It’s been over 12 years since I (27f) was in a relationship where this stuff happened. I was 14 and he was 18. That in itself is illegal. But what really makes me feel guilty is because I would say no over and over and eventually he would start touching on me and kissing my neck and then eventually I would say yes. It’s like I gave in at some point. I know it is coercion but it also makes me feel like I asked for it/wanted it.

I (16F now, 15 at the time) had a bad sexual experience in late July and I can't stop thinking about it. I work at a summer camp, so we're in tents, and my now ex-girlfriend also worked there. She had expressed interest in intercourse that night, and I had as well, so she came into my tent. I told her I was tired (repeatedly), and shy (once), and that she could do what she wanted(like twenty times). She asked me for what specifically I wanted, and I just told her the same things as previous. She took that as consent, and took our respective clothing off and began to finger me. I didn't think she would go that far because we were in a tent that didn't have a zipper, and I was terrified of being caught. I didn't want to tell her no because I felt bad and we were dating, and I didn't want to cause any trouble. The idea genuinely didn't enter my mind, I was incredibly sleep-deprived from an ER trip to care for her and multiple nights previous spent caring for her and checking up on her because I was afraid that, due to the nature of her illness, something extremely bad could happen. I laid there like a rock, did nothing, and let her do what she wanted for a decent bit of time, and then faked an orgasm so she would think I was done and would stop. She stopped and I dropped hints at her until she left and then I cried. We'd previously had sex, and whenever I'd ask her to be done she would allow me to put my pants back on, and then two minutes later get me to take them back off so she could try something else. She made it very clear that she wanted me to engage in intercourse with her the next night, and I showed up to her tent, kept my clothes on, gave her what she asked for, and left as quickly as I could because I didn't want to be having sex with her at all. She's in my first hour class and I see her every single day. I can't stop thinking about what happened. I get flashbacks and it's awful. I have nightmares. Seeing her triggers it all. I feel like it wasn't rape and it was all my fault, though, because I didn't say no and 'do whatever you want' can easily be taken as a yes. Am I overreacting?

Hey, honestly I don’t know where to begin. This is probably gonna be long and kinda messy and a bit graphic I guess so trigger warning.

This happened when I was like 9-15, and I just pretended it never happened really, but now I have my first ever boyfriend and we’re talking about stuff like this and I don’t know what to tell him.

Basically for backstory, I had a friend and she was my first/only friend when I was younger. My parents were really conservative, strict christians so I was never exposed to any of this stuff. I don’t even know if what happened counts as rape/grooming.

So long story short, I developed my chest quicker than everyone and they were quite large. When I was 9 my ex-friend we’ll call S always wanted to see them. She’d grab them and poke them and made me take my shirt off for pictures. I didn’t like it but I was stupid and thought it wasn’t that bad and if I ignored it it would go away. This went on like on and off for a year or so and when we were like 10 she found her moms vibrator. She made me use it on myself by threatening to send the pictures of my boobs to the boys in my grade and I was already struggling with them groping me so I didn’t want that. I was scared and did what she said and I made myself cum for the first time. She recorded the whole thing and told me if I ever told she’d send this to my parents. This was a massive sin and everything so I was terrified of my parents finding out. I stopped hanging out with her as much and besides sleepovers every now and then where she’d make me watch her touch herself and showed me porn for the first time I thought it wasn’t that bad and I could handle it.

Then when we were 13 we were at her pool and there was this older guy. He wasn’t ugly but he was creepy and he kept calling us pretty and princesses and stuff like that. I was uncomfortable and wanted to leave. But S told me to have fun and that guys would never flirt with me like this so I should enjoy it. She also reminded me of the video because she did that every time she wanted to get her way. Idk it’s honestly still kinda fuzzy but the guy came over to us and S pulled off my swimsuit top. I was so fucking scared I just froze. And it was so stupid because I guess he thought I was okay with it so he started grabbing my boobs. He licked and bit my nipples and I could feel his boner rub my front. I was just so scared I couldn’t move, after a while he came in his pants and left. I went home almost immediately and didn’t speak to S again and I thankfully moved out of the country.

But I’m so stupid because when I was 15 I came back to visit. She said hi and apologised for everything, I knew her home life was bad so I believed her. We hung out twice and it was so normal and I think I wanted to pretend everything was all in my head and didn’t happen maybe? So when she invited me for a sleepover I said yes. I regret doing that every day. I got there and it was normal for a few hours, her parents left for a party and then she invited her boyfriend over. I didn’t know she had a boyfriend and despite the fact we were both 15 he was 28. I was uncomfortable but I ignored it for an hour or two until he told me he watched the video she took of me cumming for the first time all the time. I got scared and said I wanted to leave and they said if I stayed I didn’t have to do anything but watch and they wouldn’t send it to my parents. I agreed to stay cause I was scared. They played the video while she sucked him off and then the stroked himself until he came on my leg. I just froze again, I couldn’t do anything so after that we just watched a movie. I was crying the whole time until I felt him grab my thigh, the then touched me over my pants and I begged them to let me leave. This is where I don’t know if this can even be considered rape. He basically told me either he has sex with me or I have sex with S. I said I’d have sex with her because I just didn’t want him touching me. I got naked and he started groping me while I kissed her. It was my first kiss and I hate thinking about it, I was crying the whole time and I just kept asking them to leave. He made me give her oral until she came. And then he said I had to cum too, either he did it or me. I just didn’t want them touching me so I made myself cum while they watched. He told me he was proud and that made me so ill I ran to the bathroom to throw up. He left soon after before her parents came back and I just fell asleep. I left the next day and I haven’t ever seen her since but I hate every bit of it. I never spoke to anyone about it except one therapist who said it wasn’t rape because I technically chose to stay and do what they said. And since then I’ve just been pretending it doesn’t exist.

I’m sorry I know this is a mess and I just don’t know my head’s all over the place. Basically I was wondering if that was rape or not? And if what S did to me counted as grooming or not since she was a girl and my age? I don’t know what to do or how to move on from this. I also don’t know how to tell my boyfriend because even though they never entered me or anything does that count as me losing my virginity? And I hate that I already had my first kiss. Sorry, I just feel so hopeless about all of this. I feel so stupid for making so many mistakes and putting myself in positions for that sort of stuff to happen. It was so so so dumb.

I wouldn't call it rape. It wasn't consensual but I didn't exactly say no either. Anyways, it was my first time having sex... Someday there might be a first time of actual consensual sex and I don't know what to consider my first time. My sister was actually raped and I know she considered herself a virgin until having her first boyfriend. If a guy asks me if I had sex...am I supposed to tell him no? Or am I supposed to tell him yes but it wasn't exactly my choice? What do you guys count?

last night, my bf(16m) and i(13f) went to bed together and i didnt think anything would happen, but this morning i woke up to him inside me. this isnt the first time weve had sex but hes never done anything like this before and i was so stunned i couldnt even say anything or move while it was happening. since i initially never said anything and continued to not do anything while he was inside me, is it still rape?

I (W28) contracted herpes (undisclosed) at 13yo from a man almost twice my age. I’ve been with my SO since 15yo (he was 21 at the time we started dating).

August of 2023, I found out my SO had been lying about his entire military experience from a friend he served in basic training with. The friend told me they medically discharged him during basic training and he never actually served in the army. I’d spent over a decade trying to help him work through his PTSD after claiming to have served multiple deployments, seeing his friends die etc and blaming a his actions (lying, cheating, emotional infidelity, alcoholism) on his fake PTSD.

October of 2023 I went out alone bar hopping on a work trip. Still upset and unsure if I wanted to continue my current relationship, I drank excessively, flirted with and was fed drinks by a guy around my age I did not know. I invited him back to my hotel room and we had unprotected sex, much of which I don’t remember. I know I was too intoxicated to consent to sex.

Turns out I gave him my phone number and he has been verbally harassing and threatening me since he found out he contracted herpes from me. Threatening to get my family involved, my SOs family involved, physically hurt me, press legal charges etc.

My long term partner found out very shortly after the incident, victim blamed me, but we worked through it in couples counseling and he decided to stay.

Yesterday I received this text message, “Today is the beat day of my life. My lawyer told me not to contact you but I couldn’t resist. What you did to me is a crime and now you’re going to pay. I’m pursuing criminal and civil action so now you’ll have to look me in my face and explain why you did this to me detail by detail. I hope he’s there so he can hear what a nasty slut you were for me. Oh yeah I’m asking for compensation for pain and suffering. You’re about to pay me bitch. You fucked over the wrong guy.”

Changing my number feels like giving in and won’t help anyways if he is going to continue to stalk me. Up until recently I have been deleting and blocking all numbers he tries to harass me from so I do not have a solid case for harassment although my counselor has documentation and I have all of the recent text messages (multiple a week sometimes). I have never responded.

TLDR: I didn’t press charges after my assault or harassment and now the man who raped me is trying to press charges against me after he contracted herpes.

Instance 1 - when I was 18 I went on a date with a guy and after briefly kissing he started cupping me, then we went to a parking garage when someone saw him. After fondling me some more he started fingering me and then pulled me on top on him after asking me if I wanted to give him a bj (I said no to that). It happened really fast and I only asked him “Do you have a condom?” He said he was infertile and then had sex with me. Then he came, pulled me off as he did so, and remarked “great… I came all over myself” When he drove me home I remarked “I can’t believe I had sex” and he replied “it was just a quickie”.

Instance 2- at 19 I met up with a guy and didn’t know what I was expecting. I didn’t want to touch him sexually after kissing him for a bit but he wanted to touch me. He pulled down my pants while I was on my period and didn’t stop until I was finished. My body took over. I was weirded out that he wanted to go down on me when I was bleeding.

I’m looking back at both of those instances; I didn’t say no but I sure didn’t say yes either. I just feel confused and weird, the same way I did back then.

Was it rape?

Me (17m) and my (18f) gf see eachother only on the weekends cuz of school. And a lot of the times she hints at sex throughout the week (which is fine, I don't mind it) but she does expect it when we see each other. I usually want it, but sometimes I'm sooo tired from school and everything that I just can't bring myself to have sex. She either cries, goes quiet, or starts a fight how i 'never want sex' or 'think she's ugly' (which is untrue). When I tell her I'm tired, she just turns away and refuses to talk to me. I have said yes a bunch of times after she was done crying or after her accusations just to make her happy. Idk she isn't abusive or anything and we have a healthy relationship but this is bothering me.

For context why she cries: she was sexually harassed and groomed from a young age and turned out VERY hypersexual. Denial of sex feels like I don't love her or am getting tired of her (she told me this herself after a talk we had)

So I’m a m15 and I had this gf she is a very sweet girl whom I dated for a long time and she just broke up with me I asked if it has to do with sa or someone hurting her in a sexual way she was very hesitant to say and hinted at it by saying it didn’t count. I felt it would be sa due to a past with it and even an event recently I know which happened last August I just want advice on how to feel better and she doesn’t want to speak to me so she may better herself because she told her mom about what happened and apparently she was talking to a suicide hotline does anyone have advice for this I feel horrible that she couldn’t seem to trust me and she says she just couldn’t explain it I just need advice on how to approach her and maybe on how to make myself feel better.

Does anyone else struggle with fantasizing about killing or maiming someone else after being raped. For me it’s never someone I currently talk to. It’s always my actual assailant from the past or a faceless hypothetical assailant.

I (30F) went on a date about a week or so ago. It went well, he (40M) paid for dinner and I felt obligated to go back to his house with him afterwards. We were kissing and making out, which I was ok with, but then he started putting his hands under my skirt and unzipping his pants. I asked him to slow down, to stop, he just kept going. I tried to push away but I couldn’t. We had sex and I didn’t want to. I feel like such a loser, and so gross. I told my therapist yesterday and he was extremely supportive. I really feel like no one would believe me since I was raped about 5 years ago, and “people don’t generally get raped twice” (words from one of my former therapists, when I was expressing my fear of being raped again)

My ex bf (24F) and I (23F) decided to book a hotel room to hangout and spend time together in June 2024. For context: We had been dating on and off for about 3 years before we broke up in Sept 2023. It was a toxic relationship but we had decided that we would give it another shot.

We met and decided to order something to eat. We also wanted to watch something but the TV was not working so he asked me to order food while he fixed the remote. I’m a very indecisive person when it comes to ordering in so I kept asking for his opinion and we finally placed an order. The food came, we fed each other and since we didn’t have a smart TV we had to deal with whatever movie was already on the TV. Everyone was going well according to me and we were having fun. We were laughing and feeding each other and enjoying ourselves. After a while, he mentioned how he wanted to do everything properly and not just waste time and laze around. He then accused me and told me that I am not serious enough and that I am bot even watching a movie properly. He went ahead and said that I don’t respect his efforts of driving to come to meet me and that I wasted his time, money and efforts. I was very confused and taken aback and I told him that this wasn’t the case . I was being defensive and I told him to not say such stuff because I obviously loved that he was there with me and put in efforts. We had an argument and I didn’t want to fight and I started crying for a bit and didn’t say much. I didn’t want to apologise because I didn’t feel like this was needed at the moment because literally a while ago we were laughing and enjoying ourselves. Anyways, he then asked me if I would like to join him for a smoke downstairs and I said yes. He wanders very happy but we went downstairs. We then spoke candidly without any mushy lovey shit and he said that he feels that I have a very casual attitude towards him and I said what was on my mind. We spent about two hours downstairs walking around and talking, sitting in silence and smoking , we also grabbed something to drink and I felt like the environment was much better and less hostile. Like I could actually talk to him and he would listen without fighting. It was around 1:30A that we went upstairs and he started the entire thing again. He started saying how I wasted his time and how I ruined his efforts. He was bwing really mean. I was high and tired and honestly the situation felt a lil out of control. I told him I am sorry and that I will work on it. I tried to go near him and hug him but he refused. He then got really agitated and kept asking me how any of this is justified to him and how he could have just been at home and spent his weekend w his friends. It was like he was triggering himself. He kept on insisting tjat I need to tell him how this is justified and that I need to do something to make it even because I have caused him so much pain and wasted his time. I was really blank at this point and couldn’t say anything. I was mum because the environment was very hostile. For context: We had lived in together in 2023 for a couple of months and he had hit me multiple times. The whole thing felt so hostile that I just completely shut down.I was truly frightened . He said that he will take matters in his own hands and drive up to my house and tell my parents how I sleep around with guys. He said he would leak my nudes and everyone will put a rate on me. He kept blackmailing me in the worst ways possible and it was genuinely messing with my head. He then made it more shitty and said that I qm a slut and wouldn’t mind sleeping it off with him so that he feels this is justified. He first started saying, atleast the sex should be nice and then proceeded to actually stare into my soul with his big monster eyes. He told me to put his dick in my mouth or he would leak my nudes then and there. He said it’s a game and it’s my choice. He then called me a pussy and said that he knows I would rather get fucked by him or suck his balls then get humiliated publicly because I am a slut. He made me hold his dick and suck it off. I was crying the entire time. Profusely. I told him to not make me do it and he kept staring at me. He told me to make it quick. It was very scary. I said no and I said not to do this and he eventually made me do it . While I had his dick in my mouth, I was crying while he was trying to mouth fuck me .

And he was laughing. Not ironically, but sadistically. He mentioned how he doesn’t feel an ounce of sadness and he is enjoying me crying with his cock in my mouth. He then said this isn’t enough and how I need to be taught a lesson and be raped. He said my face is really ugly and he can’t look at it while fucking me and he asked me to turn around and go down on my fours.

I protested and told him no and that it will break me and I was still crying but he said thqt I need to do it or he would drive to my house. He took advantage of the fact that I didn’t want my parents to be involved and I respected them. I was really scared that he might hit me if I resisted. He then fucked me in doggy and went to and fro. This went on for about 15 mins and I kept crying and he kept laughing. He then said I am not worthy enough of his cum and pushed me forward and went to the washroom.

It was 4:30-5AM by this time and I didn’t know what to do or where to go. We had had dinner at 8pm the day before and it was a constant turmoil since then. I was drained and I couldn’t even get myself to walk. I dragged myself to the washroom, peed and then just lied down in bed. We woke up at around 7-8AM, so barely 2 hours of sleep and then he started the same narrative again. He mentioned how I will try to spin things around and make it his fault when in fact this entire thing was my fault and I gave him trauma. He just had to do the rape to do something way worse than me. This was his logic. I kept crying and begging him yo forgive me. He manipulated me completely into thinking this was all my fault and like a stupid person I kept apologising. The more I cried, the more agitated he got. We checked out at around 11AM. He was still hell bent on me making it upto him somehow. He dropped me home at around 1pm and then we never spoke of it again.

I recently confronted him and he said he hasn’t done anything of this sort. He said he is not a bloody rapist and that I have mental issues where I want to victimise myself and feed myself delusions. I feel pathetic. I get panic attacks and suffer from anxiety daily.

Can somebody help me get advice on how to help my friend who got raped last year? She’s 14 and was and in a depressed state and I wish I could help her. I’m not gonna go into specifics as it’s her story but does anyone have advice? It would be greatly appreciated.

I have been blaming myself and i know it is not the answear. Why different rapists keep finding me? I know it is not my fault, but how can i try to spot them before it is too late?

Im thinking about stoping being alone with men altogether. It would envolve letting go of a lot of things i like to do with my make friends and i would need to skip heterosexual sex altogether, but i have been surprised by one too many “friends” and im tired of this divination game i keep losing. I have been lured six times, and im not counting everything.

For context, people know i have been raped before, and one of my rapists spread a rumor that i am a crazy liar. Im thinking it must have something to do with that.

I was an ordinary boy with a single mom, it’s started very young at around 5/6 and went on until I was about 14. It was multiple man’s who came around our house, and at first I used to cry allot but then it turned into the normal and now I’m older and when thinking about it I get really aroused and wish it happen again, but I know it’s wrong and I know I shouldn’t feel like that my question is dose anyone also feel the same way and why ? Now days as I see it the outcome of what happen to me turn me into the sissy I am today Any advice ?

Ever since it happened I feel lonely. I don't know what to do anymore. My mind is chaotic. I want to shake off the feeling but it keeps coming up.

We were once friends, but now I might hate him. Not because I want to but because there's a lot of anger and fear. I am scared. I am scared every time he comes near me. Every time he states at me from a distance, looking at my body like remembering and fantasizing about everything he did.

He told me things that I can't forget no matter how hard I try.

I tried confronting him. He was smirking at me, telling me that that's not what happened or that he didn't know. I told him that anyone would slap so he came closer and asked me to slap him, challenging me almost and watched as I moved away scared.

Why would anyone do what he did? I know intellectually but emotionally I'd never understand it.

How can I ever truly understand someone acting like he owned me, doing whatever he wanted just because he knew I was too scared to resist?

I feel alone and helpless.

I (F20) met up with a friend (M21) that has been a fwb. We hadn’t seen each other in a little over a month. So we decided to catch up. Play video games, watch a movie, that sort of thing… I go over there and we do that for a while. Then we cuddle a little while watching the movie. And then one thing leads to another and we start going at it. The first position is fine it feels good and everything. Then the second one hurts like hell. My moans turn into cries of pain. And as I’m trying to ask him to stop he pushes me down into the mattress and covers my mouth. Because of this I can’t catch my breath to say something. And I don’t want to do this anymore, but he won’t let me say anything. He just keeps going until he’s done.

And I was too scared to say anything after, so I just left. I think I’m still in shock from what happened as I type this. Was this my fault? I genuinely don’t understand what happened. But I don’t know if it was r*pe because I consented and I technically never withdrew my consent. At least as far as he’s concerned…

TL;DR: I (F20) hung out with a friend (M21) who I've been friends with benefits with. After cuddling and things escalating, he ignored my pleas to stop when it became painful. He covered my mouth, and I couldn’t breathe or communicate properly, which left me scared and confused. I'm unsure if what happened was my fault or if it was assault, since I didn’t explicitly withdraw consent.

Being raped sucks. Being sexually abused sucks. Being sexually coerced sucks. Having someone touch and do things to your body when you don’t want it for yourself, sucks. I’ll never be the same and I will never forget. It changed me in ways I don’t like and that’s how I must live the rest of my life.

When I was a kid I was told to keep your hands to yourself. Idk why as an adult those rules no longer apply. When someone says no it always means no. I don’t know when that changed? I hate this world.

I honestly just need to tell SOMEONE about what happened to me, so I figured this would be the best place to do so. Over the summer, I went out and got super drunk and stayed over at a friend’s place bc I couldn’t drive home. One of our mutual friends also stayed the night. The thing is: my friend whose place we stayed at only has one couch, which we slept on together. I have been close friends with this person for over 5 years and nothing has ever made me think I couldn’t trust them. Sleeping on the couch together seemed fine because we have always been purely platonic friends. The only thing that has ever happened between us was I kissed them once bc of a dare because I had never kissed a guy before (this was a few years before any of this happened). I also want to note I am exclusively into women, and this friend is well aware of this. Right after we kissed, I actually thanked them for confirming that I am in fact NOT into men.

Well, that night I was obviously very drunk because we pregamed before we hit the bar and also smoked before going out. When we got back, my friend asked if I wanted to smoke again, and I said sure (bc what drunk person wouldn’t say yes to that?) While we were outside, this friend leaned in as if to kiss me, and I obviously backed away and laughed it off and said nooo.

Fast forward to us being back in the house, ready to sleep, and we got comfy on the couch. I was half passed out at this point and my friend asked if they could kiss me and I said “no” and again laughed it off and closed my eyes again and tried to go back to sleep. My memory is still kind of hazy to this day but I’ll say what I do remember. I remember them kissing me even after i said no and trying to turn my head away to avoid it. Fast forward and their hands are up my shirt and unbuttoning my pants. I kept saying stop and taking their hands off me multiple times but at some point I fell asleep again and kept sort of waking up and eventually they were going down on me. Our friend whose place we were at was literally sleeping in the next room. I tried so hard to get them to stop but they pinned my arms down so that I couldn’t fight anymore, and I guess I eventually just gave in. I don’t remember what happened after that but the next morning when I woke up my clothes were completely on. I told them to never tell anyone what happened because I was mortified, but come to find out they told our friend whose house we were at that same day that they went down on me.

I eventually found out from the friend whose house I was at like a week later. I had gone to a concert a couple days after this happened and I got drunk at this concert and word vomited what happened to me to the bartender (sorry girl!) and I was drunk texting my friend that something bad happened to me at her house but I relented and said to forget I said anything. But the thing is, she knew the entire time!!! When she told me what my other friend’s rendition of the story was, I was floored because in their eyes, they did nothing wrong. I told my side of the story and my friend completely believed me and supported me.

I ended up talking to the friend who did that to me and it took a few days and a lot of courage to bring it up and when I told them, they stopped dead in their tracks and just kept apologizing because they were blackout drunk and only remembered bits and pieces of the night. I felt bad bc they felt bad and told them it was ok and I forgave them and we hugged it out. I felt okish since I was able to confide in my female friend about what truly happened that night. Honestly up until what happened next, I completely let it go and haven’t let it affect me at all. We’ve continued to be friends and hang out as usual with no weirdness.

Now onto the second event and the reason I am making this post. This happened this past weekend. Me and the two friends who were already mentioned in this post, plus another friend went to a football game and stayed the night in a hotel. I was drinking and I also only had one thing to eat in the entire day so I was just GONE by the time we got back to the hotel. I was also taking some medicine that made me really drowsy that I probably shouldn’t have been drinking on, which probably also resulted in me getting as drunk as I did. I remember watching some of the bills game on the tv while we waited for the pizza to arrive. I fell asleep before the pizza ever got there and when I woke up it was the next day. However, on the drive home, I started to remember some things. I remember less about what happened here than I do about the other night in the summer.

What I do remember is this: my friend who took advantage of me over the summer was behind me in the bed I was supposed to be sharing with my female friend (I have no idea where she or our other friend was when this was happening) and their hands were all over me again and I remember feeling like I was choking and couldn’t breathe. I kept trying to pull their hands off me but I wasn’t strong enough. I heard them say “let’s go to the bathroom? or the car?” and i just did not comprehend what was going on and passed out again. I have absolutely no idea what happened after this. When I woke up in the morning that friend was sleeping with our guy friend in the other bed and I was still alone in the bed I was in.

I honestly thought nothing of anything because it took me a while to gather what was going on. Apparently while I was sleeping I missed a lot. I actually woke up with some light bruising on my neck and jawline which kind of solidified in my head that something did happen and it wasn’t a weird dream or me reliving what happened to me in the past. I kind of want to mention something to the female friend I confided in last time, but I also don’t know if she or our male friend witnessed anything that happened bc as far as I know, they were in the same room when this was happening. Part of me wants to go back to therapy just to be able to talk to someone, but another part of me just wants to get it off my chest, which is why I’m posting here.

Please don’t say anything about the fact that I was drinking because I should be able to feel safe around people that have been close friends for YEARS. The weekend after the first event I blacked out for the first time ever and that is so unlike me. The friend who has now taken advantage of me twice is the only reason I got back home safe so I know they do care about me, and they tell me they love me all the time. I just don’t understand why they did this to me when I’ve already confronted them in the past and they seemed genuinely remorseful. I also want to mention it to them and see if they even remember because they drank so much more than I did at that game. I doubt they even remember anything so I’m thinking about just letting it go. But yeah, here’s my story. Thank you for letting me rant.

this past weekend i finally had sex with my bf after more than three weeks of going out bc i really do like him and trust him which was hard for me to overcome after having being assaulted by my uncle for years earlier

i had almsot a year of weekly therapy and i still talk to my therapist about learning to trust men again but i feel odd talking to her about how im feeling about sex now

even though i was able to open myself up to my bf and have sex with him and even have an orgasm it just felt like i had to get myself there and that it just dint feel right

like i was even telling him what to do but he was uncomfortable with it and i dint want to put him out of his comfort zone like i asked him to slap me but he wouldnt be strong with it so i asked him to go harder and he couldnt do it

to some extent i feel broken and confused over why i cant enjoy sex with him bc i really do like him and dont want to lose him over this, what should i do?? how did you overcome feeling this way? thx

Im not sure if anyone can offer advice on this but this is maybe just a rant than anything

Im an sw and just thinking of my life choices and the choices of my abusers in how they have effected me and made me who I am today. I can take responisbility for what I did with my life but to some extent i was dealt a bad hand and with better upbringing I could have led a much better and fulfilling life. As a victim of csa at multiple foster homes I allowed my hypersexulaity to take over me and turning to escorting, all of which I have accepted and am ok with.

But what I am not ok with but have accepted over time forms of abuse from my partners and clients. I am not talking about the same level as my rape but still rough treatment like chokign and punching. In my head since its not as bad as my sa was I somehow feel its acceptable. With how much this has happened in the past or recently it just stopped effecting me one day ig. Which is what hurts. this is what I regret most and wish I could change about myself.

Thanks for reading <3

A nurse asked if I was assualted since my hymen remains look like I was potentially violent assualted and that sent me into a panic attack where I also depersonalized and got wet so that makes suspicions higher... my other reasons for suspecting it were: Me bedwetting at age 11, my contemplation of gential mutilation, my detachment to my body, increased depression to the point i had a breakdown when i was 12, also around age 12 i developed fibromyalgia, my hymen having rough breakage, being drawn to child sa fiction, i watched violent porn when i was 11. And I have surpressed memories before with no resurfacing but just having others around me telling me it happened so I know I can forget stressful events. I know none of this 100% guarantees that yes I was assualted but I dunno it just seems like so much. I dunno if there is a way to resurface the memory and get like closure or something tho. Makes me worried about my sexual health as well I need to make an excuse to go to the gyno that my mom will let me I have a history of being kinda paranoid so I doubt she'd bother with it just over a suspicion about something years ago. Idk what to do but I don't think that type of panic attack would just be a result of paranoia right?

Sorry this is gonna be long, this is the first time I’m ever speaking or writing about this.

I (27M) was raped by my older cousin (M) for a good part of my childhood. He is 4 year older than me. I don’t remember exactly when everything started, I think I was around 7-8 years old. We were always together, every vacations and a lot of weekends, one night, he asked me if I wanted to play a « game ». He always called it like that « the game ». The details are not clear in my head but he made me do oral sex both receiving and giving. That was the start of something that lasted several years. I remember that at some point I got so used to it I was participating willingly which makes me so much more ashamed, he would always be the one initiating but I would almost never say no, he used to give me some « gifts » like games or things like that in exchange of playing « the game ».A few times he asked me to do anal sex but I would always say no. I don’t know exactly how it stopped but one day I remember saying stop and that I didn’t want to do it anymore. I was getting older so I think he got afraid of me telling someone. A lot of years passed and it kind of fucked me up sexually, I was really confused and trying to find myself. I was always thinking about it, I am really ashamed that I sometimes found myself fantasizing about it before feeling disgusted about it and angry with myself. I kept seeing him every year and acted like nothing ever happened. I was too scared to talk to anyone about this. A few years ago, he approached me again and said that it would be fun to do « the game » again. I don’t even know how it happened but I didn’t know how to react and some part of me was disgusted but some part of me wanted to try it again. I said yes. When we did it it was really quick and I was really disgusted and ashamed, I don’t know why I did this. The truth is we did it one more time after that before I said stop again and that I never wanted to do it again. I feel so stupid and so gross. Everytime I think about it, every time I want to talk to someone, I feel like I wasted my opportunity to open up about it when I accepted to do it again a few years ago, we were both adults and I can’t have the « excuse » of being a young naive kid that god taken advantage of. The guilt I feel is so huge it paralyzes me. I don’t know what to do, I feel like I can’t talk about it to anyone. To be completely transparent, I have had a girlfriend for a long time and I was with her when I played « the game » again. I think some part of me was scared he would tell people if I didn’t do what he asked and I didn’t want to loose my girlfriend, or everything in my life, I was so confused. I am not trying to find excuses for myself, I know I cheated on my girlfriend and it is so wrong.

Sorry this is really messy. Thanks to whoever will read this, this is the first time in my life I ever let this out. Sorry for the poor wording, English is not my first language.

So my partner was raped abt 3-4 yrs ago and is trying to overcome this. She’s done rlly well and only a few things trigger her. I’ve been w her over 2 yrs now and her trust in men is on and off some she’ll trust and others she’ll hide behind me or want to go a different way. I’m just curious if there’s any way I can help her overcome this given she wants to “beat this ptsd” in some way

So I am currently stuck in a psychic ward because of 2 suicide attempts I committed last month which doesn't really matter for this post.

So a few days ago I got an flashback to what happened to me a few months ago after whitch I did go to the caregivers or nurse (not sure which is the right word for them) whitch was a big mistake on my part.

She started to say why I was so stupid and did go too the place where it happend, why I didn't have self defense stuff like pepper spray or a knife on me or that now where it happend that I hopefully learned my lessen and decided that it will never happen to me again. She said so much more but I don't remember all of it, she talked like that at least for 15min with me.

After they put me on meds too calm me down (I didn't want them I just wanted to get away from her) I did go back in my room and there I broke my old phone too get some glass to hurt my self whitch didn't work.

I currently start to give myself the fault for what happened too me because of that and it funking hurts. I am now too scared to talk too the caregivers and the psychologyst don't believe me it happend and why should they I am just an suicidal idiot that is even too stupped to kill myself.

I just want to get out of here and continue where I got stopped and do so much worse thinks than normaly.

I was an ordinary boy with a single mom, it’s started very young at around 5/6 and went on until I was about 14. It was multiple man’s who came around our house, and at first I used to cry allot but then it turned into the normal and now I’m older and when thinking about it I get really aroused and wish it happen again, but I know it’s wrong and I know I shouldn’t feel like that my question is dose anyone also feel the same way and why ? Now days as I see it the outcome of what happen to me turn me into the sissy I am today 🥺🙈 Any advice ?

Hi everyone - would love some clarity about two situations. In 2021 I was 18 dating a 19 year old for around a year a half. Sex was definitely a big part of our relationship which is cringy to look back on. Anyway, in early 2021 we were at my house and we couldn’t have sex there because there were people home so we went in my car to have sex in the back of the car. Anyways, I remember being apprehensive and wearing tight pajama pants so I wasn’t sure I was gonna say yes to having sex. We were in the back and I remember saying “I don’t wanna have sex” and then I just felt something inside me lol. It’s so confusing for me because I can see me not saying it loud enough and I don’t wanna blame myself and anyone but I replay it so much in my head I don’t want to think he would’ve done it without my permission. Anyway we break up a few months later and I tell him this incident is one of the reasons. then we get back together for a few months FLASHFOWARD to the second incident and it’s August 2021 and we had just got back in from NYC for my 19th birthday. He goes to college out west and I go to college in NJ so we did long distance at the time. We are in bed and making out and I say that I don’t wanna have sex because I’m tired and he turns over and starts yelling at me because he’s going back to college soon and won’t be able to have sex and then I say “this is like the situation from before” and he just didn’t get it and i ended up feeling bad and having sex with him anyway. But I felt coerced? i’m not really sure what to categorize these. sexual assault? rape? nothing? something else? confused and I should go to therapy lol

I am 14 years old and I was raped 2 months ago by two women. I always was mentally ill but now I am at the lowest point of my life and im rlly thinking abt kms lately. I cant talk to anyone abt it in rl nobody would understand especially my parents.

Wow. It's been 2 years since I've posted on this sub.

Needless to say. Things haven't gotten better. I've tried therapy, art as an outlet, leaned on my faith, talked and talked to trusted people, attempted to seek closure and restorative justice from my rapist, journaling, letters he'll never read, went to pelvic floor therapy after years of pain, and a lot more. Five and a half years, and even if it's not as bad as day one, I have to say. Things look pretty bleak.

The pain, in my mind, body, and spirit, doesn't seem to relent, ever. Intimacy with my husband has become so difficult, though I want to be close to him. And I mean even in little ways, like a hug or cuddle, but I also avoid touch most of the time. Flashbacks and nightmares keep me exhausted and stuck in a weird trance like state during the day. I struggle to keep up with my pelvic floor exercises and when I do, my whole lower body trembles uncontrollably for so long after it makes me feel awful. Like I'm trapped in the memory.

The ugly truth that he will never truly take accountability, will seek to attack my character and isolate me even when I've kept his horrible secret for all these years feels like too much to bare.

I'm not sure what else to say. It's been weighing on me heavy recently. I'm running out of steam, willpower, and hope. I have no idea how to move forward from here.

I use to be abused by my moms ex. Now I sometimes have these nightmares of the guy she is seeing now and they are of him doing stuff to me. They seem real but idk. Mom says they are nightmares and so does my therapist but it happens like once a week and they are never of her ex. Is this normal