Im gonna talk to a Dr about this here soon but just wanted to hear personal experiences from others. I mainly use oxy but have used kratom on days I don't have any oxy.

My husband has Had horrible RLS for the last 9 nights has getting on average 2 hours sleep between 8pm-7am. He was smoking around an OZ a fortnight of green and 200mg tramadol 1x per day for the last 2 years. I didn’t think his withdrawals would be so horrible but he’s really struggling. It triggered a psychosis episode because of little to no sleep. He went cold turkey 2 weeks ago. And had a bupe 5mcg patch on for 7 days to help the WDS.

His dr prescribed him madopar to help his RSL has anyone used this? I can’t find much on it?

He is using iron, magnesium & mega dosing on VIT C. I’m massaging him multiple times a night on his legs and I’m absolutely exhausted. He is also having epsom salt baths. We have 3 kids youngest is 8 months old and we both work full time so this is absolutely draining.

Hi, I don't really know where to start. I guess out of desperation of wanting something different and a change I landed here. I've been taking prescribed oxys & norcos on and off for years. I've never dabbled with the "street" drugs but my body has become physically dependent on these stupid pills. I don't snort, shoot or smoke them I take them orally as prescribed but I've noticed my quality of life is terrible. I am TERRIFIED of withdrawals so I'm stuck in this Neverending cycle. I was currently taking about 35 ish MG of Oxy a day but ran out and am currently taking 20 ish MG of Norco as of now. I am almost out though as somethings got messed up with my script. But in my heart and soul I'm just DONE. I want my life back, I want to be able to focus and be happy without the constant worry of making sure I have these pills.. the bummer is I do have some severe chronic health issues and I am in pain everyday. But it's to the point that they aren't even helping my pain, I just take them to feel "normal" but I don't want to anymore. So if anyone has any suggestions and advice for what I can do to make myself feel a little better for when I run out of these things? Any support. I'll be grateful for any of it! This will be my first time ever in many years where I do this, before I've been without any opiates for like a day and was absolutely miserable so I'm scared as shit. I've been researching and reading others stories and that seems to be really helpful, I am just really scared of feeling sick, I do have some straight up buprenorphine I was prescribed to help with the pain but after reading how much worse the withdrawal is from bup I'm terrified to take that as well and just wanna thug this out and get it over with.

So far I've read these things can help: CBD & MJ (I am not opposed to these) Vit C Muscle relaxers Lyrica (pregablin) I have some of this as my Dr likes to throw everything at me to "treat" my chronic pain Stomach pills for diarrhea etc

Please give me some advice, words of encouragement! I know I could be in a much worse position on other "stronger" drugs I'm just really scared and I have severe anxiety and panic attacks and that's not helping anything. Thanks in advance! 🙏

I’ve tried over and over to get off oxy but the main thing that holds me back is the mental challenges that come with it.

Depression anxiety and the fact it’s wired me to not enjoy anything apart from oxy i sit there with it on my mind 24/7 i don’t know how to get off this drug any advice on what i can do to keep myself stimulated

The year 2020 marked my first foray into drug use. Before then, alcohol was my constant companion, but this year everything shifted dramatically.

It all began with mixing clonazepam and Ritalin, spending hours by the computer concocting terrible music. Soon, my finances were dwindling. To sustain my new habit, I started selling pills. One of my suppliers discovered my side business and cozied up to me, offering help with bulk deals. This marked the onset of the worst year of my life.

I became a pill dealer offering home deliveries, unaware that my "friend" (my supplier) had ulterior motives, including orchestrating robberies against me and scamming me out of thousands. Despite this, I was earning enough to cover my $8,000 monthly drug expenses.

I lost track of how many times I blacked out that year, but I'd estimate about 20, each lasting from days to weeks. During this time, I was trafficking pills day and night. Eventually, I caught the attention of mid-level dealers and began dealing opioids like Oxy and Morphine. Trying Oxy for the first time is something I regret deeply, as it spiraled into a full-fledged addiction.

Using Oxy signaled the decline of my brief but intense stint as a drug dealer. The laziness it induced made me incapable of maintaining my sales, leading to the loss of all my money and accumulating around $50,000 in debt and fines from DUIs. Financially devastated, I had no choice but to quit using drugs. It finally hit me—I had been a complete idiot.

By the start of 2021, I had hit rock bottom. I was back living with my parents, buying the occasional bag of weed whenever I could afford it. Since then, I’ve found a job to support my ongoing Oxy addiction. I’m still residing with my parents rent-free, having recently completed community service for my DUI sentence and gradually settling my debts.

Drugs wreaked havoc on my life, fundamentally transforming who I am. While I never broke the law when I was drinking every night and watching TV, using pills essentially turned me into a criminal.

Drugs not only impacted my life; it had far-reaching effects on everyone around me. Primarily, it caused immense worry and distress as my loved ones helplessly witnessed the downward spiral of my life. Additionally, my dishonest, deceitful, and unpredictable behavior caused people to resent me and lose faith in anything I said.

Six months ago, I began my journey to sobriety, though it's been challenging. The longest I’ve gone without using is four weeks, but I remain determined. Currently, I’m three weeks clean and have started my recovery.

I hope my story serves as a warning to those embarking on a similar path, as the road only leads to suffering and likely, imprisonment.

Happy 2 weeks to u/throwawaymaxxy and u/p0mie, and (almost?) 1 month to u/savingschemistry7362!

It’s a normal Monday here for me, and I am overly excited about a fitness goal I reached without noticing until someone said something to me about it, which made me feel really good.

Check in here.

Need I say more? I almost just shit my pants. Tapering is fun! I hope the recovery fam has a successful day <3

TLDR AT BOTTOM . This just includes a lot of maybe helpful details to get a big picture. So I’ve been with this person for the last 14 years. They are the father to my 3 year old son. We used to use together, before I got clean over 7 years ago. He was full blown addicted to fentanyl 2 years ago, weighing 115 pounds when he finally got arrested and forced to get clean and released July of 2023. He almost died. Many times, but that jail saved his life literally, as he was in ICU at hospital away from jail shortly after an arrest with heart ejection fraction of a mere 12 percent. If was arrested not even two days later he would’ve been dead. For sure if not from an OD, his heart was about to give out. He used opiates since 2009. Every single day, but jail time, until that arrest. He lasted maybe a day or two before he demanded he see doctor for benzos for anxiety. Something he’s never been addicted to. I highly suggested against it as it’s recommended short term and he’s not mentally ready for anything short term. He did it anyway. He agreed to finally take Suboxone and not worry about being addicted to suboxone though. So he did stay on that. But he’s on both. He relapsed not too long after release but didn’t do it again for awhile and has one more relapse and was done with opiate relapse for a long time, maybe 8 months. However he did begin drinking daily. And I fought very hard for him to stop and begged him. Nobody even the counselor said if he’s doing so well and avoiding fentanyl to not worry about this too much. I eventually gave it up. He gained so much weight he looked like the man I always knew he could be…Despite taking his benzos and having drinks everyday still seemed to be doing well. Those were never his DOC. Well fast forward to the end of the first 8 months… he began showing signs I feared of alcoholism. He couldn’t take a break despite promising. Eventually he relapsed on pills …. Snorted them. Avoided shooting… relapse would happen, a month would go by. I thought he had a chance since it was just one time but I knew it was bad risk. I began showing him how I was right about how he should’ve not gotten into benzos, alcohol…. But he wouldn’t stop. He will stop his sub treatment and relapse up to 2-3 a month by now for the next two months. Then by the 10th month of probation it was atleast 3 relapses a month. By July of this year he’s relapsing atleast 3 times a month still until September when it’s once a week. I’m extremely desperate he promises every time and I want to tell his PO before it’s out of hand to test him once a week not once a predictable time a month but he begs me and says two years of suspended sentence in prison is terrible for us. I said “it’s only 2 years for the rest of our life I can’t keep accepting promises and you knowing the consequences and then you doing it again over and over!! “ I just wanted more supervision so he went back to how the first 8 months were. I thought I was finally maybe getting the man I’ve been waiting to see all these years. Things came out that were wonderful that were hidden under addiction and now it’s quickly coming back. Well the last two months… has progressed as I worried into today. He has officially stopped his sub treatment for 3 days straight about 10 days ago, and successfully got his first physical withdrawal symptom. I completely knew it was hopeless on him doing it on his own now. He’s never done it before. He promised he would get through the sickness. Surprise he didn’t. And I mean he would go as far as having a 2 hour conversation convincing me to please give one last chance it’s the last chance and later on that day or the next sneak off and get more and worry about consequences and apologies later. I warned him that using while now physically, not just mentally hooked, is the worst thing he can do for his addiction and prolonging the inevitable and it’ll be the same if not worse later. He convinced himself that if he took a sub while on it it’ll just avoid the sickness and he will be fine. I tried for two hours explaining to him how that is impossible there will have to be a day of discomfort to get back on subs now. Well every single day he’s relapsed. I went as far as finding his connection and calling them and threatening them not to sell to him. They complied…. But now…. His next connection I didn’t know about was fentanyl. His grand plan of course didn’t work. I was right, and he got sick again. He told me he’d get through the sickness so today he went all day . He took a sub and felt worse but I promised him if he keeps taking by later it’ll be over he’ll be back on subs. He made it until 10pm… he even said he felt better. And then randomly someone comes to my neighborhood at 10pm to deliver him needles and fentanyl, and he shot up for the first time since before jail. Game over. Now what??? He’s begging me not to tell his PO, but he also has said he’s not allowed to go to rehab or he will go to jail. I KNOW he is full blown addicted again. He’s already lost 10 pounds in two weeks. He was 186 pounds from 115 when he was arrested. Now he’s back down 176 and doing the same shit again. I found it and a threw it down the toilet and took his pack of needles and broke completely and trashed them but I don’t know what to do. As an ex addict I know his promises tonight of not doing it again are lies. He just said this every single day and saying it with complete sincerity for hours on end. He said why can’t you just kick me out instead of throwing me in jail? Why??? Because his son began to love him for the first time this last year, I thought we could finally have a chance to move on… if he worked on stopping drinking and weaned off the doctors benzos. But now this too??? He’s telling me I’m cold blooded if I put him in jail to detox off his meds. He still says he’s not full blown addicted to opiates again but he clearly is. Nobody uses a week straight with now physical withdrawal symptoms and not be full blown addicted. I don’t want to kick him out because I know he will die out there with free run to use. I will feel forever guilt I didn’t have him locked up then. And he says he can’t do inpatient or same result. He says IOP will work? How??? I can’t live every single day going to work now Monday since our break is over… and knowing he’s behind my back feeding it every day making it worse and worse. I’m telling him every time he uses while sick it’s making the sickness later worse and worse. I was right and he even bet me $100 he was right. Course I don’t take his money, but I told him this all!! And he won’t listen!! And on top, did it AGAIN, after seeing I Was RIGHT! He indeed got sicker on Sunday. I even predicted Sunday! And now he will be even sicker Monday and Tuesday even worse, and he or I will be away at work. This dealer of his for fentanyl delivers to him no matter what. This guy desperately wants him hooked in a bad way. I succeeded in ruining his pill connection (which was laced anyway by the end) but now he has this. And it’s strong enough for him to OD. He didn’t because he took 2 subs today. He even started to feel better. How stupid can he be? He’s been through this and I thought rock bottom!?? He feared ever being addicted again and was happy not needing opiates. He knew the risks. wtf. I knew this would happen tho with the alcohol and benzos. Eventually. Any trigger would set him off and it sure did.

TLDR : I’m at a loss what to do. Partner and beloved father of my 3 year old son , got clean off fentanyl after jail stint in July 2023, and had a relapses starting 8 months in, closer and closer together on snorting pills, until it went back to shooting fentanyl for the first time since tonight. He’s had sick withdrawal symptoms for 5 days now. But can’t seem to keep promise, as I know he can’t handle sick on his own ever. (Even though I did myself over 7 years ago and way sicker than how he is currently… but his sickness will get worse with every use but he won’t stop) do I call his PO and ask for him to go rehab before jail, or just have them test him and let it play out? He’s on probation with a suspended sentence of probably 2 years prison. Our child will be devastated. But if he continues he will either die or be back to how he was before, 115 pounds and dying, and devastate his son anyway. He’s up to 176 pounds today. And it’s not healthy or safe for him to be in house like this. Yes it happens away from house but never know now. Do I kick him out and let the streets possibly just kill him with zero support??? I’m at a loss.

Most withdrawal symptoms are gone, I just sneeze here and then now and deal with no energy and insomnia still, but the sleeping part is getting better. didn’t think i would actually manage, if u told me a month ago i’d be sober this long id call u crazy lol

I constantly feel like I don't belong. I was a heroin addict for almost 10 years in a country where H is still H. But whenever I get a job that is supposed to be a high end job ( corporate ) , I just feel completely out of my element. I am used to hang out with the lowest of the low, and I cannot seem to connect with anyone because I just don't feel a genuine connection with anyone It all seems so superficial and stupid compared to what I am used to... How do you guys handle this because I just can't.....

TIMELINE

8-9 months of ramped use (30 mg, a day ramped to 240 mg)

4 days with consumption of 40 + blues averaged out amongst the 4 days, no eating , very little drinking, constant puking

Moment I was out, mid day took 1mg of clonazepam and somehow fell asleep

Woke up and collapsed twice, went to ER

Now been in hospitsl for days on end with not too many WD symptoms, however a pos test result for FENTANYL.

Being given many different IVs for potassium, IVs for phosphorus, some 0.1mg clonidine, potassium pills.

NO sleep at night. Some relief in single shower I was allowed. Not ingesting much food if any, primarily sweets, fruit.

Besides general hospital loneliness and boredness not many WD symptoms in now 3 days. Are they coming in later?

Any ideas why I’m not losing my shit in here? Any ideas for support on sleep? Running on 3 nights no sleep with perhaps an hour each early afternoon.

Hi, I just want to say something about what happened to me yesterday afternoon. So I was a polysubstance drug addict for 17 years, up until yesterday I’d been clean for 16 months until I was going through my room and found an old shoebox in my wardrobe that was filled with needles old baggies some ghb and two oxycodone pills. I instantly felt sick after discovering the contents of the shoebox, but after the initial shock of finding it all the only thing I could think about was using and instead of coming clean with my loved one’s and getting rid of it all I went ahead and used. It was almost like I couldn’t control myself, once I had the pills and fresh needles in my hand it was like I became possessed, I instantly went to my desk and crushed the two 10mg oxycodone targin pills and injected them. The initial rush was amazing but soon after I realised that it was too strong and that I had fkd up I made it about two steps out of my room and collapsed. I think after about a minute my body started going into extremely harsh drug induced dystonia, intense myoclonic jerks, my breathing was shuttered almost like each time I tried to inhale I would have a hiccup reaction and I was going in and out of a delirium. While this was all happening I came to the realisation that I was going to die.. but the only thing I could think about was my family and how I didn’t want to lose them or vice versa. After fighting off death for the next I’m not sure how long I managed to remember that my phone was on my kitchen bench and I somehow mustered up all the strength I had left and crawled to my phone to call emergency services. I spent time in the hospital and was just discharged some time ago. I guess I am writing all of this for others who are thinking of using again to say to them that life is way too beautiful to let go of. Please know that there is help out there and that you are loved and cherished..! Stay safe out there people you are worth it..! ❤️🙏🦾

Hey everyone. I am looking for a quality program. What are your experiences with any of them in NJ (I do not want something state run.) I have really amazing Blue Shield PPO insurance and want to take advantage while I can..

Can also be NY/NJ/PA/CT. And if you are from Jersey but found one out of state please let me know-as I don’t mind taking a flight if it is worth it . Thanks in advance…

Avid h/fent User for 8 years with iv use for 6-7 years. over 2 months ago i started a fent taper with the last of the normal fent i had stashed up. 3-4 grams. Over 2 months I tapered down to literally salt sized grains. When that finally ran out i only had rinse/cottons left. Then i used those cottons for 3-5 and when those were gone i finally made the jump to roxies and percocet. I havent IVed anything for 16 days now!! Day 1 of no IV i was at 100mg of OXY to feel normal. I slowly worked down to 60mg Nd i am now at 40 mg a day to feel ok. I still do cheat with the roxies by snorting them. I do get a nice feeling from them but its nothing psychologically like h/fent. Im slowly lowering my dose and my method of ingestion. Im starting to transition to oral Percocet. Soon i will jump to strictly oral Percocet then to oral hydrocodone aka norco and attempt to walk that down. The other day i was out of oxy and needed 7 norco to feel normal throughout the day. So i need to get lower first since that acetaminophen is rough on us. One thing that has really helped is me meeting a new girlfriend who hasn't judged me and has supported me 100% , the new routine and normalness of her life is reallly really helping me. im somewhat successful. About 240k a year drive a 2024 corvette own a boat etc but When i was single i just got high and worked on running my business 24/7 and didnt realize how unhealthy it was and didnt realize how much a change would help me. i just wanted to tell yall my current story and remind people that if theres a will theres a way. I was no quitter i was living this junkie shit but the new shitty supply of knockoff fent that doesnt even feel like dope forced me to give this up and im so thankful and ready. Im so excited to see how this pans out and what life has in store for me. Ive robbed myself of so much time and potential im just ready to finish this chapter and live the life i deserve. If youre reading this i promise you can walk this down too. Its possible !! If anyone wants tips or wants to talk just message me!!! Wish me luck on the rest of my journey

Thanks

So I took my last line of blues around 2am today then another super small does nothing even a quarter around 8, around 1 I got subs and took the sub, within 30m I was sweating and had chills had to shower and just lay in the water, after I got out I layed n my bed was still very sweaty than I grabb some Benzo and took one and now I feel like the precipitated withdraw idk if it passed and that benzo helped

I’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts on Buprenorphine and whether if I start it I will be considered “in recovery” or am I just swapping one evil out for another?

I’m looking at starting Bupe and attending groups/therapy. But I want to make sure I’m making the right decision before I start.

I would like to start reducing straight away so I’m on a very low dose and can eventually come off completely without too much suffering.

Morning Train - Vin Bogart

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djsff6gRg-0

deje atras todas mis redes sociales y cuentas, me cree un correo especificamente para reddit porque considero que otras redes sociales como fb, ig y tiktok me pudririas la cabeza por la curiosidad que estas me pueden generar, tengo entendido y soy consciente que muchas recaidas frecuentemente son por una mujer y es lo que realmente intento evadir que es a mi ex
permanezco en casa haciendo los deberes ayudando y distrayendome leyendo, jugando apex, estar en familia y esperando marzo para retomar mis clases en la universidad y trabajar en algo luego
es increible lo lento que pasan los dias, no digo que sean aburridos, simplemente mi persepcion es así, aveces me dan ganas de ponerme a beber pero tengo el temor intacto que me hace pensar en que no es correcto, es dificil porque es verdad que solo basta con pensarlo porque al imaginarmelo ya me genera satisfacción el beber alcohol de nuevo. Este grupo y lo que publican me sirve demasiado para mantener mi sobriedad, agradezco mucho por lo que narran en sus dia a dia y como aconsejan porque leo lo que comentan y me da mucho confort saber que estan pasando por lo mismo y que luchan dia a dia como yo para seguir manteniendose sobrios

I have chronic pain and rely on narcotics to be able to function every day. I have been stupid and ran out of my meds a week early. I’m dreading the onset of symptoms. Just need to feel like I’m not alone. This part is the worst. 😞

Two weeks today. Weekends suck, because my motivation is still so low, and the time drags.

When I’m at work I can at least focus on something greater than myself and the hours zip by without any nagging thoughts.

I’ve been craving today. And listless. So I cleaned the oven. A hateful task but an achievement.

About 3-4 days ago I woke up from a mostly decent sleep and felt terrific - and did what I’ve done so many times before, my mind telling me, wow you’ve done it. It’s over.

Now this, restless but listless. Craving but committed.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Keep on keeping on everyone.

Confused on how much to take? I can’t find any and I’m worried I might be taking too much or less. I’m taking 2x 1000mg tablets 3x per day. Help pls the restless legs and sleepless nights are killing me. I’m day 8 of cold turkey.

About a month ago I was on a bender and long story short made a bad decision to buy a used Toyota RAV4 from a mechanic for $2800. It’s 2007 has 190,000. And to my knowledge mechanically sound. Needs some paint work and other things like new indicators, emergency break and exhaust to be tightened. See the thing is I bought this car with my gfs money while I was high, trying to help but really making a bigger problem buying this shit. It’s been a month later and in that month I have done nothing but try to get away from pills and continue working to pay my rents as well as start school while this car sits in our (rented) driveway. I still not have received the title and that’s the kicker. Please I know this isn’t necessarily opiates but it’s a consequence of my use. I’m not a car guy and I don’t know where else to turn. Can someone please give me some guidance

I am wondering if anyone has any information on microdosing iboga / ibogaine to taper off opiates specifically heroin. If anybody has any advice or experience in this ie dosages or any hints on how this can be done successfully it would be really appreciated. Many thanks

Hi everyone I wanted to share a big milestone for me, I will be 1 month sober from oxy next week!!

This month has been a living hell. Constant fatigue, awful stomach pains/reflux/GI issues, crippling anxiety, cravings so strong I was inches away from relapse. I even felt like I was about to pass out a few times while at work and wound up at the doctor for bloodwork.

Despite how hard it has been I would do it a thousand times over to be free of the hold oxy had on me. My body is finally starting to regulate and I am feeling like myself again. I am still dealing with some symptoms, but I feel alive and not in the numb haze that this horrible drug puts you under. To those battling, stay strong with me. We got this and we are way stronger than this drug💪

Im not sure if I used the right terminology but I'm referring to medicine such as naltrexone, buprenorphine, methadone, suboxone etc. I need to get sober but think I need to do a taper of some sort to be able to accomplish this.

Could you guys tell me what all the different options here are and what the pros/cons for each. I know pros and cons is very subjective so just use your own personal experiences.

Thanks to all who help. Just want to start becoming the best version of myself I can be. Thanks guys

Edit: I struggle with oxycodone. I've slowed down so typically 20 to 40 mg is enough to get my high. Ive been using consistently for 2 years now. The cravings is my real struggle. The physical stuff doesnt help, but it's not super bad, but bad enough to not want to go to work when wd.

I've done fent in the past but after those wds I vowed to never ever touch it again. I dont have the self control to taper on oxy so I want to jump to suboxone, then sublocade and taper with that. After I get off that I'm thinking of using naltrexone to manage cravings

I’m 5 days sober off fent and I’m super confused and worried for my future self. I went out of town for the holidays so I haven’t had the opportunity to use. I go back home on Monday where all the reminders of active addiction are so I’m afraid I’ll relapse. I didn’t really want to get clean as well so I’d be in the same mindset and comfortable in active addiction. However, this has been one of the easiest times getting through the withdrawals. I took a bunch of supplements and stuff on the first three days and then a little over half and sub probably midway through the third day, otherwise I’ve been completely sober other than nicotine and weed ofc. Im also afraid I’m going to be way worse off when I’m at home simply because of the power your mental state has on the withdrawals. It seems like it was way too easy this time and therefore too good to be true. I’m just confused as I want to stay clean and never go through withdrawals again but I also really want to get high again. I find at night right before bed is when the cravings are the worst as all I want to do is hit a yerk and get the best sleep EVERR. It’s hard not to look forward to then so that I can get some type of fent in my system and feel awesome again. PAWS is also terrifying me. I know I need to make the changes when I get home, but for how long I was using for, everything reminds me of pills but I can’t just throw out my whole life and start over from scratch. I can’t afford to. Idk what I need so if you guys wanna just put any advice or tell your story it would be appreciated greatly…

I smoked M one time in the basement while my wife was upstairs with the kids and I told my mom and now she wants to take them away in court. What do I do?

Very curious about this. I know tramadol is different from other opiates. It was always my drug of choice and for years. Anyway I couldn’t ever see past 4 weeks without it, after many tries. The withdrawals were horrific then I would relapse due to extreme PAWS. I started subutex in may this year, and I’ve just hit the 6 month mark being clean from tramadol. This last couple of weeks I have been feeling a real zest for life again. I’m excited about things, feel all giddy towards my husband again, going out socialising with friends again and just enjoying life. But for those first few months being clean from tramadol I was just miserable, even taking the subutex didn’t really help my mental state all that much. My only thought is maybe my brain has healed itself or is beginning the healing process from the damage from the tramadol. Just curious to see if anyone can concur on this? I’m aware tramadol has very complex effects on brain chemistry so this is my thoughts on why I’ve been feeling so well this last few weeks.

I (f31) went through my husbands phone last night, through the deleted messages. He’s not a cheater but he has been caught lying to me on multiple occasions about small random things. I found out he has a drug addiction ( MDMAs and opioids) after we got married ( 3 weeks in and I found a bag of pills in his car) and moved in together. It’s only been 6 months of being married and I’m already seeing other things about him that doesn’t make sense. Mid June I helped him detox and started meal prepping for him, getting him started at the gym, managing his business so he can relax a bit and maybe the stress can stop being a trigger. Mid June to now I thought he was clean ( we even did random drug tests to earn my trust back) but there’s a message from September in his deleted box to some guy saying “ any luck?” And the dealer texted back with “ did you see my txt from last night” and my husband replied back with “ no I have to block you every time I’m home so my wife doesn’t see this”. On this day and time while he was texting the dealer I pulled up my text history with my husband and he’s ACTIVELY telling me “ I love you so much I know I put your through a lot but I’m going to earn your trust back. You’re going to see many changes in my health” etc etc. only a few hours later after texting me this he’s meeting up with the dealer for his pills. How do I proceed? I’m feeling torn between staying and helping him get through whatever this addiction is but the other part of me is feeling like I’ll end up lied to, manipulated ( he’s done this before to me when my gut was telling me something is off and he’ll gas lit me into believing I’m overthinking) and wasting a bunch of years before I see he’s going to pick his addiction over me.

He has his own company, he’s very high functioning, takes care of the bills, has a social life, etc. I’m saying this because he’s not relying on me for shit, or using me. he wants to be with me for me but how do I get over this betrayal.

Mid June to now I thought he was clean when I first caught him. He even started coming home early. I just can’t believe he’s smoking smack on a foil paper, popping pills and manipulating me this bad. I could never imagine a life without him but I’m scared that’s the real reality of my life and I need to somehow pick myself up and leave. Any advice would be appreciated please. I’m young and don’t have much experience with drug users or being betrayed.

I was a heroin/meth addict for ten years, at the end did mostly fent. A year ago I got clean after experiencing an ayahuasca ceremony with the express intention of quitting drugs. It’s been really hard and I still use Kratom so don’t necessarily consider myself clean, but still it’s been a hell of a lot better of a situation.

I was at my in laws house for thanksgiving and she had a big bottle of Percocet sitting out in her bathroom. At first I walked away, but later this incredible urge came over me and I had to take one. It didn’t do shit so I took 3 more. I still didn’t feel anything at all and felt like shit for stealing so stopped. Maybe the kratom has my tolerance high enough or percs just aren’t very strong, idk. But I’m grateful I didn’t feel high. If I did I probably would have fallen back off the wagon hard. It’s been 3 days and just trying to move forward.