I don't like the direction that sex goes in when in a relationship for long periods of time.

At the beginning, when both parties are in the elation stage, sex and lovemaking is frequent, enjoyable, and dare I say, fun. But as time passes, it's not the same.

As a hetero male, I always fear the day when a lady just doesn't want me physically anymore. I was in a marriage for 12 years (Please excuse my language if there are readers who don't like profanity).

At the beginning, we had all the sex we wanted. We made love, had spontaneous quickies, we fucked... all of the terms for sex. Then there became times when I'd go months without getting a single release.

I figured it was my fault because maybe I wasn't doing what was required to put her in the proper mood. Years later, she finally admitted that she just stopped liking sex and just let me do it every once in a while to make sure I didn't get it somewhere else.

I'm a very sexual person, but I'm less sure of myself these days. I daydream about sweaty, sensual, highly pleasurable, fun, hormone red-lining sex that leaves me and an adoring lady fatigued and breathing hard on the bed (or wherever we're fucking). But those are only daydreams.

We live a single life, then we die. I can't spend my entire life just wishing.

Lol I'm just really jazzed about it and I know 32 is super old for losing your virginity so I figured this might be interesting to some ppl, and maybe encouraging for some?

For context, I’m 30M and I’ve been with around 10 different people and I’ve always had issues finishing when one of them would give me a BJ. I’ve tried to do a bunch of different things along with it over the years like trying to be more dominant in the situation, getting blindfolded, dirty talk ect. Which has helped but I also don’t want to rely on always doing something kinky to achieve climax.

I’ve probably had 100’s of attempts at it from my partners and it’s maybe every 1/100 that I can actually finish and if I have a drink and loosen up a bit more I feel like it comes a bit easier but I’m honestly not sure if it’s a mental block or what at this point.

It’s not like I have any issues sexually and I generally really enjoy oral from any partners I’ve had and I know they have a lot of fun with it but when I don’t finish I think it can be frustrating to them. It’s getting to a point now though that it affects me getting hard when it happens and I’m just looking for anyone else’s opinion or maybe a different perspective on why this is happening since this has always been like this for me.

I’m (F27) often having sex dreams of different scenarios. It’s usually great, really arousing and hot. I usually wake up from these dreams too early though. I always wanna continue and play woth myself, but my body is never actually horny. My pussy is not wet nor receptive to play. I’m curious how other people have it? Can you physically cum from sex dream?

I feel like since I have some personality disorders that I lose the novelty or new feeling with my sexual partners too fast. Has anyone else dealt with this? I love making my sex partner feel sexy and wanted but I can't make it. How do I reignite the new feelings in intimacy.

Hi everyone, first off thanks for all the comments and help on my last post. Sorry for not replying earlier, it was a particularly distressing time and seeing the big fat 0 upvotes spooked me. But I really appreciate all the input and support.

Anyhow, I still have some issues and fears to face before I can be secure in my sexuality. Let's start with hopefully a simple one: how long should I masturbate as a cis man with a penis? I have unfortunately noticed my time to climax lengthening, which I suspect is due to internalizing shame about my porn usage as well as potential psychical issues (really not elaborating here unless anyone asks). I know I should tackle these first but having a target to shoot for would really help. I don't want to last too long in bed and frustate a future partner.

Like over Zoom or something similar? Are there services that offer such a thing? OF? IG?

So I came across this book around a month ago and it’s been one of my fastest reads particularly because this topic was highly relatable

Erica talks about her sex / porn addiction , how it started , how it progressed and how it’s affected her life and relationships

It’s a refreshing read and in some places I could compare it to Asa Akira’s memoir “ Insatiable “ except that Erica comes across as far more relatable

How blissful sex feels , how many of us use it as a coping mechanism or comfort and how embracing it and having control over your life helps

The best part is how this doesn’t read as a “ cure “ this is not Erica’s journey of how stumbling through the darkness led her to see the “ light “ or how some form of enlightenment helped her overcome her sex drives

She embraces herself as a sexual being but also recognises the harmful pattens any addiction can have

Definitely grab a copy of it and for those who’ve read it let me know your thoughts

I am a woman under 30 in a relationship where I no longer have sex. I think I may have reached orgasm during sex a few times in my life. Reflecting on it now, I’d say it’s definitely no more than four, and I can only vividly recall a couple that were truly significant. Around the age of 18, I had the chance to experiment a little (never with many partners), as I was quite passionate back then. It’s possible I did experience orgasms during that time, but I don’t have any clear memories of them.

Nowadays, it feels difficult to experience pleasure, and I think this might partly be due to age. Could that be true? Why has this happened?

Today, I dream of making love spontaneously, perhaps after a bottle of wine, with a mature woman I genuinely admire. Someone who feels truly adult, independent, experienced, and free (and perhaps even a little transgressive). I long to close my eyes and wake up in her arms, in a fantasy world where I don’t belong and where even my body is fine.

Sorry in advance for the long post.

I’ve had (undiagnosed) vaginismus for years now. Could having vaginismus and never being able to finish from clitoral stimulation have resulted in my sexuality not developing normally? I’ve never had an orgasm. I don’t think I’ve ever felt intense sexual pleasure. I don’t even try to masturbate anymore because I don’t have a clitoris that works like all women’s are supposed to.

I feel so disappointed and let down by my body. I’ve had this problem for years now. I’ve tried two vibrators. I’m just not feeling what other women feel. I feel a deep sense of lacking, but I don’t know what I’m lacking. Could my sexuality have never developed, or am I just feeling a lack of sexual pleasure and orgasm?

Having had vaginismus has made me question everything. I question why women have relationships with men. I question how women cope with being women and having the bodies we have. I question why I have a body most men could never ever love and other women just effortlessly have sex even a few days or weeks into a relationship and have bodies men love.

I question if men only are in relationships with women for sex. I don’t trust people. This condition has darkened my view of relationships and even other women because I feel like some women have bodies that work in a way that allows them to be loved (i.e., their vaginas let their partners enter them) and mine doesn’t.

I don’t know when I first developed vaginismus. What I do know is that I’ve never been able to use tampons. I think I tried at eleven or twelve and it was too painful. That was so many years ago.

Also, I’ve never been accepted by other women so experiencing this has made me question my gender identity. Am I not feminine enough? I will never be good enough for a man with this body.

I feel very alone; other women don’t understand me, I don’t understand them, and I’m trapped in a body that almost all straight men would consider worthless. My vagina is worthless. I feel so distressed by the fact that the part of me that is supposed to make me good enough for a man is so pathetic and worthless.

In addition to never being able to relate to other women or make female friends and having vaginismus, my mom always gets attention from men and I never do. She’s over 50 years old and has had men in their thirties interested in her. She’s also said she considered sleeping with two guys she talked to online (through online dating) the first time they see each other. It’s so painful knowing that other women don’t care that men base their value on their vaginas. It makes me sad that even if a guy was interested in me (which I don’t think will ever happen), I would know that I’d have to tell him how broken I am and that I’d then be left.

I told my mom yesterday that I think I’ll be alone forever.

Yesterday I just sobbed and cried out several times about this. I cried and sobbed to my mom about it. I really believe that women who can enjoy vaginal penetration seem to have different existences than me. It’s like the key to being loved as a woman is not being afraid of letting a guy stick it in. My body and vagina are worthless and I hate and resent them so much. It feels brutally unfair that other women are lovable and have functioning vaginas and I’m not.

This is on my mind 24/7. This has ruined my self esteem and my mental health. This isn’t just pointless rumination; I have to live in this body everyday, and it’s very emotionally hard to deal with. I wish I was someone else and had a good enough body badly.

I’m looking into trauma-informed therapy and am trying to find a trauma-informed therapist. I have gone through some emotionally distressing events in my life (no major traumas like surviving a terror attack, a natural disaster, or something like that) and have some ACEs. I knew I wasn’t happy as a pre-teen, but I didn’t know that I’d feel so similarly or worse a decade later. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life or even another 5 years trying to recover and cope with my childhood, teen years, and life and mental health in general. I want to be able to be healed, whatever that means. I wish I was lovable and good enough.

It’s not that I just don’t want to go through this for another 5 years. I’ve had this problem for over 5 years now, and due to me being under a lot of emotional stress and distress for the past year of my life, my mental health worsened. Could I be having a mild mental breakdown? I’m not psychotic or hallucinating; I just feel very depressed and have had passive suicidal thoughts.

Without going into too much detail, in the last 2 years of my life, I:

1. Got back in contact with a family member who was involved in an emotionally upsetting event that traumatized me as a pre-teen
2. Was diagnosed with a chronic illness (a chronic pain condition)
3. Witnessed a family member with a terminal illness worsen and then pass away
4. Moved under unfortunate circumstances
5. Realized that I have no family (other than my parents, one of whom that I’m close with)
6. Lost a lot of hope that I’ll ever find a partner (I feel like I’ll be without friends, a partner, and any form of social support forever).

Is the above enough to cause a mental breakdown, and how does someone know if they’re just having a hard time with their mental health versus are in crisis or are having a mental breakdown?

My mental health has worsened in the past year, but especially in the past six to seven months. I have a very bad body image and view of myself. I think I’m doing the right thing by seeking out a trauma therapist. I feel like life has damaged or changed me. I just wish I was normal and not such a mess.

I'm 21 M and a girlfriend who is in attachment issue with his ex, though I have many time told her to overcome and accept that the relationship has ended and she should not talk to that guy, she often also says that she also don't want to go back but can't do it she often feel to go back, which I don't like and I hate it, I love her and her physical touch gives me lot of strength and happiness, and whenever I try to go away from this relationship I feel a strong feeling as if something is taken out of me, or I am losing something, and I end up going back to her, which she takes as an advantage and says that she can't change herself I I don't want be with her then just end this relationship and when I try to end it she says that she don't want to lose me, what should I do I am very confused and feeling very lonely and furstated

Hello everyone! Obligatory throwaway account (I'm a bit embarrassed to post this but I want to learn; and obviously I don't want this attention on my main, just to be safe). Also, I saw other people making threads asking specific questions, but if this is the wrong sub to post this in, please let me know! (And please don't make fun of me too much, lol.)

I am a 27 year old cisgender woman, and I just experienced what I think to be multiple orgasms for the first time in my life! It was incredible! But something I didn't recognize happened afterward:

A few minutes after I orgasmed the second time, I got these incredibly intense sort of aftershock feelings that I've never felt before and find difficult to categorize; they were almost like a small, third orgasm that lasted quite a while. The intensity caused me to shake and cry involuntarily, which was a little alarming.

I did some googling, but I can't find much info on the topic; lots of articles about multiple orgasms and hands-free orgasms, but not many about a combination of the two. So, I figured I'd ask here.

Thanks in advance for reading! If anyone needs more information in order to help me out here I'll be happy to oblige.

OK so like, I have a therapist, to be clear. I recently started, of my own volition, to do shadow work, or something similar to it. And in that task, I realized I have a lot of personal hangups regarding my libido, my kinks... basically, I consider(ed?) myself a pretty sex positive guy, but I have a lot of feelings. Not just guilt and shame, but feelings in general, some of which I can't channel much of anywhere.

Personally, IDK if I can talk with my therapist about it. It feels... this is gonna sound weird but too personal?? Like a kind of intimate matter that I'd prefer to deal with quietly, you know? But at the same time I think a purely in-house approach is deeply limited. I mean it got me here in the first place. IDK I feel limited here. Is there any way to get these feelings verbalized, get them out of me, maybe hear some of this out loud & therapeautically go "Oh, I need to work on that" or "Oh, that is a bit stupid now that I hear it" ?

So this is something that happened a while ago, but I’ve been reflecting on it a lot lately. My wife and I were on vacation with some friends, and after a night out at the bar, one of our guy friends suggested skinny dipping. To my surprise, my wife said she was down, and since she agreed, I went along with it too. Another one of our female friends joined in as well.

We got to the beach and stripped down. I was stunned to see how comfortable my wife was being naked in front of our friends—it was a side of her I hadn’t really seen before. I got naked too but went waist-deep into the water right away because, well, I was...aroused and didn’t want to make it obvious.

While we were in the water, my wife got playful and started teasing me under the surface. At one point, she grabbed me and even slid me into her for a few minutes—right there, just out of sight of our friends. The whole thing felt so wild and taboo, but insanely hot. The other couple seemed to be fooling around too, though I mostly just noticed them making out.

Afterward, I told my wife how turned on I was by the whole experience, and she admitted that it was thrilling for her too. This has led us to visit a few nude beaches since then, which I’ve loved—it’s such a turn-on to see her confident and vulnerable in that way.

Now, we’re both on paternity leave together after our second child, with months of no work ahead of us. I’ve been thinking about how to keep things exciting and new during this time. One idea I had was creating a dating profile together again (we’ve done this in the past on Feeld and AFF) to explore some light voyeurism—maybe exchanging photos or even FaceTiming with singles or couples. It’s something I’d really enjoy, but I want to approach it in a way that feels comfortable and exciting for both of us.

What’s the best way to bring this up to her? And if anyone has suggestions for other things we could try to spice things up during this downtime, I’d love to hear them!

— Curious and Open to Ideas

My fiance recently started a steroid cycle, I hate the stuff but I won’t stop him from taking it. I have noticed though - recently he gets soft quickly or can’t maintain an erection even though he does want to have sex.

Is there a correlation between PED’s and poor quality erections? Anyone with a similar experience?

And it hasn’t changed. I think it’s actually gotten worse. If it’s any insight, I’m 20M but have never had sex before.

On instagram, whenever I see sexual jokes, I always get annoyed. When women (this will sound like shit) enjoy them, I get annoyed more. At times, I’ve noticed small misogynistic feelings, too.

And it’s hard to even feel anything about all this. I can’t even come up with complex, introspective thoughts for any of this. I may be too stupid?

Despite wondering if I even want to change this, I’ve tried changing my thoughts. If I see a woman online who’s promiscuous or openly sexual, I may try to repeat a quote like “careful in your dress if you will, but keep a tidy soul.” Sometimes it works and I feel my mind ease up, sometimes it doesn’t. It hasn’t changed anything long-term, though.

Just as I was writing this, I feel like I had a simple epiphany that sexuality is just natural. At the same time, I had conflicting thoughts/feelings of annoyance, though.

But anyways, very prudish and puritanical. I sometimes feel unfun for it. There’s even a reluctance to change, but I’ve been told that’s normal.

I’ve asked this question so many times but things haven’t changed. So, any help?

27F recently out of three year relationship with 28M, I’m not looking for anything serious. I’m tall hot blonde skinny blue eyes nice a$$ and t!ts, I’ve been talking to a few guys some new some older that I knew prior to my relationship. I’m pretty honest out front that I’m just looking for casual right now, and the men I’m talking to are into that. Two guys I’ve had sex with in the last month, so much build up and sexual tension and we had amazing sex. Amazing and they both came extremely fast and were like wow that’s the best p*ssy I’ve ever felt. I get that often. I’m a great time the sex with me is amazing and I enjoy it likewise.

They just want casual sex, I just want casual sex, we clearly have GREAT sex, I reach out to see when they want to hang again and crickets!!! I don’t understand!! Both guys it’s been over two weeks, I don’t think I’m hearing from either of them. I’m confused who doesn’t want a hot blonde to come over and have sex with them and then leave.

Same with some of the men I’ve been sexting with but haven’t met up with yet. Guys I’ve had sex with prior to my three year relationship. We’re sexting, talking about how we missed each others bodies, it’s gets really steamy and hot and we talk about plans to meet up and they never solidify a plan, I reach back out and SILENCE. I’m like hello you were just telling me how sex with everyone else has never compared to how good it was with me and you want it so badly and want to hang and then you ghost me I don’t understand.

34, male, married. So l've spent my whole life very much thinking of and wanting physical touch and sex, not that I was deprived of a loving, healthy upbringing or anything. But I didn't really get sex until I was married. I grew up loving getting massages. I have sex semi frequently I guess, but I would prefer 2 to 4 times a week, and there's not usually a moment I would prefer not having my shoulders, hair, neck, or back soothed. I love physical touch. But within the last couple years, l've found that I haven't been able to enjoy those moments in quite the same way, possibly because I have so much anticipation for the touch and the sex that it's hard to tell my brain to just feel, because I have to maximize the absorbing of these moments. Honestly, most of the time I'm getting a back massage or something, I'm thinking about how much longer they will be in that spot, so I know how long to plan for. It fills up just about all my mental space in those moments, and I don't love it. Any insights on if this sounds like an anticipation anxiety? Honestly the origination of that feeling is more like the emotional hoarding mental category like a squirrel with nuts. I have not spoken to my therapist about this topic yet, wanted to get a community opinion first for multiple opinions on what this may be called. Thanks for being kind!

Can you be close friends with someone you’re attracted to? My latest partner said no. I’ve had a lot of close relationships with girls/women in f the opposite sex, and I’ve been attracted to some of them, even had mild hookups with some. I don’t think it’s a big deal at all, and honestly, I think some sexual tension is good for relationships, even platonic ones.

When you’re sexually attracted to someone, you’re a little more interested in what they have to say and a little more patient with them. Obviously if you didn’t need that to like someone, that’s not a real friendship, but all else being equal my equal, doesn’t sexual tension smooth thing out a bit?

Curious what you all think

Watching it is super fun. I wish I had access to it. I love the intimate aspect of it because I'm an intimate person.

Sex seems to deepen the connection a man and woman has. They get to play and discover more about each other's bodies and come into each other's loving embrace. I love especially women who are a little bigger/thicker. It's fun seeing them enjoy their bodies, it seems like they have a lot to offer.

I was married for 40 years to the same woman before tragedy took her away. We had a good sex life but was never into watching porn. The magazines that were available early in our relationship we only looked at a few times so for me, seeing the nude female body was not really on my list in life. I was happy in my relationship. Today is a different story. I am looking at more photos online and I must say I really prefer looking at women who do not shave bare. I find I like all the different trim styles that woman are doing. They are absolutely beautiful in my eyes. There's not really a question in this post, just a self observation in myself.

It seems to me that in recent years anal sex has grown in popularity. Do you think anal has become more socially accepted?

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Last week, we /couple 40+/ visited Insomnia Berlin for the Naughty Nostalgia event, and it was amazing.

What similar places in Europe would you recommend? Something in the same format: a disco where sex is possible + with respectful and professional staff.

Seeing semi-nude shots of women’s chests online sometimes gets me excited. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a creep or anything—I’d never stare at someone in public. But for some reason, whenever I spot a sexy shot in a magazine, it totally turns me on.

Hi everyone! I'm concern abt me and my bf. We've been together for almost 2 yrs and still counting but after I gave birth to my daughter and started my birth control. I no longer find my bf attractive and I hate him for some unknown reason but I want him to be with me but I just hate him.

For context, I started hating him when he started to go out and come home late. I suspected he's cheating on me (he have a cheating history in the beginning of our relationship, we got over it because our daughter came so we put our past behind and we focus on our daughter) but he said " I doesn't see the point of cheating on you. Yes, the satisfaction was there. The satisfaction of sleeping with somebody else but the point is no where to be found. There's no point of sleepin with someone when I have a girl waiting for me in my house" and my MIL just said "His father was like that when we were at your age but he's far worst that his father. His father never came home late but he never showed his face for 2 months. I guess it's a "PHASE" to men when they had a family. So you should give him a moment and understand him" but no, I'm tired of this. How do I keep myself from understanding a grown ahh adult to " live his life while he's young" while I have to take care of his child and not able to take care of myself? I'm done and I'm tired of that. It's been whole 10 months and he's still in that "phase"!?

Yes, I still do intercourse with him but not like we do in the beginning of our relationship where there's genuine feelings and now I'm just disgusted by him. He tries to be lovey dovey with me but my reaction was visible to my face that I'm disgusted. I confroted him once but he just said "I didn't do anything wrong" but for me, I feel like he only vome home to have sx with me. Last time we had sx it was weeks ago. Not like in the beginning of our relationship we had sx for almost everyday, every hour but now, we had sx when I feel like it. I just say no when he wants to.

Anyone? What should I do? It keeps getting worst to the point I no longer want him to be in the bed or chair with me

I've been hypersexual most of my life and honestly I like it. I'm still working on my sexual self like learning to be more comfortable with myself and getting my mind right Ready for some sexual exploration and experiences to come