Can I rent a room for an hour or two in Frankfurt that’s equipped already ?

We met on fetlife, had fun hooking up, realized we liked each other and were in a relationship for just over a year.

Our sex life has always been some of the best of my life and he is the only person I’ve ever been with that could make me cum from penetration only. I called his penis a “husband dick” because it was the perfect length, girth and had a nice little curve.

Unfortunately, things just didn’t work out for us to stay together in a relationship but we still love each other and are continuing to spend some time together doing coupley stuff before we set some boundaries so we can be friends.

Here’s where maybe it’s weird. I have one of those clone a Willy kits that we discussed (while in a relationship) using to make a dildo out of his penis for me. I really love his penis and I will miss it when we are no longer sleeping together. I’m considering asking if he is still willing to make the dildo for me to keep - if he’s comfortable with it. Im planning on staying single for a while and it would be nice to have. Should I ask him to make the dildo clone of his penis or not?

Hey, I was wondering if you could tell if BDSM/kink has gotten more accepted as time progressed, with sex positivity, mainstream successes such as 50 Shades Of Grey and a society that has progressed (...at least up to a certain time, I don't want to dive too deep into politics). (I am especially interested in the views/experiences of US citizens, but not exclusively!)

I read past ‘what makes a good sub’ posts but they didn’t really answer my question. I’m seeing general sex tips like ‘clearly communicate your desires’ and ‘ask them, every Dom is different’. I know this. But that only covers what they know they want and can put into words, and it also doesn’t help me feel like i have something specific to offer to service oriented Doms who are looking to please me. It also feels reductive to my efforts to be a skilled sub.

I can dom, but I’m really not a Dom, so I don’t truly know what’s going through your minds during. I would really like a thorough look into that. What is it about domming that gets you off, and as a result what about a sub brings you excitement? What could a submissive do to be particularly enjoyable? What traits do you enjoy most? What is something someone has done for you that you never forgot?

Thanks for your insight!

Edit to clarify: really not a beginner. Supplementing extensive communication with no intent to generalise. Seeking subjective answers and a broad spectrum of experiences. Thanks again.

Bit of a weird one but I guess my main question is, how do people learn to get into kink? I myself am I guess an accidental incel in many respects. I have a few things I know I like spanking, choking and generally bruising. But how do people get into spaces where they can comfortably explore or find people?

Why is it so hard to find a dom woman who can understand me. I want a woman that understand my desires. I have insecurity about my size down there which developed my kink to cuckolding, spy, teasing, cages etc. But I want a woman that truly find pleasure in playing on my insecurity. That plays on my emotions, that makes my insecurity increase and borderline hurt my feelings. She can be as mean or b*itchy is as she wants but I want her to also be enjoying it and take pleasure out of it, not just doing it for me. To make me her useless cuck and to only worship her and only orgasm for her. Is that hard to find in the age of technology and internet?

Like a 1950s roleplay of a submissive babydoll housewife and a macho breadwinner husband, for example

I'm 26F and I need a solid emotional connection first for me to enjoy sex. I've been sexually active in the past, but l've never felt truly attracted to my partners because I never actually liked LIKED them. Because of that, I also have never experienced my O.

On top of that, almost 2 years ago I discovered I have a disorganized attachment style, which I've been working on in my platonic relationships. I’m aware of it and want better for myself, so I do not think it has a hold on me anymore. I also don't want a vanilla partner. My last situationship looked genuinely concerned when I suggested hanging my head off the bed so he could face-f*ck me. That was my sign that he wasn't the one.

For almost two years now, l've been involuntarily abstinent. It's not that I struggle to attract men, I just don’t think I have been exposed to a selection of men that actually interest me.

I want to explore kink, figure out what truly works for me, and just have fun in the bedroom. But everything l've mentioned feels like an impenetrable wall standing in my way. I want to do something about it. Should I just throw caution to the wind and keep having sex, even without an emotional connection? Maybe that would help me detach my pleasure from my emotions. Or would that just make things worse? Help

I’ve been thinking about something lately and would really like some feedback.

As a Dom, I’ve noticed a trend that’s been a little frustrating. Some people seem to think that the moment they say they’re looking for a dominant partner, I’m just supposed to jump in and start taking control, without any real discussion about boundaries, desires, or if we’re even compatible with each other.

For me, being dominant only comes after clear communication about what we both want, what our limits are, and how we can make sure the dynamic works for both of us. There’s a huge difference between taking charge after we’ve had that conversation and just assuming control without any understanding between us. Trust has to be there, and I’m not going to lead anyone unless we’re both on the same page.

I’ve had a few situations (mostly online) where people have immediately assumed that I’ll dominate them without any conversation beforehand.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Is it ok being a trans boy and having a praising kink and loves to get dominated by others who tell me exactly what to do and are kind of caregivers?

I know attraction and preferences are fluid and ever changing in BDSM.

And for some, there is no specific rhyme or reason as to why we have our preferences.

But i at least wanna hear some potential ideas and reasons as to why I feel this type of kink at the moment

I say at the moment because who knows, anything could change

I've heard about free use for years through BDSM channels and communities and I wanted to ask those who've either engaged with it themselves, or is at least open to it what's the allure and appeal behind such a kink. Could be from the receiving end or from the giving end of it

As the title says, I get extremely turned on by men who can t hold in their cum, and or cum fast. This is a dealbreaker for me, if i meet a man who takes a long time to finish I am extremely turned off and I don’t want to be with them. The issue arises when I am in love with a person and havent done any sexual acts with them and then later on discover that they are not pre mature ejaculators, and I immediately lose interest in a sex life with them.

How can I navigate this?

I’ve made two Fetlife accounts and each time I get locked out? I’ve emailed the help line with no avail. I’m newer to the site and didn’t use it much. I'm sad since its been a good way to meet new people and fellow shibari ropers. I can’t seem to figure out why. I didn’t violate any rules. Does anyone else have this issue ?

How do people get that extreme look..mine is puffy but not huge

(Throwaway account because this is deeply personal and sensitive.)

I (M, late 20s) am in a D/s dynamic with my partner (F, late 20s). This is my first real experience in the BDSM lifestyle, but it’s something she’s been a part of for years. While I’ve embraced the dominant role in our relationship, I recently discovered something about her past dynamic that has shaken my trust and left me questioning whether this relationship can survive.

The Background

Before we got together, my partner was in a long-term D/s relationship where her ex was her dom. It wasn’t just about control in the bedroom—it extended into her personal and emotional life as well:

He controlled who she could date and how those relationships played out.

She was conditioned to share everything with him—texts, personal thoughts, details of her sex life, and even intimate photos of herself and her partners.

Every relationship she had wasn’t truly private—he was always in the background, observing and influencing.

When we met, she was still in this dynamic with him. At the time, I didn’t know that she had already started sharing details about me with him—just like she had done in the past.

She ended the dynamic with him before we officially got together, and I thought that part of her life was over.

How I Found Out

About 4 months ago, while we were getting intimate, a message from him popped up. I glanced at it, and what I saw shattered me:

She had been describing our sex life in detail to him.

She compared me to past partners.

She said I wasn’t good.

Scrolling up, I realized she had been sharing details about us for months. She told him about our conversations, our intimacy, and even how she felt about my performance.

This wasn’t just a betrayal of trust—it felt like I had unknowingly been pulled into her previous D/s dynamic with her ex, and it was deeply violating.

Where Things Stand Now

She apologized profusely when I confronted her, saying that she had been conditioned into this behavior and that it was hard to separate herself from it after years in that dynamic. She insists she has stopped sharing personal details and says she is fully committed to me as her dom.

But there’s a complication:

She still has ties to him through contracts and financial support she provides.

He has a place to stay connected to her whenever he visits.

They talk almost daily, though she says it’s “just about work.”

She promised their connection would end months ago, but the timeline keeps getting extended.

How This Has Affected Me

As someone new to the lifestyle, this has completely thrown me off:

My trust is broken. I keep wondering if she’s truly stopped sharing or if I’ll always be compared to her past partners.

My dominance feels undermined. I thought I had fully stepped into the dom role, but now it feels like I’ve been playing a part in a dynamic that was never fully ours.

My sex drive has plummeted. What used to feel empowering now feels forced.

I don’t know if I can ever move past the fact that my private moments were shared without my consent.

Why I’m Posting Here

I need advice from people in the BDSM community who understand how these dynamics work.

1. How do you rebuild trust when someone’s past dynamic bleeds into your relationship?

2. Is it possible to separate a healthy D/s relationship from the toxic remnants of a previous one?

3. How do you set boundaries as a dom when the sub has unresolved ties to a former partner in the lifestyle?

I’m trying to process all of this, but I feel like I’m in over my head. I want to move forward, but I don’t know if this relationship can recover. Any advice or perspective from those in the community would mean a lot.

Many many moons ago I made a woven/braided collar. I want to make another so I started unraveling it only to panic because I was having a hard time putting it back together don't suppose anyone recognizes it and has a tutorial video on something like this.

https://imgur.com/a/yc8akae

He introduced me, I am Ismael and I am 26 years old, since I was young I never felt excited by vanilla pornography I always felt that I needed something more to make me feel, that was when I discovered BDSM in a Facebook community, I researched the subject and became fascinated and excited. Submission, domination, bondage seemed very fascinating to me.

Getting into the topic, that was when I discovered my limits and what really attracts and excites me, but several things that are the most practiced in BDSM are those that are part of my limits and things that I would not accept such as spanking, slaps, exhibitionism or anything that hurts and asses and cocks also disgust me, I wouldn't suck them. I'm a bit vanilla in BDSM, I like the idea of ​​being handcuffed to the bed and having a master who dominates my life and takes care of me.

If I have so many limits, what I like, isn't it BDSM? Do you think you can find a Lover who respects all those limits without getting bored?

I recently joined alt.com and it seems like every women I engage with either wants me to purchase equipment, have an entry fee, or pay for a dungeon booking by hour (2h+ entry). I understand that it's better to find people in person at events, but is this normal? Should I accept that this is a paid service instead of building a relationship?

I don't find men attractive. I don't want to touch one and I don't want one to touch me. I have no desire for facesitting, pegging, CBT, or impact.

I do enjoy non-sexual domination of men though. Enforcing chastity, degrading, humiliating, forcing to do painful tasks, domestic service... Is this a thing for anyone else?

EDIT - I have male friends, if that makes a difference lol. One of my friends has served me before by cleaning, putting together furniture, cooking, etc and we chat and confide in each other outside of that dynamic.

My boyfriend and I had recently had a discussion about kinks we’re looking to further explore. We recently tried impact play and we really enjoyed it. I love the marks that were left over and My pain tolerance is fairly high but I’d love to explore how high it really is.

We used a fairly cheap leather paddle and it was okay but I was curious to know if anyone had recs for wooden, silicone or plastic paddles that would hurt a bit more and leave really nice marks and bruises, without breaking the skin?

Thank you in advance :)

I’m new to this, and a guy is saying he wants to be seduced & made “my bitch”, but says he’s not looking for sex.. thoroughly confused & would appreciate guidance.😅

Inspired by the post from yesterday about subtle ways to express dominance. What are some subtle ways for a sub to express their submission?

I recently had some erotic photos taken as a present for my Dom. I am looking to get them professionally printed so I can frame them and gift them. Has anyone had experience ordering sex style prints online? I was looking for larger size, high quality prints if possible. Thanks in advance.

I Am a Dom looking for book recommendations that could help me being a better Dom for my sub does anyone have any recommendations on what to look for would be greatly appreciated

A friend and I are curious about practicing BDSM together. I am drafting key points for topics we should discuss before creating a scene, and I would love to hear what you would add. Please imagine the new partner is a complete stranger. ##Before Talk:

• Do you have any STD?
• Have you ever played with kinks before? Describe.
• Expectations and limitations (spanking, shibari, touching, licking, hair pulling, picture taking, etc.):
• • Is there something that makes you uncomfortable?
• • How would you like to handle mistakes or unexpected moments?
• • Desires for this particular scene
• Medical concerns (allergies, knee injuries, etc.)
• Establishing a safe word and signal
• What type of aftercare do you need/prefer?
• What kind of relationship would you like us to have?

##After Talk:

• What did you enjoy the most?
• Do you have any recommendations, or is there anything you would like done differently?
• Would you allow me to publish some of the pictures I took? (Written signature required)

The bar has regular kink nights and it common to see people dressed in some gear and there is usually people in the back doing impact/paddling.

I have an idea for a scene and my partner is on board but this bar is the only public kink space we have participated in so we are kind of new at this and it’s not something I’ve seen done there or anywhere.

I want to were a body suit so clothed ankle to wrist and put up a sign saying you can touch the merchandise but boobs and groin off limits. My partner would be right next to me holding my leash. Since a big part of this is sensory play I’m thinking about wearing a blind fold.

Since it’s not something I usually see there I’m not sure how other people or the bar owner would react.

Also, anything I should add to improve the idea?

Is anyone else getting annoyed by how political BDSM porn has become? I really like degradation as a kink. But recently I've been noticing a huge uptick of posts about "MAGA alpha showing liberals their place!!". I know that if I'm in a degradation subreddit that's sort of expected. I'm there on purpose and get something out of fantasizing about being used. I even like roleplay subreddits about sexist freeuse societies and things like that - but it's all fantasy. Lately I'm seeing a lot more emboldened misogynists in real life, and it's getting reflected in the fantasy spaces online. Suddenly instead of CNC dirtychat prompts I'm seeing r*pe prompts (actually using the word). Instead of generic hardcore gifs, I'm seeing conservative US political statements as captions on hardcore porn.

I'm in these spaces becuase I like rough kinks. But then I'll wind up clicking on someone's profile and figuring out that their whole thing is just blatant misogyny even outside the kink spaces. It's not sexy to me if the other person actually thinks women are objects and wants to take my rights away. It's starting to scare me that so many people actually think this stuff as a lifestyle, not a kink. I'm not talking about the TPE folks either - if it's safe, sane, and consensual that's different. I'm talking about the people that are saying they want to keep all women pregnant and barefoot and actually mean it IRL.

I feel gross for participating with anyone in these online spaces, because it's further perpetuating a lifestyle, when in reality I just want to get off. Anyone else noticing this, or have suggestions for how to stop it or feel less gross about it?

For the first time, I had to safeword as a Dom. My sub (M) and I (M) were engaging in a scene over text when I realized I wasn’t in the right headspace and called “red.” He’s into some pretty dark kinks, and while this wasn’t the most extreme scene we’ve done, something felt different. I usually take pleasure in being cruel during scenes, but in the past, I could hear his voice and knew he was enjoying it. This time, I didn’t have that reassurance—he was too focused on masturbating to respond. On top of that, I’d already been having a rough day, so when the scene hit a pause, everything I had said came crashing down on me, and I felt like a monster.

Thankfully, he was incredibly understanding. He called me, reassured me that I’m a good person, and even suggested a new rule: we should only dive into the really dark stuff when we’re on the phone or in person. Then, he stayed on the line and talked with me until the dom drop passed.

I’m feeling fine now, but this experience was an important reminder: Doms have emotional needs too, and those needs are just as valid. It’s okay to end a scene if you need to take care of yourself. It’s okay to struggle with the emotional weight of a scene. It’s okay to acknowledge when something doesn’t feel right. Sometimes, as Doms, we feel like we have to just handle whatever happens because we’re the ones leading the scene. But as my sub reminded me today, if I ever feel in over my head, it’s best to pause and take a step back. And if that means not restarting the scene at all, that’s okay too.

I have a feeling I’m not alone in this, and I think a lot of Doms could use this reminder: we need to take care of ourselves too.

okay Reddit, I need some perspective! I'm (F25) and I've been dating my boyfriend (M25) for about 4 months.

Here's the deal I'm a virgin. And recently, I've been... intrigued by the idea of maybe trying some light domination/submission stuff in the bedroom. Like, maybe gentle teasing, blindfolds, things like that or more..

The problem is, I have absolutely no idea how to even begin to bring this up with my boyfriend.

I'm worried about too many thinks to start off will he think I'm weird ?? I don't even know what I like, so how can I communicate that? I don't want to pressure him into anything he's not comfortable with.

Am I overreacting by worrying so much about this? Should I just wait and see if the topic comes up naturally? Or is there a way to broach this subject gently and safely? Any advice, especially from people with experience of exploring kinks with a new partner, would be greatly appreciated!