I have a friend that said she likes hanging out with me and talking to me because I'm the only guy she's ever talked to that didn't take like a glance at her and try to get in her pants or want to date her.

I just. . .do people really only see women as sex objects? Do people only hang out with people for sex? Like that's all they want to do with them and they don't want to actually speak to them like a human? Don't want to get to know and laugh and love like a normal fucking person? People actually just use other people for their own purposes and then leave them? What the actual fuck?

It's just very concerning, idk, maybe it's normal to not care about the people you have in your life?

Like, I like girls, I think they're ungodly beautiful, but I would never just use someone and then drop them, is that just a me thing? Or an asexual thing? Or an autistic thing? Idk, I just need reassurance that not every guy does this or thinks like this.

How do you personally expirience asexuality and what are your labels in terms of gender and romantic attraction ? Have you always been asexual, when did you find out and are you sex repulsed ? What are things you don't or even do like about sex ? Anything to know about it ? I am feeling asexual recently so I want to learn about this community

I’ve been aware of the fact that I’m (22f) asexual since I was 19 years old but I can’t seem to accept it. I know deep down that this is just who I am but I can’t let go of the idea of having kids and a husband (even though I like both men and woman) in the future. I’m a biromantic asexual and I know I’m capable of loving either a man or a woman (even though i come from probably the most biphobic family but that’s a story for another day lmao) in the future but sex is just never something I’ll be ever happy giving to a partner and idk how to make it work without it. This is all over the place I know but any help would be appreciated :)

They say that they’re an avid erotic fanfiction writer (a lot of ao3 baldurs gate 3 fics) but outside of writing they do not like actual sexual activities. Would this count for them or are they just skirting the guidelines?

Heyy, i ( 13 female ) don't know if i'm asexual or just too young to be attracted to sex. I find it very disgusting and i'm so scared to have sex. Other teens my age already want to loose their virginity or already did so, or they keep talking about it, and i don't really get the hype over it. I can't even touch myself, i hate the feeling and porn is the worst thing i ever seen. I think i don't need to put words on what i feel right now but i just want to have an advice from someone other than me :) (Sorry if there is bad english, it's not my first language)

Now I do not look a stupid when I ask questions everyone else knows the answer to! Yay!

I see a lot of people who post here who are often confused, and ask for advice. I say it's like this, I often feel confusion but I feel like these kinda subreddits tailor to me, so if you feel the same, feel free to stay and post, Am I right 😄

Title is self explanatory. I am Grey. They are under Asexual umbrella, on the Ace Spectrum, and are represented by the Gray stripe on the flag.

They belong in the Ace community.

I am becoming asexual overtime, I really have less "access" to arousing thoughts, I can get aroused physically but can't apply a thought to it to orgasm, nothing is arousing to me, idk. I can still have visual attraction but it doesn't translate to arousal anymore. I am a male btw. From my understanding, correct me if I am wrong but most of you were always asexual ? Has anyone else had it happen overtime ? What can this be ? I am healthy and I do like the lack of arousal but I am just very curious really. Any thoughts ? One thing I can think of is you know what is messy and somewhat gross to me and it kind of contributed to my lack of arousal cleaning up.

So I know AroAce is a spectrum and stuff but I couldn't help the blatant disrespect of some ace characters in online fandoms that still get shipped and have NSFW made of them regardless, which really upsets me.

I plan on making a story where both the MCs are AroAce and deadset on not having relationships at all ( they both have different reasons why but still AroAce ). Is there any specific label for AroAces who seriously, under no circumstance, do not want to/seek to be in any relationship/nsfw situation at all, or do I need to just specify it word for word? It feels like a mouthful. Sorry for this silly post.

I have been struggling with this internally a lot because I like to masterbate, watch porn, and have sexual fantasies in the first person. But I have never felt romantic attraction to someone. And the idea of sex sounds amazing (I'm a virgin) but whenever I imagine doing it with a specific person it feels icky and weird. Idk man.

That’s it, thats the whole post.

I’m having a hard time deciphering whether I’m asexual or if I just have an aversion to certain things sexually and I had a traumatic experience yesterday and I’d like to talk about it with someone instead of posting it here bc I don’t want to trigger anyone. I’m very confused and distressed I would just like someone to talk to.

As a virgin i’ve craved sex and told people i was sexually frustrated, then i’ve had it and hated it and didn’t ever want it again. Heard about asexuality and started identifying as it + the flag looks cool. Am i an ace or just someone who was traumatised by their first sexual experience ?

I’ve been questioning for a while now, that I (15M) am asexual, or somewhere on the asexual spectrum. So- I experience sexual attraction and sexual activity, but whenever I think of sex (especially straight) I feel incredibly sick, and i am completely repulsed by the idea.

So yeah, I’ve been really confused about sexual orientation, I’ve already deciphered that I am Pan/Bi romantic, but my sexual orientation is really confusing to me… Opinions?

Hi everyone!

I am a soapmaker and an ally working on pride-themed soaps for June. I am making ace and aro flag soaps and wondering what fragrances to scent them with. For bisexual, for example, there is an inside joke within the community about lemon bars so I've made the bi pride flags lemon bar scented. Do you guys have any flavors/scents like that? Sorry weird question I know! Thanks for your help!

Does anyone else feel physically sick (or something of that nature) when you react to something that would stimulate others?

Hey all,

First post, looking for some advice on this.

I (M29) and my partner, (L, 26) have been dating happily for 4 years. We're both Asexual.

She is heavily involved in some fandoms and enjoys writing fanfiction. Its not my thing so I never asked too much about it, when I did she never implied it was anything sexual, but I recently found out that she has some extensive stories (multiple books spanning many chapters) featuring her and a crush from one of these fandoms. These are HEAVILY sexual. There are a lot of other stories that don't feature her as well, which I questioned but have no real problem with (just surprise), I asked her about it and she told me she doesn't identify with the character, its a seperate entity to her. But it uses her name, her likeness, the character speaks like her, enjoys some things I know she enjoys, the characters even have children named names I know she likes.

A lot of these are from before we were together, but some were posted while we were dating. She claims they were written before we started dating and she just felt like posting them.

Now I trust her, but im struggling to get over some of the things I read. Her character being overtly sexual, very intimate details about the scenes. They're stuck in my head like I imagine an allo being if they find out about their partners past sexual experiences.

So my question - how do I get over this? I trust everything shes told me albeit questioning it. Am I being insecure and it means nothing? Any other ace fanfic writers in a similar vein who can reassure me?

Hi All, I am sorry to post for dating.. But I tried dating apps and couldn't the one i am looking for. Just want to leave no stone unturned. So posting here as well.

This has been on my mind for the past few years and this is as condensed as I could make it and I am still leaving out a lot of information, I'm very autistic so bear with me..

I'm 20 years old and have been in a relationship for over 3 and a half years, but have had odd relations to sexuality since I can remember. I can't manage to fully speak up about it in therapy and theres only so much my high libido/hyprsexual partner can help me with, when it comes to figuring out my own, situation. So any input is very welcome and needed.

(FYI I am transgender born female, same as my partner. I identify a little more ambiguously but for all intents and purposes I'm a guy to the general public and have transitioned with hormones. But my boyfriend is, just a guy)

I read about asexuality a lot, and discuss it a fair amount with my boyfriend. He is super understanding about it and has genuine curiosity about the subject which is comforting and all well. But for awhile, it has definetly put a strain on our sex life and romantic relationship given that, I can't tell if I'm ace or not. My partner has what I consider a super high libido (and sexual trauma like me but in the complete opposite direction lol!..) but maybe it's just normal and I think it's high compared to mine. MY libido is elusive to say the least.

Reading about asexuality I've learned that ace people can have sex, which is comforting to know since I do indeed have sex with my partner. I've only recently gotten out of the phase of thinking there is something wrong with me, and trying to fix my low libido because it's "broken". That doesn't sit right with me though. I could be okay just thinking of myself as someone who just doesn't want sex AS much as your average person. But that doesn't fully encapsulate how I feel either. Whenever I describe sex or describe my feelings about it, my boyfriend doesn't understand at all. And vice versa, whenever he talks about his strong desire to have sex with me, I can honestly get uncomfortable, and sometimes I even laugh a little because I just genuinely don't get it or I think he is joking somehow.

For one, I don't really ever initiate sex because I don't think about it much. I've never felt like I needed to have sex so badly. If we have a chance to have sex but it doesn't end up working out, I don't get sad about it. At least not in the same way he does, or the way I see it portrayed in other people. I'm pretty much incapable of going out of my way, to have sex. One time I said I feel like I could never have sex again and my life wouldn't be different. It made him kind of upset at first and I felt bad, but he eventually understood what I meant. The emotional side of sex is important to me, and enjoyable. It's a work out too, and I love being physically active, it makes me happy. I also view sex as a fun activity and experience, and when we laugh during sex or it feels like we're just hanging out, that feels special to me and I see how it benefits our realtionship, It's not like I need that to stop or something...

But... Every time people talk about desire, I genuinely have no idea what that truely means. This real physical urge, and need, for sex. To want it so badly. I barely believe that it's real. One thing that makes me believe I could be ace is how I experience arousal or sexual stuff just on a personal level. Honesty time. I realized recently that whenever I fantasize about sex, through out my whole life, I never think about genitals, or the part that seperates sex from simply kissing or being affectionate/intimate/sensual. And it's hard to connect the situation to me, and MY own body. If I ever do, I start to feel gross in a way, and I can't think about it for long. Most of the time when I'm "horny" or whatever, once it actually turns into sex. It isn't, what I was looking for. Essentially, sex doesn't turn me on. It makes me wonder if I understand what being turned on really is.

It's almost a joke between my boyfriend and I that it is a real complicated puzzle to "turn me on", and it absolutely is. The circumstances for me to be enthusiastic about sex are slim and peculiar, nearly impossible. It's confusing though because we have had some real intense, good times. Typically though... I do not partake in orgasm during sex, and if I do, I do it myself. I get enjoyment out of serving my partner. It used to make me really sad in the beginning of our relationship, I felt left out, or like he didn't enjoy doing things for me, or that it was too hard to make me finish since I take longer. I've come a long way with it though. For more clarification and even more complicated-ness. I do have sexual trauma from my youth where I was forced to do certain things to someone else. It has been really hard to navigate, and asexuality aside, it is it's own monolith to conquer. This whole aspect of being queer and experiencing queer sexual assault, I wonder how much of it just seems like it could be asexuality. My avoidance of being touched or feeling gross about sex, there is a part of it that is definitely because of my trauma, and also being raised in a VERY sexist and "women are sex objects !!" household. But thats a whole other topic I won't get into here. Anyway.

I know that asexuality is a spectrum, and it seems like ace people can experience some forms of sensualness or even enjoy masturbating. Which I kind of do? I think? It honestly isn't super exciting and usually is very short and, not a deep experience or something I enjoy thoroughly. Often it can make me feel even worse! I have two opposing sides, where when it comes to sex, I can be repulsed sometimes. Or just strongly not want to. Some times my boyfriend will tell me how much he wants me in a sexual way and he'll ask me what I want, and, trying to describe how I feel leads to crying a fair amount of the time, because I just don't know what to say. There are a lot of parts of sex that I find gross or just. Why would you want it. The sensory part is a whole other story too. On the other hand, I have other very intense and strong feelings sometimes. But it doesn't feel like desire, it doesn't even feel like sex sometimes. When I think I'm fantasizing about sex, I think about a situation for a looong time, and every detail that would lead UP to sex, but, once it gets to the sex, I don't, think about that part. It has more to do with, the setting. The situation, the colors involved, smells. And not sexy smells or sexy colors, not even sexy situations! I usually just think about being outside, or in a room that has furniture that I like, the colors in the sky, and being held really tight and prolonged eye contact. That's what turns me on, not the sex. Thinking about, things like this in my head feels good, but it isn't quite arousal. It's rare I'll put in effort to make it reality. Even if the situation does come along, I don't feel like I need to escalate it to sex, in order to, get off I guess? Or enjoy it? I enjoy everything that leads up to sex, vastly more.

The most ravenous I ever got over my boyfriend was the one time he drank coffee and I could taste it on his lips. I am obsessed with coffee and, he can't drink it cus it maks him tired, so it was a novel experience. But god it sent me into a frenzy, but once it had to turn into more than kissing or clawing at eachother, it's like how turned on I was didn't count. I didn't want it to go further. I could've just done that for awhile and then stopped and I'd be good. The fact that I felt the way I did actually sent me into a breakdown of sorts and he had to pull me out of it. I didn't understand how I felt and I really didn't want to have sex even though we had great chemistry in that moment. Even though I really thought I wanted to and it felt like being turned on, it just didn't add up. ??? It's like the more "turned on" I am, the less actual sex seems appealing.

During sex, and part of why I am only a giver, is because it's really hard for me to even be turned on by touch. I've never had an orgasm so good where I thought oh I MUST do that again. ?!!?! Even if my body physically reacts, which it's hard for that to happen, it can make me feel gross. I have rarely had sex where I feel like I am just enjoying how my body feels. Some times I can get aroused physically and that's enough but I always have to think about something else. It is a lot of work, and it can lead to me becoming extremly upset and uncomfortable. My body has nothing to do with it. Doing things for my partner is a different story, it's for him and it's more than sex to me. It is fun and takes strength and brain power. It's awesome. And I don't necessarily have to be horny or aroused myself to be present emotionally. I can still have strong feelings and want to do certain stuff.

When it comes to my boyfriend, I am attracted to him, for sure. And my relationship to him is so vulnerable and intimate that I feel comfortable to partake in sex and stuff. But last night he asked me if I'm sexually attracted to him, and I felt so stupid and guilty that I didn't know how to answer. I was just blank and silent. I think he is hot, handsome, we have sex, and I enjoy making him feel good in that way, why couldn't I answer? It isn't a yes or no question to me. It seemed like it should be a yes or no question. Am I ace?

TL;DR: sex doesn't turn me on and I rarely want to have sex and I don't like being touched during sex, but I have intense feelings but they just don't feel quite sexual and I dont have a need to act on them and even if the specific situation presents itself i usually dont want to do it anymore, but having sex for my boyfriend under very specific circumstances can be cool and good, I just dont want any for myself and i cant attach myself to the situation fully, but being present emotionally with my parter, again, cool. its just really hard to do that, while having sex often. is this a form of asexuality?

So I’ve been a but confused lately since none of the different definitions of types of asexuality seem to be a perfect fit for me. I feel attraction, romantic and sexually but when acting on them, it feels wrong. The idea of sex with either gender makes me feel a little bit sick(a mild repulsion??), but at the same time it’s something I yearn to be able to do. I thought about Orchidsexual but the definition of “someone who feels attraction but doesn’t want to act on it” doesn’t feel exactly right. Because I do want to act on it, but it’s like something inside stops me. Sometimes I consider maybe I am Demisexual and haven’t connected with someone enough to be comfortable. For the longest time I identified as a “romantic ace” (probably not the right term as I am still learning all the correct terminology) but as time went on I began to feel like it wasn’t fitting due to the attraction that I have. If anybody maybe has any advice on how they figured out where they fell on the ace spectrum and if they were even on it, I would appreciate it a lot❤️

I've been comfortably calling myself asexual for a while now, and it's been a journey. And I always thought that I could find people aesthetically pleasing and such, but not be sexually attracted to them, so I'm still confidently asexual. However, recently I've been second guessing myself because is what I feel aesthetic attraction or sexual attraction? But I don't want to have sex with the person, so is that still asexual?

For example, I look at a celebrity or someone in a very sexy outfit, and I can find them hot and attractive in a way that I'm sure allosexual people find them sexy and hot. Like I can't stop looking, and if they do a sexy dance or wear a sexy outfit I like to look. However, I don't want to have sex with them. I'm definitely sex-neutral or repulsed in that aspect. So altogether is that still on the asexual spectrum? Like I feel attracted to them "sexually" I guess you can say, but I don't want to have sex with them. For years my definition of sexual attraction was the feeling of wanting to have sex with someone, but I don't have that so I figured that's that. But maybe what I've been feeling is sexual attraction even though I don't want to do anything about it?

Not sure if I'm explaining it well. I literally can't believe I'm having this crisis after years of asexual confidence lmao. Would love some advice <3.

Edit: I just want to thank everyone for all their advice and suggestions! I've learned a lot more terms under the asexual umbrella than I knew before (you learn something new every day haha), and I think I'm more of the mirous or aegosexual side, but still under the asexual umbrella nevertheless. And even if I'm not 100% set on anything yet, I do know that the asexual spectrum feels more right to me than allosexual, so at least now after reading everyone's comments I can say I'm still confident in that. Thank you so much everyone!!

(I’m new to reddit so I don’t really know how to post a question properly) does being asexual mean you don’t feel sexual attraction towards someone (like a connection or something) but still can feel orgasms and stuff like that not towards a specific person? or does it mean not feeling anything sexual even while doing things? i’m sorry if that’s difficult to understand but I don’t really know how to explain my question

Hello everyone, I about a year ago discovered I identified with the grey sexual label and I realized the asexual community was a community that made me feel included and welcome, although some might have not considered me to be asexual, the label felt correct. Recently I feel like I've been distancing myself from my grey sexuality and I think I might not be grey sexual anymore, so I just wanted to thank the community for making me feel welcome and for helping me discover my identity even if It was for a brief period of time, keep being awesome and eating cake.

I don't know. I identify as asexual to keep things simple, but occasionally for people more well-versed in lingo I say, "Aegosexual." But I don't know if that really captures me... There's no sexual attraction whatsoever, also. Doesn't matter how good looking someone is. I have never had a sex dream and find it especially difficult to imagine myself in a sexual situation at all. My mind just goes blank. It's like a disconnect between me and whoever I would be aroused by. I don't think about sex unless someone else brings it up, and when they do I'm neither repulsed nor sex-favorable. Does anyone else find this somewhat relatable? I am not attracted to anyone that I know well. Like, once I feel like I know someone fairly well I cannot possibly even conceptualize anything sexual with them. Does anybody know what term/terms would best describe this experience? Ah, I just thought I'd put that out there to see if anyone feels similarly.

I have 2 instagram accounts. One main, and one priv. I don’t post anything on the main, only stories. All of my posts go on the second, private insta. I only have about 50 people following me there

There’s someone who I wanna add to the priv insta but I’m unusually anxious about adding her. We’ve interacted a few times and I really want her to be on there, but I’m anxious because I’m worried that she’ll think I have feelings for her if I do that?

I don’t have the feelings for her btw. I’m aromantic and asexual. The problem is that I’m worried she’ll think I do have the feelings if I add her.

If she was a guy then I would’ve added her (him) to the private insta straight away without a second thought, but because she’s a girl, I’m worried about how she might perceive it and it makes me anxious.

Can anyone else relate to scenarios where you’re apprehensive about doing thing out of fear that the other person will take it as a sign that you like them, even though you don’t? What should I do in this situation?

I'm just confused and fed up. I'm sorry if this is long, I've been wondering how I can make a condensed post but honestly I don't think I can.

2 years ago I got out of a 7 year relationship. Ultimately the reason we split was I never wanted to have sex and he always wanted to. By the end we agreed we were just roommates/pals, and not really serving eachother. We are still friends and coparent our dog 😂

I think the damage was truly done when I was with my ex, he would try everything possible to have sex, and even if I expressed I didn't want to, I'd still be made to to avoid the tantrums (yes i know its wrong)

I've never had a healthy sexual interaction. Whether it's been forced, r*pe, or shamed afterwards, ive never had a positive interaction with it.

In these past 2 years that I've been single I've fallen hugely for 2 guys. First guy I really wanted to have sex with him, but the situation fell apart pretty rapid. Second guy I was super open with about my feelings and he was super understanding. I would sext with him, even a few undie pics, and I really enjoyed it, and I thought I wanted to have sex with him, but the second he touched me (trying to) I was instantly repulsed and uncomfortable. He ended up getting rid of me after 6 months of talking, for someone who would have sex with him basically there and then. I understand I couldn't serve him how he needed, but it still massively hurt.

ANYWAY, I've always known in the back of my mind that I relate a lot to demisexual. But lately I've been thinking more graysexual. I was so shocked when I found out people can just look at someone, A STRANGER, and want to have sex with them😂 that seems bizarre to me.

What is confusing me is that I can talk the talk, flirt and tease til the cows come home, but the second they show any real interest or it becomes serious I just want to run a million miles in the other direction. If I think that someone might be percieving me in any kind of sexual way it makes me want to crawl away and never come out again.

I also don't know if this is important, but a year ago a really close friend came to me and said he was feeling suicidal. I did everything I could to help, but he still took his own life. I notice I find it super hard now to let people get close to me.

For reference I live alone and feel very lonely and just think I'll never find "my person" because sex will be expected. I am on a dating app and sometimes I can't bare to even open it because I can't cope with the idea that someone is speaking to me based on how attracted to me they are, even tho my bio says asexual.

Sorry for the ramble, I guess what I'm really confused about is am I asexual or am I just traumatized

(I also have OCD and whenever I finally get the courage to identify myself with anything,like demi, the intrusive thoughts convince me I'm lying and attention seeking)

its really confusing but ive known i was ace for about 2 years, i am sex repulsed and could never imagine having sex. (i could be aegosexual idk) i would most definitely say i would never have sex with a man, but i think i like them romantically. but with woman i also dont think i would have sex with them either but i possibly maybe could? ITS CONFUSING IM SORRY 😭 i just dont know if im lesbian i dont really know. if anyone understands lmk