My bf, AM45, who is originally from Hong Kong doesn't really compliment me. Is this normal for a relationship with someone from that side of Asia? I know that compliments in general aren't that common in relationships in Japan for example (obviously I haven't done any market research, but YouTube videos by English speaking Japanese people i have come across in my time, have given me this insight!).

I don't want to generalise too broadly over the continent, but I also can't find any articles on Google where people have mentioned similar.

.. I'm wondering if this is normal and it needs to be a brief like "I'd like it if you mentioned things you like about me/our time together" or if it needs to be a deeper conversation..

For context, I'm WF 35. This is both of ours first AMWF relationship. If this was a WM, I'd probably assume he wasn't that in to me, but this guy asked if I wanted to move in with him after 3 months of dating.. so.. I mean, good sign, right? He also likes to lightly stroke my face and look at me before he kisses me (in the strict privacy of the house, because he's too shy to do any more physical contact than holding hands in public.).

I'm used to being complimented/people liking my fashion taste, but this guy literally doesn't say a thing. I asked him if he liked my shoes the other month and he said "The laces are long." And I laughed because that did not answer the question (I assumed from this he hates my shoes.)...

TLDR; AM born in Hong Kong doesn't compliment me, WF born in the U.K. doesn't compliment how I dress. Once mentioned liking my hair. I'm used to WM being complimentary to me and my style. Is this culture or something deeper?

First post in this sub, please be kind. I am seeing many reditors that have found or are finding their partners in USA and Europe. I barely read any post on partners meeting in Asia.

For context, I'm a humble AM26 from Singapore, looking to make friends with WF, and hopefully progress further if things work out. There are many expats in my country but most are not in my age group. I tried dating apps but most are way younger than me. I don't really know where else I can go to meet WF organically or online.

Any of you WF redditors in Singapore? Maybe we can have a chill chat and meet up someday haha. You may also dm me for any questions.

Thanks for the read. Bless all the couples in this sub!

So I have met a girl who is half White and half Hispanic, we both are date to marry type so this topic came to discussion. She likes her last name, I don’t mind changing mine to her, and we both understand that our future children is of American culture and I don’t really like my last name, so having my last name was thrown out quick. We both thinking if I should have her last name or I should keep mine, she keep hers just simply pass down her last name to our children. We also thought about hyphenate but since my last name is a really short Chinese one with only 3 letters and hers is pretty long we think it won’t mix well. I wanted to change to hers but it might causes confusion with future job interviews and stuff if they are expecting a white male based on the last name.

Any of y’all who is married, what option should I take, we both keep our own or I take hers?

Hey guys I came across this subreddit and considering I'm Vietnamese and my wife is born and raised in Texas, I thought I fit the description.

I see some of the posts being about people feeling discouraged from some or other sorts of demeaning treatment (either it be feeling like you're not as valued as white men, or not being Japanese and Korean and feeling you're not as valued as Japanese or Korean).

I just need to get this off my chest. Yes, how you feel is reasonable and you shouldn't let anyone gaslight you into thinking you're just delusional or overthinking it. There are a lot of disadvantages and struggles that you face, especially if you're in a Western country like I am. And it is totally natural to feel some pressure from that.

However, don't ever take that lying down. Don't ever define yourselves as victims. The black community has faced lots of discrimination in the past. They fought for their representation. They dominated NBA and the music industry. And with the strong and growing presence of Asian media we have now in the West, along with some phenomenal athletes that have made a name for themselves recently (Shohei in the MLB for example), this is the best time for you to fight for your representation as well. You're a fighter, not a victim. Remember that.

In the mean time if you ever feel like you're less of a man because some dumb ignorant person said that to you once or twice, let it roll off you and strive to prove to yourself they're wrong. Work out, pick up sports, learn good social skills, learn empathy, be bold and extend your friend circles, be good at a niche and have influence, etc. Whatever you do, don't wallow in the misery, keep moving forward. It worked for me and it can work for you too. Fighting!

Just curious if there are any and I have a chance as a shorty myself

I know women like Korean men and maybe Japanese men, but I feel not confident and slightly ashamed of being Chinese.

Women tend to not like Chinese over say Korean or Japanese.

Has anyone ever lied about what type of Asian they are, or is this likely not a good idea?

I am the WF. Well, technically the half-WF in my relationship (I am wasian). I married my husband relatively recently but we’ve been together a long time. For context, I grew up essentially in his culture even though I’m not from that Asian ethnicity myself, so I’m generally very familiar with customs, food, etc. That said, since my parents aren’t from that culture I don’t know everything like the language or sometimes specific table manners for example.

I find my husband will occasionally make hurtful comments towards me based on my culture. Like “oh she’s white, of course she doesn’t know that,” or just “white people” pejoratively.

Probably the most hurtful thing was when I started taking lessons to learn his language. I’ve always wanted to learn it for myself and wanted to be able to communicate with his family etc, and I thought he could be my language learning partner. But he just would say that what I was learning was “too formal, no one says that, why are you bothering to learn?” And he said that trying to communicate with me in it felt cringey because it was like I was a three year old trying to talk with him.

Has anyone else experienced this? It feels weird to feel so “othered” by his comments but I don’t know if this is maybe a cultural expectation and I’m overreacting.

any of you ever wondered how the asian american men that are successful at dating white women or non asian women in america succeed? so far from what the statistics show amwf pairups are still pretty low compared to the overall group of interracial pairups. What i mean by that is what is it that they're doing that yields them the success that they got?

because if it's the common traits such as being in shape, or confident, or funny witty, charismatic, approaching etc if that were the case than why are the amwf pairings still so low in america? or is there more to it than what meets the eye beyond the obvious?

what do you think?

This is a spur of the moment post. I just want to thank all you WF/XF here who love our asian culture.

Thank you ❤️.

Obviously we know that in Western society generally, AMWF is rare compared with WMAF. But you could at least say that normal people aren't aware about the social forces that are affecting their preferences.

However, I have noticed about spaces where you have more educated and sympathetic people, where people better understand or even study the Asian experience, that the same thing happens there too, which is perhaps more surprising.

An example I have seen is looking at Asian studies faculties at colleges. I have often seen that the male professors will have AF partners but the female professors will not.

I have more often seen white guys who have been journalists specializing in East Asia, or have written books about Asian food and culture, having AFs partners than I have seen white women doing the same having an AM partner.

Preference is formed by forces in society as well as exposure to other people and cultures, both while growing up and experience over time. So how do you think the disparity can be explained in spaces like specialist college faculties where you would expect more of a balance?

Obviously I am speaking quite generally here so sorry if that annoys people. All comments will be taken with a grain of salt.

If your anecdotal experience of spaces like these is the complete opposite of mine I would like to hear it and happy to be proven wrong.

Looking for recommendations!

I know there's some western TV shows and movies featuring AMWF romance, and it's becoming more and more common these days to see AMWF in the real world. But one type of media where I haven't really seen AMWF is K-dramas. It's ironic since it was the popularity of K-dramas that led to an explosion in perceived desirability of Asian men around the world, but when it comes to the actual K-dramas themselves, it seems like AMWF is nowhere to be found and all the couples are AMAF. Granted, I'm not a huge K-drama expert so I've only seen the most well known ones like Squid Game, but I've literally never heard of a K-drama starring an AMWF couple. Can anyone point me in the direction of a show like this, or does it actually not exist?

Update 1: She agreed to revise with me on Wednesday along with a couple of friends. I’ll ask her out after the study session and let y’all know the result. (I didn’t ask her out on Tuesday as she was absent.)

Update 2: She said she was busy this week so I plan to try again next Tuesday after the exam. If that fails, so be it.

Update 3: I ultimately got rejected as she said she isn’t interested. Thanks for all your support, it’s been a good run and I’d now be able to more efficiently search for the one.

Background: I (19M) am currently studying at a university in the Southeast. I am an immigrant from East Asia but people generally assume that I am U.S. born and raised based on my rather-Americanized accent. 

Starting this semester, I have developed a crush on this Italian-American girl (19F) in my physics class, let's call her “Anna” for the purpose of this post. We have four class sessions per week. From what Anna told me, she was raised in a mid-Atlantic city (not going to specify which). I also happened to be her lab partner for that mutual class (we have a separate lab session every week), and to be fair that was how I got to know her. 

I believe I have quite a lot in common with Anna. Academically speaking, both of us are into mathematics, given that she is a math major and I am an Electrical Engineering major. Both of us are more introverted. Outside of class, both of us love skiing and exercising. I have known Anna for approximately 3 weeks, and so far we have had some good conversations on our common hobbies. We also complement each other quite well during labs.

Right now, I have managed to get into Anna’s friend group (around 5-7 people). We revise together on homework and exams once per week for a few hours minimum. I also managed to find extra commonalities with one of Anna’s closer girl friends, due to my ability to speak Russian as a fourth language (in which that friend is quite impressed with my vocab and accent). I am not sure how I can make use of this situation to my advantage.

I really want to bring our relationship further, and ultimately I hope to make her my girlfriend. But I am unsure how exactly I should execute my steps. This is made worse by my deep-rooted insecurities stemming from my childhood - I have been that stereotypical fat kid all along until finally shredding more than 50lbs of fat last summer. Back in high school, the culture was very academic-focused, which further prevented me from forming dating experiences. I now weigh 174lbs (79kg) and am at 6’0 (183cm) but subconsciously I still have a repulsive self-image in mind. It does not help that Asian men are generally not positively depicted by Western media, which is an additional insecurity on my side. Luckily, I am slowly getting rid of such intrusive thoughts after having received subtle signals from a few girls. 

Despite all the outstanding insecurities, I decided it is time to chin up and try pursue Anna. I believe she is one of the few girls in school embedded with a strong sense of modesty, which is very important, if not a dealbreaker, for me as a Christian. Therefore I would rather get rejected than to miss out such an opportunity, so my goal is more so getting an idea on how to approach her, instead of whether I should do so or not. 

To more effectively gauge her current level of interest, I have briefly summarized some of my observations of her behaviors:

1. Anna approached me saying she recognizes me from last semester’s class (frankly I did not have much of an impression of her back then). That was during our first lab after I sat besides her.
2. Anna seemed rather excited after learning that I am into skiing and that I am in the same Ski club, even asking if I went to the club’s Christmas ski trip (which I did).
3. Anna engages well with me when I ask her questions (giving mid-to-long responses) and generally returns questions to me.
4. Anna followed me back on Instagram (given she only follows 70% of her followers back).
5. She seems generally comfortable around me, although she still keeps a little bit of space from me (which is frankly something that I also do).
6. It took Anna 4 days to accept my follow request, and she hasn’t viewed any of my stories (4 of them since she followed me) yet. But tbf she does not seem active on the gram (judging by how sparingly she likes/ comments on posts of even her closest friends).
7. She occasionally seems more shy around me than around others.

My current plan is to ask whether Anna wants to hang out with me. I am thinking about dinner after lab (as lab sessions end at 7:30-ish) but am wondering whether that is too big of a leap. I also don’t want to seem too out of the blue with my actions but after all I am willing to take the risk of rejection and showing her an appropriate amount of interest on my side. 

Please leave suggestions on how I should engage/ invite her out. 

TLDR: I'm a 19M Electrical Engineering major, and I've developed a crush on "Anna," an Italian-American girl in my physics class and lab partner. We have a lot in common, from academics to shared hobbies like skiing. I'm in her friend group and trying to figure out how to move things forward and make her my girlfriend. Despite deep insecurities from my past, like being overweight and feeling the pressure of Western media stereotypes about Asian men, I'm determined to pursue her. I've noticed some positive signs from her (along with some potentially negative signs), but I'm unsure how to approach asking her out, like maybe inviting her to dinner after lab. Looking for advice!

So I recently watched Never Forever (which, by the way, was sooo good), and now I’m on the hunt for more movies with that AMWF (Asian Male, White Female) dynamic. Loved how Never Forever handled the relationship—it was emotional, intense, and just super compelling.

I’m looking for something with a similar vibe, maybe a bit more modern if possible. And if it’s got that heartstring-pulling drama or romance, even better! You know what I mean? 😊

Thanks in advance, y’all! 🙌

I've always had a preference for Asian men and have had since good long term relationships over the years but for the past few years I am constantly getting rejected on dating apps or Reddit and told that I'm not their "type"

Currently I'm a normal body weight not overweight at all, fit in shape nice curves , average height and average/above average looks I would say brown hair brown eyes white skin I'm Irish German and Italian mix In the past exes have said my face resembled Emma stone Also in the past I was significantly overweight but I still had positive dates and relationship before

I really don't understand what they are searching for and it's frustrating me to the point that I think I am considering not dating asian men at all anymore

I've had long term partners in the past who were asian and happy relationships while they lasted but something has just changed in the past years not sure what. I'm really not judgemental as to what people look like. I would say I'm average/slightly above average. I literally don't care about looks much, just a pleasant face, don't care about their height weight I really am searching for a compatible person in personality and lifestyle which are most important to me and I just cannot find one. Qualities being wanting monogamy loyalty and similar lifestyle I don't drink don't smoke I'm not promiscuous I'm childfree and spiritual.

Should I give up?

Edit: Please reply to the post here and don't send me private messages

I'm looking for answers from the community

thank you

Does anyone have any book recommendations?

For example, maybe you're a WF from the US Midwest, and you're curious about East Asian-British guys who sound like Colin Firth, or maybe something closer to home like the experience of Asian guys from West Virginia. Hell, maybe you're even just curious about Asian guys in the Midwest, if you've not met any yet!

I exclude Asian Asian guys from this answer because it's probably relatively easier to find information about and examples of 'typical' guys who come direct from Asian countries.

Ok so I thought of this one time how on forums like this if you had to summarize it in a nutshell is for asian men having a harder time dating in a western country and trying to get with women from other ethnicities (white or Hispanic or black etc) they're asking for tips or complaining about difficulty they perceive /deal with.

I get it the internet is not real life and it's basically a microphone that can amplify anything by 1000 folds.

So my question is you guys know how over the generations Asian men in western countries assimilate to the new mother country. For example you don't really hear about Japanese American men 4th/5th generation really complain about dating in western countries. When do you think we will no longer see Asian men in western countries complain about the difficulties they face in dating or need anymore tips (on average) For example the 22nd century? 23rd century? 24th century etc...

So far Asian men have come to Western countries since the 1840s so it's been 184 years do you think the progress has been fast enough?

I don't specify the ethnicity/race because I think the points I outline below apply to all women who are brought up in Western countries in a predominately western way.

1. Social circles - some girls in some social circles will never date an Asian guy. These girls believe if they date outside their social circle, it will degrade themselves within that social circle. These girls look for a certain type of guy to fit in within that social circle. It is not culturally acceptable for a women to date an Asian man. There is a stigma and she will lose social value for dating someone from a group considered to be low value and unaccepted by her culture.
2. Lack of knowledge - from my experience, most girls have never talked to an Asian guy before. Asian guys are just people in the background, they never imagine an Asian guy as a partner because there are a ton of white men that are their natural fit. the concept to the majority of them is inconceivable.
3. Comfort zone - Women are worried about stepping out of their comfort zone and dating a guy who's another race/ethnicity. These girls tend to be very ingrained in white culture and breaking away would be too big a change fro the string of white men in their past. I can see how it would be taboo to brig home some Asian or black guy to their parents when all their lives they imagined have white grandchildren.
4. Cultural fit - I would argue that the most important thing that this sub misses is the fact that you have to fit into their cultural ballpark. In other words, you should present as someone of a subculture familiar to the girl; whether that's styling, values or lifestyle. Much of dating is having to abide by social norms of the culture you are dating in. Women oftentimes have an ideal guy in their heads which they want to date, whether that's from what the media ingrained in her or her friends, family and surroundings. So if you fit that bill, she might be receptive to you. However, if you present yourself as being from an unaccepted subculture, your chances are much lower for obvious reasons. Also, you gotta keep in mind that if you date her, she's probably going to one day present you to her friends and family members. Women in general have strong in-group biases and if you don't fit her cultural ballpark, then it becomes weird. 
5. Expectations - Many of the women attracted to Asian men are not the ones that would be considered conventionally attractive to men. It's common to see obese Otaku women obsessed with Korean and Japanese men because they watch too much anime.

So my husband and I are visiting his friends in Korea and we are seeing A TON of AMWFs.

We are based out of Seoul in gangnam and saw a lot of white women with both younger and older men! Also one of his friends who have been in SK for 5 years is married to a Polish woman too 🥰

There is also a lot of AMBW representation that we saw when we headed to Busan too. Actually we saw women of all colors with their AM partners on the hop-on-off bus!

I feel like the interest in Korean men and Asian men in general exploded the last couple of years. Even his Korean friends are noticing a lot of foreign women are coming to Korea and starting families lol.

I also hear a lot of Korean men starting to have preference for foreigners but I'm not surprised because of all the toxic expectations they have in the dating world here...

Anyways, ya'll deserve this attention and I hope Asian men finally get the international attention they deserve ☺️☺️

Has anyone else who is or have been to Korea recently also noticed this? This is sooooooo wildly different than the US it's crazy

Long story short, I know her because we’re in a mutual extracurricular program. I had the chance to talk to her but at the time I didn’t bother because I wasn’t interested. Now, I’m basically planning to meet her via mutual friends. Based on what she posts, it appears that she is good at playing soccer. I definitely do not enjoy soccer because I get toe complications, but I don’t think I should learn how to play just to have something common to talk about, especially if I make a fool of myself.

She’s no kpop or anime lover I can tell and she doesn’t look nerdy who’s obsessed with Asians. She’s what you would define as a normal white girl who’s into sports and outdoor related stuff. Now that being said, I’m pretty flexible in trying out anything. I don’t really have a preference in being an indoor nerd or outdoor jock. But what I’m getting in my mind from online posts is that I’m more likely to be successful in dating them only if they’re alreafy into Asian culture. Now I don’t know if these comments are coming from jealous guys, but for me, I’m not gonna assume she’s gonna racially exclude me as that’s just gonna stop me from trying.

But you know, here in Vancouver, Asians hang with Asians and whites are with whites so I don’t know what’s her preference unless I try. But other white girls are telling me to take my shot so I would be bewildered if I get rejected only because of my race. I should also probably start making friends outside of Asians as that’ll force me out of the comfort zone and figure out their other perspectives outside of the Asian mind, is that a right move to make?

I just got back from a date and it didn't end to well like always. Everything was going great untill she asked me how old I was. I'm 45 she's 35 and we had an disagreement about age gap differences when dating and it lead down a road to utter destruction.

Is a 10 year age gap that extreme for some of you?

I remember there was a post in her once about Cities of Last Things, but I'm wondering how popular this movie is amongst others especially in this sub forum.

I'm posting this because after having watched the movie, I was starting to wonder if there was any chance that Ara and Zhang could've ran away in the second segment when he was a young adult serving in the police force. I really loved his bond with Ara in the movie despite the fact they only met because of how he arrested her for shoplifting and the only reason they were together was due to personal problems they were facing (Ara running away from home and Zhang having an unfaithful wife).

If Zhang had never returned to the police station, could he or couldn't have ran away with Ara? What do you guys think?

Hi everyone! I’m a white woman in my mid-twenties dating an Asian man in his early thirties. We have been together for just over a year and it’s quite serious and I’m very happy. In our conversations, however, I realize I have virtually no knowledge about Chinese history/culture. I would like to learn more about it and I think it would be a good way to demonstrate my love and commitment. I’m looking for NF books on Chinese history, or, alternatively, on Asian-Canadian culture/AMWF dating. I don’t read any Chinese so I need books or translations in English. His parents are from Hong-Kong so anything with that lens would be incredible. TLDR: white women - is there a NF book you’ve read and would recommend to better understand your Chinese partner’s background?

i thought this would be a interesting topic to talk about.

asian men have the most success at dating in asian countries since they make up the majority as that would be a no brainer.

we know that for example western men (americans/europeans etc) have the most success at dating worldwide don't matter what country they go to (almost) at the same time

asian men if going to the same countries would not have the same level of success at dating as their western men counterparts.

so my quetsion for you guys hypoethically is from a historical /macro POV what would've needed to happen for asians /asia so that asian men have the same level of success at dating globally as their western men counterparts?

what do you think?

I’m at my early 40s. I’m currently living in the south in the United States. I had one girlfriend in the past. I’ve been attracted to white females since my late 20s. But I have a difficult time finding another girlfriend. I blame it on my age, my looks, my accent, the fact the I’m an Asian and living in the south. I have never been very good at looking for girlfriend. But I do believe I had better luck with girls when I was in my 20s, even though I was living in Kansas. Any advice?

I recently got a pet jumping spider and when I came home today, I found out his mom threw my pet spider away when she came over to clean our place.

I was very angry and I told my boyfriend that I am sick and tired of his mom going through my things and I no longer want her to come over to our place to clean if I cannot trust that my personal things will not disappear during her visits (this is not the first time something like this happened). It's one thing if he is ok with her going through his things and cleaning for him, but I already told him many times that I do not want her to go through my things and organize/clean for me and he seems reluctant to confront her about this problem. In the past, I also tried to politely tell his mom that I am capable of cleaning/organizing my own things, but she has continued to go through my things without my permission whenever she comes over to clean.

I was so angry that I told my boyfriend that if I ever see his mom at our place again, I will directly tell her why I no longer feel comfortable with her coming over our place to clean, and I no longer care if it comes across as rude.

I don't think he understands why I am so upset because he responded, "It's just a spider. You can always catch another one outside." I think he genuinely thinks I am overreacting.

For me, it's not just about the spider. It's about the fact that I feel she has consistently crossed what I feel are normal boundaries and I feel she absolutely does not have the right to get rid of my spider (or anything I own really) without my knowledge or permission just because she thinks it's dirty. In addition to the spider, some of my other personal belongings have also disappeared during her previous visits. I do not feel I can trust her not to make other things I own disappear because of her personal opinions of what is clean or not.

For the moment, I left our place and I'm staying at my sister's place to clear my head and figure out what I should do next. He has sent me multiple text messages trying to justify his mom's actions, so I haven't been responding to his text messages.

I'm starting to consider breaking up with my boyfriend because of this ongoing issue, but I'm wavering on this. I still love him, but I don't know if I can continue to live like this.

Hi I am a 33 year old Asian male. I find AMWF dating hard enough as it is. On top those hardships I have also been diagnosed with Asperger's and ADHD by psychiatrists. I am super loyal to the girl I like, physical attraction is good but I can also get to know you personality wise and be attracted to you that way as well. I was hoping there is someone here who can be a dating coach in the aspects of AMWF dating and can also help with Asperger's and ADHD.