And what made you realize in the first place that this was something you could be into?

My husband wants to call me Goddess, and worship and serve me, but in a dominant way. I quite like this idea. Is this a rare thing?

I’ve kinda started watching bdsm a few months ago and been into this rabbit hole several times. I don’t wanna meet people yet cuz I’m not there yet but I’d love to explore it somehow. Any ideas which would help me learn or experience it alone are welcome. Links too if any for material. Thank you.

Mostly I was mulling this to make it easier to remove the wax after but not sure if there are hidden pitfalls. I don’t believe baby oil is flammable but are there other problems with doing this?

Yanking at your partner’s hair lengths instead of actually grabbing the hair at their scalp

I'm hesitant to bring people to my house due to past trauma and general trust issues. In kink community, it feels more safe to participate in dating and in having sex with people, because you don't have to fear the people you meet in events when they're already socializing with others and often known and connected in the community.

Edit: obviously you have to be vary of the people you meet and judge them by a critical mind as well as your gut, but knowing that the person is known in the community does bring a sense of safety.

My boyfriend went a little crazy on me last night and i instantly felt like something was wrong when he choked me. now i feel like i have a lump in the right side of my throat and it hurts to swallow and yawn. there’s no swelling that i can see/feel and it doesn’t hurt to talk. has this ever happened to anyone else??

My Dom and I are looking for punishment or consequence ideas for not going to the gym. I have a set amount of times I need to be going a week and we're drawing a blank on what consequences I should have if I don't hit that expectation.

We tend to make the punishment fit the crime so if it ticks that box too then that would be fab!!

My fiancé and have had a bit of a dry spell when it comes to the D/s side of our relationship recently, the world has been tough. We are not lacking intimacy or physical connection. But I thought I would bait her the other day and tell her what I would be doing to her at some point this week. I had sent a TON of lewd messages, done a ton of cleaning and housecare, and got to some things I've been putting off taking care of in preparation. I got excited and threw a challenge in for her as well, a bit of a who could last longer.

The prizes were simple: if I win I get to do whatever I want to her, however I want, when I so choose. If she wins, she gets whatever she wants. Clearly I thought she would ask for something super sexy if she won, maybe something we haven't done for a while. Her eyes lit up when I told her she won. She wanted me to win though, so she still tempted me with whatever I want at a later time.

But what did she ask for her reward?

She wanted me to look at seed packets for our gardens since it's time to start prepping seeds. I laughed so hard I cried when I saw her smirk, and then we almost couldn't continue playing. It was the kind of release I needed, just not the kind I expected.

So I'm just curious, what's the funniest thing your sub/dom or you as a sub/do have asked for?

(Thinking out loud. I don't really know what I'm doing.)

So I am absolutely new to BDMS. I know that I am about to discover a whole new world that already exists and a whole new world within myself, sexually, psychologically and even philosophically.

I am a dominant male of 35 years of age who has met a very inspiring and fun female who I share a lot of (unique) similarities with.
We started to build a friendship and came to the realization that we also are very compatible sexually, so we had our first experience. It was very beginner-friendly: "just" choking, face-slapping, hair pulling and spanking. It wasn't a "session", more like two people trying some things out. But still, the experience was incredibly intense and electrifying. A whole different state of mind. And it immediately felt like a (sexual) home. It was indescribable and incomparable. I guess most of you who read this can relate.

What I like about our (platonic) relationship is not only the ability but the desire to deep dive into any detail of feeling and thought. We dissect any minor thing, whether it is sexual or a mundane, everyday thing.

"Remember when you choked me, after you slapped me? There was a moment when you looked me in the eyes with a very specific smile, while you were pushing me against the wall; what were you thinking in that very moment, what was going on in your head?"

It is like a replay and a commentary of an event, like in sports: zooming in on a specific moment from every angle, in slow motion, analitically getting into the depths of your emotions, trying to discover what is happening in our brains in the most precise and sometimes painfully pedantic way. I love this. She does, too.

So wanting to learn more about this yet to be understood world, I was watching an interview with a female sub the other day, who talked about her relationship with her dom and she said that it is more than "just" the sexual (obviously): she likes having someone who cares and who helps her in her everyday life. Like for example: he reminds her to eat properly or to go for a walk. Things she would forget in her stressful everyday life.
And this was the moment something clicked: I love to care about my people. This has nothing to do with BDSM or a D/S relationship. I just like to help others, make sure they are fine or help them improve (if they want to), support them, being a constructive force in their lives.

And since me and her (it would not feel right to call her "my sub") became friends (before we even had this sexual thing), she became one of the people I want to be happy, healthy and well.

So here comes the thing I don't understand:
How can I be so raw and brutal, how can I (want to) slap someone in the face, push her against the wall, shove my fingers down her throat and choke her violently while I slap her in the face again with her own saliva on my wet hand.
How can I do all this and then "catch" her, after this kind of "peak", when we calm down again, breathe for a moment, regroup. Come back to our senses. Then we smile, look at each other and ask if we're alright, and I hold her, carefully. I caress her cheeks, softly. I hug her and make sure she is fine.
How can I want to be so gentle and caring to someone I want to slap, hurt and spit on.

I asked her and she told me "you focus too much on the "violence-part": you should look at it like this: you give me exactly what I want. It's like I have an itch on my back that I can't reach myself and I ask you to scratch it".

So this is her explanation of my desire to care for her/people I like: I give her what she wants.
And while this is true, it still doesn't explain this paradoxical duality.
I am yet to be able to bridge the gap between my desire to care for her and fucking slapping her face.

... And I am afraid this is BDSM 101, but... yeah. Thinking out loud.

(EDIT: I am not struggling with this, I am very confident with my sexuality and desires, I just couldn't make sense of this duality (yet))

I'm curious if you have some crual ideas for chastity games. I do have one including cuckolding, humiliation and chastity.

So the Keyholder give the key of her sub to one of her bulls. The game is that the sub must ask(or beg...) one of her bull if they have his chastity key. If they don't, the bull is allow to fuck the wife keyholder. The sub must ask to a second bull until he finally guess it right. If the sub guess it right, he's allow a reward. (Free of chastity for an hour, edging or wtv.)

I also have think about another similar game that the hotwife make the sub taste cum. The sub have to guess wich bull's semens it is. If he got it wrong > punishment. If he got it right > reward.

I recently had a convo about kinks with a close friend of mine. She asked me if I think she’s kinky based on what she likes. I really couldn’t give her a good answer though. Here’s what she told me what she likes (she didn’t know some of the terms so this is what I concluded from her descriptions):

• being put in her place for misbehaving
• Light bondage (she owns leather handcuffs and under bed restraints)
• Scratching and biting (as long as it doesn’t break the skin too much)
• getting "marked" with hickeys on her body
• A mild mixture of getting degraded and praised
• Edging
• Getting restrained with rope
• Rope used for aesthetic purposes (i.e shibari, they aren’t too experienced with it though because her partner lacks focus to learn knots etc. because of ADHD xD )
• Hand spanking
• Being blindfolded
• Hair pulling
• Fisting (vaginal)
• Getting her mouth covered by her partner’s hand
• Using dildos and vibrators on a regular basis (she doesn’t think that’s kinky in any way, same with oral, doggy and 69, etc.)

What do you think? Is she kinky or does this rather count as "spicy"/"vanilla with sprinkles"?

edit: it was pointed out to me that i hadnt mentioned how D/s mainly revolves around control not just sadism/masochism. So ive reworded a little to seem avoid being ignorant or misinforming.

I was just listening to the new Loving BDSM podcast episode “BDSM Reddit Response”. A topic caught my ear about 30mins in.

So theres a story of a sub asking if they’re crazy or if their Dom is a red flag. TLDR the Dom is saying things like “a submissive must trust the Dom and the Dom can do whatever they want”. Especially specifically saying if the Sub doesn’t want something it makes this Dom Specifically want to do that. Now obviously to most of us this reads as a red flag as with more conotext its more clear the Dom intends to deliberately push boundaries without communication or explicit consent.

However, the meat of my discussion:

This to me is characteristic of a by definition Sadist, they truly in all ways just want to take joy from pushing and causing displeasure in their sub i. a 100% power exchange.

In comparison, the type of sadism we see in BDSM where sadism is seen and not only control is well communicated and with explicit or prior consent (but still with a check in and communication). And at least in my case, i only want to cause displeasure if it by some convoluted roundabout reason (kinks) will actually cause pleasure for my sub and myself, or more commonly for myself and my partner as a fun way to play out the power exchange.

So, is this dodgy Dom an unchecked sadist? Are most of us Domes who ARE partaking in sadism actually sadists or something more complicated? is our sadism only related to our kinks?

Id love to hear the community’s thoughts. Its just an interesting thought provoker about What sadism and masochism really are in BDSM.

I've been training my new submissive bunny, she's mostly vanilla with an interest in most things kinky, training her has been steady and very productive. One thing that has helped a lot is a submissive mantra I came up with that I get my Bunny to repeat multiple times as the beginning of our training or a kinky scene, as it helps her get into the mood and headspace for kinky bdsm fun time.

The mantra is as follows

"I will submit, I will serve, you are my master, you are my Sir"

Does anyone else have similar training techniques to prepare for a scene?

Hi, I have an important question.

I want to buy a muscle suit, but I'm not sure about the size I need to buy.
Usually I wear a size M-L in Germany, could be around S-M in the US.

The muscle suit I want to buy has this measurements, but I don't know If they are the ones of the wearer or the measurements of the suit:

https://preview.redd.it/muscle-suit-size-is-a-size-l-right-my-measurements-and-v0-5id015v6gage1.jpeg?auto=webp&s=325d395b3ff7f9f096c6c591ca61cdc657dd5461

This is a picture someone else took with the same color:

https://preview.redd.it/muscle-suit-size-is-this-the-right-size-and-color-my-v0-v0oyc3jiiage1.jpg?width=250&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c8502d8597835e22c976a3191b07ad86e2349310

My sizes are:
Chest: 100 cm
Waist: 89 cm
Abdomen: 93 cm
Hips: 96 cm
Neck: 39.5 cm

Height and weight fits.

This is my skin color:

https://preview.redd.it/muscle-suit-size-is-this-the-right-size-and-color-my-v0-th1is11iiage1.jpg?width=1536&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=424aecd97beeb99bf6d19347d513fdfbdd56c05f

I already sent a message to the sellers, but I didn't got any answer.

The one in the picture is a size L and might fit-
But I never bought muscle suits before and therefore it might be different.
It's a huge investion nonetheless. Shall I buy it?

It says "104" at the chest. Is that the "non-stretched" size or is it the recommended size for a good fit?
Wouldn't it be wobbly If it has room? It should be tight I believe.

What would you do if cake got pregnant? How would that change your dynamic? Would she become your #1 and your cuck gets demoted to number two forces to serve, pleasure, and spoil her? How would that change your dynamic?

Please answer in character and scene wise it’s okay if you wouldn’t like it irl just some fun scenes.

STOP making food comments it’s getting annoying to read. A cake in this contexts a thing in a cuckquean kink like the girl the master sleeps with while his partner watches. It’s like a somewhat degrading/hierarchy version of a voyeur kink.

I may be looking to move within the next year. I am looking for a city that has a open and welcoming community. I live in the Atlanta area and we used to have a publiciah Dungeon (1763) and several different dance clubs that I would set-up my St. Andrew's Cross on certain nights and play.

I am looking for something like this.

Obligatory new/throw away account because enough creepers troll the widow subreddit, don't want them seeing this as well. 🙄

About 15 years ago single me went to a general info meeting/tour of a dungeon in the city I live. I never went back because I felt too shy to go alone and my friend bailed.

A lot has happened since then including marriage to my soul mate and his subsequent death three years ago. I've had one partner since then and he died too.

I'm absolutely not interested in a dating relationship, but I'm still a sexual person.

When I visited 15 years ago I was looking for everything and anything. My desires have changed. I'm not sure if a club is still an appropriate place for to take my sexual energy. I don't want to go and then feel dumb and rejected because what I feel I need is probably very little and very vanilla these days, but I really liked the structure and the rules of the dungeon I visited because I felt confident in my safety there. (Past sexual assault so this is a big deal) If I had been more confident and less shy back in the day, I would have totally embraced the whole dungeon experience.

So right now I basically really miss being horny in general. I don't enjoy sex (as defined as genitals involved) without having feelings involved and my feelings simply aren't available right now.

But God, I'm about dying for somebody to tie me up, flog me, touch me and bite me.

Because I've never been involved in an actual community before, just play with individual partners of similar mindset, I have no idea if this is an okay "ask".

Is this okay? Like are there Dom's who would be interested in interacting with me with those boundaries?

I tried very hard to convince myself I could turn off my sexuality, but... Yeah. No. But "A" for effort.

Also: ugh. I used to be a hottie and was genuinely sweet enough to blush several times during my original introduction to the club, which I could tell had a couple of Dom's very "charmed."

I'm now 15 years older and 25 pounds heavier and life and loss has left me somewhat jaded. Seriously, life is hard and I am still grieving for my dead.

So besides my initial question, I'm also a bit concerned about flat out being rejected as too old, too fat, to uninteresting. But reality is I'm only slightly old, only slightly fat and am an incredibly interesting human person.

Like what can I expect if I do go? How do you, "find someone" to explore things further? I'm feeling intimidated and completely out of my depth.

My local club has 3 "open for public" get togethers every month, a bar, a bowling, and a BBQ. I'm still incredibly shy and feel like an idiot going into a bar or bowling alley and saying, "Hey, are you the dungeon people and will someone please tie me up and bite me?".

If it's okay for me to explore club life with hard boundaries (which it has to be for any reputable club, right?), how do I, as an incredibly shy and somewhat insecure person get started without feeling completely lost, overwhelmed and like an idiot. Like when I think about going to an event by myself I feel like vomiting from nerves. I've never met a play partner outside of normal dating situation and never played sexually without "sex" on the table. Is this a thing? Please tell me this is a thing and will someone please came and hold my hand while I explore this avenue?

I am feeling out of my depth. Ugh. Help.

What are some good websites/books/videos/etc for someone who wants to learn about & explore bdsm/kink?

I’m trying to find mascara to run beautifully during the scene. I’ve seen recommendations to use a cheep one and not waterproof, of course. But I still haven’t found a good one… Any recommendations? What do you guys use?

Hello, I'm looking to take a date who's on a sexual exploration to a fetish club or if there's anything more tame like a fetish cafe if that's even a thing, hes closeted and in a very uptight situation so I really want to show him an amazing time into a world he's been yearning for, could possibly even be exploring drag as a hobby but that's nothing to do with this, just something that makes me proud of him. Anyway! Camden town would be ideal and LGBTQ friendly too, thank you for taking time to help out!

So humiliation has always held a special place in my heart, and is the core of my overall interest, and role in BDSM. The cool thing about humiliation is how personal, specific, and subjective it is to each individual. It typically follows a formula of identifying an area someone has significant pride in, doing something (especially when public) to make it as clear as possible to others that the target is actually incompetent in said area, and if you’re really good you do it in a playful teasing way the wrecks them but doesn’t come across cruel so if they react with anger they end up looking like the bad guy and humiliating themselves even more.

Before I ask my question, here is a short example of a time a friend of mine hit me directly in my ego shattering, humiliation sweet spot. He knew something I prided myself in is being big and strong, and I like to be perceived by women as strong, and masculine. In short I was talking to a few beautiful girls, he came up behind me and put me in a very playful but secure headlock, and wouldn’t let me out until I said “the magic word”. He playfully held me in the headlock and teased me about the magic word for a good 5 minutes and the girls were all giggling, and playing along. I was absolutely OUT…OF…MY…MIND with frustration, and my ego was blown clean out of my ass. He pulled off a 10/10 5 Star Legendary cock block on me and had me thoroughly humiliated. And he did it in that fun, playful way that made it so that I just had to take it in the balls (metaphorically speaking).

So to my question for you wonderful kinky people: Per my personal experience, what was a time for you that either, you pulled of a creative perfect humiliation on someone, or what was a time someone pulled one off on your kinky ass?

Let me hear em!

The sub I’m seeing squirts when she orgasms, a lot. I’m looking for advice on how to deal with the aftermath, noone wants to lay in a cold wet spot, but I don’t want to be on top of plastic. I know there are fitted sheets that are waterproof but I’m looking for something easier to get on/off. Anyone found a solution to this problem that’s practical and also comfortable?

Hii, I've been exploring kink for a while online, but I really really want some irl interactions, but I don't really know how. I've heard about FetLife, but I don't want a dating app. I wanna become friends with people that will help me live a kink lifestyle; specifically petplay. I very much want an owner or more haha (I'm poly).

I'm autistic and socially anxious, especially when it comes to this sort of thing; I get super shy. Online I can manage because texting is easier for me. Even know, I'm extremely anxious asking for advice here.

Anyone knows of a platform where one can buy and sell used and new sex toys? Same for underwear?

Preferably for Europe but outside the continent is fine as well

Edit: by used I meant toys which are no longer in plastic and box. They were opened from original package but then they were not to one‘s liking.

For underwear I meant for kinks.

If you're kinky and you enjoy playing word games, check out friendle.gg. It's Wordle, but you play with a friend over the internet and you can enter any words you want. Try using kinky words for some flirty fun! No login or app download required.

Does anyone have other ideas like this?

As the question indicates I'm wondering why choking is considered unsafe or dangerous. Never thought it was until I stumbled upon multiple Reddit threads stating that. Is choking meant as a way of completely shutting down ones ability to breath or is there more risks involved? I do like choking but I never completely shut someone's airways. Would there still be risks? If yes - what would that be?

Thanks in advance Xx

Slight rant , also be good to just have a conversation about this.

As someone potentially looking for a dom, one thing that frustrates me is how much people seem to think that means they can just start dominanting straight away, no discussion or likes and limits etc.

I there is a difference between dominating someone in the bedroom after a discussion about what you both like, what your limits are etc and just kinda trying to control right from the off.

Personally I will not just 'submit' to anyone saying they are a Dom, trust does need to be there.

I've had a few experiences (mostly online) of people trying to jump straight into talking to me like I'm 'their' sub before we even had a conversation to see if it could work.

Anyone else faced this? I'm open to feedback if I'm maybe seeing this incorrectly.

I've already tried talking with her and expressing my concerns about health and safety, but all she can tell me is that she fuckin melts when I choke her hard.

I know already this sub's consensus about choking and that's the main reason we talked everything through, but let's just say she uhmmm, values arousal and enjoyment over her own safety.

The nose and mouth cover won't do, she explicitly told me she wants to feel my hands the harder the better.

Please tell me there are other solutions to this other than 'you're cooked bro'. TIA

I 23(F) am somewhat new to the community but i already pretty much know the kinks i like but im not sure where to find other people in my area that are part of the community and i also want to explore and try new things that interest me without judgement. I just broke up with my boyfriend and we were somewhat vanilla since he was a bit conservative and pretty judgy, so i never really got to explore or was comfortable to tell him about the other side of me. so honestly i just want to experience being with someone that’s a dom or at least be able to explore the things I want to try safely but i dont know where to start. any type of help would be greatly appreciated!!