Hey aroace community!! I have a few things I need help with, so I’d be really REALLY happy if you guys gave me some advice/support!

I’ve been thinking that I might be ace for about two years, because I’ve never in my life been sexually attracted to someone. To be honest, I don’t think I even know what sexual attraction is or how it feels, I don’t really understand the concept. I might even be aroace - I have no idea, and googling only seems to make me more confused. If someone could explain why you want to have sex with people, please explain. I don’t say this to be rude, I’m genuinely curious! Like what happens in your brain, what do you think of?

Two years ago, I was in a relationship with a guy. I was only 15 then. We kissed but I always felt kinda gross about it - at least after. It wasn’t even that serious, we never did more than that. He asked me if I wanted to sleep over, and me thinking that meant sex panicked and went “noo, I don’t think I want to”. Yeah. Anyway, after that I’m always so grossed out thinking about me kissing someone (I’ve always thought sex was disgusting since I knew that isn’t “perfect”, it’s sweaty and smells and other stuff I don’t want to think about. I’ve never experienced but it sounds so gross because it’s not perfect, you know?). Our relationship wasn’t the best, I kinda felt horrible throughout it all. Maybe I associate kissing with dark thoughts because of it and that’s why I don’t want to kiss people like that?

But now I have a big problem. I have this guy best friend who likes me and I don’t know if I like him or not. I don’t know if my feelings for him are romantic or platonic. I’m kinda disgusted thinking about kissing him, and I can’t even imagine doing more. But I met him at night a couple of days ago, and we were kinda close to kissing and right then and there I felt okay with it. I knew I was gonna regret it if I did, so I kinda stopped myself (our relationship is a bit complicated). We only hugged for a while. But when I woke up in the morning I felt disgusted that I even hugged him. That was literally it. Why did I feel so disgusted?

I cant really stop thinking about him though. I want to talk with him all the time and text him. Yet I don’t want to be intimate with him at all because I feel so disgusted. It’s like it’s between platonic and romantic (idk, queerplatonic maybe?), because he means more/different to me then my other close (girl)friends do, who I love, but I don’t see myself doing something romantic with him, even just hugging feels disgusting with him but I can kiss my (girl)friends on the cheek without flinching. With him, I never know what the hug means but my friends it’s always just friendship. I have never experienced any sort of sexual trauma,I never have touched myself, I feel completely disgusted by sex and similar stuff! And kissing when it comes to guys! I don’t know why I feel terrified at the thought of sex and kissing either.

So; what does this mean? Do you think I’m aroace, aro, or just young? It feels weird labeling myself as asexual but I don’t want to have sex and I don’t see myself wanting it in the future. I’m only 17, maybe it will change with age. But I don’t want it to either because I’m so repulsed by it…

Anyway if you made it this far thank you! I hope I made at least a little bit of sense and I’m very grateful for your help!

If its a character in media,is it if they're actually aroace that people have complaints about or just coded? Same with autistic coded too.

Although I don't think I'm aroace,I kinda just saw them as characters.

I'm curious to see what others think

Don't remove my post MOD I just wanted to wish everyone on here a happy Halloween. Also, I missed Ase Visibility Week so... yeah... Oh hey, what are you dressing up for on Halloween (Age doesn't matter. If you're in your late 40s or something and you aren't dressing up then just tell me what u would dress up as)

I’m pretty sure i’m aromantic and I’ve felt this way for a while. I used to pick out my crushes and as soon as they liked me back I would get disgusted. I’ve always imagined the future without a partner and I’ve never had one or had the desire to have one. I’m only sixteen so I’m just wondering if I’m too young to know yet?

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What if people are aromantic because they dont want to experience the intensity of romantic attraction and that its exhausting to spend large amounts of emotion thinking about a person all the time, and hoping that that person will reciprocate the same large amounts of emotion to you when it is not guaranteed, and that some of them want a lighter version of it, or none of it at all?

I started this year by questioning myself about my sexual and romantic orientations and i'm starting starting to question if i truly want a relationship. I am kind of starting to feel lonely and i feel more alone each day that i keep something to myself. Ever since questioning my romantic orientation i just doesn't feel right anymore. Like in the previous year i would say "no" if someone asked me if i wanted a romantic relationship. This year however, the answer turned into a "maybe" and i'm starting to figure out why that is. To be honest i always had the idea of a relationship in mind because i grew up with this idea. When i discovered that i might be aromantic i was very enjoyed and i felt like it fits me. But i don't know if i want a romantic relationship, in fact i think i might just want a relationship because i could talk to someone about my emotions. But I felt pretty sick of this idea that i might not be aromantic, like i felt awful and i didn't feel like myself anymore. So now i am asking for help to figure out if what i'm feeling resonates with anyone and what i should do about it.

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So I've made a couple conclusions

1. We're all on the aroace spectrum
2. We all love garlic bread
3. We have 3 spirit animals snails,dragon's and cake
4. We will invade Denmark

Looking for book recommendations! Anyone know any fantasy/adventure books with an aroace main character or supporting character? I would love to see more characters whom I can relate to :)

So my friend (doesnt know im aroace) wanted to get me a girlfriend, so he spoke to a girl who was rumoured to like me, and he basically got me a girl but i dont want to come off as rude to her as she has a crush on me so help pls

So my friend (doesnt know im aroace) wanted to get me a girlfriend, so he spoke to a girl who was rumoured to like me, and he basically got me a girl but i dont want to come off as rude to her as she has a crush on me so help pls

Mine was in middle school and I saw JaidenAnimations "Being Not Straight" and then it hit me. Also, I'm a garlic addict so.... yeah...

hi all, I am aroace and have been out for many years now, I'm a 25 yr old nonbinary person. I've had relationships before but have recently been interested in trying to get into the dating scene... but i have literally no idea what i'm doing 🫠

any advice for how to find close relationships with others? how to be open about being ace and aro? how to know when someone is flirting ??

I would love to hear peoples experiences and stories!

Before I start I would like to say that the person I'm talking about is still my friend and has always been my friend, she just went to another school and we weren't as close anymore.

In 7th grade, my former best friend used to be a self-proclaimed homophobe. Two girls in our grade were dating and she avoided them, and when me and her other friends asked her why; she said she was homophobic. That's not my interpretation of what she said, she said that exact word. Me and my present best friend already knew we were queer and regularly argued with her about how that wasn't a good thing. I even came out to her and her reaction was "does that mean you'll date a girl?" I said no, and she said "then I don't care". So I was very confused, but she seemed to not even hate the two girls; it appeared to be mild discomfort/disgust. She just preferred that they weren't together around her or act like a couple when she was in the vicinity. Once I realized that she wouldn't harass them, try to ruin their reputation, or make it a very big deal at all, we hung out as usual though I did still try to change her opinions.

Flash forward to a month ago (this was way after she had gone to another school), she suddenly texted me and we were catching up with each other. We were exchanging Spongebob GIFs when, completely unprompted btw, she texted me about how she had had an epiphany and now respects anyone for who they are and asked for my forgiveness (this is a VERY shortened version of that apology but that's the gist of it). I was very confused because it had been so long that I completely forgot about anything she had said that was disrespectful of others. Then I remembered and asked if she was talking about her homophobia, and she said yes. I accepted because she had only ever expressed mild disgust with those two girls that dated, and she was still friends with me and my friend despite knowing we were queer. I believed she was being genuine because I know the way she types when she's joking, being sarcastic or generally untruthful, and she didn't do any of that at all.

After we had sorted that out, she asked me if I had any crushes and I told her I was aroace and probably never would have any (I think she had forgot because it had been a while since we talked face to face). And she told me that I was completely valid and that being aroace is just fine because she was enough of a hopeless romantic for the both of us, which we both laughed at.

I later texted my best friend about the convo and she was just as shocked and proud as I was. And we talked about how we were proud but also how completely out of the blue it was ("This wasn't on my 2024 bingo card but she slayed that apology"- my bestie). Then we joked about how we loved my friend's character development and just started chatting about other things.

I wanted to share this story because it helped me remember that a good portion of homophobic people have the chance to change and they just have to take that chance and make amends. And because my formerly homophobic friend just validated my identity, I didn't even tell her that aroace meant queer; she just accepted it with full sincerity, I felt even more comfortable as an aroace. I was already comfortable with my identity and didn't feel broken or very lonely, but that convo just made it feel even better. I genuinely hope and that any homophobic people in your lives also realize that they're being harmful, and that they'll work to make amends with you too. If they don't, then I hope you'll be able to safely remove them from your life or are somewhat safe in their presence if you can't get away from them.

I don't think I'm aroace anymore or at least just more on the greyromantic greysexual part but the thing I find most interesting to note from these years of thinking that I was completely aroace is that I don't regret it!

I think the idea that nothing is guaranteed in romance and that i need to let go of this idea of someone making my life whole never really left me until then. I live my life completely for me, I'm myself to the max in every aspect of my life. I'm very content on my own. My friendships are absolutely thriving.

Even now that I'm exploring the romantic field, it's so obvious that people have this desperation for a romantic love that I just don't have anymore. It's lead to me dodging a lot of bullets and keeping firm with my expectations and boundaries because I'm not scared to lose romance because I'm completely happy without it! I was able to explore who I am without the lense of "what if a potential partner doesn't like it".

For all the people that say that aroace people are living shittier lives, I think it's just wrong. Aroace people are just kinda more open to what's actually important in achieving long term fulfillment in life.

Hey guys, my name is Charlotte, I'm 17. I'm agender and surprise aroace! I'd love to have other aroace friends, because I feel like people who do experience romantic attraction don't appreciate friendships as much as I do! I love playing games like roblox, watching cartoons and roleplaying. I have a discord so if anyone's interested please dm me! ^.^

They seem to have good responses so far

we've been together for about a year now

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I called myself straight when I was in denial. Then after I started accepting the possibility of being LGBTQ+, I realized I never actually developed a crush on anybody. I thought I might be gay cause I knew I never liked girls that way, but I eventually settled on aroace, and currently I'm gay aroace! I never went through the "maybe i'm bi or pan, since i like both genders equally/am indifferent" phase. Can anyone relate?

I’ve identified as aro ace for most of my life. I’m a 23 now. But i think I have a crush on a man. I don’t know how to explain it. I do not imagine myself in a relationship with him and I don’t want to have sex with him. But I like the idea of him and I think I want him. The caveat is that they’re in a relationship. And also to be completely honest, I think if they liked me romantically or sexually, I don’t know if I would really like that.

What is this? I thought it was just gender envy but something about him interests me. I don’t really know him all too well so i figure that’s a part of the reason why I’m interested.

I found out recently that I am aroace!! I am also loveless and maybe voidromantic which is a label I recently found out about and I think I really relate to it. I also think I’m apothiromantic and apothisexual! I ordered a book called loveless because a friend recommended it to me when I told them that I am aroace, has anyone read it?

Hello 👋

How do you guys feel about doing like a weekly/fortnight games night? Just us Aro/Ace folks.

In my Aro/Ace discord we were talking about setting up a minecraft server for us to hangout on and play together but was also wondering about setting a games night that everyone can play for free. Server will still go ahead although it will be java edition.

List of game ideas:

• Fall guys
• Monopoly
• Kahoot
• Uno
• Cards against humanity
• Mario kart tour

If anyone is interested or has some game recommendations that are free to play and can support multiplayer wether it be on pc or phone feel free to post it.

Thought it would be a fun idea for all of us that are interested to hangout and chat aswell as play some competitive or fun games together.

Link to the discord server: https://discord.com/invite/hTVHNVwN2z

I’ve never had a crush on anyone ever. I don’t even think I’ve felt love at all. I have been in one relationship before but I was not happy and I did not love the person. I feel very disconnected from it, whenever I see someone say “I love you”, I cannot relate to that feeling in any context (romantic, friendship etc). I can feel happy around certain people, but I don’t love them. When people talk about love it makes me uncomfortable. But aroace is just being aromantic and asexual, but I don’t love at all, so I’m confused. I’m scared to post this because I’ve never told anyone about this before. I actually feel very happy about this part of me though, and there are certain people in my life who I like to be around, but I don’t love them. Is there a word for this?