for those of you who don't know- slim kim is a black woman content creator who made a video saying that she is her happiest when she is the thinnest (or something amongst those lines). This obviously devolved into tons of conversations about body positivity and cultural beauty standards.

My father is black and my mother is puerto rican, and being thin has always been praised in my family. I definitely feel my best when i am my thinnest, and i am very aware that is a part of the white beauty standard. But i also don't have the energy to combat it. Thinness has been ingrained in me (through misogony and white beauty standard) since i was a child and I don't think i have the strength or desire to combat that part of my experience at my age.

I’m f23 and looking for someone that can support me with my life situation, send a private message, if u wanna talk.

after years of heat damage my curls are finally back. i want to start learning how to do my natural hair. i would say have 4c type hair and its superrrr thick so it doesnt lay flat. anyone have any products or methods they recommend?

hey y’all.

your girl is now sexually active again after several years LMAO and whilst I have maintained grooming with waxing and depilatory creams, I do not love the hyperpigmentation down below - inner thighs mainly - and all the ingrown scars etc. in the pubic area.

any advice on improving this?? i would like things to look smooth and soft. less variation in colour. and any other general hygiene advice for our intimate parts? supplements etc?

I don’t know if anyone else has come across the Annie Drea situation and….whew.

She did this all on the woman’s birthday A YEAR later, made burners and texting herself and doing all this while actively engaged to another man. I just wanna know, what was the reason?

How was your weekend? Have any plans for the week? See something on social media you just need to talk about? This chat is for anything and everything, so let loose.

Lurkers, come out and play!

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Hi ladies,

I know that many of us are preparing for the upcoming year. I was wondering if any of you decided to purchase any banned books? If so, what books have you purchased? I’m currently working on building a library of staples I can read and one day pass on to my children.

Hey ladies quick question, please tell me how did you end up getting closer with God? I’m Christian and I definitely pray everyday but I’m in my 30s now thinking should I be doing more spiritually?

I’ve been struggling lately with my mental health and recently decided to see a psychiatrist. It was a big decision for me because of the cost, but I felt it was worth trying. On the day of my appointment, I called my dad—not to ask for money, but to get his advice on whether it was worth pursuing. To my surprise, he offered to pay half and even asked if I needed him to cover the full amount. I suggested half, and he sent me $250, saying, “You should see those people.”

I was relieved. My dad has always encouraged me to seek professional help and seemed supportive, which gave me hope that I could be vulnerable with him. The appointment didn’t go as well as I’d hoped, and I’ve been trying to process if it was worth it.

Today, I called to talk to my mom, and my dad answered. Out of nowhere, he asked me when I’d be giving him his $250 back. I was shocked. I reminded him that he offered to help, and I never asked for the money. I told him that I was desperate and felt reassured when he stepped in. He brushed it off, made a snarky comment about how he’s paid for everything my whole life, and said he has bills to pay too.

What hurts the most is that I thought he was stepping up to help someone who was vulnerable with him, but he really just did it to throw it in my face. When I expressed my frustration, he called me ungrateful and started listing all the things he’s done for me in the past.

This isn’t about money—it’s about how he always makes me feel like a burden and dismisses me. I’ve felt emotionally neglected by him my entire life. Being around him can be triggering because of how terribly he treats my mom. He talks to her like a maid instead of a partner, constantly demanding things instead of asking, and it’s hard to witness. I see patterns of his behavior reflected in my own relationships with men, and I genuinely believe that many of my mental health issues stem from him and his actions.

I’ve learned to be hyper-independent because of him and truly hate asking him for anything because of how he behaves. While he was the breadwinner and I acknowledge his financial help, he always made me feel like I was an inconvenience. Growing up, we never went on family trips, I never saw him show affection to my mom, and he was hardly home. He felt like an absent roommate when I was a kid. Later, I found out that he massively cheated on my mom for most of their marriage.

He’s tried to do better over the years, and I recognize his efforts, but moments like this make it so difficult for me. His actions always seem to undermine the progress we’ve made.

Growing up, I watched him spend lavishly on himself while my needs often felt like an afterthought. He’d buy expensive gifts for himself but wouldn’t include us in those moments. I don’t want to villainize him because I know he loves his family and has done a lot for us, but his emotional support has always been inconsistent or non-existent. I believe it’s caused my siblings to have bad experiences with abusive men when we began to date. We’ve always faced abuse / bad treatment from men we dated . We all stayed in those relationships and didn’t walk away , similar to my mom and dealt with a lot of trauma from that.

I’ve been financially independent for a while now and haven’t asked him for anything. In fact, I’ve done a lot to help, including taking him and my mom out to dinner multiple times. I never asked for this money—he offered it. If he had told me beforehand that I’d need to pay it back or suggested I wait to see if the appointment was worth it, I would’ve been fine with that. What’s so upsetting is that he encouraged me to go, offered to pay, and then suddenly asked for the money back.

This isn’t the first time he’s done something like this. Once, when I visited home, he insisted I pay for my own $20 meal and pestered me multiple times until I sent him the money. I’ve never been ungrateful for what he’s done for me, but his behavior makes me feel like I can’t depend on him emotionally or financially without it coming back to hurt me.

I feel angry and disappointed, but I also feel guilty for snapping at him because he’s older now, and I don’t want to strain our relationship. At the same time, I’m struggling to process why he doesn’t seem to understand how much his actions affect me.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of dynamic with a parent? How do you navigate these feelings of hurt and frustration while maintaining boundaries?

Being vulnerable right now. This is my third time starting from scratch to do this degree. I’m only 21 so I don’t think I’m too old or I’ve wasted time. But the strain of financial issues from supporting my family and myself since 18 caused me to drop out twice. I help pay rent, for food and it causes me genuine anxiety trying to make sure I have enough to exist. I’ve had anxiety since I was a child and while it’s gotten better, when it’s bad it’s really bad. I’m doing a Law degree too of all things. Between working full time and doing this degree, I’m struggling. I’m not even sure if I want to be a lawyer. I’m not sure what I want to be as a whole. At the same time I want this degree but at the same time, do I really? I feel so lost. My dream ever since I was a child was to be an author. I don’t think my hearts really in this but I don’t wanna give up either.

Earlier today, I seen this video of this white lady on TikTok talking about how her grandmother compared Black shiny skin to beautiful Black, shiny, wet rocks— the white lady said how she seen a Black woman, overwhelmed in the video, called her a goddess and cried in the car at how beautiful & shiny her skin was. That video garnered a lot of praise from Black women & non-Black women. She ended up making a follow up apology video because people found it weird— the follow up apology was weirder because that Black rock/Black people analogy was a lesson for her to be antiracist.

Some people in the comments, which I think she had the nerve to like, were talking about it’s a “J!m Crow Forbidden Love Story” …. Weird (because she went on about how her grandma found a Black man at her job attractive when he was sweaty).

Now this is just an opinion and you guys can feel a way how you want to. I do not find posts like those towards Black women endearing at all. It’s just mad weird to me & dehumanizing, borderline (encouraging) fetishization. Like just call me pretty and move on with your day. Why are you crying in your Honda Civic on TikTok? If it’s not calling me a slur to my face, it’s making me out to be this mythical, majestic creature who is going to save the world. Just stop. STOP.

I get really disappointed, I know the reason why but, I still get disappointed when I see Black women championing these really inappropriate posts from non-Black people/women, as if that’s our source of validity & how we can feel special. If the first thing people think of to compliment me on… is my race?

Like why can’t people just compliment us in a normal fucking way? Why do they always have to bring my race into it? Or why do they have to do the absolute most? Being a Black woman in this world, is a very beyond arduous experience, so when I can exercise the very minuscule privilege afforded to me to put that as a non factor to my being…I do not want nobody, especially non-Black people throwing that shit into my face as if it makes up majority of my being even if they are self proclaimed “anti racist”.

One of my friends told me how their (white) guy friend really wants to date a Black woman because he finds us really beautiful & whatnot, which we we are (FUCKING DUH!) but why is that such an active desire as if it’s a checklist? Am I supposed to find that endearing? I do not.

This is a long ass rant but someone commented: people who see the skin color first before the people we are, in any aspect, are just weird… & dare I say racist. When people see me they should say “Smart, Funny, Beautiful, Talented”. No normal person would think “This is a Black woman”. The color of my skin does not translate to my qualities as a person.

Hi everyone, I have dealt with anxiety since I was a kid. I’m in now in my mid 20s. It comes and goes in terms of intensity but the fight or flight feeling is always there. After the election, it has gotten really bad to the point where I’m terrified of leaving my home. It feels like I’m in a constant state of panic attack 24/7. It’s even affecting my motivation to do my normal routine. I never been to therapy or never had a diagnosis. But the symptoms are definitely there. I want to reach out for professional help but I don’t know where to start. Any advice on how to get start with getting help. Thank you so much!!

A MESSAGE I SENT TO MY MANAGER:

I wanted to bring to your attention an inappropriate comment Syed made earlier. I was at the nursing station preparing for the night shift since I’m filling in as a Support Tech for Denise today. The family of the patient in room 5744 brought a fruit platter along with some snacks and drinks to thank us for our care, hard work, and dedication.

Paul Jensen and Naya were also at the station when Paul wondered what the gummies from the patient’s gift tasted like. I had one that was opened but untouched and offered it to Paul. That’s when Syed made the comment, “Ew nah, she probably has HIV.”

This remark was extremely inappropriate and made me feel uncomfortable and angry, so I stepped away from the situation. I also want to share that Syed has made smaller negative comments and jokes about me in the past, which I’ve tried to brush off. However, this crossed the line for me.

I felt it was important to bring this to your attention. ———————————————————————— THAT WAS THE MESSAGE I SENT HIM.

And right after he made that inappropriate comment I walked right out if the nurses station to get away from him for about 10 mins then I came back and he’s trying to talk to me again like NOTHING HAPPENED. He did that until the shift ended (because he knew he fucked up) and I did not say anything to him AT ALL and acted like I didn’t even see him (now I’m the “angry black woman”) I will NEVER talk to him again….

Guys this is just a rant. I am soooo TIRED. I mean just tired. I am a 21 y/o educated black woman. I am a hard worker and bust my ass for everything I have. There’s always gonna be someone out there who is intimidated and envious no matter where you go( I KNOW) but today just…today just has been a day. My “coworker” (I put it in quotes cause one he doesn’t do shit and two he’s pathetic) he’s been coming for me since he started a couple months ago. He’s Muslim and always likes to throw little slick comments and thinks he’s better than everyone because he’s in America now and has a Premed degree (but he is JUST a CNA) he acts like he’s a doctor though. Anyways, I’m a nursing student and I feel the need to say that because I’m a black women working around a bunch of republicans (I’m in Florida). He always wants to critique the way I do things and does things completely opposite, he’s completely disrespectful, loud and swears entirely way too much…yet gets away with all of this because HES NOT BLACK. Guys I’m tired… I am done. I’m taking this here because even though I brought it to my managers attention, I know they’ll just give him a warning. I will be taking it to HR however.

The textured edges… the versatility of the hair 😍 I just seen a TikTok of one of the stylist creating the wig & im blown away!

Hello,

I am a senior in college and currently work as a Registered Behavior Technician. I am thinking about pursuing Behavioral Health and applying for graduate school to become a BCBA. However, the deeper I fall into my career the more I realize this job is not sustainable for by physical and mental health long-term.

I would love to hear feedback from any of you with Sociology or ANY similar degrees(Psych, Community Wellness, etc.) and your experiences finding work that offers sustainable wages.

Why post this here? Many of my peers are black women and I’d like to know the experiences of people who are like me within these fields.

A few questions I have:

1.Was it hard finding work within your field after college? 2. Is a Sociology degree worth much these days?

I was scootering out of the bank parking lot and I pulled over on to the side of the curb to adjust my backpack, and some older white man in a white van starts pounding on his horn....

He stops and says "Get the fuck out of the way you fucking c*** ! N*****". I was admittedly in complete disbelief. Like I had to take a min to process what he said.

Here's the thing though.... I wasn't blocking any cars. I pulled out of the exit going to the right and stopped on the side of the curb just so a car could pass through! He was in the lane next me. The exit for turning left.

So l literally didn't do a damn thing to antagonize him. I was just adjusting my damn backpack and minding my business!

I bet if he wasn't in his car he wouldn't have said that shit. He drove off so fast and I was completely stunned that I couldn't even flip him the bird. He also drove away too fast.

I live in PA for reference. It's pretty diverse where I live, which made it even more weird.

I'm oddly calm about the whole thing, but damn he said that shit with his chest and a hard “R".

I want to be a hermit so bad 🧎🏽‍♀️ I hate it here.

I work in a very nosey, small town and make little money so Im trying to go to school at night to work my way into nursing. Thing is, i need to leave about 15 minutes early to make it to class on time because I live almost an hour away from the school. The school is giving classes two days out the week, monday and thursday. The company I work for is VERYYY strict on attendance, its fucking insane. Im not exaggerating when they say they really dont give a fuck about their employees. If youre sick, they’ll give u three days to recover then fire yo ass if you still havent recovered within that time frame.

I want to ask my boss if I can leave 15 minutes early to drive over to the next city but I dont want to tell him why (“bc im taking a class”). I dont want any of them in my business and I wish to move in silence. I dont want my dreams trampled on and then gossiped about. So what should I tell him instead? Do y’all have any suggestions?

For example with myself.

It doesn't seem to matter what genre of TV or movie I'm watching, there is often a death and or funeral/cemetery scene. I recently dealt with that in real life so that is triggering to me.

On a lighter note: Shows like one on one and watching the dynamic between Flex and Briana (father and daughter). I like the show, always have, but it "triggers" me because, although I grew up in a two parent household, my father was still absent emotionally. Even the little bit that happens at the end of the episodes, as the little girl sits on her dad's lap and says " I love you daddy" and he responds " love you too Netta". My dad has never told me he loves me!

Shows like living single and girlfriend's are "triggering" because it shows ladies who get along and even if they have disagreements, they eventually come back together and are still good friends. Never been in a friend group, never had a best friend (thought I did, but I wasn't hers), no ones calls and texts to check on me...

There are a lot of Christmas romance movies out on TV. They look good but all they would do is further highlight my lack of romance.

Then the music of older shows/movies just make me nostalgic for times when my life was better, when I was a child and felt like people cared. Because I certainly don't feel like they do now

Ugh

I see why I just let game shows play in the background sometimes

Please tell me I'm not the only one 🥺

I've started listing to Iza and I love her!!

What are some things you plan to do or are currently doing to help you get ready for the New Year?

Mine is imagine dragon demons & wildest dreams by Taylor swifts also I listen to kelly Clarkson

So I’ve been talking to this guy since Thursday. It was a pretty normal conversation. We’ve been texting every day and almost all day since then but I’m asking myself when we’re going to meet irl. I’m used to getting asked out the same day or max the second day in my home city but I think the guys at the new city that I moved to are different. I talked to one guy and he was a waste of time. His texts weren’t dry at all but he could take DAYS to respond and he never said anything about meeting. So I blocked him.

The new guy and I text daily but when he’s busy or something he lets me know but idk if I should keep waiting bc I’m not going to do is initiate it. And when the convo is over I don’t try to force it. But why did he dm me then?

There is another city I wanted to go to and he said that he goes there often. So I said that I was planning a city tour once I have more money. I was expecting something like “yeah I could show you nice places” or something like that but he just said that I should definitely do that.

Next time I talk to a guy I will make sure to ask from the beginning what their intentions are bc dating is so harddd

So it’s weird. Long story short, she had to defer to the next semester for personal reasons. We’ve been taking since like April-May. The best way I’d describe her is dealing with a lot of personal problems, where she would vent a LOT about it, and made me the middle man at one point. When the school year started, they tried placing someone in my room twice. The only reason I said no was because I didn’t know the system didn’t count her as a student anymore (not until January), and so I spoke with the resident director to clarify to me after the other one was getting snappy in an email when I asked for clarification.

After I sat down with the nice RD, she told me to be weary of rooming with your friends and such. Admittedly? I told her I started to feel this gray area about my “roommate” since I’m starting to notice we’re on different type of times. Honestly, I felt like we trauma bonded over anything. I still got this uneasy feeling inside… I was right.

I noticed whenever I told my frustrations she’d go “that’s crazy” but when it’s hers, she goes into extensive detail and wants a response. I spotted text, where it could take me ages to respond, and I did let her know about that. But now she’s like pressing me to respond and such.

I’ve told her earlier that I am no longer comfortable hearing a lot about her problems since it’s bringing up my own experiences, and I can’t help as much. NOW, it’s about a cat, where she’s insisting on getting a cat for the dorm. I flat out told her no, and told her that my views from when I made the form pre-moving in has changed.

Back to the RD, I told her how those two roommate requests could’ve been a sign for me, but because nobody explained anything to me about how it’ll work since my roommate was gone, I was apprehensive thinking she’d be able to have the room.

Honestly I’m just going to tell her we have differences in lifestyles and we can’t be roommates. The funny thing about that is… we’re not even likely to be roommates anymore. I told her this, but she keeps thinking we will be.