Need help with your relationship?

My boyfriend 18 M and I 18F started dating when we were 16. He is really funny, academically smart, treats me nicely, and seems to really love me. However, I think there may be something wrong with him mentally because his childhood was not very good. His mother abandoned him when he was 3 years old, and he was raised by his strict father and grandparents. His father would beat him if he didn’t do well in school, which has led him to hate everything related to school in general. I believe his father's aggression has also affected him in some way because he used to have multiple anger outbursts whenever we had a fight in the past. This made me cry a lot, and I considered breaking up with him. However, he promised he would change if I gave him a chance. I did, and it seems like he has controlled himself better, and the frequency of our fights has decreased. But the most outrageous thing he ever told me was that he would kill me if I cheated on him. The look on his face when he said it was the most psychotic thing I have ever seen in my life. He also has no ambition or goals in life; his father decided what his future job would be, where he goes to university, etc. He can’t cook and plays video games all day since his stepmother does everything for him. I know he is a horrible person, but I just can’t bring myself to break up with him.

I (29f) have been with my husband (28m) since we were 19, married at 20. A week ago, he had an emotional blowup and asked for a divorce. After calming down for a few days, he apologized and asked if we could work on things. We have never been on again, off again so this happening was quite serious. I've been feeling so back and forth in my mind about if I want to stay. I told him, it is like once every few months where we are having a discussion about something that needs to change on my end and I feel like maybe I'm not his person? Maybe his needs don't align with what I can provide. I think we both largely hold on because we've grown up together practically, our entire lives are intertwined and we do love each other. I also feel exhausted and tired of trying, being in a relationship where we constantly have to think about and work on our communication, but maybe that is every relationship?

Also to add, this year was really bad for us. I lost my job, had a miscarriage, we lost two pets and maybe it's just the storm but how long do I have to be stuck weathering it.

Tldr: my husband and I had a really tough year, with a lot of loss but we have also never had good communication. After he asked for a divorce then changed his mind, I don't know if I should stay.

For some context, we were “open” for about 2 months and she was the only one that actually wanted it or did anything, I actually told her that I was uncomfortable with it but agreed to make her happy, and she insisted that she wouldn’t do anything she knew made me uncomfortable or knew I didn’t like) she ended up sexting someone that she insisted was just her friend and another guy from another state (who she called baby and said she wanted to be his gf if she was there). This ruined our relationship and we’ve been trying for about half a year to fix it but I’ve lost all trust pretty much.

She’s been going to the bar every week, sometimes alone, sometimes with her friend. And the last couple times she’s come home with a guy’s number or Snap, she insists that she just wants to be friends with them but it’s hard to believe it sometimes , I don’t know what to believe. She’s said she’s learned and would never do it again, but it still eats away at my mind a lot whenever she texts them. And one time she invited one of them over to our place to hang out for a bit and she specifically told him beforehand not to say anything sexual, which is weird as fuck, but she insists it’s because of the jokes he makes or something.

I’ve said I don’t like it and she’s gotten mad because she’s just trying to make more friends because she only has 1. But I know she’s lied to me so many times, (despite me having proof), she’s texted other men in other ways while I was sleeping almost right next to her, I don’t like the arguments or the tension and anxiety it causes. What can I do to work on this? To make it easier for me to deal with.

my best friend is dating a christian conservative trump supporter. f(20) and my bsf f(20) have been best friends for 5 years. i am a lesbian with pretty left leaning views and i knew my best friend to always be a democrat (not quite the same left leaning views as me but no right leaning views) my best friend started dating a very religious conservative man who voted for trump in 2020. i do not know about 2024 as i have not spoken to my bsf about it yet however he holds the typical conservative republican views like believing abortion is murder, very patriarchal views on women and marriage etc. as a lesbian and a leftist this is a dealbreaker for me. it did not use to be before as he wasn’t my friend and the few times i interacted with him was all with and because of my bsf. they have been dating for some time she told me she did not know of his views prior to them dating and whenever my bsf and i talked about his beliefs we would both express our disapproval of them. they broke up because of this difference in beliefs however my bsf got back with him because she “decided to be okay with his beliefs and with who he is as a person” i cannot help but feel a sense of betrayal from my bsf that she would go back to someone like that. I know she does not hold the same views as him however she is okay with dating and loving someone who does. thinking about ending our friendship however we have been friends for so long and i am wondering if there is a way to continue being friends given the circumstances

Me (24M) and my girlfriend (23F) have been together for four months and the other day she said we should go on a break because she's stressed over stuff and she thinks she isn't putting enough attention towards me (I'm fine if she's busy or dealing with things) I said I don't think we should because a month prior I was going through a stressful couple of days and I asked if we can go on a break just so I can sort my head out and she said no we rather stay together or completely break up. I say she is selfish for not letting me choose when we go on a break and she can. She then said she was breaking up with me and I was confused on why. We kind of sorted it out but she said I don't know if we'll get back together because she is still stressed. This morning I was texting her about it and she said we aren't going to get back together and she doesnt love me anymore. This sounds simple but she's a very confusing person and she is currently on her period which makes her act even more confusing (even her girl friends agree). I really like her and I feel like she is just stressed and needs space which is what I'm giving her but I don't know if I'm right or if she actually doesn't love me anymore. What could I do or say to make her rethink this decision?

Hi, I have been married for two years now. My husband is kind and helpful in daily life, but when he gets angry, he completely loses control and does things to hurt my feelings. During fights, he doesn’t respect me at all, often insults me, and frequently tells me I’m useless and not contributing anything to our relationship.

We’re from an Arab country(in our culture women don't pay in the basics life's needs like (rent, food)), but we moved to Europe after we got married because he received a job offer here. At first, I didn’t have a job, but I found one three months after we arrived. He works for a big tech company, while I work for a local company, so his salary is more than double mine. Although he can afford to cover our expenses, I pay for almost all of my own costs and cover about 90% of the food expenses, cooking, and cleaning.and also when we travel for entertainment I pay in half in everything, He pays for the apartment rent and utility bills. For the past three months, I’ve also contributed half of the rent, but he keeps asking me for more money, saying I should pay half of everything.

In almost every argument, he tells me I’m not doing enough and even threatens my visa. He says that women in Europe pay equally and compares me to other women, saying things like, “Look how my manager’s wife planned and got them a good home,” or, “My colleague’s wife created this or that for her partner.” He claims I’m not helping to think about our life or future together. He has helped me with cooking a few times, even though I didn’t ask, but then in arguments, he takes all the credit and says I do nothing.

I’ve left the house twice before, and each time he apologized, but nothing has changed—we’re stuck in a loop. After our last fight, I considered separation, but he suggested giving it another chance. For the past two years, I haven’t felt stable or safe; I’m constantly worried and afraid to share my thoughts because he might judge or call me stupid. I know I’m not, as I was always known for being respectful, kind, understanding, and good at my job.

I know I’m not at fault here. I admit he’s intelligent and a good planner, but I am also a smart, caring, and supportive person. I put in effort, am respectful, and am willing to change. Still, he doesn’t acknowledge my contributions. I feel so confused and wonder: what should a woman actually do in a relationship?

Both my partner and I have prior sexual trauma, so that makes navigating this conversation tricky. We have been together for 4 years, and although when we got together he fooled me into thinking he was hypersexual like me, this has been a problem since virtually the beginning. The first year our lives were very stressful, so I didn't press the issue too much. It took a toll on my self esteem as a woman who takes pride in how attractive their partner thinks they are, but he was worth the wait. He always just said that once we had our own place together, things would be better.

Now that we've had a place together for 3 years, it's been just as bad if not worse. There's no reason he can give me for his distaste in intimacy with me, besides being grey sexual. He says he still finds women sexually attractive, but I find that hard to believe since I've never seen him horny once in 4 years. I try to make a move on him every once and awhile, but not often because it is almost always met with an "I don't feel good", and that's that. I have no desire to force him to do something he doesn't want to do, especially as someone who has been sexually abused in the past. I only want it if it's 100% consensual. Because of that, we've only been intimate 5 times this year, on track for the 6 times each year the 2 years prior.

I've tried so many times to talk through this with him, and he always says that he feels it will get better soon. After 4 years, I'm starting to believe it never will. We're close friends and have a lot in common, and share a mutual group of friends as well. If this one issue would be even partially resolved, I wouldn't have a doubt in my mind that he is the one for me. But I can't help but feel like I'm losing a part of myself by not getting my needs met. I've tried talking about why he feels this way, and about exploring non penetrative kinks to maybe compromise. Neither conversation got very far, it seems he's pretty quick to apologize and say it will be better soon and drop the subject.

Is there anything I can do to mend the situation? :(

Recently, I (33F) have been feeling this deep sense of “missing” someone. But I dont know where these feelings are coming form so randomly. I’m not entirely sure if it’s about a friend (30M) I’ve kept in touch with on and off for the past four years. We met through a dating app, but nothing came of it at the time. Being in different states and both uncertain about staying where we were, dating didn't feel realistic. Still, we kept in touch, mostly through my reaching out or his responses to my stories. He’s never been the type to send a random message or call out of the blue, but he’s open to long chats when I suggest a call. And when we talk, it’s always for an hour or more.

Eventually, we each settled in our current states, and he got into a relationship. Over a year later, one he was single again, he unexpectedly sent me a friend request. He explained that his ex had asked him to delete me, he trailed on to add other female friends. He explained it took effort on his part to find me again, scrolling back over a year of messages. I (34F) was surprised he managed to find me at all, given that I’d changed my profile picture and username since then. It made me wonder if there was more to it - maybe he liked me more than he showed. Yet he’s always been silent and not one to initiate contact. Once I get the conversation going by my initiation, though, he’s talkative, even seeming to need the last word.

I started to question things and didn’t want to be a “rebound,” so I deleted him. After some time, he sent me another friend request, this time on a different app where we’d never spoken before. I accepted, and it felt good catching up. He seemed genuinely excited to share his accomplishments, and I was just happy he reached out on his own. He admitted he liked me, which surprised me because he’s not a particularly expressive person. How it happened, he was expressing how he dislikes small talk and long chats...he is pretty anti social but not all the same time... on social media, when he post (extremely rare) he gets a good amount of comments, a lot of females. This tells me he is social. And he is not awkwardly shy, he is just introvert, better word, he comes off nonchalant and he is attractive (hint the female engagement on his post). He explained to me that he’s talkative with me because he likes me, and I couldn’t help but wonder if there was more potential here.

Things got a bit strange when he learned my birthday. Once my bday week came around, I’d posted a gift from a friend the day before my bday, and he thought he’d missed it. He texted me and expressed concern for missing it. When I reassured him he hadn’t, he genuinely seems relieved. We talked about him visiting, and we actually planned out basic details and put in on the calendar. I just wanted to spend time with him and not really wanted to go out. Im kinda introverted myself. Anything I would had suggested would have been low key. I said lets just stay in, cook, and watch movies. He sounded relieved. Note...Two separate times before we unofficially planned for him visiting but he didn't really come through. I get it, the trip in gas alone would be a good amount...and he was living off saving waiting for a hiring process to complete. So he was stressing about it, needing a temp job while he waited. But this third time, he canceled just days before. His reason was valid - he had his first day of work that following Tuesday - but I couldn’t help but feel disappointed. We’d planned this for three weeks, and logically, he should’ve known about his training schedule by then. He canceled through text, though I felt it deserved a call. I kept it cool but told him honestly that I was sad and disappointed he hadn’t kept his word. And that I felt he was leading me on with plans he was not intending to fall thought with.

He didn’t respond. I was genuinely hurt, wishing he’d never made those plans if he didn’t intend to follow through. It wasn’t about arguing, I would’ve appreciated simple honesty. Something like, “I thought about it, and maybe meeting isn’t the best idea, I don’t want to hurt you,” or even, “I’d love to give you what you want, but I’m not ready for a relationship.” Anything, really. But he left me hanging. Maybe he was anxious or feared drama, but I would’ve understood. I’ve been in situations where I didn’t reciprocate a friend’s feelings, and I empathize.

And so, it seems this is how things end. I don’t regret knowing him or wish he’d never reached out. But I do wish I could forget him. It’s strange, I was okay for the longest time. I accepted that whatever “friendship” or “online connection” we had was over. But lately, I’ve felt a sense of something missing. Like I miss someone, though I can’t quite put my finger on who. He pops back into my mind unexpectedly, and before, he was just a memory that stung a bit but was bearable and just passive.

I find myself wondering about that old saying: once you’re intimate with someone, you’re forever linked. We only hooked up once, right before I moved, but maybe there’s truth to that saying. I’m also trying to think rationally about this feeling. Is it just something hormonal? Maybe, but this has lingered for a couple of weeks now - longer than my usual emotional phase in the cycle.

I guess what I need is advice on moving forward to avoid this feeling form sticking around. How do I let this go, even if just until the semester’s over? Dating isn’t an option. I won’t use dating apps again, and frankly, I don’t feel comfortable with them.

LONG POST AHEAD: I ( 32F ) have been wiith my partner( 42M ) for almost a year. We share all our values and enjoy spending time together, We play games, and have hobbies together and we have very good conversations. He's very romantic and caring and takes care of me, takes me out on dates and is very responsible with money and taking care of our pets too. We have a sort of blended family as I brought my 2 dogs to his house and my dogs love him since the day they met him. His house is 10mins away from a house I just acquired and am still fixing up to live in. Being with him though made me feel like I could do anything I wanted in my life because he was always supportive of my boundaries with work and family(just the bad side) That made me feel good and we also have so many future plans shared and have travelled together a bunch of times.

Overall we get along great, except when he's not doing well. In the past year alone I can't count the amount of times he's shouted at me because he's "not okay" from the beginning I even remember sharing with him about family obligations I didn't want to do(I have a lot of family trauma) and he ended up berating me and telling me how his frienda can't even go see a doctor, and this ended being a 3 day fight on how that isn't my fault.( I come from a well off family and he's self-made) He goes to therapy regularly (although once every other month now at this point which is scheduled by his therapists) and he takes regular medication.

In March we ended up fighting all month and we tried to talk it out in the end when I suggested things I had learned from the Gottmans and other relationship advise. Then the fighting would stop for a few weeks and would restart again sometimes a few hours sometimes a day - accusations would range from me being the same as his ex and his mom(both abusive), and how i never do anything for him and never help him and all i do is leave when he needs help (none of which is true). There was one point mid year I had to pick him up from the middle of the road as he was walking non stop (this is a common occurrence for him in the past due to his mental illness)

I told him I won't allow him to use me as an emotional punching bag anymore and this would be the last straw, except... it wasn't.

There would still be cases every once in a while that he would be angry with me when I set boundaries and he would be offended easily (One case was when I told him I am annoyed at him using my slippers all week even after I told him calmly several times not to because I don't want to walk outside with bare feet)

I've also been ill more often this year and also started getting TMJ earlier this year that gave me massive migraines and I've started having regular nightmares this year too. (I usually only dream vividly weird storylines but nightmares are not very common and don't happen more than once a year) As for illnesses, I got a viral infection in the summer and have gotten the flu at least thrice and have reoccuring skin issues. My therapist noted that the flu I wouls get is often associated with high levels of stress as well as my skin issues.

Now the last incident happened on my birthday where I noticed something was off about him all day and me being an anxious person kept asking him and he kept insisting he was okay all day until he wasn't and started telling me "What!? my cooking isnt even up to par to your standards huh!? You can't even appreciate anything I do for you! You have just been annoyed at me ALL DAY!?" At this point I started panicking because I kept trying to ask him how he was feeling all day(as advised by his therapist and him asking me for help to help him monitor his anxiety), within the day I had also told him to check the stocks before cooking because I bought a special butter for what he was cooking that day, and I also had a special cheese set aside which was thrown out by a staff that said it wasnt good anymore, and I asked him how was it not good when I just checked it recently and I just wanted to correct said staff so he knows next time. All of this was part of his tirade about how my standards are too high for everyone and everyone at home is too scared of touching anything in the fridge for fear of offending me. (Take note this is the first time I was specific about an ingredient missing because he knew i was saving that, any other time I just give monthly reminders to check stocks so we dont buy double ingredients which is what usually happens)

So I've been depressed for almost 2 wks now cuz of that and I've been staying at my house since then. He's come by to help clean up and fix the place and has been saying sorry and that he'll fix it and fix himself (he's been talking to his friends who all agree he needs to get his shit together) and he's booked the closest therapy session he could. since but I told him I can't believe him cuz he's said sorry before and he's also booked couple's counselling for us which he has previously suggested.

Sorry for the looong post but I felt like all the details needed to be there haha and I hope some of y'all can help shed some light on my situation and what do you guys think I should do.

I’m(20F) thinking of taking a break from my cousin (22F) for a while.

We’ve grown closer over the past decade, but our relationship has a complicated history. When we were younger, she (let’s call her Daisy) and other cousins used to pick on me. As we grew up, I tried to move past those experiences, thinking we could build a stronger relationship. However, I noticed over time that she tends to gossip and often lacks respect for other people’s secrets. I’ve always kept her confidences, helping her sneak out and covering for her when she wanted to see her ex-boyfriends. She dated her last boyfriend for about 4–6 years, ending the relationship this past July.

A few years ago, I started having doubts about her trustworthiness. When I was 17, I was secretly seeing someone but wasn’t ready to introduce him to my dad. Although my dad trusts me to make my own decisions about relationships, I wasn’t prepared to make things official. She was the only person I told, yet, at a family gathering, multiple aunts and cousins began asking about this boy, calling him my “boyfriend” even though we weren’t official. That incident made me feel exposed and betrayed, so I began to distance myself and became more guarded around her. A few months later, me and him ended things, and it hurt when family mentioned still thought me and him were together. I did feel guilty about pulling away, especially since we lived in the same building, and I was one of the few people she could talk to aside from my older brother. Believing that maybe she had changed, I decided to reconnect. We started hanging out more, playing games, and gradually got closer. But certain things about her behavior started to bother me again.

During her relationship with her most recent ex, she’d often confide in me about their ups and downs. She’d initially brag about how he bought her groceries, covered her rent, and got her whatever she wanted with his credit card. But over time, her comments shifted to complaints about how he never took out the trash, didn’t cook or clean, and rarely took her out, yet she’d still brag about him paying for all her expenses, except for some fast food meals.

One thing that stood out was that she often talked about him having money issues. Despite her knowing this, she worked part-time and spent her income on Shein or expensive gifts for him instead of saving for the future. She even talked about saving up for an apartment with him, which, unsurprisingly, never happened.

Last year, I met my current boyfriend. He’s met most of my family, and while we’ve had our own challenges, I consider those issues private. I officially moved in with him in February.

In May, I found out some pretty extreme stuff from my boyfriend. I had kept it in and didn’t tell anyone what was going on with me until one day while we were at work, it just blurted out of me. She was surprised. I instantly regretted saying anything. I told her how I was feeling, and how I felt down, and she told me I needed to go out more. I told her partying isn’t for me and that I prefer to stay in. Every time I’d feel some way, she’d change the subject to her own issues.

Since she quit her part-time job in January, her ex-boyfriend was still battling money issues. She was unemployed until June. I had put her on with my job as a mural artist for a program for youth. Even though it wasn’t much, it still helped me stand on my feet, and I thought it could help her with money for now.

In July, she told me that her now ex-boyfriend expressed to her that he felt stressed out by money. He told her he was going to move to a neighboring city almost an hour away, where he mainly worked. His family lived there, so he was going to stay in a spare bedroom there. He told her she couldn’t move in with him because, since he was having money issues, he wouldn’t be able to pay her side of the rent, so she’d have to live with her dad for the time being but they’d still be together and she should wait for him.

I was suspicious and asked her if she was sure he wasn’t using that as an excuse to just break up with her once she fully moved out or if he was cheating on her. She told me how obsessed he was with her and how he’d never do such a thing, etc. I felt like she was bragging because of my issues with my own boyfriend at the time. A week after that, he told her he wanted to break up, saying he felt too stressed to be in the relationship, and then told her he was going to break up with her when she went back to her father’s but asked if they could still have physical intimacy and cuddle. I told her this was also highly suspicious, but I get it—you wouldn’t want to think that your partner of five years is cheating on you. Long story short, she had all her things packed in his apartment and caught him in bed with another girl.

She moved in with another cousin, and for a good month, every time she’d come to visit me, she’d talk about it and cry, and I’d just listen. This then turned into her getting an Instagram account after I told her I mainly use it to send funny videos. Another day she started talking to me about having ‘hoes.’ My current boyfriend is my first everything, so I understand where her grief is coming from, but I told her to give herself time before involving herself with other guys. She had never been the type to just throw herself at guys, but not even 3–4 weeks later, she told me about making out with a guy she knew from high school.

She then moved in with our cousins, let’s call them Mary and Susan, and over time, she ended up meeting/texting with 2–3 other guys from high school. She’d complain to me about how they never texted her back, treating them like boyfriends without clear intentions, which led to awkward hangouts or them ghosting her after the first meeting, whether it involved making out or not. One instance that struck me as odd was when she told me a guy greeted her with a hug but fist-bumped her when he dropped her off. She took offense and ended up calling him names but then apologized, wanting to know his intentions. When she showed me screenshots, I felt bad for the guy. I told her it was just their first hangout, and he wasn’t her boyfriend and wasn’t obligated to her. A few days later, she texted me about my male friend, commenting that he looked good since losing weight. Although it didn’t bother me, it felt like she was trying to replace her ex’s role, even though I’d told her multiple times to focus on herself, as she’d graduated in medical assisting and even has a job in medical assisting and could build a good future.

Last month, I visited her and my cousins, Mary and Susan. My boyfriend dropped me off, and when I first got there, I felt like Daisy was mad at me, probably because I hadn’t been texting her as much. We were all talking a bit, and i learned she was getting $700-$1000 paychecks almost weekly, that she swore she was going to use to get an apartment for herself since she's been bunking with Mary, and need it to pay student loans, but instead she was using the money to go to concerts, bars, gifts, Shein, nails, etc. I know it's not my money to get mad about, but this is out of character for her. As we kept talking she even asked if i had any 'dudes', and i felt offended because im definitely not the type of person to cheat, or sleep with multiple people. I ignored it and just said "having my boyfriend is enough" and she side eyed me.

As all 3 of us were talking Mary asked, “So how are you and your boyfriend?” I told them we were good, just busy, and they looked at each other with a certain expression that made me feel like something was up. A few days later, I reached out to Susan, who had recently moved out, and asked if Daisy had mentioned my relationship. She replied, “Hey, she didn’t tell me everything, but she had mentioned it to me. I was busy moving out and dealing with surgery, but she said there was a reason you should leave him and move out.”

I was angry. I’m a very private person, and I felt disrespected. I’ve always kept her secrets, yet she felt comfortable sharing my relationship issues. I stopped texting Daisy altogether. Recently, she texted me about wanting to buy a car without a driver’s license, claiming she knew how to drive but not how to park. I told her it was irresponsible and could lead to serious consequences. She then compared herself to my brother, who has had multiple accidents and deals with mental health issues, which felt unnecessary and hurtful. When she changed the subject to her next hookup that she knew from high school, bragging about how she was going to get laid, and even mentioning he had the same name as my boyfriend and saying “ew,” I felt done with the conversation.

At this point, I feel like she’s too toxic for me, and I need to distance myself. I’ve always been there for her, but she’s never been there for me. She's my cousin so i do love her, but i'm unsure whether i should confront her or just distance myself completely.

TL;DR

I’ve been close to my cousin Daisy, despite a rough history of bullying and her tendency to gossip and disregard others’ privacy. Over the years, I’ve kept her secrets, helped her out, and supported her through breakups and personal issues. But recently, she crossed a line by sharing private details about my relationship, which made me feel betrayed and disrespected. She’s also been acting irresponsibly and self-centered, focusing only on her own drama and hookups. At this point, I feel like she’s toxic for me, and I’m seriously considering ghosting her to protect my own peace.

We have been together almost 2 years (lived together for 1.5yr) and I feel like he has never shown in depth interest in me. For example asking me questions about my past, childhood, family, or personal interests- it’s all information I have to offer up on my own which feels awkward for me and not natural at all because I hate talking about myself without being prompted. He also never really seems to care to spend lots of quality time together, even though I’ve told him many times quality time together is really important to me and helps me feel loved and connected. I’ve also expressed wanting us to try to do things together I’m also interested in and not just things he’s interested in - and he doesn’t seem thrilled about that idea. He also doesn’t seem to remember “small things” about me either, like my birthday, some of my likes/dislikes, or my friends/family names. I’ve brought this idea up to him many times that I feel like he doesn’t really know me or doesn’t seem very interested in me and he has said it isnt true and blah blah blah. But I’m not sure. I’d like some outside opinions

I’m seeking opinions & advice on this situation, so I haven’t been treating my girl the very best as I should’ve and I’d admit to that i genuinely haven’t been treating her the best & we been together for about a year now & recently she admitted to cheating on me in may on her birthday month & decided not to tell me till 5 months later into our relationship, she even told me randomly too after we had sex because she couldn’t get it off her mind & that weekend there was a festival happening that we were supposed to go too, after she told me that I went into silent mode basically like a shock & I just didn’t flip out or kicked her out because after everything she made she realized how much of a shitty boyfriend I was I just normalized it & thought maybe she’ll think we’re even I guess, so me being nice we went to this event together & at the end of the day I still made her mad because of some little things & now she’s telling me she would’ve never did what she did if I never would’ve treated her badly but does that really justify her cheating on me ?

So I know for sure this man was in love with me and as time went on things have changed even when I started to notice this change and asked him all the time probably not a great idea but finally a year later we had eaten some mushrooms and I asked again because the night was already not going well and he broke it down and I understood somewhat even tho a couple things that he had mentioned I actually had nothing to do with but it changed his feelings for me . When that was all said and done I then asked him why did it take him so long to just tell me that and he said that he really didn’t know until then but he still loved me . Now a few months have gone by we had a really big fight about a month ago he packed up everything of his and took it to his parents . And was moving out . Since then he has stayed at our house every night but I know he goes by his parents probably daily because all of his stuff is mostly still there . I also know he has been talking to random girls online not mentioning he has a gf liking sexual photos of women and he was cheated on once upon a time and it changed him wrecked him somewhat so I know he is an honest to honest at times when really I would rather you tell me a white lie to spare my feelings on occasion so I don’t think that he really is committed anymore but I don’t want to ask him because he will just flip it around and it will be my fault . And up until very recently he really didn’t work to much I don’t care but I have always paid for everything then today he is telling me about some old friends that dated older women because they took care of them I almost am wondering if that’s what is going on now ? I don’t feel like he loves me in fact he can’t but I really feel like he hates me and I don’t know if this is reversible or fixable because I literally shut down around him because I don’t know how to act or speak to him and I’m just. So uncomfortable it’s like being paralyzed and I don’t know how to shut that off and it’s only making things worse . Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you .

I am visiting my friend for the long weekend out of town. I just got out of the shower and I’m 100% sure someone was watching me shower because I heard deep breathing and when I looked towards the bathroom window someone ducked. I immediately got out and told my friend. She told me her dad had just come inside and sincerely apologized.

I honestly want to go home now and I want to tell my boyfriend but my boyfriend is extremely protective when it comes to me and he might stress for me to leave right now, but it’s really late. I don’t want to hide this from him either. I’m debating on whether I should tell him now or just book a flight and tell him when I get home.

I'm a 24-year-old woman from India, and I've been with my boyfriend (also 24) for 5 years. We want a future together, but for the last 2 years, my family has firmly opposed our relationship due to caste differences, and they’re unlikely to change their stance.

This has put me under constant stress. I don’t want to lose my family’s support, yet I can't bring myself to leave my boyfriend, even though it might ease things with them. I’ve tried convincing myself to move on, thinking a relationship within my caste would make life easier, but I just can’t imagine letting him go.

Why am I so stuck? Why is it so hard to let go, even when I know how challenging this will be? This indecision is taking a toll on my mental health. Any advice would be deeply appreciated.

My fiance 34M and I 24F have been long distance for 3 years and finally have the opportunity to start our lives together in person.

During the 3 year period, he would snap he would snap me every detail of his day. And I would as well. It was lovely because it felt like we were closing that long distance gap through those snaps. We would jokingly say that once we are together we wouldn’t need our phones bc we only used them to communicate to each other… that was clearly not the case for him at least.

For context, he left his family to come live with me. I am living near to my family and they are a big part of our lives.

He is currently on the phone all the time. If we are on a hike and we finally get to the top, he will take out his phone and snap the view to his sister. Then he will celebrate the moment with me. This is the case for literally anything. He will snap it and send it to his sisters and then talk to me about it.

He is always on the phone talking to his family. Voice messages. Texts. Phone calls. All day.

I understand he isn’t with his family anymore but it seems excessive and unnecessary. And it is starting to hinder our relationship together. Please help!

TLDR; I just want us to be together finally.

hi! i've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year and a half now. we met online through mutual friends and have been long distance the entire time as i live in the states and he lives in canada, although we both live within a few hours of the border. please no overly judgemental comments about us not having yet met despite how long we have been dating, i pinky promise he is not a catfish and would like to add that i honestly had no idea it would take this long.

he is genuinely my dream guy. i was a year out of a fairly traumatic relationship when we first "met" and began talking & at that point in my process was not interested in any sort of romantic relationship. we spoke a bit, lost contact, then connected again months later. i don't /need/ him, or need to be in a relationship at all, but i'd like to preface this that i would like to treat breaking up over this specific issue as not an option. the specific issue being, that neither of us are satisfied or happy with where he is at in life right now and it has majorly affected our relationship. i know that at the end of the day it is my boyfriend who needs to climb his way out and motivage himself, but i'd like to gather all the advice i can and exhaust whatever i can before breaking up over this. asides from this, our relationship is honestly the dreamiest. we have disagreements of course, i don't say it is a dream to paint over any issues or disagreements we have. but i had lost all hope that a man like him could ever exist and i could just gush about him forever. he makes me feel so loved and i feel so happy getting to love him and getting to know him. he is so assuring & thoughtful, incredibly creative, super witty, he is so genuinely the most attractive man i have ever met, he has so many sweet little quirks as well as really sick interests. i'm terrible with words lmao so i feel like that was a very mediocre description, he is just so so special to me.

this issue is: well, he doesn't have a job. or have a bank account. it is not /literally/ that the issue is just him not working and that is what i am struggling with so badly. it is that despite how incredible he is, there hasn't been much of anything on his part to, i guess make the effort? here is all the context i feel is important:

when he was a teen / in high school, he didn't care about his future. a bit reckless but mostly just a depressed kid, he felt he was going to die before "getting his life together" would even matter so there just wasnt much effort put there. obviously and luckily, he did not die lol. he /has/ worked and had jobs before, at the time we met and then began dating he was not working and had not had a job for a bit. when in the honeymoon stage, he seemed pretty excited honestly when speaking about working on his resume & looking at jobs to apply to so he get money for a passport to come visit. i have a passport, but can't come visit him in canada for any longer than a day because i foster / own a lot of animals and don't have anyone that can take care of them when i'm away; it would be a six hour drive for me and just wouldn't make sense if i counly only stay a night y'know? anyways, all is well at that time. my life then got incredibly hectic the next few months with family issues, financial issues, some of my foster & rescue animals dying which triggered some mental health issues, and at this point we are at over six months and fighting all of the time. mostly due to me not knowing how to properly communicate. lots of frustration and some resentment brewing because of my boyfriend's inaction. i would never ever bring up how the job search was going because i knew he was really embarrassed and depressed about not working, i didn't want to seem demanding or push him. however by not doing that, i then never heard about it again. and because i wasn't talking about it is why i would get so frustrated and upset, i felt like i had been a bit led on because i'd always been vocal about how important meeting within at least six months was to me. and i feel like that was incredibly realistic of me? i could even push back the six month timeframe if something arose of course, literally just as long as he was working or doing /something/ that felt like effort into seeing me and that our relationship is real - life. it is insane because he will put so so so mich effort into our relationship, except for anything physical. it has been a year and a half and none of his family or friends know that he is even in a relationship, meanwhile my mother knows about him as has even offered to cover his passport or help in paying for a plane ticket to come visit me. he lives with his family but is not close with them and relationships just don't really come up among his friends when they talk i think, is why the people in his life don't know he is seeing someone. it isn't that i want them to know about /me/, it is that. i don't know, i have brought it up multiple times that it would be nice to feel like he is proud of or happy about me and it would also really help alleviate my fears that our relationship is doomed to be purely digital forever, it would help me feel like i am more real to him. because i feel like i am grasping for anything at this point lol, we are now at a year and a half and conversations feel super awkward and short when i bring up looking for work. i will typically just get back that he will look over his resume that night or the next day. anyways, so months and months of tension about all of that however we are in a very good spot now where we have both really worked on how to communicate to eachother effectively. however i feel that where i have progressed in being more vocal and lighter in my approach, he has regressed in that it feels like he gets overly defensive and nervous that i'm judging him all of the time if he senses i'm upset about the situation we are in. i don't know, i hope any of this made sense lol. i don't totally know the full extent of it, but i know 100% he is struggling with self - esteem issues in regards to starting a job / "his life", among other things. it is like some sort of paralysis on top of feeling like he is an idiot for some reason. and it isn't even just the job, conversations go the same if i ask him about how setting up his bank account is going, or if i'm basically pleading with him to schedule a doctor's appointment for a long-standing health issue. he was having an issue with one his teeth when we began dating and after weeks of me begging him to, he finally got a tele-visit with a dentist that was able to help the problem super quickly & he admitted to me thay he had had that tooth problem for almost a year and probably would have never done it if i hadn't been begging him to. do i have to beg my boyfriend to get a job to come visit me? i don't know. i'm extremely exhausted typing this and am also on mobile so i'm super sorry for anything nonsensical, i am just looking for any advice and am feeling super upset about it. has anyone been in a position similar to my boyfriend? what helped you out of it? is there anythint i can do to be more supportive or "push" him? additionally for context, we have been extremely close to breaking up over this before so he knows (hopefully) that there is a real chance of "losing" me if this goes on.

TL;DR: I (35M) felt the increases in male voters for Trump was due to DNC not addressing men's issues. She (39F) doesn't think DNC neglected men, and felt the loss of voter was due to miscalculation. She sometimes makes these "men sucks" comments, which I feel its not inclusive and not the way to garner more votes. I'm frustrated by her comments generalizing "men" and asked her to use other terms such as "people", or more specific like "men that are emotionally unavailable". She feels that men needs to recognize that we as a gender have been largely statistically violent, and its up to the men to demonstrate we are better than that. Afterwards, GF made a comment about feeling "unsafe" due to our different point of view.

To preface, both of us are very far-left leaning and agrees on most issues. We are on the same side and voted for Harris, and that makes this disagreement even more frustrating. I'll try to summarize our differences in bullet-points.

My thoughts:

• "Belonging and love" is a basic human need. Many men are socially isolated and its a serious issue that I feel DNC has neglected on.
• "Men sucks" comments are more socially acceptable, I feel its not a good way to be inclusive if you want to garner more male voters.
• My GF sometimes makes these "men sucks jabs". IE: Man cheats/abandons wife with cancer (which was false, error of the researcher)", and "Woman feels safer alone with bears than men".
• I didn't find her jabs annoying initially, but after feeling frustrated with men's issue, I find it more irritating. She has habit of generalizing men as a whole, and although I know she was not targeting me, it still feels negative.
• I also felt like these jabs at men are one-sided conversation that I can't contribute. I am a man, I acknowledge our gender is the culprit for most of the violence. I acknowledge our privilege. Listening to how much we suck times and times again feels like beating a dead horse.

Her stance:

• DNC did not purposely exclude men's issue. There are many issues for all spectrums of people that DNC did not address.
• DNC miscalculated believing young men were align with progressive values. (Miscalculated as in: Harris wanted to go on Rogan's podcast to reach out to young voters but was advised not to.)
• She used this example of why I shouldn't be offended. "as an Asian nurse, she was fired by patients due to stereotypes/perceptions that "Asian are historically racist towards certain ethnic group*." She said she choose not to be upset about it, and tries to demonstrate to those people that she isn't who they perceived".
• She felt my response and feeling upset was eerie similar to men getting offended after learning about male privilege, and that makes her feel unsafe.

I've taken Sociology, I understand the points she is trying to make, but I also feel my points are logical and valid. What do y'all think?

Over the last couple months I've gotten into a new relationship. I'm a little embarrassed about the age that I am and this being my first relationship but it is what it is. I tend to overthink every little thing like for example him not texting me back for a certain amount of time or him not answering me right away because he wants to break up with me those sort of things and I also wanna make sure I'm giving him his own space as he does play video games with friends online which is completely fine but I sometimes also feel ignored because he won't answer me for about five hours at a time while he's playing with them. How can I stop these overthinking thoughts and have a successful relationship?

I (19F) broke up with my (19M) ex about three weeks ago after a 2.5 year relationship. The relationship had its good moments, but I ultimately ended things due to his avoidant, push-pull behavior, and his lack of accountability for how much that was hurting me. Since the breakup, I’ve been focusing on my well-being and sticking to no-contact.

Out of nowhere, though, he invited my roommate (19M) to hang out at his place. To give some context, I live with three roommates—two of them are dating, and the other is best friends with the girl in the couple. The only real connection my roommates have with my ex is through me; they didn’t really have much of a relationship with him outside of that.

I’m struggling to balance my roommates’ autonomy with the boundaries I need to heal. I’m not sure if he’s reaching out to stay relevant in my life, but it feels uncomfortable, especially since I’m still processing the breakup. I could really use the space without constant reminders of him, now that he might be bleeding into my social circle.

I’d really appreciate any advice on how to maintain no-contact when mutual connections are involved, without making things awkward for my roommates.

How do you set boundaries in this kind of situation?

TLDR; I broke up with my ex 3 weeks ago due to his avoidant behavior and lack of accountability. Now, he’s invited my roommate to hang out, and I’m struggling with setting boundaries while still respecting my roommates’ autonomy. How do I maintain no-contact and heal when mutual connections are involved, without making things awkward and controlling for my roommates?

Hi, I (24F) could really use some perspective. My boyfriend (24M) and I have known each other since high school, and we’ve been through a lot together. We both made mistakes and grew up together, but recent events are making me question our relationship and my own role in it.

• Trust Issues & Past Red Flags: Last year, I found out he was viewing intimate content from people we know, and he also had other behavior online that crossed my boundaries. When I confronted him, he apologized and even cut off a friend who contributed to this. He no longer uses social media (still uses snapchat), and he has made many positive changes since then, but I still struggle with trust.
• Our Different Paths and Fears: I’ve always had challenges around work and saving, partially due to my past, and it’s been hard for me to keep up financially. He wrote a breakup note in September, mentioning his worries about becoming the sole provider and feeling “held back.” I knew he was frustrated, but seeing it in writing broke my heart. I love him and don’t want to hold him back, but I’m not sure if I’m capable of meeting his expectations.
• Current Challenges: We’ve had other issues too—he struggles with anger at times, which reminds me of past trauma. Sometimes he makes me feel guilty for changing my mind, especially about intimacy. He also can be very principled, making it hard to compromise, and I often feel that my voice isn’t fully heard.
• Conflicted Feelings: While we have so many good moments together, there’s a part of me that wonders if I’m holding him back or if we’re just incompatible long-term. At the same time, the thought of ending things really scares me—I love him deeply, and I know he loves me too. I can’t tell if I’m just afraid of being alone, if I’m gaslighting myself into thinking these issues are smaller than they are, or if there’s hope for us to grow past them.

I’m stuck between wanting to work on things and wondering if these issues are too fundamental to overcome. What would you do in this situation?

—thank you for reading and I also apologize, I did repost a couple times trying to figure out the best way to write this.

Hi. My GF has some troubles with forming close friendly relationships. She hasn't had a lot of friends before. During our relationship I was basically her only friend and she told me that she doesn't need anyone else. However, recently we had a long talk, where she finally came to realisation that she wants a close friend and someone who would care about her besides me. I was glad to hear it, since I had feeling that she wanted to form other connections. She is struggling to find this friend. Multiple times she tried finding some other girl to play games together or just hang out, but it wasn't working out. Initially it was going on well, but in the end my GF always ends up being the only one who initiates any contact, which saddens here. If she doesn't feel that the other person is having an interest in her, and she is forced to always initiate communication, then she abandon this relationship. Even girls from the college seem to care mostly about the homework stuff and not to try forming a bond. She is also convconvinced that she need to find someone with similar hobbies as her, otherwise it will not work out. I really want to help her, because I see that this brings her great anxiety, but what advice can I give her? Where to find new close connections when you are over 20?

Tldr: gf can't find a close friend, because people just don't seem caring about her after some time - what advice can I give her?

I (28/F) have been dating my boyfriend (28/M) for eight months. I've noticed a few times when he swipes through stories there's a woman in a bikini or a gym selfie, but we both have different gendered friends and so I assumed he knew them. I've never dated a man with social media before, and I also never thought to check who he followed.

The last insta story he swiped past looked like a genuine model, and I know he doesn't have friends in those circles. I finally looked at his following list and....... there are so many OF models. He even follows several on their main AND alt accounts.

I don't know how to feel. I never thought I'd have to think about something like this with a man his age. I don't even feel insecure. I feel.... disgusted. Let down. Disappointed. I can't stop looking at the accounts even though it hurts. It's like touching a cut.

I took screenshots of a few of the accounts that I've verified have OF links and aren't "just fitness influencers". I don't even know what to say, or how to articulate why this upsets me. I feel like laying it all at his feet and going "Look at your choices".

How many times were we on a date and he was actually looking at this? We have a 50/50 relationship. Does he spend money on OF? Am I buying our movie tickets while he's paying a 19-year-old to lick a camera or whatever?

Any ways to approach this maturely while not allowing him to brush it off would be appreciated.

My (28F) long distance boyfriend (29M) misses work once a week to stay home and sleep for 20+ hours. We live in different states and met online. We have been together in person several times and never really had issues during those visits. My concern is that he misses work at least once every week, for months now. He has the ability to take off due to FMLA due to an injury, but he is never using the time for anything other than sleep.

I end up feeling deserted because we say goodnight and some days I don’t hear from him again for 36 hours. I have his location so I know he is just at home. I can understand he may have burnout or be depressed, but I encourage him to see a doctor and he says he isn’t able to until January. I just don’t think it’s fair to him, his employer or myself to have him waste his life sleeping.

I (20M) have a healthy relationship with my girlfriend (19F). We have been together for over 3 years and neither of us have cheated or been unfaithful. 2 months ago me and my best friend (19M) made plans to go see a WWE show in Salt Lake City on November 22nd. He lives in a different state so we try to make plans to do something with each other every year. I fly out in the morning on the 22nd and fly home in the morning on the 24th so I will only be gone for 2 days. We bought the plane tickets, hotel, etc. and I told my girlfriend the day after we had made the plans. She didn't seem to care all that much and I didn't think it would be a huge deal because I have been away longer on trips before this while dating her. Fast forward to today and all of a sudden she won't talk to me and is upset because I am "leaving her". I tried explaining that it's only 2 days that I'll be gone but she won't hear any of it. She says that "your friend must be more important than me" and "you always pick him before me" which I've literally never done before. Any suggestions on what I could do to help her feel better when I'm gone?

i was talking to this guy for a month and he was all a gurl wants, a perfect gentleman, tall, Loving,caring, respects you with no anger issues blah blah blah even i was like he's too good to be true but nvm. then came my bday and we met. He treated me the best i ever was in my whole life , got me a cake, we cut it, got me rose and chocolates and then we danced on romantic songs, hugged, cuddled a bit and kissed ( didn't makeout ). Ordered food, he fed the first and the last bite and even let me had a sip of his cold coffee first and when i left my cold coffee half way he had it, this is how perfect he was. Then 2 days later idk what happened, he lied to me about how he's going to his brothers house cauz he got food poisioning and we cannot meet for an official date, and that day itself he was in his stay and in afternoon in a fucking mall and when u busted and confronted he didn't pick any calls messages anything since today. Its a last month thing, i did call him from my frnds phone, he said he was in hospital for last 2 days but his snap location did say he was in a mall. what I don't get is if he wanted to makeout he would have, he didn't actually, neither we had a perfect kiss or anything, why would he treat me sooooo good for a month and suddenly ghost me/block me from every platform even linkedin 😭😭😭😭😭. I then didn't contact him as he was just running away from the fact of confronting and telling the truth, even if he didn't like me he could have said that but nah that mf didn't. All i wonder is why did he ran away all of a sudden?

So my boyfriend of 3 and a half years has always been weird about money. He has usually never given me any at all besides once, a year ago. He usually buys me plushies on special occasions like my birthday or special holidays.

Before last year he was not really buying me anything til he made a really bad mistake which affected our relationship. He has a lot of money and I believe he’s financially stable but he always tends to act weird when I ask for money here and there. I usually ask for $10 which was the last time a month ago, he gave me $6.

I don’t ask very often before anybody gets that impression and I have money of my own but I feel like it’s just the meaning behind it yknow? I only ask for $10 because I know he won’t give me more than that and we always have this same argument that he never gives me anything at all.

I just think it’s weird because I’d gladly give him money if he asked. And he called me greedy when I asked for $15 right now and told me to accept $10 that he won’t give me more than that. I asked him how am I greedy if it’s just $15 I’m not asking for more, and he went on to point out all the gifts he given me in the past such as gifts for my bday, special occasions/ holidays. I have given him stuff in return and it isn’t one sided.

But this really rubs me the wrong way, and I confront him everytime but it’s the same response, he says I’m reading too much into it and it’s just how he is. But I don’t know I feel like there should be an exception since I’m his girlfriend and I don’t ask often or for a lot. It makes me feel bad and like I’m really asking for a lot. But I see my friends boyfriends buying them things often and giving them money for food or drinks for themselves. I don’t know maybe I’m just jealous of other people. But it would be nice to hear anybody else’s input about this.

I'll get to the point and explain. I 21M and my gf 20F have been together 4 year now, it's been well with obvious ups and downs. Until about a year ago she started at her new job and there's this guy I'll call T 20M she has to work it everyday and close with. About 4 months ago I started getting weird feelings about him and telling her I'm afraid with how close they work together that some feelings may come about on his end. She disagreed and reassured me that it would never happen (obviously I knew that's not how it works) but about a week or 2 ago she alerted me she thinks she may have feelings for him and I'm stunned and finding out more stuff like apparently he keeps telling her that he thinks she's with me cuz she feels bad about stuff or keeps mocking our relationship now keep in mind he's in a relationship of his own with a woman around 22F or 21F idk for sure however her coworkers keep making comments saying that my gf and T look cute together or that they are basically dating and now they've been asking is she truly wants to be with me and so now I'm having to try and understand that I'm at risk of not only losing someone who I've started building a life with but to possibly lose her to some guy who treats her horrible and talks so much crap on it. I've expressed my feelings on it to her but I'm having internal panic attacks afraid she'll call or come speak with me after work telling me how she's decided she likes him and is leaving me. I'm sorry if this sounds corny and plz don't judge me but like she's all I know yk? I've never been in this situation and I don't have people to talk to. So I'm trying to understand

My [34F] husband [43M] hasn’t been able to have sex in the last few years. I’ve been begging my husband for the last few years to touch me to caress me to be anything with me. I know I don’t have a models body but I’m not overweight. We can mess around in other ways but it’s maybe once a month and that’s if I bring it up. I love him but I hate myself and who I’ve become. We never are never intimate and I crave it so deeply to the point I feel so alone even when we are technically together. I feel like we’re roommates. I feel like I’m slowly withering away. I don’t think I’d feel as bad if he would be affectionate towards me most of the time. All we do is fight now. If I don’t agree with him on something Im trying to argue with him. He said I used to be so carefree and I’m not anymore bc I try to reign in his drinking. He’s my best friend and I feel like a failure. I can’t see my life without him but I’m 34 and can’t imagine living the rest of my life like this. The most embarrassing part is me writing that he has cheated on me years ago by text with other another woman so I do have resentment in the back of my head. Now he is very involved with my family so mine is his. We are currently in couples therapy. What can be done to help us move past this if possible?

My girlfriend has ADHD and Autism, as do I, but she rarely takes adderal. She'll occasionally have a period where she tries to start taking it again, usually doesnt last for over a week or two, but I've noticed whenever she does she becomes an entirely different person. She becomes grouchy and distant and depressed, and I hate seeing her like that. She mentioned she wants to try going back on it and it just kinda stung, because I don't want to see her go back to being all... that. would it be reasonable to talk to her about not taking it? I feel like it might be super out of pocket for me, and I worry I'd be being unfair or upset her.