This has happened to me several times and happened again last weekend. I was with a white girl friend in a predominantly white town. We went out to our old bar to shoot some pool. Immediately I walk in an I FEEL and SEE the stares. There’s like 100 people in there, mostly white with like <5 black people.

I went to the bathroom and there’s like 10 girls in there. And half of them start gushing about how gorgeous I am, how much they love my fit, and how white my teeth are????

This has happened several times and the compliments make me feel the opposite of confident. I feel self conscious. I feel there must be something on my face or shit and that’s why people are looking at me. Or maybe I’m ugly and they want to make me feel better. Or maybe I’m “pretty for a black girl” so they wanna make sure I know it. Or they just don’t know how to act around black women.

Can anyone relate?

I’m 23 and I would say that this has happened to me enough times already. I’m mostly attracted to white men and I remember in high school that this guy was being very clingy/flirty towards me. He was known as a nice guy but I felt as if he wanted more from me. I asked this girl from my class who knows him if it could be the case and she immediately cut it off and told me that I wasn’t ‘his type’ at all. Fine, I didn’t like him back or anything and graduated.

A year later I met my ex bf through a friend group. Same thing as he added me everywhere on social media after the one party we went to and was constantly talking to me and getting to know me better. “Oh he’s like that with any girl you know and you’re also not really his type. He was just being friendly.” Turns out I was actually very much his type, just his first black girlfriend.

I’ve cut those people out of my life now as I noticed some other borderline strange things they did/say about me but I noticed that they can very much hype you up, love the beads in your braids and the golden chunky accessories but when it comes to ‘their men’ they want to put a stop to it?

Anyone else experiencing it?

How did you find out your friend or loved one had secret animosity towards you? Did you end the relationship?

How are your current relationships?

What is discernment to you?

Hey ladies, my 1 year wedding anniversary is approaching in a couple of months and I’m needing some ideas on special things my husband and I could do. We always do things together, like day and night dates, gaming, watching movies, going on trips, etc., but I wanted something a bit more specific and new. We are both nerds and kids at heart. Our wedding had some happy and sad moments. The happy moments came from how excited we were to begin our life together. The sad moments came from ppl trying to make our day about them. We wanted to make this day as happy and romantic as possible. What are some suggestions that you all have for activities or things we could do together?

I’m feeling really conflicted and need an outside perspective on whether I’m wrong for feeling this way. My sister is someone I’ve always looked up to. Growing up, she was everything I aspired to be: educated, beautiful, successful, and seemingly had her life together. She did everything “right”—graduated top of her class, went to college, got a great job in the medical field, got married, and had kids.

But as I got older, I learned how toxic her marriage was. Her husband was emotionally abusive, manipulative, and a serial cheater—he cheated with multiple women (prostitutes, strippers, coworkers, even people she knew). Despite all of this, she stayed with him for years, holding on to the hope that things would get better. My family encouraged her to leave him for years, but she wouldn’t. Instead, she had two kids with him during all this chaos, believing it might help fix their marriage.

It didn’t. Her husband treated her like a roommate who also happened to take care of their kids. Despite his six-figure salary, he made her pay 50/50 on everything—bills, groceries, their kids’ expenses—and even required her to pay him monthly to stay on his health insurance plan. Meanwhile, he spent his money on lavish trips, other women, and sex workers. She carried the burden of parenting and household responsibilities while being emotionally neglected and financially drained.

In the end, he was the one who left her. He filed for divorce, got with another woman, and pays very little child support considering his income. She seemed devastated by the divorce, but it was clear she had been holding on to a fantasy that things would work out, despite all the red flags.

Since the divorce, I’ve watched her slowly stop caring for herself. She used to have this beautiful long hair and a polished look, but now she wears the same baggy clothes all the time, doesn’t prioritize her health, and eats fast food daily. She doesn’t have health insurance anymore because she couldn’t find a full-time job that fit her schedule as a single mom. She’s even borrowed my blood pressure meds because she can’t afford her own.

I know she’s overwhelmed raising her kids, and I admire how much she loves them, but I feel like she puts her well-being on the back burner entirely. It’s heartbreaking to watch, especially since I know the potential she has.

For example, her birthday was yesterday, and I wanted to do something special for her. I made dinner reservations, bought her a cake, and used the last bit of money I had to get her a gift and card. I wanted her to feel loved and appreciated. At first, she agreed to go, but then she canceled last minute, saying she didn’t feel well and had errands to run. She also mentioned she found a lump in her chest and has been feeling unwell, which terrified me.

I told her I understood, but I was frustrated—frustrated because I care about her health and because I had worked hard to make the day special. She must’ve felt bad because she called me back and said we could still meet up. I found a casual spot so she wouldn’t feel pressured to dress up, and I got to the restaurant early to arrange a surprise with the cake. She ended up being an hour late, but dinner went fine, and she thanked me.

Even though I was glad we could celebrate, I felt sad and frustrated. It’s hard to see her struggling and not taking care of herself. It feels like I’m the only one hoping she’ll do better, and it’s draining trying to help her when she’s always in a state of chaos.

This isn’t the first time I’ve felt this way. Every time I try to plan something with her, it feels like I’m scrambling to accommodate her last-minute changes.

For example, on my birthday a few weeks ago, I initially made plans with a small group, but I specifically wanted my sister there to celebrate. As usual, she told me last minute she couldn’t make it because she had too much going on, which was disappointing but something I’ve grown used to. I decided to adjust and planned a separate celebration the next day with her and the kids. I tried calling and texting her to confirm times so I could make reservations, but she ignored me for hours because she was at her son’s basketball game. By the time she responded, I had to scramble to find a restaurant that could accommodate us last-minute, which was stressful and frustrating.

It feels like this pattern happens every time I try to plan something with her. I always have to work around her chaos, and while I understand she’s a single mom with a lot on her plate, it’s starting to feel draining. I feel like she doesn’t prioritize her own well-being—or mine, for that matter.

I feel guilty for being upset because I know she’s been through so much, but I also feel hurt and drained. I worry about her health and how she’ll survive long-term, especially since she’s living off her retirement savings right now. I’ve tried to be there for her as much as I can, but I don’t know what else I can do without sacrificing my own emotional energy.

So, am I wrong for being upset? And how much more can I realistically do to help her?

I have encountered this even as a cashier and I'm not sure if i'm making it a bigger issue than it really is but it still stings nonetheless.

Today I was sitting at my desk and a customer walks in. Mind you, we have two new hires who are being paid for training on the computer. Since they're not licensed yet, they're not able to assist customers with payments and in general.

A black guy walks in and I greet him and welcome him in, he quickly glanced at me but immediately turned his attention to the new hire who was sitting adjacent to me. I follow up with, "How can I help you?". He continues to ignore me and is now pulling out the chair in front of my coworker.

I finally said, "She's still in training" and he walked back over to me.

I know when there's more than one worker, it's up to the customer to decide but if I were him, I would assume the only person who has acknowledged my existence is most likely the indivudal who is readily available to assist.

I mention he was black because the coworker he preferred was white (I am a dark skinned black woman). It was humiliating watching in real time colorism manifesting itself. It doesn't have to be a loud n-word thrown in your face, it can present in an action or a seemingly innocent gesture. It's always there and the one group I should be able to confide in, feels the same way.

Im looking for you… that was my future voice🥴 but are any of you interested in friendship… i be jealous of girls on girls trips and group activities like, where is my tribe😫 reach out to me now and we have time to plan galentines 😘

Hey yall! I'm going to a fancy gala celebrating Black folks at the end of February and I really want to wear a dress from a Black owned clothing company. I'm struggling to find any brands with evening wear under $600. Any recs? Think somewhere between cocktail dress and Black tie...so like even a simple long black formal dress would do. I prefer not too form fitting.

My friend (more like acquaintance) was telling us about his gap year plans and it includes a trip to Africa to volunteer doing charity work. What charity work? He barely knew. Where in Africa? He barely knew. (To make it all better, this guy on the same night was playing a game of who could say the n-word the most).

I didn't realise how common this was until I got to the age where people are kinda going off into the own things - uni, gap years, travelling etc. And I found on so many guys insta them doing these volunteer trips in Africa. I already dislike the fact they just say Africa because it's such a huge continent. It's basically the same as saying I'm going to volunteer in Europe. Like there's so many cultures, different countries etc.

Then I look at their posts and these guys barely actually do anything. Most the pics are them on the beach, or when they take those dumb photos with the smiling african kid. "Oh look how kind I am, I am helping these poor children". These trips ain't cheap either but I'm betting barely any of it goes to the children. But don't worry, they helped paint some walls, they played football with them. Really solving their childrens problem. Now they've got a fresh wall of paint to look at because none the children could afford school books. They still go home to their parents stressed about affording school feels to the school that barely has enough teachers.

It's not even a cultural trip as the children probably already speak English so it's not like these guys even have to try learning the culture or language. Then they come back feeling so much better about themselves and everyone tells them they're so amazing for helping those oh poor souls.

I'm just curious to know what your guys thoughts on it, and do you know anyone who has done it?

Help! I've been wearing weaves for the past few months and now that I've taken it down, my hair needs some tlc. My hair is 4c, medium porosity. I'm good on shampoo and conditioner, mostly in need of leave ins and styling products.

The beauty supply near me is hella overpriced, so I'm mostly looking for things that can be found at like Walmart or target

hey yall so i’ve been on the hunt for a friends to lovers trope BUT THEY ARE BLACK and i like spicy books but not TOO MUCH like i want it to be more about their actual connection but with a good plot anybody got any recommendations?!

Do you regret it or love it? How was the color retention after a year or more?

This is a stretch, but I am desperate. I'm an upcoming non-traditional applicant for medical school and need to wrack up more clinical experience prior to my application this June. I also struggle with networking and so don't have a huge pool of people to reach out to.

If there's any black female healthcare worker (doctor, PA, NP, etc) in the Los Angeles area who is willing to have someone shadow or volunteer with them a few days a week- I'd really appreciate it. I think just also getting to be around someone like me doing the things I wanna do will be a dose of motivation I desperately need right now.

I can forward my resume/credentials/photo/etc via DM/email as needed and can do from my .edu email to verify I have completed my studies. And of course can interview as well.

My husband and I have decided to end our 15 year relationship. It was coming so... I need the music therapy.

"I'm All Cried Out" by Allure "Stranger in my house Tamia" " I don't f with you" Big Sean

Send me your best F U songs, Sad, I'm too hot to trot, I can do bad all by myself, Independent lady songs.

Or motivational

It seems like we are losing Tiktok tonight 😔 I have learned so much from Tiktok and I want to make sure the knowledge isn't lost forever - come share something you learned!

If you are a braids for vacation, obviously that takes a whole day, so how do you figure out the order or what you need versus what you can do without?

I saw a girl on TT do her own nails, toes, threaded her face and made her own wig and she is the strongest soldier because I be exhausted from appointments.

Okay, to be honest about this (for the first time ever. This is literally the only place I feel comfortable admitting this), I have trichotillomania. I pull out and chew my hair as a stress relieving mechanism and at this moment, I have thinning spots.

I'm planning on just getting a buzz cut so I can start over and take care of my hair properly since I'm going back to therapy for my hair pulling.

So, I have two questions:

1.) Does it matter if I go to a Black salon versus a white salon for just getting a buzz cut?

2.) What shampoo/conditioner combo do y'all recommend for hair growth?

Thank you guys so much!

Sometimes it’s so tiring being Black in America. I wish I could shop in peace without being followed and I wish anytime I pointed it out I wouldn’t be gaslit by people saying we “make everything about race.” 🙄

That’s it y’all. I’m just tired 😞

Idk why my mom thinks losing weight will reduce my shape, i went to her this morning talking about train tickets and seeing if i had enough time at the mall.

She goes left and starts poking at my thigh. I have a very prominent hourglass shape ⌛️ with the bottom of my hip/beginning of my thigh being start of bottom of hourglass y’know heavy on top slim in the middle heavy on the bottom. My bod has been like this since puberty and she still believes me losing 5 pounds would make my shape vanish or something.

I hate talking weight with her because instead of being supportive it’s just condescension and rudeness, like she’s kinda pissed i don’t complain about my body more. And the thing is that I am working to lose weight but instead of going her way i’m trying to deconstruct my food issues and emotional eating and that process is not quick at all.

idk ladies, it makes feel like something is wrong with my body or something, i can’t help the way fat stores on my body but damn she makes me feel so horrible sometimes.

edit to add: I understand her worry because she was a heavier woman before getting WLS but the condescension isn’t needed considering everyone treated her so nicely during her weight loss process so idk why i’m getting the sass and backhanded compliments 🤦🏾‍♀️

I am 26 ,I am going through lot with relationships overall. Simply, I am just tired of carrying the heavy load in every interaction.

I am thinking of doing that for Valentine's Day or maybe that weekday early. I won't actually be purchasing anything. Doing thia is like reclaiming my embarrassing and overgiving journey.

As I am becoming older, I am more open and see life has other plans compared to a traditional formula. I had thrown a Galetines gift exchange last year and this year I like to personalize it more. This is also a step out of my comfort zone. I will say "I am only looking around and trying on."

Hey ladies just a reminder that when your going to doctor's ask to get lab work done if you haven't in a while.

Story time.

Had moved back down south and had to switch doctors. Started going to a new doctor and stuff was fine. Was feeling bad every once in a while but just felt like it was maybe due to schedule change. Asked my doc. Something and I asked could we check so she had me do labs. She sees that my hemoglobin & iron is really low recommends me to a specialist . A Month later I go to the specialist and she says we'll do blood work if it's still low than we're going to do iron transfusions. It's extremely low were doing a blood transfusion than iron . Well before I get home from getting blood drawn the nurse Calls me and ask me to go back and they can draw more and find out my blood type because I need a blood transfusion. My hemoglobin level was less than 6.5. The next day I get a blood transfusion and once a week for the next month I got iron transfusions... and started daily taking an iron pill. This was back in july/august. Went to the doc. Yesterday and my iron was at 11. 😄 🤗 So just a reminder , even if they haven't requested it , every once in a while ask to do labs and check your body...

ALSO black women tend to have low vitamin D , due to the melanin in our skin making it harder for the sun to absorb... and low iron which can lead to anemia.

My Husband & I are expecting our second child in September and we are considering moving to Ohio. I see there is a Birth Center, however, it does not look like they are currently licensed. Due to the national mortality rate of pregnant black women/babies I would love to hear others experiences and recommendations.

Much thanks!

I don't want to be rude and generalize and say this new wave of stylists are lazy, especially because I know braiding takes a lot of work, but something isn't adding up.

When I was a child, the size you asked for when you got your braids done referred to the size of the parts. If I asked for small braids, I'd get a fuller, denser look than if I had asked for a larger size.

Why is it that stylists nowadays seem incapable of doing this?

I don't know how many times I've cried over my hair last year. I hate the boneless look. If that's your cup of tea, fine, but it looks awful on my head Maybe not awful, but I think we can all agree how disheartening it is to consistently not get what you asked for. I always specify that I want small parts and that I want my hair to be FULL. I don't want to see scalp at all when you're done. I've paid $220-$600 for the same styles, hopping from braider to braider and NONE of them seem capable of following the instructions I give them. I give them reference photos for density and for parting and they still do whatever they want. Which is the most frustrating part because I am borderline desperate. Like I'll drop any (reasonable) amount on braids if it means guaranteeing the end result is to my liking.

What stylists consider "small" parts nowadays truly borders on medium. Not only that, they seem to take "small" to mean small braids and bigger parts. Why the f*ck would I want thaaaaaat (if that's your preference, no shame at all it's just not mine 🫶🏾). I cried after getting my last set of boho braids because they made the braids themselves so thin but I couldn't tell because of how much of the curly hair they added. I don't feel comfortable getting that style anymore for this exact reason.

I've had stylists part larger in the back and smaller in the front to give the illusion of a small size, heard them argue that the boneless look is more popular (which I couldn't care less about, give me what I asked for) etc. I'm just so frustrated and upset and I don't know what to do anymore. It's not as if I don't know smaller braids take more time and are more expensive. I'm happy to pay the extra amount. But don't look at me crazy when I crash out after paying the price associated with my desired outcome, and the stylists puts boneless chicken shit in my head instead.

I've been feeling this way for a while but it really came to a head when I traveled over winter break. I went to a country in West Africa and the braider still could not give me what I asked for. I had already been failed by both the new gen stylists and aunties back home... But to think the issue persists in the mother land as well?

It was truly such a bad experience y'all. She took a photo after two rows and I was horrified because the parts were huge. I told her I didn't like it and that she should scale the parts way down and showed her the reference photos again. She took two of 6 braids down, trying to convince me to leave the rest in. I said no, because the parts she's gave me already took up like a quarter of my head. She restarts and the parts are still too big and at this point we're wasting the hair and everyone's time so I told her I'd find someone else to do the style and compensate her for her time. She spoke to my family and I got sweet talked into letting her continue, but it took so long for her to get the size right that she started rushing the style. And I was getting French curls y'all that hair is so delicate. I sobbed after getting my hair done because it looks so bad. I'm genuinely thinking of quitting braids again because I feel so bad with the styles I end up with. It's like I always end up paying the price for what I want, but for a less full product.

I get told I'm "particular" about my hair, but with prices these days, who wouldn't be? And it's my head, don't I reserve the right to what a specific look? 😮‍💨

I got recommended a braiding shop in NYC under my last post and I'm truly putting my last bit of faith in it. If I go and they botch it, I'm cutting my hair off and rocking wigs for the rest of time.

Hi everyone,

Does anyone have experience as a Black woman in international development? I’m in grad school. Out of everyone in my year, only one other student and I are Black. I hoped we’d connect, but it’s been one-sided. My program is called “diverse", but it's really just different types of white people.

I’ve struggled to find someone who understands my experiences. In one class, we had to talk about uncomfortable situations. I shared an encounter with a racist person. A classmate ended up sharing that her uncomfortable encounter was having a racist family. She continued by quoting her family’s racist remarks. She even said the N-word. I told her it was unnecessary. She apologized, but it was so awkward.

I’ve been wondering if the field is this close-minded too. I expected my classmates to be more progressive and honestly, more diverse. Could someone share their experience?

Hey ladies,

I live in a country that doesn't get a lot of television and movies from black producers/creators so I'd love some recommendations of current shows that I might be missing and I'll find a way to watch it.

I mainly want TV show recommendations so I can binge on them but I'd also watch some movies too.

Currently I like shows like: Insecure, Atlanta, Blackish, Grownish, Snowfall, Abbott Elementary, Black Lady Sketch Show, Any Shonda Rhimes show

For movies I like: Dope, The Blackening, Us, Nope, Sorry to Bother You, Honk for Jesus, Save Your Soul

Are there any shows or movies that I might not know of that I should check out based on this list? I'm not the biggest fan of Tyler Perry stuff but I'd check it out if it's got good ratings.

Hi everyone, I'm 22 and have been thinking about how I've been living without purpose, and copying my peers lately to feel normal. And because of that, watching my friends get married and pregnant is also making me realise that while they are moving into that new aspect of their life, I'm just floundering.

I don't want to have kids or a husband until I'm 30 at least! I'm just not ready for all of that LOL - i need to live a little (and also incredibly antisocial) - but I also don't have concrete goals so I often find myself easily swayed and going with someone's flow. For example, my dating history so far has just been some soulless goalless drifting, and my degree/work choices was my parents. I also haven't gone out of my comfort zone with a lot of things, and can be anti-social, friendless, lazy and not doing much at home.

But I definitely want to start creating a bucket list so I can finally have an idea of some goals I can work towards. I want to be a bit different when I'm older, and proud of myself.

My current things I have going on is college, and I have just entered corporate. I like to draw and have hopes to make that a side hustle, but I'm far off being a professional yet. I have no savings, due to purchasing car in full, and also paying uni debt.

I want to stay with my parents until I get married, but will also allow avenues for some separation (signing up for work overseas, travelling) and stuff.

I was wondering what are some things you think a 30 year old having achieved will be really great! So far I have the following but need some real life experience in the chat.

1. Work overseas after completing degree for at least 2 years.

2. Complete a masters degree (undecided on what to specialise in)

3. Develop personal style and build wardrobe.

4. Learn some home activities (cooking? gardening? - to be decided)

5. Real estate

6. Be developed enough art wise, so I'm ready for art business opportunities