Can people with alexithymia relate? I don't know what's going on with my emotional state, but looking for potential answers :') I'll just throw out a few thoughts and examples.

I recently met a person who caused me a lot of anxiety a few months back and I have every reason to be pissed off at him. I wasn't, because I can't remember feeling anxious/uncomfortable/tense. I know I was, I remember it, but I have no connection to those feeling now so I'm just not angry. After talking about it for an hour or so with my friend I started getting upset again and was somewhat annoyed, but I really had to sit and actively talk about it/sit in it for a good while. Anger is just something I never seem to be able to keep.

My roommate often asks me how my day was, or what I thought about something that we recently did, and I often find myself responding "I don't know, I haven't thought about it yet". I usually just feel some kind of neutral? I often have to think about it before knowing what I really felt in a certain moment - especially if the feeling was negative, as though I don't realize something should have upset me so in the moment I laugh it off and a few hours later I might get bothered.

I often also feel like I "borrow" others feelings when I'm with them. I tend to mirror people a lot and give back the energy they put out, so if someone's happy and excited I'll mirror that (not deliberately), so I love being around my friends with ADHD due to their energy, I don't get that otherwise haha. This usually causes people to think we vibe really well, while I just feel like "Yeah it was fun, nothing wow but I had a good time". I do have fun, I recognize that, but as soon as I leave that situation it's 'out of sight, out of mind'. I can think of my own needs afterwards, but not while I'm with another person.

When I date people, if I don't realize after 1 date that it's not something I want to pursue it can take me anywhere from 1 to 3 months to realize I don't even like their company or that it's not what I'm looking for. When I end things they always feel like we've had this amazing connection and of course get sad. I'm uncomfortable and apologetic during our talk, but as soon as we part ways I'm disconnected from the situation and just relieved to be out of it and once again feeling mostly neutral after just breaking someone's heart - which makes me feel like a stone cold bitch - so to sit in the situation a while longer and allow myself to reflect and think about it I tend to listen to sad/low music.

I have no idea what to make of these experiences, most of my friends have such great emotional intelligence and vivid emotional life just naturally that they really can't relate, quick to feel and easily remembers, I can't help but be jealous haha

I know that i am loved by my loved ones but I don't feel it. I know it but no matter how much I try it. I cant feel it. And it bothers me so much that I don't feel it. isn't feeling love important? I feel really really horrible every time I think of this. I wanna feel love too why cant I? How do I know if my loved ones feel loved?

So, in my case I am dealing with something at the moment: My cat is effectively in his final hours. Actually, it has been a steady decline over the past few days; Weak and can barely move, doesn't eat anything, etc. He is a fairly old cat (almost 18 years), so his passing is inevitable at some point (and has been frail for quite a while).

At this time, I feel rather sad about it. My issue isn't as much with understanding emotions, so much as experiencing them, but in this case, I feel sad about it. I don't really want to describe this in all that much detail. I can just sit and watch as things slowly deteriorate, as what little life he has left fades away.

I am not sure if I came off as too emotional in this, or if I would be judged negatively for feeling sad about my cat. But, this is just the moment I am living in at this time. I feel I am allowed this much (or, like, I need to let myself experience this, it would be bad to just try to hide it away within my mind).

Like a rather unpleasant way to show me that I do in fact feel something.

I am not entirely sure how to deal with all this...

for some background: i (f23) have diagnosed adhd and i’m neurodivergent. i had a 11 month long situationship with someone (m26) with diagnosed autism. we started really strong, with consistent flirting and good communication but things fizzled out. we started a 10 month long FWB type of situation, due to the both of us not having the capacity for anything more serious. i broke things off a month ago because i told him i had feelings for him and needed clarity on what was going on between us. he told me he didn’t have feelings for me but still showed interest in being intimate with me. i drew a boundary and went no contact for the sake of not being in a weird in-between situation.

it’s been a month since i went no-contact and i’m finding myself wanting clarification on what was going through his head. what were his intentions in the beginning of us talking, and how or when did it shift? was he just intimate with me because he thought it was an expectation i had or did he want it as well? i’ve accepted that he’s not comfortable with emotions or feelings (i suspect he has alexithymia). i’ve also clarified within myself that me reaching out wouldn’t be because i’d want anything more with him. i’m just seeking closure and clarification. i lead with my emotions, but i’ve been pretty good at bridging communication between us. i’m pretty new at navigating relationships with someone who has alexithymia, so i’m seeking help from reddit. would me reaching out with these questions be a lost cause? thanks for all the help, anything to shed light on this is helpful.

Basically the title. I am slowly trying to better identify and react to my emotions. I noticed that the sooner I react to an emotion the ''natural'' it feels. Anger is one example, I change quite a lot when I am angry so it was easy to identify and I stopped trying to burry it away and instead reacted to it appropriately, now being angry or frustrated (still hard to tell the difference) feels natural.

Sandness and anxiety however... That's another story. I notice apathy creeping in sometimes, it's a like a fog at the back of your head, but that happen when sadness and/or anxiety had a long time to creep in. Sometimes I feel my eyes getting wet and I know then that I am sad but, once again, it only happen when that sadness had time to grow.

It can be quite debilitating, realising you don't have the emotional capacity to deal with company the eve of a party. Or just letting apathy creep in (it usually stays a few days at minimum and a whole month at worst)

So yeah. I'll take any thought on how to identify them faster and also on how to tell them apart.

I've been working on feeling my feelings and listening to them and it's been working 💪 Thing is, it only works when I'm by myself. As soon as another person enters, I don't know how to connect with myself anymore. I think fawning may play a part here. Can anyone relate and does anyone have tips?

I just don't feel anything throughout the day except tiredness and a bit of anger, of which I'm only aware of because of a conscious reminder and because I've read "On Anger" by Seneca, which is a great book. I don't long for anything and I don't feel motivated to do anything at all no matter how urgent it is.

I have probably broken up with 3 or 4 girls because I just didn't feel anything for them, even though they were great for me. I didn't know at the time I had this thing. I even had ruled out depression at the time because my apathy makes me unable to feel sadness and happiness and I am a funny guy so I seem very happy (hey, maybe I am!)

However, in movies, books and music I do feel emotions when they're conveyed beautifully or in a relatable way. I could relate to happiness in a few select love movies, I could relate to depression in Aftersun, I could relate to the desperation of Osamu Dazai in No Longer Human, a father's sorrow when his daughter became a pr*stitute after his family got bankrupt in the samba O Mundo é um Moinho, etc.

Sometimes I just pick a movie to watch, a book to read or a song to hear and try to feel something; 80% of the times I just can't and the other 20% I can. I probably only live for that 20%

I still don't know what it is and how it feels like. I don't have autism and most talk is about alexithymia with autism so I am searching for a needle in a haystack. Can anyone help?

i know life isn’t like the movies or the aesthetic snippets which catch my eye as i’m scrolling through pinterest but i can’t help but feel like nothing even matters. at least other people feel joy, excitement, sadness, love, gratitude which make life seem less meaningless during plateaus.

my only emotions seem to be blankness and a dull sense of yearning which i can only feel through certain smells or images, and i’m constantly chasing this feeling through nostalgia seeking.

i don’t want to end it (im far too apathetic) but i don’t see a point in my life.

Hi, one of the things I have been struggling a lot with is being able to see the world around me. Most of the time I am completely tuned out and I can only really see things in peripheral vision so to speak, never directly. I have a constant stream of thoughts that tune me out. How do I deal with this issue? Should I turn my brain off completely and try to look at things harder? I tried doing that to an extent but I just ended up with my brain off and still blind to my surroundings.

personal experience:

Healing is possible even though it takes a lot lot lot time, effort and energy. It takes hundreds of panic attacks and feeling needs constant work (with time less). And it takes pain and feer but also gives happiness (lovely warmth), excitement (energy) and fuck I'm still exploring this shit

and you will end up with emotions. even if you don't like them

but you know? it was all worth it for me. never felt so alive as for less than past 2 years

and healing is possible

edit; thank you for all of the responses, I will answer your quesions a bit later (had an event in my life)

edit 2: see my replay to the yop comment here

hi, i hope this type of post is allowed in this subreddit. i am looking for support and advice from individuals that either resonate with having alexithymia, or that has/had a partner with alexithymia. thank you in advance.

for context — i have audhd (autism + adhd, the autism is a new discovery to me); while my partner has audd (autism + add, no hyperactivity)

we’ve just recently started dating for almost a month, after meeting on a dating app and things have been going really well. he is incredibly patient, understanding and supportive. we have slowly been building trust with one another, and ive begun to feel like he understands me in ways that i’ve never been seen before.

the only caveat is that while i am very sensitive emotionally and can easily pinpoint how im feeling in any given scenario (probably because i overthink about it), he has a hard time understanding what feelings he is having. i brought up alexithymia to him and he heavily related to what he researched.

i feel happy that im able to understand his thought process better, but a part of me currently struggles with understanding/accepting that he doesn’t feel emotions as strongly as i do (specifically feelings of love or affection.) he has said in the past that he never really gets excited or angry, and when he thinks of a partnership he has more interest in the “old married couple that have been together for 50 years” dynamic instead of things being “new” and “special” and eventually wearing out.

but he has shown me how he feels through his actions. he has proven to be reliable in many instances, once having taken care of me throughout the night when i was terribly sick, making me soup, fetching me water, meds or a warm wet towel, taking me to taco bell at 1am when im craving it and can’t sleep, and doing it all without even hinting to frustration. he really has been patient with me.

so how do i navigate my partner’s alexithymia? how does alexithymia affect yalls relationships, and what do you do to help yourself and your partner?

Thérapie Cognitivo-Comportementale et Thérapie d'Exposition pour Vaincre la Peur de Vomir

Hey Reddit! 👋

Today, I want to explore alexithymia—a term that many might have heard of but still contains several unknown aspects, even among mental health enthusiasts. Let’s dive into some fascinating yet lesser-known facts about this intriguing condition!

1. It’s More Common Than You Think

While alexithymia is often overlooked, studies suggest that it affects about 10% of the general population, and up to 50% of individuals with certain mental health disorders, such as depression and PTSD. This means it’s likely more prevalent in your circle than you realize!

2. It’s Not Just About Emotions

Many people assume alexithymia only affects emotional expression, but it can also impact one’s ability to understand their own bodily sensations. For instance, someone with alexithymia might struggle to connect physical symptoms like a racing heart to feelings of anxiety, making it challenging to manage stress effectively.

3. It Can Co-Occur with Autism Spectrum Disorder

There’s a notable overlap between alexithymia and autism. Research indicates that a significant number of individuals on the autism spectrum exhibit traits of alexithymia, which can complicate social interactions and emotional understanding. However, not all autistic individuals have alexithymia, and vice versa.

4. Gender Differences in Expression

While both men and women can experience alexithymia, studies suggest that it may manifest differently across genders. Men are often socialized to suppress emotions more than women, which can contribute to higher rates of alexithymia in males. Understanding these differences can provide insights into emotional expression in various contexts.

5. Cultural Influences

Cultural background plays a significant role in emotional expression. In cultures that emphasize emotional restraint, individuals may exhibit alexithymic traits without having the condition. This highlights the importance of considering cultural context when discussing emotional awareness.

6. Emotional Awareness Can Improve

One of the most hopeful unknowns about alexithymia is that emotional awareness can be developed over time. Through therapy, journaling, or mindfulness practices, individuals with alexithymia can learn to identify and articulate their emotions more effectively. It’s a journey, but not an impossible one!

7. Not a Diagnostic Label

Importantly, alexithymia is not classified as a mental health disorder in itself but rather a personality construct. This means it often appears alongside other psychological conditions, and recognizing it can be crucial for effective treatment plans.

Alexithymia remains a complex and often misunderstood condition. By uncovering these lesser-known facts, we can foster a better understanding of how it impacts individuals and promote compassion and support for those navigating emotional challenges.

I've been navigating a multitude of mental health issues over the past decade or more, working my way through professionals and medications to little effect until recently, and have many of the experiences and symptoms others report here, and I recently discovered that I'm dealing with alexithymia, connecting all the dots that diagnoses like anxiety, depression, etc., didn't or couldn't alone.

But through all of this, what I've not seen mentioned are symptoms around 2D/3D vision. To differing degrees, depressants like alcohol (positive but limited short-term effects) and marijuana (significant positive impact, overwhelming access to my emotions/feelings) have demonstrated that my current default state results in a flat 2D-like vision, most commonly associated with Depersonalization-Derealization disorders.

When under the influence of marijuana, I begin to feel "normal," and 3D vision returns. The best way I can describe it is like a parallax effect applied to my vision 😂 The world is not only not flat but also much more interesting/vivid. For example, the difference between 4K TVs and lower resolutions becomes blindly obvious to the point of distraction.

Does anyone else experience vision effects like this?

There's so much overlap between alexithymia and other conditions that it's hard to know where to draw the line, but I've been left wondering how many others experience this 2D vision but might not even know they do - I didn't remember 3D vision like this until it started happening again!

Hello all, I’ve been struggling with myself for years for not knowing what it means to genuinely feel emotions which has led me to here. Or at least label and explain how I’m feeling at that moment in time.

However, I get into moments where i snap. But I don’t even feel it? Like I don’t even know what causes me to rile up and snap. It just happens. From what I’ve read or researched, it says I may have emotional dysregulation and alexithymia.

I feel like I’m crazy because even at the height of when I snap, I cannot feel it within me. And I cannot recognize it in that moment until SO much time has passed. It happens in an instant and I feel like I’m in a third-person point of view of myself. (Idk if that makes sense)

How do you deal with these issues?

[Vent] It’s strange when the only emotion u can feel is hopelessness. Idk since when but I felt nothing about everything and everyone. My mind feels empty like I can’t even actively think let alone feel. Hell I have aphantasia aka no imagination so I can’t even escape into an imaginary world.

I can’t find joy in any hobbies I just feel nothing. Then once I noticed that i have nothing that I would say makes a person a person. The very fact that it’s innate factors too. So nothing can give me these quality’s , I just know I won’t find purpose, joy or love. It’s losing battle I keep saying go at it day by day find something in that day it only takes one thing. I have tried but I can’t find anything.

;:…..

Hi chat.

It's getting better lately. When I try I can feel shi- I mean emotions (and they are too much bth) MY MAGIC ABILITIES ARE BACK WEEEE! Still not having enough energy for that and dissociating a lot but it's slowly getting better

You will not belive that. My parents TOOK RESPONSIBILITY for traumatizing me in my childchood (or at least not being there for me ever). They actually try to help me and are giving me space, and they are pay for my therapy and place to live. Chat after 20 years they are finnaly acting like parents! Well that will not give me back those years but it gave me future. And yes, I know that I'm privileged. Like that gives me fucking hope that I will have parents one day... shit.

Like this post makes it easier to sort things out. Relief, hope and other shot that is going on... complicated shit

And yes chat. I can cry sometimes. like once a week sometimes. I feel blessed

Some people know that this is what they want to do (in jobs) but I have tried so many different things but I haven't found out what I want to do. How do you guys find our your passions or decide this is what I want to do or work in?

I recently came across alexithymia. I feel like its something i have. I feel like i dont understand what i am going through most of the time. I only understand that i get sad. When i try to analyse why i am sad i dont understand and i dont feel emotions as much as the people around me. I dont remember memories as much as well. Like people have the ability to remember their memories well and they seem to be able to understand and feel those emotions like they remember how they felt during that time but i remember the facts about a particular memory when people ask me how i felt then i dont think i remember. I dont know what to do. I dont know why i am feeling this as well.

i tried reaching out to people but they say that i dont react because i dont care about it. i know i care i dont know why i cant feel anything. it is starting to affect my relationships with other people. i dont know what is the next step to take.

I (16F) have read a bunch of 'personal experience' stories from people with Alexithymia, taken different tests and read so many pages of what the symptoms are like - and I'm pretty sure I have Alexithymia. But like, what am I supposed to do now. Do I go to a specialist and talk about it? If that's the case, I don't know how I should approach my parents with this, I don't even think they know what Alexithymia is. I've avoided therapy that my parents have offered in the past as I've never wanted to try and talk about my feelings, so it feels stupid approaching them now and asking them to bring me to one lmao. I already go to a psychiatrist (because I have social anxiety and take meds for it), but I've never actually talked to her about my feelings. She says I can talk to her about other stuff than my anxiety, but I've never done that. But i feel if i approach my parents with this "speculation" i have, they'll make me talk to my psychiatrist. So, if i need to go to a specialist - how do I express to my parents that I want to go to another specialist?

I just heard about Alexithymia when I googled “I don’t know how to express my interests” I’m not sure I have it but I am curious to know if feeling detached from your interests is a sign of it. I like doing things like Jiu Jitsu, bike riding, playing guitar etc but I don’t have any real attachment to them. Essentially some people get excited or passionate about their hobbies but I on the other hand don’t. I enjoy doing them but don’t find myself obsessing over any of it. Does anyone else do this?

I have only recently heard about Alexithymia and will be bringing it up in therapy if anyone else can relate.

I have been diagnosed with CPTSD and depression. I have always had trouble identifying my emotions day to day unless they are extreme. My therapist has an emotion chart that she tries to get me to choose from sometimes but none of the emotions really ever seem right. Like I could probably pick any emotion off the chart and a part of me probably feels it somewhere. Does anyone else experience this?

I'm realizing I struggle a lot with not knowing if I want a specific object or just wanting the dopamine rush from receiving something. My current only way to tell is to like ruminate on it for a few months and if I still want it I'll probs get it but idk if there's a better way

I am alexithymic and I highly recommend art therapy. Thanks to 2/3 sessions I could find the words to describe my emotions. (I have alexithymia due to traumas). I know other tricks exist like focusing on body sensations but it didnt work for me

I'm really struggling right now. I can't seem to make anybody understand how serious I am and how literally I mean it when I say I don't understand what my emotions are. I can't get anybody to understand that the harder I try, and they continue to not get it, how much it makes me feel isolated. How do you explain to someone who knows exactly what their emotions are trying to tell them how different your experience is. It's like I'm trying to describe color to a blind person. Or like I'm the blind person who is just trying with all my might to conceptualize what color is.

Has anyone else gone on the wrong feeling? I chased validation from men and I can now identify that I think the feeling was anxiety but I did it over and over again instead of going for the right feeling which is the excited nice warm feeling like a giggly school girl which is how I felt with my girlfriend. It was always about everything external but with her it's how she makes me feel inside not what she brings to me.

Has alexythmia and the inability to identify emotions stopped anyone else from realising their sexual orientation sooner?

I (14F) have a hard time physically feeling my emotions, but can intuitively know them. As a child I was told to restrict my emotions more (specifically my anger). I suppose I had big emotions as a child. Present day, it takes a lot for me to physically FEEL any specific emotion, even if my face expresses an emotion without me thinking about it. However, it takes very little for me to experience emotional/sensory overload.

I can usually identify what emotion I'm feeling even if I can't physically feel it, which is why I'm thinking this may not be alexithymia(since alexithymia is when you can feel your emotion but can't identify them intuitively.) At the same time, it's hard for me to imagine a world where I can feel all my emotions. Maybe I naturally became a less emotional person over time or, as a child, I was extremely over-reactive because of constant overload that I now have control over. Or my parents messed me up, even though there doesn't feel like there's anything to fix.

Besides being overwhelmed, my strongest emotion is probably excitement. If I'm excited, I can tell it's because I'm stimming or if, in my headspace, it feels like I've taken a sharp intake of breath. That's usually where I can feel the emotion. All other emotions, when I DO manage to feel them, exist on a smaller scale. Anger is toned down to Annoyance. Disgust is toned down to discomfort.

Maybe I just naturally--or through nature--have a "higher threshold" when it comes to feeling emotions. I might be emotionally blunted.

I'm asking for advice on what this could be and if there's anything for me to do about it. Some helpful(?) information; I've been in almost-constant stress for 3-7 years. Considering my age, stress during development usually doesn't bode well, especially for emotional development.