/r/BDSMcommunity
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/r/BDSMcommunity
Hi all, hoping for input as I have no experience with BDSM. Per the title, I'm not sure if she knows how much of a kink she has and if she knows she's inflicting it on me. She's mentioned dick cages a few times, but hasn't really pursued it. She's pinched my dick too hard multiple times, she squeezes my balls, but acts like she didn't intend it to hurt. It feels really fucked up and gaslighty. The worst though is she keeps suggesting we have sex "later" -- after this or that, tonight, in the morning, etc. Then "we" "forget" or "make plans", but it's several times a week, and I'm sure as hell not the one "forgetting" we were planning to have sex. I'm not averse to exploring her kinks, but every time this happens it makes me feel rejected, depressed, and ghosted, and she doesn't seem to be being honest about what's going on.
I think I want feedback on whether others have run into people being this unaware of their own kinks (she might be a little on the spectrum; she's definitely an unusual woman, which is part of why we get along). She's otherwise fairly ethics minded, but she seems to have a huge blind spot on this and just avoids talking about kinks openly. I've suggested she has a bdsm kink before and she sort of dodges/acts confused, and I can't tell if she's just fucking with me or is actually that oblivious.
Is there a good way to open this conversation to try to help her explore her kink / help me determine if she's actually just cynically mistreating me?
Balls are sensitive, we know this. Some men don’t even like their balls touched, and that would be a total deal breaker for me lol. With that being said, I want to hurt someone’s balls and I have fantasized it since I was a kid.
I want to squeeze, hard. I want to separate each nut and pull them as far apart as possible. Spread your f ing legs and let me use them as a boxing bag until you’re rolling on the floor type of thing…. Let me see how strong you are
I’m very picky with my men in general so finding someone that turns me on emotionally is hard enough to begin with. How the hell do I find a man that will let me push his boundaries?
Until then, I am going to continue making myself cum thinking about how hot this would be. I’m dripping thinking about it and this happens often lol. I think it’s super hot to have someone willing to try for their first time… I don’t get much enjoyment out of the men with steel nuts and no response. Show me your sacks!
my partner (m27) and I (f24) are both heavily into bdsm. he is a daddydom/spanko, and i’m a rope bunny & sub. i’ve fantisized for a long time about attending a gangbang and/or going to a dungeon or bdsm party. i had planned to prior to meeting my partner, but then i met him and we both hit it off and fell in love very quickly. we have only been together for a few months, but we are very serious. he knows i’ve had such fantasies, but my issue is that i’m still interested in pursuing them. i only want to go to a dungeon/bdsm party/gang bang with his consent, and only if he’ll come with me. this is an experience(s) i would want us to have together, and in my current relationship i couldn’t imagine doing it without him. i know a lot of couples are swingers, romantically monogamous but sexually nonmonogamous, and after being on fetlife & reddit for a while it seems common and not too abnormal for me. i’m just afraid that he may not see it that way. i don’t want to ask him if he’s interested, and then he gets offended that i essentially am asking him to let me have sex with other men, because i guess thats technically what i would be asking for. i am in love with him and would NEVER do something that he’s not okay with, and i’m wondering if its worth bringing up to him or if it may jeopardize our relationship, which in that case i would not want to ask. every couple that has nonmonogamous kinky sex obviously had to have that conversation at some point. is there a tactical way for me to bring this up without risking him being upset about the idea of me wanting to sleep with other people, or if its something i want do i have to accept that my only choices are to not ask at all or to risk jeopardizing our relationship?
I’m a sub leaning switch, I’ve only ever been a sub in dynamics until about a month ago when I finally got my first sub/switch 🖤 he’s absolutely amazing. And we’ve now switched in dynamics and he’s taking the reins for a while to see how well we play that way. The first few weeks I got to be in control, and it was amazing. He let me take the lead and was more supportive and obedient than I could’ve expected. Perfect first sub for me if I’m being honest.
Now that we’ve switched for the last week, and I’ve had some stuff happen outside of our dynamic with life. I’m not ready to give up being in my sub space. And I really do enjoy being his sub (not more than being in control) but I’m nervous about when we switch back. How will I handle it? Will he treat me differently? Will I enjoy it less because of how much better I feel he is at being a D than me?
I know a lot of this stuff is probably just me in my head, but I’d love some advice instead of being even more vulnerable with him right now.
As the title says, for a while now I’ve been wanting to watch Hot guys with their wines/girlfriends, maybe the rare girl I’m into with her man or maybe a combo of both you never know lol.
Problem is how do I find people interested in doing this?? I’ve been using Feeld for a bit but that app isn’t the best, it’s kinda unusable without paying. I paid for a 1 time-month yesterday to try it, but making connections on there just isn’t optimal.
Any better ways/places you guys think I could find what I’m looking for???
In NYC area
From your experience, how many women would you guess would enjoy sexually dominating men?
Also what type of domination would be most common, humiliation/degradation or affectionately taking control?
Also, what are your thoughts on most people that enjoy submission also having a thing for being dominant every once in a while, it’s been like that in my experience for myself at least (switch).
So the gf really wants to become my personal fucktoy. But I have really only done training in person. Because if my job I tend to be away more then I like. Does anyone had advice on what kinda training I can do with her long distance?
My (40m/D) partner (30f/s) and I use the long (1-3hr) ambient mixes on youtube as background for our scenes to help focus.
She commented recently that it's effective but relaxing, and she'd like something more intense/erotic/less chill. Her words are, "something throbby instead of flowy".
It can't have words, should last 1-3hrs, and be a fairly consistent vibe.
Any recommendations?
After a recent night out, I made a quick decision to ask a guy, who has shown interest in me, to give me a ride home purely for convenience. We only had a simple conversation during the ride, and at the time, I didn’t think to ask my Dom for permission. I viewed it as a minor thing, especially since it was late, and I only needed a quick lift home. However, he found out, and now I’m seeing the impact this has had on our relationship. Although our connection has always been built on mutual trust and respect, this situation has caused a serious shift. He’s expressed that he feels hurt and betrayed, and that this choice has changed his feelings and his ability to trust me, despite how well we usually work together. I now fully understand that, even if it seemed insignificant to me, it was a boundary that mattered deeply to him. Rebuilding his trust feels crucial to me, and I want to approach it with sincerity and patience. I am open to doing whatever it takes to show him that I truly understand his feelings, respect his boundaries, and will prioritize our connection above anything that might undermine his trust in the future. I just don’t know what to do moving forward to show he can trust me again .
He has banned me from talking to other interests and using social media moving forward .
Is there anything that I can do have you ever been in this situation?
Edit 1: for those asking he never said I couldn’t but expects to inform before making a decision I didn’t ask nor inform
What are the best places to shop for bondage equipment and tools, looking for high quality with good aesthetics.
Thanks
The title says it all. So I have been more submissive lately and me and my partner have both enjoyed it but I kind of struggle with like the attitude to have,what to do.
I also just have a hard time finding information about it because I don't really like porn but a lot of dedicated kink spaces people don't like to say anything because they think you have bad intentions.
I am also less interested in a lot of like hitting and whipping and prefer service,humiliation and degradation.
I am a 5’0 ft tall transman and my partner is a 6’2 cis male so i find it rather hard to be as dom as i could be. i know size doesn’t matter when it comes to being a dom but its pretty difficult when your partner wants to be man handled. I never know what to do after teasing, using the strap is rather hard because we cant seem to get him clean properly even tho we use the proper equipment. Anyways, sometimes i use bondage as a way to restrain him but once that is done i get stuck i never know what to do when he is laying right infront of me and was wondering if i can get any pointers. Thank you :)
Hey guys! I'm here because I have some curiosities about BDSM and I'd love to hear your opinions. I'm a virgin and I'm very interested in exploring this side, but I don't know if it makes sense to start venturing into this universe without prior experience. Is it normal for virgins to get involved in this, even though they know they could end up losing their virginity in the process? I don't know if you have personal experience with BDSM, but I really find it super interesting and exciting. The idea of exploring fetishes and something more intense attracts me a lot. Who knows, I might even become a sub one day! What do you think? Has anyone here started without much experience? Do you have any tips on how I can start safely and pleasantly?
P.s: I'm a girl. 22 years old.
Thanks for the help!
Hey, my partner and i are into somnophilia, does anybody have tips for it? She is a light sleeper. We are looking into cbd oil and sleep hypnosis, but I'd love to hear other ideas.
I have never encountered a man who is into femdom in any relationship I have had. They are either doms, or vanilla. I would be too afraid to ask a partner about this.
I know there are subreddits for this type of thing, and I have met someone off there before who it unfortunately didn't work out with. Would I be weird for getting into a relationship with a man and then asking. Or is this something I should seek out beforehand (despite how seemingly rare it is)?
Hi everyone I hope someone can help me with this or let me know if someone also has this situations, excuse my English if something is not correct, it’s not my first language.
I have a sub (she is my first one) and we’ve been having online sessions for about a month and a half and every time we have one she needs to do certain things for example: kneel down and show repect to me or do certain positions to feel submissive.
the thing is once she does it when the session has ended she needs my permission to make her submission disappear, in that state of mind her behaviour and her of talking is different.
At the beginning it worked I gave her words for her and even say her name to make her come back but lately it has been harder for her to come back to “reality” what I need help in is if someone else also has experienced this and how did you handle it?
This is part of our aftercare and is really important for us but I don’t find more information about this or other ways to do it.
Wife and I are into bondage and play. We are not vanilla by any means. The trouble I’m having is planning. She likes to be surprised by what’s to come. Which is great. I am a terrible planner and have been winging it as I go. Should i have a plan as to what toys and pain/pleasure devices to use. We always communicate what we are up for prior to the particular session. Feel I could do a better job preparing any recommendations or tips?
Married 15 years. 45M to 43F. Our sex is pretty standard. She read fifty shades of grey and I bought up if she would like try to do something like that that was in the book and she “yes”. She gets uncomfortable when verbally talking about direction she would like to go. Ex. Rough, gentle , bonded, and other stuff. She wants it to be spontaneous. Does anyone have any advice on how to communicate with her without her closing down?
I have 2 tickets to go to the Halloween ball 2 tonight in London, but nobody to go with as I've fallen out with my partner
Does anyone have any suggestions as to where I can find someone to go with as I feel a little weird going on my own?
As the title says, they're much bigger and stronger than me, but we both want to switch the dynamic sometimes. Also they're not a masochist at all but i'm rather sadistic in that sense. Any good advice?
I’ve been trying out different segments of kink with different partners, and the partner I’m currently interested in has a hunter/prey kink. Obviously I will talk to him about what that means to him and what his interests are, but I was wondering what it means to others as well, so I can get a sense of what I want to explore now/later/maybe never.
I can’t kick this horrendous depressed feeling right now and he is sleeping like a baby next to me . Went for a walk , took a hot bath, played on here Jesus I can’t kick this and it’s horrible. Chemical release? Endorphins? Maybe someone explain in a way that will help. I had been looking forward to being with him all day more than usual . Big session planned and then just cut off his mood disappeared nd just like that light switch out I can NOT recover tonight like usual. Did all the things , prepped for anything he wanted, nothing very close to calling it done because I don’t want to ever feel this ever!!!!!!!!
I've always had a thing for wolves/ monsters being one of the primary adult entertainment videos I watch. Here recently I've been reading monster smut books and I can picture myself as the FMC and I want to try it in the bedroom. My fiance is undecided in certain masks but straight up says no with wolf masks because he doesn't like the idea of being any where near furry stuff. I was wondering if there's a site out there that has this kind of stuff especially wolf masks that don't feel like it's bordering furry stuff.
Also I have nothing against furry fetish I just want to avoid masks that might feel that way
Did I get catfished and my image is going to be used for shady purposes, or was I just ugly?
edit: It was a woman. I'm a gay woman.
After a bondage session including hand cuffs I am absolutely sure I have ulnar nerve entrapment at the wrist. It was a week ago and there is a mark on the wrist in line with the pinky position which is visible and the numbness in the pinky and the ring finger isn't going away. Has anyone had experience with this, do I need medical care or will it go away?
We've all been there, that stage of the great discovery of a new world as intimidating as it is fascinating. But I don't think I'm telling you anything new if I say that you can effortlessly find numerous posts on subreddits specific to our field from people, subs or doms, complaining about a new partner's attitude that they consider bad, feeling frustrated at not knowing how to do something or being rejected/feeling excluded because of their inexperience. So, willy-nilly, some educate themselves as best they can, others wait for knowledge to fall on their heads, and the last ask every time they look for a partner if that person can also be their teacher/mentor.
But these are the kind of titles I found in my research on blog or post: "Why a sub's inexperience can be a red flag?" or "New subs doesn't equal time wasters?"
Most are not dramatic. They say that there are lies and exaggerations about real experience, that many are vulnerable to scams and people who take advantage of their lack of experience, and that some have no desire to learn and just expect the more experienced to do all the work for them. And that's quite true in a way, not everyone has the will or the desire to become a teacher in one fell swoop, especially in our context where we tend to want to be kinky. But what 'solutions' do they propose to become more experienced? Well, education. The only thing that comes up again and again is to inform yourself about the practices. Essentially, researching the basics and exploring the huge number of resources available, being aware of potential dangers.
But when you're the first type of person I've described, the one who learns as best they can, what do you do? Of course you have to keep learning, you never stop after all. But then what? Because even if you think of it as experience, it's still theoretical. Even if you try it in your corner, you don't have anyone to practise with. If people asked if you've had any experience, you say you've done some research and you've practised, but they say if you've had any real experience, with anyone? And that's when things get tricky.
Practising on yourself alone and having to do it with/on someone else are two very different things. And what if they give you a chance, eh? After all, you've got experience, haven't you? If you do something wrong, that can happen of course with stress, but if there are several things wrong or that they don't like, then you're reproached and everything you've learned is called into question. But what have you done wrong? It's your first time, after all. But was all the information you learned experience? Or was it the prior knowledge needed to build up experience? So how do you end up with this precious experience? It's a catch-22 situation, as with many entry-level jobs - anywhere you can gain experience, you must already have experience.
So I need your insights and experiences for brainstormed together on this problem, and I hope there will be lots of exchanges :)
My sub really enjoys anal play, and loves feeling full out in public. We will often do public/free use play with Bluetooth wearable toys while she is at work, while we are out at the mall and etc. We found a training set of plugs (she might love the feel of anal...but she's only just starting) and had her wear the small one out to work. She LOVED the feeling of it inside kf her and already was soaked through her panties from being so turned on from it's tease by the time I dropped her at work. But, she couldn't wear it for very long despite enjoying how good it felt inside of her because of how uncomfortable the outside (base of the plug) felt as it rubbed up against her skin. Had her take it out pretty early on and in a photo she shared as she was told showed her skin right around her ass was red and irritated from rubbing against the base of her plug. My question to all you fine folks is... So, her first set was stainless (she loved the cold sensation of it and so we got her a whole training set to get her used to taking more and more) but clearly because of the irritation that doesn't work....would silicone work better / be comfier? Glass? Pyrex? Does anyone have any recommendations? We really want her to be able to wear it for longer in public without the irritation because of how much she loves the sensation of it inside of her.
I'm going to Montreal soon and have been invited to some events in the kink scene and would like to get some feedback on how much English is used in the kink and swinger scene there.
any and all stories are welcome.
(21x)In my first relationship+having sex for first time with a person who is super into sub/dom, so I’ve been launched into a strange new world all at once! We skipped vanilla entirely. I’ve agreed to dom while I find out what I like from sex. It’s been VERY fun, but I’ve found I only get mentally turned on when I’m being used, which is what my partner likes for themself too. The problem is neither of us are entirely interested in USING the other. I’ve been going out of my way to make scenes and tasks and services for them to “please” me, but it doesn’t turn me on, just feels somewhat good. When I explain to my partner I want to be USED, HARD(and would like it to hurt a tiny bit)they become skeptical and maybe even uncomfortable. When they do “dom” me, they still call me daddy and ask permission to get rougher. I want them to do stuff without asking, but they don’t seem interested, even though they see why it’s hot(for themself).
Is this a common experience for hardcore subs like them?
I'm looking for a fun little games to play during the full lecture. Give me your best task/fun activities you love to do. Like a wheel of fortune, but with punishment/tasks. Thx