Hey everyone I have a few questions relating to the use of fetlife, any help is appreciated.

So much first question is, is there a way to filter the searches you do to find kinky people in your area? Like by age etc?

My other question is I'm extremely shy about this side of my life as I am only 20 and very new to this community, I don't share pictures online however I'm worried people think I'm a bot or I'm fake, because I literally have no pictures. I'm happy to take some pics but just not of me.... can anyone recommend what I could post?

Thank you!!

TLDR; Can you filter searches on fetlife, and fetlife picture ideas please...?

hi guys! i (25f) and my partner (22m) have been needing some guidance. we tried a slave/owner dynamic as our first real step into the kink community, but it was a little too triggering for me. i’ve always gravitated towards DD/LG / CG/L for the gentler dynamic of it, and asked him to research to see what he thought. He’s said he understands from my perspective, but feels uncomfortable as a man trying it, and is hung up on the ‘ageplay’ aspect of it, though I don’t have a little age and have told him it’s still me as an adult, and I personally wouldn’t be pretending to be a certain different age, but acting more innocent and youthful. He feels creeped out by it, and liked the slave/owner dynamic, but it is too intense for me, and I’m not sure how to explain DD/LG in a way where he might feel less uncomfortable. Does anybody have advice with this? Either on explaining this kink in a better way, or on dynamics that were perhaps a bit different from the stereotypical DD/LG that worked for you and your partner? Thank you so much. ❤️ Also disclaimer - I understand where he is coming from and am not trying to outright change his mind, if he doesn’t want to try, we won’t do it. We have very open communication. :)

Me and my husband were both pretty into each other's kinks from the beginning, and had verbal consent all the time, all the way. We want to get into a rougher CNC, where... Well a safeword is pretty crucial to say the least. My husband insists that I am the one who figures out a safeword, and me, having no creativity, am turning to Reddit.

He keeps moving around and every time I try to touch him down there he gets in the way and cuddles me. I’m very confused by this and I end up just staring at his crotch for long periods of time. What should I do?

I spent almost few months to get a perfect Domme. But i failed.

Hi, I (F) have recently gotten involved in a threesome dynamic with a couple. They are Daddy and baby girl and they both are my Dom/Domme. They call me kitten but we can come up with names for me to call them. Ideas please!!

My sir really wants to be able to fist me, and I just want to do whatever my master asks me. We practice often but I just can’t seem to get his whole hand inside of me. Master has stretched me for some time and will use proper lubrication but still!! This is a two year goal in the making with an extensive toy collection that assists in my practice. I already wear a butt plug daily! Do you have any advice for me?

It's been hard for us to find anything about it online, so we're hoping for some help on how to do it safely here. He said that "Im fine with anything as long as it stays within the sexytime", so it wouldn't be a 24/7 type thing

[F/32 ] Do you ever get worried that you can make a sub actually obsessed with you in a dangerous way?

As a Dom I find the idea of fixation naturally very appealing, I think I’m good enough in understanding other’s insecurities, desires and taboos and that sometimes can touch a nerve.

I have to clarify that I follow and respect limits but I also love pushing boundaries and see people struggling to understand more deeply themselves and me.

I love the sense of light fear, the idea of being chased, stalked or even extremely adored however there are clarity times I feel it’s very risky, I’m thinking of it recently l, especially after two of my subs revealed to me alarming mental health issues for which I wasn’t aware for a period of two to three years and I engaged with both of them in intense scenes.

I don’t know where to draw the line, how I can figure out that I’m playing with the right person since people can mask and act as if they are healthy and stable in order to engage in playing. I know well that the practice involves necessarily a risk but what if I put myself in actual danger ?

Hey everyone

Does anyone know of a way to find or reset the 2fa recovery code when logging into FL? My authenticator app was reset and I don’t remember my code :/

Hi (M24), I have recently joined this community because I like bdsm. I am more of a dom and like seeing girls that are seeing submissive, tied up, and being controlled or perhaps tortured by pleasure.

I never had the chance to try out this kink well because I never had the opportunity to actually fo this kind of stuff. In my country, is quite hard or near impossible to find a community like this or even people because due to religions, human being in general and so on.

Also I never had the chance to explore this bdsm stuff like obtain sex toys and such because also obtain one here is kinda hard and not to mention no one to enjoy it with. So far I have seen bfsm just thru pornhub videos and such never tried it irl

I was hopping to meet maybe more like minded people and maybe just maybe to have a chance at trying out this bdsm thing.

Oh and FYI I am in Malaysia.

Basically, I’m looking for any sort of tool/questionnaire/checklist/etc that where two partners can select their interests, see which interests overlap, then use that info as a jumping off point to create a D/s contract.

I know there’s plenty of kink compatibility quizzes and contract templates out there, but I’m looking for anything that combines the two.

Thank you!

As a Domme, I consider my sub’s journal to be one of the most key aspects of our dynamic!

I am curious from both D/s sides if:

1. you’ve had or required a sub journal
2. if yes to either side, how did you felt about it?
3. if no to either side, why do you not use a journal in your D/s dynamic?

This is not a survey, I am hoping to have a discussion around journaling (pros, cons, uses, and general feelings towards them)

my partner (dom) was the first person i ever had bdsm experiences with, i had no clue what i liked apart from that i am a sub. we eventually figured out that i liked humiliation play, but at that point i was so inexperienced everything was new, so it was easy to make it feel more intense for me. now it's a few years later, we're now in a serious committed relationship not just play partners, there's been ups and downs, many things have changed. i am a lot more used to kink now. i still get off on him calling me names and stuff, but it's very different from how it felt in the beginning. some of the things that felt interesting/humiliating in the beginning, like rim jobs and being peed on, i kinda feel differently about now. it's a lot less intense. can anything be done about this? or is this just what happens with experience? i don't think we can start doing that much more humiliating things because it would reach my limits. can it be the problem that our play looks a lot less like a "scene" and a lot more like a couple fucking just in a kinky way?

Folks who are in mommy domme or daddy dom dynamics, are you celebrating mothers day or fathers day? I’m most curious about people in these dynamics, not about people in bdsm who have kids, but feel free to chime in if you want

Hi looking for a first task for a shy new sub that can be completed remotely. All suggestions welcome 🙏

My wife and I are pretty new to BDSM, so this is quite a basic question, but I’m wondering how do others go about combining pleasure and pain? Do you start with one vs. the other? Get him/her to the point of orgasm and then flog them hard? Alternate? Obviously a lot of personal preference here, but want to get ideas from more experienced people for things to try with my wife. Thanks!

Hi! I’ve heard the traffic light system several times now and I assume it’s good, especially for beginners or heavy players. Please correct me if I’m wrong!

What’s working best for you guys and why?

Does the stop light system have any disadvantages?

Thank you!

Any good ones?

So I'm 18 but extremely overmatured especially when it comes around sex and that topic my life revolves around it. but I have been struggling to meet anyone who can actually give an exciting experience like 90% of the people I've been with are too vanilla to slap an ass- no shame to vanilla obv but not for me. I also do know it's a bit of an older community most of a time which isn't a problem with my age gap loving ass but it makes others uncomfortable how young I am.

Long story short I want to find some bdsm friends and have no idea how

I know it's usually referring to women, but I've wanted to call myself the femdom to my sub, the "fem" being used more as "feminine" than "female"-gender

Hello guys, I'm trying to get my hands in more stuff to make my tot box bigger and one of the things I want to get are bdsm mask, mostly one that only has the mouth hole o the ones that look like sky mask to cover my partner's face but I don't know which material is the best for them, which are the different kinds of masks or where can I get one that is good. So far I've only found some made out of Lycra but Idk if they're my best option. Could you give me your opinion?

Mostly inexperienced sub-switch here

Who should put in more effort into a dynamic to make it a D/s? I know the healthy answer is both parties should put in an equal amount of effort, but I can’t get past this fear of a submissive partner being too passive and idly waiting for the power dynamic to come to them. Anecdotally, in your relationships, who has wanted it more? Who initiates the dynamic more?

I’m mostly imagining more vanilla D/s dynamics here but also BDSM themed relationships. I am aware of the great amount of effort to create an elaborate, powerful yet safe scene. For scenes it’s a heck of a lot of work to procure equipment sex toys, setup, and later cleanup. In your own experiences, do both parties (subs and doms) contribute equally to crafting scenes?

Personally speaking, as a sub I know exactly what I want and would practically tie myself up and beg my partner to dom me. I would submit and I would communicate asking them to dominate me. I’m not the outlier here right? Most submissives are enthusiastic about submission and would practically beg their partner to join their dynamic?

What I fear this most is a submissive partner who can’t explain what they need sexually and would go “I don’t know, just dominate me.” As a switch, I also want to top sometimes, but I’m afraid of the responsibility to know what to do because you’re the ‘strong’ partner in a D/s.

In a healthy relationship; is one partner asking to be tied up, and is the other partner asking to tie them up in roughly equal parts?

I think I’m overthinking this a little bit and I think I already know the answer but I would like to get your opinions on the matter.

be honest, does it hurt when yall use it (if u do)? and are the ones bought in stores, and parafin less painful than normal candle wax?

"Good day, Sleepy and horny, be gentel, relax my sleepy Butt! Be Dominant, careful and kind to me. 20P (13%) is noticeable. 50P (33%) is pleasantly noticeable. DG Lab A loob's on Penis. hush 2 in Ass. I'm still absolutely tired this morning. Tease/Edge and Denial me, I DON'T want to cum, less is more. no 10hz End---CET"

Is for XToys with E-Stim for penis and butt and or lovenes hush 2 for the butt. Isn't that contradictory with dominance and kind? The “I don’t want to cum” part is also intended more as a deterrent. There is always someone who has to switch to full power straight away.... Even if I ban these people. What do I really need to get people interested in my session?

Yes, I have three people who I see as regular viewers/controllers. But new people are always good.

And as I would like: yes, people can and should like to show dominance. But don't set it to full power right away... That's not dominant, it's just people who have no idea about e-stim. Tease and denial are also desirable, just like edging, preferably with subsequent relief but just not after 5 minutes. Oh yes and I also incorporate sensory deportation and light bondage every now and then.

Gruß Florian

What dose this consists of and what am I suppose to do exactly dose it turn you guys on I want. To try.

hiii so i’ve been getting into reading more about BDSM (i view myself as a sub) and i’d like to read some books. i’ve seen some recs on “research” type of books but are there any like novels or so? or some lirerotica stories you like? i find most things to be too cringy

thx :)

in an ideal scenario where everyone’s STI risk levels and test results are compatible, what would a free use scene look like? what about a cnc scene?

is there anything implied by the terms that, if removed, would change the scene entirely?

Are these a thing? Essentially like a porn video but with the focus on bdsm rather than on sex?

TLDR; If anyone has any suggestions for vegan, heavy duty masks or hoods with demonic/animalistic aesthetics that would be amazing!

Heyo! Ive lately gotten really into bondage and wearing masks/petplay. I am looking for a mask or hood, that covers most but preferrably ALL of my face. Maybe with some kindof mesh or similar to give me vision but keep my face covered. (vision doesnt need to be spectacular). Most pet play/fetish masks I can find that both look nice as well as heavy duty are almost always leather, and a lot of neoprene hoods don't really apeal to me. Any and all suggestions welcome!!