Hey! 19M here. For the past few years I’ve been questioning if I am Bi or just straight with some kinks or something but I’ve never really tested anything aside from watching porn. Last night I got pretty high and had an urge to test it out a little so I got a banana (I know it’s pretty strange) and I sucked it for awhile. I enjoyed the whole experience and it was quite enjoyable and I even did it sober today and enjoyed it as well in the moment. However right now all I feel is guilt and shame about what I did, I feel like I did something wrong or am creepy or something. I’ve never really told anyone about how I feel like I might be bi aside from a few close friends and my gf. I know my gf wouldn’t think of my differently if I told her but it still makes me feel guilty and ashamed that I did something that I guess is pretty “out of the norm” for someone like me especially given the type of person people view me as. Half of me wants to further explore this new found part of me but the other half wants to cut it off here and not go further for fear of liking it too much and maybe even going further. I know this is a little weird and I’m probably just being dramatic but for the past few hours I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it all. Any and all advice is greatly appreciated! Thank you!

I have a feeling this isn’t going to be a popular post but it’s just my own experience. I don’t really want to hear that I’m “confused” or “lying to myself” or whatever.

I used to consider myself to be bisexual. I’ve had sex with a lot of males and females. In fact I primarily had sex with males when I was in college.

I’ve never been attracted to any aspect of masculinity: muscles, tall height, body hair, facial hair, etc have always been very unattractive to me. Male genitalia actually disgusts me and I have never even touched a penis despite topping dozens of guys.

I think it started in childhood. I was first exposed to pornography at age 9 or 10, which at the time was all straight. Within a few years I got into some rabbitholes of weirder stuff. I was a fat, ugly kid who wished I was one of my skinnier, more athletic classmates, and I think that’s why I ended up looking at twinks on the internet all the time. This spiraled from a curiosity of shirtless pictures to a habit of gay porn watching within a couple of years.

I had a lot of male hookups in college. I even had a couple of boys that I got feelings for and thought I could be in a relationship with, although I’ve never been able to envision myself “marrying” a man and living out our days together. Every boy that asked me to date I said no to, because I knew it wouldn’t work out in the long run.

Today, I haven’t hooked up with a male in probably two years because it just doesn’t feel right anymore. When I think of having sex with a guy, it seems absurd that I would even put my penis into another man’s anus. It’s like I can’t even understand how or why I used to do it.

All I really want is a woman at this point. I’ve never been able to envision myself growing old with a man, but I have been able to envision myself growing old with a woman.

It’s important to note that this isn’t any criticism of those who continue to participate in gay activities. Do whatever you want.

I’m just curious if any other men have had similar experiences, and wanted to share my own.

I’ve posted on questioning like four days ago, but I’m still confused and I realized I needed to add more info. Also sorry but this gonna be very long.

I, 18M have been confused on my sexuality and attraction for a bit more than half a year. Ever since March, I have been on and off about questioning whether I’m bi, straight, or gay. I keep looking up Reddit and other stuff about stories, wondering sometimes if I’m making it up just to fit in? Anyway here’s my story:

As far as I know, until March of this year, I was completely straight. I don’t think I had any signs of being attracted to men, (my memory isn’t the greatest). I have used porn off and on since around 13, only watching straight porn until recently. My attractions were at the time, fully, 100% women, although sometimes I wonder if it’s from the porn.

My attractions have always been pretty weird, even to women, as they disappear after like a couple of days for the most part, for the most part. I’ve had some crushes in women that last for a long while, but I’m starting to wonder if all of it was infatuation… or maybe limerence, not too sure. I’ve never really been attracted to celebrities, or people in media didn’t see what the point is. I wouldn’t say I’m demisexual, but I wonder….

When I was 15, I got into my first, and currently only relationship with someone. In hindsight, she was an awful person to be a date, and we never actually did anything (not even a kiss). Still, for the first day, I was excited and couldn’t sleep at the thought of me having a girlfriend. I did notice that my feelings were slowly disappearing during that time, which was strange, cause it only lasted like four days. Maybe it’s cause she was awful, or due to other reasons?

Thankfully the relationship ended, and I moved on. I had crushes with others, sometimes lasting like a couple of weeks or months, but mainly days. I kept getting stuck in the infatuation part, I suppose, and maybe that’s due to porn? Anyway during this time I quit porn for the most part, but never felt anything to men.

When I was 17, after reading prostrate play around March in Quora did it seem to awaken something? I wanted to get fucked so badly, and I think it lead to a somewhat attraction to men? (I was not using porn at the time.) I tried to use fingers and things that might work as sex toys, but it didn’t feel good. (I suppose cause it wasn’t an actual sex toy. I haven’t gotten into prostrate play since did get into it, but I still do fantasize about getting fucked.

This was all happening during my senior year (I’m in college right now), I may have had a crush on this one guy (he was gay). I’m not too sure. I did think about having sex with him and for a time I even masturbated, but it did disappear. I had known him since the beginning of the year, and we bickered a lot. I picked on him a lot, but all in a joking manner, I didn’t feel butterfly feelings with him and tbh I was a bit annoying to him, but I did care about him and it was all for fun. I liked having him as a friend, although I don’t know if he saw me that in the end… he treated me coldly in graduation.

Unfortunately I never did get his phone number, and was greatly disappointed. A friend of his asked if I wanted his phone number and I acted a bit anxious? I think? Regardless, when I tried talking to him tone, so I never did do it.

My feelings kinda just disappeared while I was in summer break. My parents wouldn’t care if I bring home a boyfriend so that’s not it. They had even told me if I came out as gay or bi, they would support it, which makes me wonder now if they knew something… Despite this, the only time these feelings seemed to appear was when I read “gay content”. This can vary from cuddling to sex, with gay people, especially from femboys. (I had not watched gay porn yet)

When I went into college, my feelings for a while were numb. I questioned my sexuality, wondering if I was an aromantic, and feeling pretty bummed that I wouldn’t be able to find true love (I don’t think I am aromantic right now.) I later found out that I had depression and anxiety, which could explain somethings later on. I was, for a time, jealous of everyone that had a relationship. Anyway, as I got better, I started to no longer feel jealous. I went to my college’s gym and got a trainer (because without someone I’ll just do nothing). When going through the process, I never really noticed him, but the first day, I was immediately attracted to him and had a crush. Interested, I went and masturbated to gay erotica and it sorta disappeared. It’s off and on tbh, but very faint.

During this time, I realized two things: I was really attracted to femboys/feminine men to more than girls, to the point where I can look at them in the screen and get a hard on, although me not liking women as much anymore may be because of the desensitization), and that the infatuation for girls isn’t really there anymore. I mean I had a dream of fucking an intersex girl, but that’s really it. When I saw my trainers friend, who kinda looks feminine, for two minutes, I had a deep crush on this man, getting hard and everything. The feelings disappeared within two minutes, however, and I feel almost nothing to him now.

These past few days I’ve thought of a lot. I didn’t feel the energy to move (I forgot my meds i was kinda in a depressive episode, I’m a bit better right now) I just looked on Reddit, and thought of several things:

1. I’ve thought of being a femboy, but idk if I actually want to, or it’s cause I want to be submissive to a male partner, and tbh I could also be attracted to a femboy cause they are stereotypically submissive, idk what tho. I’ve also thought of wearing pink clothes and while I’m all for trying, I don’t want to explain my parents, and I’d feel pretty embarrassed.

2. I just want to be submissive with men. I can’t imagine myself as a top, nah I’m a complete bottom. I can’t feel that way with women, tho. I guess certain preferences. I also can’t see myself in a relationship with a trans man, for some odd reason, I think? I have no problem with them, it’s just weird.

3. My thoughts have changed into a sorta gay way. Whenever I read posts of someone having a boyfriend, I think of as if it’s the man having the boyfriend, not the female. This is very new, and sorta interesting.

4. For a very short period of time, I wanted a boyfriend. I still kinda do, but not like this. I’ve thought of cuddling someone and sometimes I get turned on but for the past few days nothing. During that time, I wanted to be fucked and cuddled and feeling protected by a man. I wanted to (and still do) secretly be controlled in the bedroom like a slut, while my partner tells me what to do. (Only in the bedroom though, we’d be equal otherwise). Unfortunately, besides sex toys and maybe getting fucked and told what to do, I feel nothing right now. I’m getting sex toys this week and I’m excited to use a dildo (the feelings seem to be gone rn bedsides fucking myself, but we’ll see) Idk why I don’t want a woman as much anymore , but again I’m a bit worried it’s from porn.

5. I questioned myself several times. I wrote down in journal during this half a year questioning, and still had no answers. I don’t know whether I’m gay, bi or what, and I can’t stop asking myself this. I’ve asked myself if I’m forcing myself to be gay/bi, i’ve asked myself whether looking up on Reddit so many times have caused these feelings, and that if I’ve stopped, they’ll go away. (To be fair, whenever I stop for a while, it seems to disappear? Idk). I’ve asked myself if I’m a fraud cause no childhood signs, and that my feelings are weird because I don’t really feel anything right now to people right now. I’ve asked whether I’m doing this just cause I want to belong.

I’ve also wondered about porn. Since the beginning of college, I’ve used gay porn once, and several times using erotica. I’ve heard that you can like more extreme stuff the longer you’ve watched porn and I’m not saying gay sex is extreme, I might have subconsciously felt like that. I’m trying to quit porn and sexy stuff like that, but I semi relapsed while trying to order sex toys today.

I’ve heard several things from porn: Porn doesn’t damage you, that it does damage you, and that people have been healed from the porn damage. I’ve heard that porn isn’t a reliable source to find sexuality, and so I’m also wondering if it tricked me into thinking this way. I know that sexuality can be fluid so I’m mega confused. I’m just a bit worried that I won’t like it and maybe hurt someone. With my dating track record, I ain’t getting anyone for a long time, so I’m worried that if I don’t figure it out, it’ll end badly.

Btw I’m not gonna try Grindr just to try sex for the first time, if I’m fucking someone, it’s someone I trust (who is also tested; ofc I will get tested as well). (I also don’t have condoms right now, not like it matters).

So I’m really confused and need some guidance so I can move forward. Please 🙏

TLDR: teenager from the US questions whether he is bi or gay 1028 times every day.

I have a girlfriend and I don't want to cheat or anything, but I just keep getting such a severe craving for guys and I don't know what to do about it. I'm kinda questioning if I'm even sexually attracted to women, cause yes her body is sexy, but I feel like my mind is just telling me to see it that way. It doesn't exactly turn me on and getting head feels great, but I feel nearly nothing during sex. Even worse is that she keeps saying how great I am and talking about how I'm the first guy to make her want to actually start a family and she wants to get married as soon as we have the money, meanwhile I'm just falling apart. I feel lost. I know I love her, but I don't know if I can love her in the way she needs. I don't know what's going on with me or what to do so yeah, any advice?

Curious if most bisexual mareied men actually practice a bisexual lifestyle and are out to there wifes? I suspect most are so not but more so enjoy jerking off to the idea of it more so then actually experiencing it.

Hi again.

It has been a while since I last posted here. I have mentioned before that I am a gay man, but earlier this year I was feeling some sort of attraction to women.

However, during the summer and early autumn season, I felt no attraction to women. But now that attraction has come back. Well, I think it has anyway.

With men, I have a wide range of 'types' that I am attracted to. With women, I think my types are a lot less. This could be affecting how I feel. Like I could see tons of men when out in public and I am attracted to a good chunk of them. Yet, I might not see a single women I am attracted to because my tastes in women are more narrow. So I could be thinking I am gay, and then all of a sudden, I see one of the few women I find attractive and I think to myself that maybe I am not gay. Perhaps I am bi.

It is all so confusing. Because of this, I have been closing my dating apps when I come across a woman I might swipe right on. So I don't swipe left, because that will remove them from me seeing them on the app. But I also don't swipe right as of now, because I am not sure about going through with talking with a woman and possibly going on a date. So I close the app and open it again until a man pops up. Then I swipe left or right on a man like I normally do.

Another thing that worries me, is that if I were to get into a relationship with a women, I feel like I would be worried if it doesn't feel right to me and that I might feel sad or heartbroken when I see happy gay couples and think to myself, that is what I should be in.

Have any of you here gone through something similar? Also, any words of advice for me on my situation right now?

Hello, I’m currently going through a period where I’m feeling super gay at the moment, just want to be fucked and man handled by a man, I’m happily married to my wife so I can’t act on these urges, recently we have started wrestling in the bedroom which has helped but has also made me want a man even more lol does anyone else get like this and what do you do to overcome it?

Does anybody else like how comic book superheroes are drawn all the men have huge muscles and big bulges all the women have big boobs and curvy thighs and most importantly both genders are typically drawn with a fat booty which is heavily detail when their bending over or falling. I was reading one comic were all of the avengers were hanging naked upside down and I could see the outline of the Black Widow & Wasp breast along with the Tony and Peter’s toned abs and I started jerking it then and there. I also saw a comic where Aquaman and Mera where swimming naked and both of their bare butts where out because they had both just had sex let’s just I had a fun night with that as well. The best thing about being BI is when you have a space where you can see both attractive Women and Men in the same space and the illustrators always draw the characters to be as fit as humanly possible🍑🍑🍑🤤

Have a Thai tgirl partner,we have a great relationship,in all ways. When we first got together had great sex with each other and with other guys joining us too.

Ended up with a kinda fantasy sex bucket list, just to see if we could actually make any of them happen.

Luckily living in Bangkok,a high flow of gay and curious guys ,made it a lot easier.

Should mention when we met I was more top and she was bttm. I came to accepting the fact that I wasn't straight ,and was bi or gay (now I just say omnisexual for sex and pansexual for love ,but would say I'm gay finally and thankfully !!) later in life ,in my late twenties i realised my truth and mid 30's before actually doing anything about it.

Sorry I do drift off point at times 😜!

Most of my experience before I met my partner had been with bi couples mainly, 1 couple I'd see occasionally and another who I'd see more regularly ( if any UK BI guys out there ,you know why i mainly met up with same couples, if a single female is a unicorn ,then a genuine bi couple,who were both into it and you clicked with is space rainbow unicorn who grants wishes and sh**s diamonds!!)

Only ever been fucked with toys and strapons and had only really fucked 2 guys,all the other sucking,rimming etc yes of course ,I had reasonable experience with that.

So a sex bucket list was a perfect idea as I really wanted to explore men a lot more,and my partner really wanted me too and either watch or join in ( major Thai tgirl turn on ,2 guys playing with each other.

Anyway to the point finally !! And my question about what have you agreed to try sexually,that you hadn't really considered and not expected your partner to want to try?

3 months in ,my partner asked to put on the list watching me bottom with a guy or gay couple.and of course she would prefer it if they were hot and Surprise, surprise if they hung too then even better,8 inch Territory would be the dream!! (I blame porn for the size dreams).

So yes I agreed to it, for a possibly one time only deal for my partner to watch, if being a bttm wasn't my thing .

One guy or gay couple ,partner quickly decided 2 guys would be better if finding a gay couple up for it was possible (of course she would prefer to watch that!) but a hot and hung single guy ,she would accept (how gratious !!!)

So people of Reddit, What had been the craziest request sexually from your partner? Did you agree ? And did it happen and how was it ?

( Sorry for the really long intro, any mods who want me to change it or shorten it, please feel free to dm me!)

I'll start out, I have. When I was active duty Air Force, my roommate who is a great guy, super handsome and played on the Air Force baseball team; was very comfortable being shirtless and in just boxer shorts or shorts. I was too honestly. The thing about this guy though was he was the type to take a piss with the bathroom door open. I've always seen that as an alpha move. On probably five or six occasions, he came out of the bathroom after a shower naked and would walk over to his dresser and grab a pair of shorts and put them on. Although the whole thing lasted no more than four or five seconds, I can still see his strong legs, muscular looking penis, beautiful patch of brown pubic hair and the treasure trail and a nice furry chest. And I'll never forget his chiseled face with a square chin, perfect high-and tight and icy blue eyes. He wasn't exceptionally hung, neither am I. That doesn't matter, but he had a very confident way of being naked in front of me and I dabbled and doing it in front of him and got no reaction. You'll never know if it was an opportunity missed. But on nights when I close my eyes, I'm taking right back to that dorm room. Me lying on the bed and Brett standing there naked getting dressed.

Recently I've been preparing for this by seeking advice on Reddit and browsing platforms like Grindr and more. Now, I'm ready to take the next step.

I’m not looking for a casual hookup in a random location. I want something that feels both intimate and romantic and I’d like to spend a whole evening with them provided we connect well.

While I'm not in a hurry, I plan to do it this weekend.

Any tips?

It's so liberating to feel this comfortable amongst you all. Thank you. I'm bi, for sure, but not active other than chat, the occasional voice and cam. My wife knows but not that my urges are quite as strong as they are now I've come to terms with it.

Disclaimer: Excuse any naiveness with this, as I'm new to all of this.

I'm a 43 year old black male. I've only had sex with women. I was married for 9 years and had 2 wonderful boys. We divorced in 2016 due to my depression and anxiety struggles that didn't manifest in the best ways. 3 years after the divorce, I get back into the dating pool with a woman. To our surprise, we find out we're having a girl (this was right in the middle of COVID). Since it was a difficult pregnancy, we couldn't have sex during or a while after the baby was born. At that point, I got a vasectomy because 3 kids was my limit.

It took 2 years after the baby was born for me to get aroused enough to try to have sex, but I couldn't finish. I started to reflect on my past very small sexual experiences and attractions. I was never the guy to look at anyone and instantly be attracted. However, if I got to know them, the attraction grew and all systems were go.

In the past few years, I started to get crushes on a few male friends. I'm not gonna lie, it freaked me the fuck out because of how I was raised, and I only had any experience with women. The crushes would never be reciprocated because they were all super straight, and I didn't know how to navigate this. So, reading and learning let me to being demisexual first, and then accepting that I'm bisexual.

I don't even know what to do with this or where to go with this. Part of me feels like a weird unicorn with my age, where I live (TX), my race and the fact that I have 3 kids that I love.

I'm wondering if anyone else has any similar experience or advice for this situation?

I personally think half of men are.

To me, discovering that I was "no longer straight" in my early teens was traumatic enough. It felt intrusive and disruptive. It took decades to accept. I had known who I was and was getting along fine as a straight, attracted to females, before this "unwanted, added attraction to males" came along. But in hindsight, if a late blooming had to happen, I guess that was about the right time for it. And once it hit, I couldn't deny it being a part of my biology.

So I watched a Coming-Out video. This guy said that he had sex and relationships with women until he had a gay wet dream in his mid-20s. By this time, he was married to a woman and had 2 children. So strong were his new feelings that he ended his marriage.

Now, I guess it is possible to discover your sexuality later, but, I was just wondering: Most, if not all, people who discover their true sexuality in their 20s and beyond: were they just repressing it or can you have a whole sexual attraction that lay dormant for over 2 decades? I guess it might be more likely for older men in their 60s+ who weren't exposed to bi or gay representation or information in their youth. Many of the men on the channel that I watch are older men (LGBTQ Archive, I think it's called).

Wouldn't it be more traumatic to discover it in your 20s or later? As I said, it was disruptive enough to learn it in my teens. I can't imagine learning it later.

I wonder what the latest bisexual awakening age is here on this subreddit? Are you being honest with yourself that you had no inkling whatsoever beforehand? Is it easier to accept if it hits you when you're older cuz you haven't grown up learning to fear this other side of you?

We are both trying to work out together what’s up. He knows he feels sexually attracted to men, but romantically and sexually attracted to me (AFAB, enby but fem presenting). Personally I believe he is bisexual unless he somehow has tricked himself into believing he loves me.

He has said before that he felt more comfortable in a sexual relationship with a man than a sexual relationship with a woman/his ex is the only reference(cis female). But then again she was an awful person to him.

After they broke up he began experimenting with a guy and felt better than with his ex. But once he met me he felt the most comfortable he had ever been. He still feels sexually attracted to men while dating me, but not other women and when watching porn exclusively watches gay porn.

He kinda feels like he’s gay and Im the exception, but still has no desire to be with anyone else, as he describes, he wants the rest of his life with me.

To him, there is no doubt he loves me, is attracted to me both emotionally and sexually, but is very confused as to why he doesn’t feel sexually attracted to any woman anymore besides me.

He has never had a romantic relationship with a man, just sexual encounters with them prior to me. I partially fear his lack of experience will eventually cause him to not know who he genuinely is having not experienced it, despite knowing he is comfortable with me.

I am bisexual myself and understand what he’s experiencing to a degree, but I’m just as confused as he is.

How can I help him discover who he is?

Does he love me or is it comphet?

Ask any questions if you feel not enough info is provided! I need advice😭

I’ve only ever had relationships with women and only had sex with them. But as I’ve gotten older I realize that the idea of having sex with a guy turns me on big time. So… how do I go about exploring this more? Any advice?

I have a rather new friend. Whenever we hang out with other friends and go have a drink he brings up the subject of kissing and if we should kiss. Also sometimes when we text.

He also suggested multiple times that a threesome would be cool. I also noticed that whenever he goes to the toilet he asks if i have to go too or joins me when I go. One time i drunkenly asked on the toilet if he wanted to have a look. He then came closer but i brushed it jokingly off and bailed.

We text, voice text and send each other photos daily. Something i dont do with other guy friends.

Otherwise he seems totally straight and often ends up at the end of the night taking another girl home. Recently he started dating a girl, whom he seems fond of.

I fear i have developed a crush and dont want to get my hopes up too much.

Am I imagining this or is he into me?

p.s i‘m bi but not out

I just wanted to say, I know there are a lot of emotions flaring up at this time. I know a lot of us feel angry and disappointed. I know there's a long road ahead, but I want to say we have to stay strong for each other. We have to be there for each other during this time. I know a lot of us aren't out yet because of how our family might see us. And we might be living a life that's not true to who we are. It might even be harder to come out now with current events.

But let's still just be there for each other. I love y'all and I want the future to have some glimmer of hope for us. I have seen some people in OUR own community spew hate on their own, such hypocrisy. Let's not give them any attention and our love will outweigh their hate. I love y'all.

💙💜🩷

Hey, is it just me that is obsessed with having their butt touched by their parter? I’m always playing around with my wife and trying to entice her to touch my butt, must be the queerness in me and I’m sure most straight men don’t think about this?

If you're wondering what I'm talking about, on Monday, I (36M) finally had sex with a vagina for the first time since March 2013 and my god it felt sooooo good!

Some how, through shear case of back to back bad luck, I haven't been able to hook-up/sleep with/get lucky with a female for over 11½ years despite my best efforts. But that all changed on Monday night when my bi male fwb invited me over for my first ever threesome with their trans male friend who still has a fully functioning vagina and honestly, I was totally over the moon by the end of it. Not only did I have my very first threesome (which went great) but my pussy draught (their words not mine) finally ended after over a decade without any!

And better yet, we've all agreed to have another threesome pretty soon! Couldn't be more excited RN!

This is my first relationship. I've had some experiences with same-sex foreplay with a classmate and a few friends, but I didn’t start using Grindr until this year. The hookups I had felt unfulfilling—I felt like I did them more to get attention I wasn’t getting elsewhere. I’ve always been insecure about my appearance, so being noticed by men on Grindr was tempting. Separately, I’ve been regularly watching gay porn for about 3–4 years and had fantasies about men even before I fully understood what it meant to be gay or bisexual.

I entered into a long-distance relationship in June. She's a friend of my sister’s, and I found myself genuinely connecting with her—she was interested in me, and although I didn't find her immediately beautiful, I fell for her personality. She represented the kind of relationship I had once wanted, and while there were certain aspects of her that were similar to me in ways I found annoying, I decided to give it a chance because sincere interest feels rare these days. I was also motivated by my own fear of being single for too long. So we started our relationship and began growing closer.

However, about a week later, I began having intense urges to reinstall Grindr. (At this point, she didn’t know I was bisexual.) Unfortunately, early on in our relationship, I ended up cheating on her (which she partially found out about later). Three days after that, I met her in person, and we consummated our relationship. I convinced myself that I cheated so I would stop any further urges to be with men while I was with her.

She later discovered what had happened when I accidentally left my WhatsApp logged in on my sister’s laptop. She was deeply hurt, of course. This was the first time anyone—other than those with whom I'd had foreplay—knew about my bisexuality, and it was an emotional moment. Despite her pain, she supported me, and I was grateful to be able to move forward with her. But over time, the urges returned. Initially, I managed them through watching gay porn, but then I felt a desire to chat with other men. When I told her, she said she was okay with it, though I could tell it saddened her.

One night, after getting drunk and high with friends, I had strong urges to hook up with someone. Not because I wanted to end my relationship, but because felt an overwhelming need. I didn’t find anyone that night, so I ended up chatting on Grindr and masturbating until I fell asleep. This pattern repeated itself, and because it’s a long-distance relationship, I kept telling myself that it was just chatting. Eventually, I installed Grindr again and would sometimes exchange photos with men, but I’d delete the app after each interaction.

I care about her deeply, but there have been so many fights lately, partly due to my recent job loss and her tendency to break up after misunderstandings. My sister strongly disapproves, and has always highlighted the negative values of our relationship (though she doesn’t show it directly), and my mother (after talking to my sister) told me she’d prefer I didn't end up with her due to family background. The constant trust issues, misunderstandings, and my desire to explore intimacy with men have become overwhelming. After a particularly tough week of arguments, I told her I wanted a break. I explained that the ongoing trust issues and my desire to experiment with men felt like too much for me right now.

Understandably, she was devastated. She hadn’t known about my fantasies for some time, and with her ongoing struggles with depression (which contribute to our frequent breakups and her tendency to push me away), she asked me to leave. She made it clear that I couldn’t have it both ways; if I wanted to be with other people, she wouldn’t be able to stay. But the urge to be intimate with a man is strong, and I find myself extremely drawn to the idea. I genuinely care for her, and I’m torn because, despite our fights, I worry I might not find someone with her combination of beauty and personality again. She has her flaws, but I feel some of them could improve over time.

I understand that I can’t have everything, and this has left me very confused. She is deeply hurt from our break and hasn’t eaten or slept well for days. Meanwhile, I’m talking to guys on Grindr and struggling with how little remorse I feel while also feeling a strong desire for physical intimacy. I’m scared of losing her if I go down this path.

So my questions are: Is this fluctuation in attraction normal for bisexuality? Sometimes, I have no interest in gay sex and feel attracted only to her, while other times, I’m intensely drawn to men. Is this just curiosity? And how would a relationship like ours work if this is my experience? When I’m feeling more attracted to men, I lose interest in her sexually, but when I feel more straight, I find her very attractive. Is this common?

Note: I haven’t experimented or had sex with another guy yet. I know you don’t have to be completely one or the other (top or bottom) but it does seem like guys lean one way or the other. I just honestly can’t relate to a lot of the men married with wives or girlfriends saying they want to be bottom. I understand it but still find myself wanting to top with women AND men mostly. I don’t think I’d enjoy being a bottom- nothing feels pleasurable in that area and I don’t really have an attraction to trying to enjoy putting anything in that area. So would this mean I gravitate mostly towards that role? Or have you tops found that that has changed for you?

Bi guy here. More pan than anything I guess.

My fiance knows I'm bi and is complete okay with it. She's hetero and that's cool too.

She has given me a "hall pass" so to speak, because she knows that there will always be a few things that I simply can't get from her.

The rules she has laid out for me are fairly simple: Chat/talk with the guy first. No quick random hookups. Meet somewhere safe before going to hotel or their place. Be safe (condoms). And (the somewhat confusing part) she doesn't want to know anything about them or even who they are.

So basically, I can chat with and even get with other guys with her blessing but I have to hide it from her at the same time???

I guess my questions are: Am I the only guy that has this kind of "hall pass"? And how do you other guys think I should handle it?

Right now my friend who would be considered a Twink and I are watching the election results. We have had sex before, multiple times. He's gay and I'm bisexual. We both don't want a relationship, we are happy just doing our own thing. But the alcohol has hit me and his legs are in my lap and his moment feels special. Like I kinda wish we were more at this moment but it's my loneliness and drunk mind thinking his way I know it. We're just chilling like we usually do sometimes when he comes to visit me.

I'm just looking over at him while I'm texting this and he looks so cute tonight. I may be drunk rambling so I apologize in advance. But he's just so cute and I'm enjoying this moment and wishing I could wake up with him next to me, everyday. I know when I'm sober I'll think differently because I enjoy my alone time too much. I hope that doesn't make me sound selfish but I really do. I don't like having to check in with someone everyday and having to fuck only one person right now. I don't want to ask him about this because he'll be distant after, I just know it.

He's so pretty right now I just want to reach over and fuck his brains out right now and hug and kiss him but he really wants to see election. I do too so I won't try anything yet. My roommate is with his family so we have the place to ourselves right now. We're definitely fucking tonight and he's spending the night because he's been drinking. He smells so good too. I don't know where this is going but I'm just in my feels right now because I've been drinking a lot. I just want to stroke his hair and after stroke his pussy slowly in missionary while kissing him. Okay see you guys later I'm done...

My fiancée and I are both bisexual and we’ve both had many conversations about how we were fine with each other expressing that side of our sexuality with others. A couple years ago we actually were on dating sites and vetting out potential partners.

But then we got pregnant and that sort of put things on hold. Now that the child is almost a year old I think i am ready to get out there but she doesn’t seem to be interested in expressing that part of herself outside of porn.

She has told me to get back on Grindr but I’m not sure I even like that app anymore. Before we were together (pre 2020) I loved having sex with random guys from Grindr but even then I usually ended up ghosting a lot of the ppl I’d message because they seemed so creepy and looked like they don’t shower. Now that I’m ready to get back out there I don’t even wanna talk to any of these guys on Grindr because it’s seemingly gotten even worse.

I guess maybe I want at least some sort of friendly connection with a potential sexual partner before I commit to meeting but a lot of guys out there just wanna cum and go. Maybe a part of me is also afraid to step outside of the relationship even though my partner encourages and even gets aroused at the thought of me having sex with men.

My fiancée and I do have a great sex life but there’s always going to be a part of me that just needs dick… we’ve tried pegging but it’s just not the same at all.

I guess I just wonder why I’m so hesitant when it’s clearly something I want. Maybe I’m just trying to wait till she wants to get back out there or maybe I just need a different app.

I’ve been bi-curious for a long time but have never shared this part of myself with anyone. I'm married, and this story takes place during a recent Halloween gathering.

We (my wife, our child, and I) were spending the weekend at a cottage with friends for a Halloween party. Among the group were a former couple, one of whom brought his current boyfriend. He was new to the group, and I’d only met him once before. He had recently come out as gay after ending a long-term relationship with a girlfriend he almost married. The rest of the group were long-time friends, and while we often meet up, I’d never talked about my bi-curiosity with them.

Unexpectedly, my wife’s friend joined us with her family, including her husband, whom I'll refer to as Tom, and their child. I spent most of the evening talking and drinking shots with Tom. For context, we’d met a few times before since our kids are classmates, and we also work at the same company.

As the night went on and it got late, we decided to walk Tom’s family back to their rental place, which was about a 10-minute walk away. Out of nowhere, Tom and I found ourselves holding hands, playfully and seemingly as a joke since we were both quite drunk. After leaving his family at their place, I convinced Tom to come back to the party, and on the way back, we held hands again.

When we returned to the cottage, we continued drinking and talking. At one point, one of my gay friends approached me and mentioned that he thought Tom might be gay, pointing out subtle behaviors he’d noticed. Initially, I laughed it off but found myself noticing things too. Later, a smaller group of us, including the new boyfriend, gathered on the terrace. He began teasing Tom and me, saying he could see something between us, commenting on our body language and the way we looked at each other. He even said, “You both look like you want to kiss. Don’t let being married hold you back—just be yourselves.”

Tom, who rarely smokes, asked for a cigarette and took a few puffs. Suddenly, he looked lightheaded and reached for my hands for support. We ended up standing there, holding hands, while the others looked on, almost as if confirming their suspicions. Tom took a few deep breaths, and we decided to leave the cottage together.

As we walked down the path, Tom asked, “So, they think we’re gay?” I replied, “Mmm, yes, kind of.” That was the end of that conversation. We walked back to his place, holding hands again. I can’t remember who initiated it, but I was guiding him as he was drunk, had smoked, and it was dark. Secretly, I wondered if anything more might happen, but our conversation stayed light, mostly about work and other random topics.

When we reached his place, neither of us seemed ready to say goodbye, so Tom insisted on walking me back to the cottage. It felt like a repeat—holding hands, quiet moments, and small talk. What should have been a short 10-minute walk stretched into nearly two hours, but in the end, nothing happened.

When I finally returned, everyone was asleep. I messaged Tom to check if he was okay and then went to bed. The next morning, he replied with a selfie of his hangover. We exchanged a few messages, and I asked what he remembered. He called, and we talked briefly. I brought up the conversation on the terrace, and he said he vaguely remembered but didn’t say much else. We saw each other over the next couple of days, talked as usual, and kept things light without drinking as much.

One last detail: the morning after Halloween, the new boyfriend mentioned that my wife had asked him about my behavior that night. He told her he thought I was interested in men. I don’t know the full details of that conversation, but that’s a story for another day.

Looking back, the entire night feels surreal, and now I’m left wondering what to think about it—about Tom and me.

The only thing I supplement is magnesium powder. Ever since I got back on it after months off, I've had more man on man thoughts. I know one of its benefits is increased testosterone and less SHBG, so maybe I just needed more Mg? I've also been sleeping better lately.

Small things have set these thoughts off. Putting my hands on my lower back and feeling their warmth made me think of gay sex. Tonight, I was watching a YouTube documentary about street gangsters in California, and I had the random thought of two jacked up secretly gay gangsters going at it. 🤣

I also get a strange kind of panic and anxiety when I have these thoughts. My heartbeat speeds up and I have trouble focusing, which is really annoying. There's also no emotional interest or real attraction to guys' faces. So puzzling.

I don't even know where to start from. My boyfriend(22M) and I(18M) broke up like 10 days ago because I was failing to see any efforts from his side continually and I felt recurrent disconnection I had mentioned to him more than once and it had all led nowhere. I really really really realllllllllly loved him. But I had to do it. Because it isn't right for me to put my all into someone and to still be left left out and to have to join dots to make it feel like real love, but we didn't leave it with hostility, we broke up on a good note with mutual understanding (plus we both agreed that he has a lot of baggage and he needs to see a therapist to heal himself).

But it's still been pretty hard for me. I think about him daily, more than once. And I really still want romance**—**the romance that I can't even properly tell was even there in the first place...

So I had a mental breakdown like 3 days ago and I texted him.... and we had this whole conversation where he said that he also wants to be together in the future and he is going to therapy for us so he can return a better and stronger man. We agreed to do therapy together when we were still dating. But he never made the time, so I started therapy alone, in the period that we were still together. And I really admire that he's trying now but I still have some resentment. Resentment that he never got up to actually do it when we were still together :/

And I want to get back together. But I can't exactly tell if it's the right and healthy thing to do. he says he wants to be together in the future again because we're meant to be together...
What the hell do I do man

I was reading a thread ( https://www.reddit.com/r/BisexualMen/comments/1gjw2xm/i_wish_i_never_engaged_with_men/ ) in which a man wishes he never engaged with men. It seems to think he will never find another woman who accepts that he is bisexual. One reply said:

Dismalorb•10h ago•

Why do you have to “come out” to future prospects if you are faithful and will remain that way? They don’t need to know every aspect of your personal life… if it isn’t going to pose any future problems, why tell them you’re bisexual?

The reply to this was:

dozeyjoe•3h ago•

So just hide who you really are, in case it puts someone off being with you? That's just a terrible way of doing it, imo. Stop feeding into other people's biphobia.

In my opinion, both good points, but the first reply got downvoted into Earth's magma. I had to ask myself: "What are some good reasons for telling a monogamous girlfriend that you're bisexual?". What are the upsides against the downsides? What is gained?

At best, all you do is let her know that (in her mind):

• you have been the "feminine partner" and bottomed or sucked dick (cuz that's what her mind will go to) - thus, you can't "lead her and be masculine".

• you might have an STD

• you might cheat or become unfulfilled

• her body and parts aren't good enough or enough

• if she keeps it to herself, it will eat at her; if she tells her friends, they will ask her why she is bothering with you

• and....

• she gets to know more about you and you won't have to worry about hiding evidence

That last point seems to be what telling your monogamous girlfriend about your bisexuality hinges upon: the Great Benefit and Upside to being open. But is it worth it when it comes with all of the other things on that list?

So are there other benefits that I'm not thinking about?

I am not saying that hiding who you are is a good thing. Ideally, we could be open. I just don't get the "If she's the right one, she will accept you" - this seems to take the view that any partner needs to be 100% onboard with everything you like or do to get to know you. Think of your friends: There are some things you would prefer not to know about them for the sake of the friendship. Think of a good politician with a dirty secret that doesn't affect his work: do you NEED to know or will it just ruin a good thing?