After three years of stims/meth use I know I need to stop, but I don’t know why.

The drugs barely work anymore, and I’m not even sure what’s in these pills anyway. I took my normal morning pill and then slept on the couch for six hours. I have a 13 panel drug test sitting on my bathroom counter waiting for me to use it to see what’s even in my system.

But, I lost my job 5 weeks ago (unrelated to drugs) and have a job interview on Monday. In order to get up, shower, and make it to my computer for the interview, I need the drugs. I can’t go through withdrawal and do the interview.

Then I’ll have at least two more interviews, the first day of the job, projects, lack of focus, and all the other things I have to fight through. But I NEED this job.

What do I do? How do I stop and support my family still? Why should I even get off the drugs? I know my day revolves around them and working in a field that requires a drug test and background check for new jobs means spending $100+ on fake pee to get jobs. I’m a shell of myself and I feel like I’m just a machine doing a job in a world I hate.

I struggle with stopping or ending myself. The second option seems so much easier. Last night I had a panic attack and just cried my eyes out and then laid in bed staring at the wall until I gave in and smoked weed to sleep.

I really, really need a solid reason to stop.

I personally get some weird symptoms after trying to quit cold turkey which eventually lead me to using again , I know it's a viscous cycle... Typically I use up to 2g a day which I'm trying to get down to a lower amount before I try to stop again as I fear that might be the cause of my physical withdrawl symptoms.

Speaking of symptoms they are as followed , head full of air feeling , dizziness, light nausea, sweating so much accompanied by your typical tirdness/fatigue and wanting to eat lots. I'm definitely getting very depressed over this whole situation and just wanna know when they will stop and if tapering will work if I have someone to help me actually taper and how long do withdrawl symptoms last when you are using heavy daily? I usually get to day 3 before my depression and physical symptoms are like too much and interfere with my work schedule.

IS there anyway to condense the highs and lows on the post on this forum....maybe predominant issues of concern such as the pill drought or bootlegs, different phenomeons people are experiencing, success stories, faliures, maybe any memorial post for users if needed, scientific advancements, advancements and setbacks in recovery in general for the year etc.? Just highlights of the past year on stopspeeding?

I’ve been experimenting with coke with My friends when we go out. Never cared for it, never was interested, one day I tried it and did a lot. It’s progressed to every time I drink I wanna do it. The comedown makes me depressed and cry, I can’t handle it. I wish I never tried it, one of the worst mistakes of my life. How do people move away from this drug? I am sick over it.

Hi I always struggle with my mood more over winter due to the lack of sunlight here in the UK. So I thought I’d write down what helps me, after coming off the stimulants.

I try to wake up at the same time every day and not sleep in. I’m unemployed at the moment so I feel I need to keep to a routine. I have breakfast then I practise some piano. I then have lunch and do some housework. I go on my run/walk at 3-4pm every day as this is when the sunsets and if you’re lucky the sun will be out and you can see it setting. I know I’m lucky to be able to do this as I’m not working, most people go to work in the dark then come home in the dark.

I meditate and stretch/yoga when I get back. Then have dinner with my partner and hang out.

Read before bed, then rinse and repeat.

One day at a time 🙏

I an happy that somebody on upper level of government started talking about a huge addiction crisis in USA.

As a former heroin and cocaine addict ( 14 ears of addiction, started using heroin at 15) Robert F. Kennedy Jr. at least knows what he is talking and went through . 40 years of recovery in 12 steps meetings are done. He is still attending AA meetings 9 times per week...

Hos ideas on recovery is:

You got a whole generation of kids who is damaged. I'm going to create these wellness farms where they can go to get off of illegal drugs, off of opiates, but also legal drugs, other psychiatric drugs, if they want to, to get off of SSRIs, to get off of benzos, to get off of Adderall, and to spend time as much time as they need — three or four years if they need it — to learn to get reparented, to reconnect with communities, to understand how to talk to people**.** There'll be job training, particularly in the trades.

***Did he mentioned somewhere about his outlook on how easily in USA doctors prescribe stims, and how its unregulated and almost criminal ? Did he goes against the Big Farm and medical field as a cause of addiction crisis or just giving solution how to fix it.

Sorry, I didn't follow him up till he got his nomination as a future health secretary.

This may seem pretty evident to most normal people but I’m not most normal people.

My off the walls of drug abuse seemed to be triggered by, and intertwined with, abuse of pretty hardcore anabolic steroids. I always have an excuse that it’s helping my mental health, often time I just blow through an extensive steroid cycle only lightly hitting the gym. It’s ridiculous I know. A couple months ago I quit injections and I’m recovering now.

But it should be pretty obvious that steroids can do a number on your motivation/risk and reward systems and probably makes you more prone to drug abuse.

i 19f have been doing coke all weekend every week for the past 3 months. im not an addict but i feel like i will only get worse if i keep going down this path.

all my friends drink and do coke and i love them all so much but i have a very addictive personality, they can do it casually, while i feel consumed by it

the problem is that i love cocaine. it makes me feel like im on top of the world. but as soon as i start coming down im so fucking depressed. its gotten to a point where im coming down from monday- wednesday, absolutely miserable running on barely any sleep and no food and fighting the horrible thoughts in my brain, swearing to myself that ill never touch it again then by thursday im on a bender, drinking a handle of vodka a day and railing lines until sunday night, then repeat.

i dont think i need rehab but fuck this cycle is killing my brain and my body. i just dont know if i have the self control to really put it down, but i kbow i need to.

Probably more of a statement than a question in that I skimmed through the "If You’re asking 'When Will It Get Better' - Repost" earlier and totally get there is no single answer.

I posted something related a couple/few days ago, just putting this out there to solidify some intention. I have stirred up the emotional/past traumas pot in me a bit lately (kind of just came from the context I have been in this last holiday week). I have noticed this before, but really noticed this time how the low-grade depression had me craving cocaine. Pretty sure my mind was just wanting some sort of dopamine escape.

I stopped drinking a few years ago which was a super positive change for me. I used to occasionally pick up a gram of powder once in a while, and when I did would pretty much keep at it until done, usually in the early hours of the following day. I deleted that contact number and has worked for that part of things. But I do have a situation where I am occasionally around it and have rationalized doing some in that figured less damaging than my bad drinking habit.

Here is the thing. These emotional/trauma induced cravings really are shaking me up. I don't want this any more. I want to engage in further personal healing. I'm starting to get up there in age and wasted a lot of time in life due to things that happened so many years ago. No one else can solve this for me, but I am going to have to navigate this situation and figure out how to deal. I do know, from how I dealt with my drinking, I need to want it and stick to it. I suspect if I keep at it I am just reinforcing the trauma stuff and keeping myself stuck wherever my current stuck is at. Starting to look like a bad idea to keep at all of this.

Thanks for reading and hearing me out.

I know I need help, but I just can’t.

I lost my job, my motivation, and my will to survive.

I got hooked on ADHD stims and have progressed to street pills with who knows what in them. I can’t stop them. I have no friends, no family, and all I have is my husband, my child, and my cats.

I’ve got no insurance, but lots of bills to pay that my husband can’t pay on his own. I don’t know how to stop using while trying to find a job and/or start my own business. I’ve lost all motivation to even get off the couch, the pills aren’t working anymore, and I don’t know what to do.

If I stop taking the pills, all the bad feelings I was running from will come back. A lifetime of trauma, assault, mental abuse, and growing up with parents who would rather take me to the police for not going to school than get me help with the depression and anxiety. I’ve been on and off some kind of substance since high school and now I’m in my 30s. Alcohol, weed, Molly, acid, benzos, every adhd script that exists, and now street pills with probably meth in them.

I’m not happy anymore, I don’t get the high or the euphoria, they’re just stopping me from being so depressed I want to end myself. I’ve been on over 20 different anti depressants and mood stabilizers in my adult life, and I’ve been in patient, out patient, intensive group therapy, weekly therapy, non of it works and it all sucks.

It feels like it’s too late to find happiness at this point in my life. The idea that I’ll never feel happy again has me hesitant to get sober.

m 22 years old living in my parents’ basement. There’s an overwhelming listlessness that is growing inside of me as each day passes. I’ve been abusing Adderall since I was 14, and in the last 3 years, I’ve averaged about 100 mg a day. The last 3 weeks have been a robotic analysis of the last 3 years and realizing the fucking emptiness that has ruined basically every experience in this time frame. I’m terribly disappointed in myself and my choice to self-destruct and run from whatever “bad” feelings in my life, but I have no god damned clue on what to do. Every day I wake up, I feel a little bit less driven to do anything than the previous day, with a hopeless “I’ve given up” demeanor. I want to scream and cry, but every time that arises, I feel embarrassed because my struggle doesn’t feel validated, the sense that I shouldn’t cry because I chose to do this to myself, or that others might believe that it isn’t that bad and it’s easy to overcome. I had multiple opportunities such as college paid for by my grandparents, and I threw that away, which i feel terribly guilty about. Which in turn furthers my “need” to escape/self-sabotage or maybe I convinced myself that adderall would fix me. Whenever I take Adderall, and at higher doses, I get excited for the rush, the knife to drive me to do great things, but it doesn’t come, it just makes me feel worse. I’m so lost and with so much more I want to say, but I can’t collect my emotions enough to construct a thorough thought. I hope not to dismiss others with their potentially worse struggles or negative feelings, but I have no fucking clue where else to ask.

I really wanna score some meth and get fucked up

I’m 1 year off vyvanse (10 years prescribed used) and genuinely have almost zero motivation, I mean it’s hard for me to even take a shower.

I truly experience no motivation/pleasure (dopamine?)

Hey. I hear both sides of the coin from people. Some people say the brain is incredibly adaptive and can come back to normal even after prolonged use, other people say that they weren't the same after.

For me personally, I'm honestly not sure, and it's hard to remember exactly how I felt before I used adderall. I stopped about a year ago, I was taking adderall 3x a day for 5 years. I feel much better than I did during the first 1-2 months of recovery, that was pretty hard. After that, I very slowly started to feel better, but often I still feel tired and mentally slow. Often, it is hard for me to put together a train of thought or have conversions. Exercise helps.

What are your experiences with your recovery? Do you worry about this, too? Thanks

Also, happy Thanksgiving, no matter who you are. ❤️

All day everyday for the past 25 days. Ive slept probably 55 hours in total. I feel like im on a suic ide mission that i havent yet noticed i was assigned to it until its to late. Ive been up for 2 days stimfapping. Hanging with a 10 year homeless tweaker and his pitbull just taking what we want from society. Steak? Thats ours! Yoink! A drone? Ours! I live in the forestland of a riverbed. Maybe 1 person a day sees my tent. There is piss bottles littered everywhere. Orange needle caps and needles thrown away aimlessly . A friend came and dropped off a bunch of beefaroni and a bottle of vodka. I dont feel fully invisible yet. People still see whats left of me and give a weary look at me. I can just stare at the inside of my tent and feel the dopamine of 50 weddings combined. Why wouldnt i keep doing this? Thats not even while stimfapping. Im going to be so fried if i ever find a way out of this mess. I dont know if have it in me to slay this beast called meth,and that fucking kills me inside and keeps me in this tent.

I feel like my brain has been hikjacked. I no longer have control of my brain but i can still think things like "Fuck dude wtf am i doing stop now and fight for your life!" ..........."sorry man im going to need you to shut the fuck up and keep walking to home depot you stupid tweaker pos. Look at you your disgusting!! Jerking off more than you sleep.. your hopeless." My hijackd meth brain says. I sigh and continue doing things i do not want to do. I do them and get used to them. Things like sleeping in a dirty tent becomes easy. Now this tweaker life is easy with all the fucking dopamine being jammed into my veins..my rational thoughts no longer penetrate my reasoning. The only thing that makes sense is methamphetamine and how to make life accommadate its majesty.

I want to wave the white flag but part me feels like i want to be here. So i need to get this meth bug out of my system now because i cannot relapse again. Its been 15 years of heroin and now meth. Also porn and vodka. Im just a clusterfuck self esteem issues and trauma. I know everyday im out here can make me stuck forever. Once that thing clicks,its done. Can be as simple as seeing a beautiful sunset while looking for a vein at the river and i can be stuck here forever. I dont want that. I know the ending of that story. Its in my tweaker friend who thinks there is a mini dinosaur in a box outside his camp. Recorded the noises in the night and showed me..its scary what meth does to people. Am i going to be another dime bag tweaker or get sober and try my better half of life.

Thanks for reading. My family im sorry.

This is the first Thanksgiving im sober from everything in my entire adult life and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be if I didn't shitpost on here on a daily basis. Thanks for all of the encouragement and tough love.

It’s been quite the journey, and that journey is far from over, but here I am! It’s hard to believe where my life and mind was one year ago. I wish I could say things are perfect now, they aren’t, but things are much better than they were one year ago. My challenge now is trying to live with all the mistakes I made over the decade I was on that drug and at the same time starting over, going back to school and starting a career, learning how to build relationships, rekindling all the passions and hobbies I lost during my addiction and dependence. It’s hard but I have hope. This past year oddly enough has given me hope, it has shown me the brains capacity for healing. In January I could barely put a sentence together, my days were characterized by anhedonia, all movement felt like a monumental task, my emotions were all over the place, I couldn’t remember anything from the previous years. Now I am functioning 80 percent normally I would say and it all came back but even better than it was before, given of course I no longer need to take a pill to do things. I’m grateful for this sub for getting me through those first few months, but mainly quittingadderall.com, which I practically lived on for the first 120 days. anyways, I just wanted to share this with someone who would understand. Best of luck on all of your journeys!

Super simple question that's probably been asked before in the sub. I'm wondering how people go from using Adderall, Ritalin, vyvanse etc to meth? Is it because the high is better? Or cheaper? Or kore accessible? As someone who struggles with Adderall use I'm curious about this subject and I would love to hear from people's experiences with this

Hey everyone, I’ve been reading through your messages, and I can relate so much. Three years ago, I checked myself into rehab for Adderall and Vyvanse addiction, and I haven’t taken the pills since. I never thought I could live without the pills but I haven't taken them since and my life is so much better.... whatever hell you're going through now, it will pass!!

After rehab I started a podcast and platform I wish I had when I was struggling called Addy Free (here's the Instagram https://www.instagram.com/addyfree/ and here's the podcast https://open.spotify.com/show/1rOIN1trP1YjohrvSE3bMt?si=24a6959a41414900). There are helpful resources and tools for staying off stimulants and also a space for real conversations with people who’ve struggled and are now thriving.

Over time, it’s grown into a supportive community of people who all share the same struggles of either being dependent/addicted to stimulants or have once been addicted/dependent and want to support the cause. A few of us even host a weekly Zoom meeting every Monday at 8 PM ET. It’s a safe space where we share our struggles, offer hope, and encourage each other to thrive without stimulants.

If you’re interested in joining, comment below—we’d love to have you!

I have made this connection before, but really hitting me now that I'm reflecting on the past that I crave cocaine to try and escape my feelings. I stopped drinking about three years ago. I occasionally do cocaine when it is around. I'm thinking it is just going to keep me stuck in my traumas. I'm getting too old for this, want to get some sort of free before I die. Time to make some additional changes in life.

Hi all,

I wanted to post my story hoping for some advice, hear other peoples experiences and recovery stories and possibly help someone else from my own experience.

Ok, so i used cocaine extensively for over 10 years. Weekend use mostly but every weekend consistently and usually 2/3 grams. I also smoked huge amounts of weed from a young age. The problems all started about 5 years ago when i developed an extreme anxiety disorder. I gave up smoking weed as i could not relax. I also more or less stopped taking cocaine and drinking. I smoked cigarettes on and off over the last 5 years.

Around the time i stopped the consistent drug taking i started working rotating night shifts so i never really got any of the true sleep that i needed to recover. I went into a total state of anhedonia for the next few years, total loss of pleasure, interest, sex drive social, you name it.. i took ssris for 3/4 years to numb the anxiety and rapid heart rate all day everyday which allowed me to work and continue semi normality.

If i even smoke a cigarette i feel instant depression and i mean instant like i can feel pressure in my forehead. And the tiredness.... ive been battling extreme exhaustion over 5 years which in my eyes is down to all the stims over the previous years. the exhaustion is undescribable. My forehead will start twitching and this can last for days. It takes me weeks to bring my depression under control after a cigarette. I mean weeks!! Finger temors sleep totally messed up. I wouldnt sleep properly for weeks after a cig and this has happend countless times. Sleep hygene in general over the years has been terrible.

I cannot have a drink without losing sleep that night, feeling exhausted and having what i can only describe as a hangover for days or weeks at a time.

Heres what i believe ~ i have totally fried my dopamine receptors. The longest i have managed to go with total abstinence from anything was 7 months. I was feeling a lot better with a lot more energy still had the headaches and lots of depression but in comparison so much better to previous years... anxiety was totally minimal and a distant feeling in the back of my mind. I could drink 2 coffese without rattling for the rest of the day.

Heres the thing, I thought to myself you know what? I'm gonna have a cigarette. I mean ill be honest, having been sober for 7 months i was craving some sort out outlet. So i thought right im sure i can manage a cigarette right? 1 smoke put me back at square one. I... am.... RAGING!!!!

HOW CAN THAT EVEN HAPPEN??? the exhaustion is indescribable, brain fog, brain can hardly function, finger tremours back, after them being gone for months... full blown state of depression, sex drive back down again. Anxiety back heart racing. Sleep all over the place again.

I mean am i damaged beyond repair? Believe me when i say i have no desire to ever take class A again or any harder drugs but Jesus i wont lie when i say i would love to be able to have a glass of wine and a smoke without needing to recover for a year afterwards with that whole year feeling like hell.

My life has significantly changed since the days i did all this damage and i am now a compltely different person for the better.

I know it can take 18 months plus excess of over 2 years to heal receptors especially if they have downregulated as much as mine due to copious amounts of artificial dopamine and stims over so many years especially adolesent years...

Question is at this stage. Can i recover? I am now in my early 30s and ive been battling this for 6 years. That said like i said above i have never abstained beyond 7 months.

Genuinely would love to hear other peoples success stories theres so much negative here but im also aware when people feel better they stop coming to read reddit as i have in the past...

Its worth noting i play sports work hard and have a family im otherwise happy. My sleep has never recovered though i wake up several times a night every night. Its been over a decade since i feel asleep and woke up the next morning and not remember anything inbetween. I often sleep 9 hours and wake up feeling like i havent slept at all. Like zero. Its soul destroying. Im aware this may not have been written very well but you get the drift..

Im trying to understand how long will recovery take and will my brain always be primed to snap back into this depression at the first hint of artifical dopamine ie cigs/alcohol. Im not asking can i go relive my 20s here, the thoughts of what i did make me sick. But what om asking is can i feel normal again as in reach total homostasis? Will i then ever be able to enjoy a beer or a cigarette, things that day to day people do without pain and misery.

So little bit of a background I am a 23 year old man. Have a fiancé of 2 years and just had a newborn daughter this month! Was diagnosed with ADD about 9 months ago and was prescribed Adderall. Currently at 15mg instant release twice a day. Doctor also suspects OCD but not sure if that will be relevant or not.

So here’s the dilemma, basically I was weary to start on adderall because in high school I used to take my brothers due to him not liking it. (Didn’t steal it or anything he always offered it) While it may have been so good because it was actually helping my ADD symptoms, I will not lie and say that I wasn’t also taking it recreationally. Y’all know the drill, the confidence it gives, the happiness you get from doing stuff you usually can’t stand to do, the empathy is gives you for other people, yada yada. Did it at school and sometimes on weekends when gaming with friends for about 6 months or so and then quit because my brother stopped taking it altogether and wasn’t prescribed it anymore. While I did think about the enjoyment I had on it from time to time, it never consumed my thoughts or anything like that. A/B grades, very active athlete, and strict mother kept my thoughts busy.

Fast forward to now. I am starting to feel like I depend on it too much. I start questioning to myself if I’m having addict type of thoughts. Such as thinking I can’t perform at work(blue collar apprentice so lots of learning and physical exertion) without it. Or feeling like I’m a stale person without it because my interest in most things plummet without it. It also helps regulate my mood swings and I get irritable and a little rude without it. I also get this sense of feeling like it’s all artificial. For example yes I feel so empathic towards people and their struggles or feel happy about something but question if it’s even the real me. Is it me as a person who feels this way or just a drug causing it? Surprisingly I think adderall actually indirectly helps me with my OCD but when it’s wearing off and I have these thoughts is where it sorta plays a part. I kinda fixate and overthink these thoughts often.

I do sometimes take more than prescribed due to low doses since I’ve just been prescribed or really long days. My tolerance is decently high due to taking it in high school often but obviously the doctor doesn’t know that so they started me out low as they should. Don’t get me wrong, I am not like tweaking during the day or anything. No one for the most part would be able to tell a difference if I took it or not. Just a stable, calm, efficient mindset that helps me. But I do crave that dopamine some and that’s what worries me. When I feel it wearing off I am definitely disappointed, wanting to take more(but I don’t), etc.

Basically, I’m worried that I’m getting an addict type of thinking and concerned my efficiency as a partner, father, and employee or interest in things will take a hit if I quit taking it. Yes I am supposed to take it daily but if I plan to take a day or two break I often find a reason I need to take it such as birthday parties, family gatherings, busy workday, etc. Also worried that tolerance will eventually get to a point where I don’t feel it the way that I do now. I am a moderate hypochondriac so I would never ever take like 100+ mgs to chase that feeling but it would suck if it ever quit working.

I still eat plenty of calories daily, drink PLENTY of water(probably too much tbh), take vitamins, and take care of all my responsibilities. I am a fitness nut so I don’t drink alcohol, smoke weed, or do any other drugs/substances.

All in all, what do you guys think after reading all this? Does it sound concerning, relatable, or am I just overthinking due to anxiety or OCD? Also how long can adderall be used before you completely quit “feeling” it? While the feeling has died down a good bit, it is still there just at a more moderate level that I would still be content with.

Any thoughts, advice, questions are welcomed and appreciated it. Sorry for such a long post(currently on adderall lol) Thanks guys!

I’m sitting in my closet crying so no one sees. I know these pills are pressed and don’t actually have adderall in them and I’ve tried to stop but it’s been every single day for months. I wake up early so I can take one and I stay up all night, no sleep 2/3 times a week. I barely eat and have lost 20 lbs putting me at a weight I haven’t seen on the scale since I was 20.

I knew my family had a history with alcoholism but my dad cold turkey stopped coke after 5 years so why can’t I stop whatever is in these pills? I tried lowering how much I took until it was almost nothing, then I got a big project and couldn’t focus so I started again. I quit for a week, slept 20 hours a day for five days straight and had to get back to life so I started again.

On the outside I look successful. Single mom graduated with a 4 year degree in exactly three years, good job, I’m amazing at what I do (drugs aside,) I have a decent car, a house, a family.

Three years ago I was diagnosed with ADHD, started Ritalin, and from there it’s been downhill. Uppers all day and benzos and alcohol at night. I stopped wearing my Apple Watch because seeing my average sitting heart rate at 120-140 was scary but not scary enough to stop.

I’ve felt the effects these drugs have on my heart. I’ve felt the racing so high that I couldn’t breathe, gone days without eating, I wear long sleeves non stop because I scratch at my arms and can’t stop and the scabs are embarrassing. I’m irritable, I throw things, I have outbursts, crying spells, breakdowns out of no where. My psychiatrist knew my history with pills and she knew the addiction on both sides of my family but she gave me the stims anyway and kept increasing them, even manipulated double prescriptions to put me over the max dosage.

I feel so lost and helpless and I don’t like who I am anymore. I chase the next pill. I get angry when I can’t find them or run out. I spend more money than I have on them and I’m at a loss. I don’t remember what functioning without the drugs felt like and I don’t even know how to go back to that. The impending chronic treatment resistant depression and anxiety that I’ve dealt with since I was a pre-teen is terrifying to go back to. I’m scared of being sober. I don’t remember when the last time I didn’t have some sort of prescribed pill to prevent me from offing myself was. I can’t even manage the chemical imbalance my brain is on its own, how am I supposed to live the rest of my life sober?

I can’t stop them because the other side is too scary, but knowing that the next pill I take could have too much of the wrong drug in it is also scary. The wrong pill feels like the better option, I can’t see how I can support myself and my family while going through recovery or learning life again on the other side.

What do I even do now? How do I get help without losing everything?

hey everyone, been on this subreddit for about 6 months now always resonating with people’s stories and trying to use less but here we are 6 months down the track in the same spot. I’m officially over this shit i gotta change i can’t keep going like this at 21 years old i just know the world of pain im in if i don’t kick it now. For some background i was prescribed 20mg of dexamphetmine daily at the beginning of 2023 for my ADHD. Took me about a month to take my first double dose for funzies and almost two years later here i am. I’d like to clarify that i never bought any stimulants off the street other than for rare events like raves and what not (maybe 3 times a year), so all my dexamphetamine abuse was purely off my prescription. My dose has also never been upped so i’m still on the 20mg daily, because i know the type of dude i am and i do not need more of this shit. With all that being said my abuse wasn’t too frequent, i’d binge and stay up for max 36 hours only once a month and i’d typically use maybe 150mg on those one day binges. The rest of the month i was honestly fine, id take the prescribed dose and all would be well until i got my next bottle then the cycle repeats. I know that recovery will take a very long time from what i’ve been reading, however with me only abusing them once a month (let’s assume that means i’ve had 25 or so since 2023, 150mg binges averages)and “recovering” the rest of the month i assume my recovery time to baseline shouldn’t be too long right? I assume this because normally after i get my monthly habitual binge out of the way, by the time the next bottle comes im feeling pretty decent. As for quitting i’m thinking of either tapering off them and just raw dogging life, or going to vyvanse. I work a high stress job so quitting cold turkey i don’t feel is an option unless i quit. Going through these 6 months of me realising i had a problem i’ve developed some tools which i know help heaps and almost mimic the effect the dex has. I want to fully quit it or change now because i’m coming off a binge that was uncontrollable, and i’m also looking into a career change where i can’t be the type of person to abuse my meds. I’m also currently on day 3 of no weed, went for 7 days first time in a while so i’m confident i can shake them both off but gonna start with weed since at least the dex helps me work. Sorry for the long post hopefully someone can help me out. I’m done with this shit controlling me

Thanks in advance :)

TLDR:

• 20mg dexamphetmine most days - 150mg 36 hour binge once a month since january 2023 (assumed 25 binges total since start of 2023)
• working high stress physical job so can’t quit cold turkey
• 21 years old
• day 3 no weed too, went 7 days straight before this streak so i’m confident
• how long will my recovery to baseline take?
• what can i do to make recovery easier? (i already do ice baths most mornings with a walk to help start my day, take a list of supplements, trying to meditate everyday and journal)
• haven’t worked out in a month but lift heavy loads and walk 15k steps a day for work

I have been in a almost complete self-imposed isolation for roughly 5 years. This is due to multiple circumstances. In the last year i've began to reach my healthy capability of dealing with this level of solitude. Thankfully ive been in recovery for a minute and i know what to do, I am in the proccess of changing things. This will take several months.

I have also had no dating for years. This too is due to a multitude of reasons. Mainly i didnt feel like i deserved or could responsibly handle being someones significant other and i did not want to see anyone hurt inadertantly because of circumstances in my life. I didnt want someone else damaged by the chaos I had found myself sucked into and my addiction was keeping me from growing has a person....i did not want to see anyone hurt.

Things are different for me today. I am at a place where not only do i feel i deserve a significant other, i feel i need one and i am ready to take on the responsibility i think it takes to be a great partner for someone.

So i have been slowly starting to meet people. I never have internet dated. I dont like it. It feels very unnatural to me. but i have met a few people. I have also met a few people out and about and begun to kick it with some people....not seriously or for very long at all but just feeling things out.

Man, there are ALOT of people partying on hard drugs nowadays. Believe me i know people have always partied........this IS different. No one has offered me any drugs and i am not asking for drugs, obviously, from anyone, I have never SEEN hard drugs anywhere ive went with someone or when someone has met me, and i have not heard anyone say anything about using them.....but I can mfking tell. I got the radar it is what it is and you all know what im talking about.

The whole point of this point isnt this. This story was just to give some backdrop. One thing im noticing is people tweaking are mingling WAY WAY more often with non-tweakers..........Dude, this was a NO-NO back in the day. A big NO-NO.

Anyway, awhile back i put a post up on here or somewhere else talking about some of the odd nature of meth. A couple things i brought up was this weird childlike nature with a serious undertone of darkness....its hard to describe.

But in a few but not all recent interactions i have been around what i assume are people tweaking.....and i can really really pick up on this childlike, harmless vibe.

What im getting ready to put is esoteric but I was thinking tonight about what kind of karma people who dont use meth deal with from messing with people on meth. Im not saying just regular interaction. But people who are taking advantage of them. I get a feeling that it34ds is exponetially more damaging to someone karmically if they take advantage of someone on meth.

I know thst meth is not child like. I know this because i used it so much. It is pure carnalaty to me. It is living on the edge of death constantly, that is what it feels like. It feels like what i imagine evil does. And it really really bothers me that i felt that childlikeness to the vibe. Because I know what lies underneath it. Its almost like the feeling is a spell or a trance of some form. It is thicker than most extreme tensions that you can feel in the air. But it is soft, and inviting. It is warm but not like home. It is a superficial warmth and it almost seems synthetic, like no matter how hot you try to make it in a room you still know your only covering up the cold.....but not a draft mind you....its a metallic feeling. it is very very very hard to describe....BINGO its more like a fever.

Goodbye Elvanse! (Vyvanse USA).

Like so many of you here, I started ADHD medication and it seemed to work great…for 6 months. Then my descent into insanity and addiction took hold.

For almost a year I bargained and pleaded with myself to try and make Elvanse work. I learned, as everyone in this predicament will eventually, that there is controlling your addiction. It will always control you.

I took a 100 day tolerance break earlier this year, swearing that after that time things would be different. After relapse, it only took a month of the same old bullshit that motivated me to quit in the first place, and I wanted off the spiral of madness. The obsessive hair pulling, the acne, the sleepless nights, the paranoia, the inability to do anything other than Google ‘Elvanse and… Reddit’ reading other people’s negative experiences for hours and hours, feeling my heart race, the bad moods, the suicidal thoughts… it had to end.

I had an appointment with my local ADHD service anyway for med review. I told them I didn’t want it prescribed anymore. As there would be a delay in the attached letter being received by my GP, I also booked a GP appointment that day to get the prescription taken off.

It’s now been one week. It’s not easy, but being a prescription amphetamine addict is harder.

ive genuinely hit my rock bottom and i really did some damage to my relationship with my girlfriend who is a huge support system to me. i don’t even recognize myself anymore and i don’t feel like me. im tired of the constant irritability when i crash after work and the miserable and empty lingering feeling. my dosing keeps going up and up and up and i can’t do it anymore. i really fucked up becoming dependent on this soul draining drug for working because i’m trying to get clean on my own while still going to work because i can’t afford to get off. what should i expect in terms of withdrawal? what supplements can i do to make this easier? because i’m currently sitting at my desk suffering and i really just need some advice. i’ve been consistently using every week day and most weekends for about four months and im up to 120-170 mg of “adderall” aka metherall a day, anyone else have experience with specifically pressed adderall? edit yes, i know that they are meth other shit added in and not adderall.

I've been hallucinating for 2 years now. Mostly shadow house spiders. Before I got medicated I'd get delusional and paranoid someone was following me and I'd see shadow people in periphery of my vision. This happens even when I'm months sober from everything including alcohol.

Anyone else?

It's a lot of my closest friends and even my roommates. They're able to use pretty responsibly if I'm not involved. I'll pick up bags when I drink but it's been getting worse and worse where one drink turns into 3 days straight