My mom is black and my dad is white. I always feel I'm “too white” around dark-skinned people and “too black” around light-skinned people. My mom is not African American either and it makes me feel like I don't exactly belong in groups of African Americans. Does anyone relate?

I was born in India, grew up in England and now currently live in the US (in my 20's) though I'm not mixed race I definitely struggle with a lack of cultural identity. I've been told I'm not Indian by my Indian friends, not British by my Indian friends, and all the jazz that mixed culture people usually experience. I've also found that it's hard to dress a certain way because I don't want to identify as a certain group but I've also not found my own style. Is there a brand that really resonates with your dual identities coming from different cultures?

It's so frustrating! It feels like every time I'm having a conversation, someone interrupts to comment on my hair. They'll say, "Hey, is that a perm?" and I have to explain, "No, it's just my natural hair. I'm mixed race." Then they act surprised and say, "Oh, really? That's so interesting." Like, I was born this way! It's not a novelty. I wish people would just mind their own business. It's rude and insensitive. Even my close friends sometimes make comments, which is even worse. I just want to be seen as a person, not a hair curiosity.

Hello, mixedrace! It's time for a monthly reminder on some admin stuff! First, a big welcome to new people! Please take some time to read through past threads and use the search bar to get a feel for the community. Rules and guidelines (https://www.reddit.com/r/mixedrace/wiki/rules) are here. Our wiki (https://old.reddit.com/r/mixedrace/wiki/index) is here. And the FAQ (https://www.reddit.com/r/mixedrace/wiki/faq) is here.

Mods would also like to clarify some rules and approaches to problems. This is a diverse community. In a diverse community you will come across people who do not agree with you.

Regarding warnings and bans. We want to encourage the free flow of ideas and conversation rather than coming down heavily on every topic or idea. Free discussion does NOT give users the go-ahead to use derogatory language; pick fights with; or otherwise stir up trouble. Our present stance is to warn the person/delete their posts. If the behavior doesn't stop, we will escalate to a 14-day ban and move from there. Other users do not have to agree with your positions or ideas.

Examples of responses that would be deleted and warned include: - Using a slur, including terms like "half-breed." Name-calling (ie- "Stfu, you're stupid.") - Telling others how to identify (ie- "You can't call yourself mixed because mixed isn't real;" "You're not Asian, stop calling yourself one," etc.) - Using your personal trauma to bully other users

Regarding harassment by PM. Unfortunately we've been alerted to incidents of users harassing others over PM. As mods, we cannot really enforce behavior that happens outside of , so it is best to either either block individual users (https://www.reddit.com/prefs/blocked) or else, in extreme circumstances, escalate to the reddit admins (https://www.reddit.com/report).

Thank you all for helping to make this a great community!

Hi all- quick rant. I'm mixed with 4 races, black white, Mexican and Korean. My coworker today said im not black- even after i told him I'm mixed. I asked him to elaborate how I'm not black.. he continues to say im Korean, white, and Mexican but NOT black.

I double down and ask him -so how am i everything else im mixed with (all equal parts by the way) but not black? He just laughs and didnt want to answer.

He isnt the first person to say something of this essence , i honestly see myself as ALL the things I am mixed with and have experienced cultural experiences from all 4 sides.

Im not sure what to think about my self when stuff like this happens. What is my ethnicity ? What is my race ? Why cant people comprehend I can be more than one. UGH

Racism is so heavily rampant still in todays society.. so disheartening

How do you all feel? Do you identify with one race over the next?

I don’t know if it’s just me but it seems like my dad is oblivious whenever it comes to race and anything relating to it. My dad is B/W biracial and identifies as such, and has always told me and my siblings that we were mixed like he is. But whenever I’ll try to talk to him about race related identity issues or just general issues I deal with regarding it, he just becomes blank. My mom is black and whenever I bring up these same issues to her she always brings up the “you’re just black” rhetoric. Which isn’t wrong considering I’m pretty black presenting, but somehow I still end up dealing with the same problems that mixed race people experience. This has caused me a great deal of identity crisis in the past ridiculously enough as it’s confusing to have part of you disregarded by one parent, and recognized but simultaneously ignored by the other. My dad has always been really sensitive around racial identity, and I recently discovered that he was ridiculed and mocked for being biracial as a child in school and his general home life. I believe it took a heavy toll on him and caused him to view race as something taboo, or just something to be kept secret. What can I do to deal with my own racial identity issues without prodding my dad, and being shrugged off by my mom?

I just saw this tiktok of a european woman saying how she hates when white americans call themselves a european ethnicity or saying I am (country) which makes me so confused. My ancestors litterly came from poland, am I not allowed to call myself polish?

The guy tells you ‘Goodbye my favourite little jungle -‘

He and I aren’t in a relationship, Just good acquaintances and we talk and argue over stuff. Ok I might have lead him on then rejected him. Anyways, I just need a good response in case he says it again. Something equivalent and funny? You can take a guess the differences between us.

I’m a brown dude disconnected from my parents’ culture and I worry that if I end up with a white Chrisitian partner (who is actively practicing the religion) my children will be considerably whitewashed and there won’t be much of my culture in them.

Is this a risk? Or am I overthinking things?

What your experience being a non-desired blasian??

I feel like Asian-looking blasians and darkskinned/black looking blasians get so much hate from both communities. I am Filipino/Black:carribean/Native American. All my features are Asian-like but my skin is so darkskinned. Nothing wrong with it I love my beautiful skin. But my brother is Asian looking. With few black features and hair but his skin is pale. We always get told we’re not siblings or we’re not black/asian just cause we don’t have a fair skin tone and wavy hair like society expects. So I wanna hear your experiences as a non-desired blasian. (Sorry it seems unprofessional I’m in a hurry and English isn’t my first language)

It’s called Eaten by Lions. It’s about two brothers, one is half south Asian and the other white. When the white grandmother who raised them dies, they go in search of the eldest brothers estranged father in Blackpool. It’s very silly, while also being sad and heartfelt. I feel it shows the struggle find acceptance from either side really well.

I've always been called "ethnic" looking, long before it was cool. I had curly hair, olive complexion, fuller lips, etc. typically people assume I am Italian, Greek or Hispanic when they first meet me. I did experience "racism" many times where people would treat me one way until they found out I was "white" then I definitely saw a difference in how they treated me. I had an ethnic European name growing up, when it changed to a very "white" name all of a sudden I was getting called for job interviews, etc. So, I have a very clear understanding of what white privilege is. It is really disgusting to be honest - to watch how people change like that.

FYI I was never shown pictures of my German family either. Eventually, I did see a picture of my Oma's family, they were even darker than me. My parents told me I was white - German, Swedish and Scottish. But, my father is from Germany WW2, and if you weren't Caucasian, well, we all know where you ended up. I had my DNA done and it turns out that I have Romani DNA (South Asian DNA and Roma), Ashkenazi Jewish along with Mizrahi Levant, Turkish. I have also done the genealogy and it backs up all the DNA and my Grandmother's family was Sinti (German Romani) and found the document showing when they were forced to convert to Christian in the early 1900s. I've narrowed the Jewish side to one line as well.

After being "white" all my life, I am embracing my family history and learning about the traditional cooking, language, Sinti history in Germany, etc. I know Sinti are looked down upon in Germany, but I refuse to hide my family's history. They survived WW2, they helped people trying to flee the Nazis. I refuse to ignore or hide their/my heritage.

But, am I Caucasian? When I am asked, I don't know what I am anymore. What box do I check? I feel like I don't know where I fit anymore. I'm old and close to retirement, so am not looking for anything besides my own identity.

I look pretty white, fair skin, brown hair yk. but imo my features are racially ambiguous. Not that it matters. When I tell people I'm half Indian, they just literally refuse to believe me. I've had people fully cuss me out for being Hindu, BCS they think I'm appropriating Indian culture, or tell me to my face that wearing a lengha doesn't look right on me, and I should stick to 'normal' clothes. I literally get scared and embarrassed for expressing my culture, just because I know the judgement Ill get, from both white and brown people. And being perceived as an appropriater makes me cringe so much. I love my mixed heritage, and yk acknowledge my white passing privilege. But it rly fukin, just hurts sometimes. I never feel accepted anywhere.

If being honest, this theme not bothered me, until I realize that people just compare you to them because you shared the same race. For me it's not offensive, but obviously stupid. I even not look like this celebrity, you just mention random asian/black/Hispanic singer who is not even mixed, and I have zero in common. I never heard someone call white people Taylor Swift/Brad Pitt.

So my mum is white/Native American, veryyyy white tho my dad is Jamaican and African American. I'm living with my mum right now, my dad is in the military. I want to get my hair braided, but I have to wait for my dad to get back because my mum thinks it "gross because you can't wash the braids" even though I've explained you can, and that they will be too harsh on my hair since I'm not fully black, and also that the lengths I get are too long and unnatural even though it was only two inches longer than my regular hair. I've gotten cornrows and extra small knot less braids and my hair was fine. I would like to get my hair braided for the winter, but I can't. How should I go about asking my mum?

Have you ever been disowned by your family for marrying someone who was of a different race or religion, and did your family ever finally come around?

I’ve gotten this comment a few times. I’m half white half (east) Asian and this reply usually comes from other Asian girls when I tell them I’m mixed, sometimes a white person. What do you say to this and if you get these comments does it make you uncomfortable? Surely it’s a sign of some kind of internalised self-racism or something.

I have seen quite a few people who are mixed with Black and white. But what about those of you who are a different mix? I'm genuinely curious

I'm so tired of seeing movies where mixed race people always come out super light and that mixed race people who took the genes of their parent is seen as "not real." I mean I'm appear like I'm only black but my dad is Louisiana creole and white. Honestly, representation is important so I wouldn't care if they at least casted the character to be black but it's so unfair to be erased and be told we're unrealistic or "don't exist" or wanting to not be black or we need to have an identity crisis. I hate that our existence is so controversial.

Example 1: The Harriet Tubman movie where one of the enslaved women was said to be biracial and turned out to be black. I genuinely think she was lying and I know that this doesn't really count for that time but couldn't imagine what it'd be like today if someone didn't believe you had a mixed parent and black parent so they found someone else that, "Looked the part," and glamorized them for being mixed, saying they had, "Looks, glamour, skill," and so that person take the individual they believe "should be you" And puts them in your house with your family and makes them live your life. How cruel is that. I was really young when that meant movie came out and I was angry to find out that happened. And I wanted to ball my eyes out especially since my family members were like, "It's real for you, but its not realistic."

Are there any people mixed with Black and Asian? Can you tell me how or if you’ve ever gotten closer to your Asian culture and Vice Versa?

I’m half black and half Korean. Most people think I’m pretty attractive EXCEPT whenever I meet a Korean more times than not it feels like they think badly of me. I’ve legit had Asian people say “oh you’re cute what are you? When I tell them their tone and everything changes.

I’m almost soley in touch only with my blackness 😭 yet I always try to engage and ask questions to Koreans and really any other Asians just to learn out of curiosity. The problem is I’m enamored by learning the culture and my roots but it’s engrained in them so they don’t ever take it that seriously or the Asian women will detour and start flirting.

Is this something that most people mixed with Asian descent go through?

Leave your comments below. I personally have noticed nuances. White people want mixed people to think they’re seen as black because that way they still get to benefit from privilege the most, while ignoring the fact that mixed people indeed have privilege in the UK.

At least this is how my stepfather thinks.

I am very aware of the one-drop rule in the US, but don’t believe it exists in the UK.

I’m also aware that black people are not monolith and this can vary from person to person.

I hate it here. I was born here but i'm not treated like it. On posts irrelevent to my looks people make racist comments about how i'm a 'durka durra' (???) and saying I'm an asylum seeker etc. I speak perfect english, it's always been my best subject. I was raised by a white mother.

Every time I get these comments the urge gets stronger. Even when I hang out with English girls my age I just know i'm not like them. I think my feelings of alienation and not wanting to even have a body is linked to my blood. I don't think I belong here. My english mother has disowned me anyways.

I am learning Arabic right now and I am really truly considering running away and going to live in the small Arabic speaking village in southeast Turkey that my grandma was raised in. My father was raised half an hour away in a little more popular Turkish area, but the area she's from has a population of about 230 people and it's tiny and deserted and my mum used to call it dirty. She said dirty kids play in the street and that there's no water and electricity. But my father says there are animals everywhere and my family there are very happy.

My family from there love me, they see me as theirs, they would love to have me. I cry as I type because England will never be this way for me. I don't look English at all even with a white mother. Over there i'd fit in and even be called beautiful. My family are 'uneducated' but so am I. My mother took me out of school at age 11 and left me to rot on my phone all day. I'd fit in, i'd be loved.

I have no interests, passions, hobbies, nothing, but for my whole life I have yearned to go back. It's all I want.

I have a boyfriend who I adore, however he is very modern. He loves technology and AI and he's studying to become a lawyer. I don't want to leave him behind.

What do I even do? I hate my life and existence here so much. He is all I have but the only thing I have ever wanted is to go back.

I really want a therapist that can relate to being mixed and the struggles that come along with it. I just feel like I won’t get the type of support I want and need with a monoracial therapist.

Am I wrong for thinking that?

My father was always verbally and physically abusive towards my mom. I never felt like he respected her or loved her.

When I was a kid, I found my Black dad’s porn stash which featured all Black women. My mom is Asian. He would later go and cheat on my mom with a Black woman. This ruined our family and the impact still affects me to this day.

A part of kid brain still feels like monoracial couples are better bc you never have to guess whether or not this person views you as your equal. My parent’s interracial marriage had an obvious power dynamic where my father ruled everything and everyone. My mother was seen as less than because she was a poor, uneducated, immigrant.

Fast forward, I find my husband’s porn stash and it features all Blonde hair/Blue eyed women. I have the fear that he’s going to cheat on me or would rather be with someone who has blonde hair and blue eyes.

I also grew up in a majority white area where minorities were not viewed favorably, so I often struggle with feelings of inferiority due to my mixed race.

I just feel like I need a mixed race therapist to help guide me through this, but have had no luck in finding one. I’m open to suggestions on how to find the right therapist for my challenges.

We are heading into the weekend, what plans do you have?

This is for discussion on general topics and doesn't have to be related to mixed race ones.

I'm a peds nurse and there is a teenage patient that has come in about 3 times in the last 2 months so we've become familiar with each other. She's a super sweet patient, always polite and I love being her nurse. The other day she comes into the ED and I'm assigned to be her floor nurse. I go downstairs to pick her up, I knock on the door and pop my head in to say hi. She looks surprised, I assume it's because she was happy to see me or wasn't expecting me to be her nurse that night. The first words out of her mouth were " OMG I didn't know you were black!?" lol.
It was unexpected but I find it hilarious when kids have no filter.
Turns out every time I've had her before my hair was straightened, she assumed I was Latina*, but since it was natural/curly this time she realized I was black. I laughed and let her know she was correct both times.

I just thought this would be a nice lighthearted/positive story to share <3

It's interesting seeing how something like hair can change how I'm perceived. This patient was African American, I wonder how people of different races view me based on my presentation. Would a white patient have the same perception of my race in this scenario?
It's something I have noticed before though. I can wear the same clothes, act the same way, and go to the same places, but I'm treated better by strangers the more racially ambiguous I look.

*I know Latina isn't a race, but she's young and probably doesn't understand the finer details of race yet. I'm assuming she meant native/Portugese /Spanish mix.