So, my fiancé (peter) has a trades job, and the guys often shoot the shit quite a bit.

One day, his coworkers were speaking about being dutch and their heritage. They mentioned that peter’s fiancé is dutch due to her last name.

My partner corrected them, and let them know that his fiancé is in fact NOT dutch. They continue to press him on the subject, but her last name is clearly dutch! I’m dutch I know dutch last names!

Peter persists. My fiancé is not dutch, but I realize her last name sounds dutch. They continue to press on it and he snaps a little bit.

She’s not dutch - her ancestors were enslaved and raped by dutch people to which they were given the dutch last name.

How are people supposed to navigate these types of situations? Why do people push others to snap like this when it’s clearly a subject they are not looking to speak on?

This is something that’s happened to me before as well, but fiancé is a lot more sensitive when other people are speaking on me. Is there a better way for him to approach this and respond in the future?

I don’t know how I feel about it.

Hey ladiesss i’m in need of some advice around just feeling kind of guilty about climbing out of poverty, I know it sounds weird. I come from an immigrant family with a lot of siblings, we had the necessities growing up but we were certainly poor, this kind of forced me to grow up with this mentality that money is fleeting and your financial situation can decline in an instant.

I graduated college recently, have a pretty well paying job, and savings (even saying this feels like bragging). I worked hard in undergrad and did multiple internships so I could put myself in this position right now but I feel so guilty for some reason. I question why I was able to get into this position while those around me are struggling, my family is also superstitious so they believe speaking about my accomplishments with “outsiders” or extended family could cause them to put some negative juju on me. Working with this belief that at a moments notice you could lose everything you’ve worked hard for is creating some anxiety making me want to over perform at work. If you’ve ever dealt with imposter syndrome how did you over come it?

Met a guy, we’ve been chatting for a couple of weeks. The other day he told me that his 18yo daughter wanted to go to an event with her friends and only had $100. He told her he was experiencing “hard times“ (not true) and needed $50 just to see if she would give it to him. She sent it to him immediately. He said he was surprised by that.

I asked if he planned on giving it back to her since the event she wanted to go to started in a few hours, and he said he probably would and would give her an additional $50 on top of it, but he wanted to hold onto it for at least an hour so she would “sweat a little.” I asked him what the purpose of this exercise was. He said it was literally to see if she would give him the money.

He seemed really proud of the scenario he had created. I found it troubling. I don’t have kids, but it seems to me that parents should be a “safe place” in their children’s lives, not trying to trick, test, deceive, or manipulate them, let alone brag about doing so. He also seemed a little too gleeful at the prospect of making his daughter “sweat a little.“ If he would do that to his own child, what’s to stop him from doing something similar to me?

He seems like an OK guy otherwise, good conversationalist, well educated, successful and financially secure (contrary to what he told his kid), but this left a bad taste in my mouth that I can’t shake, and it’s enough for me not to want to continue. Am I overreacting?

ETA: thank you to everyone for your feedback. He is blocked.

It was so good and I was surprised it got me a little emotional!

I feel like you can pick apart so many root issues that influenced how Megan was treated, and even further back how her upbringing molded her. For example, seeing her mom internalize her own traumas and how it was the norm for them to not talk about it and keep going. That is so common with Black women and the body always keeps the score!

I had conflicted thoughts about Kelsey’s immediate actions post incident. NGL, I could see myself distancing from someone as close as they were if I found out they were sleeping with someone behind my back. But to then go align with the guy who also played a part AND also shot her is just…a whole nother level of betrayal. Another root problem. How common is it for women to completely vilify other women in this situation, and no smoke for the men?

Also, it was always eff Tory for me but I left with the added perception he is a special type of sinister.

Anybody watch? What y’all think?

I’m acquainted with a girl who has a similar living situation as me. Our moms are best friends and we are taking care of them although both abled bodied. Financially both appearing not to want to work.

She has been gripping for months on SM about the her situation. And how she wants it to change. I asked if she anted to move In together? I said we can support each other in healing and living.
We discussed major but surface things.
Sfe said she wanted to live alone. (Which cool I can accept no biggie I’m not here to pressure you) I just wanted to know if you would consider this. I get it I lived alone before and understand wanting that as she never lived alone before.) I’ made the suggestion because I know she works several jobs and I genuinely thought that would free up time and money for her.
She said she’s still tryna figure out her finances.

She said I helped her a lot when she was in college and she wanted to do the same for me. Now. She’s about 4 years younger than me. I’m 30 but had my shit together since college I don’t care for paybacks. I do things from my heart.

She then tried to put a ‘condition’ of attending a class at a place volunteers at.
The word condition irked me. My mom is narcissist and conditions are triggering.

I know just because we are the same skin color we don't need to have each other's back, but it's wild to me how this interracial couple is literally teaming up with racists in order to mess with my life. I don't want to get into detail, but it's crazy seeing a black man with biracial kids, side with a group of people who racially harass me AND my kids.

It's sad to see a black people being used for social proof by a white person in order to prove that the white person is not racist. Dude and his 'BLM' spouting white white wife, literally have their kids around a man and woman who put nooses on my car and constantly plots on people. I don't know if they knew or not (I'm guessing not) but they never gave me the benefit of the doubt. Just assumed I was the bad guy. I'm the aggressor. Im the problem.

Its a very strange thing to experience. I can't wrap my head around it. I guess it feels better to belong to any group, even if your kids could be in danger. How do they not sense these folks are using them and that they are racist AF?

All these white women are teaming up against ONE black woman. Isn't THAT enough of a red flag that something ain't right with these group of people? Who sits around and constantly gossips and plots on a woman who doesn't even BOTHER them. THAT THEY BARELY EVEN SEE. But yes, IM THE BAD GUY, that's why I got cameras in my front yard alone and they have NONE. ZERO. But yes, IM the one harassing THEM. Im the one trying to destroy THEM (sarcasm).

Just goes to show you, people don't care about the truth. They just want a story and look for evidence to confirm their bias. Logic doesn't matter.

I went out for drinks with my coworkers for Halloween. It was great fun and I decided to party further (alone) after leaving them so I went to a bar. It wasn't very good in terms of music and crowd (very white). I was about to leave but spotted a cute brother. I started talking to him and eventuality realised he wasn't meeting my standards. I was still interested in maybe engaging in sometime more casual with him. I told him I was going to the bar to get myself a drink and he offered to go get it. I told him 'OK fine go ahead' then he started getting weird and it gave me the worst ick. I literally wasn't counting on him for anything and he offered and then backtracked as if I was asking him for the world. And I wasn't even planning on getting something pricy.

I'm sorry, this may be the wrong forum and I will delete this if it is. But she's my bestfriend and I don't have anyone else to talk to about the situation. So please respond or PM me, thank you!

I (23F) feel very lost. I moved to the United States from Ghana when I was 12, and I found it very difficult to make friends because I lived in a predominantly white community. I didn’t feel comfortable speaking because I didn’t want to be made fun of for my accent. It got so bad that some people genuinely thought I didn’t speak. We moved to a really small town which made it ever harder to make friends and meet new people.

I felt like I had to keep playing the role of the shy quiet girl all through middle school and high school. This then became my identity. For reference, when I lived in Ghana I was know for always talking and asking too many questions, that all stopped when I moved.

This really ruined my confidence and I excluded myself from many social activities/ clubs or things I was interested in because i could never “fit in” anywhere and I felt incredibly awkward most of the time. I could have made a change in college but I didn’t go to school out of state or live on campus because my parents didn’t like the idea. So I spent pretty much all of college going between work and school. I never ch made any friends in college and to this day I do not have any friends.

I do not have a fond memories in my life that does not have to do with time spent with my nuclear family. I have two sisters around my age who are doing way better than me socially and I often find myself wishing I had at least a quarter of what they had.

I have tried to make friends but because of my lack of social interactions I’m not able to relate to people as quickly and I often end up isolating myself unintentionally. I always feel awkward or like a loser and I feel like I don’t have a personality because of my lack of experience.

I’m still in the same town we moved to, in the same house and I can’t move out because of work and $$. I feel extremely stuck and I don’t know how to get myself out. I just want to feel “normal” and to feel like I’m living and not just alive.

I don’t even cry about it anymore, I am more so embarrassed and sad that I did this to myself, because I know this is not who I am but it’s who I have been become.

Sorry for the long post, I wasn’t really sure where to post this but I needed to vent.

Happy Halloween Ladies 🎃 👻 🐈‍⬛

Since it’s the spooky season, thought we could have a fun thread. Let’s share stories, for anyone who’s had a paranormal experience.

I had one today at a Halloween Party 😆 Went to use the toilet with a separate room for the sinks like here in the picture.

On the countertop were ‘motion detection figurines of witches’ that cackle when you pass by.

So I’m sitting on the toilet handling my business. Then all of a sudden I hear a creak on the floor in front the sink, and the witches start cackling. I was like 😑😐🤨😳 “Yeah…ima head out.” They cackled three more times as I was flushing. I hurried up and washed my hands in the sink, before running 🏃🏾‍♀️out the room.

😁 Anyone else has paranormal experiences to share?

Paul Mitchell

So I (19f) grew up in a culturally diverse city. I had black friends at elementary school but things got hard in secondary school bc I was the only black kid there. Our school representative was mixed. We did have a black girl but graduated. I was always the only black kid amongst my friends. I would say that looks were always a thing in my life.

We would ask boys to rank us and I felt like I was in competition with my then best friend bc the guys would want to talk to her and she would get asked out while I was just the funny friend. I didn’t become funny to cope. If I’m being honest that’s just who I am unintentionally. It even got worse when I did the big chop at 14. Boys and family friends would compare me to guys and this has created this insecurity in me til this day. I was never seen. Fortunately more black kids came to my school but many dropped out. I had a “boyfriend” at 11/12 or 13(?) and we were supposed to kiss but he didn’t do it. My best friends boyfriend told me that he called me the ugliest girl in the class. Like I said looks were a thing but it wasn’t THE thing for me.

So fast forward at 16 is when I’d say it started. Friends were getting their first boyfriends and I had one friend who got a lot of attention from men. She was tall, pretty and mixed with green eyes. We went out together one day and guys would hit on her. I was super shady internally and I’m not proud of it. I was also severely depressed and su!c!dal at that time for other reasons. So it was a lot. I would compare myself to women I’ll never look like and cry. I felt so bad for comparing myself to family members as well. But it wasn’t like I wanted to look like them. I felt like they had more opportunities than me bc they could do their makeup and stuff (my mom was so against it. She threw away the makeup I bought at 14 and forced me to get relaxers once my natural hair grew out for 2 years). So I started posting myself online for people to rate me (what a stupid idea) and it was mixed. Some said I was pretty and others that I’m below average and this made everything worse for me. I came home every single day and would try different looks and take so many pictures of myself. I was also addicted to filters. Looking back I looked so strange. And no I was not ugly. I just looked like a normal kid.

I also noticed that I’d get more attention when I sexualised myself online. So I did that too.

As time went on people (not friends or family) would start calling me pretty. It was very strange for me. But school stayed the same. I was okay with everyone but now exceptional or anything. I’d get complimented by the girls but that was it….UNTIL I GRADUATED last year.

I just wanted to feel better about myself and decided to ale a change bc I couldn’t stay miserable forever. So I began experimenting with different hairstyles, makeup, clothes you name it. And suddenly people would stop me to tell me I was pretty. I really got into makeup this march. I worked as a cashier and it was such a new experience for me. Costumers would call me gorgeous, I even got asked if I model (bc I’m 5’9) and in the beginning I wasn’t sure but why would so many people including kids lie??? For what??? So I kept going. I got braids and the attention that I got was insane. I was complimented almost everyday. Not for the hairstyle tho but my face. And I was scared that the attention would go away once I take them off. But no it didn’t stop.

I’d be lying if I said that I’m ugly. My entire aesthetic has changed and I am more confident in myself. I chopped off my cooked relaxed hair this year and went natural. My style has improved a lot and I’ve definitely noticed that people treat you nicer when you take care of yourself. I also started talking to guys but I’ve just noticed that I get complimented wayyyy more than I get approached and then I start asking myself if I’m not attractive enough bc the only “quality” men (that I was genuinely attracted to) that I met have been from dating apps which I don’t use anymore. I only get approached by old or weird men. And then I see how guys around my age talk to other girls.

The sad part is that after everything I still don’t feel pretty often. I used to think that this was the end goal but no it’s not. I’m still insecure. I’m still kinda depressed (I had a hard upbringing) and I still worry too much about the way I look. I always want to look my best. Sometimes I avoid mirrors bc I’ll find something to nitpick.

I wanna play too🧛🏾‍♀️

Early voting in many states ends tomorrow (Nov. 1). Election Day is Tuesday, Nov. 5. Search “voting locations” in your city and state to find poll locations and hours near you.

I know this is pretty standard for braids unless you’re paying for a wash as well, but for a silk press?? She said it was because it takes more time if she had to detangle it and because I had box braids before. But if the silk press included a wash how does it not include detangling. And 40$ extra at that? The style itself was 100$ so the whole thing came out to 140$. It took a little under 2 hours from start to finish. I’ve had box braids for 180$ that took like 4-6 hours so it couldn’t have possibly been that much extra work