I remember being in a relationship with a man and when people asked if I thought we would be together forever or get married I would be kind of sad that I would not have the chance to ever see if I could be with a woman.

Has anyone else had this experience? Is this bisexual behavior or just general curiousity?

I responded to a post about porn types on another similar sub, and it got me curious about other bisexual women’s porn habits. Do you have a go to category or type?

I usually watch lesbian porn, and occasionally watch threesomes. What’s interesting is when I watch threesomes it’s almost always MFM.

That all said, I don’t watch often. Once every few months. I find my imagination is more than enough most of the time!

Did your preferences change after not taking birth control anymore?

After about a year of almost only sapphic relationships I'm suddenly craving men... with intensity.

It's so weird.

i remember that when i was a teenager it’s been normal to shave everywhere. the more body positive i got and the more girls i slept with, the more i got used to a healthy body image which includes any type of pubic hair. i feel because i’ve grown out of disliking it that society has too, but i suppose there are lots of dominant cultures where this is not the case. like does the majority of wealthy heteronormative guys still think all shaved is the way to go? i feel like that’s odd but i suppose they do? any experiences? ps i know in the end it’s all unique but there ARE different cultures in different positions so

I’ve had one girlfriend before and we broke up about 6 months ago. Since then I’ve been looking to meet new women and go on dates but have been struggling to find somewhere to connect with them?

I've been dating a girl now for about three months, and she is bisexual; I am straight. I like her a lot, and I've been teaching myself about the bi-community to understand her better.

I'll get to the point; she has mentioned to me that she will sometimes want to do certain queer things alone or with her queer friends as she feels bringing me along isn't ok for the other people in the queer community as it's a safe space for them and we are a "straight couple."

I have read about the biphobia that people in opposite-gender relationships face, and I recently witnessed it with my girlfriend. Something to note: my main friend group is a group of gay men, so I mainly go out to gay bars/clubs, so this is nothing new to me. We went to an event at a gay bar with her queer friends, and we both dressed up similarly. One of the patrons assumed we were a straight couple and made passive-aggressive comments about it. My girlfriend felt uncomfortable and looked hurt. Later, she used this to explain why she feels uncomfortable going to queer-focused places/events with me. I told her we looked like a couple because we dressed the same; beyond that, nothing we did or didn't do would have given that off. She insisted that these are safe places for queer people and that us going to them is wrong, and that we can go to straight bars instead. I told her that it's not bad for us to go to a gay bar and that she shouldn't feel ashamed of who she is. But she said that it wouldn't change what people would say about her. I brought up a hypothetical situation: if she and her friends wanted to go to a gay bar, would I have to leave? She replied that I didn't need to leave, but there might be times when she would prefer to go out to gay bars without me. I want to clarify that I am perfectly fine with her going out without me, as it is not an insecurity I have.

In a recent conversation, we discussed watching a movie together, and I suggested "Love Lies Bleeding." However, she expressed that she would prefer to watch it alone or with her queer friends because it's a queer-focused movie. She tried explaining to me why (related to the reason mentioned earlier), but I couldn't wrap my head around it as, for me, it was just a movie. Later, she mentioned the upcoming pride parade and planned to attend with her friends. I asked if I could join, but she hesitated and said she would let me know. She seemed uncomfortable with the idea of me coming and said that if I were to come, I wouldn't be her primary focus. I understood her perspective and wasn't expecting to be the center of attention at a pride parade anyway. Similarly, when I asked if I could watch her play in the queer league she's in, she gave me an excuse and suggested I come to watch during the playoffs with all her friends. I wondered if the real reason was that she was embarrassed or ashamed to have her straight boyfriend at these queer events. She admitted that she was afraid of her community invalidating her and saying things like, "Look at this straight girl at this queer event."

This conversation has come up often between us, and I am the one initiating it. Recently, I finally told her that I feel left out whenever anything queer-related comes up. I don't like feeling sidelined, and I want to support her sexuality and participate in these events with her as it was one of the ways I read I could support her. However, she disputed my concerns by reminding me that she had mentioned that there would be events she would like to attend alone, and she doesn't want to be that hetero couple that does everything together. If I want to support her, I need to do it the way she wants it, not the way I do, and that means her going to queer events without me. Despite this, I still can't shake the feeling of being hidden or that she might be embarrassed or ashamed to be dating me because I am a guy.

I would love to hear the perspective from your community and learn how I can better deal with my insecurity or address this with my girlfriend. I understand her perspective of going to queer events with me and being singled out for not being "queer enough."

TLDR: My bisexual girlfriend told me early on she likes sharing her time with me, herself, and her friends and that there will be events (mostly queer-related) to which I won't be invited. But lately, I've felt like it is because I am her straight boyfriend, and she is afraid of bringing me along because she would feel invalidated, so she avoids that by "hiding" me.

I am a older teen My parents are homophobic and controlling so they go through my phone and I want to afford a phone and to go to collage for history but I don't have a job i'm not allowed too. Is it possible to afford collage and my own phone plan? My parents are toxic and I just want to get out I'm exited but worried about the future.

Have a good day I just would like to have some advice or know if my dreams are possible. 💗💜💙

Hello all! I’m currently in a relationship with a man, whom I love a lot.. we haven’t been together too long, and he knows I’m bi. But just recently I’ve been having these deep feelings of needing to be with a woman. And those feelings tend to grow the more he lets me down. It’s not anything to do with sex, but rather a need to have be with a woman I should say? But I don’t want to leave him because I love our relationship. Before I met him I thought I was a lesbian, and in fact haven’t really been attracted to men at all, despite being with like 2 before him.. I never really found those guys attractive. (That sounds awful.) I feel like I need to be with someone who entirely understands what I go through on a day-to-day basis as a woman. I feel as though I need a woman to comfort me, and reassure me that the way I feel is valid. On top of being able to be with one in a relationship aspect..

I’m sorry if this makes no sense, I’m just very confused right now

I'm in a long-term relationship with a man and I'm not sure, but I think the love is completely gone on my side. He is a nice guy, but everything I thought was amazing in our relationship, it's actually bellow the bare minimum of what I expect in a relationship.

He is probably ADHD or/and bipolar, don't want to go to therapy, college, barely wants to work, I have to basically threaten to end our relationship to convince him of taking a shower and brush his teeth (I know it's toxic of me, but it's the only thing that works), complains about house chores and basically about everything else, I get a lot of this since I'm neurodivergent myself, but I don't know how much is adhd/bipolar and how much it's just weaponized incompetence.

We talked about some of those issues and he started cleaning everything without me having to basically beg him to do the chores, so it means that he can see what needs to be done, but it lasted one week and now everything is back to normal again 😒

I feel like I'm parenting a 40 years old guy, I'm in my early 30s, I don't want to parent anyone. I Just fear I might regret it, he is my first relationship, I was 24 and very naive when we met, I never feared being alone before, but I'm fearing it now. I'm really confused and anxious.

PS: I'm not fluent in English, so be understanding about my mistakes.

Find women's bodies (even if only fictional ones - not irl) pleasing to look at.

And

Can imagine themselves with women without feeling disgust (not mentioning the oral part, since that confused me for a while too lol).

I blame society for saying that women are at least a little bit attracted to other women, for my lack of awareness of my potential bisexuality.

Im F 24, 2 years and this is about F 28. My roommate is M 29 i’ve always been straight, always had a bf, had a 3 way once w a girl but I was black out. I’ve been through tons with men, and continue to be attracted to them, but lately, and I’ve known this girl 2 years now, I’m suddenly getting some feeling for a friend. It’s complicated because i met her through the same guy I had a three some with, it was with him & his gf at the time, and we have stayed in touch, dated briefly for two months a year ago, years after I met him (I’ve known him 4 years). I loved back in as a friend, although I’m sure he wants more, because the best term is could use is i was groomed by a 60 year old at 21 to become his fiance, and I’m dealing with the down fall of that currently. She is very sweet, and puts her all in to whatever she need or wants. She’s a sweetheart, and I care for her as a friend deeply. I’ve been seeing her more recently one on one as friends, and lately I honestly just feel like kissing her, or honestly, wanting to get into bed even though I don’t know the first thing about what I’d be doing. My roommate/friend would be mad af, as he continues to try to not even make us friends and he’s a very jealous man. She is bi, mainly attracted to girls. I know she’s attracted to me because my roommate made a point to tell me, and my roommate last year. He was not happy about this, and distanced our communication, but I’ve been more in touch this year with her. I know this probably isn’t the place to post this, but just looking for a little advice? I’ve never been attracted to a female like I am her. I really just am very very soured towards men at this point & would love to hear what you guys have to say.

so this weekend, i went to a lesbian bar, one i go to pretty frequently, to basically just hang out and such. i’ve made some amazing friends there, and it’s really cozy!

i’m a bisexual woman, 22 y/o, and i’ve been fully out for a couple of months now.

anyway, i was striking up a conversation with this one woman and we were having a good time, just talking about anything and everything. but then we started talking about previous relationships and i mentioned my only ex, which is a man. and she seemed sort of confused by it, so i clarified to her that i’m bisexual, after she said “aren’t you a lesbian?”

and once i had told her that i’m, in fact, bi and not a lesbian, she straight up told me that i do not belong in that bar. the conversation ended right after that, and i was honestly pretty much speechless for a few moments.

i totally understand that lesbians want lesbians-only spaces, and i would never ever try to infiltrate those spaces. but this bar isn’t one of those spaces.. the people who work there (who i’ve befriended over the few months i’ve gone there) all know that i’m bi, they’re all lesbians and have never had an issue with me going there.

it hurt A LOT to hear her say that i “don’t belong here”, to be brutally honest, i became a sobbing damn mess once i got back home.

and though i’m bi, i do prefer women over men, if that counts for anything…

so where do i belong, then? where do i, as a bisexual, get to hang out and feel like i also have a safe space?

Hey ya'll, I'm single and loving it but was thinking of dating women because I used to date men back then but failed. I'm introverted and I want to get back on dating apps but I don't want to go back to scrolling and swiping most of the time just to find the one. I want to date women but if it's okay to start off as friends before getting into a relationship. What should I do? I live in Southwest Ohio and I'm concerned about the women there.

Hi everyone! So I'm veeeeeery recently out, and engaged to a man. My dating experience with women is really limited, and I struggled for a moment feeling valid in my sexuality. Mostly, I realized that I want to present much more feminine, or at least feel like I'm harnessing my feminine energy. I was always tall and strong and when I dated girls most of them kind of pushed me to be more masculine in a way I didn't vibe with. What are some ways I can feel more feminine?

​

first wlw breakup :(

i (f22) just got dumped yesterday by my first gf (f23) and i’m feeling absolutely devastated and so depressed. it was a really good relationship even though it wasn’t very long (7 months) and we were long distance. the reason she broke up with me is because she’s really struggling mentally right now and just needs to take care of herself, which i completely respect and understand. plus long distance was getting really tough for both of us and just making it harder to keep a connection alive. i just have a lot of other mixed feelings and didn’t really see this coming until a few days ago when i got a gut feeling, but she reassured me a million times over that she was so committed and loved me more than ever and wanted to make things work. so i guess i’m struggling to understand how this even happened so fast. i can’t even be mad at her, i just want her to take care of herself and get the help she needs. i just don’t really have anybody in my life to talk to about this and i’m feeling so lonely and depressed myself which is making me extremely unmotivated. i have so many big responsibilities to take care of for college and i can’t even focus or get anything done because this breakup is eating me up inside. i could really use some support or advice from other people who understand

weeks before i made out with my best friend and i’ve been thinking about her ever since in a different way. what should i do

TL:DR Bullied by girls growing up, mostly only ever had guy friends, slut shaming parents = my messed up relationship with femininity now and doubting my bisexuality because I never “fell in love with a female friend”. I just never really had them be close enough. I have them now but only a few and it’s hard even to imagine being safe or vulnerable with a woman.

So, I’m a really late bloomer (late 30s) in fully embracing my sexuality. I’ve always thought I could in theory fall in love with or be attracted to anyone, but only very recently realised just how suppressed my feelings have been all my life.

I can look back now and see all the odd hyperfixations, intense need to be friends with girls, being aroused by WLW content and movies etc. However, something I always used to tell myself (that I wasn’t really bisexual) was that I never fell in love with a female friend. I never found myself getting sexual feelings that would’t go away about another woman. Yes, I’ve had sexual thoughts about women but they felt fleeting, or at least I shamed myself so much that they came and went quickly. Tbh I viewed all “bisexual” thoughts the same way I viewed any kink thought - a bit weird, private, pushed away to be forgotten.

But here’s the thing, looking back I never really had many female friends. I have ADHD which is a recipe for being bullied at school (apparently we are ~2 years behind socially at that age, which other kids really don’t like). So as I got past puberty, I had one good female friend who I wasn’t attracted to, and then almost exclusively socialised with guys all the way through college and beyond.

Femininity and women were basically threatening to me. I was afraid of being bullied by them, having to compete with them, feeling just generally completely different and assuming they would all hate me. I definitely thought “she’s beautiful/sexy” from afar here and there but never got close enough to be attracted properly.

To add to that, my mother was terrible for slut shaming and I was essentially raised to view all femininity with suspicion, shamed for wearing any revealing clothes, and generally never saw myself as a “proper girl”. I know I’m not entirely trans, because I don’t get warm feelings from the idea of being a man, however I do feel more comfortable in mens clothes, even watching gay porn vs. wlw porn (I know it’s because of the crappiness of wlw porn, some of the more alt queer stuff is great). Sometimes I think about how bi guys have jack off clubs and I think about how much I’d rather have a dick and go to one of those, than go to a similar room full of women which in my mind feels like a sheep walking into a den full of wolves.

So as a result of all that, I keep doubting my bisexuality. It’s silly because I know I’m attracted to certain, specific women romantically and sexually, but it’s so rare that it keeps reminding me that my general relationship with womanhood and femininity in general is kind of fucked. I sometimes see really sexy figure hugging dresses for sale, and buy one, and do feminine hair and makeup, and feel good for a day, but then the next day don’t want anything to do with that stuff - either be attracted to women like that or wear those clothes.

Tied to all this is my own self esteem. When it’s in the sewer, I can’t even watch porn with women in it. I can’t imagine myself as a sexual being because it ruins the moment for me.

I know this is all complex and I do have a therapist, but I was just wondering if anyone else here has had a similar experience?

Hello everyone one, very important question for me. Need some advice. My wife is amazing, she is fun to hang with, she is young and gorgeous and she works really hard at everything, work friends and family, and is there for everyone who needs help. She has had a differcult time the last year dealing with stress and I know she is trying to stay leveled. Recently She came home really drunk from her friends house in the early morning, almost completely naked, just heels etc, no need for detail. Her best friend, who is bi, lives almost next door. I was a little concerned. She fell asleep almost straight away. I could see that she was at her friends residence all that time. I went there the following morning to get her clothes, which were all over her bedroom. I'm not at all judgmental. I would like to know how to start talking to her about it. But I don't want to mess it up by saying things in the wrong way. Can you help me finding the best way to ask.

I've spent my 20s only dating men. It was only in my 30s that I finally came to the conclusion that I'm queer. But amongst my other LGBTQ friends as well as my hetero, I'm not gay enough. My hetero friends say I'm not bi simply because I think masc presenting fem people are attractive. And my LGBTQ friends comment that I'm dressing too "straight" and need to give more signals. I've worn rainbow before and still perceived as straight as an arrow. Sometimes I think I should just give up.

Who are your celebrity crushes?

Mine from most long term to the more recent ones:

• Catherine Zeta-Jones
• Ryan Gosling
• Mel C from Spice Girls
• Santino Fontana (although mainly in her Crazy Ex Girlfriend role)
• Dylan Matthews (from YT channel Dylan Is On Trouble)
• Courtney Miller from Smosh

Just sharing my ponderings with someone because I can not discuss this with family and friends.

First, I must say that I feel more frequently attraction towards men than women. Or rather, my taste on women is more narrow than my taste on men.

However, when I have a crush on a woman, it messes up my brain for a few weeks or even several months. With most of my male crushes, I still feel somewhat confident around them and can have a normal chat etc. However, with female crushes, I lose my ability to function normally for awhile and sometimes literally feel like I'm in pain.

For example, I have a really hot coworker at work who I met in a work project but have seen only every now and then after it.

After our summer break, we had a big get-together gathering, and she suddenly appeared in the cafeteria looking like a Greek goddess. Typically I say "hello" and have some small talk with her but at that point, I purposefully kept being "distracted" by my phone and left the cafeteria after a few minutes.

She told me afterwards that she tried to wave at me but I looked super busy and left before she managed to reach me. I just muttered awkwardly "oh, sorry, I was busy", and tried to make sure that I have normal amount of eye contact with her (basically a mission impossible at this point).

So yeah, it's probably best for me that I won't have female crushes too often. Can someone relate to this?

Hi, every few months or so I get extremely anxious about my sexuality/orientation and WHAT exactly it is. I was in a long term relationship with a man (which ended badly) for 8 years, though in the last two of those years we opened up and had lots of threesomes etc. always with women. Within our relationship my queerness was a huge source of stress for me, I have a history of OCD type thinking, and the idea that I might be lying to myself or to him or that I was so confused by my attractions was a massive stress point. While I have felt SO much more comfortable with myself in the past year, I'm still not all the way there in terms of feeling comfortable with being attracted to women.

My most recent bout of anxiety was brought on by a very intense dream I had (I'd run into a queer girl I was attracted to the night before) in which a literal choir of women were like "YOURE GAY" And I felt an intense feeling of truth in my body, and then I replied to them, "well I'm gay and I'm straight." And the feeling of truth diminished somewhat in my body. I woke up and had the thought that perhaps my attempts to label myself gay-straight-bi-queer- don't really ever feel fully good to me and maybe I can just BE and follow my desires.

Ironically the queer girl I'd run into the night before described herself as "SO gay" and then revealed her sexuality was more like 70% women, 30% men or whatever... and then described "making love" with a metal male friend of ours... And I laughed to myself in the moment because I was just like, lol everyone is fluid.

But I think that's what stresses me out so much! Fluidity is hard! Especially when I want to put myself in a box so I understand myself better. I love having sex with women, I love having sex with men, sometimes I'm more drawn to women, but I still want to date men, I am more physically attracted to women in these intense physical waves, but then I crush on men so hard... I love BJs AND boobs and I know intellectually that this is all so fine and so normal and yet I cannot seem to get my subconscious mind and body fully on board with this. I'll think I get it and then I'll panic. I probably should keep exploring more with women, as I've never fully given myself permission to have feelings for girls, but then I've never really fantasized about women in the way I do men, but maybe that's just internalized homophobia, but also I want to date men and I love the D?? I DONT KNOW.

Any thoughts or wisdom here? Been struggling with this for close to a decade.

I am 33, married to a man, and not the most open about my bisexuality with everyone. Last week we went out to meet up with his old college roommates. I am a socially awkward person but comfortable with these people. The topic came up from one person talking about how he had a friend who was married to a woman. Then she got feelings for him and wanted to date him. I said: Maybe she's bi. Him: but she had a wife. Me: so? I have a husband. Everyone went silent and stared at me. I felt so uncomfortable. I wanted to crawl back into the hetero normative hole I'm usually in. Normally I keep being bi to myself but I had a couple of drinks and I never drink. Maybe they stared because I don't think all of them knew.

I'm sorry if this is not allowed. I am 44/F happily married but recently I've opened about about wanting to be with a woman. My husband has agreed but I don't know how to go about meeting someone? I have social anxiety so I don't go to clubs and bars. TIA for any advice

Hi, I’m bi but I’ve only dated men before and I need to know if it would be easier to date a woman. I know tha it’s hard to date women as they usually have higher standards than men but i wonder if it would still be more manageable? the problem i have with men is when they have certain bias's or misogyny they have not addressed or worked on because they are not aware that they have them. i find it a bit tiring trying to get them to see my point of view. maybe your thinking 'why even argue, just get a different man.' but the thing is that every man has at least a little bit of a bias and even though my current boyfriend is empathetic sometimes he will say or do something that reminds me that he is just a man and he will never fully understand what its like. so i just want to know if its better to be with a woman so i wouldn't have to deal with this sort of thing? Don’t get me wrong I do love my boyfriend I just wonder sometimes after we have these conversations if it could be different.

I'll try to be brief, but this is such a unique situation I don't really have anywhere IRL to talk about it.

TL:DR: Bi husband was chatting with other guys online for years although it was all anonymous and respectful. At first I found it really hot and we both came out to each other, sex life improved, but now my insecurity and random bad feelings seem to be taking over.

I've been together with my husband for over 10 years. For most of that time, we've both occasionally said "in theory I'm bi/could be attracted to anyone" in passing conversations over the years. I was not educated on bisexuality so I just figured it would be something I might do if my current relationship ended. Like, I didn't have claim to the label "yet".

Well everything came to a head recently when I discovered that he, for the duration of our relationship, and since his young teenage years, has been chatting to other guys online about porn and sex stuff. For anyone unfamiliar it falls under the "jobud' umbrella, so guys jerking off together and then possibly escalating to bi stuff together. It was all anonymous online roleplay, and I believe him when he said he never had any desire to meet with, or speak on camera with other guys in a non anonymous way. Every detail I am about to describe, I found out without him ever expecting me to see, so I saw the truth laid completely bare.

My gut reaction to this was interesting. I was aware that it was a kind of betrayal and quite significant secret. But I also felt a mix of emotions: empathy for him feeling so much shame that he felt he had to hide this part of himself for so long. Relief, because I worried about finding something much worse, and his profile was very strict about not being interested in degradation, teen stuff, anything that degrades women in any way - his interest is chatting in a praising way about women with normal bodies, and to the other guys he talks to. Also relief because he was basically expressing his bisexuality, without stepping outside of the relationship with guys in real life. Validation - because his tastes in adult content are actually quite similar to mine in a lot of ways, and very much about just appreciating normal people making content and having a good time. I was impressed, because his use of language in the role playing was quite sophisticated, and he has a confidence in that anonymous space that was very attractive - if someone speaks about women with disrespect, he tells them to fuck off and block them! Love - because in the chats, he's either appreciating women who are often quite physically like me, or speaking respectfully about me and praising me. (Seems like these guys like to talk to each other about having beautiful wives...) Finally, arousal - reading through the conversations I found and the sort of stuff he was sending back and forth actually really turned me on.

So after that, we had this sort of euphoric two weeks where we were both able to be completely open with each other about our sexualities, and we did a lot of new sexy stuff together, role played with each other, chatted about all sorts of fantasies we've thought about over the years. I opened up to him about porn I had watched that I felt intense shame about (including plenty of bi stuff), and he fought his own feelings of shame to share with me everything about his habits, which took some doing because he really wanted to just disappear when I first discovered it. We started listening to bi podcasts, learning about bisexuality, realising just how much we respectively fit into that idea not just because of sex stuff. It was wonderful to let go of the comphet expectations of what sex should be between a man and a woman, and we've even been helping each other to feel freedom from our prescribed genders in private.

This period wasn't without its emotional moments for me however. At various times I really needed him to apologise to and comfort me over the fact that he had lied by omission for the duration of our relationship. I had huge empathy for why, but it didn't change the fact that I had worried a lot in recent years that something was going on, and he assured me there was nothing. I had painful flash backs to so many memories of conversations where he hadn't been able to tell the truth. But now he was completely open with me and non-defensive, and we got through those moments with him comforting me and seeming genuinely apologetic that he had hurt me, even if it was never his intention.

However, it's now been a few months, and my feelings are starting to feel quite conflicted.

We came up with a sort of policy, that we're free to do that stuff, when the other person is around, so he could go online and chat, then I can do stuff on my own too and join in, and then after we've both got quite worked up, we do stuff together. However lately I'm the one that's been busy in the day time, and I think he has a higher drive to do it than me, so it's often him asking to do it and not me. It was going great for a while - being open minded to letting each other "get horny" first, took the pressure off performing with each other. Being supportive of each other's desires. And as fairly introverted people with some confidence and image issues, this was great.

However, my insecurities are starting to run away with this. I keep having thoughts like, "he needs to chat to men to be able to bare doing anything with me". If I'm not feeling comfortable with him chatting to other guys and jerking off while I'm working (our work schedules don't always overlap), then I feel like some sort of nagging wife, he doesn't complain but I can tell that he is almost dependent on this activity to relax sometimes. Sometimes I feel totally on board with it, but other times it rubs me up the wrong way and this is the part I'm having trouble facing up to and understanding.

Basically, when I'm not in a "sexy mood", thinking about being bi, wearing bi coloured accessories that I bought when I was feeling proud, and thinking about him doing that stuff with other guys, feels really bad. I can't tell if it's because what he's doing is hurtful for me still, or if it's internalised biphobia (I also feel bad about doing stuff on my own). But then when I look at what he's doing (he happily shares it with me), it turns me on, and when I'm in the mood I'm on board for everything - thinking about him with other guys, thinking about me with women, etc. But I'm not in that headspace all the time. And I'm worried that I've just been using the sexy moments to paste over the pain of what some people would actually consider cheating. Or the very new and not unpacked feelings of internalised biphobia I might have towards myself. I'm aware of the concept of 'hysterical bonding' that happens after someone cheats in a relationship, and it lines up worryingly with what I've been through, but I also don't feel like this was proper cheating, so I don't know where to go with that realisation.

This is all such a mess because I want to protect myself and my feelings, but I also don't want to rain down shame on him for being bi, because the world has done enough of that to last him a lifetime. I've had a lot of that shame too of course, but I also feel like I'm not dying to be with a woman, I don't feel like I need to fantasise about being with women to get off, and the whole experience of being bi is just different for men. My experience watching porn with women or other genders in it, or group sex etc. etc. just isn't in parallel with chatting to actual people online and role playing stuff. But I also understand that this is something he's been doing since he was really young. It's the only safe outlet he could find for his bisexuality, and we got together fairly young so I can understand why he just carried on in secret thinking he could never tell anyone as long as he lived. So it's really hard for me to parse which internal voices I should be listening to here.

Obviously my body is trying to tell me something. In an ideal world I'd love to just carry on with the "we're both bi and this is our awesome new open minded sex life" route, but I've tried that and now these painful or insecure feelings are setting in.

If I'm being honest, I'm desperate for it not to be "your husband betrayed you and the relationship is irreparable", and I'm not sure if that is clouding my view here. We both really love and care about each other. He's not controlling or manipulative, he lets me be myself, and does a lot of caring for me - I have a chronic illness.

I don't want to admit for example that he has a porn addiction, and that this is a major problem, because I don't know how to fix that without covering him in shame, or if he'd even see it as something to be 'fixed'. Perhaps I have an addiction too. And when he feels shame he pulls away from me. But when we chat about him being bi, or about him chatting to other guys making me feel insecure, then he feels shame about his whole sexuality, not just the online chatting stuff. Because really, that is how he expresses his bisexuality. I mean, I don't know how far we can go with labels, but it's like he's discord-chat-with-guys-sexual, and when I think that, I feel really redundant as his partner. But it's not like we didn't have a sex life before all this either.

To say "this behaviour is a betrayal and it's over" feels hypocritical because I've watched adult stuff all this time, had fantasies of my own, and I can't help but empathise with the box of shame being bi puts us all into.

Am I missing something obvious? I didn't want to post to any relationship subreddits because I just feel like heteronormative society would reject his behaviour outright, but it would also frown upon my own habits too. I want to talk to sex positive, kink friendly people about it but I have none in my real life.

I hope I've covered the relevant information here, sorry it's really long. This is all so complex and difficult to deal with alone. Thank you in advance if anyone has any insight.

I was married ten years. Before him I was with a woman who I just wasn’t feeling things with our sexual compatibility wasn’t there,before her I had my first female heartbreak the “typical” aka stereo typical U-Haul and heart break we destroyed one another… super toxic but if she came knocking on my door I would let her in.

After my marriage I met my current partner and he knows I’m bisexual and we have discussed the clear boundaries as gender doesn’t matter cheating is cheating.

However I’ve found myself using the term straight for you. Genuinely speaking I’m straight for him I don’t find other men appealing or attractive they regularly give me the ick. I was I. School a while and a woman started a few months after me and oh my gosh you all idk what happened but my brain went to moosh. I couldn’t form full sentences because she literally stunned me, she would talk to me and I immediately would begin blushing and would end the conversation fast. I never took it past that and acknowledged the crush But never have I ever felt that towards a man! I get along with me and that’s that but she made me wonder

It's like it's changing all the time wtff one week I'm a lesbian the next I'm straight (?) but I don't know if it's just comphet, then I see a beautiful girl and all I think about is kissing her soft lips... what's going on??

I know people will say don't worry about this, just love who you love blablablah but I can't cause what am I gonna do if I get into a commited relationship?? 😭