I’m trying to understand if I need to seek medical attention today, it’s Sunday and I’d either have to go to the ER in my town or drive 1.5 hours for an open urgent care. And I’d like to know what the treatment could be, if I require any??

I was dilating last night and upgraded to a bigger dilator (like 1.37 inch girth). It wasn’t painful going in, but I felt a tiny bit of pain after 30 seconds. Not bothersome. About 30 minutes after I finished, I noticed vaginal pain, like a 2 or 3/10. My lower back started hurting (4/10) later towards the night, but at the time I didn’t realize it could be due to this incident.

Today, my lower back is hurting, I have pain in my lower abdomen. I guess overall pain is something like 4 or maybe even 5/10. (I’m using DVPRS pain scale which is a little more objective). I went to the bathroom and saw blood, I’m unsure how much. Would be atleast a tablespoon but idk if it was diluted by discharge. Looked fresh, bright red, not brownish.

If pain gets any worse than this, I will definitely take an NSAID or some other kind of painkiller. (Just trying to further explain how bad current pain level is)

Hey everyone, so I just started PT and previously I was doing well with dilating, even got the third one in easily. But lately my anxiety has been super bad, especially with dilating. I think I obsessed and stressed myself out so much about always keeping my pelvic floor relaxed that I messed things up for myself. Anyway now I can't even do the first one without being on the verge of an anxiety attack which is hard and depressing:( I can't afford mental health therapy right now and things like diaphragmatic breathing only trigger my anxiety. I'm feeling kind of hopeless right now, I'm 33 and my fiancé has been patient with me for 10 years:/ Has anyone else been through this or managed to overcome it without dilating? Thanks❤️

OMG I can not believe I am finally here! I was able to insert the last and largest dilator in with minimal pain and no lube. Am I cured? I can’t have PIV now to confirm as I’ve been left by my husband ( whom might actually be one of the causes of my Vaginismus in the first place) but nonetheless I am so happy and I felt really good about myself. He never gave me a word of encouragement or anything during my whole dilating journey so I’m coming to you ladies for support. Xx

My OBGYN wants me to try pelvic floor PT. She thinks my muscles are too tight and that is what is making exams so painful for me. I have also never had sex or been able to use tampons.

I’m pretty nervous about having an exam at PT but it might be worth it if I can use tampons after. For those that have done it, did PT help with this sort of thing? Was it painful or awkward? I’m trying to hype myself up to schedule an appt this week.

After years of ignoring my condition I finally found a partner that makes me want to have piv and I want to speedrun the process as much as I can. I have dilators but the physiotherapist I used to go to 4 years ago isn’t available so I want to start on my own. How do I start? When am I supposed to inhale and exhale? And what else should I know?

I am 32, PIV virgin. With first boyfriend. He is 34, not a virgin. I have never felt this way towards a man, I want to have sex with him. In the past I wondered if I had vaginismus because of how hard it was for pelvic exams and tampons but with no PIV (or interest) and my desire for him, I realized maybe it was just in my head.

We tried once, with lube. No entry. No finger. Even his tongue hurt. So we tried again with more lube, a tiny vibrator for my clit. Finger got in and didn’t hurt! I got off with oral. Struggled to get PIV.

Since we had some improvement, I thought maybe I don’t have vaginismus and it’s just in my head and I can have PIV if I keep the vibrator going. Well the vibrator got in the way. Last night I got my hand inside myself for the first time and wow. I had no idea where or what to do.

So I want to try again. Need mirrors and anatomy books. But I clearly have no idea what’s going on up there and need my hand in there more because I can’t guide him in myself. I worry he is frustrated. He says he isn’t so I believe him since we can both get off. We haven’t been trying long. Maybe I am frustrated.

Hi! I have been in communication with my gynecologist for several years now regarding my pelvic pain during sex. She has recommended physical therapy in the past, but at the time I was still on my parents’ insurance. I’m now on my own insurance and looking to revisit that possibility. What are your experiences initiating the conversation about PFPT, and what could be expected at the sessions? Is it worth it? Thank you so much for your input. This journey with vaginismus has been intense and I just want to be able to have something go inside of me without feeling like I’m going to pass out.

So I (17F) have never had anything inside my vagina ; never fingered myself nor even inserted a tampon (bless pads). But I have a boyfriend now and we both want to take things further. First time we tried, he didn't fit. It's not that I wasn't turned on or anything, probably just stress. We decided for him to try fingering but even that didn't fit and when he tried putting a finger in, it would cause intense pain. I don't know if the pain is normal? Anyways, he's very understanding and we agreed to keep trying but to take things slow. So we did. I ended up managing to insert one finger by myself, but I CAN'T put more or else, again, it hurts. Last time, he also managed to insert a finger. It felt good but I could tell just putting one in was a struggle. I didn't see he only put one so when I told him how many he put and he told me, I was surprised. I thought it was more because just one was a struggle and was tight. And again ; pain when we try more. Is the pain normal? How long did it take for you to actually progress? I feel stuck :(

hey everyone! do you have any tips to make fingering feel pleasurable? i tried to use lube and putting my fingers in slowly at a time but i just can’t seem to come by fingering. i can only come by rubbing my clit.

it sometimes hurts when i put even just a single finger in. any advice would be greatly appreciated. thanks!

Has anyone had the same issue? I can use my toys without much issue but doing PIV with my partner it is still painful, I think it is due to more anxiety in this situation.

Hi has anyone received botox treatment at the Dr Nadia Yousri clinic for vaginismus? What where the fees for the procedure?

I was lucky enough to get the Botox treatment (under anesthesia - covered by insurance) in April. My doctor told me a week after getting the Botox, I should be dilating 2x a day for an hour each. I never, ever did that. That’s insane. Dilating to me is exhausting and after a long day at work, it’s never what I want to do. Of course I made time to do it but I definitely could’ve been better. Eventually she told me I should see a pelvic floor physical therapist before the Botox wore off and so I did that a bit in August. It was super helpful and I was able to have pretty much painless PIV (although not pleasurable) in September. I had to dilate before but it was worth it to feel the success. Unfortunately throughout October and November between getting my period and being busy at work, I didn’t dilate much if at all. I just did the other day and was in for a rude awakening. The Botox wore off. I really thought I was going to be one of those people who are one and done but no. I’ve completely regressed. This is so depressing. I thought I was really training my muscles to relax but turns out I wasn’t. I don’t know how the hell to relax my muscles!!!!! Is it even possible when you don’t know you’re doing it? This is so sad. I hate this so much.

Hi everyone I'm new here and just wanted to share a small break through I had today that may help someone else with dilating. Since I started trying to dilate I would be sitting up at a slight angle with pillows behind my back and would always feel like I was hitting that #wall of restitance" when I would try to dilate. So today I decided to switch it up and lay more flat on my back with just one pillow behind my head and then I placed two pillows under my pelvic area and when I tell you it was so much easier getting the dilator to slide in, I felt no pain but it did feel uncomfortable some but I think that was only because I'm not used to having anything in there. It was such a break through for me because for the past weeks I have just felt stuck and defeated. I'm only on the 1st dilator and I only went about half way in but still.....I feel so encouraged and actually looking forward to trying it again. I hope this helps someone so I just wanted to share💜

hello everyone im 16 years old i dont know if my vagina has finished developing or anything but i can’t seem to stick my finger up there, and i can’t really open my labia all the way, when i put a finger in it feels like a wall blocking it. i tried pushing my finger in really hard and it didn’t go in, i can’t use a dilator or get professional help because my mom doesn’t accept it. i can’t even put a tampon up there. i’ve never orgasmed or anything. idk what’s wrong but i don’t think i have a vaginal opening

Hey everyone. I'm 19 (ftm but that's probably irrelevant) and I can fit a single rather small finger in there but that's it, which is honestly terrible because I am a very horny individual and I'd really like to unlock piv even though my boyfriend is always reassuring me that it's okay and to go at my own pace

The problem is that I live in the middle east in a country where anything slighly phallic gets held by customs, so that's not good at all for dilators and even if they do arrive my mother might see and cause a stink about me being sexually active. Is anybody who managed to recover without them?

However I am planning on making a gynecologist appointment when I have the time (irregular periods) so maybe they'll find out then depending on what they do

So yeah that's where I am in the vaginismus journey

Weekly Progress Check-in Nov 29. 2024

Seeking Support/Advice

Let the vaginismus community know how you're doing! Make an appointment? Starting dilators? Have questions about the current point of your treatment? Let us know! Write a comment to keep yourself accountable and track your progress over time.

I finally overcame years of vaginismus when one day it just fully went all the way in (PIV) and it worked out of no where, it seems like the spooning position was the best way to start for me and then eventually more positions were tried and just overtime it got better and better and I haven’t had anymore issues.

The pain of not being able to be intimate with my boyfriend is gone now.

I understand of course that this is a subreddit and not a doctor’s office, but I would like to hear some opinions first. I have a trouble having penetration, even a finger is too much and can end up hurting me, but somehow it’s 50/50 chance. My partner is a woman, so I don’t particularly feel self conscious about penetration, and I can easily go without it (part of me still wants to enjoy it tho). She tried to stretch me with a finger and it went surprisingly well. Took us a while to reach that point, but it went all in, curled, moved, all the good stuff. Now two or three days later, when I tired doing this by myself, it didn’t go as well. It went in, I held it in to adjust before I start moving, gradually adding more lube. And shortly I felt a cutting, burning, I don’t know how to describe this pain, but I had to take the finger out, and it still hurt badly for a minute or so. Does this sound like vaginismus?

Hey everyone!

For those of you that struggled with non PIV intimacy issues as a result of vaginismus, how did you find healing? We try oral and touching but my body doesn’t respond to anything anymore.

For me this includes no sex drive, lack of arousal (physical and mental), numbness/pain in my clitoris and vulva, and inability to orgasm.

What steps did you take and what made the biggest difference?

hi this is kinda embarrassing only because i feel stupid for having to ask lol. im 18 with vaginismus and i have a boyfriend now, we've done lots of sexual things together that dont involve PIV, but we want to do grinding and other things. if i get his cum on my vagina but not UP, do i still risk getting pregnant? i would rather be safe than sorry.

i didnt want to ask my friends my age, i want genuine answers from adults who know this stuff and wont judge me lol

Hello! First post here and I am curious what people would suggest. For as long as I can remember, I haven't been able to get more than the first knuckle of one finger in my vagina without experiencing lots of pain. I assume this is due to a fear/anxiety over sex, because my boyfriend and I had our first time earlier this month and since then I have been able to insert two fingers in (a first for me). I had been planning to get a dilator for myself for a while but now that I am making progress with my fingers is it still needed/would it still be more helpful? I'm not opposed to getting one but my college budget is a bit tight at the moment. Thank you for any advice :]

all i know of is meghan trainor. feeling very alien right now and just dont want to feel like the only person in the world with this condition 🥲 influencers can count too.

i dilate very infrequently for a mixture of reasons (dysphoria, living with family, other chronic health issues). like, before last night, the last time i'd tried was at least five months ago.

i decided to try again and didn't really have a lot of hope, but other than some bad initial pain at the beginning everything was okay? i was alright taking the whole thing, and alright taking it in and out (worse than just holding). i even tried the second size up and managed to accomodate the width and most of the length (though it was significantly tighter and still uncomfortable). this is something i haven't been able to manage before at all and i guess I'm just confused as to why so much changed.

i recently entered a new (ld) relationship with someone I've been friends with for a long time, so maybe that's contributing? or maybe I'm just getting more comfortable with the idea? if anyone has any insight that would be awesome

for clarification: fingers, tampons, and other devices just don't fit. before, the first dilator in my set also barely fit and kept making me cry.

Hi everyone,

I’ve been reflecting on some of the recent conversations here about the challenges of navigating vaginismus and finding the right tools or support.

It’s such a deeply personal journey - everyone is different and yet there are many simiarities.
I’m always inspired by the strength and resilience shared in this group.

I posted something on Thursday that might resonate with those exploring options for self-help and guidance. If you’re curious or missed it, feel free to check it out.

I’d love to hear: 

What’s been the most helpful resource or strategy for you so far in your journey?

If there were an online coaching program to help you on your vaginismus journey, what would you most like to see in it?

What do you feel you need most on your journey and where are you going? With that I mean what is/are your ultimate goal/goals?

You will receive a small gift to say thank you for your insights. I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts!

I found out yesterday that I have a cyst, but it is larger in size and will probably need laparoscopic removal. I am extremely scared, it's a combination of being phobic of doctors, scared of the surgery itself and most importantly not being cured of vaginismus. I am unable to undergo any vaginal examination and I am very worried that this will be a problem in hospital. I also have panic attacks when I see doctors. I would need a quick solution, at the moment I am able to insert a dilator about the size of a finger, can't upgrade to a bigger one for a while now. Does anyone have experience with this operation and what examinations will be needed? Alternatively, what can I do to help myself quickly?

I (21F) still don’t have a gynecologist. i seriously need one but im hesitant to reach out. i feel like vaginismus is such a not-so-explored thing, im worried i’ll go into some gyno and they’ll say they’ve never heard of it or say they’re not qualified to treat it. does anyone have any experience with this? or do all gynos know how to treat it? i just really don’t want to jump between doctors.

I'm still on the first dilator and after a week of easy-ish insertion now I suddenly can't get even half of it inside. There's no pain it's just incredibly tight like it's resisting the insertion. I know taking a break is not a good idea and I don't even want to I'm enjoying the routine and when it goes well my pelvic floor feels super relaxed afterwards.

I feel like I'm somehow still making progress? I was able to insert a small portion of the dilator while looking with a hand mirror today, I'd usually be incredibly squeamish about this stuff and I'm getting used to the sensation of feeling the inside of my vagina with my finger but I just can't figure out why it's so hard to get the dilator in for the past three days :(

Guys I think I have vaginismus and I’m scared. I can insert a tampon with mild discomfort but anything larger than that is painful and very uncomfortable. I don’t have a bf anymore but during my 2.5 relationship, me and my bf didn’t have PIV because it would hurt me really bad if I tried. I’m pretty sure my issue is psychological because I’m scared of the pain and something in there tearing I guess but more of the pain. But I really want to have PIV. Like really I want to be normal. I can’t afford therapy or botox or anything so I’m going to do pelvic floor exercises and start with dilators. Also does the largest dilator size usually equal about how large a penis is? Any advice would help. I’m worried I won’t be able to cure this and I really just want to have PIV like normal. Any success stories?

Hey y’all

Just wanted to share my experience/success story so far on my dilating journey.

I’m 28, up until a few years ago I couldn’t even fit 1 pinky finger into my vagina. Never even tried penetrative sex because just the idea of it sounded impossible and painful.

I recently felt like my sex life could really benefit from being able to do more in the bedroom in general so I decided to give dilating a shot. And shit what do you know.

Bought a 5 size dilator set off Amazon smallest is 4.5ish inches long, .7 inches diameter. And largest is 6.8 inches long and 1.5 inches diameter.

Let me tell y’all that big one seemed way too big and I mean way to big. Why is penis so big I would ask myself every time I saw it. It was daunting.

I’m proud to say that I can insert the second to largest size of my set easily and consistently as of today. 6.3 inches long 1.3 inches diameter. Even that seems crazy to me, that’s basically a normal size I can’t even believe it.

I spent a long time of my life feeling broken . I didn’t understand how other women could do it so easily . I’ve never had a well woman’s exam or a pap smear, and I’ve never inserted a tampon. And I never thought I ever would be able to. But my success with dilating has really given me hope that I’ll be able to do those things soon.

It’s still rough going. I have to be very patient with myself to be able to penetrate. It takes about 20 sometimes 30 minute prep time to be able to do it successfully.

I always start by just laying down and trying to fully relax my lower body for at least 10 minutes. Longer is better sometimes I just lay and watch tv for a few hours before dilating just trying to focus on unclenching any muscles down there. I also sometimes take my anxiety medication when I do this, I can’t tell if it helps dilating but it definitely doesn’t hurt. Then I go for it, I start with the size smaller than the biggest size I know I can do and I use plenty of lube. I don’t attempt to go straight in, instead I just move the lube around trying to get it warm. Then after I’ve inserted the smaller size and moved it in several directions and in and out about 25-50 times I do the same with the larger one.

I’m still nervous to do the largest size of the set I probably won’t attempt it for quite some time but I’m still very happy with my progress.

Thanks for reading everyone, happy dilating

Hi everyone! I’m looking for recommendations for lube to use for both dilating and solo time. I’ve been using coconut oil for awhile because every time I try a silicone or water based lube it doesn’t feel good. I’m trying to get away from coconut oil and oil based in general because oil based is not great to use when using condoms (my eventual goal is PIV).

So, does anyone know of any lubes that give that same “slick” feeling as coconut oil but isn’t oil based? Thank you in advanced!