I’m 15(f) and I’ve been stuck in emergency placement for a good 3 months. I was supposed to go to a friends house for placement but my social worker hasn’t called them, the last time he called them was when I slept over for Thanksgiving and after that nothing. I’ve been given permission to stay there many times by the whole family, her family loves me and I love her family. The only reason I’m not there right now is because he didn’t place me there for emergency placement(I’ve don’t it before even if they’re not certified I said I wasn’t comfortable anywhere else and they let me stay at that home while they got certified for me, my lawyer also told me that I could’ve stayed before they where certified and that she doesn’t know why I wasn’t placed there in the first place. Mind you I wasn’t notified of being moved until a few days before so the fact my friends family even said yes I’m the first place was a miracle). I said no to this place multiple times WHICH I am at the age to where I can say no to placement and he ignored my many messages and verbal concerns of me being moved before midterms(I’m failing now because I missed a month of school before being enrolled into another, mind you my GPA average is 3.5-4.0 so this is a drastic change and it’s hard to bring my grade back up). The first time I was placed before they were certified was because I ran away and said I wasn’t comfortable going back and only comfortable going to the other placement. BUT I’m wondering if I did it again would it work, because then this time he can’t ignore my continuous complaints of wanting to leave. The lady isn’t a problem at all I just don’t want to fuckin be here and I was told it’d be a few days so imagine my disappointment when it went on past Halloween and thanksgiving. I’m in California btw!!

Me and my husband are starting classes to foster. We live in West Virginia. Drugs are a big reason for kids getting taken away here. I was one of those kids and I got adopted.

Just wondering what everyone’s experience has been with the foster system here and if a lot of cases end in adoption? I know the goal is reunification and I fully support it, but I know there’s gonna be cases where that can’t happen because I was one of them. We are looking to adopt at some point but opening up my home to kids that need it regardless. I feel called to do this. ❤️🥹

We adopted our 13 year old daughter when she was seven, though she’s been with us since she was three. She sees her biological mother and her biological (half) brothers a couple of times a year and stays in touch with them through calls and texts.

A few days ago, our daughter broke a house rule by bringing three friends into her room while my husband and I were out. Later that night I found her bed was damaged to the point where she can’t sleep in it. I was upset, raised my voice, and told her she needed to figure out a solution since her breaking the rule led to the damage. For now, she’s sleeping on a mattress on her floor since the bed isn’t useable.

She has ADHD and struggles with technology boundaries, so we limit her phone use to music or texting friends with permission. Two weeks ago, I saw she sent her boyfriend an explicit message (“I want your cock”) and asking if he was ready to have sex. I told her I saw it, and she was angry that I read her messages.

Last night, I caught her texting without permission (she has to ask to text anyone because she was texting strangers, so this rule is non negotiable now), so I took her phone away as a consequence after reminding her I told her if she texted without permission she would lose her phone, and it was her choice to break the rules, so I am taking her phone away. She stormed up to her room, slammed the door and we didn’t see her all night.

Later last night I later checked her messages and saw she told her biological aunt and mom that we “yelled at because an old bed broke” and that we have shoved and hit her, to the point it broke a lamp. None of this is true. She also asked her mom if they had any family in the city we live in that she could live with. Her mom suggested journaling anytime stuff like this (the alleged abuse) happened.

I know false accusations can happen with teens, especially in adoption situations, but it’s still heartbreaking and worrisome. I don’t want to have children aid knocking on our door with accusations of assault.

I’ve made an appointment with her psychologist next week to figure out what to do. For now, I’m struggling with whether to cancel her holiday visit with her biological family or how to handle leaving her alone for even short periods. edit: I AM NOT going to cancel the holiday visit, I was simply sharing my thoughts. I don't know how else to explain it, but it's like saying "I am so frustrated feel like I want to punch a hole in the wall" vs "I am going to punch a hole in the wall".

I’m trying not to confront her about the false accusations until I get advice, but it’s hard to wait.

What should I do in the meantime?

edit: since a few people thought it was unreasonable for her to have to ask to text someone, I clarified this rule is in place because she was texting strangers, after being told not to text anyone but classmates, friends she knew in person or relatives. This rule is in place for her safety.

I've posted here a few times before with various different questions. A few circumstances have changed since, and now reunification isn't on the table for good. Trust me when I say that I know foster care sucks but can adoption really be any better? I know I can refuse homes and all but what if I end up in a really bad one thinking it was going to be okay? What if my one of my siblings are adopted out-of-state because they can't refuse? Why isn't there a law to keep us together?? Its like they've taken everything already, and now they're just making it even harder.

Hi everyone, I’m F18, and I recently found out that my mom (49) and stepdad (35) are adopting a little girl (2). I got this news while I was away for my first year of university, and honestly, I don’t know how to process it.

For the longest time, it was just my mom, my older sister, and me. My parents separated when I was only 1, and my mom got remarried two years ago. Now, with this adoption, it feels like she’s creating a new family, and part of me wonders if my sister and I are being replaced. I know that might sound selfish or unfair, and I hate that I’m even thinking this way, but it’s hard to shake the feeling.

I don’t want to grow resentful or let these feelings ruin my relationship with my mom or this new child. I’m going home for Christmas break, and that’s when I’ll meet the little girl for the first time. I want to go in with an open heart, but right now, I’m struggling to figure out how I really feel about all of this.

I haven’t even admitted these thoughts to my therapist because I feel terrible for having them. I don’t want to feel like I’m a bad person or a bad daughter, but I also can’t help the way I feel right now.

Has anyone been through something similar, or does anyone have advice on how to handle these emotions? I want to be supportive, but I also want to make peace with how I’m feeling. Any insight would be appreciated. Thank you!

Hi everyone! My husband and I adopted our now 2.5 year old daughter through foster care. She came to us at 5 months old from the hospital after her first foster family broke her arm, requiring surgery with rod placement. We don’t know exactly what happened, as they denied that they knew it was broken. She never lived with her bio mom, who is a drug addict. We talk about adoption, read books about it, have a photo book, and have lots of photos of adoption day. She still doesn’t understand “adoption” but we try to make it a regular point of conversation. Today we started looking at pictures of when she first came to us and she noticed the cast on her arm for the first time. I just said she had a boo boo. She kinda just moved on to the next thing as 2 year olds do. But do y’all have advice on how to talk about this in the future?

What do you do after 26, when no one and no aid is there? I have aBSW, tryna go back for MSW and LCSW. But I am so stumped. I still talk to my bio and theyre so heavy lately. Yeah the easy on paper choice would be to cut them off, but i truly can't...not yet, i do still feel that love and also am aware how its not healthy but, i cant yet. I feel this may be the only place to understand that... I am not healed there yet honestly. My only foster family and I don't talk. I can't get a job, making bare minimum and barely making it. Idk I can even go back to school with my own thoughts if that makes sense? I do meds, therapy etc. Just looking for support or guidance to be honest..

Hello all, I'm not sure who to go to for help and my googling has garnered unhelpful results so far.

I'm currently 24 years old. I was a ward of the Arizona state after the age of 16 (foster program). Recently relocated to Colorado and I'm trying to find any scholarships or funding assistance that I would be eligible for. I noticed that a lot of the scholarships for foster kids either ended at 23 years old, and/or The requirements of the scholarships I have found (applicable for Colorado schools) state that you had to have been a foster youth of Colorado State specifically in order to qualify.

Is it possible to get scholarships based on foster status in a state different from where you were registered as a foster kid?? I have already reached out to my old contacts in Arizona, no response yet, but any information or direction at all would be greatly appreciated.

I do know that the FAFSA specifically has a question about prior foster care, and while that is very helpful I am looking for additional resources.

Thanks guys.

I'm looking to connect with someone who has had a similar childhood experience to mine. I recently started therapy and am beginning to realise that many of the challenges I face today might be rooted in my early years. When I was around four, my parents became foster carers, and my life became filled with the comings and goings of other children. I struggle to fully remember how I felt about this as a child, but I’m beginning to see how it might have shaped me as an adult. I’m incredibly grateful for the open-mindedness this upbringing has given me, and it’s inspired me to work with children in the care system today. However, I can’t help but wonder if this unique experience is tied to some of the mental health struggles I’m working through now. I’d love to connect with anyone who has been through something similar and hear about their journey.

Hi Guys,

I am apart of a non profit organization that works to help kids in the foster care system and homeless shelters. However, most of our programs focus on younger children. Our organization has realized that older foster children are often overlooked, including in our programs, and we want to find a way to rectify this with tailored support/programs for older kids. I want to hear from current and former foster youth on what resources/programs you wish you had or if there is anything you had access to (that all foster kids might not) that really helped you.

Thanks!

My wife (F) and I (F) have been trying to conceive for a bit now and are currently on hold while my wife does a 6 month round of birth control. We’ve decided to meanwhile start the process of foster care because we just want a baby so bad. But I’m wondering if I should feel bad because we’re basically doing it because we hate feeling like we’re just sitting and waiting. But also I’ve been thinking it might be convenient as well because not only would this bring a child into our home, it would also bring financial assistance into our home for the child. Which is a great thing because personally I feel like we are in a financial position where having our own child would put a bit of a strain on us financially although we’re currently very comfortable, but foster care might not place as much of a burden because we would be getting that assistance.

Curious if anyone has been in a similar situation and how it ended up being dealt with? I am trying to get my niece enrolled in preschool, or even a day care but she isn’t fully vaccinated. Or even close. She is about 7 vaccines behind, and nobody who is licensed can take her w/out catching up. (In CA) When we initially got her, (mom was in jail) social worker told us to start catching her up. We managed to get two, and mom got out and refused anymore. I am not sure what our next steps are to try and get her in school? Do we need to get a court order? Or can we just not do anything since mom still has medical rights? I have asked for guidance from our case worker but she is new and hasn’t gotten an answer for me.

This is what I thought of my parents.

I was adopted not too long after I entered foster care because I was told my parents were in prison. They have no problem telling you what they want you to hear and nothing more. It wasn't a problem for me until I got my first job. My manager told me he knew my mother and encouraged me to contact her. The person who adopted me didn't like the idea at all and said I wasn't showing gratitude for bringing it up. I thought about that for a long time and wondered how long I was supposed make decisions in my life based on if they showed enough gratitude. Why am I supposed to be so grateful? Years ago, I found the contract between the agency and the people I was placed with. They were paying them $1600 a month. I gave up the idea of ever contacting my family mostly because I was afraid to because I had been told my whole life they were criminals. Last year, a new employee started at the store where I work. A customer asked if we were sisters. We laughed and said no. After talking for a while we discovered we were cousins. I will never forget the smile on her face when she said "After work, you are going with me." Terrified and anxious I knew deep down, I wanted to go. Within hours I found myself in a house when an older woman walked into the room. She took one look at me and tears began to stream down her face. She threw her arms around me and whispered in my ear, "I have been asking God for years not to let me die without seeing you again." This turned out to be my Grandma. That night, one by one, I met my whole family. I was happier than I had ever been. The only bad thing about that day was finding out that my parents had never been in prison. They were still together and I had a brother.

Now that I am where I belong during the holidays and any other day for that matter, I don't have any desire to spend any time with the people I used to live with. I refuse to call them Mom or Dad and I don't want their last name. Can I get a copy of my original birth certificate and if so, can I begin to use my real name? After all, I was adopted and my name was changed without my consent. I realize children can't consent to things of this nature but now that I am an adult I should be able to say which family I want to be with and what my name is. I don't like making anyone feel badly but I also feel that when you lie, you should be prepared for the fact that the truth may come out and if it does, there will be consequences. I don't want to confuse my future children by having people in my life that want me to pretend they are my family. Especially since these pretenders talk sh*t about my family they have never met and my true family never says a bad word about them even though I would understand if they did.

okay guys it was NOT awkward this year. but the food is so bad yall. usually my plate is full of soul food and i eat like 3 plates 😭 today i had one plate of ham and rice then store bought dessert. not complaining but coming from a cooking family before was nice. i miss my moms food 🥹

☠️ i was adopted later in life (16) and im 17 now just have to stare at these random people all day and make awkward convo with them while they all talk to each other. literally feels like highschool lunch. then once i get home they’re all gonna gossip about me and probably say i came off as rude or too quiet. yayy

26F I spent the better part of my teen years in foster families in the south, none of them kept any contact after I was 18(kicked out on my birthday lol) and I haven’t seen or contacted my birth family in a decade as I’ve disowned them because of unhealthy/abusive conditions. I just felt I needed to share the just profound loneliness I feel around the holidays. I don’t have a mother or a father or siblings. I’m so frustrated that this feeling comes around every year and anyone I speak with about it just doesn’t understand, they can call their families, they have relationships with their families, the hugs, the acceptance, the loving without condition. I barely have friends, the only ones I do have are through my boyfriend as they’re friends he grew up with. I’m just out here shooting through life without that bond that regular people have in their family units and I genuinely feel like I’m annoying the people around me by wanting to hang out more to fill that void when they’re busy spending time with their own family. I feel like a big nuisance during these times and I honestly wish I could just turn it off so I wouldn’t be such a bother. Sorry for ranting my new therapist isn’t available until next month 😅

Partner and I have lived together 14 years. He is a LT Colonel in the Army NG, as well a successful civilian DOD GS 13. I am currently working on my Masters in education, and have some rental properties, etc. No children of our own. We could certainly try to have a baby (no fertility issues), but honestly, neither of us feel pulled in that direction. I know this probably sounds crazy... but I feel pulled more towards the teens.. I have a very close friend who had a horrific childhood, ended up an orphan /foster, but fortunately had a few people come into his life that influenced him and ultimately introduced him to the military and eventually the state police! He has said about how very close it could have been for his life to go in a completely different and horrible direction! And it always left an impact on me.

I don't feel the desire to be a mother of a toddler... I know, that apparently goes against the definition of being a woman and motherhood, yada, yada.. BUT I do feel we have a home, a very stable life, and have been blessed with waaay too overly involved, loving, huge families to share with those who might be wishing for those things... I feel much more up for the challenge of working through learning coping skills, and critical thinking skills, providing educational and transitional support, and a family environment.

I know that the levels of trauma for many of the kids is often unimaginable... But, does it ever work out OK with teens and tweens? Am I being Naive? Any happy endings?

I felt cornered and gave up our foster child who was on the path to adoption. As soon as I felt protective of my current family and formed questions, the social worker started harrasing us with misinformation, talked poorly of us to everyone involved, and let the case worker attack us, ect. And that started even before we actually asked any questions. The social worker might have suggested that our questions were not worthwhile. There was absolutely no trust.

It was insanity so we put a stop to it. I was naive to think they might ask us to think again. But right away, the social worker gave our day care a two weeks notice as if she was waiting for this so bad, and exactly after two weeks, she came by and took him. At least for that two weeks, harrassment completely stopped and it was so peaceful. Family was happy.

After all that, our agency called. They said they didn't know who to place with us anymore because he was one of the "easiest" child they had. And what all the lies the social worker told them and how the county therefore couldn't work with us anymore. They even went as far as saying that the county never wanted us to adopt him in the first place, which of course again didn't match what we had been told. They said they were closing our home.

This happened a month ago, and I am still processing it. I am wondering whether I was cut out for fostering at all as someone who gets triggered when not trusted, or even actually wanted to do it. Or if we just had very bad luck with the social worker.

When we asked the agency during the call if we still can foster in a different state when we move there, they sounded like they were threathening. "Yes, but if they ever contact us, we got to tell them honestly about what happened." Does that mean we should forget about fostering for good? Maybe we should never do it again. I'm mostly upset that we have a record of some sort somewhere saying we weren't good parents, which I know is a lie.

We have had a sibling set for over a year, one of which we got from birth. Things were heading towards TPR, a month ago we were told by DHS, CASA/GAL, and all lawyers involved that that was what was going to happen. Fast forward a month, someone higher up in DHS disagrees, overrules everyone, and TR starts in a couple of weeks. I don't feel like getting into the details for a lot of reasons, just a warning to be careful out there. Guard your hearts. This is going to hurt.

I’m interested in helping foster kids, but I couldn’t find any information about it in the FAQ. Does anyone have any resources or guidance on how to get involved?

Please has anyone got advice on how to stop the second part from ending her rights to my siblings and I from occurring?? I don't even know whats going on, will I get to choose?? What happens in the second part? No one will tell me a damn thing, they keep talking to me about it like i'm four. I can't loose my family.

When I was 14, we was at my foster care friends house, we was watching a tv show with a bit of adult humour I laughed a few times, then then told me to stand outside the room wile they watched the rest, wile there bio daughter who was 13 was in aloud to watch it

When we got back my foster carers said the best but with your behaviour yesterday I can say get out my sight and not feel bad about it like earlier

I've got three kids, two of whom are in long-term foster care with me.

We see their mum regularly, have built up a great relationship with her, when the younger first came into care I'd sit and chat with her during family time for 4 hours a week, and my middle child would occasionally come too and play with her. She's funny and likeable and just had a really shitty time as a kid and young adult.

She died yesterday morning in an accident. I don't know when or if they'll be a funeral, but if there isn't we will definitely be doing something to honour her. The kids know (they are 1,2 and 6) but the youngest obviously don't have much of an actual understanding. The eldest is definitely grieving, but also just herself, playing and reading stories and cuddling, with occasional statements of "my mum died" and asking how she died (which we answer as best we can, but unfortunately we don't have many details yet).

I'm not sure why I'm posting really. It's just so sad, for the kids and for us. She really was someone that I thought would be a permanent part of my life and a friend.

All the resources I've found on parental death focus on the death of a caregiver parent, or they're personal anecdotes about dealing with the death of an absent parent. Not a parent you see regularly but can't leave with.

This just sucks. We've lost their mum and the whole family history around her because the rest of her family is estranged and/or we've been advised to never contact them for safety reasons. The kids will have so many questions that we won't ever be able to answer now.

We are exploring the possibility of being foster parents. We are getting a great deal of feedback that we are not a couple that the county foster care agency wants. We are both professionals with graduate degrees. We travel internationally for work. I'm an attorney, but not an adoption attorney. We have infertility problems and are not able to have children. And lastly, we are interested in adopting from foster care, so that the county foster care director states we are not committed to reunification. And we own a farm in a rural part of our state. The foster care director states they prefer couples in subdivisions.

So before I start grilling our county's director about legal violations, can someone explain why were are not considered a good foster care couple and how can the county's foster care agency prevent someone from fostering and eventually adopting?

We are in the process of adopting our FD and it has been requested that we take HER for fingerprinting. I know we went through it as adults in our licensing process, but it's strange to me that they are fingerprinting the youth in care when my biological daughter was never fingerprinted after she was born. If this were asked of my BD, I would be questioning the reasoning and storage, use, access, etc. but with a FD, obviously we're compliant with any DCFS directives and so my husband is taking her today. I was curious if any adoptive parents dug into this. Once the adoption is final, can I request the removal of these from whatever database? I'm not a government conspiracy theorist, just a concerned future mom wanting to advocate for my future child's best interests and privacy. Curious what others found/did...

Hi! I swear I get on here every other week asking a new question. But I rather ask yall then wait a week for a response from my social worker. So in the past few years my anxiety has been like REALLY BAD I mean random panic attacks in school bad, and depression isn't any better(my depression is js me feeling rlly sad sometimes sewersidal but I don't rlly have any diagnosis so yeah). And my main and only stress reliever for YEARS has been animals, dogs, cats, rats it didn't matter it was just having it there with me brought me to peace. But recently it's been really bad due to places I get placed having no animals or me not having one with me. So I was wondering if I could file for an emotional support animal for a cat...I have a breeder willing to give me a cat so I can but I'm not sure if I can while in foster care. But I really want to try and get one I feel like it'd ease my troubles so much. But I don't know.

My husband and I were recently licensed and have had 2 very short very young placements (5M and 8moF) that both ended up going to kin after only a few days with us. We are very new to this and trying to learn and prepare ourselves for placements that last longer than just a few days.

What things did your foster parents do for you that was positive? What things do you wish they did differently?

Some of the things I'm have that I hope will be positive: I have extra bedding in different colors and themes so when a kid comes in they can choose what bedding seems most comfortable for them. I also have different curtains, one set of blackout and one set that lets more light in so they can let me know their preference.

I have a mini fridge in the closet of the room so they can have space for their food. I will insist that the fridge gets cleaned regularly, either the kid clean it and allow me to check or let me clean it. I don't want sticky spills in it or old rotting food (hopefully that isn't an invasion of privacy)

I have extra backpacks and gym bags and stuff for if they are ever needed that I am happy for kids to take with them when they leave my house.

I have plans to take them to the store to show me what foods they like to eat and get some snacks that they can keep that are just theirs. Also let them get body wash toothpaste and other toiletries that are to their preference.

I have empty picture and poster frames and command strips so we can personalize the decorations in the room, I'm happy to pick up any posters they want and order prints of pictures.

We keep lots of games all the time. Things that can be played alone or with other people in the house. I also have a huge supply of fidget toys.

I have a schedule posted on our fridge.

We are religious but only have 2 pictures in the whole house that depict religious imagry and want to make sure kids know we won't ever force our religion on them and want them to feel free to express their beliefs. (We are Christian, but also have a lot of Jewish family, and celebrate Jewish holidays and we also have a Ganesh statue in our home that was given to us by a Hindu friend)

We have tried to avoid any political imagery in our home. I do have some posters for our favorite sports teams but am not opposed to hanging things for teams that a kid in our home favors.

I really do want to have a welcoming safe environment and I don't want anyone in our home to feel like we are trying to replace their first families. I want the kids we care for to feel comfortable opening up to us and I want to do everything I can to both give them the space they need, while also being there for them when they need connection too.