Is there anyone that ended up with their current SO which is not your racial preference?

I have a few married couples around me, both are asians that had a preference for white guys, they've exclusively dated white guys, but ended up with an Asian guy.

I (asian) also find white guys attractive, but sometimes it feels hard to find a really compatible white guy due to cultural differences. So I sometimes think about dating other races, but I still have a strong physical attraction towards white guys so idk what to do lol..

I was dating a French guy for a few months. Everything was going fine and I was following the green flags. He took his time getting to know me and didn’t rush into anything sexual. I was spending a lot of time with him and had some positive, fun times. However, the red flags started kicking in…

1.) He would intentionally make racist jokes about Asians (I’m Korean). He would mock ethnic accents from Vietnamese to Japanese including my ethnicity. He would even say the “n-word” in front of me. I would tell him to “stop” and that I don’t like it at all. Yet, he still continued and disrespected my boundaries. His defense mechanism was apparently, his French friends back at home who were Vietnamese and Black “condoned it.” His response on top of that was that it’s not “racist.” I am still unsure if he was doing this because he thought it was “hilarious” or he intentionally did this to passive aggressively make me feel inferior because of his privilege including his lack of self-love and self-hatred. I never understood white men including White Europeans who are so blatantly or subtly racist, but they still chase us POC women for power-play and control.

2.) Then, he proceeded if I ever was to become pregnant, he would pay for the abortion. I was completely disgusted and grossed out. I never wanted to be touched by him ever again after he told me this and deflected it upon me.

3.) When we were on our way home from the beach and I was in his car with him, he told me to put on Justin Timberlake’s “Cry Me A River.” I disagreed with him and I just told him, “No, I don’t like him because of what he did to Britney Spears.” He got triggered and took it as if I was trying to “control him.” He then told me off and said, “If we didn’t talk this out, I would have kicked you out of the car.”

4.) Lastly, he was recently watching Fresh Off the Boat and the things he was texting me about how he relates to the show because of the “cheapness” and all of the other stereotypes on Asians. However, that show is for white audience to laugh at us. I called him out on that.

After all of these red flags, this ignorant, insecure douchebag is so erratic and unhinged that I was afraid to tell him in person knowing that he may have done something bizarre due to the unhinged behavior. I had to text him a long ass message and call him out because of all of these red flags. I honestly think it’s his true colors as well. No matter how many Reddit posts I read regarding White men dating POC women, they still are blatantly or subtly racist - I just personally think on a psychological level, it’s all a power-play. Or maybe they outwardly despise POC, but deep down inside, they desire us, POC women for whatever effed up reason.

I accept all and as long as the man is authentic with positive qualities especially if he loves himself. But I’m honestly done with White men and I don’t want this to come off as ignorant or “racist.” I’m just sick and tired of these micro aggressions or subtle racism in my face. It’s hurtful and I’ve been dealing with racism since I was a little girl.

My mom used to encourage me and my sisters to date guys from our culture. our family is chinese. me and my sisters have told her the guys from our culture are not nice to us and dont rly care abt us. and she lets me date hispanics while my sisters can only date white or asain people. She never told us why and shes the least strict on me. im the eldest (of 3 girl triplets). i have never dated before. our mom tried to encourage us to go to blind dating events for chinese people and we all refused bc we have heard that many of the guys there arent decent people anyways and many have ulterior motives. She has no idea that I'm seeing a Hispanic guy (Mexican-American) and hes 22. What should I do?

I have always had a childhood dream of marrying someone from a different race.

It's not that my own African race isn't wonderful, but I have always been fascinated by the idea of experiencing a new language, culture, and way of life that is totally different from mine. I'd love to learn new local recipes, traditions, and customs. You could call me Dora the Explorer if you want.

This desire stems from a deep appreciation for diversity and a passion for discovery.

I personally am attracted to races other than my own and would love to date outside my race but I've never had the opportunity to. I brought it up in a discussion with my friends yesterday and i realized that we were really attracted to different races. All of us are highly educated women with good jobs live in an African country and have only dated or been married to our own race. So if you're ever out there and see an attractive successful African woman, please ask her out, chances that you'll be rejected are slim.

Okay, so I’ve been with my gf for almost 9 years now. We are a F Korean and M North African couple. Usually when I’m walking through certain neighborhoods in LA or when we travel back to NYC (where we grew up) in either the Arab/North African or Asian neighborhoods,there are some wild stares. Like when I’m walking through flushing or Monterey park, the stares are like “wtf” and when I’m walking in Astoria the stares are also “wtf”. When we first started dating I would wave and be like what’s up, and that gets people to look away or just mutter some ish, but now, in my thirties I’m kind of getting more and more irritated and feels like its never going to change.

Do you guys have any tips?

I’ve been reflecting on my dating experiences and am ready to broaden my horizons. I’ve mainly dated black men in the past, but unfortunately, many of those relationships didn’t align with my values or long-term goals. I’m looking to connect with men outside my race—particularly those who are Christian, value a committed relationship, and are genuinely interested in getting to know me as a person rather than seeing me through a fetishized lens.

I’ll admit, I’m nervous. My past experiences have left me wondering if men outside my race will take me seriously or see me as a novelty rather than a potential partner. I’m especially drawn to men with strong Christian values because my faith is a big part of my life.

I find men of all races attractive and am open to building something meaningful, but I want to approach this with confidence and clarity. If you’ve had similar experiences or have advice on how to find and connect with genuine Christian men—whether online or in person—I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Thank you for reading and for any guidance you can offer!

Hi! I (26F, white) am in a relationship with my boyfriend (31M, Indian) and we’ve been dating for about 14 months. Things are going well, and we’ve been discussing plans for the future together.

I have a 3yo child from a previous relationship (not a secret), and while he initially mentioned he wasn’t looking for anything serious because of my child, he’s since developed strong feelings for me and has expressed that he does want a future with us. I’m very aware and understanding that stepping into a fatherly role, even in a supportive way, is a huge deal, and I’ve been honest with him about the responsibilities that come with that.

Another aspect is that he hasn’t told his parents (in India) about me yet. He wants to spend more time together first as hes anticipating a rough reaction from them. He’s assured me that he’s willing to stand by me and our relationship when the time comes though. His sister knows of us, and she has told him he’s ruining his life by being with me, naturally.

I’d love to hear from others for any advice/thoughts or if you’re in a similar situation. I have faith in him and am hopeful for a future with him, but I wonder if this experience of being a single mother with someone from a different culture isn’t particularly common for a reason.

Hi everyone, I (23) am wondering around what time you should introduce your boyfriend to your family? My current bf (31) would be the first serious relationship I would be bringing around to meet my parents and stuff. I’m a little nervous even though I’m sure they’ll love him, any advice? I’ve never done this before.

I (25F, Asian) met this guy (28M, English) in August on a dating app. We had a lovely dinner on our first date. On the second date, we got really drunk and tried hooking up at my place, but it didn’t work out (he couldn’t).

We met again after that. He was embarrassed about what happened on the previous date, but we talked about it, and everything was fine. That time, we got drunk again and went to his place, where we ended up hooking up. I left his place the next morning. It was a good date overall.

We planned to meet again, but he broke his ankle, so we couldn’t. Around the same time, I got busy with work and packing for a trip. Recently, he texted me saying that he really wanted to meet but couldn’t because of work. He also said he’d love to see pictures of my hometown.

I’m not sure if I should continue engaging with him. Is dating in England typically like this? Should I just stop talking to him? Also, he’s very interested in the cooking style from my country. Is that weird?

I (35)BW am dating a (31) Hispanic man. We have been in a relationship for almost two years. His mom recently moved to the city he lives in. I live in a different state, but it only takes us 45 mins to get to each other. Long story short, are there any things I should know culturally as I will be spending more time with his mom and siblings? His mom is meeting my family for the holidays and I just want to make sure we make her as comfortable as possible.

im dating this white guy who keeps calling me chocolate lol like those chocolaty lips or breasts (he uses it when hes talking sexy type of deal)..ive never dated a white man and it feels really...odd...is this normal or like a harmless fetish thing maybe? im not upset about it and im sure if i asked him to he would immediately stop but i more or less am trying to understand where this is coming from I guess. for example he might stop but is this because he is racist in some way if so hed still be thinking it so i want to understand reasons WHY he is saying it if that makes sense...thanks for your opinion/insights!

edit: to be clear hes not calling me myself chocolate or like black princess but solely my body parts (sorry to be explicit but like my white cock would look so good between those chocolaty tits) like during sexy times...otherwise he doesnt bring up color...but im like errr ummm why arent you just saying tits lol why is the color a thing?...should i be worried here oorrr whats going on? is there an underlying racist thought pattern going on? does he find black women especially sexy? does he like me or does he like my blackness so to speak? so im trying to get especially white mens thoughts on why this might be occuring or a thing. otheriwse he seems to be very sweet, mild mannered, laid back guy so this occurrence is throwing me off and dating white men is brand new for me. hopefully im making sense. ty!

A long time ago, there was this Korean guy who approached and eventually asked me on a date since he found me pretty. I'd say I have a very East Asian feature and demeanor. And I'm actually half Chinese and Malay. During the date, I figured he asked me multiple times if I was Korean. I then replied no, and days later he stopped talking to me. So I assume maybe he realized that dating a non-Korean may lead to disapproval or other family complications, so he chose to distance himself early. Thoughts? 😭

If not, does that type of relationship interest you? Why or why not?

Title says it all.

I'll give you a little back story: A little while ago I went on a group trip with some friends to a well-known amusement park. During our trip we came across a group of koreans, after one of the girls in my group (who loves korea) came across them and it turned into us going on rides together as a gigantic cluster.

A cultural exchange happened that day and I was happy to know them.

One of the Korean girls in the group was particularly engaging with me. Though the language barrier was there, we shared snacks, photos of each other and everything in between. I felt comfortable everything was natural and I felt better with her than other women I've been on dates on.

Eventually we ended up separated from the groups of our friends and ended up alone, and took a ride on the ferris wheel where she ended up leaning on my shoulder (almost a movie moment)

So we exchanged numbers, and she asked to see me for an official date. I've never dated an Asian woman before, and I've started to learn a little korean with a tutor to sorta bridge the communication gap between up. I know it's been like than 48 days, but I like her.

Anyone got experience dating koreans? I'd love ya help. Thanks.

I (28F) have been in a relationship with a 31M for close to 1.5 years. We both work in healthcare (he is a physician and I am a nurse) and we have an apartment together. He is really great but I just need to vent/rant and get some advice. I also need to mention that I am a white female and he is an Asian male.

His parents are in town and I’m realizing (more like confirming) that he is definitely a momma’s boy. His mother even made the comment, “you need to train him”….. (this was in regards to hygiene and home cleaning!)

Let me also make note that I am extremely independent. I have my own $ and I truly don’t need anyone to support me or help to support me. I believe in relationships, two independent people should come together to enhance each others lives. No one should have to “fix” each other. I would love more outlooks or opinions on this thought.

My boyfriend’s parents are here and they have talked to him about creating a 403b account at his current job and creating a rollover IRA for his past job’s 401K. I have already done this back in the summer when we started at a university hospital. I mentioned it to him a few months ago and he said “don’t talk to me about your investment accounts”. We have talked about marriage before and I felt as this comment was very harsh? He stated he only did it bc his parents were begging him to. I asked him once and he didn’t listen to me? He just took boards in September so his parents were making excuses “he was studying”. In my mind, I’m thinking, what about the doctors who have children? Engaged? Have other things going on that take time as well.

We went to dinner a few nights ago with a 7:30pm reservation. They were relaxing at home eating snacks at 7:30pm. I kept saying oh it’s 7:30, we should go. He (my bf) stated, “it’s fine it’s fine, they had spots for 7:45 too”. I was raised to arrive to events early. I also was a waitress for years and I see this as disrespectful. I felt horrible for the staff members. I don’t understand this non chalant mindset of okay for being late.

In regards to another issue (I have mentioned this multiple times), he will “read” my messages but not open them in the iPhone texting app. He will open my Snapchats immediately though. I honestly hate Snapchat but I only keep it around to see my old memories and pictures from high school and to send group message Snapchats to my girl groups. I don’t like this because I maybe read into this too much and I know some people feel cool? for having so many unread messages? I don’t know. It’s not my thing. I want my messages to at least be acknowledged because it rolls into how I feel in a relationship. I want to be acknowledged and read and not “in the dark”.

I am a very clean person and I shower my parts everyday. Sometimes twice a day. I do not like feeling uncomfortable and smelling weird although I’ve never been told I smell weird. I don’t even like using regular TP to wipe after a poo. I use baby wipes 😂😅. My bf doesn’t shower everyday. He doesn’t even clean his room (it’s really his office). He will leave snacks and crumbs out and I think that’s gross, clean up your mess! He doesn’t shower like I do and I understand that. But I want to be with someone who cares about how they may smell. His southern hemisphere has the hood (IYKYK) and he doesn’t even use TP after peeing and in the morning he will make a whiney talk saying “give me a lil blowie” and I bluntly say, “no your penis smells like urine and it needs to be clean with soap and water”, he will whine-ly say, “baaaaabeeeee” 🥲. Our sexual activity has been significantly low d/t his hygiene. How can I better convey how important this is to me?

Something else near and dear to my heart is my dog. She is a blind, elderly dachshund. They have sensitive backs and have to be held a certain way. Sometimes he will hold her like a rag doll where her back could get injured and require surgery. Given her medical history and age, she wouldn’t survive a 10K surgery. Why not just respect me and her and hold her correctly? I think it’s laziness and not understanding the magnitude of his sensitive their backs are. If you are unfamiliar, look up IVDD.

This is all that has recently been bothering me so I could love clarification on how to communicate better and overall be a better partner. I want to work on this stuff.

TLDR - I date a lazy, man child, momma’s boy possible god complex physician and I think I have the ick.

If you made it this far, I applaud you 🥺🥹🥲😭😅🤣🙃

This has nothing to do with race but since my current and hopefully forever relationship happens to be with an amazing lady outside my race, here goes.

Sometimes you think you know love, but you really don’t. Sometimes you think have love, but you really don’t. You have attraction. You have connection. You have the time and the place. But you don’t have love.

Then you find it. And it hits you as the most enveloping and deep thing you’ve ever experienced before. A feeling so definitive and stark that you know unmistakably how real it is and how real everything else….. wasn’t. A state of being truly worth fighting for.

Happy almost one month to My beautiful Latina Lady 💜🥰🥺

So I (27 BW) was ranting to my mom today about about of stories I've seen on social media regarding appearances not being all their cracked up to be. I mentioned two different stories of women who had awful experiences with their husbands while making content that appeared perfect (and didn’t even mention their races, just that one woman happened to be engaged to a country singer while the other was portraying tradwife content online). I guess she assumed both were white which wasn’t the case for the tradwife woman (she’d black) and she said “white men are filth, don’t you ever bring one of them home.”

Now this was already a touchy subject given the recent elections. Shes very untrustworthy of white people overall right now which I can understand given a lot of things that have occurred in this country but she knows I’ve always been attracted to nonblack men and white men speciigcslly.

I told her after she said that that awful experiences can happen to any women regardless of race and that one of the women’s husbands was black, and she just scrunched up her face.

I’m currently single cause I quit my job and moved home but it’s just made my dating life feel even more complicated. Even when I was younger (12) I expressed I wanted to hang up Jonas brothers posters cause I loved the band at the time and my dad got mad and said why do I wanna hang white boys ip on my wall. My mom was understanding then but nowadays all she talks about are how white nen are filth and hate their wives.

I’m hoping tk move out soon but I can’t help but feel like they secretly judge me that my relationships haven’t worked out and I’m still chronically single because of the men I’m attracted to. They’ve never specifically said that but anytime I tell them about a situation with a guy I’m in the talking stages with the first thing my mom asks is “what race is he?”