Hey y'all!

Before my boyfriend (let's call him Chuck) and I decided to become more than friends, we were acquaintances for almost 10 years.

Chuck and I have a mutual best friend named Isaiah. Chuck and Isaiah have been best friends since preschool. Isaiah and I met at a gaming store while I was traveling with my family to his state. Isaiah and I exchanged xbox gamertags and phone numbers and we grew super close and have been best friends since.

Over the years when Isaiah and I would be gaming, Chuck would join. And Chuck was this extremely obnoxious, super cringe guy with teenage white boy edge lord humor and thought it was funny to be racist and piss people off in xbox live parties.

There were more than a few times when he would randomly call me a racial slur and I absolutely hated him. Isaiah didn't think Chucks racist remarks were funny either but when he would try to talk to him about it Chuck just really didn't care.

As the years went by, Chuck toned down a bit but I still found him very annoying. Until one day he apologized for every single thing that he's ever said to me and told me that he really truly would love to get to know me and be my friend if I allowed him the chance.

Since then we've been pretty good friends and even though he can be an idiot I realized how sweet and thoughtful and smart and genuine he truly is. Isaiah ended up getting a girlfriend and kind of abandoned Chuck and I for a while and during that time him and I grew very close and formed our own friendship and I realized that despite the dumb things he said when he was younger he's a pretty nice guy.

Last year I paid a visit to Isaiah and while i was there I met Chuck and him and I hit it off really well. He let me know that he genuine likes me wants to pursue a relationship with me.

So yeah we've been long distance bf and gf for about a year now and even though he apologized I often think back to the racist things he used to say to me. I truly don't believe he is racist now, however growing up in a town where there barely isn't any black folks, he can be a little racially insensitive and ignorant and says dumb things but truly doesn't mean any harm.

I think about him possibly meeting my family and it honestly worries me.

I'm a little stuck because again, he is the sweetest most loving reassuring man I have ever been with. I can talk to him about absolutely anything and he never gets upset when I express my feelings. He wants a future with me and everything. I'm just nervous because he's so...white.

Long dramatic story short, I (BW) married a WM from a Republican, evangelical Christian family and it felt like we hadn’t seen a day of peace since the engagement. There was bullying, shit talking, manipulation, lying. The women in his family became downright hostile toward me and we ended up going no contact with most of his family after it just got too toxic to deal with.

On top of the family’s aggression toward me and not accepting me, my husband had deep rooted trauma from his childhood and was never close to his family/ had a lot of resentment. He says he was probably always going to cut them off eventually but all the drama just made it happen sooner.

As much as I love my husband, I have moments where I feel like things with his family never would’ve gotten to this point if I wasn’t in the picture. I feel like a stain on his family and I feel like he would’ve been better off if we didn’t meet or get married. I just feel guilty.

Does anyone else ever feel like this?

Please stop asking in any dating/men forums if they find us attractive. We are human beings not some anomaly. Yes we are beautiful women with a huge variety of different traits and ranges of colors. Stop asking and start going out and see the world and they will flock to you! That is all❤️

Edit: so apparently some of yall are saying im being judgmental and harsh. No im being honest its a hard truth that bw need to swallow. Men are men period majority like anyone and if they really dont then theres many more out there. Asking on a forrum does nothing GO OUT and actually fucking socialize. Thats all

I(BF) have been chatting with a guy(WM). We initially met online, chatted for around 2 weeks then exchanged numbers. We've been texting consistently for over two months now. He says he wants to go on dates and spend time with me but never plans anything. I've dated white guys before but I'm the first non white female he's talked to on a dating level. We talk everyday sometimes our conversations go on for hours. Is his interest genuine or is it more so curiosity?

Hello, I (37 M) am a Mexican male, and when I started dating I would date girls that were outside my race. The first girl I dated was Japanese, then I dated a few white girls, and the last girl I dated was black. Throughout the years, I have Latinas give me started to bash me for not dating my own race. I tell them that I do dated latinas, but they would be biracial. I mostly do dated biracial girls, but they would say it doesn't count. They would say "Get yourself a real Latina!" I was raised up to respect people of all kinds, when comes to dating, I am open minded. I know there all kinds of beautiful women of all colors. I love latinas, but when it comes to showing hated towards me for dating some girls that is not my race is ridiculous. Just to know if any Latinos have this problem, and how did you guys overcome it.

Okay so I’ve spent most of my life dating out of race ( I’m a 37 yr old blk female). I enjoy it, I feel like it allows me to explore parts of myself and open doors to different experiences. My preference is white men 🤷🏽‍♀️ now here is my problem. I have friends who struggle with this. Most of my blk female friends want me to date a black guy. If a date doesn’t go well, they will insinuate that I should go places where I can meet more black men. Now I have dated black men ( I’ve actually dated/been open to dstinf everything under the sun).

I (27F) recently started dating this guy (27M) who is from India (he moved here 3 years ago) and he’s amazing so far. We both work in tech in the Bay Area, and we met at a rec sports league where we started off as friends. Despite us not being each other’s “type”, we genuinely connected as people and had an instant chemistry.

Anyways, my friends and family know about him and there’s been an immediate skepticism that hasn’t been there for my previous East Asian or white passing Hispanic ex. With those exes, I received immediate approval within a short amount of time and/or support, but with this guy it’s been the opposite (for context, I am East Asian). With the more “polite” friends, the first thing they suspect is that he’s using me for sex and the second thing is they keep asking me is if he’s “betrothed” in his country. I understand the concern, but even after clarifying that he’s not betrothed, they have this skepticism towards him and our connection. Secondly, he has been exclusive with me from the start and has been very communicative about wanting something serious with me.

I almost find their skepticism insulting since I find myself such a good judge of character and he hasn’t shown any indication of red flags to them behaviorally (they’ve admitted it themselves). They simply are cautious he’s like this because he’s from India and they know many stories of Americans “being used by Indian men.” Worst of all, they haven’t even met him and are forming judgments.

I hate that they view him this way— he’s a genuinely a kind, humble guy with great morals. He’s smart, interesting, ambitious, adventurous, giving and we have a lot in common despite growing up in different countries! He is someone committed to growth and most of his friends here are from various cultures and ethnic backgrounds. He’s been nothing but reliable, kind and generous to me.

It’s also extra upsetting because I live in a diverse city (San Francisco) with a lot of Indian people… I expected more open mindedness. I don’t want to get started on some of the genuinely racist things my mom has said about him :/. I hope they’ll be able to see him for who he is and not immediately suspect him because he’s from India. It’s really upsetting to me because I really like him

I met someone on vacation who I never thought I would be attracted to. I have never dated outside of my race before and never felt other races would find me attractive. However, I met someone who lives on the other side of the world who I instantly clicked with even though that persons English wasn’t the best but that didn’t hinder us from talking all night together. My question is, has anyone been in a similar situation like this and are you both still together?

I like this group. Primarily because it’s not a pick up group. Strictly sane advice, I like this group. Primarily because it’s not a pick up group.

Is there a comparable gay group?

So, I know there are worse things that can happen to people

But

That was a first time for me in this regard and most people I know can’t relate

We were riding the subway/metro yesterday and my partner kissed me on the cheek a few times

A middle aged lady of his race threw death stares at me, looking me up and down and eventually changed seats so her back was facing us

I’ve experienced discrimination before, an old lady changing side walk and crossing herself while looking at me really stressed and some dumb comments from other people but this felt different in a way

We are going to the country he’s from this year, I hope people will be friendly with me in most cases…

Some relatives already asked why he doesn’t date “his own race”, even though he’s mixed :/

So I have a crush on this Mexican boy. Recently when I see him he’s started calling me “guapa” and “hermosa” like just casually like “hola guapa”. I haven’t heard him greet someone else like this and I know that those words mean pretty.

So my questions for hispanic people in this group is: Is he just being nice or is he flirting with me?

(Anyone can answer I just want a cultural perspective on if these words are casual or flirty)

Often times in the BC it's assumed those of us who date interracially have some sort of internalized racism or self hatred. The actual truth is going where you find love and acceptance is really a form of SELF LOVE, as you are spending time with one that can genuinely care about you. End Rant

He saw my profile, liked it and messaged me, then my hometown came up. Basically asking if I’d take him and what’s there to do. I’m from a sundown town. I left it because it’s a sundown town (I went from rural town to Detroit for college just to get as far away as possible). People literally rally their pickup trucks donned with Confederate flags and make a parade through the town. I live in Michigan. It was always a free territory and never part of the confederacy, so obviously they wave the flags because they’re racist. Just so you get the picture about the people of where I grew up. My parents only moved there because the school is top 10 in Michigan.

I informed him, “I don’t live there anymore. I’m in (City). (Home town) is a sundown town. You don’t want to go and there’s nothing to do.”

He responded, “What’s the point?”

I was slightly confused and asked for clarification, “What’s the point of what?”

He responded, “Even talking to me if you’re like that and live there?”

Even more confusion set in. I didn’t say I have prejudice or imply it (did I imply it?) I was warning him he doesn’t want to go to where I grew up, because it’s not safe. I responded, “I do not live there. I moved out because it’s a sundown town. I was informing you that you don’t want to go and there’s nothing to do. Have a good day. Bye.”

Was it wrong of me to tell him? Should I have lied?

I’m a Latina and I was dogged the whole time I grew up. I hated living there. People were and still are horribly racist and otherwise bigoted. I didn’t know what else to tell him other than it wasn’t a good idea to go there, because it’s not safe. He read my message and assumed I was describing myself. But, I don’t understand how he could interpret it that way. My first sentence was I don’t live there anymore. My current city of residence is on my profile. The app asks your hometown AND current city. I live in a bigger, diverse city where I feel safer and not targeted for anti-Latino hate. Don’t get me wrong, there are bigots. I get told to go back to Mexico sometimes and I’m not even Mexican. I thought I should be open and honest about the place I grew up, because I wouldn’t take anyone who’s not white-passing even through the town. he asked about it, I informed him. He misinterpreted. Am I wrong for how I responded last?

Quotes are verbatim. For additional information, he messaged me first. I responded jokingly about his photo where he dressed up, saying he looked like he teaches 8th grade. he responded that was his intention. I said he showed those 8th graders good. Then he asked about going to my hometown.

I’m not trying to be defensive. if I commit an infraction of racism, I gladly welcome correction. I don’t say, “I’m not racist.” I apologize and don’t repeat the offense. I’m just genuinely confused, because it seems like he only read, “sundown town” and thought I hate Black people. I don’t hate Black people at all. Sure, there are some people I don’t get along with who happen to be Black. But, I don’t dislike them because they are Black. I’m sure I make judgments based off appearances, and that’s bigoted. I can recognize when I’m at fault. I know I hold some thoughts that need to be educated, we all do. I’m trying to better myself every day (literally. I’m reading two books by Robin DiAngelo on anti-Black racism right now that I checked out from the local library. We all should better ourselves).

I guess I’m curious on how I should proceed if he responds. His profile paints him as fun-loving and his pictures showcase his different styles in fashion. He didn’t come off as a creep or someone to ignore or block. I was genuinely interested. I am not offended. I feel disappointment, confusion, and slight dejection. Of course, no one likes to be called or assumed to be racist. Should I remove where I grew up from my profile????

Extra information: He lives in Indiana. About 4 hours from where I live.

Morning all, I (30WM) and my fiancé (30BF) have been together for over two years now and getting married in around 18 months. She’s asked me to learn more about race and her culture and my white privilege and how that affects us and how I can show up for her more. She’s a very educated woman who works in higher education so her views and opinions are very strong and educated and I’d like to try and do the same for her and for us and our future child.

I’ve read ‘White Fragility’ by Robin DiAngelo

I’m currently reading ‘How to Be an Antiracist’ by Ibram X. Kendi.

I’m not an avid reader at all and it’s hard for me to pick up a book in general. Maybe any articles or even videos to help educate myself would be awesome.

Thank you in advance.

We've been together 3 years and have a beautiful son together. I love him so much

On television I've noticed a lot of commercials about interracial relationships but the focus seems to be one sided. Most commercials seem to imply that black women prefer white men but the polar opposite is a least likely possibility. Are marketing agencies racist? I'm just curious to hear different perspectives on this.

My boyfriend admitted today that he had to cut someone out his circle because he made a comment twice about " why he doesnt like white women". This is a casual aquaintance so its not a lost for him. He answered you only know two women I dated and they happen to not be white.

When i asked him why he cut him off , he said he makes comments sometimes that I cant cosign and left it like that. I didnt pry because I didn't want to ruin the good time.

Got me thinking do white men get comments and if so how do you handle it ?

Hello! I’m non native and going to be meeting my girlfriends mom next month. I want to make the very very best impression as possible. I was thinking of getting her some sort of gift like flowers or chocolates. I don’t know much about Navajo culture and don’t want to offend her or anything. My gf and her mom speak Navajo as well. Is there any gifts I should avoid or look for in specifics? Thank you

I will try keep all the background and context as short as I can.

I (28M) have lived in America with my Bangla-Muslim parents since 2004. My whole life, I have been told by my parents that they sacrificed everything to come to America, and that I should be grateful for the life they provided me (which I am).

I started dating when I was around 19. When my parents found out about my (then) Sri Lankan-Hindu girlfriend, to keep it short - they STRONGLY disapproved, refused to let me into the house, refused to feed me, the house turned into a warzone, and my relationship with my parents strained very badly. After a month, I eventually told them I broke up with her (I was still in uni, could not yet support myself), which settled things again, before eventually breaking up with her 1-2 years later.

After being traumatised of dating, I did not date again until I was 23-24. The experience made my parents realise they could lose me, so they started being encouraging with dating (hoping I get married eventually). I ended up dating an American woman. By this point, I had developed a better relationship with my parents (especially my mother), and so for my sake they reluctantly accepted it. For the time I dated her, my parents were "accepting" and seemed ok with it. For unrelated reasons, I broke up with her. With this news, my parents were overjoyed and broke their silence - they were so thankful for the break up, did not approve of the huge cultural difference, and hoped that I pursue a woman with similar culture to ours.

Again, several years later (around 2022), I meet my current partner (currently 29F). She is Indian-Muslim. I am much happier with her, at peace, and we have been actively discussing marriage. We both make a lot of money and are fully set into our careers. I told my mother about her when I first started dating her. I recently introduced her to my parents given we are at a serious stage and wanting to move forward with marriage.

However, since introducing her to my parents, my parents have just made terrible comments about her. Stuff like - her skin is too dark, she is too short (12 inches of height between us), Indian-Muslims are not real Muslims + too different to Bangla-Muslims, and I am far better partner than her in "all departments". Horrible comments. The worst one was, she (29) is too old (I am 28) and a marrying woman should be <25. Therefore they are very unhappy and do not fully approve of my partner, BUT, they will reluctantly allow us to marry if that is what I want. They keep insisting they are being "supportive", but expressing their views because they "love" me.

My parents' views have upset me greatly. I ended up having a massive spar with them for speaking about my partner that way, and am staying with a friend for a few days. They were such terrible comments. I honestly thought my parents would be more approving, since my partner is more aligned with our culture, but the way they spoke about her is just horrible. They keep insisting on the phone that they are telling me the "truth" about her because they "love" me, and don't believe they have done anything wrong. They also keep insisting they will (begrudgingly) move ahead, and that is the same as a full blessing.

I have no idea why, but I also feel a crippling feeling of guilt now staying with my partner since my parents do not fully approve, who has done nothing wrong. I hate that my mind has been polluted and poisoned by their comments, and I hate myself for not being able to brush off their comments. I eventually told them that the news is new, and for them to think on the news for a few weeks since maybe it was a shock to them. In the mean time, I have no idea on what to do with the feeling of guilt, and feel horrible for my poor partner, who has done nothing wrong, because I feel unsure of my relationship all of a sudden.

Any advice or words of wisdom would be very appreciated! :(

tldr: Indian Parents Are Unhappy And Do Not Approve Of My Non-Indian Partner, But Will Reluctantly Allow Us To Marry. Now All I Feel Is Guilt And Hesitation... Need Some Advice Please

EDIT 1: I spoke to my parents after a few days, and my father said the only big hesitancy left for them is the age (i.e. that she is too "old"). Another fight, and I guess my stay at my friend's is extended lol

I have a second home in Minnesota. I have family that lives there, and I have been visiting since I was 12 years old. Not only that, but I also attended college there. Furthermore, I’m a handsome black male from Louisiana. When I would date white women up north, nobody would mind, and it’s normal in Minnesota. But down south, when I date white women, we are looked at funny by both black and white people in public.

Does anyone get funny looks in their hometowns or the current place you're living, dating outside your race?

i (white 19 f) have been seeing this guy (black 19 m) for about 2 months. His birthday is coming up and i’m not exactly sure what to get him! He is really into hair care and skincare but i’m not sure what to get for his type of hair? Would it be weird if I got him durags or bandanas? Idk, if anyone has any other general gift ideas for a 19 yr old male college student I would love some help! Thank you!

I’m quite curious about this!

Does anyone have any tips for good smudge proof makeup techniques. As a black female when dating I’m super anxious for my makeup transfers and I had a great first kiss the other day (white guy) but I was mortified. He says he’s not bothered, shrugged it off but I don’t want this to be a thing… my previous relationships in my early 20s I didn’t wear makeup then so it wasn’t an issue as I have never had a race preference.. but after regaining my confidence and stuff I don’t want to give up makeup but I don’t see a good option. Worth noting I do have quite bad scarring and hyperpigmentation so without it I think my confidence will be knocked abit. Please give any tips or comments on this as all info helps..

I have been dating my girlfriend for 14 months now and things have been going really well. We are two peas in a pod in every sense of the phrase. I love who we are as a couple and I value her presence in my life. But we got a pretty big problem.

Her parents do not approve of us dating. At all. They won’t even meet me. I have grown up in the south (USA) my entire life. She lived in the north all of her life and moved to the south to pursue a job opportunity. We met and really hit things off. I’ve never been in a long term relationship so this is the longest I’ve dated someone. She has had multiple relationships before me and I am the first black person she has dated. Growing up in the south, I’ve had my fair share of looks and comments thrown in my direction either for what I look like or because I have dated outside my race in the past. But She is from a rural area up north that has some seemingly more overt racist views.

She has met my family my friends, and just about everyone in my life who is important. We spend a lot of time with my parents and friends and she considers my family like her “second family”

I have met nobody from her life. No family. No friends. She talks about me with some of them. But I feel kept at a distance. Granted she’s far away from where she’s grown up. But since moving, her parents have only visited her a handful of times and have never visited her since we started dating. And I’m not welcome to accompany her on trips when she visits back home.

I’ve honestly tried to be very patient. Marriage has always been something I’ve wanted to work towards while dating and we’ve talked about what the reality of that would look like. Most likely she would be cut off from her family and she would have to choose me over them. I don’t know if it’s even fair for me to ask that of her.

And at what point have I waited too long for an answer I will probably never get. I’m just super frustrated and don’t know if there’s an end in sight here. I don’t know if she’s capable of choosing me and I don’t know if I even want her too. It’s just such a huge thing to ask of someone. Any time I bring it up, she guilt trips me by asking “why are you bringing it up if you feel so unsure about us?” “It scares me that you’re thinking in that way” It’s been difficult to have a constructive conversation about it.

I (Latina) was dating an Indian guy these last few months. He was really great, pretty much what I’ve been looking for in a partner: respectful, sweet, funny, adventurous, consistent, initiates communication, plans dates, etc. We were heading towards a serious relationship. But he recently found out his visa was not selected in the lottery and he’ll have to move back to India in a few months.

We discussed what this meant for us. He said that since he was leaving soon, he didn’t want things to get serious. I was hoping we could keep dating at least until he leaves and make the most of the time we have left together. But after talking to his attorney, he found out he’d probably have to leave sooner than expected. Because of this, he decided it would be best to end things now, since we wouldn’t have much time left and it would be much more difficult to end things later as we’d be more attached.

It’s probably the right call and for the best, but still I’m heartbroken. I know it was short lived, but I was hoping this would last longer. Or at the very least we could have spent these last few months together. But obviously this situation is out of our control and our timing wasn’t right. Anyone else deal with something like this?

My partner's grandmother (been with him over a decade this year. I'm early 30s male, so is he) just passed (a month ago) from alzheimer's. For background, I'm white and he is black. Before this, his grandmother was diagnosed with dementia for a few months. The actual alzheimer's diagnosis came nly about a month ago, she she was suffering from full-blown alzheimer's for maybe only a month (I consider this a blessing it was so brief...see my history in a min) So, she passed a few weeks ago, but it was a few weeks in the making after she was diagnosed with full-blown alzheimer's. I told my friend (it would be his grandmother) that her dying this fast from alzheimer's was a blessing so she wasn't suffering from it for years. For my own history, my grandfather suffered from it for maybe 8-10 years, and if anyone knows what that's like, I know. it's traumatic. it was my grandfather who suffered and by the end of his life he didn't even recognize me as someone related to him. So my partner knows I know what it's like and knows how much I know alzheimer's destroys...everything

Today I told him that maybe it's best she didn't suffer from alzheimer's for such a long time because it's such an awful thing. The shortest she lives with this awful disease, I see, the better. I was called racist because I said it might be a blessing in disguise that she didn't have to suffer through full-on alzheimer's...I get he's hurting, but I've gone through the pain of this and I feel like I'm trying to help....am I the asshole for saying this?