Need help with your relationship?

What I (46F) considered my boyfriend (50M) told me yesterday that we are just friends. We have been together for a little over four years now. Neither of us is dating anyone else. Neither of us is having sex with anyone else. We definitely give relationship vibes when together (and apart as we are LDR).

He states that he is cautious and reserved due to trauma from his ex-wife and how their marriage was. He says he enjoys the solitude. Several times over the past couple of years, he has made comments and attempts to move closer to or even in with me, but his transfer requests haven't been approved. He says "I love you" to me every day.

What would make him say that we are just friends? Why won't he define the relationship appropriately when we seriously ARE in a relationship?

TLDR- (50M) won't say he is in a relationship with me (46F) even though we have been together for four years. Why?

Im usually not the type of person to do these reddit things, but Im at a total loss and dont know what to do anymore. My F25 gf seems like shes done with our relationship and wants to give up on me M24. She constantly gets aggressive and angry on a almost daily basis at the smallest things that most of the time have nothing to do with me but always gets taken out on me. I’ve talked to her about this many times but we always go in circles. Her attitude towards me lately seems like shes done doesnt care about me or us anymore. She’s very dry with me we hardly talk or kiss or show any affection anymore. I am a good man to her and Im not just saying that to say it, i have no problem admitting when ive done something wrong or that i shouldn’t have but she cannot do that. We fight on and off all week every week with good days in between, most of the time over nothing. Every time we do fight instead of trying to fix things and apologize to each other she will run and hide or just sit there and say nothing the entire time. She has had some past traumas with aggressive men and I under the shutting down to a certain extent but weve been together for over a year and live together so she should understand by now im not that type of guy. This really frustrates me and makes it feel like im the only one trying to fix things every time it happens. I dont want to make her feel like shes all the problem or this is all on her but truthfully I haven’t done anything and every time i ask her what ive done to be treated this way she says i haven’t done anything and its just her. I wish there was something that i could do to fix this but ive tried everything i know to do and she keeps giving me clear signs that this relationship is not going well or needs to be over but I cant accept that. Ive asked her many times if she wants to end things and she always says no but i dont understand why she makes it feel like she hates me and doesnt want to do this anymore. I really love her and i know that she loves me. Its not the same as it used to be though. I really dont want to end this relationship or lose her but at this point i really dont know what to do.

My husband and I have been together 11 years. Married 6 years. We have a 4 year old son.

I work full time and my husband works around 70 hours a week, this includes Friday night until 2am (also means lie in on Saturday mornings), sometimes Saturday nights (3.30/4pm until 2am) and all day Sunday (leaves around 7am back around 6pm). This is on top of Monday - Friday 10am - 6pm (he goes to the gym 8.30-9.30 then to work).

His business is suffering so he has been working a lot of hours, particularly the last 6 months. As it is entertainment based and the cost of living it means people aren't spending as much on events, he's trying a side hustle too. We get very little time together. We used to have a date night when MiL would bring back our son around 8.30/9pm Mondays but since he started Reception class at school she can't anymore. He's been doing his side hustle about 2-3 nights a week too.

I never used to be insecure in our relationship but the last few months he's put in more time at work than ever. I think I never felt insecure before because we got time together. Now we don't. We are seeing a therapist (once every two weeks online around 9pm for 45 mins) and husband is very annoyed by me saying I need some validation. I just want a text or call or a thank you for doing picking up the slack around the house or you looked nice this morning. He doesn't. He says he doesn't always feel the love and I think it is down to spending no quality time together. He says he will in the sessions but admits he forgets it all after the session is over.

We usually get 30-45 mins before bed and we're both so knackered it's just watching TV.

I'm lonely a lot of the time. Many nights I put our son to bed and then it's just me, with him doing his side hustle in our freezing cold garage or working at a venue. I have told him about this but it annoys him I need validation. I don't know if there's anything that can be done but I miss what we were and so badly want it back. He did come home earlier for two weeks a bit ago and it was great. We would have fun with our son before he went to bed. Sometimes he wouldn't do his side hustle but even if he did we'd have that hour of fun together. But work got worse and his side hustle taking more time (not enough to be his full time job though).

What do we do? He can't work less and I find it really hard to not have some acknowledgement more than a kiss on the way out the door in a morning because we aren't getting time together. Am I being unreasonable? I assume there must be other couples who don't get to see each other much. How do you deal with it? I will send him texts during the day sometimes but often they aren't read until he's leaving the office (TBF he's always been that way, around 70 unread what's app is normal and always has been). As I said I didn't need it before because we got quality time together with our weekly date night.

I’m struggling to move on after a relationship that lasted less than a year but was incredibly intense and emotionally charged. I love him so deeply I can’t see myself with anyone else but him. I’ve been feeling lost and questioning everything about myself and the relationship. I’m hoping for advice or impressions about what went wrong and how I can repair it.

For context: We met through a dating app, and things progressed very quickly. He lived a few hours away, but we hit it off and decided to meet in person after two weeks. The first date was rocky—he was very late, blamed being overwhelmed with responsibilities and how he has no help, and said, “If you don’t want to see me again, I understand,” which made me feel like he was placing responsibility for his lateness on me. Despite that, I gave him a chance, and we became exclusive almost immediately. We had the best time together - making each other laugh so hard we would cry and he’s so smart I initially thought he was too good for me.

Things got even more intense when, a little over a month into the relationship, I found myself in an unexpected and life-altering situation. I took the steps to resolve it, but he wasn’t present during that time, which made me feel abandoned. I told him once it goes down I wasn’t sure how responsive I would be because of the emotional impact but he understood that to mean I wanted space. He left the morning before my appointment and didn’t follow up much, a few texts I replied to and no calls. I felt like I went through it alone.

This led to our first breakup, but we reconciled a pretty quickly. He didn’t talk about what had happened, and we didn’t resolve how hurt I felt about going through it without him. He says he has a hard time with heavy things and it takes him days/weeks/months to process, but I think he’s just repressing or avoiding all together. Despite this, he seemed fully committed when we got back together. He talked about us moving in together, getting married, and building a life, which made me feel like he was serious about us.

However, there were ongoing issues. I often travel for work and asked him to stay on the phone with me while I walked back to my Airbnb in a sketchy area. When I was done with work at 8:30 and called, he didn’t pick up, and when he called back, he jokingly asked, “Have you been kidnapped yet?” I responded sharply and ended the call. That led to another argument and breakup, but we reconciled again.

The final blow came a month before a 3-day weekend. I’d asked him in advance to plan something special for just the two of us, and he agreed. I sent him different ideas and resorts and locations and told him I would book it and pay for everything since it was his birthday present, too, he just had to choose. However, as the weekend approached, he kept deferring to his family’s plans instead. First, he said his mom might need medical attention which turned out to be non-urgent, then it was his sibling bringing furniture to his property. After working another stressful two-week work trip and still no definite answer while I sat at the airport on my layover at 10pm the night before our trip was supposed to start, I decided to cancel the weekend altogether because he kept saying he has to talk with his sister. We argued and he said he forgot we had agreed to a getaway and he was being flaky on his plans because he wanted to “test” me but he wasn’t sure why. I said if we wanted to stay together I want us to go to couples counseling, which he agreed to.

Couples counseling helped a little, and he even showed me he could be reliable—he attended all our sessions on time and seemed engaged. I also moved into his place temporarily to test whether we could live together (we both have reactive dogs). At times, it felt like he was truly “all in” on our relationship and it was amazing, but the same issues kept surfacing.

One Friday night during our trial run, after another long week of work, we went out to dinner. I suggested watching my favorite movie together when we got home and chill. He seemed to agree, but when we get there, his sibling arrived, and he suggested playing cards with them instead. I knew he forgot our plans again but played until 11:30 pm to be polite. Him and his sister are very close. They text regularly and her and her wife visit every two weeks, so this wasn’t a special occasion or an event. When he came to bed at 2:30am after staying up with just his sister, I tried to talk to him about how I felt, but he was drunk, defensive, and turned it around on me. He asked me why I was “punishing” him and why don’t I care enough to see how exhausted he is. He told me we could talk about the next day. I left in the middle of the night, telling him to call me when he was sober.

We spoke for the first time a week later (after I thought he ghosted me, but he had only deleted our main messaging app without telling me, not my number), and he said he didn’t hear me tell him to call before I left and he felt hurt that I left his place especially because his family was there. He also said he wasn’t ready for a relationship and needed time to focus on himself. I’ve tried to stay hopeful and even suggested reconnecting later, and I waited about a month and recently I asked for “more than this” (occasional texts), he reiterated that he wasn’t ready. I told him I didn’t want to rush him, but I needed to move on.

That’s when he texted, “What’s the rush? I thought we were both working on things?” and, “Perfect is dumb and boring. Couples should always work on things.” This left me confused. I want a relationship where both people work on things together. It feels like he’s trying to justify focusing on himself while still keeping me emotionally invested. He tells me he loves me, too.

I feel stuck, worthless, and obsessed with the idea of our potential together. I love him so much, I could forgive him for everything as long as he’s with me. I keep replaying what went wrong and wondering if I overreacted in certain moments and pushed him away too much. I never felt this way for someone and I truly believe he’s my person.

I’d really appreciate any advice or outside perspectives on what happened and what I should do.

TL;DR: Ex said he was committed but I ran in the middle of the night. He now says he’s not ready to be with me but talks about “working on things” in a vague way.

So, for context, I (22M) have always been a jealous guy, for example seeing my friends hang out with people other than me has definitely made me upset in the past. Also some minor controlling traits I didn't think would come up in a relationship but has shown up through out my life.

Now for what's currently happening, I've had a couple pretty un-serious relationships in the past that ended due to circumstances. But now I've met a girl we will call Bella(19F) a couple weeks ago. I was a little scared to date her since she didn't have and past relationships, but we clicked instantly and I quickly fell hard. I thought everything was going fine until I ran into her hanging out with her group at a store, the group had many girls and boys, seeming to be all having a blast.

Now I was happy to see she seemed happy, but not to lie, I started to get all anxious for no reason. I've always been the type to not want to dig into these feelings, so when Bella started introducing me to them all I coulldnt really focus, I can't describe the feeling of looking at all of them... so I barely said anything and quickly left. I didn't see it as super rude, but I guess she did because I got into an argument over call and text where she basically said I'm always so rude or get upset whenever she "has a better life than me". I made something up on the spot addmittedly and said all her male friends in the group seemed way too touchy and comfortable.

She has now just been not talking to me despite me calling her many times, and communicate with me about this. She said this is the last time she will let me control her, wich I dont understand because this has never happened before. Adivce, I dont know whats going on???

I [25F] have been dating my boyfriend [25M] for almost a year now. For some context, our parents are friends but moved to different parts of the country when we were children, and so we hadn’t seen each other’s parents in many years until we started dating. Our relationship is also long distance so we don’t see each other’s parents that often. Lastly, my mom passed away several years ago and so it is just my dad and I and we are quite close, even though we don’t always get along due to his temper and (probable) narcissism.

When my dad first met my boyfriend earlier this year, it went very poorly. My dad is really sarcastic and blunt to everyone (while also being quick to anger and sensitive, to the detriment of several relationships with his own family members), and ended up spending a lot of time “jokingly” criticizing my boyfriend for some of his life decisions and characteristics. I think my dad probably felt a little more comfortable doing this since he knows my boyfriend’s parents, but either way it was way over the top and really hurt my boyfriend’s feelings, so I asked my dad to tone it down, which he had been doing until this past Thanksgiving.

This year, we went to the home of some family friends of my dad and I’s, most of which my boyfriend hadn’t met. Once again, my dad spent this dinner criticizing and making fun of my boyfriend on these same subjects that are sensitive for him, to the point that our family friends were trying to reassure my boyfriend that my dad is being way too much but that there’s “worse in-laws out there.” My boyfriend kept his cool for the most part, except for also “jokingly” calling him an asshole while our friends were talking to him. My dad, with a smile on his face, said that this behavior is how my boyfriend’s father is as well, to which my boyfriend responded that no, his parents are nicer. After I got in the car with just my boyfriend, he was extremely upset and said he wanted to cancel our plans to help my dad with an errand the next day, and that he feels super insulted by the way my father talked about him to people he had only just met. At this point I understood, but got emotional because I was worried about how him starting an argument with my father by not honoring our commitments would impact my own relationship with my father. He agreed and we helped my dad with the errand the next day without any mention of Thanksgiving’s events.

However, as soon as my boyfriend left and I saw my dad again, my dad blew up saying that my boyfriend is an entitled brat for calling him an asshole to his friends and not apologizing when he had the opportunity to do so all day while we were helping him with his errand. I tried to share my boyfriend’s perspective on the matter, but he completely shut it down saying that he was just joking around and that didn’t warrant my boyfriend insulting him. He says that without an apology he wants nothing more to do with my boyfriend and that he’s not welcome in his house anymore.

I am really at a loss. I don’t need my boyfriend and my dad to be best friends, but the two most important people in my life actively arguing is causing me a lot of distress, especially since I feel in the middle. I don’t necessarily agree with what my boyfriend said, but I don’t know if it is fair to him to ask him to apologize to my dad after the way he acted, and that it might offend my bf to do so, especially when my dad insists he did nothing wrong. And even if my boyfriend did agree to apologize, I know it wouldn’t be genuine. Any guidance would be appreciated.

TL;DR! Dad “jokingly” but excessively criticized my boyfriend at Thanksgiving to his friends to the point that my boyfriend called him an asshole, also “jokingly,” to which my dad took offense and is now demanding an apology. As the person in between, unsure how to navigate.

My husband (28M) and I (31F) had a big fight this morning about him not communicating about various chores.

I have been in a bad spot emotionally because of stress from work and school and my health, and we just moved out of state away from his family and my friends 2 weeks ago.

I definitely wasn’t being nice and trying to solve the issue, just yelling at him and crying, and then told him to leave me alone because I was so hurt emotionally by his lack of communication lately.

Then he comes up and tells me he’s leaving the house, and I told him that’s not what I meant, just to leave me alone for a minute. Then I rwas yelling at him that we have two men coming to move our old washer and dryer out and could he please stay because of that and I would be alone with them, and he said “I don’t care if they rape you”.

I then kinda lost it on him and started screaming at him to go stay at a hotel and get the f away from me, because now he was apologizing and backpedaling and apologizing for saying that.

I almost feel like there’s no coming back from a statement like that, no matter how unfair I was being, so I’m not sure where to go from here. I have no family of my own to talk to about this and we just bought a house together.

TLDR: I was yelling at my husband for not communicating and I wasn’t using fair fighting rules, but then he said something heinous and I’m not sure if our marriage is over or not.

NOTE: i apologize deeply for the length. im trying my best not to completely lose it at the moment. and i do not want to make room for misunderstanding or judgements, so i am trying to describe everything both the way it is and the way i see it.

there is a lot of context and a lot of details that goes into this but i am going to try to keep it short for everybody's sake. i'm 22 years old. i'm doing my master's degree in my university (im a double major grad and i started school very early). my boyfriend is 4 years older, and is in his third year in university. we are a semi-long distance relationship. it is a little bit complicated so let me explain.

we met online. my mother has locked me inside the house for 2 years, and it was extremely restrictive before that. there is a lot of abuse going on that nobody knows about, and i mean nobody. beating, vulgar words, insults, manipulation, screaming, all of it. my mother is an undiagnosed narcissist and she is very mentally unwell but hides it perfectly. everyone else thinks she's this modern, ahead-of-her-time, unique person, and she farms this attention constantly. i'm trying my best not to get into details, so i hope you get the point. in internet terms, she is a karen and pick-me-girl all in one.

im big into video games, and i met my boyfriend very randomly in a one. i've had some failed relationships and when i met him i was just glad i was talking to someone after a very long time. but we somehow hit it off and i was terrified to fall in love with him because of many reasons, one being what i just described. the relationship had to be secret, i dont have any social media accounts, he would have to come to my school when he wanted to see me, and i had no idea how or when i was going to be able to get out. he was willing to go through them all with me, he said he was willing, he was the most grounded person i had ever met and gave me strong sense of security. he was sure he wanted to make this work, and saw my situation as nothing more than "temporary". which gave me a lot of ground, and gave me the strength to mentally power through all of it. i was very deeply lost in the abuse before i met him, blaming myself and believing everything my mother said about me. i will not go into detail about these.

this was almost 2 years ago. we have been going out ever since, he comes to school to see me all the time, and thats the only time we meet. we stream on twitch to each other and strictly talk through a super random website's chat messaging function, we have sex in secret in my campus. we know each other on a deep and personal level, we are sure of each other, and we are waiting it out until im able to find a job and move out. knowing each other on a level this deep sometimes wounds us just as deep, our fights sometimes get hectic, the distance between us and or situation and restrictions sometimes become to much to bare, and we both have our fair share of being unfair to each other in many ways. however, we were always willing to learn and grow together through it all, no matter how ugly it got, we knew we wanted each other. no matter what, we could not imagine a life with anyone else but each other.

on tuesday morning, when i woke up his stream was ready and i tuned in, texted my good morning text and started doing my own morning routine (dailies in games, etc.). i always liked feeling like we were spending our morning "together", as if we were in the same house or room, and this helped me mentally detach from the environment i live in in my own house. it was almost an hour until he had seen my good morning text and when he did he said a short good morning and then left the stream for almost 30 minutes to grab food. i know it's unreasonable, unfair, and i know im asking for too much or making something out of nothing, but it just made me feel a little bit sad because normally he checks like every 5 mins to see if i texted. for the past couple of days, he hadnt, and it was 1.5hrs of me on my computer without being acknowledged because my boyfriend was too sucked in into the game he was playing.

i want to say upfront, i have never, ever made a big deal, or any deal about him playing games in any capacity because we literally share the same hobby and we go for hours without talking sometimes because we are both too sucked in into the respective games we are playing. it was just this particular morning that i was a little pissed that i got my good morning back so late. not to mention that this had been the case for the morning prior as well but i had never said anything.

when he came back i told him about it, i brought it up in a respectful way and he got mad at me, he told me i was being unreasonable, that i have never ending expectations, and that i basically just ruined our morning. he was right, so i apologized and encouraged us to just keep going with our day, because i had an exam the next day, and many more work to get done. for the rest of that day, i worked and he played his games. i was a little bit heartbroken that he yelled at me so much, but didnt want to make it a big deal out of it. that night, i told him that his reaction kind of broke my heart and he said he was sorry and tomorrow, at school, when he comes to see me, he was going to make it up to me and just asked me to wait until tomorrow. i took his word, and we went to sleep. he came to my school the next day.

wednesday morning, at school he was on his phone playing his game the entire time while i was doing my last revisions for my exam, i went in and out of a 2 hour exam that went great but had me feeling i was hit by a truck (we are both engineering students), i was having lunch and he was still on his phone the entire time, on his game. i didnt make a big deal out of that either, i was just glad we were together. i also acknowledge that the game he was playing required his undivided attention and i thought it was cute that he was being so serious about it and i fully supported it, he was like a child talking about the game and showing me the different mechanics and it was genuinely interesting to me too (i am also a game developer, i have worked in the industry and made games so these things are right up my alley.)

minor side note, i have this thing that i always sing or hum songs that i like, which is a trait of mine that he loves, unlike some exes who thought it was annoying. he never did, he loved in when i sang, but on wednesday in particular for the first time he just kept shutting me up the moment i opened my mouth to sing. i didnt make a big deal out of this either, but it kind of piled up with what happened on tuesday.

the final straw, was when i told him, that he'd been cutting me off every time i started singing and it was getting frustrating but i knew he didnt do it on purpose, he apologized over and over and told me to sing it. i did, but exactly at that moment a girl was passing right past him and he just kept looking at her, for a needlessly long amount of time. and that's when i snapped.

i asked him what he was doing, and he was rightfully confused. i told him that he still hadnt made up the thing from tuesday, im tired from my exam, he kept cutting off my songs, and now he's looking at girls, and i folded my arms and turned the other way when he hugged me. when i got even more mad he started yelling at me again and telling me i was being unreasonable. then we both got quiet and he told me to just start walking to the bus stop together. so we did, i walked a little bit ahead of him, because i was mad.

i wasnt talking, and neither was he. 5 minutes into us walking to the bus stop, he started walking faster than me until there was a substantial distance between us, and i figured that was just his was just his way of telling me that the bus would be here soon, and that i need to hurry up, but i was going as fast as i can. i soon lost sight of him because he had gotten so far. i started panicking, my knees started feeling weak and i started crying. i tried my best to go faster and finally made it to the bus stop, where he was in line with his headphones on, completely ignoring me. i started crying even harder.

he kept ignoring me, and two minutes later the bus arrived, without looking back, without saying anything at all, he got on the first bus that came and left. i broke down, from all the tiredness and everything, all the weight had dropped on me and i just started crying, confused, cold, scared, i just cried. i tried to call him on the phone but he wouldnt pick up, not even once, not even a text he never picked up.

that was four days ago. yesterday was his birthday. the only text i got from him was him saying "can you just stop texting me and give me a day or two. i dont want to see, hear, or talk about anything". ive been having panic attacks and breathing problems but im too scared to tell him anything because i dont want to feel like a burden and im trying to believe that whatever he's doing is ultimately better for our relationship but he still wont text me even a tiny update about anything at all. its like he disappeared.

we could have got on our bus together, after i'd calmed down i would have put my head on his shoulder and apologized for being rash, of course i didnt think he looked at girls, i know he never did, but that i was a little heartbroken from yesterday and this morning and my exam wore me out and i basically took my shit out on him and that i was sorry, and we would hug and it would pass, and then maybe he would do the "making up" thing that he said he would. he never did. this is what he did instead.

for additional context, throughout out relationship, he has had some extremely abusive behaviors towards me, but he is not an inherently abusive person. just like me, i have done things im not proud of, but we are trying our best to work through it and have had countless talks about everything. my mom is the way she his, and he doesnt have a dad. its rough for both of us but we were taking these times and opportunities to grow into healthy and well adjusted people for the ultimate benefit of our relationship. i never thought after everything we've been through and talked about, that he would pull this on me. i dont know what to think anymore, but he wont text me. he still hasnt texted me. i need the advice and word of well adjusted adults.

I got back with my ex-girlfriend, she can be really cool and friendly, but her temper is really bad. You can’t criticize her back or else she will lose it!! I mean screaming to the ceiling whenever and sometimes wherever and I have to runaway. How does one balance this out with there loved one? We’ve been together since April 2023, doesn’t sound like a long time but we went through a lot together but she clearly been through way more considering just her age.

She has always felt unheard and uncared for, I gave her those needs, we still argued over the smallest things like spilled water or “where’s my fucking vape”? We split the first time due to too many arguments, things even got physical. I ghosted her for months after, I felt like a black hole after that. I’ve never ghosted someone like that and I didn’t plan on using it as leverage.

I found out months after we broke up that she was moving through Snapchat and my stupid little 14yr brother that still followed her. I felt saddened for some reason, I found out she still has videos and pictures of me on her snap stories for the public like if we were still together. I found letters in my old back pack somehow. I unblocked her on all socials and she almost immediately started messaging me.

She couldn’t get over me, I couldn’t get over her. So on and so forth after seeing each other time to time, boom. Pregnant. I’m glad it’s someone I know but it’s also someone I’ve been scared of before. I trust her. I love her. Unfortunately I don’t believe her attitude or temper will change for the better after (god willing) having this baby of ours. My family and friends are in shock, I’m still processing it. Most importantly I’m trying to cooperate with her so we can fix what we can. Anyone else gone through this? Know anyone who has? Words of encouragement? I already know I shouldn’t have slept with my ex.

This is going to be long, but I need help.

My gf and I have been together since we were both 14-15 and now we’re in college about to finish our last semester and supposedly start our lives together, I’m a college football player and going to go out for the nfl draft, but that’s besides the point. My gf comes to my house, 2 weekends ago. And The issue is we havnt been able to have sex a lot recently because long distance but we managed a few times in a few months. We're usually really good about our sex lives and do really well with each other, she cums just as much if not more than I do, or so l thought. She comes home or over to my house to spend the weekend with me before going back to school, and we start having sex and it's taking her way longer to finish from head than usual and she doesn't finish from me fingering her like she normally does, I usually have her finish twice before we actually have sex, and she tells me to stop and tells me she's pressured bc she feels like id think she's cheating on me if she doesn't finish and I consoled her and reassured her that it wasn't the case, so we try again early and the morning and she finishes once, legs shake she moans grabs the sheets I can feel her tighten and release inside like the whole 9 yards she’s exhausted afterwards and she’s says “omg I’m not on earth rn” and she goes back to sleep for a few hours and when she gets up she’s shaking and can barely walk?, and then we try and have sex later and same ordeal as the day before she doesn't finish at all and she's like idk why I can't, and I'm obviously not feeling good about myself but I ask her what I can do to make it better and what I can do to help her get there, and she's laid there for a few hours and went to sleep and woke up really tired and sore and sensitive. And I'm like "okay well why did you fake it?" And then she goes "idk I was never going to tell you" and mind you, I caught her before and she always has the same sort of reactions I mean we've been together for forever and i feel like l'd know if she fakes it bc she always cums multiple times before we even have sex, and I thought she'd atleast stop me like she did her first day at her dorm after she "faked". Like in thinking her whole body shakes she screams and her eyes roll back and then she goes limp and is like it's sensitive go soft, and she told me a few years ago it's like muscles contracting and then releasing and it feels great, she sends me reels and tik toks throughout our relationship saying "when he makes me cum" or "when he knows the right spots" or things that a man could do to make a women feel good. And I said well "i don't appreciate you lying to me but I'm sorry that you had to do that and what can I do to make it better and support you?" And she's like "idk I can't figure it out for you" and I say "well I thought I always put you first and made you feel good" and she says "well actually l've never came l've always faked it" and I was kind of hurt tbh bc I pride myself on satisfying her beyond her needs, so it took a shot at my pride, but after a few mins, hours I kind of looked at it differently and was like "well what can I do to make this better for you and us, bc I want you to be happy" and she was like "idk this conversation is frustrating me maybe we need a break" and then she tells me she's still loyal to me she just needs a break, and a few days later we meet up in person and she tells me she loves me and she still wants to be with me but she says she doesn't know if us being together is the best right now bc all she's getting is frustrated, and I was like well Ik we can fix this we've made it through worse, and she's like well I don't wanna breakup with you I wanna marry you, and she's just being really confusing and then I start asking questions to better understand her and she tells me "I promise you l've never came and l've faked every orgasm l've ever had with you" and I was like well that kinda hurts, and I was like idrk how you want me to react to that but I wanna support you and I appreciate you telling me this and we can fix this. And I'm obviously upset over the situation I mean who wouldn't be, and then I go back and look at our messages from before and stuff she sends me and I'm like, she's a very selfish person, she's a me me me me over you type of girl, and that's okay bc we go well together, if she wasn't finishing I Know she would of made sure I knew, I know this girl, she sent me reels telling me I made her cum, SHE laughed at people when they told her their bf's can't make them finish. She was always physically exhausted afterwards, she shook squirmed, begged me for more like it was real? And it got me thinking like, I'm her first everything but l've been with different 3-4 women before her and l've also made them finish. She never showed signs of wanting to stop or faking one? She always was happy with it I always ate her out, her reactions from her body, like toes curling everything. I could physically feel inside of her when she would cum, and I was like wait why is she saying this if that's the case? And it kinda makes me feel crazy, bc she's not a nice girl like she's literally a mean white girl and when she doesn't get what she wants she's kinda a itch, and she's done this thing where she tells me l'm bad at something bc she knows I'll try harder she's admitted that to me before, and I asked her and she was like no that's not what this is. I swear if she's faked it I would have known, like the one time she did. Theirs no way she can fake those reactions at the same time and have that afterwards? I mean there were times where we went 4-5 rounds of me eating her out and fingering her yes she "came" 4-5 times and kept telling me she wanted more she wanted more until we ran out of time and had to leave and she could barely walk legs shaking and all. She was like that after we have sex sometimes to? And it just got me thinking, if she's lying why would she lie to me like that? We are currently on day 9 of the break. Again like none of it makes any sense be when she doesn't like something I do oh boy does she make it clear, she's always about finishing ALWAYS, she was proud that she had a bf like that she told her friends and they'd tell me the same thing. And it's so mind

boggling bc I swear I woulda known if she was faking, she's not the girl to stay quite if she's not happy, she expresses her emotions and how she feels all the time and she's a little bi polar and crazy... and I hit the g spot and I know different moves and different ways that she likes and where she likes to be hit, like I have previous experiences and it's not like I have an ego, bc she's the women I want to marry. But it's like I hit the right spots and she always is like I feel like l'm gonna pee and that's like right before she cums, i fuck her how she wants to be fucked like we had an amazing sex like or as it seemed before this situation? I swear, I swear I swear I swear, I would of felt and known if she was faking it, and I feel like she's lying to me and she's lied to me before and she's the type to take it to the grave, so l guess my question is do yall think she's lying to me? And why? Even if yall think so she will never admit it? I'm just trying to understand why she might do this? so you all tell me what you thinks going on and how I should handle this going forward? Bc l'm at a loss, if feels like all our progress is gone and we just look at each other differently. I talked to a friend and he thinks she’s looking for a way out of our relationship so she doesn’t have to feel bad or she’s cheating on me? I mean idk why though? I’m 6’2” I play QB at a division 1 school? I have a big dick and like this all like a cliff we were so good and then this? She was talking about getting married literally a few days before? Telling me she wants me to propose? This is a 5-6 year relationship to? Idk I just don’t understand, do yall think she’s lying or what’s going on? Idk why she’d lie tho and maybe she just doesn’t wanna be with me? Sorry for the long text just read it all and let me know.

Hi all,

I (30 F) have been with my current partner (31 F) for just over 3 years and it’s been a wonderful relationship, a little bit rocky at the beginning but overall healthy and loving. Like in any relationship, I’ve had doubts, but anything that pushed me to end it. Recently she left the city we live in to pursue her dream job, hitting pause on our plans to move in together. (I could not go with her because the town she moved to is very small and it would be tricky for me to find a job). For context, this move has been difficult for us and I have expressed frustration at her just leaving and putting our relationship second, even though I know it’s the right decision for her.

I have always had strong feelings for one of my school best friends (30 F) who lives in my home town where I want to eventually move back. This friend, let’s call her Sara, has never expressed interest in women so I hid my feelings for the last 15 years and just got on with my life. I see Sara only once or twice a year because my home is a flight away.

Last weekend, Sara admitted that she was in love with me, and she knows I’m in a relationship but she would be willing to wait and wants to be with me in a serious way. This really surprised me and obviously unearthed a lot of feelings. I told her that I also loved her, but that nothing could happen whilst I am in a relationship.

Since then I have been thinking about Sara non-stop and we’ve been having long phone calls where we finally talk freely about our feelings. I know this situation can’t go on. Now I am faced with choosing and if I stay in my relationship, I will now loose Sara as a friend. Now that the box has been opened we cannot be just friends.

I love my partner, but its a different type of love to the new exciting one, and I just don’t know if I’m pursuing the infatuation in a childish way, or if it is a real love that I cannot miss out on.

My heart is telling me to leave my partner and move back to my hometown and give it a try, but in my head I know this is CRAZY. One doesn’t just up and leave a 3 year relationship on a whim because a teenage love has returned. I am feeling so confused.

The idea of not getting to explore our love with Sara kills me, but hurting my partner and loosing her may be a terrible decision.

My partner has picked up on something and is asking what’s wrong, and I have just been telling her that I am feeling down and have a lot on my mind. I am finding it difficult to be loving towards her when my mind is always thinking about Sara and what we could have.

How do I buy myself time to choose and figure it all out without destroying my relationship and loose my friend?

Tldr: I am in a relationship and my best friend whom I have secretly loved for over a decade has now told me she loves me.

okay so i'll give deets about the situation. i live in india and my family is very strict about me specifically as a girl dating cos they associate dating with career distractions and have seen many negative experiences of girls who have dated so they're just very against me dating and are conservative and my mom said i can only date once im 21-22. my brother is 19 and we both go to the same gym. i met a guy there (my current bf) and we liked each other since the first day we met. later on he became friends with my brother (and they're very close even if it seems like he only became friends cos of me) but my brother didn't know we liked each other and then eventually we started dating in august.

now no one still knows except for my aunt who im very close to and lives on another floor. today was our anniversary of 4 months and i had sent a picture of a gift (photo frame with our picture) i bought for him to my aunt and her husband (my dads brother) saw it and the situation got very bad. but she handled it and guaranteed that my uncle wont snitch.

but now she has suggested that we should reveal it to atleast one person in my house (either my mom or my brother, not my dad cos he will not take it well at all) and we are trying to come up with ideas of how to tell them.

my brother had an od and he was there for him so they know he's a great friend and everything but it’s still very risky cos my brother is kinda bipolar and he will 90% not take it well. he’s not also very mature to understand that our reality is serious and we love each other. my mom can be told but she would feel i betrayed her trust and everything but i can guarantee she won't tell anyone. also they were not letting me a join a gym because they thought they're be guys at the gym and i started dating so it's a problem.

if they find out, a lot of restrictions will be imposed on me (phone will be taken away, no gym and they'll never trust me) please suggest some idea of how it can be revealed in the future (3-4 months later maybe) and not yield a bad result!!

I've (22F) been dating my boyfriend (22M) for a year now, but we've known each other since we were 18. I met his family this summer, and it felt like they didn’t care to get to know me because they didn’t ask me any questions. They also seem judgmental, as they don’t accept criticism, believe they’re always right, and tend to push their ways of doing things onto others. For example, they criticize my boyfriend for not spending enough time with them when he visits (we’re long-distance), but when he’s at home, they barely engage with him. This is why he often asks me to hang out instead. Another example would be that they act as if doing other things than working/studying is wasting time, they don’t go on dates and have said that even a sushi dinner (26 dollars per person) is too expensive for my boyfriend and I. For context, we split costs 50/50, so it’s not like my boyfriend is spending much.

What bothers me most is their lack of attention to basic hygiene. There are mice living in the walls of their house, running around openly, and they don’t seem to care or take action. They also keep expired and moldy food, and they get upset if my boyfriend throws it away instead of eating it. Additionally, they refuse to replace broken furniture and appliances. For example, their microwave broke and a few days ago ended up intoxicating the whole house.

Today, my boyfriend came to our city to visit. He picked me up and his car was completely stained with bird droppings. He said his family had been using it and didn’t clean it, and he didn’t have time to clean it himself. I was a little embarrassed because, in my family, we do things differently (whenever I pick him up, my car is always clean). I tried to move past it, but later, while we were watching the sunset in the car, a group of people in their 30s leaned on the car to take pictures of themselves without realizing we were inside. My boyfriend let them and just remarked, “Why would they do that? My car isn’t even expensive.” He assumed they could only be trying to show off, but I’m pretty sure they were making fun of the bird droppings or thought the car was abandoned. It was embarrassing.

I love my boyfriend and don’t want to seem superficial, but I can’t help worrying about the future. I don’t want to live the way his parents do, and I’m concerned his family might try to impose that lifestyle on us. I also worry that his family wouldn’t get along with mine, as my family values hygiene, tidiness, and spending money on quality experiences.

Any advice?

my [20F] boyfriend [21M] recently confessed to me that he had been watching porn for several months and had been lying to me about it. we claim to value honesty in our relationship and i was very hurt that he had been lying, especially since the reason i asked him not to indulge in it is because of some sexual trauma from my own childhood, so porn is a dealbreaker for me. when he first told me, he didn’t seem to feel bad about lying to me for so long which hurt me, but after we talked more and i explained how it affected me he was understanding and apologetic, and promised not to do it again. it seems he’s dedicated to stop that habit regardless of my feelings because we both agree that its an unhealthy habit. its not like he cheated on me, but it’s been hard to recover from this because i struggle with a lot of relationship anxiety and i suspect some possible slight OCD. im willing to challenge these fears that i have despite feeling betrayed, so we have been trying to work things out again, but as of right now all i see him as is someone who is willing to lie about a very delicate topic to me. what other impulses would he prioritize over other terms that he agreed to? im not really angry, but i dont know if im attracted to him right now. its scary to give him another chance because this has happened once before. we’ve been together for over 2 1/2 years and get along great. we’ve had a very healthy and fun relationship up until this point. my question is can this feeling go away with time? do i need to express to him about my current aversion to him? i only hesitate because it will certainly hurt him. i want to work things out, but it’s not feeling very worth it right now.

I'm unable to compose my thoughts perfectly right now but I'll try my best because I need advice and a space to vent out. This is gonna be a long one so bear with me, but I'll provide a TLDR.

So I have this partner for two years, I really love him, but often times I feel drained when something bad happens on his side, I really have this excellence in absorbing emotions that aren't mine and I am not proud of it.

Things are well, I only experience financial problems every once in a while, and he's a student living in his parents' house. My family is not really that much "woke" in the idea of a homosexual relationship, unlike to his, that's why I am the one to travel 61 miles and have to stay with him for about a month now and then just to be able to spend some time together physically. That's one reason why I feel drained, I feel like I am the one giving it my all just for this to work. I am the one working, I mostly spend for the both of us, he provides if he's able. He's still studying and he's really having a hard time, my first instinct is to always help him because I really don't like it when he's being stressed out, I tend to become stressed out too. I don't know why I am like that, even to the point that when he's asking for help, I can't say no because I am afraid of what's gonna happen, that's a big factor in our story, I always feel scared.

He is suffering from and diagnosed with Intermittent explosive disorder (IED), and I did anything to understand him but it turns out I am the worst kind of person to be around him as I am very emotionally vulnerable. Coming from an abusive dad (in which my family escaped from), my body freezes every time I hear shouting and strong emotions. That's why every time I try to avoid making him upset. I immediately cry after witnessing such strong emotions, I am afraid of confrontations, I could not confront anyone without having teary eyes.

We have been long distance for the entire relationship, our common ground is ultimately about gaming. We spend time with each other playing almost every day when we're available, but even there things go crazy. I no longer need to elaborate but when shit goes down, he just can't handle his emotions.

We've been in crazy fights too, often times he breaks and smashes things and I hated being the witness for every instance. I will admit, most times we are unable to understand each other's views that's why it drives him crazy and I just give my full understanding. I love him and I always try to comfort him in those times, but I hate making the situation about myself but there's always this question: "What about what I felt?".

I always feel this need for an alone time but it feels like I am neglecting him and his responses make me feel that way. I've never had the comfort to provide myself an actual "alone time" that's why it feels off when I feel like I need one. I just tend to have an alone time when I sleep or do some daily habits, or when I am already working (which I don't pretty much consider), though even if I just slept (and sometimes I overslept) he always made me feel bad about it cuz he claims he had been waiting for me.

He had nothing else to do and that's kind of a burden for me. He doesn't go out much, only when he goes to school and stuff. He seems pretty disconnected from his friends who already had their own lives, and he just spends all day in his room, either playing with me or watching TikToks when he's tired.

Also, we had problems with preferences. We almost have every common interest, but our preferences and expectations for a partner is literally the same, so think of it like I am dating a second version of me but with a different attitude. He confidently talks and mentions to me about what he likes about on a guy through fictional characters that he admired, though I always want to be that guy for him, I feel the need for someone like that too but I feel like he is unfit for that expectation.

There's something in me that feels that this is toxic but I just can't let it go. It has been draining me so much that I can't pour any more, it feels like I give more than what I am receiving.

TL;DR: I’ve been in a two-year long-distance relationship with my partner, who struggles with emotional regulation and Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED). I feel drained because I provide most of the financial and emotional support, often sacrificing my own well-being to avoid confrontations. Even though I love him, I feel like I’m giving more than I’m receiving, and the relationship has become emotionally exhausting and possibly toxic. I’m looking for advice because I’m unsure how to balance my own needs with his challenges.

Hi everyone,

Just need some outside inputs on this situation. My single mom sister (36F) is dating a guy (37M) who she introduced to her kids a few days after their first date. The next week, she let him take her daughter to the store and he bought her a gift. He also took her son to a restaurant. This concerned me, so I told her I don't think it's a good idea to leave her kids alone with someone she met this recently. Turns out she told him what I said, and he took it personally, according to her. He has blocked me on Instagram when I tried to connect with him (this was after I gave him the benefit of the doubt and spent time with him). Our other sister also friended him on Facebook only for him to accept the request and then delete her (that sister said nothing about him so he had no reason to do that).

He also has some weird online job that seems scammer-like and then we just found out he is apparently a "private investigator" as well although definitely doesn't work for the police or have a license. It is all extremely odd. There is MUCH more to the story but it will make this too long.

Lastly, the kids do not like him. He made a "joke" to the youngest child (5 years old) that if the child is bad, his dog will attack him. I'm very bothered by this whole situation and want this man out of their lives but I know that there is nothing we can do but be supportive of the kids.. but everyone I know who knows about this is also disturbed by it. Any advice would be appreciated. We think it's clear he has a mental illness or personality disorder but not completely sure. Does anyone have an idea of what could be going on here?

TLDR: Advice on what to do about sister's creepy new boyfriend spending alone time with her kids and exhibiting all around bizarre behavior.

Thanks!

I can’t stop thinking about how I want to tell him I want to marry him. We have “joked about it” here and there, to the point that I got the hint that he’s considering it. I want to let him know how serious I am, and that I want to move states to be with him. I still have a lease at my condo until July, so there is plenty of time to figure things out. There is no motive or reason other than I love him and can’t imagine being with anyone else. I’m pretty sure he feels the same, otherwise I wouldn’t even consider saying anything. What are some things, if any, I should consider before dropping this info?

I went on 4 dates with a girl a few weeks ago and we were sleeping together. I caught feelings and honestly there were a lot of red flags. She had basically told me this wasn’t going anywhere and we were just having fun. She was so close with her ex bf of 8 years who she only split up with in feb. To the point he’d come over and just be him and her weekly. They’d still do everything together with their old couple group.

So I called it off. It was quite emotional for 4 dates coz we both really liked eachother but it was done. I’d stopped it and said I couldn’t see her anymore coz I wanted more.

6 days later she comes back and honeslty I got the feeling I was being played a little. She said she was ‘just checking in on me’ but I don’t really buy that. I let that play out. I got a bit emotional and told her I missed her. Stated my boundary again of I’m only gonna so this if it’s ever gonna go somewhere or I’ll only do very occasionally casual. But I’m not doing the middle ground. Just get a blunt ‘I’ll leave it then’ and ‘ok’s’.

6 days later she’s back. Again. This time shes acting a little erratic. Said she wants to see me. When I ask why she had a change of heart says ‘dunno. I just wanna see you’. I get 4 drunken missed calls at 1:30am. I get a load of question marks if I don’t reply with the hour.

I slightly caved to the pressure and said we could meet. But I don’t think I want to anymore. The whole thing is just dramatic and I’ve completely lost faith in it. I was so hopeful for something before but she’s not even addressed what I said before. Just said she wants to see me.

I didn’t reply for a day and today told her I didn’t want to do this anymore. Said after some thinking I’m not really in a great place to date and need some time to myself.

She’s now saying she’s really confused why I’ve changed my mind. Said that’s the exact opposite of what I said before. Asking why the sudden change of mind. I think she’s upset.

And I feel incredibly guilty about this. I did want to date her properly again. But I don’t know what to reply. Because the reason I changed my mind is due to her being the way she was and constant back and fourth so early on? Plus all the other red flags she herself said I was ignoring.

I’m just worried about what happens now. It took me a long time to find anyone I like. I rarely find dates I want to go on. I’m worried about the loneliness?

A little context: My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for the most part. When I came back to his place, we met for some time and our families came together to finalise our marriage (a cultural thing). Initially he would put in a lot of effort in talking, convincing me to give him a chance and making conversation. I could also tell that he was sexually curious about me as he would say some intimate things sometimes. It has been over a year, and we haven't met much. We haven't even had much sexual contact. I feel that he's not as verbally expressive and I put in way too much effort to make him more receptive to affection and verbal expression of love. It is exhausting to explain to him what I need. He tries sometimes but mostly says that it is his lack of experience and his nature that is coming in the way and he does love me. I know he cares for me deeply but I don't feel loved. I've tried to distance myself from him for a while so he can try to woo me sometimes but he's unable to (even though he tries) and I go back to him because I love him. I don't know what to do. I was in a relationship where the guy was extremely expressive and I'm used to that behaviour. I'm ashamed to admit that I miss it in him, even though I try my best not to compare him to my asshole ex. My boyfriend is a loyal sweetheart and I love him but I'm just so exhausted/frustrated and would like to be loved and coddled sometimes.

I (19F) don’t know if I’m in love with my boyfriend (19M) anymore and I don’t know what to do. Any advice?

Hello. I've never posted on Reddit before but here goes. I, 19F, have been dating my boyfriend, 19M, for almost 4 months now. Our relationship was complicated at the start. We've known each other for 2 years. I had a massive crush on him the entire time and he was kinda crushing on me but I didn't do anything so he got with his now ex. During the middle of this year, they were having issues and went through a break. No rules were set and he was falling in love with me. During the break he got with him and told his ex he didn't want to get back together. I was so happy. We were happy for about a month before his ex manipulated him back, she's good at that. It only took three weeks but he came back. I knew he would. The entire time I knew he was so in love with me and he came back. He told me he regretted every second of leaving me. He told me he thought of me the entire three weeks, and he said he thought he lost his chance with the best thing in his life. I gave him a second chance and after about the month of healing we actually started dating. We were all fine and dandy until he moved for college. That's when my anxiety started. It's gotten really really bad and it's been affecting my relationship and my feelings in it. My brain has convinced me I don't love him anymore. We spend the day together yesterday and the entire time I couldn't get the anxiety out of my head. I woke up today and my heart was racing. It feels heavy. I want to be with him. I want to love him. He's so cute and kind and funny. He's literally my dream man. He loves me so much. He's so gentle and understanding and respectful. He's never pushy and always respects my boundaries. He loves me so much and I can see how much he loves me. I don't wanna give him up. I don't know what to do. I keep telling him I love him and some part of me keeps saying it's not true. I don't know if I just have intense anxiety and depression that's causing this or if I genuinely don't love him. I don't know if it's the long distance either. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't even know if it's truly about my relationship or if it's something else attaching itself to my relationship. Has anyone gone through anything similar? I want to stay with him and I want to be with him. I want to love him. I don't wanna break up. I don't wanna leave him. He means so much to me. I don't wanna break his heart. I don't wanna break mine. I know we’re young and all but genuinely this is the love of my life. I want to marry him. Just my brain tells me I don’t and im believing it. Does anyone have any advice?

My husband (45/m) and I (37/f) are sexually incompatible. He was my first, I am not his. We have 4 nearly grown children, and I’ve held out hope that things would change but they’re at a standstill still, and I believe came to a head last week. He’s struggled with PE, and ED likely for quite some time, but we’re down to 3 minutes, and failed second round, and a hand full of times a year. After talking the subject to death, I’m done- and I believe I have been for some time. The idea of sex brings me to tears. I have always been the higher drive partner. The handful of times we have sex usually leave me frustrated, and not reaching my peak. While he’s willing to do things manually, i struggle to reach my peak and prefer PIV. Sex has become something that makes me sad. We tried therapy, I’ve gone to the doctor to see if maybe there’s something that can be found in my blood work- and just got the big old depression stamp. He will not go to the doctor, or wear his CPAP. I’ve offered porn, allowing him to sleep with someone else to see if he needs a change in scenery, and a few other things. After a decade of this same conversation, he’s finally agreed to schedule, but I’m no longer interested- but told him I’d give him two blow jobs a month, as long as I have a few days notice. It won’t go further than that, as the act is no longer appealing to me. He’s a great father, and provider. A good husband. I have no plans on leaving him, ever. I feel like every time I’ve finished mourning the loss of a romantic and passionate marriage, the loss rears its ugly head again, and I have to start over. I know not every successful marriage needs sex to survive. I’m hoping there are other couples here that who have found other special activities or things that you do to keep the partnership alive and joyful. I just don’t want to be sad anymore.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years, but our relationship has faced challenges, particularly with his career. After the first month of dating, he was laid off from his job as a scientist at a pharmaceutical company. Since then, he's been actively applying for biotech and pharma jobs, sending out hundreds of applications and attending a few interviews, some of which reached the final round—but he hasn't received any job offers for 20 months.

He has a PhD in Pharmacology and Immunology, but now he wants to transition into a business-focused role, saying that a communicator associate job (with an annual salary of $66k) could be a good bridge to help him enter that field. However, the hiring process for this job has been moving very slowly (1.5 months so far), and he still hasn’t received an offer. During the past 20 months, he hasn’t pursued new skills or certifications that might make him more competitive in this career shift. Instead, he has focused on job applications, volunteering in a scientific group, and networking.

In the past 20 months, he worked only briefly for a summer university program, but he completed only 40% of the project by the deadline, saying he wouldn’t work beyond the hours he was paid for. He has also refused to take temporary jobs like driving for Uber, saying he doesn’t view it as a “good job.” He mentioned he’d rather work in a bakery but hasn’t pursued that either, as he says he needs to focus on applying for jobs in his field.

Currently, he doesn’t have his own place and alternates between living with his parents and his brother. Financially, he is stable due to his savings and stock investments, which earn him about $5,000 per month.

Meanwhile, I’m a future physician, and I feel like his current career path doesn’t align with the life I envision for myself, especially as I want to start a family soon. While he is an incredibly nice person—supportive, loyal, and caring—I’m finding it difficult to reconcile his professional situation with the kind of partner I want to build a future with.

My question is: How do you navigate a relationship when your partner is struggling with their career, and their current trajectory doesn’t seem compatible with your future goals? At what point do you decide whether to continue supporting them or to prioritize your own vision for the future?

I didn’t know he was married until today. I have ADHD so sometimes I have a hard time telling when people are flirty, sometimes I assume they are just being friendly. Or vice versa.

Key details: 1.) he told me he was married after I left a note with my number on his windshield (a ballsy/regretful move for me!) 2.) sometimes he comes to my department for no reason and always acknowledges me. Ive rarely seen him talk to anyone else in my department. 3.) we make heavy eye contact the entire time we’re around each other 4.) after he told me he was married, he had to work a bit longer in my department, where he stared at me every time he saw me. I did not return eye contact at this point obviously 5.) he gets red and sweaty when he talks to me 6.) he will follow me down a hall just to make brief small talk before turning to go the complete opposite direction 7.) I walked past the door when he happened to be leaving for the day. He turned around in the doorway to ask me about my day & chat 8.) a coworker whom I’m around often witnessed him talking to me - she encouraged me to “go for him” 9.) I don’t want a married man pls don’t tear me apart. I found out today for the first time ever. I was shocked

Here’s the kicker - today, he confronted me about the note I left about a week ago. He said “I got your note. I didn’t text you because I’m married. Just a heads up” , but then told me to “just keep doing what you’re doing”… WTF is that supposed to imply? Like, he doesn’t want to text me because he has a whole ass wife, okay got it. But why continue to blatantly stare at me??? Someone spell it out. I feel like I have the social IQ of a crouton.

I (54M) have been married to my wife (50F) for over 20 years. We have two sons, a middle schooler and a high schooler. Over the past 4-5 years, our sex life has slowed down dramatically. As a result, I feel I am growing further away from my wife and no longer feel an emotional connection to her. We are now roommates and nothing more. Outside of the bedroom, we are best friends, love the same activities, and love our boys, but the lack of physical intimacy is taking its toll on me.

I have always been the high libido partner despite being on depression meds, heart meds, and diabetes medications. I have always focused on my fitness and staying attractive to ensure she is attracted to me. I have been the sole breadwinner for over a decade so that she could concentrate on the kids. I pay for a house cleaner to come 1x/week so she does not have to. I pay for various food services so we can spend time as a family when I am not working and can be together. I have coached my kid's various sports teams, etc. I have seen a therapist every 2 weeks for the past 15 years to stay on top of my depression and focus on my family. Yes, I have talked to my wife about this, and we have attended therapy together about how I would love sex at least once per week. And no, I am not trying to brag; I am setting the context.

However, this has not done anything for our bedroom. Several years ago, we would typically have sex once every 1-2 weeks. It has been more like once every 5-6 weeks for the past few years. The past year has been once every 2-3 months. During this time, she has increased her weekly breakfasts and lunches with friends, attended a fitness class 1-2 times a week, and attended a weekly women's bible study. I should add that I work from home, and she prefers 'daytime sex,' so she doesn't have to worry about our boys 'hearing' us. Sadly, I have had sex maybe 6 times in 2024.

Although I feel like she is on her phone more than she even looks or talks to me, I do not believe she is having an affair or anything like that. I am becoming resentful as I am starting to creep towards extreme depression and loneliness. I feel I give her and the boys an incredible life, but the daily stress of having to do everything around running the house is no longer appreciated, and I wonder if this is how my next 20-30 years of life will be.

Is there anything I can do? Yes, we focused on dating again for a while, doing things just 1:1 and getting that spark back. I never expect sex, but she never initiates. She will sometimes 'tease' me about something happening at lunchtime during the week, but it never happens.

I desperately love my wife and my family. I do not want to resort to ultimatums or anything of the sort. I feel like she no longer loves me or is no longer attracted to me and I have no idea what else to do.

What am I missing? Thank you for listening.

I have dated very few people, and made very few but solid connections. Also, I am an introvert and many of my extrovert friends are little self obsessed, it's like they always live in the main character energy. I blend pretty well with them but as a partner this trait might affect differently. I'm just wondering what might be major issues connected with this trait on a long run. I know everyone is different but if you guys have been with this type of people I think your views will help.

TLDR: what are the potential issues that might come up with a "main character energy" partner

Sorry I’ve never done this before but I’m at a point I don’t know what to do.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years now and my friends I’ve known between 3-10 years.

For context my friends are all lgbt or a person of colour. My boyfriend is a white man.

My friends were planning a Christmas feast all together with their partners and friends, and when I asked if my partner could join the whole room went quiet.

Then yesterday my friend messaged me to tell me how they can’t be around my boyfriend, telling me how he would interrupt them and speak over them. They felt he would mansplain over them when asking questions. Talk loudly when spoken to, and never apologized or circled back when he did this. They acknowledged how they understand this is a part of adhd but others will apologize and circle back. I talked to my partner about this as I wanted him to know what was going on and that he hurt my friend’s feelings unknowingly. My boyfriend fully understood and acknowledged how that came across, he struggles with adhd and being on the spectrum. He said it’s something he will fully be aware of and think about but obviously it feels a little late as my friends didn’t come to me before this became a “I never want to see him” issue.

It carried on into him cancelling a bunch early on in our relationship with plans with my friends, they felt he wasn’t trying or didn’t care. On my end he was just going through a really hard friendship breakup and was needing more time to himself and to take it slower before getting to know my friends, he would always tell me how bad he felt and how he would love to join he’s just in a bad headspace. I always thought I communicated this to my friends but they felt he wasn’t trying and didn’t want to be in their lives.

They also added because of how hurt they are they don’t want to even visit my home, which I just moved into. I feel rejected and dismissed.

How do I move forward or figure this out? I’m feeling betrayed by my friends and hurt that a huge part of my life won’t be joined with my other half.

I’ve not long turned 18 and I’ve started to connect with my birth mum after 13 years in foster care and about 8/9 years without seeing or talking to her.

I have an older sister and a younger sister and we were all taken into care, due to my mothers drug and alcohol issues aswell as her mental health, I believe schizophrenia and EUPD (may be wrong just what I was told). She also had a pair of twins, who were taken into care.

Today she told me that her and her boyfriend are expecting a baby in April. I’m angry I think, I don’t want her to have another child. Is there anything I can say without her hating me?

I (28M) have been married to my wife (26F) for about a year, though we’ve been together for five years. Lately, I’ve been struggling with something in our relationship and could use advice on how to handle it constructively.

My wife often asks me for small favors throughout the day—things like rubbing her feet every evening, grabbing her snacks multiple times at night, or getting her water even when she’s already in the kitchen. I don’t mind helping out, but sometimes it feels like the frequency of these requests has increased significantly since we got married. Before, she was very independent, and now I feel like I’m being relied on for things she could easily do herself.

I want to make sure I’m being a supportive partner, but I’ve started feeling a bit frustrated. For example, when she asked me to grab her water while she was standing in the kitchen, I lightly joked, “Why do I have to bring you water? You’re already there.” She responded with, “Well, I was going to have sex with you later, but I guess not anymore.” That comment threw me off, and I didn’t know how to address it without making the situation worse.

I’m worried that bringing this up might make her feel like I’m keeping score or that I don’t want to support her, which isn’t the case. At the same time, I feel like there’s a shift in balance that’s bothering me, and I don’t want it to build into resentment.

How can I approach this conversation in a way that strengthens our relationship? Has anyone else navigated something similar in their marriage, and what worked for you?

I’m feeling incredibly lost and overwhelmed so I wanted to hear some opinions from reddit. My thoughts are a mess so I apologise for the non sequential context and random jumps from one paragraph to another. Happy to provide additional context if required in the comments.

I’ve been seeing this guy for 2 months. We live quite different lives and to be honest, I did not expect our relationship to progress like this.

As an individual, I feel like it’s easy for me to be emotionally avoidant with people. This is something I’m trying to fix by attempting to be more vulnerable. Speaking to this guy has helped me open up as he is super patient, a great listener, and will gently encourage me to speak my mind more. I feel comfortable and understood.

Although we’ve been friends with each other for over a year, we only got to know each other better after he broke up with his girlfriend. With this in mind, I’ve asked him if he only talked to me after the breakup because he was lonely and he replied he can’t give me an answer because he’s not sure.

For context on my relationships, after breaking up with my ex around 5 years ago, I was completely fine with not being in a relationship. My ideal partner would have a stable job, healthy habits, be emotionally stable and so on. Therefore, I’ve always told myself if I don’t find the quote unquote ideal partner, I’m perfectly happy to be single. And this brings me to the point that although he’s emotionally stable and nice to me, he does not work a stable job and he is a light smoker.

Hopefully this is not me viewing him through rose tinted glasses but despite him working an unstable job with irregular hours (has to wake at 6am for work and sometimes ends around 10pm), he tries his best to make time for me. He also quit his stable job of ten years in another country to move to my country two years ago because he wanted a change in lifestyle. He also stated that he would quit smoking if he had a child which in my mind is still stupid. But I too have my own flaws.

During our communications, we have also both communicated that we like each other romantically. He’s also been saying that he’s falling for me more. We both are not seeing/sleeping with anyone else either. However, we both are also individuals who don’t want to go into a relationship if we can’t see a long term future together. For me, I’m worried about my family not accepting him and health issues relating to smoking. For him, he has family issues to deal with, doesn’t feel proud of who he is at the moment, worried about all the uncertainty in his life, does not want my friends/family to look down upon him for his unstable work because of pride, and believes that I can find someone better than him. I want to reassure his worries and doubts but I don’t know if I am just digging a deeper hole for the two of us.

For the past week, the topic of defining the relationship keeps getting brought up by him. I don’t know whether I should break this situationship off and am scared to ask him if he wants to try dating in fear of no as an answer and also pressuring him too much. For him, he wants to continue the situationship for a while longer until he makes a decision. We’ve discussed continuing it for another two months to see but perhaps that’s just delaying the inevitable.

Can this relationship work out? Would it be healthier to ask to take a break?

Side note: please be kind. So much is happening & it’s just a mess.

I (28f) have been with my husband (29M) since we were in high school. We live with his family for cultural reasons. Recently, we had a falling out. What started the issue was when he (29M) grabbed our dog out of anger & dragged her for being rude to another dog (when he could have told her to leave). My initial reaction was to yell at him in-front of the family while he left the house because I was stressed & angry for him doing that. I love my dogs & when he takes his anger out, it’s misplaced & makes me mad. I (28F) out of anger cracked the corner of his screen set up & he ended up really angry about it. So much so that he started yelling at me and calling me names & breaking other things in the house. I have already bought him a new screen & he knows this. He claims that this isn’t the first time I’ve done this (and truthfully I have never ruined anything of his).The whole family basically knows the situation after hearing that. He tends to say very hurtful things to me & makes irrational decisions after big fights & this time it feels real. I know I am no victim in this & that was really stupid of me to do. But i feel quite hopeless in it all. I guess I just want to know if anyone has been through this?