My (43F) amazing, perfect cub (27M) proposed yesterday! We are getting married!

We’ve been together three years. A lot of people didn’t love it. A lot of people still don’t. We don’t care at all.

Don’t let anyone tell you who you’re “supposed” to love or act like being in an AGR is some outlandish concept. You do you. Follow your heart (but use your head).You too might wind up with a lifetime subscription to Cougardom!

So I’ve shared before about how children is a possible issue between me and my girlfriend because she had made it clear in no uncertain terms that she didn’t want to have anymore, though a big part of that was because her first pregnancy was difficult, not necessarily because of any issues with the idea of having another kid.  So we considered that, if I ever decided I definitely want to have a kid, we might adopt, and I might have to wrestle with the idea that I’ll never have my own biological kids.  Well that whole issue is now permanently settled because she’s pregnant 😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮

This was a huge shock to use as she takes birth control religiously. She had considered getting her tubes tied because of the aforementioned concerns she had, but always hesitated before getting it done, as it seemed scary to her for some reason. She had been taking some medication recently including an antibiotic, in part because of some health concerns at her work, and it seems some of them didn’t play well with the birth control pills. As it is, she's now saying she'll definitely go through the procedure as soon as she's able lol

She’s terrified as you might imagine. She had trouble with her pregnancy before, and now we have her age to factor in as well. I’m also really scared, I was unsure about a lot of things regarding kids but one thing I knew was I didn’t want one this early. I always looked at people who had kids during college and thought they were insane. How could they get themselves in situations like that. Well… here I am. We’re also both prolife, so abortion is absolutely not an option for either of us. So this is happening. We’re having a baby.

Thankfully though logistics aren’t an issue. I’ll be graduating before the baby arrives. She has a great job that includes allowances for maternity leave, and good insurance, so she’ll get the best prenatal care and a relatively stress-free pregnancy.  So I am sure everything’s going to be fine. But I am freaking the hell out.

But at least we're approaching this with a sense of humor. We're both amused by the irony of the one issue that we had been wrestling with an were anticipating as a possible clash in the future. This is one helluva way to settle it!

So I (M30s) met someone (F-mid 50s) at a party, and we hit it off. We exchanged numbers, met up, and decided to start seeing each other.

I really feel like we’re vibing with each other. She insisted that she wanted to move slow because it had been a while for her and she wanted to really get to know me, and I told her that was fine and that I appreciated her telling me where she was at. Our 3rd get together which was a few weeks later, she kinda threw herself at me. We didn’t have sex but we came pretty close to it before she snapped out of it and remembered she wanted to go slow. Not a problem. We immediately put our clothes back on and she left.

She went out of town for a couple weeks after that but started messaging me far more frequently. She shared her location for her drive out of state, told me she bragged about me to her mom, and sent me daily photos of the sunrise where she was staying. I am REALLY liking her and I feel like she really likes me too.

She gets back in town and makes it a point to take me out for my birthday and wants me to meet her roommate so she can have me over. All goes well with the roommate, she makes me feel really important and special, and we go back to hers and have sex. It was wonderful.

After that, she has family visiting and even suggests I go to a movie with her and her son who she’s told about me. Schedule-wise it didn’t work but “Wow,” I think, “she wants me to meet her son! That’s a big step!”

Not long after this (it’s been a couple months at this point), she calls me while she’s at work to tell me she just met someone and she’s so excited that she’s going to pursue that new connection. If someone isn’t into me anymore, okay fine I can’t control that. But for someone who made a very big point of going slow, this really confused me. She then told me she wants to still be friends and hang out which she immediately followed with a list of reasons why she wouldn’t be free for the next 4 months (seriously, months) and that she’s sorry if she hurt me but she’s working on herself and this was something she had to do.

She asked if I had anything to say, and I said given all the contradictions in what she told me and her actions plus the fact that she called me while she was working (I could hear her typing in the background) that I felt like I was just her shiny thing until a shinier thing came along and that I didn’t know if that was based in reality or just the pain talking. She proceeded to try to gaslight the shit outta me telling me that I should know her better than that and that I messaged her a lot so I clearly had a bigger idea of the relationship than what it was (what?) and that she’s going through a lot and the last thing she needed was to be judged by someone just getting to know her…

So I guess my question is WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED??? Seriously, it was like a switch flipped or something. I was already feeling hurt, but that just weirded me out and left me confused. I feel like it’s better that it happened sooner than later, but any ideas on what that was? 😳

He’s 22, and I’m 34. We have been dating for about 3 months and we spend a lot of time together. He’s very serious about me and a future together, I’ve met some of his friends who have visited from his home state and they have been really supportive. After spending thanksgiving together yesterday, we were talking this morning about his trip back home in December which he will be spending the whole month there.

I asked him simply if he’s told his mom about me and if not, did he plan to on this trip. He responded that he had not and he didn’t know when he would, but then changed his response to “I probably will after Christmas dinner, my mom has to see that I’m ok out in LA by myself and not like last year, where I was depressed, drinking and falling apart. And I don’t want to tell her before, when she will tell the whole family making a lot of awkward questions during dinner, I just don’t want to give her any reason to worry.”

I asked him if he would tell her if I was his age and he replied that it would be the same situation, and then proceeded to tell me that there’s stuff about himself personally that he doesn’t share about himself to her because of her traditional, Christian outlook on things. She still thinks he’s religious and he doesn’t believe in god for instance.

This really demoralized me and I pointed out that when he asked me to be his girlfriend he announced out loud at a party we were at “I can love whoever I want!”, and this is the opposite of that, but I’m not going to pressure you to do something you don’t want to do. We talked for a long time and he tried to assuage my negative thoughts on the manner but I still can’t help but be hung up on it.

I guess I just need an outsider’s perspective, am I being unreasonable feeling this way? Is he being reasonable? The only other time I dated someone younger than me, I found out I was a secret in the most nefarious way and I expressed to him that this was triggering which he understood. I just live my life very honestly and earnest and all my other partners have been much older than me and didn’t even flinch in introducing me or talking about me with my parents. He’s going to Chicago with me in January to meet my dad, maybe it just really boils down to a difference in culture.

Please, give me your honest opinion on this matter.

Hi to whoever reads this. I’m a 28m, and I’m currently in the process of decoupling with a 50f.

We started seeing each other when I was 22, and she was 44, so there’s a 22 year gap and have been together for 6 years.

I’d say a strong 95% of the time, we have both been having a lot of fun, such a deep, playful, and genuine connection with each other. This has also been the only serious relationship I’ve ever been in.

My girlfriend turned 50, and communicated to me that she was going through a transitional period, and that she felt like we needed to work towards separating, but that she still really wants me to continue to be a close friend.

We both knew that this would eventually be what happened.

But for some more context, we had two wonderful camping trips, in which I really felt like I put in a majority of the physical labor to make everything happen so that everyone had a good time, which everyone did.

Then, I had a 5 week work trip coming up, and it felt as if she dropped this on me 5 days before I had to leave.

When I came back, she didn’t have a lot of time to hang out with me, she didn’t want me sleeping over at her house as much, and I would say that I generally felt as though things changed very suddenly.

Where we used to deeply discuss and work through our feelings, very successfully, it now felt like there wasn’t enough time to make sure everything was being processed.

Also important, when I left, she started hanging out with a guy closer to her age, who had previously expressed his feelings towards her. She was open with me about this, and she said that she was just getting to know him, i.e. she wasn’t physically cheating on me.

I think that wraps up the summary. This is feeling very challenging for me. I respect her so much, and I know that she doesn’t want to hurt me, but my experience in this has felt like getting smothered with a pillow in your sleep.

I don’t feel like there has been much closure. We are very bonded, and it feels like we went from having a deeply intimate secure connection, to a confusing and messy one where it feels like my attraction to her is forbidden because it feels to her like she is cheating on her future boyfriend.

I know that she is struggling too, and she is feeling shame.

She is very reassuring to me, but my inner world is depressing, and I feel like the only way I could be feeling this sad is because I did something to deserve it.

In the meantime, everything else in my life is going great. Everything else that happened this year was exciting, my work life is satisfying and I’m less worried about money than I’ve ever been.

But now I have a void within me. I know that things will get easier, and I just wanted to vent and share with the hope that someone knows what I/we are going through.

And also, to throw out there, that no matter how wonderful something is, it won’t last forever.

Everything is temporary, and while the AGR I’ve been in has been overwhelmingly positive, taught me so much, changed my life for the better, the experience I’m going through presently is one of the most emotionally difficult things I’ve ever gone through. Trying to let go, and have a graceful ending.

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Basically I (19m) and a woman (40f) were cuddling in bed one day, and I was venting, and she said

"I don't know how you could hate something (referring to me) I am finding myself to be loving very quickly."

And we remained casual after that.

Well, she went on a date, and after a few weeks, we more or less don't talk anymore.

She leaves me on read frequently, and while part of me believes her when she says she has just been busy, part of me is saying that she's dating someone now and is moving on from me.

I want to trust her because she told me she'd be honest with me about anything going on, but I cannot help but be paranoid and afraid.

I hate myself enormously for not just getting over my fear and at least just trying to date her despite the opinions of my family.

And I genuinely don't think there is anyone else like her on this earth.

These days I hate myself more than I thought could feasibly be possible. It is not uncommon for me to go multiple days without eating, and occasionally without sleeping.

I have lost most of my desire to pursue anyone else and even though I am 19 and more or less just ready to give up and quit ever hoping for someone else like her to appear. I just want to quit and die old and single than to ever chance the possibility of messing up this badly again.

I don't know if any of this is valid or not, I don't know.

I have no clue what to do anymore, but every single day feels empty without her to the point of passive ideation.

My mom is in her mid-50s and is dating a guy who is younger than me.The crazy thing is that she thinks I would like the relationship because we have more of a connection due to our similar ages.She said he was a nice guy, he spoke to her on the street which she thought was brave and that they had a good conversation.It seems to be one of those stupid pick up artists 🤦 My girlfriend said that I should take it easy, I'm 29 and I don't really want to interfere in her choice of partner, even if I find it strange.Should I tell her or the guy that her relationship is bothering me or not?

Hey, I'm a eighteen year old guy and don't have a lot of experience in dating. I'm wondering, is experience important to you when considering a partner? Or are you open to being with someone that's a lot less experienced then you?

Didn't know if I needed to put cub crisis or discussion point so I'm sticking with this for now

Hello everyone,

I hope your all doing well. I've been lurking for a while here and I believe this is my first post, honestly you guys all sound like lovely people! The amount of support you guys show for eachother is beautiful and so wonderful to seem. I've genuinely considered dating a cougar, though I'm a little young (heading to my mid twenties soon). This place has really helped curb my enthusiasm and set the bar of what I should expect, as well as the mind set of treating people like people.

But to get to the point of this post, at some point I initially considered leaving this subreddit simply because I've come to realize the idea of me dating a cougar, at least right now, is an unrealistic expectation. Honestly, any pursuit of finding a partner right is still far from being a top 30 priority. But hasn't exactly helped either that I've been living in a situation that has taken a toll on me emotionally and mentally. On top of that, bringing any interests home could make them severely uncomfortable. Sorry if that last segment sounded like a therapy session, but I feel like a I needed to add that extra layer to say, thank you!

It's made me realize I need to take it slower than I initially thought I was. Mainly from the idea that I was already aware of a few of my flaws, some more painfully than others, but the space to grow was bigger than I expected. And you guys seem to really give good advice, and for good reason. That I should be more focused on becoming a developed person, and naturally through that process, I might find someone. And maybe find where I placed those lose screws I had in my hand🤪

I’m in my late 50’s and my partner is in their early 40’s.

We’ve been talki for a couple years now. I’m American and he’s European. He asked for me to travel to visit with him. I’m not sure if I should go

My girlfriend and I, have been “talking” for a little over 5 months and a couple for 3. Although, I have known her for over a year now, before we got together. I told them a month ago and my Mom still talks to me like normal. I have barely spoken to my Dad in the last month. I still live at home, as rent is expensive and I see him everyday. It does not bother me, as my girlfriend makes me happy and vice versa. We do plan on moving in together once we hit a year. Maybe I will stick it out until then.

What should I do?

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Hey, I'm an eighteen year old that's recently become interested in older women. I'm wondering if older women would date someone my age? Or is their a limit to the age that's acceptable for you?

I’ll start this off by saying I am by no means opposed to dating an older woman, but the times I have tried, the experience has been very negative and it’s making me wonder if I should avoid talking to older women or if there is something wrong with me.

When I was 19, I met a 34 year old woman off a dating app. I wasn’t going out of my way to meet older woman but it just so happened that I connected with her and we eventually had a casual relationship.

I’ll take this moment to say that I was inexperienced and she was my first kiss and I lost my virginity to her. At first everything was great. We would meet up for sex often and she taught me a lot which ended up boosting my confidence.

However, not long after, I found out she was actually married and had a daughter. When I confronted her she convinced me that she was actually in an open relationship and that her husband knows everything. Me being the naive idiot that I was, believed her. Long story short we kept hooking up for about another month until one night when we were to meet she was running late and I called her up.

She didn’t answer but when she got there she was upset that I called her and she mentioned her husband was being nosy but I didn’t think much of it. It was only a week after this incident that I discovered she was separating from her husband and that’s when I figured he found out and what she told me earlier was a lie. I feel extremely guilty for this because I can’t stop thinking that I am the reason a little girl out there is growing up without her father.

Looking back all the signs were there. We never met at her house. Only motels and her car. We would hook up at weird hours. Either during working hours (when I was suppose to be in school) or late at night. I was such an idiot to not see the signs.

I tried to move on so I took a break from dating after that and then 1 year later I ended up connecting with a 54 year old woman online. Again, I was not actively looking for an older woman but we just ended up having many interests in common. I was originally more cautious about her since she was way older being 34 years my senior. This would have been my second ever experience with a woman in general but eventually after thinking I gave her a chance.

We met up and we did get along very well. She was elegant and very smart. We would talk on the phone almost everyday and eventually we planned on taking our relationship to the next level. I thought this time things would be different. As you can guess, things went wrong once again.

One night while we were hanging out, things were going very well and she and I couldn’t keep our hands off each other. So much so that we couldn’t wait to get back into her house so we parked in her driveway which was quite a bit away from the main road and started to have sex. Suddenly her kids who were older than me along with their aunt pulled into the driveway and caught us in the act. She wasn’t expecting them back so soon and we were both embarrassed but we were consenting adults and I thought this would be a funny story to remember down the line but was I wrong.

After the incident she told me how her family was actually very angry with her and that they told her she should have more self respect. They even insinuated that she was a predator even though I was of legal age of course. Not only did she end things with me but she actually blamed me for everything that went down. We had a huge argument and after that I never heard from her again.

Once again, I took a break. I was probably about 22 when I attempted to date once more. This time the gap was closer in range as she was only 41. In this instance I did go out of my way to meet an older woman. Partially because my only experiences were with older women and partially because I wanted hope to replicate what I had with the woman I mentioned previously.

Long story short on this one, we met up, had a great first date. She took me back to her apartment and we hooked up. She told me she had an amazing time and she said the sex was great and even made plans to meet up again. The next day she sent me a message saying that she changed her mind about seeing me again and she blocked my number.

As you can see, my 3 experiences with older women have been far from ideal. It makes me think that it was my fault things went down the way they did and it even has me questioning if I should just give up on dating all together.

I thought I was able to move passed this but the reason I find myself thinking about this again is because I met someone older once more but in person this time (not online). She is about 17 years older than me and goes to my gym and we got to know each other the last few months. She has been adamant about hanging out with me outside of the gym but I have kept telling her that I am busy or making up excuses. I am torn. I feel I want to try again but thinking back on my experiences, I’m not sure if I could afford to handle another bad one. I feel I can no longer trust but hopefully someone here can give me advice on how not to get my heart broken.

Sorry for the long post but I kinda wanted to rant a bit too.

I posted here a couple weeks ago, and we wound up talking things out again and being fine. We had another visit, and things were great again for a few days, until they weren’t. She always works a lot, and this week, my schedule was crazy busy as well between my business schedule, and personal life.

Admittedly, I wasn’t doing a great job of texting her that week, but when I got a second to reply, I told her I was with family and didn’t want to be rude to them so sorry for the late texting. She hit me with a “this isn’t working out, we’ve hardly talked, you should be with a younger girl, we should just end this” etc kind of lines.

I figured she was just going through it, and just calmly talked her down, just not worry about how her words made me feel as I wanted things to work (and I knew I was pretty at fault on the texting aspect throughout the week) Eventually, she passed out so I went to bed myself.

The next morning, I woke up to no text at all. I know she had work early, so I wasn’t too worried about it. A couple hours go by, and I go to send her a reel on Instagram and find out I’m blocked. I asked her about it, and she replied nearly instantly saying it was from our last argument (original post), and she says she unblocked me, and then asks “what’s up?”

I don’t know why this set me off so much, but it did. I got pissed off and pretty much laid into her for constantly wanting to quit on our relationship and it’s exhausting to try and convince somebody that the distance is worth the effort. And that her breakup text when she knew I was with my family felt manipulative. So I said I was actually done (plus some things that were slightly mean but not terrible. She dismissed most of my texts saying I need to cool off and that we’ll work it out the next day.

Fast forward to next day, and I apologized for my tone, but I was sticking to my guns - this will never work unless she actually has faith in me and our relationship. We haven’t talked since then (nearly 48hrs at the time of this post)

I’m just struggling, because I miss her a lot. I dreamed of her twice already, and constantly think of her through the day. I so badly wish things could be different, and if I knew they would be, I’d go back. But, I know they won’t. I can’t handle the constant emotional turmoil of thinking my relationship is in ruins and having to convince her that we are worth it.

I feel bad for her, given what she’s been through. But I know this is what our relationship would be like until somehow, someway, we weren’t 4.5hrs apart…

So that’s the story. My question - any advice on what I should do? It’s very difficult for me to let go of somebody I let in, and move on. Am I being stupid? If I move on, should I write off the age gap experiment and stick to my age? All input is appreciated.

———————————————

Original Post:

I (26m) have been seeing a woman (47m) and dating long distance over a couple months (4.5hr drive). Things have been electric in person. But over text, it seems like she always assumes the worst with anything I say. Like everything I ask or do/don’t do must have a negative implication. I know she has been through some terrible things in her life, and I want to help but we can’t seem to have a conversation about anything tough without her feeling we should end things for reasons along the line of “not being good enough”.

I don’t know what to do. We see each other once every 2 weeks or so, and these blowups happen about 3-5 times in between, all only over text.

I feel like I can’t suggest we stop texting as much, or take a break in general, without her being done with us.

Any advice on what I should try to do? I don’t want to give up, but it’s getting to the point where it’s negatively affecting my mental health and I can’t do this forever.

Hi all, I was wondering if anyone has ever had a purely online relationship with either a cub or cougar and how did that go?

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So I (29m) started talking to this woman (50ish) and we hit it off. None of the sexual stuff right away, normal convo. We were texting all day, exchanging pics ( normal at first, got a little spicy…she initiated ) so nothing out of the ordinary… but she ghosted me she chose Snapchat as her means of texting, I always use regular messaging. Went to say good morning and she unfriended. Never saw any signs, so I’m just disappointed and no clue on what to do.

Age gap relationships have a pretty binary response among friends of a younger man dating older.

The few times where the more mature person I was dating had friends in the know, the reaction was negative or crude.

I'm curious as age gap relationships have become more common and much more accepted among younger men, how things have changed among more mature women?

(M21) (F37) I have been through some rough times and I just wanted some reassurance on my life situation and for some other people to weigh in on what I should do. I understand where not together and that’s ok. I’m making this post because right now I’ve been unemployed for the past few months, until just recently I found another job and I start this week. She gave me motivation and encouragement to become someone and the next time she sees me I want it her to see I’ve done better in my life. Right now im without a car because my first one broke down months ago and I had quit my job before and couldn’t fix it. I’m still feeling the effects. In fact she met me when I didn’t even have a car and me and her have kept up between the last few years since we met. Where not in contact but we’ve talked between the time we dated and now.

I did an internship for a few months I’m proud of and I haven’t landed my big boy job yet but I really look towards getting to that position. It was in architecture.

Looking just for feedback and community help

Good evening, reddit. I recently just as of this past night went on a date and all things considered it went really well! We had really good conversation and ultimately I doubt I could've done anything differently, but she said at the end that she was gonna head home. We just had a few drinks at a bar nothing crazy, but the plan was if all things went well I'd go back to her place or vice versa. However, it seems my age was too much of a factor for her to wrestle with. And because of that I don't think things will continue. It sucks because she was super cool and unique and I thought I came across as quite level headed and mature but ultimately for her it wasn't something she could overlook.

Is there anything I should do now or could do differently? She gave me a chance meeting me with the age thing on her mind but I guess she can't overlook it. I just wonder if there's anything I can do at this point.

I’m a cub(26) and my gf is 43. We have a 17 year age gap, and I feel like I’m going to have a hard time telling my mom and grandma. I really do love her, but I also do care about my family. How did your family react to the age gap?