Not having to worry about relationships,sex, and romance is nice but I still want my sapphic daydream!!

So currently I identify as a demiromantic biromantic asexual, I just say I’m aroace and bi. But lately I’ve been questioning if what I’ve been thinking is romantic love is actually platonic love.

I’ve technically had 8 relationships, 3 of which in person, all the others were online. But being completely honest, I’ve only felt what I think could be considered “romantic” love for 2 of them (one of which was in person, the other is online/long distance). Two of the other relationships I kind of just found myself in. For one, an online friend had asked me out in a group chat, and I thought it was a joke and jokingly said yes, but apparently they weren’t joking and I didn’t pick up on it for an embarrassingly long time. And the other I legitimately don’t remember, it just kind of…happened. I don’t remember a lot about it other than their name and some vague conversations, and eventually us breaking up. Maybe the relationship wasn’t good and my mind is repressing it.

Regarding the 3 that mattered most to me, I was only 11-12 when I had my first relationship while they were 15, and I felt very deeply for them, but looking back I don’t think I can confidently say that what I felt was romantic. I think I was just excited that someone I thought was cool liked me. I’m hesitant to say I loved them in a romantic way especially because of my age at the time. This applies to a lot of my other relationships, though this one sticks out more since it was my first one.

My other relationship was with someone who I dated in middle school and then again in high school. They became a good friend of mine and I always looked up to them and thought they were super cool. They’re also the only person I’ve ever kissed, and I definitely felt something when that happened. They made me feel all giddy and happy inside, and I was still thinking about them and wanting to be with them when we broke up the first time, but the second time I’d say I recovered pretty fast.

The last one is my current partner. I’m struggling to describe my relationship with my current partner because it’s a little complicated. I feel deeply for them, I want them in my life, but I don’t know if I feel romantic love for them. I like doing some romantic things with them, and we briefly broke up awhile back and it really hurt me. I felt like we wouldn’t be the same, and that thought was crushing. But we’re back together now and I’m happy for the most part, but confused. They also talked to me a few times about feeling like I don’t initiate anything, and they want me to do that more because it made them feel like the relationship was a bit one sided. I made an effort to initiate stuff more after that convo, but in all honesty I never did that stuff because I just never really thought about it. I told them it was because I was kinda shy, which is part of it I think, but that stuff just never crossed my mind. This relationship and the one I mentioned before it are the only ones I feel I could describe as “romantic.”

How I express my love for partners isn’t very different for close friends. I love spending time together, watching TV, playing games, talking or going somewhere fun. I also love giving meaningful gifts, stuff like that. Really there isn’t a whole lot of difference that I can see. Sometimes I’d get this excited feeling in my chest around my partners, but I get that same excitement when my best friend asks if I wanna hang out.

I think it’s important to note that with all of these relationships I’ve had, I never was the one to ask anyone out. They asked me out, and either we were already good friends and I deeply cared about them so I said yes, or I said yes because I felt pressured to. I had a hard time saying no for awhile. I also never really thought about anyone in a “romantic” way or thought too hard about getting together with someone until they expressed interest in me. I’m honestly kinda ashamed to admit that. I don’t know, it’s all really confusing. Especially since I’m a sex averse/repulsed asexual so “would I want to have sex with this person” isn’t a helpful question.

Can anyone relate? I can’t tell much of a difference between crush and squish, between romantic and platonic, and it almost feels like I’m becoming less interested in the idea of romance as I grow. But maybe I’m misunderstanding what romance is. To anyone reading who feels/has felt romantic love, what does it feel like?

Also sorry for the long post. I appreciate anyone who reads it

Hey people . If you are from California and looking for relationships or friends . I created community here . It’s called Ace_California . Go check it out. It’s a community to find ace or aro in California

Question . Where can I find ace and aro people to date or to have a platonic relationship ? I tried tinder and bumble and other apps and not working . In person is not an option.

So I have been identifying as aroace for a few years now and I love my identity. F inding these labels and this community has really helped me to no feel like such an outcast and not like I’m broken. While I love my identity and I do feel like it’s does fit me, I sometimes find it incredibly hard. All of my friends are very romantic and sex driven, it’s a huge part of their life. Ik they don’t care if I choose not to partake in either. But I know they think it’s weird and they don’t get it. They often tell me stuff like “oh maybe you’ll find a man tonight” or “she’s cute you y go talk to her” I have told a few of my close close friends that I’m aroace- they didn’t take it great. Even with explaining they didn’t listen and still bring up dating and sex. I tried talking about it in therapy but my therapist just said I was inexperienced and “needed to meet the right person” It’s just hard cuz this is the first label that I feel like fits me. I love it and I love the community. But it’s hard to not feel like an outcast a lot of the time. Our world is so driven by sex and romance and I feel like I’ll be seen as such a failure if I don’t get those things. So I guess my question is, does that get easier? The pressure of society and your friends abt having sex and a relationship?

I’m asexual, aroflux, abroromantic, and nebularomantic

I'm just curious. To me it seems like people just feel like they need romance because it's so normalised. Like why can people never just be happy with platonic love. Platonic love is honestly the best thing I've ever experienced and is what keeps me going every day. Is this just something only aroaces can really appreciate?

Been wondering for a while would you guys count kissing as sexual or romantic attraction?

Title might not be the most clear, so I'll explain my personal context to see if it makes any more sense. I used to think I was an aroace guy, before realising I was trans and that I could only see myself happy in a relationship as a girl, and I personally found it easier to accept being aro than trans. So, now, I'm thinking ace, trans, and liking girls, but I'm not 100% sure, but I'm not really worried about figuring it out, I feel content with my current understanding of myself.

Anyway, onto the point of the post, once I accepted that fact and started to adjust to being trans, I started to notice romantic feelings that either weren't there before or were heavily repressed. And honestly, it felt great. It felt pretty strong and a little intense, but in a good way. I may have liked being aroace, but I loved those feelings as well.

But I don't know if that's the case for everyone. Out of curiosity, if you discovered sexual/ romantic feelings that you hadn't felt before, did you like it or not? Ofcourse, what I've described doesn't mean you're not aro and/or ace, I'm definitely still aspec. I'm not looking for personal answers, or to figure myself out, I'm just curious to hear other people's experiences.

To clarify, this post isn't specifically about romantic feelings, or even sexual. Just any experiences of noticing feelings of love you didn't think you had.

fml, i've started feeling about someone... in a romantic way??? omgmhjgfljdslms now im confused aghainnn... i want them to sort of do isdkmncx, romantic things with me

Hello! I'm posting this in a couple subs to hopefully get more responses so apologies if you see this more than once!

I'm working on a 3D Design project with the prompt of making some kind of monument or tribute to a group or event, and I plan to make mine in honor of the aro community.

As part of this project, I want to include written sentiments or thoughts about the experience of being aro from you guys, part of my community. I'd love if you could just write any thoughts/sentences you have about you experience, the good or the bad.

Some examples could be things like:

"I'm tired of everyone around me expecting me to get in a relationship."

Or

"It's freeing to understand this part of myself and know that I'm not wrong or abnormal."

Anything goes, and give as many as you'd like! The more the merrier, really!

Hey , I have a question . I can’t experience love . I am also aromantic and asexual. I am introvert so it’s hard to connect people in general. I used to have two best friends in school but then they found boyfriends and have their own life right now. So I am trying to find a boy friend . I want to travel around the world with someone , do fun stuff together. Like two best friends in movies where they even live under the same roof and go together everywhere and enjoying their life. I want to have someone to experience stuff with me . But because girls usually care more about their new boyfriends and forget about their friends . I think I should found a boy but I can’t have a relationship. Well cuddling and kissing is okay if you want to. I physically don’t need this but if you need then it’s okay with me . But physically and mentally I can’t have sex for some reason. So it’s hard to find a boy friends because they want sex and girls will just dump you. I am trying to have a relationship with boys but not romantic relationships. And I can’t find people who will spend life with you without sexual intimacy. What should I do ? Am I the only who experiences that or is there someone who can relate ?

Does anyone here ever feel like they feel platonic love stronger than most people as a result of being aroace? I know I do.

my last assignment for one of my music classes was to rewrite the melody and lyrics for a verse and chorus of a song (I chose "Creep" by Radiohead), and somehow it devolved into me venting about amatonormativity and capitalism. idk what flair it should get lol I just wanted to share :)
https://audio.com/bernie_the_hammy/audio/aro-rage

I have a profile on some dating apps/sites I visit occasionally, even though I don't have high hopes of finding even friends, let alone QPP.

I often get the common "but I don't understand" reply when they hear I'm aroace (also reads in my bio but comes as a news to many I start a chat with). And I realized that they're not actually interested in learning about the orientation. I explain it to them comprehensively, and direct them to AVEN (asexual visibility and education network) site if they want to learn more. And the majority of dudes aren't content with that.

I was kinda lost with what more they can look for than the basic explanation to their question. However, I've came to the conclusion that "I don't understand how it works" is their way of trying to "change" my mind. Like they were a teacher who thinks it's the wrong answer and I'll have to come up with something completely different (preferably another orientation, where they'd have the kind of chance with me they prefer). Like I was so insecure with my orientation that someone merely saying it doesn't make sense to them would make me change my mind??

I find this weird af. Does anyone else have experiences with the stubborn "but I don't get it" people on dating apps?

I've known ive been aroace for close to a year now, but ive grown to hate myself over it. I hate my sexuality and its caused my overall mental health to be in this downwards spiral for about 2 months now. It feels like one of the main goals in life, finding a partner, i failed at and theres nothing i can do, especially because im around the age where all my friends are starting to get girlfriends and boyfriends. this is my first time talking about this to anybody so anything that you think might help i greatly appreciate.

Just wondering if anyone had any place or links where they got their rings from. I dont want anything special just two simple white and black rings. Preferably not anything to expensive

I mean public displays of affection, not the stylus-based electronic devices of the prehistoric days before smartphones.

Personally I think there shouldn't be stigma in the vast majority of places, assuming their clothes are on. I think it's not unreasonable for it to be taboo on a playground (as an aside, being a childless adult there shouldn't be seen as a red flag if you act in a G-rated manner), in a library, a religious building, a courtroom, or other places where there's supposed to be a "serious" vibe. But the consequences should not go beyond being ordered to leave. I suppose there may be some other nuances to what's acceptable.

I see the crackdown over PDA as a symptom of prudishness and the "sex is worse than violence" baloney. But I was wondering if maybe some fellow aro and/or ace people disagree, as i definitely understand some are averse to romance/sex through no fault of their own.

It's such a great book, I'm literally crying now that I finished it. Reading it made me so happy, there is so much stuff I can relate to and I really hope my future will be similar to the one Georgia is looking forward to.

I must recommend it to you guys, I can't remember the last time I liked a book this much.

So, I just tested the waters by talking to my brother about Asexuality. He's very religious, so he's very against LGBTQ+ (I however am pretty neutral towards everyone. I only base on what they do; who they like or dislike isn't my business) so the conversation ended up being shut down. He doesn't know I'm AroAce, but it was just pretty disheartening. When I tried subtly explaining that asexuality isn't a problem in our religion, he shut down it entirely. He doesn't hate me cuz he doesn't know I'm AroAce. But now I know he would hate me if he knew so... :/

The question is pretty straight forward, do I need to be involved with LGBT community? Personally I am a very shut-in person, living an introverted I didn't really told people much around me, my parents still don't know that I'm even an aroace, and never told any old friends, currently I spend most days alone without anyone in my life so I just spend my entire time scrolling the net, that's when I came across people supporting LGBT community and being involved in various things like pride month buying stuff related to it, etc, etc this got me wondering should I do all of this.

Now, I myself am not really like a participating everything type, so I would probably not do anything relating it similar to how I want companionship but at the same time I won't pursue it and people will never find my sexuality until they straight up ask to me. So yeah, that's what I wanna ask, do I need to be involved in LGBT community to count as a Aroace?

ever since i realized that i’m aroace i’ve felt more connected to my aromanticism. it’s hard to explain, but i would feel comfortable just saying ‘i’m aromantic’ if asked, whereas it would feel wrong to just say ‘i’m asexual.’

speculating here: maybe it’s because i realized that i’m aro first, or maybe it’s because many asexuals are alloromantic and thus many asexual spaces are romance-focused. or potentially because the world in general is so romance-focused, so me not connecting to that feels more significant than me not feeling sexual attraction (which is still a much more taboo topic than romanticism).

idk, this is just something i don’t think i’ve seen many aroace people talk about. obviously my asexuality is important to me but it’s wayyy less significant than my aromanticism.

Alright.

So, I find bodies slightly attractive in a way, I even had a period where I watched pr0n, and even tried 6.

Issue is, the whole idea of DOING 6 or dating is repulsive for me, it's always an unfulfiling usless thing or me, but I like reading about that for some reason. I actually do occasionally fantasize about 6 and romance, as far as it doesn't include me in it. or any humans, just anthropomorphic characters. That's probably paraphilia of some sort

FYI I have been diagnosed with anxiety AND depression AND aspergers 4 years ago.

I just want to know if I'm ace/aro, or is it possibly medication side effects? And if that continued till my 30s, how can I explain to my family that I'm not interested in marriage or romance?