I went through severe trauma and mental and physical abuse ages 11-16 that left me completely unable to function. Stopped going to school in 9th grade because I had zero friends and was bullied. I've always been very shy but never having support and never learning how to talk to people did a number on me. On the super rare occasion i go outside and someone strikes up a convo i just look at them with my mouth hanging open because I don't know how to form words around strangers. Its insane to say the least and it makes them uncomfortable. I got into drugs at 14 to mask the ptsd, social anxiety, adhd and autism spectrum disorder. All the abuse stopped when I was 16 but after that I didn't stop using drugs because I hated living and was confused as to why I wasn't in therapy and had no one to talk to. It was horrible. I knew it wasnt normal to not be able to actually speak to anyone outside my family. I just turned 20 and have done nothing for the past 4 years. No job no nothing. But I feel like it's gonna take me so long to catch up to how normal people function and work and talk.

It feels rlly weird. Like rlly rlly weird

Hello all,

Before I explain the current scenario, let me give a bit of backstory first. I've had a really bad past filled with social isolation in school, abuse from toxic parents etc. All these obviously has had a huge impact on my brain and pushed me to a state of hikikomori for a long time.

Fast forward to a few months ago, I finally decided to escape hikikomori and re-enter society. I started working out and doing an online diploma course in a field I'm interested in. However even though I was making progress, there was still one thing missing; "friends." I've never had friends till then, I only watched other people hang out, make memories etc while I was a mere spectator. However, that changed when I enrolled in a foreign language learning class.

Here for the first time in my 25 years of life I made friends. I am finally part of a really amazing group. I am for the first time bantering, hanging out, and making memories that I've always longed to make. I am finally feeling truly alive!

However, there is also a problem. You see, my past trauma and years of loneliness has dug it's way deep into my mind. Whenever I'm in this class(foreign language one) a fear creeps in me that what if I do something weird and people start disliking me. Everyday before class I have quite the high surge of anxiety that today is the day I do something weird and everyone starts to hate me. This fear is actually causing me an appreciable amount of pain despite everything going so well in my life.

Any tips on how do I get rid of these fear?

I am in a position where I have to make decisions fast. I am stuck right now because I am overthinking about uncertainty. Abroad I will have no choice but to face anxiety head on but I am afraid that if I get in a depressive mood because of social anxiety, I might be worse and lose control.

I 25M and pretty handsome but I have very low self esteem and bad anxiety. I know that women find me attractive but I just wish that I had the courage & confidence to go up to them and go on dates etc. Everytime I go in public places I feel like I go into 3rd person mode and start overanalyzing my surroundings and imagining what people might think of me.. especially cute girls. It's exhausting. Anybody have any advice?

I was a pretty shy and awkward kid, and I was in quarantine for the first two years of my high school. I was confined in my home for two years, only ever talking to my family and siblings (which might be even more than other people had). Coming out of that, I had difficulty making friends and forging connections. Some of the students had been attending my high school in-person for a while now, so they had already formed friend groups and such. It was a struggle integrating myself into new spaces where everyone is already familiar with one another. Not only that, but I also struggled with my grades and keeping up with the coursework (especially when we first had online classes). I felt like I was behind on everything: socially and academically. Even when applying to colleges, I felt like I hadn't done enough nor have I experienced enough.

If anyone can relate, I'd appreciate if you would share some of your thoughts and experiences with me! Let me know how you felt, what you did, what you regret, etc. I think we could all somewhat relate to each other.

Hi yall, this is a long rant, sorry in advance. I’m a 24F and I’ve been struggling with anxiety for a long time, but it amplified after trauma and covid. I have been making good progress for a while now, but today really upset me.

My family’s extended thanksgiving gathering took place at my parents house today. I didn’t really want to go, but I pushed myself. I thought it would be okay.

When I got there I kinda stuck to my brothers, watching them play Minecraft and ate with them. I was having fun and felt happy, but still anxious around everyone else. The problem was my older cousin “Bobby” (M40 something). He was acting kind of weird and this was abnormal for a family gathering. He had popped his head into my brothers room and asked us if he could smoke in there. My brother and I were confused and asked him “what?” And he just said “edibles, bye” and just disappeared. Minutes later he popped his head back in and just stared, then left. My brother and I just brushed him off and kept playing Minecraft. Later on is when it got weird.

My closest cousin “Charlotte” (F22) finally got off work and came to see me. We were just messing around and talking in my brothers room. All of a sudden Bobby just barged in and said he needed to lay down and shoved his way onto my brothers bed, closing the door. We were alone with him. Charlotte and I stopped talking and it was uncomfortable. I felt like he had bad energy and his stench made me want to leave. My little brother and Charlottes brother popped in to grab something which made Bobby get mad and cuss at them. Bobby then started out of nowhere saying mean things to me like “You look like you have no friends. You don’t have any friends do you? Is Charlotte your only friend”. He wasn’t joking, he was flat out just adding on mean things. I wasn’t saying anything because I felt uncomfortable. Charlotte got after him saying he was being rude.

I felt like I was going to cry because I was already anxious about being there and I barely knew the guy. He couldn’t even remember my name and there he was laying in my brothers bed just criticizing me. He started saying “why aren’t you talking to me” and I felt scared and frozen being around him and tried to think of an excuse to leave. I told them I wanted to go and check a football score and he said “it hasn’t even started yet” with just a rude mean tone. I just said “I want to see the beginning of it” and just left to go to my old bedroom. I just started breaking down and crying. I felt so stupid, overwhelmed, and panicked. I couldn’t stop crying even when my aunt knocked on my door to say hi. Luckily Charlotte intercepted and tried to comfort me. She also had weird vibes from him and left from being uncomfortable. I learned later that Bobby is an alcoholic and has been for a very long time which accelerates his diabetes. He was going through withdrawal and I guess that makes him angry which caused him to target me. I guess he also made a younger female cousin uncomfortable today too and did this at a previous event I didn’t attend.

I left about 20 minutes later and didn’t say bye to my extended family because I was so embarrassed with my crying splotchy looking face. I just got too overwhelmed and it makes me more anxious that I’ll be stuck in a situation like that again even if I try and prevent it. Just knowing I wasn’t able to handle it and just fled and broke down. I’m so embarrassed and maybe it wasn’t a big deal, but I just felt so bullied and it pushed me over the edge. I just couldn’t handle it and felt trapped in that room with him putting me down. I’ve never had a family member talk down to me this way before and especially in a place that was a safe spot for me.

My family and I moved states two years ago to a suburb of a metroplex. We came from a small town where just about everyone knew each other, and everyone knew your business, most of the time before you even did yourself.

We (mostly me) were really burned out by people at the time of the move, so we embraced the anonymity of city life and didn't make any attempts to go out and make new friends and acquaintances, we all just hung out together as a family and have done lots of bonding, which I have loved. The kids are in school and they go over to friends houses quite often, so they aren't suffering socially. I work from home at a remote company so I do get to socialize a little that way, just not in person.

After having spent the last 2.5 years recovering from the emotional overload from our old town and protecting my peace (maybe a little too hard), I am finally ready to start some light socializing. But being an introvert, it's hard and I don't know where to start. Honestly, I'm a little scared to try to befriend people, because I prefer a quality over quantity of friends. It's almost like dating. If I start hanging out with a new person but end up not liking them, then it's awkward to see them around. I also don't even know how to approach people, I have terrible social anxiety.

All this to say, does anyone have any advice on this? How best to venture in easily, handle 'breakups', etc?

I'm a 24 F doing my masters from a really good University in my country. I'm from a maths bg so we didn't really have presentation in my bachelor's. It was my 3rd time.

Everyone was so good. My presentation was at the last I sucked so bad. I had no confidence my voice was shaking i didn't know where to look they all looked at me so focused. I saw someone giggling too. I forgot everything i couldn't even answer anything i felt so dumb. They were laughing when i ended it and went back to my seat. My teacher looked so disappointed. I prepared so much but i couldn't remember anything. I kept getting stuck.

I feel so embarrassed i don't think anyone is gonna talk to me without remembering this pathetic side of me. I don't know what to do with myself. I have tried everything to prepare. What is the point of preparation if i don't remember anything when i get up there.

Now i keep remembering everyone's face i feel so pathetic i feel like crying and not getting out of bed. I don't think i'll ever achieve anything. I'm even embarrassed to talk to my family about this.

Summary: My family member expects me to save her from her abusive partner and she won’t ask anyone else because of her anxiety, but I’m a single mum with a toddler healing from my own relationship problems I just got out of. I can’t take her in, I just moved into a 1 bedroom place, she smokes pot and I don’t want that around my toddler. But our family is abusive too, she has nobody.

She won’t call any places for help, because she is anxious about phone calls. She’s on welfare payments provided she looks for work, but has health issues that keep her payments getting cut because she isn’t fulfilling requirements. She won’t apply for disability because she has a hard time getting to doctors, and won’t do phone calls. She isn’t seeing a therapist either. Pretty sure her problems stem from POTS, Hypermobility, Autism, c-PTSD, Depression+Anxiety, and severe malnutrition - but she hasn’t been officially diagnosed with anything.

She lives in the city hours away from me and she wants to leave her partner. She’s getting more and more depressed, thin, and had a health scare and they wouldn’t take her to hospital. She wants to take her furniture. To do that I would need to arrange a trailer, help her load her things on, pay for fuel there and back, and I can’t. I’m budgeting tight as is. And if she stayed with me I don’t have space for her stuff, she’d be sleeping on the floor, and she can’t smoke here full stop. (The people I rent from live right next door and have kids too). She also won’t go on medicinal and get oils, that requires doctors too.

I’ve offered to call local support services, get her in emergency housing, all which she refuses and now she won’t reply to my messages. I know this is pretty toxic behaviour on her front, but I also get she’s hurting, depressed and feels stuck. I still care about her and I know a lot of it will get better if she can get the help she needs, but I can’t save her. Not without it taking a huge toll on me and my daughter, and we just got out of our own housing crisis where I had to put myself out there, navigate the support system and do a lot of self work - all which she pretty much refuses to do cause of how hard it has been when she’s tried. She’s so thin now and I don’t know what to do.

She basically wants me to attain a trailer, on my own (with my energetic 2 year old) drive 4 hours away to come get her, all her stuff including a fridge, and be here carer and let her live with me in my 1 bedroom place with my toddler. I’ve unworked my own trauma with my therapist, just got out of a toxic relationship of on my own after a traumatic birth and car crash too. I finally got my peace and I’m healing. Even though I love her so much, it’s a hard no from me.

I would be able to help her get emergency accomodation down here, I could potentially even ask for a favour from my ex and my own sketchy family in order to get her stuff here too, and I could help get her to appointments - but she hates the idea of living in support housing as she did briefly as a teen. She’s pretty much outright refused that option.

Our family would take her in, but they’re all alcoholics and pretty abusive in their own way too. Not a great option but may be her only choice.

Anyone have any ideas?

I, 24f, live alone in a small big city (if that makes sense). I've tried to go out and socialize/ make friends in the past, but it just doesn't feel right. I blame this feeling on me never having a lifetime friend or really any reliable friendship. I was a lonely kid/teen/young adult and it's all I know. I've always envied people that have a friend group and go out on the town.

Some more background on me: I've come a long way on my journey conquering my struggles. I used to be agoraphobic and couldn't drive long distances or go to the grocery store alone bc of how bad my anxiety was. Now that I live alone, I feel like I'm wasting my 20's by just being a homebody.

I've joined a fb group for social events in my city and went to a couple events, but I have since left that group since it's mostly older people. I tried going to karaoke night at a local bar in the college part of town and even talked to a few people, but when I got home I just felt fake and sick at the pit of my stomach...it's hard to explain

Should I even keep trying? Or should I accept that I'm just gonna be a lonely hermit for the rest of my life?

Thanks in advance<3

I’m a sophomore in college and having issues with meeting new people. I’m terrified of going to clubs because I feel like I won’t fit in at the majority of them since I’m no good at sports. Anybody have advice on what to do? Clubs to try to find? I’ve thought about maybe doing the book club, but they only meet once every month and I really do want to make myself get out and talk more than that.

Does anyone else’s face feel like it’s on fire and is deff turning red when you are either embarrassed or get a compliment? I don’t know how to stop it. Even just running into people while I’m out. I get so overheated.

In April of this year (2024) I worked as a call representative. I loved the job but at the same time disliked it given I always had to speak with the my coworkers. On top of that some guy coworker used me to try to have sex with him. He would always touch me (seducing me) and when we hung out he took me out to eat then to a hotel. I felt like absolute shit right after. I already felt bad working at the call center but this guy only made it ten times worse. Couldn’t handle all the anxiety with having to see the guy and talking to people so I quit.

I just recently now November 2024 got the job again because I was in need of a job and thought a call center is the best I’m going to get. Unfortunately, all I can think about when in the building are the terrible memories about the guy inappropriately touching me and all the terrible interactions I had with my coworkers.

I don’t know if I should go back to work tomorrow. How embarrassing would it be to get the job back and then suddenly leave again. My boss is a super sweet lady. But I don’t think I can take it. How embarrassing would that be though to just suddenly leave once again after asking for a new opportunity. I hate having social anxiety.

I went through a very difficult time for three months while taking antidepressants—Prozac, starting at 20 mg and increasing to 40 mg, along with Laroxyl 4% (4 drops in the evening) and Xanax when I need to it's like he's giving me candy when I feel anxious I can take it. It felt like I had no choice but to take them, even when my anxiety was manageable. Instead of improving, my situation became worse. I stopped the medication three weeks ago because I couldn’t handle the emotional and mental toll anymore bc I was freaking exhausted all days.. I experienced severe mood swings—feeling irritable for most of the day and only feeling energetic and happy in the evenings.

Yesterday, I reached out to the same psychiatrist, and he recommended restarting the treatment, but I’m hesitant. I feel like he doesn’t truly hear my concerns. When I share the side effects I experienced, he said is not the medication and suggesting it’s my anxiety-depressive disorder causing the issues so he's increased the meds. I’m unsure of what to do and feel conflicted about restarting the medication. I want to die so bad everyday I have suicidal thoughts and self harm too I don't know what to do anymore have anyone have this situation before what should I do?

Hi everyone,

I’ve been struggling a lot lately and could really use some advice or perspective. Recently, I’ve gained some weight, and along with that, I’ve felt like employees in various places (cafes, stores, etc.) have been rude or impatient with me. Sometimes they respond in ways that feel dismissive or intolerant.

However, I’m aware that this is likely more about me than them. I doubt that every employee in different places suddenly decided to treat me poorly because of my weight. I suspect I’ve become paranoid or hypersensitive, to the point where I avoid going out or visiting places I used to enjoy, like Starbucks or any setting where I need to interact with staff.

Even though I logically know it’s probably my perception and not reality, the experience feels very real to me. I’ve also noticed how many employees genuinely lack respect when interacting with customers. But the part that frustrates me the most is me.

Whenever someone is rude or dismissive, I feel this deep anger—not just at them, but mostly at myself. I never stand up for myself. I always think, “Next time, I’ll ask them to treat me with respect,” or “I won’t let them talk to me like that again.” But when I’m actually in the situation, I freeze. I feel paralyzed and unable to speak up.

This has made me feel so much worse about myself. I hate feeling so passive, but at the same time, I’m horrified at the idea of confrontation. It’s gotten to the point where even the thought of talking to someone outside my family fills me with dread.

I would love advice on two things:

1. How can I reduce the anxiety I feel about interacting with employees or strangers in general?
2. How can I find the courage to stand up for myself when I feel disrespected?

I know I can’t control how others behave, but I can change how I respond. Right now, though, I don’t know how to take that step, and it’s been eating away at me.

Thank you for reading and for any advice you can share. It means a lot to know I’m not alone in this.

I like it when I talk to strangers (like to cashier, etc) and i dont need to meet up next time, i feel the confidence i never have, it feels so good not be scared for once

I know isolation only makes it worse, that I’m running from my problems instead of working through them, but I’m so scared. I have panic attacks at the thought of going out in public and yet I’m so lonely it eats me away at night. I’m desperate for connection but terrified of being seen. I just wish I could turn back time, to when I was forced to interact with people at school, when I didn’t have a choice. That maybe I could do better if I had a second chance. I live as a ghost haunting my own home. It’s like I’m loosing myself as a person, I feel more gone than not. I’m alive only in the literal sense.

I really do not mind talking to people, in fact, I like it. My issue is that I have had a past which made me worse in meaningful conversation keeping. This triggers insecurities in the back of my head that I fight all in the middle of a conversation sometimes, but I want to get better.

I have long thought I have social anxiety during my said past, but now I have the feeling it is something else.

I'm 21 f, and I am currently in a relationship of 3 years. This JUST happened tonight. I ordered food for myself, I've been sort of down after my bf moved out recently, so I tend to over-eat as a sort of coping mechanism. I ordered from a restaurant up the street from me. And it took about an hour. Now I've seen this guy quite a few times. Each time he delivered my food, he called me baby, or sweetheart. I've had a few men and women do this with no intent of romance, they just call everyone that. So, I thought that's what this was. Boy, was I wrong.

But tonight was different. He delivered my food, as usual, says he forgot my milkshake, and I said it was fine, he didn't need to go back to get me it. He insisted that he would go back to get it because he doesn't like making mistakes as the general manager.

He comes back, I thank him, and we both ask for each other's name at the same. I asked because I WAS going to leave a good review since he went back and got food when he didn't have to. I told him my name thinking nothing of it. And ON GOD, the next thing this man says to me is "have you talked to a black man before". This is where my anxiety and uncomfortable-ness kicks in. Like "oh shit, I can't say no, he might think that I'm racist, but I don't want to answer his question, I'm with somebody". I hesitantly answered. And then he got more personal. "you live with your family" "how old are you sweetheart" "I have your number if you want me to use it". I was trying to get him to leave as quickly as I could. So I was like "sure, and yes I live with my family". But I was flustered and obviously uncomfortable. AND HE TEXTED ME IMMEDIATELY AFTER HE LEFT (to which I didn't respond to).

I feel so sick. I feel so uncomfortable at the fact he has my number, my address. And just the fact that he'd even go there. I used eating as a coping mechanism and this was the only thing keeping me sane, I'm scared to eat or order out ever again. I feel like I can't even order food in peace anymore. I'm scared to report this to the store, because he might answer. I have no idea what to do.

Nowadays my condition is becoming worse. Every thing I am doing ,walking ,eating sleeping,talking each and every moment I am thinking that I am better than everyone here and whatever I am doing people are noticing me and thinking how good he is..I am fed up by living like this, my head hurts, I don’t wanna do it but it’s happening all by itself.Please help me

I recently attended a Thanksgiving gathering with my family, and it turned out to be a bit of a wake-up call for me. I've known these people my whole life, so I expected to feel comfortable, and I didn't feel anxious at all. However, my body had a different reaction.

I've noticed that during completely normal situations, like just chatting with my relatives, my eyes start to react in a strange way. They begin to squint or shut unexpectedly, which makes things feel awkward, especially since it happens mid-conversation. I want to emphasize that I don't feel anxious when this occurs; it just happens, and then I end up feeling embarrassed about it.

I'm curious if anyone else has experienced something similar or knows more about this kind of reaction. It would be really helpful to hear your thoughts or any insights you might have. Thank you!

I went through a tough period where I felt like a loser. I realized I struggled to create connections with people, especially compared to my friends. It hit me hard because I could no longer rely on the natural opportunities that high school and college provided—being around, meeting, and connecting with people in everyday settings.

One thing that made a big difference was adopting an abundance mindset. I reminded myself that there are millions of people in the world, and not everyone is going to like you—and that’s okay. Letting go of the need for external validation and caring less about what random people think of me was a game-changer. It wasn’t easy, but this shift in mindset was crucial for building confidence.

I was in my gen-ed french class and I didn’t do the requested work. It was reading a text in groups of 4. Not the first time I don’t do team work I completely freeze up. She requested to talk to me after class. Now the class is empty and she starts talking. The start of the year was rough, I almost drop out of her class because of some “argument” or whatever with her about teamwork and the work in general. So I was convinced she was about to yell at me and immediately started panicking. Hyperventilating I couldn’t breathe like I couldn’t take a full breath. So I was breathing heavily and stimming intensely. And walking to the first corner I saw. I was not listening to anything she was saying. I have to say: It was for no reason. She comforted me, (by this point I was “calm” and listening), told me to not worry and what we could do next time. And hugged me at the end. It was quite sweet. I didn’t expect it at all. Not the first time it’s happened. Anyone else experience this?

My wife did an online order and they sent meat pizza instead if vegetarian. We don't eat meat and we haven't paid for them so rather than them go to waste my wife has said maybe offer them to a neighbour. I live in flats and hardly ever see the neighbours and if so it'd just hello. Of course now my anxiety is kicking in, what do I say am I gonna sound stupid. They are gonna think I'm weird I've barely ever spoken to them and now I'm offering them pizza. Also its 9:30pm what's the latest I can knock on?

I've noticed that I sometimes will be talking to someone at work when some third party who is friends with the other person but not me will come by and talk over me like I'm not even there. I'll feel super awkward and like I need to escape, given I feel like if I say something like "excuse me?" I'll just seem fragile and annoying.

I also notice that I always feel afraid to butt in like that, like isn't that incredibly rude?

For the moment I'm all "that was just work, whatever, on to the rest of the day" but I wonder what other people's take is, I'm sure it will recur.

Today I was sitting alone reading and some women who I barely know and seems to dislike me chose of all the zillion chairs the one right in my face to sit in and hose into her cell phone, which was another of those little things that just make me feel, like, do I radiate not even existing or being an adult or deserving personal space / basic consideration? Maybe I should get a face tattoo to look more like someone you don't want to step on :)

A girl from my med school invited me to hang out with her and some other people tonight and I’m nervous. I think I get so nervous because I view these hangouts as like an “audition” to be their friend, so I have to be interesting and fun enough for them to want to keep being around me. And that puts a lot of pressure on me, which causes me to shut down and not really talk at all, which then actually makes people not interested in hanging out with me again.

I think I need to tell myself that it’s okay if I don’t end up making friends from this hangout. It’s okay if they don’t view me as interesting. It’s not about making friends or leaving a good impression, it’s just about enjoying other people’s company from school. I should just live in the moment and have fun, and focus on whether or not I like them, not if they like me. I need to live my life through my eyes, not through other people’s eyes viewing me. If they don’t want to hang out after, that’s okay. If they think I’m boring, that’s okay. If they think I’m weird, that’s okay.

I struggle with this. If I have to mingle in social settings I struggle to leave the conversation if I’m not enjoying it or need to leave it to speak to someone else etc. I always end up saying something awkward. What are good things to politely exit with ?

A couple of years ago i had my heart broken and had some events happen that has made me shell myself away for the last 3 years. I'm tired of doing the whole keeping to myself thing. i hardly talk to people outside of work and I mask how it all feels with every interaction that i have. But I'm terrified to trust anyone or I feel like I'm a burden to everyone around me. I put more effort in getting others what they need instead of focusing on what i need to do to make myself happy in the long run. I feel stuck and I don't know how to get out of it.

(18M) i turned 18 this week and monday i need to go to driving lessons and its a subject from my school that means i must go i have never drived a car and the worst part is that i need to be in the car not only with my teacher but with 2 other classmates and i am so scared they will jidge me they will laugh at me i will shake and sweat so much i dont know what will i do i am scared. My parent want me to go work or study but i am scared to talk to anyone i am not good at anything and i am not smart.