I was washing my hands in the school bathroom a while back in college.A man then threw me down on the ground.Then he dragged me to a stall.He then pulled my pants down and stuck his dick in my vagina.He put his hand around my mouth, silencing me.He kept pulling in and back out for 6 minutes.He then told me to sit on him.He made me bounce of his dick for 3 minutes.He made me get on my knees.He blow jobbed me for 2 minutes.He finished of with cumming in my ass so much a puddle formed on the floor.I had gotten an abortion now.

So for starters in 2020 I was SA'd by a girl she did things to me when I was asleep and when I woke up I was too scared to say anything to stop it (I was 12) and then throughout 2021-2023 I had a bf who'd ask to have sex and id repeatedly tell him no but he'd beg and beg as he was forcing my clothes off till id give up and just say yes, he'd also try to force his dick in my mouth and put his hands on/in places even though id be begging for him to stop but even after all of that I don't have any feelings about it. Like whenever I think about it I just feel nothing I'm not sad or traumatized or anything like that what's wrong with me?? I feel like I should at least feel something but I don't.

So he recognised me. He's been thinking about this for almost a whole month just like I do. 3 days ago I asked my co-worker (B) about him first. We had a small conversation then he said his friend (my past rapist) did ask him about me as well, although B didn't know why we knew eachother. Then maybe they talked & yesterday I got a texted.

He asked if we could meet at a coffee, but I refused and preferred to talk by text. He sent me a long, long message. I eased him up and said I'm over it. I lied.

I can't even take the past bully of mine and that guy as a same person. I forgive the person he is now, but I don't think I can ever forget that person who lifted my legs up that day and made my life a suffer. Although I predicted it, still, how could they be the same.

Came back to reddit just for this post. He asked if I have anything to say to him, but I didn't reply. Thought I could speak it up a lot and ask him a lot of things, turned out I couldn't even say a word of what I had in my mind for all this time. If I got the gut, the cold heart without empathy towards a once-used-to-be rapist I would tell him. Do you know my anus was bleeding, and I had to put tissues inside my underwear for days? Can you have sex with people now, because I haven't do that for years since then?

I would genuinely hope his apology can cure my nights of crying into the pillow, because of all the problems that day had affected my wish to have a normal life.

When I was a young child I would often visit my dad, his girlfriend (at that time) and her two children wich one of them was a boy. He was a little older than me like 3 years. I always liked spending time with him and looked up to him. I basically considered him my brother at that point.

One day I was playing in the garden. He came up to me and asked me what I was doing so I told him I was playing house. He asked if he could join and I agreed. I needed help with moving something heavy and asked him to do it. When he helped me he asked for something in return. He started asking if he could pick me up to wich I said no, then he asked me to sit on his lap I said no but he made me. He would put his hands under my clothes, kissed my body, told me how he loved me for a long time. I didn’t say stop I was too scared to move. Later he took me to the garage and undressed himself(I think he wanted to put it in my mouth) but my dad and his mom came back so he stopped and said that we’ll do it later in bed. My mom found out and threatened them with the police on my 9th birthday. I started saying that I made everything up because there was a heated fight between my mom and his mom wich was pregnant with my half-brother (I was scared something is gonna happen to the baby or they wont let me see him). My dad and the woman broke up probably because of what happened (she wanted to end her life because of me). The police was never called and everyone forgot about all of this. I still have to see the guy every time our half-brother has birthday. I don’t know what to tell him when he’s older and asks why two of his siblings act so weird towards each other. I can’t even think of the fact that if the boy who hurt(?) me get’s married I’d have to watch it and the girl won’t even know about it.

(Im sorry for the post but I don’t even know what to think anymore)

My foster dad rapes/abuses me and my siblings and im scared of it happening again. But i feel like no one will believe us if i tell. What can i do

I think i was raped. I woke up with him inside me. when I woke up I asked him to stop several times. He didn’t and when I tried to move he held me down. But after as bit I just went along with it. I had asked him to use protection earlier that night, when it was consensual but he refused. I feel like it’s my fault for not trying harder to get him to stop. He’s close with one of my good friends and I told my good friend what happened. At first he was disgusted but after a while he started hanging out with him again and continues to see him. I feel like I’m overreacting but I get triggered when I hear rape stories that sound similar or when I see cnc porn. At some points it drove me to self harm but I’m sensitive so I’m scared I’m overreacting, he cried to me after saying he couldn’t help himself he just liked to me too much and couldn’t help himself. I don’t know what to think

I can’t handle any of this anymore. I am done feeling so depressed and broken. I feel guilty and embarrassed all of the time. Became hypersexual at too young of an age because of rape and now cringe every time I feel any sort of sexual or romantic feeling I cringe. I hate myself. I want to kill myself. I am disgusted by anything sexual but my sex drive is so high. It’s crazy. I just want to be innocent and pure again.

I think I would be better if I told this to my family but I don’t have the courage to look my parents in the eye and even talk about how shameful and disgusted I felt.

I had gone for campus tours with my friend and over the weekend stay we went out to the houses for a party. Idk if I was drugged or just drank too much but I was making out with a guy and he asked me to go up to his room which I agreed too.

It was fine while we were having sex and while he was still on top of me two more of his friends came into the room and he didn’t stop. He had known this or planned this the more I think about that night.

Both his friends also raped me that night and I do remember saying no and fighting them off so I know its rape. He helped them by holding my legs and muffling my mouth several times so hes also a part of this.

I was sore and bleeding the next day and my friend could see something had happened but I told her it was just the one guy who was much bigger than I was used to. I haven’t told anyone else what happened that night.

It still haunts me. I wish I could share this with my parents without them judging me or going absolutely crazy.

I don't have anyone to talk to about this, and I don't want my family to know. So I'm gonna write out here what happened (at least what I remember of it) and hopefully someone here has some insight or advice. I just need to tell someone, anyone other than the people around me.

Friday night I drank some wine, relaxed and eventually decided to go out even though my friend wasn't available. Which means I went out alone, already a little drunk on wine. Bad decision number 1.

I met two men at the nightclub I decided to check out. They said they had a party, and wanted me to join. I was under the impression that there would be more people joining us. I also let them know I'm actually not into men at all, so they wouldn't think anything sexual was happening. They said alright, so I assumed they wanted to party normally like friends. God, I was naive.

As soon as we got there, they offered me several drinks. At first I drank slowly, but they kept telling me to drink more and faster - challenging me, it seemed. So I did. Pretty soon after, I felt the room becoming a bit wobbly and I told them I had enough to drink. One of them pulled me on his lap, offered me water (or that's what he called it) which turned out to just be more vodka. After that it all got kinda blurry.

TRIGGER WARNING FOR THE NEXT BIT

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I remember being touched. Next thing I remember I'm bent over the couch and in pain. One of the men asking the other one what the hell he was doing. I was trying to stand up, but he kept pushing me back down. I don't remember much else, I think the other man pushed him away? Told him to stop it? While I tried to get dressed again, I heard them discussing but I don't remember what they said.

I remember some pieces, I guess more happened? Man, I was out of it.

Next thing I remember after that is going home, very drunk, I laid down on the street puking and crying for a while.

Then I woke up in my bed, went to the toilet. My ass hurt - a lot. And bled. At least I got myself off the street and home, somehow.

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TRIGGER WARNING OVER, YOU CAN READ. Now it's been two days. Writing about it is helping me piece it together, at least. I just don't know what to do. I feel ashamed, I don't want anyone I know to find out about this. But I also know I will need to talk to someone. At the moment I just feel numb, disconnected. Violated. What am I supposed to do after something like this?

I 24 (F) have been raped twice, not going to go into detail but the first time it happened I was 6 and I was coerced into oral sex and the second time it happened I was 17. I don’t know who did it in either case as the first time I never saw the man again (happened abroad) and the second time I was drugged and can’t remember much about them.

I’ve previously opened up to close friends and my sister about this but not my parents. My family situation to say the least is complicated with my sister being no contact due to abuse from our parents and my mum has been diagnosed with depression and suicidal tendencies, I’m not sure if I should open up with them about this as it scares me one of them might attempt suicide or something as well as them trying to pry me for information to investigate what happened when I have no desire to do so.

Any thoughts??

Typing this on an old alt for obvious reasons.

I have a Partner who I've been seeing for about a month and a half, and basically, it was disclosed to me that while at an out of town event before we got together a couple months ago, They were raped by an acquaintance of a friend both nights that they stayed over. The details don't really matter but they were in a room together and while she was trying to sleep he did things and blamed it on being under the influence. Which I know is BS but that's the "excuse" My partner has been very stoic and tries to block it out, and pretend that it never happened, even going as far as to continue responding to this person when they texted, which I called out and it stopped (I think? idk)

I'm honestly so conflicted because I know that my partner will come to face this on her own terms in her own time, but it leaves such a pit in my stomach when I think of what happened, and how I angry I feel, and how much angrier I get when this hasn't been disclosed to the rest of the friend group so he is still being viewed/treated as normal, and like it was consensual which makes me sick.

Not even sure what I'm looking for on here, I just feel like a mess. I try to be as supportive as I can and be as open to listening but there is definitely a wall there, and they say they don't want to give this person power over them by admitting it.

Sorry for a horrible flow I'm just word vomiting

I was at a party with my boyfriend a few weeks ago when I drank way over my limit of alcohol, I thought it was fine because my boyfriend was with me. I must’ve blacked out because the last thing I remember was standing with my boyfriend and then I woke up in a bedroom in just my underwear and I was a bit sore. I remember little bits like my boyfriend bringing me to the bed and laying me down but I’m so confused over the whole thing. I’ve spoke to my boyfriend about it but he doesn’t acknowledge anything I say about the situation and just says that he put me to bed but that doesn’t explain where my clothes went.

Last night we were watching tiktok on his phone together when his group chat started messaging and one of his friends asked when is it his shot with me since (friends name) has had his. I asked him what they were talking about but again he just told me it was nothing and to stop being dramatic after I started to freak out a little.

I don’t know what to do because it’s obvious he knows something about that night that I don’t and I’m hurt that he isn’t telling me or that he didn’t protect me.

I 22f was raped when I was 19 by a friend of mine. I went to the doctor the next day and he did the test kit. He told me that my physical exam showed signs that pointed more towards signs of rough, consensual sex rather than rape. He also asked if I orgasmed and I told him yes, even though I was begging my rapist to stop while it happened. The doctor noted it all in my file and the charges were eventually dropped due to insufficient evidence.

There was a lot of suggestion that because I had been drinking and my rapist was my friend that I had consented enough, and that I seemed to enjoy it anyway.

I can’t believe this bullshit still happens.

For context, I was raped repeatedly by my ex from October 2021 to March 2022, and it absolutely broke the way that I saw my body and intimacy. Once I ended the relationship, I was disgusted and terrified by every single genital sensation sensation I had. For a year, I didn’t have sex or date. For most of that time, there were days that were so bad that I had to shower in a bathing suit so I didn’t have to see my own naked body. At one point, I went 3 months without even attempting to be intimate with myself, a former favorite pastime. I remember telling my therapist that I would never be able to trust someone with my body again, and that because of that, my dreams of love, marriage, and kids were dead. Before my rapes, I loved my body and the things it could do sexually so much. It was such a shocking difference to lose that part of myself. The body that I once loved to show off was constantly hidden under baggy clothes because the idea of being perceived sexually was repulsing to me.

At some point, it started to get a little better. First, it got easier to touch myself without thinking about my assaults. I found a way to enjoy my body while carefully avoiding triggers. As weird as it sounds, my therapist recommended I get a Brazilian wax as a sort-of exposure therapy. I decided to try it, and it was actually so refreshing to have someone handle that part of my body in a non-sexual context. I don’t know why it worked, but it did. I felt hopeful, but I was still relatively sure I would never have a normal sex life again.

And then, about a year ago, I met the most gorgeous, sexy woman I’ve ever seen. On our first date, I decided that if she gave me the chance, we’d be having sex that night. And WE DID!!!!!!! And it was good!!!!! It was so exciting, and we fell in love. In the months that followed, we had countless conversations about my trauma, my triggers, and what feels good to me. The sexiest thing about this girl was that she was determined to respectfully blow my mind. There have been occasions where I get triggered, but it always feels so natural and easy to ask her to stop. And most of the time I don’t even have to because she’s so attuned to my body language. She’s figured about a little care routine when it happens: she puts me in a big t shirt and clean shorts, offers a shower, and holds me close while I work through the feeling. We’re about to celebrate our first anniversary, and I’m certain this is my soulmate.

And last night… holy shit. I don’t know how it happened, but the sex was so good that I couldn’t feel my face and I felt this insane high that lasted long past my orgasm. It was this crazy, beautiful, out-of-body experience unlike anything I’ve ever felt or even heard of. I’ve never felt so happy. Before I met this woman (and even before my assaults) I could never have orgasms during sex without a vibrator. Now I’m throwing the damn thing away because I’ll never need it again. I’m going to marry this woman. As I write this post, I’m watching her sleep with tears rolling down my face, overcome with love and gratitude.

Once, after a trigger-induced panic attack and in a bleak part of my life, my therapist promised me that there would come a day when I would have amazing sex again, better than anything I could imagine. I didn’t believe her, but wow. She was right. Healing happens right under our noses every day that we persevere. It gets better every day. There was a time when my trauma pushed me into suicidal ideation, but today I’m so happy to be alive. For anyone out there struggling with intimacy after rape, I promise that healing will come your way if you treat your body kindly and patiently. Your body is good. It’s on your side. You’re doing great, I believe in you, and I’m so excited for you.

I don’t know why i didn’t. And it’s probably too late to do it now. Lately i’ve been thinking about it a lot and it’s making me feel very upset and angry. I don’t know how to deal with this

I was raped by an older guy last year. It happened more than once, and it made me feel rly confused and lost. Since then I've been looking for sex in other places. Even tho I know it's not good for me and I always feel disgusted afterward, I keep doing it. I feel disgusting and ashamed of myself for wanting something that caused me so much pain. I feel like it’s all my fault. I feel like I put myself in that situation, and now people at my school see me as a hoe. There are rumors going around about me, and while most people don't seem to care, there are some who either hate me or think it's cool. Guys at my school often wants me to do stuff with them. It's hard to tell who genuinely cares about me and who's just using me. I find it hard to say no because I think I have an issue with craving attention? I always think that I have to do what people want because that means they have to like me in some way and I want them to like me.

I can’t explain to anyone and I feel really awful I’m not sure what triggered me today but something did and I really don’t want to be alone right now cause I really feel like cutting myself and I’m just not sure how I needed up alone

i’ve been groped, molested and raped in a lot of different ways but a lot of different people and it’s hard not believe guys when they tell me it’s my fault. some guys i’ve talked to have made me feeel like i shouldn’t be as broken as i am and it makes me hate myself more than i already do. i get really stressed whenever someone does something sexual i don’t want them to and i hate it but maybe there right. something about me makes this happen and talking to these guys sometimes makes me feel for the guys who touched me and raped me and it confuses me a lot because i know it’s wrong but i don’t know who i am or what i believe anymore and i just don’t know what to do i feel so numb all the time i just want to be normal

CSA WARNING:

i was molested and assaulted from childhood up till almost adulthood, since then i’ve gained many trauma based mental issues which turned into weird fetishes. one being my porn addiction, i can’t talk about it irl because many people think it’s disgusting for a woman to watch porn, but i’ve been watching it since age 11 and i’ve pretty much watched it ever since then.

Lately it’s been getting worse, i have to watch it twice a day or i’ll be horny and bothered for the rest of the day. this has made my hypersexuality worse, making my body react to any tiny little touch. Some days it makes me miss my assaulter(s).

It all started when I (20F) was 15. I met my ex boyfriend (who we'll call James) during a shop class our freshman year. He made the first move and tried to spark conversation. I wasn't very interested in talking at first but we both bonded quickly over shared interests. We had just met three weeks before my birthday. Everyday James would be very talkative and looking back he was flirty as well. On my birthday he had confessed that he saw me as "more than a friend" and asked if i would be his girlfriend. At the time I had also quickly grown feelings for him and so I accepted. The weekend following my birthday we hung out and watched a movie. Right before it was time for me to leave he kissed me. James at the time had this way about him that always made me feel loved. He would always ask me how I was and check on me that I was doing okay. (Before I met him I had awful depression and anxiety). He treated me well and often went out of his way for me which is a big part of why I trusted him so quickly. One day he texted me and asked if we could try something and what it was he explained he wanted to do was sex though he never admitted it was actually that. At the time I had very little knowledge of what sex actually was, just a very general idea. So when James was explaining it to me I asked him if it was just sex, cause if it was i didnt want it. To which he responded it wasn't. I asked him how it was not and he gave piss poor excuses. Regardless, my stupid, naive self believed him and trusted that he wasn't lying and that it was not. The next time I was over after that he asked if we could do the "something he wanted to try" which I agreed. I should've taken it as a warning but he kept asking if I was sure and had me confirm I was okay with it. After when i went home something about it still didnt seem right and so I asked him if it was sex. When I asked him he admitted it was and freaked out apologizing over and over. Hearing him say that really hurt something inside of me- I felt something was wrongfully taken from me but regardless i reassured him that it was okay. That there's nothing he or i could do to change it now. Only a few days passed however before he asked for it again. He gave excuses justifying it such as, "you cant tease me with only the one time and then make me have to wait til marriage for it again". I ended up agreeing again since i already lost it and just wanted to make him happy. He kept asking me for it every weekend that he wasn't working. I would always tell him that I didn't want it and that I wanted to stop but he would always beg and so i would always agree. This went on for several months. It became the only thing he would ever want to talk about was sex and my body. I was getting increasingly frustrated with him because all he ever wanted was to get something from me. I got upset with him one day after valentines day for being ashamed of me- he never acknowledged me as his girlfriend around anybody and in fact refused to spend any time with me on Valentine's day which is insignificant but hurt. I got so tired of it so i threatened to leave him. When i did he cried and tried his hardest to convince me to stay. As stupid as it was, looking back, I ended up staying with him. A few months later he found out that he wouldnt be able to sleep with me anymore so he became more distant. When i argued about it and fought with him about it he broke up with me and called me a waste of time. After he broke up with me I started getting this horrid repeating night terror of being raped over and over again by often times James, and other times a disfigured man- sometimes I would wake up sweating from these dreams. After what i went through with James I started distrusting guy's intentions especially. The thought of sex scared me and I never want anything to do with it again.

Fast forward to about a year ago I met (let's call him) Tom. About 5 months ago Tom and I have become more so good friends. Even though he is a good friend i could never bring myself to trust him truly after what happened with James. However, overtime as i got to know Tom I found more peace and a sense of safety hanging out with him. When we would hang out it would usually be playing various instruments that he has, discussing books, or discussing various documentaries and theories we have. Which always seems to bring us joy and entertainment. About two weeks ago after work i stopped at Tom's house briefly as I often would do. I'm not sure why but that night memories of what James did was replaying in my head. Tom noticed that I was upset, and he just listened and talked with me while still keeping reasonable. After I told him what happened I asked him what he thought of it. I mentioned to him that i told few friends before him and some said it was rape and some said that i am just being overdramatic which i could be. If it is just me being overdramatic I dont want to say that it was s/a and be insensitive to those who were. Once i asked that Tom asked in return if its something that gave me trauma. He said that- in his words- since it caused such trauma that he belives it was in fact rape. I feel foolish for bringing it up still after so many years but its still impacting my life. Is this just me overreacting to nothing?

Sorry for any grammatical errors and incoherent text, I wrote this late at night. Thanks for reading

TLDR: My ex boyfriend lied to me about sex so i would sleep with him and I was too naive and stupid and believed him. When I told a friend about it he said he believes it was rape, however, other friends say it wasnt.

Tw:Suicide

When I was 8F years old I was raped by a 14F. She made it out to seem normal and a game. I remember her getting upset and shouting at me one time when I didn’t want her to touch me. And she would call me a baby because “big girls play this game”. And she knew I looked up to her and wanted to be a grown up. I ended up finding it to be normal. So I would be inappropriate. I wouldn’t rape people. But I have memory’s of groping my sister and classmates as a joke and the worst memory I have is me licking my friend on the neck and ear which is something the girl had done to me but my friend didn’t take it well she shouted at me and threatened to tell the teacher on me and I thought she was being a bitch and no fun and I said that she’s a baby like what the girl had said to me. I didn’t know it was wrong until one day groped my mum and she told me it was wrong and why it’s not ok in a calm and respectful way. But I felt so guilty and embarrassed and was crying. Ever since I’ve felt so guilty and no longer did that from that moment. I still continued to get sexually assaulted and raped until I was 9 though I started to realise maybe it’s wrong because of what my mum said but I didn’t want to tell anyone because I didn’t want to get told off because I though like “if being touched in bad ways and spots is bad then I’m a bad person” I still sort of think like that just with more awareness. I didn’t really understand fully until I was like 12 what rape and oral sex especially was so realising what it was made me so upset. I tried to talk to my therapist before about guilt about me groping them and she said “what you did to them was not as bad as what she did to you” and while somewhat true it still was probably traumatic for them. My sister says she doesn’t remember it she would’ve been like 6 at the time so she should probably remember that unless she’s trauma blocking it out.

I feel so guilty. Whenever I get trauma flashbacks from being raped by her and other people later in life I can’t help but think I don’t deserve to be traumatised because I’m bad like her. I honestly want to die. I can’t live with myself. The memory’s what happened to me have ruined me I can’t believe I would cause that for others. And I was even mean about it. Im thinking about killing myself. I’m really close to. I can’t handle this anymore.

So im a 23 yo man now but for a little background, when i was 7 i got 3 times by a group of girls and it has fucked with my head since then, ive been in 1 romantic relationship a few years ago and it was terrible partly because i didnt know how to think because of bad thoughts that always came from the incident.

Ive met a girl now and weve been dating for a while now and when i get really horny i start to remember the rape incident again, which makes me want to get raped again and used against my will and be completely degraded in any way possible, now heres where the problem is because i said all this to the girl im dating and she was playing along with it because she was fine with it, but at some point i basically said that she should fuck another man to humiliate me and degrade me and now im left thinking she has lost some respect for me and doesnt value me as a man anymore.

I hate the fact that i do this and its making me feel so shameful and humiliated about myself and ends with me being self destructive at the end too.

If anyone can give any sort of advice or tips on how to deal with this problem id greatly appreciate it.

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When I was 10, I was raped by my grandpa. It still haunts me and I cry whenever someone goes down on me. How do I get over this

I’m now 31F, at the time I was 28, so 3 years ago. Bit of background information, I was talking to this guy I met online, he started chatting with me, asked me out for coffee, said he wanted to date me, he was sweet. I was swept of my feet because he was absolutely gorgeous, handsome, tall, posh accent, good job and rich, in a powerful position. I’m a single mum, I scrape by, have been in and out of low level employment due to ADD/Severe depression/dyspraxia. Having no one around me and a child to look after so obviously this was great to me! We agreed to enter into a FWB type relationship, but he would call me every day, visit often for fun. At first he was extremely sweet, very intimate, lots of kisses and cuddles. He asked if he could buy me a leg spreader a year down the line, I had nothing against this thought it might be fun, but this time there was no intimacy, he stopped going down on me, everything just became colder, he wanted blow jobs, then to just have his way with me in the leg spreader and leave, no intimacy like in the beginning and very little talking touching and he also said I wasn’t allowed to touch him (felt strange but I thought he maybe wanted to try bdsm so no issues) around the 2nd year, he started to talk about choking, he said it would turn him on to choke me out and watch me spasm as I’m passed out and orgasming. I said I didn’t want to be choked out completely but would be happy to be lightly choked and conscious! So the next few times we done some light choking, and I don’t think I passed out this time but I remember gaps in my memory, also opening my eyes and looking down and it was as if there was another guy on top but I felt drugged (but he didn’t fully choke me out so I’m thinking you can’t be drugged or anything whilst conscious without remembering?) it just felt very bizzare. We met up and spoke on the phone every day and carried on having sex but I only remembered bits and pieces afterwards. Coming on to the third year, he asked me to just lay on the bed and leave open the front door to let him just come in and upstairs. I thought nothing of it at the time and he came up, he was inbetween my legs and said “don’t touch me” when I put my hand on his back, the next thing I remember was him with his forearm leaning into my windpipe, he looked as if he wanted to kill me, I was fighting for my life with my arms kicking and punching him, then I must have blacked out for a long time because the next thing I remember was opening my eyes and he was vigorously using a toy on me so hard it hurt me a lot. I was only semi conscious, there was then another memory lapse then I woke up on my back with my arm above my head, my collarbone in so much pain and he was checking himself in the mirror and said “your make up is running down your face” he was fully clothed by the time I woke up, I was uneasy on my feet as if I had been drugged, then went out and could barely walk I felt confused and faint. I brought up to him how he went way to far and he said “I would never hurt you, plus you loved it in the moment and I brought you back” I said how it hurt and I passed out, he said nothing and ghosted me after 3 years never to be seen or heard of again. I done some digging because I don’t have social media, and I found his profile and he has a wife and kids?!? I genuinely didn’t know. She didn’t seem to have many pictures of him, just her horse riding. Obviously I was devastated and if I’d of known that he was married nothing would have started. I have so many questions. Why did he rape me after 3 years when I was willingly having sex with him? Why did he disappear after? Did he pre plan it? It’s not the first time I’ve been raped, I was drugged in my drink and raped by a guy a year before. Why do men think it’s okay to rape me? What do rapists look for? There was no warning signs as they were both sweet men at the start, good jobs, nothing seemed off at the beginning, unless I’m a bad judge of character. But twice this has happened to me. Was it assault the first time? It feels like it but he says it was just breath play. I’m confused.

I just recently found out that she and her friends were abusing me and my other siblings when I learned about Sex Ed and sexual violence in middle school. So now all the things that have happened are returning to me and it ruining my life.

I hate it when I have sexual urges because it reminds me of how she would have oral with my genitals and being a hormonal teenager is not helping it.

Especially how I used to get bullied by older adults who say "You're a man you should have liked it if I was you! " And girls in my school who generally hate my existence even say I will never get a girlfriend because am ugly and fat!

I know am a worthless human being and I just want death.

hello, i am really nervous to post this but i genuinely have nobody else to ask.

my friend introduced me to her boyfriends best friend, they started playing cupid and tried setting us up. she didn’t tell me that he had a bad reputation for…disturbing fantasies let’s say. i was painfully oblivious to this and i began to start liking him, we often spent hours in discord calls and he was always extremely kind. slowly i started trying to make more of a move on him and then we began pretty much openly flirting. he would always compliment me and flirt with me so i figured he liked me too.

one night, our friends decided to push us to cuddle on the floor cause i was feeling insecure and touch starved that day and wanted some hugs. we ended up spooning awkwardly for a while, but then i turned around and hid my head in my chest because i’m like shaking at this point. i feel absolutely euphoric because k thought this was finally my chance to have that fairy tail relationship. everything was going amazing until suddenly i feel his hand start moving lower and lower until it rests on my butt. my blood runs cold and i honestly couldn’t even think because i realized he thought i was asleep. he didn’t realize i was actually awake and only began doing this once he thought i was asleep, i didn’t know what to do and if i was happy or scared. my friend and her bf were making out on the couch so they didn’t even see what was happening and i couldn’t call out to them and alert him that i wasn’t really sleeping, so i stayed like that. next thing he starts squeezing my butt and whispering that i’m “a good girl.” and other petnames, i fell into a light sleep after that but woke up to him whispering to our friends that I fell asleep.. I had to wake up to drive home a bit later, and on the way out he gives me a kiss on the cheek which makes me think that he really does like me. still overwhelmed with the cuddling and everything i think that he must like me back and i should ask him out. after i concluded that i must have been okay him touching me and as long as he likes me back i didn’t mind. i have always struggled with dechipering emotions since a young age so I have to resort to the physical feelings.

unfortunately a few weeks later my friend told me something that he had told her, how he said that i wasn’t pretty enough for him to date. how i was too big for him. i confronted him over call because i was so confused, and he admitted that from the start he tried but never liked me, and couldn’t see himself dating me.

he knew from the start i liked him, yet despite knowing he didn’t like me he decided to touch me while he thought i was asleep and then ignore me and tell me it’s because i don’t have a”pretty enough face”

i feel so grossed out by this dude but i seriously don’t know wether this is actually assault or if i’m just overreacting..my friend and her boyfriend said it’s just me overreacting and i shouldn’t have taken it so fast, and maybe he would have been ‘different’ if i went slower but my gut is telling me that i’m not overreacting. both still are in close contact with him and hearing his name physically makes my mind shut down. i can’t step foot in the town he lives in anymore. any help is appriciated.

TLDR- was it SA if he touched me while i was asleep knowing i trusted him, but he didn’t love me the same way?

the reason why i said i think was cuz i was super super drunk and i barely remember anything. i do remember having a little encounter with a guy i had beef with. (i am bi, but DL. he somehow found out and was fucking with me because of it, calling me that f word and everything). after this, i didn’t remember anything. the next morning (this morning) my friends are hitting me up, blowing up my phone asking if i was ok about last night and i didn’t know what they were talking about. they sent me a link to a video on x/twitter and the video is of me like. bent over. yk. and the audio is basically me begging for it and stuff. obviously seeing the video i felt disgusted by it, so i reported it, and reached out to that guy. he said i was basically begging for it the whole time so it wasn’t really rape. the video got taken down but its being shared from his friends since they all downloaded it. i’m in the process of trying to take it all down and im debating about if i should contact the authorities as well.
EDIT: i just talked to a few friends and they said they saw multiple guys leave and enter the room i was being raped. so yeah

This year i invited a Guy over to my appartement for sex . (I Never really had consensual sex before and wanted to try ) i told him before WE met that i wanted Him to bé gentle and slow. When hé arrive hé asked me for a blow job . I did it but got trigger and wanted to stop but instead i just frozed in fear abd didn't Say anything . During thé blow job hé would Say that i was a slut and insulting me , hé also slaped me and forced my head agaisnt his pénis multiple Time. Hé also tried to penetrated me but did not succed . Hé Never asked me if i was okay and i Never Say yes . I'm Lost . Sometime it feel liké it can't bé considered as a rape cause i did thé bj . But AT thé same Time i was terrified and just froze