and men’s desires feel so cruel when you have a body like mine. I didn’t want to get up and out of bed so I laid down and was upset about this for hours yesterday. It’s so hard for me to not sob about this.

I wish I was beautiful, good enough, and lovable, but I’m none of these things. I feel like life has damaged me so much; maybe that’s why I’m not these things. Or maybe I never was. I don’t know.

Hi everyone! hope (those who celebrate it) had/have a good thanksgiving!

tagged this as rant but I'm also looking for advice! I hope that's okay

I'm a 22f and I don't really feel pleasure. ( 😭 ) and I've watched videos and read guides on how to masturbate but I just don't feel anything from external clit stimulation, and something from fingering but nothing close to being able to orgasm. Due to this, I pretty much never masturbate, and I don't think I have in at least 2 years. I read fanfiction which is like. mentally satisfying but I don't do anything to deal with any physical urges, which can be very frustrating.

I've had only a handful of sexual experiences at 18 with a male partner, and I felt no pleasure then during external stimulation and sex felt really good- but quickly became very painful. I could withstand maybe a minute or two of penetration before it felt really painful, and all pleasure just completely disappeared. We tried different positions but I didn't want to keep trying. I also found fingering to be really good at first, but eventually turning painful and boring.. ( 😭 )

I'm very worried about dating and finding someone and having to explain this to them, and letting them down if I'm unable to fully partake in sex due to pain or no pleasure. With my previous male partner, I felt unable to talk to him about what I was experiencing and instead pretended to enjoy it, and 'cope' through the pain until I couldn't handle it anymore.

I'm also bisexual, and even more worried about getting with another woman and having NO idea what to do to please her because I'm unable to do anything with myself

and I'm worried about this just being something permanently wrong with me. I want to feel pleasure (and have sex!) and I'm scared about the possibility that this is just how life is for me.

and also:

I've been on/off birth control since I was 16 (for periods)

I have an underactive thyroid- yet to be put on medication (in case this affects anything ?)

I have been diagnosed with depression, but I don't take any medication for it

I do know where the clit is 😭 😭

19 y/o I’m a virgin but have been “penetrated” before my medical equipment, specifically a probe for a transvaginal ultrasound and a speculum for an IUD insertion (I used to have weird periods but it’s fixed now :)). They were both extremely painful. I can fit two fingers comfortably, but with three I can barely get them in and it hurts quite badly, both all 3 next to each other and all 3 in a triangle formation hurt.

I’m going to have sex soon in a few months and I’m worried about it being painful my first time. I want to prepare so it doesn’t hurt and I was wondering if anyone had any experiences with this? I was thinking about getting a dildo at Target (I live with my parents and they check my mail so I need to be lowkey lol) to practice but I’m not sure if there’s anything else I can do.

Thanks :)

The guy I’m seeing is very into dirty talk when he’s close to cuming. He’s not allowed to cum in me so usually it’s from a blow job or from him jacking off. I’m not a dirty talker, I need more ideas because it’s become repetitive.

I’ve had undiagnosed vaginismus for years now. Could having vaginismus and never being able to finish from clitoral stimulation have resulted in my sexuality not developing normally? I’ve never had an orgasm. I don’t think I’ve ever felt intense sexual pleasure. I don’t even try to masturbate anymore because I don’t have a clitoris that works like all women’s are supposed to.

I feel so disappointed and let down by my body. I’ve had this problem for years now. I’ve tried two vibrators. I’m just not feeling what other women feel. I feel a deep sense of lacking, but I don’t know what I’m lacking. Could my sexuality have never developed, or am I just feeling a lack of sexual pleasure and orgasm?

Having had vaginismus has made me question everything. I question why women have relationships with men. I question how women cope with being women and having the bodies we have. I question why I have a body most men could never ever love and other women just effortlessly have sex even a few days or weeks into a relationship and have bodies men love.

I question if men only are in relationships with women for sex. I don’t trust people. This condition has darkened my view of relationships and even other women because I feel like some women have bodies that work in a way that allows them to be loved (i.e., their vaginas let their partners enter them) and mine doesn’t.

I don’t know when I first developed vaginismus. What I do know is that I’ve never been able to use tampons. I think I tried at eleven or twelve and it was too painful. That was so many years ago.

Also, I’ve never been accepted by other women so experiencing this has made me question my gender identity. Am I not feminine enough? I will never be good enough for a man with this body.

I feel very alone; other women don’t understand me, I don’t understand them, and I’m trapped in a body that almost all straight men would consider worthless. My vagina is worthless. I feel so distressed by the fact that the part of me that is supposed to make me good enough for a man is so pathetic and worthless.

In addition to never being able to relate to other women or make female friends and having vaginismus, my mom always gets attention from men and I never do. She’s over 50 years old and has had men in their thirties interested in her. She’s also said she considered sleeping with two guys she talked to online (through online dating) the first time they see each other. It’s so painful knowing that other women don’t care that men base their value on their vaginas. It makes me sad that even if a guy was interested in me (which I don’t think will ever happen), I would know that I’d have to tell him how broken I am and that I’d then be left.

I told my mom yesterday that I think I’ll be alone forever.

Yesterday I just sobbed and cried out several times about this. I cried and sobbed to my mom about it. I really believe that women who can enjoy vaginal penetration seem to have different existences than me. It’s like the key to being loved as a woman is not being afraid of letting a guy stick it in. My body and vagina are worthless and I hate and resent them so much. It feels brutally unfair that other women are lovable and have functioning vaginas and I’m not.

This is on my mind 24/7. This has ruined my self esteem and my mental health. I can’t take this anymore.

I can never make my boyfriend cum during oral sex, he will cum if I do a hand job. I hate I can’t make him cum from oral sex. He’s the first guy I’ve really done it to so maybe it’s not good. He’s also on the bigger side down there. My jaws hurt fast. And he likes to be deep throated. I’ve asked him to show me videos of what it looks like he’s into. He hasn’t. I want to get to a point I can make him cum in minutes. Any suggestions or tips ?

Does anyone experience this and know what it is?

After I orgasm (sometimes not everytime) I get this excruciating pain in what feels like my ovaries are about to burst, break out in a sweat, get an intense lower back pain, dizzy, feel like I'm going to pass out or puke, and it lasts around 20 minutes.

When it happens I will lay in childs pose, pace around my house, use a back massager, heating pad, and one time literally curled up crying in the shower.

It started about a year ago. I can usually tell when it's going to start because I get a dull, achy feeling at first that just morphs into those symptoms. Sometimes it would be in certain sex positions (like my leg up) and I would just switch positions, or just stop having sex because I didn't want it to happen. Other times it's just when I'm masterbating so no penetration and no idea it's going to happen until after.

I went to my gyno and she said it's possible an ovarian cyst burst, so if it happens again call and come in the next day because she can test if ovarian cyst fluid is present. I got an ultrasound and she didn't see anything. So just suggested I drink water or track it when it happens to see if it's related to ovulating/hormones. I was thinking trapped gas pains pressing on my ovaries because after I pass gas the pain gets less intense. I've Googled it and endometriosis pops up but I've never had period cramps. I'm also on bc so I get a period every 3 months. Dysorgasmia also pops up, but like I said it happens randomly and not every time I orgasm.

Does anyone else experience these symptoms, know what it is, and how to prevent it?

Hi! So I’m in my 20s dating the same guy for almost 4 years now. I woke up last night maybe about 2 hours into being asleep, to my boyfriend’s fingers in me. I think i was having a sex dream too and he did say he thinks i woke up when i came. In the past I’ve woken up to him playing with me and it’s been hot but normally in the morning when he’s up before me never really in the middle of the night. And this time i woke up just really disoriented and uncomfortable and my vagina kinda hurt. I asked if he only fingered me he said yes. I felt super weird about it rn but don’t wanna make him feel bad since it’s something i guess i was ok w in the past. Any advice? Do i just brush it off?

Okay I’m actually kind of embarrassed to admit this but, I (29F) have abstained from sex with anybody for at least 10 years. I’m not one to just have sex with anyone, there needs to be a deep connection there for me but still as a single girl, I wouldn’t mind some action. I’ve masturbated and orgasmed from clitoral stimulation for the longest time and now I can barely get stimulated that way. I’m over that and I want the penetration without laying down with a random. I bought a dildo the other day and could barely get it in passed the tip. So I got frustrated and bought a fucking machine thinking that it would make a difference. I’ve always wanted to use one so I’m kind of excited and it’s supposed to arrive on Friday but I’m nervous that I won’t be able to use it because I’m too tight and it will just hurt. I’ve had sex in the past and it did feel good without any issues of getting it in me, but of course that was quite a while ago, and now I don’t know what to do. Any suggestions or advice???

Hi! I'm (33F) trying to figure out how to bring up discussions with my well endowed boyfriend about sex and orgasming.

When we first got together, I just enjoyed his dick without worrying about my orgasms too much, but it's now starting to feel a bit disproportionate and that he might be thinking I'm orgasming when I'm actually not.

I'm coming to realize that we likely have sex way too long and aggressively (i.e. jackhammering) for me to orgasm easily and consistently. I've only come once from PIV and it was with a slightly smaller but thicker partner.

Often my entire vaginal area feels so numb after having sex like this that I have to get out the Hitachi and basically overload myself down there to come, which leaves me more numb for next time.

Most of the time, if I orgasm I come at the end and it's usually we're fighting for it. I generally take a bit longer to orgasm especially from oral and fingering overall.

Here's the thing though: I love the sensations of just having intercourse with him because I love his size. But I am starting to feel bad that many of his past partners supposedly had a much easier time coming with him, at least from some inferences I'm making from discussions about past partners.

So considering all of that, some questions:

How do I bring this up to him? I feel like I'm in the "wrong" here as apparently his techniques have worked in the past on girlfriends who have had an easier time orgasming.

Despite the fact I like his dick in me asap, I want us to slow down and wait for me to get more aroused. I feel like I have some arousal non concordance so I get wet with him very quickly but I'm not fully mentally aroused. How do I get us to slow down?

We're long distance and maybe this plays a role. We have sex at least once or twice a day when I visit so that probably isn't helping. Solutions?

I know a lot of my questions are solved with "have a conversation" but I know many endowed men have been rejected for their size. He's mentioned that he's not had very many women who could handle him and that makes me feel happy I can do that AND that his dick makes me feel so good. I just want to come more consistently too. So any advice to assuage fears and help reassure him when we chat about it?

All gender perspectives welcome.

I’ve (24F) been with my boyfriend for two years. Since about 6 months back, every time we have sex, it hurts when he enters me. It’s a burning sensation, like I’m being stretched out. It goes away almost immediately and doesn’t cause any lasting pain more than a bit of soreness afterwards (but we do usually have pretty long sessions so it doesn’t feel abnormal). It doesn’t matter how turned on or wet I am, how long foreplay is and if he starts out by fingering me or not, it always hurts the first few thrusts. It feels like I’m having sex for the first time every time we have sex. We’ve also noticed some very light bleeding afterwards a few times. I’ve been on birth control for almost 2 years (progestogen pill). I have been on the combined pill before and had major issues with loss of libido and dryness. I haven’t noticed the same issues with dryness with this pill but my libido is definietly lower so I don’t know if that could contribute?

I know I should probably look it up but I just want to know if anyone has had a similar issue? What was the cause?