So I've never posted on Reddit before and don't know the best way to go about it. But I'm looking for some help.

My husband and I have been together for 11 years. Before we met, I was rather promiscuous but carried a lot of shame around it. The reason for that is still a bit unclear but I know I felt unworthy of an exclusive relationship since nobody ever persued one with me. Also, every time I met a guy I assumed he wanted to sleep with me so that's always what happened.

When I met my husband, I was drunk but he didn't attempt to be physical with me and then he texted me the next day and treated me like more than just some one night stand. So obviously I fell in love with him ha.

Anyway, I come to find out I was his first. We were 20 at the time. In learning this, I think I felt inferior to him like I was dirty. He was this respectable guy who waited to meet the right person and I was "used goods". Our entire relationship I had him on a pedestal. I was so lucky to have him and I better do everything I can to keep him.

Unfortunately, my relationship around sex never improved. I would dread the mention of sex and often would dissociate during because I felt female desire was slutty. Unless alcohol disinhibited me, I approached sex with a lot of anxiety just thinking it was for my husband and I better perform for him. Obviously that was exhausting and it became harder and harder to do.

My husband never knew I felt this way until I finally shared it with him last year. Since then we have been struggling because I broke his trust in me

Now I am working towards trying to be comfortable with initiating sex and being a sexual being but it is extremely hard. I get so embarrassed and can't talk about sex easily. My husband tries to ask what good things I can think of regarding our last sexual interaction and I can barely think of any. If I am able to think of something, it almost kills me to have to say it out loud.

All of this to say, I really really struggle with accepting sex is okay for me to want as a woman which makes it hard to know what I want or what I like. I'm looking for exercises and different perspectives to try and feel less shameful and embarrassed around sex and begin to be the sexual being I can be when I am intoxicated. Because that is fun!

But I don't want to have to rely on alcohol to do it. Also, we've tried sensate which was helpful but not a cure-all. I've done things as silly as just looking him in the eye and saying "naughty" or sexual words which in itself has been hard but is getting easier. All and any suggestions welcome!

And so sorry this is a novel.

TLDR: I'm a married woman who is working with her husband to try and be more comfortable being a sexual person with sexual desires and learning and discussing those wants with my husband. Any suggestions in achieving this is greatly appreciated.

Sexting w strangers is a big turn on but also very controversial. Suggestions

Out of the following kinks, state the gender you identify with and which of the following is your favorite. Or list in order if you like more than one.

I have a theory I'm trying to hash out.

Spanking (body)

Slapping (face)

Choking

Scratching

Biting

Hard grips

Hickies

Hair pulling

Of course this is different for everyone. But recently during sex I told my partner how much I loved how he was fucking me, and it made him cum immediately, lol. He said that that was what did it, that there’s certain words/phrases said in a certain tone that will just instantly bring him to orgasm.

Curious if this is true for others. What’s your eject button phrase or what do you tell your partner to make him explode?

Most of the time, I（25F） watch porn while masturbating, but I usually can't finish the whole scene. After I reach my first orgasm (which is usually mild), I feel physically and mentally exhausted, and I completely lose interest in continuing. No matter how stimulating the actions of the people in the video are, I can't get aroused again. So, would this situation be considered a woman’s refractory period?

This question is mainly geared towards women, but either way.

I'm someone who doesn't care at all about scars, cellulite, stretch marks, love handles, soft tummies, loose skin, etc.

Some of those things I actually find actively attractive.

But I'm curious how women who have some of those insecurities like them to be addressed.

Is it something like, you just come out and flat out say you're insecure about X, and your partner says "What?? I love X!," or "What?? I don't care about X!"

Is it something you keep to yourself and hope your partner doesn't say anything either, and as long as they clearly show a desire for you and your body, you put those insecurities out of your head?

I think about men who are insecure about their size, and how a lot of them say they would prefer a woman to not mention anything regarding size. Telling a guy who thinks he's small that he has "the perfect size," or that "it's actually soo big!" might make him even more hyper focused and insecure, because he himself doesn't believe it, and thinks the woman is just saying that because she thinks it's what he wants to hear.

If you're insecure about belly fat for example, and a guy went out of his way to kiss/touch/compliment your belly - would that draw more attention to it and make you more insecure and doubtful? Or put you at ease?

How do you want your partner to address your insecurities?

I (M) grew up in a home where sex was treated as if it didn't exist. I was was mostly raised by a single mother, who albeit being totally irreligious was likely uncomfortable discussing this stuff with me. Accordingly, sex was never mentioned, all the way through my entire adolescence. I had to "figure out" everything by myself, with the help of Internet, zero input from another person.

During my teen years I was very shy and took pride in being the good child. The convergence of all this is what led my brain to reach the conclusion sex was something wrong, shameful, and embarrassing. I clearly remember I felt distressed upon reading something about sex in an encyclopedia or online for the first time ("this stuff is actually real!") when I was 12 or 13, though I quickly accepted this fact. I'd regularly feel guilty over masturbating, watching porn, lusting, or finding women sexually attractive. The first time I masturbated I felt bad but couldn't pinpoint any concrete actual reason. That shame didn't actually stop me from fantasizing, watching porn, etc, I'd just felt guilty and ashamed afterwards. I once stumbled upon something kinky that turned me on and became worried I'll become a psycho if I keep fantasizing about it.

Over the years, as I grew up and became more emotionally mature I felt less and less ashamed. And sometime after I graduated high school I think I freed myself from shame completely. I stopped feeling bad about porn and masturbate without any guilt for years now. I realized my kinks were perfectly healthy and common after I spent some time reading about BDSM and experiences of other people. I would say I have no qualms about sex.

But I was wondering if this means I genuinely fully embraced sex positivity or there could be a part of me that is still repressed? What signs might indicate that?

I'm asking because I'm trying to track down the cause of an incredibly rare sex-related problem (general primary anorgasmia) I have and I want to see if my upbringing could be the reason.

I (25M) have just had a conversation with my gf (29F) and I really don't know what to do about it. Throwaway account.

Some context: We have been together for the last 6 years. It was my first relationship ever, and being 19 year old boy, who was never in relationship, I wanted to have sex for the first time. She was obese, but that wasn't a problem for me at all.

But it was to her. She felt she was inadequate. She was attracted to me, but she felt bad with her body. At the very beginning, she asked me if I wanted open relationship, so I could fuck other people (I didn't want that).

After a month of our our relationship we started having sex, but topic of sexuality was always strained. For example for some time she didn't want to do oral on me (I was performing it on her regularly), but one day she decided to do that. I was stressed so that I couldn't cum, and ir made her cry. But she didn't communicate it, I only realized when her tears touched me. I felt so bad after this, with the fact that I didn't realize and that I couldn't cum.

I knew that the obvious answer is "communicate, just talk about it" and I tried. But all I've got was either generic answer ("what do you like about sex with me?" "Oh, everything") or just being annoyed and visibly uncomfortable. After another "conversation", if you can even call it that, I had some breakthrough - I decided to shut up. I learned to not touch this topic, even if I wanted to.

And it worked. Kinda. Pros: our relationship survived, and I'm sure she it wouldn't if I kept on doing the same thing. Cons: well, no communication. I kept my fantasies to myself, she only told me that some things I did were uncomfortable after months or even years. I still feel bad that I didn't realized it somehow earlier, but she wasn't willing to tell me it. I often felt just bad for having sexuality at all.

During last two years she lost a lot of weight, right now she is on upper side of normal healthy weight. She wants to have sex more often, she feels better woth herself and I'm happy for her. But a few days ago I came home after a weekend outside of town, and I was horny. We've had some good (non-sexual) time, but later she felt very tired, and I decided that it wasn't right time, so I masturbated for a bit in bed next to her.

At morning I was still laying in bed with her, and hugged her. She could feel I was horny, and she asked me "why can't I say I want to fuck her?" and then we have had a conversation.

She told me that she wants to be an adult about sex, and don't feel ashamed that she likes sex. That since she lost weight she learned to set boundaries. That "I still act like scared student, and she isn't a pedophile". That she felt like I was just getting off with her body. That she sees that I don't feel safe with her, and she doesn't feel safe with me. And that I need therapy.

I don't know what to do. I want to go to therapy, but I already was twice and felt underwhelmed (that was like, two years of my life total). I don't know what to look for.

And I'm torn apart. I love her. Im happy for her, I'm glad she changed in a way she liked. I'm glad she wants to communicate. I really want to talk openly with her.

But at the same time - I'm so mad at her. I get that, she is traumatised in her own ways, she couldn't just do it quicker. But I feel she blames me for the lack of communication. At the very beginning I wanted to talk about sex, I wanted to communicate, but I was shut down so many times I stopped making any effort. Like seriously, only communication from her I got was once in a blue moon learning that the thing I was doing I thought was fine? Well, she secretly hated it. Nothing about what I do right, nothing about her desires. Just occasional negative reinforcement.

I want to communicate, but I can't tell her anything I feel without sounding like I blame her. I don't have any sex-positive friends I could talk to about it. I'm scares of therapy because I didn't have luck with finding therapists I can trust. So I ask here - maybe you have some thoughts about how to proceed, or how to get into therapy that actually works? How can I be more sex positive in this situation? I really want to do better. Anyways, thank you for reading it. It means a lot.

Hi everyone! My husband and I have fallen into a bit of a sex routine and are trying to get back to being more passionate and spontaneous. We keep all of our sex items (condoms, lubricant, blanket, etc) in the bedroom where they make the most sense, but that’s part of what’s keeping us pulled into this routine. We live in an apartment so we don’t have a whole lot of rooms, but we want to open up the possibility of being spontaneous in places outside the bedroom. This seems like a pretty “normal” thing yet we’ve never done it haha

So my question is how do we prep for the spontaneity? Like do you just leave condoms etc laying out everywhere so wherever the mood strikes you have easy access to them? Do you then go around and try to put them all away before someone comes over? Lol Do you have multiple small bottles of lube and just give up on the blankets/towels/etc and deal with cleanup afterwards? Also are we the only married couple who even uses condoms? We’ve heard a lot confusion about us using them because we’re married and I’m like ….? Y’all just relying on the pullout method…..?

Thanks so much!

I (M 18) just had a realization moment that some of my friends don't really like the fact I'm so sex positive and always open to have a conversation about. I think it's so interesting but they will sit there and call me weird. Today when I brought up the fact I would be seeing my FWB this weekend,I was called desperate by my friend. I didn't say anything then but i was a little passed off. Regardless the point is,how do I find people that see it the same way I do?

Thoughts/Research on Chastity?

Is there any good research or even just anecdotal evidence from this subreddit about chastity? I have been recently open with my partner about my sissy/bi/submissive side. With both of us being bi switches she accepted it and allows me to do a lot, like even getting dildos and buttplugs to play with myself. However, we have always been a bit hesitant on chastity. While I like bi/submissive play, as I said we are both switches, meaning I dominant her every now and then too. She is a fan of my size, about 7-8 inches and we also want kids in the future. This is why we have been hesitant because we dont know how long we can experiment with chastity before i causes more permanent or serious effects like actually reducing size or reproduction. We like the idea of being denied ie locktober or no nut November with it, but is a month too long? Especially for the first time???

TLDR; While I am a sub sometimes, I’m not a sissy always and my partner still likes my cock, and we want kids eventually? Will chastity cause irreversible changes? How long can I be locked for starting out?

So I’ve (33F) been on here a few times recently to discuss the amazing sex I’ve been having with my new FWB.

Well, last night was another great one for the books. We decided to try anal together for the first time (it was his first time ever doing it; I’ve done it with 2 past partners but not very successfully). I can’t say I was afraid of anal per se, but it’s not been my favorite thing by any means due to past lackluster experiences.

You guys. This time changed all of that! It was AMAZING!!!! Not sure if it’s just because we have insane chemistry or because we did extensive foreplay, but it was soooo pleasurable. Omg. He had been eating my pussy and ass and fucking me vaginally for the better part of an hour on and off when he asked if I wanted to switch to anal. We’ve done anal play with fingers before this so I was semi comfortable with something going in there lol. Thankfully he is a gentleman and took his time. We used a ton of coconut oil and he started off with just the head of his penis. Slooooowly pushing in and out of the front of my asshole. After a while I realized I could relax even more if I brought my vibrator out and rubbed it on my clit, so I did and that worked like magic. As soon as my pussy started contracting from the clit stimulation he slid right in fully in my asshole. Slowly thrusting in and out. He would take breaks to kiss my buttcheeks and rub my back and tell me how good I was doing 😩 my orgasm was absolutely unreal. I swear I must’ve forgotten my own name because I was too busy yelling his as my orgasm took over 😂

10/10 experience. Dare I say now I’m an anal girl?!

I don't like etiquette, i m not cis but i don't want to be call "non cis personn". i don't understand why cis men are usually not accepted in sexpositiv parties i don't want to choose because i don't like gender, for me we are all the same. i m french and i hate gender nouns we have. So when i see only 2 category : "cis man" and "other than cis man" i choose "cis man", gender "other" , sexuality "other".

i usually didn't had problems for my previous parties but for today i was rejected with the reason: your gender and sexuality don't match with the category you selected. Imo, i think is discrimination and force people to choose a side even if they don't want. i don't have problems to say " i m not cis" but only when i know i m with cis people. i don't want to be see as a cis or non cis personn. i m not feeling well to discriminate a group of people and i don't want to join group if they are only "non cis people". i think is toxic and 2nd i m afraid they ll try to "educate" me for something i m not agreeing. (excluding a group of people) What's your opinion about it? i don't know if it's very clear, i have ADHD.

what do you think?

So I've never tried any sex toys before, but I've wanted to get into it. Do you all have any recommendations for male sex toys that I can try that are quality and affordable? I want to try a few types and have a budget for know of $100. Any help is appreciated.

Has anyone else found that they have different moans during sex? I have found three so far:

1. Heavy breathing that happens when I try to be quiet when I play with myself and as a precursor to the next one
2. A moan that is similar in pitch to my normal speaking voice when I’m happy, this is the standard moan for being felt up and played with
3. A deep and low pitch grown that happens when things are really intense

I extremely attracted to my husband, in the words of Holly Flax, he exudes sex. I have fantasies I’d love to explore with him, and I want to start building up the excitement by sending him flirty messages, whispering something steamy when he’s not expecting it or just right out sexting him. But I find myself holding back, feeling too shy, and only able to open up when we’re already in the heat of the moment.

I want to be bolder, to let him know what I’m feeling beforehand. I know he’s receptive and open-minded and that he loves it when I share my fantasies. But I keep worrying that he might be taken aback or that I’d somehow put him off – even though I know that’s unrealistic. Every time I’ve opened up, the experience has been incredible, it makes me feel beautiful, brings us closer, and adds so much passion to our intimacy but also our day to day.

I’m ready to get past this shyness, but how? I’d also love some ideas for things I could whisper to him or things I could say for sexting, I just don’t know what to say, how do I become better at it? The most I’m able to come up with is “I can’t wait to feel you in me” haha

Hello, this may be stupid and can definitely be taken down if it needs to. But I (23 F), have only ever had sex w one person. I lack a lot of experience and don't know how to do a lot (like kissing w tongue LMAO) but I am wanting to start hooking up w people cause ya know im young and would love to have sex without needing to be in a relationship. But because I am so inexperienced i get insecure and overthink a lot of things. I was wondering if by possibly joining different kink/bdsm community apps if I could possibly have hook ups with individuals who are willing to teach me or like talk me through different things. I dunno, if that made sense BUT any advice or app recommendations you may have would be great !

Following quite a common advice to simply search for kinkparties in your own area (the Netherlands in my case), I came across a list of websites, but viewing those websites requires a fetlife account. Before I make an account, I would like to know what people their own experiences have been with fetlife. So that is my primary question.

My second question is whether there are issues with going to kink activities when you have no sex experience? For me it seems to be preferable to "normal" dating, because from what I can tell I am a-romantic and I would rather meet people that do not expext a romantic relationship. I have also communicated in my friend group that I would be open to a FWB relationship (the friendgroup in question is sexpositive, but most are still figuring out what they want themselves), but no one has expresses an interest.

My third question is what experience you have had with the acceptance of furries. Yes, I am one, so I would like to know whether it would also be a safespace for furries like me. Most public (online) spaces tend to have a decent chance of seemingly random harassement when some find out you are a furry.

Anyway, I hope these questions are somewhat relevant for this subreddit, but I am unsure where else I could.

Like I don’t get it. Banning porn entirely is literally in Project 2025 and Trump’s party is full of the exact same religious nutjobs who were pushing their “moral majority” shit back in the 90s and early 2000s. Ppl like Corinna Kopf and that one OF model who spoke at the GOP convention are some of the most baffling cases of “Lobsters for Butter Sauce” I have ever seen.

My bf has a blood kink and I need help understanding So as some back story I (18f) and my bf (18m) Have been together for 5 months. We have a great sex life. We included a lot of kinky things in bed. He calls me mommy sometimes but most of the time I’m more submissive. We do spanking, choking, dom sub play, food play, wax play, bondage, and homemade porn and pegging. I also have a cum kink. We are both really open with what we like. A few months ago I went over to his house and I told him I didn’t know about having sex because I was on my period ( I wanted to but was insecure about him thinking I was gross.) But he was open to it and had no problem with it. He even gave me head. It was my first time having periods sex and I loved it. It helped with my cramps and it made me feel so close to him. After we finished we got in the shower then he told me that the blood turned him on. I was a little weirded out by it. I asked him what he liked about it and he said it t was a visual thing. Then this morning I got a bloody nose and he told me I look hot. I just don’t get what he likes about it and I find it strange. He said he doesn’t want to do anything to make me bleed but I feel weird. Also is there any way to try it out with fake blood in a safe way ?

I am a 22m student, studying computer science. I'm unsure whether my perspective is askew or perhaps not. I have a lot of internalized grief about sex and my position on it, but I've never really had a safe space to discuss.

As I said, I'm a student, meaning that I'm not necessarily isolated since I live on a college campus. I’ve also been in relationships and I'm not entirely inexperienced, but there's no lack of anxiety about the subject for me. In my personal life, I spend most time between the gym, classes, and a cafe that I try to go to, but I generally don't talk to many folks because it can be very stressful. In secret, I'm actually very keen to have a partner and active sex life. I really enjoy learning about the subject and exploring ideas.

With all that in mind, I have a laundry list as big as my arm of things I want to explore. I'm probably a dominant switch (I think), so most kinks fall under that ‘tendency’, for lack of a better word. Unfortunately, the first big limiter to healthy lifestyle has been my trust in others. I find myself being possessive of a partner and need to back off instead of engaging with them. Many of my kinks involve investing in long term subtly sexual activities instead of one-and-done ideas. One relevant fantasy might be a general free use time in the evenings, perhaps being extra close, playful, and explorative while we watch a movie/show each night. I don't just mean in a vanilla way. In fact, there are too many ways i’d love to expand on this. To me, this doesnt seem unhealthy, but… the catch is that I enjoy the exploitative part of this. I like giving anal, tying someone down, breath play, and I've even been curious toward CNC. I have fantasized about having a relationship where we trust each other to push soft boundaries healthfully. I'm very inexperienced in these things, but I find most pleasure from trying them slowly, deliberately, but with an emphasis on pushing small boundaries by trying something new. With that is where my first question or AITA moment arises. In general, this is a really contradictory idea. I’ve never asked a partner about this, because it seems legit to assume that this is unhealthy behavior. How would you do BDSM/CNC play with someone who likes the idea that its new and scary for you both? My second area of concern is with myself. For experienced folks, is this interest something that they found led to an unhealthy partnership? Even if I attempt to explore this type of thing, the number of potential partners dwindles very fast. I imagine that it could be extremely hard to find someone who aspires toward the same adventurous behaviors w/o running into trouble. I consider an exemplary model of poor mental health. I’ve depression, ADHD, and trust issues which have interfered in my sex life before. The more I consider looking for a partner, I continue to worry if this would be a destructive lifestyle choice. First and foremost, I've never found a safe place to discuss so something like this. Has a sex positive lifestyle ever affected you poorly? Should I avoid looking for a safe space and a partner like this, as someone who struggles making acquaintances and with self-image?

I’m going to convince myself that I’m afreak for the next couple hours 😭, but i’ll check tomorrow or perhaps later today. Apologies in advance if what i’m saying is problematic. I’lllimely try some seperate communities to see about different feedback. If there is an issue, please let me know and this will be taken down promptly.

For years I’ve had this kink/fantasy of sharing my wife with other men and a couple times we’ve actually acted on it when we were early 20s. We’re both 30 now.

The first couple times weren’t ideal, at least for her. She was open to trying it out but was obviously taken a back by me bringing it up to her. I think she thought it could be hot but the problem were the two different guys we’ve tried it with, couldn’t really perform well in the moment and I think it just made things more awkward in the end.

That was over 7-8 years ago, and I still have the deep desire to try it again. I’m not into the humiliation aspect like with cuckolding but more so on the Hotwife version. I want her to be treated like the beautiful goddess she is and be pleasured by two men. I want her to have a great experience since I think she’s still open to it, but hesitant to do it again. It’s been years since I’ve brought it back up, so I’m worried about mentioning it again and how she will react. If it was with the right guy, I think it would be a lot better this time. I just can’t stop thinking about out this kink for years, and don’t really know how to go about initiating it again.

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hello! so…. im F 27 y/o virgin and i’ve never been involved in anything sexual. growing up ive dealt with depression and situations that kept my attention and interest in stuff outside myself, outside my needs and desires. im not much of a people person, i’m not touchy except when i’m really down for someone, but it’s not something common in me.i’m working on myself in therapy and it’s great, but every time i think about wanting to get intimate with someone i feel insecure about my body, about what is expected of me, about not looking a certain way. idk i feel scared to be with someone and feel rejected because of a body issue

how can i work my relationship with myself and sex? how can i change my point of view in sexual interchange and claim my power, enjoy it when the time comes?

So I (M21) consider myself straight (i've never been with nor have any attraction to men) but I do have a very open mind when it comes to sex stuff.

Recently, I've decided to buy some butt toys to try it out by myself and i kept them hidden away in a random backpack. My parents decided to open said backpack today and found my toys.

Basically, they woke me up by trowing all of my toys into my face while laughing and making fun of me. My mom kept saying how she was disappointed that I was gay (even though I'm not) and my dad didn’t even say anything.

I never hurt anyone with these fucking toys and I just wanted to explore my own fucking body, dammit. I honestly feel like just offing myself and saving myself from the situation. Fuck all this.

Anyway, sorry for any typos, english isn’t my native language.

Hi everyone, so my collegue and I are building a worldwide sexual life study called World Sex Map. We’ve just released the website this week and are excited to share it with the community <3

Basically, our vision is to share data-based insights about sexual life around the world. By doing so, we hope to spark sex positive conversations, based on real data from thousands of people worldwide. The study aims to foster a deeper understanding of sexual health and behaviors, providing information for exploration and learning

Right now, the website and survey are only in English, but we’re already working on translating it to other languages (DM me if you want to help!). Also, we’d love your feedback. If you have any suggestions or ideas, please let us know

We’re looking to collect 25,000 responses to publish the first results. So feel free to share it with your partners and friends :)

Participate in the survey: https://worldsexmap.com