I (m27) am / have been in a relationship with my lovely girlfriend (f42) for two years now. We've been dating for nearly three.

Her, her daughter, and I have been living together for over a year now. We have recently bought a home together. We got matching tattoos. And we're currently trying for a baby. (I know some people may think this is a little fast but it has felt like the right pace for us).

She has had a lot of criticism coming in at all angles recently.

Her family have said a lot of awful things about her which I won't get too into, but they're not a nice bunch and are fighting over money from a recently deceased family member and my gf called them out for it which didn't end well.

I live away from my family members and so they haven't had the chance to visit and spend some time at our house until recently.

My mum recently came to visit and all seemed well until I received a phone call from her at which point she leveraged a bunch of assumptions and accusations at my girlfriend and began to question different aspects of our relationship. Such as the power dynamic between me being quiet and my girlfriend being loud, suggesting that my girlfriend is with me for the things I could buy her. That she was worried that she couldn't give me a child and that my mother believes she knows what I want better than I do. Etc. Etc.

Rightly so, I was pissed and told her that my relationship was none of her business, that my mother hasn't been in my life for a long enough time recently to know what it is that I want and that she's miss characterised my girlfriend completely.

Anyway, I had to talk this out with my girlfriend and you can guess how that made her feel.

She's getting pressure from her daughter to show her emotions because she doesn't tend to cry which we think has come about because my partners ex husband has told their daughter that's shes cold or doesn't communicate her emotions which isn't good.

And so, all of this and more has affected her self image and built up to some insecurities that have all come out after I went home to see my mum for the weekend.

We had a good talk and she's told me that she feels insecure that she doesn't understand why I want to be with her. She has said I give her more than enough words of affirmation and physical affection in both private and public. But even after I explain, she just doesn't know why I chose her. She has said it feels like a dream that she's scared she will wake up from. She doesn't know why I chose her and is worried that in a few years I'll find a younger hotter model to ditch her for.

I spend a good amount of time explaining why I wanted her to begin with, how much I've grown to appreciate her even more over time and all the brilliant qualities that she has. But she's still struggling to see herself the way I see her.

Ive told her that I want to have a good talk with my mum to tell her how the situation has affected my relationship and restress the problems that it has caused etc.

There was a lot of other things mentioned but you get the gist.

Anyway, has anyone else dealt with this kind of insecurity in an AGR (or any kind of relationship) before? And has anyone got any suggestions on how I or we can help to alleviate it?

A guy I know and work with asked me out a few days ago. We work in different departments. I am 21 years older than him and in a dept that has some authority over his dept. He is kind, attractive and bold. All of these attractive but given his age I have never considered him as anything other than a workmate/friend, I’ve never flirted or suggested interest. I just want to be clear that he is pursuing me and has let me know that he likes/dates older women. My best friend works in his dept and thinks age is just a number. I feel like that is not entirely true. I’m just not sure now I feel about it and am looking for some insight.

Hello, I (m26) am in a relationship with (f41) And we met when I was 23 and she was 38 Everything was going great till now, because I started to think about the future. I want to have kids in future not now but in my 30s and time is flying faster than I thought. I talked about my wish of having kids in future with her and she told me that is far away in future and I shouldn’t worry about it, she also clearly said that she doesn’t want any kids, no pregnancy also no adoption. Even though I don’t want to have kids now I think about breaking up with her now because I can’t break up in my 30s and find a woman and have kids with her right away, I need to have a relationship for some time and then decide if she is the right person… The whole problem is that I love my current girlfriend but we don’t want the same things in future it’s so hard for me to break up because I know I will break my and her heart it’s so stupid…

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I (26m) have been seeing a woman (47m) and dating long distance over a couple months (4.5hr drive). Things have been electric in person. But over text, it seems like she always assumes the worst with anything I say. Like everything I ask or do/don’t do must have a negative implication. I know she has been through some terrible things in her life, and I want to help but we can’t seem to have a conversation about anything tough without her feeling we should end things for reasons along the line of “not being good enough”.

I don’t know what to do. We see each other once every 2 weeks or so, and these blowups happen about 3-5 times in between, all only over text.

I feel like I can’t suggest we stop texting as much, or take a break in general, without her being done with us.

Any advice on what I should try to do? I don’t want to give up, but it’s getting to the point where it’s negatively affecting my mental health and I can’t do this forever.

When it comes to younger men ladies how much of it is about the bedroom? I believe younger/older relationships can work and it’s fair to say that sometimes both parties want to have fun sooner than later. I’m 36M (37 next week) my last relationship was with someone 16 years older than and it lasted for 16 years so things have changed. Being back out here now i know I’m no longer a cub but still prefer older women. So I’ve been dipping the foot in the pool again and some conversations start and go right to the topic then there’s some conversations that may be going there but i think out of respect I overlook the queue. Is it still something for women to speak on sex first? Would you as an older woman find a way of saying that’s what’s your looking for if that’s all it was?

I have this cougar that I met in this new state and we planned on hanging this weekend at her place. She’s been on and off communicating this week, because I told her I would text and call her throughout the week on certain days. but when I texted her this morning she didn’t respond. Ofc I’m not going to double text back bc I know she got the text. What does this mean? It’s the second time she did this, but this last time we made it clear that we were going to hang out.

Hey all. Today at work I (25m) stopped at a gas station near my office to get some cigarettes and the milfy Latina clerk woman (50s) was being super nice to me. She was very enthusiastic and when I pulled out my card from my wallet, I had a Trojan right next to it and she seemed to flare her eyes. As my card was being scanned she told me she loved my curly hair. I said thanks and I told her that her hair was beautiful too. I got flustered, said my goodbye and went back to my car.

I was too excited that I didn’t realize I forgot to buy a lighter so I went back in. She said “Back so soon?” I said yeah I forgot my lighter and she was super nice to me calling me mijo when asking what lighter I wanted.

The nature of my job is to drive around (similar to a delivery driver but I don’t do that) so I went on my day and the whole time I was thinking about her. After 4 hours, I went back to the gas station and I picked up some lunch. I had spoken to the woman again and this time she asked my name and she introduced herself to me as well. I told her that her name was very beautiful and she laughed and thanked me. We spoke a bit about where our families were from because she asked if I was from around here and whatnot. I told her my office is nearby. Anyways, our second conversation was pretty brief, but we did get to know each other better. I’m not sure if she was actually flirting with me, but I felt like there was a spark there. I was thinking of buying condoms tomorrow and joke about “you never know when you’re going to need em” but I don’t know how she’d react haha. I was going to give her a slip with my number as well, but I chickened out. Any advice on how I should approach this? I see her again tomorrow by the way.

I apologize for the long text. Thanks!

I (33M) am interested in dating older women again. What are some things older women look for in younger men during the first few dates? In other words, what convinces you to continue seeing him with the age difference.

Thanks

After a year of hiatus i am staying back into the dating scene. I have been communicating with few individuals and some progressing towards a date versus others. So couple of random questions.

Do you mainly stick with one person at a time and move on to second if it doesn't work or date multiple people to see where it goes?

I am talking to a lady with a 25 year age gap and she is swaying on if she wants to go out with me because of the gap. How did you the other person a comfortable to give you a shot?

How long do you chat online before calling for a date? I am trying not to be too aggressive. Haven't done the whole online thing in a few years, so developing a lunch or date is taking a few weeks lol.

One of my friend was talking about her cub being too rough on her while being intimate, and this was the first time she had felt it. So I don’t think it’s because of pornography or else he would have always been like that, but the guy says that he was experimenting whether she would like it or not, and my friend said she pretty much just accepted it and went along.

Edit 1: So I didn’t wanna go into details because I’d like to keep it SFW, but he didn’t put any hands on her (so no choking or slapping or spanking) he went hard and hit her cervix multiple times.

I just wanted to clarify so you guys get a bigger picture.

https://www.reddit.com/r/CougarsAndCubs/s/UmNqC2TlJx

I finally got back from my vacation yesterday and we met up, as she picked me up from the airport. I still don’t have evidence that she was seeing multiple people, but her reasons didn’t seem convincing and like one previous commenter mentioned, it seemed like the interest just wasn’t fully there. I learned some things from this, so I’m not upset, especially because I now feel like I got the closure needed. There is still sexual attraction between us, but I hate that feeling of uneasiness that I get when communicating with her. I want to thank everyone who offered advice, it gave me a lot of perspective that I desperately needed.

I know this is more of a general post towards dating, but honestly I want answers and opinions from this sub since my focus is more on the age-gap relationships, and not the thousands other relationships found online.

I can't help myself but to post this after so long. I know you've moved on, and I've given up. I still can't help but think of you fondly. I miss you king, Happy Birthday, I hope you had a beautiful day and an exciting night. ❤🎂🍾 I'm hoping you're having the life you've always dreamed of having my Darlin. You deserve it. Love peace and hair grease 🖖🏽

🌟 IT'S MONDAY!! This is our weekly "Off Topic Post" where you can chat with other members, check-in, tell us how your day is going, what plans you have coming up and generally what's going on in your part of the world. Remember this is our Off Topic post. No questions related to dating etc.

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https://www.reddit.com/r/CougarsAndCubs/s/zPJY13E9e6

I (26m) have been seeing this woman (38f) for about a month now. In person, things are still good, but when we’re away from each other, the energy doesn’t seem the same. We’ve had multiple talks about what we expect from each other but things don’t seem as smooth as they once were. I’m not sure if I’ve smothered her because I have been talking about how I’d like more communication over text, but I’m not really sure where to go from here. I’m currently on vacation right now and something instantly flipped a few days ago through texts and I can’t really explain it. We saw each other the day before I left and things were alright. I still have this growing feeling that I’m not the only one she’s seeing even though she told me she was only faithful to me. In a way, I feel like I’m being played but I don’t have any concrete evidence.

Also, she’s done this thing twice now where we had agreed on a date but tells me that she’ll let me know if we can hang out a few days before the date we set. For example, we have a plan to meet Tuesday night when I return to our home state, but she already mentioned a few days ago that she was sick so “hopefully she’s feeling better”. Everything feels a bit confusing right now and when I try to talk to her, things don’t seem any clearer. I would love some pointers on how to advance or if I should advance at all.

I (24M) matched with this gorgeous lady (41F) online yesterday and we chatted back & forth. She's down to meet me and go on a date for tomorrow. Today she brought up the topic of age difference and asked me how I felt, and I told her it's not a concern for me with regards to her. It's only a problem for those that make it a problem, and that I'm attracted to her other qualities.

She hasn't responded since then and I'm wondering how I should proceed from here. She could just have a busy day today and life got in the way. I plan on just confirming with her tomorrow about the date.

UPDATE: we’re going out. Thank you all for the comments and encouragement!

So,last winter,I matched on Facebook Dating with a woman that was 60, and we exexchanged numbers,but she was always too busy too meet up, so things became frustrating as we were going to meet, but she needed to be with her friend. Then,I friended her on Facebook, but we got into an argument. Then,I decided to give her on one more chance, but she had been seeing someone else,but all of a sudden,he flipped out on her, and became really rude, and started cursing her out, and even spit on her car. Anyways,we continued to text, and well she texted, why don't you come over and watch football and the NASCAR race? So,I did, and after doing all that, and eating. I asked her what she wanted to do next, lol. Well,we ended up having sex. She then asked, was it worth the wait, and I responded with a "FUCK YES",LOL.

Yea, so he said he was on the same page as I was. No FWB. We had s and he dipped. He was 31, I'm 57. I just keep seeing that I'm good enough for s but nothing more. It's rly depressing.

Asking out of curiosity. I'm pursuing my dream profession right now but don't like to mention it because of the automatic change in perception (both positive and negative) shouldn't the person matter first?

Hey, so I (19m) made a post about a lady I had met recently. She is 40, and things have generally been quite well and all that. However, she sent me a text a while ago saying that she has a date this Friday in the same place she told me she wanted to take me on a date to, however I can't because of familial bullshit and university obligations. She told me she would see how it goes, and from that I just suddenly felt incredibly depressed.

I grew up with an Nmom who is part of the reason why I could not go to the date and event this Friday, because she has locations trackers on my devices and car. I grew up and got groomed as well, so generally when anyone shows me affection, I tend to latch onto them and things generally are fine. However, even if nothing has been confirmed to be changing, I feel an extreme amount of fear if I feel like I am going to be replaced. I have grown beyond acting on these feelings or thoughts, but I still cannot help but to feel like I am going to be replaced with someone else.

I have rarely ever met anyone like this lady, and while I know we are casual and I have had to go fully platonic with people before, it still feels terrible to even entertain, even if nothing has happened yet.

I am scared that if she decides to start dating someone, that I will never meet anyone like her again, or even meet anyone even mildly interested me that I am also interested in ever again. I feel like not a single other person on this planet would ever want to talk to me, but I also feel like that literally any time I talk to someone new.

I talk to someone new, we form a connection, they end up possibly having to leave it, and then I worry that not a single other person on this planet will ever like me.

I don't know what to do, and I just feel incredibly depressed. I have relapsed on one or two behaviors already and it has only been an hour, I think I might need therapy.

I have had my ups and down with her sure (m22, F49) but we have been together for 3 years now. The reality is no one is gonna care, it is what you make it. Im very socially well known at my gym where we workout together, all the bros are supportive and know the deal, nothing but love from them. It's been my experience though that she gets side eye and passing comments from other women her age as they tend to be judge or evious (take your pick). Point is, people don't care as much as you think they do, couples understand, bros understand but sometimes you guys gotta police your own. As a man the stigma doesn't exist for me, but I think it's a little taboo for the older generation. - if you're on the edge, just go for it, you can't live life fulfilled worrying about everyone else's opinion.

Hey everyone,

I am curious to get others opinion of a woman I have grown good friends with and started to develop feelings for over the last few years. Let's call her Mandy F50.

I, 29M purchased my first home a few years ago. It so happens the selling agent, Mandy is my next door neighbor. We briefly met a few times throughout the process.

After I moved in we began to see each other and talk more frequently. I brought some photos I found in a closet to her so she could give to the previous owner. She told me that she wanted to stop by the next day so that she could meet my wife, I had never mentioned having a wife and told her I was single. When we first started talking she was standing behind the door, and made a point to step out after telling her so, we talked for a bit more casually and then I left.

A few days later, Mandy is over again on her evening walk. She tells me she has a friend group that goes out on Fridays to have drinks and wanted to invite me out with them, at first I said yes but it took me a few months before I actually went out with them. I meet her at a bar and grill with one of her friends/coworkers who I will call Christi. We spend the night getting to know each other, and Mandy and Christi seem very interested in a lot of personal information about myself. I felt very 'gassed up' if you will, because they spend the rest of the night complimenting me on my looks, maturity, and supposed success as a young man, and said they could not figure how a man like me is single. These sorts of nights went on every Friday for months. Mandy and I seemed to be getting friendlier with each other, and would regularly compliment me and starting being a lot more hands on putting her hands on my thighs, playing with my hair at times, even holding hands briefly, seeming very flirty.

During one of the Margarita nights, a comment was made from another friend of hers that I didn't quite hear but only got the reaction to. 'there is nothing going on between me and him, I'm twice his age and could be his mother!' or something to that extent, it was a while ago at this point. I don't fully remember my reaction but I sort of smiled and shrugged off as if there wasn't an issue.

After that, any sort of flirting sort of seemed to come to an end. Fast forward about a year and we are still hanging out most weeks. She invites me to bars and nice restaurants in town, and she always pays my tabs. I told her I had never had prime rib in my life before, and that Friday we went to a steak house and insisted I get an order. There is now another gentleman her age that is more frequently hanging around with her now. I occasionally help her work on an old classic car she has. She has invited me to almost every major holiday with her, including her mother's birthday parties which seem to mainly be family members.

Mandy has said from the beginning she wants to help me make friends in town and find a girl friend. She spends a lot of time asking about what it is I want in a woman, and also tells me a lot about her ex husband's and their history and the reasons they never worked out. I've told her many times that I'm not actively looking for a girlfriend at all, but yet we continue to hang out.

So I am coming to you all asking for some advice/help on the situation. I have a hard time reading through everything, and cannot tell what her intentions are. And why she has shown so much interest in being friends after all this time. She could have very well never spoke to me, she has had no obligations for any of these things she's done for me. Have I waited too long to make any sort of move? How could you carefully approach that without possibility ruining a friendship in case I am misreading the situation? A part of me also thought that if anything was going to happen, it would have by now.

Thank you everyone for the read and sorry for my long ramble.

🌟 IT'S MONDAY!! This is our weekly "Off Topic Post" where you can chat with other members, check-in, tell us how your day is going, what plans you have coming up and generally what's going on in your part of the world. Remember this is our Off Topic post. No questions related to dating etc.

🌟 As a prerequisite to posting in this thread you must take the time to read the RULES & FAQs

🌟 Are you new here? Check out this post too!

🌟 If you don't you risk having your posts autodeleted by the automod bot and bans may be applied.

🌟 This is POST AND OUR SUB is strictly NO Soliciting Contact/Seeking/DM requests. The sub rules still apply across the board and it's expected that you've read them.

🌟 If you are looking to meet someone please go to our dating sub r/COUGARSANDCUBSMATCH and post it there. Read the rules before posting.

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This is a discussion sub - no soliciting contact.

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If you are seeking a match please go over to our dating sub r/CougarsandCubsMatch.

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Read the rules/wiki/post requirements before you post/comment there.

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You can make a stand alone post describing yourself and what you are looking for with 25 combined karma.

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Or post a brief comment in our weekly **Thursday Roll Call** and a **Sunday Hunt** posts

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I just want to wish of my Canadian friends and everybody else on here.Happy Thanksgiving.