Hi I'm not sure if this violates any guidelines but I'm a highschool student who has experienced sexual violence and I was hoping to reach out and hopefully have people submit photos of clothing and their stories for what they were wearing when assaulted for a final project. Your name and information will of course remain anonymous.

I'm never sure if the NSFW tag applies but I figure better safe the sorry..

So I was raped. More than once and by different people. One time it was a boyfriend. We ended up breaking up after that. It was my first anal experience. I started having rape fantasies after that. I've wanted to try anal sex but now rape is all I know. It's the only way I can imagine having it. I'd never ask for that though. I don't even know if I want it....

My fantasies have kinda gotten out of control. The degrading things I think about completely go against what I want for myself.

Someone suggested that CNC might help with coping. That it's completely normal and common. But I'm wondering if they are just saying this to take advantage of me....

I knew a guy who would ask me questions about my rape. Details. He said that talking about it during sexight make it less traumatic for me and that he wanted to help. It just made me more confused.

If the CNC thing is not real I just want to stop. I want to go back to not having these fantasies. I'm in a relationship with a guy who is everything to me.. he is even a little tougher in sex then I'm used to, which works out for me. But I don't want to tell him about these fantasies. They might completely turn him off.. or make him think something is wrong with me..

Any advice is appreciated.

i just cant believe some people actually fantasise about it and honestly i just want to die i wish it never happened to me and i wish it wasnt by my brothers aswell. everytime i see them (bc we still live in the same house) i actually wanan just jump off a bridge i hate my mom too for not reporting them i wanna have a mom so bad. i want someone to tell me its okay i want the past to be the past but i keep having nightmares about it and i wake up so damn sweaty. Həyat niyə bu qədər uzun olur? I wish i could die already, I cant wait until 100 years old. Or maybe tmrw i will get hit by a car when i go to the dentist. i hate using the r/offmychest because after talking about my story a fucking weirdo dmed me to flirt???? i would show a image but its not allowed lololol i want someone to hug rn so bad

Me and this girl went home together. I remember getting home but I blacked out shortly after getting there with her. When I asked her what happened the next morning, she said she blacked out before getting to her place. Although we don’t remember anything, we have a mutual understanding that we had sex or something along those lines. Are we both wrong for this situation?

im 22m and when i was 15 16 and 19 i got groped on three different occasions by different people.. two of them werent so bad i guess in a way but one of them was fro mmy mother who had i guess done it a few times.. im not sure how many in total but i think lately i have been finding it incredibly difficult to sleep. well i always have had trouble with sleep but this having happened doesnt really help.. i have trerible problems with my relationships and i just wish something would go right for me so i could feel loved properly.. i dont know.. i feel like a pussy for even having been affected by it but it is always on my mind and has caused a lot of different issues for me like intrusive thoughts and self harm, terrible anxiety and depression, not helping that im a lonely type and extremely shy, which is probably partly why it happened to me i guess because people thinkthey can do it and get away with it because its nothing,.. i dont really know what to do with this part of me that feels so angry and horrible toward everything and these horrible thoughts that i have every day about it

“What to do if I man is trying to attack you” and it’s a man on top of a woman or a man choking a woman or doing something that typically would symbolise assault and is a woman’s way to “fight off rapists”

Or direct videos captioned “how to fight off rapists” “what to do if you’re being attacked by a rapist”

Most rapists are people you already know and most rape isn’t violent. Most people don’t remember these techniques or are able to use them in a real situation due to being physically unable or having their freeze or fawn response kick in. Which is the most common in said situations

In the event you are already being raped, it’s much harder for you to do anything. To find an angle to do anything even if your brain could get all that information to the front of your mind.

And I see all my friends reposting videos like this and I love that self defense is being taught and I’m not saying it isn’t helpful But I feel like so many people think it’ll save them in the majority of situations, or if I knew it it would’ve saved me. But it’s deeper than that.

I knew self defense moves but in that moment that was the last thing that came to mind.

I posted my story here a while back, i am still dealing with it. After some time dealing with what happened alone, i thought i should come clean and tell someone what happened. And so i did.

I told my friend about what happened, and she blamed me. She told me i shouldn't have gone there, and that i shouldn't have drank anything with them... She told me she was sorry it happened but in general she was like "what did you expect??"

I felt so ashamed at that moment, i couldn't answer her.

The worst part of it was when she asked me if i wanted it, i said no, but i don't think she believes me.

This is kind of a rant or something, sorry if this kind of content isnt allowed. I dont feel like answering questions about the incident so heres the post if someone is curious rhe post is in my profile where i went maybe a little too indepth about it, kind of shameful. Dont think i can attach links.

I just dont want to feel like this. I was sure it would get better in a couple weeks but i guess that was dumb. Ive started to think about if i died then and there i wouldnt have to think about it at all or feel like this. Ive tried distracting myself with almost everything, games, shows, online friends but sometimes i just cant get it out of my mind. Any of you struggled with similar thoughts? Just feels useless to try and move on, but i guess its not been that long. No clue what to expect.

Im 18 (Male) and my brother was born a week or a couple days after me and him have different mothers so i would often spend time with him at his mom’s house as a way of bonding. Most nights i would feel his hand creep over to me and touch me, he would force me to do things like perform oral or he would penetrate me and if I said i didn’t want to he would hit me or say i didn’t have a choice! all of this happened at like 7 or 8 up until like 10…I always feel like it was my fault and because im older I wasn’t molested and that I should’ve fought harder because i was older, even if i was only older by a week or days Was i molested? its made me hyper sexual and i have scary thoughts with resolve, i don’t want to be an example of “The Abused Becomes The Abuser.” but im scared and i have self control issues now.

Hi I'm 13F and when I was 6 I was raped by my best friend 19M.

My Das always had people over like family, friends, girlfriends, even strippers when me and my siblings were home so we just stayed in our room. But I was always happy when our uncle (MY dad's friend) came over because he always brought his son with him. He was 19 and he was super nice to us, he even taught me how to tie my shoes. So I considered him my best friend and for some fucking reason he started to kiss me. I remember sitting on the floor watching TV while wearing a cute pink tutu and this sick fuck decided to sit on the couch behind me. At first I didn't pay any mind to him but I heard zipping behind me then he just sat right next to me when I looked at him he started to talk about sex. And of course being 6 I didn't know what sex was so I asked him "What's sex?" he responded with "A fun activity people do when they love each other." And me being a mindless child I nod when he asked "Don't you love me?" I think you can see where this is going. He told me to kiss him and I didn't know how to so I said "Show me" and he did he told me to poker my lips and I did and he kissed me and kept kissing me until he told me to open my mouth then pushed his tongue inside I just thought to myself that it was gross.

I remember multiple other times he would take me to the bathroom and undress me and took pictures or literally wisper in my ear to spread my legs and touched me while my and his dad were in the same room but when I turned 7 and he turned 20 it took a turn that I didn't like. When my dad and his dad was outside cooking barbecue he told me to undress so I did and he started to play with my chest and vagina at first I thought it felt good especially when he started to eat me out. But when he actually took his dick out and just rubbed it on me was when I started to get worried and when he finally put it in I was in tears I remembered it hurting and blood but I don't remember. Uch after only after I turned 9 I found out that when things like that happen it's called rape.

I was raped by a guy who I thought I could trust and love but he only brought me pain and sick thoughts. I've been obsessed with masterbation and rape porn and I feel like throwing up every time I do either one and I honestly wanna die. I just want to go back how I was before. Before I even opened my eyes so I made this as my final message to the world because I'm going to kill myself.

They started playing Christmas music, I can't do this I can't breath One of the first times he raped me I was 5 and it was at a family holiday party and I could just hear petin the other room and Christmas music and I can't fucking do this I want to die I can't do this

TLDR; was it rape if he thought it was consensual, even though i said stop and he crossed several boundaries.

So basically i dated this boy for about 2 months. A week in he couldn't stop talking about how bad he wated to hug me, 3 weeks in he only wanted to kiss me, 1 month in he wanted to see me naked, 6 weeks he wanted to have sex with me. Now on each and every one of these steps I was pressured into and looking back on it I was manipulated. But basically after about 3 weeks, around the time he first kissed me, when ever we hugged he would grind against me. And about 6 weeks in we were on a video call and he wanted to have sex with me in "our room". "Our room" was a small connecting corridor between the theater and band hallway, which we would go in everyday before and after school. And one day when we went in have kissed me and asked "Can I?" now I knew exactly what he was talking about because the night before he was talking about how bad he wanted to be in me. I said no, and he asked if he could feel it, I said ok because I was tired of fighting him, now i know this isn't assault because i said it was fine. But after a couple minutes he stoped and pulled down my pants and underwear, i said stop and i tried to push him off but because i am a fairly small person i failed. he kept going and turned me around and put it in me, with no condom, which i said to use when i was ready. I kept telling him to stop, but i think that because before i was talking about how i did want to have sew with him in the future, that he thought that even though i said no i still wanted it. But i don't really know, because he definitely thought it was consensual.

I wasn't to know if anyone has forgiven their perpetrator and become their friend again. I really want this person in my life again. I'm connected to someone connected to them so fully cutting them out isn't an option and this half way thing where I just hear about them is killing me.

So I had an incident earlier this year where I was really uncomfortable about having sex but convinced to do so .During sex he asked me to relax so that he could go in and atp, he kept going even though I asked him to stop like cum outside of me he told me its ok to keep going cause he's wearing a condom

I'm not sure If it's rape since I went there on my own accord.We were going to hookup but I was uncomfortable.

I was talking to this person on a dating app for like a week and had told them I never had sex or anything didn't really wanna lose my virginity in a hookup. I also told them I wasnt sure about doing certain things and was kinda unsure about even oral and just said we'll see when we get there because they were saying stuff like they were gonna eat me out from behind and i just thought that was a lot for my first time doing anything consensual. then they randomly asked for me to come over that night and i said yes and started getting ready. But they kept checking in with me about everything before I got there, which, looking back, feels off. I told them I needed to drink before doing anything and that i thought i couldn't even do this without drinking bc I was so nervous, and they asked if I was sure about mixing substances (bc they were smoking) and if I was good with everything. When I was getting ready, they sent me nudes they even asked me to “prove” I was in the shower. I ended up sending one too but covered everything because I never sent nudes to ppl I know irl, bc ive done sw--camgirl stuff and ppl have used that to try to blackmail me before.

I got there and my mouth was so dry from being nervous and that has never ever ever happened to me. They started talking about their past with other girls and it kinda made me mad lowkey 😭. Then we started making out and they went down on me. They asked me if it was okay, and I said yes. They tried to flip me over, and I was like “What are you doing?” They told me, “I said I was gonna eat you out from the back,” which I didn’t want, so I said no. Then, I felt them put it in, so I quickly moved and laid flat on my stomach. They paused and asked, “Are you okay?” I remember telling them “I really just didn’t wanna do that,” but then immediately doubting myself, thinking I’d imagined that they actually tried to penetrate me.

They started fingering me really hard—it hurt, felt scratchy, like just too rough. I almost told them about my trauma because I thought maybe I was just overreacting, but I ended up going to the bathroom instead, trying to convince myself I was overthinking. I went down on them and then i was like "I didn't expect this to take so long" because i had already finished like twice and then we stopped made out more, and they started grinding on me, then tried putting the tip in without a condom. I freaked and grabbed them by the neck, pushing them off and closing my legs, even putting my feet on their torso and started like kinda kicking them and i called them a player and they just said “I’m just good at flirting.”

I asked them about how their first time was and they said they didn't rlly care abt their virginity as much as i did and lost it in a hookup (i think) but the person was an adult and they were a minor. I told them "at least use a condom" and asked if they had any, and they literally got up so fast and grabbed one. I told them I was dry and asked for lube, but they just said, “You’re not dry.” I let them continue, and it hurt so bad—not the friction kind of pain I expected, but like this weird pain in my stomach. They asked how it felt, and all I could say was, “Like I’m being coerced.” They stopped immediately and I immediately said “sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,” and kept apologizing then explained I had trauma because I was panicking.

I went back to the bathroom and realized I was bleeding and I wasnt bleeding the first time I went to the bathroom. I told them, and they just shrugged it off like it was normal, saying it was because it was my first time. I told them that my hymen was already gone, and they just said its bc of how big they were and they were like 8inches or smth but that just didn't feel right idk. They offered me their shorts because I was wearing white and still bleeding.

They said it “didn’t count” because didnt finish. I had finished twice tho while they were going down on me but i didn't wanna say that because thats embarrassing since we literally barely even did anything. I ended up telling them “I was scared I was gonna die when I got here,” bc I’d never done anything like this before. They just said, “And you still decided to come?” which made me say wtf in my mind bc to me, it was like they were the one who said i should come over 😭😭

they also said, after they gave me their shorts, that their lip piercings were rejecting and that they knew that would happen if i came over and that was rlly weird bc why would you do this if u know you just got new piercings and it also just felt like they were doing everything to minimize that i was bleeding even though i really wasn't making a big deal about it.

we went to bed and i literally woke up two hours later because my stomach hurt so bad and i went to the bathroom and realized i was still bleeding (i just told them later that i woke up early bc i was anxious or smth idk). i just ignored it and got ready and their cats literally did not leave me alone which was cute idk i think im gonna get a cat after that. but they woke up and i told them they were a hard sleeper (i asked if they were a hard sleeper before because i snore) and they just said "good to know" mad passive aggressively and that kinda mad me rlly sad bc they were the nicest person ever before all this. they were probably rlly mad bc i accused them of something rlly bad and i shouldn't have said yes if i was just gonna turn around and do that.

they drove me back in the morning and said we should hang out again and i was genuinely just shocked bc I lowk rlly messed this up and thought they'd think i was a loser or a weirdo or smth but they said they didn't think that. I just ended up going to work but I felt so sick and my stomach still hurt. I didn’t know if it was from all of this or from drinking, starting my new psych meds, or a mix of it all, but I was barely able to stand and I also have syncope which makes me faint, so it could be that too ? idk. My boss noticed my eyes rolling back in my head and had to drive me home bc I almost fainted.

On Monday, I ended up telling the staff in my building about it all (I live in an apartment for battered women) and they set me up with a clinic that’s like Planned Parenthood because I was still bleeding. When I got there, they checked me out, said I was okay, and asked if I wanted a rape kit. I declined. They gave me Plan B just in case, even though they didn’t finish, and then I asked for birth control just in case this happened again bc ive been sa'd a lot and im terrified of getting pregnant. They gave me a lecture on smoking and asked if I planned on having sex again, which started feeling more like they were scolding me or smth😭. I just said I was scared this would happen again and that I’d end up pregnant.

i texted them literally as i was walking out of the clinic place, which is horrible bc even if this wasnt sa, things clearly didn't go well, but i have bpd and i think it makes me do rlly stupid stuff. i asked if we could hang out again and i ended up telling them that i felt like some boundaries were crossed but i really downplayed it then i tried to blame my panicking on the fact that i was drinking but i wasnt even that drunk i was genuinely just tipsy but didn't think about how saying i was drunk literally didn't make the situation better and they just told me that they specifically asked me if im okay with all the substances and stuff prior to me getting there. i told them i actually wasnt that drunk. i was rlly just trying to find a reason why i acted like that. they were really upset and said they had past trauma around consent and said that we shouldnt see each other and theyre uncomfortable with the whole situation. i literally only downplayed it bc i wanted to see them again but i did kinda downplay it in a guilt trippy way so theyd at least say sorry. i know theres definitely something wrong with me because im pretty sure im fully aware of the severity of this but i still wanted to see them again and only wanted them to apologize..

edit: i went to check the dating app right after this and our messages were gone so they either unmatched me, blocked me, or deleted their account. also i did find their social media but they ended up going private at least on instagram. and about a week after our last messages i texted again asking if we could still be friends (i know im very desperate but wtv idc) and they said no.. this all happened in september and ive rily only been able to talk to chatgpt about this bc i dont have a support system

I can’t believe men are posting this and saying such callous things. I’ve been so triggered and anxious and hate the world hate this

I know i should be mad at him for what he did but I'm not i still love seeing him and talking to him ... it's hard to understand

I was sa’d and raped by a family member throughout many years in my childhood. He loved me. I grew up in a physically abusive household and I found comfort in the man that sexually assaulted me. He made me feel loved for the first time ever. I was a completely neglected child and he was nice to me. He truly loved me, he made me feel cared for and loved. I miss the way he made me feel, the pain, the love, the fear. All of it. does anybody else feel like this or is it just me? It’s been like 6 years since I last saw him but I still can’t get over it. I just want to feel loved again Does anyone else feel a weird attachment to their abuser?

Long story short my ex (lesbians )I think raped me. Via emotionally torturing me to the point I couldn’t consent even though I initiated it (I felt I had to).

This was in January but I haven’t really started processing it until now. I feel so… worthless. They treated me so inhumanly. They abused me in many ways, but I completely trusted them never to abuse me sexually. It was easy to gaslight me into thinking it was my fault, even 11 months later of no contact.

I just somehow still see them incapable of doing that. Because of it, my mind grapples with if they actually assaulted me, just because I never saw that coming. It’s nearly impossible to think they’d do that, which makes an already complicated situation even more complicated.

I do not miss them, but I still feel so hurt and betrayed. I have a new girlfriend who I love but I feel so guilty I’m no where near past this hurt from my previous relationship. My ex hurt me in many ways, but this, it hurt me on what feels beyond repair.

After going through stuff that borders on SA and rape in recent months i have realised that maybe i don't remember most of it cause i must have hated it so much, and it has messed me up again. After these events in recent months i have started hating everyone and everything again. I hate smells, everytime i smell someone's perfume or their body odour i hate it cause it reminds me how close they're too me. When someone puts their hands on me, i start thinking to myself if they'll stop right there or they'll keep going and touch me even when I don't want to be touched. I understand now why i hate when someone looks at me, shouts at me, i understand why being in a room someone freaks me out so much.

ive just been triggered so hard... i thought i had a grasp on things but ive had multiple people text/message me "your body, my choice" and its just caused me to completely fall apart. its brung back so many bad memories and i just cant take it... my abuser said something of a similar sentiment... i hate the world!

I was raped as a virgin 2 years ago. Ive found a medication that knocks out most of the panic and fear but I still am very afraid and have nightmares. What was recovery like for you & How do you know when you're ready to have consensual sex ?

can sexual assault lead to infertility due to damage of the reproductive organs or is that like a myth?

i was raped in july of this year- can i go to a clinic and get myself checked out down there to make sure everything is okay and a std check? i thought i may not be able to as it’s been so long since the rape

Hi, I'm 17m, at the time this happened we were both 16, I'm just not sure how to feel about my situation, I'm gonna preface this with that we have had sex before and whatnot, so I don't know if this is what I think it is but back around April/May of this year my then girlfriend and I were at my place and she wanted to have sex, I apologized and said that I didn't want to and that I just want to go to sleep, she kept saying please and begging me, I'm not going to go into detail but she did things to try to get me to do it and I kept saying no, she kept begging me and wouldn't stop saying please so eventually I gave in, I didn't say yes or fine, I just gave in. she didn't even look at me during it and I kinda just stared blankly, I never really mentioned it cause I didn't want to and she seemed to have not cared, we broke up a couple months ago, she wanted to keep contact but I wanted to cut her out of my life, so I unadded her on everything and blocked her on almost everything, she ended up calling me on Thanksgiving (Canadian, so October) and I brought up the whole thing from March/April, she says she doesn't remember and she was basically crying and saying she doesn't remember. She said "That doesn't sound like something I would do." She apparently doesn't remember the sex part but she remembers what led up to it and she thought after I said no that we just went to sleep. I have no evidence of it happening and it was so long ago and she probably thinks I'm lying to her. She is now going on Twitter and making tweets saying something along the lines of "You say it happened, was it really me or" blah blah blah. I saw the tweet and it really upset me because it's something that has really affected me since it happened and I haven't really told anyone about it. I don't like going on the internet to try to find help or answers or whatnot. I don't even know if what she did counts as rape, and her not remembering makes it so much worse cause I know it happened but I'm the only person who does. I'm probably just going to ignore the whole situation and whatnot. I'd like to just forget it all but I see her around the school and in public sometimes and it sometimes makes me anxious, I'm not someone who gets easily anxious, I usually just push through whatever I have going on but this is all different and has taken a toll on me. There's a lot more to everything here but regarding the subreddit I'll just give the details that have to do with the subject, all in all I just have a couple questions. Is what happened rape, is it a different term, and how do I move on from this? I don't love her anymore, I don't care for her, I almost hate her, but seeing her around is an issue for me, everything would be so much better if I didn't have to see her anywhere. I'm not sure how to end this whole spiel so I guess that's that, thanks for your time.

Sorry not sure what the point of this is. Probably just super hormonal and feeling a whole load of emotions.

But I just feel so gross about what happened. Feel so gross about myself. Feel so gross that his cum was in me. Feel disgusting. Feel so gross about how that’s affected my sexual preferences. Feel so dirty in myself.

I also feel really guilty about the repercussions for him once people found out. I feel so guilty, like it was my fault or I led him on or whatever. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough to stop him, maybe I should have said no more clearly, etc. And I feel so stupid for going back to him and letting him essentially do the same thing to me again. So stupid

I don’t know what the point is of this. I just want to vent

My first sexual experience was being beaten and raped by a stranger. Even after eight years i'm realising how it's always impacted my sex life.

I've found myself unintentionally compounding the trauma by getting into unhealthy relationships or letting myself be vulnerable enough to get exploited sexually. To this day I still think of that vile woman. I look her up on social media sometimes. I doubt she even remembers me, I was only one in a long line of her victims.

I don't condone violence in reality but I honestly dream of crushing her windpipe in my hands. I have so much anger and hatred for someone who I doubt even knows I exist. I don't know if I will ever fully heal from these scars. I feel like I've been robbed of a healthy, joyous sex life. Fuck you, Usha.

I was recently assaulted not long ago and I just have no idea what to do at all. I've felt so numb since it happened, aside from a few moments where I just cry to myself. I feel ruined and I can't even stand to look at myself. Do things ever go back to normal? Everything feels so fucked up right now.

I'm a 18 year old guy now but I was raped by my cousin 19m 14 at that time, we used to go over to his house for the weekends and I used to sleep in his bed with him cause we were boys one day it took me awhile to sleep and I felt smtg poking my butt I stayed quiet then he slowly started pulling down my pants and putting his fingers in my ass he spat on it and then shoved his dick in I acted like i was asleep but who knows how many times he had done that to me when i was sleeping after that the next day everything was normal and we went back the next week I was feeling a bit ashamed but pushed it anyways thinking he wouldn't do it again but he did it again this time this eventually went on for 3 weeks and one day I gave in I started stroking his cock and he realised that I was awake this whole time that day he teared up my asshole and choked me several times with his cock spat on me hurt me beat me crush my balls but I was helpless and I couldn't do anything after he came in my ass he made me cum and hurt my cock then made me lick the cum and went back to sleep however I went to the bathroom crying and feeling so ashamed that day I slept on the floor and after that I stopped going to his house we meet at family gatherings where he spanks me or hurts my cock but I move away quickly I'm 18 now and I still feel ashamed and insecure after that

It's usually an overplayed stereotype that when girls get abused, they start to cling onto dangerous or known abusive men that will most likely hurt them again. Or that girls become hypersexual after a sexual attack.. I always thought to myself that it was just something people use to say, but after trying diffrent methods of coping with my past and my present sexual abuse/ harrasement I find myself interacting with dangerous men more often to help me feel special or loved again. It's like a wired process that, the only people I'll be worthy for are the people who see me as nothing but a young play thing ( yes, im hinting at paedophiles). It's bad, I know, but i can't help but feel like, this is all I'm good for now. My body is ruined already, so what's the point of putting up a fight? I should just let them have me now.