Anyone thinking about getting this? It seems large and I’m on sizes 7 and 8. It’s 45 bucks so wondering if it’s worth it

Saw my first urogyno the other day, I waited 7 months for the appt. The initial reason was for Botox injections based on PT’s recommendations for 3 years now. I tried other stuff before that was noninvasive before I knew what was going on. For reference, here is my history of previous treatments:

Hymenectomy… PT… dilators… vaginal Valium… estrogen cream… PT round 2… amitriptyline/baclofen/gabipenten cream…

The consensus after all that crap finally came back to it just being vaginismus. Initially it was that + vulvodynia + other things. Never really felt like my plan of care was guided by a gyno (my last one of a year and a half never even examined me 🙃).

The urogyno blew my mind. I’m feeling confused more than ever. Essentially, she told me my vaginal opening has scar tissue on the outside and inside following the Hymenectomy. This scar tissue makes the entrance less elastic, but it’s also just really tiny.

I’ve always felt like my entrance was tiny. When using dilators, I CANNOT get the 2nd size in. I’ve been trying for almost 2 years now. I will stretch my opening as much as I can and it still won’t really enter.

She told me we need imaging done to rule out internal concerns. Otherwise, she doesn’t have much to say about the small opening. She suggested that a transgender surgeon may be able to help there. That ruined my day. I never ever thought my issue would require something that complex.

I have no idea how to feel. I’m pissed at every single gyno who has poked at me and forcefully tried to insert a finger or speculum, just to have no thoughts or suggestions. Not even a fucking referral. I’m honestly so upset. I went in thinking “Alright, maybe botox is what I need and should have started out with when it was suggested a few years ago.” My entire world feels slightly shattered. I feel validated that she also thought my opening was “incredibly tiny” as she states, but it feels terrible.

She was kind of abrasive in the beginning of the appointment but so was I. I’ve gotten good at immediately saying no to a speculum exam. I have practice tiny ones at home, I’ve never been able to insert them. Yet every time I say it, I get the “but let me try” kind of look/face from the provider. I know my own damn body, hello? She didn’t even attempt it after doing a q-tip assessment on me. I’m not sure how to feel. She’s making arrangements for imaging and other stuff until I see her again in a few weeks. That’s a lot more stuff than previous providers have done ever.

I don’t know what to do. I’m just feeling hopeless. It’s so confusing to be faced with this massive problem right when I thought I was about to achieve the solutions. This just makes me want to give up, but I won’t until I go through all her suggestions. I’m happy she seems to have some just following one visit.

I haven’t come across anyone on Reddit with this problem yet. When I try to look into it elsewhere, I just get stuff about hymen issues. Nothing similar to what I have. Then again, I’m still not sure what the entire issue is. I’d appreciate any guidance. If you know of other women with this similar issue, I’d really like insight.

I HAD SUCCESS 🥹 let me break it down for you all real quick on what happened!

Background info: I’m Canadian and 26F fyi. I’ve had vaginismus for as long as I can remember. Couldn’t have PIV, use a tampon or have a successful PAP test. I’ve been doing physiotherapy, having some progress but still not enough to have PIV with my boyfriend. Even receiving oral sex hurts me. I also have anxiety, (diagnosed and medicated for it), so for me “relaxing” doesn’t quite work.

Getting the Botox: I asked my family doctor to refer me to a specialist who would give me Botox for my vaginismus, as I feel the progress with physiotherapy isn’t fast enough. She said no problem, there is a gynaecologist in our city who does it. About ~2 months later, I receive a phone call and they schedule me in.

The procedure: I go to my appointment last Wednesday, I explain to her my history, medications I’m on, tell her I want children one day with my partner, so PIV is very important to me. And that’s the next step really in our relationship. She explains to me Botox and how it helps, and that’s she can do it for me today. I paid in total 850$ CAD. Not sure if this will be covered or not by insurance but I’ll try lol. Next, she injects the Botox in 3 spots in my vagina (outer area). I’d say it was a 7/10 on pain scale. My vagina stopped aching on Friday. (Aching was 1/10 on the pain scale).

That very night, I got excited and had sex with my boyfriend lol. The doctor said it could take a week to get full results but when I tell you.. it was like 85% painless guys!! When he gave me oral sex it didn’t even hurt!! I was in total shock. When it came to PIV it barely hurt! He even said “wow you’re way less tight I’m literally able to go in and out of you with no problem.”

I’m scheduled to see the gynaecologist in 6 weeks. She said the Botox can last 4 months and in that 4 months to have sex often to get my vagina used to having something in me essentially. I was also suggested to continue my physiotherapist appointments as well. Those cost me 30$ per session (thankfully I’m covered by my insurance) so I will continue those. My physiotherapist will be so happy for me lol!

FEEL FREE TO ASK ANY QUESTIONS, I’M AN OPEN BOOK 🤗

Hi! I have my next smear booked tomorrow after my first traumatic one in Feb 2024 leading to being diagnosed with vaginismus. After my first one, they did attempt (at a separate time) 3 times to do another exam but it was too excruciating, leading to my diagnosis. I have now been referred to have my smear with gas and air.

I’m autistic and freaking out pretty much about all of the unknowns. I’ve never been on gas and air, and all i’ve read is it makes you feel drunk?

Does anybody have any personal experiences that they would be willing to share to help me with tomorrow? Did it lessen pain? Did you successfully manage the smear? (positive only if that’s not asking too much😅).

Hi, so I am on my last dilator size now, and some days I have no trouble of getting the whole dilator in, and some days I am troubling to go past half of it. I can sense that I am tired of dilation, and that success depends a lot on my mental state. But, I am trying to be disciplined because I really want to have PIV with my husband. Do any of you had PIV even if you had similar situation like me (some days success with dilator, and some not)? What is the best approach you had? Do you have some advice?

Hi all

I am working on overcoming vaginismus and the dilators, physio etc are going well, albeit slowly. As we're both older we've started doing the syringe method for past 4 months to try and get pregnant. Sorry I'm not sure of the terminology but it involves a sterilized cup etc. Has anyone had success with this method as I'm conscious they're not as long and the sperm doesnt ejaculate has fast/further as the traditional method?

Thanks for any advice and feedback

hey yall, afaik i don't have vaginismus or vulvodynia, but i figured yall would be the best place to get advice from about this.

my bf and i just tried to have sex and it was burning SO BAD, which has never happened before. i was definitely wet enough, we were using the same condoms we've always used (and are also lubed), why is this happening? it's been about 10 min now, i've peed, and it's still burning a bit. what is this and how do i relieve the burning currently bc ow 😭

I think im cured of vaginismus. I was using Intimate Rose and dilating up to size 7. I started feeling more comfortable having sex with my boyfriend, so I stopped using the dilators. Although I still feel anxious which has resulted in me not able to fully enjoy sex,

I've asked my boyfriend to let me take control during sex, starting with me on top, and then allowing him to thrust in missionary or doggy position once I'm comfortable. However, he's been trying to thrust deeper while I'm on top, which scares me. I've told him "no" multiple times, but this has turned him off.

We previously broke up because I wasn't using dilators. After we reunited, I stopped dilating once I realized penetration no longer hurt. However, I still struggle to enjoy sex due to residual fear, unexpected deep thrusts, and feeling pressured to pretend I'm enjoying it.

My boyfriend says sex is important for three reasons: having children, feeling loved, and it's a fun activity. I shared my concerns with him: residual fear of pain, unexpected thrusts makes me not feel enjoyable activity.

He blames me that because I stopped using dilators I'm not able to have enjoyable sex but my physical therapist advised me I can stop once I no longer felt pain during sex. I feel hurt and blamed for not trying hard enough.

Am I wrong to stop using dilators? Should I continue? I'm feeling anxious and unsure.

Has anyone experienced accelerated dilating progress using suppositories or other medications prescribed, to relax the pelvic floor muscles directly? I’d love to hear if there’s a great jump in progress with dilating or if it’s still subtle/gradual. Thanks😊

Hello everyone, on January 8 i had a botox injection to cure my vaginismus. On January 19, i used my dilators and i felt 0 pain. I inserted all 3 sizes one by one and started crying because this was unbelievable and i never thought i could experience this. January 20th i got my period so i stopped using it, but i tried inserting a tampon and i felt no pain again and while tampon was inside me, i felt no discomfort or anything like that. This was my third attempt and it was successful. Last 2 times were a disaster. February 1st i go back to doing my dilators and I experience pain; i still push it and the pain keeps getting worse and worse, as if my muscles are fighting back. I hate how the feeling of normal didn’t last. Just wanted to see if you had a similar experience with botox and if this is just a temporary thing. 😭😭😭

When I climax my vaginal canal throbs and hurts, it feels way tighter and not looser after. I also have vulvodynia so I’m trying to figure out which symptoms are which, thank you

Basically the title. I’ve made heaps of progress with dilators but I feel like I still have this anxiety over PIV, most likely due to pain and trying something new but I’m not sure on how to calm my anxiety over it

I’ll just add here my partner has been so incredibly supportive, loving and understanding as well as patient as I’ve worked through this so I’m not worried about him at all or feeling pressured. I think it’s just the act of PIV that’s stressing me out a bit

Any advice to get over anxiety of trying PIV for the first time/first few times?

I spent so many years trying to fix this so I could be in a relationship without feeling guilty and insecure. A few years ago I just completely gave up on the idea of finding someone. And things started to change.

It’s probably never going to be completely gone for me personally, I have primary and it’s been present my entire life for as long as I can remember, even as a kid. But there’s been some significant trauma in recent years that’s made it worse.

With the pressure of satisfying someone off my shoulders, I got to actually focus on myself, my body, and what feels good to me. And it’s been a total game changer.

Only thing is, it’s left me with a ton of rage toward the men who made me feel broken for not being able to do a million different positions of PIV. And now I’m scared to ever be with a man again because I’m afraid it’ll all come back or they’ll make me feel small again for not being able to accommodate their every desire. I don’t want some clown to make me feel like what I can do now isn’t a huge accomplishment because for me it is.

Having vaginismus has made me see the way we treat sex and hookup culture in an entirely different light. It’s made me feel like no matter what I do my needs will never be prioritized on the same level as a man’s. And for many men I’ll never be enough, not even really because of my vaginismus but because many men’s main source of sex education is porn. It breaks my heart knowing that I put up with so much BS thinking I was the problem when in reality the whole system is just so warped and unfair.

Is this an issue for anyone else? Why?

This is my first Reddit post ever so forgive me if it’s all over the place!

I’ve struggled with vaginismus my whole life (19y) and until I found a boy and fell in love I never really planned on doing anything about it. I was fine with using pads forever despite how many women gasped when I’d mention it, I never thought I’d meet a boy I loved so I was also fine with never being able to feel pleasurable insertion or experience sex and Pap smears never really concerned me as I can’t be given one without my consent. My boyfriend and I have been together a little over a year now, I bought the dilators about 4-6 months in after multiple sad attempts at fingering and started using them with success! I used a silicone set and the smallest one for about a week and everyday got easier, I felt so so hopeful until I got busy and fell out of the habit, and I’m sure everyone here knows it’s really hard to get back into mentally once you stop. I know I shouldn’t have waited so long to start up again but I was extremely busy and stressed with other factors in my life I just felt like I couldn’t possibly handle the stress of dilating on top of everything else. I should also note my bf is the most supportive man I could ever ask for and our sex life never struggled much despite my condition until we unfortunately had to become long distance and now it feels it’s taking a huge toll on us. We’re both going through stressful periods in our life on-top of long distance and had a very emotional conversation recently where he told me he couldn’t do another year without any progress at all (which I understand, it was just hard to hear I think as it forced me to face it). I’m currently visiting him for two weeks and have started dilating again and am really struggling, I don’t have friends I can talk to about anything going on in my life sadly but this subreddit really helps me feel less alone. The first night was a lot of emotional buildup but then the first dilator slid in easily! I went into the next night super confident and ready to take it on just to not be able to push it past the tip at all. I used water based lube like everyone says to but I’m struggling with how thin it is, as soon as I put it on the dilator and stop rubbing it slides to the base, and then when I tilt it any remaining lube drips right off and my hands get covered and I can’t even use the dilator much without dropping it. I tried multiple times and it just wouldn’t go, since I’m very new I also haven’t really learned what the best angle is for my vagina so I just push very lightly and let the dilator naturally angle itself, which has always worked perfectly fine! But this time it just felt like it was being pushed at the wrong angle or something (and then same exact thing the next night when I tried again). Both nights have ended in me sobbing in my boyfriend’s arms verging a panic attack and I’m just feeling so hopeless right now. I guess it’s because I had a certain expectation going in and that’s not being met, but I’m just so confused why it worked so easy on night one and now it’s not working at all- I didn’t even have this problem my first ever time dilating! Only difference was I took a VERY long time to slide the whole thing in and this recent time it went it pretty quick and easy. I’m terrified that I don’t know what’s going on with my body and that it’s not going to work. I love my boyfriend more than I’ve ever loved anyone and I want to be able to experience this next level of intimacy with him and bring excitement back to our sex life and stop feeling so terrible about myself and my body. I’m to the point where I feel like it’s effecting everything, I’m stressed everyday which results in me being moody and I feel like I can’t enjoy anything with sex involved (TV, books, movies, music, social media posts, etc.) i see a scene of people having sex or hear that damn Sabrina Carpenter song Juno and my mood is ruined and all I can think about is how much I hate my body. I feel like less of a woman and I used to be so sex positive but the moment I’m around other girls my age and sex is brought up I either don’t say anything or pretend I can relate, I just feel so envious that it comes so easy to them and they have no idea how grateful they should be and they never have to worry about losing someone they love due to something they can’t really control. Yes I’ve seen a gyno, she told me to just keep at the dilators and gave me a cream to use that’s supposed to reduce inflammation if that’s what the problem is but I haven’t used it yet- I’m honestly not sure how to. She told me to apply it to the entrance and about 1-2 inches inside but I have Autism and severe sensory issues and I can’t put my own fingers inside myself, just can’t stand the feeling on my hand, so should I apply it via dilator?? I’m sorry for how long this post is (and the fact it’s just one huge paragraph, but my Reddit is glitching and won’t let me go back up and break up the text) but I’m feeling so so hopeless and I have no one and nowhere to turn to. I feel so scared. Thank you for taking the time to read this ☺️

I suffered from pretty intense vaginismus for a few years before I learned what it was from my college roommate who mentioned she had it one random morning while she was making breakfast. I don’t know what brought it on but I always had an extremely difficult time with penetrative sex and masturbation, usually resulting in painful sensation trying to penetrate and a constant burning sensation at any movement. Because of it I started associating sex with pain and made finding pleasure in sex really difficult. It got a little easier over the years as I kept trying and working to relax those muscles by sheer willpower or conditioning (I kept thinking my body would just get used to it) but it was never enough to bring out pleasure and the pain at entry was always there or I could get something in but you could forget about it being easy to get out.

Then I bought a weed pen.

I had a pretty rough car accident a couple years ago, no broken bones but nearly every disk in my back herniated and left me with some intense nerve pain for a long time while recovering. My sister told me weed relaxes the nerves and might be better than pain killers, which I was actively avoiding because of how easy it is to become dependent on narcos and opioids. So, I tried a weed pen and not only did it immediately stop the nerve pain but I was much less stiff and masturbating/self pleasure was so much easier. The muscles at the entrance of my vagina weren’t clamped shut and regular foreplay and stimulation worked without the mental gymnastics I usually have to go through for me to enjoy myself.

It’s been about six months and I’m not going to say I’m 100% cured because I still have days where i struggle a tiny bit, but I can say that I’ve had a much easier time having sex and enjoying it. I’ve been able to explore further what I like and don’t like, I’ve learned more about my body, even my period is better because tampons are no longer an issue for me. My sexual experience has completely opened up and my sex life isn’t dependent on weed. I think I just needed something to help me those first few times and break through whatever mental block that was preventing me from enjoying penetration. And it gets easier and easier every time I do it. The pen made a drastic difference and it was a lot easier to experiment with than dilators and other options that require extensive discomfort.

DISCLAIMER: I am 29 years old, live in Los Angeles and weed is very legal here. The pen I use to this day is the Cake She Hit Different Indica disposable pen, I swear by her. It’s light blue color and watermelon flavored. No, it doesn’t have nicotine. I have never tried sativa strain so experiment at your own risk. Do your research, I am not a medical professional.

TLDR: using a weed pen helped relax my vaginal muscles and allowed me to enjoy sex and self pleasure without the pain and stress I usually felt. Now I can do both without the weed and still have fun and enjoy myself.

warning for SA

throughout my life, ever since i can remember i have been objectified and assaulted by the men in my life, and i believe that now (at 20) that i may have developed vaginismus almost as a defense mechanism. every time i masturbate it has to be through clitoral stimulation and it wasn't until a couple days ago that i worked up the courage to slip a finger inside. anything more than that caused searing pain, even attempting at a second finger stung to the degree that i didn't want to keep going. these issues that i have i think stem from my body image issues and fear of sex (because of my trauma), since i now feel that sex is something that is done to me, rather than with or for me. it doesn't help that everyone around me (including my boyfriend, who is trans) speaks about fingering yourself as well as any other form of penetrative sex as something that is casual and just that i'm "not used to it yet" when i am almost certain it is a psychological issue.

i'm just looking for some reassursnce or advice on the matter, both with not seeing sex as violent as well as how anybody's been able to progress to two fingers in terms of dilation. anything helps but i'm currently unable to see a pelvic floor therapist or a regular psychotherapist because i live with a family who "doesn't believe in" mental disorder and would probably see my issues with sex as something funny.

I thought I was making progress. Yesterday and the day before, I could enter a finger, and even two fingers, but today seems impossible. I did my pelvic floor excersises before, and today I'm more lubricated than even the other days. I feel more discomfort that the other days and I can't reach the entrance of the vagina.

Why is that? Does this happens to you?

For the first time, last night, I was able to get smallest size dilator all the way in without experiencing any discomfort.

Today, I attempted to use a tampon, and it went in so easily and comfortably.

I opted to use the dilator on my cycle, because that muscle surrounding the opening is more relaxed due to menstruation. I also did it immediately after showering because I don’t bleed for a bit after showering and I am more relaxed.

I'm actually doing these [https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=un8YCM9DAkM] because I like the video format (just straight to the excersises with no talking) but I don't know if there are other ones better or that stretch more. Which videos were you doing? Thank you!

i told my mum and i have a doctors appointment on the 10th! im so upset that my bf dumped me though, i shouldve said something to my mum earlier😭i wanted to lose it with him💔

I have been called in to my first Pap smear, I have struggled with gynecological issues all my life, including vaginismus, and seeing a gynecologist is heavily traumatic for me. Even basic gynecological appointments are excruciatingly painful. There is a history of cervical cancer in my family, so I would really like to be able to do this, but I have no idea how I’m going to complete it. The very idea has me in a complete meltdown state, entirely in shambles. Any advice as to what I can do? Any anesthetics I could ask for, things that could make it less painful or stressfull? Is it possible to do it while being put under?

For context I’ve had vaginismus all my life I’m 21 and have never been to have sex. I’ve been using dilators and been trying to have PIV sex with my partner. We’ve been together 1 year and he’s been very respectful. The other day he was able to put it in a bit. Is it normal for it to feel very tight? Has anyone else had this experience and if so how can I make it loosen up. We did foreplay and I felt relaxed so not sure what else to do

I was in a relationship several years ago (my first and only relationship) and this is when I discovered that PIV is painful and unsuccessful for me. However, I can insert tampons and a menstrual cup with little to no difficulty.

I tried practicing with a dildo, and again it was painful (even using lube).

So, it kinda seems like I only get pain when I'm inserting things in a sexual context. Whereas tampons and menstrual cups are a necessity hygiene thing. This makes me think that for me it's more psychological around sex (and I do know for a fact I have some hang ups about sexuality, such as feeling ashamed etc). I also suspect I might be on the asexual spectrum somewhere (maybe demisexual or gray ace).

Anyway, I was wondering if anyone here related? Being fine with inserting menstrual products but not fine with PIV or a dildo.

My doctor recommended a pelvic wand because I have a small vagina as a petite woman. I tried using it & so far I have been able to get in the small tip up to my child-like ring finger depth-wise, but I don’t really know if this is still shallow level.

Is it possible to get it deeper in or the angle of the pelvic wand just makes it impossible to reach the cervix/go up the womb? Tbh I don’t have pelvic pain & feel lost since all the guides for the pelvic wand aim at relieving pelvic pain.

Or is it still progress that I can get to open my legs & put the wand in without squirming or shutting down. Was that the intention of the pelvic wand. Tho I feel I have been working at a shallow level… or tbh am I just rushing progress & would need an actual dilator to reach that point

Help plz

I had a pelvic exam today, on a fertility journey. I took muscle relaxers and Advil and I was hopeful that it would go well. The doctors were amazing and used the smallest speculum they could, one even held my hand the whole time.

The pain was extreme and unbearable, I wasn’t ready for it. I had to get them to take it out and then just pushed through it the second time (while I was crying out). They preformed the exam, which they had to try 4-5 times because my cervix wasn’t co-operating.

Afterwards, there was a lot of blood, and since then I’ve lost my appetite and I feel depressed. I want to cry, and have a little. I just feel weird emotionally, and I don’t know why. Is this a normal reaction? I’ve barely ever used tampons, because I just can’t and I’ve never been able to use dilators without pain.

I’m trying to teach my body that it’s safe when I dilate, but I’m having trouble. How do you do it?

Hello everyone, I am 20F and i had 2 boyfriends before, i was never successful with PIV and they told me they got the sensation like hitting a wall. I was never successful with entering fully finger etc but overtime i got successful a bit more with pelvic floor exercises i did on youtube and was at least able to enter my finger in. Tonight I decided to hookup with a guy and i did not get a hit wall sensation. He did not either, but he put a full finger in which was new for me. Therefore, we could not had PIV since it hurt a bit when it was going fully in, and i was scared honestly. I feel like a failure and i feel like something is wrong with me. I also feel so ashamed as well.

I mean, its cold here. And I'm that kind of person whose hands are always cold as fuck no matter what. Plus, I always like to wash my hands but the water is always cold. (Aaaaaaah)

Wish me luck.

Hey guys.

A lot of you have been asking me to keep you updated on my recovery and also to explain my procedure. I live in JHB South Africa

I have had vaginismus for most of my life and have looked into many different options.

I went in for my Botox treatment early in the morning 3 days ago and because I was going under anesthesia I wasn’t allowed to eat or drink for 6 hours before. The doctor did a pelvic exam on me to see where I had the most spasms. She then put a local anesthesia on the outside of my vagina. (It burned a little but not too bad.)

I was then put under sedation and I was awake during the procedure. She injected me around 40x ( it sounds sore but I felt nothing) I only felt the pressure of her fingers to feel the spasms.

It was about an hour and 30 min. I was super nervous before but from my experience it’s actually pretty easy. It sounds WAY worse than it is.

After my procedure I wasn’t allowed to drive for 12 hours.

The Botox takes about 10 days to fully get into your system so I’m not allowed to have any inter course until I can insert dilator no 5 with no pain.

I have been told to start with dilators after 12 days but if the Botox works I shouldn’t have any problems.

It’s been 3 days and I can honestly say I have not been in any pain at all. I’m quite uncomfortable and bruised and it stings a little but it’s tolerable. I have been able to do groceries and walk my dog. Driving is not exactly the best but it’s not like I’m in excruciating pain.

I will keep you updated on my recovery and journey. Please feel free to ask me any questions or reach out!