what the title says. it feels like i've recently lost all romantic attraction to anyone. however, i've been struggling to distinguish whether these feelings are real or just a pessimistic outlook i've gained on ever finding love. as someone asexual, i've felt like my life would be easier if i were also aro. while a part of me feels that these feelings must mean that i am, the other part of me feels like im just manifesting for what's convenient to my life experience. it's just all very confusing. i am also aware that it's a little aphobic to want to be something i may not be, im on working on changing these feelings.

Have you been told that you are just an attention seeker, or a liar, or that you're just confused and someday you'll meet someone who will change your mind?

Has your identity been written off by others as a physical, mental, or moral deficit?

Have you been made to feel unwelcome in spaces that are meant to be inviting?

Have you been coerced into entering relationships that did not align with your identity and were not what you wanted?

Have you been forced to hide your identity from others to keep yourself safe?

Have you experienced medical trauma from unnecessary or harmful treatments proposed by doctors trying to "fix" you?

Have you lost faith in therapy after having your identity pathologized by a therapist?

Are individuals in your community regularly subjected to hatred, discrimination, and "corrective" rape?

Does society disregard the legitimacy of your thoughts, your feelings, and how you live your life?

Do you lie awake wondering if you should come out to a loved one, or if they'll just burn you like the last loved one who found out?

It's demoralizing, isn't it? It's frightening. It's frustrating. It's isolating. It's heartbreaking. But I don't need to tell you that. You already understand how it feels.

So do we.

• Signed, a member of the a-spec community

Idk it that's an unpopular opinion cuz I know some people hate that phrase "aroace people can still date" but I feel quite mad when people keep saying that if I'm aroace I need to behave in a certain way, and get mad at me for doing something they think an aroace person shouldn't do? Being aroace is a SPECTRUM, not every aroace person is the same and it's annoying that people see that as a so black and white thing when it's not. I'm not sure where I am in the aroace spec so I just use the label aroace cuz it's easier, it's annoying when people keep telling you that you're not aroace if you don't despise romance and sexual stuff (fictional stuff included), guys, it's a SPECTRUM, it's defined as feeling LITTLE to no attraction, the key word is little! So yea, aroace people CAN date and they CAN still feel attraction. It's just not cool to be put inside of a box, yk?

I also really dislike when people put so much emphasis and importance in me being aroace, I know this part depends on the person, but for me personally being aroace is not that big of deal for me, it's like having brown hair, it's a part of me, but it's not that important (for me), and people usually emphasize that when I'm doing something they think it's "odd" for an aroace person to do, which enters the previous subject I was talking about, and that's why I don't like it. When I told one of my friends that I was aroace he got SUPER happy and started screaming that I was aroace (in public, now a person that I didn't wanted to tell it knows about it!) and I hated it so much, now everytime I say something about romance or sexual stuff he reminds me that I am aroace and how "funny it is" that I'm taking about it???? I just really dislike it and I kinda regret telling him now.

I personally don't think I ever had romantic or sexual feelings for anyone in my life but I do enjoy romance in fiction and people love to invalidate me because of this.

In summary: I really dislike when people think I need to DESPISE or be totally indifferent to romance and sexual stuff, even in fiction, to be aroace, and if I'm not I'm not aroace.

EDIT: I see that people are down voting so I'm so SO sorry if this post got a bigoted vibe, that wasn't my intention at all! Now I completely understand why people hate that phrase, I was just venting about how people invalidate aro/ace spec people if they DO want to date or if they feel some kind of attraction, saying that they are not aro/ace because of this. And since there's a lot of identities between the aro/ace community (example: demiromantic/demisexual) not all aro/ace people are gonna be the same! I'm sorry if it came out a little weird

Heya so, I’m a heterosexual oriented aroace and…well, a lot of aroace and lgbt people are for some reason saying that heterosexual aroace people don’t belong in the, well ig community because their heterosexual. It happened to me a LOT and it’s starting to pretty much make me sad and uncomfortable. Including straight aromantics. Like- hear this, a heterosexual transgender was going into a trans club but they didn’t let them in because they were heterosexual-😭 It’s really heterophobic and disrespectful. What do yall think?

For a while now I’ve been trying to figure out whether I’m on the aromantic and asexual spectrum or if it’s a fear of commitment/vulnerability/intimacy. I was wondering if anyone has questioned this too about themselves. I’d love to hear about your experiences. I’d also love some advice for how I could figure this out.

Hello friends! Can you gimme your book recommendations that you think another aroaces would enjoy. I need some 🤗.

preferably fantasy, but I can be open for modern/urban (just because I never read a good one so I tend to avoid them)

I am very okay with a little romance, so long it’s not the ENTIRE point of the story or the relationships between the main characters. I’m not one for enemies/rivals-to-lovers, unfortunately.

And also okay with smut, as long as there’s actually a solid, thoughtful, and realistic plot aside from all the boinking.

what if i said i don’t like straight relationships/ships but i can tolerate other ones

For most of my life i’ve identified as a lesbian. After discovering that I am aroace, and that I am not interested in romantic/sexual relationships with women/fem people at all, I still identify as a lesbian. I always joke with my friends that I am a lesbian in theory but not in practice lol. I’m curious if anyone that identified with certain labels in the past such as gay/bi/pan etc. continues/doesn’t continue to use those labels after coming out as aroace and why? Most of my friends are lesbians and I am so involved with lesbian culture that it just feels natural to still identify as a lesbian. I guess my identity as a lesbian could also be relevant in terms of QPRs but also i’m not sure how I feel about QPRs.

Hey aroace people double demi here or demirose although I'm not quite sure myself if I'm demirose or aroace although I feel like it doesn't matter

How do you feel about relationships or dating? Even though you experience no attraction for you wish to be close to other people or have a special person like a partner?

For me I never felt any attraction myself in my 21 years of life but I always found relationships fascinating the idea of 2 people being able to understand each other and like each other and growing together... Sharing a bond... It felt so special to me even though that's not how most relationships are in society

But it's how I would like it to be for me I would love to have someone that I can spend time with and live with and make food together and draw and brush each others hair I feel like I'll start crying just thinking about it lol and I'm okay even with the lack of romance or physical touch even though I would be open to it

So I always wanted to meet a person like that a person like me and a year ago I met someone on the apps who according to the apps was a double demi and was happy to have felt like I found someone like me

And our friendship felt like it was blossoming connecting over little things and talking and doing calls while drawing together with no romance or feelings involved exactly what I wanted...

But over the past month I started to get more attached to this person I never understood why I still don't have any sexual or romantic feelings but if they also feel close to me I wouldn't mind developing them at least that's how things work in my head

And I ended up asking them if they want to become closer friends or more than just friends if they felt that way too and they said they don't date despite having accounts on the apps? And said they were probably completely aro ace which I respect and I am okay with staying friends

It has been a day now and waking up I feel so empty, I feel so bad that I've gotten so attached and that they are the closest person I have to a best friend... I feel horrible for having expressed my feelings to them and I feel like I ruined things even though they said they would like to keep hanging out and that they enjoy spending time together

I was wondering if any other aro ace people feel this way and just don't want to date?

I don't quite understand how maybe in the past they were looking or might have been open to dating but now they aren't? It all feels so strange to me and I feel so confused sorry for the long post

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So I was just visting a random LGBTQ sub and out of curiosity I searched up asexual, and I saw a post, the was asking "Do you consider asexual people to be lgbt." and the majority of comments were aphobic. The ones that weren't gained a bunch of downvotes.

Well, to begin with it's not exactly exclusion, is more like not being more important than other sexualities, for example, for the past year I've been trying to make friends on LGBTQ+ places, i always end up getting kicked out or simply being told "That's not something real, how can you not feel love or the urge to have sex? You're a teen you shold be wanting to have sex whenever u can", is there an eplanation to why does people usually don't accept other people can't experience love or sexual desire?

I don't know if this fits here, but I don't know where else to share this

school starts for me in about a week, and there's a person in my class who im like 99% sure is somewhere on the a-spectrum (they wear purple, dark green, light green beads on their shoelaces) and they probably know im aroace (I have an ace flag pin, aro and ce flag kandi stars on my bag) but I really want to talk to them and tell them im aroace. but its more complicated than that, because even though they are really nice and a genuinely good person, they are friends with the queerphobic girls who bully me. weird, I know. does anyone have advice on how I could talk to them?

my ideal long term relationship would be of one where a great deal of personal space exists, maybe a house with two rooms where each of us has our own space. we could go out on platonic dates as friends to have fun, maybe even coparent pets and children 😔 preferably little to no sex throughout the relationship but there is physical intimacy like cuddling, holding hands etc involved the entire relationships foundation would be built upon friendship and mutual belongingness to each other :’) i’d love to come back home to someone and have someone in my life who will always be there for me, the way i will for them.

i’m unsure about my sexuality but does it sound like im aro-ace?

I've seen the term several times and I love the idea, but I don't fully understand it. I know they're not friendship nor a romantic relationship, but then, how do they work? How does that bond form? Does it involve more than a close friendship, or does it depend on the person?

And if I ever wanted to have one, how could I explain it to others?

If anyone can explain it with examples or share their experiences, I’d really appreciate it.

Prob a pointless post but I just need to put down what im thinking...

I just hate how asking for LESS than what a romantic relationship brings is actually asking for way more.

I wish more people were okay with QPR like relationships. Like friends are nice obviously but why is it so hard to have a friend at HOME aswell. It shouldn't be that difficult to find someone to spend time and cuddle with at home without it being a romantic relationship. I obviously get why...its just not what most people want but still you'd think it would be a bit easier.

Being aroace...while having a need for physical touch along with having social anxiety is close enough to hell🫠

Again idk what the point of this was, im sure plenty of yall feel the same way...I just needed to say it I guess

I don't want to offended anyone but, is anyone here who are just aroace without any form of attraction (aesthetic, sexual ... So on)

I have met a lot angled/oriented aroaces (hetroangled, homooriented), but no "just" aroace

So for context, I have a queer therapist who specializes with lgbtq+ related therapy. So, I thought they’d understand that I’m aroace, BUT that I have a friend (who’s aroace spec) who I’m not romantically into, but we’re more than friends (I think it’s queer platonic, but idk). My therapist keeps giving me weird looks like I have a crush on this friend.

EVERYTIME I talk about this friend or how I value them my therapist keeps asking if we’re dating or not. Like it’s making me doubt myself, but like…I really don’t think this is at all romantic. I just want to be their friend and see them happy and really hope that includes staying my friend.

What really ticked my therapist off into this whole, second guessing me, seemed to be me telling them me and this friend joked about getting married (for tax reasons) and also were fantasizing about a future home together. I don’t think that sounds romantic. I just wanna buddy for life. 🤷

I’m sorry if this is incoherent. This is just a yelling into the void. I’m too tired to reread and see if everything is coherent and just wanted to post onto a space I know other people might also experience this issue.

I would like to preface this post by saying I am only 15, and came out October to November.

a while ago I came out to my 2 friend groups, and my friend, who we'll call Ryan, won't shut up about it. Ryan thinks that this is the funniest thing in the world, and now whenever I joke about basically anything, he just says "shut up your dick doesn't get hard" or asks me joking questions about if my penis goes hard. I can't take it anymore and he isn't the type to listen when I tell him to stop. I don't know what to do, and so I've started to cut Ryan off. What else can I do?

Being aroace in an allo world is hard. When you hang out with a guy and they say you're a couple… everything's fucked. We are ignored by law, although we are here. It isn't a phase, and I don't want to have sex with him. I'm 19 and still haven't found the right person. Was I supposed to? What the hell is wrong with me? Am I… broken because of society's norms? Or am I just overdramatizing this?

Dude, asmr is just people whispering on their STUPID. MIRCOPHONE.

I always thought it was relaxing for the brain, like, being at a quiet beach, or drinking hot cocoa. HOW IS WHISPERING ON A MICROPHONE GONNA MAKE SOMEONE HARD?!!!! ( no shame on anyone who does im just confused )

SO THIS WHOLE TIME IVE BEEN WATCHING MAYA WINKEY WITH HER ASMR, JUST TO REALIZE PPL FIND IT SEXUAL?!!!!!!!

WHY?! HOW?!!!!

Im too confused…..

( again no shame, just veryyy confused)