Hello, my name is Sophie and I'm a lesbian who's questioning. Throughout my life, even as a young child, my libido's been abnormally high, to the point where i suffered through a porn addiction at ages 10-13 and a still ongoing sexting addiction that im so far recovering quite well from! I like the thought of sex, but after considering it i become partially repulsed with sex. I plan to die a virgin. What do you call this?

So I’m a panromantic asexual/demisexual (not completely sure which one). I’ve been having the hardest time on dating apps. I’m mostly into dating women and nonbinary people at the but as soon as they learn I’m not interested in sex I’m unmatched or blocked. They aren’t even interested in getting to know me further than that or giving it a try. It’s in all of my profiles. Has anyone had any troubles like this and can give my advice on how to continue going forward trying to find a partner/partners. Or should I just give up.

I experience sexual attraction, but much more to models or actors in porn than to people I encounter in real life. Although I have sexual fantasies involving partnered sex, and a reasonable libido, I’ve yet to have the opportunity to try it — hookups have never sounded appealing, and I’ve only recently experienced romantic attraction for the first time, so no relationships either.

I’ve always thought I was allosexual—on the other hand, I’m also in my mid-30s and still not terribly bothered about being a virgin. So I’m not sure if I have cause to question it, or if perhaps I’m just very chill about some things lol.

If it matters, I’m male.

So, I’m 21 and have a partner. I think I might be Asexual but I have no idea. I’ve been identifying as Bisexual since I was around 17, but the thought of sex or really any physical affection makes me kind of uncomfortable. Not in a sick way but a, I’d rather be an arms length away from people kind of way.

I’ve had sex but every time it was kind of just meh. It kind of just seemed like a waste of time and I’d rather do anything else. I really tried to like it, tried stuff that made it seem fun but even with all of that it kind of just felt like an act, like I was doing everything for my partners sake and not mine.

If anyone has any advice about how they figured out they were or weren’t asexual would be really appreciated, I just feel kind of guilty about everything.

Me (M17) and my best friend (F18) like to get high/drink just about every other weekend. Sometimes we both stay sober though. We have recently begun cuddling a lot bc she explained to me how much she loves it. She is asexual and questioning romantically, but I am completely hetero. When we cuddle, it’s often a lot of spooning and her head on my chest. She is always the one who asked to do it as I dont want to make it feel like it’s just what I want to do and not explicitly mutual. Recently however, she has begun to do things more risqué. The time before last was when while we were spooning, she began to back her ass up onto my crotch. I just put my hands on her hips and went to sleep. I woke up to find that my hand was firmly on her ass. I woke her up and asked if this overstepped anything, she said no, so I kept it there and we went back to bed.

In the last week prior to the last cuddling session, she began to act more hesitant, however, after planning to sleep in separate beds, she texted me wanting to see if I would come cuddle her on the couch and go to sleep there. I obliged and we did the usual routine. We went to sleep and I woke up to find her hand lightly on my crotch. I purposely jostled around a bit to see if her hand would follow if I moved. It did. I put my hand on her ass again and shook her a little to ask if she was comfortable with where my hands were. She said yes, so we went back to sleep. I woke up and her hand was still there about 2 hours later. We held each once we were fully awake for about another hour. But after about 6 hours, she began acting weird and kinda had a breakdown where she temporarily blocked me on snap. We spoke about it and she told me it had nothing to do with the cuddling, so that’s a good sign. Right?

Today though, she invited to go to another friend’s house this week, and all signs kinda point to us doing all the same shenanigans again while there. It just kinda feels like I’m getting mixed signals here. Anyone with any help?

TLDR: Female friend keeps making advances while cuddling, but then sometimes gets weird afterwards. Still enjoys cuddling and encourages it.

Alt account because my usename is the same everywhere Hi everyone! This is my first post here, mostly because I'm having a bit of a sexuality crisis and by extension a relationship crisis.

I am a 20yo woman and I recently entered my first 'proper' relationship and I kind of hate it. I've had hookups/one night stands before but never really liked them, but thought that was because I didn't know the person very well and was uncomfortable because of it. However, the guy that I'm seeing is someone I really like (we have similar interests and he's nice) but whenever we have sex or kiss my mind is somewhere else and I can only describe it as being bored/deeply uncomfortable. I have a physical reaction at some things but most just make me feel nothing or weird. I thought this would go away with time but it hasn't.

I've identified as bi for a while because I find both men and women attractive, but recently I've been thinking and the attraction is mostly just aesthetically and not sexually ig??

I feel bad for my boyfriend as it feels like I'm lying to him, I'm not even sure if what i feel for him is romantic or if i just like hanging out with him. Kissing feels like something i have to do because we're dating, not because I want to, and sex seems to be good for him but I mostly fake my enthusiasm (not because of him I think, he is considerate and kind)

What do I do? I thought everyone was just going through the motions but my friends have told me that isn't the case

Tldr: i dont like sex and maybe not even relationships in general but have a boyfriend, wtf do i do

i (24 m) have been struggling to figure out whether i maybe asexual. i watch porn, masturbate, and have had a numerous amount of sexual encounters starting at the age of 19. So, Self gratification has always been fine, however, during sexual encounters I feel like i’m not present in it. it feels like a performance, i’m in my head throughout most of it and feels almost like someone else takes over the role of me when having sex. Most often i’m not able to finish but afterwards can easily get aroused and get off to the memory of it.

For some background, im gay and was groomed at the ages of 13-14. The situation was a mess as i was struggling to come to terms with my sexuality in a strict ethnic devoted catholic household. So, i repressed it and carried on up until last year when i finally decided to start therapy.

As a result, i’ve learned that i actually have ptsd and very likely sexual trauma. Now, im questioning all of my sexual history with: Do i enjoy sex? Did i start being sexually active because i wanted to or everyone around me was doing it so it felt like the normal thing to do? Do i struggle with hookups because i’m ace or due to trauma? If i’m Ace is it a result from my trauma? Are the difficulties i’m having with sex stemming from not being out of the closet and i’m misinterpreting? Is casual sex just not for me and need a closer connection? Is performance anxiety the reason i struggle to get off with someone else and i’m overthinking it’s asexuality? I do get pleasure/arousal from some aspects of intimacy so does that mean i’m not ace?

As you can see it’s been a very confusing and lonely topic to try and navigate so any insight would be helpful.

[EDIT]

Thank you all for taking time to read and give your takes, really appreciate the input everyone has given. I definitely will be doing some more introspection in therapy. I have never been one to share my struggles on the internet so this was really intimidating but all of you have been respectful and insightful so thanks again!

I'm trying to figure myself out right now, seeing if I am asexual or if it's just the autism showing through. Or both. Idk.

I also don't know how to frame this question so sorry if it seems like I'm rambling.

I don't masturbate a lot. When I do, I have never started out horny. It feels more like a scheduled event that I do to help release some stress. Like "oh, it's been a week, time to solo tango with myself." I've usually chalked this up to growing up Mormon and trying to suppress myself as a teen.

I know that masturbating does not mean you're not asexual, so I'm curious to see if this is a sign of my own asexuality or if it's just the religious trauma coming through.

I don't know exactly if this is for this page, but I have never experienced any form of pleasure or arousal in any form. I've tried multiple ways purely to see if it'll even work, and it never has. It's just numb down there. I have never had any desires that were sexual, like ever. I genuinely just want to know if this is something anyone else has experienced.

I feel disgusting with sex, but i feel atraction. Is a stress to me because i dont want it but my body thinks different. I dont want to sound bad with asexual people, i dont know if i am but, you do or think in something to dont feel that biological atraccion? Is there any healthy way? I even left the masturbation.

The thought of “sex” as people typically discuss it doesn’t entice me at all. I don’t really get what the big fuss is about. I even find it kinda icky sometimes. but i’ll still feel attraction or get horny over things. Like there are things that i know i find hot. But like the thought of actively having sex doesn’t interest me and at times even grosses me out.

without getting into too much detail, I can look at someone and think they’re beautiful, or make me blush, or think about someone doing something in a way that would illicit responses in me and cause neurons to fire but I don’t think I myself would want much more than that. I think I’ve had the expectation to want more than that but I don’t think I actively do.

Same thing for even just myself, I sometimes feel certain things but I don’t really enjoy the thought of “sex” which I‘ve been italicizing and putting in quotes because the idea of the no-no square is very real in my mind. There is a big red box in my mind at my groin of “nuh-uh” but also the idea of being able to reach a moment like that WITHOUT engaging in that area is something i wouldn’t be opposed to. It’s also not something I’d actively really pursue though either. Like I would still consider myself a kinky person but I’m not interested in sex as it’s normally defined. Which just leaves me wondering, is that just me being atypical in how I approach sex and intimacy or is that its own unique flavor of asexuality?

I also tend to view the idea of getting horny in a lot of the same ways i’ve seen ace people subscribe to, like the idea of being like “oh okay this is something I should take care of” or “it’s a way to kill time” or even the most common for myself “my dopamine is low, i should fix that” But even when i engage with that I never really like to engage with it with anything that involves sex.

So, is this me being ace? Or just allo and atypical?

I feel like it’s so hard to meet someone who feels the same way as I do/ you do (being asexual) and feeling understood. I just joined Reddit, and now I can see for the first time that there are many people out there who are feeling the same way. But even tho, I’m not sure if you are able to meet someone here who also lives around your area or the same country at least. Does someone have met someone from here (Reddit)?

Hope this doesn't get flagged because I made the account to interact more with the ace community but it's still too new.

Hey everyone, I have considered myself on the ace spectrum for a long time, ever since my first relationship where my then partner asked when we were going to have sex and I figured out that if I had thought about it, I had never considered actually doing it, not understanding the need to go past what we already were doing.

My question is though... what is considered "sex" in the various ace FAQs I'm reading online? The problem is, I do have physical attraction to people, I just don't care for the act itself, like penetrative sex, oral sex, whatever involves naked bodies and genital areas leaves me between the uninterested and icky, of this I'm sure.

But I do like kissing, cuddling, I have my little kinks, I like being close to someone in a physical way and touching their body, (though I myself don't really enjoy being touched that much), and I think I do feel attraction to people in both an emotional and physical way, but only in that "sense". Does this make me not-asexual? I have read about grey-asexuality and of course I don't aim to define my life and worth through a label, but I kinda want to understand for myself.

Thanks for any help on this.

So I am a 23 🏳️‍⚧️F who is very sexual and my partner 23 F is asexual. We have been living together for almost a year now and we haven’t done much. This is usually fine for me because I can handle myself in that way if I want to but I do want to be intimate with her. The issue is I don’t feel comfortable asking her to do things because I don’t want to feel like I’m making her do things she doesn’t enjoy or want to do. I also feel like asking her directly to do stuff takes away some of the feeling and emotion behind it? Basically what I’m asking is how would you like your sexual partner to let you know or maybe what signals could be sent to let you know that they were in the mood? Sorry if the phrasing is bad but I hope the question makes sense

I am a sexual guy, but I am very sapio and I feel I can live with a woman who doesn't want penetrative sex, if I really love her soul. I wanted to know what you (as ace) might be ok with, in a relation:
- cuddles
- masturbation or mutual masturbation
- simply being close physically, sleep on the other's shoulder and kiss, holding hands etc.
- would you accept your partner has from time to time sexual hookups with someone?

I am aware asexuality is a spectrum and different answers may come from different persons.
I hope I haven't offended anyone.

First time asking a question here, although I've been lurking for a while. I'm curious if this is even possible or if anyone else has experienced anything like this. Has medical trauma or experience with a specific diagnosis changed your sexuality?

Asking because in 2016, I was diagnosed with bladder cancer. The first step in my treatment was surgery. It revealed that I had a T4 tumor that had grown through my bladder wall and started attaching to my cervix. I had my bladder, ovaries, Fallopian tubes, uterus, pelvic lymph nodes and part of my cervix removed. A piece of my intestines was used to reroute my urinary plumbing and I now live with a stoma/ileal conduit/urostomy. For those not in the know, basically I wear a medical device that catches my urine all the time now.
Prior to cancer, I was fairly voracious. I really enjoyed my sexuality and even when I didn't have a SO or FWB, I masturbated regularly - often multiple times a day. Since my surgery, I have had ZERO desire. No, it does not have anything to do with how my body looks now or the fact that I have a medical device always attached to me. I could care less about that. I honestly have no physical urges whatsoever. I try to masturbate, I've tried toys, dilators, talked with my therapist and gyn oncology team, friends and more and there is nothing. No desire, no physical response when I've tried to do things. It is just a really different and nearly alienating experience for me and I've met no one else in my life who has experienced this type of response to surgery or medical trauma. The ace people I know have just always and naturally been that way. Are there others who sort of fell into it later in life due to circumstances?

Hopefully I found my people. I feel like I’ve rarely fit in wherever I land.

Does anyone else relate? In brief, I grew up Christian, still am or I should say still believe, but am repulsed by western-christian-national-political-Christianity (live in the US/citizen). I don’t go to church right now but I’d like to find a church home and community. I don’t want to have sex. I want to connect and get to know people and form genuine friendships, like: who are you, what do you like to do, what do you want to do in life etc and enjoy getting to know each other.

I’m heteroromantic and want to get married again. But more, I think my longing is to want to connect, to truly know and truly be known—or to find and discover together. I’m serious about getting to know and forming strong bonds and sharing life together. It seems that almost everyone just lusts and wants to have sex, and then it’s over … on to the next. That’s not me. I want to develop long-term, committed relationships. I’d rather be alone if I can’t develop these type of relationships. But I’m at the point where loneliness physically aches, so, I just don’t know and am at a loss.

Edit: if there’s replies I’ll try to reply when I can, but it’s a busy period for me. Just wanted to write while it’s on my mind.

Hello! First post here, please forgive me if I'm getting anything wrong.

As an ace myself, I am interested in studies in asexuality, and whether asexuality is linked to other interesting biological "features". I'd like to do an informal survey of people (aces and non-aces!) on whether identifying as ace has any link to your ability to smell and taste!

Please share the link with your ace and non-ace friends! I'll try to close the survey by 31 May 2024 and post some aggregated results here by June 2024. I hope we'll find something interesting.
(Please also only take the test if you're not a minor!)

Thanks for your time!

https://forms.gle/PwdmjsP5jASZkxug8

So I (19M) am a first year university student and am struggling with my sexuality. I’m feel that I may be bisexual but I’m having a very hard time with that. Whenever I’ve been in sexual encounters, I always seem to shut them down before they get too serious.

In theory, I like the idea of sex, but whenever I get to that point I back out and it just seems so gross. It’s like a combination of cold feet and disgust at the idea of ACTUALLY having sex.

This on its own would be fine, but I feel an immense pressure from friends and peers about being a virgin, even if they tell me it doesn’t matter. Like it’s always looming over me.

Edit: my first girlfriend of 3 months told me that she wanted me to initiate sexual or physical encounters and I had a very hard time doing that. While obviously not the only reason I feel that it was part of the reason we broke up. Obviously you need you needs met in a relationship so I don’t blame her at all but it made me feel shitty/ not normal for not having the drive

Also I know they don’t matter but my friends suggested I do a few of those stupid online tests and they say I said it’s not a zero percent chance. I know they don’t compare to talking to a healthcare professional so I plan on bringing it up to my therapist soon to try and unpack it, but I thought I would post something here to hear from people who indentify as asexual and more in hopes of getting their opinion. Thank you!!

hey so im 22yo nb and i came here to talk a bit about myself and maybe put my thoughts in an order and hear what you guys think.

I've been thinking if I'm some type of hypersexual ace which probably isn't a thing but that's been kinda how it is, i ve never had sex, but i masturbate and sext tons, almost exclusively when I'm depressed. I've had the chance?/invitation? to have sex in real life like twice with two separate dudes i was in some sort of situationship with but the thing is i can't stomach the idea of myself having sex with someone i know, whether online or irl. I don't sext with the same person more than once except by chance and i feel like the more i get to know the other person and particularly the more i start developing positive or friendly or even romantic feelings for them the more i can't see them sexually cause i see sex as this disgusting mental self harm that id be hurt if someone i care about did with me.

Idk maybe i need therapy instead of being ace but I'm not too keen on it. i wonder if anyone here has something like that

For context, I've been friends with her for a good while and asked her out a few years ago. She kindly rejected me, saying she's pretty sure she's AceAro. We were both very respectful and understanding about it, but I also said that the offer stands if it turns out she's not and she's ever interested.

A few years later we're still really good friends and enjoy physical touch together, platonically cuddling and spooning basically whenever we hang out. She's still openly AceAro and seems more confident and sure in her identity, which I'm really proud of her for.

But recently when we've been cuddling she'll often take my hand and put it on her chest over her clothes. At first I just held it there, but now when we do it I'll be more playful and pet and cup and such. I always check in to make sure she's comfortable before and after, and she's always enthusiastic and happy about it. The first time I asked she also said that I'm overthinking it and I almost definitely am but only because I care about her. It's a little confusing for me because the only time I've seen or experienced that kind of touch is in very sexual contexts with ostensibly allo people.

(Also since about a year before we'll occasionally kiss each other on the neck or arms/hands, but only if she initiates. I don't know how relevant that is though)

I want to ask her more about it so I can understand her feelings and match her desires, expectations, and boundaries, but I also want to be respectful about her identity, and I'm not sure how to go about it. I think it's obvious I'm still attracted to her, and I'd also be happy to do more and escalate, but only if she's interested. I don't know if that desire is aphobic, and feel free to let me know if it is, but if it's not I'd also like some input on how to best ask her about it.

I could ask about her feelings with labels ("Do you identify as sex-favorable, neutral, or adverse?"), without labels ("When we do this, is it because it's just another body part, it's a more intimate form of platonic physical contact, or do you enjoy it on some sexual level even if you don't feel sexual attraction?"), or just iteratively ask what she's interested in ("Do you want me to touch directly? Is it okay if I touch you in other private areas?"). I don't know how to best go about it while being respectful though.

I know it's a pretty long post and atypical for this sub, but I'd really appreciate some input if you're willing!

I'm not even sure how to ask this question... Never felt romantic attraction, I've been homeschooled most of my teenage years and have only had one crush (i think), I feel "intimate" attraction at times but it's like a thing with my hormone cycle stuff (same cycle as my period but just the emotional effects), I wonder a bunch lately if I just don't get romantic attraction or if I just haven't been... if my homeschooling insteading of highschooling i dunno "hid me from the schoolmates I could've been attracted to"? honestly I'm terrified of the idea of romance happening to me, not talking to someone or the act of dating, not even making an idiot out of myself (mostly); what scares me most about romance is how glorified and almost worshipped it is, i don't wanna be just a Love intrest in anyone's eyes, I don't want my childhood fear of being in Love with someone to remove my personality (thanks gravity falls) I don't think about all of this enough to make all of the words I turn it into actually make sense so 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️ sorry! 😅

Hi, disclaimer before I start there's nothing wrong with being religious or having moral stuff around sex and religion, just I hear trauma from it as a very common experience when used badly. All my love <3

So I'm a 17 y/o guy and identify somewhere on the ace/demi spectrum. I have a boyfriend, and we've had sex a fair amount of times. And I enjoy it and he's never made me feel uncomfortable, but I always feel just, wrong? Like how people who were taught "sex is unmoral" in their childhoods describe feeling. Like I shouldn't be doing it and it's gross and wrong and "dirty" for me to want it or express myself sexually in any way, to the point of full breakdowns crying hysterically, but my parents are atheist?

I've never had that stuff taught to me but I still feel like I'm committing a moral crime or something. This includes masterbation aswell. I've tried explaining it to my very sex positive boyfriend (also demi) but he doesnt get what I mean.

Am I doing something wrong?

Hey all I’m very new to the idea of being Asexual. I have tried to have relationships and sex in the past but it just seems so boring and pointless to me?

My question is: does anyone else find sex and the thought of sex really really boring?

Hello my name is Patrick Clifton and my home county is planning on holding a LGBT plus Fair and I've I've pretty much been given the green light to hold a information booth about the lgbt+ community at least. but if I ask I can have an information booth just about the asexual community and aromantic community. I am planning on using a lot of the information from Wikipedia cuz it's pretty accurate. But I would love to get input from the actual asexual community. For example should I mention that some of us use black rings to help identify each other or should I leave that out. There's also other types of asexuals that I have some questions about outside of what the Wikipedia and other websites have told me about.

I’ve suspected for a while now that my older brother is either asexual or aspectra (apologies and please let me know if I’m using these terms incorrectly, I’m ignorant on the subject!). He’s never said as much, but I’ve noticed that he gets very uncomfortable in certain situations where sexuality is brought up/mentioned. He also is almost 40 and has never had a serious partner (that I’m aware of) even though he seems to present as heterosexual sometimes, but in very vague ways.

I’m a heterosexual cismale and I honestly don’t care if my brother is asexual/aspectra and am not seeking to “find out” if he is. I respect him and love him no matter what, and I plan on not bringing up sexuality in any way with him anymore unless he mentions it first. I also understand that that is his business first and foremost and if he wants to talk about it with me, that is up for him to do on his terms.

Does anyone have advice on how maybe I can let him know that I support him and love him no matter what without making him feel uncomfortable/forcing him to come out? That’s all I’m really looking for and I just want him to know he’s accepted no matter what. I don’t know any asexual/aspectra people to ask, so I would love any/all advice. Thank you!!!

So, I am aroace (19) and I talk about age appropriate lgbtq stuff like my talking about my friends and stuff with my siblings (12 f) and (10 f). My parents say that they support me, and I don't know if they truly support me. I have bought lgbtq pride stuff for my siblings (rainbow earrings) in the past and my parents told me that they are too young for "that stuff", and since they are their parents, I said that I would stop buying them pride stuff and thought that was that. Also, I talk with my siblings about my friends and stuff and how they are all lgbtq, too, and my sister (10 f) recently came out to my parents and I as lesbian and they supported her. Recently, I've been talking with my poly friend and we were talking about being in a queer platonic relationship and getting married in the future. I told my siblings about it and told them not to tell our parents because I knew they wouldn't understand. Apparently, my stepmom overheard us and told my dad about it. Once my dad got back home from work they pulled me aside to talk to me. They told me that I am overstepping my boundaries as a sister with the lgbtq "stuff" and that they support me being aroace but don't want me talking about it with my siblings at all. They also said it was a stupid idea to plan to get married to someone that you aren't in love with. I played it off as a joke and told them I would stop, but I am pissed rn. Are they actually being supportive and do I have a right to be mad about this or am I really just overstepping as a sister?

So lately, my feeling towards sex has changed quite a bit, like one day i could be sex repulsed and not want to ever have sex, but say the next day I could want to have sex one day in the future, and maybe experience it with my future partner. I've just felt so confused and I dont know what I want and I want to know if there is any terms for what I'm feeling, and describing. If you know any terms that could relate to this, it would be a big help!! <3 ^^

Hi, I'm not sure how I should word this so I'm just gonna wing it. (I did post this on r/asexuality not Knowing that this reddit was here.)

I think I might be asexual or something along those lines. It's only been a couple months since i thought i might be but ever since my first time with my partner I've found that I'm not as interested in doing sexual things. But i love the rest of it like kissing, snuggling, holding hands etc. anyways I'm just not sure a hundred person because I tend to like reading smut but I don't really feel affected by those scenes (like sexual desire or something like that). Honestly I'm just trying to figure myself out still.

And am extra note after looking a bit more into it thanks to the info that was provided from the other Reddit page i feel like i might be asexual or possibly grey asexual due to some times having sexual attraction to my partner but it's really rare.