TW: Mentions of homophobia, abuse (sexual and possibly physical), and ableism

Me (f28) and my dad used to be really close and go running together almost every day as well as talking on the phone all the time. I used to love him. I think I still love him, but now that I'm an adult, I don't like him.

He stopped talking to me except when I'm their house (I go a few times a month). We haven't talked to on the phone in months, possibly since I moved in with my fiancee (f28) in February. He doesn't approve of my wedding at all. However, I may want to try to repair the relationship. I don't mind him being slightly homophobic and still have him in it as long as he's not a dick.

However, lately, he has really hurt me. I came up to my parents about some childhood sexual abuse from a church member 20 years ago because I thought they may be interviewed when I went to the police. He told me there was no way the man would have done it, no one would believe me, and not to go to the police. He's never brought it up again.

In addition, my therapist and I think I'm autistic but I don't have a formal diagnosis. My stims have often been big body movements and I also have a lot of gross motor function issues.

As a 3-5 year old I had a lot of trouble with squirming so much I would fall out of my seat. My parents joke about how for those years every single time I went to a restaurant I'd squirm and my dad would take me into the bathroom and spank me, then if I continued to squirm he'd sit with me in the car while my siblings and mom ate dinner. Since this continued for years and the spanking and punishing wasn't working, it feels like they maybe crossed a line? I also was really young. It also feels weird for a dad to take a young girl into the men's bathroom to spank her, but maybe I'm hyper aware with my history.

My mom will DEFINITELY not walk me down the aisle if I say no to my dad. She might not either way because she's also homophobic. However, I think my grandma will. My dad's just not that important to me. But I think it would ruin my relationship with my mom, and I really care about her. I don't know how to handle it. I just feel really alone. I want my parents to be happy for me. I know they won't be, but knowing doesn't make it easier.

Hi! Wondering if any other montrealers got gay married and can recommend any queer friendly vendors? Just started planning - so in terms of basically anything!

Thanks!

My fiancé and I are getting married in June and are hoping to depart for our honeymoon right after. We’d love a beach vacation (think crystal blue waters) and something ideally under 5k with flights included in that. For flights we would be departing from Pittsburgh! Any suggestions are appreciated!

Hi, my fiance (29f) and I (28nb) are getting married in October 2025 and we are really struggling with planning for things. We have a venue and photographer booked already, but other things such as DJ, caterer, outfits, and so on are not booked. Here is a list of things that are making this feel impossibly overwhelming, at least for me:

• the lack of time left (11 months) and how EVERYONE in our lives keeps asking us questions about it and we don’t have answers. I feel rushed, with no idea how to feel un-rushed. I have lots of anxiety and I tend to shut down whenever I feel rushed.

• the amount of tasks there are, and I don’t know how to keep track of any of them

• I have ADHD and executive function in general is extremely difficult for me, so this is my literal nightmare, having to plan something so far in advance. I usually do everything last minute, on deadlines that other people set (I don’t listen to my own fake deadlines), so this is super difficult.

• how to find the TIME in daily life to do this?! I work full-time in an emotionally demanding job, so when I get home at 7:30pm I just need to turn my brain off for the 3 hours I have until I go to bed. Rinse and repeat. And then we spend weekends having a social life, so there honestly feels like no time to do all the googling and emailing and calling and stuff we need to do.

• the general feeling of “we’re doomed” I’ve had since the presidential election, I am very scared of trying so hard for us to do this and then having WW3 happen with Trump and having none of it matter.

I want to be clear about this tho: I want this SO badly. I have been looking forward to this for so long, having a big ole gay party with all our friends and family to celebrate queer love!! We are already legally married, so it’s really not about that either, I love my fiance/wife more than anything and I have no doubts about that. I truly want this. So why can’t we just DO it?? Please help 😔

So I’m in the early stages of planning my 2026 wedding and I’ve found myself in a bit of a crossroads on a situation and would like some advice. I’m currently looking at vendors for a particular aspect of my wedding and have narrowed it down to two from the approved vendors list given to me by my venue. The first one is a member of the LGBT community which I’m of course apart of but they’re a bit pricier which my fiancé isn’t happy about but I think they’d understand my vision and we’d work quite well together. To ease my fiancé’s concerns I decided to look at other vendors for this same aspect of my wedding and I found one that is closer to his ideal budget. The only issue is I started doing a deep dive on this new vendor and while reviewing their Instagram account I noticed they follow some public figures whose ideology and political beliefs doesn’t necessarily align with mine. I scheduled a consultation with this second vendor prior to discovering this but now I’m concerned. In the event that this person even takes us on as a client (I don’t see any same sex couples in their portfolio) I feel that it may only be for the money and I feel slightly uncomfortable handing money over to someone who may not really support us. However they’re almost half the price of the LGBT vendor who is firm in their pricing and are unlikely to budge. We can afford either of them but my fiancé truly feels the more expensive one is just too pricey although he’ll ultimately support my decision. I haven’t brought the other vendor to him yet so I’m not sure how he’d feel but I want your opinion on if it evens makes sense to move forward.

Just had to come on here and say how flipping excited I am! 2 weeks tomorrow!!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

Plz delete if not allowed! My gf and I (both F, 30ish) are looking for wedding guest attire that coordinates really well. We’d like the option to both wear dresses. She’s a bit soft masc, very thin (size 0) and usually wears pantsuits. I’m very femme, size 8, usually wear dresses.

It’s really important to us to look FANTASTIC, not just “fine,” because it’s a kind of homophobic family member’s wedding.

Yeah, she could wear a black suit and I could wear a black dress, but that’s boring. It’s an afternoon wedding in January. Would appreciate advice or inspiration photos, especially of coordinating (but not MATCHING) dresses!

Hello!

I'm trying to figure out if I want a veil. I'm wearing a suit and I adore it, but I want to feel more bridal without being too feminine.

I would love to see inspiration pictures of folks in not-black/nontraditional suit with veils! I've seen all that Google wants to give me, and I still can't make up my mind. Did you wear a suit and veil? Can I see????

My big worry is that the tulle of the veil looks best (imo) against bare skin and my suit means I won't have that, unlike folks wearing dresses with exposed shoulders. I'm also worried about my hair being too short. Lots of worries. But I want a veil! I think!

I see pics aren't allowed, but my fiancé and I (44M & 39M) recently received our engagement rings in the mail. We decided to go with tungsten since it's both less expensive and more durable than gold while being no less beautiful. A lot of couples have trouble picking rings, so I thought I'd share the method we used. We went to tungstenworld.com (his idea) on our own separate laptops and wrote down the names of ten(ish) designs we liked, then we compared lists and narrowed the choices down to the ones appearing on both. It just so happened that we both leaned towards the faceted ones, and we ultimately went with "Columbus."

The idea came from, of all people, my high school math teacher 23 years ago. She got pregnant during the school year and she told the class that this was how she and her husband settled on a name for the baby. I thought it was smart and filed it away in my brain. Fast-forward to today, I don't have any kids but I do find myself engaged to a man who's naturally on the passive side, and this was the only way I could be sure he had an equal say in our rings instead of just going with whatever I wanted.

It’s the lesbian/sapphic travel agency. Is it worth looking into for future trips?

Hi everyone. I've been looking at using the Rainbow Wedding Network's second-tiered plan to get our officiant and pre-wedding couples counseling services out there in the community but I'm trying to decide if paying them is worth it?

If you are a vendor, have you used them and did you see any benefit from it?

OR as individuals getting married, have you used and found the organization helpful in finding vendors?

Hi, my fiancée and I are a queer interracial couple. We are thinking of going to Ireland or Iceland for our honeymoon in September 2025. We would love if anyone could tell us their experience in either place. We’re open to other suggestions of where to go as well. Thanks!

My boyfriend and I are at the point where we are seriously looking at rings and trying to figure out what this step is going to look like for us.

We decided that we will both be getting rings for our engagement but we're not sure how that works when the wedding comes around? I've been trying to find bands that would allow for an additional attachment that we could add during the wedding but I haven't found anything. Is this even a thing for mens bands?

I'm thinking that we may decide to do a cheaper ring for the engagement where we both stay within a certain budget and then we can take our time over the next year or two to find wedding bands that are really meaningful for us.

I know there is really no set tradition on this, but was looking for some ideas from the community as to what you did with the engagement and then the wedding? Did you do an engagement ring and then get a wedding ring? Did you do an engagement ring and then give them to each other again at the wedding?

Also, if you have any recommendations for wedding bands, we would love if you could share them with us.

My Fiancée and I moved up our date from October 11 2025 to December 6 2024 because of a variety of reasons, Cheeto in Chief included. We haven’t nailed a photographer, officiant, and maybe a venue (fingers crossed). What do you wish you had remembered in your quickly planned wedding. Also any advice to make this less stressful? Edited to add it will be a small wedding in a venue that includes a reception space. We intend to have the reception follow.

Hi everyone! My partner and I recently got engaged, and we’re not rushing to plan everything, so I’m just starting to look at venues. I looked through the pinned database, but I was wondering if anyone had any other recommendations for lgbt friendly venues in Virginia?

Why always the same boring stuffy suit?

Black / grey / navy with black or brown shoes. Soooo dull.

Ugh.

I (NB) want to look cute, pretty and adorable on my wedding day!

I want to wear a floaty satin wedding dress with a super long fluttery veil to my own wedding! (Trainers underneath though - comfort comes first! My sister wore Converse underneath her wedding dress 😊)

Attached photo is the view from the location that was choice one. So now that I've come down from the initial aggravation from the email I'll go into detail. I had not fully set on that location as it was the fact it's 3 hours from all our friends and family. So the smaller 15 people location would work really well and I'm sure we could find a small place to rent to do the reception only because I was still waiting for the menu and the bar option from them. So the reception was never set for that at it was. Just the location was perfect, now as she had stated that doesn't mean it's not going to happen she was just unable to say, as they are a tourist attraction.

Hey, so we want to have a gay wedding on a beach somewhere in 9 months.

Wedding on the beach and in July is a must, willing to go anywhere in the US they are cool with doing a gay wedding.

Casual clothing like linen shirts and shorts. A hotel on the beach for the ceremony, like ceremony on the sand and some chairs, maybe that little archway thing. Someone to marry us. Prefer a reception room at that hotel for like 50-100 people. Very small. Catering, just my phone playlist and no DJ, and a smaller cake. Nothing fancy. Maybe some flowers and twinkle lights or like lanterns. And then just a newlywed room at that hotel for a night.

Estimated cost and any venue recommendations? Thanks!

So after a month of waiting for an email after emailing this event planner for a location I sent an email back to the main site, got one back with an apology that the guy I was emailing no longer worked there (first wtf) then the second apology that the two places they HAD!!! (second wtf) to rent is now down to one that only can be 15 people total and the locations they had to rent for reception the smaller I wanted is not available due to remodeling and they're not sure if it's going to be used for that any longer (third wtf) totally ruined plans. Lesson learned don't use a location that catering to more tourists than a wedding venue, now back to square one really as I had all this planned for this location and it's theme. The lady that emailed back did say that they're always growing and had no idea what they planned for the 26/27 season just the 2025 plans.

My partner and I are both ND and due to our children's needs also we feel a small event would suit us better - with just them and friends as witnesses (family might get pissed but we can have a party at a later date and include them). The venue would need to be wheelchair accessible (so we think Greta Green is out) and cheap because our budget is tight. Our local registry office isn't an option because it isn't accessible! It has to be in the UK though! Does anyone have any ideas? We would prefer a civil partnership to a civil marriage due to the patriarchal undertones of the legal bit of the marriage status.

Me(30F) and my partner (32F) have been together 7 years now and are weighing the outcomes of what would be the better/logical/financial/safer options of Marriage vs Mortgage. In the current administration we can easily get married in Iowa and buy a house on either income or joined. Benefits and Breaks the only thing differing. Even then im not sure what the best route would be. Regardless we will be doing both. But whats the better FIRST option? Paying less interest rate on a house if we're married and easier approved for a first time home buyers? Or if we have OK enough credit scores then don't bother?

Also have to consider the housing market now vs....a year from now...

Also have to consider the next administration and its potential federal stance on LGBT marriage a year from now...Is it even possible or worth it to get married?

My partner and I want to do a quick civil service sometime around new years and I’m getting conflicting information when I call county clerk offices. Some say that judges no longer perform marriages and some say I need to call each judge and see if they will do it.

Does anyone know what the case is? Or does anyone know someone willing to perform a quick wedding in the Nashville/Gallatin area?

My partner and I celebrated our 8 year anniversary of being together earlier this year. With the impending authoritarian regime around the corner, we wanted to expedite the civil ceremony for this year. Neither one of us is religious, rather we each have different but complementary spiritual practices. We are thinking about having a Rabbi (preferably a woman, nonbinary, and/or queer) officiate. Wondering if any queer couples have done so? We’re getting hitched in the San Francisco Bay Area, so we know there are Reform Rabbis that officiate interfaith weddings. Since neither one of us Jewish, we’re not sure if they would do this. Appreciate any wisdom or experiences ya’ll can share!

Gay marriage is legal nationally thanks to a Supreme Court ruling (Obergefell v. Hodges) in 2015. Congress and the President can't change that, only the Court.

What does that mean for us? It means that they can't realistically overturn Obergefell and remove a national right to gay marriage before June 2026.

Once they get a case, the court hears arguments October-May (except in very unusual circumstances) and release controversial decisions at the end of June or beginning of July. This is what happened with Dobbs (the abortion case): they got enough votes on the court to overturn Roe v Wade in September of 2020 after RBG died, the case got scheduled for the 2021-2022 term, argued December 2021, and the decision released in June 2022.

So, we'll be able to see whether they decide to take a case, and if they do, we'll still have time before it's decided.

What can you do now? Start pressuring your legislators to get gay marriage bans off the books: they'll go back into force if the court overturns Obergefell, and a lot of them are state constitutional amendments which can only be overturned with another amendment: that process can take a lot of time. Virginia is beginning the process of removing their constitutional amendment, but it'll take multiple years (if we're lucky it'll be off the books before June 2026 but only by the skin of its teeth).

My partner and I are getting married at the end of December. We’ve had our song picked out for awhile and we have just started working on our first dance. As neither of us are big dancers or anything we want it to be a pretty mellow dance. That being said neither of us really want to spin or dip. What are some alternative moves we could look into to switch up the dance since we also don’t want to just sway the whole time? Thanks in advance :)

This isn’t exactly an LGBT-specific issue, but I like this sub so here goes. My partner and I (30s/40s M/M) keep going back and forth on wedding planning. He loves the idea of having a party / bigger wedding, and so do I honestly, but realistically he doesn’t do well with larger groups of people, planning/organization, and, well, stress in general. Or being the center of attention. Or public speaking. He has cognitive issues related to severe mental illness, which for reference are similar to autism. Worst case, too much stress can also trigger a psychotic episode, in which case we’d have to reschedule the whole thing anyway. I’m trying to figure out how to bring him workable good ideas rather than being so cautious I get accused of treating him like a child/invalid/ticking timebomb (his words, not mine). If anyone’s got advice or similar experiences, I’m all ears.

ETA: I’m more looking for workarounds, ways to make it easier on him rather than relationship advice. He’s in therapy, and we do actually communicate well.

Hi all! My bestie/roommate decided yesterday to get married to her gf before the end of the month, they want to do it before the jan inauguration. Obviously extremely fast, so the bachelorette party is going to be Saturday!

I've never been to a bach so I need help. She wants a lowkey thing, so it's going to be at our apartment with 7/8 friends over. For activities I was thinking paint & sip and maybe a trivia about the bride/couple? Any games y'all would suggest?

Besides that I just bought balloons, banner, pink backdrop, and heart-shaped glasses for us + tiara for the bride. Going to make pink cocktails + charcuterie board, snacks.

Does anyone have any ideas? Accessories or decor or anything I'm missing? I'm completely oblivious here and would love literally ANY suggestions :)

Since the election, and having to cut off friends who led me to believe they were allies, I am just so gutted. Including my very best friend. I am just so heartbroken by those around me.

We are eloping in Vegas in two weeks! This has been planned for months, and in the back of our heads we were saying well it's probably good in case the election results are not in our favor....believing that it couldn't ACTUALLY happen right!? Scared but hopeful.

I am no longer hopeful. I'm drained. I'm sad. I'm going to try not to let it ruin the elopement we are so excited for but I can just tell I'm going to be scared for the future and not okay for a long time.

Just wanted to let anyone out there who is still feeling like I am that youre not alone. Queer people will get through it like we always have but what we will lose along the way terrifies me.