You get beaten, bullied, harassed and violated because you're a lame r******d short and skinny lightskinned child. Fair enough. It's understandable why people would avoid and despise you.

So you take that criticism to heart. You grind your ass off. You spur great improvements through intense self hatred and shame.

Guess what? Now they hate you because you're "too good." Now you're "threatening." You make them "feel bad about themselves." Still lightskinned and somehow don't look like no other black people so you're still tested and otherized.

Women stare and avoid you like the plague. Insecure men lining up to fight you like groupies. People conniving and plotting to get rid of you using whatever means they can get their hands on.

You get it? Hard work begets nothing but more even more isolation and misery. Every day I pray these little bitches could just have the heart to fight me to the death. This scurrying around and scratching at you is pathetic. I'm from the suwoop superthug era, this is not how the world "taught" me to act.

I am mentally insane and have been for decades, but I still feel there's room for me to lose even more sanity very soon. It'll be quite bloody. I can't wait!!! ☺️

For me it was 2023. Aftermath me is still collecting the broken pieces to get back stronger for today & upcoming days and be at peace.

This is your monthly reminder that we have mental health resources & events listed on our Wiki page.

📑 Our Mental Health Resources Wiki page includes (but are not limited to):

• Therapist directories
• Black Therapist directories
• Mental Health-related books by Black authors
• Tips for going to and attending therapy
• Self-care ideas
• How to manage and cope with your emotions
• Black mental health organizations/non-profits
• Links to other mental health subreddits (general and by diagnosis)

We continually update this list. Feel free to post mental health-related resources in the comments below and we'll add them to the Wiki page.

🗓️ We also host events, such as AMAs with therapists and a virtual book club. To see which events are coming up, check out the Events Wiki page here.

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I have known or come across a lot of people who struggle with self-doubt, self-hate, or other things that give us habits of negative self-talk and putting pressure on ourselves that can really make anxiety and stress way worse. There's a lot in life that does that to me already, and the habits that have been put into me by bad external pressures from other people just... "double" and "multiply" don't even cover it.

I tell people I know or meet, "Hey. If you heard someone say the things you think about or to yourself, if you heard them say that to your best friend, or your favorite relative or coworker... how would you feel? What would you do? What would you want to say to them?" Because I know my answer to that: IRATE. OFFENDED. SHOCKED at the meanness and the abusive nature of the train of thought and the pattern of speech. I would want to leap in immediately with a bold, loud, "ABSOLUTELY NOT. YOU DON'T TALK TO MY FRIEND THAT WAY." Or a crisp, "Excuse me. That's not the culture we are working to establish in this workplace; we support each other here."

And then I hit people with, "So why are you talking to yourself like that? You are the best friend you are ever going to get. You are the only one who's actually gonna be with you, 24/7, till your very last day. That's the most important relationship in your life, and if you're doing that person dirty, you're gonna miss out on something beautiful, and you're gonna be minus some vital support."

I've tried putting that into practice more, especially curbing the negative self-talk. And it's really been useful to build that habit over the years. I've started owning my own positive traits more strongly, in front of and directly to other people. It's still possible to really get me down; it's possible sometimes to make me question a lot of things about my value and my abilities, in certain situations.

So I've started trying having some actual like... conversations. Playing both sides in my mind, like I'm talking to another person who's going through exactly what I'm going through, and counseling that person like a stranger. And also taking the flip side, like I'm talking to a calmer, wiser person who knows my struggle because they've been through it, too, and letting it out and sharing it up, and letting them help me.

And damn if it ain't working. I've come to some insights that have blown my whole entire mind, and turned my gloomy attitude around, and given me a lot more strength and focus to get through some huge tasks. I've gotten more executive function and focus from it, several times. I've exhibited increased positive self-care habits and behaviors. I've come down from agitation over things that distract me. I've had a quiet mind, for minutes and minutes at a time, something that is INCREDIBLY rare, with my ADHD, even with medication. I've been more fully present for longer stretches of time, when experiencing stress that would otherwise make me a bit foggy and dissociated.

It's probably not a cure. But it really has been helpful. And when I get these mind-blowing insights, it's been kinda like, "Wow, damn, that's exactly what I needed to hear right now... And it sounds exactly like something I would say!" 😂😁

Anyway, thought I'd share.

I hate going to school because there's fucking racists who make fun of me for being black but there's also other black people who make fun of me for "not being black enough" or "not a real nigga" and i hate it. I've tried to vent to other black people about this issue but it's like I can't since everytime I do, there's always people who dismiss since I'm a black kid who doesn't live in the US and sometimes, they will straight up tell I'm not black since I was born in Australia (even though both of my parents are from Africa.)

Being profiled has added to my social anxiety and lead to me wanting to stay indoors and avoid stores and school.

Here Are The Incidents That Contributed To It:

• I was heading back to class after lunch break and walking a bit hurriedly towards the traffic light, I was passing people by to cross the road both men and women, as I got closer to the traffic light, a woman in front of me started to clutch her purse, and as I ignored her and continued to walk forward trying to get to the traffic light she got more alarmed and clutched it more and did this repeatedly which made me stop as I was bewildered. At the time I didn't think much of it and eventually crossed the road but that moment kept on replaying in my head for a while.

• It's just a simple thing right, I eventually began to get more hyper focused on how I walk and act in public. I now began to see stuff that I was oblivious to before like being followed in stores or even focusing on how people perceive me. In a weird fucked up way I also got afraid of doing a anything physical in public such as running, jogging or brisk walking in the event that I might scare people. I also get extremely conscious of how I'm acting when I see someone walk towards me which makes me nervous and might make other people nervous, which made it like this whole cycle.

• How did you let this affect your life?

I'm currently in a period of low confidence and dealing with depression so I didn't have the usual mental capacity to deal with it.

• Have I tried therapy?

Yes, Ineffective due to it being underfunded (public healthcare) and not being able to be honest

• What Makes It Worse or Why Haven't You Told Anyone?

If I had decided to get help or even a mental health crisis , an ambulance showing up due to mental health issues would lead me to be tainted as an embarrassment and treated even worse. I can't even acknowledge I have it and I'm hard on myself because of the environment I was raised in.

TLDR ; Racist Incident Lead To Low Confidence And Social Anxiety, Can't Admit I have Mental Issues Due To Conservative Upbringing, Don't want to go but see no other way of my situation improving

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Hi 👋🏾 I wanted to let y’all know that there is a dope Black therapist (my former therapist) who has started offering group support sessions centered around anxiety. These are virtual and not therapy…she is working to help us conquer anxiety! https://forms.office.com/r/PriwZk59jA

www.choosingempowerment.com

I’m a professional in my mid forties and the way workers in stores avoid me or eye contact is unacceptable. How I can feel them watching me like a hawk, even thru the store cameras. Am I not welcome? When my son was small most places were pleasant. They always recognized us. Now he’s 6ft also, the masses mostly appear frighten or intimated when we’re are together in stores. Also whenever I’m in the stores with a babe, everyone is mostly pleasant.

I smile everywhere I’m at, I have good posture and my clothes are well kept. When I’m alone, I’m still viewed like I’m going to attack or tear up the store.

And I don’t like to brag but I probably have the average employee’s annual income in my checking. But I’m viewed as a threat.

This is a big mental health challenge…

I have no doubt that by making this post I'm probably going to be permanently banned, or accused of being a secret white supremacist troll or having "internalized my oppression" or something like that.

Frankly, given that the only reaction I expect is denial or censorship, I don't even know why I'm writing this post. Maybe just to vent.

If you're black and have spent any amount of time on the internet, you've almost certainly encountered racist propaganda. 13/50 memes, IQ graphs, etc. Most of you have probably built up a sort of tolerance to this kinda stuff, or even if you haven't, you almost certainly didn't believe what these racists had to say.

But, recently, I decided to give in, investigate the ideas these people were spreading honestly and without bias, confident that my fundamental convictions about racial equality and the abhorrence of racism of white supremacy would stay intact.

I fell into a rabbit hole of scientific studies on cognitive ability, per capita crime statistics by race and income, countless polemics about the "reality" of race and so on. And now that I've come out the other end...

I simply can't deny any of it anymore...

It explains so much about our current situation, why our children are doing worse at school and not getting into colleges, why crime and violence are so prevalent in our communities, why the motherland is mired in poverty and immiseration. We've spent so much time and spilled so much ink blaming white people for this, because we take racial equality for granted and assume that the answer for this has to be systemic racism or oppression. But maybe the real answer is these problems have no solution, because racial equality was never real in the first place.

Have you ever truly considered the possibility? I have, and now I can't stop. I CAN'T STOP. It makes me angry, it would be a greater injustice than slavery, Jim Crow, or colonialism, but it would be the type of injustice we couldn't solve. Racial inequality is a Darwinian reality, a scientific FACT.

I can feel myself going insane, I can feel it.

I don't know if I want to live anymore. Not if it means accepting such a depressing reality.

Me(19M) and my girlfriend(20F) work together for 2 years. It all started when I was outside waiting for her and I was just sitting on the bench waiting for her, then our coworker came outside and she was about to leave to go home. She was talking to me for about 2 minutes. After the 2 minutes was up, she came out and saw me and the coworker talking, my gf was pissed. She barely spoke to me afterwards. We been together for 6 months. My girlfriend doesn’t like our coworker because she thinks that she’s into me, me and my coworker been cool for a long time but who knows maybe she knows something that I don’t know. Is there anything that I could’ve done right?

It doesn't need to be a grand gesture, it can be: completing chores, getting out of bed, getting a new job, staying alive, doing something scary, taking a shower, etc.

Share what you are proud of from this past week. Pat yourself on the back. Treat yourself to something nice today.

If you need self-care ideas, tips for finding a therapist, or links to call/text a hotline check out our Resources Wiki Page here.

We're on discord! Join us here.

I often find myself seeking validation for my intrusive thoughts about dating and relationships online. It's been a habit of mine for years now, and I've been contemplating whether I should delete Reddit because of it. I'm unsure if this behavior is affecting my confidence, but I don't believe that exposing myself to harsh criticism about my dating patterns, experiences, and insecurities is ultimately helpful.

I wonder if anyone else is experiencing something similar? The constant seeking of reassurance and validation has become a recurring pattern in my online interactions, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. It's a cycle that leaves me questioning the impact it has on my self-esteem and whether it's time to break free from this cycle.

Okay .so thanks to a younger sibling I've learned/realized what a walking trash can of a human being my narcissistic mother can be. I've recognized how that relationship negatively impacts me across a broad spectrum of social arenas. I've also realized that I have extreme difficulty building and maintaining healthy relationships with other black women. Like they all go to hell in a handbasket the same way and I'm blindsighted every time. I approach them all with love, consideration, or admiration and for whatever reason...they absolutely hate my soul.

I'm just over it. I really miss having other women in my life that were uplifting.

I originally posted in the Nigerian sub reddit (I'm Nigerian-American). It's making me wonder if there's an epigenetic connection. Here's my story:

My sister and I had a long conversation today (04/26/24) that truly caused me to reflect on my life. I'm the oldest of three siblings. I understand that as the oldest, a lot of responsibility has been imparted on me. I recall as a teenager in New Jersey that my Dad wanted me to promise him that I would go into medicine as he promised his mother that I would go that route. I ultimately became a nurse.

For background, my Dad was brought up briefly by his mother who is from Cross River State and his father who is from Akwa Ibom State. My paternal grandparents separated when my father was about 2 months old. I don't know if they were officially married. My paternal grandfather went on to father additional children from other marriages/relationships.

My father told me that one of his stepmother's wouldn't feed him as a child. My father's paternal grandmother was the one who mostly took care of him as a child. I'm named after her in her honor.

My sister and I unpacked a series of traumatizing events that had occurred over the years.

I became sexually active when I was about 13 years old (I am now 38). I recall when my Dad discovered when I was active, I was punished. There was an incident where I was made to stand naked in the living room for hours. My father told me that if I had been back in Nigeria, pepper would have been placed on my clitoris (this was not the term that was used at the time) as a form of punishment. I think this incident indirectly traumatized my sister who witnessed this (my sister is 3 years younger than me, btw). There was another incident where my father threatened to show me how to put on a condom as a way to humiliate/embarrass me for my early sexual behavior. He never ultimately did this. I could sense that it pained him to even think about this. I don't know if his conscience got the best of him to not want to potentially scar someone for life like that.

One incident that was particularly traumatic was when my Dad was upset with me over my boyfriend (who I had been with since my junior year of high school) proposed to me and provided me with a ring. My Dad clearly enunciated that he would take the ring and throw it in the trash. I recall my Mom defending me and telling me not to worry and that my then boyfriend would ultimately marry me. My Dad became irate and proceeded to call my mother a whore, bitch, etc. I recall crying (I was on my way back to college in New Jersey as I was briefly in Texas to visit my family) on the way back to the airport.

Another incident that occurred was when my parents were having marital problems and my Dad felt that I was siding with my mother over him. To show his disdain, my Dad spat at me.

My sister informed me that most people would have gone no-contact after dealing with a parent like this. I have wondered if these incidents may have been subconsciously suppressed in some way. I currently deal with bipolar disorder, type 1 and have been in remission (from my last manic episode) for about 4 years.

I decided to move on in my life. I took the approach of being accountable for how I feel versus giving my power away to remain angry at my father.

This book is truly a heartfelt and moving read. I've always felt connected to Chelsie and her story. I'm grateful to have this piece of her. I'm also thankful for her mom sharing her grief journey.

Mental health professionals get paid by our insurance to help us. But we do 95% of the work while our cases managers walk us through everything. Don’t forget insurance pays them them for just helping helping…. Yet they get paid find funny… they have car 🚗 a nice house or apartment enough to survive while we can barely get by in life can’t find a job and there just sucking our insurance dry monthly while… then we have absolutely Zero time to manage our mental health at all but they drop their case load on us. And the we get over worked I’m mind get disarray then 💥 BOOM JUST WHAT THE GOVERNMENT NEED TO KEEP US BOTTOM AT THE TOTEM POLES OF A SUCCESSFUL HAPPY HEALTHY LIFE mental breakdown just when things are looking 👀 ⬆️up for us. Anyone else think 🤔 we should compensated by the big man gov

Research suggests that the adult Black community has a 20% more chance of experiencing symptoms of serious mental health issues including generalized anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder. Also, it has been found that although young Black adults between the ages of 18 and 25 experience higher rates of mental health problems, they utilize mental health services less frequently than their White counterparts. With the Church as an infrastructure of our community, do you think this is a missed opportunity for Black Churches to intervene?

https://www.elevateblackhealth.com/how-church-can-positively-impact-mental-health/

I've never been in a relationship I've had situationships barely but maybe only one serious thing. I've had a few sexual experiences but full on sex 3 times. I know I’m attractive, just socially not good when it comes to romance or affection. I’ve never been in a relationship, I get played a lot, it does hurt me how hard it is to move forward or even move on from someone and how doubtful I get when someone actually focuses on me. Constantly seeking emotional attatchments but can’t seem to get anywhere. I'm in Texas, diagnosed ADHD and the 2 therapists I've had tell me I most likely have autism (does that really mean anything?) but I'm 27 and can't afford a real diagnosis.

I graduate in a few weeks but struggling to finish, there's so few black people here compared to when I first started and a majority of my classes. I'm usually the only black person, black man and making friends sucks. I have friends but made almost all outside of school but also it's hard to even talk to people here so I'm glad I'm about to finish.

It’s super isolating and hard to connect here remember last year my teacher who is Asian American, didn't enjoy my work and to satisfy her I made a project on my trauma/isolation as a black man which got a lot of attention and positive feedback but I hated making it and embarrassed looking back feeling like I had to make this. The only upper black staff I could find to discuss that project was an old teacher I never had who was in a different field I used to just run into on campus. Also gotten really sick earlier in the year to a point where I missed classes for a few weeks, I thought I was going to die and that’s done with but it’s definitely piling on me along with someone ramming right into me driving the other week and had to get a new car so I’m broke.

Currently me and an online friend who lives a little far but is in the U.S started talking, it was a huge surprise cuz I thought she hated me or thought I was that weird guy but it's somewhat going well yet my insecurities keep coming back. She had been in a 5 year relationship with someone out of the country and they would see and stay with each other for months. It's her only relationship but also it's super embarrassing to say but I found out he's white and I don't know why but I can't get over it and I feel bad I can't (there's more I want to mention in the comments) she seems to really like me and I like her but she knows I’m still trying to date irl (and doing terrible at it) and knows I entertain other people online from time, but I think it's my need for constant attention. My jealousy really struck when she mentions other guys and even her ex but I realized I have a negative possessiveness and that I really only entertain other people cuz outside the constant need for admiration, I'm most likely never gonna move forward with any of them. This girl it feels serious but I think I don't want LDR, I’m too in my head about all this. I found tickets to her state for cheap but she said wait until we're both done with classes this semester which is two weeks for me and a month for her. But I might end things with her over the insecurities and growing need for attention but really physical and romantic intimacy. I want to be straight honest about all these issues too

I know we all go at our own pace but seeing people getting married, having kids and being with others for a long time hurts at this age because I've been trying and I can't even find people honest with me in my real life. I'm gonna try and see a therapist but it's so hard finding one, let alone a black one and I can’t really afford it at the moment.

How do I properly deal with this mentally? My teachers know I’m crashing and burning and checking on me to see if I’m okay but I keep breaking down and screaming when I’m alone….

There’s still other stuff I wanted to add but will put it in the comments. If y’all think I should cut this shorter or this is bad/stupid please tell me

But acts like every other race is oppressed and is always experiencing racism?

I know there are black people out there who take meds but it seems like I'm the only one who is trying to lol . Does anyone have experience with it or any stories about what they take/ how they make them feel.Thanks

all i’ve been thinking about recently is what I do externally to survive in this life vs what i daydream and wish for internally.

All I imagine is a place with people that only look like me and can express themselves freely. Life that’s spent around the people you love. health and wellness is prioritized as well as a tight knit protective community. No linear outlook on life.

It’s like I feel like I have to know what i’m doing in the next 5 years. I hate being asked what I want to do with my future. I’m doing whatever catches my interest I can’t imagine myself just doing one thing my whole life.

My only desire right now is really just to learn. I want to go to grad school and just engulf myself in my discipline but after that it’s like den what will I do?

I just needed to vent but if you can relate to what I’m saying or wish to share any advice I’m more than open to listening

I needed to report a racist incident that happened to me. The lawyer was a « progressive radical antiracist » white woman and she told me that the area I live in has severe anti-blackness, but spoke condescendingly towards me as if I didn’t know what it was and need to be educated on it. I asked her what can be done on a practical level since I have to deal with it everyday day. She was really dismissive when and told me that I need to participate in « activism and community organising ». When I asked her for a referral she gave me one for low income people which seemed micro aggressive because I’m not low income. Like assuming that I must be low income because I’m black and hurt by racism.

Am I wrong to think that response was very rude patronising and dismissive? Activism isn’t something most people can undertake psychologically or financially and doesn’t stop day to day direct racism. I found it really offensive because i noticed it’s always the go to response for non-black people to suggest anytime a black person talks about racism in the US.

I honestly am so fatigued about discussing racism with non-black people that claim they are « ally’s » and use useless phrases like « using my white privilege to dismantle racism » because they never do that. These type of people turn to using the « ally » label for self gratification.

It doesn't need to be a grand gesture, it can be: completing chores, getting out of bed, getting a new job, staying alive, doing something scary, taking a shower, etc.

Share what you are proud of from this past week. Pat yourself on the back. Treat yourself to something nice today.

If you need self-care ideas, tips for finding a therapist, or links to call/text a hotline check out our Resources Wiki Page here.

We're on discord! Join us here.

Hey, I’m 21. Looking to see if their is any older black males on here willing to take me under their wing and put into perspective adulting and all its complexities.

If you’re interested plz dm me. Thanks for your time.

So I had an experience today hanging out with my roommate and stuff , were hanging out in the car and stuff , the conversation led down to me being whitewashed and I was confused , so he explain why I am , this isn't the first I've been accused of this but it has been only from non black people, they'll say that one saying your the "whitest black guy I know ", which is dum to me, so anyways back to my roommate he goes on saying in his explanation its my personality , the stuff I like, he goes on saying like anime , video games , or wearing vintage clothes and etc , I go on to tell him there are many black people like that , he goes on saying he knows , so im like if you know that then how am I whitewashed? , he's like well its your piercings, I only have an nose stud on my left and two regular ear piercing , I even go on to saying yet again there are black people like that , he's like he knows , so i'm like confused , he says well its your personality im like huh, he say its like artsy and stuff , yet again there many black people like that, so he goes on and saying he has an black friend or whatever and saying he acts like a "regular black guy" , so I say this to him I notice mainly non black has said this too me , and that I realize you guys don't know but y'all unconsciously low-key view us all the same so when you don't meet someone that fit your view of an black person he or she is whitewashed , he goes on saying im reaching and im making him seem racist he's like the other roommates who are also non black will say the same , im like I expect no less tbh , I just felt like I was pointing out what he was unconsciously doing, and it make sense to me like since I don't fit the view or stereotype of non black people version of a black person im whitewashed, its the fact he describing his black friend like it helped like me and him aren't two different people, just the same color, I promise you and I said this to him too , if I were sagging and going bang bang you wouldn't think that, he's like nah that's not true , I feel like im not reaching im just point out what he's doing , whole thing is stupid to me since he know my views, and how proud I am to be black too why would I want to be white respectfully, it just hearing did low-key piss me off but I gotta carry on its even worse hearing form your own people too don't get me started on that , especially going through what I went through in life and place I come from, but I don't let it define me and just be myself, be honest what's y'all view on the situation any advice will be helpful too.

I constantly see Caucasian people express that they are always depressed and I wonder why. They have generational wealth, more resources and more opportunities and yet they are constant victims. It's doesn't make sense. If your bills are paid and you have a savings, house, vacations,car etc. you are a blessed person. I guess I'm just crazy but I truly believe that they can't handle adversity. Everything for them is comfort. I work in sales and I've seen them(grown white people) cry when we are out of stock for the specific product they wanted lol. Some have literally never been told "no" or "wait".They also drive very aggressive like they're always angry, very unforgiving drivers. l'm Done. That felt good 👍🏾

He texted me at 6:30a hating on something he felt was unjust. And truly he was hating on a racial disparity. We deal with a lot of injustice as black men but this was a little overboard. Personally I believe the person deserves the props. But he gave me an idea…

I challenge you to see the good in life and others until at least lunch. Go further if you can. Because I love something about everyone. Everyone has a characteristic or trait that could be loved.

If we stop looking for what’s wrong all the time, maybe we will find more happiness and enjoyment from life. I know today is not the prettiest where I live. But I’m thankful to be alive. Sometimes I’m just thankful I can read and write! Just think how tough it is on someone looking at letters and not knowing what they mean… got a little off topic but there’s something good about everything.

Wake up looking for the good in life at least until lunch or dinner time!

Growing up low-income/poverty is one of the reasons I(22F) wanted to go to college. I love to learn…so it just made sense to me especially if I wanted to get a well paying job. Not to mention, not wanting to be like my parents…constantly arguing/stressed over money.

Anywho..got my bachelor’s in ‘22 and I’ll graduate in May ‘26 w/ my Master’s. I’m satisfied w/ the path I’m on but i can’t help but think about the only reason I’m able to even continue my education is because of student loans. Parents couldn’t/can’t help me because it’s just not feasible for them… By the time I graduate I’m sure I’ll be over 60k in debt. Just thinking abt it brings my mood down. Just to get where I want to be in life, I have to take out big loans putting myself further into a tough financial situation once I graduate. I mean, the loans pay for school but I also live and pay my bills w/ the refund I receive. I feel shitty doing that but man…this is the only way I can survive right now and it hurts… money allows me to live an okay life but fuck, i wish i never had to worry abt this..