for the longest time i thought this was just a “me thing” but i see more teens speak up about it.

i was never legally in foster care, but went through around seven different homes with family, family friends, and friends starting at age 11/10 after my mom died. i was consistently disrupted/replaced/kicked out into new places.

often times these placements were abusive, but when i told CPS they would essentially tell me to suck it up because there was nowhere else i could go and i was a “common denominator” and taking away resources from “real” foster kids. i was in homes where food would be moldy or expired, locked up for hours to days at a time, i experienced a lot of medical abuse and neglect, and this eventually progressed into physical abuse at my current home.

i had evidence my current home is abusive, such as scarring from cutting/hitting/beating that i’ve reported multiple times over the years but CPS just meets me with hatred each time. eventually they just admitted that whatever happened to me is probably true but they can’t/won’t do anything and i need to get over it because i’ll be 18 soon and i have “a pattern” of this, still reiterating that i was lying solely because i was a teenager and foster teens lie to “get out of trouble.”

i thought i was alone in this experience until i saw a news report about a child who was being assaulted by her father, and the law enforcement involved told her the SAME THING. that she was lying because she didn’t want her phone taken, and that she’d better be telling the truth because otherwise she’d ruin everyones life for lying about her foster father. and then i read the comments and saw thousands of other people recalling similar experiences.

also unrelated, but this is why i can’t stand when people tell me to just call cps or the police about my current housing. i have, like at least five times, and the outcome is just worse each time.

sorry this was extensively long 😅 but can anyone else relate?

Okay so our baby takes 7 ounces every 4 hours. His visits are four hours long once a week.

At first we were sending a bottle with water and then the formula separately. We then discovered that the parent was only using one scoop of formula for the whole bottle. We asked facilitator about it. They said they would keep an eye on it and yet it happened again. So they told us to premake the bottles.

So we started making a bottle right before we leave and sending it with the kiddo. Well today the mom was asking when the bottle had been made (it was about 15 minutes.) Then we found out she dumped out the whole bottle and just filled it with orange juice instead.

So I kinda feel like there's no point in sending any bottle or formula moving forward because I don't know what else to do.

Thoughts?

About a year ago my wife was struggling with drug addiction and her behavior was out of control. After a few failed attempts to help get her help a relative made a referral to CPS for my 2 kids. I knew they were going to make a referral and I supported it because I didnt understand that I would be excluded from my children as well. My mother in law offrered to take our kids while my wife and I worked towards getting her help. I thought this was best so my kids didnt have to see their mom struggle anymore. I willingly allowed my kids to go stay with my inlaws under the agreement that they would come home when things were more stable, a few weeks or month at the most. Upon CPS involvement the same week, the CPS worker instructed my Mother in law to apply for guardianship so the kids wouldnt get taken into the foster system. By time I realized that I was no longer the authority over my children it was too late. We have been going to court every few months and the judge recognizes I am a healthy parent, not on drugs, very stable, etc. My wife has since gone to rehab and moved into her own place because we separated due to her drug use. The issue is I have not been able to get the judge in probate court to give me legal guardianship of my own children and he keeps putting off resolution until the next court date. I cant understand whaat grounds they have to keep my children from me. I need advice and probably a lawyer. I know I have probably left out important details so please feel free to ask questions if it will help. TYIA

Hi everyone!! For those of you who don't know me, I've been organizing a small Christmas/winter holiday project on this sub and the ex-foster sub for the last couple of years. Basically, people who aged out of care can sign up to receive a small Christmas gift and a card from someone, and people (mostly from this sub, so mostly in some capacity involved in foster care or child welfare) can sign up to be Santas/sponsors by sending a Former Foster Youth a small gift and card. I have a full FAQ about this in my last post.

I love to be transparent, so I wanted to give everyone a little update. So far ten FFY have signed up--eight from America, one from Canada, and one from the U.K. Nineteen people have signed up to be Santas, and of those nineteen, twelve signed up to send a card and gift to two people instead of one. I'm really pleased by this turnout, because I was hoping to have enough Santas/sponsors to match every FFY with multiple (ideally I'm aiming for three each) Santas/sponsors, just because I know people may forget, or have sudden health issues, or something may come up that prevents them from following through with the Santa-ing. A lot of FFY have experienced being very let down by people and systems in the past, so I'd hate for people to be vulnerable enough to ask for help and share a lot about themselves, only to be let down again.

That said, we could use a couple more sponsors/Santas, especially ones from outside the USA or who can ship outside the USA. Right now we have one who can ship to Canada and two who can ship to a country outside the US or Canada. I'd ideally like to get it to three on each of those, for the reasons I mentioned above, and maybe we'll need more if more FFY outside the USA sign up. I plan to close the form for FFY in about a week, to make sure everyone who's active on these subs has had a chance to see my posts and sign up. Worst case scenario, if suddenly several FFY outside the USA sign up (which I think is unlikely--we had a total of ten FFY last year and I posted and commented several times) and someone doesn't get matched I'll send them a gift and card myself.

The messages the FFY have included in their forms (here's the form to sign up as a FFY!) have been really lovely. A lot of people, when asked if there was a type of gift they'd particularly like, said that just a card or a note would be really appreciated. The holidays can be very, very lonely for FFY--they are for me, which is why I started this project.

Anyway, here's the tentative timeline--I'll close the form for FFY in about a week, and aim to have matching done by around the 20th, so that people have a little over a full month to make/buy and ship their gift and card. I figure that's especially necessary given that some packages may be going internationally. I'll email everyone their match with a PDF attachment of their match or matches' completed forms. The forms have some info about their lives, clothing sizes, favorite food, allergies, etc., and of course their addresses and contact info (either an email or a Reddit username.) Then you'll be free to shop or craft something for your match and mail it off.

If participating in this sounds appealing to you, the form for Christmas sponsors/Santas is here.

As a final note, I want to thank everyone on this subreddit who's commented in support of the project or signed up to be a Santa. When I was in care I hated Christmas, because it made me feel like nobody cared about me. I remember one year as a teenager, sitting in my group home, the literal only teen there who hadn't been taken out for the day by some kind of family member or friend. I had no one. I certainly didn't get any gifts that year. By contrast, this project shows me that many, many people care about Former Foster Youth. Last year alone we had forty Santas. That's so many people sacrificing their own time and money to ensure that a FFY feels connected during the holidays and gets to have the relatively "normal" experience of receiving a Christmas gift. It means a lot to me that people care enough to do that.

I am so screwed. Oh my god I can't believe how bad I messed that one up. I had a few small sips as a final toast to my Dad to end our tradition, where he would drink with his friends at the beginning of the month and give me swig of his drink. We did it everytime without fail. He was always the chillest on those days so I wanted one last one. They think I'm asleep right now but I heard them find it and I'm actually shaking. This was the worst idea ever, I have too much to lose in court tomorrow and I wouldn't doubt it for a second that they will inform my caseworker.

EDIT: I've typed a message to them six times now but I keep freaking out before i can send it. How am I supposed to be able to talk to people who are practically strangers about this?

EDIT #2: I finally worked up the courage to tell them in the car on the way to court today. I almost threw up and they want me to talk about it in therapy, (which was apparently happening regardless) and I have no doubt that it will come up at my home visit tomorrow.

i spent most of my life in foster care. after exiting, i find it hard to cope. i’m in an extremely toxic relationship and cannot leave because i have nowhere to go. i’m no-low contact with all of my family. she tells me to kill myself and says she hopes i die over every minor issue. today it was because i didn’t text her back with enough energy. i can’t do it anymore and idk what to do. i’m very close to giving up. sorry if i worded things badly im just extremely tired mentally.

Hi everyone. I hope you’re all having a really nice start to your week. I am 18, about to be 19 and spent 5 yrs in foster care before being reunited with my dad a few months ago. The 5yrs we were separated were not easy; I know they had to be very hard for him too. He was incarcerated for a bit and worked hard to stabilize himself to be able to have visitation and a place for me to visit. I don’t want to trauma dump here but things from my past that happened in foster care still really affect me. I am struggling right now. A lot. There are times when I want to talk to him and tell him why I am quiet or withdrawn, but I also don’t want to be the reason he feels guilt or shame or relapses. I have told myself many times I need to just find a way to let go of things but the holidays hurt a lot. Last year at this time going into spring of this year was absolutely the hardest time of my life. I am trying to move on but when my dad makes comments about me being antisocial or not the kid he remembers I try to respectfully say I am not a kid anymore. It’s a very hard thing to navigate I guess. Idk. I have no friends to ask but I was just wondering if others have had trouble reconnecting with family members after being in foster care? Did you tell your parents things that went on or did you find peace in keeping it to yourself or sharing with someone you trust? Idk I just feel very alone so much of the time but it’s hard to let people in anymore. And being with my dad now isn’t the best choice I’ve made. I walk around on eggshells and his girlfriend (who lives with us) is a nightmare. I am trying the best I can :/

So a few days ago my dad passed from an overdose in our house while my mom was out doing less than legal things. Long story short he's dead she's in jail so my siblings and I all got taken into CPS custody. We're a rather large group so no one would take us together. I ended up i a house without any of them and I just want to know they're OK. My social worker won't tell me shit. I've been between three social workers already because they're trying to balance the workload or something, but it ultimately means I have no way of knowing if even my baby sister is going to be alright. Have any of you gone through this before? All I know is one of them was already brought to a second placement around 24 hours after getting into the first house.

EDIT: I finally got confirmed for weekly visits with four of the six siblings, and bi-weekly with the other two!!!!

So I've been on here before lol Hi guys. So I have a question, I'm 15 foster kid and idk what's it's called but the county I'm from is SF or Bay Area so they've moved me hours away from ir before and my brother too. I have no friends where they wanna place me(I'm in emergency placement rn) but I wanna go to LA(?) because I have some friends and family out there. Would I be allowed to be placed out there or is it to far from my county?

I am asking this for a dear friend, he is an amazing dad, absolutely nothing related to child neglect/abuse, but he got locked up, his child in his custody then was taken into foster care after a failed safety plan. The mother is/has been MIA & has not attended any ISP (I think that is what it's called) meetings. The father was at the end of completing his parenting classes/drug court etc. while he was out on bond when they came and rearrested him for the same crime he was initially arrested for and out on bond for. The reasoning for this is that he was on parole (nonviolent offense). So, my question is, does he have a legal right to speak with his son? He is awaiting a parole revocation decision while in a county jail. The caseworker's words to me were, " we were almost there" meaning he was a week away from having custody back. Is there any law that states the foster parents cannot deny him speaking with his son? They already refused a visit with a grandparent (although the grandparent was not blood related but blood related to the little boys half brother). Do the foster parents have a legal right to refuse to let him have a phone call with his son (from jail)?

Hi! Some of you will remember me, and some won't, but for the past couple of years I've organized a little project on this subreddit where I matched people who aged out of care with an adult or family who wanted to play Santa to them during the holiday season. As we all know, the holidays can be extremely lonely, isolated, and triggering for Former Foster Youth. I aged out of care myself, and I know that during the holidays I'm always reminded of how it seems like everyone has a family besides me. Growing up in care, I didn't usually receive any holiday gifts or cards. It was a dark time of year that left me feeling like I hated Christmas. I knew that other FFY must be feeling similarly, so that's why I started this project.

How does it work?

If you're a FFY who would like to receive a little surprise in the mail during the holiday season, you can fill out this form. If you'd like to send a gift to someone from care for the holidays, you can fill out this form. I'll have everyone matched with a sponsor before December, so that there's plenty of time to make or buy a gift and send it.

Is there a minimum amount I'd have to spend?

No! The goal of this project is to help FFY feel less alone during the holidays, not help FFY get flashy new stuff. Anecdotally, because this is about helping people feel connected to other people during a difficult time of year, from the messages I've gotten it seems like handmade gifts and notes are often the most special to FFY. Though you obviously don't have to make something if you aren't crafty! It's more about a feeling of connection.

How do you make sure everyone participating is legit?

Right now I don't really do anything to verify that someone was really in care. This subreddit is small enough and foster care focused enough that I'm not super worried about someone faking, and on the off chance someone did, I figure if anyone is scamming for mittens, chocolate, and a card, they probably need human kindness as much as FFY do.

Is there an age limit?

When I was first conceptualizing this project a few years ago, I did conceive of it as being something for people who aged out of care relatively recently, like ages 18-25ish. That's still the majority of FFY who've participated in recent years, but I've changed my stance on this. This project is now to help FFY of all ages. A lot of FFY, myself very much included, have complex relationships with age and aging, because as you grow in foster care you become less desirable to foster parents and less likely to be fostered or adopted, and more likely to spend time in congregate care settings. A lot of people feel like they've become less worthy and less valuable as they've gotten older, and that's not a feeling I want to perpetuate. Aging out of care is also a really traumatic experience, and I don't want to re-perpetuate that feeling or experience with the idea that people could age out of this little project. It's for all FFY over the age of majority.

The only age limit I have is that you must be an adult. While I think this is pretty low risk, I am giving out names, addresses, and some personal information about FFY. Adults are able to assess their own comfort with sharing that information, but teens and youth still in care can't yet.

Who should I reach out to if there are delivery issues?

You can reach out to your FFY directly, because they'll supply either an email or a Reddit username so they can be contacted with questions and so on.

What do we need the most?

We especially need Santas who are able to ship to countries outside the USA, because we have FFY from Canada and from the UK this year, and so far only one Santa/sponsor who’s able to ship to other countries.

I think those are my main Frequently Asked Questions, but if you have any feel free to reach out, and feel free to share this with anyone you think could benefit from it. A Christmas gift is something small, but it makes the holidays feel a lot less lonely, as I know from experience. And this project has facilitated some long-lasting friendships. There are people from last year still in touch with their sponsors from last year.

Thank you for reading, and for considering being part of it, either as a FFY or as a sponsor. You're all part of making holiday magic happen for people the holidays have often been rough for.

Adult Survivor of Foster Care- Dealing with folks at the Social Security office, mean and insensitive security guards at the hospital, the police all remind me of uncaring social workers and people of the system. I completely avoid them when possible. Any interaction leaves me rageful and brings flashbacks and pain from the past.

Can you relate and how do you cope?

hi everyone im 16 and i i've been living in a foster family for almost 2 years now.

im super lucky to be there and i actually knew them for a long time before that, but living with them is so different and honestly stressful. their dynamic is very different than what im used to and at least to me it seems they dont understand that.

my fosters mom doesnt treat me badly and even kind of treats me much more gently than her bio-kids, but she also never really explains the 'unspoken' rules of the house so i often get her biological kids accidentally in trouble.

her kids (one of them a long time friend of mine) always tell me it's fine and that she's always like that but it honestly stresses me a lot, any tips on calming myself down or getting used to the environment?

My husband and I (both 25m) are planning on doing long-term foster placement of teens (12+). Our licensing worker says that we are as prepared as we can be. However, I know that that doesn't mean its guaranteed to have us prepared for the real thing. We are supposed to get our first placement in two to three months. Their room is furnished with the basics and some different types of weighted blankets and lights but not much else. It would be two siblings of the same sex sharing a room or one child. We have pets in the house and we have made sure to make dedicated space for them in case they are overwhelming to the teens at first. They are very milded mannered and sweet, but it can still be a lot to get used to if that new to you. We were also informed that we would likely be placed with kids that would be far away from home due to the high demand of placements for teens. I felt suddenly overwhelmed by the idea of them being so far from home and how to make sure they can stay in contact with family and how to support reunification when there is so much distance physically. It was the only thing I had been suprised by so far. I have worked with foster youth in the past but I have moved to a new town since then. The kids would never be home alone for more than an hour with our work. We wanted to make sure someone could always take them to school, pick them up, make food for them, and help with homework. Logistically things seems to work pretty well on paper.

Here's where my question comes in. What would you wish your foster parents would have know or done differently while you were in there care? To you personally what makes a good and/or positive foster home? I go to support groups for foster parents and try to ask questions when it feels appropriate to do so. While it is nice to listen and ask questions it makes the conversations feel one sided. I'd like to hear from former foster youth more than anyone. I do watch videos on tiktok and youtube from foster youth but it seems pretty limited to sharing the horrible experiances. Which is 100% valid! It's given me a long list of things to never do but I'm struggling to find examples of what foster youth would find helpful in a more meaningful why then just following basic morals and the law. I'd like us to do what we can to be the best we can be for these kids. I would also love to hear more ideas for things to get for their room and the home in general.

We have a foster child(8 years old) that been with us for a few weeks. The child has no family. We put the child to bed and they are sound asleep. In the middle of night, I trip over the child because they came in our bedroom and sleep on the floor at the foot of our bed. I pick up the kid and put them back in their bed. In the morning, the child is back at the front of the bed.

I feel bad for the child, but we have no room an air mattress or something for the child to sleep on. I am afraid that one night I will step on the child and hurt them. When we discuss this with the kid, they just say "ok".

With the child, I tried changing the type of sheets, the bed location, doing night lights, playing soothing music, and many other tricks that helps keeps a child asleep. I can not get any input from the child.

Any suggestion?

Genuinely curious on people's thoughts here. I don't really know what my opinion on the whole thing is myself.

But I have a couple foster kiddos currently one of whom we have had since 6 weeks of age. We are going on a year of having them soon here.

The case plan currently is reunification. The plan if reunification is not possible is to give the parents as long as they can to achieve reunification (so in my mind that'd be about two years) and then move the kids to kinship.

The reason that move would wait until then is due to the location of the potential kinship.

So genuinely, when considering a kiddos best interest, would it be better for the kiddo to move to kinship or stay in a home they've been in for two years and almost their whole life?

I know a lot of data supports that children who are with their biological families have better growth outcomes. So I'm curious on people's thoughts/experience/knowledge regarding on if it would still be best outcome for the move or not.

Obviously a lot of things are case by case and I know there are outliers. And I'm not asking because I want a specific answer. I really haven't developed much of an opinion on it myself and have been wondering about it.

I’ve been struggling for a long time in extended foster care due to the lack of support/resources. I’ve had a place to live, but social workers and the program life coaches I’ve been assigned have often been unhelpful/consistently triggering. It’s taken me multiple years to finally get a good therapist, a decent psychiatrist.

The situation I’m in now is I have 9 months left in this program, and I don’t really know what I’m going to do after. I have cptsd, agoraphobia, adhd, among other things. I tried to go to college but it made me almost unalive. I’m about to go back now, but 9 months isn’t enough time for a degree. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this. I’m signed up to go to a further extended program that lasts until 25, but to be honest, I’d give almost anything to not have to go. I’d rather be on my own. It’s also not guaranteed I’ll get accepted, and I’m scared.

Does anyone have any advice or resources? My biggest problem is the agoraphobia prevents me from being outside for extended periods of time and around a lot of people. I applied for disability twice, and was rejected. I don’t even know if it would’ve been the right route for me. If I could get a car, it would help me a lot with being outside. But I have nobody to teach me to drive, and I’m not sure how I’d afford maintaining it but I would be okay with working jobs with minimal human interactions like Instacart or DoorDash.

I really have no idea where else I can post this, very few people understand foster care issues and instead assume you’re just lazy.

So I recently found out about on Thursday that my foster parent gave her two weeks notice and wasn't told until then(two weeks later) she didn't know when they were going to take me they told her either in the two weeks or sometimes after November 9th(we had a cruise). My social worker told me that I could go with a friend who was foster certified but I couldn't go with her so he said I might have to go to SF(2-3 hours away from where I live) and I've expressed that I do NOT want that mind you I am 15 so you can do with that as you will. Now I have a friend that can take me in and her uncle is foster certified and they've been background checked recently but yet my social worker refuses to try and see things from my perspective. He keeps repeating himself and telling everyone BUT me information, he doesn't respond to my messages until hours later and when he doesn't it's useless nonsense. Uhm...yeah mind you if he would've told me when I got the two week notice(foster mom too) then I could've just gotten this done already. Sorry if this post makes no sense I'm just really mad and I need help because they want to just take me but I don't want anyone getting in trouble.

Hello. Me and my boyfriend are a gay couple in our thirties. We have discussed having kids together and will likely adopt children in the future. We have also discussed the possibility of fostering some kids before we adopt. We both come from less than ideal homes.

I would like to know if anyone has any experience doing something like this or input about this idea. I think our ideal outcome would be 1 placement at a time, and short-medium term. We could take care of a child while a their parents get back on their feet or a more permanent home is found with their family or something. We wouldn't get too attached and we wouldn't have to worry that the child is going to a bad home. Annother good outcome might be that we get a placement with a child that we connect with and for whatever reason they are unable to be taken by their family, so we adopt this child.

The scenarios I'm more worried about are where the child is taken from us and we suspect that the home they are put into is not a good one, or that we are unable to handle the needs or behavior of a child that is placed with us.

My outside perspective is that a lot of foster parents get attached to their foster children and go through heartbreak when they leave. I'm a bit concerned about this happening but understand that it is something to expect and prepare for. I'm also a bit concerned about the children. If we get a placement and things don't work out with us and the child, will we cause more harm than good if we have to ask for them to be taken back? What does that proccess look like? If things do work out with one of the children, and the parents are unable to take care of them, what does that proccess look like. Can we adopt the child, or is it more like perpetual shared custody?

Sorry, if this post is a bit disorganized.

A few months ago my sister passed away. Prior to her passing I drove an hour away to get her kids for the weekend. She was in a hospital closer to me. On that weekend she passed away. The kids never went home during that time emotions were high, and I didn't want to leave them without proper care. I took them in with nothing at the advice of a rep dcf abuse hotline rep. The rep stated she will open a case for dcf to assign the kids to me. Since then I received a call from someone in family support services stating they can help me with one month rent and I would have to petition the court for custody. I advise them I am a single mother of 1, and I cannot afford to take on all children with no assistance. They said assistance will be available to me. This is my first time dealing with DCF. Everything said was not true. I still do not have custody of the children, no financial assistance due to their mother not working enough for the children to receive SSI. The kids cannot attend school because I do not have custody of them, and I cannot get required shots for them. One of the children is diagnosed with adhd, and the other is show signs of schizophrenia. She is 12 and has spoken about wanting to k*ll people in grusume detail. She is constantly telling about seeing beings and intities that are not there. I cannot get get much needed meds or counseling for these children. I have called again, and I'm being told that I'm stuck with the kids that I do not have custody over, and I would be abandoning them if I cannot keep them. I live in a small two bedroom apartment with all 3 kids. I keep my daughter in my room with me because she is afraid of them. She doesn't understand their mental delays and they lash out at her. I am angry, I am greiving, and I cannot afford to keep these children with no support. There has to be something wrong with me keeping children that I cannot properly take care of. They can't just drop out of school. DCF is telling since there is no neglect, or abuse, they can't do anything. This doesn't make sense to me. Can anyone provide advice or input. I am at the end of my rope. My bills have dramatically increased, and I struggling with all of this.

The title says it all. We had our home study on 10/03. They said we just have to wait for the state to process that and we should receive our foster license "soon" just wondering how long the wait was for other families. We are in Utah, I don't know if that makes a difference.

Almost ten years ago I lived with this foster family for five months. They were my sole in-home/family placement, everything else was either a group home or an independent living placement. The single mom talked about the possibility of adopting me if I was I guess good enough—she specifically described it as “you date before you marry.”

While I was living with them I was going through a lot mentally. Like a lot, I was very paranoid and I was beginning to hear voices. Even though my foster mom was being paid like $600-$800 a month to care for me, she never brought me to the doctor. All three of her kids (two biological, one adopted at 16 the year before she took me in, was 17 when I moved in) were in therapy, but she never booked me an appointment with a therapist, even though she had the power to do so—in my area she didn’t need permission from my social worker or anything. She ultimately ended up asking me to leave her home. She didn’t even tell me herself—she called my social worker’s supervisor, who called my social worker, who called my youth care worker, who told me on Monday that I had to be out by Friday. I don’t even remember what I did, if I did anything. I know I was very suspicious of them, but I don’t think I hit anyone or anything.

I was moved to a group home. In the group home I waited every single day for my foster mother to come get me. I believed she had just made a mistake by deciding I had to leave—in fact, a couple of days before she told my worker that I had to leave she had told me I wouldn’t be asked to go, and she’d said many times she would keep me until I was ready to be independent. I didn’t believe her promises could be lies, and I’d had so many good times with her, like when she taught me crafts. I loved her. In my head I called her my mom.

I’ve lurked her social media for years. I finally got brave the other day and reached out via message. I sent an apology for how I acted, and thanked her for taking such good care of me. She said she didn’t hold anything against me because I was a child and I was not well. We planned to have a phone call when I got home, but when I asked her for her number so I could call her, she read my message and didn’t reply. I’ve seen she’s been online since many times but she hasn’t responded. My sister says she’s giving me the brush off and that as soon as it became real, an actual phone call, she didn’t want to talk any more. She said “if she wanted to, she would.”

I feel so conflicted. My foster mom had TEN YEARS to reach out and never once did, although she says she’s thought of me often. The thing that makes me sickest is that she went on to adopt another boy after she got rid of me, a couple of years ago. She’s halfway across the country visiting him now, she says. She says he’s a great kid. I could be a great kid. It’s not like I was unfixable. As soon as I saw a doctor they were able to give me medicine that took my voices away and helped me not be so suspicious and scared.

Even if I couldn’t be in her home, couldn’t she have reached out to me? If I needed to stay in the hospital for a bit, she could have visited and continued parenting me even if we couldn’t live together for a little while. In my province once you’re sixteen it’s basically a free for all, you’re in independent living and are considered an emancipated minor whether you want to be or not, so it’s not like there were rules stopping her from reaching out.

I wanted her to apologize for leaving me, and to tell me that some part of her regretted giving me up. I wanted her to say she’s still my mom. She’s the only mother figure I ever had. I know it was only five months, but it was the biggest five months of my life, because it was the first and only time someone cared for me. I wanted her to love me and to come visit me in my new province. It’s been ten years but I feel like there are parts of me that never left our house, that are still with her.

I want a family so badly. I asked a woman who worked at my school to adopt me but she wasn’t interested. I even made a slideshow of reasons I’d be a good daughter, but it didn’t work. I asked a friend of mine, an adoption advocate I know, if she’d be willing to adult adoption me, but she has six adopted kids and says she can’t be what I want or be more than a friend to me. I have an apartment of my own and a life of my own, I don’t want to live with them, I just want family to call my own.

US-based Can’t find a lot of info online for SIL host home requirements

I've seen a few comments online saying foster parents can get the subsidy if they adopt and social security benefits if the child's biological parents dies. I would like to understand how and why. If TPR and adoption means the biological parents are no longer legally the parent, how will the child get survivors benefits? So often, we hear giving birth doesn't make a mother and trashing biological parents, or DNA doesn't matter. Yet, if a biological parent dies suddenly DNA matters and the whole biological connection should be in place when any other time people don't care. What gives?

And I don't like the idea that foster parents will get two checks for the child. Especially social security. It's bad enough most see us as monetary items that they don't get paid enough to take us in. Foster youth can't even get our social security benefits.

Everyone who speaks about improving the foster care system seems to be missing the big reason why the foster care system is very hated, and that's because the youth are essentially incapable of leaving the foster care system. If you were to attempt to leave, two of these scenarios WILL end up happening to you.

• You will be looked for by LE and eventually caught, you will end up in handcuffs and if you resist, you're easily going to jail.

• If you manage to evade LE, You will live as a fugitive, and this isn't like, being a fugitive because you robbed or beat somebody, you are a non violent fugitive, doesn't matter much, as you will not be able to receive benefits, get real, steady employment, nor get education.

This criticism can obviously be extended to other systems that aren't necessarily associated with the foster care system, and whilst there's thousands of agencies around the United States, all of them can pretty much be criticized on this single point, that they all violate the individual's fundemental right to freedom of association/disassociation, freedom of exchange of labor/goods, and bodily autonomy. For as long as the foster care system operates like this, it'll continue to be hated and not supported, and given the current climate, it's not out of the question for the foster care system in the future to purposefully ignore those who leave them voluntarily, given the limited resources.