Pretty self-explanatory, I’ve always written dense and complex legal memos on plenty of adderall, and have never written one without it to the best of my knowledge. Until today.

Today, I finished drafting one without any pharmaceutical intervention. I was intimidated, but I’m weirdly proud of the end product? I feel like it’s far more concise? Maybe less grandiose and speedy?

All this to say, you can do things without adderall that you think you can’t do without it. It feels different doing it, but it feels good nonetheless.

How many people here had a genuine attention disorder and took their medicine as prescribed and still had adverse affects? I would like to hear your stories, please.

So, just spend 8h stim-fapping. I relapsed just around 1 week ago (on drugs) after 2 months of not buying anything. Long story short, I Did ~8g of dirty speed, 1-1.3g of 3mmc and also took a lot of tilidin/benzos/lyrica/alcohol some of the days. Tilidin came the first few days, then when i ran out, I started drinking and taking benzos/lyrica which I never did before at all (scary). Before, I would At max. drink/smoke weed and maybe take half a benzo (5mg diazepam)… but this time it was different as in I did way more substances than usual. Most days I was just doing 1-2 low-mid oral doses of amph, then after a fee hours I would take tilidin. Didn’t give it much thought because Im an idiot… I know what will eventually happen if j start doing stuff this way: stimfapping and terrible comedown. I feel mostly dumb rather than ashamed; I wasted so much money and time. I am just writing this here to remind myself the reason why I should never buy anything only for mysef ever again, not even 1g (or a few pills). I can’t control myself on any stim, and every relapse is worse in terms of quantities, which is super scary. Now Im going to drink some water, eat something and then sleep for at least a few hrs. I hate this shit, but tbh I put myself in this situation. Hopefully I learn from ny mistakes.

Everytime I try to quit adderall after 2 yrs of dependence and on/off abuse, I always end up relapsing bc I can’t stand feeling like I’m missing something 24/7. I honestly don’t experience much withdrawal symptoms whenever I quit cold turkey (granted it only ever lasts a week), but I have these constant thoughts in the back of my head: “this could be so much more fun on adderall”, “u would do this so much better on adderall”, etc. These thoughts seriously make me feel like nothing will ever be enough. I feel like it’s impossible to feel satisfied and that drives me crazy. It scares me bc I worry that I’ll always feel this way if I quit for good.

Everytime I quit, my brain just searches for another vice but I don’t like one as much as adderall. The only thing pushing me to quit right now is the physical side effects. I don’t want to quit, but I feel like I have to. I know being sober will always be better, but it’s so hard to actually believe that. I want to be healthier and I want to stop feeling shackled to a medication but I still don’t want to quit.

I have made a billion excuses to justify still taking this shit even tho it has negatively affected me soooo much more than it has benefitted me. I have lied countless times to the ppl closest to me despite how much I hate lying. I have put my body under so much distress for no reason. Even considering all this, it’s still so hard to fully let go.

One of the hardest thoughts to cope with is that I’ll never reach my full potential without this drug. I know this isn’t true , but again, it’s so hard to actually believe otherwise. Anyways, I’m just frustrated and feel defeated so any advice to cope with these thoughts and feelings would be very appreciated.

Sorry for maybe the erratic/bad title, but I am having a rough night, and kind of desperately wanting to know if anyone can relate. I'm currently 3 months in and while I've had some good days, very lately I feel like I've backslid into bad ones and it's really hard for me to keep it together right now.

Whenever I find I'm having a bad day (usually at night) I get this bad sensation in my head where it feels like there's a balloon in my head being blown up, not quite causing pressure but just a general uneasy feeling that 'something is wrong' and that I'm on the verge of some catastrophic health thing happening (stroke, seizure, aneurysm, *something*) if the sensation progressing any farther.

I've got bad health anxiety (something I've discovered in this process) and so whenever this happens I have to force myself to relax or go to bed b/c I've been on the verge of taking myself to the ER or hysterically reaching out to a neurologist a few times. That being said in the time it took to type this out, most of this passed and I'm feeling mostly normal, but these nights are genuinely hell and I'm wondering if anyone experiences this or something like it

Hi, I had a realization a few days ago when I found this subreddit. I quit weed 6 months ago (after smoking every day for ten years) and have been feeling rough waves of PAWs ever since. But prior to that, I quit Vyvanse last March after becoming addicted to taking two pills a day (60mg) during the pandemic years.

I think I stupidly believed Google about Vyvanse only having withdrawal effects of a few weeks and never thought about it. Plus I still smoked weed for four months after I quit so I think perhaps that numbed the initial withdrawal symptoms.

Even ten months later, I'm not just experiencing weed withdrawals am I? It is the stimulant withdrawal too. My brain feels sooo fatigued, foggy, sludgy, and slow some days. It has been a slow climb to feeling any joy or happiness. Ugh. I'm so glad I stopped doing these drugs, but it hurts.

Has anybody here quit Stimulants and Weed around the same time?

I'm near a month clean from a high dose daily Adderall habit. I was on and off it (but mostly on) for most of my twenties and all of my early thirties. I'm a 32 year old man. It's not an exaggeration to say that 90% of my sexual activity was either on Adderall, or some other stimulant like MDMA. I didn't really get into "stim fapping" much, but it did happen rarely. Mostly it was just normal sexual activity between a partner and myself, and I didn't have any problem with orgasm control. When I masturbated, (most of the time) it would take the normal amount of time I suppose. Maybe 10-20 minutes.

The first week off it I didn't expect to have a sex drive, and I didn't. I was kind of happy to wake up with a erection after 8 days, but honestly didn't have the drive to do anything about it.

Now it's been a month, and the will has returned...But control is lacking. Even just masturbating, I orgasm within like 60 seconds. Tops. I might get five strokes in. I feel like a fucking teenager again, and that's not a good thing. I'm lucky I'm not in a relationship right now to be honest, I'm not sure how I'd deal with it.

Anyone else deal with this, and if so any advice?

I posted for the first time here last Friday that I was done with Adderall. I was scared and not sure if I would make it, but I just wanted to say I made it a whole week! I still think about Adderall every day but I can honestly say I’m not really “craving” it at all, which is a happy surprise. Thank you to all you amazing people here that supported me!

I didn't know where to post this, im terrified. 2 years on adderall 30-40mg/day. Im worried about my work suffering. I work in a dangerous field. What if i miss something and someone gets hurt? Im sure ill be fine, buy i know everything is going to be really hard for awhile. I hope im strong enough. Can anyone give me some of their success stories and how much it helped them? Thanks

Basically just the headline. I'll admit I'm a little hungover today so I think that's partially why I'm feeling so depressed and tired. Anyways Ive been trying to wean myself off of adderall abuse for the past year and after a fight with my partner relating to the situation i just realized the weaning off thing is not going to work. After that argument, something in me clicked and I started talking it like never before, pulling all nighters, taking like over 100 mg worth of adderall throughout the day and then another 100 to get me to stay up throughout the night. I literally dont want to sleep even if i am tired, its weird i feel like something just switched in me.

But anyways to tldr I am going to quit cold turkey once my script is out. Im excited for the quit but Im nervous as Im still in college for accounting, something I really dont care about at all and would probably make me wanna throw my laptop at a wall if I had to do an assignment without at least 30 mg.

Any advice for someone in this situation ? or maybe just some kind words. Im feeling sort of hopeless and scared for the next few months ahead.

So, I quit 6 months ago. I IV'd Ritalin, meth and other stims from streets like "eurospeed", mephedrone etc...for years, and many years before started to IV too.

I don't get cravings anymore usually, but yesterday was kind of a test. Felt I had to start working on where to get some, almost did.

That's all, ask anything.

Hello, I just wanted to share my experience about how I'm feeling after nine months clean. Initially, everything was incredibly challenging—working, exercising, sleeping. Over time, I've made progress in all these areas, although I'm not quite where I want to be yet. I definitely struggle with dopamine issues; it's hard to focus without some form of stimulation from my phone or something similar. Initially, my work suffered—I worked less hours and the quality of my work declined. Now, nine months later, I feel like I'm starting to pick up the pace and improve. I believe that in a year, I'll be transformed.

I've made it 30 days without Vyvanse/eurospeed and all other drugs! Feels good man 😎

It's weird cause in a way I don't perceive 30 days as a patricularly long stretch of time, but on the other hand I've never come this far. For years I've been living in pure madness and have never held up for a mere 30 days, like wtf? I guess that's some food for thought for me right there...

But hey, to get something you've never had you have to do things you never have :)

Dozed off for a few hours but I’m wide awake again now at 5am. Have to get up and get the kids to school in about an hour and a half. Took too many pills again stuck in the cycle of “I’ll quit after today” that’s dragged on in some form for the past 2 years. Started buying and using the addys a couple times a month, and then a couple times a week, and now as often as possible.. but there’s little to no noticeable effect. My tolerance is so high.

I want to be able to spend my money on my kids.. or myself. Maybe take them somewhere fun this summer. Save to buy a house in a few years.

I am ready for this to end (maybe?) so this might just be my stopping point. If I try to say that with certainty though I automatically want to go get more. So, for now we’ll say maybe. I’ll try to check in here every day or two and update you all.

I've slept hours since Saturday. It's been a few years since I've slipped up like this. It's so strange because i know how precarious of a situation I'm in, but I'm also having such a good week at work and at home.

I live alone with my dog, and I really hope I get some sleep before work early in the morning. It's a pretty important week at work, I'm doing well. My weekend starts Saturday night. I have some stuff left, I don't know what I'm gonna do.

Really needed to tell someone, Thanks.

I have quit using my prescription adderall twice in the last three years. The first time I used my pen and would get high at least once a day and the second time I just stopped smoking weed in general.

Without weed I feel like I can function again and use my brain to solve complex problems without craving some stimulants. Some may be able to keep smoking and find success in quitting their stimulant but I found this way more effective.

After 25 years

I finally made the call to my psychiatrists office and told them I needed to see my psychiatrist early regarding an urgent medication concern. They asked me what med the the concern was about (I’m on multiple meds) and I just said it has to do with my adderall, that I’d like to discuss serious concerns with her and that I think I need to come off it. They were able to schedule me for tomorrow morning to talk to her and I’m scared shitless. What should I even say? I’m nervous I’m gonna freeze up and try to back out of saying what I need to but now that I’ve specifically mentioned it’s related to the adderall AND said I wanted to come off of it, I won’t be able to avoid talking about it and telling the truth. I just don’t know how to organize my thoughts and explain it to her when I’ve been lying for so long.

So i am starting to became a community activist. ITs the only solution and i find myself appearing at places that my former self of just over 6 years ago could only dream about fitting in.......... and it still feels funny, but, im getting used to it.

In the last few weeks I found myself in a meeting with all sorts of professionals in town and at one point some people came in a sat down beside me.....and to be brutally honest they looked classier than me. It was a man and a woman. They both looked REALLY proffesional....the lady could of been my PO. I felt akward because even though i got confidence I still judge myself harshly....I thought why are they setting next to me?

Now this may seem like a tangent im getting ready to go on but follow with me. I have a really good sense of smell. Actually all of my senses are on point and I have super quick hands.....I lost most of my vision in the pandemic in a meth ;ab explosion so now i think my other senses are slightly heightened.

Within a few seconds of setting down next to me.....I could smell it.....It was the smell of booze and sex.......Not just booze but the smell of ethanol that is being proccessed by the body....its a sour smell, its the smell on the breath, but we also sweat it out. And the SEX....it was hot snatch, either freshly banged or about to be.

This smell, unexpected in that place, took me off guard. It reminded me of empty hookups and extreme physical pleasure. It took me quite a few places in a matter of seconds. I was transported back to all the bandos, to all the late night hook ups, to the times when I have smelled that smell before.

Im not a person who believes MY shit dont stink. I know my shit stinks. So I dont judge people for these things. Its my ethics and couth not too and im not changing it. But it helped me to realize that i dont need to feel so bad about myself....that just because someone looks a little classier, or is a proffesional does not make them perfect and at the end of the day we are all human.

And I realized that just because people are unaware of how they need people like you and me to help guide them today does not mean they wont realize it tommorow....and let me tell you they are going to need a lot of help from people like us.

I did a quick search but can’t figure out how to update my user flair for this subreddit. When I go to “change user flair” I just get a screen that says “no flair available”.

Any ideas?

Hi, I’m just another person who’s lingered on this sub for the past year. I have been addicted to Adderall for atleast 2 years now. I never had a script for it. I have ADHD but funny thing is adderall has never helped it, only made it worse. I first tried it when I was 18 years old, and every red flag was there from the start, but I didn’t have access to the seller directly so it didn’t become a real issue. 2 years ago I moved in with my fiance, and he began buying adderall from his coworkers, and I began taking it too. I then became friends with someone who has a prescription and would sell me it any time I asked. It’s been two years, and everything in my life since than has been ruined it seems. I was doing so great, and now all the work I put in to get me to that point has been for nothing. I have never had any control over my addiction and now my partner was dealing with it too. Fast forward to now - I have no relationship, no job, anything that I feel I once had I robbed from myself by abusing adderall for so long. I threw away the remainder of the 8 pills I had in stock today but only after taking one still. I took 3 pills yesterday in the span of the first half of the day. It’s stealing my life from me. I’m turning 27 in a month, and my cardiac index is abnormal and if I don’t change my living now, I fear I’ll have to live with permanent life long damage, if I haven’t already. Now I know my story is not unique, I’ve read so many on here and you guys are my only source to begin with. If anyone sees this post, I would love any kind words, motivation, advice, etc., things that you may have heard that helped comfort you even in the smallest amount. I appreciate this sub greatly

Was rushing to my midterm, couple days off a bender, after picking some addy. Reached into my pockets when I got back and they had completely disappeared. My amazingly kind friend went to go look while I took the exam but couldn't find them. It's super windy out so I don't even know if it's worth looking again (like 2hr ago). I've never felt more angry at myself for something so stupid. And I bombed the exam even though I knew the material because I spent probably more than half of it tweaking about the pills. I want to die my body is going into actual panic mode. Fuck

I was going to use these to taper off - finally made a plan to have my friend give me a limited dose - but I know that's never worked in the past. I guess it's probably a sign I just feel like I can't afford withdrawals with how behind in school and everything I am rn.

It cites scientific studies and articles for this and uses what it knows about neurology while taking into account my full medical and medication history.

You can ask it questions, like “could it take X number of years?” And report how you’re doing so it can recalibrate.

It’s reassuring: “nearly everyone!”

I’ve recently relapsed after 3 months of being sober. I’m in weekly counselling but other than that I’m pretty removed from any active work towards dealing with drug addiction. Most people in my life don’t know about my use and I don’t have the guts to ever tell them. I can’t even imagine. I’m too wary for NA too. Telling my most shameful and damaging secrets to a group of strangers is my worst nightmare. I am very reserved, self conscious and paranoid about people knowing about my shortcomings. Anytime I’ve tried NA I haven’t been able to speak up. When I’m not using drugs I’m far too disassociated from the problem, hate to think about it or work on it as it’s too overwhelming. I live a normal life until relapse happens again, and it keeps repeating. My counsellor and everyone else keeps telling me to do NA meetings but i genuinely don’t know how to open up. After this relapse I feel NA is somewhat my last resort. It’s something I have to do in order to get sober permanently. Does anyone have any advice on getting started?

I’m not going to. I just wanted to put it out there to ensure I don’t.

My life is going so well. In the almost 18 months since getting clean I’ve become a licensed attorney, am gainfully employed, and I just got engaged to my long time partner. I feel closer to him than I ever have, and our relationship is so solid …all because of recovery. I have also lost 15 of the 30 lbs I gained since getting clean, and I feel good about my health and body (so weight gain isn’t triggering me).

I’m recovering from COVID, so I haven’t been able to hit a meeting or exercise in over a week. That’s probably the problem.

Being online really doesn’t help. I can’t go 5 minutes without getting an ad for ADHD care or seeing some asshole talk about being on amphetamines.

Logically I know that using would be a disaster… but I just… want to.

EDIT:

Ok I’m good. I went running, baked a cake for a recovery friend’s anniversary, and got my work shit done. The feeling passed. Fuck yeah.

Yesterday morning was just like any other day. I got up early, made myself a nice breakfast and watched a little tv. Then suddenly something happened, out of nowhere I was working out if today was a good and acceptable day to do meth(no important commitments for the next couple days and free all day long). Seconds later I was trying to find my dealers number from the call log. I found it, called him up and asked to pick up. The whole time driving there I felt dread, my heart rate was insanely high but I didn’t turn back. My heart sank a little too when he said he gave me extra for whatever reason. Thus almost 3 months of sobriety and immense improvements in my life was gone, just like that. I smoked a little followed by an hour or so of stimfapping and isolated myself in the room all day doing random things.

Once my partner came home I tried my best to hide that I had relapsed and it worked. He just thought I was having a productive day- as I’ve miraculously done a couple of times while being sober and happy and actually motivated. I went to sleep next to him but of course I couldn’t sleep all night. I was wide awake. and now it’s 7am. I don’t know how I’ll break it to him or to anyone. When I was sober I found joy in things again. I started doing things like fitness classes and skincare and taking vitamins- things I haven’t done in years. I made so much progress. I don’t even know why I relapsed. I was happy. I didn’t even have a trigger, just a very sudden decision. It all happened before I could even make sense of the gravity of it. Am I doomed to always be drugged up and keep relapsing? Where do I go from here?

Like the title says I was just wondering to myself how many people on adderall or other stimulants for work, whostarted working from home, would that encourage some of them who were either addicted or predisposed to forming it actually accelerate their addiction....they have had years to develop the "tics" so many of us associate with tweaking.

Now some of these people who have been tweaking at home are just being thrust into society again, on societys terms....isn';t this sort of a bad recipe?

IDK anyway.....does anyone fall in this category?

Hey everyone,

I’ve been on this sub for almost a year now after first realising i was abusing my adhd meds. It took me about 9 months to finally make a single change, which was going from 20mg dexedrine over to 40mg vyvanse in hopes that id be less likely to abuse vyvanse.

But you see i’m a curious cat (and an addict) so i decided to put it to the test and see if vyvanse really is less likely to be abused (i had a theory that they were just saying that so people were less likely to attempt to abuse it). “But what’s the test?” you might ask. Take a metric fuck tonne of vyvanse (600mg) and await results. After 48 hours of tweaking out i came to the conclusion that (for me personally) vyvanse is just as addictive as dexedrine.

It’s now been 3 months, and i’ve run out of my meds almost 2 weeks early all 3 months. “This time will be different” i said to myself picking up my meds TWO DAYS AGO, two fucking days ago. I’m already down 2 weeks.

This was a huge slap in the face because earlier in my addiction I believed i was able to control it, and i was correct to an extent as i remember being able to stop myself from binging (impulsively) and was able to only take my prescribed dose most days. I would binge (planned) once a month throughout my whole addiction. These past 3 months though, i’ve impulsively binged multiple times. I almost never binged more than once a month before vyvanse but now i’m binging 3-4 times a month.

I cannot control this drug. It took me a year of abuse to finally come to this conclusion, but hey at least it was only a year and not any longer.

I’m done with this drug. I kindly ask the psychiatrist (who i got assigned to while in drug rehab btw) that prescribed me legal meth to go fuck himself. This has single handedly been the worst year of my life and i couldn’t figure out why until now. Everyone knows abusing drugs isn’t good for you, but i just didn’t expect the utter chaos that would ensue from this addiction.

Thing is, i don’t know what my next step should be. Do i quit cold turkey?(worried i’ll lose up my job) Do i try wean off?(don’t trust myself) Is there any alternative non-stim adhd medication i can take? (ive tried strattera). I’m at a loss as to what to do right now, any guidance or tips would be much appreciated.

Thanks :)

my 2 cats and my sweet boyfriend are all asleep around me. actually my one cat is on top of me, because i finally thought maybe i could sit still enough to let her sleep on me, but no. literally feel like if i don’t move my legs around i will die. i wish that i could have cuddled with my boyfriend peacefully after yoga instead of having to sit up and be weird. i wish i could be present. for him and my cats. i wish i could’ve enjoyed yoga.

i wish i were sleeping instead of sitting up awake anxiously massaging my lymph nodes and picking my skin.

i wish i didn’t let this go on for 8 years. i would really really love it if today were my official and serious day 1. i don’t want to take another minute off of my life.

First time I tried meth I was in the military. Someone at a night club approached me when I was on Ecstacy and offered me some for free. When did you try it?

Edit just for further detail...that first meth was in a pill called a "white devil" and the first time i ate X was a pill with the logo "star of david"

Further details of that night is the person who gave it to me was the most beautiful alluring woman I had ever seen up to that point. She saw me dancing she said and then told me she had a speed pill that would have me dancing all night.

day-days problems.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wft012b2tk