Rules

Hi everyone,

This Saturday (December 2) Recovery Dharma will host an online mini-retreat. Details are in the flyer. For more information, click on the link below:

https://mailchi.mp/recoverydharma.org/whoops-correct-zoom-link-for-town-hall-tomorrow-5418000

Take care and be well!

https://preview.redd.it/aui7x5adoi3c1.png?width=563&format=png&auto=webp&s=3b60e209e53a378023e89894a4fc6882d892ad8f

I'm trying to deal with the fact that sooner or later my son is going to drink himself to death. I think we've done what we can and either he'll stop or he won't. I've tried Al-Anon but didn't find it very helpful, mostly because of its quasi-religious orientation. Are there any other sources or groups anyone might be able to recommend to me that might possibly help me through the loss of my son? I'm nominally a Buddhist and find that worldview helpful. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

I am new to sobriety -- this will be, hopefully, Day 3 -- and this evening I will be visiting a couple of friends who will have liquor around. They aren't heavy drinkers, and liquor is not my thing (wine is), and they would never push anything on me. BUT, I want to stay sober, be present to myself and to my close friends. I bought some fun sparkling waters to have with me, and am keeping my mala beads close to remind me of my intentions and to remind me to breathe deep.

If you all have any other advice or support, I'd be grateful. Thanks in advance!

(PS: Please forgive the cross-posting to recoverydharma sub, if that is frowned upon! I'm new to the Reddit etiquette.)

I’m brand new to Reddit, this Subreddit, and Recovery. I’ve been engaging with Buddhist principles and practices for a long time, but am now ready to acknowledge that my drinking is a huge problem for my practice, for my life. And I Want. To. Change.

Thank you all in advance for your support. With metta 🙏

It is okay to post meeting notices here? I hold a meeting that covers Buddhist teachings in recovery friendly environment. Promoting the group on the Buddhist Recovery Network but Facebook and MeetUps don't seem to be the proper forum. See https://marinmindfulrecovery.com for links to the meetings and details.

New to reddit and looking for community support for alcohol addiction and recovery based in the buddhist teachings. Located in Melbourne, Australia, so more local would be amazing.

Also please link me to other sub reddits you think may help.

This morning just now 42 days sober, on my way out for cigarette and coffee and to collect yesterday's eggs from my hens, I didn't notice something on my deck that was covered a bit in frozen sleet.

I walked to my hen house, cigarette in hand, loaded the eggs into my jacket pocket and walked back to my warm coffee sitting on the deck, it was 330am, I have taken the Dalai Lama's schedule of waking up at 3am and going to bed by 7pm. I get lots more done with this time-frame then I did before I entered and exited treatment here in Virginia. Couldn't see the mountains yet as usual, but there is a beauty in that, will leave that thought for another time.

The light was on outside on my deck but I hadn't finished even half a cup of coffee and had barely finished my cigarette. I could hear the hum of the dishwasher inside washing my ashtray among other things, and the sound of my washing machine humming as it washed a rug that one of my dogs had peed the night before as she didn't want to go outside in the cold.

As I headed in to the house, my cowboy boot slid in something soft and mushy and I exclaimed quietly, so as not to wake the wife and dogs inside....OH SH*T!

And I was right, I had stepped in dog's poo once again, which I thought that I couldn't help doing, but after a thought, I realized a few things

When I woke up this morning, my mind was groggy with sleep medication, with the weariness of not sleeping well or at all for 28 days in treatment, and I had not exactly followed the Dalai Lama's schedule for sleep, I had gone to bed by 8pm the night before rather than 7pm. If I had gone to bed by 7pm I wouldn't had 8 hours of sleep, not 6 or 7! The Dalai Lama's true name is Lhamo Thondup, so I will call him Lhamo moving ahead.

The thing is, I had Right or Wise View in my intention to pick the eggs at 330am, and those eggs could resemble the fruits of my labor in building their coop and run, in mixing their feed by hand, in changing their bedding regularly, cleaning out the run for compost, and so on. So my mind was in the right place! At least I had thought.

But on the other hand, I hadn't exercised Right Concentration, which naturally flows into Right View, as I had not meditated to gain focus before going out at 330am to pick eggs. I had not worn a head-lamp, possibly an emblem of the Dharma, and I had not been wary of my surroundings when walking back to my door, and if I had had the right level of concentration, I would not have stepped on that creamy turd pile.

My first reaction had been anger, which is based in fear, my fear of having to clean up that pile I guess, my fear of ruining my boots, my fear that my wife would notice the mess and have a fit over the stain on the deck.

So I quickly gathered my fragile brain together before re-entering the house so that I could have some level of equanimity and devised a plan to fix the situation.

Basing myself again in Right View, the beginning of the Dharma Wheel, I decided to act quickly but with caution. I first changed shoes to something less expensive that wouldn't get dirty, went outside with a plastic bag and cleaned up the poo, and then took warm water from the sink to wash the deck of any remaining residue.

In this way, I took Right View, which flowed to Right Thinking, which flowed into Right Action(I skipped Right Speech as I couldn't talk, but I am talking now through this outlet!), and then I put the Right Action into Right Livelihood or Work, which was cleaning up with a good attitude(Right Mindfulness) and had the Right Diligence to also clean up my cowboy boots mindfully after all of that was done.

The moral of this story is that I learned much from this short happening in my over 50 years of life, I learned that even though you have the right intention, sometimes things don't work out exactly the way one expects them to.

I learned that by calming my mind when something bad happens, you don't have to become angry, wake up your family needlessly, scare your dogs with anger and so on. Instead, all one has to do is calm down, rest the mind, and stop for a minute(shamatha), in order to refocus and correct the situation,

I also learned that in life, when one doesn't concentrate appropriately and wait for the right time to do something, then they may run into obstacles. I couldn't waited later to pick those eggs after the hens had woken up and laid more eggs, I only grabbed a couple of eggs and wasted time by not waiting for the right time! And not only that, I stepped in sh*t too, and if I had waited more patiently for the sun to come up, I would most likely not have stepped in that poo! Also, I learned that cleaning up things can be fun, as when I cleaned up that poo I thought about the safety of my wife, and keeping the deck clean so that that poo wasn't dragged into the house to cause possible sickness for my dogs, my wife and myself.

Finally, if I had truly followed the Dalai Lama's schedule, I probably would've avoided all of this sh*t in the first place! When I recollected his schedule, I remembered that he doesn't start his daily business until he's completed hours of mantras, prayers and meditation, and that he begins taking care of business by 1pm, not 330am!

In closing, we must remember that we will all step in sh*t throughout life, on good days and bad days, it's always there. Sh*t could be defined as a bad detox, an argument with a loved one, a wreck that was unavoidable, or just "waking up on the wrong side of the bed". It's how we deal with our sh*t that is important and if we do so mindfully, it can be a learning experience and "stepping in sh*t" can actually be enlightening! Hopefully you can all try to follow the Dharma in the best way today, and if you don't do that, then just go back to the drawing board and start spinning through the Dharma Wheel to regain traction in your life.

And remember, even though this day may kind of suck to you or maybe it really sucks....at least you didn't start the day by 'stepping in sh*t' literally, and if you do, it's not a big deal and tomorrow may be a better day!

Om Vajrapani Hum!

-Mountain J

"Addiction recovery is an act of mercy we show ourselves." --Noah Levine, founder of Refuge Recovery

Hello there, sangha! After being locked in a read-only mode for over two years, the Refuge Recovery subreddit is finally coming back to life! There's not much new content there yet (really, just a FAQ so far), but we look forward to making this a useful, positive forum for people who are members of, or just interested in Refuge Recovery. Come check it out!

Hello, I need a person timeshare my inventories with. I am doing refuge and I was hoping someone would be willing to listen to my inventories.

Just want to ask if this group is appropriate for people in recovery from eating disorders involving compulsive under- and/or overeating. I know it said EDs in the flyer but I am wondering specifically about under-eating.

It took me a while in recovery to find a teacher/sponsor/spiritual friend. For over 5 years of sobriety I didn’t find have one. Finally, I began going to meditation meetings and found someone with decades of experience. His demeanor was gentle and kind, not intimidating and ego driven. He possessed a sense of peace that was very attractive to me. For a couple years I just meditated with him and when he spoke I would listen. Finally I asked him to be my teacher/sponsor.

For the last 10 years that has blossomed into something I never could have imagined in recovery. We just don’t know what we don’t know. I remember how permanent and defeated of a feeling it was beforehand - comparing myself to others - “they” have this thing, but not “me.” “I’m just not going to find it.” I remember that vividly. I remember feeling shame over thinking I wasn’t doing something right - a lot of suffering.

My spiritual practice took off in ways I couldn’t have imagined when I started opening up to those with wisdom to share. All the experiences others have had, the wisdom they’ve recognized, is freely passed on - like a chain. It can just keep going. I pray that if someone out there is struggling, maybe even experiencing similar feelings as I shared here, that they take heart. Remember that it is all impermanent - the feelings we have, our thoughts, our experiences. Be kind to yourself and keep searching. 🙏🏼

While I could find older websites and very few reddits on this topic, I couldn’t find a Discord server, so I made one! I would love for you to come check it out. The Compassionate Discord server is for people who are in any type of 12-Step/recovery program, who are ALSO Buddhist, and/or Pagan, and/or LGBTQIA2s+. It’s a safe place to talk in a private relevant channel to others in your program, general spaces to form community, seek outreach, share interests , support, self-care and more. I’m pretty new to the whole bot thing, so your patience and feedback would also be appreciated. If you’re interested (You’d be the first wave, LOL) https://discord.gg/dYVXnbGT

And I need to stop hating myself but how is going to be pretty complicated.

I always knew my trauma but without money, insurance, and resources, coupled with the massively potent gaslighting I was doing on myself at the time so I could survive, I viewed my process (drinking, writing, drinking) as my healing. It seemed a brilliant solution at the time: numbing the pain while intellectualizing the suffering.

Now sober, I just passed my two year and all the old trauma is coming up and I'm struggling, honestly. I approach my recovery thru Buddhist lens and have a therapist who has been with me since my second month of sobriety. But this shit is like the fundamental pain that has been the backdrop to my life and I don't know what to do with it and I certainly don't want to look at it cause I thought I was done with it. I'm very dissatisfied I have to look at this shit again.

How's it for you? Thoughts, reflections, advice appreciated. TIA

https://buddhistrecoverysite.wordpress.com/2022/07/16/i-wish-to-be-inspired/