hi ^^

I sometimes feel alone in being aro-ace and being sex-favorable and sex-indifferent (it fluctuates)!

I never thought I would enjoy sexy stuff, but with this one person, It's so much fun and I feel more connected to them :)

Dating just seems so impossible sometimes. I don't want to be alone, I want to find someone I can love in my own way without the sex specifically. I'm not against being romantic with someone, I do think it's cute and nice I just see them and feel romantically attracted to them. On top of that I would only ever feel comfortable with another trans girl. I just feel like my dating pool is so small and they have to be ok with a relationship without me finding them romantically attractive or sexual. It just seems too hard sometimes.

there is 1 guy at school that i rly like however i read somewhere that aroaces can have unattainable crushes and he is unattainable bc 1: he has a gf and 2: hes probably str8 (im male js like him but idk maybe he is bi or pan or smth) now the reason why i think i might not be aroace is bc if he was attainable and if he wanted me i would accept relationship, ik that aroaces can also be in relationship since they experience little to no attraction but i think that i feel a lot of attraction and not js little

So! I have a question, my apologies if it is rude or anything. But what is your opinion on if having "self time" / private time still valid on being Aro/Ace or not? Cause there are some people that say its invalidating, or others says its just human. What is our borderline? I apologize if this is too personal or inappropriate. =[

This is something I've been asking for a while and the only thing I can find is "romance normally comes with sexual attention" or "romance is with one person" and as someone who's poly and sees sex and something completely different from romance I never really found a good answer that can't be just mixed with platonic attraction in some way. And it's not a "you will know when the time comes" thing cause I've been in relationships but I still don't understand romance. And I want to be romantic I guess? I like the idea of it at least??? Every aromatic identity I found has something that doesn't fit me or something that it doesn't account for so I really don't know what I am or what I feel which is less than ideal. And I know I don't need to label everything but I still want some sence of community or some basic understanding of my relationships (sry I just rambled most of this)

Btw I am not ace I just thought some alloromantic feedback could help and I thought there would be a greater chance at finding it here then the aro subreddit

I don't think I've ever fallen in love or have wanted to do the deed with anyone ever but I like the idea of being embarrassed by my parents over dinner while my girlfriend is visiting. Sometimes this inspires envy.

Is this normal? Or is this my allonormative insecurities flaring up?

I told my mom's boyfriend that I'm queer. He simply responded with "no you aren't your just inactive" for reference I'm aroace.... I mean I'm not gonna explain what aroace means to a 60 year old Trump supporter.

I found a small online group for queer people and thought about saying hi and introducing myself but the lack of any aro/ace people there made me feel too intimidated to say anything in fear of getting told aro/aces aren't queer or other aphobic comments. Maybe my social anxiety is just acting up again and I'm being too dramatic but idk, I'd rather not risk getting told something aphobic🥲

I honestly don’t know where to start. I think I’m aroace but it doesn’t seem right. I don’t know if it’s just years of me masking or if I’m genuinely not aroace. Every time I find a label that sort of fits I think I just jump to it. I have a few questions so this is gonna be a long post lol.

What does love feel like? I guess what I’m trying to say is what does romance feel like. I know what it looks like but what does it feel like? It’s one of the most talked about things but I just don’t understand. As a kid I would pick someone that was nice and go “I like this person.” I don’t think I ever really did “like” them and I never told anyone but that’s what I did as a kid.

What’s the difference between sexual, sensual, aesthetic, and romantic attraction? And what’s the difference between romantic and platonic? I kind of understand but not really.

I don’t know if what I’m feeling is attraction or not. I don’t know if it’s genuine. I masked a lot as a kid so I think that could be why I don’t know if it’s real or not. I think it’s mostly fictional characters too. When I say “This character is hot.” I don know if I actually think they’re hot or if I’m just masking.

I’m still a virgin. Most stuff about sex kinda weirds me out and makes me uncomfortable. If I remember correctly there has been a few time while reading a book or something like that, that I have been aroused. I think it was arousal at least.

This might be better for the qpr subreddit but I might put it here anyway. What’s the difference between a qpr(queer platonic relationship) and a romantic relationship?

TLDR; What does love feel like? What’s the difference between sexual, sensual, aesthetic, and romantic attraction? What’s the difference between romantic and platonic relationships? What’s the difference between a qpr and a romantic relationship? Can someone explain it to me like I’m 5?

I don't know if it is a weird thing to ask, I'm dumb, All of my idea of Love is built on what I've seen in fictional media, I haven't experienced any kind of Love. Just wanted to ask this weird question. Can any type of Love happen without any kind of attraction?

so I'm aroace or at least ace and arospec, but I have this thing where can find ppl physically attractive just not in a want to be with them way and I was wondering if there's a word or label for this? like if I see a pretty person irl or online I get all flustered but it's not in a "would date" way, just "hehe pretty person <333" and like I technically have a type ig? idk I'm just confused and a bit too obsessed with labels so if someone could help me out a bit with this so I can add another label to my list that'd be great

I know its a silly question. But I'm curious to hear your oc aro/ace (if you have any).

CW: mentions of sex and aphobia

Hi! I’ve noticed a pattern recently with ace representation. Arcane just confirmed Viktor as being asexual. I always thought of him as ace so I think it’s awesome! :)) - but some people seem to be very pissed about it??

I opened socials and saw dozens of people stating that Arcane sucks now because of this and that they’re going to write/draw “spite porn” of Viktor. What the hell? I saw some people - also people who claim to be ace - say that “being ace doesn’t mean you can’t be kinky and have sex.” And I’m really baffled here???? Of course it’s true, you can be ace and still have sex (to like please a partner or libido, etc) bc sexual attraction ≠ sexual action, but these specific people seem infuriated by the fact an asexual character might just dislike/be ambivalent toward sex?? They seem so hateful of sex-repulsed aces specifically.

The same thing happened with Alastor from Hazbin Hotel being confirmed ace. People got so mad. Am I the only one who’s frustrated by this? What are your opinions on this? I‘m just confused.

tldr: when characters are confirmed canonically ace they’re hated on by the fandoms and people write/draw revenge smut to shit on the ace rep. some of these people are ace themselves, too. Examples: Alastor (Hazbin) and Viktor (Arcane)

edit2: thank you everyone for explaining ab Viktor specifically! I realize now the spitefics about him are because the co-creator only made him ace to negate him being gay (meaning he's also conflating ace = aro which is untrue) and the fact Viktor is a trope asexual (disabled, morally dubious, workaholic, etc) is harmful too. Thank you for your explanations!! So I RESCIND VIKTOR as an example lol. Now I'm thinking of mostly Alastor.

edits: grammar + a correction

Okay so this happened like a few days maybe like 5-7 days ago and the first one was a girl who was a classmate and we aren’t really friends I think me and her really only talk when my other friends aren’t there because of some reason and during second period in math she sat next to me and I was kinda awkward about it because my friends were walking into class and I didn’t wanna be mean and move to go sit with my friend so they sat behind me and the class was just waiting for our teacher Mr Reilly to arrive in class so she turned to me and started a conversation kinda casual and told me about her weekend and then she did the thing when they asked if they can ask you a question and I said yeah sure and then she winged and said I have a crush on you… and I literally was surprised and kinda panicking because well I’m aroace but she doesn’t know that cause I don’t really go off and tell everyone but I do have a pin on my backpack but I don’t think she know what it means but whatever anyways back to the situation and so I kinda just told her that I’ll think about it and she was kinda awkward but she accepted it and yeah…so now I don’t know…like yeah I know it sounds easy and just say “I am aroace and I do not like you” but that’s meannnnn you know? And yes she is a girl.

Second person so this was actually yesterday after school okay so he is a guy and I’m not gonna give out his name just for privacy anyways but he goes to a different school but is one of my parents adult child’s friend if that even makes sense and it was thanks giving right? So they were invited over and when they arrived he just sat next to his mom who was talking with my mom and chatting away before my siblings and I were playing cards against humanity and it’s the original so he decided to join in and sat next to me we played for an hour before putting it away and getting ready for dinner so after dinner happens you know parents saying good bye and his mom was gonna stay for a bit and he came over to me while I was giving my cat some treats for using the kitty litter for once and straight out of the damn blue said he liked me and I gave him the same response as other girl cause that was the only thing I could think of at the moment and he simply nodded and told be to have a good night before leaving with his mom and dad so I was left there and had a overthinking sessions for about two hours for a while and that is what I need help cause I have a problem of not knowing what to do and might even consider a therapist because why not

I had a friendship breakup in January this year so almost 11 months ago, and it was pretty bad at the beginning because she was still in my class and my mental health was shit and everything and last week I walked past her in school and looked at her hands and noticed that she still wears the ring that I bought her last summer! As the only ring on both of her hands… I don’t know why but that made me feel a bit weird

I can't believe I'm doing this & while I'm aplatonic & not exactly trustful with friendships, I just lost the main source I spammed (I don't wanna talk about it) & talked to, I thought of doing this, even tho I don't think I'll succeed.

I'm 19-21yo nb, I have a lot of labels but let's say I'm attraction repulsed in general, but I like writing about them (romantic & explicit stuff). I don't care about gender, but within age I'd prefer 18-23. Also in regards of stance of relationships, I'd prefer someone who's more likely to be repulsed,neutral or averse in regards of identity (if people like this exist).

I like digital art, vocaloid, personality type things (like mbti, astrology etc), VNs, danganronpa, yuri, writing.

I'm a gamedev, a selfshipper, I have multiple ocs universes & I'm European.

And I was only there at this boy’s place to braid his hair. Nothing else. I didn’t go to TG with my family because well… they’re fucked up for me to deal with at this point of my life.. and even I said I was going to go to grandmas place for this holiday, I honestly didn’t want to.

Ironically enough, I was trying to start my braiding business by just going around to people’s houses and braid their hair and I don’t have enough money to set up shop yet in my life. This boy named Jack (fake name) stated that he REALLY needed to get his hair done before holiday’s dinner and he & I made an agreement that I would arrive there before 11 in the morning.

Once I arrived there, he greeted with everyone joining in on the holiday, went upstairs to his room to get my hair utensils ready so I can ready and part his hair..

So why the living hell did Jack decide to grope my buttocks while I was readying my utensils for him??? He even made comments about hoping that i would be “his only hair dresser as he really didn’t want to share me with anyone else” & that he “was an empath”.

I met this N**** on Thanksgiving Eve before I came here… and you decided to already get boozed up and fondle AND TRIED FORCE ME TO HUG YA!

I’m trying to start a fucking hair business! Why are Andros (men) like this???

Luckily I told I didn’t quite like him touching me there and to please not do it again and he listened. But throughout my time of him doing his hair, he was WAY too touchy -feely around me….

This blot literally thought this was a chance for him to make moves on me…. While I was pursuing my business… terrible thing was he was my first client too…

I hoped no one else dealt with this type of stuff on Thanksgiving… everyone please be safe

Based on the describtions of others it seems like what I am experiencing might be romantic feelings. It does feel close enough. It also does feel different than regular friendship I would say.

However, in all my experiences, as soon as the other person started to act romantic, I felt...disconnected. Lonely. Missing the loss of connection we once had (like if we were becoming friends). I feel like I wanted to get close to that person, and now I'm getting even further away because they bring something in that is odd and I'm not getting what I wanted and liked.

I'm so confused, folks. It's not like my feelings changed, I just have never been able to authentically connect on a romantic level. Or a sexual, that is. It's not like the intensity of feeling is not there, the feeling itself just feels...dryer than what is expected of me, if you know what I mean.

I think it’s because my peers and I are all around the age where people start thinking/talking about getting into relationships more. Especially as someone who came from a single-gendered school, we’re suddenly mixing with the opposite gender a lot more now in our new school. So it seems like everyone is constantly talking about getting into relationships or talking about their love life in general. Which is starting to make me feel really out of place. Everyone seems so connected/bonded. Their conversations seem so fulfilling. But I just can’t relate. My friends can so easily talk to one another about their love interests etc. and I feel like I’m getting left behind. It adds insult to injury when people start asking about MY love life. Family members teasing me about getting a significant other, to which I stay silent to because they don’t know yet, and I don’t know how they would react. My friend saying that maybe I just haven’t found the right person yet. My OTHER friend pushing me to try talking to someone I just thought was aesthetically attractive, even after already knowing I am aroace. My pansexual classmate not knowing what aroace means when she asked if I was looking, to which I respond by saying “I’m aroace” and she just didn’t get it. I don’t blame anyone. It’s not anyone’s fault for not understanding. But it’s like these moments haunt me, it makes me question my own sexuality and that makes me so upset. It was one thing for other people to not be able to understand me. But when it starts making me doubt myself too? It feels like not even I understand myself. And that makes me so angry. Not only is romance being shoved into my face, but it feels like the societal pressure is actually WORKING. And I hate it. I feel inadequate, lonely, misunderstood and straight up confused. Has anyone else ever felt like this before? Or am I losing my mind?

I'm comfortable with identifying as Ace (even though I sometimes feel invalid due to my.. Me time.) However I'm questioning if I'm Aro. I've dated before, but it never feels... Huge, if that makes sense. To me it just feels like we're good friends. I hate kissing, makes me uncomfortable, love cuddles but I don't see cuddles as a romantic thing. I'm okay with my asexuality being trauma induced (if it even was) but I don't know how I'd feel about being aro because I like the IDEA of it but in reality it's just... Friendship?

I keep having these dreams about being in a relationship. And I'm so happy in those dreams. It's like the litteral fairy tale, I meet "the one" and everything just clicks into place. It all suddenly makes sense.

Then I wake up. And I'm alone and not having to deal w the drama of a relationship and I'm happy. 😁

But sometimes I wonder why I'm having these dreams at all.

I think a lot of people will have trouble with family/friends today so I want you all the feel heard and not clutter up the subreddit with 50 of the same posts.

i was groomed at 10 and ever since i haven’t been able to fall inlove unless the person was possibly the worst choice in existence. from what ive heard im some what attractive so ive had a chance with at least 94% of the people that have caught my eye, however it just feels forced and boring if im not with someone who’s either manipulative or abusive. The only partners that i didnt leave by choice treated me as if i were nothing to them and for some reason it would take me months or even years to get over them. My last actual “love” love bombed me only to ghost for days on, apologise and repeat it again, she ended up faking her suicide, i found out she started dating another guy not even a month after that incident(this happened just a year ago and i didn’t even know what happened to her until a few weeks ago) when i was younger i would be able to last in a relationship for atleast 2weeks before getting bored of my partner but now it takes a solid2-7 days. I really want to have a relationship but i don’t think that’s realistic anymore, can someone help😭🙏

It’s a disease that I don’t wanna catch

My family doesn’t know that I am aroace, I’m not sure how to tell them and we are doing a thanksgiving day lunch with our family, 20 people more or less, because some have a meal tonight with friends, but she kept making this joke about me having a girlfriend over and over again. It just kept annoying me and I just don’t know what to do, and because none of them know I’m aroace they believe her and this just isn’t the time to tell.

I need help from this community. I’m in a really really bad place mentally, it feels like it’s too late to turn the ship, but nonetheless I get up everyday. Anyways. I have had depressive/ melancholic tendencies my whole life but ever since I started questioning my sexuality and landing on ace and aro (which was in 2020, I was 23 and I’m 27 now) my mental health has become a lot worse. It’s like everything just ceased to make sense. There was suddenly no happy ending available anymore, if you know what I mean? And all the safe “rules” and norms of society didn’t apply to me anymore.

Since then I have had a lot of ups and downs, and have had a lot of really good times as well. But every time I fall into the depression, the worst thing is always my sexual/ romantic identity. It’s like I have placed all my sorrow and pain on this one thing that I can’t control or do anything with. My depression is also highly linked to loneliness, and I think maybe often triggered by it. Right now I’m in a terrible place and very lonely, without a job and feeling very unsafe in general (emotionally, socially,etc.) And then just the thought of continuing living in a society that is cold and lonely and uncaring for everyone, but especially lonely if you can’t even count on romantic love saving your ass when you’re older. Or just the sorrow of knowing your friends will disappear into their own romantic relationships and families while you have to get by by “focusing on your hobbies”??? It pisses me off and also terrifies me. I’m a pretty introverted person and although I love social contact, I’m bad at reaching out to people. I feel like I’ve lost myself in this horrible, allcompassing fear of the future and not knowing if I’ll ever fall in love or not. I’ve lost my creative and inspired self and have lost the magic lens I used to have, I have become completely jaded and numb and burned out from worrying and obsessing.

It feels like my life is over, honestly. I would always dream that it would solve itself, but after yet another round of trying to fall in love with a guy who is sweet and good to me, I just can’t anymore. It feels like everything I touch turns to shit. It’s like I’m broken, and that I have to work thrice as hard as anyone else to have some value as a human. I know these things are depression and toxic shame, but my point is that my aro and ace identity feeds these in a horrible loop. I dont see a future anymore. Sorry for the negativity.

I am currently going a little bit over what I want in a relationship or why I want one and...gosh, well, I saw a documentary on popularity and realized that maybe I just want a relationship to have a designated human who is nice to me and likes me and will tell me good stuff about me and show me love.

Sigh.

Idk. All the more "serious" romantic/sexual actions just seem like...coping mechanisms to get stronger input to dull over and distract from other stuff where I feel uncomfortable.

What do I do with this information now?

It basically goes like this: I like the idea of relationship, and all the stuff and activities with it, But I don't got any attraction or desire to seek it, if that makes sence.

The part that I need the help with is idk what to do with it, my brain won't let me be. Feels like I gotta do something about it but idk what.