Hey yall,

Im like repulsed by physical touch and sex while im sober, but more appealed to sex while inebriated. Still hate touching tho. It feels weird to want to masturbate or look at porn/hentai. I don't want sex normally, but inevriating stops that feeling and its kinda scary. I don't get pleasure tylically anyways. How do I stop the feeling of horniness while inebristed?

So at first I thought it was just about who you’re interested in dating(for example aromatic => not interested in dating) but I’ve also heard the term romantic attraction that has confused me, could someone explain this to me please

Was the Aro & Ace Pub discord server shut down? It was the 18+ only version of the Aro & Ace Café server. If it wasn't shut down, can I get an updated invite link to it? Thanks!

I saw a post on tumblr about allo/ace relationships and how people say asexuals can still have sex and I got curious on what other ace people think

Also please no arguing. If you’re ace you’re valid whether you’ve had sex or not or like sex

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This is not meant to trigger anyone!! As an example, I understand that a lot (all?) of gay people can’t just stop being gay, I don’t know if this works the same way?.. like can you train your thought processes behind your asexuality to make them become a more positive experience to truly want to enjoy wanting sex?.. or something like that.. has anyone done this?

I prefer to masturbate quickly just using a vibrator to reach an orgasm, but then I feel super nauseous and ashamed/grossed out with myself right after.. I don’t have any traumas or religious issues .. just feel gross after?? but I like the orgasm part?.. so confusing!.. I do have sex w my bf from time to time and usually don’t get that feeling - but then when Im in a sex repulsed phase but I still want an orgasm and do it myself - I get that bleh feeling.

I’m still trying to understand my sexuality completely but I just really don’t get why some people are so overly obsessed? My bf per se, it’s pretty much the only thing ever on his mind. There are SO many other things to life other than sex or just getting your dick touched?? Is there a science to why people are so obsessed?? Like their every thought is sexual in nature and I just don’t get it!

I'm struggling to understand where I stand in the spectrum of sexuality and it honestly stresses me out. I know that I don't need labels and such and I can do whatever I feel is right but I really want a label I guess. Not being able to understand myself makes me feel like an idiot. And I hate that it seems so easy for everyone else to just be.

Growing up I had crushes on just men but I didn't actually like them it was more like I made them up to fit in I guess. And if those crushes progressed into relationships I normally broke up with them a few days later because I'd lose feelings and feel uncomfortable and grossed out. I've realized now that I might just be asexual because I honestly don't feel sexual attraction and the topic of sex makes me uncomfortable. It grosses me out how common it is for people to bring up and discuss. But maybe my reactions are just over dramatic I don't know. I also might be aromantic because I just can't imagine myself ever being okay with a romantic relationship.

Anyways overtime I've grown to really dislike men so much so that the idea of ever being in a relationship with one disgusts me. But how can I tell if it's because I just have no interest in romance and sexual relationships or because I might just be interested in women? I've never considered women because I've admittedly had a struggle with internalized homophobia thanks to my upbringing but now that I've realized it's okay to be different I'm confused. Do I just not like anybody or am I scared to admit I like women? But I don't want to figure it out by experience because I don't want to be in a relationship in fear of having to interact with someone sexually. Women are stunning and admirable but if I don't experience sexual attraction and have never considered women a possibility how do I know if I like them romantically? Am I just confusing myself by thinking too hard or is this legitimately something people can relate to?

If you have any advice or personal experience that would be nice to know! I'm confused and I hate not being able to understand myself. But I just think about things and complicate it so much I can't figure anything out anymore.

Ppl hug me all the time which I hate but I never feel like I have enough time to ask before they’re going in. The only family I actually like touching is my mom but there isn’t a category for mother :/

Hi! I've noticed that whenever a picture/video pops up with someone doing, you know, the act, I get extremely nauseous and my stomach hurts for some time. It doesn't need to be real people, it's the same with cartoons or even animal documentaries. I'm asexual, but out of all I've read about it, there is nothing about this topic...

I spent the majority of my life as a bisexual male. But, a few years ago I decided that testosterone was toxic to me, and I decided to do without it.
For me, asexuality came as a result of changes in the chemistry of my mind and body.
Thanks to extremely low T levels I now have no sexual attraction to anyone. However, there are certain people that I am attracted to. It’s not a physical attraction. But, I find myself wanting to spend time with them, wanting to talk to them, and thinking about them way too much. It’s just as strong as the sexual attraction used to be.
I’m having difficulty understanding and dealing with this kind of attraction.
Anyone else dealing with similar issues?

i’m 99% sure i’m asexual and i cant catch feelings for people. did anyone else have a hard time accepting it? so many people say the meaning of life is to find love but i just don’t feel it. i keep catching myself trying to find people attractive or trying to catch feelings because im in denial.

So I’m fairly comfortable in my gender identity of being genderfluid, and my general attraction, lesbian, but I’ve identified as ace and aro on and off randomly for the last couple years but something kinda clicked and a friend pointed something out to me and made me come to this subreddit.

So a preface, ik labels don’t define people and they’re there as a guild for people but I really like them and they help me connect and identify with myself and others.

So I’m decently comfortable with my body and rarely get super bad dysphoria but tend to be more of a girl during intimate moments and relationships and while this hasn’t really effected me much I recently hooked up with someone (who looking back I wasn’t really attracted too I was just touch starved) anyway during it I was semi turned on but still felt like I had to end it quickly and even before I came. It just didn’t feel right.

Anyway I was talking about this with a friend and she suggested it was dysphoria causing my lack of sexual attraction which honestly makes sense. But that got me thinking and I don’t think I like sex. It’s honestly kinda gross and weird but I really like everything else. Like pretty naked women, mwah chefs kiss. Making out with said women, doubly so. But sex, ew. I still masturbate and look at porn when I do but actually having sex I don’t think is for me.

Anyway I don’t know how coherent that ramble was but I really just need help finding the right term and label for this or whatever’s close enough. Anyway thanks for reading!!!!!

no grey bc the pattern didn't have enough colors

Hey! I'd love to get some outside perspective. Whenever I catch myself reading "30 ways to determine if you're asexual" etc, I resonate deeply with about half of the "indicators", and the other half I deeply do not. I'm at an age where most of my friends have already figured out their identities, but I'd still love to process more externally so here I am!

I've always been queer, and have identified as bi/pan/demi. I grew up fascinated by how people reacted around sex, I'd google all my friends' sex questions for them, I've been a sex ed educator, but it didn't occur to me for a while to actually have sex myself.

I became sex favorable in a prior relationship, so I assumed I was demi. But in the last few years I discovered I'm not actually interested in romantic relationships (I think I just really dig having close friends). But I still like sex, because to me it's just fun and intimate. And I really like practicing vulnerability in that way.

But it's SO tricky. Previously using the term "demi" miscommunicated to people that I would eventually "catch feelings", or that I needed romance in order to have sex. Quick/anonymous hookups don't feel intimate or interesting, since I don't feel like I can fully let my guard down and be myself. And their expectation that I'm attracted to them makes me feel like an alien. Ongoing strictly-casual connections can be tough for similar reasons, but having some familiarity and rapport can make it more engaging. Building trust and friendship with a sexual partner is preferred, but unfortunately even among my nonmonog friends I'm often told that sex would initiate the desire for more traditional romantic partnership.

Does anyone else experience anything similar? Does ace/aro sound technically right, or are there labels you think might fit better?

Thanks a bunch!

I've been in a long term relationship but never felt sexually attracted to him. We had conflict and broke up for 9 months and I met someone online during that time period. Now this virtual guy turns me on and he makes my imagination goes wild. But still, it didn't work out. Now I'm back with my ex, still the same. No sexual attraction but I love him.

I don't know what I've just done been feeling so alone and depressed so I was talking with this girl and we were hanging out then one thing led to another and we ended up having sex I didn't want to but I just didn't want to be left alone I felt if I had told her no she would just leave me alone but after everything she told me to leave now am at a Walmart parking lot feeling so lost I feel like just drive off a bridge am so tired of being alone felling lost don't know what to do don't know why am posting this

I'm definitely an asexual, and since breaking up with my girlfriend in late August I haven't had a crush on anybody. I've been physically attracted to people and have had friend-crushes, but I haven't wanted to date anybody. This is weird for me though because all throughout middle and high school I always seemed to have a crush on somebody at some point. Now that there's nobody I want to be with, it makes my life feel kind of incomplete in a weird way, like I should be wanting or having a relationship but don't. Does anybody know why I could be feeling this way or have any advice?

CW: masturbation, sexual fantasies

hey guys, I'm 21M and been feeling really weird with myself for a while ever since getting into a relationship, and decided to read up on asexuality and a lot of things resonated with me. However, I had questions, so I made a reddit account just to ask y'all haha.

In regards to sexual attraction, what really is it? I have very specific "fantasies" so to speak.

Specifically (skip this next part of you don't wanna read ahead, it may be TMI), very much into succubus porn/hentai, femdom, a lot of the submissive elements if you will. With succubus stuff it's weird, because they are the fetish, and in a way that's what gets me going, though again I am incorporating myself in some way, idealized version, concept , whatever.

Now, reading up on it, it seems like asexuals tend to "detach" themselves from porn, so to speak, rather than imagine themselves in the situation. However, since I'm sex positive, and have sex with my girlfriend (mostly out of love and emotion, I've realized that in the outside world, sexual attraction is something I rarely feel, if at all) I tend to place myself there to get a grasp of what's being felt if that makes sense. Like, there have been a few times where I looked at someone beautiful in a porno or hentai and thought they looked really good (aesthetically, even sensually (?)), and the sex in it then made me think of sex with them in a "it would feel like this" kinda way.

If I've ever experienced attraction towards someone in real life, it's been out of like specific feature I guess(?). Like I have a major face sitting kink, and if someone has a really nice butt I'm drawn to it, not like "I have an urge to have sex with this person" but I definitely get the thought of wanting this butt on my face.

If I imagine having sex with them, I just get this little hint of disgust almost? or like being off put? like confused why I'd even think that, but if it's in compliance with something really specific then I'll feel turned on, but not really compelled to do anything about it beyond maybe masturbating.

(Note, face sitting to me is literally just sitting on my face, not eating out, although I'm indifferent to eating out. I only do it with my partner to satisfy them, otherwise I'd rather they sit on my face clothed lmao)

I don't if that's sexual attraction, maybe I'm explaining something really obvious, but it's just strange that these emotions translate to fictional scenarios, but not really real life ones.

Basically, I need to be seeing the act to feel the arousal, and the arousal makes me want to figure out what that would feel like, so I place myself there to get a grasp (almost like a simulation).

I feel like I'm somehow just describing sexual attraction without realizing it, but maybe I'm not. I'm honestly just really confused (as my username implies) so any answers would be appreciated!

Now, I'm not saying I'm not prideful about my sexuality, but just like how I am trans and hate it I hate being aroace. While almost everyone in my school and friend group is falling in love and finding a partner I'm just stuck here because 1, I hate relationships due to personal reasons and 2 when I do try to get into a relationship I wouldn't feel attraction at all and treat them more as a friend. I've never had a celebrity crush growing up I've never actually had crushes aside from fictional ones. If people find out they will harass me verbally and sexually and I hate it. School dances were and are never fun because they rely on romance and dates, so I feel left out. My family wants me to have kids in the future to continue the bloodline and I hate it, luckily my mom understands that I don't want children but my dad doesn't and my other relatives just think that I will get over it. I hate how heteronormative things got pushed down my throat because I generally thought I was broken because of my being aroace.

a) Looking at someone and having an automatic physical response: pupils dilating, breathing increasing, heart rate increasing.

b) Wanting to have sex with a specific person.

Curious on people's take here. Which is sexual attraction?

Hi all,

I’m asexual (maybe even aegosexual) who doesn’t really like sex or sex related things. I do however love roleplaying! I like doing one over text (like a story) where I’m a servant to a spoiled brat rich person/family. Characters of my stories have to be 18+, but nothing else overly matters.

I often feel like I’m weird and that people don’t enjoy the fact that my roleplays aren’t really sexual. Does anyone else feel like this or love roleplaying?

Honestly, some advice would be great. Even if anyone wants to roleplay with me too, I’d love that! But overall, need advice and to talk.

Thanks in advance.

so basically since 8th grade i thought i was ace. my friend told me i might be when we were talking in my room about romantic and sexual relationships. i did my own research after that and concluded that asexual was exactly how i felt. i met my boyfriend much later at 20 years old and he knew i was ace. he of course told me he would never expect me to have sex with him bc of my label and i was comfortable pleasing him bc it made me so happy to see him in that “pleased” state when i would touch him but i never thought of sex or him touching me or anything of that manner still. later i did decide to try having sex with him, and he was very comforting and took his time about it with me and even after having sex i still felt like i was asexual. we did continue to have sex because again, his reactions to everything made me happy and that’s what i enjoyed but it wasn’t so much in a sexual attraction sort of way just in a “i love you so much and seeing you that pleased makes me feel on cloud 9 so im gonna keep doing that”. i ended up getting pregnant and i honestly lost my whole asexual identity after that. i’m now 34 weeks pregnant and confused about what the future holds for after birth with my sexuality. i became super sexually attracted to him during this pregnancy and yes have a libido which has nothing to do with asexuality but it was usually suppressed bc of other meds i was on(but i didn’t start those until i was 18 so i know the asexuality existed before and it wasn’t just a low libido causing me to not feel sexual attraction). like after i give birth will i loose sexual attraction ? can pregnancy cause false attraction im so confused or am i actually demi-sexual and it wasn’t love that brought it out bc i loved him long before i got pregnant, it was the knowing that now we will have a family and this relationship is the strongest it’s ever been that caused the shift in attraction.

Is it normal to be disgusted by the fact that I have masturbated after I'm done masturbating/when I'm not horny? Also the only reason I masturbate is because it feels good, not because of any sexual fantasies

Anyway I understand I gotta decide for myself in the end but I was wondering if I fit into the level to begin with. First off I've never had a genuine crush on anyone. I thought I did but listening to a friend talk about a girl she has a crush on made me realise I don't feel that way about people. I'm never freaky bar from the occasional mild once a month. I've never thought about having sex with anyone and honestly the thing that sounds best about it is just phisical contact. Now I do still have attraction occasionally but it's not as strong as other people seem to have it and it plays no role in my life. I do want to get married though and have intercourse with my wife I just don't look forward to it nearly as much as others do apparently. I've recently realised that all the crushes I've had were kind of forced on by a need to like someone and I still want all these people as friends.

And if not, how long did you last?

I wanted to see if anyone else has a similar experience as me. I'm 100% ace-spec, however, I had a few crushes growing up throughout elementary and Jr. High. All they really were was friendships with the opposite gender where we kind of just texted each other lots, flirted or hugged each other after school if we got REALLY into it.

About half a year before starting highschool, I developed another crush, and I confessed over a call. That person said they had similar feelings, and to me that was that. He mentioned that it's kind of expected to start dating and begin an actual relationship which I completely forgot about at the time. In my head, I guess confessing you liked someone meant the same thing it did in elementary. Hanging out more, hugging, and buying each other gifts, but I never really thought about anything more than that. After he mentioned that, I almost felt regret confessing, but we ended up dating for 2 years into high school! I also kind of enjoyed a lot of it.

I did enjoy being in a relationship, but I really can't tell if I felt romantic attraction or not. I enjoyed kissing, cuddling, and what appears as romantic intimacy, but that was long enough ago that I really can't tell how I truly felt. As for sexual feelings, unfortunately I feel as though I forced that onto myself because that's how I thought relationships were supposed to be. I wanted him to feel happy, but I would honestly just have rathered not do that at all. Luckily nothing sexual ever occurred.

What I'm confused about the most is the romantic part. I'm not even sure what romantic attraction is supposed to feel like, but I think I enjoyed the romantic parts of it. It's like ever since that relationship ended, I've never had a crush in the same way I did as a kid ever again, and I don't know why. I do want to have some form of intimacy as a way to combat my physical touch needs, but unfortunately I just can't feel anything like that towards anyone... I never really suspected I was aro because of my past relationship, but now I'm not so sure.

I'm looking more into QPRs, but again, I just don't know if that's even what I want. I wish there was a much easier way to understand what I need, and an easier way to meet those needs as well. It's hard to experiment when it feels like there's no one I want to experiment with.