I know just because we are the same skin color we don't need to have each other's back, but it's wild to me how this interracial couple is literally teaming up with racists in order to mess with my life. I don't want to get into detail, but it's crazy seeing a black man with biracial kids, side with a group of people who racially harass me AND my kids.

It's sad to see a black people being used for social proof by a white person in order to prove that the white person is not racist. Dude and his 'BLM' spouting white white wife, literally have their kids around a man and woman who put nooses on my car and constantly plots on people. I don't know if they knew or not (I'm guessing not) but they never gave me the benefit of the doubt. Just assumed I was the bad guy. I'm the aggressor. Im the problem.

Its a very strange thing to experience. I can't wrap my head around it. I guess it feels better to belong to any group, even if your kids could be in danger. How do they not sense these folks are using them and that they are racist AF?

All these white women are teaming up against ONE black woman. Isn't THAT enough of a red flag that something ain't right with these group of people? Who sits around and constantly gossips and plots on a woman who doesn't even BOTHER them. THAT THEY BARELY EVEN SEE. But yes, IM THE BAD GUY, that's why I got cameras in my front yard alone and they have NONE. ZERO. But yes, IM the one harassing THEM. Im the one trying to destroy THEM (sarcasm).

Just goes to show you, people don't care about the truth. They just want a story and look for evidence to confirm their bias. Logic doesn't matter.

I went out for drinks with my coworkers for Halloween. It was great fun and I decided to party further (alone) after leaving them so I went to a bar. It wasn't very good in terms of music and crowd (very white). I was about to leave but spotted a cute brother. I started talking to him and eventuality realised he wasn't meeting my standards. I was still interested in maybe engaging in sometime more casual with him. I told him I was going to the bar to get myself a drink and he offered to go get it. I told him 'OK fine go ahead' then he started getting weird and it gave me the worst ick. I literally wasn't counting on him for anything and he offered and then backtracked as if I was asking him for the world. And I wasn't even planning on getting something pricy.

Yes as in physically fought. Lol.

Let me set the scene. So I started working at this new job at the end of April, I genuinely believed everyone was really nice and this one particular white girl took a liking to me, like bordering infatuation. she’d always obsess over me and compliment me saying I look like certain pretty celebrities and our conversations were always very superficial.

She was very interested in my long term relationship and I shared that our sex life was struggling as I had been experiencing sexual trauma that had resurfaced making my relationship with sex very problematic for me.

Anyways she ends up leaving that job and I find out from another (non white) friend that she had been spinning a story that EYE would cheat on my partner with someone at work (that she was interested in, how convenient). When she realised that wasn’t working she tried to involve my other colleagues by blaming ME!

Fast forward to tonight, I see her for the first time in a while and so I go up to her and pull her hair and I’m like “hey! So good to see you I’m surprised you haven’t overdosed on ❄️ yet!” (lol I was wrong for that but I’m glad I did it) and she says nothing. So I keep pulling her hair and her friend that was also involved in her behaviour was like can you stop. So I replied “oh now you have something to say!” They ended up having me removed by security but I am glad that I did what I did.

I know I could’ve handled that better but I am only 22 - age isn’t an excuse but I’ve spent my younger years having to be the “bigger person” and people pleasing for white women that did not even see me as human. So I feel proud of myself for standing up to her even if my response wasn’t the best way to approach it. This was out of character for me and I don’t think that’s something I’ll ever do again. but seriously don’t try mess with my relationship because you’re mad I’m black and someone worth loving.

Please my lovely ladies, can I hear from you if you have done something similar, or can I just have some big sister advice ❤️

I'm sorry, this may be the wrong forum and I will delete this if it is. But she's my bestfriend and I don't have anyone else to talk to about the situation. So please respond or PM me, thank you!

I (23F) feel very lost. I moved to the United States from Ghana when I was 12, and I found it very difficult to make friends because I lived in a predominantly white community. I didn’t feel comfortable speaking because I didn’t want to be made fun of for my accent. It got so bad that some people genuinely thought I didn’t speak. We moved to a really small town which made it ever harder to make friends and meet new people.

I felt like I had to keep playing the role of the shy quiet girl all through middle school and high school. This then became my identity. For reference, when I lived in Ghana I was know for always talking and asking too many questions, that all stopped when I moved.

This really ruined my confidence and I excluded myself from many social activities/ clubs or things I was interested in because i could never “fit in” anywhere and I felt incredibly awkward most of the time. I could have made a change in college but I didn’t go to school out of state or live on campus because my parents didn’t like the idea. So I spent pretty much all of college going between work and school. I never ch made any friends in college and to this day I do not have any friends.

I do not have a fond memories in my life that does not have to do with time spent with my nuclear family. I have two sisters around my age who are doing way better than me socially and I often find myself wishing I had at least a quarter of what they had.

I have tried to make friends but because of my lack of social interactions I’m not able to relate to people as quickly and I often end up isolating myself unintentionally. I always feel awkward or like a loser and I feel like I don’t have a personality because of my lack of experience.

I’m still in the same town we moved to, in the same house and I can’t move out because of work and $$. I feel extremely stuck and I don’t know how to get myself out. I just want to feel “normal” and to feel like I’m living and not just alive.

I don’t even cry about it anymore, I am more so embarrassed and sad that I did this to myself, because I know this is not who I am but it’s who I have been become.

Sorry for the long post, I wasn’t really sure where to post this but I needed to vent.

Happy Halloween Ladies 🎃 👻 🐈‍⬛

Since it’s the spooky season, thought we could have a fun thread. Let’s share stories, for anyone who’s had a paranormal experience.

I had one today at a Halloween Party 😆 Went to use the toilet with a separate room for the sinks like here in the picture.

On the countertop were ‘motion detection figurines of witches’ that cackle when you pass by.

So I’m sitting on the toilet handling my business. Then all of a sudden I hear a creak on the floor in front the sink, and the witches start cackling. I was like 😑😐🤨😳 “Yeah…ima head out.” They cackled three more times as I was flushing. I hurried up and washed my hands in the sink, before running 🏃🏾‍♀️out the room.

😁 Anyone else has paranormal experiences to share?

Paul Mitchell

So I (19f) grew up in a culturally diverse city. I had black friends at elementary school but things got hard in secondary school bc I was the only black kid there. Our school representative was mixed. We did have a black girl but graduated. I was always the only black kid amongst my friends. I would say that looks were always a thing in my life.

We would ask boys to rank us and I felt like I was in competition with my then best friend bc the guys would want to talk to her and she would get asked out while I was just the funny friend. I didn’t become funny to cope. If I’m being honest that’s just who I am unintentionally. It even got worse when I did the big chop at 14. Boys and family friends would compare me to guys and this has created this insecurity in me til this day. I was never seen. Fortunately more black kids came to my school but many dropped out. I had a “boyfriend” at 11/12 or 13(?) and we were supposed to kiss but he didn’t do it. My best friends boyfriend told me that he called me the ugliest girl in the class. Like I said looks were a thing but it wasn’t THE thing for me.

So fast forward at 16 is when I’d say it started. Friends were getting their first boyfriends and I had one friend who got a lot of attention from men. She was tall, pretty and mixed with green eyes. We went out together one day and guys would hit on her. I was super shady internally and I’m not proud of it. I was also severely depressed and su!c!dal at that time for other reasons. So it was a lot. I would compare myself to women I’ll never look like and cry. I felt so bad for comparing myself to family members as well. But it wasn’t like I wanted to look like them. I felt like they had more opportunities than me bc they could do their makeup and stuff (my mom was so against it. She threw away the makeup I bought at 14 and forced me to get relaxers once my natural hair grew out for 2 years). So I started posting myself online for people to rate me (what a stupid idea) and it was mixed. Some said I was pretty and others that I’m below average and this made everything worse for me. I came home every single day and would try different looks and take so many pictures of myself. I was also addicted to filters. Looking back I looked so strange. And no I was not ugly. I just looked like a normal kid.

I also noticed that I’d get more attention when I sexualised myself online. So I did that too.

As time went on people (not friends or family) would start calling me pretty. It was very strange for me. But school stayed the same. I was okay with everyone but now exceptional or anything. I’d get complimented by the girls but that was it….UNTIL I GRADUATED last year.

I just wanted to feel better about myself and decided to ale a change bc I couldn’t stay miserable forever. So I began experimenting with different hairstyles, makeup, clothes you name it. And suddenly people would stop me to tell me I was pretty. I really got into makeup this march. I worked as a cashier and it was such a new experience for me. Costumers would call me gorgeous, I even got asked if I model (bc I’m 5’9) and in the beginning I wasn’t sure but why would so many people including kids lie??? For what??? So I kept going. I got braids and the attention that I got was insane. I was complimented almost everyday. Not for the hairstyle tho but my face. And I was scared that the attention would go away once I take them off. But no it didn’t stop.

I’d be lying if I said that I’m ugly. My entire aesthetic has changed and I am more confident in myself. I chopped off my cooked relaxed hair this year and went natural. My style has improved a lot and I’ve definitely noticed that people treat you nicer when you take care of yourself. I also started talking to guys but I’ve just noticed that I get complimented wayyyy more than I get approached and then I start asking myself if I’m not attractive enough bc the only “quality” men (that I was genuinely attracted to) that I met have been from dating apps which I don’t use anymore. I only get approached by old or weird men. And then I see how guys around my age talk to other girls.

The sad part is that after everything I still don’t feel pretty often. I used to think that this was the end goal but no it’s not. I’m still insecure. I’m still kinda depressed (I had a hard upbringing) and I still worry too much about the way I look. I always want to look my best. Sometimes I avoid mirrors bc I’ll find something to nitpick.

I wanna play too🧛🏾‍♀️

Early voting in many states ends tomorrow (Nov. 1). Election Day is Tuesday, Nov. 5. Search “voting locations” in your city and state to find poll locations and hours near you.

I know this is pretty standard for braids unless you’re paying for a wash as well, but for a silk press?? She said it was because it takes more time if she had to detangle it and because I had box braids before. But if the silk press included a wash how does it not include detangling. And 40$ extra at that? The style itself was 100$ so the whole thing came out to 140$. It took a little under 2 hours from start to finish. I’ve had box braids for 180$ that took like 4-6 hours so it couldn’t have possibly been that much extra work

😂 I think this would be fun, saying it from the point of view of someone you know.

Husband/Boyfriend

Friend

Parent

Sibling

I’ll go first

Husband : Suspect swears she can fix everything but ends up making it worse 😂

I have been dating this white guy from NYC (he's American and grew up in a very diverse environment). We had a discussion where he used the term "Blacks" to refer to Black people. I responded by using the term "Black people," but he said "blacks" again. This bugs me a lot. I brought it up later, and he apologized and said he doesn’t know where this is coming from, that he said it out of anxiety and because he "might have heard this term during his childhood." What do you all think about this? Would you break up? I am very annoyed.

Edit: Thank you so much for your comments, support, and advice! 🫶🏿This is why I love my Blackness so much, and I am so happy to be a Black woman. Although it can be very hard to see and feel it on a daily basis, moments like this remind me that we have a strong and supportive community. I’ll probably slide into some of your DMs!

(For context ⬇️) Me F (21) Her F (22) So my friend and I have been friends for two years now and we also work together. Two weeks ago I had to set boundaries with her bc I felt as though she’s been using me as a scapegoat to lie to her parents about her cigarette addiction.
Meaning whenever her parents ask her if she smokes, she blames it on me. All I told her was I don’t like that and asked her if she could understand why I feel uncomfortable/ disappointed… she then went on to say I’m trying to end our friendship and completely brushed past my question and went on to talk about “her, her and her”. Throughout our friendship I’ve always been reluctant to tell her how I feel because she always responds in a certain way. Instead of being receptive to my feelings or at least acknowledging where I’m coming from she immediately gets defensive.. and/or treats my emotions as a personal attack. Recently, whenever I come into work she doesn’t say anything to me, instead she looks down and ignores me when I say “ Hi, How ya doing?” I’ve peeped this energy and just decided to say Hi, bye and keep it pushing. Now my question is what do I do? Do I match her energy and ignore her also? OR keep it cordial? Or should I talk to her about this or just leave it alone?

I forgot to mention this isn’t the first time she’s done something like this…I’ve always told her if she is worried about her parents finding out about her smoking addiction then she needs to be more careful.

Heyy sisters! So I am currently debating on getting an IUD as my form of birth control and have heard a few good things about it from my friends but that wasn’t enough lol . For the ladies that have/had it how did it affect your daily routine , health , weight , energy , mental health etc ?

I met someone who I could potentially see a future with, but I've never made a list of my non-negotiables and am looking for some examples! What do yall's look like?

I had a conversation with someone talking about relationships , she couldn't quite understand why I ended my relationship because he didn't cheat on me and she felt like all the things he was doing "could be eventually "changed" or will "get better". I will now list the things that made me leave him and mind you this was the course of almost 2 years of the same thing.

1. Constantly being left on read
2. Lack of communication ( can't tell me he will be busy or just simple texts to let me know he wouldn't be able to communicate much )
3. Not prioritizing me as I did him

3.Low effort (I would have to bring up doing nice things for me (ex buying flowers just be cause ) 4. Being short with me instead communicating how he felt (passive aggressive) 5. Not calling back when he said he would 6. Unhealthy arguments (hanging up on me , or raising voice ) 7. One time I was crying during an argument and he said as I qoute " Stop crying it's pissing me off"( BIG ONE because although he sincerely apologized I honestly can't forget that moment) 8. Emotionally unavailable and innatentive ( always there for him Emotionally but my cup was often left empty) 9. Overall I felt as if I was Constantly asking for the bare minimum 10. Overall I felt Constantly unappreciated and taken for granted even when he did buy me lil things it didn't mean as much anymore 11. Overall he was inconsistent , (might change and do what I needed for a short time but eventually he always went back to low effort behavior 12. Behaviors made me question my self worth and caused me anxiety and sadness through our relationship

So yeh although he never cheated as far as I know.., are these things not enough to end a relationship? That girl is tripping but I will give her grace because mayby she has been through her own trauma and has yet to heal. ( *** EDIT thank you ladies for all the encouragement❤️, I'm honestly In a much better place , although it's a recent breakup I'm not really sad sad lol )

You can be the most confident, classiest black girl but coming of age in a place where you’re invisible, ignored and constantly rejected does something to you

All your white girl-friends are being asked out and given positive attention and you’re just there with nothing.

Not being anyone’s crush

Being rejected countless of times when you do show interest

Having nobody ask you out to a dance or prom

Even if it’s all playground politics and you grow out of it, I feel it really leaves an emotional scar and nobody talks about this enough.

********EDIT: it’s been absolutely humbling reading everyone’s experiences and knowing that we are not alone. The world was not and probably is still not kind to us but we have no choice but to overcome, I love you all ❤️

And to those of you who can’t read the room talking about “having self esteem and confidence” as a way to dismiss our experiences. Gabrielle Union once said “You can love what you see in the mirror, but you can't self-esteem your way out of the way the world treats you.”

And that is that.

So, I did my braids 1 month ago and it’s hurting bad. I have a red irritation that appeared on my scalp and my seborrheic dermatitis got worse on my scalp. I don’t know if I should just continue to wash my hair and wait a bit or take them down? It’s my first time that something like this occurs, I tested a new braider. Even, when I try to do low ponytail I feel like something it’s pulling out my scalp and my hair 😓

I have 4b hair and I almost never wear it out naturally. I always relax it if I leave it out for a time. I know it's not bad and we just try to style it into ways it's not supposed to be styled but the only hairstyle you can really do is two buns, one bun or an afro that would have rocked in the 80s 🤣 but not so much in 2024. I think it's a Jamaican thing. Most Jamaican women relax their hair to death and I'm no exception. Could you guys give me any inspo on some people with 4b hair that like to wear their hair naturally.

I believe in a God. But I don’t believe a particular reading is more supreme than the other like A bible is no more right than a Quran/kuran, Torah etc.

I’m not sure if this makes sense. I just believe all people should be good. Is there a word for this?