I (29m) could use some advice about a guy (27m) who I met on bumble and I’ve been talking to. He's giving off mixed signals, and it’s leaving me second-guessing. We’ve been chatting regularly for a few days about shared interests like travel and movies. He seems engaged, sending playful responses, but his reply timing is inconsistent—sometimes he takes a couple of hours, other times longer.

Recently, after we joked about going to the movies, I suggested we actually set a date, and he replied positively. I followed up to plan a specific day, but he left me on "seen" almost 24 hours ago. I’m genuinely interested but don’t want to push. This isn’t the first time he’s left a message unanswered for a while, even though he seems engaged when he does reply.

Anyone else dealt with this? At what point should I step back and see if he initiates?

Recent messages for context:

• Me: "My dream country to visit right now is Japan."
• Him: "Oh, don't forget to take me with you haha. Also, much cheaper to share accommodation!"
• Me: "It would be very lovely!! Hope we have the cinema date before then though!"
• Him: "Hahahah, I hope so too."
• Me: "How about we actually make it happen? Any day you're free coming up?"

Also, I feel like this kind of mixed signal is super common in the gay dating scene, and it’s honestly exhausting. I’ve noticed people start conversations only to disappear, and it’s hard to know who’s genuinely interested. i'd appreciate any advice and thoughts on this :(

Me ( 24M ) and my boyfriend ( 24M ), have been together for 7 months or something and I really like spending time with him, but I don’t know how to feel about the relationship. We’re both Bi and neither of us is very feminine, our relationship can sometimes be described with the expression “boys being dudes”, which I’m fairly ok with, but I’m kinda scared that the lack of the feminine touch might lead to some distance on either side. Not necessarily saying that this are strictly feminine things, but to give some insight in the bases of our relationship, we don’t have a “started dating day”. No one asked no one, we just assumed and accepted we were dating, with a simple “we’re dating right?” followed by a “yes, i think so”. I’m not saying that this is a bad thing, but it feels very different from other relationships I had, both with guys and girls. And that brings me to another problem, I am completely out, my parents have known boyfriends and girlfriends, although in his case, his parents, and most of his family, don’t know about it. His brother and his brother’s girlfriend know, but the brother, although not being explicitly rude or unfriendly towards me, is not very supportive. This makes it harder for us to be together, specially near his home, since he lives in a small town, and people talk. If this wasn’t enough, he’s studying for a really hard exam, and has been for the whole relationship. This exam will take place in the end of November, after that he’ll travel with his friends from college the first 3 weeks of December, and then Christmas and new years will come around, meaning we’ll not have a “proper” relationship until January. The fact that he spends most of his time studying makes me thing that I don’t really know how a real relationship with him feels like and it worries me sometimes. This added to the fact that every time we’re near his town we have to “hide”, which I’m tired of, although I respect his wishes of waiting until after the exam to come out, I still feel castrated.

Is waiting for January to see how the relationship evolves a good option? As anyone been in a similar situation that would like to give me an insight?

Cringe but:

If you cant stop thinking about a guy that you have only met 3 times...Does it mean you really found someone you REALLY like.

We have not done anything sexually , just meet up for walks, coffee , driving around ,and showing him places because hes only been in the country for 11 months-and THIS is my dilemma:

My original intention was to meet new people with no intentions of a relationship because hes on a work visa.

Hes said the same thing but hes given my hints like wanting to cuddle in bed but Ive resisted and 'friend zoned' him but theres is something really attractive about his vulnerability to open up about personal struggles that makes me like him more.

Should I just still keep it at a friendship level.Im in my mid 30s and never felt this way in a long time and understand the dissappointment if he has to return home

Me (52M) and my partner (54M) of 3 years have always disagreed on this. And it continues to arise and cause conflict at times.

In my past LTRs me and my partners openly shared about our past relationships. Not the private details, but you know the basic stuff. For me, it gives me an understanding of what my partner has been through and I feel gives my partner the same. It also provides me a mental lifeline in my head and gives that to my partner as well.

Along the way, mentioning things that happened or occurred I hope gives my partner insight into why I am the way I am about certain things. For example, I took care of my late husband during his 7 month terminal cancer struggle and eventual death. I've been through a lot and I have some very specific thoughts and beliefs after going through that. It was a journey that changed me forever. I hope sharing some helps him to understand me better. Why I am the way I am, maybe.

However, my partner is completely opposite. He is strongly opposed to sharing anything. In the beginning I would ask him basic stuff. Like who was your fist boyfriend. Who was your longest LTR partner and what happened to end things. With every question he would be bothered by it and tell me he told me he didn't want to focus on the past. He says he lives in the present and that's all that matters.

Well, I've kept pushing. Because after 3 years I still don't have any sort of lifeline or timeframe in my head of which guy came first, or who he lived with in a certain city, or who was that partner that worked the night shift. I've told him I just want to know him and understand how things have affected him, shaped him, and formed him and who he is today. That I feel if we each have a better understanding it will help our relationship be more successful. But he disagrees.

We had a huge fight a while back and he screamed at me and said I lived in the past and have euphoric recall about everything. He also said I was not over my late husband, called my longest LTR partner by the wrong name, and said he wasn't sure if this was going to work out. I yelled back to him that at least once, at least one time I wish he would ask or say something about my late husband or what I might have gone through. I've told him repeatedly he can ask me anything. It's the biggest and hardest thing I've been through in my life and he knows that. I just once wish he would say something. Just acknowledge it rather than pretend it never happened. I have children (22 yo and 17 yo) and they talk about it. Yet he doesn't say anything. The entire subject is completely disregarded and never spoken about. Don't get me wrong, I don't want or expect to be talking about it all the time. But the guy's ashes are in an urn on my living room shelf. He was a huge part of my life. My late husband has a son about to get married soon. I'm still in contact with my former mother-in-law and sibling-in-laws.

It has become such an issue for us that it causes me doubt. I start thinking he is hiding things or keeping them from me on purpose. And that might be what makes him this way. I even question if what he has told me is true. Did his relationships end for reasons other than he has told me, what little he has told me.

What are others' experiences? Do you share and want to know about your partners' past relationships? Am I expecting too much? Too much at the 3 year mark? Or too much period?

Have been dating for about two years, at the beginning of our relationship he would sneakily take pictures of me and send them to his friends on Snapchat, also constantly sending pictures (and more) to these people.

When confronted about it, he lied over and over, until I had full proof, unfortunately by going through his phone. At this point he never really deleted messages and notifications, only once in a while.

Months pass and at least every month or two I’d go through his phone and find more things, confronting him and continuously getting lied to and when faced with proof, that he “didn’t remember”

I, in these situations, have yelled and been extremely mean which has led me to be more of the wrong in the situation. He is an extremely suicidal person and I cannot bring anything up to him unless he’s in a perfect mood.

Over time I have become numb and jaded, somewhat getting used to what’s been happening. I have confronted some of the key people he messages, in which some don’t respond, one said that she thought we had open and honesty, and his former ex said he attempts to recontact him multiple times as week, on days like Christmas and Valentine’s Day.

At the beginning of our relationship he said he was in the mood all the time but has quickly degraded to hardly any at all, saying he’s tired, or in pain, that he thought too much, that I nag too much, it’s too late.

Fast forward to yesterday and he still continues to message some people, people he said he would like to invite to a potential wedding, which hurts. He hides messages more now, I adding and reading to delete messages, muting conversations with people. Instantly clearing notifications if they come up on his phone. A friend found him on Grindr, with his demographics that he had when we first talked. I brought it up to him, as we had some of his pictures for proof. Half the time during sex he won’t get off and says he’s the issue but makes me think he’s getting bored or gets off other times so his libido is down. Almost always needs poppers for sex which makes me not feel good enough. He insisted someone was making a fake profile of him.

He was recently fired so he’s at home all the time, I was at work this day. Next day I had my friend come over while he was gone (keep in mind he was gone two hours longer than he said) and we found that his profile was 0feet away from where I live after the profile was no longer active, which means the profile was activated near or in the home. I have to approach him about it but he’s good at lying. Even saying he learned manipulative tactics in the military.

I’m desperately trying to get over this and find my way in this relationship, but I have no financial way out, I have nobody. Please say what I should do and your perspective.

Edit: he’s still hiding it and lying making me feel like I don’t trust him unreasonably over two years later

My boyfriend of 10 months (both 36M) never wants to have sex. He has a reputation for hooking up, has a huge dick, and was successful at OF. He no longer has OF. With me, he says he’s uncomfortable being naked with other men. He doesn’t know this but our mutual friend who they met by hooking up, is having a difficult time believing this because my bf (now bf) asked our mutual friend to be fb’s. It just doesn’t make sense that my bf doesn’t want to have sex especially in the honeymoon phase. He also never does any work. He’s a bottom. I never pressure him to be penetrated but he doesn’t even want to do other stuff. What do you think is up?

Long story short, me M29 met M39. We saw each other for about 2 months once a week. We went all the way a couple times. Had good conversations. I felt I got hints of him liking me and maybe wanting more. So I asked what we are or if he wanted something serious. It was a no from him and I do want something serious. So we decided on being friends and I cut off sexual benefits.

Well since then we've still met up weekly, we've only missed 1 weekend. No sex though. Slept over once at his suggestion. He's been giving me mixed signals. From taking my picture and sketching me. To complimenting me, asking me if I'm working out more since he sees my muscles. Then this last weekend, we talked about me wanting my own place to move away from home. He suggested I should move close to his city. Same night, I was sitting on a single person couch and he picked up his cat and asked me to scoot over so he can sit with me. We were basically face to face cause it was a small chair.

Then before leaving, he said he wished I could stay the night. Since I work from home he for some reason asked if it would be possible to work from his house or anywhere? I said yea anywhere with internet. I suggested he wouldn't want me there all day. To which he said he wouldn't mind but id be bored with him gone for work. Then like we always do when we leave we usually do a short side hug. This time he gave a really firm hug 🤣😂.

Now I know im probably delusional in thinking these are signals from him. He's already said he doesn't want anything serious and he was okay with no sex friendship. Then why is he giving me these signs? For my sake I know I need to give it space but should I ever confront him about the behavior?

What do you guys think?

Is there any Australian sites for gay men looking for a potentially monogamous relationship. Sick of the back and forth of gay apps. Getting to old for it and would like to find more

I’m gay and my boyfriend of 1.5 years seems to avoid having sex as much as possible. We have anal now once as week at most (he’s a bottom I am a top), I’m 25m and he is 22m. He will only have sex if it’s planned in advance and he cancels at least half of the time (last week, he planned and canceled sex three times). I really can’t initiate sex, if I ask he literally gets this look every time as if his world is crashing in around him and he will almost never say yes if I ask. He has to initiate it and I really never feel like he wants to. It makes me really sad and hurt. I have told him how I feel repeatedly and he’s always full of reasons for why we can’t have sex. Is this normal? If I had my way I would be having sex daily, but three times a weeks or so would be fine. It just seems like he never wants to and there is always some excuse to avoid sex.

Hi! I (23M) am currently in a friends with benefit situation with another 23M. We both met in college and coincidentally are both living in NYC now. When we first met it was really just hooking up. But now being in the city, we’ve been going on friend dates/doing activities and then sometimes after that would go back to my place for fun.

He’s inexperienced (only hooked up with 1 guy before me). He’s not out, but I am out to most people. And he’s very shy.

I like him but I also want him to experience other people, I feel like I would be selfish to try to be in a monogamous relationship with someone who isn’t out. Because I feel like when I came out, I was able to explore more of myself and my interests. I feel like he hasn’t done that yet, he hasn’t even explored much of the gay community and I’ve been having to teach him a lot.

My questions: -There is clearly chemistry, but how does one try to get into a relationship with someone who isn’t out? -Should I wait and stay FWB until he comes out and let him explore himself first?

Thanks for any advice here or direction to any similar posts!

I (32m) love my partner (34m) and I am very much attracted to him. I would love to be intimate with him every single day and never get tired of looking at him. However, he has a low sex drive compared to me. I try everything to turn him on and make him attracted to me. I often end up feeling rejected. We have sex maybe once per month and jack off together maybe once or twice per month. It feels like he puts in zero effort and when we are intimate (if he can get hard) he just wants to lay there and I have to do everything. During our “dating” stages he was in an open marriage. We knew each other before he was married but the timing was off and it didn’t work out before. We reconnected years after he was married and there was definitely sparks and we had some really good sex. I fell in love but he wouldn’t leave his partner until his partner initiated the break up. He has been living with me for the past 10 months, hasn’t contributed a single penny towards the bills and is uninterested in sex. He doesn’t make much money at the moment but I find myself being resentful because he’s not contributing and isn’t interested in me sexually anymore. I feel like all I do is work my ass off to pay the bills and I just want to feel wanted and have a healthy sex life. We have had several conversations about our sex life but his answer is always “i don’t know what to say. I’m not as horny as you”. I have become so depressed to the point that I’m starting antidepressants(lexapro) this week. I have done lots of research on the medication and one of the side effects for people is low libido. I wonder if this will make a difference in our relationship or make me care less? I truly enjoy this man more than any other human I’ve been around. I don’t want to leave him but at the same time I don’t want to waste the rest of my “young” years not having sex when I feel like it should be the opposite. I have subtly mentioned or asked if how he feels about open relationship but he says he’s not interested in it. I feel bad for pressuring him and don’t want him to feel forced into sex but I also feel very sexually frustrated. I know I’m not the only one experiencing this. I honestly would love if he let me have sex with other people and him if or when he wants it. I would feel extremely jealous and betrayed if he had sex with other people though. I am aware that it sounds completely selfish but I feel like I have needs that aren’t getting met. I also have other needs as far as companionship that ARE being met more than anyone else I have dated. I feel stuck and it’s a hard conversation for us to keep having and also a hard conversation to share with people close to me for their advise. So here I am on Reddit looking for someone who can relate or give a little insight. What would you do?

For context: my partner [M25] and I [M22] have been together for almost 2 years now. We basically live together bc of how much we see each other and both of us have relatively high sex drives. Everything about the relationship has been great, very little issues and if any, very minor. I’m not saying this one isn’t but I dont know how to feel about it.

The issue: Sex has been amazing. We disclosed pretty early on the relationship that we would be exclusive and opted out of an open relationship. We would do it three to four times a week and would finish everytime. Up until two days ago. We were going at it as usual and midway, my partner just calls it off saying he’s very tired and doesn’t see himself finishing anytime soon. I was taken aback by it at first because that would be the first time this would happen, but ofc respected his wishes and we got in the shower to cleanup. I ask him in the shower why he thinks he couldn’t finish and how he’s feeling after it and he starts laughing a little telling me its because he jerked off earlier that day and wasn’t horny anymore (in the middle of sex, just stopped being horny? Idk). I laugh it off with him because I know I don’t have a say in what he does on his personal sexual level, and I don’t think twice about it; I’m just a little weirded out by it bc he was the one to initiate sex. We wouldn’t have sex again upp until today. Again, after our workout in the shower, my partner tells me he wants me to himself tonight and that he wants to have sex. I say great, halfway into it, same thing. He tells me he’s tired and he cuts it out gets dressed as if we weren’t just having sex. I ask him what happened in a concerned way, he says nothing he’s really tired. I asked him if he jerked off today too he says yes right before the workout. At this point I’m kinda pissed bc why would he tell me he wants to have sex then call it off with no warning or signal that he jerked off and can’t finish and isn’t horny anymore. I feel like I’m being played with and I still haven’t finished from the first failed session because I’m not the type to jerk off. No hate towards it, I just don’t do it. And my partner knows that, so I don’t know what to do now bc the moment his jerking off interferes or affects our shared sex life and it compromises on it is the moment I get concerned. I told him I want to talk about this later this evening but I don’t really know how to phrase what I’m feeling and what solutions can be potentially put in place. I don’t like having to tell him to stop jerking off to porn and if I feel like if I do tell him that he’ll just say yes ok and then do it behind my back. I’m not pissed at him doing it but 1) why this often 2) does he prefer it over sex? I’m so confused any advice would help

TL:DR, partner jerks off alot, affects our sex life and I don’t know what to do about it

My partner and I recently got back together and living together. We have always maintained mental connection even while apart for almost a year. We slowly rekindled our physical and sexual connection on purpose to not confuse each other or overwhelm our situation. Plus I was dealing with an injury , we had some issues with finding our groove but we always communicated if we couldn’t finish.

We are semi open and during an argument I expressed I didn’t want to have sexual contact anymore until he could help me understand his motives for always seeking other partners after engaging with me , I talked it up to lack of energy, but then would see him go after others. He expressed my physical appearance has changed since we met , I lost weight and he prefers a chubbier body type. That is completely understandable, but when I see the porn, he watches, I see many body types like mine. This was a tough conversation, but we felt a lot more connected afterwards, and I understood where he was coming from as I find other people attractive as well. The weekend following this discussion we were able to engage in sex and he finished and it seem to be a great weekend overall as we had events planned and was able to enjoy each other and many different aspects.

During the week he sat me down and let me know that he no longer wanted to engage with me sexually and would take me up on my offer earlier with no explanation. The past few weeks have been awkward , what should I say or ask him to get past this.

So I (M24) just broke up with my off & on again boyfriend of 3 years. The relationship was very toxic to the point where I was sure it was gonna become a domestic abuse situation. Long story short I had to get out of there for good.

But now I’m incredibly Lonely. I have friends but they are busy with their own lives. Plus they don’t wanna do the same things as me all the time. I wanna go out & clubbing, get drinks, dance all night, etc. I feel like it’s what I need to keep my mind off my past relationship and not miss that toxic situation.

Since I don’t have anything to do I started signing up for dating apps. I’m not even sure why I’m doing it. I don’t need another relationship right now. I’m not ready. I’m just lonely & don’t know what to do. Me and my Ex would talk and/ or spend time together although the day. But now he’s gone and it’s quiet.

I need to break this habit of looking for something i really don’t want, find something I enjoy doing alone, and find friends that enjoy my interest. I’ve learned my lesson on dating online lol. I’m ready for love to come to me naturally while I just cruise.

What should I do? Advice?

I (25F) am feeling really lost right now. My girlfriend (24F) broke up with me a few days ago, and it was actually the third time she’s done this. We haven’t had any real closure, but this time it felt different, like it might be the last straw. She’s blocked me on all social media and refuses to talk, so I’m stuck processing this on my own.

I’ll be honest—I miss her a lot, and I’m torn about whether I should try to reach out and patch things up. But at the same time, a part of me wonders if her decision is actually for the best. She ended things because, in her view, I supposedly “choose my friends over her.” In my POV, I don’t feel that’s accurate. I don’t see my friends all that often, but when I do, it seems to bother her a lot. If we were to get back together, I don’t know if I’d want to cut back on seeing my friends just to make her feel better, especially when I don’t think I’m neglecting our relationship.

So here I am, asking for advice. Is it worth trying to get her back, or is it time to accept that this breakup might be for the best? I’d really appreciate any perspectives on this. TYIA 😭

Please help me out and give me your opinions, my boyfriend and I are not seeing eye to eye on this, and whenever it comes up, it has caused serious issues. I am going to try and say everything objectively.

For Context:

We are in a big age-gap relationship and have been together for over 2 years. I am finishing up college and he is much older. This has caused major complexities within the relationship and has presented its own challenges and hurdles, however we love each other very much, care about each other very much, and everything is rooted in respect. He has done so much for me, I love this man with all my heart and he has been the greatest mentor, supporter, friend, and everything in between. Before meeting him, I was ashamed to be gay, and he turned that around fully. He has never hurt me, mistreated me, forced me to do anything, etc. He treats me very nicely and is an amazing person through and through.

The Issue:

Over a year ago he told me he had a younger friend (older than me but still in mid-late 20s) that he had previously met on Grindr. It bothered me very much initially, but I did not say anything about it. I did not stay quiet for long and called him about it and we chatted and he told me he that they used to be sexual, before we met, but have not been since and that he was just a friend he would chat with some time as they are in the same field, similar interests, etc. Further on I asked him more about it because I still did not feel right about it and he told me they would get dinner together sometimes and go to the movies, etc, but that it still has not been sexual since before we met. This upset me A LOT. I did not know he had seen him in person and thought it was just texting/over the phone, etc. After some arguing and after a day or two I asked him to simply tell that friend that he was in a relationship. I trusted, and still trust, my boyfriend, but I could not know/control the intentions of this person he met on a sex app and used to be sexual with, so for me that would have made me feel okay about it. I did not want to ruin friendships of his. Fast forward many months, this issue has not come up again. However, one day I looked though his phone. (I know it was wrong and not trustful at all and I should not have done it), however I found recent texts with that same guy. I did not like this guy's tones of texts, to me they seemed flirty and almost like he was taking advantage of my bf. For reference: my bf asked him where they wanted to get dinner, and he responded , "I don't know, maybe somewhere I have never been before 😝" and further down I had seen my bf ask him how he had been and that he was "thinking of him." So that enraged me, I told my bf about it later that night, and we fought and argued about going through his phone, the guy, etc. He also had told me he never told the guy he was in a relationship.

Soooooooo fast forward:

I see a text from the guy again yesterday by chance. It makes me really mad again. And we get back in the argument loop. After all these issues happening, I more or less just do not want him to see this guy anymore. Originally if my bf would have told the guy he was in a relationship and cleared the air I would be okay with it. I also wanted my bf to tell me when he would go see him because that would also make me feel better, but he obviously did not do that either.

My boyfriend says: It is completely platonic and that if the guy were to ever make an advance he would shut it down and that it is okay he gets dinner and goes to the movies with this guy that he used to have sex with and met on Grindr.

I'm 22 and in clg ,I met someone on tinder So I talked to him he was 18 and cute as fuck our chat was romantic too and he told me come today let's hangout and we met and I saw him his height was small and he was fair like a Japanese movie star and so cute he was all I wanted , but from first 15 min he was making me exhausted by taking too much too fast leading me the wrong way confusing me etc and then I found a way then he tells me he wants to eat momos so we went there and I noticed he isn't looking towards me and after we eat we walked and he started talking about his past about his boyfriend who cheated on him and how he went to a state to see him and he also talks to him and then he talks about other people who he had sex with who he liked etc and shows pic of their conversations earlier then we sat down and I advised him about dangers of online dating cause he's too young and reckless etc and he again started talking about his past and he was talking so fast so I couldn't keep up with him and I was already exhausted so I told him are you really over that person then he told me that he wants to say something just don't get hurt.. And he said that I'm not his type, he took it back immediately he said that 'looks matter' and I said what ? And he said no you look good but you are not my type and that he told me that he himself is unstable and couldn't keep a stable relationship and that he had a lot of sex and described it he loses his v card every now and then and how bad he is and how he needs attention and narccistic,he triggered me he remembered me a past experience and I thought I would get a panic attack I was breathing too fast and I said you will be the end of me.. And I was upset and all he tried to convince me and that even if it was someone handsome he would not date him etc I understood he was a master manipulator and everything that's coming from his mouth is a lie and it broke me it broke me and I advised him that it would be hard for him to continue till 30 and he told me to drop him somewhere and he realised that he hurted me he clinged to my shoulder and I didn't respond and I was telling him about future and it's responsiblities and he interupted and said no I won't think about you in future and then after I advised him he said that I'm sweet and I didn't react and then I dropped him and he said he'll text me he said sorry and that I'll be there nd whatever and I said I have moved on etc but I haven't I'm still heartbroken and then he unfollowed me I saw his ig story he was in car and it was raining so I understood that after dropping he went to get fucked by his past lovers It's been 6 days don't know what to do..

Boyfriend on Grindr

Hi guys so this is basically update in a previous post. So long story short I saw my boyfriend on Grindr a couple months back and I never brought it up to him. It kind of just blew over so when I confronted him about it, he told me that he was just on there to make friends, and we all know that Grindr is notorious for being a hook up app, and we all know he was not there to make friends, and I was bothered that he was on Grindr. And the reason why I confronted him Grindr became I went through his messages and found that he was being a little to flirty to a guy, he told a guy good night dream of me 😊and that didn’t sit well with me. He didn’t seem any wrongdoing on being on Grindr he told me to trust him that he was only on there for friends. But one time we went to his friends Christmas party and the main host asked for my number and I thought he was just being friendly and I was drunk so I was like OK like he just wants to get to know me but he was bothered that his friend was giving his number to me, but it’s OK for him to be on Grindr. Kept in mind that I was getting to know all his friends and I thought his friends were just being friendly. what I told him he he’s bothered that his friends giving there numbers to me but it’s okay for him for be on Grindr back then. He’s says he’s not on Grindr anymore but I don’t know what to believe. He has family in LA, which is over four hours away and when he’s over there, he really doesn’t text me throughout the day, which I understand which cause he’s spending time with his family, but I in reality, I don’t know where he’s at. So the last time we had a conversation about Grindr, I came to the conclusion that I would compromise if he would allow me to look at his phone. He told me no because at that point we should break up because we don’t have trust in each other. That bothered me that he would throw our one year relationship away just like that. But how can someone not be worried a little or just you know have it in the back of their mind especially if you were on Grindr. So I kind of let us cool down a little bit and a couple weeks later brought it back up because he said he will think about it but he he honestly lied to me and didn’t think about it. He told me he’s not open to showing me his phone and that I should just work on my insecurities. So basically what he’s telling me is to swallow my feelings and just suck it up and I told him I don’t know if I would be happy in a relationship or my partner can be transparent, especially after being on Grindr at this point, I just wanna break up with them, but I honestly feel like an asshole breaking up the relationship, but he basically doesn’t care about how I feel about the situation and just wants to ignore it

I don’t know if my relationship has run its course, and I need an unbiased perspective.

How do I (M25) proceed with my boyfriend (M25) in our relationship? I do want an unbiased perspective but I know this is only my side of the story.

We have been together 6 months. When we met, I was in my first year of law school and he was a barista planning on going into nursing school. I really have come to love him, but I feel like I’m kind of dating a different person entirely. He likes being a barista, but told me early on that he was burnt out and wants to try nursing school. He didn’t take any steps towards that so I asked him how I could help. He said I could research some stuff about local programs and discuss it with him. I did. Well, about a month and a half ago, he tells me he received an offer for a shift lead position at the coffee shop and said if he took it, he’s worried he’d like it too much and not go to nursing school. He accepted it and has been subtly hinting at not going, and said that he’s “just felt pressured to go to nursing school,” though not necessarily by me. His promotion has come with shifts extended by an hour, but I only have so much free time and when he gets off at 8, I can only spend so much time before I have to get ready for school/work the next day. When he has an early morning shift, he can’t do anything the night before. But when he doesn’t have an early morning shift, he wants to stay up late and I can’t do that. Additionally, when we began dating, he didn’t vape. But I was away for the first few months for a clerkship (we would see each other about every 3 weeks), and on a visit around 3 months in, I found a vape. It caught me off guard and so I asked. He explained it’s an old habit that he picked back up and he wants to quit. I kind of shrugged it off because I hadn’t known him to vape and figured it was a one time thing. I was wrong. We are into month 6 and I’ve expressed that it bothers me, but he hasn’t stopped. He says he wants to and that this is his last, and all statements of the like. But he still uses it, just secretly. I can taste it when we kiss. It just really frustrates me, and ive realized it’s a non-negotiable.

I love him and don’t want to see this relationship end, at least permanently, but I don’t know what to do. I feel like so much has changed in his vision(s) that I don’t know if we are aligned anymore. Do I proceed by breaking up or asking for some time? Or do I just roll with all of this? Really, any and all advice is appreciated. I don’t ever want to be the partner that is controlling or anything, but I also have to enforce boundaries that I have.

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TL;DR:

My (M30) partner (M31) and I have been together for 1.5 years, living together for 5 months. I prefer staying in and having a small social circle, while he enjoys going out 2-3 times a week and has a larger friend group. He showed me a video of him grinding on a stranger at an intimate event, which made me uncomfortable. I’ve tried to express my feelings but struggle with whether I’m overthinking or being too rigid. I want us both to feel fulfilled in our relationship. Still, I’m questioning if I’m tolerating behaviors until marriage or if I need to set clearer boundaries and be okay with letting him go if they don't resonate with him. How do you navigate boundaries and insecurities in your relationships? Am I being irrational here, or are my feelings valid?

Background:

• My (M30) partner (M31) together for 1 1/2 years. Started living together 5 months ago.
• I like to go out occasionally but prefer staying in or doing activities. I have a small circle of friends/colleagues and feel overwhelmed by adding more people to my life.
• My partner puts effort into maintaining a large circle of friends, mostly gay men. He's in a summer softball league and likes to go to the bar 2-3x a week.
• Would love for my partner to cope outside of going out so much
  • Health: he's obese, has had bariatric surgery done, AND already nearing high blood pressure at barely 31, PLUS his dad AND grandpa died before 60 of a heart attack)
  • Hobbies: I love a multi-faceted man with different things he's passionate about
• But everyone copes differently - I'm learning to love and support his preferences. Logically and rationally, I see no harm in going out. Also, we were two individuals before we decided to form a relationship, so he comes with his own hierarchy of needs.

Situation:

• Last week, he showed me a video of him grinding up on a stranger at a "pajama function," which I was unaware of. It was clear it started as a video-bomb and ended in my partner grinding up on him in sync with the music change.
• Before showing me the video, he'd told me about a come-to-jesus in the bathroom, almost deciding to leave because he "shouldn't be this drunk without my man or my friends around." But then he sobered up in a second after leaving the bathroom and decided to stay longer
• I was uncomfortable with it. It was a stranger at an intimate function. I learned the function was intimate while my partner was telling me he was feeling weird/odd from the bathroom, where he was deciding whether it was appropriate for him to be present or not.
• I was visibly shaken by it. I could not stop trembling for 10 minutes and had to distract myself with dishes to not dwell so much on them.
• I told him I didn't know how I felt about him grinding up on strange men. Added that I felt grinding was appropriate with friends and/or if the partner was present (even if not in sight...and outside of organized dance routines) and that when I wasn't around, it felt disrespectful. Even showed him an example of what I meant.

Factors:

• We're stewards of our own life experiences. The last thing I want to do is limit my partner to parameters that limit his life experiences, especially when he looks back on a hopefully life-well-lived.
• I also have to navigate my own feelings and emotions.
  • I'm not perfect either, so at times like this, I consider trade-offs of dating me as well; I imagine my varied interests and how my brain functions aren't easy to navigate.
• The obvious answer is to talk about it. It doesn't come as easy to me as it does to my partner.
• Up and down Reddit, I see comments about people not changing and that it's better to leave now than regret not making the decision later.
  • Presently, I love him, and we've already made unofficial commitments about spending forever together. Part of me feels like I'm tolerating these behaviors until marriage, but perhaps that's the wrong approach?
  • I would rather not re-visit the dating pool, but I also need my partner and I to feel self-actualized in our relationships, whatever that looks like. I think I'm a flexible and accommodating partner, but perhaps I'm not. Or maybe there are more insecurities I need to navigate through therapy?
  • The fact that these questions are in my head -- are they signs of something more, or are they the over-thinking Virgo side of my personality?

Issue/question:

• What's y'all take? I know feelings/emotions are valid, but are mine rational? Am I thinking too much?
• Where do you draw boundaries in your relationships, past or present? How do you navigate such conversations with your partner(s)?
• How do you navigate the questions, "Is it me?" or "Is it a 'me' problem?" in a relationship (such as insecurities, etc. )?

Hello, recently I’ve been working on coming out of my shell as I’m pretty socially anxious when it comes to dating and I’ve never really been the type to make the first move. There is a guy I’ve met that I think may be interested in me but I’m always nervous about misreading signals and accidentally flirting with a straight guy 😅so my two questions are how would any of you typically ask a guy out if you’re uncertain of their sexuality and I don’t have the best “gaydar” what are some tips for trying to clear that up without making things awkward

After 31 years of never being in a relationship or meeting someone who I really like, I finally met my guy - but he’s a bottom too. We vibe and sync on every other level except the sex part. 5 months in- We haven’t had sex yet and although we’re sexually attracted to each other (we both give off very dominant masculine energy), neither of us enjoy or are interested in topping (although I’m a little more open to it).

Are there any bottoms that are currently or have been in relationships with other bottoms?

I met this guy on tinder H(26) M(24), now we 9months in a relationship, when I met him he didn’t have a clear idea of what he wanted untill we kept talking and he decided that he was good to start it. We try to have great communication all the time but something seems off, we have Face ID and passwords to each others phone. He had only fans, tumblr, nsfw x profile, personal and another profile just for porn and Reddit, when we started dating I made sure to express to him that I wasn’t ok with it, he deleted it but then he created another x profile behind my back and ofc when I found that out I was mad af, couple times I’ve found live cam tabs and even sniffies saved as bookmark 🥺 (We both share locations and ish)

He keep saying that is his past yada yada yada and that i shouldn’t be worried, at this point I don’t know if im at the right place now. I try to help him as much as I can. Currently he’s staying at a bnb untill my lease finish and we move in together (that’s the plan). Finding that on his phone ofc triggers me a lot and on my end I feel like he go out his way to get that pleasure because I can’t give it to him. Please advise. lol 🫶🏽

M 25. I'm mildly autistic which makes me overly emotional, and I get attached super easy. Minor things cause me to break down and I require a lot of attention and physical contact.

When I was 18, I tried dating, but the rejection led me to attempt suicide. My first real boyfriend broke up with me a couple of times because I was too much to handle. After that I crashed my car.

Now I try even harder to hold onto relationships because having someone to rely on is better than being alone and stuck in my head.

After that I had a few more short relationships, each ending because I was too needy and each breakup was 10x worse for me than for a normal person.

I moved to England for grad school for acting when I was 22, and immediately started seeing someone. Where I was going to school was a few hours away from him, so we did long distance. He then started training as a sailor, so we continued long distance. He was either at sea or going to classes. I was understanding, and we tried to see each other, but it ended up only being for a few days every few months. He was the first person to want to be with me long term, but when we were in person, he still said that I was a bit too much (mainly when it came to cuddles and quality time). We stopped having sex after a while due to a medical issue of his. After I finished school, he still had another 2 years, so I tried to make my career work in London for the last year, while still doing distance since his training was down in Southampton. We had plans to move in together when he finished. Now, with a year to go, I realized that things weren't working and I was lonely. I wanted to go back to America. I feel horrible, because I promised him everything, we had been together for 3 years. I gave him so much, and he was good to me, and patient with my mental health. But our careers were so different, and I couldn't handle sitting at home alone for weeks hoping he'd find the time to visit.

It's been a few days and I'm terrified to start over. I feel hopeless and scared. I'm second guessing everything, now not sure if I made the right choice. Things weren't great, but it was better than having no one.

If I go back to America, my family is there, and I may have some work opportunities. But im scared I'll never find someone who can handle me. I'm so needy and clingy. Nobody else is going to want to deal with all my problems, especially not someone who's career aligns with mine and is a good guy. And I'm scared I just gave up a whole future with this guy in the UK.

I'm definitely not going to be ready to date again for a long while, plus I've got to figure out the logistics of moving back to America.

By then I'll be a 26 year old, autistic, damaged, clingy mess. I don't want to start over and face the rejection again. Most guys are terrible, and I'm too much for even the good ones.

Should I just give up because nobody would want to deal with me?

Anyone can recommend me which dating app to use tinder bumble aren't working with me plus all people are fake 🤥 I need something new and secure without payment as well where you can see who likes your profile help 🤔

I’m in my early 30s, and my partner and I have been together for a few years. We haven’t had penetrative anal sex in about a year and a half, and it’s really starting to weigh on me. Occasionally, we’ll do something intimate like mutual masturbation, but that’s maybe once every couple of months at this point. It’s frustrating because we do try to talk about it, and we both seem to be on the same page that we want to improve it, but somehow it never works out.

We love each other a lot and have a strong emotional connection, but lately, I feel like we’re drifting apart. We rarely sleep in the same bed (because I find our bedroom far too warm and want to sleep in the living room where it's cooler), or do things together, and we fight more than we used to. I often find myself wondering if we are boyfriends or roommates. Even so, I don’t know if my life would be better without him. I also have a lot of anxiety about what would happen with our pets if we broke up—they’re a huge part of my life, and I don’t want to lose them. I also wonder how I would continue alone, I feel like in the last few years I sacrificed friendships by investing more time in my relationship than anything.

One of the biggest issues we’re facing is the sex part. I have a high sex drive (like, I’d be down for it twice a day if it felt right), but he always insists on using condoms if we would have sex, and it hasn’t been great for either of us. Even in the first year of our relationship, we were only having sex about once a week, which in hindsight seems kind of low for a new gay couple.

We opened up the relationship 2 years ago and did seem to help out the lacking in the sex department.

On top of that, he would like to plan to move to another country next year, and I’m really conflicted. I don’t know if I want to uproot my life again and move with him. He also really wants kids, which is where things get even more complicated. Sometimes I think I could see myself having kids, but other times I’m completely unsure. If I decide I definitely don’t want children, he’s made it clear that’s a dealbreaker for him and we’d have to end the relationship. That’s a huge decision hanging over me, and I don’t want to make the wrong choice for myself or for him.

Recently, we talked about everything, and while it was emotional, it was also filled with love and understanding. We agreed to work on our sex life, but I’m still left feeling drained and uncertain. We’ve both acknowledged that if I don’t want kids, that could be the end, and it terrifies me.

I spend almost all my time at the moment trying to stop myself from panicing as it all feels a bit too much. I'm not sure what to do

Is it worth staying, or is this the point where we both need to face the fact that maybe we’re not compatible long-term?

So I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years and everything started off great. He treats me nicely and is not controlling but when it comes to physical intimacy there is none. We haven’t had any form of sexual contact in over 3 years and whenever I broach the subject with him or try to instigate anything he gets agitated and pashes me away. He won’t even talk about it, whenever I try to talk he just gets annoyed and shuts the conversation down. It is having a real impact on my mental health and self-esteem. I don’t know what to do because I do love him I just miss that part of my life.

Hi everyone,

I decided to end the relationship. The problem - we have a trip planned together very soon and then his parents also fly in for a visit.

I can't handle it anymore pretending that everything is "as before" but don't know what would be the less painful scenario...

1. Break up after the trip before the parents (he has to leave right after the trip for business so we will be apart)

2. Break up after the trip and after the parents leave

For 1) i will probably still have to meet parents because they come from far for a special occasion and I dont want to ruin this moment. For 2) it's killing me inside that i have to wait 1+ month still to end the things 😫

I think he is suspecting that something is wrong but never initiated any talks which would make it easier for me to end it.

Do you have any advice? Thank you 🙏