Hey everyone,

This isn’t a complaint about Black men—I love them! But for context, I’m Black and White, and I’ve only ever dated Black men. The thing is, I’ve never been approached by a non-Black man or even casually flirted with by one.

I’m at a point where I’d love to broaden my dating experiences and see what’s out there. I’m not sure how to put myself in spaces where I’d meet them naturally.

For those of you who have dated interracially: • What has your experience been like? • Are there certain places or settings where you were more likely to meet men of different backgrounds? • Any tips for making myself more approachable to a wider range of people?

I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences!

I'm 32 , I have been dealing with deep loneliness for a while now atleast a full year. Fall 2023 my best friend of 10 years passed away and my world has been quiet. I've always been an introvert but that happening just made me even more closed off. Also being in a unfilled bare minimum relationship for the last 2 years also just made me feel even more lonely & unheard with him than when I was single... Now that it's just me again I'm trying to do things to curb the loneliness. So far it has been reading , learning Spanish and taking walks . Ladies who get lonely with no or little friends , don't have a big family or no romantic relationship what are things you do to cope , keep busy or just love on yourself in general? Even if its just crying in bed seriously. Thanks for listening💜

Let me preface by saying that I love my friends and they are very supportive and this post in no way is to disparage anything about them or their identities. Everyone knows that with being biracial there’s overlap with the black identity but more often than not they aren’t a 1:1 experience.

I have recently been reflecting on the fact that I am a fully black person who is stuck at a pwi and almost every other black person around me is multiracial, I’ve even reflected on my childhood and realized that the bulk of black identifying ppl around me are mixed. It’s to the point that non-black people have assumed I had to have a non-black parent just because I went to school with them and nothing else.

I was watching the trailer for a new movie called forever that features two monoracial black people in the lead roles and I felt so excited and wanted to share it with someone else but I realized I truly had no one to talk to about how exciting this felt

My friends care about these things and especially representation but imo its one thing to care and another to actually feel the lack of representation of monoracial people and realize that the person who isn’t being represented is yourself not them.

I am sure if I talked to them about the movie they would be excited and cheer for monoracial representation but at the same time there is that degree of separation.

My friends and I have actually had conversations on this about how we can experience a similar concept but have the reasoning behind why we are having these experiences be different

For example: not being seen as black,

-I may get this reaction because people have a very narrow concept of how black people can express themselves

-where as they may get it for not having a black parent and in return either seen as not black by people who cling to their other side or fetishized for it

But at the same time we can relate on something like being called a dei hire, Being the only bipoc person in a class, people feeling comfortable expressing racism because they don’t actually see you as part of the black community, not being able to find people who actually know how to do our hair/braid prices

I just needed to rant for second

I used mousse and gel and finished with a hooded dryer but it came out frizzy crunchy and dry. Is there a way to salvage this ? I have work on Monday 😭

I'm planning to travel more this year and have taken five days off in March for my first solo trip. I'm looking for destination recommendations that would be great for a 29-year-old solo traveler. I'd love suggestions for restaurants, museums, and any events happening during that time. Preferably in the States, I'm not ready to do international travel alone but y'all can still drop them below.

I (21f) have had not so much good luck when men. After therapy and doing the hard work it’s hard for me to find a decent guy bc a bunch of them are red flags to me. My standards are someone who’s emotionally intelligent, doesn’t have a crazy overbearing mom, smart, in school or has a job, kind, generous, is dating for a relationship, likes to travel, giving, is a Democrat (sorry no trumpies) and empathetic. My sister tells me that I expect too much from guys my age. My mom tells me that I’m too young for a boyfriend and that I should date many men. Don’t get serious until I’m at least 25…Is the problem just me?

I (22f) have been this guy (25m) for about a month; we’ve been on 4 dates (1 every week). On our last date he tells me he wants to take things slow, which I thought that what we were going already. Nothing physical other than kissing/making out has happened. On top of that, he said we should space out our date for it to be every other weeks. I also find this weird, because I thought at this point in dating we should probably be seeing each other more often like 2x a week. He says that he likes me and want to get to know me more but then ask for more distance between dates.his reasoning is that he just got promoted at this job and need time to adjust. I don’t feel like I’m rushing things and I’ve expressed to him that I liked him but I’m a bit confused. We wouldn’t see each other for like 3 weeks because he want to establish this new rule now and the following week would be Valentine’s Day and he things he’s too soon to do anything. So hypothetically, we wouldn’t see each other until Feb 21st. Btw, we both live in the same city. I kind of just want to end it now, I don’t like being left confused.

As we know, Trump is imposing 25% tariffs on Mexico and Canada and 10% tariffs on China today (so much for people voting for him because prices were crazy under Biden right?). I live in a HCOL area where the carton of a dozen eggs I bought yesterday was already $8. How is everyone else preparing for the incoming spike in costs especially for groceries in the coming months?

Hii,

For those who are apart of Black Womens groups and organizations, how do you navigate interactions with non friendly/mean girl members ? I know the members aren’t representative of the group/organization. However it is incredibly disheartening to be apart of group to make meaningful connections and then have to deal with members who enjoy being nasty and rude for no reason. Especially when these organizations require a hefty membership fee. I know this is life and people can be like that in any setting. And it’s important to refocus your energy on people who are welcoming and kind. What is your take on this ?

I was checking to see if Netflix still had its Black history collection (because of the times but its still there!!). Anyways, there's a point where she says, "Where are they? I've supported white women, I've supported black men. Why won't they support me?" Really bums me out that we have been there for everyone since day 1. It's worth watching if you don't know much about her. Also Happy Black History Month!

how comfortable are yall ordering drinks on date? like a first date when he’s paying obvi? specifically if he doesnt drink. like ive been out with men who are like non-drinkers for religious reasons which i respect and then just dont drink. but like if he just doesnt drink for whatever other reason, do you still order a drink? i feel like it helps with nerves? if he’s ordering one too then i don’t think about it . just wondering whats your experience?

Ugh I just want to vent. I hate that I feel this way about OUR Black History Month. It feels like a war has been raged against us as minorities and it makes me so anxious to do or say anything.

I was in the middle of making a LinkedIn post and I really had to pause and think “will I get fired or ostracized for this? Maybe I shouldn’t.” And it made me sick to my stomach.

Not to get political, but to have to tone down celebration in fear of repercussion is exactly certain MAGA 🇺🇸 ✋🏻 people want and I hate that it’s working on me.

I’m trying my damnest to not let it affect me but this realization was a lot.

Should I still post? It was going to be a post celebrating black women in cinema as well as their accomplishments all month.

Ugh, do you guys know what I mean? Idk am I the only one feeling this way? I kind of want to cry or just be angry or just.. I really don’t know. I really miss just feeling NORMAL or stable with Obama or even Biden. This era just feels so bad.

Omg. I used to post SO many revealing photos on IG. Like, full-on view of my behind in a thong on IG T_T it's SO embarrassing. And NO ONE told me anything was wrong with it, except my one coworker who said "I think you forgot to cover your butt" on a photo where I was wearing practically nothing. I have no idea what I was thinking at the time. I just thought I looked good. I posted these about 4 years ago. Now I CRINGE, especially since some guys I know have screenshot it. I grew up rather conservatively, and I find this incredibly embarrassing and shameful.

Anyone go through anything similar? Can offer advice? I am not the same person at all.

also, my friends are saying this is why I am single at 33. Because of my "past" I am not "wife material."

From birth it has felt like I’ve been put under a microscope and scrutinized. Whenever I vent about how I struggle with accepting who I am/what I look like I am met with the (overused) phrase of “love yourself”. Can someone please walk me through how that’s possible when I’ve been hated and torn down by everyone around me? My eccentric personality and “unique” look has made others close to me feel as though I should be ashamed of who I am. Family, friends, strangers, and past partners have all made a tremendous effort to make me feel like the worst person possible. It is DIFFICULT to “love” yourself in an environment like that.

Like where do I even start? My mother called me “n188er nose” and tried to cover up my hyperpigmentation with makeup when I was a developing child. Her and other family members made sure to always band together to call me “weird” and “nerdy” because of how I expressed myself and my interests. By the age of 15, I had fully convinced myself that I was ugly and not deserving. I had passive suicidal ideation and would self harm frequently. It felt like I didn’t deserve to live. My social anxiety and shyness made me an awkward mess in public, while my brother exclaimed how “weird” I was and judging my every move. Don’t even get me started on how I was moved to a predominantly White school and how kids wouldn’t even go near me because I was “gross” and “ugly”.

I am 24 years old and these memories still haunt me. I do NOT like going out in public and I especially hate other people. I get compliments and have been asked if I “model” but I do not care for these compliments because of the complete destructive nature of the people who were supposed to raise me. I really struggle with making female friends, especially with women, especially those who are heterosexual weirdly enough. I seem to only get along with queer/neurodivergent folks, as they are the most accepting.

Throughout my developing years up until now, I hear people telling me I need to “love myself” and develop better self esteem. I wish I could kick these people back in time and see what I had to go through. I’m not sure if those same people would come back telling me to “love myself”. No, I do not have the features that most people praise on a Black woman. The “representation” that we have is very limited and I am tired of people acting as if it isn’t. I barely see anyone uplifting or praising Black women with large noses and bold features that I have. Nothing in the pseudo “Black beauty” movement of the late 2010s to early 2020s made me feel more inclined to “love myself”. It was just an eerie reminder that I am still “ugly” even according to Black beauty standards, and it hurts. Those “Black beauty” pages on social media are the absolute worst. Trying to find women who look like me doesn’t help either, I look unique!

Children, especially young Black girls, need an example to follow if ya’ll want us to “love ourselves” so bad. I’m tired of people tearing us a part and then gaslighting us when we come of age. The way we’re treated is evil and a lot of our mothers are sadistic individuals who do not pour love into us at all.

And before you type it, yes I do need therapy and I am actively seeking a professional who can 1. help and 2. is affordable. I’m just sick of being gaslit! That’s it that’s all..

Note: im not from the US, im from the Netherlands.

I (36F) been single now for two years just about. (I always dated outside my race and where i come from its pretty common to do so) But I noticed a lot of men just want to be with me because of my big curly hair and they think I'm this wild woman which im not. I feel like the moment they notice i'm more easy going, calm and collected they're like oh not what i'm searching for. And im a person who's always romanticed her life. I am a sucker for love and want love. But nowadays dating is hard.

Anyone had encounters with the same type of situation?

Good Morning, Good Evening, Good Night!

⚠️Trigger Warning: Trauma Dumping⚠️ I wanted to come on here as a part 2 to a post that I saw the other day. In this post a young lady was talking about escaping her verbally/physically abusive alcoholic mother. At the time I saw the post it was 3am where I was. I was on a small break from work and the only thing I could think of was my own lived lived experince being in that situation. I couldn't comment the way I wanted to because of time the only thing I could say was Get.Out. Now. It's not worth your emotio al,mental nor spiritual.

Just alittle background about my experince. I would consider my mother absolutely undiagnosed bi-polar. One minute she would love me and the next minute she would want to literally kill me. She called me all types of names when I was living with her everything from b word,h word, d word. All of it and then in a hour should wouldn't remember it ever happened. When I was 15 I found out my mother secretly got married to an immate who I barely knew anything about. It shattered the very foundation of who I knew of her. From that moment on our relationship wasn't the same. When I confronted her about it about it. She told me to stay out of her business and that I was invading her privacy. I asked her if he was coming to live with us and she said no. Thank God because the last person who came to live with us stole almost 3,000$ from us but that was another story. After we had that conversation. I notice that she would spend less and less time with me and eventually I would notice everytime I asked her a question it was almost as if I was annoying her or getting on her nerves.I stayed with her for 6 more years and by this time I'm 21 and out of college. The last straw for me was when I had asked her a question about sonething in the house and the way she berated me was as if I was a dog on the street. Nothing out of the ordinary happened that day for her to berate me like this. I knew for me it was the last straw. Immediately I started to pack my things. I knew I wasn't going to tolerate the disrespect anymore. Something in me had snapped. I just figured if I was going to be talked to like a dog on the street. I rather take my chances and find out if dogs lived better on the street than they did being verbally and mentally talked to the way that I was. That first night I week in my car because I was embarrassed. I was take a shower at my job and freshen myself up in-between breaks. I was exhausted but I felt good knowing I no longer had to be talked to that way. After 3 weeks I ended up mustarding up the courage to ask my grandmother to stay with her.Eventually I got a place and grew a business on the side.

I say all of that to say this. You have to think about your own strategy when it comes to escaping family members who are toxic. I recall talking to a few of my friends and they would talk about how close they are with their mothers and for a long time I would be so sad and angry because I didn't have a mother who acted the same. I felt something was wrong with me because I don't have a close relationship ship with my mother and I don't believe I ever will at this point in time. I have choosen to heal and move pass it. However I want to encourage those still in the trenches. You don't have to tolerate family or people who want to verbally or physically disrespect you. There is a community of people who will love you. Even if they arint your family. Don't allow for the mistreatment to keep you from healing and don't allow for people to walk all over you.You Got This and if no one has told you this today. I love and apperciate you.

So my brother (36) just asked me (25) if I have good credit and if I’m able to co-sign a car for him. My dilemma is that he is married with a few kids and 1 on the way. He recently got his car repoed so my mom has been letting him drive hers until he can figure something out. I just said no to him back in November when he asked for a couple grand.. that I didn’t have because I had to do a big car maintenance…

I have ok credit but I just recently was able to get to the 700s and I still have student loans & credit that I am working on paying down so I am honestly terrified of messing my credit up esp so far into my 20s. Our parents were never rich or even middle class so I really had to get everything on my own and I did rack up some credit card debt on the way. I recently quit my part time job back in December because for the past 10 years of my life it’s been school & work all around the clock and I have never experienced just existing without having to work so hard. Idk im just tired of the burden of finances being put on me. lol like I really do just be feeling like I’m just a girl. I didn’t ask to be put in this position in life. I just wish him and his wife could figure it out on their own. I understand supporting family but idk how I’d mentally handle my finances being a threat in my life rn. I’m already hanging on by a thread, like literally. My mom is sick rn so I can’t talk to her. Guess I just want advice or words of encouragement.

I know i shouldn’t but this job is one where one person not being there can make things… hell for everyone.

But i don’t feel good enough to be standing and talking to people for 8+hrs (with no break mind you). I went to the doctor and it’s not Covid, flu or strep but i definitely have something.

Anyways, regardless i feel so bad for my coworkers bc i know it’s gonna be busy asf.

Hey y'all! I'm a mom of 3 (soon to be 4) and I'm trying to take steps to get back into dedicated self-care routine. One of them being skin care. I've watch YouTube videos and did some research online but the only thing that did was overwhelm me. There's so many products to choose from and I'm on a budget. Does anyone have product recommendations that are budget friendly? My biggest problems are slightly large pores, dark spots and a little bit of dryness. Thanks in advance!

I look at myself and I see success and failure. I’m turning 20 soon, I’m a third year in university getting three bachelors degrees all at once, taking up Arabic, about to intern in New Zealand, apart of a d9 sorority and amongst other things.

I’m trying to hard to have a better outlook on life, eating better, started working out when I can, working more to get financially stable, and more.

But I look at my life and I see failure. I’m not very pretty in the face, I’m over weight and can’t seem to loose it no matter what I do, I dress like a man, broke, I’m terrible at make up, I seem to scare off or annoy any guy I try to talk to, and I feel like an out caste amongst my friends and family.

What am I doing wrong? Am I just destined to be unattractive?

With the the discussion about boycotting target and how that will impact black businesses that have shelf space on target. It made me think about if we need a platform that exclusively has black businesses like a black amazon.

Does this exist already? What are your thoughts?

does anyone notice that their skin gets oily right after getting your protective style done or taking your protective styles out? for me after i take my braids out my skin feels so oily! and when i get them done the same thing (no products used when doing both)

I’m transitioning to a different company and now I have to work in office 3-4 days a week. I need comfortable work shoes and a tote bag.

Tote: I am looking for a black or brown tote bag that is stylish but also sturdy and big enough to carry the company laptop. I have a really good work book bag already so I am not looking for those recommendations.

Shoes: I am looking for comfortable shoes. My style I have no idea. I’ve been home for 3 years and even when I did dress professionally, I always had simple black flats. I really need help in this area. Any recommendations?

The more I see how their behavior is escalating into random acts of violence the anger is building. I'm praying for patience but I'm loosing the battle. I go between periods of hysterical crying to palpable ANGER.

I have to take a break from social media for a few days but I have to say it. We tried to sit it out yall but they won't let us. Random black man being tased while changing his tire, Gabby Douglass being FOLLOWED and harassed at different airports, black CHILD being punched and thrown off of a motor bike for riding it in the middle of the street.

They won't stop until we get active and I fear what that looks like. Their hated is uniting Latinos, Asians and other POC and some of the poor whites I fear what will happen when they realize what that unity will bring.

You may not see it but something is brewing in our collective. Latinos are BEGGING for solidarity and they are finally taking to the streest.

I'm just TIRED because they won't leave us alone. THEY ARE BEGGING BLACK PEOPLE TO GET ACTIVE.

They are begging black people to pull up fam and i just want to be left alone.

I'm praying for internal peace but my spirit won't let me be calm because if we don't stand up for ourselves they will only get bolder.

We must publish their names, show up to their houses and places of business, put them out of business. But WE have to do it as a collective and black people have to show them how.

We can't watch it burn much longer family. We are becoming collateral damage in their effort to dismantle the country and I hate that for us.

Also, my black therapist is booked and busy. So here tf I am. 😢

I work in property management and just started at a new property a few months ago. Yesterday was really rough, and it seems like I was dealing with our worse residents all day. It was almost the end of the work day and I still hadn’t eaten or taken a lunch, so that added to the irritability, plus I’ve barely been getting sleep for the past couple weeks. Literally right when I was getting ready to clock out for lunch, I got a call from a resident. She tells me she wanted to speak to someone about incorrect charges on her account. So I put her on hold while I pull up her account, and I ask her what’s going on. She says she’s being charged a month to month fee (this is a charge you get when you’re still in the unit but haven’t renewed your lease or submitted a notice) and it’s wrong. So I look into it and it says on my end her lease ended in august, hence the month to month fee, and I tell her exactly that. She’s like “how my lease end in august when I just signed a new one?” but with all this unnecessary attitude, so I ask her when she signed this alleged new lease (bc if she signed one it’d say that in my system, so I was going to look up hers by date of all our recent lease renewals) and she says “aren’t you supposed to be able to see that” in the nastiest ugliest tone, and I just hung up on her 😭 that was literally my last straw for that day and I had a breakdown after bc I was just so tired of these ppl. yes obviously I know I was wrong for that, and I have never done anything like that before but I just could not with the attitude when I’m genuinely trying to help. She ended up coming to the office yelling and screaming and upset, which I expected. But how’s it fair you can be a bitch to me but when I react to the disrespect you get upset? I know it’s not a tit for tat thing and I know I’ll have many more interactions like this, but how have y’all been able to learn how to appropriately handle situations like this without being walked over? I’m trying to find that medium between not being a bitch and unprofessional but also standing my ground

I came into some money after losing my parents. I cared for both of them, mostly alone. So I’m taking a birthday trip in a few weeks and offered to treat my friend in another state. We haven’t seen each other in years. She’s also been through a lot and is now unemployed. I  reserved flights in her name but made a mistake when I needed to change them. I missed the deadline for a refund. So now she has an airline credit that only she can use on herself. I recently opened a credit card that offers new customers a bonus. So that kinda helps.  I’m going to explain everything to her. The credit is good for a year, and this was my mistake. I don’t want to stress her over my error.  I’m thinking of contritely throwing out the option that she pays at least half the credit value whenever she uses it this year.  Thoughts?