My friend is AvPD, and no matter how hard I try to be understanding, he takes me the wrong way.

Like I have REALLY tried. More than I would normally for anyone else.... Which always seems to be more than most people would do as well. I tend to have unique friends. I can usually hear them deeper than most people.

I don't raise my voice when things get frustrating. I'm always calm, and I keep necessary conversations short.... But at this point, I feel like he's just pushing me far away and showing passive aggressive behavior.

Like I had him organize his things because it was a mess and hard for me to handle and it took up a lot of my time trying to help him organize it all and fit it back into the space I let him use for it all. It was bad. I'm not even a picky person.

He switched on me and became really defensive again one day, and it's been weird since. He even was supposed to help me at one of my jobs, and didn't show up.... Two days in a row. The second day, he came here for a bit, was going to crash, but left after I fell asleep. He says he overslept one day. The next he said I had already left by the time he got there, which I know is a lie. And I get that he may do these things at times. Now I know not to hire him for side work.... No big deal (and I paid him well in the past because he's worth it, so it isn't like the pay is an excuse. Plus this particular job was easier than other ones he's done with me).

He's been doing weird things like leaving his cigarette butts on the property....this time on the porch I spent a lot of time cleaning/reorganizing (cuz it had his stuff on it while trying to organize it all for an abnormal amount of time) and a cracker (he knows not to leave food out cuz there are racoons and possums, and they create problems). And there was even food in the garage they can get into.

He also got into my car, and he hit my motorcycle with the car door. I didn't realize there was t enough room, but surely he did.....everyone knows you are extra careful around someone's motorcycle.

I'm not paranoid about this. It's odd behavior that goes against his nature ...I've known him 5 years. He's always careful and mindful and thoughtful.

Idk if he just wants to do what he wants to do,and because it's taken so long organizing his things, he's just being passive aggressive cuz he can't talk about how he feels or what.

He called the organizing "psychotic", but if you saw the mess it was, and it isn't even organized now, it's just inside the space I could let him use. I haven't said to organize it better. I'm happy it's finally in a space where I have room again to put my tools again, which I had to leave outside under the porch because his stuff was everywhere. I'm so confused. And idk if he just needs some time away and some space.

He also does really thoughtful things, so it's just constantly weird lately. It goes from thoughtful to this bizarre passive aggressiveness and back to thoughtful.

I know he's under a lot of stress.

I don't want to be a bad friend cuz he's got no way to store his things right now either.

But my peace is being affected, and idk how to get him to open up without him getting defensive, then running away for days and coming back like nothing happened.

I feel like if his stuff wasn't here this wouldn't be happening.

It's just taking away my peace and idk what to do anymore except to say this isn't working out. He's gonna take it personally. For a while.

Do I just not contact him for a couple of weeks or not respond when he messages me for a while and see how it goes? Maybe I just need a break. Lol

The passive aggressive behavior is concerning to me. Idk if that gets worse.

Maybe I should include people in their late twenties since I haven’t even been 30 for a whole month yet. But idk…I feel like if people heard my story, they’d think I’m a walking red flag. 30F and for the past few years, I had online friends that I talked to on a consistent enough basis. I didn’t place that much emphasis on them because we never met in person but I felt like we spoke long enough where it was at least kind of social in a way. It’s confirmed I won’t talk to 2 out of the 3 anymore, the other one hasn’t replied to my msg in months and I’m going to assume we’re not “friends” anymore, as he’s never taken this long to get back to me. I don’t have a bf, I’ve only ever dated someone very briefly in my early twenties and that should’ve never happened. He wasn’t a bad person but it just felt like a very mediocre kind of set up and truthfully was settling imo.

I think this is why I’m single to this day, I’m 100% confident I’m going to end up alone. My only way of meeting guys are on the dating apps and I take it casually at this point, where idk if it comes across as lack of interest. I just feel such apathy/worry about what people think/overall anxiety/feeling like it’s not worth it when it comes to interpersonal relationships. Does this even make any sense…?

My boyfriend said something to me a week ago or so, and it’s slowly chapping my ass the more I think about it. I knew it bothered me when it was said, and I couldn’t exactly place why, but I know I should have said something instead of letting it fester like this. We were talking about how I can’t take a joke, and he said “you just can’t get over yourself.” And that’s why we’re able to poke fun at his embarrassing moments, but doing that to me is off limits.

I fucking hate whatever it is that makes me behave this way. I would love to be able to get over myself, actually. But I have to be trapped in my own mind like this, unable to focus on anything but my own shame. We can’t poke fun at my embarrassing moments because it fucking hurts. Those memories are open wounds in my head because I’m constantly picking at my mental scabs. I replay them every day in my head until I’m sick of the skin that I’m forced to live in. It always feels raw. Having my mistakes and undignified moments pointed out to me—to be made aware of how those moments are as memorable to others as they are to me—adds another heavy layer of pain.

I feel like I’m so careful about accommodating his needs with his ADHD, but he has to be reminded that I’m mentally ill too. Maybe it’s AvPD, maybe it’s autism, I’m not sure which (if not both). Whatever it is, it’s always telling me that I’m not normal, and that I need to try harder to blend in. I’m so meticulous about checking myself to make sure my mask stays firmly planted on my face, so when he points out times where it’s slipped, it’s fucking devastating.

People call people like me self-absorbed, and it hurts so fucking much. I focus on myself and the image that I put out because I don’t want the people that I interact with to be uncomfortable. I’m trying to be considerate with my existence. I know there’s something wrong with me, and I don’t know what it is, but whatever it is, I don’t ever want it to hurt someone else.

I just want to be a good person. I want to be good.

I just want to understand avpd and rant or something idk. I'm too anxious rn idk if I'll end up being rude or something bad. I just need someone

It must be the overwhelming fear but honestly wtf. How am I okay with knowing I'm avoiding something I fear, knowing im wasting the time I could be using to handle/ manage the fear and the situation, then when I'm faced with my fear have the audacity to regret my actions when I was fully aware of what I was doing.

I'm mad at myself and this is just a vent but seriously wtf is wrong with me. My brain keeps telling me to grow up and fight for once instead of making decisions and acting in such a way that'll end in me choosing flight.

The self hatred that comes with this shit is on a another level. But also I blame myself so much but I still continue to act the same way; what does that say about me?

I was told a reality check would help me do better but I've only gotten worse, it's like I've given up or I'm lazy

I need help

Im a 25 y/o depressed disconnectes with reality type of person. I don’t know why I should continue on living like this. Someone tell me it’s worth it please… I haven’t had a job for about 4 months and I struggle to get my self esteem back. I got hired at a ski resort starting in 2 weeks but Im so drained by négative perceptions of my self, or Even positive ones are not so pleasant because Im just in my head anyways so it feels like shit either way. I want to continue on I have parents…. But not really any fulfiling friendships or relationships. I want to meet a girl maybe but wtf Is wrong with me I don’t have any of the guts another human would have. Im a constant walking on eggshell human incapable of growth, as I believe it would hurt me. So im a problem to myself and others instead. Im soooo retarded I hate myself so much. + im male so im supposed to be at least half responsible and have my shit together. So the gap between my expectation and my childish ass is unbearable and I feel so ashamed of being myself. I can’t breathe properly honestly it hurts so bad. Ive done wrong things other people didn’t do… I haven’t held a job steady ever…. I make music, but recently I just don’t have any fun doing it anymore because I have so Much shame and self hatred. So I try to change from the probleme perspective, and just looks like im crazy. I just want some rest and peace. Im having a hard time honestly. Theres no sense of awareness in me to tell me things are fine or whatever, because I try to self improve what’s broken unconsciously, so I constantly think it’s not fine to be me. Or vice versa, whatever drives me to think I can’t just relax and trust life anymore is a pain that is unbearable. I hate the pain. Im not growinh for gods sake wtf is wrong with me…… I hate being intimate about this with my friends too because they tell me things I don’t want to hear, then I Shame myself for instead of listening. Im a problem on foot. And why the hell am I Even complaining who does that…. That’s how limited im thinking right Now. I don’t know what side of the coin I should be on. But im tired of acting. Please tell me im not such a terrible person. It’s probably only in my mind but the pain in does on me is unbearable.

Having a weird day. I don’t want to bore anyone with all the mundane details about it. I went to my new therapist today and probably for the first time told her about any kind of real emotion because of this bad day I am having. And she tells me that she doesn’t think I have BPD, she thinks I have AvPD. Of course it was not a real diagnostic session or anything. I never would have given AvPD a second thought for myself, but I also can’t say I disagree. Reading posts in here I feel an echo to my constant feeling that my life is just circling the drain. Anyone else diagnosed with BPD as well, or perhaps incorrectly? I am used to therapists saying I don’t have BPD, but AvPD is not a suggestion I have received before or been inclined to look into myself.

TW:mention of self deletion

I've tried, fought and fought. The voices in my head don't go away. How different I am from a normal person, how far behind I am, how much potential has been lost. I can't. I just can't. I've been put on prozac, Aripiprazole and lithium. They're numbing to a great extent, still thoughts pierce through the numbness. Idk if learning social skill is really the answer. It's very pervasive and ruins life in the most nuanced ways I can't even put into words.

Hey,
How do you guys deal with crushes when you’ve got AVPD? For me, it’s a hell of a mess

-Overthinking every little thing I said or did

-Assuming they probably hate me or would if they really knew me

-Avoiding them because I’m terrified of embarrassing myself

-Feeling like crap because now I’m avoiding them

I don’t even know how to act normal around them, let alone say anything about how I feel. Do you just wait for the feelings to go away, or has anyone actually managed to push through the fear?

Would love to hear how you handle this (or don’t, lol)

I (28f) was diagnosed with avpd a little over a year ago now, and something said during the diagnostic session has sat with me oddly during this time. Initially, my psychiatrist and I set up the appointment to see if ASD/autism and/or ADD were part of the underlying issues I was facing, and neither of which were "found" with testing. (Fast forward to now, and I'm on prescribed Adderall and my brain has never been so quiet, but that's besides the point.)

With ASD/autism, the doctor's main reason for differentiation for my AVPD diagnosis was that I "crave connection", and people with ASD do not.

I can't help but feel that this was a strange reasoning behind the diagnosis. Ultimately, I know there is nothing stopping me from adjusting my life to fit my needs (sensory, social, and otherwise) with or without a diagnosis. However, having a set reasoning as to why I've always felt like an alien with my peers would be nice.

Has anyone else encountered this specific reasoning during their testing results?

I already know I sound like a tree hugging hippie but I kind of like being that way. I noticed that I tend to feel more empowered, grounded, and motivated when I engage in my spirituality.

When I think about how connected we are to nature and even each other, it makes me want to do better. I feel like spirituality makes me take a step back and see the bigger picture in life and I want to spread positive influence anyway I can.

I also noticed I tend to feel less misanthropic and pessimistic when do things like meditate and think about how I can benefit the community (even though I haven't done anything yet lol).

What helps keep you all motivated during dark times?

If it could be from a female perspective, that'd be a huge plus.

I've never seen someone else describe a similar experience so I'm curious if anyone here can relate.

I don't have what I could call a trauma in my formative years, I wasn't abused or treated badly. The most significant abnormal thing that I can remember from my childhood was the intense separation anxiety I had until about I reached the age of puberty and a little after that (I don't remember the exact age when it stopped, it happened gradually, but definitely not before puberty). The anxiety was so bad that I couldn't be left alone for long at all. I was also reluctant to socialize but I was just perceived as 'shy'. I did have friends but I never reached out to people first. After puberty the anxiety seemed to have transformed into social anxiety and later on AvPD. I now understand that I had separation anxiety disorder as a child but it was never taken seriously by my caretakers. I don't blame anyone for this, there's barely any awareness about mental health in my country and there was even less so during my childhood. But it's clear to me now that I was showing signs of future mental problems and because I was left untreated and even indulged in my anxiety it later progressed into other disorders including AvPD.

Sorry for bad English

I suffer from Avpd and recently started using Creatine around a month ago. I feel stronger and more confident on this stuff tbh. I think maybe I’m naturally deficient. I am feeling stronger physically and sharper mentally.

Talking a full reset, erase everything you've ever known and learned-- all memories gone and restart from zero again like at birth except you would stay in your current body. Would you do it? Sometimes I feel like that would be easier than untangling all this mess that's going on in my brain.

Maybe there is a way to do this? Like hitting your head hard enough or something 🤔

I was put on a waitlist and was given a number to call if I didn't hear anything by December.

Well, it's December.

Should I call?

I already got a Zoloft prescription. Not sure if I'll keep taking it, I think it numbs me too much.

Sorry for spamming. I'm a basket case.

Maybe I'm alone because I want to be alone?

I don't need anyone.

I'm better at being alone then most people.

In fact, whenever I'm with people I'd rather be alone.

How could I crave relationships if I just want to be alone all the time?

I must be schizoid.

...

Psychosis

...

I'm not going to emergency this time.

Stitches and bandaids don't mend my mind.

The scars will serve as a record for the moments I needed a hug, a kind word, and reassurance.

One day someone will be able to see them and give me the care that I needed now.

Till then I'll push through this on my own.

Time for acceptance.

Time to embrace the pain.

This is my life. It hurts to be me.

It hurts to be this lonely.

Maybe I can learn to take pleasure in the pain.

I often found myself having such a massive headache from using a digital device for more than 1 hour.

It was so unbearable that it was dreadful to wake up in the morning and it also affected my performance at work.

It didn't matter how many hours I slept, how much Red Bull I drank, or whether or not I ate junk food. Nothing would stop this constant headache, unless I had spent time outside...

That wasn't a solution for me because a lot of my activities revolved around digital devices, whether it is browsing the social media, playing games, or working remotely.

But then I thought, spending a lot of time staring at a digital screen shouldn't be this problematic because content creators able to stream for 8 hours everyday and they don't seem to have a massive headache problem.

That's when I started doing research on eye strain from digital device use and how it can cause headaches.

I identified at least three reasons for my eye strain and ways to solve it:

1. Staring at the digital screen for too long
   1. Take breaks with the 20-20-20 rule (every 20 minutes, look at something 20 feet away for 20 seconds)
2. Blue light exposure
   1. Turn on blue light filters (Night Mode) on your digital devices to reduce blue light exposure which can damage your eyes over time and cause headaches
3. Screen brightness
   1. Your screen shouldn't be too bright or contrast too much with your surrounding environment. For example, you shouldn't have a really bright screen in a dark environment and a really dim screen in a bright environment. Using an auto adjusting brightness feature is useful.

Not to mention, wearing glasses amplifies these issues, so I went as far as getting a second pair of glasses with a blue light filter.

Blue light filtered glasses look a bit silly at first (you can see the blue reflection on the lenses), similar to how you may think of wearing a helmet when you ride a bicycle or a skateboard, but it's absolutely worth it! I feel much more energetic and productive now.

I struggled with this for who knows how long since I never really put the time and effort into it and it just become "normal" at some point.

I thought this would be useful knowledge to drop here since most of us spend our time on digital devices. So if you're constantly feeling tired or have headaches, definitely take a look into this!

Anyone ever make plans and now your week will be miserable until you finally go to the planned event? I made plans for next thursday. A little over a wee from now. From now on, I will be thinking about next thursday. Random thoughts that pop in my head; Will there be traffic, how long is the drive, will i have any stomach problems, will there be anything i can eat (I am lactose intolerant), how crowded will it be. The thoughts keep piling, I will most likely lose sleep over this.

I prefer spontanious plans because it stops me from having to think about it too much.

it's incredibly difficult to believe my worth. i don't know why i never feel good enough. like there is something fundamentally wrong about me. and i'm afraid that one day people will find out and leave me.

the funny thing is i'll never replace a single soul i knew in my life. i always focus on their good qualities and ignore the bad ones. also it's downright cruel to tell someone "i would rather have A or B than you here! you worthless shit!"

then why the heck do i never receive the same treatment from myself...?

this is hell.

Hello, since I was diagnosed with Avpd, I consider that I have made a lot of progress (through my sessions with my psychologist and the creation of new ambitions that always push the limit of my comfort). However, I realize that I still have a lot of difficulty with criticism. I instantly become non-functional, and feel like giving up. I now realize that my reactions are exaggerated and that sometimes just the feeling of having done something wrong is enough for me to sink into self-criticism and self-sabotage. I'd like to know if any of you have developed ways of overcoming the pain and doubts that come with criticism? I'd love to evolve on this aspect. Thank you very much everyone.

As a diagnosed person with AvPD (and undiagnosed ADHD), I remember that in my childhood I was always more hypersensitivity than my peers (always getting anxious bc of what others people thinks, sensitive to criticism, etc), and I still grew up like this, and I lost a lot of opportunities in my lifetime thanks to this.

At some point I started struggling with depression, anxiety, thanks to my queerness and my parents' authoritarian parenting. I wouldn't even speaking at all at home, unless it was really necessary. And even with my friends I felt like my mid overworked to be liked by my group of friends

The pandemics was devastating for my weak mental health, so I went to a public psychiatrist who gave me a treatment with SSRIs, that never worked. I started doing drugs, which made me feel chilled, but didn't solved the problem (and increased the problem after).

I came to a point I was dealing with University stress, toxic parents at home isolatin me socially, substance abuse, caregiving my grandmother, focusing problems, bad grades, studying instead of sleep and taking Effexor, Lithium and Seroquel.

I finally managed to cope with all, but I sometimes fell that I'm not the same anymore. I'm less sensitive, anxious, and less bond with people's feelings in general, although I feel them, that's not as strong as before the chaos

Am I less Avoidant then? Have someone experienced a burnout because of the stress we face?

It’s not anxiety, I’ve managed that with a fair bit of help. I’m not scared or nervous at all. I’ve just never liked anyone very much. Crushes (never dated properly), friends, family; I didn’t want to be around any of them. Perfectly normal, happy people that have never treated me poorly. I’ve just never wanted to spend time with anyone in particular and it’s making me feel less than human sometimes. I’m tired of being an emotional drain on others and tired of doing everything in my life alone; how do I learn to like being around people?

Title is mostly a joke. Just wanted to see if anyone else here is the same as me on this.

To not give too many personal details, I accidentally conflated 2 different time periods as the same one on a research assignment that's the basis for a full paper. I was gathering sources and a few of my sources are from like the 1200s and the other few are from the 1600s.

The shame I felt the moment I realized it tonight (a few days after I submitted it 😭) was insane. I'm usually so careful, I double and triple check anything that I write, even small posts, to make sure the info I got was correct because this kind of scenario absolutely destroys me for some reason, but that night I was pretty tired and a bit drunk so I wasn't as thorough as I usually am, and I fucked up. I haven't even looked at the feedback yet, if my professor even has given feedback, because every time I try to open the tab to look at it I get so overwhelmed with shame that I just can't do it.

I know, logically, this is not a big deal, and I can just reach out to my professor and correct it, but the shame I'm feeling about it is so intense I could throw up. I full on spiraled out and I'm still so fucking mortified. The logical part of my brain is saying that it's okay to make mistakes, that it's just one assignment, etc. but the emotional part wants me to just drop out or die or both.

Does anyone else get like this? I have comorbidities too, but this feels like it might be an AvPD thing. 😭