How do you handle when your daughter is feeling down about her looks? And constantly comparing herself to the girls at school? My daughter will be 12 this year and she hit puberty a bit earlier than her friends and it’s really REALLY getting to her. She is dealing with the breakouts and the sweating and the minor weight gain and she just constantly calls herself fat or ugly, says no one at school has these issues. She’s not fat at all, not even in the “overweight” category, not that that would even matter, and I’ve never commented on weight or size or looks around her. I have focused really hard to make sure she knows looks are the least interesting things about us as humans. I just feel so depressed seeing her feel this way, she does sports and plays competitive basketball and she always compares herself to others with that as well. She just seems to think there’s always something wrong with her even though her dad and I both are always telling her how incredible she is. We try to do things to lift her spirits, make her feel better but it just doesn’t seem to help for long at all. If we take her to get a new outfit to feel excited the excitement just wears down. I tried to get her to read a book about how our bodies change and how to handle that but it just overwhelms her. She’s always anxious, or upset and I feel awful I’m really trying to help but I just need advice on this I don’t know what to do to help her 😔

The other 50% of the time she’s super happy and totally silly and goofy like her normal self, so I can’t tell if this is part of hormones changing and puberty or if I should consider therapy of some kind for her? I mentioned the idea and she said absolutely not she does not want to talk to a “stranger” about this stuff. When I was her age my parents also tried to put me in therapy and I hated it and never even allowed myself to open up to them because I was just such an angsty teen. I just want to help her feel beautiful inside and out and not be so hard on herself

Any advice will help ♥️

I’m the uncle (24 M) and I babysit my nephews (both 4) every Tuesday while their parents talk. When they are by themselves they tend to be pretty chill and nice, but when together they turn into menaces. I constantly get hit in my privates and spit on. I’ve let their parents know on multiple occasions of their behavior and they do punish them, but they don’t seem to change. I grew up the youngest in my family so I don’t have any experience with how to handle these situations. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!

Good Times Tuesday is one of the /r/raisingKids Weekly Events. These posts are made by rkbot every week at the same time. The general goals of these events are to stimulate discussion and promote community. The specific goals of Good Times Tuesday are to help remind us of the joys of parenting, and to share ideas of fun things done with our families.

This post is for all kinds of positive stories. For example:

​

• Recent accomplishments (awards won, goals met)
• DIY - arts, crafts or anything else you or your kids made that you're proud of
• Something you did as a family that you all enjoyed
• Something good that happened to you this week
• Something that emphasized the positive things in parenting
• Any story that remind us of the joys of parenting

This is also a good place to share things that are not normally allowed in /r/raisingKids: * Pictures of your kids * Comics * Other Low Investment Content * Your own blog posts or other things that might normally be considered spam.

Problem Solving Sunday is one of the /r/raisingKids Weekly Events. These posts are made by rkbot every week at the same time. The general goals of these events are to stimulate discussion and promote community. The specific goal of Problem Solving Sunday is to provide a welcoming space for anyone to discuss "problems" (big or small) they are having in their families.

This post is for readers who would like another perspective on a difficult family situation. Please be respectful and considerate of each other. Everyone's family is different and what works for one child/family might not be the right decision for another child/family.

Where to start...My Eldest sons Mum died when he was 4 and at the wake in front of dozens of people his grandparents from her side asked me for custody over microphone at the local community centre. Fast forward to 3 years later when I had settled down things were fine until my second son was born.

This was all understandable as it would've been hard on him but this then resulted ultimately in him telling me he wished I wasn't his dad. This then went to him spending every other weekend with us rather than every weekend as he didn't want to come but I feel he was forced by his grandma to still come.

Everything had gone semi back to normal with him visiting and even going on holiday with us for 2 years runnning then it started to get spiraadic again due to him getting into his teens and wanting to spend more time with friends which I always said to him I would let him and he didn't have to visit as long as he knows I'm here when he wants to or is available.

13/14 he started visiting less and less again in the thought process of him being a teenager. At 15 we went to town because he forgot his uncles birthday was that weekend so we headed to get the youngest a pair of jeans but ultimately a card and present from him to my brother. He was stuck with his head in his phone and when walking up the high street I stopped to look at something in a window and he walked into me because he was too occupied by his phone. He then blurted out "Why the F*** did you just stop?" To which I came down like a tonne of bricks to tell him how dare he speak to his father like that if not anyone. This then resulted in him walking off and getting grandma to pick him up.

Fast forward to last year (16) he tried to commit suicide in August and I found out on Christmas day when he came round to visit by him showing his discharge letter to me and telling me he can't leave the house due to anxiety and is on PIP because of it

Earlier this year I get a call from grandma at 8am that he is in the ICU in an induced coma due to an overdose. I go up to the hospital a little while later as she was already there with grandad and it's a two visitor limit so I arrived at about 1 at which time they had brought him out of his coma. Whilst sat there I saw the time of 7pm from the day before on the admittance board. Being there all evening and listening in on conversations I find that he had actually been in the hospital since 2pm the day before and 7 was when they transferred him to the ICU so I hadn't been told that my son was in hospital for 18 hours...His great uncle and uncle from their side had all been up during the evening and day visiting.

This then prompted a call from the social to talk about my relationship with my son and a back history of what he had been talking to CAMHS about. Mostly that he says he is depressed when he visits my family and that he doesn't feel that we understand him. Also that 2 years ago he got accused of an altercation in the local community which the police were involved but was ultimately dropped when the female didn't want to go forward with it all.

Whenever he messages it's due to him wanting help with something and as soon as he gets his answer I am left unread. I've had no happy father's day for the past 6 years and not even a happy birthday for the past 2 years.

Earlier this year I got a late father's day gift followed by a message to say his grandma wants me to pay for driving lessons for him. With me then mentioning that I don't think his mental health would be the right fit for driving lessons as he often claims to hear voices and see shadows which are common schizophrenia traits. This then resulted in him not replying to me at all until a week before his birthday when he let me know that he had failed his college course due to failing one of four exams three times so I sent the money to him to retake the exam.

In September they took him to Spain for 2 weeks and came back the day of college sign on for the new year. This he missed due to not getting there on time so he has taken a course in a different city so he "still gets his prescription meds". The last thinklg I sent was that I think he should retake the exam again as he was only 2 marks off last time then go for an apprenticeship in said profession rather than going to so a completely different college course.

Fast forward to 2 weeks ago and he was supposed to go to Chelsea with my Brother who paid for tickets the train tickets and a taxi due to feared tube strikes. He let my brother know on the Wednesday night the night before the match which was too late for my brother to get a buyer for the tickets or cancel the train tickets so money wasted.

My mum then messaged him to tell him that wasn't a nice thing to do and that he shouldn't expect much for Christmas as my brother had spent a few hundred on tickets and train fares. He then proceeded to tell my mum she was in the wrong and that she and my brother wasn't getting any Christmas presents from him and that my brother was a golden boy which is why she messaged about it.

Far from the truth my brother has had his own mental health issues for the past 20 years but carries on as normal as he can and doesn't say anything to anyone which is why my mum stepped in and said something.

This weekend this resulted in him messaging my partner asking her if I hate him because he wants to speak to me about everything then texting for 2 hours his side to my partner about the whole situation.

I have not heard from him since September 29th currently but I know I will get a message soon as it's getting close to Christmas.

So, i (24M) have a brother (13M) but we do not live together anymore because i moved 1 hour and a half from his city to study, but i visit 2 weekends more or less evert month.

He is really polite, sweet, shy but has a group of friends. The thing is: with all this prejudice and incel mentality dominating over young boys, im really worried about what he consumes online, especially on tiktok where i see a lot of this discourse hidden in "naive" humourous content. (Also all the soft porn that goes on there, showing women almost underwear with any keyword on search basically)

How do i approach him about it? I already warn him about prejudice masked as jokes when sometimes I catch one of his friends saying on voicechat.

Asking the immigrant or non-native English-speaking parents out there:

I have a friend who lives in Brazil with toddlers and she wants them to learn English but is struggling to find adequate content for children. She also does not speak English well so she does not want to read the English children's books she found to her kids, for fear of mispronouncing words and having them learn incorrectly.

Do any other non-English speaking parents face similar problems? How do you overcome that? Any recommendation helps!

My middle child (boy) is getting pulled up for rough play and silly behaviour with a few boys at preschool. It’s been going on for a few weeks, and seems to be almost daily.

One of the boys in particular is his little bestie, who is quite reserved. They’re inseparable which I think is the issue… too much time together through the day. Mum and I have open and friendly dialogue about it, but I am growing concerned that she’s rightfully tiring of it because her son is often the one getting hurt or upset and doesn’t yet have the tools to properly advocate for himself. Preschool teachers aren’t giving me much other than my DS being the one to take things too far. Sometimes it’s silly things and other times it does sound like it escalates physically.

Any advice on navigating boys and these behaviours would be appreciated!

Good Times Tuesday is one of the /r/raisingKids Weekly Events. These posts are made by rkbot every week at the same time. The general goals of these events are to stimulate discussion and promote community. The specific goals of Good Times Tuesday are to help remind us of the joys of parenting, and to share ideas of fun things done with our families.

This post is for all kinds of positive stories. For example:

​

• Recent accomplishments (awards won, goals met)
• DIY - arts, crafts or anything else you or your kids made that you're proud of
• Something you did as a family that you all enjoyed
• Something good that happened to you this week
• Something that emphasized the positive things in parenting
• Any story that remind us of the joys of parenting

This is also a good place to share things that are not normally allowed in /r/raisingKids: * Pictures of your kids * Comics * Other Low Investment Content * Your own blog posts or other things that might normally be considered spam.

Letting my friend borrow this account since she doesn’t have Reddit:

Hi, I am a 35F married to 40M. We both are very hardworking and self motivated. Both attended T4 universities in the US and have multiple advanced degrees. We are at the top of our respective fields (medicine and law). I am finally expecting after a couple years of trying and am delighted to meet my baby soon.

I harbor some concern about how to raise my future child to be hardworking. My mom was a tiger mom and I am grateful for her getting me started on my path, but she and I have a complicated relationship. I am not sure I want to subject my child to that same upbringing, but I think it would be emotionally difficult to see my child be lazy and unmotivated.

If anyone has tips for how to be a loving and kind parent who has raised a visionary, hardworking child, I’d appreciate you sharing them. Thank you.

Problem Solving Sunday is one of the /r/raisingKids Weekly Events. These posts are made by rkbot every week at the same time. The general goals of these events are to stimulate discussion and promote community. The specific goal of Problem Solving Sunday is to provide a welcoming space for anyone to discuss "problems" (big or small) they are having in their families.

This post is for readers who would like another perspective on a difficult family situation. Please be respectful and considerate of each other. Everyone's family is different and what works for one child/family might not be the right decision for another child/family.

My(40m) child(10F) tends to look side ways - especially when she's watching TV. Her head will always turn sideways by default - even if she's sitting right in front of the TV. Note - the issue is a turned and looking sideways - its not a "tilt" its a "turn". Her mum reckons that she does it when normally conversing as well and that its just a "bad habbit" and she needs to correct this by being mindful. I am not sure if there's more to the cause ?? Doing an internet gave me something called "head turn preference". But those searches were in reference to babies not pre-teens. Any intel on this from your lives would be helpful. TIA!

EDIT: she already wears myopic glasses. This issue is regardless of her watching TV with her glasses on

My(40m) child(10F) tends to look side ways - especially when she's watching TV. Her head will always turn sideways by default - even if she's sitting right in front of the TV. Note - the issue is a turned and looking sideways - its not a "tilt" its a "turn". Her mum reckons that she does it when normally conversing as well and that its just a "bad habbit" and she needs to correct this by being mindful. I am not sure if there's more to the cause ?? Doing an internet gave me something called "head turn preference”. But those searches were in reference to babies not pre-teens. Any intel on this from your lives would be helpful. TIA !

My stepson’s biological mom is dying. She’s only 29 but has lived a very challenging life, battling mental health issues and addiction. My stepson was removed from her care when he was just 8 months old, and my fiancé was granted full custody. Since then, she’s had no contact with him—no calls, no birthday wishes, no holidays. She never reached out.

I met my fiancé when my stepson was 3, and now he’s 9. I’ve been raising him alongside my daughter, who is 15. He calls me “mom,” and I’ve always loved him like my own. I’ve told him before that he didn’t come from my tummy but that I love him the same. I also explained that he had a different mommy who couldn’t take care of him because she was sick, and so his dad stepped up to care for him until my daughter and I came into their lives.

Now, we’ve received a call saying that his biological mom has a lung disease, and her lungs are failing. They’ve given her about two weeks to live, and she wants to see my stepson to say goodbye.

I’m torn. I want to say yes because I know closure is important, but I’m scared of how this will affect my stepson. He’s a sweet boy, but he doesn’t remember her at all. I don’t want to force him to mourn someone he never got the chance to know. Right now, he’s thriving—doing great in school, well-behaved at home, and finally in a good place emotionally after years of struggles. He used to be nonverbal, had violent behaviors, and dealt with bedwetting until he was 7. It’s been a long road, but he’s doing so well now.

I’m afraid that this news will destabilize him and bring back those emotional challenges. At the same time, I know he might resent us later if we don’t tell him or allow him the chance to say goodbye.

To be honest, I feel angry with her. She didn’t take care of herself, and her choices—especially drugs—landed her in jail, where she contracted this illness. I’m upset that her decisions are now causing pain for my stepson.

We live in Texas, and she’s in Florida, so there’s a big logistical challenge as well. But more than anything, I want to handle this situation in a way that protects my stepson and supports my fiancé, who ultimately has to make this decision.

I’m praying for guidance and clarity, but I’d also really appreciate any advice on how to navigate this difficult situation. How do we support my stepson through this? How do we make the best decision for his well-being?

There was no magic. No trolls. Just two kids who wouldn't stop fighting. It just got worse and worse every day.

That's when they came up with the plan. They had a big house. There was plenty of room. Lots of servants to help. If the kids didn't see one another, they couldn't fight. There could be peace. This was the time.

One wing for Elsa. One wing for Anna. Never shall the twain meet. If they couldn't see each other, they couldn't fight.

It worked great.

Good Times Tuesday is one of the /r/raisingKids Weekly Events. These posts are made by rkbot every week at the same time. The general goals of these events are to stimulate discussion and promote community. The specific goals of Good Times Tuesday are to help remind us of the joys of parenting, and to share ideas of fun things done with our families.

This post is for all kinds of positive stories. For example:

​

• Recent accomplishments (awards won, goals met)
• DIY - arts, crafts or anything else you or your kids made that you're proud of
• Something you did as a family that you all enjoyed
• Something good that happened to you this week
• Something that emphasized the positive things in parenting
• Any story that remind us of the joys of parenting

This is also a good place to share things that are not normally allowed in /r/raisingKids: * Pictures of your kids * Comics * Other Low Investment Content * Your own blog posts or other things that might normally be considered spam.

I (F23) am the eldest daughter of the eldest daughter of a very tight-knit Indian family. I have 2 aunts and 1 uncle, and they all have at least 2 kids. I am older than most by at least 10 years (if not more). The kids go to me when they have issues with their parents (or school, or friends, or homework, or want to talk about a show they are watching, or want to talk about a sport they are entertained by, or 100 other things), and the parents come to me when they have issues with the kids. I am constantly stopping an all-out revolt through sheer willpower and manipulation. However, the issues I have now are a bit strange for me to deal with alone.

I was driving home from a family party with my mom (F59), and she was debriefing me on the latest hardships of my uncle's (the youngest of the 4 siblings) kids. My uncle lives a bit farther than everyone else, and he is also the one taking care of my grandmother (my grandfather passed away 2 years ago) and his wife's mom. My uncle has 2 kids, M11 and M8, and they use a laptop for their schoolwork and the online kumon they must do weekly. Not an issue, but recently, my mom talked to me about giving them my current laptop because the two idiots put a virus in their current one. How, I don't know. Am I surprised? Not really. The younger one has a habit of demolishing any electronics around him. Both of his grandmothers needed new phones recently because of the viruses he put in them from the weird games and random stuff he installed. The older one is a sneaky kid already. No matter how much I try to explain to his parents that they need to regulate the amount of time they spend on electronics...well, my aunt and uncle work so much for their family, and my grandmother (both of them, I guess) are a bit tenderhearted when it comes to their grandkids.

Now, I don't mind giving them my laptop. I can get a new one. (Realistically, I'll pester my mom and dad to shell out for a new one. I love my parents and the privileges they provide me) But I had to argue with her to make her understand that even if I factory reset this one and gave it to them, there would be nothing stopping them from doing the same thing to this one. I don't mind being the person who explains internet safety and scaring them into understanding that they need to be safe when using electronics, but honestly - right now - I need someone to tell me how to navigate this one. I guess I can find some free online parental controls to set up on the computer so they can't get onto certain sites, but I know kids (I was one of those kids), and I'm sure they'll find a way around them. I booked a flight and took a week off in December to take care of the issue in person, so I guess I have until then to figure this out. Any advice is appreciated.

Hi, so this is kinda a tricky situation, but this is the context. I have two younger siblings (age 9 and 12) and after realising there is a lot of neglect from our parents, especially care work and emotional, I kinda stepped up and became a father figure. They never really had a long talk about consent only the occasional "if she doesn't want this to happen, don't do it" but I feel that this is really important, and long overdue, and honestly im kinda worried its to late.

The things I want to discuss are that it is okay to say no, how to know where your own boundaries are, who to tell when these get crossed and which behaviours are weird/creepy and they should look out for I also want to make sure that they know it's not their fault when this bounderys get crossed. I also want to teach them how to search for consent from others (verbal and nonverbal cues) and how important it is to ask, at the other hand I don't want them to be forced into purity culture and feel ashamed or bad for future sexual desires, I'm kinda worried how I can make it clear to them that theres nothing wrong with wanting sex but they shouldn't yet and how they can know when they are ready. I also want to apologise for not respecting there no while tickling, as I was so normalized to it as a fun game I didn't realise how it took away there bodily autonomy. Do you think there is anything else I should include/say different?

I'm not sure how to start this conversation, my idea would be with the pretend play of teaching our "adopted daughter" (the nine year olds puppet), since this encourages them to come to their own conclusions and learn it through play. Since the younger one often has used the puppet as an outlet talking about her own emotions with the safety of play, and the feeling of helping to protect someone else, I also think the 12 year old really likes to take on more responsibilitys and kinda "teach" the younger one, I just want to find an good outlet for them to comfortably talk about these heavy but importang topics, I would probably start by the puppet telling how someone in there kindergarten kept hugging her without her consent and start brainstorming with them from there. If you have any advice how to start such a conversation please tell me.

TLDR: I want to teach my siblings about consent through pretend play of teaching a puppet, how should I go about this?

Problem Solving Sunday is one of the /r/raisingKids Weekly Events. These posts are made by rkbot every week at the same time. The general goals of these events are to stimulate discussion and promote community. The specific goal of Problem Solving Sunday is to provide a welcoming space for anyone to discuss "problems" (big or small) they are having in their families.

This post is for readers who would like another perspective on a difficult family situation. Please be respectful and considerate of each other. Everyone's family is different and what works for one child/family might not be the right decision for another child/family.

Just wondering what everyone's experience is or has been or just in general what are your thoughts.

EDIT: Thank you everyone for your input. Much appreciated!!!

I'm an app developer, and my team and I are working on creating a tool to help parents manage their children's smartphone usage in a positive way. We're looking for your feedback to see if this could be a valuable resource for families introducing smartphones to their kids for the first time.

To be clear, this is NOT an advertisement. I would like your thoughts on whether you think this would be a valuable tool at your disposal. Also, what if any additional features you'd like see in such an app.

Here is the concept in a nutshell: A parenting app that doesn’t entirely block, or monitor social media usage by a child. Instead, the app will time out apps after a certain amount of time, and require the child to complete certain short educational activities to unlock the apps that you restrict. Example: child spends 20minutes on TikTok, after which, the app becomes locked. The child will have to do 5 minutes of SAT words practice, to unlock the app they want access to. Wash-rinse-repeat. As the child goes through this process, the parents will get daily reports on their phones, showing how much time their child has been redirected away from the apps they want discouraged, and all the things they learned instead.

Our thinking with this app, is not to be yet another service that forces parents to “be the bad guy” and completely restrict and monitor their children’s phone usage. Our research shows that most of the time, apps that only serve to monitor and restrict children’s phone usage, tend to create a rift between parent and child. We also see a lot of anecdotal evidence of children being ostracized by their peers due to not wanting their private conversations to be monitored by their parents, effectively denying a child’s ability to have digital privacy. Our app will not be a monitoring app, we simply want to leverage the addictive nature of social media platforms and the internet at large to effect a positive outcome on a child’s attention span and education. The cat’s out of the bag, so to speak. TikTok is likely here to stay for good, so why not use it to do something positive?

As a final note. We have several subjects that we think would be valuable for instruction (not just SAT prep). If you have any requests for things you’d like your child to learn about in 5 minute lessons, I’d love to hear them. What do you think? Any positive or negative feedback is welcome!

TL;DR: We're developing an app that balances children's social media use by temporarily locking apps after a set time and requiring short educational activities to unlock them again. We're seeking feedback from parents on its usefulness, desired features, and educational content suggestions.

He gets this gene from me unfortunately. The thing is sometimes it’s very dangerous situations like today he went to the stairs and I told him to stop and he looks at me with a huge smile and proceeds to take the first step. He loves defying rules. Would appreciate any advice

Reaching out for a little help here. 3.5 year old boy, has just begun these tantrums where if it isn’t his way, it’s a rolling on the floor jerking around full blown tantrum. He was never like this and not sure anything has changed since these have started, besides when he’s hungry they’re a little heightened.

Are these tantrums at 3.5 normal? Are they a phase? Obviously the easy option is to give in to whatever he wants so he stops, but that will surely only create a thought process of “if I throw the tantrum, I get what I want!” Right?

I hope this is ok to post here, but I’m looking for advice or suggestions if you’ve encountered this before.

My child will be 5 next month. I want to say for the past year she’s been having blood in her stool. But once I’ve examined it, it looks like she’s pushing too hard and it’s causing tearing on the outside of her bum. I am trying to be consistent to give her more fibre (prunes etc) and when I am the poop is softer she’s not pushing. She also was not drinking a lot of water so we are working on that.

Here is where google has let me down and we don’t have access to the greatest healthcare so unless it is a real emergency there is no point of taking her in. I’ve had friends who will say she’ll grow out of it, I think its due to a lack of fibre and water and her pushing since the blood it on the outside. However has anyone had a similar situation, what did you do, what was the end result? I will say when she farts it’s foul, so I feel like it’s something in the way her body is breaking down food. I don’t think it’s a concern like the start of Crohn’s disease but please feel free to share.

We've lived in the same place since my kids were born. I have always been lukewarm about it while my husband loves it here. Our kids are at school now and are happy, have friends, and enjoy school. My youngest is in Kindergarten and my oldest is in 4th grade. I am freaking out a little that we may be stuck here until the kids graduate. It's been hard for me to connect with people and make close friends like I had from where we lived previously (where my husband is from) and where I'm from. We wouldn't want to move to my hometown or back to his home city for various reasons but we have no family here and I think about moving all the time. Would it make sense to even consider it if our jobs can be anywhere? I fear that once my oldest gets to middle school, that it would be very hard to move but I don't want to feel stuck. Is the clock ticking on making a move? Stick it out because everyone else likes it? I am tired of living in the south!

Good Times Tuesday is one of the /r/raisingKids Weekly Events. These posts are made by rkbot every week at the same time. The general goals of these events are to stimulate discussion and promote community. The specific goals of Good Times Tuesday are to help remind us of the joys of parenting, and to share ideas of fun things done with our families.

This post is for all kinds of positive stories. For example:

​

• Recent accomplishments (awards won, goals met)
• DIY - arts, crafts or anything else you or your kids made that you're proud of
• Something you did as a family that you all enjoyed
• Something good that happened to you this week
• Something that emphasized the positive things in parenting
• Any story that remind us of the joys of parenting

This is also a good place to share things that are not normally allowed in /r/raisingKids: * Pictures of your kids * Comics * Other Low Investment Content * Your own blog posts or other things that might normally be considered spam.

When I was pregnant I had a girlfriend have a baby before me and one after me. I thought since we were all friends our children would become best friends. 8 years later and that doesn’t seem to be the case.

Now the girlfriend before my child, we are close and although the kids are different sexes and getting older now they still can hang out with each other.

My second friend after is what is bothering me. I’ll ask every few weekends if they want to all hang out and she’ll say no, they’re busy. Then it’s let’s skip Christmas presents for the kids but she’s showed up for my kids birthday party and seems to want to just hang out as adults.

Has anyone been through a similar situation. Is it best just to remain adult friends, leave the kids out of it? Maybe her kid doesn’t want to play with mines or has their own friends now? I have no idea but it’s been months of dodging and I want to move on but I guess not let it affect our friendship either? Did your friends grow apart once you had kids and you just made new mom friends?

I have a 14 year old daughter. I had a feeling that I should look at her phone this morning (she knows I do this sometimes. Not often.) And in her photo trash folder there was a photo of her leg with cuts on it. She has struggled a little with depression but this is new. How do I bring it up? I think her boyfriend has something to do with why she is doing it because I saw some messages between them. I am iffy about the kid but I'm trying to give him a chance. What do i do? Editing to add that we are in the process of starting therapy. We are really close and normally she talks to me about everything.

To be more specific married a lady with 3 kids and an absentee father and my new sister in law has two boys who have never met their father. I am now raising them as a batch. Ages range from 8-11 with a 15 year old for when nobody has rolled their eyes at me. Mostly everything is going great. I've actually been in the family for several years and we've spent the last year working out the logistics to get everyone together. One of the goals was to get one of the 8 year olds a bit healthier. He is a bit of a chunk and was overindulged by grandmother. We aren't planning anything dramatic- just fewer 711 snacks and less idle phone time. The problem is now he is getting healthy food and he has lost his mind. My initial thought was just.. well, what I said before and letting nature resolve it slowly. Instead he has gained like 10% body weight in 3 weeks. It's like I've got 4 prototypical skinny southeast Asian kids and then one who is secretly Samoan or something. He is a bit chubby but doesn't look fat- but he is like a bag of rocks! He is probably my favorite, but I grew up fat and would save him that experience... But I can't let him be hungry... His mother claims his father was huge and he is massive compared to kids his age- he is larger than the 11 year olds. He is literally eating as much food as the other 3 close to his age combined. Advice? Please? My new modified plan is just to limit him to like 120% what the other kids eat and then having some sort of low calorie filler item- raw veggies or whatever that he can have as much of as he wants... Problem is he ALSO was allowed to not eat vegetables so I don't want to undermine the retraining that veggies are good by making them feel like a punishment food.