/r/BDSMcommunity

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Welcome to BDSMcommunity

A hub for discussion, questions, help and conversation. Read below for this community's guidelines.

Rules

Rule #1: 18+ only

  • Anyone found to be under 18 will have their content removed and permanently banned from our subreddit family.
  • Content of underage people are not allowed in ANY context. (pictures, videos, drawings, stories, etc.)

Rule #2: Submissions must clearly show/imply BDSM

  • Generic porn or suggestive images without a clear BDSM theme will be removed.
  • A title is not enough: generic "sexy" images with kinky keywords in the title will be removed
  • Low effort content, memes, survey-results will be removed.
  • Non-kinky relationship questions with a kink partner belongs in /r/relationships or /r/relationship_advice
  • Non-kinky sex questions questions with a kink partner belongs in /r/sex or /r/sexadvice

Rule #3: Be excellent to each other

  • No name calling or personal attacks
  • No homophobia, sexism, racism, bigotry of any kind.
  • No explicit or implied threats.
  • No doxxing/outing/name-dropping.
  • No shaming people for their kinks (or lack thereof).
  • No callout posts, naming and shaming people (Reddit users or otherwise).
  • We welcome people from all walks of life, all genders, and identities here as long as you can conduct yourself with civility. Kinky roleplay is not the same as real life, respect each other.

Rule #4: No drama/baiting/trolling

  • No MGTOW, TRP, incel, etc. type of content.
  • No malicious baiting/trolling or purposefully inciting arguments.
  • No purposefully inflammatory posts.
  • No linking to posts or bringing up incidents from subreddits outside our subreddit family to complain about or brigade.

Rule #5: No advertising

  • No spam/self promotion, repeat offenders will be banned.
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  • No direct URL or QR code watermarks
  • No advertising outside chat groups (kik, skype, discord, etc)
  • No personal contact information (kik, skype, email, etc), no requesting/offering DM's
  • Guidelines for self-promotion on reddit
  • Personal ads belong in /r/BDSMpersonals
  • Do not redirect users posting personal ads to /r/BDSMpersonals. Here is our explaination why

Rule #6: Text posts must prompt discussion

  • Please include a question or discussion prompt in all text posts.
  • Erotic stories (real or fictional) & creative writings belong in /r/BDSMerotica
  • PSA's (public service announcements) are not allowed - Here is our explanation why
  • Rants, vents, love letters, goodbye letters, shower thoughts are not allowed.
  • To avoid flooding the subreddit with the same questions every day, most posts asking beginner or frequently posted questions will be removed and redirected to our weekly thread stickied at the top of the subreddit. Click here for more about this and some examples of frequently posted topics

Rule #7: No surveys

  • No academic/research survey posts
  • No posting online survey results

Rule #8: All standard reddit rules apply

Rule #9: Mods will use their discretion

  • The /r/BDSM subreddit family mods will take things on a case by case basis and remove posts/comments and ban users at their discretion. We reserve the right to use our own judgment and ban anyone from the subreddit or entire subreddit family if we view you as being detrimental to the community, regardless of if you break any specifically stated rule.
  • When the mods say to do something, stop something, or let something go, do it. If you have a concern you are free to send us a politely worded modmail, but arguing or being rude to the mods is a one way ticket to a permaban.

Need help?

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/r/BDSMcommunity

543,939 Subscribers

2

Looking for DDlg resources for my Dom to read and get educated…

Hello!

Like the title says, I’m a little as well as a service sub, been one for a long time, but my Dom and I haven’t really gotten into that little part of me and he’s interested in giving it a try for me but would like to get educated as much as he can first so I’m trying to also help find resources and things for him to read up or watch (he does prefer videos like in YT) since I really want this and want him to feel comfortable.

He knows how it would look for me, my age range and what things make me feel little, he’s more of looking for resources for Doms and what to look for, what things to do, he wants to be informed to be able yo make it a good experience for me

Any and all help and advice is greatly appreciated!

2 Comments
2024/12/01
03:10 UTC

0

Feeling conflicted regarding my place as a strong women, and serving my male dom

Hi all, I wanted other people’s thoughts and feelings on this.

Some short context, me and my partner are both switches, but usually go through phases where one of us is more submissive and the other is more dominant; it will switch back after a couple or several months. It’s weird to explain, but I consider him my dom and my sub. He has the key to my heart and I love our dynamic, we also balance each other out, and are lucky that we’ve never been both leaning submissive or dominant at the same time. Anyway, right now I’m the one feeling very submissive.

Right now all I want is to be owned, used, adored, and played with. However, part of me feels conflicted because I’m someone who feels pressure to be a strong and confident woman, and when I’m begging for him to fuck me or choke me there is this little voice in my head after the scene is over telling me I’m a fraud.

To be honest, I’m sure part of this issue is some religious trauma. I grew up in a church that emphasized women being men’s “helpers”, and that while we’re equal we should still listen to men because that’s just the natural way things are. The idea that we’re the weaker sex was drilled into me through some subtle (and not to subtle) interactions and conversations for my entire childhood, and while I have a rebellious spirit it was still something I struggled to overcome.

I always felt like I needed to prove the people who made me feel like I was weaker just because I wasn’t a man wrong.

Well, I feel like I did. I am not really a part of the church anymore, and am known by most of my friends as someone who is very strong and independent. Confident, and can handle myself.

That being said sometimes I don’t want to be that person, I want to relax and allow my partner to take control. I want to he treated like a cute little toy, and that’s where my internal battle happens. I don’t know, I just feel like I am letting the rebellious and tough little girl inside me that wanted to prove everyone wrong, and get out of that lifestyle, down.

I’m so sorry if this is all so cliche or doesn’t make sense, or doesn’t quite fit here, but I love love to hear if any other subs have felt this way before.

I’d like to add I LOVE the things me and my dom do, they make me feel so amazing and loved, but again, there is that little part of me. How do I accept that I can be strong and love being used at the same time?

Also, I’d like to clarify that I don’t feel like anyone that is a sub is a weak person. I am just dealing with some weird shitty internal issues. I apologize if I made you feel that way

4 Comments
2024/12/01
02:05 UTC

5

Emotionally exhausted and burnt out. I know from past experiences that I need kink in long term relationships, but right now I think I can only handle vanilla. Has anyone else felt that way?

I got a divorce a couple years ago, then my job burnt me out with constant toxicity, then I got swept up in their mass layoffs. Started a new job (they gave me the offer on November 6th, which was a uniquely bad day to process that), so hopefully things will stabilize.

I kind of just need basic vanilla intimacy right now, but I know from my prior marriage that kink will likely need to be a part of things long term. So I'm really not sure where to look for companionship.

  • If I focus on the kink community (I've got a very nice community nearby), then I feel like I'd be letting down potential partners who might want someone more consistently kinky.
  • If I focus on the vanilla community, then there's the awkward chance that they're really not into kink, or even have the opposite needs if they are.

How common is this sort of thing, or am I just overthinking things?

3 Comments
2024/12/01
01:43 UTC

0

For Females With CNC Kink: How Did It Develop?

For all the females that have this kink, I'm working on a free use cnc novel and I need to understand various female perspectives as intimately as possible. Can you please share here how you discovered this kink? Can you talk about your first fantasies and what may have inspired them? Did it get more and more taboo, more and more violent in your head? Were you scared or ashamed of what you were feeling? Were you repulsed at any point? What are some limits for you? Have your limits changed?

I'm not even trying to sext with anyone (happily married), I just need people to give me as detailed a testimony as possible.

0 Comments
2024/12/01
01:35 UTC

14

For Females Who Have CNC Kink, How Did It Develop?

For all the females that have this kink, I'm working on a free use/cnc novel and I need to understand various female perspectives as intimately as possible. Can you please share here how you discovered this kink? Can you talk about your first fantasies and what may have inspired them? Did it get more and more taboo, more and more violent in your head? Were you scared or ashamed of what you were feeling? Were you repulsed by your own desires at any point? What are some limits for you? Have your limits changed?

I'm not even trying to sext with anyone (happily married), I just need somebody to give me as detailed a testimony as possible. Thank you in advance.

11 Comments
2024/12/01
01:29 UTC

3

Beginner Dom

Hi guy I'm new to reddit and a friend suggested me to come here with my question.
So my partner (M24) is wanting me (F22) to try to dom him. I feel comfortable with this, but I don't know much of how to do this since passed partners would force me into the sub role. What would you guys suggest for me? I'm also autistic so please be patient with me if I have extra question. The more I ask the more I'll understand.

10 Comments
2024/12/01
01:03 UTC

13

Why is abandonment play exciting to doms?

I have a Dom leaning play partner who seems interested in abandonment play and when we’ve talked about fantasies is interested in using me and then leaving. I’m not adverse to it, but I’ve been trying to understand why that’s an attractive thing to do that from a Dom perspective? Asking because sometimes when I understand the mindset things can click and I can get more excited (I’m going to ask him as well next time it comes up).

Edit: I’m aware that it’s important to communicate with your partner and we have pretty good communication and I have a pretty good sense of what my limits and boundaries are, so not really looking for advice on how to communicate, plan a scene, be assertive, etc. This is not a situation where I’m scared for my safety or being pressured into anything.

15 Comments
2024/12/01
00:57 UTC

5

#masochists Genuine Intrusive Thought I’ve had for a very long time.

When you’re doing a scene that features a lot of active pain, is it the pleasure of the pain that you feel in that very moment, or the pleasure coming from the moment the pain stops? Like a slow boil or a direct heat? Please I’m genuinely curious. This is a safe space🧍🏾‍♀️🫶🏾

14 Comments
2024/11/30
23:58 UTC

3

Has anyone else felt conflicted between what he does in his daily life and his kinks?

Hello everyone, I don't know what's gonna happen after this but this space is the only space i feel like i can vent at.

I'm a Nurse and my work is really intense and definitely dangerous but mentally rewardong as i work in public health management position and a rescue team member that works in the Mediterranean. So through all of my years of work, i've been really caring and focusing on helping people around me and i've always enjoyed doing that. Now for the kinky part of me, I have so many kinks that can't be accepted in my daily life such as CNC or misogyny or rough play that includes impact play and free use. From time to time i have this inner dialog that really torment me especially with how much i feel aroused tl those things. Also, i'm trying to be a better dom so i'm constantly evaluating myself to be a better dom.

It's really draing and i feel like this is gonna keep happening. I really appreciate you for reading this rant and if there are other Doms who had that kind of issues and overcame it, i'd definitely feel grateful for any kind of advice you can provide.

Thank you.

16 Comments
2024/11/30
23:39 UTC

63

Is my girlfriends fantasy common?

This is primarily my gfs fetish, not mine.

I am fit, masculine, good looking, long flowing hair. For whatever reason, she gets uncontrollably wet for the idea of cucking me with a fat, bald, ugly, older man, with penis size (and race) being a total non issue.

She also primarily imagines it as being nonconsensual, like he has blackmailed her somehow (think those silly landlord/boss type videos), I'm kind of just in the background either not even knowing about it or being forced to accept it alongside her.

I guess it's ultimately degradation and the control loss that turns her on according to her, but can anyone else offer any insight as to why she likes this? Is this more unique to her? How come she wants a guy that's the total opposite of me?

25 Comments
2024/11/30
23:37 UTC

12

I can’t help but be turned on by some things that I shouldn’t enjoy

I saw a lot of women posting here after the US election talking about how they couldn’t get turned on by degradation in the bedroom with the state of affairs in the US. I’m in the opposite situation. The other day I saw a video of a man saying some truly awful stuff about woman and I still enjoyed it even though logically I know it’s disgusting of him.

On another occasion I heard about how somebody in my community had been blackmailed for months by a guy, obviously that’s disgusting of him and a nightmare for her, I know that logically, but I can’t help but fantasise about being in that situation.

Does anyone else have this issue? I would like some insight on how to navigate this.

9 Comments
2024/11/30
22:10 UTC

18

Best runny makeup?

What’s the best makeup to wear for messing up? Everything is so waterproof and smear proof these days! But I want running mascara and lipstick that smears easily for my daddy to have fun with. Any recommendations?

13 Comments
2024/11/30
17:48 UTC

0

I hurt him

Aweee man last night was a awesome pegging night but I hurt him:-( i feel like shit for going hard !!! And now he's hurt :-( how do you ladies deal with that?? What do you do?? Help??

8 Comments
2024/11/30
16:34 UTC

0

Where can I find a urethral sound insert either attached to a silicone hose or that can be attached to a silicone hose?

For a long-term bondage scene. The vision is to have the hose attached to a gag that the sub is wearing, forcing them to drink their own piss if they have to go. Will not be forcing the sub to piss in their ass since I believe piss acts as an enema.

11 Comments
2024/11/30
16:15 UTC

0

Buenos Aires

Hey, I am ging to Buenos Aires in January 2025.

Somebody know Clubs, Socialmedia, Foren to explorere?

0 Comments
2024/11/30
16:05 UTC

3

Collaring equivalencies?

I was thinking recently about how doms often collar their subs to show ownership in a way. And it got me thinking, is there an equivalent thing subs can do to their dom? Not a collar per se, but something similar. To show that dom is taken. Some of us subs are possessive too. If you have any ideas I’d love to hear them!

7 Comments
2024/11/30
16:05 UTC

4

Conditioning to feel arousal when pissing - what's this called?

Hi everyone! Been lurking for a few months now, made a new account for the usual reasons to start posting. A few months ago I saw a post on tumblr where a Dom expressed his desire to masturbate his sub while she peed on the toilet, with the idea that over time she'd come to associate arousal with peeing and would associate the acts. I was very taken with the idea (to uh...the extent that it actually kicked my libido back into gear for the first time in a few years. Welcome back!) but the problem is, despite trawling through this subreddit and a few others, I can't seem to find anything about it, regardless of what search terms I used. Most of what I can find is the more standard watersports stuff which I don't think I'm terribly interested in. I'm curious to read about other people's experiences, and how it could be ramped up, done slightly differently etc etc and how it could be used outside of the bathroom.

Could anyone point me in the right direction or share their own tips?

(Note, I am new, I'm definitely submissive. I'm trying to muster up the courage to go to a munch tomorrow!)

8 Comments
2024/11/30
13:04 UTC

0

That 1 Thing

What is the 1 thing your sex playroom or dungeon must have?

6 Comments
2024/11/30
11:30 UTC

43

Safety concerns for pussy flogging?

My wife and I have been enjoying regular bdsm play for a couple of years and we are moderately experienced within our little box of interests.

We have recently started getting into impact play a bit more seriously and my wife (sub) has voiced an interest in having her pussy worked over by a flogger, leather paddle or crop.

In her words it's not necessarily that she wants intense pain. But rather it's more about being heavily restrained and being hit in an extremely sensitive area and you get that automatic flinch response where you try and protect yourself and then suddenly feel very vulnerable as you realise the bondage is holding you in place.

We are going to start experimenting and just see what works. The idea is to work up to a level that's firm but not going to leave her red and sore for days afterwards.

Obviously we need to apply some common sense but are there any specific safety concerns with this? The vagina seems to be pretty low risk compared to the testicles for example as long as nothing is too over the top.

13 Comments
2024/11/30
10:22 UTC

1

advice needed.

my partner (F31) and I (M33) have been on and off trying to achieve a Dom Sub relationship and we are having trouble, we are both really interested in the lifestyle and neither of us have expressed worry or concern about being in that style of relationship.

The issues are that my partner has said that i’m too nice to dom her and that she thinks i can’t give her want she needs in scenes and play. she’s mentioned that she thinks having a stranger dom her would be easier for her to let go as he’s not romantically involved and it’s easier to not be gentle or caring. I have issues with this as the way i see it me caring would ensure scenes don’t go to far with subspace and consent being thrown in the mix and i also believe that emotions would occur with an external dom regardless so it doesn’t make sense. i should point out that i am completely against the idea of an external dom i’m just trying to apply logic.

my other issue is that i feel my partner is holding a perfect “fantasy” image in her head of how this will go. we are both brand new to acting on this but she has read fictional books and watch films such as 50 shades etc and i feel she has unrealistic expectations of the lifestyle which IMO will lead to resentment, disappointment and arguments.

my goal is to be the best dom for my partner and keep her safe in play to make sure she has fun but doesn’t go to far as she is a people pleaser and will just say yes most of the time. which is not good.

my questions are

  • how do you dom someone after being told that they think you’re too nice? is it a lost cause?
  • should fiction be used as a guiding point for this lifestyle?
  • am i in the wrong for caring and will this ruin the dom role?

of course i could be completely in the wrong here so any advice or opinions are welcomed. i hope it makes sense.

Ta

EDIT/ADD ON -i should say. i don’t feel like i am gentle or soft. and as for appearance (in case needed) im 6.2” and have a beard. in case people are imagining a different thing. i dont feel like i am what she says. my main concern is that she feels that “love” is what will get in the way of the dom role.

12 Comments
2024/11/30
09:10 UTC

5

Marriage and Chastity

My fiance wants to lock me on the night of our wedding. It turns me on as well. What are some things and rituals that we can incorporate in our daily lives regarding chastity.

We currently have the following 1- I will do all the house chores naked and locked 2- Whenever we visit her parents or her friends come over I will be locked 3- Cinema dates will be locked 4- She will always wear the key on display and be vague about its representation if someone answers

She initially plans to unlock me on our first anniversary for PIV sex.

Please tell us more fun and sexy activities with chastity and femdom for our marriage, and any ideas of how can I be of more service to my mistress/wife

0 Comments
2024/11/30
07:56 UTC

0

Fetlife

Hi. They do not send a continuity code to my phone for membership. Has anyone encountered this problem or been able to solve it?

3 Comments
2024/11/30
07:12 UTC

6

Best way to find your kink or kinks

I am curious on the beats way to find what your kink is because I know I have one but I’m not sure if I have one or 15 but my point is that I’d there a way to find out what kink/kinks you have or should I just try them out to see what I actually have.

(I am terrible at checking my posts so I might not respond)

10 Comments
2024/11/30
06:59 UTC

0

I turned 18 a bit ago, how would I go about getting an owner?

Hey everyone. I’m a straight man and my biggest fantasy for as long as I could remember is being owned by a woman as her pet. It’s been six months since I turned 18 and I was having a lot of fun on dating apps and stuff but recently it struck me that I could totally be pursuing this fantasy now that I’m older. Where would I go about meeting people who also share this kink? Thanks for reading

3 Comments
2024/11/30
06:39 UTC

7

What is something that you wish your Master/Mistress does to you?

Some extreme kink that you haven't confessed to or too shy to talk about. Something that you wish your Master/Mistress does to you... what is it?

12 Comments
2024/11/30
06:35 UTC

0

Any public exposure risk tasks that you do with your Sub/Dom?

I recently read a story on literotica https://www.literotica.com/s/games-we-play-1 It was the most exhilarating task for the slave because the rules were set by the slave itself and gave enough control for the dom to push the sub to limits. Any tasks like that or games that you play with your Sub/Dom...

6 Comments
2024/11/30
04:45 UTC

5

Anything specific that your Master does that humiliates you the most?

The most humiliating act that your master can do to you that you enjoy. Does not cross the line. But extreme humiliation is entailed. What is that?

8 Comments
2024/11/30
04:39 UTC

21

Full time subs: favorite thing your dom does?

I’m about to be a full time sub the first time so I was just curious to hear about others! What’s your favorite thing (reward, punishment, routine, etc) that your dom does?

13 Comments
2024/11/30
04:12 UTC

0

Anyone bought from Artifice Clothing before?

I'd really like to order a few items but I dont want to find out it's a scam later. I just want to know that it's a legitimate brand. Around the holidays I see so many cool shops but half of them turn out to be scams. Please let me know! Thanks 🖤

0 Comments
2024/11/30
04:09 UTC

12

Switch sadist going through a masochistic awakening

Hello everyone!

I’ve always considered myself a switch when it comes to roles, but I have historically trended toward playing the dominant, and especially, the sadist. Theres few things that made me more proud than someone trusting me enough to ask me for my specific set of skills to hurt them or humiliate them.

Recently I crafted a flogger as a gift, and of course I needed to test it out on myself. And after about the 30th slice across my back, I realized I was more turned on than I had been in a long time. Turns out, I love being whipped.

I couldn’t help but stare at my red skin in the mirror, with rising welts, and feel another kind of pride at taking it and having the marks to show for it. I settled into the cozy warm, tingly glow of my beaten back against the bed sheets, and woke up grinning that I still had welts. It’s like it’s all starting to click in my brain as to why my partners loved it so much.

I’ve caught the bug, and now my obsessive mind is racing to think of what to try next. That same kind of pride I felt in being a trusted sadist, I want to give to someone else too by being their trusted masochist. It’s like, the way I’m proud of making my personal fitness trainer happy by perfecting a movement and pushing through a set. I want to make someone happy for enduring their physical and mental tortures.

This post is part blog entry, part gushing about my next obsession, and part asking for some thoughts from the more practiced masochists here.

How do you start to set your boundaries and thresholds for pain? How do you experiment to try out different kinds of pain to find what you enjoy most? Any things to watch out for in potential dominants/ sadists? Any other kinds of wisdom you’d like to share with a newbie pain seeker?

8 Comments
2024/11/30
02:48 UTC

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