I’ve (m34) been with my girlfriend (f32) for about a year and a half. It started long distance, we met in person but lived in different places, but we’ve been in person for about six months.

We care about each other deeply, are kind to each other and patient with each other. Our sex life has been a source for contention for the entire time living together though. I experience psychological ED. This happened to me in a past relationship. My previous girlfriend was volatile and took her anger over my issue out on me. However, even before it got to that point I had struggled with ED.

It’s gotten to the point now where I question my desire for a sexual relationship and whether what I experience is sexual attraction or just a form of aesthetic attraction. Both women are beautiful in my eyes. However, I’ve received similar feedback in that they don’t feel I am attracted to them.

Before these relationships, porn was my exclusive way of getting sexual gratification. Maybe it’s unhealthy but my experience with that was not full of stress and the guilt that comes from disappointing your partner.

Physical sex feels more like an obligation to make my partners happy than a carnal desire I feel I must have. I’m confused and wondering if I could be on the asexual spectrum. It’s difficult to understand if I just don’t want sex because most of my experiences with it have been so negative or if it’s just not my thing. I’ve had some positive experiences I have enjoyed and felt good after.

I love my girlfriend and she loves me back but I’m wondering if it’s fair to hold onto her when we are so different with our desires for sex. She has expressed that she needs that to have a fulfilling relationship. I, on the other hand, would be satisfied with intercourse being only an occasional occurrence.

I feel guilty for not understanding myself fully before getting involved in a serious relationship. I have stated that I would like to have an active sex life but I’ve never produced that. Again, it leaves me wondering if there’s something off. If I could wave a wand and know I was functionally able to have sex whenever I wanted and feel the passion I would. But in reality, that has never seemed to have manifested for me.

Please help. I am open to any advice, questions and points of view.

Hi all!

As we all know, shit's fucked in the US right now. While I am pleasantly single and only live with women, I find myself wondering if I should try to get an IUD soon. I'm waffling on this for a few reasons.

1. I don't like penetration anyway

2. Not sure I'm ever going to date anyone who can get me pregnant ever again

3. I've been single for three years

4. When I have dated, people have largely respected my desire to not have penetrative sex, and those that didn't simply broke up with me instead of trying to assault me

5. The first time I tried an IUD, it fell out of me after two years

6. Getting it installed wasn't horrifically painful for me, just uncomfortable, but the periods were something else. Not eager to go back to that

7. I don't like how hormonal birth control effects me

8. Getting my tubes tied seems like a very invasive surgery and the idea of doing that makes me anxious

9. I don't go out much in my day-to-day life or talk to many people, limiting my chances of assault

But I don't know, it feels like I should do something more to protect myself from pregnancy. But all the birth control options honestly suck.

I'm 29f and I believe I am a part of the asexual community in some way. I used to have the desire of wanting a relationship and sex and I used to dream of being married and having kids, but now I don't feel this way. I'm stuck with my own thoughts concerning my sexuality....or lack of and it's killing me inside. I want to know whats going on without me questioning myself so much. I'm still learning and researching about asexuality for myself because I feel this is where I belong. The only thing is my mother.

I know my mother wants grandkids and yes, I have 2 other sisters who could give her that and yes, I could even do IVF on my own, but .....I'm not into needles lol....Anyways, I'm afraid she's going to be upset with me if I tell her I'm asexual because she knows for me, that would mean no sex. I also feel as if she's not going to take me seriously because of how much I used to talk about sex, and the only reason I did that was because I thought I needed to and....I wanted to fit in I guess. But now, I want to be true to myself and I want to stop acting like I think everyone is cute lol 🤣🤣

My girlfriend (MTF she/her) doesn't believe I (FTM he/him) am asexual. I only realized I'm ace and not aceflux recently (she said she believed when I told her I was aceflux). For context we are polyam and I have a QPR partner and I range from sex repulsed (sometimes kissing repulsed too) to sex favorable and I'm sex positive. If I was always sex favorable I think I would understand more. But sometimes I don't even like being touched. Anyone else ever deal with this or just have some advice on what I should do?

Title pretty much says it all. I (24F) want to marry one day I don’t want to be single all my life. But I’ve avoided dating because of being asexual and worried someone won’t understand. How do I tell a partner that I probably won’t ever feel sexually attracted to them? I’ve broken up with people because of this though I never told them the specific reason (I was young like 15-18 years old and immature I know) just that I wanted to break up. But now that I’m older and want to date more seriously how do I tell someone I’m asexual and how soon is too soon?

Ive always felt ( and still feel, i think ) that i was apart of the ace community. I never usually use the word ‘’ ace ‘’ for myself cuz i have doubts, and still keep questioning myself. To the point where it became very stressful ( ik, very unhealthy way to cope )

So, there is a reason why i keep on doubting.

1. So this has happened right after i found out what asexual is. I started having sexual thoughts, that makes me feel very… uncomfortable.

And its starting to get Even more frequent. And wont leave me alone. Like, everytime i see someone pretty or nice looking, i would say ‘’ wow theyre so beautiful! ‘’ or things like that. But then these thoughts would pop out of nowhere. And i would go ‘’ WOAHH, WHAT WAS THAT! ‘’ and would Ask sooo many questions. Like ‘’ is it sexual attraction? Do i wanna have sex with them? Did i like the thought? ‘’ And yet the answer would always end up with ‘’ no ‘’. But then still keep on questioning cuz what if im just denying all of it?!! Like, what if im supressing something, and i wont Even admit?! And would turn into a whole cycle, and became very distracting. And sometimes, these same exact thoughts would sometimes say things like ‘’ you DO desire sex, you DO want it, you just dont want to admit it’’ And is becoming hard to believe myself. Idk what these thoughts are but i can only describe it as…..not enjoyable. And Idk why, cuz usually people love thoughts like this. So why do i have these thoughts? Am i supressing them? Idk

2. I have a very strong sensual attraction, which is a PAIN. Why?

Because Idk if it is actually sensual attraction. And is very hard to tell is if its sexual attraction or sensual. I love cuddles, kisses, nuzzles, all non-sexual things. I also have cuteness aggresion, so i would have the urge to SQUEEZE SOMEONES FACE. And would just love squeezing someboy with my arms or something like that. But then again, these thoughts happen, and it kinda ruins the enjoyment i had. Its like a cockroach, you use bug spray and wont go away. Especially when ppl now tell me that things like this leads to sex. Which started these thoughts too, so anytime i would see two ppl holding hands or cuddle i would find it cute, until these thoughts keeps inserting…. Vivid images in my head, or say things like ‘’ they did things in the bed ‘’. Like, NO BRAIN, i dont wanna know that. And still, Even though they did, i still dont wanna think abt it. Its weird for me and i dont like it. And now, Idk if i just SOMEHOW convinced myself that i dont feel sexual attraction to the point where i just thought i was ace…. Its a nightmare

3. Im also sex-repulsed, and you maybe asking ‘’ why ‘’. IDK, i just somehow developped it, without a cause. And becomes VERY WORSE when those thoughts come cuz it NEVER. STOPS. So it just makes everything worse. Nos Im asking myself if i somehow forced myself to hate sex.

4. I sometimes laugh at sex jokes.

YES, IK ASEXUALS CAN LAUGH AT SEX JOKES. I laugh at some of them too. I also act like a flirty maniac, so its like very confusing for me. Like, everytime i laugh at one, BOOM, these thoughts come back!! And then says things like ‘’ you have urges to have sex’’ or ‘’ you are supressing urges ‘’. Like brain, pls stop, Idk why im like this. Idk if i just forced myself to not feel sexual attraction without noticing it. Idk what i feel!

So like, everytime i mind my business, these thoughts come back, again, and again, and again. NON. STOP. So now im asking this question, am i supressing feelings? There was like someone suggesting it was that, maybe it is. I asked my therapist the same thing, but she only says that im not supressing anything, but im not sure if its true. Idk why these thoughts come up, or why it does. The weird things that i feel asexual, but i also feel like im lying, and Idk why. So im asking you guys if im supressing anything, and if it ever happened to anybody, i would like to know. Thank you!

So i usually get platonic crushes. Anytime when i see someone who caughts my eyes i’ll just think ‘’ huh, they look like to talk to’’ or ‘’ i’d like to hang out with this person one day’’. Now Idk anymore cuz i have the worlds most BOTHERING, STINKIEST INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS. And they go ‘’ you wanna see them naked ‘’ or ‘’ does it mean you wanna do the BOOMBAYA’’….. ……….. ………NO I DON’T WANNA DO THAT. NOW IDK IF IM FAKING ASEXUALITY,I HAVE BEEN GOING CRAZY FOR THE LAST TWO WEEKS BC OF THIS. HOW CAN I KNOW IF ITS SEXUAL ATTRACTION?!!! IDKKKK Im just having a nice day and then these weird thoughts go ‘’ you want boombaya with this person, that person yadayadayadahfjsvxjsnbx’’ I hate these thoughts. I NEVER enjoyed them, i never got the enjoyment of it. Theyre VERY annoying, and the worst part is that its making me have an IDENTITY CRISIS. I even have these HORRENDOUS VOICES in my head that keeps telling me im just trying to convince my asexuality or that i’m just faking it bc im repressing something. LIKE BRAIN IDK IF IM REPRESSING SOMETHING OR IF I GENUINELY DON’T FEEL IT. Im also sex-repulsed so it make EVERYTHING WORSE. GUYS, I NEED HELP! ARE THESE INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS OR SEXUAL ATTRACTION? Im going crazy rn….. I think i need therapy-

Hello everyone - I posted this a few weeks ago on the sub but am posting again to see if I can find a couple more people to participate!

My name is Emma and I’m in my fourth year of my undergraduate studies at a small school in Canada - I’m currently working on completing an independent study on the topic of asexuality. I’m doing this research partly because I’m ace myself, but also because I would love to advocate for more ace representation and normalization, and I hope to do this by researching the various experiences of being asexual! 

I’m making this post to see if anyone would be interested in participating in this research! Anybody who is currently an undergraduate student at a North American school, is 18 or older, and identifies as being ace is welcome to participate. Participation involves a one-on-one interview conducted through Microsoft Team. Questions will center around your personal and social experiences of being asexual, as we hope to spread awareness as to what this is like.  

Please DM me if you’re interested - I would love to hear from anyone who has any questions or is interested in being involved in the research.  

I just choose this on one of my games.

TLDR: in a long term relationship, we both come from trauma, we both thought her lack of desire was to do with that but looks more like asexuality, don't want to split up, any advice ?

Hey everyone! I (39M) have been in a relationship with my partner (41F) for 10 years now. We have two beautiful children (8 and 3) and a relatively comfortable life - I work full time, she has been a stay at home mum but is now looking to get back to work.

When we first met, we bonded very quickly over our shared traumas (we both had very nasty childhoods and have had pretty brutal problems with mental health), moved in and got pregnant way too quickly and spent the first few years of parenthood kind of on fire, screaming at each other, falling out - we were still very much unresolved people I think! But through a lot of hard work and co-operation and love we were able to help each other through all that. I'm very proud of us for staying together and working it out - we're both a very long way from perfect but we've helped each other become better people. We love each other so much.

Sex has never been easy for us. Early on she found it painful, and I was a virgin who didn't really know what he was doing, and struggled with delayed ejaculation. Though we had some pleasant times in bed together early on, the pregnancy kind of put a stop to all that. In the following 8 years to the present, we have struggled with sex a lot. In particular, she's struggled to summon any feelings of sexual desire towards me - so sex was only ever for my benefit, and basically only involved her doing stuff to me, never involving her pleasure. She loves me and wants me to be happy and enjoys pleasing me - but this ended up making sex very infrequent and entirely at her discretion in terms of what we did. I have never wanted her to feel uncomfortable or bad about herself so have been kind of waiting for things to improve, and have tried to do my bit as a parent and partner to make sure she has the space to consider it. But this has often meant many months can go by without any kind of sexual connection. This is how it's been for several years. Our experiences of trauma have meant we are very considerate of stuff like this. We had both assumed that her lack of sexual desire was as a result of trauma, and that this might be one day resolved - but now it seems we had that wrong.

Last night we had a bad argument. My feeling was that I am being denied a fundamental human need for some kind of sexual life and that i loved her and wasn't going to leave her but I only have one life and feel like I'm missing out on something fundamental. She broke down in tears, told me that loves me, enjoys physical intimacy (kisses and cuddles) but thinks she might be asexual, and gave me permission to leave her without any guilt.

I don't want to leave her. I'm not going to. We've been through too much both together and apart. But I also want a sexual life of some kind which isn't limited to the one or two acts she's been willing to do as a last resort. She's willing to be physical, but it's only ever going to be for my benefit. Does anyone have any advice on how best to navigate this? I'm in it for the long haul with her!

(sorry didn't mean this to go so long, haven't ever really spoken about this so sorta came out in a rush). TIA.

Update: It went well. So much better than I expected.

Thanks for your support. I really needed it. I wrote down everything I felt and thought she should know and gave it to her to read. And she took the news so well and I can't believe my luck honestly. I feel so relieved.

I started crying when I wrote that because it kept making me feel like I lied about such a big thing and she'll see me for the manipulator I am.

Instead she validated me so much. She made sure I knew whenever I feel uncomfortable I can talk to her. It feels like a heavy weight was lifted offy shoulder. I'm so lucky to have her in my life ❤️

She also gifted me a cup as coming out present 😄😄

Thank you to this community that helped me understand so many things about myself. I'll forever be grateful to you all and also the ones who supported here on this post. Thanks ❤️

Original Post:

What the title says. I'm so anxious but also kinda hopeful. This is making me crazy. (I put NSFW just in case) Guess I'm looking for some support.

I never truly understood if I'm asexual because I never actually had very good sexual encounters even when I was having consensual sex.

So I thought it'll probably be good when I'm with someone I really like and I will probably enjoy it. Turns out nope. I'm still indifferent to sex and don't actively enjoy it. I'm still finding certain things gross like I always did and having someone respect and care for me didn't change that. Sometimes I DO like kissing on lips but that's more like smaller ones. Not always intimate ones. Too much intimate kissing makes me focus more on I am how grossed out by it. Similarly some touches I can handle better than others. Sometimes I even like those touches and some I'm indifferent to.

However like an idiot I led her to believe that I'm overly sexually active. But I'm not. I was just doing whatever I thought she wanted thanks to lifetime of training by my past abusers. All my life since childhood I was taught I must give in to other's desires no matter what I actually want, my desires and comfort doesn't matter at all if I can make the other person happy. Because then my suffering will be less. It's become ingrained in me.

So now even when there's no abuse I still do it. I try to manipulate situations into my favor by pleasing the other person. And ended up basically lying to my girlfriend that I like everything she does. I don't even know how I explain all these to her.

The relationship is pretty new so I guess if she leaves I won't be that devastated (can't be sure). But this is also the first relationship where I feel actually respected and cared for. I really didn't want to do anything to mess it up, but turns out I still already did mess it up.

Now I have to navigate through this to untangle it this mess. But I don't know how to 🥺

I'm so bad at communication somehow I always end up saying the wrong things and I fear I might chicken out at the last minute and not tell her which I really don't want to.

I sometimes feel so hopeful because she is wonderful and handles everything I tell so well so probably she won't take it bad rather understand that this is me opening up to her and being vulnerable.

But then I'm also anxious that she will think of me as a liar and be disgusted by me that I manipulated her like that. Cause how much lying can a person take?

Just wanted this to get off my chest. And in case today evening everything goes to shit again I'll come here to cry lol 😆

hey gang, im curious if theres a label to describe attraction thats sensual and not fully sexual but not not sexual. its kinda hard to explain but i think walking the line between sensual and sexual is the simplest i got. i came up with the term 'pseudosexual' just for myself for fun, if anyone has any thoughts on that too lol

I am young, definitely not at the age someone would get pregnant. I am also aroace. I have been watching the handsmaid tale (please don’t spoil it lol) and the flashback with the lady giving birth to her child just hit me different. I always wanted to have a child of my own, but I don’t want to marry (unless is it QPR). and I don’t mean like to adopt one or have someone else carry it for me, I want the baby to be mine and nobody else’s. I just wish women had the power to birth a baby as a virgin. I don’t know if anyone else feels this way but I think about this deeply a lot of the time. I feel like I end up would getting married and having children for the sake of a normal life (I mean it’s what my parents would want). but I wish it could be different.

I'm new asexual 💜

To make a long story short(er), I've been dating this guy for a couple months now. Things were going well, we seemed to really hit it off, we related to each other, shared interests, etc...
I told him I'm on the aroace spectrum. He's told me that he doesn't need sex and isn't with me for sex.
Though at one point one night, he had made comments about my body. Sexually charged comments, and since then I've just felt disgusted. We work together and I couldn't help but feel really uncomfortable around him. I feel like if I did ever go over to his apartment, he'd try to talk or get me to do things I don't want to. He had already forced-kissed me before, which definitely made me uncomfortable around him. I told him my boundaries more clearly and in response I believe he said that's okay and that he doesn't need kissing.

Weeks pass and I'm still not feeling the greatest around him, especially at work. We talk things out as I was suggested to, and then he throws me some compliments to help reassure me. I know he meant well but one of those compliments included him calling me "hot" and "sexy" and it made me feel gross. I've been feeling disgusted by the comment and asked him not to call me that, in which he said he'll keep it in mind.

Even after talking to him about boundaries and what makes me uncomfortable, it just always feels like he slips up with something that makes me want to avoid him even more and cover up my body (I don't even wear revealing clothes!).
At this point I'm convinced it's just him, it's something he can't really change. With that thought, I wanted to hear any advice or thoughts of anyone here and how I should move forward...
I hate feeling like he perceives me in a way I don't want to be perceived, and I keep feeling like he doesn't truly understand the gravity of what I'm telling him (especially with being aroace and what makes me uncomfortable). I feel like he just says okay and he doesn't need/mind it because it's easier, but I still feel like it's in his nature. He's told me many times he doesn't need sex and it's okay and same for anything romantic, but I can't help but doubt him because I feel like it's him giving an easy answer and he's just scared of losing me.

TL;DR: I don't know if things will work with my allo boyfriend. Even after telling him how I'm on the aroace spectrum and sexual/romantic things make me uncomfortable, he continues to casually mention sexual things and call me things that makes me really uncomfortable ("sexy", "hot").

Any advice is appreciated!! If there's any questions, I'll try my best to answer.

Idk if im just unconcsiously desexualizing myself or if i actually don’t feel sexual attraction-

Edit: what is exactly desexualizing and how to know if you are?

Good Morning! This may be a long post, I'm sorry. I'm just trying to get my thoughts out. So I am a bisexual woman and I am married and poly. I have a husband and a girlfriend and she has a spouse. I have been having thoughts about my sexuality for awhile. So I am attracted to both my husband and my girlfriend and I do thoroughly enjoy having sex with both of them while I am being intimate with them (separately not together). Now I have been with my husband for a very long time and he knows how I am but my relationship with her is very new so we're still figuring each other out.

I've never thought about my own sexuality being different from other bisexuals but its becoming more obvious as my relationship progresses with her that it isn't on the same vibration as hers. She texts me constantly about how much she can't wait to kiss me, be with me, etc. and I always feel strange about how to respond because well outside of times being intimate I don't have those thoughts. Ever. I have never longed to be with someone sexually be it her, my husband or anyone else. My husband has never sent me texts like that and I asked him about it and he kinda shrugged and said he's always known I wasn't interested in them so he doesn't send them.

I always joke that I am unromantic to everyone I know when people ask why I don't long for my partners (or anyone even before them) and its true that I don't do traditional romance and it mostly actively makes me cringe like a five year old but the truth is outside of having sex and being intimate so does talking about sex, kissing or intimacy. I have felt attraction and when I am with someone I am attracted to I enjoy intimacy but I don't crave it, I don't initiate it and I really don't need it. Until recently I believed asexuality was actively being repulsed by sex but I'm starting to learn I'm wrong on that. I've always felt like the odd one out among my friends when it comes to this topic and when I talked to one of my friends on my thoughts she said, "Well you've wanted to sleep with your husband and girlfriend when your alone right? Like you wished they were there so you could be with them." and I said, "No." and she was quiet and just answered, "Huh." So I'm curious Reddit can you maybe let me know your thoughts on asexuality?

I hope this is the right sub. I've posted to r/sex before but the community there is brutal so most of the comments were like >!"have you tried bbc? That might fix you?"!<.

I know this writing is long but every detail is important; I would appreciate if someone could help because I'm at wit's end.

I've (F21) always pondered whether I may be fraysexual or demisexual - which is odd, considering they're quite opposite. There's been relationships where the attraction has grown and relationships where it was super intense at the start and fizzled out.

I didn't experience any attraction or get my first crush until I was about 16, so before then had always identified as asexual, but I don't know if that correlates because I think it's quite normal for that age. However, I could not understand what a 'crush' meant until that point, which I don't think is common. This makes me wonder if I am on the asexual spectrum.

I've watched porn before and it has been somewhat positive and I've been able to finish, but I've never been able to finish with a partner. I think I experience a lot of shame. My mum is religious and spoke badly of sex my whole teenhood, even though she's freaky and has had lots of sexual partners herself...

I think I also confuse sexual attraction with libido; I don't know if this is an attraction or libido issue.

My current partner (M22) is beautiful. He is 10/10 on the conventionally attractive scale, though when I first met him he had more muscle and now he's quite lanky and has a higher pitched voice than when we met which I've not been into before (I'm quite masculine and the people I have been attracted to have been on the bigger side as it makes me feel more feminine, but I'm aesthetically attracted to skinnier bodies) so Idk if this has anything to do with it.

For the first few months our sex was fine. It's been 2 years now and I find myself pushing him away whenever he initiates, but I really don't want to break up and would like to resolve it. I find sex almost repulsive. I hate the stickiness, the wetness, the touchiness, it makes me feel claustrophobic. I've only ever had this with this partner and for the past year, so I don't know if it ties with lack of attraction or low libido. When we first got together I was crazy for him. It hurts so much to push him away and makes me feel guilty and I can't shake it off. It's always on my mind.

Something important to add is that about 9 months ago, for a one-off I actually almost enjoyed sex with him, but it was short-lived. I was fine with touching and everything for about five mins then suddenly everything changed like a switch and I went back to feeling shame and fear and pushing him off me. If I remember correctly, the change happened when he showed insecurity. Basically, he was touching me and I was enjoying it but I was extremely focused and maybe pulling a weird facial expression from the shock of actually enjoying it for once, and he said something like "I'm so bad at this" and pulled away. It's not the fact that he's insecure I find a turn off, it was the break that made me snap back to reality and feel shame and fear all over again, and embarrassment that I don't know how to let him know I enjoyed something. Then when we resumed I couldn't get that feeling back and wanted to stop being touched.

I'm scared it's been too long in the relationship to fix this, and that this is too complex to resolve -- I know that it's not just me with the issues because he has an insecurity issue. I know that I can enjoy sex because I have in the past but I don't know how. Please let me know your thoughts on this.

Basically the title. I personally believe that men and women are the same. All genders can and should be able to anything that the other genders can do too. The only thing that shatters my belief system a bit, is me being heteroromantic. Cause if I would be attracted to the sexual features of people it would be obvious to me why it was this way. But I'm not. When I'm attracted to someone it is mostly purely on a personality level, but both women and man can have the same personality traits. Then why am I only attracted to people that define themselves as women?? It does not make any sense to me😭.

Sorry for the short rant, but I hope maybe someone can relate or maybe even offer some advice

I feel like I will never get the person I want being asexual. But I'm tired of feeling like I have to conform to society. I'm tired of feeling like I HAVE to have sex for somebody else. I would rather be single than to give myself away, knowing that's not what I truly want. I'm picking me first before anything else. So I'm perfectly fine with not dating, if ever because I'm becoming content with who I am now.

[MODS PLEASE TAKE THIS DOWN IF ITS AGAINST THE RULES!!!]

Please Noone be creepy towards me in the replies, this is a serious question. I might delete this post later as well because this is the most vulnerable I've been online and it gives me anxiety.

For years, I've identified as a transmasc pansexual. I still identify 100% as transmasc, but idk if pansexual still suits me. I'm attracted to all genders romantically, and I thought I was sexually aswell. But idk if the way I experience sexual attraction may hint to me being on the asexual spectrum.

I'm a virgin and have never done anything sexual with anyone else. Yes, I've done some things sexually alone, and I've watched porn. However, when I watch porn and the way I feel about the actors is much less about their bodies, it's a bit about the sounds they make or whatever. But I don't necessarily want to sleep with them myself.

Another thing with porn is that it's more about the feeling for me then the person in it. I like seeing other people experiencing pleasure and I like experiencing pleasure myself. But I don't care much about the person's body or how they look, nor do I really have any sexual preferences in the way people look.

I've only experienced sexual attracted towards a few people I know personally, but I don't really experience the attraction until I get to know them and until after I feel romantic attraction to them. I have a very high sex drive myself and I don't think im asexual, but now I think I might be on the asexual spectrum because of the way I experience sexual attraction but I don't know.

When i loose my virginity, i want it to be with someone who im close with and who I care about. But I'm also scared to have sex because I'm afraid of someone breaking my boundaries and being SA'd. A few years ago someone grabbed my chest inappropriately and ever since I've been afraid of that a lot more.

The way that other people talk about their sexual attraction seems different then how I experience mine, which makes me wonder if I'm different in some way. So...am I different?

I've been mulling over a couple characters in a WIP I have and the possibility of making one of them ace.

Some quick context: story is YA. I don't write anything explicit (I'm a strong believer in a tasteful fade to black at the absolute most). Both characters are YAs (haven't settled on specific ages, but they'd be 16-20 yo each).

My original idea was making the more side character ace and have her show much more passion for her art than typical relationship stuff (not opposed to dating, but doesn't see much point in physical stuff and has zero interest in sex). My one concern for her is falling into the trope of the performer being the main non-straight character. It just feels like stereotyping to me.

While writing this post, I realized one of my MCs could potentially be ace, too, and give me a more of a canvas to flesh that part out. Since he's a MC, I can be clearer with his thoughts in scenes from his POV. I currently do have him with a love interest, so it would also let me explore an ace relationship, too.

I'm only worried of him getting a little too self-insert-y since he is hands-down the closest to me personality-wise.

Thoughts?

I always fantasized about men and having sex with men until recently (38M) trying out the real thing. When hooking up i realized that not only i feel blocked by the fear of catching STIs, but I also feel disgusted by the idea of sucking a dick (smell, taste) and needed a flavored condom to do that (also felt safer STI-wise). Long time ago (early 20s) tried with a woman too but felt disgusted by the smell of the vagina, apart from not getting hard at all because I am attracted to men. After my 2 hookups now, shall I just call it an end? I am finding it impossible to find guys who accept bjs with condoms but that’s the only way I would give/receive a bj. Again, i am attracted to men and gay porn turns me on, but feel disgusted by the smell and taste of bodily fluids. I would like to be in a LTR with a man, but I realize i could probably not satisfy anyone’s desire.

I (F22) guess I just need help figuring out whats "wrong" with me?

I'm tired of always being told "i haven't been with the right person yet." or being told I'm "crazy for not wanting to give men head."

Ever since I was younger I always hated the idea of giving a man head. I thought it was stupid and degrading. Fast forward to high school I got a boyfriend and I wasn't really ready to lose my virginity but of course thats what he wanted. He was made at me all the time because I wasnt giving him head (MIND YOU WE WERENT HAVING SEX). Then he got mad at me that I wasnt giving him sex so i gave in.

YES im aware this was coercion. I then went on to another partner and he was understanding and didn't coerce me. The sex was okay but I still felt like i wanted it to be over. Since then I've been with multiple people (including women). Even when the sex was enjoyable, I still wanted it to be over at almost every point. Like "Okay if I keep going this will make them happy and I can just pretend as well."

The problem is, I still have the desire for sex. I still want it and get horny? I do things by myself and I very much enjoy it. So i dont think im ace? But i dont know.

Everywhere I look there men complaining about how "not having sex is ruining their lives and they was blah blah blah" and then I see women being like "oh yeah I love sex its so good." Like I just dont understand.

I feel like I'm asexual, but I'm not sure. I've had sex before and although it was desirable at the time, I don't have a desire for sex now. I'm not sure if I'm asexual because of a traumatic situation or if I really was born this way. I have been through a lot and so because of some of these experiences, I just really did lose the desire for sex. So can someone explain to me how to figure out this out because I'm confused lol.

Idk what it means…

Am I in the minority? A kiss is deeply satisfying to me, but sex itself is not. I don’t desire to engage in it with anyone, but I feel like I could kiss someone for hours. When I first started getting physical with my partner, I would prefer kissing more than anything else, but he would always push further than that. I did they refuse because I was in the moment and wanted to make him happy. I think exclusively about women now, but even then. I don’t want to have sex. I just want to kiss. Help

I (20)F have been watching porn since I was 14. My first ever boyfriend who was 21 at the time (I know. Fucked up) introduced me to it. Back then I often masturbated, like 2-3 times a day, and I was horny and thought about sex all the time. But now it's no more than 2-3 times a month at most, and I have rarely any desire for sex. When I do masturbate I can't cum without watching porn, and it doesn't feel very satisfying. When I have sex I can't cum at all and when I get licked I can only orgasm if I close my eyes and really really focus on some weird/freaky fantasy that often is nothing like the experience (I also get horrible intrusive thoughts bc of my OCD, which makes it really hard for me to focus on having an orgasm). I feel like the sexual experience is completely ruined for me. Sometimes when I meet someone new and develop deep feelings I get a much higher sex drive, like wanting sex with them 24/7, but it never really leads to pleasure on my end. I enjoy the sex but mostly just the part of acting sexy/seductive and seeing my partner having fun. But then after a while I completely stop wanting sex and reject it until they lose interest...

Can this be some late stage asexually I developed because of trauma? Or have I always been asexual and my hypersexuality was just because of trauma? Idk how to deal with this and I feel like a completely different person. If people I like aren't attracted or drawn to me/want sex with me I feel worthless and unattractive, but at the same time I don't want the sex when it's time