Had a mechanic plug my tire. Yesterday, my tire was on the ground. Air was pushing up through the plug. Hindsight, yeah the plug was about to come on. But, I put air in the tire, it held, drove 15 miles and back.

Later on, I needed to mail some forms. On my way, the plug comes out completely. Tire is on the ground in no time. Pulled over, finally figured out how to release my spare, slapped that on, resumed my trip.

Get to the post office, there's a nice lil line. A man comes and asks who's driving the white truck. I ask why. He says "the back tire is low". I ask which side, then tell him it's because there's a donut on it. He gives me a weird look and says "oh, because there's a donut. That's why it looks like that"? I say yeah. He says ok and turns around.

Now, the process of getting the spare and putting it on took a lot out of me. I was spent by the time I finally got there. So I didn't pick up on it. Not until I left and saw that the spare, which was fine when I put it on, was now on the ground. Didn't think, aired it up and came home.

The more time that passes, the more it's bothering me. That guy knew exactly what he was talking about. The look on his face was "this dumbass is explaining what a donut is. Ok. I'm gonna let him". He didn't say spare, or donut though. He said tire. Back tire. In my mind at that moment, I thought maybe he glanced at the car and noticed one side was low. NOT that he actually walked up on my car and absolutely saw that the spare was low.

He didn't say that either. He could've. He could've said "I know it's a spare. The spare is low". That would've ended any confusion. He instead decided to let me be a dumbass. Now I feel every bit of it. Guy was probably a mechanic or something, and I'm explaining spare f'n tires to him. He set me up with bad wordplay, then left me out there. Can't get over that look on his face. I felt it, but was so distracted that I couldn't put it together in time. This, this is gonna bounce around in my head forever.

anybody feel they are existing but not living? i go through the motions of life and do the bare minimum. like all i do is eat, sleep, study, go to school, and repeat everyday. this isnt what life is supposed to be like. i j hide out in my house 99% of the time. i dont experience anything and i dont talk to anyone. i dont travel or eat out or have any friends. i j feel like i could be doing so much more without this disorder. ppl are not supposed to live like this.

ive been used to being lonely for pretty much my whole life, but after being with my boyfriend for 8 months i got so much comfort in having someone to spend time with and never having to be alone. he broke up with me and now i’m back to complete isolation and i really don’t know how to handle this. he’s the first true friend i’ve made in years and i don’t have any hope in making more anytime soon. i’m just so heartbroken and lonely and i’ve never felt this much pain and hopelessness. i showed him my full authentic self and opened up to him about my mental issues and now i regret it because it caused him to lose feelings for me. sorry for the rant i just have no one else to say this to.

Im not advocating for anything but let's just say I don't feel like bring 60 with failing health n being broke n bullied by society. Retirement age will be at least 70 by then. I personally would feel better having a way out when I want it. I'm sure many of you feel the same

Yes it is true... I walked through the store with slightly darty eyes, feeling a sense of fear.

I didn't really care though. It is much different to my being 10 to 15 years ago, where the fear was quite sharp to where it consumed my presence if you get what I mean?

I mean I don't practice mindfulness or anything like that, but having the disability for so long, there is an effect like that, where feelings like depression and anxiety are there, and affect me, but I feel detached from them. I just think it's interesting how that works...

Maybe that is how monks set themselves on fire.

I’m riding the bus there now and am shaking. The amount of anxiety I’m feeling is unbelievable. I know that I have a lot of trauma around social situations—especially in the city I currently live in—so leaving my apartment. let alone being social, has been extremely difficult for me.

One thing that is helping me is understanding that this anxiety is a flashback. I was diagnosed with CPTSD a few years ago and being able to recognize it is very helpful. I feel a bit more in control of my life than I did when the trauma occurred and I’m hoping I meet some people or at the very least find something fun there.

I'm at a party right now and there are so many people, quite uncomfortable to be honest. I came with a friend and she said that we need to go to greet everyone in the room, it's polite and the proper thing to do. But I think that there are too many people to greet all of them, that there is no point. In my mind people will look weird at me and judge me if I suddenly came to present myself. Like who do I think I am, like I am so special that everyone need to know who I am. I guess I could look at it the other way that it is to know everyone elses name, but I will forget all of them in an instant if we aren't going to have a conversation anyway. They will never talk to me anyway, so why bother...

What do you think? When you are a place where it is expected to go to mingle, do you go to every single one to present yourself? Or do you just say hi to the people that sit right besides you or that you met suddenly in the hallway or so? I feel that I'm being extremely rude right now, but it just feels so unnatural to go around to everyone of like 30 guests and present myself - it just won't happen. It is maybe worth to mention that I went to the toilets to hide haha. Hope I will get drunk enough to relax soon..

I managed to bring myself to go to a site tour in a factory and since it was through an agency I didn't even have to do an interview. There were lots of people but they didn't speak much so I think I might be able to manage there. I'm still terrified but I'm excited that I can stop being such a burden on my family and I can pay off debts. I might be more nervous about the fact I have to get public transport since I can't drive. I haven't taken public transport alone in 7 years. I don't know the area and don't know what the stops I need to get off at look like so I'm probably going to be watching Google maps and hoping I don't miss my stop. I'm also nervous because the agency haven't told me when I get paid or asked for bank details or anything. Although I don't know what is normal for agencies and when they usually do that. I'm too scared to mention it and seem impatient or something. Anyway this is supposed to be a mostly positive post. This is the first job I've got myself without family help and the first job I will be going to alone. I haven't worked in over 2 years now and I've rarely left the house so idk I'm kinda rambling now aha. But I'm still terrified for Monday. I also have a fear that the bus won't stop for me or something and I'll look stupid sticking my arm out trying to get them to stop. Anyway I'll just try to not think about it too much until then. I'm also scared about crossing busy roads when I get off the bus. Idk I feel like everyone driving will be angry and hate me for making them stop at a crossing and just being seen by all those cars on busy roads is embarrassing and anyway it'll be fine I'm sure. I know most people driving past won't really pay attention to me pr anything but I just hate it anyway I'd like to hide away at home and never be seen. Okay I think that's all. If you read this then thanks for listening to my rambling

i signed a lease for a studio apartment where i will be living alone

i am second guessing myself because i think it might help if i am forced to interact with a roommate everyday

back when i lived with my parents i was less mentally ill, and then when i moved in alone to a different apartment, i isolated myself and things got worse

now i dont know what to do since i already signed the lease

i dont even know how i would find a roommate and i dont want to end up with a disrespectful roommate

i can afford to live alone if i want

i constantly second guess myslef like this and i think it is a sign of avpd

I saw someone post in here saying their ADHD symptoms got better with therapy. My therapist told me that inattentive ADHD can actually be a result of trauma. Yes there is a genetic component, but there is research being done showing that it can be a learned thing. Just thought I'd share.

Being distractible and not able to concentrate or focus on things or people can be because we would rather dissociate from those things for whatever reason. Just food for thought boys and girls 🤞

Hello, I am 17 years old.

Currently, I believe I have Avoidant Personality Disorder (AVPD), although I haven't been diagnosed with it. For the past five years, I've been wondering why I act and feel the way I do. Today, I think I've come to a conclusion.

We live in a small village. I have loving parents, and everything is good except for my father's anger issues. While he never expressed anger towards us, he constantly fought with our neighbors when I was a child. Our family used to have fights with neighbors over trivial things like them throwing garbage in front of our door or parking their vehicles in front of our main gate, leaving barely any space for us to exit.

Being the only family of our caste in the village surrounded by many neighbors was difficult. Whenever we had a fight, they would gather around 20 to 25 people, while we only had my father as a grown male. At that time, I was probably 7 or 8 years old, and I used to think they wanted us dead.

School wasn't good either. Around the same age, I was bullied for being obese. This instilled a strong feeling in me that nobody liked us. It wasn't that nobody liked me; it was that nobody liked our family, and everyone seemed to want us gone.

Ever since then, I've been getting extreme panic attacks whenever I sense the possibility of a fight. Even to this day, whenever I see their vehicle or hear its sound, I become extremely anxious and have panic attacks.

I don't know what to do. I believe that's what caused my AVPD and extreme inferiority complex. My AVPD hasn't gotten better, and neither have the conflicts. I'm writing this now because I'm having panic attacks. Yes, we had another fight today. My father asked them to move their vehicle away from our gate, and they gathered around as if they were waiting for this moment. It was just me and my father, and I felt a series of strange emotions. Even after the fight died down, I'm still having panic attacks.

Please don't tell me to tell my parents or seek medical help because that's not possible right now. I don't know what to do. I'm extremely afraid. It's a mix of fear and anxiety. Please help me.

a few months ago I joined this neurodivergent local group who have meet ups & events & stuff. I never went to any & eventually muted the group chats because it was annoying me a bit. I'm also autistic & that, alongside my avpd means I much prefer to be alone without having to worry about speaking.

someone from the group messaged randomly to say that they didn't really enjoy the groups & wanted to find someone to speak to outside of them. after a lot of deliberation I thought why not, & responded. they've been messaging a lot & it's been a bit draining, I don't have the energy to respond most of time & I regret ever responding in the first place.

they wanted to meet up too (in a public place since we don't know each other). I agreed because I'm a bit of a people pleaser but I don't want to. I realise I generally just don't want any new friends. am I awful if I just block them, or is there a better way I could go about this? I don't want to upset them.

Like when I'm playing a video game and an NPC acts aggressively sometimes I'd feel like shit and timid af. It's especially worse with characters I give a shit about. Sometimes happens with movies as well.

Anyone recognise this issue? Anyone relate?

So I feel pretty embarrassed admitting this but it feels pretty abnormal.

So all my life, from a very early age I remember having these very intense obsessions with one single person. When i am with that person, I usually intensely idealise them, to the point of me becoming very attached (not necessarily physically) and thinking about them most of the time. This started out being my grandma (primary caregiver) and I was very scared as a kid that I would lose her (chainsmoker). I would be VERY scared and obsess over being near her because I was so scared to lose her, scared our time was limited, cry after having a good time over at hers because I thought it would be the last time, etc.

Over the years the focus of my idealisation has shifted a lot. Chronologically it has been my grandma, mum, my cousin who I grew up with, a friend in high school, a love interest, another friend, an acquaintance/friend of my boyfriend, and now a love interest again.

I dont always have a person like this and usually when I dont my mental health is more stable. But when I do, my mind will always shift to these people and everything that is linked to them, I will want too. When Im not in their vicinity or in direct contact, I will feel sad or depressed. I idealise their life, their opinions, … I get rly anxious when I cant copy or experience what they experience in some way, but then if they dont anymore that interest also completely disappears. For example the latest person who is a close friend and Im into started a uni course, but they stopped recently. Every single fiber in my body wanted to do that same uni course, be in the environment they were in and experience what they were doing and going through in their life as well. It felt as if I rly just wanted to do the course and be there as well (regardless of them being there) but as soon as they quit, all interest to still do that course vanished and the idea of doing it actually felt very lonely and bad. Whenever I have a person like this, I feel like I lose my own interests, personality, etc. Like I will not like my own interior anymore (ill devalue it and want more stuff like theirs), Ill not like my hobbies anymore (for example my current favorite is very masculine, so all my more feminine hobbies feel very icky to me rn).

It is rly frustrating because I feel like I lose myself. It has impacted my life quite a bit (my current degree is one I have because I followed an old friend to college). Not a horrible thing tho because without that I wouldnt have had the motivation or discipline to pursue any kind of degree anyway.

I feel kind of shitty writing this. I feel like a ditto sometimes without a personality of my own or fixed interests/values/styles/choices of my own.

The most annoying part is definitely the depressive feelings and feelings of abandonment and loneliness when they are not around. Even in objectively nice and laid back situations, them not being there can ruin my entire mood.

Disclaimer: I’m not promoting or denouncing weed for AVPD, this is just my personal story, not meant as a encouragement in any way.

I have pretty severe AVPD, so much so i’m pretty much 99% isolated (live with parents, but hardly ever leave my room) for months and can’t even so much as look at somebody even if i’m just passing by, let alone ever be able to speak out loud (I have mutism). I live curled up in a weighted blanket of depression, anxiety, trauma, and loneliness. A couple weeks ago I got the opportunity to vape some weed. Almost immediately I felt this wave of calm, like this weighted blanket was replaced with a light, warm, relaxing sheet. My mom could yell as much as she wanted, and i’d be perfectly calm and content. I’d take it once or twice a week, just for at home use so I could release a bunch of pent up stress, relax, and even gain the focus to work on my online schoolwork i’ve been completely unable to do for months. One day I had to go to an appointment and was getting a lot of anxiety/AVPD spiraling about it. So much so I cried a bit when trying to force myself to stop being so in my head and just fight the anxiety. I hesitantly decided to maybe take a few hits off my pen to see if it would help at all… I took a few at first… didn’t feel anything, so stupidly decided to take a couple more big ones. Less than a few minutes later I was hit like a brick, getting high off my ass. I walked into a loud room bustling full of people and didn’t even pay a single thought to them, stuck in my own little world. I spent two hours in that room in my own zone, the only anxiety being little micro thoughts that passed with the wind. I could hardly walk straight so I think it may have been a little too much… oops. (felt great though)

Today I was feeling extra anxious and mixed my anxiety meds (I rarely use them because of paranoia of gaining tolerance and damaging my brain/nervous system) and weed for the first time. I got completely transformed into a person I don’t even know. I felt like anything could happen and I almost wouldn’t care, I felt like I actually craved and wanted to just talk to people (I didn’t, not to strangers at least.) Today I ran into my best (and only) friend who i’ve been ghosting and completely avoiding for a while and had just decided yesterday that I would officially stop being her friend and leave her so I could finally be free and isolate completely. I was so dead set on this and yet… It was like I had a whole change of heart when I ran into her today. I had planned to just rush past her and completely ignore her if this situation were to happen, but surprisingly I walked up to her and started talking and invited her to hang out, which we did for almost the whole day. My brain was fuzzy and buzzed, I was uncharacteristically spilling out a bunch of random shit to her that i’d probably never have had the confidence to say before. Anxiety around people has always been my baseline, I’ve never had a single day without it. So to suddenly experience much anxiety just suddenly bring gone was like a magical dream. I could walk with my head up, I could talk with my friend without caring what I said, I could go outside by myself without being paranoid, I could walk past people and not give a second thought about what they think… It almost felt like a superpower, though I guess that’s just what being normal is…

I’m honestly thinking of getting a MMJ card so I can use this as natural medicine since it basically gets rid of so much of my various mental health symptoms in almost all areas. I have been finding myself using gradually more and more often though, nothing crazy or even abnormal, but i’m starting to get scared i’ll develop a permanent tolerance and it won’t work the same again. I’m usually paranoid about tolerances no matter the medication so this very well could just be me catastrophizing like I always do as a chronic overthinker.

Has anyone else had experience with weed in regards to your AVPD? Am I just a outlier or has anyone else found it somewhat helpful?

I can’t tell if this is an issue related to AvPD because I haven’t really seen anyone say anything relating to this but I have this issue with not being able to change the way I act around a person after I have already put on some sort of persona around them. For example, my first therapist I had been very quiet and reserved, I had a hard time looking her in the face. I would never actually bring up anything I was struggling with, I would only andwer her questions (I had never really spoken about my issues out loud with anyone before this and so I felt conceded just bringing up my issues even thought thats the whole point). I remember I felt super bad because she would have to really have to think and ask the right questions to get to the root of the issue. Basically, if I am quiet and distant when I first meet someone, I feel the need to stick to that making it hard to make friends. Weird rant but just wanted to share.

For example, other people can be lazy at work or extremely rude and they get away with it or get a slap on the wrist, but you work hard/are kind/do the right thing and are screamed at/get some sort of consequence like losing your job and don't understand why? Oh, and this happens over and over and over. Make it make sense.

I’m very luckily supported by my parents and have always lived at home. Barley have left the house in 9 years because of this & I’m 27 1/2. I think about dying 24/7. What’s the point of living like this? I’ve been so sad and lonely and was treated like a ghost everyday in school growing up. Only had 3 friends & they were in my childhood years. I can’t work because of this, i have unbearable anhedonia, severe depression/anxiety, DP/DR, panic attacks, BPD, AvPD, post psychosis syndrome, mild intellectual disability & autism. Which all together including my personality and vibe, makes so too stupid, boring, and a flop as someone to hangout with. I’ve tried the dating game & finding friends but I get nothing out of it as I am in a constant silent panic attack the entire time & just sit there like a bump on a log while not being able to contribute anything to any conversation. I also had to fake laugh & couldn’t come up with any thing funny, intelligent, or interesting to say. Couldn’t even tell stories. So because of that plus my terrible self image, I’d rather be a hermit than the excruciating anxiety i felt around socializing or dating.

At this point I’m quite certain that I’m going to be miserable for the rest of my life, no matter what. But I have to keep living (for my mom, who cares about me for reasons I can’t begin to fathom). And lately that has been very fucking difficult!

I’m supposed to go to therapy long-term. The doctor who prescribes my antidepressants keeps telling me that. Short-term college clinic therapists have told me that. During a rare hopeful mood even I think I could maybe learn to cope.

But I can’t do it! Reaching out to a therapist in the first place is too humiliating - begging someone to let me pay them to pretend to care about my fake problems. I understand the point of therapy, so don’t come at me for this, but I can’t get over how transactional it is.

And then there’s the actual therapy. Again, I’ve been in therapy short-term as an adult and somewhat more longterm when I was a teenager. I never managed to be honest. If I was, they’d know exactly how pathetic I am. I’d just be someone with no real problems taking up resources from people that need it more. They’d resent me and judge me for thinking I could ever get better, when I have nothing and no one to blame for my problems except myself. Coping skills aren’t going to work, because I’m the problem. Not my life circumstances, not trauma I didn’t experience, not anything but myself.

What could they even do but sit there while I whine and tell me to be mindful? They can’t teach me how to form relationships when I’m still me, fundamentally ugly and repulsive and not worthy of anyone else’s attention.

And the worst part is that I know, on some level, sometimes, that not all of this is rational!! But it feels very fucking reasonable. And most of it is true, except that maybe it’s possible that it would be a little cathartic to talk it out. I wish I could just be done with all of this, do everyone a favor by not making them deal with me anymore, but I have to keep going with this emotionally empty, meaningless, but objectively good life until something (un)lucky happens.

All i do is lay in my bed and scroll on my phone for like 16 hours a day. I have no job, no friends, no life, and it’s driving me fucking insane but all of the “solutions” will make my life even more painful and horrible than it is now. I’m never going to put myself out there because that involves either gaslighting myself into thinking that i’m likeable, or i could just accept the fact that im retarded and boring and stupid and every single person i meet will dislike me (which i have no interest in doing). I’m sinking deeper into a hole ever day and with every passing moment I’m getting even more unfixable and purposeless. Isolating myself throughout my developmental years has severely stunted my brain, gave me cognitive issues, and made me even less capable of functioning in society. I can’t fucking stand being alone and bored and unfulfilled and numb all the time but i also absolutely hate being around people because i just constantly feel like shit about myself and it’s impossible for me to relax or enjoy myself. I’m always going to be fucking miserable no matter what i do, there’s no way out, i can’t fucking take it anymore i wish i could just be euthanized already

I talk so rarely I've started forgetting words in my native language and keep using replacements. I also noticed I stutter more often. Is this common?

The problem is, even if I try and correct my avpd thoughts I am genuinely a weird person, people do tend to find me weird and idk if I'm a normal amount of weird, or if I'm like, extremely weird and so the avpd is there to stop me embarrassing myself or something. Idk if this even makes sense

Hi guys! I (26f) promised myself I would write this post if I ever got to this point of feeling better.

I got my diagnosis about three years ago and I was so relieved there was an official term for what I was feeling, but I was scared shitless bc well, would my life ever get better?

I first did SPSP (Short Psychodynamic Supportive Psychotherapy). Full truth, I still do not fully understand this method. During therapy I did notice I was slowly doing better, but even after completing it, I was not convinced it had solved my issues. I was still anxious at times, had a lot of trouble communicating my feelings and there was very little difference in my ability to consciously sit with my emotions. BUT, I did notice I was feeling a lot more adventurous, I had way more compassion for myself and didn’t feel useless and incapable all the time.

I was meant to do group therapy afterwards, but that never actually happened, so I went on for more one-on-one therapy with a different psychologist.

And this is where I got lucky as things happened simultaneously which helped me grow to where I am today. My best friend moved to the other side of the world and she called me up while crying almost everyday for months. That made me realize that she was just as scared and felt just as out of control as I would have. But it ended up being okay. So maybe, if I would do shit like that I would have to call someone while crying everyday too, but I might survive it.

Meanwhile, my new therapist helped me sit with my emotions (it’s what I avoided most). And once I was building good habits, they also helped me realize that I could trust my gut.

Lastly, I had a major relapse when I had to write my thesis. I had avoided writing and my supervisor for months, I hit my original deadline but had written 0 words. So, with the help of my therapist and my mom, I slowly got back on track. I could never write a thesis (way too intimidating). But working on my thesis for 10 minutes with 15 minutes of making a puzzle as recovery time? I could do that 6 times a day. I built that up and soon I did 25 minutes of work with 10 minute puzzle breaks. And I finished my thesis! It took my twice as long as it ‘should have’, but I got it done, so I’m just really proud of myself.

In the end, talking to my psychologists, having supportive people around me and being willing to try terrifying shit (bc I didn’t have anything to lose, so what the hell, I might as well try, right??) helped me out. I have finally moved out of my parents house and even went to my dream city; I got a job that could be a bit more challenging, but they’re very chill about making mistakes and my colleagues are great; and I can confidently say I am feeling great. I wish making new friends was easier and I would love to start dating, but I’m sure those things will come it due time.

TLDR: I’m not saying it was easy, I’m also not saying that everyone will magically feel better if they do the same as me, but I am saying there’s hope!

I feel like I can talk better in my head than I can out loud.

I talk quietly, softly but the problem I have is thinking my voice sounds normal. My speech doesn’t sound normal at all it sounds like it’s been isolated and neglected (it has) how can I fix this? I’m a psychology student and I’m able to write papers and get A’s, but it’s talking that’s the problem

I wish I was joking but I’m not she doesn’t really seem to have much understanding in anything besides depression and anxiety. I tried to hint that I was born with social anxiety and I’ve been like this my entire life, and she didn’t say anything. I even said I think this is more than social anxiety, and still she’s like see you next month. Everyone gets diagnosis and figured out but I just get her check boxes and on my way.

What medications are you taking to help alleviate symptoms of AvPD?

I'm currently on 75mg of Venlafaxine (Effexor) daily and Propranolol as needed, prescribed to help with my anxiety. I was previously on Zoloft and Buspar but they didn't help as much. I'm having some side effects with the Venlafaxine and am just debating about trying something else.

My mind is more calm on it, but I'm still having chronic depression, self-doubt, relentless thoughts about past rejections and interactions, suicidal ideation. Basically it does help me stay calm while interacting with people but is not helping improve anything else.

The obsessive thoughts about how I was negatively received in the past especially high school for seeming bubbly/extroverted/and just generally expressing my nature have ruined my life. My intentions were just to treat people kindly and it backfired I guess. Now almost 4 years later I’m stuck in this hell of replaying moments of rejection and shame. I don’t want to end things but I feel like there is nothing else I can do. I have become totally different- serious, closed off from the world, but the thoughts still make me suffer literally every minute. I’m just done because I feel like unless I can get my memory erased there’s nothing I can do but suffer the old moments of rejection day in and day out.

I finally saw a psychiatrist for the first time in my life to help figure out my anxiety issues, and it turns out rather than calling it agoraphobia and throwing me on SSRI’s like every doctor I’ve seen, he diagnosed me with AvDP and severe inattentive ADHD.

The absolute shock of learning I’ve had a form ADHD my entire life was one thing, but learning that I have a personality disorder I didn’t even know existed that perfectly described and explained every single personality trait and issue that I have ever had? It’s downright insane to me. He put me on adderall and sent me on my way, which is great, but what do I do now?

I’m glad that I have an explanation of why I am the way that I am, but… no guidance as to what I can do to improve the quality of my life now that I have that explanation. Is there a next step?