life is not that serious, to be worried and rob yourself of actually living. some people might even appreciate your awkwardness, while you are freaking out that they might they think you are stupid or whatever.

we will not always say the perfect thing in conversational sense, if you were you would be a bot and no one will want to be around you anymore. See sometimes it's more preferable to be imperfect.

a solution when it comes to conversations is to say the first thing that comes to mind, and you will see how easy it is to communicate with others. don't try to fill that awkward silence, let it be, you are not required to speak, when you feel like you are required is when you say something you will later regret. and talk slowly

one last thing i have to bring is to change your philosophy, if your mind is making you miserable, it's time to adapt to a new philosophy. that is how i cured mine.

Ok so I'm in like this group of friends and one of them always seem to be wanting to hangout with me and I, out of nowhere, always seem to make up excuses. She always asks me when I've just done something tiring or when I'm about to do something important but have a couple of hours of free time before doing so. And I always say no, always making excuses not to go.

Frankly, I feel like she hates me up to this point. I seriously don't know why. Maybe it's because I'm always with the other friend in the group that's why I have no more energy left for her. I don't know. I've been trying to make it up to her without her noticing but the guilt is not going away.

I'm an introvert and a shy person so it's hard to open up to my friends about thus kinda stuff. Even though we've known each other for sooo long it's still hard.

my parents want me to try it. I don't wanna get my hopes up and be disappointed if it doesn't work.

Yesterday I attended a social event where I knew of a few people going but went alone. When I did see people I know there and tried to make conversation, I just really struggled and froze. This happens to me all the time. I feel as a result people must find me boring and a dull personality as my conversation must be so exhausting and boring. I do try but it’s like words do not come out on the spot. I have no idea why I’m like this. I feel like I’m a fairly attractive person and if anything that makes it worse, because the people look at me from the outside and expect me to act a certain way and then this dull anxious demeanour comes out. What can I do to combat this? Sometimes I try to think of pre conversation starters before socialising but they only last about a minute or so. I’m definitely an over thinker but I struggle to just chill I think.

I saw a similar topic dated from an OP 9 year ago. I feel the same exact way, I feel like strangers that pass me by on the streets, grocery store or anywhere outside of my room purposely cough or sniff to subtle bully me. I feel like they do it to make sure i know that I'm unwanted and theyre being racist. I'm a POC, 21(F) and I can't help but to feel like it is intended to bully me.

it happened again last night on my way to go get groceries, I was already feeling down and conscious but I pep talked myself and was like it's going to be okay and I stood Infront on a red traffic light waiting to cross the road. As i was crossing the road the two girls on the opposite side walking towards me started fake coughing and I turnt and looked at them as I passed by and the both of them started grinning menacingly as if they wanted to make sure I know it's for me.

and when I got to the other end of the road I felt hot flashes and I felt like walking into a running traffic because why would they do that, I'm only trying to get to a grocery store so why would they purposely attack me like that.

I feel annoyed at myself because I feel like I should have done something about it and not let this happen to me, like I don't think hitting them is proportional but like making sure they know I won't stand by it like calling them out, or calling them a "b*tch", or just flipping them off. I just want people and I want to assure myself that I got me and I don't like it when people decide that they can bully me.

and these sort of encounters happens very often, I meet people who are trying to bully/be racist to me so often even on busses when people stick out or cross their legs and their shoes will touch my bag and their shoes will touch me and when I try getting their attention about it then they'll just ignore me.

I also need to mention these encounters only happened when I moved to a new country for my studies and I clearly am a foreigner, it's an homogenous country and their locals don't look like me. Their locals are known for staring but that's not a big deal compared to the treatments I've been getting. i don't intend on staying here after my studies and it has never been my intention anyways.

I (m/21) was chasing an ADHD-PI diagnosis over the past 1½ years. I moved into a city, 700km (400miles) away from where I grew up and where most family and friends were. Mostly because I got sick of the city after going to school there and because my parents are really really annoying in their worry about me.

So I moved and it was mostly fine, I met some people started university and I worked out, it was stressful but ok. I didn't know how long I would be able to last at the pace of the course but I was able to do it at that point in time. At two months in ~december things started cracking. On of the groups I spent time wanted to do secret santa, so they made a list of the names without mine and started without me. That hurt but I didn't speak up. The group was mainly made up of "cool kids" so I didn't fit in there anyway. That's fine I still have friends I do stuff with and I did. But they went to less and less courses, we would still meet though. I too started to stop leaving the house and "watched" most courses online. I didn't really watch though, I either was on my phone or I stopped watching and started playing video game.

When Christmas rolled around I went to visit my family and friends and felt fine. This was the time I should've started learning for the exams, I didn't, at all. When I was home again and the courses started in january I stayed home to "learn" (procrastinating and playing video games). I also started to feel down more often

I managed to pass one exam. It only qualified me for 1 of four course. I spend the 2nd semester with "trying" (enrolling for them and not learning a single bit to fail every single one) the other exams. Since I "couldn't" do anything else I spend most of my time playing video games I also managed to go the the gym now and then. I didn't even manage to finish the one course of the 2nd semester.

Somewhere around this time I came back to the idea that I had ADHD, I had the idea already early 2023. My doctor asked my why I wanted the diagnosis and I wasn't really sure. Now I am, want to know what the f*ck is wrong with me. I talked a lot with my parents and bought some books about ADHD, diagnosis and stuff. In August this year I finally got my first diagnostic interview. At that pointshe also asked me about social anxiety, i said i guess maybe a little. I thought to my self dont we all have these thoughts. To be on the safe side she had me fill out a test. Two months later (a few weeks ago) I had my 2nd and 3rd interview. She said that I probably have weak ADHD-PI but there is to little to say exactly so she marked me down as a potential case. She also said what I definitely had was moderate social anxiety.

TL;DR I struggled on and off over the past two years. I went for an ADHD diagnosis, turns out I probably have weak adhd but definitely moderate social anxiety.

I always thought (at least of my social anxiety) that I'm just a little timid, everyone has these thoughts from time to time. Yes I'm scared to go onto a stage who isn't? Yes I don't like calls in public, I just don't want to inconvenience others, I'm home in 10 min anyway. I never thought, that, what I have is diagnosable psychological disorder

So at this point I've talked alot about myself. I'm interested how you got your diagnosis and if it was unexpected or not.

I've been looking for a job, and I emailed my local record store asking if they were hiring. they emailed me back and told me to come in person to apply.

this gives me a lot of anxiety. almost everything is done online these days, so I've never had to go inside and ask for an application. do I just go inside the store and immediately ask the person at the counter for an application? is it ok to dress casually? I've been reading articles on how to apply to a job in-person, and they say to dress nice and ask for the hiring manager, but I'm not sure if that's overkill for a retail job.

When I was younger, it felt like i didn't have to try as hard to be social because it's not abnormal for children to be socially awkward. Now that I'm an adult trying to function in the real world I've noticed how much I've set myself back by not learning the social skills necessary to thrive. I'm starting to fear that I won't be successful because of the social anxiety and it's made me really unlikeable to people. It's like whenever people find out I'm bad at speaking they get really irritated and short with me, and at some of the jobs I've had I've been the target of bullying because I'm just really awkward. I used to tell myself that the anxiety was just part of who I was and that I shouldn't pay any mind to people who treated me badly because of it, but obviously if I'm the problem I can't just be okay with it. I want to be able to get a well-paying job and be respected by others. I want to be able to form relationships with those around me instead of slinking away whenever someone tries to chat with me. Where do I even begin when it feels like my social anxiety is the worst it could possibly be?

Hi so I’m 17 and I have ADHD and I’m pretty sure social anxiety, My whole life I’ve always been timid to the extent where I can’t enjoy life how I should. I feel like it has gotten so much worse now and I desperately want to get better, I no longer want to go on like this. I am terrified and always wondering who’s watching and who’s judging me when I’m in public or when I’m interacting with people. It’s so humiliating when I’m paying for food at a gas station and my face is bright red and I’m shaking trying to put the card in the machine.. this is everyday in my life and it goes way beyond that. Im a doormat for people to walk over I hardly ever say how I really feel because I’m scared of rejection or confrontation, deep down I know that there’s no chance anyone will do that truly but it’s almost like a barrier is separating me from acting out those thoughts and feelings so I’m just stuck. I do need help and I am also a mom now so I have no choice but to get better. there’s no way I can be a good mom and also be so scared all the time. I have to change now or I don’t know how I will be able to go on, I do what I have to when it comes to my child but it’s truly hard. I want to be a good example and I don’t want this to be learned by my child, I need to grow up but overcoming this feels almost impossible.

When the worst that can happen has come and gone And you’re still standing, remember that you won.

So first i m new in this uni, so idk no one. At first when we had to makes pair to do some projects, the thing is once we have some courses the teacher as the worse, and i kind of people who want to understand, so once i asked and he just told me should have listened but i did i just didn’t understand what he was saying, then i told him that he should explain more, but he told he has no time, so said i paid uni to understand and u are payed to explain. Since then the pair i had didn’t want to interact with because for him i made a mistake speaking like that and the professor now will not allow us to have good grades. But the thing the work done has to be done by the two of us and i find myself doing everything on my own (he never want to works never speak to me, at first i was thinking maybe he is busy but i always find him doing something else in the library, the mark at the end will be for both of us. So yesterday i had enough so i send him a message saying that if he doesn’t want to work with that is fine he just had to tell me so i say to the professor that he gives us different mark and each one had to write his own report and submit it. He answered like this « what is your problem are you crazy ? Do u have a problem with me? I never had a pair like u ? » i responded «  you never do your part, i am the only one working and no i don’t have a problem rather u do since u never discuss thing as we suppose to do as a pair, and yes i never a had a pair like u too since u do nothing » he answered with « by i don t have ur time » now i m labbeled in the classroom as crazy. Now i m overthinking as if i did something wrong which i did not since i just asked him to do his part of work.

It's prob due to being called ugly in the past and rejection. I want a wife and kids one day, but this is crippling me. Probably doesn't help that I have a porn addiction and view women as sex objects. I need help.

For example, I saw a woman with a Powerpuff Girls jacket. I could have complimented her on it and talked about the classic 90s Cartoon Network shows, but I just keep walking. Or asking what do people do outside of work besides just talking about work.

I [M19] am too shy, awkward, and anxious with girls. I made a post 3 months ago explaining my situation and since then I've been trying to improve myself. I've started going to the gym and improved my look, I started dressing better and became more social with people and made many friends. It's good that there's improvement. BUT it's just this thing that I can't get better at. I'm just way to shy and anxious with girls. I can't talk to them at all. I get nervous and my voice becomes low, I avoid eye contact. I don't know why. And I literally don't know how to deal with them.

I think this happenes mainly because I've studied in a boys only school nearly all my life and I don't have sisters or any girls in my life so I'm just not used to them. And after school I joined one of the most expensive/richest universities into the country where everyone is used to having girls around.

BUT I've been in this university for over a year now and yet I still haven't talked to a single girl before. Nothing not even hello or good morning or anything. It's weird I know and stupid as well to be like me but I just don't know what to do about it.

If you can help please tell me...thanks.

I’m in college right now and I’m pretty miserable. I’m doing great academically, but my social life sucks. I go to a board game club once a week, and I talk to some acquaintances during class, but I haven’t formed any real friendships yet. I still talk to my close friends from high school, but they’re in different states and I sometimes feel like a complete loser because I can’t seem to make any connections in what are supposed to be “the best years of my life.” Should I try to text my acquaintances more? They only gave me their numbers for class reasons, I don’t want to embarrass myself.

I installed a dating app and got some matches, one girl has been talking to me a bit on Instagram. We initially planned to have a date last week, but i had to cancel it on the day of since i was sick and couldn't tough it out. Fortunately, she was fine with rescheduling and i've organised today's date.

It's at a bar that I've been to before, mainly just ate there. I've booked for the two of us at 7pm and i think I'll just get a couple of pints at most and maybe chips to share if she's fine with that. I am a lightweight and it's my first date so i don't want to get too drunk to combat the nerves as i could end up embarrassing myself quite easily with how i am when drunk.

From messaging her, she seems chill and is looking for friends over a relationship. However, she's not against getting into a relationship if it happens. And i've mentioned that i've never been in a relationship before and she seems to understand that, so it's not like this date has 'high stakes'. But it does to me, as it's my first date, I'm nearly 23 and struggle with talking to girls and people in general, However, i know I'm capable of going on a date, i just have a really bad inferiority complex along with social anxiety, paranoid, depressed and hate myself. So it's hard for me to view it going well, but i also know I'm in my own head a lot, especially in this case.

I plan to go through our messages before i leave and just continue conversations from that as well as asking her questions and try to keep them open ended so it's not just yes or no questions. And just make conversation in general, as since we're meeting for the first time, we naturally have a lot to talk about.

I’m so bleeping mad. I can’t keep a job. I never was bullied in high school. Now as a full fledged adult, I get bullied and leave jobs because aint no one got time for that bull. But then it keeps happening. Chronic pain, depression, and dissociation make living feel like hell. I want to have friends. I want to connect w people. But I cant. I don’t even feel alive. It’s so stupid, but at this point, it is making me su*cidal. I try so hard to be kind and patient, and ik that, at times, it is thankless and thats not the point of being a kind person. However, I feel if I cant be talkative and bubbly and energetic, cause im barely surviving, at least i can attempt to be kind and helpful. But it isnt enough…..and idk, sometimes, it’s like whats the point of being alive??

Sometimes I just don’t have the energy to yell and talk 24/7. I like to be quiet.

Ez pz 😔👍🏻

Too socially awkward to be invited to my sisters wedding

F29 My youngest sister told my mom that I wasn't invited because of my social anxiety. They didn't want to " babysit" me and if I talk then I would be mean . Also, told me that I act like a twelve year old. I feel God awful that my twin wasn't invited because she associates with me. I dont know what to do because I miss my sister and even if i say something there no point. She is mean and think she always right and act like nothing happened in person . She sent me many messages before and after the wedding blaming my behavior on social anxiety. I feel like there is more to me then just that and it just frustrating because it not like her new husband talks... I want to show an action to prove im standing up for myself but idk how .

I was invited to a birthday today. I couldn't go. I started to cry when I even thought of going. I love my friend, but I just couldn't do it. There were 30 people invited and the thought of them being there was pure anxiety inducing. I feel guilty for not going but at the same time, I know I would've been uncomfortable. And I feel sad. I don't know how to get over this, it happens every time I'm invited to an event with people, mostly birthdays.

I have that problem that is ruining my life, I'm not really comfortable around people, Actually I don't consider myself as a very shy person.

As long as the person doesn't know me, I'll be comfortable but once they know me I feel like now I should not ruin their expectations about me.

I can do successful presentations in front of many people.

but in other situations i feel highly uncomfortable and my whole face turns red.

such as:

-in the class I'm afraid to ask questions.(I don't want to look dump)

-if the teacher suddenly asked me to answer my whole face turns red and I feel really embarassed.

-If i didn't know some information.

-If someane laughed at me or criticized something about me.

sometimes if simply someone talked to me infront of many people i feel the heat on my face.

I don't know what the problem with me, because sometimes I'll be very talkative and very sociable.

but once I feel that I'm gonna look less perfect it happens

Have any of you tried multiple SSRIs (I'm talking about sticking with it for months on end) and it doing little to alleviate your anxiety? Or does it always work? Please share your experience. Asking for a friend.

Idk what's wrong with me. I don't have any energy or excitement. It's obvious to me that people prefer not to see me because I don't bring high energy. My interactions are the opposite of electric. I have a hard time letting go. Idk how to let go. I feel like I take myself too seriously and it's been so long since I have felt like I can be myself. I'm always worried what people think about me and so I behave in a dull way. I am trying to change, I got a job that requires me to talk all the time. I'm desperate for a change, but whenever I'm put in a situation where I have to do anything silly I get all weird and awkward. It didn't used to be like this. I was much different, but the way I was raised just kinda put me in a permanent shell that feels unbreakable. I need help but I can't afford a therapist. Anyone have advice?

In all my jobs, I think people have the feeling that I am less than intelligent. I think my social timidity and just quiet demeanor, comes across as dull-witted and lacking in understanding.

A lot of the times, I get asked if I understand or if I know a certain concept or principle.

One example: one time, years ago, I designed a module for a web application that allowed a window configuration and layout to be saved. One of the lead programmers had a conversation with me about the functionality and then he started explaining the module to me about how it works. After he was done, I had to tell him that I actually designed and developed it. He asked why I just stood there and not say anything. But I didn't know how to explain that I was unable to say anything because he was talking. It goes into another weakness of mine that I can't speak up, and I have a this look on my face so people assume my ignorance or cluelessness.

Keep in mind this is just one example from countless similar situations.

Does anyone else have issues like this? This has been an ongoing issue for me in every facet of my life.

Having SA seems to make it harder to connect with people. Maybe it's from being quiet and poor social skills associated with this. It's not that I've never connected with anyone but it takes time. Like my bestest friend and I didn't really fully connect for like 2 and a half months after meeting.

I've connected with girls online before, some for long periods but nothing came from them. In person, I've never been past the first date. Many times on dating apps, girls just ghost me after a while.

People can meet somewhere for the first time and a few hours later be in bed with them. It's mind boggling. Yet I couldn't keep a conversation going at parties back in college.

How are we supposed to connect with people when we are like this?

I have my partner and mom. That's it. No friends. I feel like I don't exist. I've been with my partner 25 years and spent every Christmas eve with his family except a couple years ago when I had to work. The following year his whole family was like oh wow you're here! You're never here for christmas! Don't you always spend it with your grandparents? One, I've never spent it with my grandparents ever and they have no recollection of me being there 24 years straight. It makes me feel irrelevant. There's a function I'm really interested in attending but I have not one person to even ask to come with me. I'm shy, anxious and awkward. I don't know what to do

Recently I saw a sign about responding to trauma by changing your vibration from fear to hope. It sounded kind of flaky to me, like in a practical situation not necessarily a reasonable response, however something about the idea did appeal to me. I definitely hate basting in anxieties, and when I can feel realistically hopeful about something, it feels great.

Today at work I was really thinking. I wouldn't say I'm on the daily scared and cowardly or that people would think so, but in a certain sense it's true. Because my job is easy, my mind is mostly occupied with little mini getting triggered like "ugh, I hope she doesn't talk to me, what does she want", generally afraid of potential consequences and getting in trouble.

What if I did instead only focus on hopes? I tried it and it did feel good, but awkward tbh.

For example I got into a political conversation with a coworker. I frlt my mind starting to think, am I going to get in trouble, am I being a people pleaser, are we going to fight etc? It occurred to me I could think positively, like hoe great it is I'm having more exciting and substantive conversation, how I hope I'll just handle it better amd better, take up adult opinion space more and more, develop more exciting relationships etc

What do you think?

I may have a sneaking suspicion that i am on the spectrum somewhat but. Ive always had to hide my interests and the "true" way I act from ppl my ENTIRE life. Ive had to put up this persona that has always felt tiring to keep up.

Its become familiar and sort of a safe zone for me now. I wish it wasn't the case.

But once i found ppl who actually accept me for who i am, im not sure how to act? and im scared to get to know them???? I never learned the skills on how to act like myself because i never HAD anyone i could do that with...

I want to be myself... But myself has been lost a long time ago. I guess I'm nervous of change?

so awhile ago i made a post either here or r/lonely (cant remember) about me getting enough courage to message an old friend. i am constantly overthinking since i genuinely havent had a friend in years, and i take so long to think of stuff to say because of the overthinking lmao.

anyway i think its going decently well. she messages first a lot of the time which is nice, but a problem im having is that i genuinely dont know how to respond most of the time. like i spent 15+ minutes thinking of what to say, just to type the stupidest shit ever. shes sent a few selfies as well and i REALLY dont know what to say to those lmfao. like do i compliment her? i dont wanna seem like a weirdo so ive refrained from doing that.

i mostly just need general tips for speaking if im being honest. this is something that happens to me IRL as well, i just blank and start panicking usually.

So I just bought my first car (woohoo, right?). While I’m happy to be able to drive around everywhere, I realized that my parking spot in my apartment complex is uncovered / outdoors / not in the basement. I figured I want to try and take care of the new car and find a covered spot.

Normally, you can just ask other apartment folk if they aren’t using their parking spot, and if you can use theirs. However, my immediate neighbors all have cars, and the only way to ask others is to post in the community app that the apartment uses. A post that can be seen by Every. Single. Resident. And apartment administration. I’ll be broadcasting to all of them who I am, which apartment I’m in, that I have a new car, and that my parking spot is outdoors. The sheer number of judgmental remarks I’ve imagined people may think of me is crippling. Obviously I know most of them won’t care, but still I can’t shake the feeling that I’m basically painting a picture of who I am to all of them.

It's such a small, inconsequential thing, but I've gotten by until now basically being an unknown existence to everyone except my nearest neighbours, and this is such a daunting thing to me. That said, I can't keep putting it off or avoiding it because otherwise my brand new car is going to sit in the rain and dust.

Help.