Are you openly talking about sex? Or that’s part of Demi 2 to have a conversation with your partner or someone interested in?

Okay so as the title says I’m confused about my sexuality. 99% of the time the thought of sex weirds me out and I can’t imagine even wanting to sleep with anybody. Every now and then I get really horny and get so confused bec I thought I didn’t want sex? I have noticed that it is around my ovulation time though so that could definitely have something to do with it. Also to note I’m not a virgin, I’ve slept with 10 people and have had two seriousish boyfriends. When I was dating them usually I had sex with them because I was excited to make them fell good and it felt good to be wanted and desired, not necessarily because I was raging to have sex. I also broke up with both of them for many reasons but one of the reasons was that I didn’t want to have sex much anymore at all and they wanted it a lot more. I thought I had a low sex drive when I was younger but as I’ve aged I’ve come to think I’m asexual until I like a boy and want to have sex with them, but I think it’s because I know I’m good at it and I know I can feel desired and get a reaction out of men? Idk man any advice on how I can figure this out for myself ?

So as the title states, my partner of six years and I recently spilt and part of the reason we broke up is because I’m demisexual and he’s hyper sexual. I didn’t think this would ever come to this point but it has and it sucks. I know it’s for the best for both of us but it sucks that you can love someone so much and just not be compatible. I guess I’m just wanting to talk because I don’t really have anyone in my personal life who understands what being Demisexual is like.

This is me a couple months after coming to grips with not being with the only woman I've ever felt love, lust, and companionship for. I've come to grips with not being with her, but I'm left missing that feeling of companionship.

It's something I'd never cared about. Never really considered it before. I was married out of convenience and familiarity, but I honestly never felt more alone and isolated than when I was married. And then I met her two years later. Two years when I was fine with being by myself, not dating, no sex, I was content. I was fine with a life without anything, and then I met her. And suddenly a whole new world was laid out before me.

Sex was cool, but the thing I miss the most is her being here. I imagined a whole life with this woman and she's gone and I'm here left knowing what it feels like to be loved and to have true companionship...and I miss it. I'm ok without sex or dating...I'm not so sure how I feel about not having that companionship. So much so that I'm still friends with her. We hang out every Saturday, we talk all the time, because I still get a taste of that commradarie. It's sad. I know it is...

I after many years am really been happy because I’ve finally fallen for a guy. This has never happened before

I’ve had problems over the years where I just don’t feel attraction. I would say I am demisexual, and my attraction builds on connection, mutual interests and values. I don’t like it when men come on too strong sexually. It makes me run away!

So finally I met this man and both of us have been amazed about how great our connection is. We really were building something great. He even agrees how fantastic our connection is and he said he feels very comfortable with me

He never was very flirty or sexual with me, which made me feel safe. Everything could be at my pace. And we were physical and it was fantastic.

Our connection was mainly based on our connection, mutual hobbies etc. me and him are very similar, and we just vibe!

And then at 3 months, he had something going on in his life that was stressing him out and he told me he can no longer pursue a relationship. Basically he lost his job and as he’s on a visa, he had a time pressure to find a new job or leave the country. He said he’s not sure we’re the right fit and he couldn’t feel the romantic aspect. Can a stressful situation like this do that?

We’ve stayed friends and our connection is still growing and I’ve never had a connection like

This. We talk and talk for hours but I have always felt he kept me at a distance, just like I keep men at a distance

I didn’t see him for 2 months after he ended things, and I could tell he was sooo happy to see me. He got offered a new job but he’s still having visa issues, and he’s gone all distant again

Can anyone give me any hope that something can develop out of our friendship?

I don’t have any interest in dating anyone else as it makes me anxious and I get so upset when men are flirty. Like I’m absolutely not going to do it

I met up with him the other week, and I could just feel that me and him have a spark still. We text a lot. Sometimes he takes like days to reply to texts

I just wanted to have my first boyfriend and at 30, I just feel like it’s never going to be ok the cards for me

I like my life and who I am, I just am feeling so unlucky the one person I’ve felt I click with and attracted to and this has happened

I’ve fallen in love with a friend. It’s been a year since my full realization. (I’m working on communicating my feelings.) One day, I introduced my new favorite comedian to another friend. She said, «Oh, okay! It’s interesting that he looks like N». N is my love interest. I realized they looked alike. I analyzed my aesthetic preferences, and they changed a lot since I fell in love. I’ve never had «a type». But it seems that the type is «current love interest». Now I’m more attracted to characters, actors, and strangers who share the same features (because I think about him). Even though previously I would have had zero interest in all of them.

Is it… okay? For a demi? Yeah, I don’t feel sexually (and romantically) attracted to anyone except him. But the sudden change in general preferences is a surprise for me. Is it how attraction works, maybe? I don’t have much experience, lol.

I normally won’t be with a man if I’m not at least somewhat similar to his ideal body type. But I recently met a Demi man who said his body type is different to me but that it doesn’t matter. So as a Demi man in this situation would you still look at and want women who are your preference? If so what is the drive to look at other women if it doesn’t arouse you?

I have been in a relationship with a woman for about 4 months now, we dated briefly before that and and knew each other as friends in the beginning.

We have always had these gentle approach when it came to trying new things and we would always first ask. She really appreciates that as she overthinks a lot. We were both slow when it came to giving and receiving affection. I identify as demisexual and she is on the asexual spectrum, but with sex she mentioned it is more an overwhelming sensory issue than anything else, which she is herself still figuring out.

With me it also takes time to feel sexual attraction, I need a strong emotional connection for that amongst also feeling safe. I have however felt some desire to be more intimate for the past month. Not necessarily sexual, but more non sexual touching (caressing) and also wanting to kiss. I am very much a touchy feeling person and she is a bit more distant there and not so much in need of that, but strokes my back, holds my hand and we cuddle. Which I enjoy.

But I am a bit worried now with how I have been feeling with wanting to kiss and be more intimate for some time and how I feel everytime I see her. I have shared with her, first through text, because she needs some more time to think and feel before an actual conversation, and later in person that I would really like to kiss her and how she felt about that.

She mentioned she had been thinking about it at one point when she was giving me a massage. But that she did want to think about it for a bit. Now that has been a few weeks and we havent gotten back to the topic. And it makes me feel a bit weird. Because I felt quite vulnerable sharing that, as its not easy for me to share my needs.

I would like to talk about it again, because I would like to have some more clarity on the subject. Also because I have been feeling like it is an important part of a romantic relationship for me to be more intimate in these ways.

Is it normal to find these things important and maybe do need them in a relationship? Or should I also be okay without them I have been thinking about.

Does anybody here have experiences like this or maybe some advice?

Thank you!

Sorry in advance if this comes across as othering or alienating or ignorant. I've been trying to find an answer online but I can't so I was hoping to reach out to the demisexual community.

I'm not demisexual but my partner is, and when we have long interesting discussions where we describe/compare our experiences, I struggle to figure out what to call mine. I know that allosexual is the "opposite" (if that word is appropriate) of asexual. Is there an equivalent for the "opposite" of demisexual? We've been referring to mine as allosexual but technically he also counts as allosexual since he is capable of feeling sexual attraction so I don't think it's quite right.

To elaborate on my sexual attraction: I'm capable of being sexually attracted to and intimate with strangers I find physically attractive, as well as people I know well.

Thanks in advance!

Edit: added the word "physically" in front of "attractive" in the last paragraph

How do you deal with this?

So, due to my demisexuality (and maybe demi romanticism?), my interest in dating is next to none.

However, I know I can't have that intimate partnership that I desire without trying, so every 12 months or so, I try dating. 😆

My problem is, sometimes I feel like the other person is getting more attached to me---and faster--than I am to them, and it feels like I'm unintentionally leading them on. Unintentionally because I don't feel quite as excited, but it's mostly due to time/not having that emotional connection, yet. I honestly have to fight not feeling repelled just because they seem to like me when in my mind, I'm like, "But I don't quite know you, yet."

How do you deal with that fear of hurting someone else or the fear that they label you as playing games when really, you just move slowly? Or even that feeling of being awkward if they come on too fast?

The last two times, I've tried explaining since I now knew how I worked.

I've tried explaining to one, and they were understanding, but I still cut and ran because I felt they were getting attached.

I've tried explaining to another, and they didn't get it even if they said I did. Kept interrupting when I tried to explain because they claimed they knew what demisexuality was....but then later, when I finally said it was on the ace spectrum (because by what they were doing, they didn't get it), they were like, "wait what??"

Trying again and didn't explain because of the situation, and nothing is wrong except I feel like a jerk again for not being as attached.

And I'm not avoidant in general since I'm more than okay with regular and even super close friendships. I get excited about their messages/calls.

So how do you get over the hump with new people, even if they are technically not doing anything "wrong"?

Hi, I went to the doctor today, and my doctor was pretty good looking. I didn’t have a sexual feeling or anything I thought he was attractive though. I probably talked his ear about my cats lol. Is that normal to find someone attractive but just not have sexual attraction?

I mean, in actuality, I am demi. I mean, I do Do It™ with my guy best friend. And I enjoy it. But, when a guy comes into my DMs asking if I'm "DTF?" then I immediately respond back with "no, thanks, I'm asexual". And they usually respond with "no you're not", "I can fix/change you", or "okay so? I'm not". Which makes me immediately block them. I don't wanna form a connection with creepy men like these. So I just say I'm ace to avoid trouble.

Is this wrong? Should I just be saying I'm ace from the get-go?

(Not including the T as I feel this question is more about relationships/sex rather than gender identity)

I am lesbian and demi. I've had one (short-lived) relationship/sex with a girl so far in my life, at the age of 30. It just hasn't happened for me for various reasons that you all can probably relate to. But even though I've been attracted to maybe 5 people in my life, they have all been women, so that makes me a lesbian 100% in mind, just not a very horny one lol. (I've had 0 relationships with men, had bad sex with a handful pre-coming out around 20 and regretted it and vowed to never sleep with anyone I wasn't attracted to again, hence my limited sexual experience-post coming out)

But I feel like my demi-ness seems to invalidate me in the eyes of the gay community. Girls have told me they don't really believe I'm gay, how can I be sure when I have so little experience. One girl I dated recently straight up told me she thought my lack of lesbian relationship experience was a red flag and she wasn't sure she believed I was really gay, especially given i've had more sexual experience with men. I feel like my identity is further questioned because even if I go to plenty of lesbian bars/events, I am never one to hook up and could basically be seen as just hanging out there platonically, like a straight ally almost. I feel like other lesbians view me with suspicion because of this. Even my friends don't seem to fully believe I'm gay because I'm not introducing girlfriends to them or telling them about my hookups. Basically I feel like I am not sexual enough to be part of the gay community, if that makes any sense?

Do any other gay demis relate to this?

How would I know if I am demiromantic? I like all the romantic aspects of a relationship, but I don’t try to create a romantic relationship with everyone I meet. I mostly try to make friendships first and eventually find myself thinking it would be cool to call this person my boy/girlfriend and hold hands or cuddle or kiss them and go on romantically themed dates. Sexual attraction usually happens a little time after that.

But I don’t really seek out romantic relationships. I couple times I found myself stumbling into them and that was confusing.

Am I making sense?

Hi everyone i dont know if this is the right place to post…but i just wanna get it off my chest.

being double demi (demiromantic and demisexual) sucks SO BAD when it comes to libido, attraction and s*x. 😭😭😭😭 i am single and not sexually active. Like does any singletons here have the same feeling as me???? Like you’re horny but don’t find anyone attractive so basically casual hookup just doesnt appeal to you???? Like this is so sad 😭😭😭 and its even worse when youre also demiromantic like you basically dont find anyone attractive so you dont actively seek to date or a relationship with another person unless theres already an emotional connection but then reaching to that point is so hard???? Like???😭😭😭😭😭 what the hell is going on 😂😂😂😭 i remember seeing somebody said that being a demi is like youre hungry but theres nothing you wanna eat in the fridge 😭

god being a double demi is HELL 😔

Hello everyone!

My kinks and demisexuality seams to be conflicting with each over.

I try to meet people on kinky sites (like pure, or some bdsm sites), but people there are very sex-oriented, and they just cannot chill, and I instantly dislike people I barely know being all sexually suggestive.

On other hand though I could met people in over ways, but there is not a small chance we would not be sexually compatible later.

Both scenarios lead to no sex, and I have a high libido and I really would like to have some.

Please help.

for those who, like me, have a certain insecurity about having a relationship with someone who can feel multiple attractions during the day without needing a bond. This scene left my heart warm the moment I saw it. Love is about choice

https://youtu.be/5dzml5RS0Ro?si=F57IBVcCwIOd1OEU

here they discuss how two allos but I think this can be applied to demi-allo dynamics as well

Tagged NSFW as mentions of bedroom intimacy.

Ihope this is okay. For context, I am allosexual with demisexual traits while my partner is a demisexual who is sexual with those they're dating.

We've been dating for nearly 3 years now and our bedroom intimacy was acceptable for both parties. Last year however, I'm not sure how or why it started, but the intimacy just stopped. I asked my partner what happened and originally they said about my mental health being off putting for them. I worked on that as at the time it was going downhill; changed therapist and started taking medication.

However, when my mental health did improve and we were getting along better again, our intimacy didn't change and I asked my partner why that was. They said they were stressed, which I fully understand so I let it be.

It's been over a year now since we've been intimate in that way. Despite having many conversations with my partner about it, it seems like we've hit a stale mate and I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to force intimacy on them in anyway possible, but at the same time I'm starting to become resentful as I feel unwanted. I've discussed this with them but nothings changed.

I'm wondering if anyone can offer some advice for how I can go forward with this? Thank you for reading.

I (38F) have been single for the loooongest time, and I'm generally fine with it. Haven't really met anyone who has captured my attention. But as I'm nearing the end of my 30s I've been thinking if I even really made an effort to get to know someone. So recently I've downloaded a couple of dating apps, not really my thing but I want to be able to tell myself that atleast I've tried other ways to meet people. The thing is I'm NOT a romantic, I tried before but I just cringe so hard! I only really get attracted when I've spent a lot of time getting to know the person, we have a lot in common, and/or they exhibit really admirable character/skills/talent. Once I feel comfortable, my affectionate side comes out naturally. Would this define me as a Demi? If so, this might really make it difficult for me to meet someone in my vicinity. Any advice on how and where (app?) can I meet someone? Thanks!

I'm looking for advice/insight. I'm wondering if anyone has been where I am now? How did you realize you were demisexual? And if I'm in a space I don't belong, please tell me. I don't want to mislabel myself by misusing a term. I'm trying to learn and figure things out.

I (33F) have always felt a little off when it comes to dating, romantic partnerships, or sexual partnerships. In therapy, I've been talking about my upbringing and expectations. It's not really relevant to the insight I'm hoping for today, but it got me thinking about dating in middle or high school. Seeking a partner seemed pointless and I always used the excuse that I was focused on my studies. I wanted to get good grades, do the extracurriculars, and get into a good college so I could start my career and saving for retirement. But, thinking back on it, I didn't really feel any connection to anyone. My friends would talk about a cute boy/girl in class and I'd struggle to participate in the conversation. I could (and still can) say things like "oh yeah, Billy has cute eyes" or "Susan has a pretty smile," but whenever we'd talk about what kind of people we were attracted to, I could never answer. I'd say things like, "I want someone who makes me laugh, someone who does silly things with me, someone I can talk to about anything with." Them my friends would say, "Yeah, but what about looks?" And I couldn't grasp how looks could be important when thinking about a potential partner. Likewise, my friends couldn't grasp how I could ignore looks. I didn't feel any judgement from my friends. I never felt a desire to have a romantic or sexual relationship with someone. I didn't feel a connection with someone to the point I could see a future with them. And if I couldn't see a future with someone-a future that included sickness, health, wrinkles, surgeries, and general aging- then spending romantic or sexual time with someone was pointless.

I've had 3 romantic and sexual partners in my life with long periods of being single and not seeking relationships in between each. My first 2, I knew and talked to regularly for 6+ months before the relationship moved from friends to being romantically interested. My 3rd (now husband), I met online dating. We only knew each other for a short time (about a month) before I found myself attracted to him. In that short time, we talked any time we had free time. And not just small talk, we talked about everything. We laughed, we did silly things together. We've jumped in rain puddles, made blanket forts, fenced with mini-golf putters, and had so many deep conversations. We just clicked on a different level. And I find him so attractive, even though he looks nothing like he does when we met.

I never considered myself anything other than run of the mill hetero, but recently a list of less well known orientations popped up and while reading through them, I came across demisexual and demiromantic. After I read the definitions, I read some of the stories on here and other platforms and I was relating to their experiences more than I ever have with anyone else.

I'm not really sure what, if any, advice or insight I can get. If I'm het but not really romantically/sexually driven, demisexual, demiromantic, or something else. I don't even know if it's really that important to me. I've never been overly worried about how I identify in any part of my life. But, I'm wondering if maybe the reason I could never jump right back into dating, or would take my time before wanting to have me than a friendship with someone is because I fall somewhere on the aro/ace spectrum.

For me, I don't really feel sexual attraction without having a romantic tie and I can't romantic attraction without having an emotional connection.

I apologize for the word-vomit and if anything seems jumbled. I'm trying to get my thoughts out.

Is sapiosexual a real thing or something in pop culture? If it is, is there a word like this for being attracted to genuine kindness? My best friend and I think we are whatever that is and I’m not sure it’s a thing. This sounds confusing but I am here seeking a better vocabulary for this.

I met someone, and I think they’re really great. Part of me really, really wants to be ready to be in a relationship with them. The other part of me is the Demi part. I don’t actually feel much for them when I’m around them. I think if we establish an emotional connection, maybe I’ll develop real feelings, but as far as I know, you can’t anticipate when feelings/attraction will develop or with whom they will develop.

Have any of you met someone with whom you saw potential, but you didn’t actually have any real feelings until after being friends for a while? How long did it take for you? Did you know ahead of time that your feelings might develop that way?

I was in a relationship for 4 years, we broke up a few weeks ago. I didn't know I was Demisexual before the relationship and only realised part way through. It explained a lot, and my girlfriend accepted I think. It was a relationship where we had sex, but maybe not as often as she wanted. But I didn't want to have sex when we had relationship problems coz I just wasn't into it.

I feel like I accepted the fact I was Demisexual and it didn't bother me at all. But I was in a relationship, and I guess it didn't feel like it mattered much? Like that relationship is the only experience I have, I haven't dated before or since and I was in that relationship from the age of 17. But now I actually have to worry about how my Demisexuality is going to affect my dating life.

Like I don't feel ready to start dating yet anyway. I'm still healing. But people around me just assume that I will be getting myself out there soon and hooking up with people and all that and I don't wanna do that. Bit I don't wanna be alone either, because that's also scary. But I really don't know how to go about this all coz it's all new to me.

And I havent really told people that I'm Demisexual anyway. I told the people I lived with at university and they were accepting, but I don't think they really understood it. And so now I don't really tell people, which I've not had to do much before coz it didn't matter but now maybe I'll have to, idk.

So it's kinda just left me lost. Like I feel like it's gonna be easier to just be alone than put myself out there and struggle to find any sort of connection in the modern world. I guess it just feels like life is gonna be confusing and suck for a while, and I just gotta hope I get lucky somehow. But that probably won't happen :/

I guess I'm just wondering if there's anyone like me that can relate. Basically I don't need an emotional connection to experience a level of attraction where I want to perform sexual acts for someone else, but I do need an emotional connection to feel comfortable letting someone perform acts on me. I want to find someone to give me pleasure, but I find it very difficult to find someone I want to do it for me. But while I'm looking for someone I'd want to give me pleasure, I'm more than happy to go around giving it to others I find aesthetically pleasing. I say aesthetically pleasing because I admire their bodies and want to appreciate them through sexual acts but I don't want any sort of relationship with them. Romantically, I also need a connection with someone, though it is possible for me to feel romantically attracted to someone and still not want them to perform sexual acts on me, and it is also possible for me to not be romantically attracted to someone who I do wish would perform sexual acts on me. But they both require an emotional connection for me it's just that an emotional connection may only lead to one or neither of those, rather than both. Anyway please respond if you relate; I feel so alienated.

dude... i don't know where to even start lol so I met a guy and thought he was cool so i gave him my number. He started getting sexual really fast so I told him to stop because I can only be attracted to somebody sexually if I get to know their personality so talking about being sexual makes me uncomfortable. He responded with, "Ok Miss flat chested no ass bestie" bro what😭😭😭😭😭 that kinda made me sad he didn't have to do me like that

(I assure you all that I'm asking this in good faith, I'm genuinely confused about this)

I'm sure this is a very common and overdone discussion, but I haven't really seen an answer to the specific facet of attraction I want to mention, and that is:

What is the difference between Demisexuality and Allosexuality, in relation to "daily" attraction? I'm convinced that Allos don't actually see "attractive" people and think about sex or become aroused, this just seems very unreasonable and to me, this works more as them recognizing the person as attractive/hot but not having any sexual desire (so, more like aesthetic attraction) without a pre established relationship, otherwise romance and sex scenes in media would act in the same way as porn, which I also don't think is true;

This also applies to porn itself, since the "attraction" is towards the context of the sexual act itself, which is why so many straight men and women can enjoy the participants of the same gender as them, since the attraction isn't towards the actors but to what is happening on the screen;

In short, this is all mindless rambling and is based on my observations of people online and some friends I have irl, but from what I've observed alone, the grand majority of people would be demi and only some allo

Good evening, all!

I'm trying to become more active in this sub. I'm demisexual & demiromantic. As kid, I had crushes (genuine crushes) fairly often. Or I guess, as often as children & adolescents do. I'm not sure if it was because of my big breakup from last year, having BPD, being demi, a combination of the three, or not, but I don't seem to gain crushes on other people anymore.

And thinking back on my life and recent relationships, I never really have. All of my partners have asked me out, and I'd never felt initial feelings until others have shown blatant interest in me. I feel a little broken.