Iam socially awkward, i have social anxiety and adhd, iam insecure about how others see me when i talk, idk if everyone that has social anxiety feels like this but thats the number 1 thing that i hate about myself and tbh only when i drink idgf about anything and iam the best version of myself and ik i shouldn’t rely on alcohol to be as i like to be but thats why iam here i wanna change that i wanna be naturally social and no more awkward. this effects my life so much especially my dating life, iam 20 years old without experience and i moved in different city for uni and i have no friends and i feel bad about that but now its time to change that!

iam working out so i do whatever i can to gain confidence from other things like building a nice body, skin care good haircut!

if anyone was like me and fixed it please let me know how u did it!

*to be more specific i think i talk smooth and my voice is good but the way my mouth moves, my facial expressions (eyes, eyebrows,) making me so weird and awkward thats how i feel and idk why maybe its on my mind but its exhausting.

Like, I usually walk looking at the ground, but when there's a woman or women in front of me, I can't bc then I would be looking directly into her butt, and that's nasty and people will judge me. In this situations I either do two things, (1) I start to walk slower than her/them so she/they get further from me and my field of view, or (2) if she/they walk too slow, I look straight and try to pass them, (I hate to do this one).

But when I'm in a line (or queue, not sure how you call that), that's when I really don't know where to look. Like, do I look at the person in front?, do I look at my surroundings? I feel like, every little move I make, people look at me as if I was being weird. Same thing happens in the hallway or just any path. I feel exhausted after a simple walk bc of it.

All of this are currently happen at the University, btw.

I’m currently sick and my throat burns a lot. my mom forced me to go to school just for the morning since I had to do a test. basically out of nowhere my throat starts feeling itchy and dry as I coughed a bit thinking it was nothing until I kept coughing and couldn’t breathe! a girl asks if I was okay as everyone turned to me and it was also during a test. It was so embarrassing I interrupted everyone during the test and my coughing was so dramatic. I couldn’t stop thinking about this and it’s making me panic to skip school tomorrow even tho I’m way better now. I seriously don’t wanna go to that class because of my embarrassing moment and it’s making me so anxious. any advice ?

so i'm 20 and on 100 mg zoloft if that's important... i have been on and off dating apps for maybe a year and a half and never actually gone on a date with anyone on them. in the past, i've matched with someone, talked to them for a bit, and then if they wanted to call or facetime i ghosted them (yeah i know i'm not proud of it either)... my anxiety would get so bad that it would physically manifest (heart would beat at 100 mph, stomach would hurt and no appetite all day, shaking) and it wasn't 'butterflies', it was just full on crippling anxiety and the best option would seem to block and ghost the person. the second i did, the symptoms would disappear and i'd get out of "fight or flight" mode. i'd go through cycles of "that was terrible", deleting the apps, getting lonely, redownloading the apps, matching and talking with someone, and over and over. I started talking to someone a couple of days ago and he's pretty nice, he wanted to call over the phone and I agreed. I actually stayed on the call and didn't ghost after- and while I was nervous beforehand, it wasn't that bad. The call went really good- there was hardly a second of silence, he was really nice, etc etc... and then after I hung up the anxiety hit. It was worse then before the call and I just don't get it... my stomach hurts, I feel physical weight on my body, I just want to sleep and lost all motivation. I even went to the gym after the call (which i was doing anyways, but still) and ran on the elliptical for a bit, thinking it would help me shake some of that nervous energy, but it hasn't! I just don't get it and it's honestly frustrating because literally everything went right and yet my anxiety is so bad it's still physically manifesting. I'd really appreciate it if anyone could tell me if they're been through this at all or if they have an idea of what's happening besides just plain old social anxiety. much appreciated

Anyone else past 30 with social anxiety? It makes me wonder if there’s even hope at this point. I’ve had it since I was a young child and honestly it’s worse now than it was when I was a teen.

.

Fuck, I asked a girl out thinking she’d say hell nah. I really was expecting rejection but she said yes. In fact, she complimented me on my confidence. What the fuck do I do now? I’m socially anxious around women especially. Did I just fuck up? Also, now she might expect I’m confident. And I ain’t at all. What should I do

How do you deal with self shame? Because all I keep thinking about is me in an awkward situations when interacting with people all the time.

I had anxiety for most of my life. I am having a day where all I can think of is why I have this. I like speaking to people, and enjoying a good time but I get lots of anxiety, especially anticipatory anxiety before social engagements. Is it that I have low self-esteem and don't want to admit it to myself. If I told anyone I was anxious, what would I even say? They would say 'why' and I don't have an answer

In most if not all situations I’m in I won’t say anything unless asked and I won’t ask any questions if I don’t know something. The reason I think this is the case is the context anxiety feeling the physical hurts my heart at time when I think of being noticed by someone or speaking to people. And to add the parents part in I was always yelled at and punished when my parents would ask a question on something to them was common knowledge

Thing like geography, history, cooking, car maintenance, math. I always remember them yelling and swearing at me saying I’m supposed to know this why don’t I know this. And eventually I guess it sort of combined with anxiety around people just made any discussion or question I’d have hurt and cause me to worry.

I'm 16, 11th grade. People my age are way more mature than me. I can't even take a simple responsibility of going to school.

I've been skipping school for a month without a proper reason other than saying "I'm tired" so my parents would get less mad, since I can't tell them I'm just being lazy. But that's kind of the same thing too, they're still mad and disappointed.

I don't even go outside when I skip school, I just stay in my room all day, and don't do anything valuable. I'm scared to go outside. I don't feel belong anywhere. I can't talk to people normally, it's just safer to stay inside.

Also I don't see how weak I am compared to everyone else out there when I don't go outside.

I know I have to pull myself together, but despite any type of advice I'm getting from people, I can't.

I’m stupid for this. I need the job 🤡.. I just can’t take the verbal abuse and mistreatment. Wtf am I gonna do? I feel like I’m going to have a panic attack. My life is basically over.

I have been working hard to overcome my anxiety and my therapist and I agree that I should try going out of my comfort zone to test myself. For background we have done this multiple times starting at the gym then going to on campus clubs. There is a movie screening at my campus tomorrow and an after party at a bar with a free drink voucher so why not go at least for the drink. I admit the bar is probably too big of a step but I can always leave but I at least want to try. I’m already starting to get a bit anxious and I was wondering if anyone had advice on talking to other guys. I don’t have any male friends anymore as those I did make graduated already and moved. I’m really into sports but unfortunately no games will be on at that time so without that crutch I’m having difficulty thinking of a way to talk to people.

I am so embarrassing I want to kill myself because of it. I'm so anxious in public and even around my own friends because I'm stressed that I'm going to say something wrong and because I'm so stressed I end up messing up anyway and making myself look stupid. I feel like people think I'm crazy or something sometimes. I'm 14 and people say that I shouldn't worry about it because I have my whole life ahead of me and its not worth ending your life over something so stupid, but I overthink about how people view me so much. I overthink every single thing, each fucking day, its exhausting. Its small things like answering a question in class. Even though its an easy question being asked ill say "i dont know" or something because I just panic and don't even think about it. I also don't realise things as quickly as others, if that makes sense. Like I'm very much not aware what's going on around me sometimes. Dont even get me started on the past. Every now and then , every embarrassing moment Ive ever had will flood into my head one night.I overthink the way I speak , sometimes even the way I walk. I'm not diagnosed with anxiety, but is this normal? Is there something wrong with me. I don't want to self diagnose or anything.I don't know if this post even makes sense, but I need to talk about it because I genuinely feel like I'm going insane. I'm so overwhelmed by my own thoughts to the point I can't function because of it. Ill stop talking and Ill ignore everyone , and I spend most of my time in my room or bed rotting whenever I'm not in school because I don't have the energy to do anything. I want to live like a normal teenager, but I can't because my own thoughts are eating me alive. I just want my life to be over with, I might aswell just kill myself.

(16 F) It's my birthday soon and I'm really not looking forward to it. I don't have enough friends to throw a party and I'm not close enough with anyone to have a one on one hangout to celebrate my birthday. Every year it makes me so upset when I have 0 "happy birthday" messages and the fact that I'm always alone. My family and I will go eat out, but it's not the same as being with friends who care about you and receiving gifts, you know. If anyone relates, I'm so sorry. I wish you a late/early happy birthday :) Maybe the reason for my lack of true friends is my social anxiety that I have because of the isolation during Covid that I went through.

Title

Pretty much the title. I've been struggling for years with trying to date but my SA keeps getting in the way. It's exhausting but I don't want to give up. I can manage going on the first few dates with a person but then my anxiety gets to me and I pull away because I get too nervous about getting close and intimacy. It's ruining my life so I'm hoping to find more recourses to help me. Thanks!

So Im shy and reserved with some people. I have been diagnosed with social anxiety before. I have this temporary job and I have to go and socialize with people but I'm nervous. I go blank when im nervous and can't carry conversation. I know I'm being irrational and these people are really nice but I can't help how I feel. People always get angry at me when this happens, I think they think I'm being rude or mean but I'm really just scared. Is there anything I can do to help me have some pleasant relaxed conversation? I tried today and it was okay cause there was other people but one on one situations are the most stressful cause that's when I feel the most pressure. I'm really sensitive about this and it took alot for me to write this but If I can have any tips to deal with this I would be really grateful.

So… where should I even start💀I hate this fucking life sm I have the worst anxiety ever, I hate being seen and I hate being somewhere where a lot of people are. I lost all my friends plus my job 😭and out of no where this weird thing happened that whenever im too anxious I swallow very loud in front of others and then I can’t stop OH GOOODDD WHEN WILL THIS STOP I never took any antidepressants bc it’s not good for ur body but honestly idk what to do anymore I have no idea what my interests are and what my next job should be I’m so fucking lonely and in a few weeks it will be 2025 and im still in this lost state

I stuttered and couldn’t maintain eye contact with the manager but I still somehow got a job at Wendy’s. I still gotta sign some paperwork before starting.

So excited for money but so nervous to talk to people. Can’t wait for this to help me overcome my social anxiety though. Also can’t wait to blow my money on random bullshit yay!!

Does anyone have any advice for pre-work anxiety? I heard the fast food industry is rough. Is it gonna be like Papa’s Burgeria?

I'm not 100% sure that this post works for this sub since it's kind of on the edge, but I'm sure if it doesn't fit enough the mods will remove it.

Anyway, I have social anxiety. I have had social anxiety for over a decade now. In the beginning it was relatively mild. I would avoid picking up the phone, avoid going out with friends. Then it became worse, to the point that I couldn't get groceries anymore or go to school anymore. Then it got better again for a time and then after the pandemic it got worse again.

The thing is though, I have to say, aside from having social anxiety, I also find that I don't really enjoy talking to most people. I enjoy talking to SOME people, but those people tend to be the exception.

A significant part of my anxiety, especially earlier on, was me feeling always afraid that I wasn't going to do "the right thing" in an interaction. The thing is though, the older I've gotten especially, the more I've realized how ridiculous so much of human interaction is.

Just take a simple example:

"How are you?"

"I'm fine, what about you?"

An interaction that happens all the time. But what is the purpose of it?

It is often expected that you ask how someone is as not to come off as rude or uncaring. At the same time though, you know that unless you're close with them a lot of the time they won't answer honestly. So you're really not asking the question for real.

And the "you're fine" is so often said even when you're not. And if you answer something else, plenty of the time people will be uncomfortable with that answer or not know how to respond. And you definitely are not expected most of the time to go into depth about how you're actually doing.

It's a small interaction, but it's so fake. And everyone knows it. The person asking the question knows it, the person answering the question knows it. It's all theatre. A play we put on for no audience that everyone involved knows means nothing.

There's a certain degree of anxiety that has often plagued me with this stuff, but at the same time even if I had absolutely no anxiety I've realized... I hate this stuff. I hate the inauthenticity of so much of how people talk to each other.

Even without anxiety, I just find all of this stuff so tiring and annoying and, quite frankly, dishonest. Us all being dishonest and inauthentic to each other. It's all so fake. Too often we're all reading from a script to the benefit of no one. And I can't stand it.

I'm currently in high school in a completely different country as we relocate some time back and I struggle making friends. It dosent bother me but I just feel like I have to for whatever reason even though most of the people I talked to like 2 weeks ago don't talk to me much or at all; maximum 2 sentences that would be an answer to a question I ask.

As odd as it is, I don't feel lonely I just feel like I'm getting older and closer to an adult, jobs, college, independence and all those responsibilities and I need to improve my abilities to socialize

At least I have some people I talk to from my homeland online, and a supportive family I guess that's what's keeping me from loneliness

Sometimes I'll attempt to compliment someone while in the hallways but it sometimes it ends up akward but when it dosent it really makes my day.

Anyways I better stop here, feel free to comment on anything relatable, or advice I'll receive them whole heartedly.

sorry if this is all over the place lol

so in my class today my professor had us play a “game” I guess lol to review for our exam coming up. everyone pulled a paper and had to explain their term whenever they answered the previous person’s right (if that makes sense lol). for context, she sent an email out to everyone a couple weeks ago kind of going over the last couple weeks of classes and what we’ll be doing and when it came to this class day she said in the email how “when we get to the last couple questions we won’t force the anxious/ quiet people to answer” and I’m already thinking…. I just know she’s talking about me. It’s a really small class and I’m probably the one who doesn’t participate the most, I’ll occasionally, like once every couple weeks… lol (better than I was a few months ago before starting meds for my anxiety !)

anyways, it’s also a math class and I’m so bad at math so that makes me even more anxious and not want to participate than any other class. she mentioned the shy thing at the very beginning of class pretty much saying what she said in the email. so I’m on my computer finishing a paper (that was due next period lol) and it looked like I was just taking notes throughout the review game thing, I’m paying attention enough to act like I’m flipping through notes when she asks the question or when someone explains their word to act like I was looking for the answer but I’m focusing on getting the paper done in time

I definitely would have been really paying attention and participating if I didn’t have this paper because the review would have been helpful for the exam… lol.

I kept thinking about what she had said about not forcing shy/anxious people to participate, and all I could think was this is so awkward, this just makes me look even more quiet because I’m not participating when everyone else is

anyways, toward the end of class she said something along the lines of, so do the people who haven’t answered want to try? I’ll give two stickers if you answer it! it was just me and this guy and I looked at her and looked at my notes and she said this one student’s explanation again and then someone else answered it and she was looking at me and I nodded to show I was listening lol and she goes “did you know the answer and you just didn’t want to say it?” and smirked…. I “stood up for myself” ig lol and I was like “no I just didn’t understand the explanation” and she explained it and I go “oh that makes sense”

then as we were packing up she goes “I’ll give the people who didn’t participate a sticker too since they’re allowed to not answer and I don’t want to keep 20 stickers!

I definitely would’ve been having racing thoughts about this all day if this happened a few months ago haha but I haven’t! I just wanted to kinda rant and see if anyone else relates bc I don’t understand why professors have to be extra and say over and over again “shy” “anxious” like OK WE GET IT!!!

Regularly questioning the beliefs that underpin your thinking.

Brainstorming sessions that allow for free-flowing ideas without judgment can lead to unexpected breakthroughs.

Using fear as motivation rather than a deterrent.

Has anyone ever had the issue where they are in an important conversation and they just keep fumbling their words or just can’t find what they want to say? Almost as if your brain just shuts off on you and you find it hard to even formulate a coherent thought. This is all too frustratingly common for me, I get this even in my friend interactions 🤦, what can I do to fix this. I feel like it’s been getting worse and Its as if I’m tense in almost all social situations even with people that I frequent. It really fucking sucks 😭😔.

Im 21 and super shy. My few friends tell me i should go to a bar to meet people but idk if i should. It seems creepy for me to go to one to talk to random people. I also feel like ill keep to myself and the whole thing will be a waste of time.

Is going to a bar actually worth the hype or will i likely just be miserable like im expecting? Taking to strangers is so gross to me. It could also be dangerous, i could get caught in a fight or have my drink drugged while im not looking.

Like seriously I don’t really have that many friends now because of it and I’m in my 20’s and during my senior year of high school I actually got better at talking to people and made many friends and then when it got to my college people were toxic until my college senior year people were more nicer and the toxic people left the class thank goodness so I had a good senior year and made friends

My point is it can really mess up your life and I am really sorry for those who in their 20’s and literally have no one to talk to because of it like now I realized I am grateful for the ones i have like I am taking little steps talking to more people and even doctors like I go alone now and I can order a coffee now

My relatives and old classmates and more I had from high school get shocked when they hear me talked like I had a social glow up

I love my job, but the training was 4 months of being watched over my shoulder and feeling constantly evaluated. I overcompensated by trying to act outgoing and bubbly, which I am not. Probably translated to annoying to a lot of them.

There were a few first impressions that left me feeling like ‘great, I blew it, avoid eye contact and speak to them as little as possible forever’ and I would be scared to interact with those people. Aka act awkward.

2 years in and this has naturally dissolved with all of them but one and she has taken it more and more personally and now actively looks angry to see me, which leads to me acting more scared around her and the cycle continues.

I would shrug it off but people she’s close with have started being cold to me, and it’s freaking me out because I actually love my job and don’t want to make enemies here. I spend most of my waking hours here and it’s so close to being a safe/happy place except for this.

I have gotten really close with another coworker. Like we spent thanksgiving with her and her husband and hang out regularly. She’s been friends with this one for a long time and twice recently has invited both of us to something and we didn’t know the other would be there and I just hate the awkwardness.

How do I move forward? I have tried to start conversations here and there and could feel that we both felt awkward.

I can’t apologize for joining in a conversation she was having with my trainer 2 years ago and annoying her because it’ll sound crazy and at this point I highly doubt she even remembers that first impression.

The whole problem is how I’ve acted since then and I don’t know how to fix it.

f20 have never applied to a job due to social anxiety and other #mental illnesses. decided it’s time for me to start working. havent even applied to anything yet, i know im getting ahead of myself but i cant stop thinking about what would happen when i am to get an interview.. what are the typical questions you’d get asked? so i can prepare ahead of time. more specifically in retail jobs

also does anyone know how i should respond when asked about previous work experience when i don’t have any😃

We and others may use this phrase from time to time but what exactly do we mean by it? Answering this question with precision will likely take time and self-reflection but is essential because this phrase is a source of a lot of unhappiness. 

I encourage you to do your own self-reflection but if you think about this phrase and how we use it, we've found that people are unknowingly just saying they're imperfect. You probably utter this phrase when you do something you think is unacceptable or shouldn’t have done. You might also use this phrase when you dislike something that you think is inherent to who you are or how you were born. In some cases, what you think is “unacceptable” is based on what other people say and think is unacceptable. If you don’t see anything wrong with the action but experience a tinge of emotional pain because you think other people find it unacceptable….do you personally want to live like that? If so, just recognize that you're feeling bad because of the thoughts or verbal expressions of other people. We aren't always educated to see our negative feelings in this manner but that's likely what's going on.

In essence, we often say something is wrong with us when we don’t meet some standard. This might be a standard we have for ourselves or a standard others have set that we think we have to meet. Often, when we don’t meet or surpass those standards, we unknowingly think we should feel bad about ourselves. Here is a link to an illustration that summarizes what we’ve covered so far.

As we mentioned earlier, doesn’t “something is wrong with me” just mean you’re imperfect? The reality is you might not meet a standard you or others think is important, but you don't have to view that reality as a reason to feel bad about yourself. If you’re not meeting a standard that you want to pass or meet in the future, then you can do whatever you need to do to improve yourself. If you fall below a standard due to something difficult for you to change, like your height, you then have to decide if you’re going to feel bad about this reality or not. In the past you may have automatically felt bad whenever you realized you fell below the bar for something you can or can’t change. Yes, there may be some people in the world that think you should feel bad for not meeting these standards but those are other humans who are not you. You get to decide whether you want to feel bad or not because it's your life and, thus, your choice. If you decide to break out of the cycle of feeling bad because you don’t meet some kind of standard do know that some people may see that and think something is wrong with you. How ironic. You can smile on the inside knowing that you’ve transcended this way of thinking. Not everyone has this level of awareness, but you can play a role as a change agent by living your life with this newfound awareness and internal freedom.

Problems this belief can give rise to:

• Social Anxiety
• Low self-esteem
• Low self-worth
• Low self-confidence

Source - the social anxiety solution and scroll down to root cause beliefs

---

Do you have anything to add or think something is off? This insight is what helped me. Happy to discuss.

Best,