Hello! I know there are various posts already about dealing with toddler sleep regression but hoping anyone might have advice on our specific situation. Cross posting on a few subreddits. Thank you so much in advance! Here are the details for what we’re dealing with:

Context

• Almost 2 year old toddler still in crib who was sleep trained using CIO/extinction at 5 months old
• Since then, has been a great sleeper from 7pm-7am with a 1-1.5 nap at daycare. While she would sometimes wake in the night, was always able to self soothe and put herself back to sleep.
• A few weeks ago, started experiencing regression which I suspect due to an illness and wanting extra comfort in combo with grandparents visiting for 2 weeks who live out of the country so she isn’t familiar with them. Started to want to sleep with us which we allowed at first because she was really sick (and I wanted to monitor her breathing too).

Current situation

• Going to bed isn’t too bad now but ONLY if one of us sits next to her crib while she falls asleep. Luckily she’ll fall asleep pretty quickly, within 5-10 mins max
• Main issue is MOTN wakings. She will wake up anytime between 9pm-2am SCREAMING bloody murder. At first we tried doing timed check-ins (made her angrier), CIO again (she will literally not stop for 2+ hours), night light, leaving the door open. We also moved her bedtime to 8pm.
• Since none of this worked, our strategy has been that if it’s before we’ve gone to bed ourselves then one of us will sit next to her crib until she falls asleep. She will still usually scream again a couple hours later and we’ll just bring her into bed with us for the rest of the night. If we’ve already gotten into bed ourselves, then we’ll just immediately bring her into bed so we can just all sleep.
• This strategy seemed to be working for us at least for now in the hopes it’s just a developmental phase but LAST NIGHT was true hell as she woke up at 10pm and we decided to bring her into our bed and she would not stop crying unless one of us was continuing to pat her back. I don’t mean just for a few mins, I’m talking nonstop for over an hour. Literally went on like this until 2am!!!

Send help!!! My husband wants to do CIO again even if it means letting her cry for hours. Based on what I’ve been reading, it doesn’t seem like CIO is the right approach for toddlers and this developmental age. We honestly don’t mind bringing her into our bed for the second half of the night but it’s the need to be continuously patted. Considering hiring a sleep consultant at this point but thought I’d post here in case anyone has experienced something similar and has some advice. Very desperate at the moment, willing to try anything!

Signed, A very depleted mama

So my husband is going to a work conference for a week to San Diego, we live in TN and have neither been to California. His job would allow me to go but it’s a matter of leaving our kids. Our kiddos are 2 and 7 months old, my parents have offered to watch them while I also tag along. While I should be so happy, why do I feel so guilty about possibly leaving them?

(Anonymous account for obvious reasons)

Sometimes when my 4-year-old gets on the couch or in the bed, he'll wiggle around and push his feet on you and doesn't really listen when you ask him to stop. If it's bothering me (female), I'll either move or tell him to get up if he keeps doing it. However, my partner (male) has started this thing where he'll tickle our son and ask him to get his feet off of him. Our son will laugh, but eventually asks my partner to stop. My partner will respond, "I'm not going to stop tickling you if you keep putting your feet on me." The last two times, this has ended in my son crying because my partner keeps tickling him after he's asked him to stop. 

At a basic level, I find this approach quite ineffective and counter-productive. I don't agree with stooping to a child's level. I feel like we should model the desired behavior and always remain the adult in the situation. Also, I feel like the tickling only creates chaos and sends mixed messages. At first it feels like a game to my son, until it doesn't, at which point he's of course going to kick and wiggle more to get free. 

But for me, the FULL STOP is the message I feel it sends about consent, which is that "no doesn't mean no" whether it involves him respecting someone else or demanding respected, himself. And I feel this could potentially be a dangerous thing to inadvertently instill upon our child. 

I assumed that my partner's objective was to make my son understand that he needs to stop when someone asks him to, but I wanted to get a better understanding, so I asked. He said he was doing it to kind of role play with him and demonstrate the consequences that could occur if he continues to touch other kids that have asked him to stop. He explained, having the lived experience of being a boy, he felt this was an important lesson in socialization to teach him, particularly being that he's an only child and wouldn't learn it from a sibling. 

I'm on board with the overall  idea of teaching him to respect consent, but not the method. I suggested time-out or that my partner simply remove himself from the situation. I feel those are both effective consequences. I also suggested having a direct conversation with our son about the importance of respecting others' personal space and bodies, which I feel is totally doable as he understands the concept of respect. Overall, I explained that I'm completely against this tickling method. I don't feel that it's an age appropriate expectation that our 4-year-old will be able to read between the lines of this confusing and contradictory experience to glean the specific lesson my partner is trying to instill. 

My partner, while claiming that consent is just as important to him, accused me of not trusting his parenting and basically shot down everything I said under the premiss that he knows best in this situation as a man. He refused to stop the tickling, saying that he also mixes in the other things I suggested, so he's only doing doing the tickling. And he insisted that demonstrating this "consequence" is in this way is the only way he can teach this social lesson. 

I'd like to know other's opinions about his approach. 

Hello,

I (m) am supplying most of our income and Work full-time ever since our child was born (i unfortunately got 1 month parental leave only). My wife got a new job past november and started working full-time in January 24.

Currently, on weekdays, i bring our child to child care round 8/9 am. Our toddler stays there until 2/3 pm until his grandma picks it up. My wife/ I get our child from granny between 5 pm/ 7:30 pm - this happens when my wife does some sport in the evening. I usually work until 7/8 pm as i need for the job.

So during week, WE only have some hours together and try to compensate IT in weekends. What do you think? Is it bad for our child? Should we reconsider our working schedule (there is financial room for US to reduce Work, however, career will Suffer)?

Hi there! Future mom-to-be and I'm looking to register for glass bottles for my baby. She'll be in daycare, so I'm looking for bottles that could be labeled with bottle labels (someone gave me a pack of the Name Bubbles bottle labels) and also are glass and easy to clean. Any recs? I heard the Avent Bottles and BIBS are good, but open to any suggestions. Thank you!

So about three years ago I met my girlfriend who is a divorced mom of two (7yo F&10yo M) we have been living together for about two years. At first everything was smooth sailing but in the past few months the 10 yo boy has started to express some behavioral issues daily, such as compulsive lying, emotional manipulation, cheating, materialism and hatred towards others.

He will lie about pointless stuff such as “I got into a fight today at school” but when we call the school they say that this never happened. He constantly cheats, for example if he’s doing extra school work at home he will sneak the answers and cheat even though we have cameras in the house, he would deny that it is him in the video.

He constantly tries to manipulate others with his emotions, he would tell his mom that he doesn’t want to live anymore if we tell him that he needs to do his chores, he tells us that he wants to live with his dad every time he has to study or do any work (at his dads house he is allowed to do whatever he wants without consequences) his sister also tells us that he punches and kicks her when they are away at their dads (she comes back with bruises)

Even when we have fun, such as playing board games he tries to cheat to get ahead (this is such a little thing but when we confront him about it he throws a fit and starts crying) he is also very materialistic, he refuses to wear any shoes that cost less then $250 or any clothes that isn’t a brand name (his dad buys him all the brand stuff) he also makes fun of others at school that wear regular clothing that isn’t branded.

He has been banned from multiple online games for cyber bullying (using explicit and racial slurs such as n-word etc) and the worst part is that around us he’s such a great and well behaved kid but as soon as you turn your back on him, he becomes a completely different kid. He’s also a straight A student and way ahead his grade level. We are kinda lost on how to handle this

And something worth mentioning he isn’t allowed to watch YouTube or play online games at our house, and he tells us that at his dads house he watches scary and violent movies, plays online games using his dads credit card and watches “gangster stuff” on YouTube … he’s asked us to get him gold teeth grills for his birthday …. His dad is a successful restaurant owner that keeps throwing money at him

Alright so we’ve been dealing with an “unknown” illness for a week, started with last Monday school called immediately with “she has a stomach ache”. So I went and got her, she puked twice in the car.

I assumed it was a virus, but she had no fever, and felt way better after puking.

Next day no puking, went to school.

Wednesday: wakes up says her tummy hurts immediately pukes and pukes 3x goes back to bed and wakes up normal (eating / drinking normal etc) I had a teledoc appointment though as her PCP couldn’t see her til MONDAY they said it was a virus and to give her promethazine for nausea and vomiting. Also had me touch her belly to check certain things etc. again- never any fever, or not eating or drinking, she was acting normal other than the mornings.

Thursday: super happy normal self went to school had a great day.

Friday: puking at 6 am, stomach hurts, goes back to bed, wakes up fine.

Finally yesterday we see her PCP, they ordered an x ray suspecting constipation after the doctor felt her belly. Well we go to get the x ray done, and THAT doctors write up said “Stool is seen to extend to the proximal descending colon, not a significant stool burden.” which made me think she’s not constipated, but then her PCP called and said to do a miralax clean out, and that the write up with the x ray didn’t make sense with what she was feeling physically on my daughters stomach..?

So now we’re home and doing this clean out, and I’m looking for anyone else’s experience with it, does it work? Has anyone else’s child been so constipated they’re vomiting? (I know I have!) however it’s just so odd she’s vomiting every morning at the same time almost, then she’s totally fine.

Just need advice and support right now ❤️💕🥺

Hi all.

My 5 month (25 week) EBF baby girl has been looking at her hands from time to time. She looks at either hand and sort of twirls her fingers slowly. She's been doing this for about 2 to 3 weeks and I wanted to know if this is something to be concerned about?

She does the hand thing randomly when she isn't engaged but sometimes it also takes her attention. However when she is doing it we can snap her out of it by calling her or giving her something to hold.

She smiles, laughs, maintains eye contact, rolls, and is developing pretty typically otherwise. She hasn't babbled yet but does make sounds. She plays well and sleeps as per schedule too.

Anyone has any experience with this?

I'm not interested in the nuance of whether my kid is reading the situation correctly or the teacher is just holding her to a high standard. For the sake of argument lets ASSUME the teacher really doesn't like her, but it's isn't a particularly aggressive dislike. My kid has the teacher for two periods a day and there are only four weeks left in the year. She says she'd rather just deal with it than make it a big deal.

WHICH OF THESE TWO CHOICES DO I TAKE?

Option A - She's 14 and should learn that to navigate people who don't like her. We show love, support and willingness to commit as far as she chooses, but ultimately if she'd rather avoid the situation, that is her choice.

Option B - She's not old enough to understand the manipulations of a bully with adult (and educational) authority. We should step in and show her how this kind of thing is handled.

Obviously if she were elementary school age or if things escalate beyond petty passive aggressiveness, then the situation would change. But things as they are, what do you think? Especially considering that whatever option we choose, it will be SHE who will spend two hours a day with the teacher.

My (26M) fiance (22F) and I have two kids aged 19 months and 3 months.

She was battling PPD with kid #2, as she did with kid #1. We saw it coming this time and got her on some mental health meds. She refuses to go to therapy, and insists on being a SAHM. She can’t mentally deal with being a SAHM. She calls me crying, begging me to come home from work. My boss was incredibly accommodating but eventually I was let go due to this.

Now, we are in financial ruin. I don’t mean alittle bit, I mean we blew through our savings and racked up a credit card bill that’s in only my name. My credit is tanked and we are dirt broke.

I had an interview today, and it went well. I was on the phone with my fiance on my way home and our 3 month old woke up from a nap. I don’t know why, but she refuses to stand and bounce the kids, she rarely moves from the corner of the sectional. So our 3 month old continued to cry because she sat down with them instead. She started crying asking how she is going to manage this alone. Might I add our 19 month old is in daycare. I have been trying to get her to get a job even before our kids were born. She refuses.

Since I’ve been home I take care of both of our children (19 month old was pulled from daycare when I was let go but I sent him today) baths, playtime, feeding, bedtime, literally everything including house chores. On top of that, I also take care of my fiance.

I don’t know what to do, I’m not living like this. I’ve tried talking with her, and I get false promises. I try to tell her that having a job isn’t a bad thing, and she’d probably enjoy meeting new people and getting out of this house. But no matter what I say, she won’t budge.

I love her with all of my heart, but we can’t take another financial hit or we will be living with my parents in their basement.

How can I better communicate the solutions to her problem? How can I get her into therapy? I feel like a single dad with three kids, and that’s not the life we planned, and it’s not the life any of us deserve. I want to help her get better. I just don’t know how.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Am I the only one here lol? My daughter has always been a girly girl. She will sneak my small purses and take them to school tried to sneak my Stanley once. I’m like okay well here, not thinking she’d know the difference we got her one similar. She said now they pick on her at school saying she has a “Steven” not a “Stanley”. Like oh my god I remember these days but in KINDERGARTEN😭!!??

I'll start by saying this is my first kid, And I know I'll deal with the judgment everywhere I go from everyone. I've already been told that I do too much because I was at her every beck and call when she was 7 months But now she's 18 months and we went for her check up the other day. She's been walking for about a month so I let her play in the waiting area with the other kids while I was filling out paper work. Then she shouted. She was just making noises, and wasn't upset, she was actually happy. We always just laugh when she makes noises because it's cute, and all the other kids were playing so I didn't expect moms and kids alike to turn and look at me like I was supposed to stop her from making noises? At this point she was definitely the youngest kid in the waiting area, but she wasn't doing anything wrong and I definitely felt the judgment. Am I missing something? Am I literally going to be judged for her being alive and acting like a kid at this age? I got on to her when she would go for something that wasn't hers or when she was trying to play with something that someone else was playing with. Idk, am I missing something here? She's still a baby She's under 2 She's going to make noises

EDIT thank you all for the kind words I definitely over thought the incident. I also realized that my baby is very tall for her age and if the looks were judgmental, it was probably because they assumed she was older Also the Dr. Office was not quiet. There were a lot of kids talking, and what my daughter did was the only form of talking she has. Yes it was an elevated sound, and "shout" was not the right word I didn't mean to offend, y'all are quick with that downvote

We live in a small city, with two kids (2.5 years and 3 months). We have a secure life with everything we need - a nice house, lots of cousins and grandparents that our kids love, decent jobs, nice community etc.

My partner applied for a job in their home country- in a city they lived in for years, their favourite city, with lots of friends still there. However their family are fragmented and mostly have left that country and their mother lives about 4 hours away. It was a dream job and a huge salary upgrade and career opportunity. We never thought it was possible, but then they got offered the job! At the same time a friend leaving that city offered their house for us to rent. So it seemed like an unbelievable and lucky opportunity.

So, we have decided to give it a go for 2 years - with the plan to rent out our home and come home when our eldest would start school. We are seeing it as a combination of an amazing career opportunity alongside a chance to have family adventure before they start school. They will importantly develop a deeper connection with my partner’s country and its culture etc. and it is only a 1 hour flight away (the benefits of living and moving in Europe!)

Neither of us can see it as a long term plan - we already have a great life here that we aren’t prepared to sacrifice, and we want the kids to grow up with lots of family connections nearby. That isn’t possible in the place we move to.

So - a 2 year adventure in a great city with the chance to come home…but we are both so worried! Particularly because our toddler absolutely loves his grandparents and cousins an incredible amount (& generally is just so happy with his everyday life).

Any advice from people who have done similar things?

For parents who have multiple children, and where there is 2 or more years between them (because 2 under 2 is a whooole other ballgame): Is it easier having two kids than one?

I’m thinking after the first year or so, when sleep is hopefully on the table again, and after two years when they can hopefully play a little together. I have a soon to be 3yo (in full on threenager mode!) and expecting another baby in October.

Both girls and will be approx 3 years between them. My oldest LOVES playing with other children and is so excited to become a big sister. She is very strong willed and haven’t had good naps during the day in forever, and she is a haaandfull. She was also a next level kind of baby, so I feel like we are pretty prepared for what a baby nr 2 will bring.

Some people say that being a parent of two is easier when they are a bit older and can play together, do you find this to be true? We do spend a lot of time entertaining her since we don’t have a lot of kids around us outside of daycare center, and she is a high energy, kind of demanding kid (love her to bits!). If this is completely deranged thinking, please let me know, I need to prepare mentally for this as much as I can!

Hi,

My 13 month old daughter had her first seizure on April 10 and second one yesterday midnight. Both times she had 104 temperature. We took her to ER and the doctors keep on saying it is normal.

I’m not second guessing medical professionals here but hoping any other parents who have gone through something similar can share their experience.

This has been such a daunting experience and have no idea what more can I do.

Please help.

Kissed my toddler on the cheek this morning and realized I had cold sores a couple hours later. Will he get it? I mean I know he will get it eventually but I just dont want him to get an outbreak this young.

Please give me honest feedback and be kind. It’s about my only baby boy who is 5 months and 1 week old. I love him so much and I fought hard for him struggling with 4 years of infertility and I did IVF. If he is going to ever receive an autism diagnosis (I know that it’s above 18-24 months when they give diagnosis) - I will love him and fight to have as best life as possible…but I’ll probably also grieve some of my dreams from where I started the process of becoming a parent (for me it was a process since I had infertility).

Here I go:

Today it was an incident - I put baby on a swinging chair with a net above it for insects. Baby was very fussy before that and he cheered up in the chair quickly - he loves that net. He was playing with his legs on it and looked up at the chair’s canopy as the light came through it. At one point he started stiffening his legs, rotating wrists and rotating ankles and also making this sound “Ddddd”…he did all 3 of these at once - he reapeated this multiple times untill I took him out of the chair - he would have continued. He does this thing with all 3 happening at once occasionally. But he’ll rotate wrists and ankles all the time. Also, making that “Dddd” sound and some kind of blowing raspberries with his mouth a lot (but seems like stimming, not just occasionally blowing raspberries) He has a lot of repetitive gestures and sounds…

And these are a few more things that make me think “hmmm”:

• He is very cranky and angry baby - he gets frustrated very easily - gets bored very easily - constantly have to entertain him. He bit my nipples because he was angry milk didn’t come out. I didn’t even think a baby could be so angry.
• He doesn’t like to even spend time with his dad…only me at home. His dad doesn’t even feel that connected to him.
• He can’t look into our eyes when up close - he’ll avoid eye contact.
• When he coos - he seems to be in his own world a lot, but sometimes will coo at me.
• He can’t look in the mirror anymore, even though he did that at 2-3 months and used to smile at his reflection
• Used to say “ma” 2 weeks ago…doesn’t say it anymore. He also doesn’t seem to coo with much vocals, more like humming.
• Very refluxy, very poor sleeper
• Looks at his hands constantly from multiple angles and seems to repeat the same movements. Looks at toys from multiple angles.
• Scratches surfaces.
• Hates being changed of clothes.

On the other hand:

• He still smiles at us and other people when in the mood. Loves me singing
• Smiles when playing peek-a-boo
• Laughs sometimes
• Will look at me across the room and cry for attention
• Doesn’t want to be left alone.
• I noticed that when I come back in the room he seems to be smiling, but not always.
• Will study strangers faces, and will make eye contact when in the mood
• Studies the environment and objects.
• Rolls from back to tummy (but gets frustrated because he doesn’t know how to turn back)

I know I am crazy, appreciate any feedback.

Teachers just told us yesterday that our son hasn't been participating in class activities. He isn't disruptive, he's just sitting out and refusing to do crafts or writing or singing or...anything. He'll play outside and do coloring, but if something doesn't interest him, nothing the teachers have tried will get him to do it.

His dad and I have talked to him, but we can't figure out the cause. We're at loss. He's starting Kindergarten next year and he can't refuse to do the work or he'll fail school. He's a bright kid, but he's one of the youngest too.

Anyone else have this issue?

My daughter is 9 and has taken to lying, about anything and everything. Big stuff. Little stuff. It doesn’t matter. She’ll lie about it and deny it even when caught red handed. Lately she’s been lying about being sick and staying home from school.

This is incredibly difficult for me to mitigate because as a child I was ill, a lot. There seemed to be no reason or cause and everyone told my mom I was faking it or it was a mental health issue. It wasn’t. Many years later I finally got diagnosed with fibromyalgia (which in turn did cause depression because I was in pain all the time and couldn’t do the things my friends did). No one believed me except my mom. Not one soul. So when my kid says she’s sick, even though I don’t believe her I have a hard time telling her I don’t believe her.

This leads us to today. I have been very sick the last two days with a head and chest cold. This morning my daughter said she was sick. She had a big test today and I genuinely didn’t believe her. But she was congested and coughing so I let her stay home. She has her soccer finals tonight and I told her if she missed school she had to miss her game. At 10:00 I gave her another chance and told her I’d take her to school right now and she could play in her soccer game tonight. Nope I’m sick. Okay fine. Well with an hour and a half left of school I guess she realized I was serious and she’s not playing soccer. She admitted she was lying and wanted to go to school so she could play soccer. I told her it was too late. She made a choice and these are the consequences of her actions. Obviously she’s livid, screaming and telling me she hates me because I don’t love her. She came in my room and took back some gifts she had made me. She tried to guilt me and said she didn’t lie to get out of the test it was to spend time with me because I don’t love her enough anymore. She has put on her soccer uniform and insisted she’s walking to the field if I won’t take her. I’m standing firm. She’s not going to soccer.

However I feel AWFUL about it. She is the only person who has played goalie all season. There is no one else. So someone who hasn’t had practice at it all season is going to have to play goalie. Her team is going to suffer and I hate that. But this lying has to stop. It has to. I’m not going to continue this with her anymore.

Also yes, she is in therapy. Her therapist can not see her until Friday, which is her regularly scheduled appointment. There aren’t a lot of people here who see children and take our insurance so I don’t have any other option.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here. I’m failing this kid. I’m trying my hardest. This isn’t our only issue, she has a lot of them. Hence the therapy. I’m doing what the therapist has suggested. I’m reading a book she gave me and trying to implement the things I’m learning. But it feels too little too late.

A recent post on this sub got me thinking about this. Parenting is so challenging and we all make mistakes. None of us are perfect and we all question ourselves at times.

With that said, we have also all have had successes as parents. We've had times when we made the right choice or when we solved a problem in a way that we look at and think "yeah, I nailed that!". Some of us have overcome our own upbringings and become better than what was modeled to us by our own parents. Or maybe your kids are getting older and you can see how your parenting choices had a positive outcome, etc. etc..

What have you done as a parent that you feel awesome about?

I will start. It's a bit of a long story.

I'm proud that I put my (now 18 y.o.) son's best interests first and demonstrated to him how important he is to me. When my son was six I started dating someone who later became my son's step-dad. As the years went on, step-dad started becoming harder and harder on my son. Poor kid was recieving constant negative comments and criticism. I tried to work it out with step-dad, but he just would not adjust. My son was constantly being told how worthless he was, in spite of being a kid who is smart, loving, kind and respectful; a kid who made good choices, who worked hard in school.

My son has also gone through immense hardship for reasons that are nobody's fault. When he was 8, I was diagnosed with cancer, by the time he was 11, the cancer had spread to my other organs. For the uninitiated, that means that I have terminal cancer and will 100% die of this disease (unless I get hit by a bus first or something). So while all this stuff was going on with the step-dad, my poor kid was also coping with the reality that his mom is going to die. That's not something any child deserves to live with, but that's his lot in life.

I saw the light starting to dim in my son. He felt so unwelcome in his own home that he was often relegated to his room - not that he wasn't allowed out, but once he entered the common spaces, the criticisms, the nagging and the nit-picking, would begin immediately. Poor kid could do no right.

As soon as I realized I could not get step-dad to see the light I thought FUCK THIS! I am never going to allow someone to hurt my son's spirit! -- I went and talked to my son in his room and I said (probably not exactly, word for word, but this is close) this: "you are my number one. I love you more than anyone in this entire world and I will do anything and everything I have to for you to be ok. What [step-dad] is doing to you is unacceptable and we are going to leave him because it is not ok to stay with people who abuse you". After that, I reminded him every day: "you are my number one".

It probably goes without saying that step-dad was also abusive towards me..not physically, but emotionally, verbally, and most of all, financially. A couple years prior, I had tried to leave him, and he became so scary and made it so extremely hard that I backed down. It's crazy, but I think that's how it goes sometimes when you try to leave an abusive person - they find ways to scare you into staying and it's almost like they convince you you need their permission to leave.

By the time this all happened, he (step-dad, my ex) had full control of my finances. This time, when I told him I wanted to leave him, he just laughed in my face and asked me how I was going to accomplish that with no money. He began to make all kinds of horrible threats about what would happen if I left him. He tried to make me believe I wouldnt he able to make it on my own, but I knew he was wrong about that- I put myself through university and finished grad school as a single mother - I already knew that I am an extremely capable and resourceful woman, and he couldn't succeed in making me believe otherwise. I had income of my own, but he had control over it. Leaving was not going to be easy, so here is how I did it:

Every day, I mean EVERY DAY I would go to my son's room and remind him and repeated those words to him: "you are my number one, you are the person I love the most in this world". I told my son we were going to leave, but that we had to keep it a secret. For about two months, we worked together, in secret, towards getting out of there. I borrowed some money from my mom and rented a storage unit. We started to squirrel away everything we could that would go unnoticed, starting with our most valued possessions. Every penny I got that wasn't just my regular income (like GST rebate), I put away. I turned to my family who were lying in wait for the moment I was ready to pull the trigger.

I contacted a local charitable family services organization and told them of my situation. They referred me to a transition house in my city and I contacted them every day to see if they had a space for us. In this particular case, the rule was that when a space came available, you had 24 hours to take advantage of it or it would go to someone else. There is a high demand for this service. So the day they had a space for me I waited for my now-EX to leave for work, and called in the troops. My mom, my sister, and my sisters husband showed up at my house and we cleared out everything that was mine. For shared items, I did my very best to be fair in what I took and what I left behind, and I left him with everything that was his before we entered into the relationship. I really tried to be fair - I wasnt trying to get revenge on him, I was just trying to protect my son and myself. My sister took my dog until I could sort out my housing situation, my mom and step-dad took my cat (and kitty still lives with them - he was just so happy with there and they were so happy with him-it was true love).

I changed my phone number, sent a register letter to the landlord giving my notice to leave. When I finally got a paycheque that I didn't have to turn over to EX, I paid my last month's rent and added what remained to the nest-egg. I sold my engagement ring (in most cases, I believe in returning the ring, but in this case...FUCK HIM) - I got over $5000 for it and that gave us instant security, the ability to pay rent and security deposit on a new place, and to aquire any items we needed.

My son and I lived in the transition house for six weeks, two weeks longer than they usually allow. I found a rental- an awesome ground-level basement suite with a huge, enclosed yard...and I could actually afford it (it is extremely hard to find any housing at all where I live, let alone something affordable AND something that allows dogs). I felt like I won the lottery there. It was because I had found housing, but the move-in date wasn't right away, that they allowed me to stay at the transition house for an extra two weeks.

Living in that transition house was quite the experience. I met quite a few different women, all of us going through leaving some sort of abusive or dangerous situaition. I connected a lot with some of those ladies. It felt strange at times, being an educated, high functioning adult, to be in the situation I was. It just didn't feel in line with the perception I had of myself, to be living in a women's shelter, but it goes to show that abuse can happen to anyone. But WOW, They were so good to us and supported us so much - I'll never forget their kindness and generosity.

As soon as we left, my son's light came back on. His grades, which were always decent, got even better. I could see how all the anxiety and stress just vanished and he was able to just be a kid again.

My kiddo is 18 now, almost finished grade 12, and simultaneously completing his first year of post-secondary in the form of a carpentry apprenticeship program (it's an amazing program that's offered to grade 12 kids who want to get into the trades - they graduate and are already well on their way to their chosen career). He has a flourishing social life with a group of lovely buddies he hangs out with. He and I are super close Every day I get hugs and we say "I love you" and we mean it.

I'm still sick, my son was 8 when I was diagnosed with cancer, and he is 18 now. 10 years he has lived with this. 7 years he has known his mom will die. I have outlived my prognosis over and over (I was given one to two years to live). I wish I could change this aspect of our lives, but these are the cards we were dealt.

All of this to say that I'm proud that I did right by my son. I protected him when he needed it and showed up for him. I modeled not letting people abuse you. I showed him how to be resourceful and solution oriented in situations where one might feel trapped.

How about you?

Talk to me about kids sharing a room

We live in an extremely high cost of living city. Currently in a two bed two bath townhouse which is perfect for our family of three. We want a second but I am hesitant because it’s just not in the cards for us to move to a bigger place. We like our location, it’s so family friendly in this big bustling city, we have a decent deal on rent, and we have a lot of friends in our neighborhood. We simply can’t afford to rent a bigger place in our same neighborhood and would have to move to the suburbs or a less desirable neighborhood in the city.

This is giving me so much anxiety!

People of multiple kids in townhomes, talk me down. Or I dunno, be realistic with me.

Baby would be in our room say for the first 8-9 months but then what? Would it be reasonable for a 1 year old and possibly at that point 4 year old to share a room?

I hate hate hate that the size of our home has to dictate our reproductive choice to make a SECOND kid, it’s not like we’re trying to have 10 kids.

My 11yo son told me lastnight that he is bisexual and in a relationship with a boy. His dad died 6yrs ago and he doesn’t have a father figure other than his grandpa. The boy he’s “dating” gets in trouble a lot. I did some research on his parents and they’ve both been in quite a bit of trouble and their social media includes a lot of curse words/derogatory things. I’m very conflicted, because I do want to accept him for who he is, no matter what. However, I don’t believe he’s making the correct choice right now.

DISCLAIMER: My initial response to him telling me: Him: mom I’m bisexual and I have a boyfriend his name is ___. Me: ok! Him: You’re not mad? Me: No, hugged him and said I’ll love him no matter what. He left the conversation empowered, supported and encouraged.

My sister is a Kindergarten teacher. She’s been teaching for almost 15 years but does not have kids of her own. My oldest son is in Kindergarten this year (not her school) and pretty much ever since he started, she has hit me with some really odd remarks.

Pretty much throughout the day, she sends me Tiktoks of kids with really harsh opinions. “I don’t find this cute or funny” when it’s a kid just being a kid. Being goofy or rambunctious. Then she will go on tangents about how bad and awful kids are these days.

My own son is autistic. He has had some issues adjusting to school and I thought she’d be someone to give me wisdom and grace about it but instead all she has done is told me it’s because I don’t spank him. At least once a week she is complaining to me about the kids in her class being disruptive and “bad” and she says “it’s because of all this gentle parenting bullshit. All these kids are spoiled brats.” She has some kind of weird personal issue with one child who she has nicknamed “Melty” because he has emotional meltdowns every day. She has said “he’d stop that shit if his parents would take a belt to him.”

As a mom of a special needs kid, I’ve told her before that I find this all very disturbing and that she needs to quit if she hates it so much. But she just kind of snubs me off about it. Insinuates I don’t know what it’s like to be in her shoes and be a teacher these days and she is just venting to me, and that deep down she cares about her students.

I just don’t know if that’s true or not. And I feel like there is some sort of ethical dilemma brewing where I think her admin deserve to know she apparently believes her students should be beaten by their parents. But then again I’m not trying to ruin my sister’s entire life, you know?

Wwyd?

This morning, when I went in to my son's (16mo) room to get him when he woke up, he clapped for me. I've only once been applauded for doing my job when working outside the home (it was for cooking the rice without sticking it to the pan, the dishwasher applauded because it made his job easier) and here's my lil boy just cheering me on. Love it.

Hey!

So my little one loves to "stand" when I take her up in my arms she likes to stand a little but I don't let her do that for long, likely a few seconds because I am afraid that will damage anything. I hold her around her chest and she can hold her neck pretty well even my midwife was impressed when we laid my (then) 2 month old on the belly, because she hold her neck up the whole time and looked around.

She is very active and gets upset fast when she can't move around like she wants to.

And sitting is another point, we lay down and put her against our legs so the head can rest on our knees, but we also don't to that for to long.

I have a 2 year old. We are renting, and by chance we found an apartment in a walkable area and all our neighbours have kids the same age. After daycare, we sit on our stoop while 4-5 kids play with bubbles or chalk. We have no backyard, and we wish we did! We are the only renters, everyone else owns.

We are hunting for a house to buy right now. It would be great to have a yard and some more space since our families are not local but come visit often. But, we feel very lucky to have a small community of little kids with whom my son can play with right outside our house.

My question is - what are the main "kid centred" things you are happy with / not happy with in your current home?

ps, if this is not the right group for this post, please let me know! Thanks!

So as title really.. Daughter left bag at friends house. Friends parents delivered bag back to me whilst daughter was out.. The bag was a tote bag, as bag was handed over I could see a pack of cigarettes.. I knew she smoked in the past, but she also knows I am very against smoking.. lost too many family members to the effects of smoking and will not tolerate cigarettes in my house.. I took the cigarettes straight out of the bag and have confiscated these.. upon removing these I could also see a box for a vape, 20mg of nicotine, large disposable type. Again, I know she vapes, she knows I’m against this too and will not allow it in my house.. We’ve talked about this before and I’ve said I’m more tolerant towards lower nicotine doses, but again, not in my house. With this being such a high nicotine content, I’m very against it regardless of where she is. But am I wrong to confiscate them?

She’s 17, under the age to legally do either.. No amount of talking to her makes a difference.

Surely as a parent I have the right to restrict her access to these things as much as possible? She seems to think not, but who is right?

My STBX husband and I are living separately and going through a divorce. We have two small children, W(7) and E(4).

Back in January STBX assaulted me and was arrested and taken to jail. Since it was his first offense he was released almost immediately, before I could even ask for a protection order. So I filed my own, while the kids and I stayed with a friend. The judge approved the PO(there was a lot of evidence that he was emotionally and verbally abusive, not to mention the actual assault), my STBX was removed from the shared home and the kids and I moved back in.

We've been living there since February. It has been a whole different world with W. He used to have huge violent meltdowns and was diagnosed with explosive anger disorder which he was in therapy for. But once his abusive(mostly at me, only peripherally the kids) father was gone, he would only have about one or two hard moments in a week and would come back from them really quickly. We had so many great conversations and connected in a way I hadn't expected.

Then his father filed for supervised visits. Which initially I was supportive of, as my kids love their dad and I want them to have a good relationship with him, even if I can't.

However. They've been going to MIL's on the weekends for about 6 weeks now and every Monday and Tuesday since has been spent fighting with my son. Things that we used to bond over are huge blow outs and he has been so angry and disrespectful to me and his sister over the smallest things. I've tried everything I can think of to connect with him again but it takes all week to get him to even the barest semblance of emotional regulation. And then it's back to his father's and the whole things starts up again. My heart is literally breaking.

I've a call into a behavioral health clinic that supposedly will teach families techniques for working through these sorts of issues, but it's going to be a while process to get seen.

Has anyone had an experience like this or any suggestions for how to navigate this mess?

My husband and I are first time parents to our 3 month daughter. Our in laws live downstairs with us in a separate basement suite.

Since having the baby, the MIL was initially helping a lot bringing food for me and holding LO when she cries.

However, since she has gotten older, she now has a routine that I try to get her into. I try to follow her awake times and ensure she gets enough sleep.

My husband works 12 hour days and sleeps in a separate bedroom so I am the main caregiver for her.

Since she has gotten older, I feel like I am always made out to be the bad guy. The MIL no longer makes me food but always want to be upstairs to chat and play with LO, and says she wants to help but is 'scared' to do anything other than hold her.

For example she offers to help and take her downstairs and I say ok but she needs a diaper change first. She will say ok it's ok just bring her to me after. Another time she offers to take her and I say ok just do some tummy time with her. She says I am scared to put her on her stomach. Then I ask do you want to give her a bath. She says no I'm scared but I can watch you bathe her. I tell her that doesn't help me sorry. I offered to give them a change pad and diapers to keep downstairs and she said ‘oh it’s ok you bring her changed all the time anyway ‘

She also no longer cooks for me or does anything at all to help us around the house - laundry, dishes or anything.

And again this morning LO wasn't sleeping so I was taking her for a stroller walk in hopes of having he As I was walking out, My MIL offered to help so her ok take her in the stroller walk. She says ok ban you wait while I make the FIL breakfast, I said no because she is already crying and she needs to go now because she will miss her sleep time. She kept asking my can I wait 10 minutes, but she doesn't understand once LO misses her nap her whole day is off - and I will be the one dealing with this

All she wants to do is take her downstairs and play with her, and when I say no she has a routine, I'm made out to be the bad guy.

The same with my husband when he was leaving for work I told him to be quiet and he is loudly talking and saying look she's not sleeping why do I need to be quiet.

MIL is a step mom and has never had or raised kids of her own and my husband of course is a first time dad so both of them think I'm doing things 'my way' or out of spite. No one of them understand that I'm also sacrificing so much for her and things are now on the baby's schedule - not mine and not theirs.

I am not able to do many things I also used to do before such as sleep in, eat many things as LO is breastfed and has intolerance to many foods.

How can I explain to them these things to them because I am tired of being the bad guy who doesn't want to bring her downstairs or allow my husband to get ready in the morning as is suits him.

Hello everyone.

Hoping to get some light shed on my son’s potty training issues. He has basically got peeing down except for a few accidents at night sometimes (wears a pull up at night) but this dude will not go poop on the potty to save our lives. The only remedy for this is for him to go completely bottomless on the 4 days a week that he’s not in school but we are out of the house very often so doing so consistently is obviously impossible. And even then, we have had long stents at home (3+ days) bottomless to hopefully set this in and as soon as he has underwear on he is back to his good ol pants pooping self.

On his pre-school days (M,W,F) he just doesn’t go #2 except for a couple accidents here and there. My wife and I have tried everything I could find on the web including a rewards system, progress chart with a big prize at the end, etc. We are honestly at our wits end and it drives us crazy. And to add to the stress of it…. We were told yesterday that soon he’ll be moving to an older classroom and they would prefer if he poops on the potty AND can wipe himself. I’m hoping the comments in this thread suggest something we haven’t tried yet.

Thanks,

A tired, desperate dad.