Hello, life has been very rough lately. I am wondering if someone can help me through a difficult time. Pornography has a strange role in my life, but I need help to discuss and debate over if I am using it appropriately, and if that's ok.

I love kinky shit. Hell, I'm a total switch so my interests are really varied. But for some reason, I immediately snap to "no" when my wife asks if I want her to do any of the things I like. Idk why, I'm just suddenly filled with shame at the idea. Like using a dildo on me. I love the feeling, and it's better when someone else does it, but the thought of asking my wife to do it? It feels like I'd be abusing her horribly by making her do that sort of thing when she's really vanilla herself.

How can I become okay with sharing this part of me?

I use my pinky finger, but I'm not sure how far in to go or how to properly massage the prostate while giving my sexual partner a blow job. I have done it once in the past and it worked very well, but my current sexual partner has a hard time Cumming.

All appropriate and relevant comments/advice are greatly appreciated 😊♥️.

I recently realised that I had the wrong idea about what sex was like due to watching a lot of porn and being a virgin.

I recently found out that most men can only last 3-5 minutes during PIV and that shocked me because I see porn that’s like half an hour long where they just keep fucking and do multiple different positions?

It was embarrassing because I didn’t think I was that naive, because I’ve read a lot about sex on the internet.

It changed my view of how sex is supposed to be lol.

So what are some silly misconceptions you had about sex when you were a virgin?

PIV is awesome, sure, but I find foreplay to be so much more enjoyable overall.

Undressing her, making out, giving her an erotic massage, sucking her tits, rubbing her pussy, eating her pussy, various types of ass play (I have an ass fetish) like biting the cheeks, spanking them, burying my face in them, etc.

I also feel like because I'm using my hands and mouth, I have more control and can get more creative with things than I can with my dick, which I can't change or manipulate in any way.

I know having quickies is like frisky, sexy fun, but I don't think I'd ever be satisfied having sex where foreplay is skipped. Just the foreplay part of sex for me is usually like a half hour alone!

I never really liked the idea of spitting before, it’s always been a thing that grosses me out in general so of course I wouldn’t like it in sex either. But I saw a comment on something earlier talking about spitting on his cock to lube it up and I just thought about how that actually sounds really hot. Which lead to me thinking about him spitting on my pussy and now I’m down bad about this. Still think spitting in someone else’s mouth or having someone spit in your mouth is gross though

My wife and I have vastly different drives. I’m two to three times a day sometimes and she’s frequently once to twice a week.

I feel like I’m starving and have this huge appetite that I can’t sate before she gets overwhelmed. I feel like if I could properly sate myself, I wouldn’t be quite so famished (for the kinky sex I’ve experienced years of before but don’t have with her) and would be able to decrease in frequency afterwards. Like maybe once every two days or something.

Right now, trying to feel satisfied with her has felt so distressing that I’ve given up trying. We haven’t had sex for a month and it’s definitely caused less friction since we started the abstinence. However, she’s felt more distant but I’ve been feeling about the same.

My hope is that the abstinence will help her explore her own sexual interests and figure out what she really wants to help develop our own flavour of kinky sex rather than having me constantly wish I had my old sex life back.

——->Any additional advice anyone can give to help navigate this?

Uggggghhhh just an appreciation post ♥️. I haven’t met women who agree, and men are usually shocked. However , there is nothing better than a hairy chest, laying your head on it and feeling like you are on a warm fuzzy carpet. The different textures between partners makes it even better. Yesterday I was with someone who had very soft straight chest hair and man it felt like heaven just resting in it. It’s not even a fixation, but just something I was feeling appreciative of lol.

I’ve been asked if I’m transgender after having sex with a guy. I’m a female born as a female. I was too shocked to answer and I just left. I don’t have a big chest and also my labia and clit gets bigger during sex. Was it a normal reaction from the guy or was it rude to ask that? I’ve been really offended by the question none of my exes asked me something like that before. Also the guy told me he has adhd and autism I don’t know if that has something to do with the situation. I just know that I’m really hurt and offended by that. I would like to know what you think about it.

Wondering if anyone on here has taken the Basic Sensuality course originally designed by Lafayette Morehouse / Vic Baranco. I found it to be one of the best programs ever . . .insanely good about being a "yes" to life and "yes" to pleasure. There's a lot there about being more conscious when sexing (and being more pleasure oriented than goal-oriented. . . but is actually about one's whole life (and approving what's showing up right now in life - so you can live in the present moment (reframing the moment to see what's right about the present moment versus what's wrong and trying to escape it with distractions, addictions or living in one's head versus being in one's body).

What's interesting the distinction they made - that intercourse is for reproduction and getting interested in the clitoris is more about pleasure. They weren't so much interested in the reproduction aspect, but rather how to have more pleasure. . .

Took this course with my ex years ago. . .she LOVED it. . .obviously we're not together anymore and find it somewhat challenging finding someone to practice doing things really consciously. . .exercises around having more pleasure - which were not about intercourse at all. . .whereby you find you can have more fun with just hands than going to the default of intercourse. . .while nothing wrong with intercourse . . .it's more just about reproduction and not so much about pleasure and living in the present moment.

Find it somewhat challenging to communicate this to others or find a partner who gets this. . .the pull to be unconscious and not communicate what one wants or work through all "emotional charge" that comes up is really strong. It's kind of brutal seeing this whole other possibility of doing things and then having to go back into a world which I find is really unconscious about sex and resistant to pleasure. . .For example, porn, while nothing wrong with it, I also find is really unconscious - more about escaping reality or escaping from some unpleasant feelings and emotions. Sex often is like that as well. . .i.e. let's have sex so we don't have to communicate . . .

Sometimes I think it's best to not have intercourse at all unless you're thinking of having a baby (as it so often tends to lead to that invariably). This other thing about having more pleasure and expanding this philosophy to all of life - to be yes to life . . .much more interesting.

It's one of my favorite fucking things in the world. I love being mouth deep in it. Especially when she's moaning and I look up and make eye contact and see the expression on her face. Perhaps this partially because one of my first sexual experiences in high school was giving a girl head in the middle of prospect park. Anything like this leave a lasting impression on you all?

I feel like smell is a huge concern for a lot of women. There's tons of commercials geared towards them specifically about how to mask their "feminine odor," sometimes to the level of shaming. And of course there's always crude jokes/insults regarding their smell.

But nothing turns me on more than the natural musk of both a woman's vagina and her armpits.

It affects me on a primal level and makes me infinitely more turned on.

I think it stems from this idea of a woman being comfortable enough with me to show me that side of her. Let's be honest - letting someone put their face right up in your genitals is a pretty vulnerable act. Especially if you're someone concerned about how you taste and smell.

So to have a woman either trust me enough to go down on her when she smells strong, or is just so confident she doesn't care one way or another, is insanely attractive.

I've been looking at some material again that I've watched for the first time when I was younger. And some videos have had such a huge impact on my sex life. The women I've been with raved about what I learned from the content and I'm forever grateful.

I was wondering if you have videos you think that would be interesting for me to see that improved your sex skills. Anything video that could improve my sex life further is welcome.

Shout out to some of the content that improved me the most:
- The Female Orgasm Blueprint - Jason Julius (This one is a game changer he thought me how to make every girl I've been with squirt.)
- Mantak Chai Taoist Secrets of love (Great book on tantra and lasting long)
- Erotic Massage - The Tantric Touch of Love - Kenneth Ray Stubs

Nobody swipes me right on dating apps coz I don't have fun photos, due to introvert nature, but have different sorts of kink which I want to explore. feels lagging behind in my sex life, how can I make it better?

Am I alone?

Honestly does the sensation of getting your nipples sucked or played with feel good or turn you on?

I'm a female & enjoy it but just wondering if men enjoy it as well

Hey everyone, curious to hear your thoughts on this. I don’t think there is such thing as a 100% healthy, perfectly well-balanced adult, so with that caveat aside, are there people who are close to it who prefer rough sex and/or BDSM type stuff? Is it typically people with trauma or the like who enjoy or prefer it? What do those sexual preferences say about someone, if anything? Is it “healthy” to be into it without diving deeper into the why behind it? Is it totally subjective? Case by case basis? Am I totally overthinking all of this?

What’s it like having sex with someone you just met like a sex worker?

Married 23 yrs and only been with spouse but curious more and more.

I'm 31(f) & I feel like I can't start my day without masturbating.

I usually feel amazing afterwards & feel like it definitely boosts my level of energy for the day.

I’m a high school student and I went to a party and got a little drunk. Apparently I got crazy that night cause I woke up naked with a guy in one of the bedrooms. We had sex and he had cum inside of me which obviously is a big problem. My family is very religious and I’m technically not allowed to take and prevention from getting pregnant. My parents won’t even let me date let alone sleep with anyone. This happened about 5 weeks ago and I took 2 tests cause I was starting to feel a little sick and got dizzy sometimes. They both came back positive and I’m kinda scared. What should I do?

Hello everyone, I recently posted on r/nofap and I got zero attention because I kind of made the post sex positive and the people there are really polarized and don’t like discussing. Basically I did nofap for long time with ups and downs and I noticed.. I noticed that my life became soo dull and empty. All because I suppressed every sexual thought or act and it’s surely a way against nature. Of course moderate is a key word here or as you wish. All these nofap groups are like a practice that should be only for masters of their sexuality not the noobs. It created problems for me and I think I’m free now.

Suppressing it results in being a weirdo and socially awkward with women. I had episodes when I just stared at a wall for days because I had that inner conflict going on. Me vs my natural instinct

Sex is so natural

I can remember all sorts of different ones. My dad was into more hardcore and raunchy onea like Cheri and High Society.

Any others anyone can remember?

I'm having all sorts of issues partly because I am very sexually open. Open that I enjoy sex, open that I want sex, open that I'm hypersexual.

I feel a judgement and hostility toward me about this.

Please discuss.

My wife Fantasy and I'm still uncomfortable with it.

So my wife said she has a fantasy of watching me have sex with a woman and even cuming inside her. I've never been with anyone else, so I'm a little uncomfortable with the idea. I love her, but idk. We've talked about this in length, and I guess she's had this fantasy for years now, and she's just couldn't hold it in anymore. I'm not sure what to do or say. Even the next step I should take with this. Oh, she's been with others she is my first and only, but I'm not hers..... we've been together for 18 years.

Hello, I have anways been facinated by the human body, but mostly by the sexual functions. I seem to have this intrigue about eroticism, and how everything relates to the human experience.

I would like to study, deconstruct, and critique (mostly "amateur) pornography. I am fascinated about seeing human sexuality acted out and practiced. I also try to see if there are any artistic merits to the content depicted in the video. Such as the meaning of the film. What the film represents to those who made it, and how others view it.

However, it is highly difficult to find fellow individuals who share the same ideas as me. Sometimes I feel like a joke, but I often find myself looking at pornography for all the reasons people jokingly say they do it, but I am serious.

There is also a massive amount of disrespect present. For example, if I wanted to discuss a film with someone, ideally it would be more akin to a book report or film breakdown. Most people are unable to maintain any professionalism. I understand that arrousal may happen, but people often go off the rails. I can only describe it as I think they're whipping it out behind their screen and am going into "disrespect the hoe" mode.

I have met only a handful of people who can tolerate a degree of professionalism.

Should I try to pursue this, or is it a lost cause?

Hello everyone! This is my first post here, yay.

I (30, male, gay and in a long distance relationship for the last 5 years, the last ~2 years open) find myself feeling strangely about my relationship to sexual desire lately and I'm trying to understand what is going on with me. Basically, I used to think of myself as a very sexual person. Hypersexual even. I remember that in my early twenties up to, say, 27-28 I used to feel horny way more often. I would get more spontaneous erections, I would fantasise more often and intensely and I would want sex something like 3-4 times per week. I wasn't always getting that, of course, but I would certainly desire it.

Hence why, when 3,5 years ago I moved to another country away from my boyfriend, I thought it would be really hard to abstain so much. In the beginning we had a closed relationship, and we went through many periods of tension because basically, I was feeling miserable for having to deny myself sex, and having to wait for 1, 2 maybe 3 months before I could have any. Adding to that that we already had mismatched libidos (me wanting it more, him wanting it less), there was a lot of pressure on it being perfect when we met. Which, naturally, it wasn't, not all the time. Cue more frustration and tension.

Tentatively, and after my suggestion and many negotiations, we started including more people in our sex lives. First, in threesomes and group experiences where we were both included, then slowly tried having sex with others when we are apart. In the beginning, my boyfriend imposed a lot of limitations (x amount of times per month, or x amount of people, etc), which made it too complicated. Eventually, we moved to a more laissez-faire arrangement, as he also got more comfortable and started seeing more benefits for himself. It was a bumpy ride, but in the end we found a balance that works for us, for the last six months let's say.

Life is funny, however, because after having put so much effort to achieve what I thought I wanted - namely, to not have to limit myself from a rich and varied sex life such as I imagined it - I am not excited about it anymore. Now that I have the freedom, I find myself less horny. In theory, I could go out and try to hook up and have fun, but in practice I've just had some fairly mediocre sex. In addition, the fantasies are more sparse and less intense. The erections last less. The excitement is very low. The anticipation not there. I've been in situations (eg sex clubs), and I met some guys, which normally, in my younger years, would make me really really horny, and I used to fantasise about. But now when I get there, I don't feel like it.

Ironically, my life is generally getting better and better. Finally, after so many years, I don't feel stressed about the future. I feel confident. I have a well paying job and time for hobbies, friends and interests. I have never felt more content with my life. I'm finally renting my own apartment. I've been seeing a therapist who has helped acknowledge many negative patterns in my thoughts that had been troubling me for long. I'm very happy with my relationship and feel real love for my boyfriend. We might move in very soon, which is getting me excited. The sex between us is fantastic, although the libidos are still mismatched and I would still want it somewhat more adventurous. However, it's less of a problem because my libido has lowered, approaching his more closely. Which is not the direction I wanted them to match (!) and I feel a bit sad about it! I have also lately acknowledged, that our love has definitely moved from a stage of infatuation, "being in love", to a more familial, companionate love, and that probably happened early in the relationship.

I am also considering some physiological factors that might play a role: terrible sleeping habits (sleeping late, not sleeping enough), not being careful with my eating and not exercising very much. These haven't really changed from the past, but maybe they are a bigger factor now for some reason.

I'm writing here in case anyone has had similar experiences or feelings with their sex drive, sex life or desire for sex and intimacy in general. I'm trying to understand this. What changed? How have I changed? I'm experiencing this reduction in desire as a loss - I long to feel excited, to have a crush, to have vivid, strong fantasies that take me on sexual adventures again, and I'm sad that something that I considered a characteristic of me isn't there. Do you have any advice on how to perceive this? I'm probably viewing this from a very narrow and personal lens, so I'd love to hear different angles.

Sorry for the long and possibly incoherent post. It's a very open-ended question, so I hope it ends up in an interesting discussion!

21F, I'm someone who's been habitually masturbating on a semi-regular basis (with on-and-off periods of interest) for almost a decade, and I have never experienced negative feelings (sadness, anxiety) during it prior unless I had other reasons to feel that way.

Only very recently, as of about 2 weeks ago, it became the case that any time I touch my genitals in a sensual manner I am immediately hit with strong feelings of upset, anxiety, discomfort that can stick with me for 10-20 minutes after the contact is made, which has heavily dissuaded me from masturbating since it began. It has even occurred on accident when adjusting my position in a seat in a manner which happened to stimulate me, and I could not enjoy my dinner.

However, my libido remains and I still experience sexual arousal, and no bad feelings innately tied to that sexual arousal, as they only arise if I make any attempt to sexually stimulate myself in response to sexual arousal. I've experimented with it a few times despite my fear of the "despairing" feeling that results and found that it happens most immediately and strongly upon contact with the clitoris, but if other parts are touched and the clitoris is avoided it evens out into a mild discomfort (but enough so to turn me off)

I've been searching on Google for answers and haven't been able to find any answers that don't pertain to post-sexual trauma or it being a result of a learned discomfort with sexuality. There have been no recent changes in my life in particular, nothing out of the ordinary occurred within the timeframe surrounding when it began. I really don't know what could have caused this or how long it will last.

Does anyone here have any insight?

(Note: I do have a history of sexual dysfunction, as I did not get my first period until I was 16, and I was unable to achieve orgasm until I was 19 years old despite regular attempts, and even now can only achieve orgasm after up to 2 hours of concentrated sexual stimulation. I generally masturbate more casually without the intention to orgasm because of this.)

Update: I had my period and it didn't go away right away, but steadily seemed to become less severe when triggered as the days went by, until it eventually resolved itself. Thank you to everyone who commented with questions and insight.