Need help with your relationship?

So, when I met my boyfriend, I was really skinny and had a nice shape. I was about 17 when we met, and now I'm 20. Since then, l've gained some weight, which l'm not used to because up until now, l've been skinny. I wouldn't say I'm skinny anymore, but I'm more thick than fat since a lot of the weight gain went to my chest, curves, and hips. I'm a bit tall, so the weight gain doesn't look as bad, but trust me, l'm not in denial, it's definitely noticeable that l've gotten bigger. My family always reminds me that l've gotten fat, and sometimes my boyfriend makes comments about how l've gained weight since we met. But he will say I'm not 'fat,' and that 'I'm beautiful.' Because of my own insecurities, l've started working towards weight loss. I'm really trying not to eat as much, but I've always had unhealthy eating habits from childhood, even when I was skinny and looked 'fit.' I'm also trying to go to the gym weekly. My boyfriend often gets annoyed because l'm not really into the gym like he is, and I can be lazy at times, but l'm actively trying to work on myself. In the past, he's told me he doesn't want a future with someone who's fat and doesn't improve themselves because he values health. But l don't think it's gotten to that point since l am currently working on my body.

Today, we went out to eat, and I ordered a big meal because I was really hungry. I immediately regretted it once it arrived because it was too much food. I started eating, and I won't lie-at a certain point, I began to binge even though I felt sick because I didn't want to waste the food, especially since I spent quite a bit of money on it. My boyfriend literally made me put my cutlery down to stop eating and took the food away. After this he didn't talk to me until we got home. I then asked him what was wrong and he said he's never not been attracted to me until that moment. He said me continuing to eat even though I felt sick was disgusting and that it reminded him of the people on 600 lb life. I was taken aback but I knew binging is wrong and I shouldn't have done it but I feel like it is something I am working on. I'm not sure what I'm even asking but I do feel quite sad and what would you do if you were me? I was also heading to the doctors as l'm not sure if the weight gain is medical as well due to personal factors.

Tldr; my boyfriend is a conversation dominator and I'm really passive. He doesn't always give space for other people to input and sometimes it feels like he's talking at me than with me. Since I've gotten more confident, I realize this has to change because I do not feel heard. Not sure how to address this going forward since it's been an ongoing issue that we havent had a conversation about, any advice is appreciated.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 7 months. It's definitely been rocky at times for many reasons (both of us struggling with mental illness through winter and adjusting to each other) but we stuck it out and I will say the relationship has gotten much better and it overall is a net positive in my life and makes me happy. I love my boyfriend.

However, I've been real with myself recently about our conversation dynamic and realized it's not equal. It's not particularly my fault or his but it's making me feel unheard and it's making me very resentful, which is bad. I want to address it for my own good but also because this simply cant go on with me getting resentful over something like conversation, which is core to a relationship.

Since we first met, my boyfriend has really been a conversation dominator. It was something I ignored because I had a lot of confidence issues and I'm used to getting dominated in conversation due to social anxiety. I also liked other things about him and it's my first relationship, so it was easy to ignore. I've become much more confident and comfortable in the relationship over the past few months, thus why it is now very obvious and impossible to ignore.

But basically, I'm pretty passive in conversation. I'm more of a listener. I struggle actually to talk about myself and I tend to ask questions. I dont like talking over other people and tend to be quiet and take time to think while I speak. Not only that, but due to my low self esteem, especially if i am not confident, my voice becomes meeker and more passive. I start to get self conscious of what I'm saying and hold back. It's something I am working on, but this is why I tend to do better with people who are more my pace of conversation and ask a lot of questions. I'm ok at talking with everyone but I really expend a lot of energy and have to be feeling good talking to someone who is more aggressive conversationally.

My boyfriend is honestly the opposite. He is very confident and talkative. He tends to be more of a talker than a listener and sometimes having a conversation with him feels like a tug of war, especially if he's high energy or talking about his interests. It often feels like he's fighting to take the space in the conversation, which I tend to give up easily. He's also not good at back and forth conversation in a typical sense. There is no typical back and forth flow of questions and inquiring. He also rarely asks me questions about myself. Basically, we'll be talking, and I'll struggle to inject what I want to say because he's speaking so quickly or intensely. And I can't get a word in. Or I'll talk about something and feel he's not letting me guide the conversation, he's like taking hold of it because he wants to talk about something. Not all the time, but definitely a lot. Sometimes he'll talk over me or it'll feel like his conversation is an impenetrable laser and it just keeps going through whatever I'm saying or when I'm trying to poke it.

Honestly I don't think he does this on purpose. I don't think he doesnt care about me or doesnt want to get to know me. It might be that he is used to communicating this way. Some of it may be due to him being autistic. I think he struggles to understand social cues and he tends to info dump and volunteers information whether or not someone asks him a question about it. Also, it feels rude to me, but I think he's also like this with me because he's not masking and his normal self is that he's talking like this. But it still makes me upset.

It's not just his fault though. I'm also very passive, like I said, in conversation to a fault. My boyfriend noticed this about me too. I know because his friends are like him and he told me they once asked why I tend not to say much or input into conversations, and he said I just sometimes struggle to input. Beacuse of my social anxiety, I'm also very sensitive to social rejection, so getting talked over once or twice will put me into shame mode where I start to feel bad about myself and I can't think of anything to say. Whereas another person might get irritated or ask to finish speaking, or just also talk over the other person here or there. LIke I said, I have terrible social anxiety. Now reformed, but comes back out with people who intimidate me and honestly my boyfriend with his intense conversation and socializing sometimes intimidates me.

Again, since his friends are like him too, I don't think he knows I feel this way. I might be mentally wanting my boyfriend to make space for me in a way he's unaccustomed to because he doesn't need it and none of his friends need it. However, I do objectively think he's intense to the average person, because I've seen him at parties and he tends to dominate conversations too and when he was with my friends, I saw a few of them were a little taken aback by his intensity and started speaking less. On a good day, I can go toe to toe with him, but not recently. I've been more depressed, and as a result, I feel like it's been easier for me to get talked over and I'm tired of forcibly making space for myself in conversation. He's also depressed so he's been less attentive which is usually some mitigating factor in how he usually talks.

Anyway, I'm not sure what to do. It's a problem that I didn't address it ever. I'm not expecting this to 180, I know he will always be like this to some degree, but I am trying to figure out how I can approach him about how I feel. This is something in particular I'm struggling to communicate about because it's such a sore spot of insecurity for me. I'm still learning how to communicate effectively and with this, it's been hard bc I've been so flared up lately by anger and by internal sadness that it literally feels like my lips glue shut and I can't bring myself to say what I need to say.

My girlfriend is always very talkative when she’s on the phone with her girlfriends or like right now when her friend is over. They’re in the living room laughing, carrying on and watching a show together. I can hear her almost nonstop from inside our room talking about literally anything. But she almost never does this with me. Whenever I try to talk to her she usually gives a very short answer or doesn’t really say anything. When I ask her opinions she usually acts like she’s neutral or doesn’t have one. I’ve talked to her about this before. I told her that I wish she would talk more and share her opinions with me but she just never does. We’ve been together almost 3 years and I’m honestly starting to feel detached from her. I barely know anything about her, how she thinks, what she wants, what she’s interested in etc.. I’m getting really tired of being the only person talking all the time. Even when I’m quiet, sometimes she’ll say something but she’s usually just asking me why I’m not talking. She never starts conversations. I feel like she’s not interested in me at all.

What I don’t understand is when I want to connect with other people or spend time with other people because she’s so under stimulating she makes a big deal about it. She always wants to be with me or be included. We go to the same university and we have the same class this quarter. I was talking to another guy about crypto (something she knows nothing about) and halfway through my question to him she interrupted and introduced herself to him and started asking questions. I can tell he got freaked out and literally darted off the first chance he got. How the hell is she capable of starting a random conversation with another person about something she knows nothing about but she can’t think of anything to ask me or talk to me about? I don’t get it.

So i was having a normal conversation with her, the usual jokes. Then i asked her how about we have a casual relationship like, a FWB thing between us, its been 2 days she didn't give me ans answer she replied i will think about it. The reason i aksed her because we both were unlucky in past relationships and didn't end very well there is a chance she misunderstood but I don't know about that and we still talk like usual but a bit better i can tell by it. But i am not sure whether she will accept or reject. I don't mind getting rejected but staying without an answer is kinda annoying and curious. We been friends from 3rd grade and also work at the same place which we met unexpectedly in the same work place. After school we met at work and we been talking for a year and she has sayed i dont want another relationship and that's y i made this proposal. So is there anyone who had a fwb relationship and how did it end and start so i can think some idea how to handle me current situation and my English is no lt very good sorry 😔

Hi, I 33/F have been with my boyfriend Chris 40/M for about 7 months now. He owns his own home and it is not very clean. He works a pretty demanding job where he gets up at like 2am and often doesn't get home until 6pm or later, then has just enough time to eat dinner and shower before he has to get to sleep before waking up for his next shift. All that to say he doesn't get much free time except on Saturday/Sunday when he's off, and then he wants to relax, not clean (usually). He usually picks me up Friday on his way home from work and i stay over until Sunday. Saturdays i usually play a game on the computer and he'll actually get shit done. He always says he gets more done when I'm there than when I'm not.

Anyway, I haven't had a big issue with the state of his house before now. It may not be super clean but for the most part, he keeps it relatively tidy as far as not having a sink full of dirty dishes or garbage lying around, which is important because I suffered a stroke and walk with a cane so I can't be somewhere if I'm going to be tripping over shit. I can deal with some dirty countertops in the bathroom and stains on the carpet because his dog is really old and can't really control where she goes to the bathroom as well now.

What I cannot deal with is having a cockroach pop up on the counter next to me to say hello when I'm on the toilet at 3am. Nooooo, sorry, BIG NOPE.

And then when I see it and my screech wakes him up and he comes to see what's wrong and the bug fucking disappears somewhere and he goes "meh, it won't hurt ya 🤷‍♀️" and goes back to bed.

I have a pretty bad phobia of bugs of any kind, and i know the cockroach isn't gonna hurt me but all I can think about is that it's crawling around somewhere in this house and I can't close my eyes now without feeling my skin crawl because I know cockroaches are social and if there's one there's probably more I haven't seen 😱

I think I'm going to ask him to take me home in the morning but I don't know how to say "I'm completely grossed out now and I'm not sure I can come over again until you do a deep clean of your house and get rid of the cockroaches." without hurting his feelings.

I would offer to help him clean but physically I'm pretty limited in what I can do (that and there's a good chance I'll trip and fall on my ass if I get surprised by a cockroach and I'm not sitting down lol)

so, to start, i lve been through a lot of trauma in my life that caused me to believe i was asexual for a long time. i have since realized that is not the case, i just need to feel comfortable with a person in order to feel sexual at all, but i am very hypersexual once i feel comfortable. my boyfriend is very understanding of my trauma but he sometimes knows that i am hypersexual and he gets insecure that he can’t be enough and it results in us becoming sexual with each other and him backing out pretty early on. he said he may be asexual but not fully. anyway, last night we were both mildly drunk and getting frisky when he suddenly stopped and apologized that he couldn’t fuck me right then. i told him it as okay and cuddled him for a while but suddenly i started crying uncontrollably out of sexual frustration. i wasnt upset that he couldn’t, i was just frustrated that i couldn’t get that outlet because it had been days at this point and i havent a hard time going that long. i reassured him as best i could, it really doesn’t hurt me that he can only perform occasionally, i take what he gives me with gratitude but he gets so insecure and sad and i feel horrible. but how do i stop breaking down in frustration? i dont want him to feel bad because i am genuinely okay with it, it is just frustrating to start getting in the mood and abruptly stop so often. how can i express how i feel without making him feel bad?

Hello I'm a 19/F who's been dating a guy for 4-5 years, a few months ago things started getting rocky and we constantly argued because i'll admit my overthinking is really bad ever since he's been in college, we're long distance so we decided to break things off but planned to get back together when we were both ready again. I hear a lot of stories of frat boys and how they always hook up with sorority girls and that's always been one of my main concerns or what I feel uneasy about the most. Even though we aren't back together officially he still continues to tell me where he goes and who he's with, what he's doing or he'll say that he misses me but us not being together is what's confusing me. I feel like maybe he's stringing me along or keeping me around while he's talking or texting other girls and then when he's through with them he'll come back to me. One day he wanted to get back together so badly and then the next day he said he wanted to wait cause he "just wants to be able to give his best effort" is what he said. Is it something to be worried about?

So... It's our third year of studies, she's not in my group, by we meet a lot in merge classes. I started liking her in the 2nd yr of studies. Recently we were doing an assessment, i helped her with it(and also 2 of our mutual friends 19F and M, so this wasn't some kinda "helping to date her" thing). After we finished with assessment, our friends gone, I invited her to take her home in my car, cuz' it was already dark, almost night, and i couldn't just let her go all alone.

We're in my car, just chatting about everything, relationshis etc. We started a conversation about principles of life... She told me about hers, i started telling but then realized there are a lot of them, and showed her my notes in Notion in my phone(yeah, i do that sometimes, just to do some note taking, and keep some things in notes instead of brain(adhd)). Turns out i forgot that there were some really personal things, which mostly get known when people are already in a relationship, and are close enough to share it. She returns my phone after reading it, we arrive, she goes home, i go home. Several days of chatting ONLY about Uni assessments and things(with my initiative, with the aim to talk about other personal things to get to know each other better), but it didn't work out.

One night, me and my friend whom I haven't met since we were kids(he was studying and living abroad, haven't met each other for 7 yrs). We met, he showed the places when we used to play in childhood. I got euphoric from looking at our primary school, it looked so little and etc.

I drove him to his home, drove back to my home, and sitting in the car decided to write to that girl about my feelings, thought about it for several days, then some bad thing happened in my family, which made me emotional again ig, that day, i wrote her, told about my feelings, and how i admired her.

Half an hour later, after she read all of it, she answered with something like: I respect that you opened your heart, but unfortunately i recently broke up with some guy, but i still got feelings for him, so, don't busy yourself with unrequited love...

So... Seems like i messed up a bit... Any advice for my situation? I'd be glad to read

Long story short I'm a very introvert person in only talk with one of my friend in my college and to the people who comes to talk to me. Became I'm an odd person who can't make conversation with others He's an extrovert with everyone has many friends free with everyone Now the actual story My first year of the college within 2 to 3 months I became very close with him (he is the who came to talk first at first we use to talk about assignments and presentations became he is in my group and I'm the group leader). Then suddenly he started calling and texting and even if I use to tell him i want to sleep now, i have work and stuff he still won't hang up and use to say he still wants to talk or he use to say "do it while I'm in the call" (it's was not like in a rude way he use to say). Then after some weeks i was also use to it like yeah ik he won't listen even if I say that I'll hang up the call. Then one day I fell asleep while he was on the call and the call continued the whole night for 12 hours 😭 . He never use to cut the call . Even if I all asleep or anything. (It's not like I'm complain or something). All of a sudden one day he started sharing family problems with me too (which is very intense and personal topic atleast for me) (and till my knowledge i don't think his college friend knows about the problem that happend in his family ig im the only one, IG 💀). He also told me "you always go home early and don't spend time with me. Even if I want to discuss about my family problem with you i can't do it face to face". Then again he told me "I want to meet you today discuss about what is happening in my home" I told him to discuss with me on the call and he was like "no i want to do face to face" Early in this January he became very sick (had fever and got cough and cold) and he constantly asked me to meet with him near his house. "He's like come meet me please im not feeling well . If you come and meet me, I'll goof around with you and I'll feel better." ( it's agreed in the end cause he was acting so weird but in the end I didn't go because my family is super strict if the come to know they'll end me). Now the plot twist...... I came to know from someone that he has a gf 💀💀💀💀💀 yeahh.... I heard that he said in the beginning of the college days (i don't use to talk to him at that time) that he'll live his life now and the next year when his gf arrives in the college he'll spend all his time with her (heard that she super beautiful) How from here i was totally confused if he has a gf when does he talk with her? he stays in the call with me even when I sleep when whle he rides his bike most of the time I was the one who use to say don't call when your riding your bike it's dangerous and when I use to hang up he use to act all angry and use to tell me I can forgive you in one condition only, if you make me blush 💀💀(became i never prase him i always roste him). So one day I asked him that "I heard that you have a gf is it true?" He looked into my eyes for some seconds and had a awaked smile on his face and said "yes" i asked him "why didn't you tell me then" he was like "you never asked" i told him "i never asked you about your family but you told me those things" he replied nothing and was constantly avoiding eye contact. He received a call and we parted ways by saying "bye". i felt so awaked and so fucking confused i cried (because we started talking so much I grew attachment with him in just 3 months and who will not grow attachment if someone talks with you and stays with you for 12 13 18 hours even when you sleep and even when he goes outside sometimes). He started acting awkard. The next day in college he made eye contact with me for a sec and the whole day we didn't talk in college. I again came home and cried cause I started valuing the friendship (trust me in am not in love. Plz not atkeast with him). Then next day he again started action normal out of no where according to him wish. Then I had to conform about this whole gf thing so when we were joking in the call and he made some sexual joke I told him go ask your gf he laughed. Then again in a different conversation he was again making some sexual joke I told him "go make your gf horn*y" he laughed normally. Which made me conform that he aggres about his gf and then again in a different conversation he again made some sexual joke and said yeah "fuck you" and I was like "go fuck your gf", he didn't reply anything did not even laugh completely changed the topic... Even after these yesterday ye had plan to meet but suddenly some family matter came and we had to cancle which i was happy about. I told him to go have his lunch and go safely where he was suppose to go, tgen he said "ill have lunch then ill call you then ill go"💀💀. He called me after having his food and asked me to meet him near his house, he said "but pookie i still want to meet with you . Pls come near my house"💀💀 I made excuses and didn't go to meet him because obviously ig you guys understand why.. i literally feel bad for myself for growing this unnecessary attachment and for his gf too...

Now idk what is even happening and now how will i stop talking with him because if this continues ill grow this stupid ass attachment more with him. And if all of a sudden I stop talking with him everything will become awkard and I have to stay 2 more years in this college with him being in the same ass class. P.s- I tried making the whole story short 😭😭 Plz tell me what you guys think about what he is thing and what is should do without making things awkard. Thank you 😭😭😭 Plz spare me for any typos

Hey so this is my first time writing a reddit post, sorry in advance. I (f23) and my bf (m25) have been officially dating for a little over a month, been exclusively seeing each other for 2. Because it’s so new there are some things that I usually wouldn’t address so early on because i don’t wanna come off as the crazy jealous girl so soon, but it’s becoming way too much for my anxiety to not say or do something.

For context, I have a lot of trust issues from issues with my last long term partner, and I have been working through those things and truly feel that I am in a place where i’m ready for a relationship. I took to the dating apps, and met my now bf on tinder (yes ik but tbf i have met some solid guys on there). my bf and i have an unreal amount of things in common and we instantly hit it off. we went to the same college (dif years) but have mutual connections, and he dated someone from my sorority a couple years back. He told me that he ended things with her because he realized that there were things they didn’t align on and she wasn’t going to be “the one”. that to me kinda set off some alarms because they had been together for 2yrs when he ended things, and i feel like it shouldn’t take two years to know that feeling. i decided to push that feeling i got to the back of my mind because it was in the past and i had a past too that i wouldn’t want to feel judged on.

when he officially asked me to be his gf i said yay we can like delete these stupid apps finally and he was like ok and then went to delete the app but not his account. i said “you’re not going to delete your account?” and he said “what’s the difference if the app isn’t on my phone?” so i told him how that made me feel and he proceeded to delete his actual accounts. I saw him delete two of them (bumble and hinge) but i blinked or was busy doing mine when he did tinder, and now my paranoid brain is thinking that he could’ve kept it…

anywho, so a couple weeks into being his official gf i was scrolling on insta and there was a post that was like a suggested one based off of whatever that algorithm does, and it was just this girls butt in a bikini and he liked the photo soooo i got upset seeing that but also was like idk if i should say something because this is sooo new. i caved and said something about how it makes me feel seeing my now bf liking stuff like that. he basically called me insecure and told me he was just liking everything while scrolling (bs) and he unfollowed her. i told him that it’s a respect thing when you’re with someone, and i would appreciate if he didn’t like pics like that or follow stuff like that anymore, and he said he wouldn’t.

my bf has been soooo sweet to me about a lot of my anxieties. he knows how i need to be comforted and reassured and i feel safe and cared for when im with him, which is why this is really difficult for me. the ig liking dilemma happened right before nye. now it is 3am on 2/1 as of writing. i was on insta this morning (1/31) and i had this weird feeling and decided to go on his profile (i obvi already had gone through his following enough times to know who was new, yes ik not healthy) and he followed friday beers (not a huge fan but w/e) and a girl. i clicked on her and it’s a new account said her old one got hacked, so that didn’t really bother me, i don’t care that he has girls on his insta if they are like actual friends or something, so i decided not to read into it.

fast forward, we hung out tn and it honestly was one of the sweetest nights we’ve had ever. he was super sweet to me while i yapped about some friend drama and my weekend plans, and we cuddled and he just was saying all the right things. most of the time he is sweet but it felt a bit extra amped up tonight. while i was driving home from his, he texted me “imy so much already” and “I really do appreciate you, thank you for being so good to me” and im like god this man really cares about me and i feel that way too im so happy and tonight was amazing. we texted back and forth for a while, and he ended up falling asleep, and i should be sleeping because i got a train to catch in the morning but now im so anxious so im here.

i was just scrolling on insta and that feeling just came back, and i go look at his following and it went up 1 again. this time i identify the profile and its a girl. her bio has our state and two other states in it she’s younger like 20-21 from what i saw because she graduated hs in 2022, and grew up in a state far away and goes to college in another state far away but i saw no posts or connections to our state, so that was weird, how does he know her? did she just move here, was her profile inactive and just reactivated? all these questions are in my head, but the one that is most upsetting: am I getting played? does this man like me fr? do i say something to him, if so, what? “who tf is this?” is our state in her bio because she was here when she was really young and that’s how they know each other but then it’s like why is he just following her now, did he lie about deleting the apps or did he just make new profiles? i feel like there’s just no way he’s on apps i mean i never see them when he’s on his phone next to me swiping around and all his imessage notifications are not sus. he also can’t be physically cheating on me because we literally hang out all of the time and i know where he is when it isn’t with me. my mind won’t let me rest, so please advise me on how to go forward!

My ex and I are possibly getting back together. I will try to give a brief and unbiased summary of our relationship and the problem that came up.

We saw each other for 8-6 months non-exclusively last year, and then decided to formally date which lasted 3 months. We both were not in great spots in our lives with jobs, living situations, mental health and general health. We both clearly really enjoyed being with each other, and knew we were probably not set up to have a successful serious relationship with all that was going on in both of our lives, but developed a level of intimacy where we kinda had to try a serious relationship. We broke up pretty badly over something in retrospect was a miscommunication spiraling because we were both emotionally worn out from things outside our relationship at the time, and saw each other for a bit after before actually making a complete break and not talking at all for the last 4 months.

I feel like his expectations with communication are unreasonable and unhealthy at times. Occasionally if I don't respond in a few hours to something, i am not clear about my plans or what i'm doing with my friends, or am hesitant about bringing him to an event or something I think he wouldn't like, he will get upset. Not all the time at all, but when he feels like I am hiding something, acting like I am not proud of being with him, or not committed to him, he feels really hurt and will argue with me. I haven't slept with anyone else in years (although I have flirted/kissed/texted other people when we were not in a relationship), am a little autistic and anxious about inviting people to things if I think they won't enjoy it, and am generally a pretty private person about a lot of things in my life, not just sexual relationships. He has had girls cheat on him pretty brutally in the past. Also the first half year of sleeping together I did not think we would ever date as he saw other women and communicated that, so I kept myself from getting emotionally attached the best I could and I think seeing me do that makes him insecure knowing I can sleep with someone for a long time and be relatively fine with letting them go. I have also had two pretty terrible ex boyfriends a long time ago and where his ex's behavior has made him suspicious and insecure, mine have made me separate the value of sex and friendship and trend towards apathy and detachment. He can kinda spiral with his thoughts and write out a lot about his feeling through texts, but to a point it can be unproductive and probably make him more anxious. In the past I would go along with what he suggested would be good for our relationship even when I knew it was unproductive because I wanted to listen and show him I was taking him seriously, but I regret not pushing back when I knew our conversations weren't productive and am trying to get comfortable calling out behaviors I know aren't helpful. I am patient and think things through in my head to a fault, and he is the opposite.

He has a better living situation, job, and is getting therapy and taking his mental health more seriously. We both know he has some type of bipolar/bpd thing going on and he is working on it. When I was younger I felt those type of emotions and worked on them and now mostly just struggle with depression, but I am empathize with how intense he can feel about things. I am interviewing for jobs which is stressful, and definitely a bit depressed, but living a way more sober and intentional life than I was for the past few years that he has known me.

This last week he reached out, we met and caught up and talked about our relationship. We don't avoid that we both have some problems and have been unkind to each other in the past. The time apart let us be very honest with ourselves about the mistakes we have made, but not being in a relationship now I was able to be way more honest with him about the problems I had with him and also apologize which meant a lot to him. I think things are pretty obvious sometimes and think my actions make my feelings clear, but he is much more a verbal person and I am learning how to say things I think are obvious. He is learning how to be more honest with himself and chill tf out better.

He invited me to his apartment to talk some more and see his new place. Both hangouts were on weeknights and he has to work. After catching up more, he tells me that he still loves me and wants me in his life (not shocking to me), and about the steps he has been taking to get better. I tell him that I can not have a relationship responsibly until I have a job, and we both agree that we still need more time for the therapy/meds/lifestyle changes we are making. We are not under any delusions that our last attempt at a relationship was overly dramatic and we both we not honest with each other about our problems.

He comes on to me and we have sex, its nice. Probably not the best idea but we had a sexual relationship for like 6 months before we dated that went fine. Having sex or not has never really been an issue, its when we try to involve each other in our real life with our friends and plans and commitments and have expectations of each other outside of sex that was hard to manage and communicate about. Frankly, he seems way more put together than me currently, and I know even if the next day he took back everything he said I would be fine emotionally, and he gets me kinda horny and the serotonin is good for me so I agree to have sex.

The next day I check in with a text and everything seems good. That night he sends me a long text that if we are going to keep seeing each other he doesn't want me to hide that i'm seeing him and make that public in some way. He doesn't want to feel like he is something shameful i'm hiding, and me being a private person has made him feel like I am not proud to be with him in the past. He did tell me that night in person he convinced himself I was seeing someone else or dating around after we stopped talking. Which he realized was to him trying to trick himself to get over me and I confirmed nope I've been dry as a bone since you've last seen me.

From my perspective, it has been a week. I have no idea if anything has changed enough to where we can have a healthy relationship yet. My friends supported me after we broke up, I'm not going to bring him back into my life if I'm not sure I feel like it will work. I barely use socials anyways and also has been less social this winter, it would be odd to soft launch anything without talking about it with them first. I was very up front with the fact I am not going to be in a serious relationship before I have a job. I also need to make sure we can handle issues better than in the past and fix our communication issues, and that will take time.

Selfishly, I do not want to be public with that I'm seeing him again because I don't want to bother my friends with the next few weeks of if we are working out or not. I am an adult and know what I need to see before I agree to bring him around my friends given that we have a history they know about. I can handle my emotions about it on my own, and if I do decide I want to date him again I want to set it up for success and being like yeah we fucked is not the way to do that. I know how I feel about it and don't need others opinions right now, and I don't want to be pressured into having to define our relationship now when its been a week. I understand that feeling like I am ashamed to be seeing him is hurtful, but thats not how I feel. I just need time to see if its working. I also would guess part of why he wants to be public is because he still has some suspicion I am seeing other people, but that's his insecurity and if he doesn't trust that I am not he should date me. I will be proud of our relationship if it works out better than last time, but so far we've talked twice and fucked once, that's not a relationship to be proud of yet.

I do understand that last time I was anxious to bring him around my friends and he was hurt by the fact that I didn't tell everyone I was seriously dating him right when it happened, but I am in general a socially anxious person and also the casual sex for 6 months into dating timeline was weird for me to navigate. My friends that didn't know him yet were excited to meet him when I did bring him to things. I want to work on the communication problems we had and take his feelings seriously, and I know that will involve stepping outside my comfort zone eventually. If anyone asked about him or my dating life I would be honest, but I'm not bringing it up on my own right now. I don't want him to feel that I am ashamed of him. I am not sure when exactly I will feel comfortable and assured we can have a relationship that works for both of us, but in my head being public that I am seeing him is at the bottom of the list of problems to solve.

I, learning from past mistakes, told him I prefer not to text about it and will talk to him at the end of the weekend so yes we will talk about it. We both are a bit odd and really enjoy spending time with each other, compliment each other well, have similar goals for the future, the sex is great, and both have seen enough people in the past to know that being in each others lives is worth putting in some work. I have a few close friends I've known for years and I want him in my life in a way a rarely feel about people after a year plus. What we talked about the last week felt like very respectful, realistic, and honest. Him choosing to send that text that was pretty long, with the issue he brings up about me not being public yet, makes me want to be like really out of all the things you could ask from me to solve our problems you choose that? I know its insecurity I don't really feel or understand, but it also feels like such an insignificant problem to make a fuss about that I'm wondering if the right thing is to stop any attempts at reconciling. Last time I didn't address small problems I had and I will not do that this time, so I am wondering what is fair for both of us in this phase of maybe getting back together? Even if I got a job and my life in order tomorrow, it would still take some time for me to feel comfortable dating him again, probably longer than he would want me to be private about.

Looking for advice on dealing with a recent situation with my(37F) husband(41M)...

Some context: My husband has struggled with depression and has had substance dependence issues in the past. He hasn't had a drink in over fifteen years, but had until a couple of years ago been a regular cannabis user for over twenty. After dealing with chronic depression for a while he stopped using cannabis entirely and sought treatment. He has since started a new career, we've gotten married, and we now have a one year old son.

Things have been difficult and stressful recently. He's been unhappy with his job and worried about finances; and communication, intimacy, and figuring out our roles as new parents have been challenging for us since having our son.

The situation: About a week ago my husband went to work like usual, then went by his sister's house to finish up some side work. They're out of town so he had the place to himself to get the work done without distractions. He wasn't terribly communicative that evening, pushing his finish time back a couple of times before going dark until about 11 when he texted and said he was pretty sure he had food poisoning and had passed out. He said he would take a shower and come home. I didn't hear from him again and he didn't come home.

5 the next morning rolls around and he's not home, not answering his phone, and I'm worried sick and stuck at home with our son and no car (he had our shared vehicle). I called for a wellness check as I had no idea what else to do. I get a text from him saying that he actually had a mental breakdown, his friend came over with edibles and carts, and he binged so hard he made himself sick. But he was safe and would be home in a few hours when he sobered up.

The next two days were a cycle of him not coming home when he said he would, not answering his phone until I threatened to send family over/had his siblings call/eventually called for another wellness check, and then sending dramatic emails apologizing for being the worst and promising to be home soon.

When he finally comes home he goes to bed, saying he's been sitting in the dark alone and hasn't eaten, showered, anything. I tried to be calm, offering food, something to drink, to talk, etc. He just wants to sleep and talk the next morning. The next day consists of an emergency therapy appointment and getting referrals to a drug and alcohol counselor and intensive therapy programs. He still doesn't want to talk.

We have plans to talk tomorrow and I'm really unsure of how to approach this. He's obviously struggling, and I want to be supportive and don't want to make the situation worse, but I am beyond upset. He left me home alone without transportation with a baby for days, wondering if he was OK, scared he would do something. He didn't ask about our son once and hasn't asked about how he was since he got home. His messages were so self absorbed, talking about how he wasn't going to let this happen to him again, with no acknowledgement of what he was putting us through. He lied repeatedly. I'm at a complete loss and don't know if I'm overreacting, underreacting, or what.

How do I support him but still express how not ok his actions were?

For a long time, I've felt very unsatisfied within my relationship and I feel extremely horrible for saying that.

I love my boyfriend but we are very different people. He is also a bad communicator. He's improved but it still isn't enough for me.

He has emotional issues. He's exploded many times and has said mean things to me, gave me the silent treatment, etc. I'm tired of having to walk on eggshells when it comes to him.

He's aware that he has flaws but he doesn't seem to want to improve. Or maybe when he does improve, it's like he takes 1 step forward then two steps back.

I do love him and I've been with him for 1 year already, but I don't know if the decision I'm making is right. Am I being rational? Is the decision I'm making even the right thing to do?

I’m 23 and have been in a relationship for one year now with a 26 year old man. We have had a very steady and stable relationship. We are best friends, we laugh all the time together, he checks off all my boxes and I can absolutely see a future with him. We’re planning on moving in together in a few months when my lease is up, though we’ve already been essentially living together for a couple months now. This feels like a natural progression of things. We rarely fight and have had few conflicts.

He sat me down after he got home from work the other day and told me he’s worried our relationship is missing something. He said he’s concerned that his feelings aren’t progressing the way they “should,” and that he’s “lost the feeling of needing to rush home after work to see me” and lost the butterflies. He also mentioned that me talking about marriage, though hypothetical, makes him nervous because he isn’t sure he’s ready to commit to that yet.

This wasn’t easy to hear, but I feel this is normal. I lost that new relationship feeling months ago, but it was replaced with what I consider to be real, mature, sustainable love. He assured me he still loves me and cares about me, that I make him happy and he doesn’t want our relationship to end. He said he feels great when we are together and enjoys our relationship.

I also need to note that this relationship has been his longest and by far most serious one.

I told him that I think his feelings are a normal part of coming out of that “honeymoon phase”, especially since we basically live together. He told me he felt better after our conversation and that he thinks we’re okay. But now I am so incredibly anxious. I’m overthinking everything he does or doesn’t do. This was four days ago and I’m having trouble thinking about anything else.

Have any of you guys felt this way in a long term, serious relationship? Any advice is very much appreciated.

I, 37F began seeing a guy, we'll call him Ryder 43M, in early November. I tried to be cautious and take things slow.I didn't want to be love bombed or duped... But, this guy... even my family thought we're soulmates (he & I did too). Every time one of us would say something the other would jump in with the exact same thought or preference. Like we LOVE going nuts/over the top decorating for Halloween and Christmas, etc. We both love fall festivals, haunted trails, ghost tours and Christmas light shows, parades, etc.. He told me he puts up 2 Christmas trees every year and a tabletop one, so do I. We were talking about Christmas traditions and before I could say that I see Trans-Siberian Orchestra every year, he said that he's ALWAYS wanted to see them. We both love the same sports and sports teams... We know obscure movie and TV shit. We both have a tradition of giving Christmas Ornaments to our loved ones every year. Our love languages match up so well. Everything just... matched up... it was like a male version of me... He made me feel beautiful and desirable, even when I didn't. He didn't want to change a thing about me... We talked about the future and joked about what traditions we'll start next Christmas together.

Right at Christmas his dad got sick. VERY sick. He was admitted to the hospital on Christmas Eve. He said when he visited his dad, he wasn't lucid and was talking out of his head. Talking about neighbors from 30 years ago... like he just saw them. We were both busy, but we had carved out time to see each other, dinner dates, etc. I had stayed at his place before...We had planned to go to a special lighting festival about an hour/ hour and a half away, but his dad was so bad that he didn't want to leave the area... so I stayed with him at his place that weekend.Then his dad died the night before NYE.

We talked that night... before and after it happened and I told him i would happily come over and be with him, hold him that night... but his daughter was home and that wouldn't be right so soon. He said that after the initial chaos he def wanted that. I let him know I was there for him and thinking of him, but wouldn't interfere with his family stuff, as we were still new...

For that week he would check in like every other day.Then the next week communication went back to being pretty consistent and conversational. Of course, the tone of messaging and stuff wasn't really the same. I'd ask how he and his daughters and mom were doing with the loss... but he avoided it and we'd start talking about fun stuff we wanted to do on our next date. (splatter painting, ghost tours, etc.), I actually stumbled across something on Amazon that was like "100 Bucket List Dates" so you never run out of new things and adventures to do with your S.O.. He really liked it and joked "challenge accepted, you and me got this."

Something happened just a day or two later... Someone like cut through a utility line or crashed into a tower or something... in his tiny, TINY town so phones and Wi-Fi were out for a day or day and a half (He has his internet and mobile phone plan bundled with one company). He was found ways to communicate a little, i.e. while at work he could connect to their Wi-Fi, and he let me know what happened and that he would be in touch as soon as they were fixed.The next afternoon he let me know that he thought it was FINALLY fixed... So we started texting, exchanging some silly sexy texts and asking about each other's day...

And it's crickets ... nothing... nothing at all. I knew that he had to help his mom with somethings regarding his dad's death. So, that night I texted "Have a good one, ____. " I didn't hear back... so we went through Thursday no messages, nothing... Friday I sent a text letting him know that the one before was supposed to say "have a good night." So he would know I wasn't trying to blow him off...And I haven't heard a single word since... it's been almost 2 weeks and I don't know what happened or why. I can't deduce what happened. It doesn't feel done and over. Like we were in the middle of "How are yous" and then nothing. I don't get it.

I did send a message being vulnerable and basically pouring my heart out. I stated that I missed him, that I WANT to help him through this difficult time. I want to hear about his dad, what was he like? Did he share the same interests? Tell me about the time that you made him the most mad growing up... I know he needs someone to talk to now, he's an only child, so he's really had to be there and be strong for his mom and his kids... but, not with me.

I could picture a future together. For the first time in so many years, I really thought, this could be the real thing, this could be the one. I still haven't heard a word... nothing. I know, clearly it's over. But, it hurts and I'm so confused on why. Is there anything I could do to salvage this whole thing?

TLDR: I found my potential soulmate. Tried to be there for them through a difficult time and completely stopped hearing from him in the middle of a conversation. I don't understand why.

My boyfriend (M22) and I (F24) have the same work schedule and day off, and we live together. We've been in a relationship for 5-6 months. I know it's not long. Recently, I went to the doctor after he noticed something concerning about a part of my body. It turned out I have a medical condition that can be treated with surgery. What’s bothering me is that I’m disappointed in him. We’re both in a city we’re not familiar with, and he didn’t even think to offer to come with me to the appointment. I didn’t actually want him to go because I knew it would sacrifice his sleep, waiting for hours at the doctor’s office. What upset me was the lack of initiative or support. I didn’t ask him to come—I just wanted to see if he would offer, but he didn’t. I’m not upset that he didn’t physically wait with me, but the lack of emotional support is what bothers me. I’m actually grateful that my coworker, who’s sweet, came with me because she knew I’d get lost and asked why my boyfriend didn’t come. Over the past few days, I’ve been going back and forth to the hospital, sacrificing sleep, then going to work with only 2-3 hours of rest. He didn’t check in on me once. I’m always the one updating him, and if I don’t message first, he won’t reach out. When I got home, he even had the audacity to ask me to make him coffee while he slept all day. It made me feel like he didn’t care or wasn’t there for me. I’m not expecting him to visit when I eventually need surgery, but I just want to feel like he’s supportive and concerned.

My girlfriend is always very talkative when she’s on the phone with her girlfriends or like right now when her friend is over. They’re in the living room laughing, carrying on and watching a show together. I can hear her almost nonstop from inside our room talking about literally anything. But she almost never does this with me. Whenever I try to talk to her she usually gives a very short answer or doesn’t really say anything. When I ask her opinions she usually acts like she’s neutral or doesn’t have one. I’ve talked to her about this before. I told her that I wish she would talk more and share her opinions with me but she just never does. We’ve been together almost 3 years and I’m honestly starting to feel detached from her. I barely know anything about her, how she thinks, what she wants, what she’s interested in etc.. I’m getting really tired of being the only person talking all the time. Even when I’m quiet, sometimes she’ll say something but she’s usually just asking me why I’m not talking. She never starts conversations. I feel like she’s not interested in me at all.

What I don’t understand is when I want to connect with other people or spend time with other people because she’s so under stimulating she makes a big deal about it. She always wants to be with me or be included. We go to the same university and we have the same class this quarter. I was talking to another guy about crypto (something she knows nothing about) and halfway through my question to him she interrupted and introduced herself to him and started asking questions. I can tell he got freaked out and literally darted off the first chance he got. How the hell is she capable of starting a random conversation with another person about something she knows nothing about but she can’t think of anything to ask me or talk to me about? I don’t get it.

as the title states, we’ve been together for 5 years and had never had this issue until the last 6ish months. she’s had a LOT going on (massive family issues) so i do think that could be driving it, but recently, she just keeps asking me if she annoys me or if i even love her, which has started to wear away at me. at first, i would throw everything aside and we’d talk about it for hours so i could see what i was doing to make her feel this way, but now it seems like an issue i cannot solve. tonight we were being stupid and messing with each other when all of a sudden, she just goes “i feel like you don’t even love me.” and just looks at me. i just looked back as i couldn’t tell if she was still playing around or what, but then she said, “say you love me” and then my thoughts started racing to see what i had done to cause this. then she repeated herself and my face dropped, so she asked why i was upset and i said it wasn’t a big deal and that of course i loved her. then an argument broke out, not much was said, she left the room and these texts then occurred. i’m the first to admit that i was not so warm and fuzzy in these messages because i was truly so confused, but i also felt super defeated. anyone else have a similar issue? how did you all handle it as a couple? ANY advice would be greatly appreciated as i’m just at a loss. there’s no way this could possibly end our relationship or anything of the sort, but it is now a reoccurring issue that i’d love to sort out. thanks in advance:)

Text exchange below, lol… her: i love you and i'm sorry i keep saying those things it is how i feel sometimes but i need to work through that im sorry

me: it's okay bug i love you. it is super hard for me to understand if my actions aren't showing my love for you or if it's something person that you are dealing with and that's why it impacts me so much. i feel like i do so much to show that i love you so when you say things like that, it hurts in a weird way but then it also makes me reevaluate everything and that's why i just froze when u kept saying "say you love me"

her: you do show me you love me but sometimes in little moments i feel like a bother and in those moments i feel like maybe i might not be loved or wanted around if that makes sense. i know you do so much for me and i want you to know i am so appreciative for that

me: okay

her: did i upset you more? i was just trying to explain

me: no it's just so confusing to be on the other side of it & i don't really know what to say or do tbh. like i know i irritate you at times or there are moments when u want to be alone and i don't question for a moment if you love me or not

her: i think it's because i feel annoying because sometimes i can tell you're irritated when im too goofy or touchy and it just hurts my feelings and feels like rejection so my brain just goes to you not liking me

me: i am truly not sure what to do. i don't believe that i get annoyed as often as you think i do, but i also feel like it's perfectly normal to be irritated at times and it not turn into a situation of someone not liking the other person and instead be about something like energy levels, mood, etc

her: i know, it just happens a lot. or appears to and hurts my feelings

me: okay, im sorry

her: it’s okay. just trying to figure out how to make it better

me: yeah, i'm not sure. i really don't know how it even happened earlier honestly. we were playing around and i was just looking at you and then you said it

her: i really don't know what to say because it didn't feel like we were playing

me: when i took your phone and you took mine back and then i gave urs back bc u wanted to go make art? can u tell me what was making you feel like we weren't playing? i'm genuinely just very confused

her: the way you were looking at me

me: okay

her: okay

Okay lot of context for this one. This all might sound like a drama love story (according to my tattoo artist) but i genuinely want to understand after the context on why the grudge is being held still.

Again this story is long, but outside perspective would help me.

I ‘18/F’ just got out of an abusive toxic relationship and fresh out of high school. Became very close friends with, we will call Ben ‘M/19’, i had met him 2 (now 3) years ago, and we had a drunk new years make out session but nothing more came of it.

To now (summer 24’) He had helped me through a lot with my fresh vulnerable breakup. Let me cry it out , rant it out. everything. Fast forward- He invites me to work this event with his best friend ‘M/21’ who we will call Sal. I had known Sal for years before due to a girl who was half obsessed with the guy. but nothing more than that. So our 3 day event comes by, it’s sweaty, we’re walking around a lot, ben and i are having a good time just chatting, i hang out with Sal’s younger brother. Very smooth and easy. One evening I had ended up getting really high and we had found this random crawfish. these two women come up to us, asking to do that good snow. And that had me go into freak out mode due to my own past. And I had a full blown mental breakdown. Sal and Ben came to comfort me, Sal was huge on getting me to feel better. After that night Sal and I really hit it off. We start going on solo side quests, we all end up getting a MATCHING TATTOO??? and THEN i ended up giving Sal a massage. So leaving that weekend, i was completely drawn into him. Ben had told me that Sal was completely out of it when it came to love. But I had a feeling that I could get through to him. Sal and I start talking a lot. And then Ben had come up a weekend and I told Ben that I had a thing for Sal, where Ben absolutely flipped out. Claiming to have issues with friends getting together and then feeling left out? Following, Ben had cornered me to tell Sal that I had a thing growing for him, in simple terms. I had told Sal that I hadn’t planned to push a single thing with him. And I genuinely cared to gain a friendship with him.

Following, 3 of us go to a concert, that evening Sal had ended up carrying me to the car due to me not wishing to wear my platforms. With that coming weekend, Sal and I had gone out for half a day and just spoke together more. I got to learn more deeper things about him. After that morning, we had given each other more massages (sadly infront of Ben, i did feel really bad on that one). The last night of staying there, I had needed to charge my phone but there was no extra charger, so I had to go into his bed and try stay up. to THEN, i fall asleep and he starts waking me up with cuddling up to me. We end up hooking up that night.

Fast forward- A month of texting, sexting, calling. Whole lot of all of everything. I end up planning a 13 day trip over to Sal’s apartment. Whole time we are hanging out like a couple, doing coupley everything, and A LOT of sleeping together. The last few days of my stay, Ben comes up for a show and we all go have a good time til i’m almost passing out from my corset. Second night, my (now homegirl) we will call Lana ‘19/F’, comes up for a concert the next day. I blurt out to her that I have been falling in love with Sal. Because I haven’t been able to see any other of my girls so I was GRASPING for that lady moment. We go to this concert, have a good time but i say a few many relationship jokes which we end up having a car conversation on him not being ready. Which i tell him I understand, because I did care a lot for him as a person. Last day- We go to this day trip date basically. We went to see a cute gallery and food. And something that day, he looked at me with passion and warmth. i could feel something change with him. with that day, and i find was bad on our part. Lana and Ben were left alone, they were completely left confused on why they couldn’t come. And Ben had flipped and wanted a break and broke down. We get back to his place, we didn’t think much of it at the time. We sleep together again , eat and then I start packing up my bag. The night I get back home, I’m on my way to work and Sal texts me this large paragraph on how I had over stepped his boundaries of telling other people due to Lana telling him the information I had told her. Which had broke me , I had called off crying and I went to my friends place. But we had remained friends-

Following weekend I go back up to work. This part I don’t remember correctly which weekend happened what. But I had come up and we had went out on a morning walk and breakfast. We were still chatty and friendly. Just normal. We did end up sleeping together again. In turn, I go up every weekend from that point and every other weekend or so. We’d up sleeping together again. Over time, it began to effect me heavily because i had developed more feelings but they were so oddly rejected but yet given into??? but then i had reached a point of just lost limbo , i just wanted him to accept my emotions for him.

So one night , he had acted more distant than normal. I find now he was just probably tired but for some reason it had hurt so badly. His roommate/ ex best friend, was out in the kitchen this evening,(context; his ex bestie, had made him look like a man whore basically and got his friends to semi turn in on him, and still talks on him to this day but the stories never really line up) But in this moment I just needed someone to talk to. And we will call Liam ‘M/20’, had some liquor. And me wanting to get away for a moment from this hurt and confusion. Just allowed it and i had told him the pattern Sal and I had going on. And I was just crying it out. Sal later finds out and feels betrayed by me. Because I just went to the guy he had hated. And that had started distance between us. Still going up each weekend and continuing to have short hook ups with him. It had added more to my pain and I started loosing it around him. (Immature I find with myself, young and in love. I know here I wish I just went home) Sal comforted me through mental crisis’, still hung out with me and still slept with me. Then we completely stop, he cuts it off any romantic or sexual way. And then even that gets too much for me. It just hurt being around him. Because I had all these emotions to go no where.

Fast Forward I end up telling him that I needed a break from coming up and just needed a pause. Sal and I have a longer talk, he is in my arms , i think he cried a bit that afternoon, i was sobbing completely after our talk. The following night after our conversation. I ask to have one last moment to cherish not having him in that way. We lay together, we talk, we cuddle and then that leads to a very intimate moment. And he ends up falling asleep in my arms. Next day and we eat lunch one last time together and he comes to say goodbye. And I lost it, bawling crying and hugging. Whole 9 yards.

That week I end up moving in with Ben. Other situation, that week Ben and even his father start downplaying Sal to me. While Sal was being a man and being nonchalant, i don’t care. So I was just hurt and mad and more lost. Following week, we have this big party, I start drinking immediately. I am seeing Sal again. All I have cried, thought, everything. He comes in, and I shoot him a look (apparently a death glare, just didn’t feel like that for me, but it wasn’t my normal loving look i guess), I start getting turnt by 8 pm. Night not even started. And Then i start wailing more. making a fool out of myself. I end up doing the embarrassing drnk text and yell at him while i’m puking. I don’t remember the rest I was that turnt. The next morning- Sal sends me a long paragraph cutting me off basically, i’m blocked. Everything. I am very distraught. But months go by. I’m working with Ben. I’m trying to move onto other people and meet others.

And then Ben. Ben tries to talk on how I’m not ready and then I listen. To then push having a relationship with me. In this spot, I done have much of support system, he offered me a roof and a job. I rely so I go with it out of instinct. (i blame myself for not just being straight up but i am also on the spectrum so finding the ques are difficult) With going with it, he ends up getting to be his partner and I feel so gross with being with him. (which I plan leaving that situation)

Fast Forward to now- Ben tells Sal and Sal tries to brush it off like he didn’t care. Ben becomes more distant to Sal now. I’m distant with both. And Sal blames me for Liam talking about Sal to others now.

I wish to mend my relationship with Sal one day. I just don’t know how to start because of how closed off he is. We are all tied into a group. And I don’t know if just cutting myself out is what’s best. I know I will always have Lana and that’s all I care about. But i also find I still long and am still healthy from Sal. But do I have this behavior coming for me due to my actions? And I will cut things with Ben because I find what I’m doing is wrong and immoral. I will just miss my friend Ben. And I still miss Sal

I can explain more if needed. I’m so sorry for all the length, i hope I got my grammar and spelling good.

My wife 41M and I 39M have been married for 9 years. We moved to her home country 9 years ago and 6 years ago her parents also moved back.

Her dad had a brain tumor 11 years ago and wasn't in the best of health but he was able to get around even though he was blind and deaf on one side and had trouble walking. This all made him kind of a Groucho over the years. He was never a bad guy, he just never could accept his handicap l.

He wanted back to the old country just to live out his pension together with my mother in law. By that time our eldest daughter was also born and to help us out they stayed with us in the beginning. This arrangement worked fine and after a few months we decided that we'd rent a bigger house and they could stay with us for a small portion of the rent.

I would sometimes get in an argument with father in law but considering his situation I usually shrugged it off. After a year things suddenly changed as my father in law started having seizures and neurological issues. Groucho became insufferable and refusing any assistance even though he really needed it. By this time we made a closed off seperate living room which made things a bit easier again.

I've explained to my wife numerous times I had a hard time dealing with this.. I always loved to play music or watch a movie but any sounds made him irritated. I built a deck around the house so he could get around easier and he was bitching and moaning all day about noise. Whenever I mowed the lawn he would be bitching again. If I cooked anything that he didn't like he would complain even if I cooked for myself. Any smells also made him irritated, I used to vape and just me vaping in the same area code as him made him agitated. Meanwhile I had issues with MIL on how we should raise our kids but that was minor in comparison. I changed a lot of things in my routine as I respected him but I made it very clear to my wife that I was suffering.

My wife never seemed to get how much this is always on my mind, how much I feel like a stranger in my own home and things only got worse For the last year father in law is basically in need of 24/7 care and bedridden. All day long he's screaming for help from MIL who refuses outside help but clearly isn't capable of caring for him. She basically lifts him put of bed rolls the wheelchair to the door and he smokes there, then he gets rolled in his chair for an hour and back to bed again. She never goes on a walk, he's always in the house. It's like it's a ghost that you always feel the presence of.

I snapped today and said either he's going or we are going but honestly I don't care if that's with or without my wife if she doesn't want to understand me. I just want to feel alone for once in a really long time. I just want my life back, I want to put on loud music and just not think about him for once. I don't believe my wife really knows how close I am to breaking, we have a very open relationship and we talk really well about everything. I just haven't told her that if she doesn't choose me I will choose me myself.

Honestly I don't know how to move forward in a way that saves our marriage, I just know that if I keep on going this way I will just hurt myself. Iam nearly 40 and feel like iam living in a nursing home But how will I take my life back? I could really use some advice on this. I know this is a really unique situation but the bottom line is that my wife apparently doesn't put me first. Honestly I feel that if my wife keeps ignoring me that I have to take matters in my own hands.

Throwaway account. My girlfriend and I have been dating and doing long-distance for almost a year, seeing each other every couple weeks or so. She recently found out that I sometimes watch porn and "use" it. She says that there's no possible way I can love her and be attracted to her since I "lust over other women". I've tried to explain that it's not like that at all but she refuses to believe me or even hear it and is really considering breaking up with me over it. I understand why she's upset and I'm going to stop but I don't know if this is salvageable right now. Any advice?

Edit: Please don’t downvote this I need more people to see it because I just need advice.

My 23F ex left me on New Years

Hello everyone. This is the first time I am posting here. I am seeking genuine support and advice.

Me (25M) and my Ex GF (23F) were in a relationship for 1.5 years. We started off as friends with benefits off of a dating site. Subsequently, entered into a relationship where we were both each others' partners. During the relationship, I was subject to multiple push/pulls. She broke up with me multiple times only to come back and we would patch up. Mind you, we were physically very intimate. Yet, I couldn't make her orgasm, but I was trying to work my way through it. I was genuinely putting in effort. I realized she tends to detach during sex, but preferred a lot of foreplay. She was also tom-boyish type and lived secludedly in her house. Since we both lived separately, I would visit her twice/thrice a week. We even went bicycling, skateboarding, car racing, and other things during these 1.5 years. However, as the relationship progressed, I drew a boundary that she cannot let her 'platonic' male friend sleep in her room. The boundary was there to protect both of us. During the last days of our relationship, everything was fine. Suddenly, she planned to meet me for new years with the idea that we would both get drunk. I had never had a drink before so this was my first time. After three drinks, I got a little dizzy. I was trying to pretend that I was okay so she wouldn't be so concerned. Nevertheless, we would engage in physical intimacy everytime we met. So, this time, on new years eve, it was to be expected. Also, she had made much insinuations on texts that she was looking to get drunk and nasty with me. When the time approached, she immediately said 'no'. For the first time, she said 'no' to me on physical intimacy. I was already drunk so I didn't know what to do. I got up and started smoking. Later, when I processed her 'no', I came back to her and cuddled with her. When we both woke up in the morning, everything was fine and she even hosted a breakfast for me. I went back home.

The very next day, I contacted her in the night. To my surprise, she was drunk with that male platonic friend in her room. Due to the violation of the boundary, I was extremely triggered. In the heat of the moment, I told her I don't wanna talk to her and we were done. In my mind, she had initiated a breakup multiple times before. I just wanted to show her I was absolutely mad. The next day I approached her again at her house. Now, this is where it gets interesting.

She told me that we were done. That I was using her just for her body on account of how I reacted to her 'no'. She also told me that she should never have agreed to the boundary of me not wanting another man in her room sleeping at night. She told me that we weren't compatible. She also told me that she violated my boundary intentionally so that the breakup would be 'irreparable'. That broke my heart to the utmost. Everything was well and fine, and then suddenly, when I told her that I am willing to work on our problems and willing to stay, she told me that she is too 'tired' trying. That was a punch in the gut cause the effort I was putting in was too much, and she told me that she was too 'tired' trying.

From January 1st 2025 till today, I am absolutely heartbroken. I don't even know what happened and how so suddenly. I tried everything to get her back. I even tried to apologize for making her feel rejected during new years night, but she said that she's selfish and she can't tolerate that behavior. She removed me from all her social media and blocked me from everywhere. I was so heartbroken that I tried to contact her in different ways, but she would not budge. In fact, the last time we talked, she said she doesn't even care anymore. I cried so much during this month that I felt like someone had slashed my heart badly. It is inconceivable to me how somebody could forget 1.5 years in just one day. When I met her last time, her eyes were pitch black devoid of any emotion for me. In a fit of anger, I threated her male platonic friend who spent the night in her room the day after I spent a night with her on new years eve. This only made things worse as she involved her family. I could do nothing and as much as ai tried to talk to her about my true feelings for her, she pushed me away and away. One of the things she complained about recently was how I told her that I 'loved' her and I shouldn't have used the word 'love' if I didn't mean it. I noticed she took offence to it, so I told her I loved her as a person with all her amazing qualities. However, if I didn't have feelings for her or didn't possess the feeling love for her, why would I cry so much for her?

Sometimes, I would have dreams about her. I would wake up in the middle of the night and feel extreme anxiety since that happened. I even vomited and had panic attacks since the incident happened. She said she doesn't trust me anymore as I don't know what I am saying. I apologized profusely for trying everything to get her back, even making lies to get her back. I was ashamed of it and I apologized. However, she said she doesn't care anymore and hung up the call. It's hurting me too much. She's blocked me from everywhere. I tried to get her to talk, but she wouldn't speak a single word despite seeing my messages.

It's been exactly one month since the breakup. I feel devastated. I don't know how am I supposed to pick myself up from this mess. All I wanna do is fall into her lap and cry. I want her to cry with me. However, she broke up with me and cut off all connections so drastically that I feel like I hit a wall at high-speed.

If you could guide me what to do in this situation, I would be really grateful. I am in a lot of pain right now.

My husband and I haven’t been getting along since the baby arrived…

I just want to clarify that my husband and I both love our baby, we’re just at a rocky moment in our relationship. I have a lot of concerns regarding the wellbeing of our daughter who just turned a month old not too long ago. We have a pair of dogs that used to sleep with us a lot but I’ve been verbal about not wanting them to sleep with us anymore since the baby arrived. It’s not that I don’t love my dogs, I just know my dogs all too well. They’re hyperactive and can’t control themselves… I tried training them before the baby came while I was pregnant but my husband interfered with the training by spoiling them and letting them do exactly what I was training them not to do… so this is one reason why we’re at a rocky moment. Another is me asking him to do anything and him getting annoyed. For an example, I fed our baby, I changed her and then when she was asleep in my arms… I asked my husband to swaddle her. He got annoyed that I asked for help but I told him the reason why I asked which was the fact that he was good at it. He called me ignorant for not trying to learn how to swaddle and that I shouldn’t be asking for help. This leads into the most recent argument we’ve had. His family traveled to see the baby and I was fine with it. I would’ve preferred them to come later when she’s a bit older but that’s okay. My big problem was them staying for a week and not asking me. They also helped with feedings and taking out the carpet in our house (which I appreciate) but I would’ve loved for them to ask me “Hey are these dates good for us to come over?” Instead, we just randomly got a picture of an itinerary. One of the biggest things that made me upset was that my husband’s family kept kissing my baby. I told him to tell his family to stop and he told me that they just want to show their love. I got mad. His grandma kept kissing her face and her mittens! She literally puts those same mittens in her mouth when she’s hungry. I immediately changed her. I just came here to vent and in all honesty, needing some reassurance. This is my first baby and I’m a new mom, I’m already losing my mind because of my husband. Who is also on paternity leave for three months but utilizes it by playing video games. I don’t mind him playing games, I play games too… but he complains and I don’t even want to ask him to take the baby next if he’s on the game. Is this normal after a baby? Will our relationship go back to normal? I hate arguing and I want to go back to how our relationship used to be.

Me (31F) and boyfriend (31M) are living in a foreign country. We are both foreigners from different countries, we met here and we are together for four and a half years. Since all our families are far away we're the only ones for each other to take care of or help, that is why we also moved together pretty early, because rentals are on the higher side so we can also save up a bit. 

We used to work together but the company had experienced big lay-offs. I requested to be a part of a language course where I can learn the local language at that time. He had previously started university studies and the lay-offs made an opportunity for the studies to be continued. He went to a counselor to ask about the studies and they said 1,5-2 years and he can finish the engineer degree. It would mean that he takes student loans for those years and pays half the rent and half the bills from that. We were together for about 2 years at that time. I said that he can do it, even though it means that I have to buy more groceries and stuff (but rent and bills 50-50). 

When he was doing the university, I finished the language course, passed the exam, landed a job in my profession and because of that we needed to move to the closest city. It means higher rental prices but I had a job so I felt it was okay.

The 2 years of university studies have passed, the summer started and he had not finished, he didn't have a job and he didn't have money. He started to ask me more and more to send extra money for rent, I feel that I alone bought the monthly groceries almost all the time. At the end of the months we were all out of money (I have a junior position with an average salary). Before I met him I had savings, now I am living from month to month.

Half a year ago his father died. He inherited half the apartment so he visited his home country for the funeral and paperwork. He came back after a week and told me that he gave up his part of the inheritance so his younger sister could have it. I don't understand this, he always talks about having a big house, having a family.

Now he is doing the 3rd year of university, we have no money at the end of the month and I feel that he doesn’t want to do anything with his life. I don't know how he is progressing with studies, because he gets angry every time I ask, he has no jobs in sight and he takes more and more loans for half the rent. 

Every time I am trying to talk to him he either yells or shuts down totally so I don’t feel I can efficiently communicate my feelings and needs anymore. I would have moved away to another rental but I have no money, in this city rentals are a bit pricey. I was also thinking of asking for the money back from those times when I paid full rent instead of half.

My mother recently offered that if we can gather some money in the family, I can try to buy a little apartment from loans and move away but for that I would also need some savings first. I don’t know what to do, I am feeling that I am betraying him if I do that, but he accused me of gold digging when I said my opinion about the inheritance.

The problem is that I do not feel that he loves me and it feels for me that he is living comfortably from my money. He sits all night at his PC, daytime he is sleeping. We don’t go anywhere together, only if we get an invitation (that time he behaves as if we were some perfect couple). We don’t eat together or watch movies or anything, the hobbies we had at the beginning he doesn’t want to do anymore. I am getting lonely and frustrated so sometimes I feel that I behave inappropriately, saying things that I shouldn’t have. I am tired of only working then doing chores at home, and then no life together with my partner. I have no idea how I can communicate better with or help him if he needs it.

How to solve this situation?

(Sorry for my English, it is not my native tongue)

My BF lived and worked about 1.5 hours from me, but he moved to my place because his previous place increased rent. With the daily commute, he has to fill up his gas about once a week instead of once every other week and get up a lot earlier as well. Part of his stuff is in storage since we haven't clear enough space to accommodate all of his stuff, so he does have to pay for that as well. Long before he decided to move in, he asked about my salary and mortgage and he told me his salary and rent. When we discussed about him moving in, he asked me to give him a number and when I did he negotiated down a little, which I was okay with. The amount we agreed on is a little more than half of my mortgage, but I do cover all utilities so it narrows the gap. I didn't sit down and pencil all of this until I started writing this post, but I came up with that number from what I think would cost to rent something near this area with the spec that he needs (garage, secure, etc). With the new year, there was an increase in escrow. Not a significant amount, but I have been thinking about recasting since I feel like I am living paycheck to paycheck (I don't count his contribution since I want to focus solely on what I bring home), so psychologically I would feel more financially responsible with my monthly expenses.

Thank you, but no thank you on advising me to invest that money instead of recasting since this is not the input that I need. I am still deciding on the amount to recast my mortgage, but it should decrease my mortgage between $400- $600/ month. I plan to be transparent and tell him about the recast and the decrease in my mortgage but I don't plan to ask him to decrease his monthly obligation. If you were in his shoes, how would you feel? I have different scenarios playing in my head (mostly bad), so I want to get more feedbacks to see if my thinking is reasonable. With my thinking, part of me feels like I am treating him like a tenant rather than my boyfriend, but at the same time we do not combine our finances in any sense, and I want to be as financially secure as I can. Am I being insensitive to him financially?

I'm in a long-distance relationship, and after a difficult conversation with my 21F girlfriend of 2.5 years, she told me that sex with me is boring. For the last year, there's been constant signs that she wasn't fully interested when we are intimate. It gets painfully transparent to the point where she's either positioning herself so she can watch tv at the same time, or making clear facial expressions of "let's get this over with". I've expressed to her how this makes me feel quite a few times and how this lowers my sexual confidence. I've continuously asked what ways I could improve to please her better. Each time I've been met with "damn, my bad" or "I don't know what I want". She's genuinely never once attempted to reassure me when I tell her about my lowered sexual confidence. I understand if she doesn't exactly know what she wants, but it's as if she doesn't even attempt to discover it with me. Earlier this week I spoke to her and expressed my frustrations with how our intimacy doesn't feel reciprocated but more of an obligation for her, to which she agreed. Honestly it's felt that way for quite some time but hearing it come from her left me distraught. After saying this she told me that her birth control implant could play a huge role in why she seems so disinterested. She then stated that we could come up with ways together to improve our situation. Fast forward to today and there has been no conversation about the topic since then. I brought it back up to her attention to which she responded by saying she planned to talk about it later today apparently. When we both had time to talk about this, the conversation spiraled quickly. She kept insisting that I come up with answers for what she wants, and when I tried to get any input or suggestions from her, she became frustrated. Eventually, I was able to get the ball rolling by naming some things I could do to help please her. Then out of the blue she says, "Can I be honest? I'm bored when we have sex." I got emotional and hung up on her. I was bombarded with emotions as if I was a failure. When she called back she had a snarky tone. I asked her why she was upset, and she let me know that me hanging up made her not want to open up anymore. I tried my best to express that while I understand I went about it (hanging up), the wrong way, I was overwhelmed with emotions and didn't know how to process this. I apologized to her if I had made her feel dismissed when I hung up without warning. After a few minutes of trying to express how badly that hurt my self esteem, we ended up going in circles. She told me herself, "I feel like this conversation has gotten us nowhere, a lot of things were said but she doesn't know what to do with them". Then she proceeded to profusely ask me "So sex must be pretty important to you, like pretty pretty important?" I told her while it isn't the main focus it's a fairly important aspect for me. Then she proceeded to ask the same question in different ways which completely rubbed me the wrong way. Continuously asking me "So is it top 3 for you?". I asked her why would placing a number behind it make how I feel more relevant or not. It felt like she was trying to imply that sex is my priority and that it’s all I care about. It also made me feel as though my low sexual confidence meant nothing to her. We ended off the night with the conversation feeling completely unresolved on my end, and passive-aggressive goodnights. She was so combative every single time I made myself vulnerable to her in our conversation. I'm honestly trying to make sense of this. Why was she so adamantly on sex being the number one thing for me in our relationship? How can I rebuild my sexual confidence with her after this? What she said has genuinely been etched into my brain. How do I approach this conversation in a way that's constructive while still making it clear how hurt I am? Any advice is appreciated.

We’ve been together for almost a year. We don’t have many problems. I’d say our biggest problem is the Xbox - or in other words prioritizing games over me.

Although it’s “just a game”, it’s an issue for a number of reasons. I understand it makes him happy, I want him to be able to have his time on this game but I still want to feel like a priority to him.

When he has free time, a lot of it doesn’t always go towards me. I don’t expect ALL of it to go to me. But so much of it goes towards things like the Xbox, scrolling on his phone, and watching football. The majority of his free time goes toward that. When we are together, he seems eager to hop on his game and can’t seem to stay off his phone. Our down to earth talks seem few and far between because most of the time we’re together, there’s a screen present.

When I ask for more time with him or get onto him about Xbox, he’ll typically get flustered. Sometimes he can recognize he’s spent a lot of time on it and that’s great. If he can recognize he’s on it too much and putting it over me too much, why can’t he change that.

When he does try to change this, the results aren’t long term. Right away he’ll spend maybe a night or two away from the Xbox, but soon he’s back to his old ways and it’s like he’s learned nothing.

I feel like this gaming and screen addicted boy is not the boy I first met. When we first met he certainly had some screen time but he could go without his Xbox no problem to watch a show with me or simply just talk to me. I just feel like I’m lowering my standards and letting him get by with too much. If year ago me knew this is what I’d be getting into, I’d be upset at myself for not standing my ground. It just makes me feel like he’s growing lazy in the relationship and I’m having to put more into than he is. I feel more invested in us.

There have been so many nights I make the drives to him, I arrive and he’s on the game and he’ll stay on the game until 3, and even later in the morning. It’s very difficult for me to sleep with not just the screen but his noise level. Back in the summer I’ll never forget when college football came out. He played the game for 12 hours straight AND called off work specifically for it. Didn’t give me an ounce of attention that night as he didn’t even take a few minutes for a break. I slept through it as best as I could.

I keep busy while he games. I’m a full time student so sometimes I do have work. Sometimes I like to walk my 10k steps. I also still take care of him while he games. I cook for him while he games. I sometimes even make the store runs. Sometimes I’ll do a deep clean of his apartment and take his laundry to my place and back. Even with all of this, the time he spends on it still seems like way more than it should be.

How do I voice this to him without attacking all the bad? I don’t want to get on to him like I’m his mother. We haven’t had many fights. It’s only ever been over smaller things.

My boyfriend (M29) has a female friend that he occasionally meets. During her last visit to his holiday home, the girl stayed overnight.

A few days after that visit, he asked her out on an “official” date. She said no, but came back a few weeks later saying yes. My boyfriend then re-considered and said no, but suggested that they can still visit each other now and then.

There are a few other things that were quite unacceptable for me.

1. When I found out the first time, he said she was the one asking him out (which was a lie),

2. I already told him that I didn’t want her to stay overnight, but that still happened,

3. One of the weekends he suggested to her for a date was my birthday :(

I’m very confused right now. We’ve had a super good relationship, though long distance, for 3 years now. No conflicts, no fights, nothing! My boyfriend said he doesn’t understand himself why he did that.

How do I navigate this?

So I love my GF, she is kind of vanilla because she never wants her body to be seen. We have 3 kiddos but trust me, she is still an absolute bombshell of a body. She gets hit on by young, old, everything between. Anyways I am just looking for an opinion, I’ve mentioned to her plenty of times about how I want to see her body more when we are intimate. I understand her self esteem issues after having 3 children but I don’t understand, literally a perfect body still. How do I help her get past her issue (I’ve reinforced, encouraged, helped with plenty of things). Second, most important. How do I go about telling her that back shots stink with her. I don’t understand, we have been together for 4 years and it’s still an issue I just don’t know how to address. It’s been so foul in the past that I can’t finish or have to shift positions. Not to mention if she’s asked to do anal at all I have zero desire to based on those instances. Women how would you appreciate being told? Men what have you done to so without sending your spouse into being a recluse, as mine already is.

I (26F) am finally beginning a serious relationship and am ambivalent about anything sexual.

For context, I'm the introverted type that just pottered around in high school and realised they can maybe search for a partner at uni. I've tried dating apps on and off as the whole new social interaction stresses me out and went on a bunch of dates over the years but it never went anywhere, and the chemistry just wasn't there, I was beginning to worry smth was wrong with me.

Last year, I moved to a new city and started my first full-time job and figured I'll attempt dating again. To my surprise, I really clicked with one guy (27M). I didn't feel like keeping an arms distance like I did for my other dates, I'd happily initiate contact like pulling him close and I felt really giddy and smiled like an idiot after our dates, which is all new for me.

Problem is, we're at the kissing stage now and I'm nervous about us progressing further. Kissing is as far as I've ever gotten and it doesn't feel like anything to me. I really like this guy but I don't want him sexually at this point. He's not pressuring me or anything, he's okay if we take it slow, but the first time nerves are getting pretty real for me.

I've been interested in sexual stuff as much as the next person, I just don't assign real faces to my fantasies or I just think in general shapes and ideas. Even if Mr. Perfect hypothetically were to offer himself up on a platter I wouldn't do anything, because he's a stranger, if it makes sense. I know that's not how most people have it, however, I just sort of expected that once I allow myself to get to know someone and let them close, the bariers would go down and I'd be wanting them physically. This isn't happening rn and I'm starting to panic that something is wrong with me again.

TLDR: I'm late to dating at 26, have a nice boyfriend but don't feel sexually drawn to him, and have no sexual experience as a baseline to work with.

So my question is - those of you who don't have 'lust at first sight' how do you handle it? Do you think I will feel better and more comfortable once the firsts are done and over with or would I have better chances in going slow and hopefully waiting for it to trickle in as I get more attached? Is it just the nerves talking? What if it just never kicks in with this guy?