This might be a weird question so just lmk if this doesn't make sense.

I'm having a bad rosea flare up rn and ofc it happened when it started to get hot outside 🤦🏾‍♀️. Ik it's only gonna take a few weeks to clear up but there's no way i'll be able to wear long sleeves to cover it up. However i had an idea i just want to know if yall think it would work. I remember seeing a tik tok of another black girl using self tanner to even out her skin tone. I was wondering if anyone also has this skin condition and thinks it's a good idea? Or would it just make it worse ? If anyone knows thank youuu.

What are y’all making for lunch? I need ideas.

Chipotle, cava and sweetgreen is running my pockets. I need self control.

Hi ladies! This'll be a bit of a vent/advice-request post.

I (25F) recently committed to a funded PhD program, in a field I enjoy (social science) at a prestigious institution. I was extremely happy when I got into my top programs, for about a day. Soon after that, extreme anxiety and panic set in. I spoke to some trusted people who said that it was very normal to feel anxiety before starting a PhD program, and encouraged me to at least visit the schools that I got into. I followed this advice, and though I was still feeling anxiety, it was at a much lower level. Eventually, I decided on the program that I liked the most, and committed to it.

That day was about two weeks ago, and I have not had a full day of peace since. I have frequent bouts of severe anxiety that manifest in increased heartrate, chest pain, and shortness of breath. It happens soon after I wake up, and persists intermittently throughout the day. With this anxiety also comes a depression that I don't think I've felt before, which makes me unable to enjoy things that I once liked (e.g. tv shows, work tasks) or complete tasks that would prepare me to enter grad school.

On the other end of the spectrum, there are moments where I'm excited to start a PhD. These moments usually happen at night before bed, after I've been exercising, or after I've had a conversation with a friend or mentor about my anxiety, and they remind me that since it's a fully-funded program, there'd be no real harm in at least starting it and giving it a try. In these moments of excitement it is like I am a completely different person, and I always think that I've solved my anxiety issues and will be able to continue into grad school smoothly. But without fail, the anxiety always returns with full force.

Only in the past couple days have I been able to admit to myself and others that a lot of my reasons for applying to PhD programs weren't great. Essentially, there was a lot of parental pressure to go to grad school no more than 3 years after undergrad, and I wasn't ready to pay/go into debt for a masters. I'm also currently in a job position where they encourage you to leave after 3 years (either for grad school or another position), and admittedly, I did want to "prove" something to people by getting into a prestigious program. My good reasons for applying to PhDs were the fact that I enjoy my current job as a research assistant, and I've always been interested in issues surrounding racial and gender inequity.

Truthfully, though, while I do enjoy data and being part of the research process, I'm not sure that I have a strong interest in leading my own research and adding to the literature. I also don't want to go into academia. In general, I always felt rushed in the timeline I was given, and I think that caused me to make some hasty decisions. I think that if it were up to me, I would've just gotten another job and returned to grad school once I got the definite sense that I was comfortable doing it and needed it to move up in my desired career.

On the other hand, I know that I've been given a really great oppportunity at a really great place, and a lot of people would call me insane for giving it up. I just don't know if it's the perfect opportunity for me. I grew up in a very strict, academic, and isolating environment, and I've just really enjoyed the freedoms that have come with working a 9-5, living away from home, and making my own money. I don't think I'm ready to give that up for some higher academic/professional purpose. I want to keep enjoying myself and growing as a person. But then again, I know a PhD is not exactly prison.

I realize I'm rambling now lol. I specifically posted in r/blackladies because I do know that education is really important for us, and I don't trust the rest of reddit when it comes to grad school advice tbh. I do feel a lot of guilt about this, and I still don't know what to do about the future. But I at least know that my current mental health state is neither healthy nor sustainable, so I gotta get that under control before I make any other decisions.

hubby and i were out at a bar and we see another IR couple but BM/WW. hubby leans over and says “you know, i’m glad to see that someone is taking care of the white women”. i LOL’d, had to share his thoughts with y’all

Some short context: I'm a 19 year old black girl born and raised in the United States.

This is a long one, so get ready. Please correct me if I'm wrong about anything! If there are better places to post this in, please let me know! 🙏🏾

So, I've been wanting to talk about this for a long time, but I had no idea where to put this rant.

Texturism (Particularly in the Loc Community) is a Problem

This is something that really pisses me off since realizing and learning about it. Let's be honest. It seems as if Black people don’t like kinky hair. Let me tell you why. The hair types that face this the most are 4a, 4b, and 4c. These hair types get effected and targeted by Texturism even when they're not loced. Texturism is very evident when you realize how people treat others who have freeform locs. Whenever someone has freeforms, people are quick to tell them that they're "nappy headed", they "look homeless", they're "dirty", they "need to cut their hair", they "need to start over", etc. These are literally perfect examples of Texturism. Whenever you see people with manicured locs, people don’t criticize them to the same extent that they do freeforms. There's a dumb hierarchy within the loc community where manicured locs are at the top and freeform locs are at the bottom. People forget that black people's hair is so versatile, so I don't know why people expect everybody's locs to look the same (manicured).

Personal experience rant: I’ve technically had semi freeform locs for 3 years now, even though I've always really wanted freeforms. My mom and I unfortunately had a big fight when I first got them. I forgot how I got her to shut up about it, but she didn’t say anything about them since then… until the day before yesterday. I graduated high school in May 2023 and I’ve been chilling at home since then because I don't have anywhere to go. I admit I haven’t been washing my hair as often as I should have, but I’m still aware that I have to do it eventually. My mom all of a sudden asked me out of nowhere when I’m gonna do something about my hair. She told me this before, but she once again went on about how she never liked freeform locs because she thinks they’re untidy, matted (I mean, no shit. That’s literally what locs are. How else will they form? 😑), and that I need to clean my hair. (Ironic coming from her since she hasn’t washed her own hair in a while. Also, I’m fully aware that I have to wash them.) I kept trying to tell her that what she said was rude, but she countered it by saying that she wasn’t trying to be rude, but because she’s my mother, she has a right to tell her child what she disapproves of. She also told me that she’s concerned about people messing with me and people giving me dirty looks because of my hair. (I don’t know why she’s acting like this. About half of the people in the town that we live in have locs (mostly boys), so it’s not like I really stand out in that aspect. I also told her that I don't even notice people giving me dirty looks or staring at me, assuming they're even paying attention to me. I hope not... 😬😶‍🌫️) She also said that she doesn’t like it because I’m a girl. (As if me being a girl is supposed to make me care about that. 😒) However, she doesn’t like it on boys, either. I don’t know. 🤦🏾‍♀️ Then again, my mom is 59, was raised in the south, and is Christian, so she’s bound to say annoying, outdated shit.

Now listen, there’s nothing wrong with having manicured locs, nor is there anything wrong with not having any types of locs at all. What is an issue is if you talk shit about people who do have them. That’s not cool and it honestly says more about you than the people who you’re talking (complaining) about.

Anyways, that's enough for this post. Let me know what your thoughts are.

I’m still in grief over a friend who passed away a few months ago due to suicide. It’s a kind of grief that’s hard to explain, because it’s something I wish I could’ve stopped. I didn’t answer one of her phone calls before she took her own life and words can’t begin to explain how much remorse I feel . I was wondering if anyone else has lost someone close to them in the same way? What were they like and did they tell you goodbye? How did you deal with the grief ?

How are we keeping silk presses silky after a trip to the gym? I’ve got an appointment tomorrow, but I’ve been hitting the gym hard to get in shape for my wedding, and I’d like to not sweat out my edges and roots hours after getting it done.

Do you think it’s possible to be progressive with some conservative views?

I've been natural for over 10 years now. My hair is still chin length. I take good care of it. I keep it moisturized and detangled, no heat and only put in braids maybe once a year. My mom pulled my sides out when I was a child so a lot of protective styles aren't possible for me and I now have seborrheic dermatitis which has pushed my hairline back.

Anyway I just took my braids out and I just feel so ugly. I don't believe short hair is ugly at all. But my face is very long and it really doesn't suit me. The hair styles I can do don't suit me. I get so many compliments when I have braids in. Im practically invisible with my natural hair.

I just which it would grow. I love the texture, it's just not long enough and my bald spots end up getting exposed because of it. I'm just tired.There aren't a lot of protective styles that work because of the bald spots and I'm tired of having to style it everyday and ending up being unhappy with it.

Middle and high school age to be precise. If I see someone my age (30s, I’m assuming you’ve lived some, had your eyes opened and only surround your self with informed white women). Mostly because in primary and high school I was that girl. It all looks very sweet on the outside but gosh when I think back I shudder at how those friendships made me hate myself in some ways at that age. Particularly my looks. The internalized racism was so real.

I’ve got a great mix of friends now and I’m thankful.

The way this song has had a hold on me [and a lot of us 🤣] for a while. Love it so much.

I’m just hearing TPain’s version and fell in love with it all over again.

Hope this brings some joy to y’all as well.

What your favorite country or country adjacent song?

Heyyyy. I am 22 yr old. I was recently dealing with a man that is 40+ .I know that was my first mistake 😭 We got into an argument today and he told me to 💀myself. Should I respond or should I just move on and not say anything. He also knows that I have battled with depression and anxiety.

I have these smile lines I hate and I've been told by one doctor to get my cheeks filled to help (which i was like what) and another doctor that they would fill in those lines (which I'm worried would make my face feel heavy) and all the doctors I've talked to were white and when I asked about vascular occlusion (filler getting into your veins and causing a clot, blindness or other terrible rxn), they just said they looked for you to go pale

I'm too dark to go pale!

Has anyone here successfully gotten facial fillers with good, long lasting results from a doctor that had a better answer?

TIA!

Hey there, I asked for relationship advice on a different account a long time ago, and I got a lot of inflammatory responses and accusations. I wanted to ask this to a group of other black women.

We're a black couple in our mid/late twenties that have been married for about three years now. My husband has a very good job, and he told me today that he's expected to go out of country for a mandatory trip for several weeks over the summer. I told him that I didn't really like this, especially since his company almost stranded him during another trip just a few states away.

I think it stung more than usual because he mentioned not an hour earlier that he felt like my work and school kept us from spending time together. He's since told me that he regretted saying this.

I don't know. Am I just being unfair? I don't have any doubts about his faithfulness, it just stinks being told he has a mandatory overseas trip.

I mentioned that I think we might benefit from talking to our old therapist about it (we spoke to her about traumas from our childhood to address them early), and he said he was fearing we'd become the couple that can't work without outside help. Here I am, asking questions on Reddit I guess. I just feel like I don't have anyone else to talk to. Maybe I just need therapy.

I need a recommendation for where to buy 613 bundles online!! I’ve heard too many unice horror stories! Thank you so so much

Just wanted to see if anyone else has been struggling with this lately. With all the NFL draft videos and shit my feed has been full of BW defending ourselves all week and it’s just so tiring and disappointing. Today I saw a video that made me sick to my stomach about why successful BM and ball players date out and it had 275K likes. The comments were even worse, just non stop talk about how BW are too much stress, our features, etc.

I’ve seen this stuff before and I usually just blow it off, but as someone that’s been trying to date it makes it so hard. I just don’t even want to talk or look at any BM anymore. I have not even been responding to the ones I am dating/talking to because I feel like I have the urge to be passive aggressive and I know it’s not all of them. It’s just infuriating and makes me sick, that’s all

i find it actually DEPRESSES ME and i’m full of self loathing in times i cannot stop a white woman from touching my hair. due to probably numerous factors, my reactionary time when it comes to my own well-being is a few seconds behind. i genuinely hate when a white woman touches my hair and i can’t catch their wrist before they do it. i don’t know how to stop getting mad at myself for not being quicker.

what are ways in which i can have some compassion for myself while also standing up for me? it literally happened an hour ago and i’m feeling i will never be fast enough to protect myself.

I’m looking for someone ideally not too far from the south loop but am willing to travel if necessary. I’m natural and need someone I can go to a few times a year for trims.

If they can do flat twists or twists outs that would be a major plus.

My book club chose this one for our next book. They generally recommend really good novels and I've enjoyed the ones we've read previously. That being said, I made a decision years back not to touch anything concerning slavery.

If you've read it, do you think it's worth breaking my rule?

I just find it annoying ! On media especially platforms like twitter where people’s options can be vocalised. I see people treating dark skin women like charity cases , like make a wish foundation kids. It’s not even in an endearing way , it’s extremely condescending. For instance if someone makes a pic of a group of girls they find attractive . Here comes the brigade of “where are the dark skin women !!!🤬🤬🤬😡” and it’s insane because it will be a damn teenage white girl behind the account posting people who look most like HER . Why the fuck do we need her to post us to feel validated? Who wants people to admire them just because they feel like they HAVE to! I also see this in TikTok comments , the comments always feel so condescending. Like how people comment weird shit on fat people’s posts. It’s become a thing where you’ll see who people really find gorgeous by how mean their comments are about that person. Like sometimes I will see someone saying a bunch of non black women are ugly and then compare them to someone who is clearly nowhere near attractive as them . It feels like severe copium and it’s making the rest of us look pathetic.

Any advice for a black 18 year girl?

Apparently I'm supposed to add body text