Rules

I've heard this twice last night.. so maybe it's not a good question to ask and i just don't know where to proceed after that.

I've seen two acquaintances on separate situations in a halloween party last night. I just wanted to catch up so i asked what they've been doing lately.

When i asked them, i got the response "i don't really wanna talk about that".

I do get that, cos sometimes i just wanna have fun too and not think/worry about work and stuff.. take my mind off of things. I know nothing about you though? especially if it's been years since we last interacted.

I usually get stumped and don't know what to talk about after. What do we even talk about if i have no clue what's they're in to? How do you pivot back from this and what do you even talk about?

I've made it a point to be a better listener, but it seems I've made such a point of this that I've forgotten how to listen In general. When people speak to me I remind myself to look them in the eye but not too much, respond affirmatively, not to interrupt them, and to try and recapture what they've said after they've said it. But while I'm focusing on all these little details I totally forget what the person has said lol

I find myself wanting to just move at my own pace and do things on my own time, but like all the time. This means I’m not waiting on anybody if they have any problems. I get annoyed sometimes if people are too slow or have too many problems that they hold me back from plans. I’m just not a very patient person, and I’m very much aware of that. I also don’t really care to help others when they have a problem, and I don’t do favors for them because I don’t really ask for any favors myself. I’m so used to not needing anybody that I’ve become hyper-independent, and I struggle to empathize when the people around me can’t be as efficient as me. I don’t do anything to hurt anybody, but I’m uncomfortable sitting with these feelings.

i don’t exactly know how to describe my relationship with my parents. im a 17yo girl, turning 18 in january (legal age in my country).

i kind of want to start doing things like going out and partying, going to concerts more and im extremely shy trying to ask them to let me.

im not afraid to ask my mom, but she is never okay with anything, and i swear- anything i ask her permission to do. she has a crystal clear image of me and she cant accept that i want to change and start having more fun.

when it comes to my dad, he usually lets me but i have a hard time talking to him because he had been violent in the past (im not an only child) and i’m very cautious. he let me go to concerts before, but i still am pretty shy about asking him permission.

i feel like i give up way too easily when i want to do something. but im tired of going to mom to ask something and her not agreeing on anything.

i probably wont be able to gather up the coursge and tell my parents that i want to organize a party for my 18th birthday either. its something ive never done before (i wanna spend a night with some of my friends in a chalet in the mountains, its a common thing ppl do for special occasions and holidays). they probably wont agree and ill just straight up be frustrated. and i am now because i dont have the guts to ask. im scared of what they ll think of me.

so, what can i do not to give up so easily when i want something? how can i not give a damn about what they think of me? how can i make my parents understand that im growing up and they need to leave me alone?

im sorry if its so messy and badly written but everything just came to me now. thank u for reading!

Some background info before I say anything else:
- So this year, classes have been mixed and I am trying to get closer to certrain people I barely had anything going on with or absolutely nothing. Furthermore, I've "known" these people since 5th grade, or since we've been attending the same school to be precise.

- Additionally, 3 of those people attend another school but visit the people at my school every break we have.

- The people at my school that await them every break actbasically like a hardened bubble meaning that I am not really included in hangovers nor that I am a crucial person, so basically it is like a formed "society" where I am not part of it.

- Those people that know me since 5th grade have a set image of me where I am not really talkative, not really funny and I am basically like a follower sometimes since I have no really deep relationship with any of these guys.

So my goal is to get closer to these people but I have my doubts since we all are at the age of 16/17 meaning that if I were to really give it my shot, it'd probably be to late since those people have all known each other for much longer, as far as even being childhood friends. However, I once did hangout with a 2 of those people and while afterwards it did felt great, I have a feeling that I only got a slightly bit closer to them due to them just having known each other for much longer. My other main issue is my passive behaviour where I basically just listen during conversations which doesn't contribute to my goals. This characteristic of mine usually happens due to me not being really funny because I am not good at making people laugh or just making them smile with words and most times I can't bring myself to laugh when people tell me something supposedly funny because I mostly just do not find it funny. I did get invited a few times tho but this only happened when I called some people, asked them something and then casually asked me if I wanna come over but I had to decline every time due to them hanging out at our local McDonald's at like 11pm for example which motivates me but it's been like 2 weeks since the last time I've been asked and I had a small argument with those people that I called and asked me to come. Since then I feel like our relationship distanced a bit

That being said, I hope I explained this situation well enough for you guys to be able to advise me.

Thanks for reading and have a great time :)

I don't have friends and can't make any, I could go through my entire life story but it doesn't matter since at the end of the day no one dislikes me (well except maybe one person but 50/50 chance thats in my head), I'm not mean, have made people laugh on the rare occasions I've spoken, my classmates despite not acknowledging me much are nice the few times they do, they remember my name atleast.

Yet I can't make any friends despite the fact when I have gotten the chance to talk to others they seem like they're interested in me then it doesn't go anywhere and they never talk to me again (i.e forced too because it was a duo group or none of their friends are there but once they're back no one talks to me)

I probably seem a bit awkward, bad anxiety but it's a lot less bad now and I think I come across "normal" enough now.

My sister has bad anxiety as well and just started school as a freshman in high school and shes %100 fine in making friends, even made friends with upperclassman, while I'm a senior and still haven't made any.

I just don't understand it though? My main issue I feel is I'm overlooked, people do not choicefully interact with me but, don't seem opposed to doing so when they must. So I truly just don't understand why I can't make friends. I feel like I don't understand other people that well but I don't get how I can get a better understanding of others if I can't find an in to actually befriending them or talking to others more than once a month.

Sooo most of my friends bailed for Halloweekend but I have a costume and still want to go out. Isn’t weird to go alone to the bars or clubs and just hit the downtown scene? I was SO excited!

TIA for your answers! Happy Halloween l! 👻🎃

Realistically. What would be your life like if You manage to eliminate ALL of your distractions ?

Please read this- I’ve been struggling for what feels like a long time and have no one else to talk to this about.

I used to thrive off social situations, could make friends easily and would talk to them for hours. I could even make people laugh(which seems so far away now).

Nowadays, I have become extremely quiet and it makes me sad. I’ve lost the feeling of connection I used to have with people and even my “friends” don’t feel any different from acquaintances. I’ve jumped from friendship to friendship to try to find the feeling of connection again but with all of them I struggle to keep conversations going for more than a minute and am super awkward, making me dread interactions with people as I’m terrified of them seeing me as boring. I am not naturally that introverted, though, and I would kill to be able to laugh with and be completely relaxed around people.

The only person I can be myself around is my sibling, but she is rude to me everyday, and if I ever want to share problems with her she tells me to shut up and that she doesn't care, but I talk to her anyway because she is the only one who I’m not awkward around and I don’t want to be driven insane from loneliness. There is no one else who I would share my problems to. It would be good to be able to connect with someone who treats me nicer, but right now, it feels quite literally impossible for me to feel any closer to anyone than an acquaintance(I have these friends who I've known for over a year and am still awkward with them), and I have no friends left from the days I used to be more confident. I really don’t know how to change it.

Does anyone have any advice?

I struggle to win arguments, especially with superiors and bosses at work. Whenever I argue my superiors reframe the argument and always spin it back on me and can't dominate the conversation and I'm always answering to them instead of them answering to me. They never answer my questions. How do I challenge that reframe and spin their spin back on them and maintain that control of the argument?

30f - I am often asked to repeat myself but I’m not intentionally talking soft or mumbling, so I feel like my voice is not projecting. I’ve also noticed in more social settings - I can’t talk over louder chatter or music - I feel like my voice feels really hoarse and scratchy just to be able to communicate in this setting - anyone else? It’s hard keeping people engaged or conversation going in both personal life and career - anyone have advice on how to improve?

tl;dr: what is the best way to temporarily make yourself care and be cordial in a social interaction when you don't have much mental energy?

Background: I've switched jobs from a very stressful 9 to 5 job to a part time job, and in doing so I don't get around other people who aren't my family much. I also am starting to distance myself from my last friendship (and only friendship) which had turned out really toxic. Maybe despite/because of these things I am feeling way better mentally and have had way fewer depressive episodes. I have time for home improvement, hobbies, and exercise with my dog now.

Problem is, I have no real drive to try and have small talk with people anymore. Especially since I'm a chronic social drifter (church and job hopper) and I know people don't really want to get to know me or be known on a deeper level. It seems at times that all they want is to put on a good show, gossip, and gather intel and that's about it. And I just don't have the energy for that any more. I'm tired of having to keep an ongoing list of conversation starters, looking friendly and inviting all the time, texting first, regularly reaching out, yadda yadda. It's been exhausting trying to connect with others for 15 years that way. I'd rather be doing anything else.

My mother invited someone to our neighborhood at 8am on my day off and is really kind of ticked that I don't really want to visit with them and start a whole "getting to know you" interaction. I don't want people to hate me, feel rejected or uncomfortable but I just...don't care. I'm ambivalent to their existence anymore. It feels like the metaphorical equivalent of walking a mile just to put a dollar in a vending machine, get nothing and then walk home again.

I think I dont know how to communicate with people.

Is anyone else alone this Halloween? If so how are you coping and how do you feel? Do you have friends celebrating out without you?

Edit: Now we’re not so alone. We have something in common. Happy Halloween

I'm a first year university student right now and i dont know what i did wrong. In orientation i was really social and made a lot of new connections and went out a lot with people. I started to feel close with everyone and felt really good and felt a sense of belonging. This felt so much more better as in high school I felt like an outsider coming into a new school.

Right now though, I feel like that is all gone. I feel like everyone is in their own little friend group and I have no hope to make any friends now. Despite the many connections that I made, they're all in the their little friend groups now without me. I don't know what I've been doing wrong. It's not like they don't like me, it's just that they don't invite me anywhere. We dap up each other in the hallway or talk to each other in class but thats it. This is exactly how i felt in high school. I feel like if this keeps happening I'll be the loneliest person at university.

My main goal after university is investment banking, so right now my main priorities are clubs and grades. I've been focusing on them a lot and sometimes that leads to me studying more than hanging out with friends. My career has always been very important to me and it always will, I just feel like the friends I'm around right now don't see that

The friends I'm with right now I have fun with but I don't feel like they're as "locked in" as I am. I want to be with people that are better than me so I can learn from them. The people already in their friend groups are better than me and I can learn so much from them. I have fun with them and I want to be around them, but they're already locked friend groups.

I just feel very lost right now in terms of friendship. I feel like im doing bad for myself by hanging with the people i am with right now but then again idk how to break free from that. Housing is also coming soon and idk what to do cuz everyone is finding their group already.

My social skills have been decining and my anxiety rises each day cuz I keep on thinking about this to till morning. I just feel so lost and I wanna go back home

(This was more a vent, but if you could give advice would be appreciated)

My husband and I and our 3 kids (14, 8 & 9) moved out of state but only an hour and a half away. This is the first house we bought so it’s been a big deal. We both have large families that we’ve helped with babysitting, moving, lending money to, etc. I also have 2 grown children that live on their own. When I told my oldest son our offer was accepted, his first comment was, “I’m not helping you move!” No “congratulations” or anything. My daughter was over-the-moon happy for us but she started a new job that required her to change her sleep patterns so I understood why she couldn’t help. Other than that…not one member of my family helped move. Not even the brother I let live with us for a year so he could get back on his feet helped. Didn’t even take one box out on his way out the door. My father helped us with moving costs. Moving took 5 days so that was a huge help. My brother-in-law was the ONLY one that helped us physically move. I told my best friend I was upset she never came by and she blamed me for not inviting her. She knew we were packing, she knows where we lived and drives by my street twice a day to go to work, nothing. But that’s my fault? I told my mom it upset me that she wasn’t there and she said how she couldn’t move stuff. I told her she could’ve helped with my younger sons and now she’s ignoring me. So I voice that I’m upset and it’s my fucking fault!?! My husband and I actually like helping people. If he only had $5 to his name and someone asked him for $10, he’d find a way to get the other $5. Any time someone needed our help to move, we were there. Every fucking time. Here’s the thing, us buying our first home is our responsibility. We know that this is our choice, our move. We get it. No one had to help. It’s on us. AITA for being upset?

So at my workplace, we were holding an event to give out candy to trick or treaters. There was some rogue candy (like 3 pieces) near the register so I put it back in the bucket, but turns out my boss was saving those for himself & for some uncle/aunties who would come in after the event.

I feel so bad, I wanted to go back and buy a small bit of candy as sorry cuz I didnt vocalize my sorry to my boss (I was stunned dbhsjaj)

Would it make my boss lose face if I brought candy to apologize? I would just give him the same number of candy (literally like 3 mini bars). Or....is it better to just leave this situation be and not make it anymore awkward? Auughh. If it's relevant...my boss is a middle aged Chinese man who's a bit gruff

So this is something I've been dealing with for a long time but it got especially rough recently. I have absolutely horrible interpersonal social anxiety but I decided to do some theater stuff because eh screw it it's at least a way to get to know people. It takes a while but eventually I get myself to talk to some of the people, primarily the other leads, and as far as I can tell it's going...fine?

After legitimately hyping myself up for a week I manage to ask them all to a dinner after one of our rehearsals and they all agree. Of course, it gets to that day and they all end up being busy, which I at least say I'm fine with, especially with one of them saying that they still want to do that meal some other time, and a time gets arranged. Fast forward then and all of them are all busy again. I at least managed to get their Snapchats so I can try to talk to them, right?

Well once again fast forward to after the show and I'm doing my best to still talk to them, but one of them has blocked me and the other two leave me on read. I can mostly understand the block, I definitely overstepped early on by seeing if she wanted a dinner after a rehearsal that was just us, but the others just frustrate me and really mess with me. I at least during the show always tried to seem friendly, complimenting people on their performances, wishing good luck, but it just leads to being phased out of their minds. I've known that I can't rely on people wanting to initiate conversation with me, but if I try I just end up making people pissed off at me and want to pretend I don't exist.

I don't know what more I need to do, what more I CAN do, I'm just sick of being lonely regardless of what I do

I'm 14 in middle school and I have a social skills problem, I can not help but always think what others are thinking of me. I don't have much friends because I'm too scared to talk to people, and if I talk to them they will just be bored because I'm too awkward/shy to say anything. I honestly think if I stopped thinking what others thought of me I'd live a much funner life. I am starting to lose my close friends because they are able to make friends so much faster than me. so my final questions: Will this ever pass, will I ever be more social once I get older? How do I stop caring how others think?

(Thank you anything will help]

I understand that the general social norm is to show up after the official start time. I was invited to a "gathering" tomorrow evening- sounds like a party for maybe 10-15ish people? Not a formal dinner party- drinks, snacks, games, etc.

I asked what time it started and the host texted me "aiming for a 6PM/7PM start time. Does that mean, come between 6 and 7? Or "6 or 7" meaning the secret real time you're supposed to show up is after 7? The host is early 30s if that makes a difference. This is a new friend and I don't want to screw it up. I was thinking the safest bet may be to show up close to 7?

Ive had friends over my time in school but ive never been a “popular kid” i transferred to a new high school as a junior thats just relatively small so everyone knows everyone.

I feel like the social bonds have already set in stone because these students do not want to try to let anyone new in. I see this with other transferees as well so i have made friends with some of them

Im not distressed or anything but should i be worried?

I've been to events with my friends and they are friendly with this one guy who is rude to me. I try to join conversations politely and every time I speak he says "I don't even know who you are," and starts laughing or rolling his eyes. I finally replied after 3 times at this event tonight saying, "you complain about me alot to not know me," and I just stared him down and he scoffed and changed the subject. Was that a good response? (I think I ate that up but I'm open to constructive criticism) how should I deal with him going forward?

Ps. I always tell my friends and ask them why is he nice to them but rude to me and they always say I should brush it off or he's just trying to see my reaction. So their friendship with him won't change I'll always have to deal with him eventually

I have learned the hard way that:

Some humans hate sudden compliments based on their personality but most humans accept compliments based on their actions and hard work. Give only compliments about personality if they complimented you first or if you have reached higher level of rapport. People will ghost you if you give sudden compliments about their personality even if you mean it.

Can anyone verify, falsify, or extend it? Why do you think this happens? Do you guys have any similar observations?

Pretty much what the title says. I go to university in the Pacific Northwest and I'm 20F. Last year was probably my lowest point, I had failed to make friends, my one friend from home attempted s**cide and all she could do was send me a paragraph through text (that sent me over the edge, and despite me hanging out with her a few times over the summer, I just don't have the motivation to even text her back anymore, so I stopped -- she has said her life is getting a lot better, but mine is only going downhill and she was one of the reasons for it, but ill never tell her this of course), my grades/gpa dropped so badly last year and I am struggling to bounce back from that, and my only grandpa passed away. That all happened freshman year, and I sought therapy over the summer which helped somewhat, but being back at school triggered something really bad inside me and now I just don't feel anything but nothingness and sadness. I've self-isolated myself because I have severe anxiety now and I just genuinely think I am a boring person (zero hobbies zero interests) and that I will likely amount to nothing in the future. I was diagnosed with Pure OCD which has explained a few reasons for my thought processes. All in all, I don't even know what I want anymore.. do I want friends, or do I want to keep being alone, do I want to be successful or am I incapable of making that change? (I have told no one this and I just feel like I needed to get this off my chest anonymously, but now I feel like I'm just seeking attention for myself which is totally lame)

How to be less selfish. How to actually be there for people. How to meet others needs. How to be present to another person and not just for yourself.

Only child here and I'm miserable. I'm so lonely and wondered how to stop. As life long pattern I keep only thinking About me while whole world exists outside of myself. At work I'm self contained and in general I want to experience real social interactions with people. As a teen I was a solipsist.

They say I'm in my own world. This world isn't worth living in. I'm so lonely and I can't seem to stop only doing me.

My form of socializing is talking about myself or interjecting when I can relate and start talking about myself. I don't want this anymore. I want to forget about myself and see other people And hopefully have them help me or me help them or something like that.

I'm like a computer programmed for one thing, and I'm so lonely and I can't do this any more. I'm so frustrated that a world exists outside of my own needs and I can't experience it. I want to stop thinking about myself cause I've had enough of that. I'm sad, I'm lonely.

There are many social situations you can google and find articles about, for example: how to help a friend going through grief, how to help a friend going through a brakeup, how to handle family conflict during the holidays, how to deal with a narcissist.

I feel like it's good knowledge to have ahead of time (ideally), in case it ever happens to you, or if a friend is going through it then you can give sound advice.

What other examples are there?

Honestly i think that not making friends is better because of how its not just a waste like making new friends that you probably won't see next year

I probably have a resting b*tch face. Usually people think I'm snobby or just angry by the way I look. I always have a hard time trying to control my face muscles while talking to people, because if I find them annoying or if I'm just not interested in the conversation, it shows. Very clearly. I also don't know how to fake a smile properly, even though I know sometimes it's necessary in order to look friendly. I always do it very fast and go back to my "resting b*tch face". I know it's a weird question, but do you have any tips for controlling my face muscles while talking to people? I feel like an alien. This is ruining my life (I'm sorry if I wrote anything wrong, english is not my first language).

Hey everyone! With so much time spent online, I’ve been reflecting on ways to build more in-person connections to combat screen fatigue. I’m especially interested in ideas around organizing activities or meetups that make socializing less daunting, especially for those who feel socially anxious.

What’s worked for you when it comes to initiating real-life connections or overcoming the fear of rejection? Any tips on finding or starting casual get-togethers that don’t feel too intimidating? Would love to hear your thoughts on this!

Everyone is going out with their friends and partying now. I'm on the other hand staying home alone or taking my favorite route for a walk (like right now)

To be honest I had an option for tonight, but I didn't want to sit around in a bar and feel awful while nobody listened or cared about my existence in the friend group.