I'm reading The Art of Making Memories by Meik Working and the chapter where he talks about how memories from the ages of 15-30 tend be most strongly recollected. Reading him describe his own memories has brought up deep anxiety and regret about how passively I've lived. Stuck deeply in avoidance with my head in clouds of smoke. My memories feel scrambled and hazy, hard to grasp and feel them deeply.

I let myself smoke extra days after 420 and it confirmed that smoking more than two days in a row is not the path I want to walk. Tomorrow we're visiting some old smoking buddies overnight, I haven't seen them since I quit smoking daily. I'm honestly nervous about it all, especially my sleep routine. I know I'll be tempted to smoke but I just know I don't want to, and reading this chapter bolsters me, I want vivid memories of this happy visit.

This new chapter I'm in feels so much better for my self esteem, I feel good about the memories I'm making. I'm really excited to build up my library of happy vivid clearheaded memories. Yet It's still challenging but important to really face the consequences of how I spent the last decade, especially realizing how important vivid happy memories are for life satisfaction, mental health, and long term joy. I need to start working through some of the shame I have attached to these happy hazy memories. I can't just let myself taint an entire decade of memories. I'm allowed to enjoy remembering happy times from eras with big regrets.

So, here’s my problem. Me and all my boys are weed smokers, runs in our veins seemingly. We all mix weed and tobacco in our bongs, we call that ‘chop’(maybe it’s just a central valley Ca thing idk). Anyway, i’m trying to stop, for health reasons and for other mental health reasons as well. I honestly just feel healthier without it. I can run again, workout, eat healthier and more. Now, here’s the problems with me boys and boyettes. I am ADDICTED to the feeling i get it. Like yeah the physical addiction to tobacco is a bitch but it’s easier for me to just stop on that front. Yet when i’m around my friends, im so tempted for that amazing headrush. I’ve never felt anything like it in my life. 10 seconds of just empty brain, manual breathing, and full body buzz. Gives me goosies. And i CRAVE that feeling so bad, not like i necessarily need it, i just want it so bad. I’ve been good of all smoking for a month and then relapsed a bit took a few bowls with my friends. I just want to know if anyone could tell me if they know the health effects of this tobacco+weed bong mix. Sometimes i used to spit out like black specks in my phlegm, and i just did that this morning cause i did it yesterday and the day before. I know I can stop especially if i just don’t hang out with my friends cause then im not tempted. But I just want others more elder advice from some adults. Appreciate anyone who responds🫡☝🏽

Hi guys

I smoke twice a week, 0,3 g of weed each time. I’m pretty high on that dose currently, however I crave smoking a little more often.

I’m wondering: will I raise my tolerance by using his technique, when it’s as low as it is already?

Or will I simply “activate” my receptors so that I will be able to get a lil buzz more than twice a week?

I don’t need to be stoned AF each time, however I will by any means rather stick to a few real hitting smoke days than more mediocore sessions.

For some reason I literally cannot quit. I have been having the feeling and conscious thought to quit for 5 years straight. Even when low on money I find a way to fit weed into my schedule the whole day.

I smoke 1.5 g a day. 2 - 3 times a day .5 g

I got back into a program that I randomly quit 2 times because of uninterest in computers. Also feelings of fatigue from smoking in the morning. I feel like I had that mind change or switch because I was smoking weed.

I'm more focus n stable when sober. I remember skating alot more when fully sober but ever since i started smoking its just been weed. I've been smoking for 10 years with occasional breaks.

Sometimes I have the inability to feel pleasure, apathy, n fatigue. I know the fatigue is from smoking specifically cause when I had a dry herb vape I felt way better but somehow it went missing.

Everytime I say I'm going to stop, it never happens. I even copped some weed today :(

I said I was gonna stop for a year straight. I was able to take a 5 day break, then 1 week of only smoking in the night then I went back to 2 - 3 times a day. my mind changes n tells me its okay, then its like I'm convinced its okay. When buying weed i think if I should buy it or not but always buy.

There have been alot of mishaps in my life in terms crazy decisions that lead no where n I feel like it happens cause I'm smoking weed.

Is weed the problem ? Or is it just me ? I have heard stories about people quitting and life getting easier which did happen for me also but I literally can't stop projecting the experience of smoking weed. And I have only quit for 5 days recently so I really don't know.

So the about 5 days ago I smoked and got really high and I enjoyed the high. Ever since then, I have this permanent high feeling but without the euphoria and Im seeing the world differently. Will this ever go away, and when it does is it safe to smoke again? Thanks!

Hi all,

I need some outside perspective. I'm 18 and in my last year of school. I have my final exams coming up in a couple months, these alone will dictate whether I get into university or not.

I smoke every night, I use a dry herb vape and I dont even finish a bowl. Most of the time, a 0.15g bowl lasts 2 nights. I definitely have a very low tolerance, but I also don't want to get too high.

I've been smoking nightly since last September, with a couple short breaks along the way. I have ASD and ADHD, which makes schoolwork, studying and homework incredibly taxing for me. I've been very burnt out, anxious and depressed cthis past school year, but now that spring is arriving and I got myself on antidepressants about a month ago, I'm feeling much better. Still, school and life in general is absolutely exhausting, and my only escape from my racing mind and constant overstimulation is those ~2 hours in the evening where I can smoke and watch a show, or play some music.

I do worry that my habit is causing me harm, especially to my memory and motivation. I have always had a horrible memory (probably related to my disorders), but I worry weed makes it worse. I also worry my motivation is taking a hit, as I already struggle with the classic hopelessness/ lack of motivation from my depression.

So, in essence, I don't want to stop, at least not for now. In the future I'd like to limit myself to the weekends so a good smoke becomes more of a treat, but right now smoking at the end of each day is the only way I can relax. But if the habit is doing more harm than good, I want to try and stop it, however hard it'll be.

Any outside perspective and advice would be great :)

I've been an every day smoker for about 6 years. In January I tried to bite the bullet and quit cold turkey, and did so for one month. In that time, my depression came back with a vengeance, and I started having vivid dreams again, only they were always nightmares.

I picked it up again, only smoking a small bit at night, but my nightmares haven't gone away this time. I feel tired no matter how much sleep I've gotten and I wake up miserable and sad, even if I don't remember what happened in the nightmare.

Any idea why this has happened, and any advice on what to do about it? Thanks

I took a 52 day t break which the whole time I was treating mentally as a permanent end to using weed at all. but then the day after my bday (when i drank) i totally just caved and was easily able to get myself some stuff and told myself even tho ik this isn’t great for me, i can at least not let it totally control me like before and use it at totally inappropriate times and let it ruin my productivity. it’s been ~2 weeks since i started using and totally just decided to not go to my classes today and get bkfast then drive round til my family member left for work and come home and get rly high. i know it’s bad but it feels so good to isolate myself like this ik im in a bad place i gotta stop again and throw all my stuff away. just wanted to share guys 🤦‍♂️

I'm trying to understand why I seem to like to catch a buzz when I'm doing outdoor activities. Most of my life, I've been getting high when I go skiing. Even when I stop for a long time, when I go skiing, I start and then stop afterwards. Now that I took up mountain biking, I'm finding I'm doing the same thing. Something about being outdoors in nature and getting high appeals to me.

I made my rules, said I was only going to smoke Tuesday and Thursday evenings and Saturdays. It's Wednesday night. I went out to celebrate a friend's birthday. Everyone had drinks, I can't drink bc I'm depressed. I didn't bring an edible since I was running late and since I just recently got off my tolerance break my tolerance is still low and idk when and how long it would hit and wouldn't feel comfortable driving after. SO. I'm gonna allow myself a smoke with my dab vape, just one smoke no other consuming tonight and my fat bowl will have to wait until tomorrow. Accepting me breaking the rule tonight given the circumstances. Guess I'm just becoming more aware of the habit. 💚

Hello.

I am coming to realize that weed isnt rly serving me or my life at this stage anymore. The ways it drains my life outweigh the ways in which it adds fulfillment to my life. However, I've been stuck in my ways for so long, I cant seem to make a change. Idk if its because I am ambivalent, or because I have unresolved trauma, or terrible coping skills, or a combo of all of that, but anyways I just wanted to write this all out to get it out of my head!

How weed makes my life worse:

• makes me paranoid

• increases anxiety

• worsens anhedonia

• intensifies negative thoughts

• worsens binge eating episodes

• intensifies the urge to drink alcohol

• makes me further from my ideal version of myself

• makes me more disorganized

• worsens brain fog

• Burns a hole in my pocket

How weed benefits my life:

• itches a scratch/soothes the craving in the moment, which I will admit is pretty major because my cravings make my SKIN CRAWL and my coping skills are awful

• its fun

• music sounds better

• dopamine

• food tastes better

So basically, what I am up against is hedonism and impulsivity vs my sanity and discipline. The problem is, my coping skills SUCK. I just get so overwhelmed I completely shut down and just avoid or escape. That is something I really need to work on and I really want to work on. My mental health also sucks and I have some stuff going on with that and my addictions therapist is also gonna leave me cuz I havent been making enough changes.

I am going through some major transitions in my life right now and really want to take this opportunity to work on myself. So any advice is appreciated.

26F

I see a lot of people on here with stories like mine, good job and education, healthy working out regularly…. Recently I decided to see a therapist and I mentioned my weed use to her too. She basically said everyone has some sort of vice or addiction (like coffee) and I shouldn’t worry so much. Yes I do struggle with anxiety and my other doc said the same thing to me once- something along the lines of, I’m so worried about my use that it probably will never really get out of hand.

I have a great job, I lost 30lbs in the last year, I’m in grad school., own property. But I hit my cart a lot, like too much for comfort. Sometimes I feel like I’m strict on myself in other ways, so this is my one vice. It’s just kinda shocking how fast the carts go. I’ve taken breaks here and there but mostly just don’t want to. For a while I was keeping it down to 10 hits a day. Lately I’m closer to 15-20. I try to buy low THC carts but they are always so mf high percentages.

I never wanted to go over using more than 1g a week. A 0.5g will last me like 2-3 days. It’s hard to moderate! Like I hate waking up in the morning but wake & bake makes it sooo much better. And if I just let myself go nuts I’ll hit like over 30x in a day if I’m just chillin at home. I try to keep busy so I don’t do that!!

I did try just using flower for a bit but vapes are nice. Ugggg

Ultimately I just don’t feel like I have a real reason to stop. My therapist told me if it makes me happy I should just do it. But whyyy do I worry about it then?! I have even asked my friends if they think my usage is a lot and they say no. I guess maybe I’m worried about health effects later in life. I wish I felt more motivated by the money I spend but honestly idccc bout that.

My biggest motivator would just be to take a break so I can lower my tolerance. But I struggle to do that too :(

Is it possible to never highten your tolerance and still get the same high every time? By only smoking once or twice a week for example?

My dreams should be picking up again soon. During t-breaks my dreams are pretty good.

When smoking I can't remember shit.

I'm definitely a lighter user considering the tolerance and time committed to smoking . Basically I started smoking daily 2 months ago, 1-3 blunts per day (mixed with tobacco). So only 3g consumed in total during that 2 months.

But still, it's definitely hurting me since I'm increasingly dependent on it for the mental + physical pain relief. I'm a full-time worker, and it obersably affected my overall productivity and displine.

I'm trying to cut it down to 1-2 times only in the weekends, and possibly to lower the amount. Any advice on the methods and recommended amount/consumption frequency? Thank you! It's nice to know of a group like this, like we are all in this together!

Hey all, so I'm cutting back from daily use to 2 days a week. When I don't take unisom, I won't sleep a wink, but I'm nervous that if I keep using unisom, I'll just be dependent on that to sleep.

I just don't know what to do. I'm managing every single part of the t-break well, but when I don't sleep it affects my job, and my thoughts get dark. I really don't have issues with cravings or missing weed, I just want to sleep and I'm terrified right now since insomnia makes me feel crazy. I exercise often and have a really good screen free night routine. Pls help :( I'm really struggling with this

I used to smoke every night for about 5 years. Today I reached my 1 year goal of not smoking. My cravings started to get bad around 10 months in and I started counting down the days until I reached the 1 year mark. My mind is much more stable and my anxiety is much better after abstaining for a year. I recognize all the positive effects from not smoking, but I still want to smoke weed 1x every 1-2 weeks. I’m one of those people that can really trip out, get paranoid, and anxious from weed. But when I’m not paranoid or anxious, I really enjoy it. I love the creativity and fascination you get from being high. I know weed is bad for me and my health but I still want to do it. I can’t tell if it’s reasonable or irresponsible of me to try to smoke weed again, knowing it has negative effects on my mind.

22M, I have been smoking hash mixed with tobbaco for the past 7 years currently 16 days clean and was wondering how long cravings will last. I quit due to my asthma getting worse due to the smoke, but the cravings have been very hard to deal with. I have thought of replacing the smoking with edibles but the problem is there is no edibles being sold in my country and making them myself is not a option as I have family living with me. Another problem is that basically everyone around me smokes and it makes it even harder to stop. I have been avoiding these people since i quit but I feel like i will relapse very soon and not sure what to do

I'm on my journey to moderation and I'll share some of my thoughts about it here. Hopefully it helps someone in the same boat as me.

Yesterday I rolled a joint with the full intention of smoking it and then doing chores around the house. I reminded myself of my rule of no smoking alone during the week and although it was very difficult to resist, the craving passed and I didn't give in. That's a huge step for me - having a joint ready to go and resisting the temptation.

I spent today thinking about the joint lurking in my bag and was very close to smoking it during my lunch break. Again, I resisted even though it was very difficult.

Then tonight I finally sparked it up. Took a few puffs, felt high and so I told myself here is where I stop. I feel high and relaxed, that's what I wanted, so no need to smoke the whole thing in one sitting. I left space for myself to finish the joint before the day was up. But then I didn't feel the need to. And this is a very huge achievement for me - not only have I resisted the urge several times now, but I was able to smoke just a few puffs instead of several joints like I used to.

I'm starting to see that moderation really is the way to go. I love marijuana, but when I'm (ab)using it a lot it loses its charm. With moderation and mindfulness I can be able to enjoy it more, make it more meaningful and keep it as an enhancing substance, not as a crutch during daily life. Using it this way also means that I use it up way slower and therefore am saving money. It also makes my mind at ease knowing I have a stash that's there for me for special occasions.

My goal is to have sobriety become my new normal. I don't drink much alcohol and would much rather have a few puffs than sip on a beer like some of my friends. I've started to compare weed to alcohol - what if my whole-day sessions included vodka and not marijuana? I'd be a full blown alcoholic. So I'm trying to rewire my brain to see weed in the same light - it's okay to get high when I'm with friends who are drinking, it's even okay to smoke a few puffs at night after a tiring day at work; it's not okay to smoke 1g in a day by myself.

Overall I am feeling great about this. I hope that things will not unravel and that I won't slip back into constant daily usage. But I feel that this time it's different, this time it's based in awareness and self-care.

The last time I quit I had very few issues with it. It was very easy to just stop. This time around I’m smoking less than I ever have while I was actively using, but now it’s been incredibly hard for me to quit. I was supposed to be done on 4/20, but I slipped up on Sunday and then went hard and smoked pretty much all day yesterday.

I work in contract security and just learned that my job is going to be switching over to a new contract which means a new company and new drug tests. I’m mostly just posting here to help myself remember that a little euphoria is not worth throwing my job away. I’m committing to going home from work tonight and throwing out all my weed and paraphernalia. I will NOT give in tonight or any other night for the foreseeable future.

Hey guys, I was off weed for like 8 weeks and last week I started back up slowly. Now I feel like I’m going to struggle to stop, and I’m scared that when I do stop I’ll face the terrible withdrawal side effects. Is 8 days of smoking a half a joint a day enough for my body to be physically affected by the withdrawal?

I plan to discontinue use today but I’m afraid to be in a bad place again both physically with withdrawal symptoms and in regard to depression. Withdrawing last time after 2 years+ daily heavy smoking caused such bad symptoms.

Anyone with personal experience, please chime in! Thank you!

So I’ve had a severe OCD/Anxiety problem that started as a child, before I ever touched a drug. Got put on Zoloft in middle school, had to increase it and add extended release Xanax. Through college I started drinking regularly, and it increased after graduation and into grad school because of some family difficulties (a death and a parent with MS).

Never smoked anything, no tobacco used any illicit substances in college - too scared of adulteration.

So when I hit 30, I got medical cannabis and a Dynavap dry herb vape. Was excited after all these years to try something about which I’d heard so many great things. And at first it was awesome, allowing me to have my first Dry January since 2014. Even had a mental health professional encourage me to experiment, while writing the script for my meds.

Problem is, since then I’ve started experiencing and reading things that paint a picture of weed I had long dismissed as authoritarian nonsense (I’m a passionate libertarian). I feel like I get nauseated sooner when working out hard - while I don’t think this is it, I discovered CHS and freaked out: this stuff is supposed to be nature’s salve the medical community has been suppressing in favor of big pharma. And the stuff is grown here in my state in conjunction with MY alma mater.

But when I decided to take some time off, my anxiety skyrocketed, and I was weak and sick to my stomach after just 48hr. This is from vaping at most a half gram a day of ~20% THC flower for 5 months. Never touched dabs, and thankfully flower over 25% isn’t available here. I would have given in sooner had I not intentionally left my stuff at home for a weekend trip.

Then I read about CHS and withdrawal and am in a panic. Trying to taper off, but having to POUND the whiskey to stay sane.

Did I really destroy my brain after waiting until I was 30, it was legal, and only vaped daily for 5 months? I wouldn’t touch an opioid or other hard street drug - all I heard all through college was how “weed isn’t a drug and it’s much safer than alcohol”.

I have been smoking for about a year now and enjoy it. All of the sudden, the morning after I smoke (I only smoke at night) my anxiety is through the roof. I start overthinking everything and feel shitty about myself. It usually goes away in the afternoon. Am I the only one who gets this feeling. I am not able to smoke at any other time because I have work and school. Any advice to get rid of this?

Hello.

I'm 17 day into my extended break which is supposed to last at least two months and twenty three days (because this was the longest break I ever had since 2006, when I started smoking weed, and now I want to pass that mark). For last three years I've been overusing edibles (daily eater) and get totally sick of it.

I don't feel well, but it seems that I passed the peak of withdrawal. First days were relatively easy - insomnia, irritability, dreams, sweating like hell; you were there - but after day 5 or 6 things changed. I started to have strong physical symptoms, including joint pains, nausea, diarrhea, lost of appetite and crazy spike in anxiety. Stomach issues were so severe that I took few days off from work, because I was totally unable to do anything. Depression also hit me like a western-movie villain shooting straight into one's back. I suspected stomach flu or sth like that, but I think it was not stomach flu (and not a stomach cancer). My endocannabinoid system probably just freaked out.

Anxiety was so massive that I felt like an animal in a trap. Derealization felt almost like an acid flashback, I also had a few panic attacks (quite typical I suppose: thinking that I have a heart attack and so on). I was freaking out to the point that I tried to seek help on /leaves, but I was banned because I wrote that I use sleeping pills to deal with insomnia. It makes me so f angry and depressed that I feel a need to tell about it here :(

Now my bowels calmed down and work... well, I'm not farting all the time and not vomiting, and nothing hurts somewhere in my stomach, so it's better. My poop looks weird, but at least it's partially solid. I have almost no appetite, but, to be honest, it is not bad, because I am overweight and it would be nice to lose a few kilograms. I try to do light cardio every day - but not too much, because I am weaker than usual because of diarrhea and almost no eating. I force myself to eat some vegetable soups and overcooked rice, I also supplement electrolytes and vitamins, so I think it's under control.

I did a urine drug test yesterday. It was positive, but I suppose it is not a suprise at this point. I want to do another one around one month mark.

Cravings were crazy in week one. Now they are almost gone and when I think about this stomach-issueas-period, it gives me massive anxiety because, to be honest, I felt then like Renton from "Trainspotting" (in this scene with a child walking on a ceiling). It is stil hard to believe for me that this kind of stuff could happen after quitting weed, but it seems that life is stranger than anyone could even imagine.

I still have random pains in my muscles.

Now I am depressed and everything feels monochromatic and unappealing. Everyone said that its a good idea to engage in some new activity while detoxing to occupy time with something unrelated to previous weed habits - so I forced myself to go to a library, get some books and I study some modern art stuff I never really get into, but I always wanted to, just to understand what's going on with this weird shit like dadaism, brutalism, avantgarde, performance art and so on. It is not fun really, because I have not a single drop of dopamine in my brain, but at least time passes faster.

Anxiety is manageable now, although there are random spikes, usually closer to the evening. I try to deal with it with deep breathing. It helps... to some point.

I am not sure what I want from my t-break. It would be great to use weed responsibly and in moderation, but I start to think, that it is not a good idea and I need a really long break - not months, but years. But I don't want to quit really. So maybe now I should not think to much about it and just go through it, day by day without looking back and without looking forward.

I don't know that to say more. There is this sub about alcoholism, /stopdrinking, and they have this acronym IWNDWYT (I will not drink with you today), so maybe I'd end with something like this: I WIll Not Smoke Weed With You Today. IWNSWWYT.

Thanks for reading this.

I am 22, It isn’t that I need to quit smoking it’s more of a want. But when I stop smoking my urine will be dark dark dark like almost brown and then if I drink 8 bottles of water throughout the day I don’t even pee put a bottle worth!!!!! I’ve been smoking 10-11 years 5-7 years daily use 2-3 grams a day, now I am sitting back to only carts yes it’s high percentage but no bud. My doctor said they’ve never heard of that so I don’t know I will just slowly get off I guess.

23 M here and i have been smoking since I was 16. For the first couple years, I was smoking quite infrequently however as soon as I got jnto college, i was smoking everyday 3-5 times day. In the last 3.5 years i dont think there has been a day where i didnt smoke except for when i stopped smoking for 2 months. My withdrawals werent bad when i quit like an year ago but it could be just bcs i had CHS and i was already suffering so much from it that i didnt notice for two weeks. I eventually started smoking againg and then i quit for almost a month last year in December. I got on it again and in January this year and i started feeling anxious whenever i smoked. Last month i got 3 panic attacks right after smoking. I was able to calm myself down but soon i realised that weed was doing this to me.

I think i have quit weed good for now. I am on my 17th day right now. No cravings for weed just feel bored all the time. Brain fog is still there. Anxiety has been really high. Heart starts pounding really fast randomly during the day. HOWEVER, my biggest problem right now is muscle twitches. Muscle twitches were very prominent for the first two days of quitting, 24/7 and all over my body. Now its there just not all the time. I had an EMG AND NCS done two weeks ago and they found nothing but just some nerve compression in my elbow. That seems like an unrelated thing.

Lately i have also noticed like vibrations within my body occasionally specially when i am going to bed or when im sitting idle at work. I just wanted to ask if anyone else has experienced this. I have a appointment with primary care this wednesday to discuss this issue to rule anything physical out. But still i wanted to ask u guys if this could be just a withdrawal symptom that i am experiencing bcs this is making my anxiety worse. Have had several episodes of health anxiety attack recently because i think something is wrong with me neurologically but i have no muscle weaknesses and my neuro also ruled out any muscle weakness.

Thanks guys.