tw// vent, dysphoria

inb4: sorry for my poor english, i'm not a native speaker

hi, I don't know if I can post this here, I'll delete this if this is too heavy. I need to let it all out somewhere. I, a transmasc person, have been feeling very dysphoric recently and I don't know what to do. I'm not looking for any advice, I just need to vent. Atp I don't want to leave my house cuz I can't deal with the thoughts that strangers perceive me as a girl, and I can't even blame them, because I look like one (I've tried looking more masculine, but I just eneded up looking like a masc girl, which made me feel even worse lol). It makes me lowkey suicidal atp, I feel like this will never end, life isn't worth living if I'll have to go through it as a girl and I can't see myself being a woman in the future. Btw, I'm about to start testosterone, but the process of getting it is so long, my endocrinologist takes very long to answer (I don't blame her, since she's very busy, and she treats me for free), I lost all hope. I feel like it is never gonna end, like I'm stuck. idk what to do, I just feel so bad. The only thing helping with my gender dysphoria is wearing a binder, but I got only one, because I can't really afford more, so I can't wear it on daily basis. And I'm not even out to my family, so I can't get any support from them. I'm so hopeless

I've been very hesitant to go out wearing things or looking in ways that feel like they would out me as gender-queer (or make people notice me being different in any way, really! 😄🤨), so I have begun to appreciate small outings! I'm willing to put on more experimental outfits if I'm just going to the store, or something where I'm not expecting social interaction. I get to experience walking around in something I want to wear but don't feel comfortable wearing in my "everyday life", I interact with strangers who I will never see again...sometimes I see someone I know, but that's just a risk, I guess. I'm finding this a great way to explore with low pressure/consequences. So if you have something you want to wear but haven't been willing to, maybe find an errand to run in it! Then you can come home and change right back out of it if it's overwhelming!! 😅

Small outings!!! 😀

I mentioned in a post of mine to someone that today I have a therapist appointment and I am going to, for the first time outside of the online community, tell someone I am a transgender MTF. Yah the nerves are heightened, but I think I will feel a bit of weight shift off of the tired shoulders of hiding for so long. I tell you all about it after the reveal lol 😊

I honestly don't feel like banking. I just don't want to regret not doing that first before starting HRT. I'm getting my prescription soon and don't want to start until I do that first.

Actually emotionally drained and stressed out from thinking about this way too much.

Anyway which is best? RMA of New York or Maze Laboratories?

Or are there any other fertility clinics or hospital that are recommended in the NYC area?

Any advice?

My appointment to finally get my HRT prescription is fast approaching.

I feel anxious, depressed and actually dreading starting HRT.

Even though I've thought about and still think about gender transitioning for years and years.

I even use the Faceapp and other similar apps aa coping tools as well ways to experience much gender euphoria.

I'm not sure what I'm going to look like when it's a year or 2 or 5 years while on hormones.

There's even times when I wonder if it's even worth going through all this stress and dealing with bigoted people who ate willing to try to understand.

Maybe I'm overthinking. I'm both nervous and not sure on why I'm not super excited about slowly approaching this life's journey of mine.

I've gone back and forth on whether or not I'm open to dating other AMAB women (or enbys) which is partly due to wanting kids (yes, I know infertility is a thing, so are adoption and surrogacy which I don't view as ideal for reasons including but not limited to my own autism) and just a genital preference.

I have been with an AMAB enby who both didn't treat me very well and frankly wasn't very attractive because they didn't pass. The only person I've been with, and I was young and stupid so for the short time I was with them I was settling, I've learned not to do that because it's unfair to everyone involved.

But I can't turn away any trans woman that comes my way because of that experience.

Here's the weird part, and you're going to tell me it's internalized transphobia. When I was younger, and I think now there's still a part of me that feels this way, some trans women - like the really gorgeous ones, are so cute and half of its because, they made themselves that way BUT I'm now of the mind that feels if I was with a trans woman, I would be missing out on being with an AFAB person instead who are (TW transphobia) genuinely "cuter", there's the option in most cases to build a family which is my goal aside from being with someone I really connect with. I want to be open, I'm just so stubborn that I can't and I make it sound like I don't see trans women as women which is ridiculous.

This is something I should discuss with a therapist but in the meantime I would like it if someone actually talked about it with me.

If I went out with a trans woman who passes and I really like maybe this stupid way of thinking will disappear, who knows.

I'm amab, native Russian speaker but raised in the UK and am questioning. Feminine language feels alright to me in English, but in Russian it just feels kinda weird. I was wondering if anyone else has felt this way.

I think I may go with patches mainly because I don't want to take pills multiple times a day.

Or should I take pills instead?

Which HRT option would be most effective before getting on injections?

I want to wait until a year or a year and a half until I maybe start injections.

Which are the best hrt options where I may not need quick refills right away?

How many estrogen patches can you receive on average from one hrt prescription?

Is it enough for 1 month?

Or 2 or 3 months for one estrogen patches prescription before needing a new prescription?

Also I think I may want to go to my local hospital for hrt appointments after getting my first hrt prescription.

I've had appointments with Planned Parenthood via telehealth and if you don't schedule ahead of time it could be two or three months to get another telehealth appointment.

I don't live close to any Planned Parenthood location so telehealth is really the only option for me.

Once any of us start hrt (or have started already), we're going to want to have consistent care without having to wait long for the next appointment for hrt and lab work forms being ordered.

So I think the best thing for me to do is once I get that first hrt prescription from Planned Parenthood, maybe switch right away to in person doctor's appointments at a local hospital in my town.

Should I go this route after my first hrt prescription or stick to Planned Parenthood appointments for maybe at least the 1st year being on hrt?

Any advice from anyone?

Hello all, my name is Gwenevier. I'm a 20 year old autistic trans woman and I've been faced with a really hard time. I have a van that I was using as my main source of income, however it's been broken for about a month now. I was able to get the funds together to fix it myself (never would've been able to afford a mechanic) however, while it was sitting the battery fully died. This is the last step towards getting back on the road, and I drained my account on the parts I needed. If anyone could help me out that would be so greatly appreciated. I need about $200. I have rent due this month and won't have a reliable income stream until my van is fixed. Anything would be extremely helpful. Thanks in advance :)

Recently my mother said that she's ok with not having grandchildren after I said that I want to transition though not before going through the sperm banking process.

She's known that I'm trans and queer for a couple of years now.

She also knows that any fertility preservation services are highly costly.

I honestly don't feel like going to a clinic to do sperm banking.

Tired of writing and talking about it.

I'm just afraid that I going to change my mind years down the road, regret that I didn't sperm bank first prior to start HRT, and want biological children to call my own with a romantic partner.

Or even if I'm single and maybe going through the surrogacy route to start a family.

Still I also think about even if I had kids what will their lives be like?

Like having a transgender parent is not going to be easy.

I wouldn't want them to be bullied, dealing with so much pressure having to defend me, to be so different from their friends and peers because of having a transgender parent.

I also feel selfishly that I worry about if I got a serious medical issue or when I get old.

Like if I happen to be in a super physically vulnerable place in my life sometime in the future?

The anti trans political climate is so strong.

I don't have a lot of people in my life that I trust would be there for me.

I feel like these are fair things to state and seriously worry about.

So yeah I'm not sure what to do.

I think I'm leaning towards just starting HRT (maybe in patches form) sometime this month.

I'm so tired and drained waiting for years and years now.

I don't want to wait anymore.

Anyone have any advice?

https://www.voicebykylie.com/post/the-hidden-voice-changer-using-your-false-vocal-folds-in-trans-voice-training

My co worker has started HRT. I am super supportive and would like to get them a gift. My own kiddo is trans, and they are close in age, but my colleague is not my kid so I'm nervous my instincts are leading my into territory that isn't appropriate. I want a really good gift. I got them as my gift recipient for the holiday gift exchange and I hand made them a trans flag using fabrics that represented them well (they had cats on them!). I believe this young human looks up to me, and I want them to stay working with us as long as we can keep them. What are your thoughts humans?

Long story short I'm transfem and I also have ALWAYS (even before I knew I was trans) wanted to have white skin and people keep telling me how it's somehow wrong. I guess part of why is because I don't want to be a part of the culture I look like on the outside. (I should have made a better post but I'm at 8% so...)

So for context im transmasc and latino. My mom has always told me how beautiful it will be when i have my own day, a whole damn party for myself, and how she didnt want one either when she was my age but that she is so gratefull her father forced her to have one.

She even used to constantly tell me the story about how once my grandpa was very weak and there was a posibility of him dying. And that the only thing he ever wanted is to make it to my quince (my mom was pregnant of me at that time)

Ive never wanted a quince, even before i realized i was trans. My mom was so dishearted every time i told her that, but deep inside i felt guilt that i could never give her that experience she wanted so bad. I mean i knew she only wanted to make me have the party of her dreams but i still felt bad.

I thought a lot about it , what if i just give her what she wants? Its not like its that hard. But then i just imagined myself with a dress, make up and everything and just couldn't stand it. Now do i think that make up and dresses are only for girls? No. But i still asociate them with who i was forced to act like.

I eventually settled and told her no. I would never have a quince. She was apathic at first, but she would still constantly ask me if i wanted to change my mind.

Then my damn salvation comes in the form of my annoying step sister, who is my same age, who actually did want to have a quince.

You maybe can tell where this is going now.

When i came out to my mom she didnt accept it, she told me that i was always gonna be her little girl, i wanted to or not. But ever since she started planning my step sister's quince she has been a lot less... Mean about it? She still misgenders me constantly but at least in front of my friends and brothers she just avoids pronouns regarding me all together.

The day of her quince i felt a wave Of relief. This was it. I am no longer my mom's daughter but her son. She wanted it or not, and if she didnt want it, she had another daughter.

:)

My Dollhouse

• Remi Starr

I yearn to invite you to play,

But your touch is too rough, I sway...

As gentle as the breeze in the trees,

Your words crash through me with ease.

Leave me be in my sanctuary,

This dollhouse, my haven, my wary.

Within these hollow walls, I find solace,

A refuge from trauma, a silent palace.

Unbound by pain, I roam free,

Like a bee exploring reverie.

Creating worlds with imagination's grace,

Yet loneliness lingers, an unwelcome embrace.

Your hands are too rough, your words too weighty,

Claiming honesty, but I see only pity.

For within me resides the negative decree,

This visitor, unwanted, is me.

"Please, leave my dollhouse," I implore,

But you linger still, ignoring the door.

As time passes, the walls close in,

And the girl within begins to dim.

Twenty-four years hence, she's all but lost,

Her dollhouse forgotten, the cost

Of silence, of neglect, of a voice gone mute,

In the shadows of a world grown astute.

But even now, amidst the decay,

A flicker of resilience finds its way.

For within this forgotten abode,

The girl becomes the woman, unbowled.

Haii, so I am a born male (age 19) and for the last 2 years i have been kinda feeling wrong in my body. I wanna be a women, just in my feelings i feel like a women but i dont know how all of this works how do I become one? Anyone got some Information for me and is it already too late for me cause im 19 years old, do I have to live the rest of my life as a man

Greetings my fellow LGBTQ+ members and allies,

I apologize in advance for the vague wording, I am not trying to advertise the actual event and I will be crossposting this to other subreddits so I can get as much feedback as possible!

Basically, I am helping a streamer on Twitch organize a charity stream in support of trans/nonbinary youths and families in one of the many countries that are actively legislating against us. We are working directly with a specific organization, so we will be representing them for this stream and because we are trying to spread the word as much as possible, even though this streamer normally has a small, tightknit audience of cool people, it is possible that some edgelords join the stream and make some "edgy" jokes. But, it is also possible that some lgbtq+ people, or specifically trans people join and also make jokes about their experience being lgbt or trans specifically.

We want this stream to reflect well on the charity and we want it to be a safe place for everyone, but we also don't want to be hyper "PC police" and stifle any attempt at a joke at all. There are a lot of funny things to say about being lgbt or being trans. We will obviously be banning anyone who makes an "I identify as X" "joke" on the spot, but I am the only trans mod on the mod team, possibly the only LGBT mod and my sense of humor and experiences don't reflect the whole LGBTQ+ spectrum. So, what I might think is acceptable might not be to others, and vice versa.

All this to say, we will be having a mod meeting before the stream itself where we hope to give good examples of what are and are not acceptable "jokes" or things to talk about in the chat during the stream, and I was hoping that y'all wonderful people could tell me, in your experience, what are safe for work jokes that you would make in a twitch chat in support of a trans charity? And, if this is allowed by the sub's moderators, what are examples of something that you think should be an instant ban if someone says it in the chat?

Thank you in advance to all you wonderful people who might offer your advice and experiences! We really want to have a fun stream where everyone feels safe and welcome and we would hate for a well-meaning mod to ban someone because the mod isn't LGBTQ+ or super well-versed to know what is and isn't acceptable.

Hi I am creating a community based zine about transfeminine pleasure inspired by Mira bellwether’s fucking trans women. You can find more information on Instagram @fuckingtransfemmes or my website https://t4tfuturepress.wixsite.com/fuckingtransfems

The zine accepts all kinds of submissions from stories to poetry and artwork.