Hello ^^

I 28 (NB they/them) recently noticed that everytime after ... Having an Orgasm when my Sexual Partner 30(M he/him) and I meet up, i lose immediate interest, no cuddling, no just laying in bed together no shower immediabtly and afterwards some light conversation and maybe surface level cuddling...

So i just wanted to ask if anyone might have expirienced something similar.

To clarify:

• He & I are not a couple, this is simply a Friends-with-benefits Arrangement.

• He is aware of this and isn't bothered by it to my knowledge

• i had similar reactions in previous relationships too i just never thought about it.

Hello, I'm an AMAB Non-Binary person and I just found a partner willing to top me for the first time. I've never had anal before and am unsure what to expect. Like how do I clean my a**hole? Or really anything else about anal. Anything helps thanks.

I want to learn to have anal sex but everytime I try to insert something (even just my finger) it hurts a lot and i even bleed for days when i shit…. What can I do to learn anal? How can I train?

I’m ftm trans, and my boyfriend is cis.

After recent occurrences, I’ve had increased anxiety surrounding pregnancy scares and better use of contraceptives. Especially as a trans person, I really can’t risk it.

And I apologize if this is too graphic, but my boyfriend likes to grind on me sometimes, usually close to my legs or butt. I’m probably just paranoid, but I know precum can contain sperm, so every time I feel him getting closer to my parts I worry a bit.

Maybe a simple “hey, could you put on a condom?” will do, but a lot of our intimacy is spontaneous so I don’t know what the best way to communicate this is. (He’s super supportive of things, it’s just that I don’t want to blow my concerns out of proportion when explaining them)

I’d appreciate any advice. Hope this makes sense.

How effective are condoms?

I have anxiety surrounding safe-sex, and recently I’ve been a bit paranoid.

There’s been content on my feed lately about condoms only being 87% effective especially if it’s the only contraceptive method one uses (which I know is still high, but was much lower than I thought). Also there was additional info about risks of slipping off or tears.

I know it’s just supposed to be educational. Or maybe some of it was a bit of fear bating. But me (ftm trans) and my boyfriend have a pretty high sex drive, and want to figure out how to deal with this anxiety better. We both have health issue that prevent us from taking pills or certain meds as an additional method.

Especially with recent occurrences, we want to make sure we’re both safe and responsible. I’d appreciate any advice or insight!

Hi! I'm AFAB & nonbinary, and I've noticed more recently that I feel a lot of dysphoria surrounding strap ons. I get kind of disconnected from my body and the moment, and it's hard to keep going once that hits.

I was wondering if anyone had any recommendations for more realistic straps. I've heard about ones that are like fully silicone (like the silicone breast plates used for drag, but instead it's a strap/d¡ldo), but I can't find any? I also wouldn't be opposed to it having a grinder plate on the inside, but I also haven't been able to find those, either.
I figure that something more realistic & stimulating could help me feel less dysphoric and more connected to the moment & feeling.

Maybe I'm just really bad at looking around, but if anyone has any sites or direct suggestions for any, I'd super appreciate it.
Thanks!

Do you currently use or have you used Scarleteen for yourself as a young person, as a peer or adult educator, healthcare provider or other supportive adult, as a parent or guardian or in some other capacity? Are you comfortable being on video?

We are looking for clips featuring you, which we can include in our video entry for the Project for Awesome fundraising project in 2025. As you may know, Project For Awesome is an annual fundraising initiative that was started in 2007 by Hank and John Green, AKA the Vlogbrothers. During Project for Awesome, a plethora of organizations and individuals post videos advocating for causes that “decrease the overall level of world suck.” During P4A, these videos are shared widely; and over the course of a 48-hour livestream, a great deal of money is raised for the most popular causes.

As an organization that has been working diligently to decrease the overall level of world suck for over 25 years, and has done so for millions upon millions of people all around the world, and who also is and has always been deeply underfunded, we feel like Project for Awesome is just the right place for us.

Our goal with our video is to communicate the awesomeness of Scarleteen through your stories and your voices. We're asking you to capture yourself on video talking about your experience with Scarleteen so we can hear from you in your own words. Your personal experiences with Scarleteen will help us demonstrate that our work is vital, life-changing, has long decreased and continues to decrease the overall level of world suck, and in their words, is awesome.

If this sounds like something you can and would love to do, you can check out all the details and pitch in via the following links!

• Scarleteen’s Project For Awesome 2025 Submission! - Announcement
• Scarleteen’s Project For Awesome Video Guidelines - How to film your video
• Scarleteen’s Project For Awesome Video Submission Form - Google form with file upload

Thanks for checking it out!

The Scarleteam

Our staff, volunteers and community are all feeling it today as you can imagine, but we're here and thankful that supporting each-other is one of the things we can do. Our direct services are open here: https://www.scarleteen.com/ask

We'd also recommend this piece for getting your head round self-care: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/feelings/self-care-la-carte

A broken heart, stuck back together with sticky tape. - Scarleteen, queer sex ed for all since 1998 ❤️

Hey everyone in the USA: If you're eligible and haven't voted yet, please make sure you do!

Your vote can significantly impact those who are most marginalized in our society: from the young women dying because of reproductive oppression, to the disabled folks who need funded in-home care, to all the black, brown, indigenous and migrant communities who deserve respect, dignity and security all while so often doing the work that holds society together, to the trans youth who just want the care and acceptance of their communities and many more intersecting groups besides.

Keep their needs at the forefront of your mind, and encourage your family and friends to do the same. That way we may actually do some good today. So please get out there, and do the right thing!

All our love x

Where to vote: Polling Place Locator at vote.org.

"You never do realize how much something has deeply affected you until you step away and look back. I was 21 when I moved out of home to a new city to do my master’s degree, and I spent a lot of time reflecting my childhood and how relieved and lucky I felt to be past that phase of my life. I looked into getting a therapist to talk about it with, but as a student I couldn’t afford it, so instead I channeled all that energy into something that was free: writing. I mapped out possible explanations of my childhood experiences and analyzed everything until I was finally able to start making some peace for myself.

But my parents’ relationship made me deeply insecure. I was insecure about so many aspects of my life. Insecure about the way I looked, insecure about my future prospects, and mostly insecure in my romantic⁠ relationships.

I dated a lot of boys more than my peers when I was a teenager because I didn’t get any validation at home, and I needed to take my mind off things. My only experience of romantic relationships growing up were those of my parents and grandparents, another deeply fragile relationship.

This history and its impacts were reflected in the way I behaved towards my boyfriends at the time. I never normalized violence or thought it was acceptable, but I had definitely picked up my father’s lack of positive feeling and support for his partner⁠. I was distrustful, immature, and most of all, I lacked empathy – something that really wasn’t embodied at home. My lack of emotional intelligence and my inability to express my feelings came from an atmosphere of having to hide in fear that anything you say will be taken out of context and result in your mother taking a beating for not raising you right. This trickled through and made me the kind of person that runs away from problems rather than confront them head on. I picked up on manipulation as well, but soon enough discovered that was not me."

from Tani S in Growing Healthy Relationships After Growing Up With Violence over at Scarleteen.com

To read all of Tani S's piece about growing up witnessing the abusive relationship of their parents, the impacts it had on them, and getting to a place where they could have a healthy relationship of their own, click here: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/abuse/growing-healthy-relationships-after-growing-violence

I am a 21y/o trans masc, been on T for 3.5 years, had top surgery and now generally feel very good about my body. When I started T, I had an insane sex drive and masturbated at least 2 times per day. It decreased a little over time, but I usually "had" to orgasm once a day. Two years ago, I met my partner (24 nonbinary). In the beginning we had a lot of sex (like 1-2 times a day) which I enjoyed a lot.

After a few months, I had a hard time at work (was bullied and exploited) and from then my interest in sex decreased steadily. As I developed a makor depressive episode, I also went on Citalopram (SSRI) and then later switched to Duloxetin (SNRI). Both made my sex drive even lower. So, yeah, there are some "easy" explanations.

But I feel like from the beginning, my sexual attraction kinda worked different then for other people. I never really had the experience of thinking "oh they are hot, I'd like to have sex with them", I never had a "type" and I also identify as pansexual. I do not feel visually attracted by genitals, boobs or asses or other bidy parts although I like feeling and touching them. I'm aware some people who identify as greysexual feel that way, but I oftentimes heard that they don't like porn. I do though. But it's not directly the stuff I see that turns me on but more the fantasy of being one of the persons in there.

I also developed a special theoretical interest in sex, I like researching stuff and talking with others about their sexual experiences. I'm also a nurse, so it also interferes with an interest in how bodies work in general.

Now to the important part (sorry I usually tell a lot of backstory): I had some talks with my partner because they feel like I'm not physically attracted to them. I oftentimes do not feel like having sex with them or even making out. On the other hand I get turned on by spontaneous sex with people I don't know that well. I also do sex work from time to time and never have trouble getting wet or initiating sex with people, although my clients are a lot older than me and oftentimes not considered very attractive. Physically, having sex is never a problem (I get wet very easily and almost never experience any discomfort) and I also enjoy pleasuring other people but more because I'm generally a caring person. But I'm also kinda bored of habing sex with the same person for more then 2 years? I feel like having sex with them maybe 1-2 times a month.

Another thing is that I use masturbating as a way to cope with trouble falling asleep almost daily. I'm also pretty difficult to pleasure, I never orgasmed due to someone penetrating me, eat my pussy out or jerk me off(only with vibrators).

I'm very confused by my sexual ambiguity. Has anyone made similar experiences in any way?

If you’ve been around any queer⁠, feminist, or politically engaged communities lately, you’ve likely heard people talking about Project 2025, often in a tone usually reserved for asteroids heading for earth, wildfires, and other disastrous scenarios, and for good reason. What the heck is Project 2025? Why should you care? Is there anything that can be done to stop it (hint: there is)? This new guide from Sam Wall is here to help you understand some of what the project is and some of what’s at stake.

Project 2025 is a step-by-step plan that outlines exactly how the United States political system can be taken over, gutted and repurposed to reshape society in the most extreme and violent ways. Unlike offensive tweets or hateful campaign speeches, it isn't just opinion or rhetoric, it's something far more dangerous: a clear and detailed plan, backed by rich and powerful groups. The ACLU summed Project 2025 up as “a federal policy agenda and blueprint for a radical restructuring of the executive branch authored and published by former Trump administration officials in partnership with The Heritage Foundation, a longstanding conservative think tank that opposes abortion⁠ and reproductive rights⁠, LGBTQ⁠ rights, immigrants’ rights, and racial equity. Project 2025’s largest publication, “Mandate For Leadership,” is a 900-page manual for reorganizing the entire federal government agency by agency to serve a conservative agenda.” The project is a blueprint that will most certainly be used if Trump wins the election in November, no matter how much the Trump campaign currently claims to be completely ignorant of it.

“Mandate for Leadership” is 900+ pages of the most nightmarish policy imaginable if you’re queer, trans, a woman, a person of color, a young person, and/or someone who cares even the tiniest bit about living in a democracy.

To find out some of what's in this dystopian nightmare of a plan and what you can do about it, head over to the piece on Scarleteen here: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/whats-project-2025-and-why-it-so-freaking-terrifying

\"Hazardous Waste Storage Area\" - the only fit place for Project 2025.

So I (ftm) have been dating my girlfriend (cis) for about a year now and recently we've been getting more sexually intimate. This is my first real relationship both romantically and sexually. We're normally really comfortable with each other but Ive noticed that whenever it gets sexual I'm very scared to do something wrong or embarrassed I guess. I want to change but I don't know how to. I think this may be because I never got a proper sexual education (at home at least) and that it had always been taught to me that it's a very weird and uncomfortable to talk about. I am not uncomfortable when I think about or do anything sexual to myself but with my girlfriend I am extremely embarrassed even tho I want her to feel good too. Any help or advice would be so appreciated please 🫶

So right off the bat, me and my boyfriend who is trans have been wanting to have sex for a while now and I need to be 100% sure that it will be safe. His parents are very Christian and worried so if something goes wrong his life is basically ruined, but we've both agreed that we really want to have sex. the reason I've come to this subreddit is because I do have a condom but I'm stressing over whether it will be effective enough. I found this condom in a dark, cool, dry, and long untouched place in my house and after heavy inspection, it's clear the package is in no way even close to being unsealed or broken. The first thing I did was check the expiration date but it says that it expires on the 31st of this month which is my biggest concern. The front of the condom says "LifeStyles: assorted colors" and after some research I found an article saying that they were some of the most effective condoms but I don't know how reliable that is. Not to get too graphic, but I also did check with another identical condom I found in the same place, and it seemed to fit on me pretty well but it was a bit snug, which I don't know if that's how it's meant to feel. Would someone who knows more about condoms please tell me if I can trust this one? It's really really important that this doesn't fail and I don't think I can trust the internet alone at this point. Thank you so much in advance

A victorian bouquet with the title of this piece and the Scarleteen logo

"Recent studies have shown sexual choking (also known as: breath play, strangulation or erotic⁠ asphyxiation) has become more popular recently, especially among young adults⁠. A recent study in Australia found that out⁠ of 4702 individuals 18–35 years old, a total of 57% reported being sexually strangled. Another study done in 2021 of 4254 randomly sampled American students, at both the undergraduate and graduate levels, found that among those with any partnered sexual experience, 43.0% had choked a partner, 47.3% had been choked, that the mean age of first choking/being choked was about 19, and that more undergraduates than graduate students reported first choking/being choked in adolescence. That study also found that women, transgender⁠ and other gender⁠-expansive participants were significantly more likely to have been choked than cisgender⁠ men."

"A normalization of sexual choking has been growing, where choking is viewed more positively and as risky but – falsely – as somewhat safe. Please understand the problem with choking isn’t a moral one: an interest in or being turned on by the idea or act of consensual breath play isn’t something for anyone to be ashamed about, it’s just that actually doing it can be very dangerous."

"It’s apparent choking is a fairly common sexual practice, that people of all ages can and will engage in it, and that everyone could benefit from information about it that is more balanced and relevant than what’s currently available."

from Breathe: Risks, Realities, and Safer Alternatives to Choking and Breath Play by Heather Corinna & Giselle Woodley

Perhaps a partner⁠ has brought up choking with you as something they want to try, or maybe you're interested in choking and want to know more. Perhaps you’ve heard about sexual choking and just want to know what the deal is with it. There's a lot to unpack. Scarleteen founder Heather Corinna and co-author, researcher Giselle Woodley are going to share some of the science, including some very real dangers, and offer some guidance, to help anyone make informed decisions in this arena to ensure safer, healthy, consensual and mutually-enjoyable experiences alone, or between themselves and any partners.

Hi, thanks for reading.

Some context: My partner and I are both nonbinary afab people. We’re both queer. They have a religious background, and are not out to their parents about me, who live in the same city as us. My family is welcoming of us, but live states away.

We met on Instagram and sexted for half a year before flying to meet up with each other, where we realized our feelings for each other and have been together since. We were long distance for about two years. I moved across country and moved in with them about a year and a half ago.

Since moving in together, I was hoping we would get more opportunities to have sex, because our bottleneck before was that I was 3000 miles away. But that hasn’t been the case (for good reason)— they found out about a month or two after I moved in that they had thyroid cancer. As of May this year, they finished their treatment and are now cancer free.

It was strange though, when I first arrived. They had been almost hyper sexual before, and it was the opposite. Cancer does explain that, especially thyroid.

It’s been about 6 months since they wrapped up treatment, and our sex lives haven’t changed. I’ve even asked if they think they might be asexual, or demisexual, and they replied that they don’t, they just think it ebbs and flows. We might have sex once every 2 months, when they initiate. I stopped initiating because time has told that unless they initiate, they usually aren’t enthusiastic (sometimes they are, but mostly not). I don’t want to do anything if the person I’m having sex with is not enthusiastic— that feels coercive, even if they are saying yes.

Last night I came home and they wanted to have sex. I had a long eventful day at work, and had just gotten home. I was excited they wanted to have sex and was surprised, but I needed to get myself into the mood. I told them I need some time to decompress from work and then I would love to. I guess I took too long (30 mins), because when I was ready they said they were too tired now and hit a wall. I felt rejected and disappointed and sad. I woke up still upset about it.

I think being a secret from their parents makes me feel rejected or like I’m getting mixed messages. They want to tell their parents, but decide to do it on the one holiday or birthday meal they are going to see their folks. Their brother is getting married and I’m having to just figure out how to act when they are all excited about it, and their friends are too, but it’s a sore spot for me.

Any advice? I’m not trying to make them have more sex, but I’m confused about why our sex life was so different in years past. I don’t want to make things more tense or keep a cycle going by having a negative reaction to rejection, but it just sucks. We had an open relationship when we were LDR, but in practice, we didn’t utilize it aside from sexting folks. I have been thinking of asking if I could have permission to have sex with folks, hookup with someone regularly (FWB style), but I don’t want to make things worse.

Really, I’d rather have sex with them but I feel sad we don’t have sex, & sad that I have to cope with being a secret to their family and also living near their family.

It would feel different to me if we lived far away from their family. When I moved to be closer to them, we had an understanding that I would want to move somewhere new in about 2 years and did not want to settle down here for good. The cancer very understandably changed that, but now they want to go to law school and hope to get into a school in their hometown where we live, which is a 5 year commitment.

Any advice & fresh perspectives are very much appreciated.

I don’t know if it’s emotional unavailability, discomfort with commitment, baggage, just regular evolutions in a persons sexual appetite such as from cancer, guilt/their own feelings about having felt they need to keep me a secret in order to keep their family, or what. I love them so much and we have really supportive and kind relationship. We talk a lot about growing old together, maybe having kids someday, our life together, etc. I just feel like I’m missing out on some needs/wants of mine, and maybe compromised too much on my end to be here, and that what we talk about is only ever going to be a fantasy. I guess having a sex life too would sweeten the deal.

💖 thank you for reading all this!

I rubbed the tip of my penis (unprotected) over my girlfriend's panties. Before that, I had ejaculated 10 minutes ago. Could this cause pregnancy because of the sperm residue?

I (genderqueer, 19) am home for the weekend from college to visit my family. My brother (M, 16) just got his first girlfriend (F, 16) and our mom is freaking out a little because she suspects they’re going to have sex. She had a conversation with my brother in which he expressed interest in it and refuted her when she said that she thinks 16 is a little young to be sexually active (“why is 16 too young?”)

I don’t think trying to scare them out of it or promoting abstinence is the right choice, but I would like to make sure they’re safe if it does happen. I’d like to make sure my brother knows where to get protection (condoms, etc.)… it’s just that he’s not really the type to go seek it out himself. I know that he knows the risks that may come with being sexually active, as does his girlfriend, but they are also 16 and I don’t 100% trust them to think things all the way through!

How do I and/or our mom have this conversation with him? Should we give him condoms/leave some in the house somewhere? Mom feels like that would only encourage him to have sex, but I think it would be a good way to promote safety. I don’t want to force him to talk about it if he’s not comfortable, but I do want him to know where to find resources. Help!

I’m a minor, my girlfriend is too, and I’m not sure when it’s appropriate to actually fully have sex, especially with wlw it’s definitely more.. hands on… so I’m not sure if that means we should wait longer? And I also don’t really know how to bring this up to my parents, not that I want to. I know about safe sex and staying clean and uti’s, and obviously there’s no pregnancy risk, but a part of me is scared I’m still to young, but I also feel ready, so I’m not sure what to do.

My partner told me they haver never had sex with a girl before until they met me. It’s no big deal for me with that news and I believe people can learn overtime. There is no problem with me giving to my partner, I want to create a comfortable space for them so nothing too much happen yet. However, when it comes to them giving me, they kinda know what to do but it’s hard for me to feel like okay i can come. It’s cute how they tried and asked me if everything is okay, I love them for that. It’s hard for me to get orgasm in general, I don’t blame them at all. It seems like they feels disappointed in themselves for the lack of experience. Of course I missed that steamy wild sex experience I had in the past but it doesn’t mean I love my partner any less. How can I support my partner on this journey where we’re both trying to build that compatibility in sex?

https://preview.redd.it/kg7uwalqg6pd1.jpg?width=1000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ebb365d57ab531148bb9d3ef72301bceab04fd5c

so i touched myself after i had touched my bfs month old dirty semen soaked boxers and ever since last night i’ve had the paranoing feeling i’m pregnant.

am i? is it possible? if not then why do i keep feeling like i am?

If someone were to perform unprotected oral sex on a penis owner and they orgasmed, then the person performed oral sex on a vagina owner, what are the chances the vagina owner could get pregnant, if any?

First time my partner spend the night with someone else

Conext: I'm a 17M and my partner is 18M , we've been together for 6 months in an open relationship because he is polyamorous, it's not only my first open relationship but also my first relationship so I'm learning a bunch of things.

Yesterday night my bf told me he was going to spend today's night at his other "man? " house, they're not hanging out but share romantic and sensual attraction, I don't know which is the exact term. Well, he told me that they're going to fuck and that and everything is okey for me but today every moment I think about it a bad feeling in the guts invades me and I feel gross, I don't know if I'm jealous, I don't know if it's normal the first times...

I met the guy it's super kind, we are kind of friends and we can even met without my bf, maybe a bit old 32M, but seems like a good guy. The thing is I don't know if it's normal and in addition to the bad feeling I feel but about myself with the possibility it is because I'm jealous because I thought I would be good enough for my boyfriend to handle them.

Im very confused, srry if I don't make a clear point english is not my first language and I don't know if I look likes I'm venting or looking for advice

Since our last update on Monday only $202 has been donated, and only 1 person has signed up to be a recurring donor. This leaves us $12300 short for the rest of 2024 and $55K short per year from 2025 onwards unless way more people pitch in!

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