not sure if this is the right tag

So I have met a person

everyone has always said that i’ll meet someone and it will happen

and it kind of has? like i think? like i don’t think i feel it as much as allos? but what do i say now?

i’m not fully ace?

am i demi? because i still don’t feel or think like this about anyone else

i feel like general aspec fits best because even with this person it fluctuates on how i feel (like not in an allo way, more like i will react differently to the exact same thing or something, like sometimes even with this person i feel like i used to about everyone and sometimes i feel attracted to them sexually and sometimes its in between)

are there any micro labels that this fits with in general?

right now i say ace to people who don’t know much about queerness because i don’t want to bother explaining

to queer people i just go with demi or aspec

but i feel like i might not be valid or something, like im not actually aspec and im just an allo person who has “found the right person”

Now after being on and off birth control, I think it is a pretty interesting anecdote so I thought I'd share.

So I have PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) it is a not rare chronic condition which basically means my sex hormones are not within the norm and that can create a whole bunch of problematic symptoms.

So before PCOS I was completely asexual, but I was still incredibly sex favourable. after a few months of taking birth control pills (ones that include estrogen) pretty much all of the problems I've had because of it almost entirety disappeared. And I also gradually started to feel sexual attraction for the first time.

Now I am off birth control for med interaction reasons and all of my symptoms are back. And I am also ace again. Now I am pretty sex-indifferent though :( which I can more or less attributed to a few factors apart for the hormonal changes. I am not talking at all about libido btw, because I don't have that either way, and also was never into masturbation.

I am of course not trying to imply that being ace means that there is necessarily some sort of health problem going on that's causing it, but I thought it is pretty interesting how many different forms asexuality has, and how many identifyible factors can affect such things. and I think it is just one example to the great diversity amongst people that identify themselves as ace, or any other things of that sort.

If anyone has had a similar experience, or just has any input at all, I would love to know!

So I don't really feel sexual attraction. But like sex is something I really wanna do and try. But only with people I'm close with like platonic partners and besties or people I find hot or pretty. And idk if I get married I don't wanna be restricted to one person for sex? idk

I hardly use reddit, but ive been questioning everything about myself, so bear with me.

For as long as I can remember, I've never ever thought of myself as asexual. That was until 1-2 years ago.

Will start this of by saying I was afab, youth dk if that changes anything. (Currently Genderfaun, I appreciate masc and gender neutral pronouns.)

!!!!Semi descriptive SA Tw ahead. Understandable if this is taken down or i need to edit it. I don't mind./gen!!!!

Not sure if this is the cause of my questioning, but there was a time where I'm 98% sure I was the victim of attempted SA, maybe more if I hadn't ended it. It was like 3am and my friends stepdad was rubbing up my thigh, and getting closer to my, well, yk. I said I was tired and he left it at that. I still think about it, even now. I think about what could of happened if i hadnt spoke up. Its worse because i saw the guy as a bit of a father figure. Ever since that night though, I've been afraid of people touching my thighs, including my own family and even my friends.

That's not entirely the reason I'm questioning. Just the probable cause. I don't know what exactly I am. My issue is: -yes, I masturbate for sexual pleasure. -yes, I have sexual fantasies. -yes, I have things that I would consider kinks and fetishes.

Yet, when it comes to the thought of ACTUALLY having sex, or even engaging in any sexual activity with another person or people, it makes me feel queasy, like I'm scared and want to run, yet at the same time I freeze up and don't know what to do.

This has all also messed with my sexuality. Before this I was omnisexual, but now I'm questioning it all. If I were pan, would it be pansexual, or panromantic? Or both, since I would technically fall under both categories? I don't know.

I definitely know im not aromatic, as I long for a relationship.

I suppose I just don't know who or what I am. What I would identify as. I've looked at the definition for greysexual but I'm not sure that fits me, as I do have a high sexual drive. Just not for other people.

Any ideas what this could be? 😓

Basically the title. I've never used a dating app since I'm not a fan of anything related to sex, but I hear so much about dating apps being centered around people wanting that and it's made me extremely wary to even consider trying them.

Are there any places people have had any luck with or would recommend? I just want a space where I can meet people and get to know them without any pressure.

I “came out” to my close friends yesterday, but I was not sure how to go about it and I think it went awkward. I basically said “Hey guys, I just wanted to let you guys know since you’re close to me that I’m “coming out” as an asexual person.” Two of my friends just went “slay” and another one dm’d me “thanks for sharing with us. didn’t wanna say anything wrong so didn’t really react to it, but i’m happy for you” but I feel like they didn’t really understand. One said that they have students who are similar. I was surprised that students would share that with a professor so I asked about it and he said he could tell by their profile when they have they/them pronouns. How do I go about this in a better way? I want to “come out” to my siblings.

The black is iridescent and looks dark green in the pic for some reason, also the grey looks whiteish but is dark grey in person. Glass can be annoying to photograph, as I’m learning the hard way.

So I (22f) was filling out and online questionnaire on my phone for an upcoming Drs appointment. I was going through the usual medical history questions. I get to the "when was the last time you smoked, drank - whatever". Most of it was going off of what I've said before. ( I don't smoke or drink so it says never already). But then I get to the "sexually active" portion and it says "yes." EVEN THOUGH every time I'm asked, I say no? This is the first time I've filled this out online instead of being asked in person at the physical appointment. (It'll be a video call appt anyways so,). But I was so surprised and upset because....why was it marked that I was sexually active? How long have I've been going to Drs appointments and they've had the assumption that I'm having sex?

Is it weird that I'm upset about this?

Can I wear one even though I am Grey? I lean more toward the Ace side of the spectrum. And what hand do you wear it on typically?

Im 15 years old(ftm) and i have no experience in sexual activity and i don’t think i ever want to have sex, the most i’ve done is masturbate and it was very uncomfortable for me. But when i look at some characters in games and movies i feel very attracted and maybe even a bit aroused by them. I have a boyfriend who i really do love but i cant imagine being sexual with him either

I'm not doing to the entire march because I won't get there in time. I'm only out as ace to like 2 people, but I decided it was a nice occasion to just hint to it with my outfit in case I see other ace folks and we aknowledge each other 🙃 wish me luck!

while talking about asexuality

me: "that's not how asexuality works"

mom: "I just want to understand!"

proceeds to tell me why asexuality is wrong

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that's the post, yes that's it.

Weird questions but need to ask (and I’ve prob asked similar stuff before but I’ve adjusted t my thinking over time) -

• is it fair to the person I love if I’m meh about sex? What if I am attracted to someone else but not to them? I have experienced sexual attraction (am graysexual) to basically 3 people ever but didn’t for the most part until my 30s, despite thinking I had (lol no, this is different, not just “oh he looks good and my body kind of reacts if he stands close enough” - that’s what I would call passive attraction. This is active attraction, like I want this specific man.) Now that I understand more what it’s like to feel that way, (a) I want that and (b) it feels unfair if I don’t have that for the person I decide to be with.

• does sex get better if you are ace but sex positive?

I’m so afraid I will end up with someone and sex will be terrible and/or they will realize that I am prob not capable of feeling that kind of attraction for them. I’ve never been with someone. I’ve kind of started avoiding trying to find someone because I am afraid this will happen. I’m greysexual but I’m sexual enough that I do want it - it’s just that I’m not attracted to the vast vast (98+%) majority of men and I’m tempted to just find someone I otherwise love…but then I’d have to sleep with them (consensually, I mean) and I just…especially bc I sort of know what I’m missing, you know? My other option though is to just stay single and I do want to be with someone.

I’m also kind of aego in that I can be attracted to a fantasy of a person/rarely can picture myself as part of a couple - when I meet a really attractive guy in reality I’m like meh.

I identify closely with a number of microlabels on the ace spectrum: lithosexual, aegosexual/autochorisexual, neuroqueer, and acespike. For me I usually waver between sex-averse and sex-repulsed. I have experienced all of these at some point so I guess my question is would aceflux, graysexual or just saying acespec be more accurate?

I’m 25f (this is my alt account because it’s embarrassing.

I’ve always been asexual, never really think about sex, or am I interested in it, but like many asexuals, we compromise with our partner and have sex on rare occasions, but unfortunately, my dislike for sex has turned into a fear.

Not only am I asexual, but I also have vaginismus (the vaginal muscles contract and sex can be extremely painful, no matter how aroused you may be)

My partner is okay with it and still loves me, but it’s not fair that I’m not able to give him what he wants, he doesn’t complain about it, but I feel bad because I’m his first ever genuine girlfriend and he can’t even have sex with me.

Does anybody else suffer from Vaginismus?

People who go out in public with buttplugs, who get a kick out of going commando or those with vibrators controlled by their partners.

At any given moment, I could be in a room with someone like that. And I think it’s fucked up, I don’t consent to be exposed to that shot. They shouldn’t include strangers into their kinks, even if I know that’s what they’re into.

I reckon it shouldn’t be legal?? Yet it’s so normalized within allosexual circles :/

If you are or have been in a long-term committed relationship with an asexual person, but you’re not asexual, what are the things you love most about your partner and your relationship, especially things that you might not have in a relationship with another allosexual person?

So back when I was in Year 9 in High School, we had Grease as our musical. I distinctly remember that there weren't a lot of dances with other people, but it really felt like it to me. I can remember feeling uncomfortable during the more... intimate parts of songs, especially if we had to dance for it, and all the songs/scenes where we had to work with a dance partner felt weird to me. Is it just something about me, or is this something that other Asexuals experience commonly?

I’ll start this off by saying I feel (quite strong) romantic attraction, and i know i’m not completely asexual.

I’m 15F and recently as i’ve been flirting with guys and stuff i’ve started to notice something was off about me. I’ve felt both arousal and sexual attraction, but i don’t think it’s very often, and most of the time when guys flirt with me sexually, even if i’m otherwise interested i’ve noticed i’ve gotten really uncomfortable and grossed out a lot of the time even if it isn’t graphic. Sometimes i do feel “turned on” by it, but i’ve noticed it’s really rare and even when I hear about other peoples sexual experiences i often feel very uncomfortable and disgusted.

I should probably also add that i’m autistic and have some sexual trauma from when i was in elementary school, but even then iirc before any of my sexual trauma i recalled this same repulsed feeling when i started hitting puberty and “sexually” maturing. I know i’m not trans because i have thought about it, but i don’t want to be a man and i do want to be a woman. I’m just really confused and i’m not sure if this is trauma or not but i feel like it’s something more.

I’ll also note that sometimes i do imagine having sex and want to experience it, but a lot of the times when i really imagine what it would be like, i’m fairly certain i’d be really scared and uncomfortable. Then again tho i also have horrible body dysmorphia so i’m wondering if it could just be that?

Because of my trauma i also have a lot of shame in being/feeling anything sexual, so i’m worried i’m just trying to label myself since experiencing anything sexual often feels like letting my assaulters win, but i also feel like it’s more than that because it’s not like a problem i want to fix in therapy, or even think i could. Is it possible i even “developed” some form of asexuality because of my trauma?

Is anyone’s favorite love language physical touch? I feel like I never hear of aces who prefer it to all the other love languages. So curious to hear what you think!

So, as per the sub, I am asexual and really only like things in theory, never in person. Like, every time I think of doing something irl it feels me with dread even when I don’t really have any sexual trauma. It’s just been this way since I found out about sex. That, or the whole thing just feels awkward as hell. At least in my head.

Like, I know it’s a natural human thing to do, but it just kinda makes me feel like a fraud, I guess? Especially since the more I do it, the more and more extreme my tastes get. Therefore the more and more sexual they get. Idk, it just makes me feel gross and dirty.

If anyone has any tips or recommended subs to help reduce (maybe even quit because once I start it becomes a “I can’t do anything because I need to masturbate first” thing) masturbation, it would be gladly appreciated :]

I’m a mid adolescent teen. I’ll say that. But as far as I’m aware I’ve never experienced sexual attraction. Crushes? One. And it’s purely romantic. I don’t see any of my peers as attractive or even know if they are seen that way or not. I’m just unsure. My brain says I’m not and I’m just trying to fit a label but is also considering the possibility… I’m pretty sure that parts just my anxiety and trying not to be a bad person. But I’m unsure and it’s been wracking my brain for at least a month. I’d prefer to ask a subreddit that I know nobody at all even as an online friend on then someone I’ve talked to before.

Thank you for your time… I just want to figure at least this out. Get the uncertainty out of my head so I can focus on figuring the rest of my fucked up brain out

Last weekend I got drunk with some friends, and I’m not sure how it came up but one of them mentioned pleasuring your partner but not caring for it yourself and one other thing that in my drunken state I agreed to. The next day I realized what that meant and realized I might genuinely be asexual. Since middle school I’ve had such a hard time determining my sexuality. I always thought if I had never had sex how could I know? I thought I was bisexual or pansexual, but I was aware of biromantic and panromanic as well. The last year since I turned 21 (M) and went out on the scene I find plenty people attractive, and my friends try to set me up for my first kiss and whatnot (hasn’t happened). I’ve rejected a handful of people, tried dancing with a couple people, and always admired people from afar but that’s as close as I want to get. I thought my attraction was more about getting to know someone before hooking up, so obviously I wouldn’t have sex with anyone I met in one night. (I’ve recently heard of demisexual as well). But after last weekend I realized I’ve never wanted to have sex with anyone to my recollection. I never considered being asexual despite being attracted to anyone, technically making me panromantic, but I stopped using labels in high school and would rather go with the flow. This, though, has been truly rocking my world. I’m not sure why I’m making this, I guess no one else would get it and I’m not even 100% sure myself. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

I was debating to post something like this. I feel so strange and Ive always been this way. Im embarrassed and lets just say Im not a fan of how Ive been feeling for the past almost two years. Its the feeling of sex negativity. I wasnt always this way. Right now I feel more sex averse/repulsed then ever. Im going to make this as short as possible. Maybe someone that comes across my post can at least kinda understand. I cant talk to anyone about this. Im going to use caps for these terms that I can relate to because I didint know about them for the longest time, just thought something is very wrong with me (still do).

TOKOPHOBIA. That is a fear of pregnancy. For me when I was in my 20s exploring having sex with men, I was always terrified of getting pregnant. I never asked to have female parts in the first place and the idea of something growing inside me makes me so sick. Its like a parasite. Im pro choice as pro choice can get.

Anyways for example I could never truly feel comfortable with having raw intercourse with men. Those few times I wanted to stop and I always was very truthful to men to not ejaculate inside me. One guy and we were all drinking. Alcohol was something that I wanted to have when I was doing sex because sober sex was hella boring. Especially when guys turned to wanting to pleasure me. Oral sex being done on me was just...yea very boring. No pleasure from it.

I was with 3 men and 2 were at the time FWB and random dude they brought along, he thought it was a great idea to sneak no condom on. Ugh. He didnt ejaculate but one of my guy friends at the time came in and told us to stop because he didint have a condom on. Once I had a hook up where he pulled out and sperm got on my vagina and I was freaking out inside my head. Im so glad my mom was alive then and I didnt tell her at first I took a shower and I got so emotional and started crying. I told her how do people just not have a fear of this. Plus I had feelings of disgust as well. Everything was ok and I was on birth control. I didnt tell guys that though. Lots of times when guys finished on my hand I would wash that hand more times then I needed to and I wouldnt touch my vagina with that hand until a day. I know it dont make sense and its irrational I have wondered if this effected my ability to get pleasure from partnered sex because I dont enjoy sex like get physical pleasure from it. At times I feel like and yes all the sex I had was consensual but it did make me feel regret and I wish I would of been true to myself and said no. I wonder if all the sex I was having since I didint enjoy it like that, that it made me somewhat averse/repulsed. I was hoping to "fix" myself. But my female plumbing works.

LIMERANCE is something I wish I came across way sooner in my life. Asexuality and its microlabels was the first time I found a label that felt like it fits me. Limerence is not love, its a obsession. In the mid 2010s I called myself different terms from demisexual, gray ace, aegosexual, aegoromantic, and a few other terms that dont almost never get talked about in ace and aro communities like Unisexual. I found that label by deep digging in the asexual and microlabels wiki. Here is the label definition: Unisexual, also known as onesexual, uniattractional, uniattraction, unianthrosexual or unosexual, refers to someone who feels attraction towards one person and one person only for advanced periods of time or perhaps one’s whole lifetime. This is a more specific form of greyasexual, in which one only experiences sexual attraction a very small amount of times in their life. Once one is attracted to someone they will not experience attraction to anyone else. One will be attracted to this one person regardless of the their own or the other person's changing gender, sexuality, or appearance. One will be attracted to this one person for a long period of time and feels as though they will not experience attraction to anyone else for the foreseeable future.

Ok so I have only felt two attractions in my life so that dont fit but at one point it did. I was Limerant for a actor and it started in the early 2000s (about 2003)and FINALLY ended in 2018. All through middle and high school and most of my 20s I had a "crush" or infatuation on this one actor. I was NOT sex negative or sex averse/repulsed like I have been feeling now. I Fantasized about me and him sleeping together all the time. I made up my own boyfriend giving him a different name basing his body and looks off this actor and this is kinda funny now looking back but the reason I made my own boyfriend up was because he became engaged. That was never love and let me tell ya, limerence is one hell of a thing. It makes you feel crazy and you spend so many hours daydreaming and thinking of this one person. I got over the first actor because well, and I swear I wanna punch myself but its because I have a new LO. LO means limerant object. Best believe ive been doing alot of reading on this thing. Am I just a weird allosexual? So many years I wasted. But im going to leave it at this: I generally dont feel sexual attraction to people. I dont get aroused when men touch me or kiss me. Its always in my head is when sex dont weird me out or I feel I can picture me and him doing sex acts and it feels beautiful and hot.

I feel like as of right now I have a love/hate relationship with sex. If sex was a person we'd be having straight up fights and make ups. I want to apologize for being sex negative, I came from a place of ignorance on my part. I wasn't raised that way. It all started when I had sex. I felt used. To be fair these were hook ups amd FWB. But I dont think Id enjoy sex even if it was in a relationship. I know you dont have to be sexually attractive to others to enjoy sex, aces do it lots of times but for me I need to be sexually attracted to the person I believe. For me and im only speaking for myself and I understand that since Ive only felt attraction to two actors it prob dont count but I dont experience libido with people im not attracted to and thats most people. Its only ever aimed at people Im attracted to.

I still feel a connection to Is aromanticism and asexuality. Ive been calling myself a aroace because its easier to explain. But I feel its contradicting. I do feel guilt when I picture my current actor attraction because hes not consenting and I just feel like a perv. Hes a human being. I didint feel this way with my first actor attraction. I was way younger and I just didnt think about it. Maybe because I know what its like to have sexual attraction aimed at you when you hate it. I have felt anger at others and feeling bitter at society which I find immature of me to do. Its no ones fault, its just what is. Im sorry for judging allos, theres no excuse for it all because it frusterates me I cant find pleasure in partnered sex. I tell myself there are way more bigger things to be mad about. I dont think its fair for people who are interested in me because its not fair to them that im limerant. I think I need to talk to someone. Id love to met someone on the ace spectrum thats understanding and compassinate. Id love to find a platonic life friend/ companion. Sorry for rambling I needed to get this out. Much love.

I really hope anyone can understand where I'm at since this is the only place I can talk about it. I'm Heteromantic and Sex-repulsed.

I've known I've been asexual for so long. It is the answer to every question and difference I've had to others in my life, but despite this I just can't shake masturbation. I know many people who are ace still do this, but on my end I don't do it for pleasure, I've abhorred pornagraphy and any sex act for as long as I've known them. It makes me gag and feel sick to the stomach and shiver. But because of my younger selves inability to stop doing things he hated and other weird behaviors, masturbation has carried over to me as an 18 year old now, I can't stand it havent been able to for years , it makes me look bad when I swear i don't have any libido or drive for this, i dont lust. I don't even think it feels good feel clarity or anything afterwards but because it was formed as a habit it can be difficult to just say no. But I have to, either stopping during rhe act or not doing it at all.

Seeing porn is one thing, it's All around the world, I dont like it but ill bear it when it comes by, but I can't stand doing i hate in front of something I hate, when i don't even think it feels good :( It makes me question my asexuality when I know myself better. It's not frequent, thankfully, I wouldn't call it an obsessive habit, but when it happens it goes on for a good stretch. I really just want it to be over because I feel so disassociated with myself when it happens

I'm 24 (F)I have felt sexual desire for people, in my head, for both male and female, but if I actually get to know the person my interest in sex vanishes, I see them romantically and become very uncomfortable to do anything. That's what has happened with men. With women, I don't know, I've only had sexual fantasies, but I tend to see them as just friends. I get turned on by pornography ( although I avoid consuming that type of media), hentai manga etc. I like content that involves dominance and submission. Unfortunately I haven't had a lot of dating experiences, but those two I had were with guys. We did not reach the point of sex though, because I was too stressed during intimate moments. This duality of being able to enjoy certain things and orgasm with masturbation and on the other hand having no interest in manifesting this desire to another person irl makes me very conflicted. I want a person to share my life with, and maybe I would want the "normal" experience as well, I'm not saying to be a sex god but just to be able to enjoy it and give pleasure. I'm someone who had A LOT of fantasies, so I find it extremely annoying that I can't have sex.

If you experience something similar feel free to write me a message.

genuinely just trying to get the thoughts out of my head

I just found and watched this short film, i think this deserves a congrats for trying boost the awareness about the assexuality.

I dont have any deep coments on the plot, i just wanted to share this with everyone here :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_R9GD-Sta7A

ive done some research but im a bit confused, i think i could be aego.